All language subtitles for How.The.Gringo.Stole.Christmas.2023.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX.Hi

[soft music playing]

["Jingle Bells" by
Ale Rojas playing]

[Claudia] It's four
days before Christmas,

and it's 70 degrees.

[chuckles] Only in East L.A.

[barking] East L.A. may be thousands
of miles from the North Pole,

but it doesn't lack
Christmas spirit.

["Jingle Bells" continues]

- [in Spanish] Take care, son!
- Always, Mom.

Baby! Your lunch!

- Thank you.
- You got it. Good morning.

- Good morning!
- Good night.

Dirty woman!

[in English] I'm not dirty, I'm
clean. I spread love around.

[Bennie] ♪ I'm dreaming ♪

♪ Of a brown Christmas ♪

♪ Just like the
ones in Mexico ♪

♪ Just like every
wetback in town ♪[laughs]

♪ I miss the cockfight season ♪

[Claudia] In the North Pole
they have little helpers

that do all the hard work.

In Los Angeles, they're
called Mexicans.

There's many stories
about Christmas,

but here is a tale that
has never been told before,

and, perhaps, will
never be forgotten.

♪ With borrachos drinking ♪

♪ And police lights blinking ♪

♪ And you don't
have no ID to show ♪

[instrumental Christmas
music playing]

Daddy's little girl is
coming home for Christmas!

[distant honking]

- [music playing on videogame]
- [roars]

Big thanks from all of us
here at Area 51 Studios.

We hope to be bringing Alien
Zombie Wars to a galaxy near you.

[Toby] Leif, what can I say?

You've exceeded every
one of our expectations.

Yes.

Not only will this satisfy
every youngster's innate ADHD...

- [text alert] - it's
gonna bring people together

through some internalized
rage tendencies,

some fantasies to
fulfill right there.

Bravo!

Hey... Leif? You
still with us?

Oh, I'm sorry, Toby, I, uh...

I gotta go. Um...

I'm afraid it's an emergency.

We were just about to
discuss the contract...

- [call disconnects]
- [soft music playing]

- [chuckles]
- To the woman of my dreams.

Mm-hmm.

I would like to spend

my hard-earned airline
miles and Christmas bonus,

thank you very much,
Alien Zombie Wars,

to fly her to the
land of dreams.

For this holiday season, we're
going to the spectacular,

- romantic paradise...
- [phone ringing]

- of... oh!
- [phone vibrating]

- Um... it's okay.
- [ringing stops]

It-it's just my
dad. He just...

Somehow always has a sixth sense

to call at exactly
the wrong moment.

- Okay...
- You were saying?

[chuckles]

For the best girlfriend a
geek like me could ask for...

you have won an all
expenses paid trip

- down to...
- [phone ringing]

[phone vibrating and ringing]

- ["Jingle Bells" playing
over phone] - You hear that?

[laughs] That's you when
you were five years old

at the St. Francis
beauty pageant

before you became a
big shot in New York.

Hey, so guess what?

You're gonna have a chance to sing
your favorite Christmas song again,

because I am having
my first annual

Mexican Hispanic American
Chicano Christmas

and we're so happy
that you're coming home

to spend Christmas
con la familia!

- Do you wanna get that?
- Um...

[Bennie indistinct]

Yeah. Mm. I'm sorry.

Um... I'm just gonna talk
to him real quick, okay?

It'll take, like, two seconds.

- Okay.
- Yeah? Okay?

- I'll be back.
- Love you.

[Bennie laughing]

[music continues over phone]

What... who said I was
coming home for the holidays?

And, Dad, I'm an
assistant editor.

I-I've been working at the
magazine for barely two months.

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

[hums melody]

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

Okay, Dad? Dad?

Christmas is in like...

Okay, you can't just spring a 3,000
mile trip on me at the last minute.

[stammers] I have
to talk to my...

My boss.

No, no, no, here's
the beautiful thing.

- I already called your boss and I told her...
- You did what?!

About all the things you used
to do when you were little,

how we knew you were
gonna be big in fashion,

and you were dressing up los
perritos and having a fashion show

and you were nine years old,
and I told her that, you know,

you wanted to come over
here to be with your family

and she said that they
are gonna be closed

between Christmas and New Year's, and
she didn't mind if you left a day early!

- ♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
- [clears throat] Okay.

Um, Dad, I'm gonna have
to call you back, okay?

And here's your room. [in
Spanish] It hasn't changed.

Oh, he said hey![in Spanish]
Doggie, say Merry Christmas!

- Bye! Mm-hmm.
- [Bennie speaking indistinct]

Mm-hmm. I'm hanging
up now, okay?

- I'm hanging up.
- I can't hear you. Huh?

- Bye-bye.
- Hurry up...

[sighs]

[Claudia] Oh, no.

Can you believe him?
Did you hear that?

He wants me to go spend
the holidays with them.

- He...
- I know. [chuckles] It's...

Well, do you wanna
hear something amazing?

That's exactly where I was planning
on taking us for the holidays.

Wha...

To spend them with my
family in East L.A.?

That's your idea of the
"ultimate romantic paradise"?

No, well, I know how
important family is to you,

so actually what better gift

to a girl who lives
so far from home?

- [needle scratch]
- You're kidding, right?

- I'm totally joking, yeah.
- Oh, okay, I was gonna say.

- 'Cause that's crazy.
- I'm actually...

I'm not joking. Look,
I got the tickets.

- What? No, you didn't.
- Yeah.

- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I did.

Um... I mean...

I mean, I do miss them.

But, babe, I'm not gonna wish

spending Christmas with
my family upon anyone.

Look, I just wanna make
you happy. You know?

Would spending the holidays
with your family make you happy?

[quietly] Yeah.

- We're doing this?
- Yes.

- [whines] Are you sure?
- Yes!

- A hundred percent? Positive?
- Yeah.

I mean, call your dad back and tell
him you got a new boyfriend or...

- Um...
- It's like he doesn't know I exist, so...

It's okay, don't worry.

- My Dad loves surprises.
- [knocking]

I hate surprises.

Take this check,

take that gift,
give it to your mom.

[in Spanish] Heck!
You don't speak!

[in English] Damn!

[Mexican accordion
music playing]

[Claudia] Merry
Christmas! Feliz Navidad!

Happy 25th.

No matter how you say it,

you can't help but to
say it with a smile,

but this year,

Christmas will come in a
different shape and form,

one that I could've
never imagined,

one that would change my
father's unwilling heart forever.

- [sighs] - [in Spanish]
Mr. Sanchez, my house is your house.

[in Spanish] No, love. My father's
house is definitely his house.

Huh?

[accordion music continues]

Am I the first White guy to set
foot in this neighborhood or...

No. No, no, no. Mm-mm.

Most of the police are White.

I mean, I'm sure
your dad's gonna love

you bringing home
a gringo boyfriend.

Aww, my beautiful gringuito!

My father is an equal opportunity
boyfriend hater, okay?

'Kay.

[whimsical music playing]

[Lucky] Hey, look,
it's mini-Mario Lopez.

Hey, what's up, ese?

What's in the box,
eh? I'm hungry.

Me, too! Hey, throw
me a bear claw!

Hey, fool, you're
on a diet, remember?

No carbs, ese.

That's right, ese. You know
how much I love conchitas.

- Hey, what color, fool?
- Don't tell nobody, homie,

but the pink one, ese.

Ah, that's what up,
fool, that's what's up!

- Want some right now?
- Let's-let's go.

[doorbell rings]

Ooh.

[in Spanish] Oh, my
God! Good morning, miss!

[in English] Javier de la
Torre, at your service.

Of course you are.

You must be Carmencita.

[in Spanish] Dummy, your mommy!

Hey, don't be mean.

- Come in!
- Thank you!

[Tita in English] Who is it?!

Home delivery services.

How are my favorite ladies
on the block doing today?

- [in Spanish] Very, very
well! [chuckles] - Beautiful.

[in English] I just stopped by to
bring you ladies some pan dulce.

Thought it would be
good with your cafecito.

[in Spanish] Who cries
when given free bread?

[laughs]

- You brought my favorites!
- Yes, of course!

Yummy!

