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1
00:01:11,420 --> 00:01:13,667
...into a big airy bedroom.
2
00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:17,327
Then the sideboard turns around
and turns into the bathroom.
3
00:01:17,427 --> 00:01:19,485
- So you can eat and bathe?
- Course not.
4
00:01:19,585 --> 00:01:23,726
- Then what's it doing in the bathroom?
- Nothing. It turns into a bathroom.
5
00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:26,284
Then another time it turns into a kitchenette.
6
00:01:26,384 --> 00:01:28,808
Another time into a fireplace.
7
00:01:28,908 --> 00:01:31,088
You can't light it but it looks awful cute.
8
00:01:31,188 --> 00:01:34,087
- What turns into a fireplace?
- This gig in the corner.
9
00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:36,970
It turns around and makes one room
into four rooms
10
00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:40,728
so young people who haven't much money
can have a four-room apartment
11
00:01:40,828 --> 00:01:42,886
for the price of a one-room apartment.
12
00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:45,691
- One room isn't an apartment.
- They're called that.
13
00:01:45,791 --> 00:01:48,166
- It's the same as four rooms.
- But suppose I...
14
00:01:48,266 --> 00:01:51,849
- You turn this in the corner...
- Suppose I wanted to go to the fireplace
15
00:01:51,949 --> 00:01:53,688
while you were in the kitchenette.
16
00:01:53,788 --> 00:01:56,007
You're trying to make things difficult.
17
00:01:56,107 --> 00:01:59,530
Nothing's good enough for you
except a palace on Fifth Avenue.
18
00:01:59,630 --> 00:02:02,651
I give you coffee -
the end of the perfect dinner,
19
00:02:02,751 --> 00:02:05,177
the beginning of the perfect day.
20
00:02:17,463 --> 00:02:20,253
And now, the moment
we have all been waiting for.
21
00:02:20,353 --> 00:02:22,531
We are about to give you the result
22
00:02:22,631 --> 00:02:25,892
of the $50,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest,
23
00:02:25,992 --> 00:02:28,853
with a first prize of $25,000,
24
00:02:28,953 --> 00:02:30,849
a second prize of $5,000,
25
00:02:30,949 --> 00:02:33,531
a third prize of $2,500,
26
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,211
a fourth prize of $1,500,
27
00:02:36,311 --> 00:02:38,450
a fifth prize of $1,000,
28
00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:42,814
and 95 other prizes totalling $15,000.
29
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:45,774
Some folks are going to be delirious
in a few minutes.
30
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,132
As you may well imagine,
31
00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:50,609
all that sugar draws a lot of flies
32
00:02:50,709 --> 00:02:54,054
and the jury here has been struggling
to pick the winners
33
00:02:54,154 --> 00:03:00,852
from a little snowdrift of 2,947,582 answers.
34
00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:05,417
That is a lot of answers in any language,
including the Scandinavian.
35
00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:11,382
Dr Maxford, our founder and president,
is at my side.
36
00:03:17,027 --> 00:03:19,577
It will only be a matter of a few moments
37
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:23,573
until the jury ceases wrestling
and hands Dr Maxford the verdict,
38
00:03:23,673 --> 00:03:27,174
and he will himself,
in that well-known voice of his,
39
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,259
read you the names of the winners.
40
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:34,292
We seem to have a little contretemps,
41
00:03:34,392 --> 00:03:36,975
fox pass or what have you,
ladies and gentlemen.
42
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:38,654
But it will only be...
43
00:03:38,754 --> 00:03:41,095
- What's the matter?
- The jury is deadlocked!
44
00:03:41,195 --> 00:03:43,535
- Deadlocked?
- Eleven to one!
45
00:03:43,635 --> 00:03:47,216
It will only be a few moments
before the jury untangles itself,
46
00:03:47,316 --> 00:03:51,063
and we will hear the happy winners' names
throughout the world.
47
00:03:58,589 --> 00:04:02,139
Ahem. Just a little patience,
ladies and gentlemen.
48
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:14,538
- Can't you get it through...
- What's this about a deadlock?
49
00:04:14,638 --> 00:04:16,897
- Where's the verdict?
- Ask Bildocker.
50
00:04:16,997 --> 00:04:20,658
And you'll get an answer, too.
If you birds had the brains of a rooster...
51
00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:25,498
I resent that. You may know about shipping
but when eleven of us have agreed...
52
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,939
- It'll be ten o'clock next week...
- Quiet!
53
00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:32,858
...before I give in to bunch of fat-headed,
mealy-mouthed lame brains who...
54
00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:36,821
Quiet! Jumping Jehoshaphat!
55
00:04:36,921 --> 00:04:39,259
Do you realise that we're on the air?
56
00:04:39,359 --> 00:04:42,061
The whole of America's
waiting for your verdict!
57
00:04:42,161 --> 00:04:45,457
120 million people
are suspended from your lips.
58
00:04:45,557 --> 00:04:48,538
You're giving heart failure
to the western hemisphere.
59
00:04:48,638 --> 00:04:51,298
What do you know about
picking slogans anyway?
60
00:04:51,398 --> 00:04:54,538
You wouldn't know a slogan
if you slipped on one.
61
00:04:54,638 --> 00:04:57,778
If you gentlemen had the combined brains
of an amoeba...
62
00:04:57,878 --> 00:05:00,018
But we're all agreed, Dr Maxford.
63
00:05:00,118 --> 00:05:02,061
It's only Bildocker who's holding out.
64
00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:07,699
Oh, it is, is it? Well, let me
tell you something, Mr Bildocker.
65
00:05:07,799 --> 00:05:11,259
You've been getting into my hair
for the past 20 years,
66
00:05:11,359 --> 00:05:13,462
and I meant to mention it before.
67
00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:15,938
I'm going to give you four seconds...
68
00:05:16,038 --> 00:05:17,700
No, you're not, Dr Maxford.
69
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,179
I'm a member of this jury and I'm going
to vote the way I think is right
70
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,418
if it takes ten years.
71
00:05:22,518 --> 00:05:24,542
You can fire me out of shipping
72
00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:29,063
but you aren't going to fire me off this jury
because I don't work for you on this jury.
73
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,901
I'm giving my services free to the bunch of...
74
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:34,545
Who said anything about firing you,
you lunkhead?
75
00:05:34,645 --> 00:05:37,388
All I said was that I...
76
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:43,630
Yes? Oh, we are, are we?
77
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:47,030
Well, that's just lovely.
78
00:05:48,196 --> 00:05:51,421
We're going off the air, gentlemen,
so just take your time.
79
00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:53,703
You can stay here till next Wednesday.
80
00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:56,702
Or you can still here
till Hoboken freezes over.
81
00:05:56,802 --> 00:05:59,585
We have failed in our promise to the public.
82
00:05:59,685 --> 00:06:03,626
We have muffed the most dramatic
advertising moment in commerce,
83
00:06:03,726 --> 00:06:06,021
and you've made a fathead out of me.
84
00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:10,146
The next nitwit who talks to me
about a contest
85
00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:12,751
had better duck before I swing on him.
86
00:06:16,557 --> 00:06:20,305
In conclusion, gentlemen,
especially you, Mr Bildocker,
87
00:06:20,405 --> 00:06:25,597
let me say that I have seen
far better heads on... umbrellas!
88
00:06:27,398 --> 00:06:30,746
And so,
another broadcast slips into posterity,
89
00:06:30,846 --> 00:06:35,624
as we bring to a close
the 449th Maxford House programme.
90
00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:38,625
I wish I could have given you
the news you wanted to hear.
91
00:06:38,725 --> 00:06:41,668
But I will conclude with
what the prisoner said
92
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,787
when the hangman couldn't find the rope.
93
00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:47,503
"No noose is good noose." Ha, ha.
94
00:06:47,603 --> 00:06:50,750
This is Don Hartman,
wishing you all goodnight.
95
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,867
They build you up to a big finish
and leave you hanging on a meat hook.
96
00:06:58,967 --> 00:07:01,510
You heard what he said.
No news is good news.
97
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:04,187
- He said, "No noose is good noose."
- So?
98
00:07:04,287 --> 00:07:07,585
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I wish they'd get it over with.
99
00:07:07,685 --> 00:07:11,827
You start thinking about that $25,000,
or even the $5,000...
100
00:07:11,927 --> 00:07:13,587
- Or anything.
- You said it.
101
00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:17,870
When you've got it right in your mitts,
they leave you with your tongue hanging out.
102
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,909
There ought to be a law against it.
103
00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:23,828
- Did you really think you'd win it?
- I haven't lost it yet.
104
00:07:23,928 --> 00:07:26,146
- How many have you lost?
- I don't know.
105
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:30,111
But every time I've lost a contest,
I've doubled my chances on the next one.
106
00:07:30,211 --> 00:07:34,587
It's the law of averages. Like when I lost the
How Many Peanuts In The Window contest.
107
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:37,950
- That doubled my chances...
- They put boxes under the peanuts.
108
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:41,187
They didn't ask how many boxes
under the peanuts. They said...
109
00:07:41,287 --> 00:07:43,790
- "How many peanuts are in the window?"
- So I lost.
110
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:47,390
That doubled my chances on the
You Fill In The Missing Words contest.
111
00:07:47,490 --> 00:07:49,468
- But you lost that one too.
- Fine.
112
00:07:49,568 --> 00:07:53,310
- I was eight to one in the limerick contest.
- But you didn't win it, Jimmy!
113
00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,351
That's what makes it a cinch this time.
114
00:07:55,451 --> 00:07:57,348
Can't you see it over there in lights?
115
00:07:57,448 --> 00:07:59,668
The guy swallows his coffee, and it says,
116
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:03,873
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
117
00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:06,833
- That's some slogan.
- Mm-hm.
118
00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:09,590
Do you get the point?
Do you understand what it means?
119
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,589
- Yes...
- What do you mean, yes?
120
00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:15,518
It's clear as crystal.
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
121
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:21,353
If you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bunk.
122
00:08:21,453 --> 00:08:25,511
- The bunk when you don't sleep!
- I know! I've heard it a thousand times!
123
00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:28,431
- I just don't understand it.
- Maybe you don't try to.
124
00:08:28,531 --> 00:08:32,229
- Maybe I don't.
- A kid of two could understand that.
125
00:08:32,329 --> 00:08:36,392
This Viennese doctor says
that whole idea's just a superstition,
126
00:08:36,492 --> 00:08:39,594
that instead of keeping you awake,
coffee makes you sleep.
127
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:43,310
- It's simple. Coffee makes you sleep.
- It doesn't make me sleep.
128
00:08:43,410 --> 00:08:46,514
- He's a Viennese doctor!
- Coffee keeps you awake!
129
00:08:46,614 --> 00:08:50,752
Why are you so pig-headed about it?
I'm not trying to contradict you...
