All language subtitles for Family.Plan.2005.1080i.HDTV.MPEG2-PTMiR

Operator: GOOD MORNING.
WALCOTT COOKIES.

NO, YOU'VE GOT
THE RIGHT NUMBER.

Man in costume:
HELLO THERE. HI.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.
HA HA!

BEST COOKIES
IN THE WORLD.

HELLO THERE.

Woman: YES!

Man: MISS McKENZIE?

Charlie McKenzie: YES?

Man: YOU'RE NEXT.
GO ON IN.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HALLMARK CHANNEL
AND FRIENDS OF NCI

Man: NOW, MISS McKENZIE,

I'M SURE YOU KNOW THAT
SINCE WALCOTT COOKIES

HAS TAKEN OVER
THIS COMPANY,

WE'RE LOOKING TO TRIM
SOME OF THE FAT

FROM THE PREVIOUS
OPERATIONS.

Charlie: WELL, I CERTAINLY
WOULDN'T CALL MYSELF
PART OF THE FAT.

Man: MR. WALCOTT
WILL MEET WITH YOU
PERSONALLY IN AN HOUR.

Charlie: BUT--BUT THE WOMAN
RIGHT BEFORE ME--

Man: GOOD-BYE.

Charlie: THANK YOU.

Woman: SO, YOU HAVE TO MEET
WITH THE BIG MAN.

WOW. I WOULDN'T
WANT TO BE YOU.

Charlie: STACY,
I CAN'T LOSE THIS JOB.

WALCOTT HAS BOUGHT
ALL THE COMPETITORS
IN THIS TOWN.

I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.

AND WHY DON'T YOU
HAVE TO MEET WITH ANYONE?

Stacy: FACE IT, BABE.

WHEN YOUR UNIT
MOVES MORE COOKIES

THAN THE REST OF
THE COMPANY COMBINED,

YOU'RE SITTING PRETTY
WHEN A TAKEOVER HAPPENS.

Charlie: WHAT'S THIS?

Stacy: WHEN ALL THIS
WENT DOWN,

I WENT TO THE WALCOTT
COOKIE WEB SITE.

I CLICKED ON
THE CORPORATE BUTTON

AND HAD THEM SEND ME,
A PERSPECTIVE STOCKHOLDER,

THE COMPANY PROFILE,

CHOCKED FULL OF
WALCOTT SOUND BITES.

YOU MEMORIZE THAT,
AND YOU ARE GOOD TO GO.

Charlie: THANKS FOR SHARING
THIS A LITTLE EARLIER.

Stacy: OH, SWEETIE,
WE'RE BEST FRIENDS.

AND--WELL, I HAD
TO MEMORIZE IT.

OK. LET'S LOOK
AT YOUR RESUME.

HMM. OREGON STATE.
YEAH!

NOT MUCH OF A FOOTBALL TEAM,
THOUGH, HUH?

Charlie: WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

Stacy: GUY TALK.
THE LOVE IT WHEN
YOU TALK SPORTS.

Charlie: SPORTS. RIGHT.

Stacy: 2003 GROSS SALES
FOR ALL WALCOTT
COOKIE DIVISIONS?

Charlie:
FISCAL OR CALENDER?

Stacy: FISCAL.
Charlie: 248 MILLION.

Stacy: OK. TOTAL PROJECTED
ADVERTISING EXPENDITURE?

Charlie: UNPUBLISHED:
14 MILLION. 62% SPOT TV.

Stacy: UNPUBLISHED?

Charlie: LOOK, I KNOW
WHO MY COMPETITORS ARE.

WELL, I KNOW WHO
MY COMPETITORS WERE.

SO...

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?

Stacy: NO.

WALCOTT SAYS,
AND I QUOTE,

"WALCOTT COOKIES IS
AND ALWAYS WILL BE
A FAMILY COMPANY.

"OUR STABILITY
OVER 3 GENERATIONS

"HAS BEEN BASED
ON THE IDEALS

"THAT WE'VE IMPORTED INTO
OUR CORPORATE MOTTO.

"FAMILY, INTEGRITY, VALUE,

"AND STABILITY.

"NOTHING MEANS
MORE TO ME THAN
THOSE CORE VALUES.

"I EXPECT THEM
OF EVERY EMPLOYEE

"JUST AS THE CUSTOMER
EXPECTS NOTHING LESS

OF A WALCOTT COOKIE."

NOTHING SAYS
STABILITY MORE...

THAN A MARRIED WOMAN.

GO AHEAD. IT'S NOT
GOING TO BITE. JUST TRY IT.

Charlie: I DON'T NEED
TO BELONG TO SOMEONE
TO BE STABLE.

Stacy: MMM. MM-HMM.
I GOT IT.

JUST TAKE
THE WEDDING BAND.

Charlie: NO.

Stacy:
HAVE YOU NOT HEARD
A WORD I JUST SAID?

Charlie: YES.
I JUST DON'T THINK BEING
BETROTHED TO A MAN

IS THE MODEL OF STABILITY.

I MEAN, LOOK WHAT'S
HAPPENING WITH YOU AND TROY.

Stacy: HMM.

WELL,

TROY AND I ARE JUST...

GOING THROUGH
A ROUGH PATCH,
THAT'S ALL.

Charlie: STACY,
HE MOVED OUT 3 MONTHS AGO.

Stacy: SO?
WE HAD A DATE
LAST WEEKEND.

Charlie:
YOU'RE DATING YOUR HUSBAND?

Stacy: OK, THIS IS NOT
ABOUT ME AND TROY, OK?

THIS IS ABOUT
MAKING SURE

THAT YOU'RE NOT
UNEMPLOYED IN
HALF AN HOUR.

WE ARE NOT TALKING
ABOUT MARRIAGE.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
YOU KEEPING YOUR JOB,

A JOB YOU HAVE WORKED
YOUR BUTT OFF FOR.

Charlie: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

LOOK, THIS--THIS IS A LIE.

Stacy: CHARLIE, YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT.

THAT RING WILL OPEN UP
DOORS FOR YOU. TRY IT.

Charlie:
THESE RINGS ARE STUCK.

DO YOU HAVE LOTION?

Stacy:
YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE.

YOU CAN GET IT BACK
TO ME LATER.

Charlie: HI.
CHARLIE McKENZIE.

I'M HERE TO SEE
MR. WALCOTT.

Woman: YOU CAN GO IN.
HE'S EXPECTING YOU.

Charlie: THANKS.

Walcott: NO--LOOK,

NO, NO. I DON'T CARE
WHAT BOTCHNER THINKS.

THE FRENCH
ARE PREDATORS.

LOOK, IF THEY DON'T
FIX THE PRICE BY MONDAY,

HE'LL BE SHOVING
CHOCOLATES--

Man: HOW'S THAT, GOOD?

Walcott: YES.

TELL HIM I SAID THAT.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, GUYS.
THANK YOU.

HI. SORRY ABOUT
THE MESS.

I WON'T BE SETTLING IN
FOR A FEW MORE DAYS,

AND PARDON
MY FRENCH EARLIER.

Charlie: OH. NO...

IT'S ACTUALLY--
IT'S AN INTERESTING PHRASE.

"PARDON MY FRENCH."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

FRENCH ARE KNOWN FOR
THEIR FOUL LANGUAGE.

Walcott: THEY'RE FOUL
ALL RIGHT,

AND THEY'RE KILLING
MY MARGINS ON CREAMOS.

EDWARD WALCOTT.

Charlie: OH, I'M SORRY.
CHARLIE McKENZIE.

Edward: PREDATORS.
Charlie: WHAT'S THAT?

Edward: UH, THE FRENCH.

PREDATORY PRICING.

THEY LOVE OUR COOKIES,
BUT THEY HATE TO
ADMIT IT.

SO THEY SQUEEZE ME
OUT OF THE MARKET

BY CUTTING
THEIR PRICES,

AND THE GOVERNMENT
SUBSIDIZES THEIR LOSSES.

Charlie: SO YOU SAY THAT
THEY LOVE YOUR COOKIES.

Edward: THE FRENCH?
OH, YEAH. THEY LOVE 'EM.

THEY'RE COOKIE CRAZY.

IT'S A INTERNATIONAL
SCANDAL.

Charlie: YOU COULD RAISE
YOUR PRICES

AND INCREASE YOUR
MARKETING EXPENDITURE.

THE ADDITIONAL REVENUE
SHOULD JUSTIFY IT.

AND THEN YOU JUST
PLAY UP THE QUALITY ANGLE.

WE MAY COST MORE,
BUT WE'RE WORTH IT.

Edward: WELL, THAT'S
AN INTERESTING APPROACH.

WINSTON SAID
YOU WERE GOOD.

AH! OREGON STATE.

Charlie: OH, YES.
EXCELLENT MARKETING PROGRAM.

LOUSY FOOTBALL TEAM,
THOUGH.

Edward: UH-HUH. YEAH.

MY BROTHER JUST STARTED
THERE AS HEAD COACH.

Charlie: [CHUCKLES]
WELL, I DID HEAR

THAT THEY'RE HAVING
A REBUILDING YEAR.

SO I'M SURE HE'S GONNA
TURN THEM AROUND.

Edward: ARE YOU TRYING
TO KISS UP TO ME,
McKENZIE?

Charlie: NO, IT'S JUST
THAT THEY WEREN'T VERY GOOD
WHEN I WAS THERE.

Edward: A SIMPLE
YES OR NO WILL DO.

Charlie: YES, SIR,
I--I WAS KISSING UP TO YOU.

Edward: [LAUGHS]
I LIKE YOU.

McKENZIE,
YOU GOT JUST THE RIGHT
AMOUNT OF BONE.

FROM WHAT I'VE READ
IN YOUR PERFORMANCE REVIEWS,

YOU'RE JUST WHAT
WE NEED AROUND HERE.

YOU BEEN MARRIED LONG?

Charlie: HMM?
Edward: THE ROCK.

Charlie: OH. ACTUALLY--

Edward: [LAUGHS]
I HEARD THIS JOKE
AT THE, UH...

AT THE CLUB
THE OTHER DAY.

WHAT'S THE LONGEST SENTENCE
IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?

I DO.

IT'S SO SHORT.

I JUST LOVE THAT.

OH, MAN.

UM--SO--SO HOW LONG?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN MARRIED?

Charlie: YEARS.

UM, ACTUALLY, UH,

TODAY IS MY
8 1/2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

I'M JUST SO SENTIMENTAL
FOR ANNIVERSARIES.

ANNIVERSARIES AND SPORTS.

IT'S--IT'S MY LIFE.

MICHAEL JORDAN'S BIRTHDAY,
I JUST, LIKE, CRY.

Edward: YEAH.
I'M SENTIMENTAL, TOO.

I'VE BEEN MARRIED
FOR 15 YEARS.

GOT A LITTLE BOY,
12 YEARS--

WELL, HE'S
12 YEARS OLD NOW.

THAT WAS A WHILE BACK.
LITTLE ROBBIE.

I MISS HIM LIKE--
LIKE CRAZY.

HE'S BACK EAST WITH
HIS GRANDPARENTS

THAT SQUIRREL
WAS ROBBIE'S IDEA.

THE LOGO.

Edward: KIDS?
Charlie: KIDS?

AS IN...DO YOU HAVE ANY?

Charlie: OH--OH. YEAH.

KIDS. I DEFINITELY--
I--I HAVE KIDS.

I HAVE ONE--ONE--
ONE KID.

Edward: BOY? GIRL?
Charlie: YES...GIRL.

Edward: AM I
MAKING YOU NERVOUS?

Charlie: YEAH, A LITTLE BIT.

Edward: YEAH.
A LITTLE BIT. YEAH.

THAT'S OK.
I UNDERSTAND.

A POTENTIAL NEW BOSS
AND ALL.

AHEM. OK.

FAMILY, INTEGRITY,
VALUES, STABILITY.

NOTHING IS MORE
IMPORTANT TO ME THAN
THOSE CORE VALUES.

I EXPECT THEM OF
EVERY EMPLOYEE

JUST AS EVERY CUSTOMER

EXPECTS NOTHING LESS
OF A WALCOTT COOKIE.

Charlie: SO WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT

MY PERFORMANCE REVIEWS?

Edward: OH, NO.

THAT'S JUST A BUNCH
OF PAPER

WITH SOME
MIDDLE MANAGER'S
RAMBLINGS ON IT.

IT DOESN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING ABOUT
THE PERSON

RIGHT IN HERE,
ALL RIGHT?

LISTEN, I'M A LITTLE BIT
LATE FOR MY NEXT MEETING,

SO WHY DON'T YOU
TAG ALONG?

YEAH, WE'RE A FAMILY
COMPANY, CHARLIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS?

Charlie: THAT THE COMPANY
HAS BEEN HANDED DOWN

FROM GENERATION
TO GENERATION.

Edward: WRONG. IT MEANS
WE CARE ABOUT FAMILIES.

WE BELIEVE IN
THE POWER OF FAMILIES.

FAMILIES EAT
WALCOTT COOKIES, CHARLIE.

SO WE HAVE TO THINK
LIKE A FAMILY.

LET ME SHOW YOU.

Charlie: THE BREAK ROOM.

Edward: NOPE, NOT ANYMORE.

THIS IS OUR IN-HOUSE
DAY CARE CENTER.

3 FULL-TIME TEACHERS
WILL PROVIDE A SAFE

AND EDUCATIONAL
ENVIRONMENT

FOR UP TO
20 CHILDREN A DAY.

A HAPPY EMPLOYEE IS
A PRODUCTIVE EMPLOYEE.

Charlie:
OH. WE WERE VERY HAPPY
WITH OUR OLD BREAK ROOM.

Edward: LOOK,
I KNOW THIS WHOLE
TAKEOVER BUSINESS

IS VERY TRAUMATIC,

BUT THE FACT IS
THE STOCK OF YOUR
OLD COMPANY

WAS DROPPING
LIKE A ROCK.

