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1
00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:06,107
[JAMES BROWN "SEX MACHINE"]
* GIT UP!
GIT ON UP *
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,009
* GIT UP!
GIT ON UP *
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,944
* STAY ON THE SCENE,
GIT ON UP *
4
00:00:09,978 --> 00:00:12,647
* LIKE A SEX MACHINE,
GIT ON UP *
5
00:00:12,681 --> 00:00:14,616
* GIT UP!
GIT ON UP *
6
00:00:14,649 --> 00:00:16,450
* STAY ON THE SCENE,
GIT ON UP *
7
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:17,686
* LIKE A SEX MACHINE --
8
00:00:17,719 --> 00:00:19,387
[CLICK]
9
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,955
YOU NOTICE
HOW THIS JAMES BROWN
10
00:00:20,989 --> 00:00:22,657
IS ALWAYS
GETTING SOMEWHERE?
11
00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:25,994
HE'S GETTING UP,
GETTING DOWN,
GETTING BACK...
12
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,297
WE SHOULD CONTACT HIM--
AS PART OF OUR STUDY
OF LIFE HERE.
13
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:34,268
BUT ACCORDING TO THIS,
HE'S MORE OF A MACHINE,
A SEX MACHINE.
14
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:37,772
OH, LOOK.
IT'S THE CAMPUS
POLICE.
15
00:00:37,806 --> 00:00:39,641
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
16
00:00:39,674 --> 00:00:40,975
OH, ACTUALLY, YES.
17
00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:44,512
THERE'S A STAR MISSING--
RIGHT THERE.
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,616
AND WE THINK
WE KNOW WHO DID IT.
19
00:00:47,649 --> 00:00:49,017
THIS IS YOUR FAMILY?
20
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:52,186
WHY, YES. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE WERE GOING FOR.
21
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:54,222
SALLY'S THE WOMAN,
I'M THE TALL, DASHING MAN,
22
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,658
TOMMY'S THE ADOLESCENT,
AND HARRY'S...
23
00:00:56,691 --> 00:00:58,359
THE FUNNY-LOOKING ONE.
24
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,361
LET'S SEE YOUR DRIVER'S
LICENSE, PLEASE.
25
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,231
WHY? WE'RE
NOT DRIVING.
WE'RE PARKED.
26
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,499
BUT YOU'RE PARKED ON
UNIVERSITY PROPERTY.
27
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,069
OH, I AM UNIVERSITY
PROPERTY.
28
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,938
HERE'S MY PHOTO I.D.
29
00:01:09,971 --> 00:01:11,305
IT'S JUST MY HEAD,
30
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:15,409
BUT I ASSURE YOU
THE REST IS
ANATOMICALLY CORRECT.
31
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,646
DR. SOLOMON,
IT'S 2 A.M.,
32
00:01:17,679 --> 00:01:18,913
SO LET'S
PACK THIS UP
AND MOVE OUT.
33
00:01:18,947 --> 00:01:20,715
RIGHT AWAY.
34
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:22,283
WHAT'S A DRIVER'S
LICENSE?
35
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,719
SOME KIND OF
HUMAN VALIDATION.
36
00:01:24,753 --> 00:01:26,487
WE SHOULD GET ONE
TO BLEND IN.
37
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,521
I'M ON IT.
38
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,158
[JOE COCKER SINGING
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL]
39
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,394
LISTEN.
IT'S THAT GUY AGAIN.
40
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,830
GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.
41
00:01:35,864 --> 00:01:37,666
HOW DOES HE
SING LIKE THAT?
42
00:01:37,699 --> 00:01:42,370
DICK, REMEMBER HOW I SAID
I WANTED TO LEARN TO SING?
43
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,039
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
44
00:02:21,109 --> 00:02:24,145
[BUZZING]
45
00:02:34,022 --> 00:02:36,024
WHERE ARE YOU?
46
00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:39,828
VERY WELL.
I CAN WAIT.
47
00:02:39,861 --> 00:02:42,797
YOU'RE NOT WATCHING ME,
I'M NOT WATCHING YOU.
48
00:02:42,831 --> 00:02:44,032
YOU'RE SOMEWHERE
IN THE ROOM.
49
00:02:44,065 --> 00:02:45,433
I CAN FEEL IT.
50
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,868
GOOD MORNING,
DR. SOLOMON.
51
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,669
YAH!
52
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,440
WHAT IS IT, NINA?