Would you like a coffee?

I can't stay, I'm sorry.

[in English] I'm running late for an
appointment. Big remodel in Brentwood.

Well, we're open 24/7.

- [laughs] - [in Spanish]
You are shameless!

- [in Spanish] I gotta run. Gabbie, see you soon!
- Okay, son.

[in English] By the way,

- you ladies should be arrested.
- Why?

I heard it was against the
law to look so beautiful.

[in Spanish] Oh, come on!

This smartass.

[in English] I dated
a guy like him once.

You dated someone that
looks like everyone.

Mm-hmm.

[in Spanish] Jeez, I told
this guy to call me...

[in English] and
he text me back.

[in Spanish] And why
don't you call him?

Porque he should be calling me.

- The lawyer from last night?
- No, no, no. That was Hector.

This is Fernando, the
computer programmer.

You need a computer
just to keep track.

- Okay, so, but... pero...
- That's not a bad idea.

We miss you. So, when
are you arriving?

- [Tita gasps]
- Mm-hmm.

[in Spanish] Very well.

[in English] Okay? Okay, hurry.
Okay. You guys, guess what?

¿Qué?

Mi Claudita is on her way!

[in Spanish] What a
beautiful surprise!

Check it out. My
suegro's here.

That's my suegro, homie.

[scoffs, in Spanish]
These losers...

Hey, when did you guys get out?

Hey, vato, what's up?

What's that? You
got the cramps?

Hey, do what my mother-in-law
does. She lights a candle at night.

What'd you say, ese?

Hey, don't be disrespecting
the homeboy, ese.

You guys disrespect
this neighborhood

every time you stand out
here. Don't you guys work?

[stuttering] Y-y-y-yeah,

and-and Casper's working
on his probation,

I'm working on a new s-s-song,

and Lucky's working on a tasty,

- delicious mal-mal-malt liquor.
- That's right.

That's what you guys need,
more shit to make you stupid.

[Casper] Hey, Bennie,
word on the street is,

your daughter's coming home.

Yeah, she's real fine, ese.

Don't talk about my daughter,
man. Don't look at her.

Hey, cálmate, homes.

I bet you she's all
telenovela style.

Them homegirls be
hotter than two lizards

sleeping on a rock in
the middle of the desert.

The trash is Tuesday.
Let me go inside

and I'll get you some
aspirin for your cramps, eh?

What the hell does
that mean, fool?

I'm...

[rapping in Spanish] You
saw me arriving running

And so maybe I'll go

You should know the stories.

Quick, vato.

What's three plus
four minus one,

divided by shut the
fudge up, homie?

"Fudge"? "Shut the fudge up"?

Hey, homes, what
the hell was that?

I told you, ese, I quit
bad words cold turkey.

And now, I'm a born-again cholo,

so shut the fudge up, homie.

- I don't get it.
- But how can you be born again?

Ow, my head hurts.

[inhales]

- Whoa.
- [door closes]

Save that pose for later.

Ay, Bennie, you
broke my Zen, hombre.

I think you should be more
concerned with breaking your back.

It's yoga, Bennie. You
don't break your back.

You should try it, so maybe
you're more flexible in life.

No, no, no. Where I come from,

if they catch you in a position
like that, you'll get beat up.

Where do you want me
to put the presents?

[in Spanish] Where they always
go, love, under the tree.

Ah.

Ay. Ay.

Gordo, we need to
get a new tree.

[in Spanish] This one is
all raggedy and sparse!

[in English] It doesn't
even feel like Christmas,

it doesn't smell
like a real tree.

Oh. Espera. [chuckles]
Look at this.

Uh, "Wild forest pine.

Bring the essence of the
forest into your home."

- [laughs] Ay, Benicio.
- [laughs]

Don't waste it. We need it
when you go hacer caquita.

Okay, well then, you know what? I'm
gonna get a real Christmas tree.

A traditional Hispanic,
Mexican-American Christmas tree.

- Okay, and how's that?
- Because Claudia's coming home,

and as a family we're gonna have

a traditional Hispanic Mexican
American Christmas, so...

and it's gonna be the best
Christmas ever, you know.

Uh-huh. And when did
you think of this

and why am I the
last one to know?

Because you always say no.

- What's going on, Bennie?
- Nada.

[in Spanish] Tell me.

[in English] What's
going on here?

Is something going on?

[in Spanish] Tell me.

[in English] What
you thinking?

[in Spanish] Okay,
let's see, baby.

Mi gordito, you
really miss your baby.

Is that what this
is all about, eh?

This is where she belongs.

- Where?
- She's so far away, you know,

[speaks Spanish] I mean,
what's wrong with L.A.?

We could see her
on the weekends.

Remember when we
used to go out and...

[in Spanish] Wait
a second, Benito!

[in English] Not
always about you.

She landed a big job,

she's got her new gig in the
fancy magazine, what she wanted.

Can we be happy for her?

Can we or no?

- Yeah, no, I'm happy for her.
- You know, yeah.

I just wanna show her
that I can plan the best

and most Feliz Navidad
that she's ever had.

Okay, well that's good.
Oh, you drive me crazy.

- Oh! [laughs]
- You drive me crazy!

[in Spanish] You are
so stubborn! Come here!

Ay, I love you, my
yoga mama. Mira!

- Hey, watch this. I'm gonna do it, too.
- ¿Qué?

[in Spanish] Okay! Let's
see. Show me your skills.

Now stretch your
legs. Jeez! Wait!

- Cramp, cramp!
- You have to warm up!

- Where does it hurt?
- My butt!

- Where?
- No, my butt!

- Here? Where?
- There, there...

[Latin hip-hop
playing on boombox]

[Casper] Hey, vatos!

What's that fool doing?

[Lucky] He's bringing
Christmas to the streets, eh?

[Mighty] Hey, Bennie,
what are you doing, fool?

- Christmas ain't over yet, eh?
- Merry Christmas.

Don't smoke it.

Hey, follow me, homie.

Hey, go check it out,
homies. I got your back.

Damn, that tree is jacked up.

Hey, that's what's up,
ese. I could take this

to those disadvantaged,
underprivileged kids, homie.

You mean h-h-h-homeless
kids or orphans?

My kids, vato. I'm
taking this home.

Vámonos, fool, before he
changes his mind, ese.

[Lucky] Hey, have you ever
smoked a-a Christmas tree before?

- No, man.
- Well, you see, it was flying reindeers

and dancing gingerbreads, homie.

Forget your kids. Let's
smoke that, homie.

Let's go, homie. Come
on. Watch out, homie.

Let's go, fool.

Hey, don't be starting
to smoke without me, ese.

Who got the lighter?
Who got the lighter?

[all yelling]

Mini, we already
got a mini vato.

[Latin hip-hop playing]

Come on, m'hijo.

Try to stay sober
this year. Vamos.

- Feliz Navidad!
- [yelps]

- Ah, you're home!
- [laughs]

Oh my God, you're home.
I missed you so much.

- I know! I missed you so much!
- Oh, my God. Look at you.

- I have something to tell you.
- I have something to tell you, too.

- Uh-huh?
- You're daddy's little girl forever.

[squeals, laughs]

- I'm so glad you're home.
- No. Okay, Dad.

You'll have to let
go. I can't breathe.

- Come on.
- [exhales] Okay. [laughs] I have a surprise for you.

Come back from New York, [in
Spanish] you are full of surprises!

- [squealing]
- Yeah!

Mommy!

[in Spanish] How is my baby?!

[squealing and laughing]

[Tita in Spanish] Wow!
My baby so skinny!

[in English] Too much
tofu in New York?

[Gabbie in Spanish] Don't
worry, we are gonna enjoy

plenty of tacos,
chilaquiles and tortillas.

Um... ahem.

- [Claudia chuckles] - [Bennie
in Spanish] What's going on?

Um, okay, uh...

Ahem, Mom, Dad, this
is my boyfriend, Leif.

Leif, Mom and Dad.

- Your boyfriend?
- Mm...

¿Un gringo?

[in Spanish] Hey, how
are you, Sr. Sanchez?

[laughs]

[in Spanish] What did he say?

- It's...
- He meant to say hello.

