All language subtitles for The Odd Couple - 03x17 - Myrna`s Debut_prob3

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,102 Here you are, Mr. Madison. 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,205 Black coffee, tomato juice, 3 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:09,040 Worcestershire sauce, aspirin and eyedrops. 4 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,920 Boy, when you asked me to come over this morning, 5 00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,678 I thought it was to pick up your article, 6 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,045 not work on your head. 7 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:22,470 Nine office parties in one month is too much. 8 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,790 The obituary department gives the best parties. 9 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,779 Those guys sure know how to laugh. 10 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,379 Boy, you really tied one on last night, huh? 11 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,715 You can't chug-a-lug scotch. 12 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,904 It was a terrible night. 13 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,652 For you, maybe, but not for me. 14 00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,320 Last night was one of the most 15 00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:40,939 exciting nights of my life. 16 00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,342 You know, it was the first time I tap danced in years. 17 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,921 Since I was in the half-time show 18 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,361 at the Alabama-Mississippi game. 19 00:00:47,698 --> 00:00:49,448 You went to school in the South? 20 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:52,451 Yeah, that's where I acquired my accent. 21 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,535 Y'all. 22 00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:55,181 Did you hear it? Yeah, I heard. 23 00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,139 You danced very well, yes, you did. 24 00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:58,906 Here, take the articles downtown, will ya? 25 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,154 You know, they really seemed to like it, didn't they? 26 00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:02,677 Yeah, they liked it. You danced great. 27 00:01:02,746 --> 00:01:03,823 Will you take the articles? 28 00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:05,180 But did you like it? 29 00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:07,048 It was so good I even remember it. 30 00:01:07,117 --> 00:01:08,945 Then I've really got it, huh? Got what? 31 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,452 That certain charisma 32 00:01:10,521 --> 00:01:12,782 that sets me apart from mere mortals. 33 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,673 What were you drinking last night? 34 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,675 Oh, nothing. 35 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,221 It's dangerous to dance and drink. 36 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,580 Good morning...! 37 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:26,551 There they are, the flashing feet of Myrna Turner. 38 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,521 You were Ruby Keeler and Ginger Rogers 39 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,122 rolled up into one last night. 40 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,369 Really? Yeah, look. 41 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,703 Here are your pictures, look, look, look. 42 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,059 Oh, Mr. Unger got pictures of us. 43 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,706 Yeah, I saw. Don't touch them. They're wet. 44 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,341 Look, see. Yeah, I see. 45 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,410 There she is doing her fancy step. Thrilling, thrilling, thrilling. 46 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,044 Yeah, remember when I did it. Hit it! 47 00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:45,003 The tap-dancing secretary. 48 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,349 You're good. You really are. 49 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,450 Do you really mean it? Oh, yeah. 50 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:48,652 You ought to turn professional. 51 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,587 You really think so? Oh, yes. You're good. 52 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,994 ♪ Listen, Mr. Madison, I quit! ♪ 53 00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:05,823 On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself 54 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,959 from his place of residence. 55 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,662 That request came from his wife. 56 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,064 Deep down, he knew she was right, 57 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,568 but he also knew that someday he would return to her. 58 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,537 With nowhere else to go, 59 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:21,323 he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. 60 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:22,590 Several years earlier, 61 00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:24,237 Madison's wife had thrown him out, 62 00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:26,894 requesting that he never return. 63 00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,464 Can two divorced men share an apartment 64 00:02:29,532 --> 00:02:31,492 without driving each other crazy? 65 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:04,148 ♪ ♪ 66 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,448 The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience. 67 00:03:23,419 --> 00:03:25,386 Myrna, sit down, please. 68 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,721 I think you caught my hangover. 69 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,956 Sit, come on. 70 00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:30,453 I know it sounds crazy, Mr. Madison, 71 00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,961 but I studied for 12 years. 