130
00:08:50,852 --> 00:08:54,275
It's the new scientific theory.
It's the basis of my slogan.
131
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:58,114
People who think coffee keeps them awake
are nervous wrecks anyway
132
00:08:58,214 --> 00:08:59,756
so why blame it on the coffee?
133
00:08:59,856 --> 00:09:04,632
So I say, "If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
134
00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:06,755
- Do you get it?
- I guess so.
135
00:09:06,855 --> 00:09:11,595
- You guess so. What does it mean?
- It's the bunk.
136
00:09:11,695 --> 00:09:15,195
- Yes, but do you get the play on words?
- You don't need a play on words.
137
00:09:15,295 --> 00:09:19,397
Any time anybody says
coffee makes you sleep, it's bunk.
138
00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:22,873
Don't you understand? It's funny.
People are going to laugh.
139
00:09:22,973 --> 00:09:26,716
It means it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bed.
140
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,438
- With me it's the coffee.
- Oh...
141
00:09:29,538 --> 00:09:32,754
I want you to win it.
I'm just as anxious as you are.
142
00:09:32,854 --> 00:09:36,915
And when you lose this one, think how much
better your chances will be on the next.
143
00:09:37,015 --> 00:09:41,873
Fine chance I've got of winning anything
if everybody says coffee keeps you awake.
144
00:09:41,973 --> 00:09:45,477
Let's drink a gallon of coffee
and see who sleeps the longest.
145
00:09:45,577 --> 00:09:47,715
- Oh, shut up.
- Jimmy!
146
00:09:47,815 --> 00:09:49,010
Jimmy!
147
00:09:52,970 --> 00:09:54,316
Yes, ma'am.
148
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:56,597
Mr Zimmerman says
will you not talk so loud?
149
00:09:56,697 --> 00:10:00,395
- He's trying to go to sleep.
- Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.
150
00:10:00,495 --> 00:10:03,280
And don't take cold up there.
Is Betty warm enough?
151
00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:07,080
- Yes, thank you, Mrs MacDonald.
- All right, dear.
152
00:10:10,171 --> 00:10:13,237
I'd like you just as much
if you didn't win the old contest.
153
00:10:13,337 --> 00:10:15,635
- That's because you're a sap.
- Maybe I am.
154
00:10:15,735 --> 00:10:19,080
But if I am I'm glad of it.
You know how we feel about each other.
155
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,317
- Nix.
- It's true, isn't it?
156
00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:24,404
- You can't say I'm being forward.
- Not much.
157
00:10:25,412 --> 00:10:29,441
I'm not. Time is slipping by
and we're not getting any younger.
158
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,541
Nix.
159
00:10:31,212 --> 00:10:33,037
Two can live as cheaply as one.
160
00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:35,931
Who wants to live cheaply?
Cut it out, will you?
161
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,239
What would you do if you won the $25,000?
162
00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,238
Stick it in the bank.
163
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:45,920
Wouldn't you even buy a little ring
or something?
164
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,679
- I don't like rings on a man.
- Oh, you.
165
00:10:48,779 --> 00:10:53,080
What's the use of talking about it?
You know I'd spend it on you and mum.
166
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,883
I'd get you a new shiny car
and a swell apartment.
167
00:10:55,983 --> 00:11:00,280
Maybe one of those little dream houses
in the suburbs, some hired help.
168
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:04,483
Maybe a trip to Europe. Maybe the Grand
Canyon would be better nowadays.
169
00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:07,320
- We'd be happy all right.
- We could be happy anyway.
170
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:10,204
Everything that means happiness
costs money.
171
00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:13,084
How much was your dad making
when he married your mom?
172
00:11:13,184 --> 00:11:15,080
- 18 bucks a week.
- Well?
173
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,522
You think that proves something?
174
00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:20,244
She's never been to the country
for more than a day.
175
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:22,203
Never had any nice furniture.
176
00:11:22,303 --> 00:11:27,123
The dream of her life is a Davenport that
turns into a double bed at night-time.
177
00:11:27,223 --> 00:11:30,601
She's never had a nice dress
except those she made herself.
178
00:11:30,701 --> 00:11:34,081
I wore the old man's stuff cut down
until I got my first job
179
00:11:34,181 --> 00:11:38,162
and he was worn out at 48 and croaked
because he couldn't afford a doctor.
180
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,204
Where do you get that $18 a week stuff?
181
00:11:40,304 --> 00:11:42,926
I earn $18 and you earn $22 and that's $40.
182
00:11:43,026 --> 00:11:46,285
Sure and you've got your ma
and I've got mine.
183
00:11:46,385 --> 00:11:50,363
You get a kid and you have to stop work
and we're right back at the $22 again.
184
00:11:50,463 --> 00:11:54,161
Except then there's you and the kid
and the two old ladies and me.
185
00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:56,162
- But Jimmy...
- Nix, honey.
186
00:11:56,262 --> 00:11:58,721
They didn't give you
wrists and hands like that
187
00:11:58,821 --> 00:12:01,607
to spoil in a washtub for a poor sap like me.
188
00:12:01,707 --> 00:12:04,327
- But Jimmy...
- You gotta look out for yourself.
189
00:12:04,427 --> 00:12:08,202
You gotta see the main chance and grab it,
the chance of plenty of money.
190
00:12:08,302 --> 00:12:11,726
Men look out for themselves.
They think about nothing but money.
191
00:12:11,826 --> 00:12:16,806
A girl's got to do the same instead of
fooling away her time on a guy like me.
192
00:12:16,906 --> 00:12:20,124
- Unless he crashes through.
- You make me tired.
193
00:12:20,224 --> 00:12:22,646
- Then go to bed.
- That's a nice thing to say.
194
00:12:22,746 --> 00:12:24,405
Invite a girl over and yell at her.
195
00:12:24,505 --> 00:12:28,166
If I wanted to be insulted, I could have gone
out with the credit manager.
196
00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:31,005
- Who's stopping you?
- Thank you, Mr MacDonald.
197
00:12:31,105 --> 00:12:34,086
- It's nice to know where you stand.
- I'm sorry.
198
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:38,458
Maybe I will go out with the credit manager.
Good night.
199
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:44,898
- Wait and I'll help you.
- I don't need any help.
200
00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:52,381
Here.
201
00:12:57,821 --> 00:13:01,089
- Kindly let go of my arm.
- Why don't you watch your step?
202
00:13:01,189 --> 00:13:03,847
- Why don't you mind your own business?
- Oh, shut up.
203
00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:07,172
- Why don't you shut up?
- Why don't you both shut up?
204
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:09,062
See?
205
00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:29,447
They got up there a horse yet?
206
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:32,376
- Wait for your laugh.
- Wise guy.
207
00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:42,217
- Bread and butter.
- Bread and butter.
208
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,374
- Don't fall down the ladder.
- I've been down it before.
209
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:05,769
You fell down it before too.
210
00:14:05,869 --> 00:14:08,212
- Good night.
- Good night.
211
00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:12,089
- See you at the office.
- Aren't you going to take me?
212
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:14,185
All right.
213
00:14:14,745 --> 00:14:17,492
- Good night, Jimmy.
- Good night.
214
00:14:17,592 --> 00:14:19,702
- Good night.
- Good night.
215
00:14:20,946 --> 00:14:22,146
Night.
216
00:14:25,226 --> 00:14:27,581
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, darling.
217
00:14:35,227 --> 00:14:37,494
- Good night.
- Good night.
218
00:14:37,594 --> 00:14:39,623
Good night!
219
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:44,532
- I tell you, it makes you sleep.
- OK, it makes you sleep.
220
00:14:44,632 --> 00:14:47,932
And water runs uphill
and dogs miaow and cats bark
221
00:14:48,032 --> 00:14:52,855
and water's red-hot in the winter
and freezes over in the summer.
222
00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:55,412
You're a dreamer. Just like your father.
223
00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:57,333
With him it was always automobiles
224
00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,573
where the wind, it scooped it up in the front
225
00:14:59,673 --> 00:15:02,218
and pushed out the back to make it go,
or some such.
226
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,373
There's no wind blowing out of my ideas.
227
00:15:04,473 --> 00:15:08,257
- Pretty windy. Have you got car fare?
- Think so.
228
00:15:09,469 --> 00:15:10,469
Yeah.
229
00:15:11,389 --> 00:15:15,658
Make a wish.
What falls to the floor comes to the door.
230
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:18,213
- All right.
- There's nothing to laugh about.
231
00:15:18,313 --> 00:15:21,337
I mind the time your father,
may his soul be peaceful,
232
00:15:21,437 --> 00:15:23,058
dropped a quarter down a crack,
233
00:15:23,158 --> 00:15:27,056
and it wasn't an hour till a near-sighted man
gave him a five-dollar gold piece
234
00:15:27,156 --> 00:15:29,186
instead of a nickel in paying his fare.
235
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:33,176
- We went to Coney that night.
- What was wrong with Pa's eyes?
236
00:15:33,276 --> 00:15:35,175
He was looking somewhere else.
237
00:15:35,275 --> 00:15:37,857
There was nothing the matter
with your father.
238
00:15:37,957 --> 00:15:40,095
He was a fine-looking conductor.
239
00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:42,256
- He was.
- You'd seem a shrimp beside him.
240
00:15:42,356 --> 00:15:44,735
- I would.
- Don't say anything against him.
241
00:15:44,835 --> 00:15:46,939
I'm not saying anything against him, Mum.
242
00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:49,545
Well, watch your step.
243
00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:52,856
- Jimmy.
- Yes'm?
244
00:15:52,956 --> 00:15:55,021
There's money in your cup.
245
00:16:16,153 --> 00:16:18,218
So the sucker says, "Is Mr Fish there?"
246
00:16:18,318 --> 00:16:21,942
And the guy says, "Which one do you want?
This is the New York Aquarium."
247
00:16:23,673 --> 00:16:27,021
The best one is, you say,
"This is the Edison Company.
248
00:16:27,121 --> 00:16:31,062
"Would you mind seeing if the street light's
burning in front of your house?"
249
00:16:31,162 --> 00:16:33,704
And when the poor mug says, "Yes, it is,"
250
00:16:33,804 --> 00:16:35,830
you say, "Well, blow it out, will you?"
251
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:41,141
Hello, is this
the Maxford House Coffee Company?
252
00:16:41,241 --> 00:16:44,858
Could you tell me if the jury's reached
a verdict on the contest yet?
253
00:16:44,958 --> 00:16:48,940
They haven't? Then there's
still a chance for everybody, huh?
254
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,026
Thanks just the same.
255
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,900
I wonder what one of those suckers
would do if they ever did win.
256
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,944
Well, it's very easy to find out.
257
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:03,659
All you need is a telegraph blank,
some scissors and some glue.
258
00:17:03,759 --> 00:17:07,305
- Cut it in strips, do it on the blank.
