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♪ Ta-da, da-da-da da-da... ♪
2
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,561
What is that?
3
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,781
Oh, I was just seeing
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,950
if I'd ever be able
to tap dance again.
5
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,663
Here, Ginger. I
found the pictures.
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,132
Take them down to the paper.
7
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,001
When are you going
to take that cast off?
8
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,052
I'm tired of having Long
John Silver for a secretary.
9
00:00:26,076 --> 00:00:28,143
The cast is coming off tomorrow.
10
00:00:28,212 --> 00:00:30,022
And give up skiing, will you?
11
00:00:30,046 --> 00:00:31,179
But I like winter sports.
12
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:32,614
Well, go sleigh riding,
13
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:34,644
build a snow man,
kiss an Eskimo.
14
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,802
Okay. I'm leaving now.
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,270
I even have to work on
my lunch hour around here.
16
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,117
All right. I'll take
you to lunch.
17
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,373
Really? Where'll we go?
18
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,675
Here.
19
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,796
Oh, whitefish.
20
00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:49,593
No, sardines with cream cheese.
21
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,299
Here. Sit, sit.
22
00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,634
You all right?
23
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:54,481
Yeah, you treat
me too good, Mr. M.
24
00:00:54,505 --> 00:00:56,149
By the way, I
wanted to thank you
25
00:00:56,173 --> 00:00:58,017
for the book you brought
me in the hospital.
26
00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:58,990
You're welcome.
27
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,303
I'll return it to the library
28
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,205
as soon as I can
hobble over there.
29
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,596
I bought it at a book store.
30
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,584
I was only kidding.
It was a joke.
31
00:01:08,619 --> 00:01:11,286
I'm also sorry I
missed Mr. Unger.
32
00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:14,088
I wanted to thank him
for all the room freshener
33
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,724
he sent me in the hospital.
34
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You know, the funny thing is,
35
00:01:18,094 --> 00:01:19,839
he never once came to visit me.
36
00:01:19,863 --> 00:01:22,080
He couldn't. He's
banned from that hospital.
37
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:25,484
Mr. Unger is banned from
Midcity Memorial Hospital?
38
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,953
He couldn't set his foot in
there even if it was broken.
39
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,155
Oh, boy.
40
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,423
What's the matter?
41
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,792
Is cream cheese
supposed to make noise?
42
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:43,018
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
43
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:45,988
from his place of residence.
44
00:01:46,056 --> 00:01:48,223
That request came from his wife.
45
00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:50,392
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
46
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:53,428
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
47
00:01:53,497 --> 00:01:55,631
With nowhere else to go,
48
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,717
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
49
00:01:58,786 --> 00:01:59,884
Several years earlier,
50
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,698
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
51
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,323
requesting that he never return.
52
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,858
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
53
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,010
without driving
each other crazy?
54
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,476
♪ ♪
55
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,544
The Odd Couple is filmed
in front of a live audience.
56
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,293
Antiseptic Mr. Unger was
banned from a hospital?
57
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,761
Yep. I don't believe it. Why?
58
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,251
It's a very long story.
59
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,631
Well, tell it to me. After.
60
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,488
What do you want to
wash that down with?
61
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,567
What do you got?
62
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,040
Brown juice and green juice.
63
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:15,243
What's the difference?
64
00:03:15,312 --> 00:03:17,662
Two weeks.
65
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,764
Pass.
66
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:24,435
Um... maybe you better tell
me the story about Mr. Unger.
67
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,549
It'll take my mind
off this lunch.
68
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,017
Well, it was during
that basketball scandal,
69
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,307
you know, about 13 years ago.
70
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,354
Mr. Unger fixed a
basketball game?
71
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,145
No. I exposed a
basketball scandal.
72
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,916
What are you doing?
73
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,602
I'm covering up
the sardine's eye.
74
00:03:40,671 --> 00:03:41,886
That's right.
75
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,800
That's when you were
a crusading reporter,
76
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,785
out working night and
day, fighting injustices.
77
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,943
No, I was home
with a hangover...
78
00:03:48,011 --> 00:03:49,644
when this scared girlfriend
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00:03:49,713 --> 00:03:51,257
of a basketball player came over
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00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:52,613
to tell me that her boyfriend
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00:03:52,682 --> 00:03:54,727
had been offered a
bribe to throw a game.
82
00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,685
I remember... my head felt
like the inside of your cast.
83
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,754
Steve won't take the bribe.
84
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,824
Can you hear me?!
85
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:05,544
Oh, boy, can I hear you.
86
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,023
Steve won't take the bribe,
87
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,558
and that's why I came to you.
88
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,359
Steve and I have
always admired you.
89
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,601
Could you admire me
a little softer, please?
90
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,081
Steve won't take the bribe.
91
00:04:15,105 --> 00:04:17,105
Yeah, I want to get
some of this down, see...
92
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,018
Are you going to write
with a swizzle stick?
93
00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:20,809
Oh, yeah. Here. I got it.
94
00:04:20,877 --> 00:04:23,011
Now, your boyfriend's name
is Steve O'Connor, right?