72 00:03:33,030 --> 00:03:36,064 I mean, it was always a dream of mine to be a tap dancer. 73 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:39,000 Felix, will you tell her she's crazy, please? 74 00:03:39,069 --> 00:03:40,780 Well, it's not a very practical way to earn a living, 75 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:41,804 is it? Of course not. 76 00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:43,054 You can't give up a good job 77 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,417 for something with no security. 78 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,518 Tell her, Felix. 79 00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,552 That's right, that's right. 80 00:03:46,576 --> 00:03:47,687 I mean, New York is full of people 81 00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:48,855 who want to be dancers. 82 00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:50,512 And so few of them make it. 83 00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:52,191 Well, it's a dog-eat- dog world out there. 84 00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:53,615 How does she know she's good enough? 85 00:03:53,684 --> 00:03:55,428 There's a lot of heartbreak out there. That's right. 86 00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:58,253 They say there's a broken heart for every light on Broadway. 87 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,241 Tell her, Felix. You can make it. 88 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:05,277 Dancing is Myrna's dream, Oscar. I'm warning you... 89 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,413 How can you crush this beautiful person's dream? 90 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,182 Listen to me, grab the brass ring. 91 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,618 I know it sounds cliché, but the cliché is true. 92 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,914 Follow your star. 93 00:04:14,938 --> 00:04:16,849 He doesn't mean that. I do mean it. 94 00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:19,085 It's a dog-eat-dog world! Listen to the voice of bitter experience. 95 00:04:19,109 --> 00:04:21,287 There a broken heart for every... When I was a child, 96 00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,655 I wanted to be an opera singer. 97 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,623 It's all I thought about. Were you good? 98 00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:27,860 He's good. 99 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,401 I sang a medley of Wagner 100 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,269 to my third grade Easter party. 101 00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,171 I was a child Heldentenor. 102 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,605 If you take Heldentenor's advice, 103 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,141 you're through as my secretary. 104 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,976 Who wants your rotten job? 105 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,906 Couldn't you just give me a little time off 106 00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:41,524 until I get my career going? 107 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,663 No, not now, honey. 108 00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:45,950 How about if I took my vacation in spurts? 109 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,731 Like a couple hours a day. 110 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,721 Myrna, you know I'm guest hosting 111 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,823 the TV talk show, The Sports Den. 112 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,053 I need a full-time secretary. 113 00:04:53,077 --> 00:04:55,205 No, no! No, full-time! 114 00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:57,273 She needs time off for interviews, auditions. 115 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,131 And I'll help 'cause I know a lot of show business biggies. 116 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,399 Make up your mind, Myrna. 117 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,028 Make up your mind, Myrna. 118 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,839 How would it be if I kept working for him 119 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,173 until you lined something up? 120 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,876 And then, if I do get some work, 121 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,844 then I'll find my own replacement, how's that? 122 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,807 All right, all right, I'll try you part-time. 123 00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,075 But I'm busy, I'm making no promises. 124 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:18,450 Thanks, Mr. Madison, and don't worry, 125 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,069 I'll still be the same model of efficiency I've always been. 126 00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:22,954 Myrna. Myrna! 127 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,067 Huh? 128 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,523 You forgot the article. 129 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,409 Right. 130 00:05:27,478 --> 00:05:29,661 Oh, did you see her face? 131 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,062 You see the glow? 132 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,098 She reminds me of a bird stretching its wings 133 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,216 for the first time. 134 00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,470 ♪ Listen, Mr. Unger, get out! ♪ 135 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,565 Myrna, get me Rocky Noonan's number, will ya? 136 00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,967 I'm lining up my guests for the TV show. 137 00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:55,336 Myrna? 138 00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:57,255 Myrna? 139 00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,824 It's coffee break time. 140 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,659 Cream and two sugars. 