Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,102
Here you are, Mr. Madison.
2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,205
Black coffee, tomato juice,
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:09,040
Worcestershire sauce,
aspirin and eyedrops.
4
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,920
Boy, when you asked me
to come over this morning,
5
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,678
I thought it was to
pick up your article,
6
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,045
not work on your head.
7
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:22,470
Nine office parties in
one month is too much.
8
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,790
The obituary department
gives the best parties.
9
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,779
Those guys sure
know how to laugh.
10
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,379
Boy, you really tied
one on last night, huh?
11
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,715
You can't chug-a-lug scotch.
12
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,904
It was a terrible night.
13
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,652
For you, maybe, but not for me.
14
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,320
Last night was one of the most
15
00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:40,939
exciting nights of my life.
16
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,342
You know, it was the first
time I tap danced in years.
17
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,921
Since I was in
the half-time show
18
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,361
at the Alabama-Mississippi game.
19
00:00:47,698 --> 00:00:49,448
You went to school in the South?
20
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:52,451
Yeah, that's where I
acquired my accent.
21
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,535
Y'all.
22
00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:55,181
Did you hear it? Yeah, I heard.
23
00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,139
You danced very
well, yes, you did.
24
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:58,906
Here, take the articles
downtown, will ya?
25
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,154
You know, they really
seemed to like it, didn't they?
26
00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:02,677
Yeah, they liked it.
You danced great.
27
00:01:02,746 --> 00:01:03,823
Will you take the articles?
28
00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:05,180
But did you like it?
29
00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:07,048
It was so good I
even remember it.
30
00:01:07,117 --> 00:01:08,945
Then I've really got
it, huh? Got what?
31
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,452
That certain charisma
32
00:01:10,521 --> 00:01:12,782
that sets me apart
from mere mortals.
33
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,673
What were you
drinking last night?
34
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,675
Oh, nothing.
35
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,221
It's dangerous to
dance and drink.
36
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,580
Good morning...!
37
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:26,551
There they are, the
flashing feet of Myrna Turner.
38
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,521
You were Ruby Keeler
and Ginger Rogers
39
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,122
rolled up into one last night.
40
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,369
Really? Yeah, look.
41
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,703
Here are your
pictures, look, look, look.
42
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,059
Oh, Mr. Unger
got pictures of us.
43
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,706
Yeah, I saw. Don't
touch them. They're wet.
44
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,341
Look, see. Yeah, I see.
45
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,410
There she is doing her fancy
step. Thrilling, thrilling, thrilling.
46
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,044
Yeah, remember
when I did it. Hit it!
47
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:45,003
The tap-dancing secretary.
48
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,349
You're good. You really are.
49
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,450
Do you really mean it? Oh, yeah.
50
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:48,652
You ought to turn professional.
51
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,587
You really think so?
Oh, yes. You're good.
52
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,994
♪ Listen, Mr. Madison, I quit! ♪
53
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:05,823
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
54
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,959
from his place of residence.
55
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,662
That request came from his wife.
56
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,064
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
57
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,568
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
58
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,537
With nowhere else to go,
59
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:21,323
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
60
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:22,590
Several years earlier,
61
00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:24,237
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
62
00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:26,894
requesting that he never return.
63
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,464
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
64
00:02:29,532 --> 00:02:31,492
without driving
each other crazy?
65
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:04,148
♪ ♪
66
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,448
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
67
00:03:23,419 --> 00:03:25,386
Myrna, sit down, please.
68
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,721
I think you caught my hangover.
69
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,956
Sit, come on.
70
00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:30,453
I know it sounds
crazy, Mr. Madison,
71
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,961
but I studied for 12 years.
72
00:03:33,030 --> 00:03:36,064
I mean, it was always a dream
of mine to be a tap dancer.
73
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:39,000
Felix, will you tell her
she's crazy, please?
74
00:03:39,069 --> 00:03:40,780
Well, it's not a very
practical way to earn a living,
75
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:41,804
is it? Of course not.
76
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:43,054
You can't give up a good job
77
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,417
for something with no security.
