All language subtitles for The Comeback Trail 1982 Full movie - Buster Crabbe_ Chuck McCann_ Jára Kohout_ Henny Youngman - YouTube - English

hi you come on

okay

talk to you later bye

you

hello duke nice to see you again sit

down sit down

man you haven't changed a bit

well it's good to be back out here i got

to tell you we're very excited about the

about the book at playboy

that book i don't know

i don't know half the i seem to have uh

you know lost the

motivation the belief and you know what

i'm really having trouble with the

serials well i'm personally very high on

this book because uh i confess i'm

something of a fan myself

i remember those films with great

nostalgia in the 30s and 40s and i think

as a matter of fact the book is going to

do very well

because i think there's a

similar nostalgia for

old hollywood going on in america today

hollywood was a special place you know

in the old days when a star was a star

it was kind of uh

like uh royalty american royalty i agree

in many ways i think that uh

the film stars of that period are really

as close to american royalty as anything

that we've ever had

and i remember when i was a kid

going to the local uh

movie house i think it was uh

the montclair

out at the west side of chicago

and if we missed an episode of one of

those serials on saturday it was a

tragic event you know we're talking now

about

the the 30s and the 40s you know the

golden age of films

well the part of the book that i'm

anxious to get to didn't have to do with

the golden age this happened about five

years ago i had taken a sabbatical so to

speak from from the picture business

that going on east and uh i ran into

these two fantastic crazy guys they were

producers of low-budget films their

names were e eddie eastman and enrico

kodak and they had produced 16 or 17 of

these unsold tv pilots the first one was

called the enrico and eddie variety hour

good evening good evening good evening

out there on the coaxial cable yes it's

the eddie eastman here and bringing you

another wonderful enrico and eddie's

variety hour and to start things off

tonight let me bring out someone who

needs no introduction to show going

people at all no but most importantly

he's a warm and wonderful human being my

fabulous friend and partner the

wonderful enrico kodak and

dinky hey who's working your mouth who's

working in my mouth

[Laughter]

you want to sing a song

sure i do kids

love him i love him how about i hear no

one and the music's there great

i smell something and there's no one

there

i hear glasses in the season

[Music]

is

[Music]

oh that was really wonderful enrico

really wonderful we'll be reading about

that in the trades tomorrow won't we

folks well it's iady eastman here on

behalf of the ffa in the national weird

corporation yes friends the ffa foot

fans of america so take one or two steps

forward your bodies will naturally

follow you because what i have to show

you tonight is something that will

excite you and delight you and make you

want to thank me the longest day you

live item number one

a 16 millimeter color film

taken in the girls locker room at the

fabulous rose bowl parade in pasadena

california you'll see those drum

majorettes taking their feet out of

those tight constricting boots after

marching four miles up and down colorado

avenue in that parade you'll see them

massage their little toes rub the little

crimps out of their feet just makes you

want to grab them and give them a big

kiss doesn't it friends that's something

you'll enjoy the longest day you live

let's call that one

item number one they made the transition

from television to movies and produce a

series of sexploitation films

[Music]

the next project was the first

sexploitation musical called

these raging loins

these ranging lines these burning groins

are pounding in my brain

while wipeouts flash their privates

clash our guns go off again

their next project was a series of

low-budget films featuring their comedy

star dumpo farkas the first of the dumpo

film was called dumpo rides the rangers

cowboy was playing ping-pong and he

swallowed a ping-pong ball

so the doctor cut him here cut him here

cut him here and cut him here he said

what's the idea doc he said that's the

way the ball bounces

i didn't think it was that bad

i i play horses myself i play the bus so

slow the jockey kept the diary of the

trip

some people play horse to win some to

play i should have bet this horse to

live

the jockey hit the horse or turned

around he said what are you hitting me

for there's nobody behind us

forget the whole thing

the next tempo epic was dumb forward see

[Music]