IT WAS JUST
A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE ALL OF YOU
COULD HAVE BEEN
OUT OF WORK, SO...

Charlie: MR. WALCOTT,
ABOUT THE WHOLE
FAMILY THING--

Edward: I KNOW.
IT'S WONDERFUL,
ISN'T IT.

IT'S POWERFUL IDEA.
IT'S A MONEYMAKER, TOO.

LOOK, I'M GONNA
SLEEP ON THIS TONIGHT.

YOU COME SEE ME
TOMORROW MORNING,
AND WE'LL TALK, OK?

Charlie: WAIT. SIR?

OK.

Charlie: HOW COULD YOU
DO THIS TO ME?

I LIED TO THE THE CEO
OF WALCOTT COOKIES.

Stacy: I THOUGHT THE IDEA
WAS TO KEEP THE JOB

YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD FOR
ALL THESE YEARS.

Charlie: I LIED.

AND AFTER ALL OF THOSE YEARS
OF MY FATHER LYING,

I SAID THAT I WOULDN'T
BE LIKE THAT.

Stacy: IT IS AMAZING

THAT EVEN THE THOUGHT
OF AN IMAGINARY RELATIONSHIP

IS MAKING YOU
FREAK OUT.

Charlie:
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

Stacy: WHO'S KIDDING?

Charlie:
I--I DON'T NEED A MAN,

AND I CERTAINLY DON'T
NEED A MARRIAGE.

Stacy: WELL, I DON'T
REGRET ANY OF IT.

AT THE VERY LEAST,
I HAVE NICOLE.

Charlie:
YEAH, AND THAT'S GREAT,

BECAUSE YOU'RE
THE MOTHERING TYPE.

IT'S ALL MY PARENTS FAULT.

Stacy: YOUR DAD
WAS A WORKAHOLIC.

Charlie: YEAH.
AND MY MOTHER?

MY MOTHER WAS SO CAUGHT UP
IN HER FANCY HOME

AND ALL HER PARTIES

THAT SHE PUT
THE NEEDS AND WANTS
OF HER DAUGHTER LAST.

Stacy:
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

YOUR MOTHER
LOVED YOU VERY MUCH,

AND EVEN THOUGH
HE DIDN'T SAY IT,

WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOUR
FATHER LOVED YOU, TOO,

IN HIS OWN WAY.

Charlie: THEIR WHOLE
MARRIAGE WAS A FARCE.

Stacy: DID IT EVER
OCCUR TO YOU

THAT YOU'RE EXACTLY
LIKE YOUR FATHER?

THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T KEEP
A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.

WORK ALWAYS COMES FIRST.

YOU CAN HAVE BOTH.
YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO.

Charlie: THAT IS NOT TRUE.

I HAVEN'T MET
THE RIGHT GUY.

Stacy:
OH, CHARLIE, COME ON.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
THE TRUTH HERE.

Charlie: YOU'RE RIGHT.

TOMORROW MORNING
WHEN I MEET WITH
WALCOTT AGAIN,

JOB OR NO JOB,
I'M TELLING HIM THE TRUTH.

Stacy:
YOU DO THAT,

AND YOU'LL BE COLLECTING
UNEMPLOYMENT.

Edward: LOYALTY IS CRUCIAL.

IF WE DON'T MAKE
AN EXAMPLE TODAY,

IT'S TOO LATE
TO DO IT TOMORROW.

Man: ASHTON--

Edward: I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE TOLD YOU.
HE LIED TO ME.

SO I WANT HIS STUFF
OUT OF HERE BY NOON.

Man:
I'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Edward: OK, BROOKE,
WHAT'S NEXT?

OH. UH, CHARLIE.
HOW ARE YOU?

Charlie: MR. WALCOTT,
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

Edward: I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU, TOO.

I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOU

SINCE OUR MEETING
YESTERDAY.

BROOKE, I WANT YOU
TO HOLD ALL MY CALLS.

HERE, COME WITH ME.

Charlie:
MR. WALCOTT, THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Edward: NO, NO, NO.
CHARLIE, I KNOW.

I ALREADY KNOW.

CHARLIE,
YOU'RE JUST RIGHT
FOR WALCOTT COOKIES.

YOU GOT THE BACKGROUND,
THE EXPERIENCE,

AND JUST THE RIGHT
ATTITUDE.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Charlie: I'D LOVE TO,
BUT, MR. WALCOTT--

Edward: NO, NO, NO, NO.
COME HERE.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.

YOU'RE GONNA--
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE--

Woman: GOOD MORNING,
MR. WALCOTT.

Edward: MORNING.
RIGHT IN HERE.

MM-HMM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Charlie: [SIGHS] THIS IS
MY OLD BOSS' OFFICE.

Edward: OH, NO,
NOT ANY MORE.

NOW IT'S YOURS.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF MOVING ALL YOUR
STUFF IN HERE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
THE WINDOWS.

I MEAN,
IT'S A CORNER OFFICE.

Charlie: BUT, SIR,
THERE'S SOMETHING
I NEED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Man: GOOD MORNING,
MR. WALCOTT.

Edward:
COME ON IN, PETER.

UH, PETER BRADLEY,
CHARLIE McKENZIE.

Peter: HELLO, MISS McKENZIE.

Charlie: HI.

Edward: CHARLIE MIGHT BE
STAYING ON WITH US.

Peter:
CONGRATULATIONS.

Charlie: THANK YOU.

Peter: UH, HERE'S THAT
REPORT THAT YOU WANTED.

Edward: THANK YOU, PETER.

Peter: IT WAS NICE
MEETING YOU.

Charlie: YEAH. LIKEWISE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

Edward: YEAH. YOU KNOW,
PETER'S A GREAT GUY.

HE MIGHT BE
PERFECT FOR YOU.

Charlie: PERFECT FOR ME?
AS YOUR ASSISTANT.

Edward: WELL, YEAH.
I CAN'T HAVE MY EXECUTIVES

TIED DOWN WITH
THE MUNDANE.

I NEED YOU OUT THERE
THINKING, INNOVATING.

Charlie: ABOUT THAT, I--

Edward: CHARLIE, YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT SALARY.

Charlie:
NO. NO, SIR. I--

Edward: THAT'S OK.
LET'S--LET'S DO THIS NOW,

GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.

HERE YOU GO.

HERE.

Edward:
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.

Edward: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OF COURSE YOU KNOW
THAT'S JUST TO START.

THERE'LL BE BONUSES
AND STOCK OPTIONS.

Charlie:
IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.

IS THAT A PERIOD
OR A COMMA?

Edward: OH, YEAH.
SORRY. THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S A COMMA.

Charlie: WELL, THAT IS
A VERY NICE COMMA, SIR.

[SIGHS]

Edward: WELL, LIKE I SAID,
WE WANNA...

WE WANNA KEEP YOU,
CHARLIE.

NOW THERE WAS SOMETHING
YOU WANTED TO TELL ME?

Charlie:
WELL, I JUST--I, UM...

I JUST--I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THAT-

Edward: [LAUGHS] YEAH?

CAT'S GOT YOUR TONGUE.

YOU CAN'T SPEAK, CAN YOU?
THAT'S THE WALCOTT WAY.

LOOK, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.

WE'LL CELEBRATE
THIS WEEKEND OVER DINNER.

YOU PICK THE PLACE.
CONGRATULATIONS, CHARLIE.

I CAN'T WAIT
TO MEET YOUR FAMILY.

Charlie: THANK YOU?

Stacy: SWEETIE,
IT IS SIMPLE.

WE'LL INVITE
THE WALCOTTS OVER FOR
A HOME-COOKED MEAL.

YOU CAN USE MY HOUSE.

BUT FIRST, WE HAVE
TO FIND YOU A HUSBAND.

Nicole: YOU'RE GETTING
MARRIED, CHARLIE?!

Charlie:
OH. NO. NO, NO, NO.

YOUR MOM AND I ARE JUST
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE

TO PRETEND TO BE
MARRIED TO ME.

Nicole:
TOMMY'S DAD DID THAT

AND GOT THROWN
OUT OF HIS HOUSE.

Charlie:
OH. NOT THAT KIND, NICOLE.

Stacy:
CHARLIE'S JUST HAVING SOME
FRIENDS FOR DINNER,

AND SHE WOULD LIKE
SOMEONE TO APPEAR
TO BE HER HUSBAND.

SHE NEEDS A DAUGHTER, TOO,
SO I VOLUNTEERED YOU.

Nicole:
OK. OK, I'LL DO IT...

BUT HOW WEIRD IS THAT?

Stacy: OK.
ESCORT SERVICES.

Charlie: OH...
NO, NO, NO. NO.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WE NEED
A PROFESSIONAL HERE.

Stacy: CHARLIE...

THESE GUYS
ARE PROFESSIONALS.

Charlie: NO! NOT THAT KIND
OF PROFESSIONAL.

NOW WHAT ABOUT
YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW RHONDA?

Stacy: OH. WELL,
SHE IS A LITTLE HAIRY.

Charlie: NO. DIDN'T SHE
USED TO WORK FOR THAT--
THAT TALENT AGENT...

THE GUY WHOSE CLIENTS
WERE IN CATS?

Stacy: MARVIN GOLD?

YEAH, BUT I THINK
IT WAS A COMMERCIAL
FOR CAT FOOD.

Charlie: OH. OK. WELL,
HE CAN FIND US AN ACTOR,

SOMEONE TO PLAY
MY HUSBAND.

Stacy:
CAT FOOD OR CAT LITTER?

Charlie: IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WELL, HE DOES REPRESENT
HUMANS, RIGHT?

Stacy: YEAH.
SURE, I GUESS.

Charlie: OK.
SO THIS IS PERFECT.

WE HIRE AN ACTOR,
A PROFESSIONAL.

SOMEONE WHO HAS
THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME:

MY HUSBAND.

Marvin: GET OUT OF HERE!

NEVER LIGHTEN
YOUR HAIR OR DARKEN
MY DOOR AGAIN, HUH?

Stacy: I HOPE
HE FOUND SOMEONE.

I'M SURE HE HAS
DOZENS OF ACTORS.

DID YOU SEE THOSE
STACKS OF PICTURES?

Marvin: HEY, UH, LADIES!

COME ON IN.

Stacy: HAVE YOU
BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT?

Marvin:
NO. I JUST GOT HERE.
I SLEPT LIKE A BABY.

COFFEE?

I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF GIVING THE GUYS
SOME PAGES TO PERFORM.

IT'S A LITTLE PIECE

OF THE RUSSIAN
ROULETTE SCENE

FROM APOCALYPSE NOW.

Stacy: THE DEER HUNTER.
Marvin: HUH?

Stacy: THE RUSSIAN ROULETTE
SCENE'S ACTUALLY...

DEER HUNTER.

Charlie: MAYBE WE CAN
JUST MEET THEM.

Marvin: OK.
SUIT YOURSELF.

IT'S YOUR DIME.

HA HA HA!

LADIES...

THIS IS
SHELDON HORNWALL.

Sheldon: HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

Charlie: HI, SHELDON.

Sheldon: I'VE PREPARED
A SHORT SCENE FOR YOU.

Charlie: OH...

UH, YEAH.
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

WE JUST WANT TO SEE
HOW WELL YOU CAN IMPROVISE.

Sheldon: YEAH.
I GUESS I CAN DO THAT.

Charlie: OH, GREAT.

LET'S--LET'S--LET'S
SIT HERE, AND--AND, UH,

YOU PRETEND YOU'RE
MY HUSBAND,

AND WE'RE AT A VERY,
VERY IMPORTANT DINNER.

Sheldon: OK.

Charlie: OH.
LOOK, HONEY.

THEY HAVE THAT
ROAST LAMB YOU LIKE.

Sheldon: YOU KNOW
I DON'T LIKE LAMB.

IT MAKES ME GASSY.

Charlie: WELL,
YOU ALWAYS LIKE IT
WHEN I MAKE IT.

Sheldon: OK. OK.

I'LL HAVE THE LAMB.

[CRYING] I'LL HAVE THE LAMB.

JUST DON'T YELL AT ME!

Stacy: UH, YOU KNOW WHAT,
SHELDON?

ACTUALLY, I THINK
WE'RE ALL SET.

SO WE'LL GIVE YOU
A CALL.

Sheldon: OK.

Marvin: THAT WAS GOOD,
SHELDON. VERY GOOD.

Marvin: IF ARE GONNA
SCARE ALL THESE GUYS,

WE'RE NEVER GONNA
FIND YOU ANYONE!

Charlie: WELL,
I ASKED YOU FOR A MAN,
NOT A MOUSE.

Marvin: YOU WANT A MAN?

I'LL GIVE YOU A MAN.

THIS IS MARCUS BENTWELL.

Charlie: HI, MARCUS.
I'M CHARLIE. THIS IS STACY.

Marcus: HI, STACY.

Stacy: OH--[STAMMERS]

Marcus: HI, CHARLIE.

Charlie: HI.

OK. WE'LL, UH--

WE CAN JUST PRETEND
WE'RE ON A DATE.

Marcus: THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

Charlie: YEAH.

Marcus: SO, WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DO TONIGHT?

Charlie: HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?

Marcus: A MOVIE
SOUNDS GREAT.

THEN AFTER, WE CAN TAKE
A WALK ALONG THE RIVER.

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.

Charlie: THAT
SOUNDS WONDERFUL.

Marcus: THEN I SUPPOSE
WE SHOULD GO.

I WANNA MAKE SURE
WE GET BACK TO MY PLACE

NICE AND EARLY
FOR PLENTY OF PLAY TIME.

Charlie: HEY!

Marcus: YOU SAID PRETEND
WE'RE ON A DATE.

Charlie: YOU JUST
GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE I DO ANY
PERMANENT DAMAGE.

Gold: HEY! HEY! WAIT!

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

Stacy: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
HE WAS PERFECT.