53
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,607
HERE'S THE MAIL.
54
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:56,811
OH. IT'S A LETTER
FOR DR. ALBRIGHT.
55
00:02:56,845 --> 00:02:59,013
SHE'LL HOLD THIS
IN HER DELICATE HAND,
56
00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:02,450
INSERT FINGER
AND RIP THROUGH
THE MUCILAGE.
57
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,085
OH, SHE'S
JUST WONDERFUL.
58
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,054
I KNEW YOU HAD
A THING FOR HER.
59
00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:07,856
YES, BUT I UNDERSTAND
60
00:03:07,889 --> 00:03:12,927
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
SHOW IT TO HER
WITHOUT HER PERMISSION.
61
00:03:12,961 --> 00:03:14,095
GOOD MORNING,
DR. ALBRIGHT.
62
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,563
GOOD MORNING,
DR. ALBRIGHT.
63
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,399
DR. SOLOMON, I WAS
JUST THINKING OF YOU.
64
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,367
YOU WERE?
65
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,502
I HAVE A RULES COMMITTEE
MEETING FRIDAY NIGHT,
66
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:24,172
AND I JUST
CAN'T MAKE IT.
67
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,007
IT'S TOO LATE
TO BACK OUT NOW
68
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,844
UNLESS YOU CAN
TALK SOME IDIOT
INTO REPLAC--
69
00:03:29,878 --> 00:03:32,280
OH.
70
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,016
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
IS THAT A NEW JACKET?
71
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,218
I'M ENTIRELY NEW.
72
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,353
EVERYONE
ON THE COMMITTEE
WANTS TO MEET YOU.
73
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,521
REALLY?
74
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,124
WE THINK OF YOU
AS THE RESIDENT GENIUS.
75
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:45,459
PLEASE, I NEED YOU
TO SUBSTITUTE FOR ME.
76
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,560
YOU NEED ME?
77
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:50,131
I NEVER DREAMED
I'D BE THE MAN
YOU NEEDED.
78
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,866
I NEED YOU
DESPERATELY.
79
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,634
Oh...
80
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,736
TELL ME IF IT'S
GETTING DEEPER.
81
00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:58,072
I'M WEARING
OPEN-TOED SHOES.
82
00:03:58,106 --> 00:03:59,673
BUT I'M
NOT PREPARED.
83
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,210
OH, IT'S A DULL,
MINDLESS GROUP.
84
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,245
IT'S THE NIGHT
OF THE TEACHING DEAD.
85
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,447
MAYBE I'LL
SHAKE THINGS UP.
86
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,348
OH, NO.
87
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,917
THEY WOULDN'T
RECOGNIZE A FRESH IDEA
88
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,018
IF IT BIT THEM
ON THE ASS.
89
00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:14,222
JUST PASS THESE OUT,
PLEASE.
90
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,790
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL DO IT.
91
00:04:15,824 --> 00:04:17,291
THANKS.
YOU SAVED ME.
92
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:20,761
WELL...I AM
A MANLY MAN.
93
00:04:23,064 --> 00:04:24,165
WELL DONE.
94
00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:27,836
ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES,
HE WOULD HAVE
GIVEN ME A KIDNEY.
95
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,643
NEXT!
96
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,113
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT WE HAVE TO
GO THROUGH
97
00:04:39,147 --> 00:04:39,814
TO GET A LICENSE.
98
00:04:39,848 --> 00:04:42,150
YEAH...
THEN WHY ARE WE HERE?
99
00:04:42,183 --> 00:04:43,918
IF I HAVE TO
BE THE WOMAN,
100
00:04:43,952 --> 00:04:47,688
I'M NOT ABOUT TO BE
STUCK AT HOME.
101
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,524
"STAY BEHIND
ORANGE LINE."
102
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,894
THAT'S WHY
NOBODY EVER GETS
TO THE WINDOW.
103
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:56,330
HEY, LET'S PULL UP
THE SLACK HERE.
104
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,498
OH. THERE MUST BE
105
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,902
SOME SORT OF
FLESH-MELTING
FORCE FIELD
106
00:05:00,935 --> 00:05:02,770
AT THE ORANGE LINE.
107
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:03,404
NEXT!
108
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,907
NO-O-O-O-O!
109
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,679
I'M SORRY.
110
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,983
CARS MUST HAVE SOME
HUGE POWER WE HAVEN'T
DISCOVERED YET.