78
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,518
Tell her, Felix.
79
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,552
That's right, that's right.
80
00:03:46,576 --> 00:03:47,687
I mean, New York
is full of people
81
00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:48,855
who want to be dancers.
82
00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:50,512
And so few of them make it.
83
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:52,191
Well, it's a dog-eat-
dog world out there.
84
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:53,615
How does she know
she's good enough?
85
00:03:53,684 --> 00:03:55,428
There's a lot of heartbreak
out there. That's right.
86
00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:58,253
They say there's a broken
heart for every light on Broadway.
87
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,241
Tell her, Felix.
You can make it.
88
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:05,277
Dancing is Myrna's dream,
Oscar. I'm warning you...
89
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,413
How can you crush this
beautiful person's dream?
90
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,182
Listen to me,
grab the brass ring.
91
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,618
I know it sounds cliché,
but the cliché is true.
92
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,914
Follow your star.
93
00:04:14,938 --> 00:04:16,849
He doesn't mean
that. I do mean it.
94
00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:19,085
It's a dog-eat-dog world! Listen
to the voice of bitter experience.
95
00:04:19,109 --> 00:04:21,287
There a broken heart for
every... When I was a child,
96
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,655
I wanted to be an opera singer.
97
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,623
It's all I thought
about. Were you good?
98
00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:27,860
He's good.
99
00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,401
I sang a medley of Wagner
100
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,269
to my third grade Easter party.
101
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,171
I was a child Heldentenor.
102
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,605
If you take
Heldentenor's advice,
103
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,141
you're through as my secretary.
104
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,976
Who wants your rotten job?
105
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,906
Couldn't you just
give me a little time off
106
00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:41,524
until I get my career going?
107
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,663
No, not now, honey.
108
00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:45,950
How about if I took
my vacation in spurts?
109
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,731
Like a couple hours a day.
110
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,721
Myrna, you know
I'm guest hosting
111
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,823
the TV talk show,
The Sports Den.
112
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,053
I need a full-time secretary.
113
00:04:53,077 --> 00:04:55,205
No, no! No, full-time!
114
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:57,273
She needs time off for
interviews, auditions.
115
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,131
And I'll help 'cause I know a
lot of show business biggies.
116
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,399
Make up your mind, Myrna.
117
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,028
Make up your mind, Myrna.
118
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,839
How would it be if I
kept working for him
119
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,173
until you lined something up?
120
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,876
And then, if I do get some work,
121
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,844
then I'll find my own
replacement, how's that?
122
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,807
All right, all right,
I'll try you part-time.
123
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,075
But I'm busy, I'm
making no promises.
124
00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:18,450
Thanks, Mr. Madison,
and don't worry,
125
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,069
I'll still be the same model
of efficiency I've always been.
126
00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:22,954
Myrna. Myrna!
127
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,067
Huh?
128
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,523
You forgot the article.
129
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,409
Right.
130
00:05:27,478 --> 00:05:29,661
Oh, did you see her face?
131
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,062
You see the glow?
132
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,098
She reminds me of a
bird stretching its wings
133
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,216
for the first time.
134
00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,470
♪ Listen, Mr. Unger, get out! ♪
135
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,565
Myrna, get me Rocky
Noonan's number, will ya?
136
00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,967
I'm lining up my
guests for the TV show.
137
00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:55,336
Myrna?
138
00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:57,255
Myrna?
139
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,824
It's coffee break time.
140
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,659
Cream and two sugars.
141
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,710
Where were you? Huh?
142
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,847
Oh, I was dreaming I was
at the Stage Delicatessen
143
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,876
and they named a
sandwich after me.
144
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,336
Myrna Turner Tuna.
145
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,155
Can you sandwich
in a little work?
146
00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:15,501
Give me Rocky
Noonan's number, please.
147
00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:16,805
Right.
148
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,746
Georgette La Forge.
149
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,048
What?
150
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:26,034
I'm looking for a new
name for my career.
151
00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:30,905
Like Liza Turner,
Tallulah Turner,
152
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,808
Mary Tyler Turner.