141 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,710 Where were you? Huh? 142 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,847 Oh, I was dreaming I was at the Stage Delicatessen 143 00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,876 and they named a sandwich after me. 144 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,336 Myrna Turner Tuna. 145 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,155 Can you sandwich in a little work? 146 00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:15,501 Give me Rocky Noonan's number, please. 147 00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:16,805 Right. 148 00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,746 Georgette La Forge. 149 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,048 What? 150 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:26,034 I'm looking for a new name for my career. 151 00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:30,905 Like Liza Turner, Tallulah Turner, 152 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,808 Mary Tyler Turner. 153 00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:35,460 Will you forget Rocky Noonan? 154 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,489 Just finish your letter, all right? 155 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,917 ♪ Tea for two ♪ 156 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,970 ♪ And two for tea ♪ 157 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,574 Myrna. Hmm? 158 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,530 You ready? Let's go. 159 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,599 Where's your replacement? 160 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,810 Oh, she's due here any minute. 161 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,402 Where you going? This is Myrna's big chance. 162 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,871 We're meeting Franklin Lang for lunch. 163 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:20,939 Who? 164 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,274 Franklin Lang. 165 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,254 Does a man have to wear sweat socks 166 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,476 before you've heard of him? 167 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:29,463 Franklin Lang produced Tippy Tap Toe, 168 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,934 Uptown Parade, Bowery Rhythm, big hits. 169 00:07:33,002 --> 00:07:35,148 Yeah, then the talkies came in and wiped him out. 170 00:07:35,172 --> 00:07:37,105 He's a has-been. 171 00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:38,250 And he's making a comeback. 172 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,607 He's going to be an is-again. 173 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,487 We're meeting him at the Chop House in ten minutes. 174 00:07:41,511 --> 00:07:42,655 Come on. Can you wait a minute? 175 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,456 I just want to fix my face. Go, go. 176 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,081 Isn't this exciting? 177 00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:47,326 Franklin Lang. 178 00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:48,466 It's ridiculous. 179 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,085 You're ruining a semi-competent secretary. 180 00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:52,871 I can't get any work done around here. 181 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,485 You're not thinking of that girl at all. 182 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,019 You ought to be ashamed of your... 183 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,421 She's an accomplished dancer. 184 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,678 An accomplished dancer? She's a tap dancer. 185 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,430 Tap dancing went out with Mussolini. 186 00:08:02,499 --> 00:08:04,009 But it's making a comeback. 187 00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:05,433 And she's good at it. 188 00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:06,867 She was great last night. 189 00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:07,964 Everything was great last night. 190 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,921 We were drinking last night, remember? 191 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,284 I was in complete control of myself. 192 00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:12,457 Oh, really? 193 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,659 Then who was that idiot up there marching with her, 194 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,445 waving the flag and limping like the Spirit of '76? 195 00:08:17,513 --> 00:08:18,724 I was just joining in. 196 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,325 Joining in the spirit of things. 197 00:08:20,349 --> 00:08:21,894 At least I wasn't playing Yankee Doodle 198 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,945 on my head with a pencil. 199 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,252 Felix... 200 00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:26,504 what are your credentials for being an agent? 201 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,156 Do you know how many crooks there are in New York 202 00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,625 preying on kids like that? 203 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:32,994 "I'll make you a star, come to my school for $200." 204 00:08:33,063 --> 00:08:34,223 "Kids, you need pictures." 205 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:35,507 And they charge 'em for the pictures. 206 00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,098 I'm honest. 207 00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,800 Those are my credentials. 208 00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:40,512 I'm not going to make anything out of this. 209 00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:43,204 And what's more, I've got a flair for show business. 210 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,057 Okay, whatever happens to her now is your responsibility. 211 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:49,177 "Responsibility" is my middle name, mister. 212 00:08:49,245 --> 00:08:51,596 And "pest" is your first name, mister. 213 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:54,143 Come on, Mr. Unger, we're gonna be late. You ready? 