111
00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:17,485
THE LINES, THE WAITING,
THE TESTING...
112
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:22,256
CAN YOU IMAGINE
WHAT YOU MUST HAVE TO
GO THROUGH TO GET A GUN?
113
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,027
NEXT.
114
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,362
WHAT DON'T THEY GET?
115
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,864
THAT WOMAN
SAYS "NEXT."
116
00:05:29,898 --> 00:05:31,399
THE FIRST PERSON
GETS SERVED.
117
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,902
THE SECOND PERSON
MOVES TO
THE ORANGE LINE,
118
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,203
THE THIRD
BECOMES SECOND,
119
00:05:35,236 --> 00:05:39,440
AND THE REST OF US
PULL UP THE SLACK!
120
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,909
THERE ARE
TOO MANY GAPS.
121
00:05:40,942 --> 00:05:43,544
WE SHOULD BE
A SINGLE-PERSON
THICKNESS APART.
122
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,079
GOOD POINT.
123
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,448
I THINK EVERYONE
SHOULD HEAR IT.
124
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,750
YOU THINK SO?
125
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,021
O.K., PEOPLE, LISTEN UP
AND NOBODY GETS HURT!
126
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:04,465
TOMMY, HAVE YOU
BEEN SITTING IN THAT
SAME CHAIR ALL DAY?
127
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,500
MM, LET ME THINK
ABOUT THIS ONE.
128
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,903
YEAH.
129
00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,705
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
EXPERIENCING HUMAN
ADOLESCENT BEHAVIOR.
130
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:15,109
WELL, AS AN ADOLESCENT,
EVERYTHING ANNOYS ME...
131
00:06:15,143 --> 00:06:19,813
ESPECIALLY THE SOUND
OF YOUR VOICE RIGHT NOW.
132
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,349
[ARGUING]
133
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:22,951
DID YOU GET YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE?
134
00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:23,985
WE WERE
THROWN OUT.
135
00:06:24,018 --> 00:06:27,321
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
WE OUTRAN
THE POLICE.
136
00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:28,356
WHAT WENT WRONG?
137
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,323
EVERYTHING.
138
00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:32,093
HOW DO THESE PEOPLE
GET WHAT THEY WANT?
139
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,561
TODAY DR. ALBRIGHT
WANTED SOMETHING.
140
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,063
ALL SHE DID WAS ASK.
141
00:06:35,096 --> 00:06:36,397
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
142
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:40,201
THAT SHE NEEDED MY HELP,
THAT I LOOKED WONDERFUL,
AND I'M A GENIUS.
143
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,036
SHE SAID THAT?
144
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,005
ABOUT YOU?
145
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:44,905
YES.
146
00:06:44,939 --> 00:06:45,739
YOU BOUGHT IT?
147
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:46,874
I AM THE HIGH
COMMANDER.
148
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,376
WAIT A MINUTE.
149
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,644
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
DOESN'T WASH.
150
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,213
SHE'S DOING SOMETHING--
151
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,314
OH, NOW I REMEMBER.
152
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,748
I READ ABOUT THIS.
153
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:58,619
SHE'S DISTORTING
THE TRUTH.
154
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,921
DR. ALBRIGHT WOULD
NEVER LIE TO ME.
155
00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:03,891
OH, WAKE UP
AND SNORT THE COFFEE.
156
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,029
JUST BECAUSE
YOU DON'T LIE
DOESN'T MEAN--
157
00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:10,764
BUT I TRUST HER.
158
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,333
I COMMAND YOU
TO BE MORE LIKE HER.
159
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,801
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE A WOMAN.
160
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,935
FINE.
161
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:17,138
I CAN WOMAN.
162
00:07:18,139 --> 00:07:19,340
PERMISSION
TO SPEAK FREELY.
163
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,341
GRANTED.
164
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,344
AS THE ELDEST,
I FEEL IT MY DUTY
TO INFORM YOU
165
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:27,781
THAT THIS PLANET
BOTH WIPES AND SUCKS...
166
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,983
IN THAT ORDER.
167
00:07:29,017 --> 00:07:31,019
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
168
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,453
SOMETHING'S WRONG.
169
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,155
MY TRANSFER'S NOT HOLDING.
170
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:36,724
I'M GROWING HAIR,
MY ARMPITS SMELL,
171
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:40,094
AND THERE'S A CONSTANT
CIRCUS IN MY PANTS.