153
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:35,460
Will you forget Rocky Noonan?
154
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,489
Just finish your
letter, all right?
155
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,917
♪ Tea for two ♪
156
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,970
♪ And two for tea ♪
157
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,574
Myrna. Hmm?
158
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,530
You ready? Let's go.
159
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,599
Where's your replacement?
160
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,810
Oh, she's due here any minute.
161
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,402
Where you going? This
is Myrna's big chance.
162
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,871
We're meeting
Franklin Lang for lunch.
163
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:20,939
Who?
164
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,274
Franklin Lang.
165
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,254
Does a man have
to wear sweat socks
166
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,476
before you've heard of him?
167
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:29,463
Franklin Lang
produced Tippy Tap Toe,
168
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,934
Uptown Parade,
Bowery Rhythm, big hits.
169
00:07:33,002 --> 00:07:35,148
Yeah, then the talkies
came in and wiped him out.
170
00:07:35,172 --> 00:07:37,105
He's a has-been.
171
00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:38,250
And he's making a comeback.
172
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,607
He's going to be an is-again.
173
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,487
We're meeting him at the
Chop House in ten minutes.
174
00:07:41,511 --> 00:07:42,655
Come on. Can you wait a minute?
175
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,456
I just want to fix
my face. Go, go.
176
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,081
Isn't this exciting?
177
00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:47,326
Franklin Lang.
178
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:48,466
It's ridiculous.
179
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,085
You're ruining a
semi-competent secretary.
180
00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:52,871
I can't get any work
done around here.
181
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,485
You're not thinking
of that girl at all.
182
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,019
You ought to be
ashamed of your...
183
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,421
She's an accomplished dancer.
184
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,678
An accomplished
dancer? She's a tap dancer.
185
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,430
Tap dancing went
out with Mussolini.
186
00:08:02,499 --> 00:08:04,009
But it's making a comeback.
187
00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:05,433
And she's good at it.
188
00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:06,867
She was great last night.
189
00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:07,964
Everything was great last night.
190
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,921
We were drinking
last night, remember?
191
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,284
I was in complete
control of myself.
192
00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:12,457
Oh, really?
193
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,659
Then who was that idiot
up there marching with her,
194
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,445
waving the flag and
limping like the Spirit of '76?
195
00:08:17,513 --> 00:08:18,724
I was just joining in.
196
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,325
Joining in the spirit of things.
197
00:08:20,349 --> 00:08:21,894
At least I wasn't
playing Yankee Doodle
198
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,945
on my head with a pencil.
199
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,252
Felix...
200
00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:26,504
what are your credentials
for being an agent?
201
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,156
Do you know how many
crooks there are in New York
202
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,625
preying on kids like that?
203
00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:32,994
"I'll make you a star, come
to my school for $200."
204
00:08:33,063 --> 00:08:34,223
"Kids, you need pictures."
205
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:35,507
And they charge
'em for the pictures.
206
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,098
I'm honest.
207
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,800
Those are my credentials.
208
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:40,512
I'm not going to make
anything out of this.
209
00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:43,204
And what's more, I've got
a flair for show business.
210
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,057
Okay, whatever happens to
her now is your responsibility.
211
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:49,177
"Responsibility" is my
middle name, mister.
212
00:08:49,245 --> 00:08:51,596
And "pest" is your
first name, mister.
213
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:54,143
Come on, Mr. Unger, we're
gonna be late. You ready?
214
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,995
My replacement will
be here any minute.
215
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:58,636
♪ We'll take a
stairway to the stars ♪
216
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,271
Take an elevator, it's faster.
217
00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:08,296
Stairway to the Stars ♪
218
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,100
Are you Oscar Madison?
219
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,385
Yeah.
220
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,748
I'm Myrna Turner's Aunt Lucille.
221
00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:18,167
Oh, Myrna just left.
Did you see her?
222
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,290
I know.
223
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,641
I'm filling in for her.
224
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:21,793
You?
225
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,256
Yeah, I figured "What the heck?"
226
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,379
Oh, sit down.