Charlie: HE WAS A PIG.

Stacy: YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY
MARRYING HIM, CHARLIE.

HE IS PLAYING A ROLE.

Charlie: OH, FINE.
CAN I SEE SOME
MORE PICTURES?

NO.

[GASPS]

LISTEN, GOLD,

I AM PAYING YOU
GOOD MONEY FOR AN ACTOR.

Gold: WRONG, YOU'RE PAYING
MEDIOCRE MONEY
FOR A WARM BODY.

Buck: GOLD,
I WANNA TALK TO YOU.

I'M NOT LEAVING
TILL I GET MY CHECK.

Gold: LOOK,
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING HERE.

Buck: I'M NOT LEAVING
TILL YOU PAY ME.

Gold: I'M WAITING
FOR THE CLIENT TO PAY ME.

I HAVEN'T
MADE A NICKEL ON THIS.

Buck: HE'S LYING.
DON'T TRUST ANYTHING
HE TELLS YOU.

Stacy: ARE YOU AN ACTOR?

Buck: YEAH. WHO ELSE
WOULD DEAL WITH THIS SCUM?

Gold: YOU'RE NOT SCORING
ANY POINTS, BUCK.

Stacy: WE'LL TAKE HIM.

Charlie: NO. NO.
HE'S NOT RIGHT.

Buck: RIGHT? I'M NOT
RIGHT FOR WHAT?

Charlie: WE NEED SOMEONE
TO PLAY MY HUSBAND
FOR THE NIGHT.

Buck: I THOUGHT YOU WERE
OUT OF THAT BUSINESS, GOLD.

Gold: THIS IS LEGIT.

Buck: NOTHING YOU DO
IS LEGIT.

WHAT'S THE CATCH?

Stacy: THERE IS NO CATCH.

SHE'S HAVING
AN IMPORTANT DINNER,

AND SHE NEEDS TO
CONVINCE A GUEST

THAT SHE'S HAPPILY MARRIED.
THAT'S IT.

Buck: NO CATCH, HUH?
HOW MUCH?

Gold: 150 FLAT.

Stacy: BUT YOU'RE
CHARGING US--

Gold: A VERY FAIR RATE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, BUCK?

Buck: HOW MUCH
ARE YOU PAYING HIM?

Charlie: 500.

Buck: 500. AH. 400 FOR ME,
100 FOR THE SHILL.

Gold: NO WAY!
400 FOR ME, 100 FOR YOU.

Buck: 200, 300.

Gold: 250 EACH.

Stacy: HEY, TROY.

Troy: HEY, STACY.

I CAME BY TO GRAB
A FEW OF MY THINGS.

I CALLED.

NICOLE SAID YOU WERE
OFF WITH CHARLIE,

SO I RAN BY.

Stacy: YOU DIDN'T
WANNA SEE ME?

Troy: I THOUGHT
IT'D BE BETTER

IF I JUST
SLIPPED IN AND OUT
WITHOUT DISTURBING YOU.

Stacy: DISTURBING ME
IS MOVING OUT
WITH A LAME EXCUSE

THAT THE 7 YEAR ITCH
WAS A LITTLE LATE IN COMING.

Troy: 7 YEAR ITCH?

I TOLD YOU BEFORE,
THERE'S NO ONE ELSE.

IT'S ME AND YOU.

Stacy: YES,
YOU TOLD ME BEFORE.
YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF.

I WORK TOO MUCH,

I DON'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION
TO YOU OR YOUR BUSINESS.

ALL VALID REASONS
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION
ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP,

NOT JUST MOVE OUT.

Troy: I REALLY HAD
A GOOD TIME LAST WEEKEND.

Stacy: SO DID I.

IT WAS FUN.

HOW IS IT LIVING
AT THE ART GALLERY?

Troy: WE'RE HAVING
A SHOW THIS WEEKEND.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME?

Stacy: IS IT ANOTHER DATE?

Troy: THAT'S THE IDEA.

Stacy: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

Troy: I'D BETTER GET BACK.

Stacy: YEAH.

Troy: THE NEW PAINTINGS
ARE STILL IN CRATES.

Stacy: WELL, I GUESS
I SHOULD PUT THIS AWAY.

Charlie: UH, IS THIS YOURS,
OR SHOULD WE WONDER

WHAT YOUR MAID'S
DOING WHILE YOU'RE AWAY?

Stacy: IT'S MINE.

I TOLD YOU TROY AND
I HAD A DATE LAST WEEKEND.

Charlie: OH, STACE.

HOW ARE YOU AND TROY
EVER GOING TO COME

TO SOME SORT OF CONCLUSION
TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

IF YOU KEEP LETTING HIM
HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU?

Stacy: WHO SAID WHO
HAD THEIR WAY WITH WHOM?

Charlie: OK, MORE THAN
I WANTED TO KNOW.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Stacy: IT'S SHOW TIME.

LOOKS LIKE HERE'S YOUR
HUSBAND FOR A DAY.

Charlie: HE'S EARLY.

Edward: CHARLIE.

Charlie: MR. WALCOTT.

Edward: HI. CHARLIE,
THIS IS MY WIFE VICTORIA.

THIS IS CHARLIE McKENZIE.

Victoria: NICE TO MEET YOU.

Charlie: HI, HOW ARE YOU?

I THOUGHT WE HAD SAID 6:00.

Edward: OH, NO.
I THOUGHT WE SAID 5:00.

Victoria: OH. OH, DEAR.

OH, HONEY.
I'M SO SORRY.

HE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME.

Edward: YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.
WE CAN COME BACK.

Charlie: OH, NO. NO. NO.

I JUST HADN'T CHANGED YET.

Victoria: WELL,
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

Charlie: THANK YOU.

WELL, MY HUSBAND FRANK
JUST WENT TO THE STORE
FOR A SECOND,

SO COME ON IN,
AND WE CAN ALL HAVE A DRINK,

AND WE'LL WAIT FOR HIM.

Edward: I THOUGHT
SHE SAID 5:00.

Victoria: NO,
YOU SAID 5:00.

Charlie: OH, FRANK'S
GONNA BE SO SORRY

THAT HE MISSED
BEING HERE TO GREET YOU.

Edward: THIS IS JUST
A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE CHARLIE.

Charlie: OH.

Victoria: WOW.

Charlie: OH, UH,
MR. AND MRS. WALCOTT,

THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND
STACY DOBSON.

Edward: DOBSON, OLD STYLE
COCOA CHIPS DIVISION.

Stacy: YES, SIR.

Edward: WELL, IT'S
A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

VICTORIA, THIS
IS MISS DOBSON.

SHE DOES A HECK OF A JOB
OVER AT HER DEPARTMENT.

Victoria: IS THAT RIGHT?
WILL YOU BE JOINING US?

Stacy: NO, ACTUALLY,
I HAVE GOT TO RUN,

BUT VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

Edward: NICE TO MEET YOU.

Charlie: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.

Edward: WOW,
SHE LIKES THE PAINTING.

Charlie: PLEASE,
YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME.

Stacy: I'VE GOTTA GO.

I PROMISED TROY
I'D GO TO THE OPENING

OF A NEW ARTIST
HE'S EXHIBITING.

Charlie: I CAN'T DO THIS.

I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.

Stacy: SURE, YOU CAN.

JUST PRETEND
YOU'RE A MOTHER AND WIFE.

OH, YOU'LL NEED THIS.
IT'LL HELP YOU
FEEL THE PART.

Edward: THIS IS A VERY
NICE NEIGHBORHOOD, CHARLIE.

YOU'RE DOING VERY WELL.

Charlie: WE GOT VERY LUCKY.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS
A FIXER-UPPER.

BOUGHT IT RIGHT BEFORE
THE PRICES WENT THROUGH
THE CEILING.

Nicole: CHARLIE,
WHEN ARE WE EATING?

Edward: OH,
THIS MUST BE NICOLE.

Charlie: YUP, THIS IS
MY LITTLE PRIDE AND JOY.

NICOLE, HONEY, SAY HELLO
TO MR. AND MRS. WALCOTT.

Nicole: HI.

Victoria: SHE
CALLS YOU CHARLIE?

Charlie: YEAH.
KIND OF A REBELLION THING.

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? AGAIN?

COME ON, HONEY.

HONEY, COME ON.
LET GO OF THE CHAIR, HONEY.

Nicole: YOU DON'T
LIKE KIDS, DO YOU? MOM?

OK, LOOK, I WAS
AN ONLY CHILD,
SO I NEVER GREW UP

EXPERIENCING THE WHOLE
SIBLING THING.

SO I'M SORRY.

Child: IT'S OK.
I UNDERSTAND.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Charlie: OK. I HOPE THAT'S
YOUR FATHER FOR THE DAY.

STAY.

JUST SIT THERE, HONEY.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

OH, MUST BE FRANK.

HE'S ALWAYS
LOCKING HIMSELF OUT.

Edward: ALL RIGHT.

Victoria: EDWARD,
YOU'RE MAKING HER NERVOUS.

Edward: I SWEAR
SHE SAID 5:00.

Buck: HI.

JEEZ. I BROUGHT
MY OWN WEDDING RING.

Charlie: WE'LL BE
RIGHT THERE.

Buck: I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THEY WERE COMING AT 6:00.

Charlie: I KNOW,
BUT THEY'RE EARLY.

SO, I GUESS YOU'RE MY DAD.

Buck: YOU SEE, WHEN
A STRANGE LITTLE GIRL

SAYS SOMETHING
LIKE THAT TO ME,

IT KIND OF THROWS MY RHYTHM.

Charlie: THIS IS MY FRIEND
STACY'S DAUGHTER NICOLE,

AND TONIGHT SHE'S YOUR--
WELL, SHE'S OUR DAUGHTER.

AND, NICOLE, THIS IS BUCK.
YOU'LL CALL HIM DADDY.

Buck: YOU NEVER SAID KIDS
WERE GONNA BE INVOLVED.

NO OFFENSE.

Nicole: DO YOU
HATE KIDS, TOO?

Buck: NO!

I PLAN ON HAVING A WHOLE
HERD OF THEM EVENTUALLY,

I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT
THE FIRST ONE
TO CALL ME DAD

WOULD BE SO...MATURE.

Charlie: OK, LISTEN.
YOUR NAME IS FRANK,

AND YOU'RE A DEDICATED
HUSBAND AND FATHER.

GET OUT THERE
AND PRETEND YOU LOVE ME.

Buck: WAIT.
WHY CAN'T I JUST BE BUCK?

Charlie: HA HA HA! YEAH.

NO ONE'S REALLY NAMED BUCK.

COME ON.

Buck: SO,
WHAT'S SHE PAYING YOU?

Nicole: PAY? YOU MEAN
YOU'RE GETTING PAID?

Charlie: ENOUGH. LET'S GO.

Nicole: I WANNA TALK
FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS.

Charlie: FINE. LATER, OK?

Nicole: SURE,
BUT TIME IS MONEY.

RIGHT, DAD?

Charlie: DON'T ANSWER THAT.

LOOK WHO'S BACK.

FRANK, THIS IS EDWARD
AND VICTORIA WALCOTT.

Edward: OH, FRANK,
IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

I HOPE OUR EARLY ARRIVAL
DIDN'T MESS YOU GUYS UP.

Buck: DON'T BE SILLY, ED.
MAY I CALL YOU ED?

Edward: WELL, YEAH.

Buck: MRS. WALCOTT,

YOU ARE CERTAINLY
IN FINE SHAPE.

YOU WORK OUT, RIGHT? HUH?

Charlie: FRANK.

Victoria:
THAT'S OK, CHARLIE.

I APPRECIATE A MAN NOTICING.

Buck: ED,
YOU LUCKY MAN, YOU.
LOOK AT THIS WOMAN!

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

Charlie: HONEY.

Edward: WELL, SHE'S--

Charlie: HONEY,
DON'T YOU NEED TO GO
START THE BARBECUE?

Buck: GO AHEAD, BABE.

Charlie: GEE,
YOU LOVE BUG, I WOULD,

BUT I DON'T THINK
I KNOW WHICH KNOB TO TURN.

Buck: OH. WOMEN.

Charlie: EXCUSE ME.

Edward: UH-HUH.

Nicole: HOW DO
YOU KEEP YOUR FIGURE?

DO YOU MOSTLY DO
CARDIO OR YOGA?

Charlie: NICOLE, WOULD
YOU COME HELP YOUR FATHER?

Nicole: OK.

Charlie: OK, THIS
IS NOT WORKING.

Buck: I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING
PRETTY WELL FOR IMPROV.

USUALLY I WORK
WITH A SCRIPT.

Charlie: "ED,
YOU LUCKY GUY, YOU"?

Buck: HE HAS
A BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
I WAS JUST BREAKING THE ICE.

Charlie: WELL, IT WAS
COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.

AND YOU,
NOT ANOTHER WORD, OK?

WE ARE GOING
TO BE THE QUIETEST,
HAPPIEST FAMILY EVER.

Nicole: NOT FOR WHAT
WE'RE BEING PAID.

RIGHT, DAD?

Charlie: OK. BARBECUE.

YOU GO HELP.
SWEETIE? COME ON.

FRESHEN UP YOUR DRINKS?

Edward: OH, NO.

Victoria:
I LIKE HIM, CHARLIE.
SPEAKS HIS MIND.

Charlie: THAT'S MY FRANKIE.

Victoria: I LIKE A MAN
WHO SPEAKS HIS MIND.

Edward: OH, HE'S DIRECT.
THAT'S A GOOD QUALITY.

I'M DIRECT, VICTORIA.
I SPEAK MY MIND.

Edward: OH, HE'S DIRECT.
THAT'S A GOOD QUALITY.

Victoria: WELL, IT WAS CUTE.

Edward: SO,
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

Buck: WELL, THAT'S A STORY
THAT'LL MAKE A MOVIE.