172
00:07:40,128 --> 00:07:41,362
AW...
173
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:44,165
OUR OLD MAN
IS BECOMING A BOY.
174
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:47,401
I'M SERIOUS.
THE SEAL'S BROKEN,
AND I'M LOSING OIL.
175
00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:48,869
LOOK AT THIS.
176
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,204
WHAT IS IT?
177
00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:52,973
IT'S A NIPPLE.
178
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:54,075
WHAT DO I DO
ABOUT IT?
179
00:07:54,108 --> 00:07:54,942
I DON'T KNOW.
180
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:55,809
UNTIL WE FIGURE IT OUT,
181
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:59,247
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
SLEEP IN THE SHOWER.
182
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,918
[BUZZING]
183
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,020
GENTLEMEN,
184
00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:09,757
WE HAVE A GUEST MEMBER
OF THE RULES COMMITTEE
WITH US.
185
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:13,294
DR. SOLOMON,
WOULD YOU CARE TO SHARE
DR. ALBRIGHT'S FEELINGS?
186
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,663
OH, YES. OF COURSE.
WELL...
187
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,931
FIRST, ON BEHALF
OF DR. ALBRIGHT,
188
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,735
I'D LIKE TO SAY,
WELCOME TO THIS BIG
WASTE OF TIME.
189
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:25,005
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO PUT A FACE
WITH THOSE MEN
190
00:08:25,039 --> 00:08:26,774
WHOM SHE
AFFECTIONATELY CALLS
191
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,709
THE NIGHT
OF THE TEACHING DEAD,
192
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,745
AND MAY I SAY,
YOU DO NOT DISAPPOINT.
193
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,782
I CAN TELL YOU'RE
INDEED A MINDLESS
AND DULL GROUP.
194
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,518
SO I'LL START
WITH A FRESH IDEA
195
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,489
THAT YOU WON'T RECOGNIZE
WHEN IT BITES YOU
ON THE ASS.
196
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,058
DOES DR. ALBRIGHT KNOW
YOU'RE SPEAKING
ON HER BEHALF?
197
00:08:44,092 --> 00:08:44,992
DON'T MOVE.
198
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,527
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
199
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,630
DR. SOLOMON!
200
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,699
FREEZE!
HE'S STILL THERE.
201
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:58,106
OHH, YOU HAVE A MOLE!
202
00:08:58,139 --> 00:09:00,374
A BIG, UGLY MOLE.
203
00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,912
WELL, YOU'RE IN EARLY.
204
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:08,048
DR. BYRON TOLD ME
ABOUT YOUR LITTLE SPEECH.
205
00:09:08,082 --> 00:09:09,150
SORRY I MISSED IT.
206
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,919
REST ASSURED
I GAVE YOU FULL CREDIT.
207
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:17,325
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TRYING
TO DO, RUIN ME?
208
00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:20,328
AH, WHUH, WHA,
OCK, BAA...
209
00:09:20,361 --> 00:09:23,597
IT'LL TAKE WEEKS
TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE
YOU'VE DONE.
210
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,833
AH, OCK, UH, KAA...
211
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:26,934
WEEKS!
212
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,803
YOU JUST
HAD TO SHOW UP
AND FEIGN INTEREST.
213
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,173
FEIGN?
I DON'T DO FEIGNING.
214
00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,741
I ALWAYS TELL
THE COMPLETE TRUTH.
215
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:34,775
THE TRUTH?
216
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,245
THEN I WILL BE
BRUTALLY FRANK.
217
00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:39,547
GOOD. I'LL BE
GENUINE DICK.
218
00:09:43,351 --> 00:09:45,085
I THOUGHT--
FOOLISHLY--
219
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,554
THIS WOULD BE
A GOOD OPPORTUNITY
220
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,756
FOR MY COLLEAGUES
TO GET TO KNOW YOU.
221
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,124
NOBODY WANTED
TO MEET YOU.
222
00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:52,426
I MADE THAT UP.
223
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,195
SO YOU LIED?
224
00:09:54,228 --> 00:09:56,630
I WAS BENDING THE TRUTH
TO FLATTER YOU.
225
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,666
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
226
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,169
WHEN WE MET,
YOU SAID YOU WERE
PLEASED TO MEET ME.
227
00:10:01,202 --> 00:10:03,271
WAS THAT TRUE
OR TRUTH BENDING?
228
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:04,472
FIGURE OF SPEECH.