227
00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:26,848
Type a letter for me, will ya?
228
00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:27,782
Very important.
229
00:09:27,851 --> 00:09:28,783
It's very, very important.
230
00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,484
This goes to Bob McAllen
231
00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:32,637
on The Sports Den
talk show... okay.
232
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:36,942
Dear, Bob, I want to
show my appreciation
233
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,894
for you asking me to
host the TV show again.
234
00:09:39,962 --> 00:09:42,696
I am presently
lining up my guests.
235
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,710
I'll be in touch with you
236
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,979
when I am sure
who is going to be on.
237
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,787
Affectionately yours,
Oscar Madison.
238
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:53,274
B... O... B.
239
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,343
Bob.
240
00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:56,026
"Dear Bob."
241
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,394
"Dear Bob"?
242
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:58,857
Can't you type any
faster than that?
243
00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:00,815
I'm doing the best I can.
244
00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:06,638
They've added a lot
of keys since 1930.
245
00:10:11,328 --> 00:10:13,845
And stop undressing
me with your eyes.
246
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,652
B... O... B.
247
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:22,970
Bob.
248
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,806
"Dear Bob."
249
00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:30,728
So what happened
with Franklin Lang?
250
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,129
How did it go?
251
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,781
It didn't.
252
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,716
Didn't you take the
big producer to lunch?
253
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,418
He took me for lunch.
254
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:41,167
He also took me
for two martinis,
255
00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:42,635
a bus ticket to Atlantic City
256
00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:44,859
and a quarter for
the men's room.
257
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,490
He didn't even
look at my photos.
258
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,381
He just ate, drank, and passed
out in the chocolate pudding.
259
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,684
I thought he was
making a big comeback.
260
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,013
He came back. Nobody cared.
261
00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,038
I'm sorry, Myrna.
262
00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,739
I really am.
263
00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:00,542
Thanks, Mr. Madison.
264
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,209
We aren't giving up, kid.
265
00:11:02,278 --> 00:11:03,995
Is my aunt still here?
266
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,146
No, she took a nap,
267
00:11:05,215 --> 00:11:06,575
then she went to
her girlfriend's funeral.
268
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:10,284
Listen, I sent for a girl
from the secretarial pool.
269
00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:13,354
Well, that's good, because Myrna
doesn't feel like working today.
270
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,389
Oh, really, impresario?
271
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,703
Tell me when will your protégé
be ready to come back to work?
272
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,460
I don't know.
273
00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:21,295
What do you mean "I don't know"?
274
00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,281
Felix, I can't go on.
275
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,349
This is just a
temporary setback.
276
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,845
We're going to suffer
through this thing.
277
00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:28,403
Right, kid? And I'll help.
278
00:11:28,471 --> 00:11:31,422
I know a lot of big shots in
show business. Yeah, who?
279
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,935
I know a lot. Name one.
280
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,437
Plenty. Never mind
plenty. One name.
281
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,195
Murray's cousin.
282
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,779
Murray's cousin?
283
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:41,232
He's a big agent,
and he'll love Myrna.
284
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,800
You really think so?
285
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,568
Murray's cousin is...
286
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,405
Excuse me, uh, Mr. Madison?
287
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:50,992
I'm Miss Jenson from
the secretarial pool.
288
00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:54,812
From the secretarial what?
289
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,414
Pool.
290
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,651
Myrna, you're in her seat.
291
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,243
She won't last a year.
292
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,208
Hey, Felix.
293
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,497
Myrna said she's almost ready.
294
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,544
Good, I hope your
cousin likes poi.
295
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,080
I made it to give the room a
proper Hawaiian atmosphere.
296
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,037
Happy Greshler is
a theatrical agent.
297
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,505
He eats anything that's free.
298
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,309
That must be him.
299
00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:27,840
Mr. Greshler? Yes.
300
00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:29,875
My name is Felix
Unger. Hello, Felix.
301
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:30,993
Just call me Happy.
302
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,478
Murray, Murray, Hi.
303
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,080
Murray, how are you?
How's the family? Fine. Fine.
