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1
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,066
They sent me a
lopsided typewriter.
2
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,117
Not bad. Three down, one to go.
3
00:00:24,308 --> 00:00:25,607
What took you so long?
4
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:30,428
I think I'm naturally slow.
5
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:33,548
Also, they're not used to making
pizzas with fried eggs on them.
6
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:35,967
Put it on the table, will you?
7
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,837
On the table, on
the table! You blind?
8
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,040
You can't see a table?
Put it on the table.
9
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:43,820
You got plenty of anchovies?
10
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,344
Plenty of anchovies.
11
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,623
Onions? Onions.
12
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,897
Hot peppers? Hot,
extra hot peppers.
13
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,944
You told them to leave
the cheese off, didn't you?
14
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,133
Right.
15
00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:53,864
Good, 'cause that
cheese will kill you.
16
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,687
What is this?
17
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,067
A note from the pizzeria?
18
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,058
"Good luck, pisano!" Very funny.
19
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:01,677
Did you finish the columns yet?
20
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,440
Almost, almost. But you said...
21
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,674
I'm typing, I'm typing!
22
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:07,999
What a way to live.
23
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,988
I know you're
trying to, you know,
24
00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,403
get away for a vacation,
25
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,139
but trying to finish two weeks
work in one day is crazy.
26
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,808
Better slow down or you'll
be writing your own obituary.
27
00:01:16,861 --> 00:01:18,526
I got to finish this column.
28
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:19,995
I want to go to Las Vegas.
29
00:01:20,064 --> 00:01:22,497
I want nothing on my mind
while I'm watching the girls
30
00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:23,726
with nothing on their body.
31
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,217
Look at that!
32
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,504
Look at that! Exactly as
I left him eight hours ago.
33
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,601
That's the only food
you've eaten, too.
34
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,375
No. I had a Polish sausage
sandwich an hour ago.
35
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,694
Did you ever?
36
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,006
Hi.
37
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,909
He hasn't had a decent
meal in four days.
38
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,332
Stop nagging
me, will you, Felix?
39
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,599
Nagging?
40
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,788
Here, honey, take these
down to the office right away.
41
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,648
Send a messenger
to pick up the one
42
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,650
I'm typing right now, okay? Nagging
is telling him what he should eat?
43
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,985
Then I'm going to
Madison Square Garden.
44
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,320
I'm going to cover the
afternoon basketball game,
45
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,487
then I'm going to
be in the press box.
46
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,090
I'm going to have dinner there.
47
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,092
Then I'm going to come
back here and I'll be in time
48
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,893
No cheese. to catch the rerun
of the soccer game from Peru.
49
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,849
Okay, good-bye.
50
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,118
I should have been a general.
51
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,497
Oh, boy... What's the matter?
52
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,215
What is it? Your ulcer?
53
00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:04,117
Yeah. You'd better
call Dr. Melnitz.
54
00:02:04,141 --> 00:02:05,073
I knew it.
55
00:02:05,142 --> 00:02:06,385
I knew it.
56
00:02:06,409 --> 00:02:08,543
Don't take that.
I'm not through yet.
57
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,368
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
58
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,169
from his place of residence.
59
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:21,673
That request came from his wife.
60
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,653
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
61
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,512
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
62
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,714
With nowhere else to go,
63
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,649
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
64
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:32,818
Several years earlier,
65
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,886
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
66
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,338
requesting that he never return.
67
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,891
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
68
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:42,994
without driving
each other crazy?
69
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,263
♪ ♪
70
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,344
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
71
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,143
I warned him, Doctor.
I pleaded with him.
72
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:40,485
I tried to impress on him the
God-given gift of good health,
73
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,764
but he wouldn't listen to me.
74
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,817
It's like talking
to a brick wall.
75
00:03:43,841 --> 00:03:45,941
Did you ever try to
talk to a brick wall?
76
00:03:46,009 --> 00:03:48,426
Felix, you are the reason
77
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,339
doctors don't like
to make house calls.
78
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:52,864
I know it. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. I talk too much.
79
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,566
From now on, my lips are sealed.
80
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,001
I was only trying to help.
81
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,164
You helped enough
by getting him out here.
82
00:03:58,188 --> 00:03:59,453
It's just that I have
83
00:03:59,522 --> 00:04:02,757
this strong sympathetic
reaction to pain.
84
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,336
I remember when
my wife was pregnant.
85
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,238
I went through
everything with her.
86
00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:07,628
I had the swollen ankles.
87
00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:08,841
I had the morning sickness.
88
00:04:08,865 --> 00:04:10,264
I had the depression.
89
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,632
I even waddled when I walked.
90
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,653
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
91
00:04:16,907 --> 00:04:18,439
Okay, once more.
92
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,241
Deep breath.
93
00:04:22,545 --> 00:04:23,622
Hurt here?
94
00:04:23,646 --> 00:04:25,346
Uh-uh.
95
00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:26,347
Here?
96
00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:27,348
No. Here?
97
00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:28,417
Ah, yeah!
98
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:29,468
That's the spot.
99
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,770
Thank you.
100
00:04:33,724 --> 00:04:35,157
It's his ulcer, isn't it?
101
00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:36,958
It's rearing its
ugly head again.
102
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,761
It's ripping its way right
through that stomach wall.
103
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:42,230
Rip, rip, rip, rip.
104
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:45,266
How are you at
wiring a fractured jaw?
105
00:04:45,335 --> 00:04:46,367
Rip, rip, rip!
106
00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:48,081
Oscar, you promised me this time
107
00:04:48,105 --> 00:04:50,249
that you were gonna
take care of yourself.
108
00:04:50,273 --> 00:04:51,506
I've been trying, Doc.
109
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:54,409
He's been trying, Doc.
He's been trying, Doc.
110
00:04:54,477 --> 00:04:57,478
Oh, thank you.
111
00:05:01,752 --> 00:05:03,785
Well, I won't know
anything for sure
112
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,303
until all the tests are in.
113
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:08,373
But one thing I'm
certain: any more anxiety,
114
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,407
any more tension,
115
00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:10,392
you could be out completely.
116
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:11,492
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
117
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,705
Oh, will you stop with the head?
118
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,190
Look, I was thinking
about going to Las Vegas.
119
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,548
You go to Las Vegas,
you'll go in a box.
120
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,699
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
121
00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:19,045
Will you stop with the nodding?
122
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,413
Look, my philosophy
about sickness
123
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:22,114
is if you ignore
it, it'll go away.
124
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:23,888
Oh! Let me write that down!
125
00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:25,702
I'd like to write
that down, too.
126
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:29,945
Doctor, I've taken the liberty
of preparing a menu for Oscar.
127
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,562
Felix, if you're angling
128
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,711
for some kind of
fee-splitting, forget it.
129
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:38,370
However, he's got a point.
130
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,600
I want you to be especially
careful with your diet.
131
00:05:40,624 --> 00:05:42,435
Only bland foods. Mm-hmm.
132
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,125
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
133
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,256
Call me Monday and let
me know how you're feeling.
134
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,714
I'll make sure that he
calls you Monday, Doctor.
135
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,149
Doctor...
136
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:54,587
what should I do?
137
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,568
Take care of him
138
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,643
and see that he stays in bed.
139
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,228
I'll make sure he stays in bed,
140
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,981
but, uh, how often
should I check on him?
141
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:09,517
I don't know, every
couple of hours.
142
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:12,153
I've got to go to work, but
I'll sneak back from work.
143
00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:14,589
Just tell me one thing.
In case of emergency,
144
00:06:14,657 --> 00:06:17,859
how much responsibility
are you leaving in my hands?
145
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,945
Well, let me put it this way.
146
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,092
You can take his temperature,
147
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,436
but call me before you operate.
148
00:06:29,506 --> 00:06:30,438
Yeah.
149
00:06:30,507 --> 00:06:35,176
Here we go with surprises!
150
00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,013
What are you doing?
151
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,098
Playing solitaire.
152
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:40,326
You're not cheating,
are you? Oh, no.
153
00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:41,749
'Cause cheating makes guilt,
154
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,151
and guilt makes acid.
155
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,122
Dejeuner est
servez, but first...
156
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:58,900
And now the big
wonderful surprise.
157
00:06:58,969 --> 00:07:00,301
What is it? What is it?
158
00:07:00,370 --> 00:07:02,904
Look at this!
159
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:07,308
Clear soup, two
soft-boiled eggs,
160
00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:08,776
tapioca pudding,
161
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,779
and what is this
wonderfulness here you've got?
162
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,592
I have never seen
that, I'm afraid.
163
00:07:13,616 --> 00:07:14,782
What is that?
164
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,218
Steamed celery.
165
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:17,802
Steamed celery.
166
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,532
Not exactly a
dish fit for a king,
167
00:07:19,556 --> 00:07:21,234
but then, you're not
Henry the VIII, are you?
168
00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:22,285
You're Oscar, the sick.
169
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:27,979
You know, they should hire
me to cheer up sick people.
170
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,342
How is it, huh? Good?
171
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,732
Mmm, good.
172
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,411
You know, Felix,
do you ever think
173
00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:33,463
about cooking for a hospital?
174
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:37,221
That good, huh? Ooh...
175
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,890
I love to see you eat.
176
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,893
Every slurp brings you that
much closer to good health.
177
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,244
And Las Vegas.
178
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,441
Well, I've got to go
back to work. Okay.
179
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,664
Is there anything you need?
180
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,016
You're going to be all right?
181
00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:50,651
What can happen to
me in bed, sheet burns?
182
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,353
You're right.
183
00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:54,233
Don't you worry, fella, 'cause
I'm going to pull you through.
184
00:07:54,257 --> 00:07:55,190
I know you are.
185
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:56,191
Trust me. I do.
186
00:07:56,259 --> 00:07:57,320
I'm on your side, you know.
187
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,577
I'm lucky to have
a friend like you
188
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,246
who comes home from work to
make me such a delicious lunch.
189
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,782
Thank you, Felix
190
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:07,210
I really... I can't tell
you how much I...
191
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,989
Steamed celery?
192
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:17,329
Soft-boiled eggs, runny
yet, salty, stinky soup.
193
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,113
Hello, Myrna. Oscar.
194
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,833
Yes. Same place, same pizza,
195
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,302
same eggs, but tell
'em to hold the note!
196
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,089
Hello, Mr. Madison.
197
00:08:28,157 --> 00:08:30,758
Hector, in here. Second door.
198
00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:31,759
Mr. Madison?
199
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:32,977
Who are you?
200
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:36,213
I'm Monroe Hernandez,
the super's son.
201
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,861
I'm following in my
father's footsteps.
202
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:38,984
Oh, Hector's kid.
203
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,463
Yeah. He asked
me to give you this...
204
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:41,698
Oh, the racing form.
Good. Thanks, kid
205
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,387
Boy, who would believe it?
206
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,823
Right here in a
luxury building, a slum.
207
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,794
I don't need your
jokes, kid. Good-bye.
208
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,463
Yeah, but Mr. Unger asked us
to install a reading lamp for you.
209
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,165
Do you have to do it now?
210
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,433
Uh, yes.
211
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,146
I have a guitar
lesson this afternoon,
212
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,530
because I don't want to
follow in my father's footsteps.
213
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,905
Where would you like it?
214
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,074
Put it anywhere.
215
00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:05,610
Hello, Sam. Oscar. Yeah.
216
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,244
Listen, I want to put 20 dollars
217
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,846
to win on Jackknife
in the seventh.
218
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,610
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Madison.
219
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,511
You got an electrical
outlet in this room?
220
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:13,484
Sure.
221
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:14,986
Where are you hiding it?
222
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,099
I'm not hiding it.
It's behind the, uh...
223
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,367
It's behind somewhere.
Take a look.
224
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,307
You'll find it.
225
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,792
Yeah. Listen,
226
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,861
how did Judy's
Bill do in the third?
227
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,430
He didn't even show?
He was the favorite!
228
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:26,664
I gotta beg. All right,
229
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,210
20 to win on Jackknife,
seventh. Right.
230
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,567
Mr. M?
231
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,235
You can come in, Myrna.
232
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,236
Ulcers aren't contagious.
233
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,505
Come on. Let me have it.
234
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,784
I brought what you called me
235
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,486
to bring, but I'm
not happy about it.
236
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:37,854
I'm not concerned
with your happiness.
237
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,377
I'm concerned with my happiness.
238
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,557
Yeah, well, suppose the
doctor caught you eating that?
239
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,221
I'm not concerned
about the doctor either.
240
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,449
I'm worried about Felix.
241
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,268
Mr. Madison? What?
242
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,803
I don't mean to disturb you,
243
00:09:48,872 --> 00:09:52,624
but that stuff
moved all by itself.
244
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,676
Oh, that's Monroe.
245
00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:55,693
Monroe, Myrna.
246
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,562
Myrna, Monroe Hernandez.
247
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,174
Hi, Myrna. Hi.
248
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,733
He's looking for an outlet.
249
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:05,303
Have you tried tennis?
250
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,837
An electrical outlet.
251
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:07,906
What's that?
252
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,741
Oh, it's a get-well card.
253
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,671
Signed by everyone
in the office.
254
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,561
Oh, that's sweet.
255
00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:15,291
What are all these
numbers besides the names?
256
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,716
Oh, that's how much
money you owe each of them.
257
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,822
They really hope you get
better quick and get back to work.
258
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,794
Go help him find
an outlet, please.
259
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,661
Hi, Myrna.
260
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:31,824
Hi, Murray.
261
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,393
Hey, Oscar, the front
door was unlocked.
262
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,700
That's an open
invitation to criminals.
263
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,252
And New York City Police.
264
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:41,772
Here, Oscar, get well quick.
265
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,843
What am I? Sea Biscuit?
266
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,327
Where'd you get the flowers?
267
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,596
I was assigned to a funeral.
268
00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:51,098
It's the smell that counts.
269
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,051
They smell like formaldehyde.
270
00:10:53,103 --> 00:10:55,181
Did you bring the guys
like I asked you? Yeah.
271
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:56,449
Okay, get them
in here, will you?
272
00:10:56,473 --> 00:10:57,738
I got the cards and everything.
273
00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:59,385
Did the doctor say
it's okay? Yeah, yeah.
274
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,808
You sure he did?
275
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,176
Want to see the note?
276
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,611
Get them, will you?
277
00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:05,946
Hey, fellas, come on in.
278
00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:07,281
You remember Tom and Mike?
279
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:08,449
Hi, fellas.
280
00:11:08,518 --> 00:11:10,351
I'm going to Las Vegas
in a couple of days.
281
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,819
I want to get warmed up.
282
00:11:11,887 --> 00:11:13,454
Okay, this'll be a
quarter and a half,
283
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,123
five card stud, and
Murray, you can deal.
284
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,724
Hey, that's against the law.
285
00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:17,825
Call a cop.
286
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:21,530
Oh!
287
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:25,116
What can I do? What can I do?!
288
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,417
I'd like a beer.
289
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,086
Murray'd like a hot chocolate.
290
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,776
And you, you call
yourself Oscar's friend.
291
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,278
You could have done
irreparable damage
292
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,313
to that poor soul in there.
293
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,582
I just hope I got
back here in time.
294
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,239
Well, I had no choice.
295
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,103
Mr. M called and threatened me.
296
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,609
He threatened you?
297
00:11:51,661 --> 00:11:53,572
Yeah, he said if I
didn't bring him food
298
00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:55,558
he'd tell the whole
office my secret.
299
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,014
What secret?
300
00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:01,719
Well, this isn't
my original nose.
301
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,020
What about you,
Officer Greshler?
302
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,660
It's my original nose.
303
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,329
I'm ashamed of you, Murray.
304
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,664
If you had any medals,
I'd rip them right off you!
305
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:17,301
But Felix, Oscar's
my friend. He's sick.
306
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,786
And I'm a policeman.
307
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:23,224
I don't have time to
unravel your logic, Murray.
308
00:12:23,292 --> 00:12:24,542
And you?
309
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,491
I just came up
here to do my job.
310
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:27,711
I gotta do my job.
311
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,759
But you were there.
You saw a sick Oscar.
312
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,227
Why didn't you
throw those men out?
313
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,184
When was the last time
314
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,373
you saw a Puerto Rican
throw out three cops?
315
00:12:36,806 --> 00:12:38,086
Be that as it may,
316
00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:39,819
you all know better
than to disturb Oscar.
317
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,243
For shame, shame!
318
00:12:42,312 --> 00:12:43,711
Can we leave now?
319
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:45,746
No! In a minute.
320
00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:47,827
I'm sorry, but Oscar
means a lot to me.
321
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,450
He means a lot to all of us.
322
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:54,055
It's just that it's impossible
to isolate Oscar in this town.
323
00:12:54,124 --> 00:12:56,491
He needs to be someplace
where it's quiet and restful
324
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:57,954
and where there's
nothing going on.
325
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,979
He could come to my
house any Saturday night.
326
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,865
I could put him in solitary.
327
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,991
How about the basement,
the storage room?
328
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,070
It's filthy down there.
329
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,404
He'll fit right in.
330
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,391
Oh, no, none of that's any good.
331
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,020
We need someplace where I...
332
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:31,476
Hey, Felix, this is great... I
got to hand it to you. Yeah?
333
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,489
If we'd gone to Vegas,
I would've gotten sick.
334
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,480
You can bet on
that. A-ha-ha-ha-ha!
335
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,816
You see? I'm just as funny
on sea as I am on land.
336
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,563
And this is a great
compromise, see?
337
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,287
I can swing when I want; I
can relax when you want.
338
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,222
Yeah, well, we both
needed a vacation.
339
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:48,371
There's... there's something I want
to tell... Hey, where is everybody?
340
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,539
I thought this was a
get-acquainted party. It is.
341
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,865
I just wanted to get here early
so we could get our own porthole.
342
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:57,167
Hey, Felix, I hear the girls that
come on cruises are swingers,
343
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,731
and salt air's better
than vodka, huh?
344
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,600
Well, don't get your hopes up.
345
00:14:00,624 --> 00:14:02,935
I tell you, you're
here to rest...
346
00:14:02,959 --> 00:14:05,493
Yeah, well, I'll rest with some
of the other passengers, huh?
347
00:14:05,562 --> 00:14:07,106
Where is everybody?
They're here.
348
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:09,325
They're all on a tour;
they'll all come together.
349
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,127
There's something
I've got to tell you.
350
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,751
Oh, you don't have to
tell me... I know the rules.
351
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,703
It's every man for himself, huh?
352
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,172
Hey, here they
come! Here they come!
353
00:14:18,207 --> 00:14:19,652
Do me a favor, now? What?
354
00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:22,310
Big smile. That's the way
I want to remember you.
355
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,981
But the thing is,
I just don't know
356
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:29,500
what to do with
this hearing aid.
357
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,337
Come on, let's sit over here.
358
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,934
He's sitting over there.
359
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,757
Oh, dear.
360
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:40,027
I'm glad I'm a senior citizen.
361
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,997
Is this all of them?
362
00:14:43,065 --> 00:14:46,200
No, just the ones who
could make it downstairs.
363
00:14:54,678 --> 00:14:57,244
Nice, relaxing cruise!
364
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,313
SS Lawrence Welk!
365
00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:03,284
Hi.
366
00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:04,997
What are you doing?
367
00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:06,788
I'm leaving.
368
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,455
We just left New York.
369
00:15:08,524 --> 00:15:10,491
I'm getting off
at the first stop.
370
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,459
The first stop is New York.
371
00:15:12,529 --> 00:15:14,206
You mean, this
boat doesn't stop?
372
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,108
Once around the Atlantic.
373
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,932
Then I'll hijack the ship.
374
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,067
I'll demand a million
dollars and an inner tube!
375
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,416
Oscar, maybe...
376
00:15:21,471 --> 00:15:24,021
maybe I owe you an
apology. You bet you do.
377
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,368
For 30 years, I've wanted
to take a swinging cruise,
378
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:29,322
and then you book me on a boat
where everybody calls me "sonny."
379
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:32,613
I thought this cruise would
be good for your condition.
380
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:35,994
The lifestyle of senior
citizens is a nice, easy pace.
381
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,985
What pace? Nobody moves!
382
00:15:38,054 --> 00:15:40,533
They're lovely people...
Try to enjoy them.
383
00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:42,835
Now, come on, unpack.
No. I'm not gonna unpack.
384
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,637
Oh, don't be silly.
I'm not gonna unpack!
385
00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:46,527
All right, I'm unpacked, okay?
386
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,731
Hey, matey, matey, sir,
sir, please, come in here.
387
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:52,466
You've got to help me, sir...
I've got to get off this ship.
388
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,846
Look, will you tell
that to the captain?
389
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,047
I am the captain.
390
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:56,837
Oh, listen, Captain... Captain.
391
00:15:56,906 --> 00:16:00,040
Passenger Unger out of
New York reporting, sir.
392
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,009
Glad to be aboard, sir.
393
00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:03,578
Excellent, excellent.
394
00:16:03,646 --> 00:16:06,425
Uh, what seems to
be the trouble here?
395
00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:08,916
Well, passenger Madison
seems to have trouble relaxing.
396
00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:11,819
Relaxing? I'm so relaxed,
I'm dying of boredom.
397
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,854
What is there to
do on this ship?
398
00:16:13,923 --> 00:16:15,222
Where's the activities director?
399
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,352
Well, I'm afraid there
isn't one this time out.
400
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:18,954
We took on a new
activities director,
401
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,162
and he spends most
of his time at the rail.
402
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,242
You mean, there's no one to help
403
00:16:23,266 --> 00:16:25,328
these nice people
have a good time?
404
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,369
'Fraid not. Captain, begging
the captain's pardon, sir.
405
00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:30,871
Passenger Unger volunteers
to be activities director.
406
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,473
Felix, what are you doing?
407
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,352
These people are
in their golden years.
408
00:16:34,376 --> 00:16:35,693
They deserve the best.
409
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,412
And you're gonna lend a
little tarnish to their lives.
410
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,599
I think that's a good idea.
411
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,735
We need kids like you.
412
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:46,954
Here's a whistle, and
you'll find a hat in room 102.
413
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:49,485
Oh, thank you Captain!
414
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:54,112
Carry on with
your... boat business.
415
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,258
"Carry on with
your boat business!"
416
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,694
Captain, why do you
give him a job like that?
417
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,884
I learned one rule at sea:
418
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,322
When you got a troublemaker,
give him a whistle.
419
00:17:06,142 --> 00:17:08,743
You want a whistle?
No. I want some food!
420
00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:11,371
Look at this menu...
I don't believe it here!
421
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,375
They got mashed potatoes,
pea soup, mashed bananas.
422
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,577
Don't you have any food
for people with teeth?
423
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,712
Why don't you eat
what I eat? What's that?
424
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:20,755
Salami, tacos, pizza...
What's that noise?
425
00:17:20,823 --> 00:17:22,200
That's my stomach.
Captain, please tell me,
426
00:17:22,224 --> 00:17:24,420
where do I get pizza and
tacos and all that stuff?
427
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,809
Try old Arlo Tupple.
428
00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:27,128
Arlo Tupple.
429
00:17:27,197 --> 00:17:28,424
Right. Okay.
430
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:31,682
All this looks
pretty good. I'll...
431
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,151
Three dollars for this sandwich?
432
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,319
Three dol...
433
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,604
That's piracy on
the high seas! Here!
434
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,273
Three dollars.
435
00:17:39,342 --> 00:17:41,775
You see that? Three
dollars. What kind of sand...
436
00:17:41,844 --> 00:17:43,277
It's got ketchup on it.
437
00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:44,779
Can you believe that?
438
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,126
Now hear this! Now hear this!
439
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,617
All hands on deck!
440
00:17:49,686 --> 00:17:51,852
Hello, folks. I'm
Passenger Unger.
441
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:54,789
Now, the Captain has informed
me we have no activities director,
442
00:17:54,857 --> 00:17:57,524
so I volunteered
myself for the job.
443
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,545
Thank you, thank you,
thank you. Stand easy.
444
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,913
The captain gave me
this hat and the whistle,
445
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,615
and he's given me your folders.
446
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,818
Now, we're all aboard
for our health, aren't we?
447
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,456
So I'm going to make sure
that we all follow the rules
448
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:15,560
so that we have a
healthy, happy voyage.
449
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:16,694
Thank you, mateys.
450
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,763
We're also going to have fun!
451
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:22,199
But medically sound fun!
452
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,986
I'm going to see that we
all follow our doctors' orders.
453
00:18:26,055 --> 00:18:28,789
Well, like it or lump it, we're
all in the same boat, aren't...
454
00:18:30,059 --> 00:18:32,193
I made a nautical joke!
You see? I'm funny.
455
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:35,763
Listen, Captain Queeg,
what is "medically sound fun"?
456
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,281
It means, Passenger Madison,
457
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,249
that we don't
cheat on our diets.
458
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,484
Look at this.
459
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,254
Ham and salami and cheese
for a man with an ulcer.
460
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,051
Give me the sandwich. Felix.
Shape up or ship out, Madison.
461
00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:48,576
Felix! That sandwich
is worth three dollars!
462
00:18:48,645 --> 00:18:50,756
And what is your stomach worth?
463
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:52,474
Am I right? Am I right?
464
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,977
Well, ahoy there,
Mrs... Grapney.
465
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,413
Yes, we met at the
passenger meeting, didn't we?
466
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,765
Yes. Oh, yes,
you're the clean boy.
467
00:19:00,957 --> 00:19:02,757
Have you taken your pills?
468
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:06,860
Oh, yes, yes, but, you see,
now I'm switching to prunes.
469
00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:10,448
Well, you can
always trust a prune.
