Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,415 --> 00:00:03,210
I don't want to play
a boring old board game.
2
00:00:03,244 --> 00:00:04,659
I'd rather text my friends.
3
00:00:04,694 --> 00:00:07,007
Announcer: Now you can do both
with OMGouija!
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,422
Text with actual dead people.
5
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:10,734
♪ Smiley face, smiley poo
6
00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:13,323
♪ The dead are BFFs with you
7
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:16,361
Ghosts are so cool.
LOL.
8
00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:18,708
Grandma! TMI.
9
00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:21,504
I didn't do it!
10
00:00:21,538 --> 00:00:23,747
OMGouija.
By Beezel Brothers.
11
00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:25,715
Great, right?
It's great?
12
00:00:25,749 --> 00:00:29,339
Eggplant means penis.
13
00:00:29,374 --> 00:00:30,592
I can't believe
that got through.
14
00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:32,722
Old people having
a sex life is funny.
15
00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:34,217
Yeah, we're not talking
about old people, Gary.
16
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:35,759
We are talking about
today's youth.
17
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:39,798
Kids today like to communicate
using "emojis," IMHO.
18
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:42,456
Yes, sir. You know,
there is nothing cooler
19
00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:43,905
than taking an old board game
20
00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:46,563
and cynically slapping on
a bunch of trendy shit.
21
00:00:46,598 --> 00:00:49,187
Glad you feel that way, Troy,
because starting tonight,
22
00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:51,223
you are all on OMGouija duty.
23
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:54,882
Oh, and I'm not J.K.!
24
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:58,023
I am serious as... A.F.
25
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:02,924
♪♪
26
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:04,788
All right, look alive, people.
Look alive.
27
00:01:04,823 --> 00:01:06,732
It's Saturday night. Listen up.
We've got slumber parties...
28
00:01:06,756 --> 00:01:08,275
A lot of teenage girls
calling in.
29
00:01:08,309 --> 00:01:09,759
Oh, and the church lock-ins...
30
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,623
Always gonna get a lot
of Ouija out of that.
31
00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:14,143
I'm so psyched for this!
Let's go!
32
00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:16,317
Whoo!
33
00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,388
Why do they call it texting
34
00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:21,564
when it's a bunch
of faces and fruits?
35
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,566
What they ought to call it
is fruiting!
36
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,223
Yeah, well, times have changed.
37
00:01:25,257 --> 00:01:26,569
They sure have.
38
00:01:26,603 --> 00:01:27,822
Chinamen used to work
on the railroad.
39
00:01:27,846 --> 00:01:29,606
They weren't laughing then.
40
00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:33,748
Look at 'em now,
running the world.
41
00:01:33,783 --> 00:01:35,095
Hey, Amy.
42
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,510
I got you this neat game.
43
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:39,582
It's Oomoojy.
You can text ghosts with it.
44
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:40,928
Man:
And then maybe after that,
45
00:01:40,962 --> 00:01:42,585
you could talk
to some living people.
46
00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:43,965
When I was your age,
47
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,314
I'd grab a couple pals
and we'd get spooky.
48
00:01:47,348 --> 00:01:49,971
Maybe you can call
some friends...
49
00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:52,181
make it a sleepover!
50
00:01:52,215 --> 00:02:00,189
♪♪
51
00:02:00,223 --> 00:02:01,673
Guys.
Guys, it's moving!
52
00:02:01,707 --> 00:02:03,813
Somebody is talking to me.
I'm not doing that.
53
00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,781
What kind of polluted mind
54
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:09,198
would communicate
a face on excrement?
55
00:02:09,232 --> 00:02:13,719
R... U... Dead?
56
00:02:13,754 --> 00:02:16,964
Oh dip!
Okay. Okay.
57
00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:22,142
Yes. Smiley face
with his tongue out. LOL.
58
00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:28,458
Damn.
59
00:02:28,493 --> 00:02:31,081
It's a lady.
60
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,531
She's at a big party.
What do I do?
61
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:33,912
Dude, she sent me a kissy face.
62
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,294
Damn, son, she wants you.
Tell her to send a pic.
63
00:02:36,328 --> 00:02:37,571
Send her the angry Chinaman.
