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1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:04,036
Very smooth, that's right.
2
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,104
Very, very good.
3
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:06,504
Okay, up in the sky. Up.
4
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,922
Up, up. Kind of sexy.
5
00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:09,374
Yeah, more, more, more.
6
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,310
Now holy, now
demure, now saintly.
7
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,012
Very good, perfect.
8
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,779
Reloading. Perfect, girls.
9
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,448
Just perfect.
10
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,485
Felix, these proofs are
absolutely breathtaking.
11
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,953
How did you get that
golden glow effect, hmm?
12
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,303
That's mustard.
13
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,719
Just plain, everyday
mustard. Mustard?
14
00:00:26,743 --> 00:00:28,277
Oh, that's ingenious.
15
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,490
Yeah, from Oscar's
thumb on the lens.
16
00:00:32,182 --> 00:00:33,582
Oh, I wish we had one-tenth
17
00:00:33,651 --> 00:00:35,950
of your kind of creativity
in our TV commercials.
18
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:38,720
Well, heh-heh-heh. Hmm.
19
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,734
I am available for TV
commercials, you know.
20
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:44,293
Felix, there's a new ad campaign
21
00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:46,122
that's starting soon;
it'd be perfect for you.
22
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,896
I think I can get the agency
23
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,476
to use you as a
director. Really?
24
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,150
Uh-huh. Multiblade.
25
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,429
They want to introduce their new
26
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,486
long-handled razor
in a commercial.
27
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,887
Well, I'd be perfect for that.
28
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,039
I shave every day.
29
00:00:57,107 --> 00:00:59,591
They want to use Deacon Jones.
30
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:02,644
They want to use a minister
in a shaving commercial?
31
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:04,563
He's an athlete,
32
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,632
an all-pro football player.
33
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,810
But they can't reach him.
34
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,450
He won't talk to people.
35
00:01:09,519 --> 00:01:10,780
He's impossible
to reach. But if...
36
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,866
if they could reach
him, then I can direct it?
37
00:01:12,890 --> 00:01:14,272
Well, sure.
38
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,319
Oh, but there's no
point in that now.
39
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:19,061
Unless, uh... Unless what?
40
00:01:19,129 --> 00:01:21,062
I bet Oscar could get to him.
41
00:01:21,131 --> 00:01:23,231
You want me to ask Oscar
42
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,434
to approach Deacon Jones? Mm.
43
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,349
Well, you want to do the
commercial... How dare you!
44
00:01:29,373 --> 00:01:30,488
You only thought of me
45
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:31,818
for this commercial
because I know Oscar.
46
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,726
This is... I'll do it.
47
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,168
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
48
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:45,303
from his place of residence.
49
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,006
That request came from his wife.
50
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,408
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
51
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,912
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
52
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,881
With nowhere else to go,
53
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,683
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
54
00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,951
Several years earlier,
55
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,597
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
56
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,272
requesting that he never return.
57
00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:06,825
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
58
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,853
without driving
each other crazy?
59
00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:41,476
♪ ♪
60
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,921
Oscar? Oscar, are you home?
61
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,274
No.
62
00:03:12,343 --> 00:03:14,036
Boy, am I glad you're
home. I'm glad you're glad.
63
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,405
Give me a towel,
will ya, Felix? Listen...
64
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,273
What are you doing? Dripping,
will you give me a towel?
65
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,158
You're washing, washing
in my kitchen sink?!
66
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:20,732
Yeah, I couldn't fit
in the dishwasher.
67
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,579
What are you, an animal?
68
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:24,769
I'm a very wet animal, Felix.
69
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,615
No, no, no, not on my curtains.
70
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,123
Here, here!
71
00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:31,309
How can you wash your
face in my kitchen sink?
72
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,744
Well, the bathroom
sink's broken.
73
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,308
Oh, well, at least
you could have called
74
00:03:35,332 --> 00:03:36,542
for the super to fix it.
75
00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:37,627
He called the super.
76
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,201
Don't use your bathroom.
77
00:03:40,838 --> 00:03:42,170
Wait, wait.
78
00:03:42,239 --> 00:03:43,271
Where you going?
79
00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:44,417
It's dinner time.
80
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,419
Even a super has to eat.
81
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,226
But wh-what about our bathroom?
82
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,845
Don't use it for anything.
83
00:03:51,348 --> 00:03:52,431
For anything?
84
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,815
My very words.
85
00:03:53,884 --> 00:03:55,967
What should we use?
86
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,635
Improvise.
87
00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,488
The Board of Health
will hear about this.
88
00:04:00,557 --> 00:04:02,240
Also the Board of Rent.
89
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,342
We're paying a
premium rent here.
90
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,289
We're entitled to certain
services... Felix, relax, will you?
91
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,846
Bathrooms are
allowed to break down.