214 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,995 My replacement will be here any minute. 215 00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:58,636 ♪ We'll take a stairway to the stars ♪ 216 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,271 Take an elevator, it's faster. 217 00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:08,296 Stairway to the Stars ♪ 218 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,100 Are you Oscar Madison? 219 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,385 Yeah. 220 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,748 I'm Myrna Turner's Aunt Lucille. 221 00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:18,167 Oh, Myrna just left. Did you see her? 222 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,290 I know. 223 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,641 I'm filling in for her. 224 00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:21,793 You? 225 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,256 Yeah, I figured "What the heck?" 226 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,379 Oh, sit down. 227 00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:26,848 Type a letter for me, will ya? 228 00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:27,782 Very important. 229 00:09:27,851 --> 00:09:28,783 It's very, very important. 230 00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,484 This goes to Bob McAllen 231 00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:32,637 on The Sports Den talk show... okay. 232 00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:36,942 Dear, Bob, I want to show my appreciation 233 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,894 for you asking me to host the TV show again. 234 00:09:39,962 --> 00:09:42,696 I am presently lining up my guests. 235 00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,710 I'll be in touch with you 236 00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,979 when I am sure who is going to be on. 237 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,787 Affectionately yours, Oscar Madison. 238 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:53,274 B... O... B. 239 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,343 Bob. 240 00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:56,026 "Dear Bob." 241 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,394 "Dear Bob"? 242 00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:58,857 Can't you type any faster than that? 243 00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:00,815 I'm doing the best I can. 244 00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:06,638 They've added a lot of keys since 1930. 245 00:10:11,328 --> 00:10:13,845 And stop undressing me with your eyes. 246 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,652 B... O... B. 247 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:22,970 Bob. 248 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,806 "Dear Bob." 249 00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:30,728 So what happened with Franklin Lang? 250 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,129 How did it go? 251 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,781 It didn't. 252 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,716 Didn't you take the big producer to lunch? 253 00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,418 He took me for lunch. 254 00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:41,167 He also took me for two martinis, 255 00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:42,635 a bus ticket to Atlantic City 256 00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:44,859 and a quarter for the men's room. 257 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,490 He didn't even look at my photos. 258 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,381 He just ate, drank, and passed out in the chocolate pudding. 259 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,684 I thought he was making a big comeback. 260 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,013 He came back. Nobody cared. 261 00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,038 I'm sorry, Myrna. 262 00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,739 I really am. 263 00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:00,542 Thanks, Mr. Madison. 264 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,209 We aren't giving up, kid. 265 00:11:02,278 --> 00:11:03,995 Is my aunt still here? 266 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,146 No, she took a nap, 267 00:11:05,215 --> 00:11:06,575 then she went to her girlfriend's funeral. 268 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:10,284 Listen, I sent for a girl from the secretarial pool. 269 00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:13,354 Well, that's good, because Myrna doesn't feel like working today. 270 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,389 Oh, really, impresario? 271 00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,703 Tell me when will your protégé be ready to come back to work? 272 00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,460 I don't know. 273 00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:21,295 What do you mean "I don't know"? 274 00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,281 Felix, I can't go on. 275 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,349 This is just a temporary setback. 276 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,845 We're going to suffer through this thing. 277 00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:28,403 Right, kid? And I'll help. 278 00:11:28,471 --> 00:11:31,422 I know a lot of big shots in show business. Yeah, who? 279 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,935 I know a lot. Name one. 280 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,437 Plenty. Never mind plenty. One name. 281 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,195 Murray's cousin. 282 00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,779 Murray's cousin? 283 00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:41,232 He's a big agent, and he'll love Myrna. 284 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,800 You really think so? 285 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,568 Murray's cousin is... 286 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,405 Excuse me, uh, Mr. Madison? 