64
00:02:37,605 --> 00:02:39,297
Let her know you mean business.
65
00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:41,368
Which fruit denotes wealth?
66
00:02:41,402 --> 00:02:43,991
Grapes. I'm gonna send her
a kissy face.
67
00:02:44,025 --> 00:02:47,512
♪ I summon you
by the moonlight ♪
68
00:02:47,546 --> 00:02:49,928
♪ You're the one for me
69
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:55,347
♪♪
70
00:02:55,382 --> 00:03:00,766
♪♪
71
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:02,354
Thumbs up on summoning.
72
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:03,735
Aah!
73
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:09,189
Greetings!
74
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,569
Oh, man.
75
00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:11,960
You're supposed to be
21 years old.
76
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,401
You said you were 21 years old.
77
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:16,265
Okay, well, you were supposed
to be a hunk
78
00:03:16,299 --> 00:03:17,542
with chiseled good looks.
79
00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:18,853
I am, and I do have that.
80
00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:21,339
But one of these lies
puts one of us in jail.
81
00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:22,754
Where are your friends?
82
00:03:22,788 --> 00:03:24,249
I thought there was going to be
like a party in here.
83
00:03:24,273 --> 00:03:26,792
The box says for four
to six players, not just one.
84
00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:29,105
I don't really have
any friends, I guess.
85
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:31,072
Well, what about
that boyfriend, Cody,
86
00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:33,592
that you kept throwing
in my face?
87
00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:38,045
He thinks I'm a... weirdo,
like everyone else does.
88
00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:41,048
No, you're not weird.
89
00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:44,258
You're just...
incredibly unpopular.
90
00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:45,880
If you listen to me,
91
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:49,125
I can make you the most
popular girl in the school.
92
00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:50,713
Wait, really?
Yeah.
93
00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:51,955
How?
94
00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:54,993
♪♪
95
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,754
Yeah.
96
00:03:57,789 --> 00:04:00,067
Excuse me.
I won that on eBay.
97
00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:02,483
♪♪
98
00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:05,659
Give it up.
99
00:04:05,693 --> 00:04:08,765
Sorry if I got glass
in your chili there.
100
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:13,391
I will fill up them
bowls courtesy of... The Fatone.
101
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:18,188
♪♪
102
00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,956
Are you serious right now?
103
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:30,304
Could you be any more obvious,
staring at Cody like that?
104
00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:31,271
Uhh...
105
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,858
What a loser.
106
00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:34,584
No one likes you, Lame-y.
107
00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,586
Hey, don't call her Lame-y.
108
00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,519
Oh, my God.
109
00:04:38,554 --> 00:04:40,625
Are you Joey Fatone from N'Sync?
110
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,834
Yeah, you're goddamn right I am.
111
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:45,319
That's right.
Joey Fatone.
112
00:04:45,354 --> 00:04:47,666
Right here in this picture.
That's me. Purple tips.
113
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:50,117
And I know
Justin Timberlake, too.
114
00:04:50,151 --> 00:04:51,429
Hey, Amy.
115
00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,983
♪♪
116
00:04:54,017 --> 00:04:57,607
Girl, I feel like such a fool.
117
00:04:57,642 --> 00:04:59,368
You know what I'm saying?
118
00:04:59,402 --> 00:05:00,886
♪ I went and fell in love
119
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:05,166
♪ With the most popular girl
in school, yeah ♪
120
00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:08,722
♪ But, Amy, when we made love
on the kitchen floor ♪
121
00:05:08,756 --> 00:05:10,033
♪ You had me...
122
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:12,346
Joey Fatone,
famous singer from N'Sync.
123
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:15,453
♪ Screaming for mooore
124
00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:17,800
♪ We made love one time
125
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,560
♪ Two times
126
00:05:19,595 --> 00:05:21,873
♪ Baby you can bet the farm
127
00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:25,255
♪ That third time, ooh
128
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:26,464
♪ Was a charm
129
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,339
What are you doing? Come with me, please.
130
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,744
I'm Joey Fatone.
I'm from N'Sync.
131
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:32,021
I'm Joey Fatone from N'Sync!
132
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,367
I made love to this little girl!