92
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,559
What are you so upset
about? You're right.
93
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,660
Erase upset. I'm nice. Listen.
94
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,746
What? I have a tremendous
favor to ask of you.
95
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,570
Well, hurry up, will
you? I got a date.
96
00:04:18,975 --> 00:04:21,120
I have this impossible
assignment.
97
00:04:21,144 --> 00:04:23,022
You're the only man
who can help me. Yeah.
98
00:04:23,046 --> 00:04:24,557
You could create a whole new me.
99
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:25,764
A whole new you?
100
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,833
I'd like to put a
hole in the old you.
101
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:31,970
This is serious, Oscar.
102
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:34,456
I'm sorry. What do you
want? Whatever you want,
103
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:35,757
name it, you got it.
104
00:04:35,825 --> 00:04:37,776
Help me get Deacon Jones
105
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,388
for a TV commercial. No.
106
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,879
What do you mean, "no"?
107
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,743
What happened to
"name it, you got it"?
108
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:46,951
Felix, he's a very
shy, reserved man.
109
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,154
And I don't want to
impose on our friendship.
110
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:52,107
First, he brushes his teeth
and now he drinks beer.
111
00:04:52,175 --> 00:04:53,586
If I get him for
this commercial,
112
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:54,653
they'll let me direct it.
113
00:04:54,677 --> 00:04:56,178
I'm sorry, Felix, I can't.
114
00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:58,391
Okay, my best friend,
tell me where he is.
115
00:04:58,415 --> 00:05:00,326
I'll go to him, I'll
talk to him myself.
116
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:01,449
Are you kidding?
117
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,885
Why do you think they
need outside help to get him?
118
00:05:03,954 --> 00:05:06,054
Why do you think he's
never done a commercial?
119
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,389
He never talks to
advertising men.
120
00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:11,018
What makes you think
he's going to talk to you?
121
00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:16,965
But he'll talk to you, won't he?
122
00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:18,566
Yeah, we're very close.
123
00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,413
I'm the only sportswriter
who never asked him
124
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:22,997
if both his parents were tall.
125
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,069
He brushes his
teeth, he drinks a beer,
126
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,386
now he's going to
make a sandwich.
127
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,970
What are you going
to do, narrate my day?
128
00:05:31,215 --> 00:05:33,248
Come on, Oscar.
129
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,917
You could do it. Please?
130
00:05:35,986 --> 00:05:38,253
What harm would it
do if you just ask him?
131
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:40,800
I'd hate to jeopardize
our friendship.
132
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,074
What about our friendship?
133
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,702
That's already in jeopardy.
134
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,010
All right, Oscar.
135
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,111
Go ahead, wound me.
136
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,425
Doesn't matter.
All right, all right.
137
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,059
St. Joan, St. Joan.
Forget it, forget it.
138
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,316
I'll try, I'll try, all right?
139
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,585
Yeah, I'll set up a luncheon
tomorrow at the Press Box,
140
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,854
12:30, be there, but if
you really want him, Felix,
141
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,122
you got to let me do all
the talking, you understand?
142
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,236
Fine. Fine, you do all the
talking. Okay, just remember.
143
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,470
12:30 at the Press Box.
144
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,427
Right. Gee, that's wonderful.
145
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,273
You won't be late, will you?
146
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,909
'Cause I don't want
to talk to somebody
147
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,443
who doesn't talk to anybody.
148
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:09,067
Felix, did I ever let you down?
149
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,069
No, no. Just one thing.
150
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,104
What? In case you let me down,
151
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:16,474
what does Deacon
Jones look like?
152
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,609
He's bigger than a bread box.
153
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:29,749
Do you know the correct time?
154
00:06:29,773 --> 00:06:33,241
Last time you asked
me that it was 1:00.
155
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,230
It is now exactly
one minute after.
156
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:44,585
Has Oscar Madison
been here today?
157
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:48,156
You see any peanuts on the bar?
158
00:06:48,225 --> 00:06:50,858
Any beer spilled on the floor?
159
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:53,361
Your stool sticky?
160
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,033
Do you know Deacon Jones?
161
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,302
You kidding?
162
00:07:01,371 --> 00:07:02,420
That's him over there.
163
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:05,040
Where? Oh! Really?
164
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,823
Could you, uh, could
you do me a favor?
165
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,358
What? Could you
introduce me to him?
166
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,531
No.
167
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,900
Why not?
168
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:19,504
Well, you see that
big crowd of people
169
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,288
over there around him?
170
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,224
No.
171
00:07:23,293 --> 00:07:24,893
That's right, he's all alone.
172
00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:27,728
Because he likes it that way.
173
00:07:27,797 --> 00:07:29,898
You know why he
comes in here? Why?
174
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:32,083
Because he knows I won't
introduce him to anyone.
