All language subtitles for The Odd Couple - 03x13 - Don`t Believe in Roomers_prob3

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,299 Are you ready to order yet? 2 00:00:06,323 --> 00:00:09,023 Uh... no, I'm, uh, still waiting for my friend. 3 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,925 Uh... excuse me. 4 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,194 Uh... do you mind if I borrow part of your paper? 5 00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,018 You can have it all. I'm finished with it. 6 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,287 Thank you. 7 00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:34,483 And they say New York is an unfriendly place. 8 00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:43,658 On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself 9 00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,793 from his place of residence. 10 00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:48,497 That request came from his wife. 11 00:00:48,565 --> 00:00:50,898 Deep down, he knew she was right, 12 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:54,402 but he also knew that someday he would return to her. 13 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,371 With nowhere else to go, 14 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,191 he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. 15 00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,458 Several years earlier, 16 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,105 Madison's wife had thrown him out, 17 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,679 requesting that he never return. 18 00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,232 Can two divorced men share an apartment 19 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,401 without driving each other crazy? 20 00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:41,850 ♪ ♪ 21 00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:05,440 Lady. Lady? 22 00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:06,441 Lady! 23 00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,442 You all right, lady? 24 00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:08,910 Hey, miss. Lady. 25 00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:11,224 Hey, waitress. Waitress, can you help me here, please? 26 00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:14,249 I'm sorry. This is not my table. 27 00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:17,597 Hey, lady. Please. Please, will you, look... 28 00:02:17,621 --> 00:02:20,589 I'll sit her up, and I'll loosen her clothing, 29 00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:23,458 and I'll get arrested. 30 00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,260 Lady, please. 31 00:02:25,328 --> 00:02:27,262 You all right? 32 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:28,541 What happened? 33 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,283 What happened? You fainted. You sick or something? 34 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,196 No, I... I don't think so. 35 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,137 Hey, are you, uh, um-um-um, you know? 36 00:02:35,205 --> 00:02:36,371 I don't know. 37 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:37,851 You don't know if you're boom-boom, like that? 38 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,536 No, I mean, I don't know what "boom-boom-boom-boom" means. 39 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,293 Are you pregnant? 40 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,477 No. 41 00:02:42,546 --> 00:02:43,945 Oh, I'm so embarrassed. 42 00:02:44,014 --> 00:02:45,908 I don't know what came over me. 43 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,077 Oh... Uh! Take it easy. 44 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:48,233 Now, just relax, will you? 45 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,146 Uh, no, no, I'm all right, really, I... 46 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,182 I guess I was just a little hungry. 47 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,206 I know what you mean. 48 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,639 The service around here is lousy. 49 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,919 Hey, what about the lady's order here? Shh-shh! 50 00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,576 No, they expect you to shout. 51 00:02:58,645 --> 00:02:59,655 Hey, the lady's starving! 52 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:00,890 What's the matter with you people? 53 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,825 Look, I better leave before they kick me out. 54 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,649 No, I'm telling you, they expect you to shout. 55 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,850 Now, just relax, will you? 56 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,397 No, but I've been eating their crackers. 57 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,954 That's all right. They're free. Five baskets of them? 58 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,024 Hey, when's the last time you had any real food? 59 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,103 Well, let's see. Today's Thursday. 60 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:14,437 So that'd be Wednesday... 61 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,461 Now, don't say another word. I'll take care of it. 62 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,930 Waitress, I want to order some food. 63 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,999 I know. I'm not sitting at your table. 64 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,270 Ready to order? 65 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,649 Now I'm sitting at her table. 66 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,617 Yeah, I'd like a plate of spaghetti for, uh... 67 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,403 What'd you say your name was? Uh, Lisa. 68 00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,305 Lisa. I want another plate of spaghetti 69 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,223 and mashed potatoes with gravy, huh? And fast. 70 00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,264 Right. 71 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,511 Lady, you shouldn't come to New York without any money. 72 00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:40,935 Oh, I brought money, but, uh, somebody stole it... 73 00:03:41,004 --> 00:03:42,220 Right out of my purse. 74 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,605 Where you staying? 