No, no. That's fine, I just
wanna hear it from him.

Mr. Sanchez, it's a
pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to make
your acquaintance.

- [both Spanish] That's it!
- What did he say his name was?

- Leif. Mucho gusto.
- What's that mean?

[in English] I'm
Gabbie, Claudita's mom.

Nice to meet you, and this is
Carmencita, y la abuela Tita.

- [in Spanish] Welcome, Leif!
- Thank you!

- Welcome to the family, huerito.
- Ay! Welcome to the family.

Mr. Sanchez, thank you
so much. I am so excited.

I've never been in a
Mexican home before.

- [Carmen laughs]
- This is crazy!

[laughs] A Mexican's home.

- [Carmen laughs]
- [mutters]

"A Mexican home." Okay. Okay.

Family meeting in the
Mexican home right now!

- Ooh!
- [overtalk]

I mean, "a Mexican home."

What did he say, did you hear?

What does he think?
We sleep on chile?

[in Spanish] Darn it!

- [Mighty] That fool is mad-mad!
- [Lucky] Last time I saw him that mad

was when I took
his lawnmower, dog.

[Casper] Got the
white boy in the back.

Look at him. He's
looking at us.

Not even her type, dog.

Thought she was into cholos.

[Lucky] I don't like the way
that fool looked at me, dog.

[Mighty] So, you
wanna go bang, ese?

- [Casper] I'm ready, fool.
- Come on, man. Let's go jump him in.

[Lucky] I'm serious.
Think he has money?

[bottle cap clinking]

[suspenseful music playing]

Did you know about
this? Did you know?

No, I didn't know anything.

[in Spanish] We didn't know anything!
You kept the secret very well!

- Since when?
- [laughs] Shh, he's gorgeous.

- You see?
- How come you didn't tell me?

I... uh... [stammers]

I wa... I wanted it
to be a surprise.

Yeah, that wasn't a
surprise. That was an ambush.

You think we were surprised when the
Americans went and invaded Mexico?

And afterwards all the
Mexicans are hanging out,

"Mira nomás, wow,
what a surprise!"

[laughs]

[in Spanish]
Benicio, please stop!

- You're overreacting like a little bit.
- [laughs] Don't worry.

[in Spanish] Bring it down
a notch! He's listening!

Don't be rude to him.

[Bennie] Hey, hey, he
was rude to me first.

I wanted a Brown Christmas,
not a White Christmas.

Okay? I wanted a
traditional Christmas,

con las abuelas,
los tíos, las tías,

tamales, and all your cousins
playing in the street,

hurting themselves, así,
a Mexican Christmas.

How about you just...
you give him a chance

before you start
judging him, okay?

Give me a chance.

[in Spanish] He is like a cannellini
bean, among the black beans.

What's un chance? Is
that his dad's name?

Next thing you know, we'll be
carrying water como pendejos.

What time does the movie start?

[in Spanish] Jeez!
What a temper!

[Gabbie laughs, speaks Spanish]

Hey, nothing that a
tequila can't fix.

- Leaf.
- It's Leif.

Uh, yes, yeah, I know.
Make yourself at home, hmm?

Mrs. Sanchez, I know
this is a surprise.

- See, Mr. Sanchez, he called Claudia...
- Yeah.

Invited her home for Christmas.

- That's the only...
- Yeah. No, no, no, don't worry.

You don't have to
explain yourself.

The most important thing
is that you're both here.

I just wanted to surprise him.

Well, you did surprise
him, m'hijita, you did.

You even surprised
la Tootsie aquí.

You even surprised me. Why are you
keeping secrets like that, huh?

- Baby, come on.
- Have a seat, Leaf.

- Uh, it's Leif.
- [laughs]

[in Spanish] Yes, I
know! What an ugly name!

- [Claudia] Stop.
- Gracias.

[in Spanish] Have a
seat. What? It's true!

[Tita shushing]

[in Spanish] He's so sweet.

- He looks like a good guy! Right?
- Yes, I know.

Okay. I have to have a
serious talk with Dad.

And I have a date with a chela.

Chela?

Uh, Coachella?

Ah [coos]...

A chela.

What do you want to drink?
What do you want to drink, eh?

[Gabbie speaks Spanish]

What about a Mexican candy?

Gracias.

Guys... it's gonna be okay.

- Yeah.
- [muffled music playing]

Hey, is that fool
checking me out or what?

- [sighs]
- What's up, ese? What's up?

[sighs]

- Mm.
- [Leif sighs]

Tito.

I feel like I'm starting

the next Mexican
American war here.

I'm sorry, babe.

I... I'm sorry!

- [playing melody]
- Oh.

I'm surprised my crib
still isn't in here.

You know, Claudia,

if this is gonna be an
issue with your family,

I feel like I should
probably just go.

- What? No.
- Yeah.

Come here. Come here.

It's not my family.

It's my father.

He just needs to get to know you

in the same way that I know you.

I love you.

- I love you, too.
- [Gabbie] Ay, ay, ay!

[in Spanish] Oh, my God!

[sighs]

[wincing] I think I strained...
I think I strained my back.

Ah! I go get the Vicks.
It's good for broken backs.

Okay, you breathe...
y ahí vas.

You breathe... No, espérate.

- Ay, ay, ay...
- [Gabbie wincing]

[in Spanish] Wow,
what happened to you?!

How did you get
tangled up like this?

Don't be a jerk.
Don't film this.

- Talk to the camera, sis!
- Stop, Carmen.

Heal, heal, little frog's tail!

- [in English] Is that better?
- No, no, no, no.

[Tita] You have
to breathe it in.

- A ver, a ver, how about now?
- Sí. Uh-huh. It's not helping.

[in Spanish] Maybe
the smell helps you.

I have to check the
expiration date.

[back cracks]

[in Spanish] Damn!
Son of a gun!

- Hey! Mamá! You okay? You okay?
- No, no, no. Sí, sí.

[in Spanish] What
happened?! Are you okay?!

- Slow down. Okay, okay, okay.
- [in Spanish] It's nothing, baby.

- How can I help you, Mom?
- It's nothing, baby.

- Relax, slow down...
- Calm down, everyone! I'm fine!

Slow down...

- Hey, just...
- Remember the yoga?

- I do.
- Don't break... don't, uh...

- I know what I'm doing, -
Baby, be careful, please. Okay?

- Deep breaths, please.
- Okay. Sí.

No, you're not gonna crack me.

I have kidney stone.
Don't crack me.

- I got this.
- Be careful, baby, please,

- [speaks Spanish] - We're
gonna move you this way, okay?

- Okay. A ver.
- Let's go slowly.

- Baby, be careful.
- And she's doing so good.

- A ver... ay...
- Just breathe...

- What the...
- [barking]

- ¿Qué pasa? No, no...
- What the...

Ay, ¿que pasó? Dad!

- What is this?
- Okay, he was just helping...

Oh my God, he was just helping Mom
with... with... with an injury from yoga.

[sighs] Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?

[Claudia speaks Spanish]
Is it because he's White?

Dad...

since when do we judge people
by the color of their skin?

Hey, this isn't about
the color of his skin

or the lack of color
of his skin. All right?

I like gringos. All right?

Because of them, we have this
amazing house in this great country.

We have food on our table.

I mean, I love their
food. Pizza and hot dogs.

I mean, there's no taste,
like eating cardboard.

[in Spanish] Hey,
Dad! What's going on?

Stop.

[in English] How about, in
front of all these witnesses,

you make a promise...

that you're gonna
give him a chance?

Just get to know him.

Yeah, of course.

- [Bennie groans]
- Ay.

[laughs]

- [bells jingle]
- [whimsical music playing]

Hey.

Are you feeling better?

You need to apologize to Leaf.

Leif.

[in Spanish] Yes!
Whatever his name is.

He is a good boy.

[in English] You know, he
actually fixed my back.

[in Spanish] Look, look!

[scoffs]

He used to work con los estos...

[in Spanish] With these guys from
NY! The chiro... practicians.

[in English] Anyway, I
feel better. [scoffs]

[in Spanish] Well,
I didn't know.

Y so maybe your handyboy
can help us with this aqui.