95
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,412
Is that buttermilk?
96
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,447
No, just old.
97
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,861
Maybe I... maybe I should
come back another time.
98
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:30,118
No, no, stay. Stay. Listen.
99
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,370
Will Steve talk to me?
Will he name names?
100
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,872
I think so.
101
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,352
But you have to promise me
that you won't mention his name
102
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:37,587
and that nobody will be here.
103
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,021
He didn't even want me to come.
104
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,795
Oh, don't worry.
Nobody ever comes here.
105
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,464
Oh, boy.
106
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:43,965
Listen, wait in the kitchen,
107
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,567
and I'll get rid of them, okay?
108
00:04:45,635 --> 00:04:47,735
Why don't they use the buzzer?
109
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:50,105
Go back to the knocking.
110
00:04:50,174 --> 00:04:51,518
All right, I got you.
111
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,842
Oscar! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
112
00:04:54,911 --> 00:04:57,645
Long time no see!
113
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:01,549
How are you? Good to see you!
114
00:05:01,618 --> 00:05:04,152
How you doing, Felix?
115
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,520
Great! Ah-ha-ha!
116
00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,634
You remember my wife, Gloria.
117
00:05:08,658 --> 00:05:10,125
Oh, yeah, how are you?
118
00:05:10,193 --> 00:05:12,460
Big.
119
00:05:12,528 --> 00:05:15,630
This is my very dear
friend, Murray Greshler.
120
00:05:15,698 --> 00:05:18,466
Hi. I'm a policeman.
121
00:05:18,534 --> 00:05:20,168
I'm a citizen.
122
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,520
Thanks a lot, Murray.
Regards home.
123
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,783
See you later, alligator.
124
00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:28,660
Now, nice and slow...
Felix, I know how to sit.
125
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,061
I'm kind of busy here.
126
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,975
Just remember, you're
sitting for two now, sweetheart.
127
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,643
Felix, see, I
wasn't expecting...
128
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:37,035
Oscar, Gloria's going
to have a little baby.
129
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,237
No kidding.
130
00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,817
Are you going to have it here?
131
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,675
Please, Felix. I feel
like a mummy already.
132
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,677
No, you're going to be a mummy!
133
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,679
Oh, Felix, I'm so hot.
134
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,280
You want a cold
drink, sweetheart?
135
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,560
Yes. I'll get it for you.
136
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,728
The kitchen's
right there, isn't it?
137
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,162
No, you can't go
in the kitchen? No!
138
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,620
If I can take this room,
Oscar, I can take your kitchen.
139
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,567
No, let me get the
water. See, I know...
140
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,525
No, no. If it's too cold,
it might chill her little...
141
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:04,062
I didn't know your
kitchen was occupado.
142
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,643
Oh, no, she's just a friend
who's looking at the kitchen.
143
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,911
How was the stove?
144
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,067
How do you do?
145
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,402
My name is Felix Unger,
commercial photographer,
146
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,038
portraits a specialty.
147
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,973
This is Gloria. She's my wife.
148
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,474
Babies a specialty.
149
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:20,579
What is your very
young name? Lolita?
150
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,142
She has no name. I better go.
151
00:06:22,166 --> 00:06:23,876
Come here. Listen,
you tell Steve to call me.
152
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,133
I'll keep his name out of
the paper, I promise you.
153
00:06:26,202 --> 00:06:27,663
Sweetheart, sweetheart,
pay no attention to this.
154
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,822
This is a side of life we
don't see in New Rochelle.
155
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,356
He's all right. He's my friend.
156
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:35,210
He reminds me of one of those
skinny squealers in the movies.
157
00:06:35,278 --> 00:06:37,023
I'll get your coat.
Miss, you're very young,
158
00:06:37,047 --> 00:06:38,613
you've got your
whole life ahead of you.
159
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:40,482
Don't throw it away for
an hour of pleasure...
160
00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:41,716
a few minutes of pleasure.
161
00:06:41,785 --> 00:06:46,237
Felix, go check Gloria.
Maybe the baby kicked.
162
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,972
No. No. You saw something?
163
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,340
Will he be here?
164
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,909
No, I'll get rid of him.
165
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:53,845
I promise you, I'll get
rid of him. Go ahead.
166
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,748
Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
167
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,161
She's a college girl, came
here to give me a story.
168
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,852
What are you
explaining it to me for?
169
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,988
It's none of my business.
I'm just a guest here.
170
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,689
You're a guest here?
171
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,825
Gloria and I have decided
to take you up on your offer.
172
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,961
What offer? To move in with you.
173
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,934
Here we go,
sweetheart, here we are.
174
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:16,935
This is it.
175
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,803
Mm-hmm.
176
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,072
I'm sorry it's a little messy.
177
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,007
See, I use it for a rumpus room.
178
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,620
Wonder how many
rumpuses you've had in here.
179
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,556
Well, Felix, see, I
wasn't expecting anyone.
180
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,174
I don't remember
making that offer.
181
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,758
I'm sure I did make
it if you said it...