75 00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:45,823 Well, uh, the last three nights 76 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,220 I've been sleeping on the subway. 77 00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:48,410 On the subway? 78 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,744 I slept on the subway once. 79 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,813 They woke me up in time for the strike. 80 00:03:54,685 --> 00:03:57,552 Your stomach must have some story to tell. 81 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,752 Listen, you're coming home with me. 82 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,292 Oh, no, I couldn't. 83 00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,556 Oh, wait a minute. I don't have any funny ideas. 84 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,990 I'm just offering you my roommate's room, 85 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,449 that's all. 86 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,866 Does he have any funny ideas? 87 00:04:11,935 --> 00:04:13,813 Plenty, but he's away for a couple of days. 88 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:14,877 Where's your luggage? 89 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,789 Right here. 90 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:18,790 That's it? 91 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:19,991 I checked it. 92 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,594 At Harry's Pawn Shop? 93 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:28,133 While we're there, I'll visit my watch. 94 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,601 Go ahead, start without me. 95 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:31,790 Here. 96 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,621 You want salt on that? 97 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,453 You got any bread over there? 98 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:51,673 Well, this is it. 99 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,613 I must have left the window open. 100 00:04:58,682 --> 00:05:00,281 Well, it's, uh... very nice. 101 00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:02,428 Well, it's usually nicer, but Felix is out of town. 102 00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:04,129 I let things slip a little, you know. 103 00:05:04,153 --> 00:05:07,555 Oh, oh, no, I think it looks fine, uh... Thank you. 104 00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,257 Are you a professional athlete? 105 00:05:09,325 --> 00:05:10,503 Me? Are you kidding? 106 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,093 Well, you look like you could be one. 107 00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:14,306 Oh, thanks. No, I just write about sports. 108 00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,275 Oh, I love sports! Do you? 109 00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:17,977 Yes, I'm always reading the sports section. 110 00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:18,934 That's great. 111 00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:19,935 Yeah. 112 00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:21,770 Um... 113 00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,282 Is your roommate in sports, too? 114 00:05:23,306 --> 00:05:24,617 Felix? Mm-hmm. 115 00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,575 Sports to him is the Betty Crocker bake-off. 116 00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:31,975 He's really a very good photographer. 117 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,209 He's in Chicago on an assignment. 118 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,817 Oh, a photographer and a sportswriter. 119 00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:38,703 Wow, you both must lead very interesting lives. 120 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,892 Nah, we just do our job. 121 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,451 Oh, listen. Felix's room is down the hall. 122 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,085 If you need anything, just let me know. 123 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,025 I'll be right there. 124 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,810 Oh, I couldn't possibly 125 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,045 ask you for anything else. 126 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,480 You've been wonderful. 127 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,482 Well, I was kind of... 128 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,061 You make me feel so safe. 129 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:55,137 "Safe." 130 00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:57,272 Okay. You're safe here, Lisa. 131 00:05:57,341 --> 00:05:58,473 Safe Lisa. Good night. 132 00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:00,141 Good night, Oscar. 133 00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,243 Good old safe Oscar. 134 00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:05,013 Oh, uh... which one is Felix's room? 135 00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:06,126 The one with the little rug 136 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,110 in front of it to wipe your feet on. 137 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,438 Look at this room. 138 00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:35,777 How could he...? 139 00:06:35,846 --> 00:06:38,062 I've been gone two days. 140 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,585 Leaves the lights on. 141 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,278 Oh... 142 00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:29,424 Oh... 143 00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,452 It's not my birthday. 144 00:09:24,948 --> 00:09:26,228 Oscar? 145 00:09:29,619 --> 00:09:30,551 Oscar. 146 00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,553 Huh? 147 00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:33,989 What are you doing home? 148 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:39,027 Any other evening, I'd enjoy a little joke. 149 00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:40,757 You know me and my sense of humor, 150 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,109 but tonight I'm very, very tired. 151 00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:44,293 What are you talking about? 152 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,484 Would you be kind enough to explain to me 153 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,786 who you rented my room to? 154 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,572 Oh, oh... Her name is Lisa. 155 00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:53,575 Thank you. It's nice to know 156 00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:55,523 the people you're sleeping with. 157 00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:56,845 Wait a minute, Felix. 