Hmm?

- [in Spanish] What? What is that?
- What do you think?

- [in English] It's how they did it in Mexico.
- It's a Christmas tree?

[in Spanish] A cactus?

[in English] Yeah!

[in Spanish] Benicio, really?

Listen, does nobody care about
tradition around here except me?

It's Christmas Eve. You
know where they're at?

[in Spanish] They are
there on Christmas Eve,

eating tofu, con ese gringo.

[in English] That's why
Chicanos are losing their roots.

First, we lost California,
and then Arizona,

and then Texas, and
then New Mexico.

New Mexico, they don't even
consider themselves Mexicans.

They consider
themselves New Mexicans.

How could you be a New Mexican?

You know how? Because all
old Mexicans are dying

and the new ones
are coming over,

and where are they
Christmas Eve?

Eating tofu con un
gringo! That's why!

[in Spanish] Okay.
It is pretty.

Am I doing everything wrong?

[in Spanish] No! It's pretty!
Look at the little bow! So pretty.

[sighs]

Pero you're changing
the subject.

You're gonna go and
apologize to Leaf.

- Leif.
- [in Spanish] Yes, that one.

[lively Latin music playing]

[music volume decreases]

Hey, vatos.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out.

I think he-he... he's
mad at something.

Yeah, the foreigner.

[Casper] Say what, fool?
You're from Puerto Rico.

I'm mad at your
mom for having you.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me
school you real quick, ese.

That is US territory, homie.

- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

- No, it's not, fool.
- Yes, it is.

Hey, you put pineapple
on your pizza?

Oh, yeah. I love piña.

You see? That's where
you're confused.

And soon your ass
is gonna be singing

country music in Spanish
at a rap concert.

- What's that mean, ese?
- [Mighty laughs]

Says a jealous
German-looking Mexican.

[groans, chokes]

[laughs mockingly]

[in Spanish] Hey,
what's up, dude?

- What's up, homie?
- Hey, don't be judging

no book by the color
of the sleeve, homie.

- All right, what?
- [groans]

Sleeve? These are sleeves.

- Right here, homie.
- That's a highlighter.

Yeah, I could tat you up real
quick, homie. Look, boom, tatted.

What's up, Highlights?

- [laughs]
- Hey, don't panic, fool.

- I'm Hispanic.
- I guess he's organic.

Hey, forget you fools.
Put the music back on.

[music volume rises]

[groaning]

- Señor Sanchez!
- [groans] Ay, my eyes!

[groans, coughs]

Hey, give me the bull.
Ahí te va el bull.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Ahí te va el bull.
- Don't get too close.

Watch out, watch out, watch
out, watch out, watch out.

[in Spanish] Damn
lights! Ahem.

You okay?

[clears throat]

- I got you.
- I want to say something...

say something to you.

Uh, sí, señor Sanchez?

- Can you do me a favor?
- Sí.

- Can you stop calling me that?
- What?

Señor Sanchez.

You know what? Just
call me Bennie instead.

Sure thing. Yeah.

Hey, so, Leif, I wanted to, uh,

I wanted to apologize to you
for earlier today. I mean, I...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, Mr... Señor... Mr. Bennie,

- it's really... it's... it...
- No. No, man, listen, I...

I mean, I thought, you
know... you looked like...

Aww, crap.

[in Spanish] What the hell
is this? Look at this bush!

- [in English] What a
mess! [sighs] - Oh, here...

Here, I'll just...

No, it's all
messed up. [scoffs]

You know, I could, uh... I
could help you with that.

Really?

[distant barking]

I know my way around
a hedge. Yeah.

- Really, huh?
- Yeah.

All right, don't go
nowhere. Hang on.

[footsteps depart]

White boy is risking
his huevos, eh?

- Ah. Let's see.
- Yeah.

- All right. Good luck. Ahem.
- Okay.

Uh...

All right.

["Vals de las flores" playing]

Damn.

Damn, homie! I
ain't never seen

anything like this in my life.

Wow! [laughs] White
boy gets down, eh?

[music continues]

- Bring it in.
- Oh, yeah. Let's go.

Hey, he's a damn fool, ese.

Palabra.

Wow.

[Lucky] Yeah, I think I
know why that homegirl

- fell in love with him, eh?
- [sighs] Mr. Bennie.

[Casper] Grass, homie.

[sighs]

- Thank you.
- [sighs]

Yeah, here you go.

Any time.

Did that White boy just teach
that Mexican how to landscape?

Look, Bennie's speechless.

[Casper] Hey, fools,
and what's next?

They gonna valet park
our lowriders, ¿o qué?

Hey, he better be careful
with this thing, fool.

- Palabra.
- He ain't touching my car, fool.

[music ends]

What do you think?

Um, I mean, I like all of
it, except for the flags.

- What...
- What's wrong with the flag?

Dad, it's Christmas,
not Cinco de Mayo.

Red, white and green.
Jesus was Mexican.

[in Spanish] What?

I never told you?

His real name is Jesús, right?

- Ay...
- He'd ride around on a mule,

lived at home until he was 33.

- Mm-hmm.
- Swears his mom was a virgin.

Your tía Concha,
she has seven kids

and she swears that
she's a virgin.

Now, either she's lying or one
of those kids is a Messiah.

Okay, Dad, I love him.

And your tío Gustavo,

when he was locked up in county,
said he found Jesus there.

- Everybody loves Jesus.
- Dad!

I am trying to explain something to
you here so we can have a real talk,

but you're not really
listening to me.

Is there a way that we
can meet in the middle?

We need to have a
talk, you and I.

Wh... Do you see this?

You're not even paying
attention to me.

Father-daughter talk.

Dad, what father-daughter talk?

When people talk to each other, they
also listen to what the other has to say.

That's what a talk is.

Father-daughter talk. Come on.

- ¿Qué?
- Let's go.

- Dad... Dad!
- [speaking Spanish]

[in Spanish] Dad, my heels!

[in English] Dad... Are
you not gonna get my door?

Uh, okay. Wow you changed.

Cómo que change! See, in New
York City, there's gentlemen.

- Wow.
- Gracias.

All right, after you.

[indistinct chatter]

This is fun. [chuckles]

Okay, you know what,
Dad? I wanna go home.

Go... no! W-we...
we just got here.

What... this is
your favorite place.

What? No, it's not
and it never was.

Cómo que never was?

What... what is this?
Dad, I'm hungry.

I want actual food.

[tropical music playing]

i¡Ay, qué rico!

[speaks Spanish] Where's
he? Hola. Hola, Leaf.

Hi, Leaf, come here and
dance with your tía.

[laughs]

- [Gabbie speaks Spanish]
- [Carmen humming melody]

There you go. Oh, no,
no, not like that.

- No?
- Oh, no.

Feel the music. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. [speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish, hums]

[speaks Spanish]
Okay, come here.

[in Spanish] Party pooper.

Vente, Leif, don't
listen to her.

No, she's okay. [laughs]

She's the non-recovered
party girl of the house.

[laughs]

- Ay, so yeah...
- Wow.

[gasps] Have you
tried the tamales?

- Yes, yes, I have. They're great.
- Yeah? Uh-huh.

Although I don't
find many places

that make them back east.

Yeah, uh, you're in
for a treat this year,

porque la Grandma Tita here,

she's making her world famous,
one-of-a-kind chicken tamales.

- Uh-huh, oh yeah. Yeah.
- Oh.

You'll know what's
good. [laughs]

- That sounds great.
- Yeah.

- [children chattering]
- [liquid pouring]

Dad, how come you never
liked any of my boyfriends?

You didn't even like Gabriel,
and he was actually a good guy,

and he came from a good family.

Wait, well, who's that? Elmo?

Elmo?

[in Spanish,
laughs] The wetback!

Dad!

He was not a wetback and you
called Immigration on him.

Don't exaggerate, all right?

All I did was yell "La
migra!" and that kid took off.

Hey, he ran across
country so fast,

if they had a border Olympics,
he would've won gold. [laughs]

Papá, that's not funny.

Mira, Joaquin, Frankie, Antonio.

It's like I could
never have a boyfriend

because you would always
just make it so hard for me.