- Holy mackerel.
259
00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:09,383
Good afternoon, Miss Casey.
260
00:18:09,483 --> 00:18:11,390
Good morning, Mr Waterbury.
261
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,794
Good morning, John.
262
00:19:03,362 --> 00:19:05,992
Jams. It's been doing that quite a lot lately.
263
00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:09,787
- The wonder is it works at all.
- Yes, sir.
264
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:12,920
Come into my office a moment,
Mr MacDonald.
265
00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:15,635
Yes, sir.
266
00:19:40,205 --> 00:19:42,994
I've been watching you for some time,
Mr MacDonald.
267
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,599
Yes, sir. It used to make me kind of nervous.
268
00:19:46,725 --> 00:19:48,630
- Not nervous any more?
- No, sir.
269
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,232
- Are you a drinking man, then?
- Sir?
270
00:19:51,332 --> 00:19:54,869
This is part of your yesterday's work.
I believe your number is 112?
271
00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:56,354
Yes, sir.
272
00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:59,474
The computing machine is almost foolproof,
Mr MacDonald,
273
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:04,473
yet you managed to miss your total by
a little matter of $11,000 on this one sheet.
274
00:20:04,573 --> 00:20:06,753
To what do you attribute that?
275
00:20:06,853 --> 00:20:09,512
I, er... I don't know, Mr Waterbury.
276
00:20:09,612 --> 00:20:12,033
You know simple arithmetic, don't you?
277
00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:17,071
You know the difference between addition,
subtraction and possibly multiplication?
278
00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:19,796
Yes, sir. I'm pretty good at it.
279
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:23,916
Have you troubles at home? You
henpecked? Suffering from a broken heart?
280
00:20:24,016 --> 00:20:26,471
Had your teeth examined lately?
281
00:20:26,571 --> 00:20:29,952
Or are you purely and simply
incapable of doing your work?
282
00:20:30,052 --> 00:20:33,592
Well, I... I guess it's the contest,
Mr Waterbury,
283
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,317
the Maxford House contest.
284
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:37,595
I had no idea it was hurting my work.
285
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:41,557
- How much is the prize?
- The first prize is $25,000.
286
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:42,657
Yes.
287
00:20:43,488 --> 00:20:47,794
I used to think about $25,000 too,
and what I'd do with it.
288
00:20:47,894 --> 00:20:50,875
That I'd be a failure
if I didn't get a hold of it.
289
00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:57,515
And then one day I realised
I was never going to have $25,000.
290
00:20:57,615 --> 00:21:00,994
And then another day a little bit later,
considerably later,
291
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,197
I realised something else,
292
00:21:03,297 --> 00:21:07,239
something I'm imparting to you now,
Mr MacDonald.
293
00:21:07,339 --> 00:21:10,316
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
294
00:21:10,416 --> 00:21:13,156
You see, ambition is all right if it works.
295
00:21:13,256 --> 00:21:17,034
But no system could be right where only
half of one per cent were successes
296
00:21:17,134 --> 00:21:19,158
and all the rest were failures.
297
00:21:19,258 --> 00:21:22,119
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
298
00:21:22,219 --> 00:21:27,597
So are you if you earn your own living and
pay your bills and look the world in the eye.
299
00:21:27,697 --> 00:21:32,236
I hope you win your $25,000, Mr MacDonald.
300
00:21:32,336 --> 00:21:35,875
But if you shouldn't happen to,
don't worry about it.
301
00:21:35,975 --> 00:21:41,518
Now get the heck back to your desk
and try to improve your arithmetic.
302
00:21:41,618 --> 00:21:44,251
Yes, sir, Mr Waterbury.
303
00:21:45,732 --> 00:21:47,848
- Thank you.
- It's all right.
304
00:22:25,374 --> 00:22:28,200
Wow! Oh, honey, look!
305
00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:32,164
Hey, everybody! Hey, everybody!
Come here?
306
00:22:32,264 --> 00:22:33,964
Get up here, honey.
307
00:22:34,064 --> 00:22:35,064
Wow!
308
00:22:36,015 --> 00:22:41,204
There comes a time in everybody's life
when he's got to get up and let it rip!
309
00:22:41,304 --> 00:22:43,961
Wow! In other words, boys and girls,
310
00:22:44,061 --> 00:22:47,411
I just won the $25,000 first prize
in the Maxford House contest.
311
00:22:49,976 --> 00:22:53,404
Hey, give me a phone.
Boy, this is gonna be good.
312
00:22:53,504 --> 00:22:57,933
Hello? Give me Astoria 59970.
This is really gonna be good.
313
00:23:02,896 --> 00:23:06,085
- Hello, is this Mrs Schwartz?
- Yes.
314
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,242
This is Jimmy. Hello, Mrs Schwartz.
315
00:23:08,342 --> 00:23:11,562
I hate to bother you
but could I talk to my mom? It's important.
316
00:23:11,662 --> 00:23:14,729
Thank you. I'll let you use my phone
when I get one.
317
00:23:19,257 --> 00:23:21,162
Hello, Mum? This is Jimmy.
318
00:23:21,262 --> 00:23:24,244
I'm going to tell you something.
Don't be frightened.
319
00:23:24,344 --> 00:23:27,047
- You're not hurt?
- Course I'm not hurt!
320
00:23:27,147 --> 00:23:30,805
Mum, would I call you up
from under a streetcar?
321
00:23:30,905 --> 00:23:33,325
Mum, are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?
322
00:23:33,425 --> 00:23:36,606
No, I'm not crazy with the heat,
I'm just asking you a question.
323
00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:38,924
Are you a rich woman or a poor woman?
324
00:23:39,024 --> 00:23:42,207
You're all wet! I said you're all wet, Mum.
325
00:23:42,307 --> 00:23:45,886
Buy yourself anything you want.
Furniture, automobiles, dresses.
326
00:23:45,986 --> 00:23:47,927
- Electric washer.
- Electric washer!
327
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,967
You know the one you like? It's yours.
328
00:23:50,067 --> 00:23:53,566
- The Davenport.
- The one that turns into a double bed.
329
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:58,205
It's yours, Mum. And anything else
you want. All you gotta do is tell me.
330
00:23:58,305 --> 00:24:02,169
- It's gonna cost you a Davenport.
- I'll tell the world I got a raise.
331
00:24:02,269 --> 00:24:04,767
- Wow, he got a raise!
- Put him out of his misery.
332
00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:07,888
- Hey, the boss.
- What is going on around here?
333
00:24:07,988 --> 00:24:11,168
What is this? A football game?
334
00:24:11,268 --> 00:24:15,327
Quiet! I said quiet!
Or there will be severe consequences.
335
00:24:15,427 --> 00:24:20,365
What are you doing on that desk?
Never mind! You're fired as of this minute.
336
00:24:20,465 --> 00:24:22,606
- What's your name?
- James MacDonald.
337
00:24:22,706 --> 00:24:24,447
This is my fiancée, Miss Casey.
338
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,055
Well, let that be a lesson to you.
339
00:24:29,221 --> 00:24:32,367
What is so funny about that?
340
00:24:32,467 --> 00:24:35,368
What is the meaning of this demonstration,
Mr Waterbury?
341
00:24:35,468 --> 00:24:38,208
I demand an explanation,
and it had better be good.
342
00:24:38,308 --> 00:24:40,809
It is very good, sir. It appears this lad...
343
00:24:40,909 --> 00:24:43,286
What? What? What?
344
00:24:43,386 --> 00:24:44,582
Quiet!
345
00:24:45,222 --> 00:24:47,288
- Mr Baxter.
- What do you want?
346
00:24:47,388 --> 00:24:49,767
If anyone ought to be fired, it's me.
347
00:24:49,867 --> 00:24:53,211
Never mind the noble gestures.
I'll decide what's what.
348
00:24:53,311 --> 00:24:55,687
Save that Rover Boy stuff
for your spare time.
349
00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:59,248
See that this young man is paid off,
and don't let this reoccur.
350
00:24:59,348 --> 00:25:01,248
There's a very good reason...
351
00:25:01,348 --> 00:25:04,009
- Has it anything to do with this company?
- No, but...
352
00:25:04,109 --> 00:25:07,851
- Then I don't care to hear about it!
- But you do care to hear about it.
353
00:25:07,951 --> 00:25:10,733
- How was that?
- I say you do care to hear about it.
354
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:13,374
You couldn't have understood
what was said.
355
00:25:13,474 --> 00:25:15,731
These children are part of your family.
356
00:25:15,831 --> 00:25:18,331
Anything that happens to them
happens to you.
357
00:25:18,431 --> 00:25:21,650
So if you don't care to hear,
you must have misunderstood.
358
00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:23,374
What is all this?
359
00:25:23,474 --> 00:25:25,849
This young man,
this minor employee of yours,
360
00:25:25,949 --> 00:25:29,931
has just won the $25,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest.
361
00:25:30,031 --> 00:25:34,373
He and he alone was chosen winner
over millions of contestants.
362
00:25:34,473 --> 00:25:37,893
And I say that is reason enough
for rejoicing.
363
00:25:37,993 --> 00:25:40,500
Well, I should say it is.
364
00:25:42,506 --> 00:25:47,732
If you'll kindly get down off my furniture,
I'd like to congratulate you, Mr...
365
00:25:47,832 --> 00:25:49,026
Jimmy.
366
00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:56,216
- Well, more power to you.
- Thank you, sir.
367
00:25:56,316 --> 00:25:59,293
I suppose I'll have to hire you back
on a fat increase.
368
00:25:59,393 --> 00:26:02,213
I don't think that will be necessary,
Mr Baxter.
369
00:26:02,313 --> 00:26:06,937
I've always liked it here and...
Oh, I guess a raise would come in handy.
370
00:26:08,587 --> 00:26:11,333
And you really won
the Maxford House contest, eh?
371
00:26:11,433 --> 00:26:14,653
- That's what the telegram said.
- They wanted a new slogan?
372
00:26:14,753 --> 00:26:17,494
- Yes, sir.
- It's about time they changed the old one.
373
00:26:17,594 --> 00:26:20,414
What was your slogan?
374
00:26:20,514 --> 00:26:24,052
"If you don't sleep at nights,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
375
00:26:24,152 --> 00:26:28,454
Do you get it? It's a play on words.
It means if you don't sleep at night...
376
00:26:28,554 --> 00:26:31,535
- But coffee keeps you awake.
- No, no, no, sir.
377
00:26:31,635 --> 00:26:34,897
- This scientist...
- It's a clever idea just the same.
378
00:26:34,997 --> 00:26:38,374
It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.
379
00:26:38,474 --> 00:26:41,737
That ought to be good
for the whole industry.
380
00:26:41,837 --> 00:26:44,618
Did you get any ideas for Baxter and Sons
381
00:26:44,718 --> 00:26:47,376
while you were inventing slogans
for competitors?