158 00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:57,923 It's not what you think. 159 00:09:57,947 --> 00:10:00,326 Never mind that. What...? 160 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,883 Who is this... Lisa? 161 00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:03,218 Yeah, well, she's a poor kid. 162 00:10:03,286 --> 00:10:05,197 She's got no job, she's got no place to go. 163 00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:07,038 If she hadn't met me tonight she'd be sl... 164 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,384 You met her tonight? Yeah. 165 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,875 You gave my clean bed to a perfect stranger? 166 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,822 Where am I supposed to sleep... on the sofa? 167 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,929 No. It was my fault. 168 00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:16,114 I'll sleep on the sofa. 169 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,098 You sleep here. 170 00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,432 Bite your tongue. 171 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,972 Excuse me. 172 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,547 I thought I heard a car. 173 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,515 You must be Felix. I'm Lisa. 174 00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:34,583 I know. 175 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,586 That's my robe you're wearing. 176 00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:41,288 Looks very good over my pajamas. 177 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,187 Don't you take anything for that? 178 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,373 I take everything for it, including what I'm making now. 179 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,114 Oh, I've got a remedy I bet you've never taken. 180 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,649 You want to bet? 181 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:52,962 Oh, my, what a well-stocked kitchen. 182 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,697 What are you doing? What are you doing?! 183 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,565 Oh, now, What are you doing to my kitchen? 184 00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,067 You just relax... I'll have this whipped up 185 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,352 in a minute. It'll cure your sinuses. 186 00:10:59,376 --> 00:11:01,621 I'm touched by your concern, my dear, 187 00:11:01,645 --> 00:11:03,289 but my condition is so extreme 188 00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:05,057 I'm leaving my sinuses to science. 189 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,492 Why don't you go back to bed? 190 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:07,727 I'll sleep on the sofa. 191 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,567 Well, you can certainly sleep in your own bed. 192 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,981 No, you started it, you finish it. 193 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,270 You're wonderful. 194 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,306 You can make jokes in the face of adversity. 195 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,075 New York has made me tough. 196 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,676 This smells good. 197 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:19,694 Oh, it tastes even better. 198 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,562 Now, you just let it come to a simmer. 199 00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:24,031 Then drink it down as hot as you can stand it, okay? 200 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,283 Now, if you'll excuse me, 201 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,918 I'm going to freshen up before I leave. 202 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,597 You're leaving in the middle of the night? 203 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,055 No, no, come on. You'll stay. 204 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,101 Only if you let me sleep on the couch. 205 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,291 All right. 206 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,537 Oh! I think that's ready. 207 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,961 Really? 208 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,629 Oscar says that you just got here. 209 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,298 You don't have a job or anything. 210 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,795 Now, just drink that down as fast as you can. 211 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,641 It's good. 212 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,176 Mmm! That's very good. 213 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:55,312 That really gets up in there, doesn't it? Mmm. 214 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,314 Opens them up, Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 215 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,816 I can feel them draining now, yeah. 216 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,985 Mmm. Mmm... 217 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,270 How did you know about this? 218 00:12:02,338 --> 00:12:04,100 I'm a fellow sufferer. 219 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,256 Say no more. 220 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:33,618 Hey, Felix, that smells better than usual. 221 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,897 Lisa. I thought you were Felix. 222 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:35,853 He always makes... 223 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,288 Breakfast is almost ready. 224 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,957 How did you sleep last night? 225 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:42,293 Felt like I slept in the Holland Tunnel. 