Victoria: WELL, TELL US.

Buck: IT'S A LONG STORY.

Charlie: REALLY LONG STORY.

Edward: OH, JUST TELL US THE
SHORT VERSION.

Nicole: YEAH, GIVE 'EM
THE SHORT VERSION, DAD.

Charlie: DO YOU GUYS
WANT SOME DESSERT?

Edward: OH, NO. NO. NO.
GO AHEAD, FRANK.

I LOVE A GOOD STORY.

Buck: WELL...

IT WAS FEBRUARY, 2 DAYS
BEFORE VALENTINE'S DAY.

YOU GUYS ARE NEW
TO THE WEST COAST,

SO YOU'LL FIND OUT
THAT FEBRUARY

IS A VERY...WET...MONTH.

IT WAS POURING.
I WAS GETTING DRENCHED.

A TAXI CAB PULLED UP TO
A RED LIGHT.

I JUMPED INSIDE FOR SHELTER,

AND SITTING IN THE BACKSEAT
IS MY DREAM GIRL.

MY BEAUTIFUL CHARLIE.

SHE WASN'T STARTLED.

SHE JUST SMILED AND NODDED.

I FELT LIKE MY HEART
WAS ABOUT TO LEAP
OUT OF MY CHEST.

I WAS...SPEECHLESS.

Charlie: OH, HONEY,
YOU'RE BORING THEM.

Edward: NO. NO.
NO, HE'S NOT.

STOP THAT. GO AHEAD.

Buck: WELL, SHE JUST
GOT OUT ON HER STOP,

WESTSIDE MALL.

I RAN AFTER HER,
BUT LOST HER IN THE CROWD.

Victoria: WELL, HOW DID YOU
END UP TOGETHER?

Buck: WELL, THIS IS THE PART
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

Charlie: THAT'S
AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

Buck: I DIDN'T
KNOW HER NAME.

DIDN'T HAVE
AN ADDRESS, NOTHING.

SO, A YEAR TO THE DAY,
A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE
VALENTINE'S DAY,

I FIND MYSELF
AT A FLOWER SHOP.

THAT LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD

SAYS, "BUY ROSES."

SO I GO INSIDE, BUY A DOZEN
LONG-STEMMED ROSES

FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

IT STARTS TO RAIN.

I'M WALKING HOME,

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, BANG!
THERE SHE IS!

SITTING IN A TAXI CAB
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

I RUSH OVER, JUMP INSIDE,
HAND HER THE ROSES,

AND ASK HER TO MARRY ME
ON THE SPOT.

Victoria: AND SHE SAYS YES?

Buck: RIGHT THEN
AND RIGHT THERE.

Victoria: OH, HOW ROMANTIC!

Nicole: HE'S VERY GOOD.

Charlie: SHH.

Edward: WELL, I THINK
SHE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.

Charlie: WELL, I DIDN'T WANT
TO TAKE THE CHANCE OF LOSING
THIS BIG ROMANTIC.

Buck: OH. MWAH!

Edward: THAT STEAK
WAS WONDERFUL.

DID I TASTE
SOME NUTMEG IN THAT?

Buck: YES.

IT'S CHARLIE'S
MOTHER'S RECIPE, ACTUALLY.

YOU GUYS GOTTA COME OVER
FOR HER LAMB CHOPS SOMETIME.

THEY'RE FABULOUS.

Victoria: OH!

Edward: LAMB CHOPS
ARE MY FAVORITE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
DO THAT REALLY SOON.

Nicole: I'LL
CLEAN THE TABLE, MOM.

Nicole: THANK YOU, SWEETIE.

Victoria: I'LL HELP, NICOLE.

Edward: SO, YOU ENJOY
THE CLUB HERE?

Buck: THE CLUB?

Edward: YEAH,
THE GOLF CLUB.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME

YOU LIVE ON A BEAUTIFUL
COURSE LIKE THIS,
AND NEVER PLAY.

Buck: I'VE NEVER
PLAYED A DAY IN MY LIFE.

Charlie: FRANK. HONEY.

Buck: HA! JUST KIDDING!

YEAH. ACTUALLY, I'M OUT
THERE EVERY CHANCE I GET.

Edward: OH, WELL,
WHAT DO YOU HIT, FRANK?

Buck: WELL, I'M SURE
IT'S NOWHERE NEAR
WHAT YOU HIT, ED.

Edward: I'M ABOUT
A 16 HANDICAP.

Buck: WELL, THERE YOU GO.
SEE, I'M ONLY AN 8 HANDICAP.

Edward: YOU'RE
AN 8 HANDICAP?

Victoria: HONEY, DO WE
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT GOLF
AT EVERY MEAL?

Edward: THE MAN SAYS HE'S AN
8 HANDICAP, VICTORIA.

Victoria: SO,
HE'S AN 8 HANDICAP.

Buck: IS THAT WRONG?

ACTUALLY, I'M MORE
LIKE A 6 OR, YOU KNOW, 4.

Edward: NOW, YOU'RE
TOYING WITH ME, FRANK.

I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THAT.

YOU HEAR THAT, CHARLIE?
HE LIKES THAT.

Charlie: HA HA!

Buck: HUH?

Edward: GOLF IS MY PASSION.

Buck: FOR ME,
IT'S A RELIGION.

Edward: WELL, I'M GLAD
WE DID THIS, CHARLIE.

YOU'RE GONNA FIT RIGHT IN
OVER AT WALCOTT COOKIES.

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.

Charlie: THANK YOU,
MR. WALCOTT.

Victoria: CONGRATULATIONS.

Charlie: THANK YOU.

Edward: GOOD NIGHT.

Victoria: BYE-BYE.

Edward: HEY,
SEE YOU AT WORK.

Charlie: YEAH,
SEE YOU AT WORK.

OH, WAIT.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

NO, NO, NO.
GO TO THE CAR.

GO TO THE CAR
AND GO HOME.

GREAT. OK.
YES, GOOD.

YES. WELL, THAT'S IT.

Buck: THAT'S IT?

Charlie: YEAH,
PIECE OF CAKE.

Nicole: CAN WE DISCUSS
MY PAY NOW?

Charlie: UH, LATER.

Buck: UH, LET ME
HELP YOU CLEAN UP.

Charlie: OH,
IT'S NOT NECESSARY.

Buck: IT WAS OUR BARBECUE.
I INSIST.

Charlie: FINE. COME ON.

Nicole: WE COULD'VE
JUST USED THE DISHWASHER.

Buck: DISHWASHERS
ARE FOR SISSIES.

Charlie: THANKS, BUCK.

NOT MANY MEN WHO WOULD
VOLUNTEER TO DO HOUSEWORK...

Buck: MAYBE YOU JUST HAVEN'T
MET THE RIGHT MAN.

BESIDES, I DIDN'T
DO IT ALONE.

BIG NICK'S GOT MY BACK.

Charlie: OK. WELL,
UM, HERE YOU GO.

THANKS. KEEP IN TOUCH.
GOOD LUCK.

OH, UH, BREAK A LEG, RIGHT?

Buck: YEAH.

HEY, CAN I GET A RIDE?

Charlie: OH, SURE.
I'LL CALL YOU A CAB.

Buck: THAT'S GOTTA BE, LIKE,
A $50 CAB RIDE.

Charlie: HOW'D YOU GET HERE?

Buck: WELL,
I HAD GOLD DRIVE ME.

I FIGURED IT WAS
THE LEAST HE COULD DO.

Charlie: OK.
I'LL JUST GET MY KEYS.

NICOLE, WE'RE GIVING YOUR
FATHER HERE A RIDE HOME.

Nicole: I CAN'T.

ERIKA'S COMING OVER,
AND WE'RE DOING OUR
HOMEWORK TOGETHER.

Charlie: OK.
THIS'LL BE FINE.

I'LL JUST CALL ERIKA'S MOM,

AND, UH,
THIS'LL TAKE A MINUTE.

Nicole: BUT WE STILL
HAVE TO DISCUSS MY PAY, MOM.

Buck: I THINK YOU SHOULD
HOLD OUT FOR THE BIG MONEY.

Nicole: GOOD IDEA.

Charlie: I APPRECIATE
YOU WATCHING THE GIRLS,
MRS. NELSON.

I WON'T BE LONG.

Mrs. Nelson:
NO PROBLEM.

Buck: SO, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
AN EX OR GAY FRIEND

WHO COULD PLAY
YOUR HUSBAND
FOR THE NIGHT?

Charlie: WOW! YOU DON'T HOLD
ANYTHING BACK, DO YOU?

[CHUCKLES]

Buck: HEH. SORRY.

MY MOUTH TENDS TO MOVE
FASTER THAN MY BRAIN.

Charlie: OH.
LATELY MY JUDGMENT

HAS CEASED TO WORK
ALTOGETHER, SO...

Buck: I KNOW--I MEAN,
I DON'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME I HEARD

OF SOMEONE PRETENDING TO
HAVE A FAMILY TO GET A JOB.

SERIOUSLY...

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL...

SMART...

PROBABLY HARD-WORKING.

THE GUYS SHOULD BE
KNOCKING DOWN YOUR DOOR.

BUT YOU'RE, UH, PROBABLY
TOO BUSY FOR DATING.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM.

Charlie: REALLY?

Buck: YES.

JUST BECAUSE I'M AN ACTOR
DOESN'T MEAN I'M LAZY.

THIS IS A CAREER FOR ME.

I DO COMMERCIALS,
THEATER...

SOMETIMES I'M A COWBOY
AT KIDS' PARTIES.

I DON'T KNOW. BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT, THE YEAR'S FLOWN BY.

Charlie: YEAH. WITH
ALL THE LATE NIGHTS

AND THE WEEKENDS
I PUT IN AT WORK,
I--SERIOUSLY,

WITHOUT MY ORGANIZER,
SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT MONTH IT IS.

Buck: HEH. SEE, WE
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

Charlie: DO YOU WANT
A RIDE OR NOT?

Buck: SURE.
Charlie: GET IN.

Buck: ALL RIGHT.

WELL...THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW, I WAS REALLY
HOPING THE MARRIAGE
WOULD WORK OUT.

Charlie: THANKS, BUCK.

Buck: I WASN'T PERFECT,
WAS I?

Charlie: NO. BUT YOU
HAD YOUR MOMENTS.

Buck: AND YOU, YOURS.

GOOD NIGHT THEN.

Charlie: GOOD NIGHT.

Buck: YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER
NEED A SPOUSE FOR A BAR MITZVAH

OR A WEDDING
OR ANYTHING REALLY,

LET ME KNOW.

Charlie: I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

Buck: OR...

W-WE COULD JUST GO OUT
TO DINNER OR SOMETHING.

Charlie: OH. LIKE A DATE?

Buck: WE COULD JUST CALL IT
DINNER AND CONVERSATION.

Charlie: HMM...

PROBABLY NOT.

IT SEEMS A LITTLE
TOO WEIRD, YOU KNOW?

Buck: YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

IN THAT CASE, THUS ENDS
MY SINGLE ONE-NIGHT
PERFORMANCE

AS YOUR HUSBAND.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEET LADY.

AH.

HOW YOU DOING TODAY?

Charlie: MORNING.

Man: GOOD MORNING.
Woman: MORNING.

Charlie: GOOD MORNING,
MR. SQUIRREL.

Mr. Squirrel: HI, CHARLIE.

HAVE A GOOD DAY.

Peter: MRS. McKENZIE,
GOOD MORNING.

Charlie: IT IS. IT IS
A BEAUTIFUL MORNING, PETER.

DO YOU HEAR THE BIRDS
SINGING OUT THERE?

Peter: UH,
IN THE RECEPTION AREA?

Charlie: IN THE SKY, PETER.

Peter: OH, NO, I DIDN'T.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO GO LISTEN?

Charlie: NO. COME IN.

Peter: I APPRECIATE
THAT YOU REQUESTED ME

FOR YOUR DEPARTMENT,
MRS. McKENZIE.

Charlie: NOW FIRST OFF,
NO MORE MRS. McKENZIE.
CALL ME CHARLIE.

Peter: OK, CHARLIE.

Charlie: ANY CALLS?

Peter: MR. WALCOTT. HE SAID
HE'S GONNA STOP BY AT 8:30.

Charlie: OH. GREAT.

HOW DO I LOOK?

Peter: YOU LOOK,
UH, BEAUTIFUL.

Charlie: OH. STOP IT.
YOU GOT THE JOB.

Peter: MR. WALCOTT
ALWAYS SAYS,

"THE TRUTH MAY NOT
ALWAYS BE POPULAR,

BUT IT'S ALWAYS THE TRUTH."

Charlie: HMPH.

Peter: UH, I'M GONNA GO
FOR SOME COFFEE.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

Charlie: YES. PLEASE.
ONE SUGAR, DASH OF MILK.

HMPH, I DOUBT
IF YOU SAW THIS.

Edward: IS EVERYTHING
SPELLED CORRECTLY?

Charlie: OH. PERFECT.

Edward: GOOD. I WANT
EVERYTHING PERFECT.

WE STARTED TEST MARKETING
YOUR IDEAS FOR THE BRANCH
MARKET, CHARLIE.

NUMBERS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF.
I'M VERY IMPRESSED.

Charlie: OH, THANK YOU.

UH, I HAVE SOME IDEAS
THAT I'D LOVE TO RUN
BY YOU.

Edward: WELL, WE'LL HAVE
A LOT OF TIME FOR THAT.

WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING
A LOT OF EACH OTHER.

Charlie: WELL, I APPRECIATE
YOUR TAKING THE INTEREST

IN WORKING CLOSELY WITH ME.

Edward: OH, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I MEAN, CHARLIE.
WE'RE GONNA BE NEIGHBORS.

Charlie: OH.
ARE YOU MOVING OFFICES?

Edward: I'M GONNA RENT
THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR TO YOURS.

Charlie: THE HOUSE--
THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR
TO ME. HUH.