304
00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:37,216
Remember we're all getting
together Thanksgiving.
305
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,406
Oh, sure.
306
00:12:38,474 --> 00:12:39,585
Where's the Hawaiian dancer?
307
00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:40,620
She'll be here any minute.
308
00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:41,754
Would you like some poi?
309
00:12:41,778 --> 00:12:43,155
Now, she is an authentic
Hawaiian dancer,
310
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,523
right? That's what
you asked for.
311
00:12:44,547 --> 00:12:45,791
That's what you're going to get.
312
00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:46,914
Well, I hope she's good,
313
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:49,383
because I've got 10,000
Shriners in Cleveland
314
00:12:49,452 --> 00:12:51,435
waiting for a hula dancer.
315
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,787
Mr. Unger, I'm ready.
316
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,039
She doesn't sound Hawaiian.
317
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,819
Sit down, sit down,
you'll enjoy yourself.
318
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,883
Wait, let me tune my
uke. Wait a minute.
319
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:00,172
♪ My dog has fleas ♪
320
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,563
♪ My dog has fleas, my dog... ♪
321
00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:03,831
Okay.
322
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,017
Mr. Greshler,
323
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,536
welcome to the enchanting
islands of Hawaii.
324
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:15,242
Hawaii is actually
comprised of five islands:
325
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:19,880
Oahu, Maui, Kauai,
Hawaii and Molokai.
326
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:26,587
And here, to bring you
a taste of the islands
327
00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:27,955
and to hula her way
328
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:31,642
into your heart is the
lovely Lelanie Turner.
329
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,047
One, two, three.
330
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,514
♪ I want to go back ♪
331
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,949
♪ To my little grass shack ♪
332
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,268
♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪
333
00:13:40,336 --> 00:13:41,669
♪ Scooby-do ♪
334
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,272
♪ I want to be with all
the kanes and wahinis ♪
335
00:13:44,341 --> 00:13:47,141
♪ That I knew long
ago, vo-doh-de-oh ♪
336
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:49,911
♪ I hear old guitars a-playin' ♪
337
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:52,980
♪ On the beach at Ho'onaunau ♪
338
00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:56,650
♪ I can hear those
Hawaiians sayin' ♪
339
00:13:56,719 --> 00:13:58,130
♪ Komo mai no kaua
ia hale welakahao... ♪
340
00:13:58,154 --> 00:14:00,504
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
341
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,157
A Hawaiian tap dance?!
342
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:05,260
They tap dance in Hawaii.
343
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:07,448
You just can't hear it
because of the sand.
344
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:09,664
I'm not happy!
345
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:11,777
You will be. You will
be. No! I'm not happy.
346
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,613
Murray, Murray,
Murray, I'll catch up...
347
00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:15,814
You'll like it much
better here. Hit it!
348
00:14:15,838 --> 00:14:18,239
♪ It won't be long till
my ship will be sailing ♪
349
00:14:18,308 --> 00:14:19,757
♪ Back to Kona ♪
350
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,025
♪ Kona ♪
351
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,410
♪ A grand ol' place ♪
352
00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:24,245
♪ That's always fair to see ♪
353
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,913
♪ Skin a banana ♪
354
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:28,449
♪ Sayin' just a little Hawaiian
and a homesick island boy ♪
355
00:14:28,518 --> 00:14:30,579
♪ I want to go back
to my fish and poi ♪
356
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,648
♪ I want to go back to
my little grass shack ♪
357
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,138
♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪
358
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,606
♪ Scooby-do ♪
359
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,520
♪ Where the
humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪
360
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,642
♪ Go swimming by... ♪
361
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,977
Hey!
362
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,062
♪ Where the
humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪
363
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,131
♪ Go swimming by... ♪
364
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,631
Look at that lamp!
365
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,817
♪ Where the
humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪
366
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,287
♪ Go swimming by. ♪
367
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,054
Well, thanks for bringing
us a big agent, Murray.
368
00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,411
Your cousin!
369
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,081
Well, he's not coming to
my house for Thanksgiving.
370
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,562
Mr. Unger, I'm a total failure.