287 00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:50,992 I'm Miss Jenson from the secretarial pool. 288 00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:54,812 From the secretarial what? 289 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,414 Pool. 290 00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,651 Myrna, you're in her seat. 291 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,243 She won't last a year. 292 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,208 Hey, Felix. 293 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,497 Myrna said she's almost ready. 294 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,544 Good, I hope your cousin likes poi. 295 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,080 I made it to give the room a proper Hawaiian atmosphere. 296 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,037 Happy Greshler is a theatrical agent. 297 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,505 He eats anything that's free. 298 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,309 That must be him. 299 00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:27,840 Mr. Greshler? Yes. 300 00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:29,875 My name is Felix Unger. Hello, Felix. 301 00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:30,993 Just call me Happy. 302 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,478 Murray, Murray, Hi. 303 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,080 Murray, how are you? How's the family? Fine. Fine. 304 00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:37,216 Remember we're all getting together Thanksgiving. 305 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,406 Oh, sure. 306 00:12:38,474 --> 00:12:39,585 Where's the Hawaiian dancer? 307 00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:40,620 She'll be here any minute. 308 00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:41,754 Would you like some poi? 309 00:12:41,778 --> 00:12:43,155 Now, she is an authentic Hawaiian dancer, 310 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,523 right? That's what you asked for. 311 00:12:44,547 --> 00:12:45,791 That's what you're going to get. 312 00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:46,914 Well, I hope she's good, 313 00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:49,383 because I've got 10,000 Shriners in Cleveland 314 00:12:49,452 --> 00:12:51,435 waiting for a hula dancer. 315 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,787 Mr. Unger, I'm ready. 316 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,039 She doesn't sound Hawaiian. 317 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,819 Sit down, sit down, you'll enjoy yourself. 318 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,883 Wait, let me tune my uke. Wait a minute. 319 00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:00,172 ♪ My dog has fleas ♪ 320 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,563 ♪ My dog has fleas, my dog... ♪ 321 00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:03,831 Okay. 322 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,017 Mr. Greshler, 323 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,536 welcome to the enchanting islands of Hawaii. 324 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:15,242 Hawaii is actually comprised of five islands: 325 00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:19,880 Oahu, Maui, Kauai, Hawaii and Molokai. 326 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:26,587 And here, to bring you a taste of the islands 327 00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:27,955 and to hula her way 328 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:31,642 into your heart is the lovely Lelanie Turner. 329 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,047 One, two, three. 330 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,514 ♪ I want to go back ♪ 331 00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,949 ♪ To my little grass shack ♪ 332 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,268 ♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪ 333 00:13:40,336 --> 00:13:41,669 ♪ Scooby-do ♪ 334 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,272 ♪ I want to be with all the kanes and wahinis ♪ 335 00:13:44,341 --> 00:13:47,141 ♪ That I knew long ago, vo-doh-de-oh ♪ 336 00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:49,911 ♪ I hear old guitars a-playin' ♪ 337 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:52,980 ♪ On the beach at Ho'onaunau ♪ 338 00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:56,650 ♪ I can hear those Hawaiians sayin' ♪ 339 00:13:56,719 --> 00:13:58,130 ♪ Komo mai no kaua ia hale welakahao... ♪ 340 00:13:58,154 --> 00:14:00,504 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 341 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,157 A Hawaiian tap dance?! 342 00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:05,260 They tap dance in Hawaii. 343 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:07,448 You just can't hear it because of the sand. 344 00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:09,664 I'm not happy! 345 00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:11,777 You will be. You will be. No! I'm not happy. 346 00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,613 Murray, Murray, Murray, I'll catch up... 347 00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:15,814 You'll like it much better here. Hit it! 348 00:14:15,838 --> 00:14:18,239 ♪ It won't be long till my ship will be sailing ♪ 349 00:14:18,308 --> 00:14:19,757 ♪ Back to Kona ♪ 350 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,025 ♪ Kona ♪ 351 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,410 ♪ A grand ol' place ♪ 352 00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:24,245 ♪ That's always fair to see ♪ 353 00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,913 ♪ Skin a banana ♪ 354 00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:28,449 ♪ Sayin' just a little Hawaiian and a homesick island boy ♪ 355 00:14:28,518 --> 00:14:30,579 ♪ I want to go back to my fish and poi ♪ 356 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,648 ♪ I want to go back to my little grass shack ♪ 357 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,138 ♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪ 358 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,606 ♪ Scooby-do ♪ 359 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,520 ♪ Where the humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪ 360 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,642 ♪ Go swimming by... ♪ 361 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,977 Hey! 362 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,062 ♪ Where the humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪ 363 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,131 ♪ Go swimming by... ♪ 364 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,631 Look at that lamp! 365 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,817 ♪ Where the humuhumunukunukuapuaa ♪ 366 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,287 ♪ Go swimming by. ♪ 367 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,054 Well, thanks for bringing us a big agent, Murray. 