Edward: ISN'T THAT--
ISN'T THAT GREAT? YEAH.

VICTORIA AND I,
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE
OUT IN MALIBU

WHEN WE RELOCATED
OUT HERE

AND WE'RE HAVING IT
REMODELED TOP TO BOTTOM.
IT'S A MESS.

SO WE'VE BEEN STAYING
OUT IN THIS HOTEL.
VICTORIA JUST HATES IT.

THEN WE SAW YOUR PLACE
ON A GOLF COURSE

AND MET FRANK
AND THEN THE HOUSE
NEXT DOOR'S FOR LEASE

AND WE THOUGHT,
PFF, WHY NOT?
WHAT LUCK, RIGHT?

Charlie: OH, BOY.

Edward: I MEAN THE HOUSE
IS NOT OUR DREAM HOUSE,
BUT IT'LL DO IN A PINCH,

AND IT'S ON A ROBERT TRENT
JONES
COURSE. MMPH!

Charlie: RIGHT.
TOUGH COURSE.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
GONNA LIKE IT.

THERE'S A LOT
OF SAND AND JUST
WATER EVERYWHERE.

Edward: YEAH, YEAH.
IT HASN'T HURT
FRANK'S GAME, RIGHT?

Charlie: OH, WELL,
ABOUT THAT, MR. WALCOTT--

Peter: ONE SUGAR AND A DASH
OF--

GOOD MORNING, MR. WALCOTT.

Edward: YEAH.
AND A GOOD MORNING
IT IS, PETE.

Charlie: THANKS.

Peter: GOOD NEWS?

Charlie: SURE. S-SURE.

OH...

Stacy: NO.
HE'S MOVING IN
NEXT DOOR TO ME.

Charlie: I HAVE TO MOVE IN.

Stacy: INTO MY HOUSE,
WITH ME?

Charlie: NO. YOU'LL MOVE IN
TO MY PLACE.

Stacy: I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN STAY THERE.

I'M USED TO
LIVING IN A HOUSE,
NOT AN APARTMENT.

I HAVE A BACK YARD,
A FRONT YARD,
AND THERE'S STAIRS.

Charlie: OH, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

Stacy: MOVE TO THE SUBURB.
IT'S GREAT.

Charlie: ABOUT WALCOTT.

Stacy: OH. OH, I KNOW.
TELL HIM THE HOUSE

IS BUILT ON AN
ANCIENT BURIAL SITE.

TELL HIM THERE'S
RADON IN THE SOIL.

Charlie: I DO LIKE
THE RADON IDEA.

I MEAN IF HE THINKS
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE HOUSE,

HE CAN'T MOVE IN, RIGHT?
Stacy: RIGHT! YEAH!

YEAH, LIKE
IT WAS HAUNTED OR...
OH, WAS ROACH-INFESTED.

I KNOW A GUY
WHO DOES ROACHES.

YOU KNOW A GUY
WHO DOES ROACHES?

YEAH. I MET HIM
ON AN INTERNET
PERSONAL SITE.

HE'S A BUG WRANGLER
FOR THE MOVIES.

HE GETS THESE BIG
AFRICAN HISSING SUCKERS
BY THE BUCKETFUL.

I'LL CALL HIM.
I'LL GET A QUOTE.

BESIDES HE OWES ME.
WE HAD AN AWFUL DATE.

Charlie: BUT I THOUGHT YOU
WERE DATING YOUR HUSBAND.

Stacy: HONEY, I'M JUST--
NEED TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN

IN CASE TROY KEEPS
ACTING LIKE A JERK.

Charlie: A BUG GUY?

Stacy: BECAUSE HE MADE THEM
SOUND SO INTERESTING.

Charlie: OH...
Stacy: DROP IT.

WE NEED TO FOCUS, RIGHT?

WE NEED TO GET BUCK
BACK A-S-A-P.

WE NEED HIM NOW.

Gold: SORRY.
HE'S NOT AVAILABLE.

Charlie: WHAT DO YOU MEAN
NOT AVAILABLE?

Gold: HE'S DOING DINNER
THEATER IN FRESNO.

Stacy: FRESNO? THAT'S
OVER 2 HOURS AWAY!

Charlie: OK, GOLD.
WHAT'S IT GONNA COST?

Gold: I'D LOVE
TO TAKE YOUR MONEY,
BUT HE'S BOOKED.

UH, WHAT ABOUT
JIMMY ROCKWELL?

HE AND BUCK GO OUT
FOR THE SAME ROLES
ALL THE TIME.

Charlie: IT HAS TO BE BUCK.

Gold: WHAT ABOUT
CORBIN GRAVES?

YOU JUST COMB HIS HAIR
OVER THE TOP OF HIS HEAD,

AND YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO REACH HIM.

IT'S COMING BACK TO ME.

MAYBE I COULD GET HIM HERE
IN MAYBE END OF NEXT WEEK?

I'VE GOT HIS NUMBER SOMEWHERE.
I'LL CALL HIM.

YOU'LL BE IN WEDDED BLISS
IN NO TIME.

Charlie: WHAT IF BUCK
DOESN'T SHOW UP?

Stacy: OH, YOU'LL TELL
WALCOTT THAT HE'S IN REHAB.

THAT'S IT.
WE'LL SAY THAT HE'S, UM,
HOOKED ON PAINT FUMES.

Charlie: EHH.

Nicole: NICE TOUCH.

Stacy: THANK YOU.

Charlie: WE ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE THE PICTURE

OF THE PERFECT FAMILY.

Stacy: WELL, SAY THAT
YOU'RE MOVING TO A BETTER
SCHOOL DISTRICT.

Nicole: SO IF WE'RE GONNA
GO ON WITH THIS ACT,

I REALLY THINK I
SHOULD BE GETTING PAID
FOR MY PERFORMANCE.

Stacy: NICOLE, YOU
ARE DOING IT FOR CHARLIE.

Nicole: BUCK'S GETTING PAID.

Charlie:
HE'S A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR.

Nicole: I CAN CRY ON CUE.
YOU WANNA SEE ME?

Stacy: PLEASE, SPARE US.
I'M OUTTA HERE.

Charlie: STACE,
YOU KNOW I LOVE NICOLE.

BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME
ALONE HERE WITH HER.

Stacy: CHARLIE,
SHE'S NOT AN ATTACK DOG.

BESIDES, IT'LL BE
GOOD FOR YOU.

Charlie: WHOA, W-WAIT,
I...I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO FEED HER.

WHAT IF SHE GETS SICK?

Stacy: BYE-BYE.

NOW, SWEETIE,
CALL ME AT CHARLIE'S
AND CHECK IN. OK?

SHE'LL BE FINE.

NIGHTY-NIGHT.

Charlie: SO, UM...
DO YOU WANNA BAKE
SOME COOKIES?

Nicole: SURE.

Charlie: DO YOU KNOW HOW?
Nicole: NO.

Charlie: OH.

Nicole: BUT I CAN MICROWAVE
POPCORN.

Charlie: HMM.

WHERE'S THE MICROWAVE?

Edward: HI,
GOOD MORNING.

MORNING.
CHARLIE.

Charlie:
OH, MR. WALCOTT. ED.

GOOD MORNING.

OH, JUNK,
JUNK, JUNK.

IF I GET ONE
MORE CATALOG--

Edward: WHOA. NO, NO.
I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.
HERE YOU GO.

Charlie: OH, THANKS.
Edward: NO, NO. THAT'S MINE.

Charlie: OH, GREAT.

UH, BEAUTIFUL DAY
FOR GOLF.

Edward: AH, YES IT IS.
I WAS LUCKY TO GET A TEE TIME.

YOU KNOW, I JUST
CAME OVER TO SEE IF
FRANK WANTED TO JOIN ME.

Charlie: OH. YEAH.
HE DOESN'T DRINK TEA.

BUT THANKS
FOR THINKING OF HIM.

Edward: NO, NO.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT--

I WAS TALKING ABOUT GOLF.

UH, YEAH. I GOT A ROUND WITH
BILL OWENS OVER AT FOOD BARN.

IT'D BE A GREAT TIME
FOR FRANK AND I
TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER,

TO BOND A LITTLE BIT,
YOU KNOW.

Charlie: OH, HE WOULD
LOVE TO, BUT HE CAN'T.

HE'S AWAY ON BUSINESS,
AND I DON'T EXPECT HIM BACK
UNTIL MUCH LATER TODAY.

Edward: OH.

OH, LOOK LIKE
HE'S BACK EARLY.

HEY, FRANK.

Buck: HEY, ED.

Charlie:
ISN'T THAT GREAT?

Buck: HONEY, I'M HOME.

HI. MM...

Charlie: HONEY.

Buck:
I JUST COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK.

Edward: OH, THAT'S WHAT I
LIKE TO SEE, 2 PEOPLE IN LOVE.

I WAS JUST ASKING CHARLIE
IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN ME
FOR A ROUND.

Buck: IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR
DRINKING, BUT HECK, WHY NOT?

Charlie: GOLF.
HE'S TALKING GOLF.

Buck: OH, SURE!

Edward: Y-YEAH. YOU--

Buck: I'D LOVE TO.

Charlie: OH. OH, WAIT.

DIDN'T YOU WANT
TO SPEND THE DAY
WITH NICOLE?

IT'S SATURDAY.

YOU GUYS ALWAYS
SPEND SATURDAYS
TOGETHER.

Buck: YE--

Nicole: BYE, MOM. HI, DAD.
BREAKFAST IS READY.

Buck: BYE-BYE, NICOLE.

Nicole: BYE.

Edward: OH, WELL,
THERE YOU GO.

LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Charlie: I'LL COME, TOO.

Edward: WH--I THOUGHT
YOU DIDN'T PLAY, CHARLIE.

Charlie: RIGHT. BUT I LOVE
TO DRIVE THE--THE THINGY.

Edward: THE CART?
Buck: THE CART.
Charlie: CART.

Charlie: IT REALLY
GIVES FRANK AND I

SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
RIGHT, SWEETIE PIE?

Buck: THAT'S RIGHT,
SUNSHINE.

Edward: WELL, THAT'S SWEET.

OK, SO I'LL SEE YOU
IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

Charlie: GREAT.

DON'T YOU EVER KISS ME
LIKE THAT AGAIN.

Buck: I, UH, BROUGHT YOU
SOMETHING.

Charlie: THANKS.

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.

Buck: I--I THOUGHT IT WOULD
HELP
WITH THE WHOLE CHARADE THING.

Charlie: OH. RIGHT.

Buck: YEAH.

Charlie: OH, GOSH.

Buck: HUH.

Charlie: BUCK, HAVE YOU
EVER PLAYED GOLF BEFORE?

Buck: OF COURSE NOT.
WHO HAS TIME FOR GOLF?

Charlie: YOU JUST AGREED
TO PLAY GOLF.

Buck: HOW HARD COULD IT BE?

Charlie: OH...

Buck: FORE!

Owens: OH, TOO BAD THEY
PLANTED THAT TREE THERE.

AT LEAST THAT ONE
WENT MORE THAN 50 FEET.

Buck: YEAH. THE CLUB.

I HAD THIS WHOLE
METAL PART SHORTENED.

THE SHOP SAID
IT WOULD HELP.

YOU MAY GO, SURE.

Edward: OH! THAT'S
A GREAT SHOT, BILL. YEAH.

VERY SHREWD FRANK,
LETTING OWENS BEAT HIM.

Charlie:
LETTING OWENS BEAT HIM?

YEAH. OH. OH, RIGHT.

LETTING OWENS BEAT HIM.

Buck: LET'S GO
GET OUR GOLF ON.

Edward: OK. WE'LL CATCH
YOU GUYS DOWN THERE.

Buck: ALL RIGHT.

Owens: YOU SURE
THIS IS YOUR GAME?

Buck: YEAH. JUST GET
MY RHYTHM GOING.

Charlie: S-SO, YOU LIKED
WHEN HE HIT THOSE 5 BALLS
INTO THE LAKE?

Edward: GOD,
THAT'S VERY CLEVER.

I BROUGHT MY GAME
DOWN A NOTCH OR 2,

BUT FRANK
REALLY OUTDID HIMSELF.

Charlie: [LAUGHS]
THAT'S MY FRANKIE.

Stacy: CHARLIE?

BUCK?

Troy: WHOA! WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA.

Stacy: TROY.
YOU STARTLED ME.

WHERE'S YOUR CAR?

Troy: IN THE SHOP.
I'M DRIVING A LOANER.

WHO'S BUCK?

Stacy:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Troy: LOOKING FOR MY GOLF
CLUBS.

I WAS GONNA PLAY
A ROUND TODAY.

WHO'S BUCK?

Stacy: YOUR CLUBS
ARE IN THE CORNER
WITH YOUR SHOES.

OR THEY WERE YESTERDAY.
SOMEONE MUST'VE
BORROWED THEM.

Troy: LIKE WHO?
Stacy: CHARLIE.

OR BUCK.
I DON'T KNOW.

Troy: WHO IS BUCK?

Stacy: YOU KEEP
ASKING ME THAT.

Troy: AND THE ANSWER IS...?

Stacy: A FRIEND OF CHARLIE'S...
AND MINE.

Troy: I GUESS I'M NOT
PLAYING GOLF TODAY.

SO, WHERE'S NICOLE?
MAYBE SHE WANTS TO
GO SEE A MOVIE.

Stacy: IT'S SATURDAY.
YOU KNOW SHE SPENDS THE DAY
WITH HER FRIENDS.

Troy: OH...SO...WE'RE HERE
ALL ALONE.

Stacy: DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.

Troy: HONEY, WE'RE MARRIED.

Stacy: DOESN'T MEAN
I'M EASY.

Troy: ONE LITTLE KISS.

Owens: WELL, GOOD SHOT, ED,
BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Edward: YEAH. I'M
A LITTLE OFF MY GAME TODAY.

Owens: YEAH.