182
00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:31,644
Oscar, it's clear as a bell in my
memory. Don't you remember?
183
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,745
I came in from New Rochelle,
184
00:07:32,769 --> 00:07:34,146
and I took you to my
trade show, remember?
185
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,521
Oh, you introduced
me to that model.
186
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:39,001
Yes, and while you were
nuzzling Miss Flashbulbs,
187
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,759
you said, "When Gloria's ready
to deliver, come to my place.
188
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,038
I'm right near the hospital."
189
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,406
I said that? Yeah, yeah.
190
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:45,442
Well, words to that effect.
191
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:46,932
It's-It's possible I said,
192
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,845
"You're near the hospital, we
ought to come to your place,"
193
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,830
and you said, "All
right. Leave me alone."
194
00:07:50,854 --> 00:07:53,588
Now, Felix, at that
point, I would have said
195
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:56,841
anything to get rid of you,
but... that was six months ago.
196
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,592
Well, Oscar.
197
00:07:58,661 --> 00:08:00,439
How long is your word good for?
198
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:03,031
It's just going to be
for a matter of hours.
199
00:08:03,099 --> 00:08:04,198
She's almost ready.
200
00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:06,128
But the doctor said it
could be two weeks.
201
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,730
Two weeks? No, no, no, no.
202
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,021
She's ready. I know
it. I feel it. Believe me.
203
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,440
Yeah, but wouldn't you be
more comfortable in a hotel?
204
00:08:12,509 --> 00:08:14,709
No, no, we're perfectly
comfortable here.
205
00:08:14,777 --> 00:08:16,377
Don't be silly.
206
00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:18,686
Besides, they wouldn't
let me cook in a hotel room.
207
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,665
I've got Gloria
on a special diet.
208
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,450
I think Oscar's right.
209
00:08:22,518 --> 00:08:24,569
I think we should go to a hotel.
210
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,103
It's no imposition.
211
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,523
And this great guy
wants us to stay here.
212
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:29,924
Any other time, you see,
213
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:31,821
but right now it is
a little inconvenient.
214
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,778
Well, I'm sorry.
What shall I do?
215
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,796
Ask Gloria not to
have the baby now?
216
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,277
Maybe I should ask the baby?
217
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:39,701
Can you wait another month?
218
00:08:39,735 --> 00:08:41,002
Read a magazine!
219
00:08:41,071 --> 00:08:42,481
Felix! Come on. Come on.
220
00:08:42,505 --> 00:08:44,065
We're going to
some sleazy hotel.
221
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,041
I wonder how much you have
to tip a bellhop to deliver a baby.
222
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,509
Don't be so sensitive, Felix.
223
00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:50,256
You know, you've
got a heart of gold.
224
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,890
You have. You
have. Didn't I tell you?
225
00:08:51,914 --> 00:08:54,266
He's one in a million.
He's a wonderful guy.
226
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,212
Don't worry about us.
We won't be in your way.
227
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,396
There'll be no commotion.
228
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:59,232
You won't know
we're here. One thing.
229
00:08:59,256 --> 00:09:01,256
Would you mind
putting out your cigar?
230
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:04,408
Not on my carpet.
231
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,877
It's Oscar's carpet.
232
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,112
You're right.
233
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,013
I'm going to have to
clean this place anyway.
234
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,927
It's a lucky thing I brought
rags and cleansers.
235
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,995
Always prepared.
I'll see you later, huh.
236
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:14,152
Oh, one thing, one thing.
237
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,254
How many bathrooms have we got?
238
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,433
Three. Good.
239
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,235
Only one has water. Oh.
240
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,704
Then we've got a problem,
haven't we? We do?
241
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,939
Now, I'll tell you what.
242
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,362
If you could brush your teeth
243
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,442
and shower and shave and
everything the night before,
244
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,383
then Gloria and I could have
the bathroom in the morning.
245
00:09:29,452 --> 00:09:31,097
Well, I'll tell you
what I could do, Felix.
246
00:09:31,121 --> 00:09:33,166
I could shower and shave and
eat breakfast the night before.
247
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,940
Then in the morning I can go to
the Copa and see the floor show.
248
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,692
I tell you this guy's a sport?
249
00:09:38,761 --> 00:09:40,373
He's the greatest.
He's really the greatest.
250
00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:41,429
One thing, um...
251
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,647
Do you have medicated soap?
252
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,493
No, no. Then you'll
have to get some.
253
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,766
Is there a drugstore near here?
254
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,862
Yeah, right on the
corner. I'll make you a list.
255
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:47,886
Thank you.
256
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,355
Pat, you've got to trust me.
257
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,658
Would I lie to you?
It's too important to me.
258
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:54,893
You bring Steve up here.
259
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,606
I promise you, I'll
be here all alone.
260
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,496
Honest. All right, bye-bye.
261
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,452
I had to get out of there.
262
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,455
He set off a bug bomb.
263
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,623
You want a pickle?
264
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,403
Oh, I'm not allowed
to have them.
265
00:10:10,427 --> 00:10:12,338
He thinks they're
bad for people's I.Q.