[mascot clucks]

[in Spanish] What the hell
is it with this chicken?

Hey, well, you...

Thank you. Back to the...

back to that cage.

Um, you were too young
to have boyfriends.

[in Spanish] Why, what now?

[in English] What's
your excuse now?

Well, at least they're Mexicans.

What about Javier? I know he's
a little bit of a playboy,

a little Don Juan thing going,

but you know what, he's always
been really nice to you.

I am a strong, independent woman

who is capable of
making her own choices.

You see, that's exactly
what I'm talking about,

because you're getting
to the age that...

where...

Have you and Leif...

[sighs] I can't even believe
I'm gonna say this...

Mm.

Has he taken your chanclas off?

I¡Papá!

[in Spanish] Have
you lost your mind?!

I am 23 years old.

I did not come here
for you to tell me

what it's like to
be sin chanclas.

[in Spanish] That's
going too far.

- [clucks]
- Look...!

No, no, no, no, no! Look!

You stupid chicken!!

Mira, well... Hey, I've
known you your whole life.

He's known you two months.

[in Spanish] He's like
a duck without legs!

[wolf whistle]

Hey, beautiful.

- Javier?
- [laughs]

De la Torre?

[Javier sighs]

Would you look who it is?

- Mm-mm.
- [laughs]

- Hi. Oh!
- How are you?

Your mom told me you were
coming home for Christmas.

I just did not think your dad

would bring you back to this
place on your first day back.

[sighs] Yeah, you and me both.

And he thinks I'm the one
who still hasn't grown up.

Can you believe that?

I mean, you look
pretty grown to me.

So what do you think of my girl?

Wow, she is really pretty.

Not as pretty as you. [laughs]

Ay.

So, where can I take you?

[sighs] As far away
from here as possible.

Your wish is my command.

- Hm.
- After you.

- Gracias.
- Mm-hmm.

[Javier groans]

Let's get some tacos
de asada, yeah?

Sí.

[tropical music playing]

Can't I do anything to help out?

I feel like I'm just sort
of, uh, standing around.

- No.
- You are just standing around.

Get to work.

- Sí, señorito.
- [laughs]

A. Señorita.

Oh, that's right. Uh,
a, girls, o is for boys.

- Sí.[laughs]
- Señorita. Señorita. Disculpe.

You are disculpado. Hm.

Now, everybody in this family
helps out with the cooking.

I used to be a chef in Mexico.

Mm, and a very
good one. Mm-hmm.

Wow, now I really
can't wait to try

your world-famous
chicken tamales.

You have to start with fresh,
m'hijo. That's the secret.

Now, Leaf,

go into the kitchen

and get the chicken out
of the stove, please.

- Sí, señorita.
- [laughs, gasps]

[in Spanish] Dance with me!

[chicken squawks]

[gasps, in Spanish]
Damn chicken!

Tita! At least
pluck the chicken!

[chicken bawks]

Where's the chicken?

[Claudia, in Spanish] Thank you!

[both laughing]

- [Claudia] Are you gonna close the door?
- [laughs]

[laughs] You're
stupid. Hi, baby.

Hi. Hey.

You must be Leaf.

- I...
- You're a lucky man, bro.

[Claudia chuckles]

This is Javier. I just told
him everything about you.

I'm sure you did.

He's just an old friend.

By old friend, you mean
friend or friend-friend?

- Hmm?
- Have you ever seen Claudia dance salsa?

- No.
- Ay, stop it.

My friend, you are missing out.

Stop it.

There's goes that F word again.

[laughs] Don't worry, huerito.

She'll show you.

I'll see you around. It
was nice to meet you...

- Twig?
- Epa, Leif, I told you.

[Javier, in Spanish]
Bye, beautiful.

- Drive safe, okay?
- Always, love.

Sounds good, big
kiss. See you later!

Is there something
I should know about?

Because if I don't know, I
don't know, but if I know...

Yeah. Actually, there is.

I knew it. Damn,
he's handsome.

- And he can dance, too?
- What? No, no.

- He's just an old friend.
- How long have you known him?

He's just an old
friend. I told you.

My Dad, he took me
to that cheese place.

Where is your dad?

Probably still playing
at Cheesy Chuck.

It's because of me, isn't it?

Um, yeah, of course it is.

You know, at first, I didn't think
this was such a huge mistake,

but now I'm really
starting to think it is.

You know, I'm sorry
I don't speak Spanish

- or know how to salsa.
- [sighs]

You know, your dad would
probably be more happy

if you were with that
Javier guy instead of me.

Ay, ay, ay. Es que you
men are impossible.

Between trying to please
you and please my father,

I just feel like I can't
win, so why do I even try?

- I just...
- Where are you going?

I-I don't know. I don't know.

Wait! [in Spanish] Honey.

That was so sweet!

- What?
- i¡Cariño!

I've never heard
you say that before.

Well, I mean, maybe I could
say something right, you know.

Well, yeah, for once. [laughs]

- [barking and whistling]
- [Lucky] Aw.

They're... they're watching.

[salsa music playing]

You should teach
me how to salsa.

Oh, you want me to
teach you how to salsa?

You're gonna start with
your feet like this, eh?

Okay, you know what?
Forget about your feet.

- Like this?
- Let's work on the hips.

- Okay. Like this?
- Okay, a little bit. Just...

Forget about your feet.
Let's work on the hips.

- Okay.
- Okay. Uh-huh.

- [in Spanish] A little bit of hips.
- I like that.

- Okay, hold my hand, baby.
- Like this?

[laughs] No, my
love, move your hips.

- How about this?
- Okay, forget about the hips.

How 'bout you just twirl me
and then you dip me, okay?

Okay. Okay.

- Do what? Wait, wait.
- Twirl and then d...

- Baby!
- Um, I'm okay!

- Seriously?
- What are you guys doing?

- I... Oh, God, how long...
- Oh, I didn't mean to do that.

I... how long have you been standing
there? When did you get home?

Long enough to see Mr. Leif
doesn't know what he's doing.

We were just... we were
just having fun, Dad.

We were just dancing.

Dancing. Where I come from, you see a guy
moving like that, you call him a pinguino.

- Let me show you how it's done.
- Here we go.

- Here, give a little spin here, comes back.
- Mm-hmm.

When you get more advanced,
you can spin her again.

She comes to you, hi,
and she comes back.

Así, just like that. Beautiful.

- All right, now it's your turn.
- All right.

Okay.

No, no, not with her. With me.

- [both] What?
- Come on. Yeah, come on.

Hey. You have to feel
it, all right, pinguino?

Right here. You have to
feel it. Do you feel it?

- No.
- Then you do a nice little turn

- and come back. Okay.
- [chicken clucks]

[Mighty] A bailar!

- It's all about confidence, okay?
- Okay.

All right, I got you right here.

- Okay.
- Nice and ea... Ah!

- Ah!
- [chicken clucks]

[in English] Then
I go into a bridge.

And tight, tight, tight.

[in Spanish]
Squeeze your glutes.

- [grunts]
- Smile.

- Oh.
- [gasps, then in Spanish] Damn!

What happened?

[scoffs] I was at Cluck-Y-Cheese with
Claudia to have a father-daughter talk.

[scoffs] She hates that place.

Why does everybody say that?

Bueno, y how was it?

[repeats question
in Spanish, laughs]

- What do you think?
- [laughs]

Now I know where the
brown eggs come from.

[clucks like a chicken]

[sighs] Entonces what happened?

We got in a little argument.

[Gabbie clicks tongue]

Where is she now?

Now, she's outside dancing
salsa con el gringo.

Oh, well, that's good.

That's great.

Yeah.

Okay.

[Gabbie sighs] Ay...

And all I wanted was to
have a perfect Christmas.

- Ow, ow...
- [chicken clucks]

[in Spanish] Stupid chicken.

[soft music playing]

- [Leif sighs]
- [Claudia] Okay, baby,

so my Aunt Carmen is
in the guest bedroom,

but make sure that
you don't go in there,

because otherwise you'll be
dancing to cumbias all night, okay?

[laughs]

But I'm sure Tootsie here
wouldn't mind you being

her little bed buddy,
right, Tootsie?