Buck: WHAT'S MY SCORE,
BUTTERCUP?

Charlie: 116.

Buck: [CHUCKLES]
CAN THEY STILL CATCH UP?

Owens: SURE. ALL YOU NEED
TO DO IS SINK THAT ONE

AND THEN HOPE THAT IT
TAKES ME 34 STROKES
TO PUTT THIS OUT.

Buck: HEY, DON'T LAUGH.
IT'S A TRICKY GREEN.

YEAH!

HEAT'S UP NOW, HUH?

Edward: OH...

Buck: NOT SO CONFIDENT
NOW, ARE WE?

Owens: GOOD GAME.

Buck: WE'LL HAVE
TO GET A REMATCH.

Owens: ANYTIME, FRANK.

Edward: THAT'S THE WAY.

NICE ROUND.
THAT WAS A CLINIC.

Charlie: REMATCH?

Buck: WHAT? I WAS JUST
GOING ALONG WITH--

AH...OW.

P.A.: 3-4's UP,
UP ON TEE ONE.

Edward: HAVE TO ADMIT,
FRANK'S QUITE A BIT BETTER

THAN THAT BETSON FELLA.

Owens: YEAH, WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO HIM?

Edward: OH, BETSON,
WELL, I HAD TO LET HIM GO.

HE FUDGED HIS QUARTERLY
REPORTS,

TRIED TO MAKE HIMSELF
LOOK BETTER.

WALCOTT FAMILY DEMANDS
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY.

YOU CAN'T MAKE COMPROMISES
ON THAT.

Owens: NO, YOU CANNOT
COMPROMISE ON HONESTY
AND INTEGRITY.

UH, THANK YOU FOR A VERY
GOOD GAME, GENTLEMEN...

AND, UH, OH, HEY, CHARLIE...

I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO WORKIN' WITH YOU.

Charlie: THANK YOU.

Edward: CHARLIE, I'VE GOT
A GOOD FEELING ABOUT YOU,

AND I KNOW THIS IS
GONNA SEEM SUDDEN,

BUT I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME
OUT BEFORE YOU SAY NO, OK?

I'D LIKE TO MOVE YOU

TO OUR EUROPEAN OFFICE.

Charlie: OK!

Edward: WELL, UH, CHARLIE,
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD WHY.

Charlie: PLEASE, I TRUST
YOUR JUDGEMENT.

Edward: WELL, I'D LIKE YOU
THERE TO OVERSEE THINGS.

IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS,

OUR ENTIRE
EUROPEAN SALES FORCE

WILL BE BASED OUT OF LONDON.

NOW, I KNOW THIS IS
A BIG DECISION FOR YOU
AND FRANK.

Charlie: OH, FRANK'LL
LOVE IT, RIGHT, HONEY?

Edward: OK, WELL, LOOK,
YOU TWO TALK ABOUT IT

THEN MEET US UP THERE
IN THE CLUB HOUSE, OK?

Charlie: YES.

[BUCK SIGHS]

Buck: I WAS PRETTY GOOD
TODAY, HUH?

Charlie: YOU COULD HAVE
COST ME MY JOB.

Buck: COST YOU YOUR...
Charlie: YEAH.

Buck: YOU JUST
GOT A PROMOTION.

THAT OWENS GUY LOVED ME.

Charlie: OH, WE GOT LUCKY.

Buck: NO LUCK TO IT.

I'M GOOD
AT PLAYING HUSBAND.

NOW, IF YOU WERE
A BETTER WIFE

AND DIDN'T HIT ME
ALL THE TIME,

THINGS MIGHT GO
A LITTLE BIT MORE SMOOTHLY.

Charlie: YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS I'M NOT GREAT
AT PLAYING WIFE.

Buck: WELL...

YOU KNOW,
IF YOU KEEP IT UP,

WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO
INTO MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

[CHARLIE LAUGHS]

Charlie: I LIKE THAT ONE.

Buck: YEAH.

Stacy: I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE MOVING OUT
OF THE COUNTRY.

Charlie: WELL, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE IT, MYSELF.

AT LEAST, I'LL BE OUT OF
WALCOTT'S SIGHT

AND I CAN JUST DROP
THIS WHOLE CHARADE

AND GET BACK
TO WHAT I DO BEST: WORK.

Stacy: WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT NECKLACE?

Charlie: OH, BUCK
GAVE IT TO ME.

Stacy: WOW.
THAT WAS NICE OF HIM.

Buck: I, UH, TOOK SOME OF
YOUR THINGS OUT OF THE DRYER

TO DO SOME LAUNDRY.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

I FOLDED SOME OF
YOUR UNMENTIONABLES.

Charlie: GIMME THOSE.

Stacy: YOU LIKE HIM!

Charlie: DO NOT!

Stacy: DO, TOO! I KNOW
THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES.

SHE LIKES YOU.

Buck: I WAS THINKING
THE SAME THING.

Charlie: OH!

Stacy: YEP.

SHE LIKES YOU.

Buck: YOU HAVE
A LEAKY FAUCET.

Stacy: I HAVE A WHAT?

Buck: YOUR SINK FAUCET
IS LEAKING.

Stacy: OH.

Buck: I CAN FIX IT,
IF YOU WANT.

I JUST NEED A SET OF PLIERS
AND A PIPE WRENCH.

Stacy: SURE. THERE SHOULD BE
SOME TOOLS UNDER THE SINK.

MY HUSBAND HAS A SHIRT
JUST LIKE THAT.

Buck: OH, I FOUND IT
WADDED UP IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

Stacy: OH, NO.
TROY NEVER LIKED IT.

LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.

Troy: STACY!

STACY!

Stacy: TROY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Troy: CAN WE TALK?
Stacy: NOW?

Troy: I COULDN'T SLEEP
LAST NIGHT.

I'M THINKING A LOT
ABOUT IT,

AND I'D LIKE TO MOVE BACK.

WE STILL GOT IT, STACE.

Buck: I'M GONNA NEED
THAT FLASHLIGHT, STACY.

Stacy: TROY...TROY.

TROY.

Troy: WHO'S THAT?

Buck: BUCK MADDIX.
NICE TO MEET YA.

Troy: UH, YEAH, RIGHT.

Stacy: BUCK, THIS IS
MY HUSBAND TROY.

Buck: UHH!

[LAUGHS]

Buck: HI.

UH, YEAH, THE, UH,
KITCHEN FAUCET'S BEEN LEAKING,

SO I JUST THOUGHT I'D TRY
TO TIGHTEN UP THE VALVE.

Troy: YOU KNOW THOSE TOOLS
ARE MINE, YA KNOW.

HE'S WEARIN' MY SHIRT.

Stacy: WELL, I'M SURPRISED
YOU RECOGNIZED THEM.

Troy: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?

Stacy: BECAUSE YOU HAVE
NEVER LIKED THAT SHIRT

SINCE THE DAY I BOUGHT
IT FOR YOU

AND YOU HAVE NEVER USED
THOSE TOOLS.

Charlie: HEY, TROY.

Troy: OH, I SEE.

FINE. HAVE YOUR LITTLE FLING
WITH MR. FIX-IT.

SEE IF I CARE.

Charlie: WHAT WAS
THAT ALL ABOUT?

Stacy: TROY
IS A LITTLE JEALOUS.

Buck: IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A FLASHLIGHT,

A CANDLE WILL DO.

Charlie:
OH, HE THINKS THAT...

Stacy: YEAH.
Charlie: NO.

Stacy: OY.

Charlie: BUCK, WHAT'S
WITH THE LITTLE HANDY ANDY ACT?

Buck: IT'S NO ACT.

I'M REALLY GETTING INTO
THIS WHOLE HUSBAND/FATHER
THING.

Charlie: THAT'S NICE
OF YOU...

BUT, UH,

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
NEED YOU ANYMORE.

Buck: WHAT?

Charlie: UM...

HERE YA GO.

THIS SHOULD COVER
WHAT I OWE YOU.

Buck: UH...

WHAT ABOUT WALCOTT?

Charlie: WELL, I'M LEAVING
FOR LONDON IN A FEW DAYS

AND I WAS JUST THINKING

I'LL--I'LL TELL HIM
THAT YOU'RE AWAY
ON BUSINESS

AND THAT STACY IS GONNA
MOVE IN TO TAKE CARE OF NICOLE

AND THAT YOU'LL COME BACK

TO WRAP UP ALL OUR
BUSINESS AFFAIRS.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
HIS RENOVATIONS WILL BE DONE.

ALL MY PROBLEMS
WILL BE SOLVED.

Buck: RIGHT.

UH...WELL...

SO, IT'S, UH,
GOOD AS NEW.

NO MORE DRIPS
AND IT DRAINS LIKE A CHAMP.

Charlie: THANKS, BUCK.

Buck: AW, NO BIG DEAL.

IT JUST NEEDED
A LITTLE TIGHTENING

AND I CLEANED OUT
THE TRAP.

Charlie: I MEANT
FOR COMING BACK.

Buck: OH.

Charlie: BUT,
UM, IT'S JUST...

IT'S BEST
THAT YOU LEAVE NOW,

BEFORE THINGS
GET AWKWARD BETWEEN US.

Buck: YEAH.

WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT.

Buck: LOOK, UH...

I--I'M GONNA GO PACK UP
AND, UH, CALL A CAB.

[VICTORIA SCREAMS]

Charlie: I WONDER
WHAT'S GOING ON.

[VICTORIA SCREAMS]

Stacy: WOULDN'T HAVE
A CLUE.

Buck: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Edward: WE HAD--

Victoria: SOME BUGS!

Edward: ROACHES,
JUST SOME ROACHES.

Buck: YOU COME STAY
WITH US, OK?

Edward: HERE?

Buck: YOU GUYS COME OVER.

Edward: WE WILL.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, FRANK.

Buck: BYE, HONEY.

Charlie: OH, I DON'T THINK
I'M GONNA LIKE THIS.

Stacy: I'LL BE INSIDE.
Charlie: UH, STAY PUT.

Victoria: AAH!

Edward: IT SEEMS WE HAVE
A LITTLE BUG PROBLEM.

Charlie: BUG PROBLEM?

Victoria: IT'S NOT LITTLE.

Edward: YEAH, VICTORIA
SAW A FEW ROACHES.

Stacy: ROACHES?
Edward:
WE THINK THEY'RE ROACHES.

Victoria: I KNOW A ROACH
WHEN I SEE A ROACH.
Stacy: JUST A FEW?

Edward: MAYBE A FEW MORE
THAN A FEW.

Charlie: H-HOW MANY?
Victoria: THOUSANDS.

Stacy: THOUSANDS, LIKE,
LITERALLY THOUSANDS?

Edward: WELL, VICTORIA
GETS A LITTLE EXCITED.

THEY DIDN'T NUMBER
IN THE THOUSANDS,

MORE LIKE THE HIGH HUNDREDS.

Stacy: I KNOW A GUY
WHO'S GREAT AT THE BUGS.

YOU WANT ME TO CALL HIM?

Edward: OH, YOU DON'T MIND?

THANK YOU. NOW,
FRANK HAS INVITED US
TO STAY OVER AT YOUR HOUSE

UNTIL WE RESOLVE
THIS PROBLEM.
Charlie: HE DID?

Edward: YEAH, BUT I SEE
HE'S LEAVING ON A BUSINESS
TRIP,

SO IF THAT'S TOO MUCH
OF AN IMPOSITION,

WE CAN CHECK RIGHT BACK
INTO THAT HOTEL.

Victoria: I AM N OT GOING
BACK TO THAT HOTEL.
Edward: SWEETHEART...

Victoria: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Edward: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO?

Charlie: UH, IT'S REALLY--
IT'S NO IMPOSITION.
YOU CAN STAY WITH US.

Edward: YOU DON'T MIND?
Charlie: NO, NOT AT ALL.

COME IN!
Victoria: THANK YOU.

Stacy: WE SIMPLY
DISCUSSED PRICING,
I NEVER AUTHORIZED THIS.

Charlie: THIS BUG WRANGLER
FRIEND OF YOURS...

Stacy: I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS

GONNA RUSH OVER AND DUMP
BUGS IN THEIR HOUSE.

Charlie: WELL,
DID YOU CALL HIM?

Stacy: I LEFT A MESSAGE.
HE WASN'T IN.

Charlie: YOU KNOW,

IF I EVE R SEE BUCK
AGAIN, I WILL KILL HIM,

AND IF THOSE BUGS
AREN'T GONE OUT OF THAT HOUSE,

YOU'RE NEXT
ON MY HIT LIST, SISTER.

Lou: HI, THIS IS LOU.

I'M OUT FRONT.

STACY!

Stacy: OH!

Lou:
STACY, GREAT TO SEE YA.

AND HOW'S THAT KID
OF YOURS?

Stacy: SHE'S GREAT.

LOU, THIS IS MY FRIEND
CHARLIE.

Lou: SO, WHAT'D YOU THINK
OF MY WORK NEXT DOOR?

Stacy: LOU, I ONLY ASKED
YOU IF YOU COULD DO IT.

Lou: COULD AND I DID.

Charlie: I HAVE ANOTHER JOB
FOR YA:

GET RID OF THEM.

Lou: PUTTIN' THEM IN,
EASY.

GETTIN' 'EM OUT,
A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY.

Charlie: I DON'T CARE
HOW YA DO IT,

OR WHAT YA DO,

JUST GET THEM
OUT OF THAT HOUSE, PLEASE.

Lou: I SHALL DO IT,
I WILL SUCCEED
AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I WOULD DO
ANYTHING FOR STACY.

ANYTHING!

Stacy: MM-MMM.

Edward: IT'S VERY NOBLE
OF YOU TO OPEN UP
YOUR HOUSE TO US LIKE THIS.

Victoria: YEAH, ALTHOUGH,
I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER

GO BACK INTO THAT HOUSE,
EDWARD.