371
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:05,753
No, no, no, you're not.
372
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,438
You were good. I loved it.
373
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,558
If, at first, you don't
succeed... Quit!
374
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,928
She was terrific!
375
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,157
I don't understand it.
376
00:15:20,737 --> 00:15:21,686
Hello.
377
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,853
Felix?
378
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,438
Yes. Hi, Oscar.
379
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:25,973
Don't "Hi, Oscar" me!
380
00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:27,324
I'm going crazy down here.
381
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:28,342
What's the matter?
382
00:15:28,411 --> 00:15:29,793
Miss Jenson.
383
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,506
I couldn't concentrate on
my work with her around.
384
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,570
I had to let her go.
385
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,665
I've got a date with
her next Thursday.
386
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,050
What do you want from me?
387
00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:39,303
If Myrna's not back here at
9:00 tomorrow morning sharp,
388
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:40,916
I'm going down to the
personnel department,
389
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,652
pick myself a
permanent secretary.
390
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,892
I've got to prepare
to host that TV show.
391
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,911
Good-bye!
392
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,248
That was Oscar.
393
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,918
He wants Myrna back
tomorrow morning.
394
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,487
That's it then, Felix.
395
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,139
The end of a brilliant career.
396
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,142
I'm sorry, Mr. Unger.
397
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,377
I didn't mean to let you down.
398
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:06,047
Why you... you
didn't let me down.
399
00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:08,077
You didn't. You didn't.
400
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,517
How could you let...
401
00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,119
how could anyone let me down
402
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,654
who's going to be on
TV tomorrow night?
403
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,135
They're re-running the
Alabama-Mississippi game?
404
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:18,442
Oscar Madison just called me.
405
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,211
He wants you on his
show tomorrow night.
406
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,745
I have to work out the billing
407
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,310
and the money... I'm gonna
tap-dance on a sports show?
408
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:25,994
Right! So go home Okay.
409
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,386
And practice your
patriotic baton-twirling tap
410
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,388
that made halftime history!
411
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,850
Murray, are you
going to be there?
412
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:32,974
I'll be there!
413
00:16:33,042 --> 00:16:35,642
I want all my friends
to share in this moment.
414
00:16:35,711 --> 00:16:37,644
Isn't that great?
415
00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,775
Now all I have to
do is convince Oscar!
416
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,415
How?
417
00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:43,350
Easy.
418
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,685
The way to get to Oscar
419
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:51,109
is with brains, tact,
guile, cleverness.
420
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,111
You'll be needing me then.
421
00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:59,367
I think I can handle it.
422
00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,471
No, no, no!
423
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,037
I know what you're saying.
That's the way you get variety...
424
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,237
No, no, this is
not a variety show.
425
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:10,405
It's a sports show. No.
426
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,074
Oh please, Oscar,
you're my last hope.
427
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,275
You're... aw, please.
428
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,509
No, I knew it
would come to this.
429
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,677
Please. But listen.
430
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,779
If she goes on
and she's a smash,
431
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,083
you'll be a hero.
432
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,599
If she's not, if she flops,
433
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,300
she comes back to
work as your secretary.
434
00:17:22,324 --> 00:17:23,535
Either way, you win.
435
00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:24,725
I knew it! I warned you.
436
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,960
I knew it would come to this.
437
00:17:26,029 --> 00:17:28,612
No!
438
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,764
Maybe you're right. Yeah.
439
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:33,145
Maybe I bit off more
than I could chew.
440
00:17:33,169 --> 00:17:34,968
Swing that.
441
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,597
I was just doing it for her.
442
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,720
Think of Myrna...
When she's 65 years old,
443
00:17:39,776 --> 00:17:42,977
she won't be able
to dance anymore.
444
00:17:43,046 --> 00:17:46,497
It wouldn't be so bad
if she said, "I didn't,"
445
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,732
or "I couldn't," but,
oh, the pain to say,
446
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,067
"I should've."
447
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,005
Have you ever felt the
pain of "I should've"?
448
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,073
Of course I have.