[sighs]

Well, at least tomorrow is
Christmas Eve, you know.

I mean, what could
possibly go wrong then?

Mm, just a few Mexican ticks.

- Yeah.
- [Claudia chuckles]

[sighs] I'll see
you in the morning.

If not before then.

Oh. [chuckles]

- [sighs]
- [dog pants]

Yeah.

[dog whines]

[sighs]

[groans]

- [bells jingling]
- [soft music playing]

[videogame music playing]

- Let's go, baby. Come on.
- Woo!

- Okay, I'm trying, baby.
- That's my baby girl.

[in Spanish] Die,
die! [squeals]

- [Claudia] Get her away from the remote.
- [Carmen] Oh, yeah.

- You're doing great. You learning?
- She's doing fine.

- What's this nonsense?
- Oh! [laughs]

It's actually a prototype from
Leif's new game that he built. Ooh!

He actually even sold
it to a big company.

- So, you play games for a living?
- I design them.

[laughs] Oh, yes!
Score, huerito! Woo-hoo!

So, pushing buttons
so some space idiotas

can kill each other is
your idea of a game?

- [in Spanish] Of course, Dad!
- Yes, brother-in-law!

Hey, let me tell you something.

A game isn't played in
someone's living room.

- [girls] No, no. No. Ay.
- [videogame music out]

A real game is played on
a field 120 yards long

and 80 yards deep, and
it's called football.

Do you mean soccer?

That's what you
gringos call it, okay?

Football was invented by my
Aztec ancestors 700 years ago.

And you know what they
did to you if you lost?

- Uh, sent you to the locker room?
- No, man.

They sacrificed you to the gods.

Ripped open your chest and
they pulled out your live,

still beating heart.

- My God.
- On that field,

you became a man, an
hombre, un patrón.

- Oh, like the tequila!
- Not like the tequila.

Patrón is a boss.

Claudia said that
you're a captain, man.

Are you a captain?

Mm, I was the captain of
my high school debate team.

Oh, debate! Wow,
sounds muy macho.

All right, captain.

It's time for you to play
the game of the gods.

[in Spanish] Ignore him.

Meet you on the field
in half an hour.

- [Carmen gasps]
- She knows where it is.

In... in the park?

Ay, no.

[suspenseful music playing]

Ay, ay, ay...
Afternoon, huerito.

- Hey.
- [Javier chuckles]

Did you get a good night's rest?

I hear you're quite
the local celebrity.

No, man, Claudia's the
one who's the rock star.

So you and Claudia, you, uh,
know each other quite well, huh?

[scoffs] Like brother
and sister, amigo.

You know, she does a
really good in and out.

You should have her
show you sometime.

- Excuse me?
- Uh, it's a salsa move,

where you bring the lady in, and
then you lead her right back out.

Here, let me show you, Leaf...

[in Spanish] Hey! Behave!

- Come on.
- Have a good game, huerito.

[laughs] Twig.

- Sorry, babe.
- [Bennie] Let's go, y'all.

This is a very
dangerous game, okay?

So you're gonna have
to follow my lead.

[Bennie] Vámonos.

[music playing]

Where'd you go, potty?

- [speaks Spanish]
- ¿Qué?

Heads or tails?

Tails.

I knew you were
gonna pick tails.

- Ah! Aguas!
- [Javier] i¡Eso!

Damnit.

Get ready to have a long
day there, One Direction.

Your starting position
is right here. Okay?

- Right here?
- Yeah. You got it, baby!

Come on.

- i¡Portero!
- What do I do?

- [Mighty] Get the left side of the field!
- [all speaking Spanish]

Oh, this dude's got
nothing, homie. Let's go.

[Claudia] Baby,
don't use your hands!

- Foul! You can't use your hands!
- [Javier] He fouled!

Google it!

- Baby, you can't use your hands, babe.
- Okay!

- You used your your fist.
- That was illegal.

Ha! That wasn't the
only thing illegal here.

- [Lucky] Hey, give me some Vicks!
- No problem.

I have my Vicks.

- I was protecting myself.
- From what?

- From the ball.
- From the soccer ball?

Get him a helmet.

[Javier] Come on, stay
alert, stay alert!

[Casper whistles]

[Gabbie] Let's do this!

[Casper] Watch out,
chaparrito, watch out, fool!

- Why are you running, fool?
- [cheers]

- [speaks Spanish]
- That's right!

- Why you move?
- Goal!

- [in Spanish] Keep going!
- Get him, Javier!

Oh, damn! That's it!

[cheering]

[Casper] What the hell!

[Carmen] Long live Mexicans!

[Casper] What are
you looking at, ese?

[Carmen, in Spanish]
You are all dead!

To your graves, dumbasses!

[Casper] El Mighty, you're
coming to work, ese.

I think you killed him, fool!

["Jingle Bells"
playing slowed down]

Oh, ouch.

Ooh.

Ay.

[back cracks]

[song continues]

Snow in East L.A.?

What are these fools
doing out there?

Why isn't Grandpa here with us?

Oh, come sit down, sweetie. Why
are you asking that question?

Well, grandma said the
reason why he isn't here

is because he went
to the North Pole.

Mm-hmm.

Actually, son, he
went south to Mexico.

'Cause all he ever wanted
was a Mexican Christmas.

Uh... there's
Christmas in Mexico?

- Mm-hmm.
- Of course, sweetie.

Christmas is everywhere.

If there's Christmas everywhere,

then why isn't he here?

And also, why is he in Mexico?

Well, because he complained
so much about living here

that he went back to Mexico.

Mm-hmm. And he lived
happily ever after.

He has a lot of Mexican friends.

Is he happy?

He loves it. He
even has a burro.

I'm confused, Mom.

Scoot in a little bit,
yeah, sweetie? Let's eat.

[Santa] Ho, ho, ho, ho.

[grunts]

I'm sorry if I woke
you up, Mr. Sanchez.

[muffled chatter]

Is that all you're sorry about?

Oh...

Are you okay?

My head hurts, no thanks to you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Leif, what are you doing here?

It's because of Claudia.

Okay.

I know what it's
like to be young,

and I know what
you want from her,

so please, don't make me out
to be some pendejo, okay?

Is that how you felt about your
wife when you first met her?

[scoffs]

Okay, for once,

can you just please be clear
about what you're trying to say?

[sighs]

Mr. Sanchez...

I would like to ask for your
daughter's hand in marriage.

Leif...

You know, I don't
wanna say the cliches,

like our love story
began in a single glance

and, you know, it was at that
moment that I knew... [chuckles]

that I had encountered
my soulmate.

[sighs] But that's
exactly what I'm saying.

Mr. Sanchez.

Are you okay?

[party sounds muffled]

[flute playing]

[party music playing]

- There you are.
- Hey, hey.

I was looking for you.
You're gonna miss the piñata.

Oh, well, I was, um,
talking to your dad.

Oh, is... is he
okay? Did he wake up?

Yeah. Yeah, um, well, sort of.

Sort of?

He was a little unresponsive.

- Unresponsive. What...
- No, um...

What do you mean by
unresponsive? What...

I asked your father if I
could have his permission...

[whining]

- D-Dad?
- [whines]

Dad! Dad!

Is this what you mean
by unresponsive? Dad!

All righty. Let's get this...

How are the tamales, Tita?

Is that question rhetorical?

[in Spanish] Of course! I
know they are fantastic!

Oh.

- Give me one, please.
- [Tita laughs]

[in Spanish] Carmen, please bring
me some spoons and some forks.

- Hey.
- ¿Qué?

[in Spanish] Do you
want a "tamale hug"?

- What?!
- A "tamale hug"?

- What is that?
- A hug with meat inside!

- Ay!
- [laughing]

- [in Spanish] Girls!
- Carmen!

That old bird, he
is up to something.

Something.

What bird?

[hits echoing]

- [tropical music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]

[woman] Over here,
m'hijo! You okay?

We all gathered here

for what we thought was gonna be

a traditional Mexican

Latino Chicano Christmas.

But because of this
gringo right here...

[all] Aw.

I lost my self-respect,

my dignity,

and I've been humiliated
in front of my family.