382
00:26:47,476 --> 00:26:51,254
- We make coffee too, you know.
- I certainly did, Mr Baxter.
383
00:26:51,354 --> 00:26:54,778
I've been trying to tell them
to the advertising department.
384
00:26:54,878 --> 00:26:57,856
I've been down there
about a thousand times.
385
00:26:57,956 --> 00:27:00,579
You see, we don't advertise enough.
386
00:27:00,679 --> 00:27:04,258
How would you like
to come and tell me a few of these ideas?
387
00:27:04,358 --> 00:27:06,299
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, Jimmy.
388
00:27:06,399 --> 00:27:08,616
You can come too, my dear.
389
00:27:08,716 --> 00:27:13,139
Then I'd put out a secondary brand
to catch the in-between trade.
390
00:27:13,239 --> 00:27:16,775
Say, uh... "Waterbury's. It's the berries."
391
00:27:16,875 --> 00:27:19,937
- What do you mean, Waterbury...
- Let him go on.
392
00:27:20,037 --> 00:27:23,497
Because if Baxter's is the best,
we've got to charge more for it.
393
00:27:23,597 --> 00:27:27,419
We've got to have a slogan. Word of mouth
is OK if you've got the right words.
394
00:27:27,519 --> 00:27:29,300
Make a note of that, Miss Pettypass.
395
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:33,378
I tried to find a slogan that implied
that Baxters was the finest of its class.
396
00:27:33,478 --> 00:27:37,501
Say... Not "The aristocrat of coffee".
That's been used too much.
397
00:27:37,601 --> 00:27:40,621
But, er... say, er...
398
00:27:40,721 --> 00:27:44,178
"The blue-blood coffee.
It's bred in the bean."
399
00:27:44,278 --> 00:27:48,302
See? As if every bean
in our coffee had a pedigree.
400
00:27:48,402 --> 00:27:51,379
"Baxter's Best. The blueblood coffee."
401
00:27:51,479 --> 00:27:56,221
- "It's bred in the bean."
- "It's bred in the bean."
402
00:27:56,321 --> 00:27:59,342
Wonderful. How about that one?
403
00:27:59,442 --> 00:28:02,303
The only trouble with it is
I didn't think of it myself.
404
00:28:02,403 --> 00:28:05,901
"It's bred in the bean."
I can see it all over the nation.
405
00:28:06,001 --> 00:28:08,660
In every nook and dell.
406
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,660
Jimmy, you're a genius.
407
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:15,864
Now that you're a capitalist, I don't know
how you feel about working for a living,
408
00:28:15,964 --> 00:28:17,940
but if you'd care to have an office...
409
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,701
- You mean to myself?
- With his name on the door?
410
00:28:20,801 --> 00:28:24,664
Naturally. And this young lady
as your secretary.
411
00:28:24,764 --> 00:28:28,459
And a reasonable stipend
to be determined upon later.
412
00:28:28,559 --> 00:28:31,664
I see no reason
why we shouldn't shake hands on it now.
413
00:28:31,764 --> 00:28:34,545
- Go ahead, Jimmy.
- Gee whizz, Mr Baxter.
414
00:28:34,645 --> 00:28:36,861
I should say I would, and how I would!
415
00:28:36,961 --> 00:28:40,905
I suppose you'd like to have the afternoon off
while we get your office ready?
416
00:28:41,005 --> 00:28:43,625
I'd certainly appreciate it, Mr Baxter.
417
00:28:43,725 --> 00:28:46,346
- Can she come along too?
- Why of course she can!
418
00:28:46,446 --> 00:28:51,461
And a little bird tells me what kind of store
you're going to be visiting first.
419
00:28:51,561 --> 00:28:55,666
A little jewellery store, I'll wager, eh?
420
00:28:55,766 --> 00:28:57,785
I guess you're not far wrong.
421
00:28:57,885 --> 00:29:01,342
But first I think I'll go to Maxford House
and pick up that cheque.
422
00:29:01,442 --> 00:29:04,307
Oh, yes. We'd almost forgotten about that,
hadn't we?
423
00:29:04,407 --> 00:29:06,223
Almost but not quite.
424
00:29:06,323 --> 00:29:08,905
What was your Maxford House
slogan again?
425
00:29:09,005 --> 00:29:11,026
"It isn't the bunk, it's the coffee."
426
00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:13,545
No, no! "It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
427
00:29:13,645 --> 00:29:16,022
Isn't that marvellous?
428
00:29:16,122 --> 00:29:19,423
"If you don't sleep at night it isn't the, uh..."
429
00:29:19,523 --> 00:29:22,707
Yes, but, "It's bred in the bean."
430
00:29:22,807 --> 00:29:25,306
- That's the one for my money.
- Functional.
431
00:29:25,406 --> 00:29:29,385
- Precisely.
- Well, Mr Baxter, I thank you.
432
00:29:29,485 --> 00:29:32,587
I don't know what to say.
433
00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:35,824
Thank you, Mr Jenkins.
It'll be a pleasure working with you.
434
00:29:35,924 --> 00:29:38,906
Thank you, Mr Waterbury,
and thank you, Mr Babcock,
435
00:29:39,006 --> 00:29:41,709
and thank you, Miss Pettypass and...
436
00:29:41,809 --> 00:29:43,349
And how.
437
00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:45,585
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
438
00:29:45,685 --> 00:29:48,148
- Bye.
- Goodbye.
439
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,346
- A big future.
- Immense.
440
00:29:54,446 --> 00:29:57,990
- I've had my eye on him for some time.
- Huh?
441
00:30:17,362 --> 00:30:19,507
- Look, kid...
- What?
442
00:30:19,607 --> 00:30:21,390
Can I talk to you? It's important.
443
00:30:21,490 --> 00:30:25,751
Can you tell me tomorrow? I've got to go
to the Maxford House and get my cheque.
444
00:30:25,851 --> 00:30:29,749
That's what I want to talk about.
Harry and Dick and I... Well...
445
00:30:29,849 --> 00:30:32,589
- Well, what?
- It's like this. You see, we...
446
00:30:32,689 --> 00:30:34,588
- Oh, MacDonald.
- Yes, sir?
447
00:30:34,688 --> 00:30:38,307
Was that "It's bred in the bean,"
or just plain "Bred in the bean"?
448
00:30:38,407 --> 00:30:42,432
"It's." Just "Bred in the bean" might
sound like bread, like bread and butter.
449
00:30:42,532 --> 00:30:45,792
- Naturally. I don't know why I didn't realise.
- Is that all, sir?
450
00:30:45,892 --> 00:30:49,833
Yes. Have a nice time and
don't spend all your money in one place.
451
00:30:49,933 --> 00:30:53,671
- Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
452
00:30:53,771 --> 00:30:55,964
Great mind.
453
00:30:56,484 --> 00:30:59,912
Did you wish to speak to me, Darcy?
454
00:31:00,012 --> 00:31:04,593
Who, me? Oh, no, sir.
I was just watching them go out.
455
00:31:04,693 --> 00:31:07,438
Well, it's been quite an exciting day,
hasn't it?
456
00:31:09,245 --> 00:31:12,237
Yeah, and it ain't even over yet.
457
00:31:15,285 --> 00:31:17,589
I said, "You can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over."
458
00:31:17,689 --> 00:31:20,911
- I should have fired all of them.
- I was mortified.
459
00:31:21,011 --> 00:31:24,790
The biggest moment in commercial annals
muffed by a gang of horse whistlers
460
00:31:24,890 --> 00:31:28,074
who wouldn't know a slogan
from a poke in the eye with a stick.
461
00:31:28,174 --> 00:31:31,631
- I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
- I wish they'd died of lockjaw.
462
00:31:31,731 --> 00:31:33,791
What good are these contests, anyway?
463
00:31:33,891 --> 00:31:37,953
They disrupt the entire organisation,
they make you millions of enemies,
464
00:31:38,053 --> 00:31:41,155
and all they prove
is that you're making too much money,
465
00:31:41,255 --> 00:31:43,711
since you can afford
to toss it to some saphead
466
00:31:43,811 --> 00:31:47,192
who probably never had
a cup of your coffee but lives on goats' milk.
467
00:31:47,292 --> 00:31:50,432
- Have they reached a verdict yet?
- I don't know or care.
468
00:31:50,532 --> 00:31:52,752
If they hold off until our next broadcast...
469
00:31:52,852 --> 00:31:56,754
No, no!
That would be the intelligent thing to do.
470
00:31:56,854 --> 00:32:00,036
That would be useful to the company
that clothes and feeds them
471
00:32:00,136 --> 00:32:04,280
and sends their children to college
so they can be dumbbells like their parents.
472
00:32:08,128 --> 00:32:11,195
- What do you want?
-
The contest winner is here.
473
00:32:11,295 --> 00:32:14,557
- The contest winner?
-
Yes, sir.
474
00:32:14,657 --> 00:32:18,316
How do you like that? First they bottle up
the biggest scoop of the year,
475
00:32:18,416 --> 00:32:20,877
then when they get good and ready they...
476
00:32:22,569 --> 00:32:24,953
All right, send him in.
477
00:32:25,053 --> 00:32:26,715
- You can go in now.
- Thanks.
478
00:32:26,815 --> 00:32:29,360
- I guess I'd better wait here.
- Come on in.
479
00:32:29,460 --> 00:32:32,516
No, maybe you had better wait here.
We're a little excited.
480
00:32:32,616 --> 00:32:35,676
- You would be. Congratulations.
- Thanks. I mean, for him.
481
00:32:35,776 --> 00:32:37,638
For both of us.
482
00:32:37,738 --> 00:32:39,130
Well...
483
00:32:39,450 --> 00:32:41,877
Of all the confounded...
484
00:32:41,977 --> 00:32:43,570
Come in!
485
00:32:46,371 --> 00:32:51,358
How do you do? I suppose I have the honour
of addressing Dr Maxford, I presume?
486
00:32:51,458 --> 00:32:53,798
Right. And this is Don Hartman,
my announcer.
487
00:32:53,898 --> 00:32:57,319
Well, Mr Hartman,
it certainly is a pleasure to meet you.
488
00:32:57,419 --> 00:32:59,636
I've enjoyed your personality on the air.
489
00:32:59,736 --> 00:33:01,877
- Congratulations to you.
- Thank you.
490
00:33:01,977 --> 00:33:04,399
Here's the telegram,
Mr Maxford... Dr Maxford.
491
00:33:04,499 --> 00:33:05,881
Yes, yes, yes.
492
00:33:05,981 --> 00:33:10,038
Oh, yes. "Great pleasure in informing you...
$25,000.
493
00:33:10,138 --> 00:33:12,319
"Kindly call and pick up your cheque."
494
00:33:12,419 --> 00:33:14,637
Bildocker has a great sense of the dramatic.
495
00:33:14,737 --> 00:33:17,398
You aren't by any chance a coffee drinker,
are you?
496
00:33:17,498 --> 00:33:20,239
- Yes, I certainly am.
- That's surprising.
497
00:33:20,339 --> 00:33:22,558
Do you, by any chance, drink my coffee?
498
00:33:22,658 --> 00:33:26,197
- No, sir, you see, I...
- Yes, that sounds more natural.
499
00:33:26,297 --> 00:33:29,162
- But I could easily change.
- That won't be necessary.
500
00:33:29,262 --> 00:33:33,442
I wouldn't want anybody to think
I had any base commercial motives.
501
00:33:33,542 --> 00:33:36,483
I just give money away
because I can't sleep at night.
502
00:33:36,583 --> 00:33:40,161
- I have a guilty conscience.
- That's my slogan. The one I won with.
503
00:33:40,261 --> 00:33:43,522
- I guess you know all about that.
- A guilty conscience, eh?
504
00:33:43,622 --> 00:33:47,121
I can see that my money is well spent.
That's a great slogan.
505
00:33:47,221 --> 00:33:51,120
No, sir. "If you can't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
506
00:33:51,220 --> 00:33:53,200
- I beg your pardon?
- It's a pun.
507
00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:56,600
- It certainly is. It's great.
- Thank you.
508
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:59,812
I can hardly wait to give you my money.
509
00:34:02,255 --> 00:34:03,724
Bring me that contest cheque.
510
00:34:03,824 --> 00:34:07,040
I don't know if you've ever had
anything like this happen to you,
511
00:34:07,140 --> 00:34:10,920
but to be poor and unknown one minute
and on top of the world the next,
512
00:34:11,020 --> 00:34:13,124
that's a feeling nobody can take from me.
513
00:34:13,224 --> 00:34:15,403
- Well, I...
- To know I won this contest
514
00:34:15,503 --> 00:34:20,004
because I thought up the best slogan
means more to me that anything on earth.
515
00:34:20,104 --> 00:34:21,762
- I'll tell you why.
- If you...
516
00:34:21,862 --> 00:34:25,523
I used to think maybe I had good ideas
and was gonna get somewhere,
517
00:34:25,623 --> 00:34:30,843
but now I know it, and that's what I want
to thank you for, more than the money.
518
00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:33,843
- Did you want the $25,000 one?
- That's right.
519
00:34:33,943 --> 00:34:38,482
- When they choose a winner?
- They didn't bother to inform me.
520
00:34:38,582 --> 00:34:41,446
James MacDonald. Is that Mac or Mc?
521
00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:43,283
It's Mac, sir.
522
00:34:43,383 --> 00:34:46,523
My, uh... My grandmother was Scottish.
523
00:34:46,623 --> 00:34:49,002
Mine was Lithuanian.
524
00:34:49,102 --> 00:34:51,046
Here you are, young man.
525
00:34:51,146 --> 00:34:54,885
It is customary under these circumstances
to have photographers present,
526
00:34:54,985 --> 00:34:58,602
a couple of reporters and even newsreels
and broadcasting machinery.
527
00:34:58,702 --> 00:35:03,164
But since we do everything here
on a very high, non-commercial plain,
528
00:35:03,264 --> 00:35:07,565
I merely take pleasure in giving you
this small cheque, Mr MacDonald.
529
00:35:07,665 --> 00:35:11,124
- That's all there is to it.
- Thank you, Dr Maxford.
530
00:35:11,224 --> 00:35:14,487
- I don't know how I can find words...
- Never mind about them.
531
00:35:14,587 --> 00:35:17,368
Just goodbye and good luck.
532
00:35:17,468 --> 00:35:19,059
Oh, boy.
533
00:35:19,660 --> 00:35:23,448
- Now get me Bildocker!
-
Yes, sir.
534
00:35:32,900 --> 00:35:34,500
Oh, gee!
535
00:35:37,981 --> 00:35:40,647
- She's a little bit excited.
- Yes.
536
00:35:40,747 --> 00:35:43,175
He's as cool as ice.
537
00:35:45,661 --> 00:35:47,886
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
538
00:35:47,986 --> 00:35:50,647
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
539
00:35:50,747 --> 00:35:52,341
Goodbye.
540
00:35:56,862 --> 00:35:59,928
- Yes?
-
Mr Bildocker isn't in his office.
541
00:36:00,028 --> 00:36:04,051
Well, why not? Where is he?
Down in the lobby playing marble games?
542
00:36:04,151 --> 00:36:07,250
Find him and tell him...
Never mind. I'll tell him myself.
543
00:36:07,350 --> 00:36:10,062
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk"!
544
00:36:12,543 --> 00:36:15,449
Oh, isn't it beautiful, Jimmy?
545
00:36:15,549 --> 00:36:19,290
- Holy smoke, I should say it is.
- This is a trifle on the large side.
546
00:36:19,390 --> 00:36:23,050
Now, here is a stone
of more practical dimensions.
547
00:36:23,150 --> 00:36:25,969
Fiery little devil, isn't it?
548
00:36:26,069 --> 00:36:28,651
Does the magnifying glass go with it?
549
00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:32,012
It's up to you.
I was only trying to be helpful, that's all.
550
00:36:32,112 --> 00:36:34,770
It's immaterial to me
how big a ring you... look at.
551
00:36:34,870 --> 00:36:37,458
Now how about... Just a minute.
552
00:36:38,584 --> 00:36:40,575
Fresh guy.
553
00:36:41,784 --> 00:36:44,249
What do you think of this, for instance?
554
00:36:44,349 --> 00:36:47,011
- How much is it?
- $12,000.
555
00:36:47,111 --> 00:36:50,250
- I wouldn't care to spend that much.
- You wouldn't?
556
00:36:50,350 --> 00:36:53,054
- No. But I could if I felt like it.
- You could?
557
00:36:53,154 --> 00:36:57,530
Oh. Well, that puts everything
on an entirely different basis.
558
00:36:57,630 --> 00:37:00,132
- Let me see.
- I'm in love with this one.
559
00:37:00,232 --> 00:37:02,610
Oh. Do you think it's showy enough?
560
00:37:02,710 --> 00:37:05,335
- I wouldn't want it to be showy.
- Oh, yes.
561
00:37:05,435 --> 00:37:07,933
There's no denying
it's a friendly little piece.
562
00:37:08,033 --> 00:37:12,853
- Well, then, I guess we'll take it.
- Yes, sir.
563
00:37:12,953 --> 00:37:14,335
Oh, Jimmy!
564
00:37:14,435 --> 00:37:17,375
- I haven't got any cash with me but...
- Ah.
565
00:37:17,475 --> 00:37:20,495
- But I've got a cheque here.
- Uh-huh. May I see it, please?
566
00:37:20,595 --> 00:37:21,595
Sure.
567
00:37:26,427 --> 00:37:29,892
Well, well. Mr Schmidt!
Step this way immediately, please.
568
00:37:29,992 --> 00:37:32,451
- Well, well.
- I won the Maxford House contest.
569
00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:35,773
- Isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I should say it is.
570
00:37:35,873 --> 00:37:39,492
A thousand congratulations.
Uh... 25,000 congratulations.
571
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:41,775
For heaven's sakes. Mr Schmidt!
572
00:37:41,875 --> 00:37:44,896
Yes, yes, Mr Hillbeiner,
I'll be there presently.
573
00:37:44,996 --> 00:37:48,096
- Kindly cut a groove, will you?
- Sir.
574
00:37:48,196 --> 00:37:51,021
Hillbeiner has been drinking again.
575
00:37:52,829 --> 00:37:53,829
Yes?
576
00:37:55,629 --> 00:37:59,855
Shindel Brothers wants to know
if that $25,000 cheque of yours is good.
577
00:37:59,955 --> 00:38:04,255
Good? Tell them I'll match mine against
theirs any day and give them six to four.
578
00:38:04,355 --> 00:38:07,777
-
Yes, sir.
- Is it good?
579
00:38:07,877 --> 00:38:10,057
The Davenola. Now watch closely.
580
00:38:10,157 --> 00:38:14,339
I merely remove two cushions, place
my finger on the button marked "Night",
581
00:38:14,439 --> 00:38:16,697
and with one easy push of the finger,
582
00:38:16,797 --> 00:38:18,695
we have a double bed,
583
00:38:18,795 --> 00:38:22,979
a radio, an ashtray for those who smoke
in bed, a reading lamp for the reader,
584
00:38:23,079 --> 00:38:25,577
a telephone and many other accessories.
585
00:38:25,677 --> 00:38:29,380
Pausing merely to slip a pillow slip
over the day cushion...
586
00:38:31,351 --> 00:38:32,980
we complete the metamorphosis.
587
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,860
Everything under fingertip control
throughout.
588
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:39,580
There is no limit to man's ingenuity.
589
00:38:40,631 --> 00:38:43,510
- Isn't that wonderful?
- Comes the morrow.
590
00:38:45,992 --> 00:38:48,347
A flick of the wrist...
591
00:38:50,512 --> 00:38:52,503
a thorough airing...
592
00:39:00,033 --> 00:39:02,547
a gentle pressure
on the button marked "Day"...
593
00:39:03,793 --> 00:39:05,858
et voila, as the French would say,
594
00:39:05,958 --> 00:39:09,178
ready for breakfast, a rousing book
or a gentle game of bridge.
595
00:39:09,278 --> 00:39:11,902
The price, 198.50 plus tax.
596
00:39:12,002 --> 00:39:14,587
We'll take it.
597
00:39:16,393 --> 00:39:18,539
- What a bargain you're getting.
- Pardon?
598
00:39:18,639 --> 00:39:22,461
I'm Mr Shindel, Mr MacDonald.
Congratulations. Here's your cheque.
599
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:25,503
- And what a cheque.
- Thanks. How soon can you send it?
600
00:39:25,603 --> 00:39:28,058
It's there. Make that a special, Hillbeiner.
601
00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:31,342
- Would your mother like one?
- No. We haven't got room.
602
00:39:31,442 --> 00:39:33,861
We got to get everybody something.
603
00:39:33,961 --> 00:39:36,100
Mama's been wanting a new iron.
604
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,983
- She's got it.
- Have you got irons?
605
00:39:38,083 --> 00:39:41,024
Have we got irons? Huh!
They do everything but sing.
606
00:39:41,124 --> 00:39:43,861
We gotta get something for Mrs Schwartz,
607
00:39:43,961 --> 00:39:46,222
Sophie, Mrs Zimmerman, the Casey kids...
608
00:39:46,322 --> 00:39:48,540
Aren't you afraid of spending too much?
609
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,540
- The Finnegans.
- Patrolman Murphy.
610
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,504
- Tony Mozepo.
- And Mr Rosenblatt.