449
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,102
I "should've" never
let you move in.
450
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,094
I "should've" kicked you out.
451
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,596
Won't you let her be on, please?
452
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,698
Oh, all right.
453
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,428
You, you, I knew it. Just
to settle this thing once
454
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,763
and for all... I knew
it! You know why?
455
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,431
Because you're one in a million.
456
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:11,433
There is nothing
like the loyalty
457
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:12,768
that exists in this house.
458
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,226
You know which is the
bad side of your face?
459
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,728
Which side? The
side with a mouth on it.
460
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,587
Thank you, Mr. Wong,
461
00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:28,133
for your tips on table tennis.
462
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,725
Say hello to the wall for me.
463
00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,693
Good swing, yes, sir.
464
00:18:32,762 --> 00:18:34,095
My next guest... hey,
465
00:18:34,163 --> 00:18:36,897
looks like international
night on the Sports Den show.
466
00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:40,835
My next guest is perhaps
one of the greatest in a long line
467
00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:42,837
of Italian soccer players
468
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:46,406
who's often been referred to
as "the man with a dozen legs."
469
00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:49,593
A warm welcome, please,
470
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:53,263
for Nino Babaloni and his
interpreter, Tony Magucci.
471
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,905
Grazie.
472
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,740
Hallo. Hello.
473
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,409
Well, welcome to
the Sports show, Nino.
474
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,802
Hello!
475
00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:17,071
There's a, there's a question
I've always wanted to ask.
476
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:20,868
See, I've always
been interested...
477
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,612
As a matter, I think the
audience would be interested...
478
00:19:28,618 --> 00:19:30,801
Hello.
479
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,020
I forgot the question.
480
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,589
Oh, I...
481
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:38,854
No, no, I remember, I remember.
482
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:42,095
What is the toughest
team he has ever faced?
483
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:44,009
You mean the, uh, soccer?
484
00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:46,411
Yeah, you know,
soccer like that.
485
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,553
What'd he say?
486
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,705
Pull up your sock.
487
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,154
Forget that, will you please?
488
00:19:55,178 --> 00:19:56,955
The toughest team he has faced.
489
00:19:56,979 --> 00:19:58,859
The toughest team in
soccer. Yes, toughest team.
490
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,860
Ah, he says the
best team... Scusi.
491
00:20:13,929 --> 00:20:15,396
Yugoslavia?
492
00:20:16,899 --> 00:20:18,877
Germania?
493
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:20,111
No, not Germania... Yugoslavia.
494
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,997
Brazil?!
495
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,640
Milano? Roma?
496
00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:28,392
Roma?
497
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,242
Silencio! Gentlemen.
498
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,598
Silencio!
499
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,294
Gentlemen, moving right along,
500
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,395
let's forget that.
501
00:20:37,419 --> 00:20:38,897
What I really want to know:
502
00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:40,565
does he have a
particular stadium
503
00:20:40,589 --> 00:20:42,355
he prefers to play in?
504
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:43,691
He cannot answer that question.
505
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:44,836
Why not?
506
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,905
Because I'm not speaking to him.
507
00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:49,489
Oh, excuse me... it's
time for a message.
508
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:50,642
We'll be right back.
509
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,811
Ladies, I think I can speak
510
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,279
for your husbands out there
511
00:20:54,303 --> 00:20:57,237
when I say I hate grimy shirts,
512
00:20:57,306 --> 00:21:00,958
and if you do, too,
watch this message.
513
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:03,155
Hey, you're doing great. Is
it good? Is it? Great. Great.
514
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,222
You're just really rolling.
515
00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:06,397
Controversy... I like
talking for a living.
516
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,831
Myrna is so excited.
517
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,210
She's talking to her batons.
518
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:10,479
Felix, listen... wait
a minute. What?
519
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,113
Can you take some
bad news? What?
520
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,972
Well, there isn't going to be
time for Myrna to be on the show.
521
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,736
No! Well, see, the Ping-Pong
player took a lot of time
522
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,640
and I need Rocky
Noonan... He's a football star.
523
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,673
What do you need him
for, to throw a body block?