266
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,228
Gloria, look.
267
00:10:14,297 --> 00:10:16,698
I got two college kids coming
up tonight with a big story,
268
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,611
something that can give
my career a real boost.
269
00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,669
Now, I know I can count on
you two to stay out of the way.
270
00:10:21,738 --> 00:10:24,355
But do you think I can get
Felix to go and clean Brooklyn?
271
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:28,225
Oh, I don't know, but I wish
he'd go to a movie or something.
272
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,279
I mean, his labor pains
are driving me crazy.
273
00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:33,331
Then send him to the movies.
274
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,666
Oh, I can't. I don't
want to hurt his feelings.
275
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:36,851
Then I'll send him.
276
00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:38,353
Oh, but... be tactful.
277
00:10:38,421 --> 00:10:41,088
I will. He won't even know
I'm asking him to leave.
278
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:42,590
Good.
279
00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:44,836
Of course I'm going
to be tactful. Okay.
280
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:47,929
Felix... get out.
281
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,383
Why?
282
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,512
I want to work, so I want
you to go to the movies.
283
00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:55,770
Are you crazy? My
place is with Gloria.
284
00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:57,555
She's going to
have a little baby.
285
00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,002
Felix, it could be two weeks.
286
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,620
Anyway, Gloria
wants you to go, too.
287
00:11:00,644 --> 00:11:01,859
Oh, come on.
288
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,648
I want to hear that
from Gloria's mouth.
289
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,741
Felix, go to the movies.
290
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,485
All right. You heard
it from Gloria's mouth.
291
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,701
You want to hear it from
the baby's mouth, too?
292
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,814
You need to relax.
293
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,838
Yeah, phone us and
tell us where you are,
294
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,239
and then we'll call you back.
295
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,891
Do you really want me to go?
296
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,610
I-I really do.
297
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,413
Oh... all right, then, I'll go.
298
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:25,216
Maybe I'll find a pregnant
woman at the movies
299
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:28,837
who needs my help.
300
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,455
Oh, boy. Oh!
301
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,491
I got to hand it to you, Gloria.
302
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,027
I could never
live with that guy!
303
00:11:43,319 --> 00:11:46,203
There he goes again.
304
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,438
Hello, Felix.
305
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,790
Is Gloria there?
306
00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:51,525
No, Gloria's not here.
She went bowling.
307
00:11:53,663 --> 00:11:54,962
Don't torment me, Oscar.
308
00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:56,380
I'm in my ninth month.
309
00:11:56,449 --> 00:12:00,818
Felix, will you stop calling?
Go look at the movie.
310
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,321
I can't sit and watch
Gidget's skin clear up
311
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,334
while my wife is
having a little baby.
312
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,291
Then look for gum
under the seats.
313
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,310
Sweep an aisle, wave to Gidget.
314
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:10,929
Gloria's having
labor pains, isn't she?
315
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,658
They're coming closer
together. I can feel it.
316
00:12:12,682 --> 00:12:15,166
No, her labor pains are
not coming closer together.
317
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,262
Only your phone calls
are coming closer together.
318
00:12:17,286 --> 00:12:19,553
Oscar, listen to me.
319
00:12:19,622 --> 00:12:22,623
Just in case I do happen
to watch some of the movie,
320
00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:26,660
this phone will be answered
by Miss Darlene Spinoza.
321
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:29,113
Isn't that right, Miss Spinoza?
322
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,431
Write that name down.
323
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,200
Darlene Spinoza.
324
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:34,602
I got it.
325
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,071
Erase it.
326
00:12:37,139 --> 00:12:40,674
I think Miss Spinoza's
mind is on something else.
327
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:43,027
Oh, Felix, will
you stop calling?
328
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,763
Gloria's fine,
everything's fine.
329
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,676
What about pillows? She
likes two pillows under her.
330
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,162
Felix, listen. Now, you're going
to hear a noise that sounds like
331
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,597
I'm hanging up,
but I'm not, see?
332
00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:52,831
There's some
construction work going on.
333
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,775
So you just keep
on talking, okay?
334
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,477
It did sound as if you hung up.
335
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,646
Oscar? Oscar?
336
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,648
I know what you did!
337
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,141
Hey!
338
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,141
How's the coast?
339
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,142
How's the what?
340
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,522
The coast... is it clear?
341
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:17,656
Yeah, nobody's here.
Clear coast... come on in.
342
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:18,680
Come on.
343
00:13:20,617 --> 00:13:21,882
Uh, I'm very nervous.
344
00:13:21,951 --> 00:13:23,362
You don't have to
be. Nobody's here.
345
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,397
Sit down.
346
00:13:24,421 --> 00:13:26,031
Steve, you're dribbling again.
347
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,355
Yes, I am.
348
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:28,356
I'm dribbling.
349
00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:29,357
It's because I'm nervous.
350
00:13:29,426 --> 00:13:30,570
I always dribble
when I'm nervous.
351
00:13:30,594 --> 00:13:32,327
I never dribble
when I'm not nervous.
352
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,772
Neither do I. Will you sit...