368 00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,411 Your cousin! 369 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,081 Well, he's not coming to my house for Thanksgiving. 370 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,562 Mr. Unger, I'm a total failure. 371 00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:05,753 No, no, no, you're not. 372 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,438 You were good. I loved it. 373 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,558 If, at first, you don't succeed... Quit! 374 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,928 She was terrific! 375 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,157 I don't understand it. 376 00:15:20,737 --> 00:15:21,686 Hello. 377 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,853 Felix? 378 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,438 Yes. Hi, Oscar. 379 00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:25,973 Don't "Hi, Oscar" me! 380 00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:27,324 I'm going crazy down here. 381 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:28,342 What's the matter? 382 00:15:28,411 --> 00:15:29,793 Miss Jenson. 383 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,506 I couldn't concentrate on my work with her around. 384 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,570 I had to let her go. 385 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,665 I've got a date with her next Thursday. 386 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,050 What do you want from me? 387 00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:39,303 If Myrna's not back here at 9:00 tomorrow morning sharp, 388 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:40,916 I'm going down to the personnel department, 389 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,652 pick myself a permanent secretary. 390 00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,892 I've got to prepare to host that TV show. 391 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,911 Good-bye! 392 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,248 That was Oscar. 393 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,918 He wants Myrna back tomorrow morning. 394 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,487 That's it then, Felix. 395 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,139 The end of a brilliant career. 396 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,142 I'm sorry, Mr. Unger. 397 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,377 I didn't mean to let you down. 398 00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:06,047 Why you... you didn't let me down. 399 00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:08,077 You didn't. You didn't. 400 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,517 How could you let... 401 00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,119 how could anyone let me down 402 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,654 who's going to be on TV tomorrow night? 403 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,135 They're re-running the Alabama-Mississippi game? 404 00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:18,442 Oscar Madison just called me. 405 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,211 He wants you on his show tomorrow night. 406 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,745 I have to work out the billing 407 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,310 and the money... I'm gonna tap-dance on a sports show? 408 00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:25,994 Right! So go home Okay. 409 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,386 And practice your patriotic baton-twirling tap 410 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,388 that made halftime history! 411 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,850 Murray, are you going to be there? 412 00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:32,974 I'll be there! 413 00:16:33,042 --> 00:16:35,642 I want all my friends to share in this moment. 414 00:16:35,711 --> 00:16:37,644 Isn't that great? 415 00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,775 Now all I have to do is convince Oscar! 416 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,415 How? 417 00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:43,350 Easy. 418 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,685 The way to get to Oscar 419 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:51,109 is with brains, tact, guile, cleverness. 420 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,111 You'll be needing me then. 421 00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:59,367 I think I can handle it. 422 00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,471 No, no, no! 423 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,037 I know what you're saying. That's the way you get variety... 424 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,237 No, no, this is not a variety show. 425 00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:10,405 It's a sports show. No. 426 00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,074 Oh please, Oscar, you're my last hope. 427 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,275 You're... aw, please. 428 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,509 No, I knew it would come to this. 429 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,677 Please. But listen. 430 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,779 If she goes on and she's a smash, 431 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,083 you'll be a hero. 432 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,599 If she's not, if she flops, 433 00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,300 she comes back to work as your secretary. 