[Applause]

don't worry about it i guess you're

going to live with wet bars did you hear

this one there's two guys being said you

look very bad he said what's the matter

with you they lost three wives in the

last three months what happened my first

wife driving beating poison mushrooms

what happened to your second wife she

died from eating boys and mushrooms i

forgot the joke

i'll do it again two guys me then they

made dumpo in the jungle

that reminds me of a funny story the guy

calls the zoo he says mr lion there i'm

sorry now he's on another lion

take my alligator please

the next venture was in the realm of

science fiction something called the

revenge of the chicken man

what's happening here

this

amazes me to the extent

that you are trying to corroborate

rather than to a lucid date which came

first the chicken or the egg

fool

who ever heard of an egg coming

you know what the [ __ ] i'm talking about

good

now thanksgiving can look to its

tighties but we have been chosen to look

toward the chicken

the chicken who comes not from eggs

premiere was quite an event no one

attended

the globe itself shall dissolve and the

chicken shall rule then the turkey can

go [ __ ] jump

then goddamn turkeys

the [ __ ] are they doing

now we have a chicken

a chicken made from the human

fiber

the fiber is important [ __ ] that all

this [ __ ]

this great theory of relatively prove

conclusively that heating causes

expansion and cooling causes contraction

that's why

in the summer

the days are longer

because it's hotter

then the winter they're shorter

because it's colder

isn't it true you little chicken that

when you get hot

doesn't it get

bigger and now the great transformation

from the human idiot to the great

intelligent chicken ah

it's working

[ __ ]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

chicken

[Music]

chicken

[Music]

their secretary julie was the only sane

force in their lives it was julie that

ran the office in spite of the

incompetence of her employers well it

wasn't exactly an office it was an

office set left over from their last

production

[ __ ] patrol

on this particular day it seemed as

though they had reached the end of the

line

if the bills weren't paid within the

next few days they were out of business

for good they didn't come up with a

scheme for survival fast it would mean

the end of enrico and eddie and it was

at this point unknown to me that our

lives would become linked in one of the

most extraordinary stories in the

history

of motion pictures

[Music]

that's why we in the cesspool that we're

in

because of your knit with brain that

should have been in a bottle at harvard

you'll come up with these hair brain

schemes all the time and put me right

down the toilet

hammer don't know what i'm gonna do with

you

i deserve a good beating how about

hitting me with a stinging birch

no i'm really gonna punish you i'm not

gonna give you a beating

[Applause]

isn't she sweet looks like my sister

edwina she makes funny pictures too

she's in the hospital

remember she was a working at that big

theater as a dancer she did a split and

the liver fell out

it was terrible you know was what they

call a compound liver drop had not only

dropped but one of the other dancers

stepped on it with a high-heeled shoe

i'm gonna listen to you

you cracked sticks and stones enrico may

break my bones but whips will rend my

flesh

[Applause]

my mother warned me about the going into

business with you right before she

passed away

playing on the violin she said to me

don't go into business with him he

pulled your hair out of your head

no i didn't listen to my mother's dying

ellipse instead i went into business

with you

how was your mother anyway

she's a dead

she died for me going in the business

with you

that's what killed her and had died

she looked up at me there was a little

shriveling lip saying

don't go into business with him

oh look oh for crap's sake look at this

guess who pays away

your mother

she dead i'm telling you don't you make

fun of my mother

you make a fun my mother i must kill you

i take you i slick you from here to here

you're not going to have your deviant

head on your shoulders

going to make a fun of my mother

he look into what to happen

pulled jimmy monahan halloween to you

from the paper

jimmy monahanda passed away while doing

his attack dancing act on his xylophone

in south africa

hey

too bad he wasn't on that picture we'd

be two million dollars richer

we couldn't finish the picture sure

that's what they call insuring the

production

um

let me ask you a question

um

if

if

we had

an actor on a picture

and they say something happened to him

because of age

like he was running around a lot

and something happened like where his

whole system gave out because

he was doing a lot of physical stuff

and he uh

aspired on our picture then they pay

that's

they have a name for that that you pay

the premium

two million dollars they'd have to pay

off hey

hey

what's the matter enrico you got gas

again

no guess at this time these times the

bubbles are up here

this time i make a contact

this time i think i got the answer to

all about the problems what the star

means the most to you when you were the

kid how about uh annalisa heals her

i liked her she was my first wife

were you married to her oh yes you

didn't tell me that 1936.

you married the knee and nearly hale's

head

how was she

not bad

yeah she gave you it i mean she's a

pretty

well we stuck things in each other's

body you can tell me huh

so long ago when rico like uh yeah she

left me for a whack master sergeant

during the second world war

she loved the old stupa

oh come on go down the list yes

you really knew when alicia heals oh yes

first wife really where'd you meet her i

met her in the penny arcade on 43rd

street

hey

martin lips

how old is he

he's uh let's see this

the book was published in 1938.