175
00:07:33,804 --> 00:07:35,904
Do it myself.
176
00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:38,573
Nobody I can't talk to.
177
00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:41,201
Even as a child, they
called me the friendly one.
178
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,590
Hey, bartender,
can I have a beer?
179
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:01,196
Hut! Hut!
180
00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:05,683
You don't happen to know
the correct time, do you?
181
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,035
Oh, here's a watch, hmm.
182
00:08:09,606 --> 00:08:10,838
Three minutes after 1:00.
183
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,392
Thanks.
184
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,979
You know, I am in
a heck of a pickle.
185
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,726
I was supposed
to meet my old pal,
186
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,061
Oscar Madison, here for lunch.
187
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,651
He was going to introduce me
188
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,887
to this famous sports figure.
189
00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:29,424
I wanted this
famous sports figure
190
00:08:29,493 --> 00:08:31,226
to work in a TV
commercial for me
191
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:33,561
for a heck of a lot of money.
192
00:08:35,198 --> 00:08:37,499
That Oscar Madison,
you know, he's always late.
193
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:39,912
Put it on my tab, Pat.
194
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,514
See you around. Right, Deac.
195
00:08:41,538 --> 00:08:42,636
Halt!
196
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,585
I know I'm not
supposed to talk to you.
197
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,820
I know you're moody and shy.
198
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:49,255
You're fearful of
strangers, I understand that.
199
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,289
I understand the trauma,
200
00:08:50,313 --> 00:08:51,724
400 years of slavery,
and the bussing.
201
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,159
But in the spirit of
Abraham Lincoln,
202
00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:55,383
could you just stay and
have a little talk with me?
203
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,418
Let me buy you a drink.
204
00:08:57,487 --> 00:08:58,753
Have I said anything wrong?
205
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,788
Hey, Felix.
206
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:07,006
Beer, Pat. Right.
207
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:08,312
How you doing, buddy?
208
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,118
Deac here yet?
209
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:16,788
Do you see a breadbox?
210
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,392
He's late, huh?
211
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,960
Thanks.
212
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,328
He was here and gone.
213
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,896
Oh, he was early.
214
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,731
No, you're late!
215
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,877
What are you talking about?
216
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,446
Look at that,
12:30. There it is.
217
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,550
That's your new watch, huh?
218
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,906
Yeah, six bucks.
219
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,341
May I see it?
220
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,343
Sure.
221
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:56,928
Of course I want to direct
the show, but I blew it.
222
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:57,997
We blew it.
223
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,514
He blew it, Oscar blew it.
224
00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,499
Well, what are you going to do?
225
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:04,268
Of course, it meant
a great deal to me.
226
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,704
Well, in any case, thanks
for thinking of me, Judy.
227
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,272
Right-oh, good-bye.
228
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,908
Hey, Felix, old buddy.
229
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,076
How'd you like to get
230
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,612
Deacon Jones for
your commercial?
231
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,801
That's right, rub salt
in the wounds, Oscar.
232
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,683
Well, you want him or don't you?
233
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:21,468
Don't toy with me,
Oscar, I'm a loaded pistol.
234
00:10:25,242 --> 00:10:27,625
Well, don't shoot.
235
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,310
You want him, you got him.
236
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,780
Are you kidding? Really?
237
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,014
Yeah. How? When?
238
00:10:33,082 --> 00:10:34,449
Well, I figured
I'd let you down,
239
00:10:34,518 --> 00:10:36,083
so I called Deacon,
we just had dinner.
240
00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:37,363
We straightened
the whole thing out.
241
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,598
You had dinner with him? Yeah.
242
00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:39,632
I'm cooking dinner here.
243
00:10:39,656 --> 00:10:41,022
I've got a kitchen full of food!
244
00:10:42,526 --> 00:10:43,925
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
245
00:10:43,993 --> 00:10:45,794
How can you forgive
me for the terrible thing
246
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,228
I did to you in the bar?
247
00:10:47,297 --> 00:10:49,857
You mean the
watch? You fixed it.
248
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:54,418
Every ten minutes
it asks for a pretzel.
249
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,854
My friend, Oscar Madison,
250
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,323
walks into this house and says,
251
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:00,269
"Felix, you can be a director."
252
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,670
That's what I said. Close-up.
253
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,594
Pull back to include Felix.
254
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,792
So you told him about the payday
255
00:11:05,816 --> 00:11:07,043
and he couldn't resist, huh?
256
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,911
Are you kidding? He
doesn't care about the money.
257
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,434
That's not why
he agreed to do it.
258
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,503
Well, why did he do
it? Out of friendship.
259
00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:15,990
Oh, I thought he hated me.
260
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:18,259
He does.
261
00:11:18,328 --> 00:11:20,428
He did it out of
friendship for me.