353
00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:35,963
Oh, excuse me.
354
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,081
Hello.
355
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,349
Oscar?
356
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,468
I was right not to
trust Darlene Spinoza.
357
00:13:40,536 --> 00:13:42,114
She went up in the
balcony with the usher.
358
00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:43,204
I'm here by myself.
359
00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:45,322
Two people tried to
buy popcorn from me.
360
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,376
Wrong number.
361
00:13:48,444 --> 00:13:50,389
Okay. Now, who was the
first to offer you a bribe?
362
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,413
Well, it was...
363
00:13:51,447 --> 00:13:52,958
Do you believe this?
364
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:54,248
I can't get a break here!
365
00:13:56,386 --> 00:13:58,530
I'm all set. I brought my book.
366
00:13:58,554 --> 00:14:00,282
I could deliver it right here.
367
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,255
You called the cops?
368
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:02,373
No, I didn't call him.
369
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:03,223
I did.
370
00:14:03,292 --> 00:14:05,109
It's time, Oscar.
371
00:14:12,135 --> 00:14:13,234
You sure you're ready?
372
00:14:13,302 --> 00:14:14,647
You couldn't wait
a couple of m...?
373
00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:16,432
No, of course you couldn't
wait a couple minutes.
374
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,216
So, listen, there's been
a change of plans, Steve.
375
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,285
But I'll get in touch with you,
don't worry... right away. All right.
376
00:14:20,309 --> 00:14:21,520
I think you better call Felix.
377
00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:22,755
You're absolutely
right. That's right.
378
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,089
I should call Felix.
I'm gonna call Felix.
379
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,393
Oscar, calm down.
380
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:31,830
Hear that? The phone's busy.
381
00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:33,004
Operator?
382
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,805
How can the line be busy?
383
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,191
We're closed.
384
00:14:37,259 --> 00:14:38,521
Leave him a note.
385
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,855
Yeah, okay, listen... You
wait for me downstairs,
386
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,056
and I'll leave him a note, okay?
387
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,158
Oscar? Yeah?
388
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,048
Give him my regards.
389
00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:46,934
Do you believe this, Bruce?
390
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:49,236
I never asked that
man to come here!
391
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,139
I would never do
that! The guy's a nut!
392
00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:53,185
You got to be crazy to have
somebody like that in here...
393
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,520
Room spray, eat your
breakfast in the b...
394
00:14:54,544 --> 00:14:56,110
Look at this! I'm
talking to a gorilla!
395
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,588
Gloria?
396
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,590
Oh.
397
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,759
Gloria?
398
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,761
Oscar?
399
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,649
There's nobody here.
400
00:15:34,718 --> 00:15:36,751
I wonder if I'm in
the right apartment.
401
00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:41,856
No need to panic.
402
00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:43,991
Now, what should I do?
403
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,593
Look for a note.
404
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:47,895
Where would he hide a note?
405
00:15:47,964 --> 00:15:49,430
In the gorilla.
406
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,035
Take the note.
407
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:55,019
Thank you.
408
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,455
Now, what should I do?
409
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,607
Read the note.
410
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,911
I'm going to be a father.
411
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:05,312
Now, what should I do?
412
00:16:07,349 --> 00:16:08,694
I don't need the
note anymore, do I?
413
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,585
So I... put it
back on the tooth.
414
00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:12,853
Straighten your tie.
415
00:16:15,324 --> 00:16:16,824
Now what should I do?
416
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,326
Get what I need
and go to the hospital.
417
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,361
All right.
418
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:23,030
Amazing how calm I am.
419
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,200
All right... remain calm...
420
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:31,573
Taxi!
421
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:38,029
I want to talk to
Steve O'Connor.
422
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,297
Well, look, when he comes in,
423
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,732
will you have him
call Klondike-5-4226?
424
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,368
Yeah. That's the Mid-City
Memorial Hospital.
425
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,437
I'll be in the fathers'
waiting room.
426
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,572
No, he didn't get
anybody in trouble!
427
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,542
Hey, Felix!
428
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:52,755
Oscar? Yeah.
429
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,205
I'm here. Good.
430
00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:55,663
I'm completely calm.
431
00:16:55,732 --> 00:16:57,443
How's Gloria? She's fine.
432
00:16:57,467 --> 00:16:58,493
Has she had a little baby?
433
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,729
No, she hasn't delivered yet.
434
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:01,714
You notice my questions
are without hysteria?
435
00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:03,003
Well, how are you?
436
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:04,021
I'm a rock.
437
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,539
Why do you have that?
438
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,309
I brought it with me.
439
00:17:08,377 --> 00:17:09,688
Where shall I sit my calm self?
440
00:17:09,712 --> 00:17:11,345
Well, sit your
calm self over here.
441
00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:13,247
Take off your
jacket, relax a bit...
442
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:14,326
I'm relaxed.
443
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:15,427
I'm not nervous.
444
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,795
Nothing to be nervous about.
445
00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:19,064
I'm not having the baby.
Gloria's having the baby.
446
00:17:19,088 --> 00:17:20,432
I'm just the father. Good point.