he was 75 then

he's a hundred and something duke

montana oh he must be dead age 94 c page

94

between 93 and 95 and here

here it is hey

here's his picture

look like he was now like he is a dan

fantastic

montana famous western star

now we're retired in the lap of luxury

in the neuroshell you got his number

yeah i'm going to dial it

but i don't want to confuse him

i'm not going to let you talk to him

see him get him down for you

you work out like you do with the siding

and shingles

that way you can give him a good pitch

and get him down here i'll get the

extension he might be thrown by my voice

hold it it's raining

hello mr montana

this is eddie eastman a national siding

and shingle corporation your home has

been selected from a group of 20 and

you're all right it's off it's off i

think i clicked it it's off it's off

it's off

why'd you tell him that you told me to

give him a single picture no i didn't

tell him to give you the jingle pitch i

told you to call him up and maybe we

could sell him some siding

now when he answers you say something

it's ringing

hello duke montana

he had a eastman here

look we're very interested in getting

you back into the movies we're making a

big movie

you always wanted to get into movies

what about all the movies you did

that's it you never did any movies you

never did that in movies isn't this duke

montana

oh dick montana

he's a dick my child well look mr

montana your home has been selected

by the ek aluminum siding and storm

window company

and we're very interested in penetrating

your area

and we've selected your home as a model

demonstrator no it's a film company and

an aluminum siding company and of course

the work will be done at court

how much will that be

how much is the insurance premiums

18

000

that'll be eighteen thousand dollars in

costs but of course we're going to give

you a free gift with that it's your

four-piece set you get your chop-o-matic

you slice away

the orange juicer

you better offer them something bigger

and the spiral knife

and by golly what you do with that set

is nobody's business but your own take

your chopper for example that's good for

your salads your slaws your chopped ice

or sharp nuts you'll get used from that

one i'll thank me for it the longest day

you live we're going to call up on free

gift number one

surely that's worth 18 000 alone isn't

it

you will go for it

okay we'll have the gang up tomorrow to

examine the premises and install the

siding you're also getting free aluminum

storm windows and doors for your entire

house

you'll never paint again

thanks mr montana we'll see you tomorrow

eighteen thousand enrico

eighteen thousand is stiff is going for

for siding i wouldn't believe it if i

didn't see it enrico wait use your head

how can we talk them out of the four

piece set

this is it there's only one the william

and no rashad

but if it's another roofing siding and

shingle prospect

i'll turn it right over to you

this time i'll show you the class

opening

must be a big place

hello

el montana elias de grantana

yes

this is cinema pictures

yes obama minnesota

hold on till he gets the cop out of his

mouth

hello

hello

[Applause]

montana

elias montana

well bonjourno mr montana

guess who's speaking to you from this

head

duke you shouldn't be sitting out there

no rochelle out there with the crocuses

you should be up there on the cold in

the silver screen once again when the

west was the west

when the tumbler weeds were tumbling

and the wind

what the blowing over the planes

went to seek a coyote on the desert

now you know what's out there

loneliness as you travel across

the prairie land

clipping the clumping

with the horse

ruler when the horse

now

all of a sudden

up from behind the mountain comes the

sun rising

says you

wow it's a day break and you play coffee

you ride across to the plains i want to

show you riding across the plains i want

to see

the vistas the valleys the gorges the

great the canyons all the colors

never before could we show them on the

screen you and that putrid black and the

white [ __ ] you've been in all your life

i'm going to put you up on the wide

screen with cinema scrum and the

stereophonic clowns and i am going to

make it all come to life real west

you

and i are going to show the west on the

screen the way it has never been seen

before

and you and i are going to start

shooting depiction monday morning

where

the 72nd street transfer is near the

central park you know where the tavern

on the green is

it's near the merry-go-round

we'll meet there with the cameras and to

work our way west well i uh

i i can't start on monday what are you

talking in your head about well it's

gonna take me it's gonna take me about

about four weeks to line up my business

you know i'm gonna line up your business

i i need a month to straighten out my

affairs what whether you are what are

you talking you kind of a nut i'm going

to make a cinematic i'm going to bring

the great duke montana back up to the

silver screen and you're talking about

closing up the candy store i don't

understand you duke i'm giving you the

opportunity of a lifetime

a month huh

one month mm-hmm

well

what's it got to be gotta be

son of a [ __ ]