133
00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:36,094
Wow. Amy's boyfriend's
like 50 years old.
134
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,752
And she had sex with him. Oh, gross.
135
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:40,063
Slut! Slut! Slut!
136
00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:44,551
No. No. No. No.You ruined everything!
137
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:47,001
No, boys love sluts!
It's good!
138
00:05:47,036 --> 00:05:49,349
Choose your sexuality!
Own your sexuality!
139
00:05:53,698 --> 00:05:56,010
Okay, so, we had a slight
setback, but we could...
140
00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,943
Leave me alone! Amy, come on.
141
00:05:57,978 --> 00:06:01,119
I wish I'd never even
met you, Gary. Leave!
142
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,365
♪♪
143
00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:13,959
♪♪
144
00:06:13,994 --> 00:06:16,237
Look, I didn't have sex
with any underage girl.
145
00:06:16,272 --> 00:06:18,043
I wasn't even in Oklahoma
on the day in the question.
146
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:21,795
I made a promise to Amy
to help her get more popular,
147
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:23,452
but, instead, Amy is miserable,
148
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:26,420
and I got Joey Fatone
arrested for statutoryrape...
149
00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:27,973
Not even real rape!
150
00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:30,873
Been there. The middle-school
years are so awkward.
151
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:35,049
That's why I like my boys...
"elementary, dear Watson."
152
00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:39,053
He turns everything
back to that.
153
00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:40,538
I've got it.
154
00:06:40,572 --> 00:06:42,781
Instead of making
Amy more popular,
155
00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,094
we make everybody else
less popular.
156
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:47,476
Yeah, 'cause you're
way better at that.
157
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:49,063
Thank you.
158
00:06:49,098 --> 00:06:50,893
Not really a compliment,
but okay.
159
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,446
I'm taking it as a compliment.
160
00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:55,484
Honey, do you want
to talk about Joey Fatone?
161
00:06:55,518 --> 00:06:57,071
Mom, I don't even know
who he is.
162
00:06:57,106 --> 00:06:58,901
Because he can go
straight to hell.
163
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:00,420
Roger, please.
164
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:03,284
Are you sure you don't want
to go to the big dance tonight?
165
00:07:03,319 --> 00:07:05,148
Not with Joey Fatone, she won't.
166
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,427
Boom! Amy O'Ryan,
you're under arrest.
167
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,842
We found the drugs.
You in trouble.
168
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:10,913
Now hold on here!
Do you have a warrant?
169
00:07:10,947 --> 00:07:12,604
Here's my warrant.
170
00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:16,481
Now, get up against the wall
and spread 'em, you... parents.
171
00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:18,817
Come on. Come on.
172
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,819
Ow. You're
hurting me!
173
00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:22,269
Don't struggle.
174
00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:23,867
You don't want to mess up
your hair for the, uh...
175
00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:26,100
big dance. Gary!
176
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,688
I told you to leave me alone.
177
00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:29,518
Yeah, but now
I'm making up for it.
178
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:31,451
I don't even have a date.
179
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,797
Oh, yes, you do.
180
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,766
You excited to see Amy?
181
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:42,289
♪♪
182
00:07:42,323 --> 00:07:43,324
Amy?
183
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,672
Oh, Miranda,
I didn't see you there.
184
00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,881
How did you get Cody
to be your date?
185
00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:50,470
At gunpoint?
186
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,989
What are you looking at,
you fat, bloated assface?
187
00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:55,026
I was just thinking
you're breaking out.
188
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,615
You might want to pop that.
189
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:02,827
Oh, my... gosh.
190
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:04,794
Attention!
Excuse me, ma'am.
191
00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:06,244
Attention, everyone.
192
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,316
As a lawful police officer,
it is my lawful duty
193
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:11,007
to name the king and queen
of the prom.
194
00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:16,496
Your king and queen are...
Cody Moore and Amy O'Ryan!
195
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,325
Congratulations, kids.
196
00:08:18,359 --> 00:08:21,086
I am so jealous of you
right now.
197
00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:22,812
And you are a dreamboat.
198
00:08:22,847 --> 00:08:26,333
A little old for my taste.
Go get her.
199
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,683
♪♪
200
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:36,170
What is happening?