229
00:10:04,505 --> 00:10:06,774
"IMPRESSED
WITH MY RESUMé"?
230
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:07,975
POLITE CONVERSATION.
231
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,144
WHEN YOU "DIDN'T MIND
SHARING YOUR OFFICE"?
232
00:10:10,178 --> 00:10:12,546
DIPLOMACY.
ANYTHING ELSE?
233
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,014
IS THAT YOUR
REAL HAIR COLOR?
234
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,450
ABSOLUTELY!
235
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,888
YOU'RE UPSET,
AREN'T YOU?
236
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:22,656
TELL THE TRUTH.
237
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,959
YES. I THOUGHT I COULD
TRUST YOU. I CAN'T.
238
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,027
TRUST ME?
239
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,629
YOU LIED
AND TRICKED ME.
240
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:32,132
NO. IT'S NOT
HOW YOU LIE
TO TRICK SOMEONE.
241
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,601
FIRST YOU START BY--
242
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,403
THERE'S SOMETHING
ON YOUR TIE.
243
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,139
AHA.
244
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,708
VERY CLEVER.
245
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,943
YES. I SEE
HOW THAT WORKS.
246
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,478
THERE'S SOMETHING
ON YOUR SHOULDER.
247
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:46,814
HA HA HA. I DON'T--
248
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,554
THAT'S NOT
HOW IT WORKS.
249
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:54,922
THIS IS HOW IT WORKS--
250
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,424
YOUR SHIRT TAIL'S
ON FIRE.
251
00:10:56,457 --> 00:10:57,491
NOW IT'S OUT!
252
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,626
YOUR BLOUSE
IS ON FIRE.
253
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:01,662
IT IS NOT!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF...
254
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,530
DON'T MOVE.
255
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:03,063
[BUZZING]
256
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,998
WHA...
257
00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:12,406
[PSHHH]
258
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,809
THAT WAS MY FLY!
259
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,845
I KNOW.
260
00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:25,653
ON THE SUBJECT
OF UNIVERSAL TRUTH,
261
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,655
ALBERT EINSTEIN ONCE SAID,
262
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:31,091
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
263
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,830
ANY THOUGHTS ON THAT?
264
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,499
ANYONE?
265
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:40,100
YES, CARYN.
266
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,770
DR. SOLOMON,
I THINK YOU WERE
SPEAKING GERMAN.
267
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,406
YES. GERMAN.
EINSTEIN SPOKE GERMAN.
268
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,712
O.K. I'LL SIMPLIFY.
269
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,215
SCIENTIFIC PROOF
IS NOTHING MORE
THAN CONDITIONAL TRUTH.
270
00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:58,185
WE ALL UNDERSTAND
WHAT TRUTH IS, DON'T WE?
271
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:02,155
NOW, I HAVE THREE OF
EINSTEIN'S EQUATIONS
ON THE BOARD.
272
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,824
TWO ARE FALSE,
ONE IS TRUE.
273
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,494
WHO CAN SPOT
THE TRUE ONE?
274
00:12:07,495 --> 00:12:10,698
HOW MANY OF YOU THINK
IT'S NUMBER ONE?
275
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,867
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
IT'S NOT NUMBER ONE.
276
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,469
ANOTHER HINT--
IT'S NOT NUMBER TWO.
277
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:17,538
HOW MANY THINK
IT'S NUMBER THREE?
278
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:21,609
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.
I MADE THEM ALL UP.
279
00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:24,378
YOU SEE, LYING
ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING.
280
00:12:24,412 --> 00:12:26,113
YOU CAN'T TRUST
SOMEONE WHO LIES.
281
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,916
YOU WORK WITH THEM,
THEY ASK YOU TO SUBSTITUTE,
282
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,419
YOU BECOME A FOOL,
THEY GET MAD...
283
00:12:31,452 --> 00:12:35,356
AND YOUR SISTER CAN'T EVEN
GET A DRIVER'S LICENSE!
284
00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:39,760
DR. SOLOMON,
IS THIS GOING TO
BE ON THE FINAL?
285
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:43,230
THE POINT IS,
YOU HAVE TO TELL
THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH
286
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,633
OR ELSE YOU END UP
CONFUSING PEOPLE.
287
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:49,102
BUT SOMETIMES
YOU JUST CAN'T
TELL THE TRUTH.
288
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,804
BUT WHY NOT?
289
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,039
ANYONE.