524
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,341
Myrna can dance.
She's warmed up.
525
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,016
Felix, I'm telling
you... She can't.
526
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,266
Can't!
527
00:21:26,335 --> 00:21:28,046
Can't means not able
to. You mean mayn't.
528
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:29,636
All right, mayn't...
Also, she can't.
529
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,305
Now, please,
Felix, get off here.
530
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,439
Some buddy!
531
00:21:32,508 --> 00:21:34,774
After all the trouble
I went through.
532
00:21:34,843 --> 00:21:36,154
What's the matter, Mr. Unger,
533
00:21:36,178 --> 00:21:37,489
don't I get to dance?
534
00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:39,446
He says there's no time
to put you on the show.
535
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:40,780
Can you imagine that?!
536
00:21:40,849 --> 00:21:42,260
Well, I really don't
mind, Mr. Unger.
537
00:21:42,284 --> 00:21:43,795
You see, I'm pretty
nervous anyway,
538
00:21:43,819 --> 00:21:45,464
and my hands are
sweating and my batons...
539
00:21:45,488 --> 00:21:47,416
Pick it up! Pick
it up! It looks bad.
540
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,388
Five, four, three...
541
00:21:48,458 --> 00:21:51,057
Which camera? Which camera?
542
00:21:51,126 --> 00:21:53,944
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
what you've been waiting for...
543
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,380
The topper of the show... truly
544
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,444
a football institution...
545
00:21:58,468 --> 00:22:00,901
It's halftime!
546
00:22:00,970 --> 00:22:03,187
And here for your
halftime pleasure,
547
00:22:03,256 --> 00:22:05,839
recreating her famous
baton-twirling tap
548
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,224
that made halftime history
549
00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,710
in the Alabama-Mississippi
game of several years ago,
550
00:22:09,779 --> 00:22:11,878
is the lovely Myrna Turner!
551
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,368
Bravo.
552
00:22:36,705 --> 00:22:38,638
Yeah, good. Yeah!
553
00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:42,543
Oh, bravo.
554
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,346
Bellissima!
555
00:22:46,415 --> 00:22:48,648
Bella, bella, brava.
556
00:22:48,717 --> 00:22:50,334
Brava!
557
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:51,668
Brava.
558
00:22:51,737 --> 00:22:53,670
Bellissima! Bellissima!
559
00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:57,441
Bella! Bella!
560
00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:03,263
Bellisima!
561
00:23:03,332 --> 00:23:05,265
Bellisima! Brava!
562
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,236
Bella!
563
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,242
Hi, Mr. M.
564
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:17,061
Still mad?
565
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:20,664
I know what you mean.
566
00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:25,586
Listen, Mr. Madison,
you gave me a chance...
567
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:28,371
And it was really fun...
568
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,773
And I'll be back to work
569
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,342
at your desk tomorrow at 9:00.
570
00:23:33,262 --> 00:23:35,962
Now, I'll never have
to say "I should've."
571
00:23:36,031 --> 00:23:38,599
Okay.
572
00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:42,702
Good night, Oscar.
573
00:23:42,771 --> 00:23:45,238
I had a real good time.
574
00:23:56,769 --> 00:24:00,404
It was kind of fun, wasn't it?
575
00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:02,706
Don't you realize what you did?
576
00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,286
Yes, I know. Wait a minute!
577
00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,355
Felix, don't do it now! Wait
a minute! Always interfering
578
00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:08,256
Look, every time something
happens, in somebody else's life...
579
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,646
You always make a long speech.
580
00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,715
You never give me a
chance to make a speech.
581
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:13,217
You never let me say my hate!
582
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,702
You never let me
express my hate!
583
00:24:15,771 --> 00:24:17,388
Express it.
584
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,645
That's all?
585
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:33,820
What do you say...
Want to go home?
586
00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:35,822
Yeah.
587
00:24:46,836 --> 00:24:48,785
That's so sad.
588
00:24:48,854 --> 00:24:50,787
Why?
589
00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:52,789
That's Franklin Lang.
39105
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.