447
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,290
See, I brought some pickles.
I want to talk to you about...
448
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,192
What do you want
to do, take a shower?
449
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:28,073
Oh, it's a perfectly
normal mistake.
450
00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:29,796
Are you sure you're all right?
451
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:30,731
Is that hand shaking?
452
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,032
No, but your body is.
453
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:33,378
Good idea! The doctor!
454
00:17:33,402 --> 00:17:34,813
I've got to speak to
the doctor, Dr. Rogers.
455
00:17:34,837 --> 00:17:36,148
Felix, I've been
wanting to tell you that.
456
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,104
Now, Dr. Rogers
couldn't make it.
457
00:17:37,173 --> 00:17:38,038
He's out of town.
458
00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:40,536
His associate is
making the delivery.
459
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,993
I'm calmly asking you:
460
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,463
Is a complete stranger
going to deliver my baby?
461
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:48,166
He'll introduce himself, and
he won't be a total stranger.
462
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,678
I'm sure he's a
competent doctor.
463
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,634
What's his name?
464
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:51,635
Dr. James.
465
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,104
Dr. James?!
466
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,471
What is he, the hospital pet?
467
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,256
Dr. Bill, Dr. Bob, Dr. Timmy!
468
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,603
What happened to
your old calm self?
469
00:17:58,627 --> 00:17:59,961
I'm calm! Watch my racket!
470
00:18:00,029 --> 00:18:01,695
I want to speak to Dr. James.
471
00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:03,108
I'm afraid he's busy now.
472
00:18:03,132 --> 00:18:04,509
He's supposed to be
delivering Mrs. Unger's baby.
473
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:06,178
I'm sure he is! Felix,
don't bug these people.
474
00:18:06,202 --> 00:18:07,534
I want to speak to Dr. James!
475
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:08,535
Excuse me...
476
00:18:08,604 --> 00:18:09,982
Hey! Dr. James!
477
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,439
This is Felix! I want to speak
to you! Do you hear me, James?
478
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,086
Dr. James! I'm Felix Unger!
479
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:15,354
No, no, no, no!
Everything's under control!
480
00:18:15,378 --> 00:18:17,156
No sweat, no sweat,
no sweat... all right.
481
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,590
All right, now,
what's going on here?
482
00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:19,614
Who's been paging me?
483
00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:20,893
Are you Dr. James? Yes.
484
00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:22,132
And who are you?
485
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,919
I am the man who sired
Gloria Unger's baby!
486
00:18:24,987 --> 00:18:26,598
What is this?! They
send a green kid!
487
00:18:26,622 --> 00:18:27,800
He doesn't even shave yet! Shh!
488
00:18:27,824 --> 00:18:29,068
Felix, will you...?
Forgive him, Doc.
489
00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:30,736
He's a little nervous. I
want to speak to you.
490
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,637
All right, you'll have to make
it quick. All right, you make up.
491
00:18:32,661 --> 00:18:34,472
I'm gonna make a phone
call. You see, Dr. Jim,
492
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:37,042
I happen to subscribe to
the old-fashioned notion
493
00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,044
that childbirth is a
pretty important thing!
494
00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:40,400
Yes, yes.
495
00:18:40,469 --> 00:18:42,681
Well, have... have you
done this sort of thing before?
496
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,516
About a hundred times. Mm!
497
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,751
Well, I don't see
any rubber gloves.
498
00:18:45,775 --> 00:18:47,052
Don't you usually
wear rubber gloves?
499
00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:49,116
No, no. I usually
wear a catcher's mitt.
500
00:18:50,446 --> 00:18:53,091
Do you think it's funny to
make jokes at a time like this?
501
00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,532
It's the best time.
502
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,766
Now, just relax, Mr. Unger.
503
00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:56,767
Your wife is fine.
504
00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,452
You'll have to excuse me.
505
00:18:58,520 --> 00:18:59,865
Another thing... belly buttons!
506
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,055
There are two kinds:
507
00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:03,323
the kind that sticks out,
and the kind that sticks in.
508
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,291
I want an outie!
509
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,905
No! No! I want an innie!
510
00:19:05,929 --> 00:19:07,973
Look, I don't care how much
beer you've been chugg...
511
00:19:07,997 --> 00:19:09,107
You trust that kid?!
512
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:11,032
Felix, it's you I don't trust.
513
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,045
Now, look, go over there,
pick up your racket, and...
514
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,980
I've got to speak to her!
I've got to speak to Gloria!
515
00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:16,081
I want to speak to Mrs. Unger.
516
00:19:16,105 --> 00:19:17,115
She's on her way to delivery.
517
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:18,272
Oh... oh, it's time!
518
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:19,840
Oh! Oh! She's on
her way to delivery!
519
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,754
They're gonna wheel
her out here to get her
520
00:19:21,778 --> 00:19:22,988
on the elevator...
Look, who's that?
521
00:19:23,012 --> 00:19:24,873
Where? What? Oh,
darling! Darling, I love you!
522
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,392
I love you, sweetheart!
There's nothing to worry about!