434 00:17:22,324 --> 00:17:23,535 Either way, you win. 435 00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:24,725 I knew it! I warned you. 436 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,960 I knew it would come to this. 437 00:17:26,029 --> 00:17:28,612 No! 438 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,764 Maybe you're right. Yeah. 439 00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:33,145 Maybe I bit off more than I could chew. 440 00:17:33,169 --> 00:17:34,968 Swing that. 441 00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,597 I was just doing it for her. 442 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,720 Think of Myrna... When she's 65 years old, 443 00:17:39,776 --> 00:17:42,977 she won't be able to dance anymore. 444 00:17:43,046 --> 00:17:46,497 It wouldn't be so bad if she said, "I didn't," 445 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,732 or "I couldn't," but, oh, the pain to say, 446 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,067 "I should've." 447 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,005 Have you ever felt the pain of "I should've"? 448 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,073 Of course I have. 449 00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,102 I "should've" never let you move in. 450 00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,094 I "should've" kicked you out. 451 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,596 Won't you let her be on, please? 452 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,698 Oh, all right. 453 00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,428 You, you, I knew it. Just to settle this thing once 454 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,763 and for all... I knew it! You know why? 455 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,431 Because you're one in a million. 456 00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:11,433 There is nothing like the loyalty 457 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:12,768 that exists in this house. 458 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,226 You know which is the bad side of your face? 459 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,728 Which side? The side with a mouth on it. 460 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,587 Thank you, Mr. Wong, 461 00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:28,133 for your tips on table tennis. 462 00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,725 Say hello to the wall for me. 463 00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,693 Good swing, yes, sir. 464 00:18:32,762 --> 00:18:34,095 My next guest... hey, 465 00:18:34,163 --> 00:18:36,897 looks like international night on the Sports Den show. 466 00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:40,835 My next guest is perhaps one of the greatest in a long line 467 00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:42,837 of Italian soccer players 468 00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:46,406 who's often been referred to as "the man with a dozen legs." 469 00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:49,593 A warm welcome, please, 470 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:53,263 for Nino Babaloni and his interpreter, Tony Magucci. 471 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,905 Grazie. 472 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,740 Hallo. Hello. 473 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,409 Well, welcome to the Sports show, Nino. 474 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,802 Hello! 475 00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:17,071 There's a, there's a question I've always wanted to ask. 476 00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:20,868 See, I've always been interested... 477 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,612 As a matter, I think the audience would be interested... 478 00:19:28,618 --> 00:19:30,801 Hello. 479 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,020 I forgot the question. 480 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,589 Oh, I... 481 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:38,854 No, no, I remember, I remember. 482 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:42,095 What is the toughest team he has ever faced? 483 00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:44,009 You mean the, uh, soccer? 484 00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:46,411 Yeah, you know, soccer like that. 485 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,553 What'd he say? 486 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,705 Pull up your sock. 487 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,154 Forget that, will you please? 488 00:19:55,178 --> 00:19:56,955 The toughest team he has faced. 489 00:19:56,979 --> 00:19:58,859 The toughest team in soccer. Yes, toughest team. 490 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,860 Ah, he says the best team... Scusi. 491 00:20:13,929 --> 00:20:15,396 Yugoslavia? 492 00:20:16,899 --> 00:20:18,877 Germania? 493 00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:20,111 No, not Germania... Yugoslavia. 494 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,997 Brazil?! 495 00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,640 Milano? Roma? 496 00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:28,392 Roma? 497 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,242 Silencio! Gentlemen. 498 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,598 Silencio! 499 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,294 Gentlemen, moving right along, 500 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,395 let's forget that. 501 00:20:37,419 --> 00:20:38,897 What I really want to know: 502 00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:40,565 does he have a particular stadium 503 00:20:40,589 --> 00:20:42,355 he prefers to play in? 504 00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:43,691 He cannot answer that question. 505 00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:44,836 Why not? 506 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,905 Because I'm not speaking to him. 507 00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:49,489 Oh, excuse me... it's time for a message. 