226 00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:46,297 I heard a lot of cars... honk, honk. 227 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:48,594 Listen, I appreciate, I mean, you don't have to do that. 228 00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:51,286 Oh, please. It's the least I can do. 229 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,953 Uh, why don't you just go sit down, 230 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,333 and I'll be right out. Okay. 231 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,309 What's that? 232 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,688 That's Felix, trying to clear his ears. 233 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,541 Once, a moose showed up at the door. 234 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,456 You made it, uh? Good, good. 235 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,623 Don't go in the kitchen. 236 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,353 Why not? You made a mess in my... 237 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,657 I've told you 5,000... 238 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,389 Something smells very good in there. What? What? 239 00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:18,346 Lisa. 240 00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:19,363 Lisa? What? 241 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,898 She's fixing breakfast. Come on. 242 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,778 In my kitchen she's fixing our breakfast? Yeah. 243 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,847 And she's doing very well. Well, that's some recommendation 244 00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,771 from Mr. Ketchup-on-Everything! 245 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,052 It's like eating on a battlefield. 246 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,609 Ah, look. 247 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,955 Ah, good morning! Good morning! 248 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,880 For you... How did you know my favorite? 249 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,515 Scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes with gravy. 250 00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,636 And for you, Felix, eggs Benedict. 251 00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:43,771 I love eggs Benedict! 252 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,107 Oh, I forgot the juice. Oh... 253 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:52,863 You want some? 254 00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,131 Any left? 255 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,202 She's some doll. 256 00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,765 Mmm! Now you're glad I brought her home. 257 00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,983 Right? Darn right. 258 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,123 And freshly-squeezed orange juice. 259 00:14:03,192 --> 00:14:05,727 Oh, how sweet. 260 00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:07,328 And no pits! 261 00:14:07,397 --> 00:14:10,398 I hope you like the extra touch. I put champagne in it. 262 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,883 Oh, bless you, my child. 263 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,746 And, for you... 264 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,738 Hey! Tomato juice! 265 00:14:16,806 --> 00:14:19,857 I hope you like the extra touch. I put beer in it. 266 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,744 Oh, bless you, my child. 267 00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:28,766 And now, if you'll both excuse me, I'm going to make your beds. 268 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:35,273 To the most perfect girl we've ever met. 269 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:36,373 Yeah. 270 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:41,228 Mm... mm-mm... mm... pits... 271 00:14:42,264 --> 00:14:43,364 Pits... 272 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,869 Lisa! 273 00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,155 Hi! Think fast! 274 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,201 Hey! Here you go... here you go. 275 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,425 Ha! 276 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,771 Getcha this time! 277 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,007 Here you... ha! Hey, you look like Joe Namath. 278 00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,698 Only your hair is shorter. Hey, I'll go out for a pass. 279 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,210 Okay. Here we go. Got it? 280 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,829 Go! Aah! Got it! And here I go! 281 00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:06,134 Go! Whoa! How long you been interested in football? 282 00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,617 Since high school. Oh, yeah? 283 00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,685 Millard P. Fillmore High School, rah-rah-rah. 284 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:10,886 Ha-ha! 285 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,421 What're you doing home so early? 286 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,473 Oh, well, I really came home to talk to you. 287 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,408 See, I just had lunch with Felix, and... 288 00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:18,332 Well, you know, he told me he... 289 00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:19,967 He thinks you like him. 290 00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,103 Well, I do like him. 291 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,704 Yeah, but I... 292 00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,474 I don't mean he thinks you like him. 293 00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:28,337 I mean he thinks you like him. 294 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,140 Oh. Now, I don't know where he got that idea. 295 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,592 I mean, you two don't seem to have that much in common, 296 00:15:33,616 --> 00:15:35,161 except you both don't like pits. 297 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,947 You and I have a lot in common, right? You love football. 298 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,432 Yeah. Hey, there's a great game tonight, 299 00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:41,633 the Jets and the Rams! 300 00:15:41,657 --> 00:15:43,290 Is that a great game? Yeah. 301 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,854 Have you ever wanted to see a game from the press box? 302 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:46,811 Sure. 303 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,658 Oh, you're going to love it! 304 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,509 You know, I don't have to cover the game. 305 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,944 We could watch it like real people. 306 00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:53,813 That's great. I have to go to the office. 307 00:15:53,837 --> 00:15:55,815 Listen, it'd be kind of embarrassing, see, 308 00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:58,873 to walk out with you in front of Felix, so why don't you meet me 309 00:15:58,942 --> 00:16:00,785 at Shea Stadium, 8:00 at the press entrance? 310 00:16:00,809 --> 00:16:02,020 Okay? Here. 311 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,823 Here's ten bucks for cab fare, okay? 312 00:16:03,847 --> 00:16:06,313 ♪ Buckle down, Winsocki, buckle down ♪ 313 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,450 ♪ Eat your heart out, Felix, buckle down... ♪ 314 00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,284 Oh! 315 00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,285 That's beautiful! 316 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,286 Sorry. Beautiful! 317 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:30,415 What are you sorry about? 318 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,935 Oh, well, I didn't get permission to use your record. 319 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,371 Uh, I'm assuming it is your record. 320 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,944 Of course it's my record. 321 00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:38,479 Oscar has only one record. 322 00:16:38,548 --> 00:16:41,108 Gus Leznovitch Sings Lightweight Hits. 323 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,751 That and "Buckle Down, Winsocki." 324 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,265 I didn't know you were interested in ballet. 325 00:16:47,289 --> 00:16:50,975 Oh, it's been a burning passion of my life. 326 00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,387 Oh, that's beautiful! 327 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,628 Oh, that's wonderful! Beautiful! 328 00:16:54,697 --> 00:16:56,697 I always wanted to be a ballet dancer. 329 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:57,932 It's marvelous! 330 00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,066 Oh, that's very good! 331 00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:01,169 Really? Yes! 332 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,938 Oh, yes, I wanted to go to the Imperial School of Ballet. 333 00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:05,317 Oh... But, uh... 334 00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:08,575 my parents made me go to Millard P. Fillmore High School. 335 00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:10,790 This is very interesting. Did you know 336 00:17:10,814 --> 00:17:13,025 that Millard P. Fillmore knew less about ballet 337 00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:14,559 than any other American president, 338 00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:16,295 excepting, of course, Rutherford B. Hayes. 339 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:19,403 Felix, it is amazing how any one man 340 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:20,771 can know so much 341 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,907 about American history and the ballet. 342 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,655 It's not so amazing when that man happens to have an I.Q. of 186. 343 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,030 A hundred and eighty s...?! Did I let that slip out? 344 00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:30,242 Oh, I... That's fantastic! 345 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,310 So embarrassing, so boastful... no, no. 346 00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:34,234 Oh, oh, that is just... 347 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,782 If I could do that... mmm! 348 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,017 Well, you can. Really? 349 00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,251 I'll give you a lesson. Really? 350 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:40,485 Sure. All right. 351 00:17:40,509 --> 00:17:42,354 Uh, take your shoes off. I don't know. I... 352 00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:43,588 Oh, come on, Felix. I don't... 353 00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:45,658 I don't know how much I can do. Come on. 354 00:17:45,682 --> 00:17:48,716 I hurt my back in the war... scrubbing a mess hall. 355 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,802 Now, foll... Watch me first, all right? 356 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,538 Okay. 357 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:58,459 Back... Ah... Back... Lisa? 358 00:17:58,528 --> 00:18:00,093 Yes, Felix? 359 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,397 Would you do me the honor of accompanying me this evening? 360 00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:04,865 This evening? 361 00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:06,812 Yes... Oh, I have the most marvelous idea! 362 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,265 There's an opening tonight at the Galérie Française. 363 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,432 Oh... You'd love it. 364 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,417 Oh, you'd absolutely love it! Listen. 365 00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:15,275 I had lunch with Oscar today, and... 366 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,055 He's such a wonderful, dear guy. 367 00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:20,058 I love him like a brother, but he, he's so gullible. 368 00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:23,662 He's deluded himself that, that you have a crush on him. 369 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,952 Oh. Yeah. Yeah. 370 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:29,440 And after all... all that we have in common... 371 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:30,619 We both like ballet. 372 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,976 We've honked together. 373 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,895 Only I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to hurt Oscar. 374 00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,909 I wouldn't want him to see us going out together. 375 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,711 It really would upset him. I tell you what. 376 00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:40,513 I'll give you ten dollars. You take a cab. 377 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,865 And you meet me tonight at 8:00 at the Galérie Française. 378 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,990 Oh, we'll have the most marvelous time! 379 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:52,096 Je suis le Spectre de la Rose! 380 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,575 What does that mean? 381 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:56,500 That means, "Oscar Madison, eat your heart out!" 382 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,822 Well, Oscar... you're looking very nice. 383 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,934 What happened? You run out of wrinkled things? 384 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,959 I got a date, buddy. 385 00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,994 Me, too, my bucko! 386 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,191 ♪ Got a date with an angel ♪ 387 00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,095 ♪ I'm on my way to heaven ♪ 388 00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,695 You're flat. Hey, where're you going? 389 00:19:29,719 --> 00:19:31,451 You look pretty sharp yourself. 390 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,715 We're going to an opening at the Galérie Française. 391 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,988 Hey, didn't I eat there once? 392 00:19:35,057 --> 00:19:37,858 I wouldn't be surprised. It's an art gallery. 393 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,126 Where're you going? 394 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,435 I'm going to the football game. 395 00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:41,907 Fabian is singing "The Star Spangled Banner." 396 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,881 You're joking! 397 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,483 Oh, boy! 398 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,301 What a fun date! 399 00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:48,852 To each his own. 400 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,115 ♪ To each his own ♪ 401 00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,139 Everything has to have a song cue to this guy! 402 00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:53,819 ♪ To each his own ♪ 403 00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:55,043 Well, have a good time, buddy. 404 00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:56,555 ♪ Answer the phone. ♪ Hello. 405 00:19:56,579 --> 00:19:58,157 Yeah, this is Oscar. 406 00:19:58,181 --> 00:20:00,747 ♪ For the sun and the rain... ♪ Yeah, Felix, will you...? 407 00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:02,745 Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Huh? Yeah... 408 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,785 Wha...? 409 00:20:04,854 --> 00:20:06,420 You can't? 410 00:20:06,488 --> 00:20:09,423 ♪ To each his own ♪ Oh... okay. 411 00:20:09,491 --> 00:20:10,557 Bye-bye. 412 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,660 What's the matter? Who was that? 413 00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:15,829 Lisa. Lisa's got a sore throat. 414 00:20:15,898 --> 00:20:19,216 She'll be at the doctor's for a couple of hours. 415 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,593 You're... you're dating Lisa? 416 00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:30,995 You're dating Lisa? 417 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:35,465 Uh... eh... something very peculiar here. 418 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,334 What's that girl doing? 419 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:41,243 I don't know what she's doing, but she's not doing it with us. 420 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:42,606 I don't understand it. 421 00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:43,886 There's nothing missing from my room. 422 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,220 Nothing missing here, either. 423 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,077 How can you tell? 424 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,246 Well, at least we know she's not a thief, so... 425 00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,731 So why am I so upset? 426 00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,377 Because she stood us up, that's why I'm so upset. 427 00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,096 No, we been stood up before. 428 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,782 It's because we feel she's been using us the last couple of days. 429 00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:58,205 That sweet girl... 430 00:20:58,274 --> 00:20:59,885 Yeah, but we hardly know her. 431 00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:02,559 Do you realize we don't know her last name? 432 00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:05,124 Of course. It's Lisa... Lisa... 433 00:21:05,148 --> 00:21:06,630 Is that her purse? 434 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:07,865 What are you going to do? 435 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,545 Take a look. Oh, don't! No, no, no. 436 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,813 Her last name, that's all. Seriously, don't let me see it. 437 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,682 No, don't upset anything so she won't know. No... 438 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:14,750 Easy. Careful, there, like that. 439 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:15,806 Don't you feel trashy? 440 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,119 Now, here it is. Benson. 441 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,287 That's her name. Lisa Benson. 442 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,927 This one says Phyllis Franklin. 443 00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:22,396 This one says Phyllis Carp. 444 00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:25,499 This one says Estrellitas Gonzales. 445 00:21:25,568 --> 00:21:27,446 This one says she's Felix Unger! 446 00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:29,252 I lent her my library card. 447 00:21:30,672 --> 00:21:32,017 Oh... What...?! 448 00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,518 I didn't think you'd still be awake. 449 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,987 Yeah, well, we're not tired, see. 450 00:21:35,011 --> 00:21:36,554 We didn't have a date tonight. 451 00:21:36,578 --> 00:21:39,446 Yes, we've spent the evening touring through your purse, 452 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:43,617 Miss Benson Franklin Estrellita Gonzales Williams. 453 00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,297 Yeah. Don't ever wear an I.D. bracelet. 454 00:21:45,321 --> 00:21:47,399 It'll break your wrist. 455 00:21:47,423 --> 00:21:51,225 I rarely carry my purse with me. There's never much in it. 456 00:21:51,294 --> 00:21:54,194 What happened to the $20 you got from us this evening? 457 00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:55,629 You spend it on this stuff? 458 00:21:55,697 --> 00:21:57,342 What'd you buy? A book of new names? 459 00:21:57,366 --> 00:21:59,900 No, I bought each of you a present. 460 00:21:59,969 --> 00:22:02,369 Oscar, I bought you a football, 461 00:22:02,438 --> 00:22:05,239 because yours has ketchup all over it. 462 00:22:05,308 --> 00:22:07,374 Felix, I bought you an album. 463 00:22:07,443 --> 00:22:09,693 Great Moments from Great Ballets. 464 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,262 Just because you broke our date, 465 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,614 you didn't have to get me a present. 466 00:22:14,683 --> 00:22:16,294 Yeah, all you had to say was, 467 00:22:16,318 --> 00:22:18,363 "No, I don't want to go out." That's it. 468 00:22:18,387 --> 00:22:20,855 No, I couldn't do that, because... 469 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,890 Well, I like you both. 470 00:22:22,959 --> 00:22:24,369 And that's why I have to leave. 471 00:22:24,393 --> 00:22:25,692 What? No, no, where're you going? 472 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,862 Oh, I don't know. I'll find a place. 473 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:30,075 Where? Staten Island Ferry this time? 474 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:32,659 Lisa, who are you, really? 475 00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:35,185 The Lone Ranger. 476 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:39,301 What are we going to do, Kimo-Sabe? 477 00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:41,392 We'll stop her. 478 00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:42,676 Lisa! 479 00:22:42,744 --> 00:22:44,189 No, please, no, no, no, wait. 480 00:22:44,213 --> 00:22:45,857 You're not lea... You're not lea... Come on. 481 00:22:45,881 --> 00:22:49,283 Now, you can't make friends and then just, bloop, leave. 482 00:22:51,153 --> 00:22:52,752 I'm afraid that's the way I am. 483 00:22:52,822 --> 00:22:54,321 That's you, bloop? 484 00:22:54,390 --> 00:22:58,358 Look... Felix, you're you. 485 00:22:58,427 --> 00:23:00,060 Oscar, you're you. 486 00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:02,496 Lisa... I'm me. 487 00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:04,381 And that's the way I am. 488 00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:06,467 I have no roots. 489 00:23:06,535 --> 00:23:07,751 I have no plans. 490 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,921 I just, uh... I live from moment to moment. 491 00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,889 And this week my moments were spent 492 00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:15,692 with Felix Unger and Oscar Madison. 493 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:18,845 How... how can a young girl live like that, Lisa? 494 00:23:18,914 --> 00:23:21,515 By not getting too involved with anybody. 495 00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:22,995 Oh... Y-You don't have any parents, 496 00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:24,568 no husband, no family? 497 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,637 No. 498 00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:28,121 I just... go out and meet new people. 499 00:23:28,191 --> 00:23:29,657 I enjoy meeting them, and, uh... 500 00:23:29,725 --> 00:23:31,758 most of them seem to enjoy meeting me. 501 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:34,122 Is that how you meet them, by fainting on their shoulders? 502 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,407 Most people just say hello. 503 00:23:35,431 --> 00:23:37,831 No, Oscar. That happens to be the way that I met you. 504 00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,980 Lisa, I think I understand what you're trying to say, 505 00:23:40,035 --> 00:23:42,252 but... don't you want to be anything? 506 00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:44,171 Just happy. 507 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,489 And I am. 508 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,524 Oh. 509 00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,694 Here are the keys. Oh... 510 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,496 Keep the keys, Lisa. 511 00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:55,332 No, I don't like attachments. 512 00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:58,035 Good-bye. 513 00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,603 Good-bye, Oscar. 514 00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,116 Good-bye, Miss Gonzales. 515 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,540 It was nice meeting both of you. 516 00:24:09,498 --> 00:24:12,082 Hi-oh, Silver... away! 517 00:24:13,502 --> 00:24:15,302 Bloop. 518 00:24:17,973 --> 00:24:20,991 There goes... a rare spirit. 519 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,662 A butterfly... 520 00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:28,465 that paused for a moment on the flower of our lives and then... 521 00:24:30,519 --> 00:24:33,353 A sprite... who brought us... 522 00:24:33,422 --> 00:24:35,122 an interlude of happiness... 523 00:24:35,190 --> 00:24:38,592 and strangely... changed everything. 524 00:24:38,661 --> 00:24:39,593 Please don't do that. 525 00:24:39,662 --> 00:24:41,061 She didn't change you. 526 00:24:52,558 --> 00:24:55,860 One BLT. Mayonnaise on all four sides. 527 00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,394 One diet special. 528 00:24:57,463 --> 00:25:00,397 We're out of cottage cheese, so I gave you French fries. 529 00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:04,279 Why would you want to come to a place like this? 530 00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:05,236 It's quick, it's convenient... 531 00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:06,531 It's filthy. 532 00:25:06,555 --> 00:25:08,555 You know, this is where I met Lisa. 533 00:25:08,624 --> 00:25:10,702 She was sitting in this chair at this table 534 00:25:10,726 --> 00:25:13,343 when she fainted on me... What a crazy way to meet people! 535 00:25:13,412 --> 00:25:15,529 And you expect to recapture that magic? 536 00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:17,638 But wouldn't it be wonderful if I could? 537 00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:25,322 May I borrow your paper? 538 00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:29,260 Oh... Oh... 35944

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