But since it's Christmas, a
time to be joyful and merry,

I've come out here
with a pasted-on smile.

It's a season to be
happy and joyful,

just to tell you,
cabrones, Merry Christmas!

Feliz Navidad.

Not on my tradition.

Not on my Christmas!

- Your Christmas?
- [all gasp]

[guests murmuring]

What do you mean,
your Christmas?

Dad, Christmas is supposed
to be for everyone,

and you have done every
possible thing to destroy it.

[Leif] Perdóneme, señor Sanchez.

What did you say?

You know what I just said.

Now, you-you hear it,
but you don't listen.

- Which is...
- Um...

exactly why Claudia's more
than kind of upset with you,

in case you haven't heard.

What gives you the right to speak
to me like that in my own house?

Speak to you in
what way? [laughs]

It won't matter which
way I speak to you,

because you hate this gringo.

[all gasp]

You know, yet I've
done everything

to not only be good
to your daughter,

but to be good to
your entire family.

You know, and not
even because I had to,

because I wanted to.

You know, I danced the
salsa for you guys.

- Yeah.
- [laughs] You know?

I played soccer.

Oh, sorry, I'm saying
that wrong. Football.

I almost got killed
by a chicken, man,

and I trimmed your
hedges for you.

And I showed you respect by asking
for Claudia's hand in marriage.

- [gasps]
- That was out of respect.

[murmurs]

Yet you show absolutely
none to your own daughter,

but this isn't or
shouldn't even be about me.

It should be about her.

If you truly loved her,

you wouldn't treat her this way.

- [scoffs]
- [Gabbie] A ver...

Excuse me. A ver, he... um...

he asked you for
Claudia's hand in marriage

and you didn't tell me?
You didn't te... I mean,

maybe he got a concussion, no?

[in Spanish] Did he get a
concussion from the ball or what?

Oh, my love.

[Claudia] Is it normal to, uh...

to not be able to breathe
properly right now?

[in Spanish] Oh, my
God! You look faint.

Are you pregnant? Let's see...

Okay, okay, this is
a season to be merry,

- not to get married.
- Happy holidays.

[speaks Spanish]

W... what, hey. Don't leave.

Don't leave until we open
these goddamn presents.

[in Spanish] Wow, look at you!

Well, that's it.

[in English] You got the
party you wanted, no?

[in Spanish] Great
party! Super fun!

[in English] I hope you're
proud of yourself, eh?

[in Spanish] You completely messed
up this time, Benicio! Completely!

[loud music playing]

Damn, vatos!

The-the-the-there goes the
n-the-n-n-neighborhood.

You're the wrong guy
to be saying that, ese.

No, really, ese.

There goes the neighborhood.

[Mighty] Why they
look all sad?

Because the party wack,
fool. We weren't invited.

- I would've gone. Shh.
- That's right, ese.

Wait, wait, where are you going?

Guys, don't go. The party...

[Tita in Spanish]
Why are they leaving?

[Carmen in English] I don't
know! The party's gonna be great!

[Tita in Spanish]
Where are you going?

[Latin hip-hop playing]

[soft guitar music playing]

Babe...

your father doesn't like me.

Because I'm, you know.

- I've ruined Christmas for everyone.
- No, you didn't.

- Yes, I did.
- Babe, my family got the best present this year,

and that's you as my husband.

When I saw how close
you were to your family,

I knew I could never propose
without your father's permission.

Look, my dad,

he was just surprised by
you, that's all, okay?

You know that's not
all. I mean, you...

you yourself said your
father liked surprises.

I don't even know
what he likes anymore.

Well, we know he
doesn't like gringos.

Babe, my father doesn't care if
you're white, or red or green.

I'm sure he would
mind if I was green.

[exhales sharply]

[sighs]

My father finds a reason
to not like someone

and then he just sticks to it,

even if that's not
really the reason.

Just admit it.

This whole thing
was a huge mistake.

Well, what do you mean?
What thing? Like...

like us?

Your father, he...

he had different
plans for Christmas.

You know, probably had
different plans for your life.

You know, I know how close
you are to your family

and that's why I wanted to
spend Christmas with them.

No, no, Leif. Leif,
please, don't go.

Leif. Leif.

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

["Heart Breaking"
by Lakford playing]

[Lucky] Hey, perrito,
stick around!

You guys can make this work!

True love prevails, eh?

[song continues]

[Casper] You think I have
a chance with her now?

[Lucky] Hey, you know what?

This for you, homie.

Gonna miss you in
the hood, huero.

Peace out, homie.

[Casper] Man.

I actually liked that fool, dog.

[song continues]

You know, any dad
would love to have

a son-in-law like Leif.

[in Spanish] Even if he
was green like an alien.

[laughs]

["Heart Breaking" by
Lankford continues playing]

Well, merry freakin'
Christmas to us, huh?

[song continues]

- Have a good one.
- Thank you.

[airport P.A. indistinct]

[knocking]

Hi, m'hija.

Your presents are out
there waiting for you.

I mean, we could o...

we could open them all together,

like we used to do when
you were a little girl.

I'm not a little
girl anymore, Dad,

whether you wanna
accept it or not.

[sighs] Okay.

That little girl in those
pictures is my daughter.

No, no, Dad. I'm
your daughter, okay?

Aquí mismo, eh? Life-sized.

Not everything is about you.

You know, why...

Why can't it be a boy from
the neighborhood like Javier?

I mean, he's
handsome. He's smart.

He's got a good job.
He loves his mom,

- and goes to church every Sun...
- And is gay.

He's gay? [in Spanish]
What do you mean, he's gay?

Yeah, Dad, that's the thing.

Whether you know it or not, eh?

I should've known because he would
dance without music, and not...

Man, should've seen it.

Aparte que even if
he wasn't, I wa...

that's not who I
fell in love with.

And you should be able
to understand that

because I make my own decisions.

And now you won't even get
the chance to get to know him.

You broke his heart and mine.

No, don't say that.
Don't say that.

He had nothing growing up, eh?

His parents were poor.

He had to wash dishes,

mow lawns, park cars.

He worked hard for
everything that he had,

just like you did.

[sighs]

- What's that?
- [in Spanish] And you know what?

He reminded me a lot of you.

No, no. No, no,
no, no, no, no.

That kid wasn't that bad
after all, wasn't he?

On Christmas morning...

I wanted a bike like all
the other little kids.

And when I came down
to open my presents...

- Mm-hmm.
- Bike wasn't there.

My dad got me a
pair of handlebars

and then he told me
that one day, you know,

he'd get me the rest of the bike

that I could put
the handlebars on.

And he promised me
training wheels.

And he never got me
the training wheels.

[sniffles] My poor
dad, he worked so hard.

Never got anywhere.

And one of the last
things that he told me

was that Christmas
was for family.

And that's all I wanted to
do, was have a nice Christmas

like the ones we used
to have in Mexico.

- Ay.
- With the family

and... [sobs] training wheels.

[sniffles] How'd he know?
How'd he... how did he know?

Well, because I...

one of these days that you
went to work [sniffles]

I took them shopping...

Santa style. Yeah.

But how did he find
the exact ones?

We went to Olvera
Street. Mm-hmm.

And you should've seen him, eh?

Ooh, that kid?

He wouldn't stop until
he found them. Yeah.

Just because he wanted
to make you smile.

Baby...

You know what you
gotta do, amor, right?

You got your training wheels.

Now go out there and
be a father to her.

[bells jingle]

I wanted to tell you

that... [clears throat]

that I was wrong.

In the business that I'm in,

you see a lot of
beautiful flowers.

Like, s-some are very
rare and delicate roses,

some of them I
planted with my hands.

[chuckles]

And it's my job to protect
the roses from the weeds.

I thought that it was my job

to protect the rose
from being hurt.

I thought that Leif
was another weed

that was trying to keep
my rose from blooming,

but I realize now that my rose

has bloomed into
this incredible woman

and that Leif is now your
protector and not me.

[Gabbie] And that, you know,

also papi wants
to say is that...

uh... that he...

he was... [in Spanish]
I mean, not on purpose.

He was the weed.
He's been the weed.