[Music]

so

so

[Music]

gentlemen

i'm ready

[Laughter]

oh my god

what are we going to do

will you take king kong pills

that's good you drink out of the family

youth

[Music]

i told you we should have got your

ex-wife

you say what is your name

senior

heinrich gonzalez

away you from heine

from argentina

are there a lot of girls in argentina

never mind if they ladder girls in

argentina of course there's a lot of

girls in argentina what do you think

down there a bunch of leaping fairies

of course they got the girls they got

the girls everywhere now would you stop

with the girls

you must uh

forgive my a friend of he asking you off

their ladder girls it has no rhyme or

reason you didn't come down here to tell

him whether there were a lot of guys

down here did you so you don't have to

know what you got

you provided the

deviate you're now playing with yourself

when an older man that comes up here

you must have forgiven my friend

he played himself

no everyone does

please

i don't what do you mean by that

everyone does

that a lot of people who don't play with

themselves a lot of people are just

dissatisfied in the playing with each

other

they don't have to play with themselves

now will you quiet now please so i can

interview this

guy all right what are you doing here

today

i am

here

and i want to be

director i want to

zurich sorry you know in show business i

want to be i used to be big director

i i i like pictures and i talk to people

to crew to actors to extras

my name is

if you want me

he's some kind of nut

he's not all aaron reader that's why i

think he's perfect for us

i like them

you hide

mr kodak would you like to set up the

first shot now so that we can get

started is it a wide or medium shot or

what well what is it saying the script

here let's see if it's not wide enough

to fill up the whole screen whatever you

here you making the russian revolution

that's out

yes what can i do ah here it is here it

is here it is i want something funny now

i don't want nothing funny there's

nothing funny about the man who's going

up the side of a mountain having a

coronary

i mean having a look of indians

what can i do you have money you do

you're right now set the scene the

camera man come over here

go ahead listen to enrico

i want something cinematical

but not too dramatical okay

you understand

something characteristic but not too

dramatical something that will capture

the hearts

of the viewers as they sit in the

theater not too dramatical not too

cinematical

but more theatric

and with a lot of girls

this is the west i want you to capture

that on your field i want you to capture

the loneliness

the cold the bleakness

i want to capture the [ __ ] airplane

and kill it we can't have airplanes in

the west

why not

because they weren't invented yet you

forgot the crowd

what are we doing here

this is 89

take off the coat the duke it didn't

have a coats in the wild wild west

besides this is the top of the colorado

buttes

run up the hill now you're looking for

the indians

that's it the dog

okay now run downstairs

okay you run up the hill

duke run up the hill

hatchet the dog can you get him to run

fast daddy

hey duke run down the hill

well do what do you think

it's stunk

that's what i thought you think i think

i think you fellas better

calm me up

oh no you don't

you have iron clap contract with us you

can't step out nowhere unless you want

to hear from my lawyer now wait a minute

i want to tell you guys something

you can't make a western picture out in

central park

you got to have horses why didn't we

have horses

the cop didn't show up

what's the matter

don't don't you fellas have the

money well it's not exactly that it's

just we got ours spread out all over the

place it's all tied up in insurance

permians i see

what would you what would you say if uh

if i took over the production you have

that kind of money well yes i can cover

it and i'll tell you something else i'll

do

i'll cut you in for

10 for your equipment i'll take care of

all the below the line costs

how about that you got a deal and you'll

use our production company why not

joe franklin speaking the same as every

day twice a day we come into your homes

we give you our joe franklin show and we

try and spotlight as much memory lane

material as we can the best of the past

proving that the past is not passed very

much in the present although he was

originally in the past as my super guest

tonight

making a comeback and his name is duke

montana and there's a super guest for

anybody show joe it's uh sure nice to be

back on your show after all of these

years how many about

well about uh

about 15 15 years i want to say duke

from the bottom of my heart and i

couldn't be more sincere about this on

behalf of all of your fans millions of

devoted fans welcome back to the movies

welcome back to show business well i'm