523
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:27,793
Everything's going to
be all right, sweetheart!
524
00:19:27,817 --> 00:19:30,377
Believe me! Believe me!
525
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,525
Well, look for him. I'll wait.
526
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,323
Felix, will you sit
down and relax?
527
00:20:09,392 --> 00:20:10,857
They'll tell you when
the baby comes.
528
00:20:10,926 --> 00:20:13,486
I'll sit down,
but I won't relax.
529
00:20:14,697 --> 00:20:17,230
Oh, God, please let
everything be all right!
530
00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:22,787
I'm sorry. Were you
speaking to Him?
531
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:27,758
No, I... I was just thinking.
532
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:28,992
This your first child?
533
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,928
Yes.
534
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,312
My first one, too.
535
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,202
Flesh is weak.
536
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:41,722
Yes.
537
00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:45,392
I guess you had to
clear it with the... with...
538
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:46,743
What?
539
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,461
Did they excommunicate you?
540
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:50,814
I'm not a priest.
541
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:52,433
I'm a minister.
542
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,302
Oh... oh, I...
543
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,115
Boy, oh, boy, what
would we have done
544
00:20:56,139 --> 00:20:58,406
without you chaplains
in the Army? I'll...
545
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:00,514
Look, Steve, I
guarantee it'll be safe.
546
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:01,954
I'll meet you here
at the hospital.
547
00:21:01,978 --> 00:21:03,856
Oscar! Oscar, I just
insulted a minister.
548
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,446
He's supposed to forgive you.
549
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,660
Felix, look, I got 15 minutes
before my contact gets here.
550
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:09,995
I'm going to get
something to eat.
551
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:10,718
You want anything, huh?
552
00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:12,097
No, no... Okay.
553
00:21:13,255 --> 00:21:14,255
Go restring your racket.
554
00:21:14,289 --> 00:21:15,569
It'll keep your fingers busy.
555
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,332
You didn't... pick up the...
556
00:21:25,401 --> 00:21:28,485
I know it's not for me
to... tell you your job, but...
557
00:21:30,172 --> 00:21:32,332
Also, when, when you're
cleaning the ashtrays,
558
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,252
I think you should
wipe them out, beca...
559
00:21:34,276 --> 00:21:36,756
This is a hospital, and you're
supposed to keep things clean.
560
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,164
Your mop is dirty,
too, actually...
561
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,335
What are you going to do?
562
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:46,003
You... you wouldn't do anything
563
00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:47,938
to an expectant
father, would you?
564
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,940
No, you, I mean,
you wouldn't, no...
565
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:51,687
Oh, thank goodness you're here.
566
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,522
What? What? I
didn't do anything!
567
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,979
Chaplain! Chaplain!
568
00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,134
Relax!
569
00:22:00,202 --> 00:22:01,279
Why are you so nervous?
570
00:22:01,303 --> 00:22:02,435
Why am I so nervous?
571
00:22:02,504 --> 00:22:04,249
I'll tell you the same
thing I told my gorilla!
572
00:22:04,273 --> 00:22:06,006
I never asked that man
to come into my place
573
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,607
with that medicated
soap and breakfast.
574
00:22:07,676 --> 00:22:09,143
Who needs that g...!
575
00:22:09,211 --> 00:22:11,078
Excuse me.
576
00:22:11,147 --> 00:22:12,079
There you are.
577
00:22:12,148 --> 00:22:13,046
You sure it's safe here?
578
00:22:13,115 --> 00:22:14,392
Sure, it's safe.
579
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,584
Will you stop the dribbling
and come and sit down?
580
00:22:17,653 --> 00:22:19,097
Now, look, I don't
have much time.
581
00:22:19,121 --> 00:22:20,799
Who was the first
guy to offer you a...
582
00:22:20,823 --> 00:22:21,900
Oscar! There's that man again.
583
00:22:21,924 --> 00:22:23,190
What's he doing here?
584
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,019
It's all right. His
wife is having a kid.
585
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:26,572
Felix, I'm trying to
work here, okay?
586
00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:27,661
Oh, I'm sorry...
587
00:22:27,730 --> 00:22:28,907
Who's the first who
approached you?
588
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,197
The guard... he dragged me off
589
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:31,443
to the administrative
director's office,
590
00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:33,634
who accused me of
attacking a patient,
591
00:22:33,703 --> 00:22:35,535
abusing the
hospital P.A. system,
592
00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:37,716
and disturbing
a janitor. Felix...!
593
00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:39,384
He said it's easier to
get doctors than janitors.
594
00:22:39,408 --> 00:22:40,474
Can you imagine that?
595
00:22:40,542 --> 00:22:41,954
I'm trying to work, Felix.
596
00:22:41,978 --> 00:22:43,104
I'm sorry! Forgive
me, was I interrupting?
597
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:45,048
Yeah, now, who was...
Man bawls me out
598
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:47,080
and his whole office was
thick with cigar smoke!
599
00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:48,727
Felix, go hit a pickle
against the wall!
600
00:22:48,751 --> 00:22:49,983
Mr. Unger!