611
00:39:52,604 --> 00:39:56,140
We better just work up
one side of the street and down the other.
612
00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,236
Oh, Jimmy!
613
00:40:08,597 --> 00:40:11,865
I don't like to take all this
without paying for it, Mr Shindel.
614
00:40:11,965 --> 00:40:15,102
Nonsense. We know an honest man
when we see one, don't we, boys?
615
00:40:15,202 --> 00:40:16,184
Indeed!
616
00:40:16,284 --> 00:40:19,026
Why don't you take this cheque
and give me the change?
617
00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:21,262
We should have change for such a cheque?
618
00:40:21,362 --> 00:40:23,305
Excuse me.
619
00:40:23,405 --> 00:40:25,665
- What a bargain.
- Thank you.
620
00:40:25,765 --> 00:40:28,664
I'll bring you a cheque
as soon as I put this in the bank.
621
00:40:28,764 --> 00:40:32,265
Who's in a hurry? Drop in any time.
Drop in tomorrow.
622
00:40:32,365 --> 00:40:34,945
- Here are the flowers.
- Thank you.
623
00:40:35,045 --> 00:40:38,146
A little souvenir.
Don't forget to call again, Mr MacDonald.
624
00:40:38,246 --> 00:40:40,542
- No, sir, I won't.
- Goodbye.
625
00:40:40,642 --> 00:40:42,595
Goodbye, Mr Shindel.
626
00:40:47,959 --> 00:40:52,068
- Goodbye, Mr Schmidt!
- Goodbye, Mr MacDonald.
627
00:40:52,168 --> 00:40:54,384
- Goodbye Mr Hillbeimer.
- Hillbeiner.
628
00:40:54,484 --> 00:40:57,827
- Goodbye Mr Heilbimmer.
- That's close enough. It's all right.
629
00:40:57,927 --> 00:41:01,986
- Come and see us again.
- Thank you. Goodbye.
630
00:41:02,086 --> 00:41:04,305
Have you got all your bundles now?
631
00:41:04,405 --> 00:41:06,000
Goodbye.
632
00:41:17,601 --> 00:41:20,069
- What a boy.
- What a business.
633
00:41:21,521 --> 00:41:24,949
- Oh, I'm so happy.
- I feel kind of good myself.
634
00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:27,830
Can you see the faces on everybody
when we get there?
635
00:41:27,930 --> 00:41:30,993
Yeah. Like Christmas in July.
636
00:41:34,282 --> 00:41:37,080
Well, happy New Year.
637
00:41:38,282 --> 00:41:40,991
It will be a happy new year from now on.
638
00:41:41,091 --> 00:41:44,307
Everything new and clean and different.
639
00:41:44,407 --> 00:41:48,708
- Just think, Jimmy. No more worry.
- That's right.
640
00:41:48,808 --> 00:41:51,789
That's the only terrible thing
about being poor.
641
00:41:51,889 --> 00:41:54,709
- What kind of a house will we have?
- Any kind you like.
642
00:41:54,809 --> 00:41:57,549
- How about a penthouse?
- They come high, don't they?
643
00:41:57,649 --> 00:42:00,555
No, I don't think... Oh, you fool!
644
00:42:04,043 --> 00:42:08,509
- Will you love me for always?
- Of course I will.
645
00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:12,032
- For always and always?
- I don't know why not.
646
00:42:12,132 --> 00:42:14,391
It might be a long time.
647
00:42:14,491 --> 00:42:16,793
The longer the sweeter, baby.
648
00:42:18,044 --> 00:42:21,668
And then he says, "Mum, you're all wet.
You can buy anything you want.
649
00:42:21,768 --> 00:42:25,911
"An automobile, new dresses, furniture,
the Davenport, anything."
650
00:42:26,011 --> 00:42:29,549
My Irving, he drinks too.
Once in a while, a little bit.
651
00:42:29,649 --> 00:42:32,029
- Not so little.
- Yes, I know.
652
00:42:32,129 --> 00:42:35,952
But Jimmy doesn't. He wouldn't take a drink
unless something happened.
653
00:42:36,052 --> 00:42:38,595
- Maybe he lost his job.
- He said he got a raise.
654
00:42:38,695 --> 00:42:42,470
Who's giving raises these days?
655
00:42:42,570 --> 00:42:44,363
I can't think what has happened.
656
00:42:46,846 --> 00:42:48,352
They're bringing him home.
657
00:42:48,452 --> 00:42:50,750
- Who asked you something?
- No...
658
00:42:50,850 --> 00:42:53,512
Don't you worry. Maybe just a little accident.
659
00:42:53,612 --> 00:42:56,794
Maybe just a leg or a finger.
660
00:42:56,894 --> 00:42:59,720
Come here quick! Hurry up!
661
00:43:02,567 --> 00:43:05,240
- What is it?
- A funeral.
662
00:43:07,607 --> 00:43:10,433
Hey, Mum, come on down.
You too, Mrs Schwartz.
663
00:43:10,533 --> 00:43:13,635
- You too, Mama!
- We got presents for everybody!
664
00:43:13,735 --> 00:43:15,515
- He's drunk.
- Jimmy!
665
00:43:15,615 --> 00:43:18,072
I'm all right, Mum. Come on down.
666
00:43:18,172 --> 00:43:19,172
Look!
667
00:43:19,648 --> 00:43:23,766
- Was somebody hurt?
- Jimmy came home in a taxicab.
668
00:43:27,608 --> 00:43:31,275
I got a big surprise here.
I wanna start with Sophie.
669
00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:33,325
Careful, now.
670
00:43:35,929 --> 00:43:38,356
- I've got a present for you, Sophie.
- For me?
671
00:43:38,456 --> 00:43:39,928
Yes. Open it up.
672
00:43:52,930 --> 00:43:53,930
Oh!
673
00:44:04,570 --> 00:44:09,281
In a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy,
there's something for everybody, I think.
674
00:44:10,251 --> 00:44:11,251
Mom!
675
00:44:12,731 --> 00:44:15,680
What's happened? Are you hurt?
What's going on here?
676
00:44:15,780 --> 00:44:18,640
I wasn't lying to you.
The Davenport is on the way.
677
00:44:18,740 --> 00:44:22,087
- Wait till you see it, Mum.
- Then you did get a raise.
678
00:44:24,612 --> 00:44:26,364
Oh, glory!
679
00:44:29,812 --> 00:44:32,196
Mom! Here's one for you.
680
00:44:32,296 --> 00:44:33,681
Oh, Mom!
681
00:44:33,781 --> 00:44:37,316
Why don't you get wise to yourself?
Who do you think you are anyway?
682
00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:40,238
If it's good enough for us,
who are you to say...
683
00:44:40,338 --> 00:44:43,159
- It stinks. It stinks.
- He stinks.
684
00:44:43,259 --> 00:44:46,681
One more crack out of you
and I'll bust you right in the nose.
685
00:44:46,781 --> 00:44:49,881
- Let's see you do it.
- I will, you snake-eyed...
686
00:44:49,981 --> 00:44:53,560
- Sit down before you burst a blood vessel.
- Sit down, Bildocker.
687
00:44:53,660 --> 00:44:56,878
Let's talk this over in a nice friendly way.
688
00:44:56,978 --> 00:45:02,562
We think, "Maxford's. Magnificent and
mellow. Just what the doctor ordered."
689
00:45:02,662 --> 00:45:05,842
- It's brief, it's smooth, it's pungent.
- It's putrid.
690
00:45:05,942 --> 00:45:09,840
- Why is it putrid, Bildocker?
- Because it stinks.
691
00:45:09,940 --> 00:45:12,723
Why isn't he back? Where is he?
In the barber shop?
692
00:45:12,823 --> 00:45:16,322
Never mind him.
Tell him to go soak his head in a barrel.
693
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:18,400
- Is Mr Einbrewster there?
-
No, sir.
694
00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:22,322
Why? Where is everybody? Playing pool?
695
00:45:22,422 --> 00:45:24,762
- Is Mr Grobel there?
-
No, sir.
696
00:45:24,862 --> 00:45:27,601
Is he having an operation?
What kind of a firm is this?
697
00:45:27,701 --> 00:45:30,601
-
He's in the contest room.
- What do you mean?
698
00:45:30,701 --> 00:45:32,963
- The contest is over.
-
He's down there.
699
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:36,643
What are they doing? Playing poker?
Never mind. I'll find out myself.
700
00:45:36,743 --> 00:45:38,205
Horse feathers!
701
00:45:38,305 --> 00:45:40,803
- Don't be vulgar, Bildocker!
- Or what?
702
00:45:40,903 --> 00:45:42,844
Who are you?
703
00:45:42,944 --> 00:45:46,002
Well, what are you arguing about now?
704
00:45:46,102 --> 00:45:51,526
Now, would you get back to your offices
and try and sell some coffee for a change?
705
00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:55,726
Or am I being too commercial?
And while I'm on that subject,
706
00:45:55,826 --> 00:46:01,443
I wanna tell you that of all the congregations
of fatheads that I've ever gazed upon,
707
00:46:01,543 --> 00:46:03,485
you take the lardpail!
708
00:46:03,585 --> 00:46:07,325
So kiss each other goodbye.
All except you, Bildocker.
709
00:46:07,425 --> 00:46:09,563
- What about the contest?
- What about it?
710
00:46:09,663 --> 00:46:12,085
Now you've killed it,
you want a postmortem?
711
00:46:12,185 --> 00:46:14,365
- Shouldn't we choose a winner?
- You did.
712
00:46:14,465 --> 00:46:18,242
- We certainly did not.
- You certainly did. What do you mean?
713
00:46:18,342 --> 00:46:22,803
- We haven't reached a verdict.
- You certainly have reached a verdict.
714
00:46:22,903 --> 00:46:26,965
Are you trying to tell me
that you haven't reached a verdict yet?
715
00:46:27,065 --> 00:46:31,125
- We have not.
- Then why did you send him a telegram?
716
00:46:31,225 --> 00:46:33,486
- Send who a telegram?
- McTavish!
717
00:46:33,586 --> 00:46:38,646
- We didn't send... Who's McTavish?
- You certainly did send a telegram!
718
00:46:38,746 --> 00:46:41,124
We certainly did not send a telegram.
719
00:46:41,224 --> 00:46:45,765
You didn't? Well, then who... who...?
Who...?
720
00:46:45,865 --> 00:46:47,816
Jumping Jerusalem!
721
00:46:56,500 --> 00:46:58,449
- Get my lawyer!
- Which one?
722
00:46:58,549 --> 00:47:00,845
Schubel, Snivel, Abercrombie and Snitch!
723
00:47:00,945 --> 00:47:03,049
Quiet! Get me Shindel Bros!
724
00:47:03,149 --> 00:47:07,047
We have to keep cool and collected!
Collected! Holy moley!