sure i'm sure glad to be back making a

film again you know uh

well maybe you don't know joe i i live

in new rochelle now i'm in uh i'm in the

cookie business

cookies yeah right we make cookies and

um

i haven't been active although it's been

in the back of my mind and the producer

of the show uh got in touch with me some

weeks ago and uh

decided uh that i was a guy to uh

work in this film of his i'd be very

happy right now if mr montana would

introduce to our audience and to me two

of the industry's leading young

producers i've never had the pleasure of

meeting them officially mr montana but

if you would be my

guest introducer right now take care

find your i'll do that the the one on my

right is uh enrico kodak well thank you

joe for allowing us to trip down your

memory lane all right and it's awfully

nice to be here on behalf of myself

andre kokodek motion picture producer

and my right-handed man

e

eddie eastman

the great

here the eastman entrepreneur

it's a pleasure to be here we just want

to say hello and thank you for this

wonderful opportunity

well it's my pleasure i i want to

tell you that uh what you've done for

this man it took you two to bring him

back he almost certainly did yes we

wanted to bring back his star bring

someone back who was meant to something

dear to millions all over the country we

wanted to take someone who had been on

the top and had fallen to the bottom

to raise them by the color and bring

them up

it was a toss up between him and howdy

doody

i was wondering if we could maybe uh

get some flash reactions i'd like to

mention a few key names and see

what comes back to you as i mentioned

some of these key names all right just

just i mean going back to the old days

going back to the old days yeah okay

fine down memory lane how about johnny

weiss miller johnny

bad big fat [ __ ] [ __ ]

we had him in the picture we wanted to

go on gay joe franklin he went skipping

down memory lane he didn't walk down

memory lane stone gay john franklin okay

i'll tell you that

i don't agree with him again

you can tell you can you look up on the

screen any guy with a body like that who

goes oh

had to be queer you kidding you're

kidding me he's only kitty tell him talk

about some of the other stars yeah who

else joe is that is that your entire

comment now on johnny weissman oh no no

i don't agree with him we worked with

the great lanier great we did we've been

around joe franklin you know what i mean

just cause we never met you know you

talked to my sister at wiener about four

years ago wanted to come on your show

remember with that whip act do you

remember her

no well let's not get in she called you

once it was um i told you not to go

thursday i think

this is assault it was about four years

ago

about this time of the year joe you

remember a fellow by the name of um

glenn strange

yes he was a pretty strange i used to

see him all the time you remember glenn

don't you the strange one never heard of

him but the one on 42nd street glenn

remember strange glass yes it's terrible

he had the boils all over his face yes

yes you know what he got that from don't

you toilet seat no he said how would he

put his face on the toilet seat that

doesn't sound right that's why they

called him strange well he was strange

all right but you know we married don't

you no big tits mildred oh come on they

didn't have any kids did they

yes they did oh really it was tragic

they had a young boy died of terminal

acne

well that figures he had boils all over

his pace strange glenn

i would love right now to call this part

of our show flashback time or memory

lane time boys and girls and ladies and

gentlemen we'll turn back the hands of

time we'll roll back the sands of time

to the days when

mr montana was

kind of a newcomer

and he was a big

box office star he was the king of his

particular studio

and for a real memory lane thrill of

thrills we go galloping down the old

hollywood trail possibly a quarter of a

century ago to watch the ever youthful

duke montana

[Music]

what's the idea don't you realize when

blair finds out your life won't be worth

a nickel

what are you going to do see that blair

doesn't get back here

after all you are my sister

[Music]

oh it's you huh what happened to blair i

tell you nothing now look frog my only

interest is to stop him can't you

understand man carol's in this up to her

neck

probably head off the boys and go after

the wagon train

i was through the magic of old film

clips

that's very nice of you joe uh

a lot of the uh things that you sh you

just showed on uh on your screen there

on your monitor there were pictures that

i've uh

forgotten

but i'll tell you one thing

we'll never forget we'll never forget

now i tell you what i need from you ted

if you'll do you're free right

yeah i want you to get uh i want you to

get a couple of the boys together

[Music]