290
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,274
LEON, I'M GOING TO
ASK YOU A QUESTION.
291
00:12:54,308 --> 00:12:56,510
I WANT
THE COMPLETE TRUTH.
292
00:12:56,544 --> 00:12:58,646
THIS WON'T
AFFECT MY GRADE?
293
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:00,981
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
294
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,416
WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF ME?
295
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:06,587
UH, YOU MAKE ME
REALLY NERVOUS.
296
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,456
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON
HALF THE TIME.
297
00:13:08,489 --> 00:13:09,623
WHEN YOU WALK AROUND,
298
00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:13,026
I'M ALWAYS AFRAID
YOU'LL HIT ME
IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
299
00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:18,466
THANK YOU.
300
00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:19,467
THERE. YOU SEE?
301
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,269
THE TRUTH.
302
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,539
BY THE WAY, LEON,
YOU'RE FAILING.
303
00:13:25,573 --> 00:13:27,408
IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO
AFFECT MY GRADE.
304
00:13:27,441 --> 00:13:29,510
IT DIDN'T.
305
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,249
ANYBODY HOME?
306
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,485
OH, HI.
307
00:13:37,518 --> 00:13:39,920
I BROUGHT YOU FOLKS
YOUR EXTRA KEY.
308
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,589
YEAH, RIGHT.
GOOD EXCUSE.
309
00:13:41,622 --> 00:13:45,826
YOU JUST WANTED
TO COME STARE
AT PIMPLE-BOY.
310
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:46,960
POOR KID.
311
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,397
I REMEMBER
HOW IT FEELS
TO BE YOUR AGE.
312
00:13:49,430 --> 00:13:53,233
I REMEMBER
HOW IT FEELS
TO BE YOUR AGE.
313
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,636
LISTEN,
I'M GOING OUT
TO GET SOME SMOKES.
314
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,170
WANT TO TAKE
A RIDE?
315
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,106
YEAH, WHATEVER.
316
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:02,743
IT'S NOT FAIR.
I CAN GROW A PIMPLE
BUT NOT A MUSTACHE.
317
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:04,878
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?
318
00:14:11,752 --> 00:14:13,220
SOLOMON, SALLY.
319
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,655
HERE.
320
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,124
YOU FAILED THE EXAM.
321
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,826
COME BACK
IN THREE WEEKS.
322
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:19,827
I CAN'T COME BACK.
323
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,061
I CAN'T.
324
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,295
THAT'S THE RULE.
325
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,664
I NEED A LICENSE NOW.
326
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,766
I'M THE WOMAN.
327
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,207
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.
328
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,712
YOU MUST BE A GENIUS.
329
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:46,153
YOUR LINE IS SO BIG,
BUT IT MOVES SO FAST.
330
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:50,057
WELL, I DO MY BEST.
331
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,992
THERE MUST BE
SOME WAY YOU CAN HELP.
332
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:58,198
I KNOW YOU HAVE A HEART
IN THAT BIG, HAIRY,
WONDERFUL CHEST OF YOURS.
333
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,035
I BET PRETTY GIRLS
BEG YOU ALL THE TIME.
334
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:06,039
O.K., YOU CAN TAKE
THE TEST AGAIN.
335
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,075
THANK YOU.
336
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,011
I COULD GET
VERY GOOD AT THIS.
337
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:20,220
HEY, WHAT DID YOU
PUT UNDER WEIGHT?
338
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,226
[FOOTSTEPS]
339
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,195
TOMMY!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
340
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,631
THE MALL.
I WAS AT THE MALL.
341
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,300
IT MAY BE
THE MOST EMOTIONALLY
SATISFYING PLACE
342
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,069
I'VE EVER BEEN.
343
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,605
YOU OBSERVED
OTHER LIFE FORMS?
344
00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:38,672
DEFINITELY.
345
00:15:38,706 --> 00:15:42,009
EVERYBODY THERE
WAS AS OILY AND
DISGUSTING AS ME.
346
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,678
IT WAS A FOOD COURT
OF MUTANTS,
347
00:15:44,712 --> 00:15:46,279
A CATALOGUE
OF HORRORS,
348
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,581
A FREAK SHOW...
349
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:51,619
AND I WAS
THEIR LIZARD KING.
350
00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:54,154
WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE THERE?
351
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,289
HANG.
352
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,625
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
353
00:15:57,658 --> 00:15:59,459
STUFF!