725
00:47:07,147 --> 00:47:09,525
- Bank the call
- Bank the call?
726
00:47:09,625 --> 00:47:13,409
Call the bank! What's the matter with you?
Holy mackerel!
727
00:47:15,102 --> 00:47:17,007
What? Give me a hat.
728
00:47:17,107 --> 00:47:21,567
- Get me Minsk, Minsk, Binsk and Binsk.
- What kind of a hat, Mr Shindel?
729
00:47:21,667 --> 00:47:23,618
- A hat!
- Yes, sir.
730
00:47:26,302 --> 00:47:27,302
Stop!
731
00:47:30,582 --> 00:47:31,582
Stop!
732
00:47:32,023 --> 00:47:34,617
No, go! We'll go with you!
733
00:47:42,823 --> 00:47:46,208
Jimmy! We're running low.
Get another load.
734
00:47:46,308 --> 00:47:48,659
Mary? Where's Mary? All right, Mary.
735
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:53,051
Marsha? Marsha, there you are.
736
00:47:53,151 --> 00:47:55,738
Nobody's been forgotten. Be careful.
737
00:48:16,585 --> 00:48:19,890
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- What?
738
00:48:19,990 --> 00:48:24,821
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- I don't need one, I've got you.
739
00:48:32,106 --> 00:48:34,461
- It's a big fish.
- No...
740
00:48:37,626 --> 00:48:39,931
There he is! Come on, grab him!
741
00:48:40,031 --> 00:48:41,975
Look, Jimmy!
742
00:48:42,075 --> 00:48:45,016
- Here's your Davenport, mom.
- Wait till you see it!
743
00:48:45,116 --> 00:48:47,462
Come on, get him! Take him away!
744
00:48:49,747 --> 00:48:51,703
Hey, you! What...?
745
00:48:53,067 --> 00:48:55,494
What's the idea, busting up my plane?
746
00:48:55,594 --> 00:48:58,733
- It's my plane.
- Jimmy MacDonald gave it to me!
747
00:48:58,833 --> 00:49:02,293
- Yeah? When I get through with him...
- What's going on?
748
00:49:02,393 --> 00:49:06,773
- Officer, arrest all these people.
- Who do you think you are? Hitler?
749
00:49:06,873 --> 00:49:09,055
Listen, you...
750
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:13,017
- You listen to me, baby...
- Well, can't you do something?
751
00:49:13,117 --> 00:49:15,065
Say, er, hey...
752
00:49:15,949 --> 00:49:18,977
- No! No!
- This belongs to Shindel Brothers.
753
00:49:19,077 --> 00:49:21,895
Come and help me!
754
00:49:21,995 --> 00:49:23,894
- No! No!
- Be sensible, girl.
755
00:49:23,994 --> 00:49:26,336
- What are you doing?
- This is stolen.
756
00:49:26,436 --> 00:49:28,226
Oh, it is, is it?
757
00:49:36,230 --> 00:49:39,540
He who laughs last lasts laughs!
758
00:49:50,991 --> 00:49:55,030
Everything is stolen,
down to the last pogo stick - everything.
759
00:49:58,311 --> 00:50:00,898
Ah, you see? "Shindel Brothers. Toy Land."
760
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:04,099
He comes into my store
with a phoney cheque and...
761
00:50:04,199 --> 00:50:07,061
Who came into your store
with a phoney cheque?
762
00:50:07,161 --> 00:50:09,739
He ain't even got the decency to run away!
Lowlife.
763
00:50:09,839 --> 00:50:12,382
- Listen you...
- Officer, arrest him.
764
00:50:12,482 --> 00:50:14,819
- You starting that again?
- What?
765
00:50:14,919 --> 00:50:18,781
I've known that kid
since he was knee-high to a cockroach.
766
00:50:18,881 --> 00:50:22,700
- What's he supposed to have done?
- Supposed to have done?
767
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,459
He's supposed to have given
me a sour cheque,
768
00:50:25,559 --> 00:50:28,698
then he's supposed to have bought
a diamond ring -
769
00:50:28,798 --> 00:50:32,061
which I suppose I don't see there -
and a nice fur coat.
770
00:50:32,161 --> 00:50:36,182
Then he takes half the toys,
waves the rubber cheque, and leaves.
771
00:50:36,282 --> 00:50:38,301
Who says it's a rubber cheque?
772
00:50:38,401 --> 00:50:40,459
Dr Maxford of Maxford House.
773
00:50:40,559 --> 00:50:43,220
Dr Maxford gave me the cheque himself.
774
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,581
- Mr Swindle...
- Shindel.
775
00:50:45,681 --> 00:50:49,943
I know this boy since his poppa and momma
wasn't even married yet.
776
00:50:50,043 --> 00:50:52,541
The whole family is a little bit crazy.
777
00:50:52,641 --> 00:50:56,861
- $25,000 - can you imagine?
- A dreamer.
778
00:50:56,961 --> 00:50:59,621
- Mrs Schwartz, Mr Zimmerman...
- Let me handle this.
779
00:50:59,721 --> 00:51:01,184
He gave me a cheque.
780
00:51:01,284 --> 00:51:03,383
- If he says he did...
- ...then he did.
781
00:51:03,483 --> 00:51:05,662
Just go home and think it all over.
782
00:51:05,762 --> 00:51:09,183
I'll break you in so many pieces...
You're all witnesses!
783
00:51:09,283 --> 00:51:13,029
- Trying to imitate an officer?
- Who's imitating anybody?
784
00:51:21,876 --> 00:51:24,426
Officer! Officer, arrest this man!
785
00:51:24,526 --> 00:51:28,465
- That's been tried.
- There's been some sort of mix-up here...
786
00:51:28,565 --> 00:51:31,346
You have the effrontery
even to speak to me?
787
00:51:31,446 --> 00:51:35,264
What? I just want you to tell them
that you gave me a cheque.
788
00:51:35,364 --> 00:51:38,103
- What cheque?
- The one in your office.
789
00:51:38,203 --> 00:51:40,506
- Let me see it.
- Certainly.
790
00:51:42,877 --> 00:51:46,262
Oh, that cheque. Boy, do I feel better!
791
00:51:46,362 --> 00:51:49,706
- Hey, you're destroying the evidence.
- Who are you?
792
00:51:49,806 --> 00:51:52,826
- Shindel!
- Officer, arrest these people!
793
00:51:52,926 --> 00:51:56,303
- Listen, Mussolini...
- If there's something wrong
794
00:51:56,403 --> 00:51:58,585
what did you give me the cheque for?
795
00:51:58,685 --> 00:52:02,505
You know perfectly well,
in my life I never heard of you!
796
00:52:02,605 --> 00:52:05,984
- You didn't give me a cheque?
- That was by mistake.
797
00:52:06,084 --> 00:52:09,028
I was suspicious of you as soon as I saw
you.
798
00:52:09,128 --> 00:52:11,067
You mean I didn't win?
799
00:52:11,167 --> 00:52:13,666
You know perfectly well you didn't win!
800
00:52:13,766 --> 00:52:17,064
- But...
- He's entirely responsible, I see it all.
801
00:52:17,164 --> 00:52:19,463
I know how big firms work, God forbid.
802
00:52:19,563 --> 00:52:23,227
This is an honest boy.
I knew it the minute I looked at him.
803
00:52:23,327 --> 00:52:28,589
You gave him that cheque, you numbskull.
I should take back the merchandise I sold.
804
00:52:28,689 --> 00:52:33,747
Carry that Davenport upstairs for the lady.
A present from Dr Maxford.
805
00:52:33,847 --> 00:52:38,828
And buy the children more ice cream -
they'll enjoy my toys much better.
806
00:52:38,928 --> 00:52:42,960
- Dr Maxford is paying.
- I'll see you in Hoboken before I pay!
807
00:52:43,681 --> 00:52:48,269
And I'll see you in court,
and you'll pay for everything. With costs!
808
00:52:48,369 --> 00:52:51,310
- In a pig's nose!
- Pigs or no pigs.
809
00:52:51,410 --> 00:52:54,473
And another thing...
810
00:52:55,802 --> 00:52:57,793
Oh, you will, will you?
811
00:52:58,842 --> 00:53:01,117
Don't take the good ones.
812
00:53:04,242 --> 00:53:08,554
It doesn't matter, honey.
You can't lose anything you never had.
813
00:53:11,802 --> 00:53:15,682
I don't want his old ring or... or his old skunk.
814
00:53:16,683 --> 00:53:19,675
What I can't figure is
who sent that telegram.
815
00:53:26,003 --> 00:53:27,988
Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Betty.
816
00:53:28,088 --> 00:53:30,040
- Hello.
- Hello.
817
00:53:32,644 --> 00:53:37,109
- What's that?
- Is this the Davenport your ma wanted?
818
00:53:37,209 --> 00:53:41,190
The crank fits on here
and when you turn it it...
819
00:53:41,290 --> 00:53:45,553
Makes into a full-size double bed at night.
Guy said it works swell.
820
00:53:45,653 --> 00:53:47,593
What did you go get that for?
821
00:53:47,693 --> 00:53:53,117
Well, we kinda hoped that
it might make up for the... phoney telegram.
822
00:53:54,325 --> 00:53:57,630
- It was a joke.
- It wasn't very funny.
823
00:53:57,730 --> 00:54:00,325
Oh. I get it.
824
00:54:02,765 --> 00:54:04,882
Oh, Jimmy...
825
00:54:24,327 --> 00:54:27,632
- Hi, Mr Jimmy!
- Hello, Sam. The boss gone yet?
826
00:54:27,732 --> 00:54:30,872
No, he's still in there conniving on
something.
827
00:54:30,972 --> 00:54:35,512
- Tell him in the morning.
- I was glad to hear about your good luck.
828
00:54:35,612 --> 00:54:38,796
- Do you need a valet?
- No thanks, Sam.
829
00:54:38,896 --> 00:54:43,236
Well, sir, I guess you is right -
pride rides before a fall.
830
00:54:43,336 --> 00:54:47,056
But not everybody hits the jackpot
while they is young and all.
831
00:54:47,267 --> 00:54:49,209
You said it.
832
00:54:49,526 --> 00:54:52,650
- Look.
- Hello, pussy.
833
00:54:53,727 --> 00:54:56,197
Is it good luck
when a black cat crosses your path?
834
00:54:56,297 --> 00:54:59,201
That all depends on what happens
afterwards.
835
00:54:59,828 --> 00:55:01,237
You said it.
836
00:55:01,337 --> 00:55:03,763
Sure don't happen to everybody, sir!
837
00:55:09,289 --> 00:55:11,883
- Yes, sir.
- Look.
838
00:55:12,690 --> 00:55:14,601
Good evening.
839
00:55:23,090 --> 00:55:25,357
- Pretty snazzy, eh?
- Yeah.