uh how about jack durham

no kidding

oh that's a shame

really a shame he was a great guy how

long ago

12 years

boy time sure does fly doesn't it

look at all the uh background the

mountains and different areas here and

this is the only western town that i

know of

uh in the united states you can get off

and shoot a mile away two miles away

most of the other places are in close

and we got sixteen hundred acres here

of canyons and uh old homesteads and

mines

we've got wagons you furnish all the

wagons and buggies that you want and uh

all the riders

hello billy hello mr reeves hey you took

montana aren't you yeah yeah yeah i just

see you in the movies all the time i see

your target what's your name my name is

billy ah billy nice to know you how long

you've been out this way i've only been

here a couple weeks but travel out of

country you know what i mean try

something different [ __ ] the other type

of working well you know i don't hold

steady jobs here i'm more or less to

work a while here work there work that

geez i really like you i saw you at

tarzan and i saw you uh and uh when you

first started out as a western actor

then you faded out you know i mean uh

you're gonna make a movie here we're

making it western oh that's wonderful

geez i've always been a great fan of you

you know you're one thing you got there

duke you know you can vibrate uh

vibration like magnetism and i sort of

admire that and you i think that'll be a

big picture with you coming back like

that a lot like a pitcher has a lot of

interest can do four or five things like

that you know it makes you sit there you

know you don't want to leave your seat

because you you got to take a piss with

you then you uh piss your pants a little

bit

because you don't want to leave the seat

you know i'll have a pitcher like that

if you could make a picture like that

boy with your magnetism boy you got it

made

we're very happy to see that you're back

once again in the cinema firmament yeah

and of course making the flicks like you

used to make them

i can only give you this one little bit

of advice took that

you

performed the way you did those many

years

they looked up on the silver screen no

no no wait a minute what what what do

you mean by that

by that i mean

when you perform

give it all give it your heart give it

your

your whole being in other words do all

the stunts yourself

do all the stunts myself i think that

would be only fair to your fans who love

you and and and pay to see you that you

you get right in there and do all the

stuff none of that phone is baloney

stuntman and uh don't use any doubles is

that the idea

oh duke i think this is definitely a

debit to your public that you have to

repay

all right now as you reach for the uh as

you as he reaches for the uh for the

loop there that's when he knows that's

when i'm gonna get him right yeah and

then i'm gonna hit him like that and i'm

gonna backhand him and drop down to him

and kick him over like that and then i'm

gonna shoot a guy up here right yeah but

you guys put a lousy rehearsal you're

gonna do it like that we'll be here all

day well you got him all over the street

just don't stand there help me up

that's it

am i on

is he wild yeah can you handle him oh i

think so i what's his name shippy

shippy he's big for a pony isn't he yeah

he's a little dusty

i'll take him out which side you got to

get on this side now all right

go around if you can handle them how are

you gonna be bareback you know well

maybe you could just hold me a little

okay

okay there we go oh hold me hold me

would you hold me oh you got okay all

right move out move out you're not

nervous now are your hands around my

face all right you're not nervous now

all right

go ahead okay

where's your reins where's his head

yeah i guess you thought i was a dude

yeah goddamn

looking good

yeah

boy you handle that horse good yeah

thanks for watching yeah

watch the turn steady study watch on the

turn don't make him shot easy does it

watch for stones the horse shouldn't

trip or anything

i suppose you guys are all wondering why

we're gathered here at this table

enrico i'm wondering why we gathered

here at this table i thought you'd never

ask

bullying

generally around i don't think it's

going to be too tough a deal i mean

generally around the set you know

there's a lot of drinks poured people

are working hard oh they like their

beverages they work so hard they all

have beverages yeah they get tasty oh

they get thirsty every i

i get thirsty myself

do you really oh i need a quenching

drink every once in a while enrico

i usually take orange aid sometimes

lemonade

i don't care what you take it's what the

duke is going to take now

i have a little something i brought down

from the drugstore to help there first

yeah you see they have a lot of problems

out here out west with the rodents

running around eating up all the garbage

so i got the little dish here i told him

i'm having a pest problem and i asked

the man dad the apothecary if he

couldn't put a little something together

so i could get rid of a pest of my own

he came up with is your wife's father

enrique my worms you stupid skinny son

of a gun

but we are going to get rid of duke

montana with this

streak nine

oh yes gift

now i'm gonna go over to the duke and

say hey duke you look a hot and tired

maybe you're thirsty huh

so when he orders a drink