508 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:50,642 We'll be right back. 509 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,811 Ladies, I think I can speak 510 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,279 for your husbands out there 511 00:20:54,303 --> 00:20:57,237 when I say I hate grimy shirts, 512 00:20:57,306 --> 00:21:00,958 and if you do, too, watch this message. 513 00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:03,155 Hey, you're doing great. Is it good? Is it? Great. Great. 514 00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,222 You're just really rolling. 515 00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:06,397 Controversy... I like talking for a living. 516 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,831 Myrna is so excited. 517 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,210 She's talking to her batons. 518 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:10,479 Felix, listen... wait a minute. What? 519 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,113 Can you take some bad news? What? 520 00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,972 Well, there isn't going to be time for Myrna to be on the show. 521 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,736 No! Well, see, the Ping-Pong player took a lot of time 522 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,640 and I need Rocky Noonan... He's a football star. 523 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,673 What do you need him for, to throw a body block? 524 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,341 Myrna can dance. She's warmed up. 525 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,016 Felix, I'm telling you... She can't. 526 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,266 Can't! 527 00:21:26,335 --> 00:21:28,046 Can't means not able to. You mean mayn't. 528 00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:29,636 All right, mayn't... Also, she can't. 529 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,305 Now, please, Felix, get off here. 530 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,439 Some buddy! 531 00:21:32,508 --> 00:21:34,774 After all the trouble I went through. 532 00:21:34,843 --> 00:21:36,154 What's the matter, Mr. Unger, 533 00:21:36,178 --> 00:21:37,489 don't I get to dance? 534 00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:39,446 He says there's no time to put you on the show. 535 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:40,780 Can you imagine that?! 536 00:21:40,849 --> 00:21:42,260 Well, I really don't mind, Mr. Unger. 537 00:21:42,284 --> 00:21:43,795 You see, I'm pretty nervous anyway, 538 00:21:43,819 --> 00:21:45,464 and my hands are sweating and my batons... 539 00:21:45,488 --> 00:21:47,416 Pick it up! Pick it up! It looks bad. 540 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,388 Five, four, three... 541 00:21:48,458 --> 00:21:51,057 Which camera? Which camera? 542 00:21:51,126 --> 00:21:53,944 Now, ladies and gentlemen, what you've been waiting for... 543 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,380 The topper of the show... truly 544 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,444 a football institution... 545 00:21:58,468 --> 00:22:00,901 It's halftime! 546 00:22:00,970 --> 00:22:03,187 And here for your halftime pleasure, 547 00:22:03,256 --> 00:22:05,839 recreating her famous baton-twirling tap 548 00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,224 that made halftime history 549 00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,710 in the Alabama-Mississippi game of several years ago, 550 00:22:09,779 --> 00:22:11,878 is the lovely Myrna Turner! 551 00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,368 Bravo. 552 00:22:36,705 --> 00:22:38,638 Yeah, good. Yeah! 553 00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:42,543 Oh, bravo. 554 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,346 Bellissima! 555 00:22:46,415 --> 00:22:48,648 Bella, bella, brava. 556 00:22:48,717 --> 00:22:50,334 Brava! 557 00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:51,668 Brava. 558 00:22:51,737 --> 00:22:53,670 Bellissima! Bellissima! 559 00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:57,441 Bella! Bella! 560 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:03,263 Bellisima! 561 00:23:03,332 --> 00:23:05,265 Bellisima! Brava! 562 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,236 Bella! 563 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,242 Hi, Mr. M. 564 00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:17,061 Still mad? 565 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:20,664 I know what you mean. 566 00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:25,586 Listen, Mr. Madison, you gave me a chance... 567 00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:28,371 And it was really fun... 568 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,773 And I'll be back to work 569 00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,342 at your desk tomorrow at 9:00. 570 00:23:33,262 --> 00:23:35,962 Now, I'll never have to say "I should've." 571 00:23:36,031 --> 00:23:38,599 Okay. 572 00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:42,702 Good night, Oscar. 573 00:23:42,771 --> 00:23:45,238 I had a real good time. 574 00:23:56,769 --> 00:24:00,404 It was kind of fun, wasn't it? 575 00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:02,706 Don't you realize what you did? 576 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,286 Yes, I know. Wait a minute! 577 00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,355 Felix, don't do it now! Wait a minute! Always interfering 578 00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:08,256 Look, every time something happens, in somebody else's life... 579 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,646 You always make a long speech. 580 00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,715 You never give me a chance to make a speech. 581 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:13,217 You never let me say my hate! 582 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,702 You never let me express my hate! 583 00:24:15,771 --> 00:24:17,388 Express it. 584 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,645 That's all? 585 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:33,820 What do you say... Want to go home? 586 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:35,822 Yeah. 587 00:24:46,836 --> 00:24:48,785 That's so sad. 588 00:24:48,854 --> 00:24:50,787 Why? 589 00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:52,789 That's Franklin Lang. 39105

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