601
00:22:50,052 --> 00:22:50,984
Yes.
602
00:22:51,053 --> 00:22:52,063
Congratulations, Mr. Unger.
603
00:22:52,087 --> 00:22:53,220
Your wife is doing fine.
604
00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:55,439
She just gave birth
to a beautiful baby girl.
605
00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:00,477
Oh... there's a new
Unger in the world!
606
00:23:02,197 --> 00:23:04,576
Felix, this scoop is going
to get me my own column.
607
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,233
When do I get to see my baby?
608
00:23:06,301 --> 00:23:07,301
What's taking so long?
609
00:23:07,369 --> 00:23:08,513
They're just cleaning her up.
610
00:23:08,537 --> 00:23:11,097
You should appreciate that.
611
00:23:11,574 --> 00:23:12,574
Mr. Unger?
612
00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:13,941
Here's your baby, Mr. Unger,
613
00:23:14,009 --> 00:23:15,620
but I'm afraid you can
only see her for a second.
614
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:18,212
Oh! Oh!
615
00:23:18,281 --> 00:23:21,482
Oh, hello!
616
00:23:21,551 --> 00:23:22,716
Hello!
617
00:23:22,785 --> 00:23:24,117
Oh, she's so beautiful!
618
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:27,265
You know what your
name is, sweetheart?
619
00:23:27,289 --> 00:23:30,257
Edna! Isn't that
a beautiful name?
620
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:31,853
You're drooling,
sweetheart. That's enough.
621
00:23:31,877 --> 00:23:33,722
You're drooling...
Oh, no! Oh, let me!
622
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,546
Oh, please! Oh...
623
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:39,850
Now, that's what I
call a beautiful baby.
624
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:40,851
Yeah?
625
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,200
Come on, let's go.
626
00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:46,724
What's the matter?
You look worried.
627
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,671
Well, how do I
know it's our baby?
628
00:23:49,695 --> 00:23:52,074
Oh, come on... No, but they
could have brought out any baby.
629
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,009
They all look alike. Oh, no,
they have a system here...
630
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:55,443
No, no, I've read
about these things.
631
00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:57,212
What do you want to
do? I... I gotta see Gloria.
632
00:23:57,236 --> 00:23:58,647
You can't! She's in
recovery! I've got to!
633
00:23:58,671 --> 00:24:00,549
I want to talk to my
wife! You cannot see her!
634
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:01,717
Mr. Unger! Don't
do that again...!
635
00:24:01,741 --> 00:24:03,741
Gloria, this is Felix.
636
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,737
You did a terrific job,
sweetheart... beautiful!
637
00:24:05,761 --> 00:24:08,090
You shouldn't be doing this,
sir! I just want you to know
638
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:09,258
I'm gonna be
investigating this hospital.
639
00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:10,725
I want to make
sure it's our baby...
640
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,589
Oscar, help me! Oscar!
641
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,388
Who's Oscar?
642
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:22,326
Yeah, I saw him come in here,
came in with a tennis racket.
643
00:24:22,395 --> 00:24:23,572
I heard he insulted a priest.
644
00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:25,312
One of those nuts,
you know how it is.
645
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:27,480
Well, take care.
So long, brother.
646
00:24:33,755 --> 00:24:36,134
That was a
beautiful story, Mr. M.
647
00:24:36,158 --> 00:24:38,136
The lunch... ehhhh.
648
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,493
Would you take the pictures
down to the paper, please?
649
00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:41,973
Myrna! Hi, Mr. Unger.
650
00:24:41,997 --> 00:24:43,441
Oh, how nice to...
How's your leg?
651
00:24:43,465 --> 00:24:44,731
Oh, fine.
652
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,511
Oh, by the way, thank you
for all the room freshener
653
00:24:46,535 --> 00:24:47,979
you sent me. Oh, it was
a pleasure, believe me.
654
00:24:48,003 --> 00:24:49,447
I just wish I could have
come and visited you.
655
00:24:49,471 --> 00:24:51,221
Oh, that's okay.
656
00:24:51,289 --> 00:24:52,639
I understand now.
657
00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:54,441
Bye. Bye-bye.
658
00:24:54,509 --> 00:24:56,710
Take care. Take care... easy.
659
00:24:56,779 --> 00:24:59,579
That's a nice girl.
660
00:24:59,648 --> 00:25:01,181
That's a wonderful girl!
661
00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:02,382
A rotten secretary.
662
00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:05,256
Isn't it always that way?
663
00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:06,949
It's the nice girls,
the moral girls,
664
00:25:06,973 --> 00:25:08,422
the ones who wear a bra...
665
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,660
They're the ones who get hurt.
666
00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:14,594
Want a sandwich?
667
00:25:14,663 --> 00:25:16,407
Yeah. Good. Mm-hmm. What is it?
668
00:25:16,431 --> 00:25:17,363
Whitefish.
669
00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:18,432
Ah! I love it.
670
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:23,103
What's the matter?
671
00:25:23,172 --> 00:25:26,339
Is whitefish supposed
to make a noise?
45221
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