whatever it is

i'll order a drink whatever it is but

i'll order whatever he don't order now

you got that straight you're both gonna

have a drink that's right now

you take this and put a couple of

squirts in fact that why be cheap give

it the whole shot

into the drink that he's gonna have now

i'm gonna order a drink that he isn't

gonna have in other words whatever i

drink he's not gonna drink but whatever

he has i'm gonna have the opposite now

you got that straight

i can't have a drink no

because then if you order a drink it

might be the same kind of a drink that

he orders because when i order my drink

it's gonna be opposite from what he

orders

well wait a minute what are you going to

order how do i know what i'm going to

order i'm going to order what he doesn't

order

if he has a coke i'm going to have a

root beer if he has a root beer i'm

gonna have a coke i'll have a pepsi

you're not gonna have nothing you're not

drinking with us we don't want three to

confuse the issue if he has a coke i'll

have a root beer if he has a root beard

and i'll have a coat if he orders an

almond street then i'll have a coke or a

root beer don't order the orange drink

why not it isn't good i had some yes i

don't care how good it is the fight

still remains this has to go into his

drink don't you understand me

if i have a coke he'll have something

else because i'm going to order what he

doesn't have don't you understand what

i'm talking about

you're going to order what he doesn't

have so you're not having a break that's

right

i'm going to have a drink the whole

paper says that i'm going to drink with

him that's why he's going to have a

drink you're going to come over and say

have a drink you guys it's hot on the

set

then i'm going to order what he don't

drink because when he drinks what he has

i can't have the same thing because when

you put this in that it'll be the same

and we won't know which one has this in

it and if i think what this is would

tell us

would you listen to me i got to keep my

cool here with you for a minute enrico

enrico i understand let me lay it out

all right please he orders a coke you

order root beer i put it the poison

in the coke that's right you order a

coke he orders the root beer i put the

boys in the coke

no you don't i'm gonna have to cook if i

have to coke you're not gonna put the

poison in the coke because if you put

the poison in the coke then i drink the

coke and you know what that'll mean

you'll be doing this all by yourself

i'm having a coke you put this in the

root beer if he's having a root beer you

put this in the root beer it's so simple

any lit with 42nd street idiot could do

it now explain it once again to me

he's having a coke

maybe

he's maybe having a coke right you're

maybe having a routine perhaps but

you're not going to have the orange no

i'm not i might have the orange if he

has a coke

if i want the coke if don't you

understand don't don't be mad i'll tell

you what i'll make a little plate of

sandwiches so when the two of you are

having a drink we're not gonna eat

sandwiches

we're not gonna have anything but coke

i'll make you a nice new york sandwich

enrico i don't want a new york sandwich

i want a coke right from broadway corned

beef wife heavy on the mayo i'm gonna

send you back to broadway without a

plane if you don't get this straight now

listen to me if he wants a coke

you give me a root beer if i order a

coke and he takes a root beer you put

this in the coke at the root you put

ruby

in the white son of a [ __ ] you

[ __ ]

hello good to see you okay

uh doing a little homework eh yeah

production costs whatnot you know

how well i know

movie business is like a big toilet all

the money just to goes to flush down the

toilet

yes

thank god that's all for my back

i don't envy you one [ __ ] no no well

well well look who come here

my partner

e eddie

how are you eating oh i'm fine

but isn't it warm today born oh it's

wrong i'll bet your bodies are tired i

bet there you check burns swell and prop

don't they

you know what i recommend what's that a

nice cooling beverage or as we say in

the trade your soft drink

that's a good idea hey duke how about it

you've been working out in the hot the

boiling sun hit the bake down your brain

sure duke wants a drink what are you

gonna what are you gonna have a duke it

doesn't matter

it does matter

what are you gonna have

i'll have what uh what you have

hey

don't you want to be an unconformist

why don't you have something else

okay i'll uh

i'll have a coke

the duke is gonna have a coke

what are you having

that means that i'm gonna have a root

bee

now the duke is going to have a coke

and enrico

going to have a root beer

i'll be right back with the beverage

okay don't forget

the dookies are going to have a coke

i'm going to have a root beer

hey

that's nice with you right there

you doubted your eyes are funny

let me see your palm

look at that the lifeline

huh

here they are oh what's that cooling

beverages

cooling beverages all right thank you

thank you very much

that is good

come on donkey you drink yours now

i don't uh

i don't like the root beer too much

oh

what do you mean you don't like the

route to be too much

i i never drink group here

that's a coke

no that's uh that's a um

beer

that's

that's it

and this must be in the coke

you gave him the root beer

[Laughter]