201
00:08:36,205 --> 00:08:37,447
I'm so sorry.
202
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:38,725
Please don't kill me.
203
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:40,347
Now, as a police officer,
204
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:43,177
I order the king and queen
to kiss each other.
205
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:46,077
♪♪
206
00:08:46,111 --> 00:08:49,356
She's a witch! She's a witch,
and we all know it!
207
00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:53,774
♪♪
208
00:08:56,432 --> 00:09:01,955
♪♪
209
00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:03,681
What did you do?!
210
00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:06,028
I'm giving them all the plague.
This app is great.
211
00:09:06,062 --> 00:09:08,375
What's wrong with zits?
You're blowing this!
212
00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:10,688
I'm not the one who made them
fly up in the sky!
213
00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:12,206
Like that's not a red flag?!
214
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:14,381
I don't know when
they're gonna come down.
215
00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:16,556
She's a witch!
216
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,696
Get her away from me!
She's a murderer!
217
00:09:18,730 --> 00:09:20,387
He's damaged.
218
00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:21,871
What the hell do I tell her now?
219
00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:23,148
I mean, well, technically,
220
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:25,047
she is the most popular girl
in school.
221
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,980
That's because all
the other girls are dead!
222
00:09:27,014 --> 00:09:28,395
Benji: Look!
She made a friend.
223
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:31,467
Oh, she's popular
with the Goths!
224
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:34,332
That is every
unpopular kid's plan "B."
225
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,954
I did it!
226
00:09:35,989 --> 00:09:38,301
Hey, what's going on?
I hate to interrupt.
227
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:40,994
Hail Satan.
Looks like my work here is done.
228
00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:43,065
I'll see you soon, BFF.
229
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:45,170
Best friend forever!
230
00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:49,002
Okay.
231
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:50,427
Too cool to acknowledge
my existence.
232
00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:53,178
That's cool.
Too cool to acknowledge me.
233
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:54,939
Fine.
234
00:09:58,114 --> 00:09:59,426
So, in the fourth quarter...
235
00:10:00,945 --> 00:10:02,636
Bagged and tagged her.
236
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:05,950
Another soul for Satan's army,
if it does please thee?
237
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,468
Hail him.
238
00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:09,919
Great, Gary. I'm sure you got
her parents' permission?
239
00:10:09,954 --> 00:10:11,334
What?
240
00:10:11,369 --> 00:10:14,130
Gary, in order for a minor
to sell their soul,
241
00:10:14,165 --> 00:10:16,005
they need written
parental permission... What?!
242
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:17,962
But I'm sure you knew that.
243
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,516
You asked us...
You asked us to go for tweens!
244
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:23,761
What parent is gonna damn their
child to eternal damnation?!
245
00:10:23,795 --> 00:10:26,211
I don't... I'm just asking
for some consistency!
246
00:10:26,246 --> 00:10:29,145
It's okay because I owe Gary
a debt of gratitude,
247
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:30,536
because he has brought me
some new demons
248
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,702
that are masters
at psychological torture.
249
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:36,014
Come on in, girls!
250
00:10:37,706 --> 00:10:40,674
God, this office is sooutdated.
251
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:42,158
You can't afford new furniture?
252
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:44,678
Wow. Nice glasses.
253
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,311
Did your mom get those
from the trash can
254
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,682
that you were born in?
255
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:51,064
Serial killer.
256
00:10:51,098 --> 00:10:52,859
Did you eat your hair?
257
00:10:52,893 --> 00:10:54,515
Hey, Gollum,
you ever find the ring?
258
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:58,485
Look, it's Edward Stupidhands.
Johnny Derp.
259
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:01,039
Wow, you must be
Grumpy Cat's grandfather.
260
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:04,008
You're not even worth insulting.
261
00:11:04,042 --> 00:11:06,217
You're like
an unfunny Jim Gaffigan.
262
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:08,391
Okay, that's not...
That's not funny.
263
00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:11,187
You're like uh... an unfamous,
poor man's Seth Rogen.
264
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,672
I don't, I... That is not funny.
265
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,339
That is below the belt.
And that's inappropriate.
266
00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:16,468
- Zach Gala-fatass.
- I feel like this should stop.
18733
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof