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1
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,299
Are you ready to order yet?
2
00:00:06,323 --> 00:00:09,023
Uh... no, I'm, uh, still
waiting for my friend.
3
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,925
Uh... excuse me.
4
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,194
Uh... do you mind if I
borrow part of your paper?
5
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,018
You can have it all.
I'm finished with it.
6
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,287
Thank you.
7
00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:34,483
And they say New York
is an unfriendly place.
8
00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:43,658
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
9
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,793
from his place of residence.
10
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:48,497
That request came from his wife.
11
00:00:48,565 --> 00:00:50,898
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
12
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:54,402
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
13
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,371
With nowhere else to go,
14
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,191
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
15
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,458
Several years earlier,
16
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,105
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
17
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,679
requesting that he never return.
18
00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,232
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
19
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,401
without driving
each other crazy?
20
00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:41,850
♪ ♪
21
00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:05,440
Lady. Lady?
22
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:06,441
Lady!
23
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,442
You all right, lady?
24
00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:08,910
Hey, miss. Lady.
25
00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:11,224
Hey, waitress. Waitress,
can you help me here, please?
26
00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:14,249
I'm sorry. This is not my table.
27
00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:17,597
Hey, lady. Please.
Please, will you, look...
28
00:02:17,621 --> 00:02:20,589
I'll sit her up, and I'll
loosen her clothing,
29
00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:23,458
and I'll get arrested.
30
00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,260
Lady, please.
31
00:02:25,328 --> 00:02:27,262
You all right?
32
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:28,541
What happened?
33
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,283
What happened? You
fainted. You sick or something?
34
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,196
No, I... I don't think so.
35
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,137
Hey, are you, uh,
um-um-um, you know?
36
00:02:35,205 --> 00:02:36,371
I don't know.
37
00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:37,851
You don't know if you're
boom-boom, like that?
38
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,536
No, I mean, I don't know what
"boom-boom-boom-boom" means.
39
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,293
Are you pregnant?
40
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,477
No.
41
00:02:42,546 --> 00:02:43,945
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
42
00:02:44,014 --> 00:02:45,908
I don't know what came over me.
43
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,077
Oh... Uh! Take it easy.
44
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:48,233
Now, just relax, will you?
45
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,146
Uh, no, no, I'm
all right, really, I...
46
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,182
I guess I was
just a little hungry.
47
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,206
I know what you mean.
48
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,639
The service
around here is lousy.
49
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,919
Hey, what about the
lady's order here? Shh-shh!
50
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,576
No, they expect you to shout.
51
00:02:58,645 --> 00:02:59,655
Hey, the lady's starving!
52
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:00,890
What's the matter
with you people?
53
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,825
Look, I better leave
before they kick me out.
54
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,649
No, I'm telling you,
they expect you to shout.
55
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,850
Now, just relax, will you?
56
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,397
No, but I've been
eating their crackers.
57
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,954
That's all right. They're
free. Five baskets of them?
58
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,024
Hey, when's the last time
you had any real food?
59
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,103
Well, let's see.
Today's Thursday.
60
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:14,437
So that'd be Wednesday...
61
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,461
Now, don't say another
word. I'll take care of it.
62
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,930
Waitress, I want
to order some food.
63
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,999
I know. I'm not
sitting at your table.
64
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,270
Ready to order?
65
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,649
Now I'm sitting at her table.
66
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,617
Yeah, I'd like a plate
of spaghetti for, uh...
67
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,403
What'd you say your
name was? Uh, Lisa.
68
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,305
Lisa. I want another
plate of spaghetti
69
00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,223
and mashed potatoes
with gravy, huh? And fast.
70
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,264
Right.
71
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,511
Lady, you shouldn't come to
New York without any money.
72
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:40,935
Oh, I brought money,
but, uh, somebody stole it...
73
00:03:41,004 --> 00:03:42,220
Right out of my purse.
74
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,605
Where you staying?
75
00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:45,823
Well, uh, the last three nights
76
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,220
I've been sleeping
on the subway.
77
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:48,410
On the subway?
78
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,744
I slept on the subway once.
79
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,813
They woke me up
in time for the strike.
80
00:03:54,685 --> 00:03:57,552
Your stomach must
have some story to tell.
81
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,752
Listen, you're
coming home with me.
82
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,292
Oh, no, I couldn't.
83
00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,556
Oh, wait a minute. I don't
have any funny ideas.
84
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,990
I'm just offering you
my roommate's room,
85
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,449
that's all.
86
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,866
Does he have any funny ideas?
87
00:04:11,935 --> 00:04:13,813
Plenty, but he's away
for a couple of days.
88
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:14,877
Where's your luggage?
89
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,789
Right here.
90
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:18,790
That's it?
91
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:19,991
I checked it.
92
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,594
At Harry's Pawn Shop?
93
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:28,133
While we're there,
I'll visit my watch.
94
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,601
Go ahead, start without me.
95
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:31,790
Here.
96
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,621
You want salt on that?
97
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,453
You got any bread over there?
98
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:51,673
Well, this is it.
99
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,613
I must have left
the window open.
100
00:04:58,682 --> 00:05:00,281
Well, it's, uh... very nice.
101
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:02,428
Well, it's usually nicer,
but Felix is out of town.
102
00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:04,129
I let things slip
a little, you know.
103
00:05:04,153 --> 00:05:07,555
Oh, oh, no, I think it
looks fine, uh... Thank you.
104
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,257
Are you a professional athlete?
105
00:05:09,325 --> 00:05:10,503
Me? Are you kidding?
106
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,093
Well, you look like
you could be one.
107
00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:14,306
Oh, thanks. No, I
just write about sports.
108
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,275
Oh, I love sports! Do you?
109
00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:17,977
Yes, I'm always reading
the sports section.
110
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:18,934
That's great.
111
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:19,935
Yeah.
112
00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:21,770
Um...
113
00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,282
Is your roommate in sports, too?
114
00:05:23,306 --> 00:05:24,617
Felix? Mm-hmm.
115
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,575
Sports to him is the
Betty Crocker bake-off.
116
00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:31,975
He's really a very
good photographer.
117
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,209
He's in Chicago
on an assignment.
118
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,817
Oh, a photographer
and a sportswriter.
119
00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:38,703
Wow, you both must
lead very interesting lives.
120
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,892
Nah, we just do our job.
121
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,451
Oh, listen. Felix's
room is down the hall.
122
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,085
If you need anything,
just let me know.
123
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,025
I'll be right there.
124
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,810
Oh, I couldn't possibly
125
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,045
ask you for anything else.
126
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,480
You've been wonderful.
127
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,482
Well, I was kind of...
128
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,061
You make me feel so safe.
129
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:55,137
"Safe."
130
00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:57,272
Okay. You're safe here, Lisa.
131
00:05:57,341 --> 00:05:58,473
Safe Lisa. Good night.
132
00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:00,141
Good night, Oscar.
133
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,243
Good old safe Oscar.
134
00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:05,013
Oh, uh... which
one is Felix's room?
135
00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:06,126
The one with the little rug
136
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,110
in front of it to
wipe your feet on.
137
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,438
Look at this room.
138
00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:35,777
How could he...?
139
00:06:35,846 --> 00:06:38,062
I've been gone two days.
140
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,585
Leaves the lights on.
141
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,278
Oh...
142
00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:29,424
Oh...
143
00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,452
It's not my birthday.
144
00:09:24,948 --> 00:09:26,228
Oscar?
145
00:09:29,619 --> 00:09:30,551
Oscar.
146
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,553
Huh?
147
00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:33,989
What are you doing home?
148
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:39,027
Any other evening,
I'd enjoy a little joke.
149
00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:40,757
You know me and
my sense of humor,
150
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,109
but tonight I'm
very, very tired.
151
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:44,293
What are you talking about?
152
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,484
Would you be kind
enough to explain to me
153
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,786
who you rented my room to?
154
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,572
Oh, oh... Her name is Lisa.
155
00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:53,575
Thank you. It's nice to know
156
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:55,523
the people you're sleeping with.
157
00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:56,845
Wait a minute, Felix.
158
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:57,923
It's not what you think.
159
00:09:57,947 --> 00:10:00,326
Never mind that. What...?
160
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,883
Who is this... Lisa?
161
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:03,218
Yeah, well, she's a poor kid.
162
00:10:03,286 --> 00:10:05,197
She's got no job,
she's got no place to go.
163
00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:07,038
If she hadn't met me
tonight she'd be sl...
164
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,384
You met her tonight? Yeah.
165
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,875
You gave my clean
bed to a perfect stranger?
166
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,822
Where am I supposed
to sleep... on the sofa?
167
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,929
No. It was my fault.
168
00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:16,114
I'll sleep on the sofa.
169
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,098
You sleep here.
170
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,432
Bite your tongue.
171
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,972
Excuse me.
172
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,547
I thought I heard a car.
173
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,515
You must be Felix. I'm Lisa.
174
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:34,583
I know.
175
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,586
That's my robe you're wearing.
176
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:41,288
Looks very good over my pajamas.
177
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,187
Don't you take
anything for that?
178
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,373
I take everything for it,
including what I'm making now.
179
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,114
Oh, I've got a remedy I
bet you've never taken.
180
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,649
You want to bet?
181
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:52,962
Oh, my, what a
well-stocked kitchen.
182
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,697
What are you doing?
What are you doing?!
183
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,565
Oh, now, What are
you doing to my kitchen?
184
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,067
You just relax... I'll
have this whipped up
185
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,352
in a minute. It'll
cure your sinuses.
186
00:10:59,376 --> 00:11:01,621
I'm touched by your
concern, my dear,
187
00:11:01,645 --> 00:11:03,289
but my condition is so extreme
188
00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:05,057
I'm leaving my
sinuses to science.
189
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,492
Why don't you go back to bed?
190
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:07,727
I'll sleep on the sofa.
191
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,567
Well, you can certainly
sleep in your own bed.
192
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,981
No, you started
it, you finish it.
193
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,270
You're wonderful.
194
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,306
You can make jokes
in the face of adversity.
195
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,075
New York has made me tough.
196
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,676
This smells good.
197
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:19,694
Oh, it tastes even better.
198
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,562
Now, you just let it
come to a simmer.
199
00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:24,031
Then drink it down as hot
as you can stand it, okay?
200
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,283
Now, if you'll excuse me,
201
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,918
I'm going to freshen
up before I leave.
202
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,597
You're leaving in the
middle of the night?
203
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,055
No, no, come on. You'll stay.
204
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,101
Only if you let me
sleep on the couch.
205
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,291
All right.
206
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,537
Oh! I think that's ready.
207
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,961
Really?
208
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,629
Oscar says that
you just got here.
209
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,298
You don't have
a job or anything.
210
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,795
Now, just drink that
down as fast as you can.
211
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,641
It's good.
212
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,176
Mmm! That's very good.
213
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:55,312
That really gets up in
there, doesn't it? Mmm.
214
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,314
Opens them up, Oh,
yeah. Yeah, yeah.
215
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,816
I can feel them
draining now, yeah.
216
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,985
Mmm. Mmm...
217
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,270
How did you know about this?
218
00:12:02,338 --> 00:12:04,100
I'm a fellow sufferer.
219
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,256
Say no more.
220
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:33,618
Hey, Felix, that smells
better than usual.
221
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,897
Lisa. I thought you were Felix.
222
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:35,853
He always makes...
223
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,288
Breakfast is almost ready.
224
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,957
How did you sleep last night?
225
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:42,293
Felt like I slept in
the Holland Tunnel.
226
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:46,297
I heard a lot of
cars... honk, honk.
227
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:48,594
Listen, I appreciate, I mean,
you don't have to do that.
228
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:51,286
Oh, please. It's
the least I can do.
229
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,953
Uh, why don't you
just go sit down,
230
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,333
and I'll be right out. Okay.
231
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,309
What's that?
232
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,688
That's Felix, trying
to clear his ears.
233
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,541
Once, a moose
showed up at the door.
234
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,456
You made it, uh? Good, good.
235
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,623
Don't go in the kitchen.
236
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,353
Why not? You
made a mess in my...
237
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,657
I've told you 5,000...
238
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,389
Something smells very
good in there. What? What?
239
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:18,346
Lisa.
240
00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:19,363
Lisa? What?
241
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,898
She's fixing breakfast. Come on.
242
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,778
In my kitchen she's
fixing our breakfast? Yeah.
243
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,847
And she's doing very well.
Well, that's some recommendation
244
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,771
from Mr. Ketchup-on-Everything!
245
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,052
It's like eating
on a battlefield.
246
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,609
Ah, look.
247
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,955
Ah, good morning! Good morning!
248
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,880
For you... How did
you know my favorite?
249
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,515
Scrambled eggs, mashed
potatoes with gravy.
250
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,636
And for you, Felix,
eggs Benedict.
251
00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:43,771
I love eggs Benedict!
252
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,107
Oh, I forgot the juice. Oh...
253
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:52,863
You want some?
254
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,131
Any left?
255
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,202
She's some doll.
256
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,765
Mmm! Now you're
glad I brought her home.
257
00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,983
Right? Darn right.
258
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,123
And freshly-squeezed
orange juice.
259
00:14:03,192 --> 00:14:05,727
Oh, how sweet.
260
00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:07,328
And no pits!
261
00:14:07,397 --> 00:14:10,398
I hope you like the extra
touch. I put champagne in it.
262
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,883
Oh, bless you, my child.
263
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,746
And, for you...
264
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,738
Hey! Tomato juice!
265
00:14:16,806 --> 00:14:19,857
I hope you like the extra
touch. I put beer in it.
266
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,744
Oh, bless you, my child.
267
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:28,766
And now, if you'll both excuse
me, I'm going to make your beds.
268
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:35,273
To the most perfect
girl we've ever met.
269
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:36,373
Yeah.
270
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:41,228
Mm... mm-mm... mm... pits...
271
00:14:42,264 --> 00:14:43,364
Pits...
272
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,869
Lisa!
273
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,155
Hi! Think fast!
274
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,201
Hey! Here you go... here you go.
275
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,425
Ha!
276
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,771
Getcha this time!
277
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,007
Here you... ha! Hey,
you look like Joe Namath.
278
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,698
Only your hair is shorter.
Hey, I'll go out for a pass.
279
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,210
Okay. Here we go. Got it?
280
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,829
Go! Aah! Got it! And here I go!
281
00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:06,134
Go! Whoa! How long you
been interested in football?
282
00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,617
Since high school. Oh, yeah?
283
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,685
Millard P. Fillmore
High School, rah-rah-rah.
284
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:10,886
Ha-ha!
285
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,421
What're you doing home so early?
286
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,473
Oh, well, I really came
home to talk to you.
287
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,408
See, I just had lunch
with Felix, and...
288
00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:18,332
Well, you know, he told me he...
289
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:19,967
He thinks you like him.
290
00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,103
Well, I do like him.
291
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,704
Yeah, but I...
292
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,474
I don't mean he
thinks you like him.
293
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:28,337
I mean he thinks you like him.
294
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,140
Oh. Now, I don't know
where he got that idea.
295
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,592
I mean, you two don't seem
to have that much in common,
296
00:15:33,616 --> 00:15:35,161
except you both don't like pits.
297
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,947
You and I have a lot in
common, right? You love football.
298
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,432
Yeah. Hey, there's
a great game tonight,
299
00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:41,633
the Jets and the Rams!
300
00:15:41,657 --> 00:15:43,290
Is that a great game? Yeah.
301
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,854
Have you ever wanted to see
a game from the press box?
302
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:46,811
Sure.
303
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,658
Oh, you're going to love it!
304
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,509
You know, I don't
have to cover the game.
305
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,944
We could watch
it like real people.
306
00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:53,813
That's great. I have
to go to the office.
307
00:15:53,837 --> 00:15:55,815
Listen, it'd be kind
of embarrassing, see,
308
00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:58,873
to walk out with you in front of
Felix, so why don't you meet me
309
00:15:58,942 --> 00:16:00,785
at Shea Stadium, 8:00
at the press entrance?
310
00:16:00,809 --> 00:16:02,020
Okay? Here.
311
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,823
Here's ten bucks
for cab fare, okay?
312
00:16:03,847 --> 00:16:06,313
♪ Buckle down,
Winsocki, buckle down ♪
313
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,450
♪ Eat your heart out,
Felix, buckle down... ♪
314
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,284
Oh!
315
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,285
That's beautiful!
316
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,286
Sorry. Beautiful!
317
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:30,415
What are you sorry about?
318
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,935
Oh, well, I didn't get
permission to use your record.
319
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,371
Uh, I'm assuming
it is your record.
320
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,944
Of course it's my record.
321
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:38,479
Oscar has only one record.
322
00:16:38,548 --> 00:16:41,108
Gus Leznovitch
Sings Lightweight Hits.
323
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,751
That and "Buckle
Down, Winsocki."
324
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,265
I didn't know you were
interested in ballet.
325
00:16:47,289 --> 00:16:50,975
Oh, it's been a burning
passion of my life.
326
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,387
Oh, that's beautiful!
327
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,628
Oh, that's wonderful! Beautiful!
328
00:16:54,697 --> 00:16:56,697
I always wanted to
be a ballet dancer.
329
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:57,932
It's marvelous!
330
00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,066
Oh, that's very good!
331
00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:01,169
Really? Yes!
332
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,938
Oh, yes, I wanted to go to
the Imperial School of Ballet.
333
00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:05,317
Oh... But, uh...
334
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:08,575
my parents made me go to
Millard P. Fillmore High School.
335
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:10,790
This is very interesting.
Did you know
336
00:17:10,814 --> 00:17:13,025
that Millard P. Fillmore
knew less about ballet
337
00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:14,559
than any other
American president,
338
00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:16,295
excepting, of course,
Rutherford B. Hayes.
339
00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:19,403
Felix, it is amazing
how any one man
340
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:20,771
can know so much
341
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,907
about American
history and the ballet.
342
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,655
It's not so amazing when that
man happens to have an I.Q. of 186.
343
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,030
A hundred and eighty
s...?! Did I let that slip out?
344
00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:30,242
Oh, I... That's fantastic!
345
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,310
So embarrassing,
so boastful... no, no.
346
00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:34,234
Oh, oh, that is just...
347
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,782
If I could do that... mmm!
348
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,017
Well, you can. Really?
349
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,251
I'll give you a lesson. Really?
350
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:40,485
Sure. All right.
351
00:17:40,509 --> 00:17:42,354
Uh, take your shoes
off. I don't know. I...
352
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:43,588
Oh, come on, Felix. I don't...
353
00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:45,658
I don't know how much
I can do. Come on.
354
00:17:45,682 --> 00:17:48,716
I hurt my back in the
war... scrubbing a mess hall.
355
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,802
Now, foll... Watch
me first, all right?
356
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,538
Okay.
357
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:58,459
Back... Ah... Back... Lisa?
358
00:17:58,528 --> 00:18:00,093
Yes, Felix?
359
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,397
Would you do me the honor of
accompanying me this evening?
360
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:04,865
This evening?
361
00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:06,812
Yes... Oh, I have the
most marvelous idea!
362
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,265
There's an opening tonight
at the Galérie Française.
363
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,432
Oh... You'd love it.
364
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,417
Oh, you'd absolutely
love it! Listen.
365
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:15,275
I had lunch with
Oscar today, and...
366
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,055
He's such a wonderful, dear guy.
367
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:20,058
I love him like a brother,
but he, he's so gullible.
368
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:23,662
He's deluded himself that,
that you have a crush on him.
369
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,952
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
370
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:29,440
And after all... all that
we have in common...
371
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:30,619
We both like ballet.
372
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,976
We've honked together.
373
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,895
Only I wouldn't, I wouldn't
want to hurt Oscar.
374
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,909
I wouldn't want him to
see us going out together.
375
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,711
It really would upset
him. I tell you what.
376
00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:40,513
I'll give you ten
dollars. You take a cab.
377
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,865
And you meet me tonight at
8:00 at the Galérie Française.
378
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,990
Oh, we'll have the
most marvelous time!
379
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:52,096
Je suis le Spectre de la Rose!
380
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,575
What does that mean?
381
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:56,500
That means, "Oscar
Madison, eat your heart out!"
382
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,822
Well, Oscar... you're
looking very nice.
383
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,934
What happened? You
run out of wrinkled things?
384
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,959
I got a date, buddy.
385
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,994
Me, too, my bucko!
386
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,191
♪ Got a date with an angel ♪
387
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,095
♪ I'm on my way to heaven ♪
388
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,695
You're flat. Hey,
where're you going?
389
00:19:29,719 --> 00:19:31,451
You look pretty sharp yourself.
390
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,715
We're going to an opening
at the Galérie Française.
391
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,988
Hey, didn't I eat there once?
392
00:19:35,057 --> 00:19:37,858
I wouldn't be surprised.
It's an art gallery.
393
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,126
Where're you going?
394
00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,435
I'm going to the football game.
395
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:41,907
Fabian is singing "The
Star Spangled Banner."
396
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,881
You're joking!
397
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,483
Oh, boy!
398
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,301
What a fun date!
399
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:48,852
To each his own.
400
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,115
♪ To each his own ♪
401
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,139
Everything has to have
a song cue to this guy!
402
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:53,819
♪ To each his own ♪
403
00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:55,043
Well, have a good time, buddy.
404
00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:56,555
♪ Answer the phone. ♪
Hello.
405
00:19:56,579 --> 00:19:58,157
Yeah, this is Oscar.
406
00:19:58,181 --> 00:20:00,747
♪ For the sun and the rain...
♪ Yeah, Felix, will you...?
407
00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:02,745
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Huh? Yeah...
408
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,785
Wha...?
409
00:20:04,854 --> 00:20:06,420
You can't?
410
00:20:06,488 --> 00:20:09,423
♪ To each his own ♪
Oh... okay.
411
00:20:09,491 --> 00:20:10,557
Bye-bye.
412
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,660
What's the matter? Who was that?
413
00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:15,829
Lisa. Lisa's got a sore throat.
414
00:20:15,898 --> 00:20:19,216
She'll be at the doctor's
for a couple of hours.
415
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,593
You're... you're dating Lisa?
416
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:30,995
You're dating Lisa?
417
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:35,465
Uh... eh... something
very peculiar here.
418
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,334
What's that girl doing?
419
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:41,243
I don't know what she's doing,
but she's not doing it with us.
420
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:42,606
I don't understand it.
421
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:43,886
There's nothing
missing from my room.
422
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,220
Nothing missing here, either.
423
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,077
How can you tell?
424
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,246
Well, at least we know
she's not a thief, so...
425
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,731
So why am I so upset?
426
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,377
Because she stood us
up, that's why I'm so upset.
427
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,096
No, we been stood up before.
428
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,782
It's because we feel she's been
using us the last couple of days.
429
00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:58,205
That sweet girl...
430
00:20:58,274 --> 00:20:59,885
Yeah, but we hardly know her.
431
00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:02,559
Do you realize we don't
know her last name?
432
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:05,124
Of course. It's Lisa... Lisa...
433
00:21:05,148 --> 00:21:06,630
Is that her purse?
434
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:07,865
What are you going to do?
435
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,545
Take a look. Oh,
don't! No, no, no.
436
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,813
Her last name, that's all.
Seriously, don't let me see it.
437
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,682
No, don't upset anything
so she won't know. No...
438
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:14,750
Easy. Careful, there, like that.
439
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:15,806
Don't you feel trashy?
440
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,119
Now, here it is. Benson.
441
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,287
That's her name. Lisa Benson.
442
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,927
This one says Phyllis Franklin.
443
00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:22,396
This one says Phyllis Carp.
444
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:25,499
This one says
Estrellitas Gonzales.
445
00:21:25,568 --> 00:21:27,446
This one says she's Felix Unger!
446
00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:29,252
I lent her my library card.
447
00:21:30,672 --> 00:21:32,017
Oh... What...?!
448
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,518
I didn't think you'd
still be awake.
449
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,987
Yeah, well, we're
not tired, see.
450
00:21:35,011 --> 00:21:36,554
We didn't have a date tonight.
451
00:21:36,578 --> 00:21:39,446
Yes, we've spent the evening
touring through your purse,
452
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:43,617
Miss Benson Franklin
Estrellita Gonzales Williams.
453
00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,297
Yeah. Don't ever
wear an I.D. bracelet.
454
00:21:45,321 --> 00:21:47,399
It'll break your wrist.
455
00:21:47,423 --> 00:21:51,225
I rarely carry my purse with
me. There's never much in it.
456
00:21:51,294 --> 00:21:54,194
What happened to the $20
you got from us this evening?
457
00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:55,629
You spend it on this stuff?
458
00:21:55,697 --> 00:21:57,342
What'd you buy? A
book of new names?
459
00:21:57,366 --> 00:21:59,900
No, I bought each
of you a present.
460
00:21:59,969 --> 00:22:02,369
Oscar, I bought you a football,
461
00:22:02,438 --> 00:22:05,239
because yours has
ketchup all over it.
462
00:22:05,308 --> 00:22:07,374
Felix, I bought you an album.
463
00:22:07,443 --> 00:22:09,693
Great Moments
from Great Ballets.
464
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,262
Just because you broke our date,
465
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,614
you didn't have to
get me a present.
466
00:22:14,683 --> 00:22:16,294
Yeah, all you had to say was,
467
00:22:16,318 --> 00:22:18,363
"No, I don't want
to go out." That's it.
468
00:22:18,387 --> 00:22:20,855
No, I couldn't do
that, because...
469
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,890
Well, I like you both.
470
00:22:22,959 --> 00:22:24,369
And that's why I have to leave.
471
00:22:24,393 --> 00:22:25,692
What? No, no,
where're you going?
472
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,862
Oh, I don't know.
I'll find a place.
473
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:30,075
Where? Staten
Island Ferry this time?
474
00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:32,659
Lisa, who are you, really?
475
00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:35,185
The Lone Ranger.
476
00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:39,301
What are we going
to do, Kimo-Sabe?
477
00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:41,392
We'll stop her.
478
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:42,676
Lisa!
479
00:22:42,744 --> 00:22:44,189
No, please, no, no, no, wait.
480
00:22:44,213 --> 00:22:45,857
You're not lea... You're
not lea... Come on.
481
00:22:45,881 --> 00:22:49,283
Now, you can't make friends
and then just, bloop, leave.
482
00:22:51,153 --> 00:22:52,752
I'm afraid that's the way I am.
483
00:22:52,822 --> 00:22:54,321
That's you, bloop?
484
00:22:54,390 --> 00:22:58,358
Look... Felix, you're you.
485
00:22:58,427 --> 00:23:00,060
Oscar, you're you.
486
00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:02,496
Lisa... I'm me.
487
00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:04,381
And that's the way I am.
488
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:06,467
I have no roots.
489
00:23:06,535 --> 00:23:07,751
I have no plans.
490
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,921
I just, uh... I live from
moment to moment.
491
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,889
And this week my
moments were spent
492
00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:15,692
with Felix Unger
and Oscar Madison.
493
00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:18,845
How... how can a young
girl live like that, Lisa?
494
00:23:18,914 --> 00:23:21,515
By not getting too
involved with anybody.
495
00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:22,995
Oh... Y-You don't
have any parents,
496
00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:24,568
no husband, no family?
497
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,637
No.
498
00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:28,121
I just... go out and
meet new people.
499
00:23:28,191 --> 00:23:29,657
I enjoy meeting them, and, uh...
500
00:23:29,725 --> 00:23:31,758
most of them seem
to enjoy meeting me.
501
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:34,122
Is that how you meet them,
by fainting on their shoulders?
502
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,407
Most people just say hello.
503
00:23:35,431 --> 00:23:37,831
No, Oscar. That happens
to be the way that I met you.
504
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,980
Lisa, I think I understand
what you're trying to say,
505
00:23:40,035 --> 00:23:42,252
but... don't you
want to be anything?
506
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:44,171
Just happy.
507
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,489
And I am.
508
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,524
Oh.
509
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,694
Here are the keys. Oh...
510
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,496
Keep the keys, Lisa.
511
00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:55,332
No, I don't like attachments.
512
00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:58,035
Good-bye.
513
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,603
Good-bye, Oscar.
514
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,116
Good-bye, Miss Gonzales.
515
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,540
It was nice meeting both of you.
516
00:24:09,498 --> 00:24:12,082
Hi-oh, Silver... away!
517
00:24:13,502 --> 00:24:15,302
Bloop.
518
00:24:17,973 --> 00:24:20,991
There goes... a rare spirit.
519
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,662
A butterfly...
520
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:28,465
that paused for a moment on
the flower of our lives and then...
521
00:24:30,519 --> 00:24:33,353
A sprite... who brought us...
522
00:24:33,422 --> 00:24:35,122
an interlude of happiness...
523
00:24:35,190 --> 00:24:38,592
and strangely...
changed everything.
524
00:24:38,661 --> 00:24:39,593
Please don't do that.
525
00:24:39,662 --> 00:24:41,061
She didn't change you.
526
00:24:52,558 --> 00:24:55,860
One BLT. Mayonnaise
on all four sides.
527
00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,394
One diet special.
528
00:24:57,463 --> 00:25:00,397
We're out of cottage cheese,
so I gave you French fries.
529
00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:04,279
Why would you want to
come to a place like this?
530
00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:05,236
It's quick, it's convenient...
531
00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:06,531
It's filthy.
532
00:25:06,555 --> 00:25:08,555
You know, this is
where I met Lisa.
533
00:25:08,624 --> 00:25:10,702
She was sitting in
this chair at this table
534
00:25:10,726 --> 00:25:13,343
when she fainted on me...
What a crazy way to meet people!
535
00:25:13,412 --> 00:25:15,529
And you expect to
recapture that magic?
536
00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:17,638
But wouldn't it be
wonderful if I could?
537
00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:25,322
May I borrow your paper?
538
00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:29,260
Oh... Oh...
35944
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