470
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,783
No, no, thank you, but I
want you to promise me
471
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,496
that you're going to
take your pills, too.
472
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,619
No, I won't.
473
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,888
Yes, you will.
474
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:18,350
You'd better do what he says
475
00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:20,119
or he'll have a temper tantrum.
476
00:19:20,143 --> 00:19:23,644
That's a good little
lady, Mrs. Grapney.
477
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:25,446
Well, ahoy there, mate.
478
00:19:25,514 --> 00:19:28,382
You're the equipment
monitor, aren't you?
479
00:19:28,451 --> 00:19:30,234
Bingo cards?
480
00:19:30,286 --> 00:19:32,719
No, no, no, no.
481
00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:34,699
Darts? No. No equipment.
482
00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,006
What's your name, sailor?
483
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,226
Coswell.
484
00:19:39,295 --> 00:19:40,561
Coswell.
485
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,429
Yes, well, now,
according to this,
486
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:45,900
work in the cage is a
little too strenuous for you.
487
00:19:45,969 --> 00:19:47,846
Oh, I-I always work in the cage.
488
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,166
I've been in here
on seven cruises.
489
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,790
Well, then it's time you
had a nice, good rest, isn't it?
490
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,140
But cages are my life.
491
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,506
I... I used to be a
wild animal trainer.
492
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,463
Do you want me
to tell your daughter
493
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,281
that you refused to
obey doctor's orders?
494
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,245
Oh, no. No, no, I'll come out.
495
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,881
My daughter's more
dangerous than any wild animal.
496
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,337
Good boy. Good...
497
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,172
Well, how are we
doing, Mr. Larson?
498
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,281
Having the time of
your life, aren't you?
499
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:12,443
Sure you are!
500
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,546
There she is... full of prunes!
501
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:19,900
Your friend is causing an
awful lot of bad feelings.
502
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:24,604
And all we want to do is
just do what we want to do.
503
00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:26,785
Can't you explain
that to your friend?
504
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,620
All right, everybody come
here, come on, we'll talk.
505
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,954
I'll tell you...
506
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,244
Huh? Huh? What?
507
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,085
Now hear this!
All hands on deck!
508
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,487
All hands on deck!
509
00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:42,356
Stop that jabbering, mister.
510
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:45,859
Now, we're going
to have fun today!
511
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,478
Guess what we're going to do?
512
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,628
Dust each other.
513
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,382
No.
514
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,016
We're going to play Simon says.
515
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,269
Now, first, let me
go over the rules.
516
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,618
Uh, we know the rules.
517
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:59,306
You do? Good. Then I
don't have to tell you, do I?
518
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:02,376
Okay, everybody line
up on this line right here.
519
00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:03,445
Come on.
520
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:05,529
Come on.
521
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,431
Oh, I know.
522
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,033
Very good! You
got me, didn't you?
523
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:13,204
I forgot to say
"Simon says." Okay.
524
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,488
Simon says,
525
00:21:14,557 --> 00:21:16,390
line up on this line right here.
526
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,008
Good.
527
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:19,343
Very good.
528
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:22,045
Okay, just put your
toes on the line.
529
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,315
No, stop. You're coming too far.
530
00:21:25,601 --> 00:21:28,068
Simon says stop.
531
00:21:28,137 --> 00:21:30,237
Simon says halt.
532
00:21:30,306 --> 00:21:31,939
Simon says help.
533
00:21:32,008 --> 00:21:34,286
This is the last
time I volunteer
534
00:21:34,310 --> 00:21:36,243
for anything.
535
00:21:56,498 --> 00:21:58,627
Sounds like a swinging party.
536
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,251
Oh. That's the record player.
537
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:01,985
The party's been
over for two hours.
538
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,320
There's too much excitement.
539
00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:05,222
Everybody went
back to their cabins.
540
00:22:05,274 --> 00:22:06,752
Well, I hope you're happy...
541
00:22:06,776 --> 00:22:09,336
You won't have Felix Unger
to kick around anymore.
542
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,295
I need my pills, Felix.
543
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:17,267
Aha! In other words, it's Felix
Unger to the rescue once more, huh?
544
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:20,036
Don't put it in other words...
Just give me my pills.
545
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:21,650
Why wouldn't you listen to me?
546
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,974
Why don't you listen
to me? I need my pills.
547
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,693
Let bygones be bygones.
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
548
00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:28,741
When will you learn your lesson?