354
00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:01,228
I BELONG NOW.
355
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,663
OH, YEAH--
356
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:03,997
STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!
357
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,133
HA HA HA HA HA...
358
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,938
DICK?
OH, DICK, LOOK,
359
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,140
I GOT
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
360
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:17,845
THIS SAYS
YOU'RE A 55-YEAR-OLD,
300-POUND ASIAN WOMAN.
361
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,882
AND AN ORGAN DONOR.
362
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:23,917
UH, DICK...
363
00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:25,686
I GOT MY DRIVER'S
PERMIT, TOO.
364
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,922
YES. I EXPECTED
YOU WOULD.
365
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,860
I NOT ONLY
ACCOMPLISHED
MY GOAL,
366
00:16:32,893 --> 00:16:37,097
BUT I DISCOVERED
A SOFTER PLACE
WITHIN MYSELF,
367
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,599
AND IT'S ALL
BECAUSE OF YOU
368
00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:42,035
AND YOUR
EXTRAORDINARY
ABILITY TO COMMAND.
369
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,171
YOU HAVE SO MANY
FACETS TO ADMIRE,
370
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:48,008
TIME PROHIBITS
MY NAMING THEM ALL.
371
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,277
SHALL I SPEAK
OF YOUR COURAGE...
372
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:53,013
HOW YOU'VE LED
A RAG-TAG CREW
OF MISFITS
373
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:57,050
ACROSS THE GALAXIES,
FUELED BY YOUR
BRAVE SPIRIT?
374
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,955
OR SHALL I CONFESS
THAT YOUR BOYISH
GOOD LOOKS
375
00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:06,293
ARE STUNTED
ONLY BY YOUR
PERSONAL BIGNESS.
376
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,427
AHH...
377
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:12,199
WHERE TO BEGIN
SIMPLY EXHAUSTS
MY FEMININE MIND.
378
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:13,934
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
379
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,969
LYING.
380
00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:18,271
YOU LIKE IT?
381
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,708
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
I LOVE IT!
382
00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:22,209
REALLY?
YES!
383
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,143
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
384
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,845
ANYBODY CAN.
I'VE DONE IT ONCE,
385
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,147
AND HERE I AM
WHIPPING IT OUT.
386
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,316
WOW!
387
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,884
I THOUGHT THE TRUTH
WAS POTENT,
388
00:17:30,918 --> 00:17:32,686
BUT IT'S NOTHING
COMPARED TO THIS.
389
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:38,025
THIS MAKES ME
FEEL POWERLESS
AND SUSCEPTIBLE...
390
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,161
READY TO YIELD
TO YOUR EVERY--
391
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:44,431
I'VE GOT TO FIND
DR. ALBRIGHT.
392
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,635
IT'S WEDNESDAY.
SHE CALLS IT
HUMP-DAY.
393
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:48,401
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS,
394
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,038
BUT I KNOW
WHERE SHE HUMPS.
395
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:53,573
TOMMY,
WE'RE GOING OUT.
I'LL DRIVE.
396
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:54,441
I'LL DRIVE.
397
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,076
HARRY CALLED IT.
SHOTGUN!
398
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,544
I'M NOT RIDING
IN BACK.
399
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,780
TOMMY CALLED IT.
400
00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:03,884
DR. ALBRIGHT,
HELLO!
401
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,518
HELLO.
402
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:06,787
SORRY
THERE'S NO CHAIR.
403
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,789
NOT A PROBLEM.
404
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,358
YOU KNOW DR. BYRON.
405
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,392
OF COURSE.
406
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,561
YOU SHOULD HAVE
THAT REMOVED.
407
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,363
IT'S ALL
I CAN LOOK AT.
408
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,331
EXCUSE ME.
409
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:21,468
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
THERE'S JUST
THE TWO OF US.
410
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,936
A PITCHER,
PLEASE.
411
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:24,137
MAY I SEE
YOUR DRIVER'S
LICENSE?
412
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,473
OH, YOU BET
YOU CAN.
413
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,977
O.K., MRS. WU.
414
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,313
I DISCOVERED
SOMETHING TODAY.
415
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,915
I NEED TO
TRY IT OUT.
416
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,918
THORAZINE.
I'LL GET SOME WATER.
417
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,120
H-H-HA-HA-HA HA HA...
418
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,690
YOU SEE, YOU KNOW
THESE THINGS.
419
00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:44,057
YOU'RE SO SMART,
420
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:46,960
AND YOUR--YOUR LOOKS
421
00:18:46,994 --> 00:18:50,063
YOUR LOOKS ARE LIKE,
UH, A BEER TAP,
422
00:18:50,097 --> 00:18:54,001
A GOLDEN RUSH
OF DRUNKEN BEAUTY
WITH A NICE HEAD,
423
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:57,070
WHICH SPILLS
ALL DOWN YOUR BLOUSE,
424
00:18:57,104 --> 00:19:00,173
LEAVING YOU SWEET
AND PUNGENT.
425
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,679
THAT WAS PATHETIC.
426
00:19:05,713 --> 00:19:07,981
I'M SORRY
I'M NOT AS GOOD
A LIAR AS YOU ARE.
427
00:19:08,015 --> 00:19:09,883
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I'M LEAVING.
428
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:13,186
WAIT! YOU'RE NOT
FINISHED WITH ME YET.
429
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,023
DO YOU MIND?
WE'RE TALKING.
430
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:20,060
O.K. YOU WIN.
431
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:20,928
WHAT IS IT?
432
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:23,831
I'VE REALIZED THAT
I CAN'T LIE TO YOU.
433
00:19:23,864 --> 00:19:26,834
IT'S JUST
NOT SOMETHING
THAT I'M GOOD AT,
434
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:28,401
LIKE, LIKE...
435
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,838
ACTUALLY,
I'M GOOD AT EVERYTHING.
436
00:19:30,871 --> 00:19:31,772
CAN I TELL YOU
THE TRUTH?
437
00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:32,940
WHY NOT?
438
00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:34,975
THE REAL TRUTH IS,
439
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,810
YOU'RE DELIGHTFUL.
440
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:39,579
I LOVE LOOKING
INTO YOUR FACE.
441
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,349
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU.
442
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,451
MAYBE IT'S
THE WAY THE LIGHT
HITS YOUR EYES...
443
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:45,919
THE WINE...
444
00:19:45,953 --> 00:19:49,556
BUT YOU LOOK PUFFY.
YOU SHOULD GO HOME
AND SLEEP.
445
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,830
THERE. IS THAT BETTER?
446
00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:58,999
SADLY, YES.
447
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,503
MAY I WALK YOU HOME?
BE HONEST.
448
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,106
O.K.
449
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:17,284
YOU KNOW,
IF SOMEONE HAD
TOLD ME A YEAR AGO
450
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,252
THAT I'D BE
DRIVING A CAR...
451
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:23,123
AND
SUCKING THE FLESH
OFF A DEAD BIRD,
452
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:25,558
I'D HAVE
CALLED HIM A LIAR.
453
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,695
BEING HUMAN IS
FAR MORE COMPLEX
THAN I THOUGHT.
454
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,331
THERE'S NO ABSOLUTE
PERSONAL TRUTH HERE,
455
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,434
AND THESE BODIES
DON'T COME WITH
AN OWNER'S MANUAL,
456
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,637
SO EVERY DAY,
THESE PEOPLE
HAVE TO MAKE UP LIFE,
457
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,572
AND TRUTH BECOMES...
458
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,341
HIGHLY INDIVIDUAL.
459
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:42,709
OH, MY GOD, DICK,
460
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,277
WHAT IF
THIS LYING THING
461
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:47,915
FALLS INTO THE HANDS
OF THE POLITICIANS?
462
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:52,786
THAT'S A HORRIFYING
THOUGHT.
463
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:54,287
I THINK THESE HUMANS
BEND THE TRUTH
464
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:57,490
BECAUSE THIS IS
A DIFFICULT
PLACE TO LIVE.
465
00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:01,228
IT'S A LONELY BLUE DOT
ON THE FAR END
OF THE GALAXY.
466
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:04,865
ALL THE HALF-TRUTHS
AND FLATTERY
AND DIPLOMACY
467
00:21:04,898 --> 00:21:07,600
ARE THE LUBRICANT
THAT PEOPLE SPREAD
ON EACH OTHER
468
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,837
TO GET OVER
THE ROUGH SPOTS.
469
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:12,005
IT'S EASIER
ON OUR PLANET.
470
00:21:12,039 --> 00:21:13,941
NO ONE EVER LIES.
471
00:21:13,974 --> 00:21:18,045
EXCEPT WHEN YOU DON'T
WANT TO HELP SOMEBODY MOVE.
32159
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