[Music]

oh i guess he was just stricken with the

heat maybe uh make a note that uh

maybe we can use this uh

blacksmith placed in the heart there and

whatnot or something

okay

oh boy

yeah are you nervous about tomorrow

i don't know uh

i don't know whether i'm nervous or not

15 years long time you know

uh come on let's uh let's go on back

down okay

uh

um

you ready ready okay let's

go like okay 27.6 take one sound c100

get out

action

you know what that is

huh

well i'm telling you what that is

that's a gun holster

you know what these are here

they're the blank bullets that's right

that they use in the movie correct score

yourself three points

do not go past gold do not collect two

million dollars because blanks aren't

going to kill the duke montana

but

they will

are these real bullets enrico you

betcha

boy somebody could get hurt

[Laughter]

i wonder who that'll be

nobody

okay

[Music]

get out and action

so

[Music]

watch very closely gentlemen

keep your eye

on the cigarette

i take the actual tobacco out of an

ordinary cigarette

and

from the tnt i open the top and i crouch

out some of the gunpowder

yes this very high explosive

we'll sadly give our friend duke montana

[Music]

but you crazy you want to blow salty

kingdom come how i enjoy your cigarette

monster

shut up and let me do this now i take

this like this gentleman

and i carefully

load it

into

the cigarette

this is what you call a joint

give me the uh nitro

take your time

bring him on now set him over anytime

drop him now

all right becca let me have you

get his neck no no no no no no no no no

no no no

all right

how is he marco she's alright

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

um

[Music]

keep coming

[Music]

okay now

it's about right

you turn around there then over the

pressure push

and that will be the end and there will

be two million dollars in

the hallway

hey look there you go

come here

[Music]

yeah what is it hey how you doing doc i

feel fine

listen uh we got this a team of horses

for you how about that huh yeah they're

pretty good yeah oh they're wonderful i

just checked them out before and aft

yeah this is the shot the way you go to

the country store remember pick up the

goods

so uh when you hop on the board and take

it out for trial spin huh okay yeah

[Music]

have a good trip yeah a wagon's a hole

here

[Music]

red

[Music]

i'm okay

he's okay

it's okay

are you okay

[Laughter]

it's okay

this isn't wonderful

oh

[ __ ]

he's a girl

oh that's good

jesus christ

[Music]

do

[Music]

[Music]

ah

he's got a gun

[Music]

well as everybody knows the picture was

a smash hit i was back on top again you

know the big star i not only had a had a

whole new career but a fringe benefit

hi darling

this is julie my wife you hefner oh

very nice to meet you my pleasure

and whatever uh whatever happened to the

boys

well when i found out what the boys were

up to i decided not to prosecute after

all they'd been responsible for my

comeback

responsible for julie here you know

them that uh that introduced me to julie

at the outset

so i had the judge uh

turn them over into my custody

you come with the drinks today that big

fat one there that's unreasonable and

the little skinny guy you hey

the little squirt

yes the beer of the root

and the milk of the koala fish mr

hoffman it's happening happening

it's spotting one for you mr heaven oh

no put that one back try this one here

you like that better i think

and once

julie

[Music]

root beers

and i am getting the root beer and you

get them the black cherry well

may produce a toast to you

duke the wonderful duck montana who of

course took us from lowly movie

producers and brought us up raised us up

to waiters here on your state

do this wonderful rise up we salute you

and your beautiful bride ex

ex-secretarial person miss julie the

wonderful beautiful

girl i once loved us

and see you hoffman

and all of the girls with the flashing

white thighs you know they have little

fat clothes you know what they look like

when you stop with your perverted to

talking just to toast the folks

and of course to mr hefner

to those wonderful childhood days back

at the montclair theater on saturday

afternoon

one more dupe one of the more good

you'll never understand you do birds i

don't like root beer

rope bear that's a cult

it's a root beer

[Music]

that's what it is

[Music]

excuse us

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

that's when we started

[Applause]

[Music]

is

[Music]

[Music]

oh