840
00:55:25,457 --> 00:55:26,796
Lovely.
841
00:55:26,896 --> 00:55:28,636
Thank you.
842
00:55:28,736 --> 00:55:30,722
- Be careful.
- We will.
843
00:56:04,973 --> 00:56:08,329
It was gonna be nice, wasn't it?
844
00:56:10,293 --> 00:56:14,525
Stop it, honey.
Come on, now, cut it out. Come on.
845
00:56:23,734 --> 00:56:25,334
Come in.
846
00:56:26,414 --> 00:56:29,682
- I hope I'm not intruding?
- No, sir, I was just coming to see you.
847
00:56:29,782 --> 00:56:31,839
We stopped to look at the office...
848
00:56:31,939 --> 00:56:34,281
- So I see. I hope you like it.
- It's beautiful.
849
00:56:34,381 --> 00:56:38,644
It isn't every young man who gets his own
office and a private secretary at your age.
850
00:56:38,744 --> 00:56:42,279
With many of them
I'd be afraid it would go to their heads
851
00:56:42,379 --> 00:56:45,840
- but you have your feet on the ground.
- Thank you, sir.
852
00:56:45,940 --> 00:56:51,204
I mean it sincerely. Mr Jenkins and I
discussed our little meeting after you left
853
00:56:51,304 --> 00:56:55,761
and I want you to know that we were
genuinely impressed - genuinely so.
854
00:56:55,861 --> 00:56:59,842
- That's nice to hear...
- The more we thought about your ideas
855
00:56:59,942 --> 00:57:04,960
the more aware we became of their
pungency, their brevity, their crispness.
856
00:57:05,060 --> 00:57:09,282
- Thank you, sir, it's...
- You have a genuine talent for slogans.
857
00:57:09,382 --> 00:57:11,841
It must be like having an ear for music.
858
00:57:11,941 --> 00:57:16,206
Take me, I sing flat. You, on the other hand,
are a born sloganeer.
859
00:57:16,306 --> 00:57:19,645
"It's bred in the bean." Hot ziggety!
860
00:57:19,745 --> 00:57:25,682
Well, it's certainly wonderful to hear, Mr
Baxter. You've made me feel a lot better.
861
00:57:25,782 --> 00:57:28,923
They're still the same ideas, aren't they?
862
00:57:29,023 --> 00:57:33,606
If they were good this afternoon
they're still good. They're the same.
863
00:57:33,706 --> 00:57:35,806
- Of course they are.
- Of course they are.
864
00:57:35,906 --> 00:57:41,646
- I'm not quite sure I have your thought.
- You still think they're good, don't you?
865
00:57:41,746 --> 00:57:44,122
Well, of course I do. Why?
866
00:57:44,222 --> 00:57:49,083
Since they were good and they're still good
they have to be good.
867
00:57:49,183 --> 00:57:54,725
And then it wouldn't make any difference
if I hadn't won the Maxford House contest.
868
00:57:54,825 --> 00:57:56,927
- Would it?
- Of course it would.
869
00:57:57,027 --> 00:57:59,526
- Oh, it would.
- Certainly it would.
870
00:57:59,626 --> 00:58:01,684
- Why?
- I'm no genius,
871
00:58:01,784 --> 00:58:05,564
I didn't keep my father's money
by backing my own judgment.
872
00:58:05,664 --> 00:58:10,807
I make mistakes every day -
I've got a whole warehouse full of mistakes.
873
00:58:10,907 --> 00:58:13,726
I should say it would make a difference.
874
00:58:13,826 --> 00:58:18,089
You see, I think your ideas are good
because they sound good to me
875
00:58:18,189 --> 00:58:23,886
but I know your ideas are good because you
won this contest over millions of aspirants.
876
00:58:23,986 --> 00:58:27,286
- But Mr Baxter...
- Call it commercial insurance.
877
00:58:27,386 --> 00:58:30,766
When a horse wins the derby
you back him for the breaker.
878
00:58:30,866 --> 00:58:32,969
- I didn't win it.
- The breaker?
879
00:58:33,069 --> 00:58:35,211
The contest. It was a joke.
880
00:58:36,021 --> 00:58:38,811
- A joke?
- That's what they meant it to be.
881
00:58:38,911 --> 00:58:41,010
- Who did?
- Some of the fellas.
882
00:58:41,110 --> 00:58:44,407
They wanted to see how I'd look
when I got the news.
883
00:58:44,507 --> 00:58:48,568
Tell me their names and we'll see
how they look when I give them some news!
884
00:58:48,668 --> 00:58:52,206
I wouldn't care to do that, I...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
885
00:58:52,306 --> 00:58:54,208
It doesn't matter?
886
00:58:54,308 --> 00:58:58,492
After I spent a whole afternoon
listening to a lot of... baloney?
887
00:58:58,592 --> 00:59:03,527
Entirely predicated on the winning of
this contest? And giving you this office?
888
00:59:03,627 --> 00:59:07,572
- But what about my slogan?
- I don't know, what about it?
889
00:59:07,672 --> 00:59:11,288
We'll find that out!
There'll be plenty of time for that.
890
00:59:11,388 --> 00:59:17,052
But I won't made a fool of. I can't go around
giving out private offices and secretaries
891
00:59:17,152 --> 00:59:21,689
on the strength of a prank
that personally I consider far from funny!
892
00:59:21,789 --> 00:59:23,929
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
893
00:59:24,029 --> 00:59:28,810
It's gonna be hard to face that gang
tomorrow if I'm back at that desk.
894
00:59:28,910 --> 00:59:34,371
It would be just as hard to face them
from in here if you didn't belong here.
895
00:59:34,471 --> 00:59:38,052
- He does belong in here.
- What is the joke this time?
896
00:59:38,152 --> 00:59:41,131
He belongs in here
because he thinks he does.
897
00:59:41,231 --> 00:59:44,690
That's very high-falutin'
but from a practical...
898
00:59:44,790 --> 00:59:49,134
It is practical, Mr Baxter.
The most practical idea you ever had.
899
00:59:49,234 --> 00:59:52,531
He belongs in here
because he thinks he has ideas.
900
00:59:52,631 --> 00:59:56,011
He belongs in here
until he proves himself or fails
901
00:59:56,111 --> 00:59:59,810
and then somebody else
until he proves himself or fails
902
00:59:59,910 --> 01:00:02,056
and so on and so on for always.
903
01:00:02,947 --> 01:00:06,896
I don't know how to put it into words
like Jimmy could but...
904
01:00:06,996 --> 01:00:11,532
all he wants, all any of them want,
is a... is a chance to show...
905
01:00:11,632 --> 01:00:15,092
To find out what they've got
while they're still young
906
01:00:15,192 --> 01:00:19,100
and... and burning like
a short cut or a stepping stone.
907
01:00:20,908 --> 01:00:25,054
I know they're not gonna succeed,
at least most of them aren't.
908
01:00:25,154 --> 01:00:28,416
Most of them will be
like Mr Waterbury soon enough.
909
01:00:28,516 --> 01:00:33,255
But they won't mind it, they'll be happy
because they had their chance.
910
01:00:33,355 --> 01:00:37,335
Because it's one thing
to muff a chance when you get it but...
911
01:00:37,435 --> 01:00:40,501
it's another thing
never to have had a chance.
912
01:00:42,429 --> 01:00:44,738
And his name's already on the door.
913
01:00:46,469 --> 01:00:50,296
Well, if anything decided me
that would be it.
914
01:00:50,396 --> 01:00:53,216
- Oh, Mr Baxter...
- You've talked enough.
915
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:58,057
The desks have already been moved
and the name is painted on, as you said.
916
01:00:58,157 --> 01:01:02,738
So we'll try it for a very short time,
at no advance in salary, you understand.
917
01:01:02,838 --> 01:01:04,938
- Yes, sir.
- And for a very short time.
918
01:01:05,038 --> 01:01:09,059
- Yes, sir.
- This is a business, not a cultural project.
919
01:01:09,159 --> 01:01:13,260
- You'll never be sorry.
- I'm sorry already, so let it go at that.
920
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:16,343
Good night and try to be on time
in the morning.
921
01:01:17,631 --> 01:01:19,861
Oh... pshaw!
922
01:01:22,351 --> 01:01:25,779
- Isn't it wonderful?
- You were wonderful.
923
01:01:25,879 --> 01:01:29,619
- But I'm a bit leery about me.
- Don't talk like a fathead.
924
01:01:29,719 --> 01:01:34,257
This is the chance of a lifetime
and you know you've got what it takes.
925
01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:38,461
I didn't until I got that telegram
and now I don't know any more.
926
01:01:38,561 --> 01:01:41,458
I'm like Mr Baxter, that's why I didn't speak.
927
01:01:41,558 --> 01:01:44,981
Well, it brought us together
and that's something.
928
01:01:45,081 --> 01:01:49,351
I got the ring to prove it,
and you can't back out now or I'd sue you.
929
01:01:52,193 --> 01:01:54,343
Oh, you poor kid.
930
01:01:56,673 --> 01:01:59,710
You'll see we have plenty to be thankful for.
931
01:02:03,394 --> 01:02:04,394
Sure.
932
01:02:12,634 --> 01:02:15,990
- There's that cat again.
- Hello.
933
01:02:30,155 --> 01:02:32,350
- Good night!
- Good night, Sam.
934
01:02:52,990 --> 01:02:55,262
- Look.
- Yeah.
935
01:02:55,362 --> 01:02:59,822
- Sure looked funny this afternoon.
- Ah, the old buzzard.
936
01:02:59,922 --> 01:03:03,222
- Were you to a fish fry, Dr Maxford?
- No, I wasn't.
937
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:06,824
- Smells like a seven-course banquet.
- I wasn't to a banquet!
938
01:03:06,924 --> 01:03:09,184
- Dr Maxford!
- What do you want?
939
01:03:09,284 --> 01:03:13,706
I got some good news. It took some doing
but I won those clerks over.
940
01:03:13,806 --> 01:03:17,747
The way I feel, Bildocker,
it just doesn't matter any more.
941
01:03:17,847 --> 01:03:21,026
This is the stupidest, the most asinine...!
942
01:03:21,126 --> 01:03:24,822
- Listen to the slogan!
- I don't wish to hear the slogan!
943
01:03:24,922 --> 01:03:27,628
I don't wish to hear any more
about the whole mess!
944
01:03:27,728 --> 01:03:31,423
Pick your winner, send him a cheque
and tell him to go...
945
01:03:31,523 --> 01:03:34,787
Listen to this, will ya? Is this good!
946
01:03:34,887 --> 01:03:39,786
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
947
01:03:39,886 --> 01:03:43,713
Is that a slogan? It's what you call a pun.
Believe me, it's some pun!
948
01:03:43,868 --> 01:03:47,731
We just sent the winner a telegram,
a guy called James MacDon...82153