549
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:31,331
Do you think I wanted
to come on this cruise?
550
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,167
I did it for you.
551
00:22:33,236 --> 00:22:35,236
And look at the thanks I get...
552
00:22:35,304 --> 00:22:38,939
You throw me in the brig, and you
confiscate my hat and my whistle.
553
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:41,992
The passengers were
having a nice enough time,
554
00:22:42,061 --> 00:22:43,727
and then you instigate a riot.
555
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:46,358
Now that everybody... everybody's
on the brink of serious illness,
556
00:22:46,382 --> 00:22:48,682
you come crawling
back on your knees to me
557
00:22:48,751 --> 00:22:50,346
and beg for
forgiveness. Hold it!
558
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:53,490
I'm holding it. Now,
just hold it. And sit down!
559
00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,519
All right, I'm gonna tell
you something, Felix,
560
00:22:57,543 --> 00:23:00,878
for your own good,
and for my good, too.
561
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,880
Now, I've known you a long time,
562
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:05,527
and I think I know you
pretty good. Pretty well.
563
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,451
That's exactly what I mean!
564
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,587
Pretty good, pretty
well... who cares?
565
00:23:09,655 --> 00:23:11,655
I don't care... You
think Mr. Larson cares,
566
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,791
Mrs. Grapney cares? No!
567
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:15,292
Only Felix the Perfect cares!
568
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:16,560
Speak for yourself, Oscar.
569
00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:18,712
I'll speak for everyone.
570
00:23:18,781 --> 00:23:20,380
You're so compulsively perfect,
571
00:23:20,449 --> 00:23:22,360
you drive everyone
to be extreme.
572
00:23:22,384 --> 00:23:25,102
Mr. Larson didn't
want to do the carioca.
573
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,353
He would've been very happy
574
00:23:26,422 --> 00:23:28,467
to take a moderate stroll
around the poop deck.
575
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,035
And Mrs. Grapney,
you think she wanted
576
00:23:30,059 --> 00:23:31,259
to throw her pills overboard?
577
00:23:31,294 --> 00:23:33,305
She wanted to alternate...
A prune for a pill,
578
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:35,496
a pill for a prune,
a prune for a pill.
579
00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:36,997
Who's it gonna hurt? Nobody!
580
00:23:37,066 --> 00:23:40,350
I don't understand the
way you operate, Felix.
581
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:44,237
Don't you see, you
made me eat nine tacos.
582
00:23:44,306 --> 00:23:46,186
I would have been
happy with six.
583
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:49,760
All right, I get your message.
584
00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:51,161
What should I do?
585
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:54,331
Well, how about the
middle, a little moderation?
586
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,400
All right, I'll...
I'll take it easy.
587
00:23:56,469 --> 00:23:58,346
If you'll take it easy. Done.
588
00:23:58,370 --> 00:23:59,453
Okay.
589
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:01,788
Can I have my hat back?
590
00:24:03,426 --> 00:24:04,858
And my whistle?
591
00:24:04,927 --> 00:24:07,261
Ah, good.
592
00:24:07,329 --> 00:24:09,763
And I promise, I won't
go overboard anymore.
593
00:24:09,832 --> 00:24:10,998
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You see?
594
00:24:11,067 --> 00:24:12,883
I haven't lost the
famous Unger humor.
595
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,863
I have to rush ahead. Why? Why?
596
00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:16,319
Have to wash the whistle.
597
00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:25,874
Hello, Mr. Unger. Hi, Mr. Unger!
598
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,330
Well, hello, you two.
599
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,166
Well, do my eyes deceive me,
600
00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:31,434
or have you got something
going for you there?
601
00:24:31,503 --> 00:24:33,232
You're right. I
don't mind a bit.
602
00:24:33,256 --> 00:24:35,039
Shipboard romance, huh?
603
00:24:35,091 --> 00:24:36,923
We just dropped by to tell you
604
00:24:36,992 --> 00:24:38,992
that we saw
Mr. Madison up on deck
605
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:42,074
and he had
Mr. Tupple's raincoat on.
606
00:24:42,098 --> 00:24:43,826
Yeah, he bought it for $50!
607
00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,415
Oh, no.
608
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:48,251
And he promised me he
was going for moderation.
609
00:24:50,857 --> 00:24:52,556
Oscar, what happened to you?
610
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,593
I went on deck to
sneak a salami sandwich,
611
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:58,596
and a flock of seagulls
attacked my coat.
41698
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