Charlie: OH,
THAT IS TOO BAD.

WELL, UH, WE'LL HELP YOU
GET PACKED UP

AND SETTLED BACK INTO
YOUR HOTEL RIGHT AWAY.

Edward: NO, NO, CAN'T PACK.

EVERYTHING IS INFESTED.

Charlie: RIGHT.

WELL, STACY AND I WILL
PACK YOUR STUFF UP

AFTER THE EXTERMINATION
IS OVER, RIGHT, STACE?

Stacy: RIGHT! NO, SURE,
I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
YOU NEED?
[DOORBELL RINGS]

Charlie: EXCUSE ME.

Edward: CHARLIE'S,
UH, TASTE OF DECOR

IS VERY...EIGHTIES.

Stacy: OH. EIGHTIES
WASN'T ALL BAD.

Edward: IT'S A LITTLE BIT,
A LITTLE BRIGHT FOR ME,

A LITTLE WHITE.

Victoria: HMM.

I THINK IT'S FRESH.
I LIKE IT.

Stacy: THANK YOU--
SHE'LL THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

Buck: CHARLIE,
WE NEED TO TALK.

Charlie: YEAH, WE DO.

THANKS TO YOU,
THE WALCOTTS

ARE IN THE LIVING ROOM.

Buck: OH. GOOD.

Edward: FRANK!

YOUR TRIP GET CANCELLED?

Buck: NO, NO, I JUST KEPT
THINKING ABOUT

THE PREDICAMENT THAT YOU
AND VICTORIA WERE IN

AND I CAME BACK.

Edward: OH, THAT'S JUST
TOO KIND OF YOU, FRANK,

BUT WE REALLY DON'T WANT
TO PUT YOU PEOPLE OUT LIKE
THAT.

Charlie: YES, THAT WAS
SO NICE OF YOU, SWEETHEART,

TO OFFER OUR HOME
TO THE WALCOTTS.

OH, IT BRINGS TO MIND
OUR WEDDING DAY.

Buck: REALLY?
Charlie: MM-HMM.

WHEN WE SAID,
"TILL DEATH DO US PART."

Buck: OH. HA HA HA HA.

AH, I SEE THAT YOU GUYS
HAVE EATEN.

CAN I GET YOU A MIXED DRINK
OR GLASS OF WINE? HMM?

Victoria: OOH.

Charlie: ACTUALLY, WE WERE
JUST DISCUSSING A HOTEL.

VICTORIA'S A LITTLE
SQUEAMISH.

Victoria: HONEY,
I CANNOT STAY IN A HOTEL.

Edward: SWEETHEART,
WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

Buck: NO, YOU WON'T
GO TO A HOTEL.
YOU'RE STAYING HERE.

Edward: OH, NO, NO,
I DON'T KNOW.

Buck: I INSIST.
Charlie: SWEETHEART...

Edward: N-NO, I REALLY
DON'T WANT TO IMPOSE.

Buck: ED,
YOU'RE NOT IMPOSING.

THAT'S WHAT NEIGHBORS
DO FOR EACH OTHER. COME ON,
RIGHT, HONEY MUFFIN?

Charlie: YES...

BUTTERCUP.

UM, CAN YOU JUST--
CAN YOU COME UPSTAIRS
WITH ME FOR A MINUTE?

I'M NOT SURE THAT
WE HAVE ENOUGH PILLOWS

FOR THE WALCOTTS.

UM, STACE,
WILL YOU ENTERTAIN

ED AND VICTORIA, PLEASE?
COME ON.

Stacy: ENTERTAIN?

OH, YEAH, SURE, SURE.

Buck: DON'T PULL SO HARD.
WHERE'S THE FIRE?

Charlie: WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS TO ME?

Buck: I--I GOT CAUGHT UP
IN THE PART, YOU KNOW,

PLAYING THE COMPASSIONATE
NEIGHBOR. I CAME BACK,
DIDN'T I? HMM?

Charlie: WHAT? DO YOU WANT
MORE MONEY?

Buck: HA HA HA.

OK.

THIS IS THE CHECK
YOU GAVE ME EARLIER, RIGHT?

I'M PROBABLY GONNA
REGRET THAT,

BUT, CHARLIE...

DON'T YOU SEE?

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE MONEY.

I ENJOY BEING AROUND YOU.

Charlie: THIS IS JUST
THE BIGGEST OPPORTUNITY
OF MY LIFE.

I MEAN, IT'S EVERYTHING
THAT I'VE ALWAYS WORKED
SO HARD FOR.

I HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED,
YOU KNOW?

A RELATIONSHIP,
IT'S NOT IN MY PLAN.

Buck: OH. NO,
UM, I'M SORRY. SORRY.

Charlie: WELL, WHERE
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

Buck: UM, OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

Charlie: THE WALCOTTS
ARE SPENDING THE NIGHT

BECAUSE OF YOU.

THEY'LL BE SUSPICIOUS.

Buck: YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Charlie: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
JUST...

WHAT--WHAT'S IT GONNA
TAKE TO MAKE YOU STAY?

ASK ME AS A FRIEND.

BUCK, WILL YOU
HELP ME OUT...

AS A FRIEND?

Buck: SURE.

BUT BE CAREFUL.

YOU MIGHT GET ATTACHED
TO ME.

SHE FELT IT EMBODIED GREGOR'S
METALLIC FUSION PERIOD.

Edward: YOU KNOW A LOT
ABOUT HER ART.

Stacy: FRANKLY,
IT'S ALL I HEAR ABOUT.

Charlie: OK, SO
PLENTY OF PILLOWS.

Edward: CH-CHARLIE,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF
VERY IMPRESSIVE PIECES HERE.

I ESPECIALLY
LIKE THE GREGOR.

DID HE PAINT THAT
BEFORE OR AFTER

HIS SISTER DIED?

Charlie: UM,
WHILE SHE WAS DYING.

Edward: SHE WAS HIT
BY A TRAIN.

Nicole: HI, MOM.
Charlie: HI, SWEETIE.

Nicole: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Charlie: OH, THE WALCOTTS
HAVE A PROBLEM AT THEIR HOUSE.

Nicole: WHAT KIND
OF PROBLEM?

Stacy: YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T
YOU COME TO THE KITCHEN
WITH AUNT STACY

AND I'LL EXPLAIN IT
TO YOU?

Charlie: AH, STACY IS SUCH
A GOOD FRIEND.

NICOLE JUST LOVES HER.

HOW ABOUT SOME WINE?

Victoria: OH, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA.

Edward: THANK YOU.

Charlie: OH, YEAH.

Stacy: SWEETIE,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS
FOREVER, OK?

JUST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.

[NICOLE SIGHS]

Nicole:
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY
THIS GAME ANYMORE.

Charlie:
NICOLE, PLEASE,
YOU HAVE TO.

Nicole: I'M STILL YOUNG
AND VERY IMPRESSIONABLE,

AND ALL THIS IS GOING
TO TOTALLY TWIST

MY EVOLVING SENSE
OF MORALS.

Stacy: WHO TEACHES YOU
THIS STUFF?

Nicole: YOU.
Stacy: OH.

ALL THOSE TIMES
YOU WERE LISTENING.

Charlie: OK, NICOLE,

I WILL MAKE THIS UP
TO YOU.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU WANT?

Nicole: I WANT
MY OWN CELL PHONE.

Stacy: NO WAY!

IT IS BAD ENOUGH
THAT YOUR FATHER

LET YOU GET PIERCED EARS
AND HAVE YOUR OWN COMPUTER

SO YOU CAN INSTANT MESSAGE
YOUR FRIENDS ALL DAY LONG.

Charlie: OK, IS THERE
SOMETHING ELSE?

Nicole:
I WANT TO BE ABLE
TO WEAR MAKEUP.

Stacy: OK, NICOLE AND I
HAVE AN AGREEMENT
ABOUT THIS.

JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
MAKEUP, REMEMBER?

Charlie:
HOW ABOUT THIS SUMMER

SHE GETS TO WEAR
LIP GLOSS?

Stacy: WELL,
I GUESS THIS SUMMER
YOU'LL BE OLD ENOUGH,

BUT ONLY LIP GLOSS, OK?

Nicole: AND $100?

Stacy: OK, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR SENSE OF MORALS
ROUTINE?

Nicole: THERE IS
NOTHING WRONG

WITH PRACTICING
A LITTLE FREE ENTERPRISE.

Charlie: DONE DEAL.

Nicole: DEAL.

SEE YA. CAN'T WAIT
TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS.

Stacy: NOW THAT WAS
PRETTY GOOD.

YOU'RE GETTING THE HANG
OF THIS MOM THING.

Charlie:
YEAH. MAYBE I AM.

Buck:
DON'T I GET A GLASS?

Charlie:
NO ALCOHOL FOR YOU.
IT'S TOO RISKY.

Buck: I'M MARRIED TO YOU.
MAKES SENSE THAT I DRINK.

[CHARLIE FAKES LAUGH]

Charlie: SO I WAS JUST
TELLING FRANK

HOW WONDERFUL IT IS
TO HAVE YOU BOTH
RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

I'M JUST SORRY THE WAY
IT'S ALL WORKED OUT.

Victoria:
OH, THANK YOU.

SO, FRANK, WHAT LINE
OF WORK ARE YOU IN?

Buck: WORK?
WELL, I'M A--

Charlie: DENTAL HYGIENIST.

HE'S--HE'S
A DENTAL HYGIENIST.

Edward: HOW UNUSUAL.
A TRAVELING MALE
HYGIENIST.

Buck: TRAVELING?

Edward: OH, YEAH.
JUST THE OTHER DAY
WHEN WE PLAYED GOLF,

YOU JUST RETURNED
FROM A BUSINESS TRIP.

Charlie: CONVENTION,
UH, SAME AS TODAY.

Buck: OH, RIGHT!
THE CONVENTION! YEAH.

DOWN IN SAN DIEGO.
IT WAS FUN.

NEW PLAQUE-FIGHTING
TECHNIQUES,

AND A NEW CAVITY CRE EP
ANIMATED FEATURE.

Edward:
SOUNDS EXCITING.

CAVITY CREEP.

Charlie: WHY DON'T I
GET YOU SOME MORE WINE?

COME, DEAR.

Buck: OH, NO, NO.
WE'VE GOT--WE'RE...

FINE. OK.

UH, STACY...

SO YOU LIVE NEARBY?

Stacy: NEARBY HERE?

UH, THAT'S A VERY, UH,
TEXTURED SORT OF QUESTION.

[CLEARS THROAT]
IT'S NOT AN EASY THING
TO ANSWER RIGHT AWAY.

Buck: DENTAL HYGIENIST?

COULDN'T I AT LEAST
HAVE BEEN A DENTIST?

Charlie: THAT'S ALL
I COULD THINK OF.

WHAT THE HECK IS
A CAVITY CREEP ANYWAY?

Buck: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
IF YOU DON'T BRUSH
AFTER EVERY MEAL.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THE COMMERCIALS
FROM WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Charlie: I WASN'T ALLOWED
TO WATCH TV AS A KID.

Buck: OH,
THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

Charlie: I'M SORRY.
IT'S THE FIRST THING
THAT CAME TO MY MIND.

Buck:
THAT'S THE FIRST THING
THAT CAME TO YOUR MIND?

YOU HAVE A VERY
STRANGE MIND.

Charlie: WELL,
YOU HAVE NICE TEETH.
IT MADE SENSE.

Buck:
I HAVE NICE TEETH?

Charlie: YES--

THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

I LEAD, YOU FOLLOW.

Buck: OH. HA HA HA.

NOW, SEE, THAT'S PROBABLY
PART OF YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU NEED TO LEARN
TO FOLLOW
SOMEONE ELSE'S LEAD

ONCE IN A WHILE.

Charlie: OK. I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST
WE'VE COME SO FAR,

I CAN'T BLOW THIS NOW.

Buck: WE'VE?

Charlie: YES, WE'VE.

Buck: OK, BUT THE NEXT TIME
YOU REQUIRE MY SERVICES,

I'M EITHER A SUPERHERO

OR AN INTERNATIONAL
MASTER SPY.

Charlie: WHY AREN'T YOU
WITH ANYONE?

Buck:
WHO SAYS I'M NOT?

[DOOR OPENS]

Charlie: OH.

Troy: HELLO, CHARLIE.
WHERE'S STACY?

Charlie: SHE--SHE'S
REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW,

BUT I WILL, UH,
I WILL DEFINITELY
LET HER KNOW

THAT YOU STOPPED BY.
OK, THANKS.

Troy: THIS IS STILL
MY HOUSE.

Buck: ED,
I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA
FOR A NEW COOKIE.

Edward:
WELL, UH, PITCH ME.

Buck: ALL RIGHT.

Victoria:
OH, YES. THANK YOU.

Buck: INSECT COOKIES.

Edward: BUGS?

Charlie: STACY...

SOMEONE'S HERE
TO SEE YOU.

Stacy: WHO?
Charlie: TROY.

Stacy: OH, IT'S TROY.
[CHUCKLES]

Victoria: THAT'S NICE.

Troy, muttering:
OH, GET BACK HERE.

I'VE COME TO COLLECT
A FEW OF MY THINGS.

Stacy: NOW?
Troy: YES, STACY, NOW,

BEFORE YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND
DECIDES EVERYTHING IS HIS.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Stacy: UH, TROY, UM--

Troy: I WANT MY COLLECTION
OF BASEBALL BOBBLEHEADS.

THE BOBBLEHEADS ARE MINE,
MR. FIX-IT!

Stacy: OH, TROY,
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

Edward: THIS IS GETTING
VERY INTERESTING.

Stacy: YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
COME BACK TOMORROW,

AND WE WILL GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU NEED.

Troy: IS EVERYONE NUTS
AROUND HERE EXCEPT ME?

Stacy:
TROY, LEAVE NOW!

Buck: TROY.

Charlie: [CHUCKLES]
OLD FRIEND OF OURS.

Buck: YEAH. HE--HE'S,
UH, A LITTLE OFF-BALANCE,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Edward: NO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Charlie: HE WAS IN REHAB.

SO WE WERE JUST, UH,

KEEPING HIS STUFF HERE
WHILE HE WAS AWAY.

Edward: I SEE.

Victoria: POOR DEAR.

Edward: REHAB FOR, UH...

Charlie: PAINT FUMES.

Buck: HE'S
A PROFESSIONAL PAINTER.

YEAH. HE, UH...

HUFFED THE FUMES
AND GOT ADDICTED.

KILLED A LOT
OF BRAIN CELLS.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

Edward: PAINT FUMES?

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT.

Victoria: OH. I'VE HEARD
ABOUT THAT, DEAR.

Edward: YOU--YOU HAVE?
Victoria: YEAH.

Stacy:
YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

I'M REALLY NOT
FEELING VERY WELL.

SO I THINK
I'M GONNA GO HOME.

Edward: BYE-BYE.

Buck: BYE, STACE.

Charlie: BYE, STACE.

Victoria: WELL,
SHE MAKES HERSELF
VERY COMFORTABLE HERE.

THAT'S NICE.

Edward: YES, THAT'S NICE.

Charlie: [YAWNS]

SORRY. IT'S, UH,
WHOO, GETTING LATE.

Buck: LISTEN,
LET ME SHOW YOU GUYS
TO YOUR GUEST ROOM, HUH?

Victoria: GOOD IDEA.
Edward: OK.

[WALCOTT GROANS]

Buck: IT'S JUST, UH...

Edward: ALL RIGHT.
Victoria: GOOD NIGHT.

Buck: NICOLE'S ASLEEP,

AND THE WALCOTTS
ARE SETTLED IN.

Charlie: DO YOU THINK
THEY SUSPECT ANYTHING?

Buck: IF THEY DO,
THEY DIDN'T LET ON.

Charlie: TROY SHOWING UP?

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
A HUGE DISASTER.

Buck: BUT IT WASN'T.
EVERYTHING WORKED OUT.

Charlie: YEAH.

YEAH, IT HAS.
IT HAS SO FAR.

DID YOU REALLY COME BACK
BECAUSE OF ME?

Buck: YEAH.

AND I, UH...

WANTED TO SEE HOW
OUR LITTLE PLAY
WOULD TURN OUT.

Charlie: YOU'LL SLEEP
ON THE FLOOR.

Buck: OK.

[FRANK GROANS]

Charlie: I THINK
YOU'RE A GOOD ACTOR.

Buck: REALLY?
Charlie: YEAH.

Buck: THANKS.

BEEN WORKING ON IT
FOR A LONG TIME.

Charlie: SO,
YOU NEVER ANSWERED
MY QUESTION.

Buck: MM?

Charlie: IS THERE
SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE?

Buck: OH--OH,
YOU MEAN THE STRING

OF BROKEN-HEARTED
SUPERMODELS

FROM COAST TO COAST.

Charlie:
ARE YOU EVER SERIOUS?

Buck: WELL...

THAT DEPENDS
ON THE SUBJECT.

NO, I...

NEVER REALLY FOUND
MS. RIGHT.

Charlie: I THINK YOU'RE
FUNNY AND SMART, TOO.

Buck: AND RAKISHLY
GOOD-LOOKING?

Charlie:
FUNNY AND SMART.
DON'T PUSH IT.

Buck: HMM.

Charlie:
AND I THINK SOMEDAY

YOU'LL MAKE SOMEONE...
A REALLY GOOD HUSBAND.

GOOD NIGHT, BUCK.

Buck:
GOOD NIGHT, CHARLIE.

Charlie: GOOD MORNING.

Victoria: GOOD MORNING.

Buck: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY
FOR GOLF, EH, ED?

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

Edward: NO. WE'RE
ALMOST DONE HERE.

Peter: JOB'S DONE.

I HAD TO WORK ALL NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, DIDN'T TURN OUT
TO BE AS EASY

AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD, BUT--

I GOT THE JOB,
FI--FINALLY DONE.
WHERE'S STACY?

Charlie: OH,
SHE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW

BUT, UH, I'LL BE SURE
TO TELL HER YOU CAME BY.

Peter: AND THIS IS
THE THANKS I GET?

Charlie: CAN WE
DISCUSS THIS LATER?

Peter: COULDN'T OFFER ME
A CUP OF COFFEE?

Charlie: SURE. OK.
YOU JUST STAY THERE.

Peter: THANK YOU.

I LOST SOME OF MY
BEST BUGS IN YOUR HOUSE.

HAD AN AFRICAN DESERT ROACH
THE SIZE OF MY FIST.

DEAD NOW.

Charlie: WE'LL
THROW A WAKE FOR HIM, OK?

SO THANKS FOR COMING

AND YOU JUST KEEP THAT MUG.

Peter: PUT 'EM IN,
TAKE 'EM OUT.

I'M DOING--PUT 'EM IN,
TAKE 'EM OUT.

Edward: CHARLIE...

WHAT DID HE MEAN
HE PUT THE BUGS IN?

Charlie: OH. OH, YEAH.

THAT'S PART OF THE
EXTERMINATION PROCESS.

THEY--THEY USE BUGS
TO KILL BUGS,

KIND OF LIKE A VACCINE.

Buck: KIND OF LIKE
SENDING A THIEF
TO CATCH A THIEF.

Edward: AH. UH-HUH.

Nicole: GOOD MORNING,
EVERYBODY.

AUNT STACY JUST CALLED.

SHE'LL BE HERE
IN A MINUTE.

NICE COOKING, DAD.

Buck: THANKS, SUGAR PLUM.

Nicole: CAN I HAVE
SOME CEREAL?

Troy: STACY...

WE REALLY NEED TO TALK.

Stacy: TROY,
I NEED TO EXPLAIN--

Troy: STACY,
JUST LISTEN TO ME.

NOW, MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN
THE BEST HUSBAND,

BUT I CAN DO
ALL THOSE THINGS
THIS GUY BUCK DOES

AND MAYBE A FEW THINGS
HE DOESN'T.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT
SOME STUPID THINGS
OR THE BOBBLEHEADS.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THIS HOUSE.

I...

CARE ABOUT...

YOU.

Stacy: THAT IS
SO SWEET, HONEY.

Troy: ALL I WANT IS FOR US
TO BE A FAMILY AGAIN.

I WANT TO COME HOME.

Edward: YOU FINISHED,
SWEETHEART?

Victoria: YES.

Charlie: WOULD YOU LIKE
ANYTHING ELSE?

Edward: OH, NO, NO.
WE HAVE TO BE GOING.

WE'LL SHOW OURSELVES OUT.

Victoria: THANK YOU
FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

Edward: YEAH, CHARLIE,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT WAS NICE TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH YOU
AND YOUR FAMILY.

THANK YOU, TOO, BUCK.

Buck: OUR PLEASURE, ED.
Charlie: YOU MEAN FRANK?

Edward: OH, RIGHT. FRANK.

OF COURSE.

BY THE WAY, CHARLIE...

Charlie: YES?

Edward: YOU'RE FIRED.

Nicole: DOES THAT MEAN
I'M NOT GETTING PAID?

Edward: YOU ARE ON
THIN ICE, MS.--

OR SHOULD I SAY,
MRS. DOBSON.

Troy:
WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?

Nicole: I LIKED PLAYING
YOUR DAUGHTER, CHARLIE.

Charlie: THANKS, NICOLE.

Stacy:
I'M SORRY, CHARLIE.

Charlie: OH,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

Stacy: I TALKED YOU
INTO THIS.

Frank, outside:
I'VE GOT MY PASSPORT.

Troy: WOULD SOMEBODY
TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

Stacy: NOT NOW, SWEETIE.

Buck: SO IT'S ALL
SET UP, RIGHT?

YEAH.

OK. I'LL GET ON THE PLANE.

TELL 'EM I'M--
I'M GOOD TO GO.

ALL--ALL RIGHT.
I--I GOTTA GO.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

COLE JUST, UH,

BOOKED ME A DATE
ON A CRUISE.

GOTTA BE ON A PLANE
TO VENEZUELA AT 5:00.

Charlie: VENEZUELA?

Buck: YEAH.

OF COURSE...

I CAN STAY.

Charlie: NO.

NO, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU SHOULD GO.

Buck: MAYBE
I DON'T WANT TO.

Charlie: LOOK...

THINGS ARE A MESS
FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

I HAVE TO FOCUS
ON GETTING A JOB.

Buck: RIGHT.

Charlie: WHY ME, BUCK?

Buck: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Charlie: I MEAN I HAVEN'T
BEEN VERY NICE TO YOU,

YET YOU STILL SEEM
TO LIKE ME.

WHY?

Buck: I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE...

NOTHING WORTHWHILE
COMES EASY.

[SOFTLY]
Maybe you're Ms. Right.

NICE MEETING YOU, STACY.

YOU, TOO, TROY.

BIG NIC, KEEP IT REAL.

[INAUDIBLE WHISPER]

Buck: HEY, ED, SOMETHING
I NEED TO TELL YOU.

Edward: LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE NOT AN 8 HANDICAP?

Buck: I'M SORRY I WASN'T
STRAIGHT WITH YOU.

AND I KNOW
CHARLIE IS, TOO.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
SHE DID IT

BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT
GETTING THIS JOB

WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IN HER LIFE.

Edward: WELL, SHE'S WRONG.
THERE'S NOTHING
MORE IMPORTANT

THAN A PERSON'S HONESTY
AND INTEGRITY.

Buck: WELL, WHERE WAS YOUR
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY

WHEN YOU WERE THROWING
YOUR GOLF GAME

TO LAND A BIG ORDER
FOR YOUR COMPANY?

Edward: THAT'S NOT
THE SAME THING--

Buck: I GUESS
WHEN YOU'RE THE CEO,

YOU CAN TWIST THE RULES
TO SUIT YOURSELF.

LOOK, SHE'S A GOOD WOMAN, MAN.

GRANTED, SHE'S GOT
A LOT OF THINGS
TO FIGURE OUT,

BUT YOU'LL BE LOSING
AN EMPLOYEE

WHO'S MORE DEDICATED
TO HER JOB THAN ANYONE
I'VE EVER KNOWN.

Stacy: WHY DID YOU LET HIM GO?

YOU LIKE HIM, HE LIKES YOU.

Charlie: MAYBE I'M AFRAID.

Stacy: AFRAID OF WHAT?

Charlie: ACTUALLY BECOMING
A WIFE AND MOTHER.

AND MAYBE BECAUSE
HE'S THE TYPE OF GUY
THAT COULD HAPPEN WITH.

Stacy: CAN'T BE AFRAID OF LOVE
ALL YOUR LIFE, SWEETIE.

Troy: WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE
TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

Nicole: COOL YOUR JETS, DAD.

Charlie: I'M ALMOST FINISHED.
I'LL BE OUT OF HERE
IN A FEW MINUTES.

Edward: YOU DISAPPOINTED ME,
CHARLIE.

Charlie: I'M SORRY.

I NEVER MEANT FOR
ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN.

JUST ALL...KIND OF
SPIRALLED OUT OF CONTROL.

Edward: WELL, IT'S MY FAULT,
TOO, YOU KNOW.

I...PUSH MY VALUES
ON EVERYBODY ELSE

AND THEN I TWIST THEM
TO SUIT MY OWN NEEDS.

Charlie: WELL,
FAMILY'S IMPORTANT.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE, TOO.

GUESS I JUST NEEDED TO
LEARN THAT FOR MYSELF.

Edward: DID YOU
LEARN THAT, CHARLIE?

Charlie: I KNOW I DON'T
WANNA LET BUCK GO.

BUT IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE.

Edward: WELL, THEN, YOU REALLY
DID LEARN SOMETHING.

I KNEW YOU'D COME THROUGH.

YOU FIGURED OUT
WHAT REALLY IS IMPORTANT.

THAT TELLS ME
A LOT ABOUT YOU.

NOW I KNOW I DEFINITELY
WANT YOU FOR THAT JOB
IN LONDON.

Charlie: YOU DO?

Edward: YES, I DO.
WALCOTT COOKIES IS GONNA BE

A MUCH BETTER COMPANY
WITH YOU IN IT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Charlie: I SAY YES.

Edward: YES? GOOD.

DON'T YOU HAVE TO...
BE SOMEWHERE?

Charlie: YES!

HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT BUCK?

Edward: OH, UH...VICTORIA
COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

SHE TURNED THE TV ON
AND SAW BUCK IN A COMMERCIAL.

HE'S PROBABLY A BETTER ACTOR
THAN HE IS A TRAVELING

MALE DENTAL HYGIENIST.

[CHARLIE CHUCKLES]

I LIKE HIM.

Charlie: ME, TOO.

Cabbie: WHERE TO, PAL?

Buck: LAX.

Cabbie: YOU GOT IT.

Charlie: OK, IT'S NOT RAINING

AND IT'S NOWHERE NEAR
VALENTINE'S DAY,

BUT THEY ARE RED ROSES
AND WE ARE IN A CAB.

COME WITH ME TO LONDON.
WALCOTT REHIRED ME.

Buck: I'M GOING
TO VENEZUELA.

Charlie: OK. I'LL GO
TO VENEZUELA WITH YOU.

Buck: YOU'D GIVE UP YOUR JOB
TO BE WITH ME?

Charlie: I'M TRYING TO LISTEN

TO THAT LITTLE VOICE
IN MY HEART.

Buck: CHARLIE...

ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE READY
FOR THIS TO BE REAL?

Charlie: YES.

Cabbie: AM I GOIN'
ANYWHERE?

Buck: ANYWHERE.

JUST TAKE YOUR TIME
GETTING THERE.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HALLMARK CHANNEL
AND FRIENDS OF NCI

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--