And that you and Leif are roses.

- Yeah, roses.
- Yeah.

And that we, as a family,

[in Spanish] because we are
a family, that's what we do,

we have to protect...
somos un garden.

And we have to
protect the roses.

And-and that you
know, you make us so,

so proud every day, m'hijita.

[in Spanish] Including Leaf,

because he's the coolest
and the sweetest boyfriend

in all of East... East L.A.

Leif, pero mm. Mm-hmm.

We got a plane
to stop! [laughs]

But, whoa, Clau,

you cannot get him
back dressed like that.

- [Bennie] No, that's true.
- Okay. [laughs] Okay.

- [Carmen, in Spanish] Okay, then let's go!
- [in English] Let's go!

Come on!

- [alarm beeps]
- Hurry up!

[lively music playing]

[in Spanish] Come
on, let's go! Drive!

[in English] Oh,
man, what the hell?

[in Spanish] What?

- I don't have the keys!
- You had them!

- Damn it!
- I don't have them! You always...

Baby, you always do the same!

[in English] What
about the vatos?

[in Spanish] Yes,
there they are!

[Bennie in Spanish] Oh, my God!

- Come on!
- I'm coming!

- [in English] Hey! Cooper! We need a ride!
- I got you.

- [Mighty] Let's go!
- [Bennie] To the airport.

[Casper] Got you, fools,
I got you, G. I got you.

Let's go, ladies.
You guys will fit.

Hey, no tips. I'll
accept a kiss.

Let's go. Come on!

- Amárrense! Here we go!
- Hit it!

Woo! [laughs] I want
one of these bedroom.

Make 'em bounce. Make
'em bounce higher, homie.

Make 'em bounce.

- [Casper groans] - [Carmen]
This is really cool.

[in Spanish] Holy crap!

I popped my tire, fool.

- [Bennie] Ay, what?
- My bad. Sorry.

- Now what?
- Sorry, guys.

[Mighty] Sorry, man.

- Yo!
- [horn honks]

Y'all need a ride?

- [in Spanish] Tell Javier yes!
- [whistles]

[Javier speaking Spanish]

Uh, take it back to the bottom
of the ocean where it belongs.

We'll go steal a car. We'll
meet you there, homie.

[Lucky] Your little homie
learned that in prison.

[lively music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

Gate? [speaks Spanish]

- [Claudia] Oh, okay. Okay.
- [Gabbie] Sorry!

Okay. Ay, mira, I
think it's over there.

[in Spanish] Come
on, let's go!

[Carmen speaks Spanish]

I have to stop my
son-in-law from getting...

Well, not yet, but
getting on the plane.

I mean, he's my fiance.
I mean, not really.

It's not like he proposed to
me. I mean, he did propose,

- pero mi papá nunca told me.
- You have your boarding passes?

You can just pat me
down so I can go in.

I'll tell him all about it.

- [in Spanish] Carmela, no. Wait.
- Ma'am, don't touch me.

[in Spanish] Please, sir.
It is very important.

[in English] My son-in-law,
he cannot go on the plane.

- Mm-hmm.
- So, can you help us with that?

[in Spanish] The family's
future is in danger.

- Did she say dangerous?
- [Carmen] No, no, no, no.

[overtalk in
Spanish and English]

You know, can you guys
please step aside?

Can you please... Please,
guys, step aside, ma'am.

[in Spanish] Seriously, these
gringos are so inflexible.

[in Spanish] Please,
ma'am! Show some respect.

I'm just trying to do my job.

Oh, no, no, no.

[in Spanish] I was talking about
the other gringos. It's all good.

- [Gabbie Let's go.
- [Carmen in Spanish] Wow, you are handsome!

- Ahí está. No! No!
- [Carmen] Wait, wait! Where are you going?

- [in Spanish] Hey, where are you going?!
- Brother-in-law!

[all exclaiming]

- [screams]
- [crowd] Oh!

Whoa. [groans]

- Damnit.
- Hey, man, I'm just trying to keep

my future son-in-law
from leaving.

Can you please tell your
dad to stop doing that?

It's the second time.

I was center cornerback. East
LA had the Fighting Fails. Ow.

Does this mean I can have
Claudia's hand in marriage?

[sighs] Think I'm getting
arrested for nothing?

[guard] Keep your hands
where I can see 'em!

- Baby...
- [Claudia] Aw.

- Will you marry me?
- [handcuffs click]

Yes... [laughing] yes,
a million times, yes.

[Claudia chuckles]

Ay, bueno, I'll put it
on myself. It's okay.

Oh, fool.

[sighs] I'm sorry.

You've got nothin'
to be sorry about.

No, man, I should've been
myself from the beginning.

You know, I was such a poser.

I was pretending
to speak Spanish

and I ruined Christmas.

Are you kidding me, man?
You saved Christmas.

My daughter loves you.

You made my Christmas
the best ever.

Welcome to the family!
Merry Christmas.

[whistling]

Ay, pero where are you taking him?
Epa! Where are you taking him?!

Hey, you should see what
we do for New Years.

- Hey, where y'all going?
- [Carmen speaks Spanish]

I'ma go this way.
They got tamales,

so I'm gonna go eat. I'm out.

- I'm gonna go with Leaf.
- I think his name is Leif.

- No, it's Leaf.
- No, it's Leif.

It doesn't matter,
fool. Let's go.

["Dulce como sandia" by
Jian Xavier Salas playing]

Leaf, right? Is
it Leaf or Leif?

Leaf, he's a swell guy.

["Dulce como sandia" continues]

Yeah, yeah, a lot of people
will say Leaf when it's...

when it's Leif.

This family, it's
a taken a lot of,

ahem, a lot of correcting.

That makes a lot of sense.

They're... they're,
um, like best friends.

- [laughing]
- Whoa. Okay.

[in Spanish] Look at him.

Thank you for being
such a good, um, friend.

I mean, his skin is
so perfect and...

[song continues]

That makes a lot of sense.

Does know Bennie
that we're here?

I just realized, Bennie's
house is pretty nice.

[gasps, speaks Spanish]

Ay...

[in Spanish] Did I
leave the tag on?

The only thing that matters
in this world for a couple

is performance, you know...

and that kid looks
like he can perform.

He's about, what, 5'6 ", 5'7"?

I don't really see much there, pero
hey, he must be a nice guy, right?

[song continues]

[in Spanish] Maybe
they have their babies.

Well...

Okay, wait a second.

- [Bennie] Maybe later?
- Yes, maybe later.

Babies... no, espérame.

Cut that out.
[laughs] Cut that out.

["Dulce como sandia" continues]

- ¿Y tú?
- What?

- You wanna marry me?
- That's Bennie's mom's, dog.

- Put that back.
- You're never gonna get married, dog.

You know, maybe I should
talk to Leif about, like,

creating a video game with the
vatos, and maybe, you know,

we can incorporate the car and then...
and maybe they can make some money

and finally not be across the
street living in their car, right?

["Dulce como sandia" by
Jian Xavier Salas continues]

I was thinking a video
game based in East LA

would be ama... would
sell. And they...

where they drive around

and maybe steal a car...
each other's cars,

Put in, like, good music.

[music continues]

Tootsie doesn't see color,

doesn't see race,

doesn't see if they
have fur or no fur,

pero she is kind of blind.

[music continues]

I'ma show up to the
wedding, and I'ma...

- I'm gonna wedding crash it.
- You can't do that, my boy.

You can't do that, my boy.
It's against the rules, my boy.

- Yeah, you gotta respect love.
- You gotta respect...

- Respeto, homie.
- All right, I'll respect.

You gotta get her
before they get there.

Does that make any sense?
To, like, the chapel.

- [music continues]
- [all] Hey, hey, hey, hey...

[in Spanish] Take a picture!

[in English] Let's take a
picture of... that's for you.

Photo, photo, photo.

- That's for us.
- [chanting] Photo! Photo!

[camera clicks]

[Claudia] I guess I was wrong.

This was not the story about how the
gringo stole my dad's Christmas...

but how my gringuito

saved our Christmas.

Feliz Navidad a todos.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

["Dulce como sandía" by
Jian Xavier Salas playing]