262
00:11:20,497 --> 00:11:22,808
Oh, that's nice,
that is very nice.
263
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:24,265
It is nice, I need the money.
264
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:28,769
Oscar, you're taking a kickback!
265
00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:31,890
Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
266
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,176
What we have here is a
failure to communicate.
267
00:11:35,244 --> 00:11:37,077
Look, he keeps his
money, I keep mine.
268
00:11:37,146 --> 00:11:39,142
Your, wh... I... your money?
269
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,444
Oh, I forgot to tell you. See,
I'm in the commercial, too.
270
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,863
You?
271
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:45,497
The agency would
never sit still for this.
272
00:11:45,521 --> 00:11:46,871
Yeah, but you don't understand.
273
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,189
See, no me, no Deacon Jones.
274
00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:49,401
What are you trying to do?
275
00:11:49,425 --> 00:11:50,586
This is a one-man
commercial, Oscar.
276
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,444
Oh, no, see, we rewrote it,
277
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,146
and I'm afraid you're going
to have to take it or leave it.
278
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,482
No, but you can't...
H-How...? There's no...
279
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,585
Exactly.
280
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,408
I-I can't believe my ears!
281
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,887
How could you do such a thing?
282
00:12:08,911 --> 00:12:09,844
For money.
283
00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:11,612
The bathroom's
still broken, huh?
284
00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:13,748
You'd do a thing
like this for money?
285
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,828
For money, for
prestige, for ego...
286
00:12:15,852 --> 00:12:17,930
Do you know how
much Howard Cosell got
287
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,865
for a one-minute thing
he did with Don Meredith?
288
00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:21,322
How much? Plenty.
289
00:12:21,391 --> 00:12:23,235
I can do anything
as good as he can.
290
00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:24,259
But they don't want you!
291
00:12:24,293 --> 00:12:26,577
They want Deacon Jones!
292
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,995
They got Deacon Jones.
293
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:30,664
They got me as a the
bonus. I told you we rewrote it.
294
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:32,383
Ah, another bonus.
295
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:33,996
Felix, we did it for you.
296
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,400
He won't talk.
Deacon will not talk.
297
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,624
How are you going to shoot
298
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,320
a commercial with a
man who won't talk?
299
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,389
So we figured it out
for your good, see?
300
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:45,224
I'll do the talking,
he'll stand there,
301
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:46,759
look magnificent, and he'll nod.
302
00:12:46,783 --> 00:12:48,327
How do you like that? Wh...
303
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,451
Don't give me that face.
304
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,387
It's a question of one
hand washing the other.
305
00:12:52,455 --> 00:12:53,899
Yeah, but now
we've got three hands.
306
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:55,523
I only wanted two.
307
00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:56,858
It's better than none.
308
00:12:56,926 --> 00:12:59,527
Get your pots out of the
sink, I got to take a bath.
309
00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:11,622
Now, gentlemen, give
me your attention, please.
310
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:14,909
Uh, no one is more aware
than myself that I need you
311
00:13:14,977 --> 00:13:17,028
a great deal more
than you need me.
312
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,980
Now, I think we're
all a great crew here,
313
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,715
and I think if we pull together,
314
00:13:20,784 --> 00:13:22,461
we can make a really
great commercial.
315
00:13:22,485 --> 00:13:23,651
What do you say, team?
316
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,197
Just get out of the way.
317
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,398
We're trying to focus. Yeah.
318
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:27,521
Start on Mr. Madison,
319
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:29,490
you come right over
to Deacon Jones.
320
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,425
Felix, I have such
good vibes about you.
321
00:13:31,494 --> 00:13:33,361
You're going to be
a very good director.
322
00:13:33,429 --> 00:13:35,696
Oh, I hope so. This
is my life's ambition.
323
00:13:35,765 --> 00:13:37,193
Never fear, your stars are here.
324
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,061
Felix, you know Deacon. Hi.
325
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,484
Hey, there, brother!
326
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,790
Good to have you aboard, Deac.
327
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,526
Uh, Judy Jones, may I
present Deacon Jones.
328
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,372
Oh, you're both named Jones.
329
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,630
Huh. Maybe you're related.
330
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,700
Oscar?
331
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,579
Yeah? I'm going
over the script now.
332
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:58,815
Excuse me? What?
333
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,850
Oscar, I hope that, um...
334
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:01,973
You hope what?
335
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,986
I hope that you, uh... What?
336
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,289
Did you notice that
I've had chairs made
337
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,124
with your name and
Deacon's on them?
338
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,226
Hey, that's great, like
a real movie studio.
339
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,460
Yeah, yeah. That's good.
340
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,162
I did it myself.
Good. Come here.
341
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,418
So here's your chair. See?
342
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,299
I painted your
name on it. Uh-huh.
343
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,122
So, if you want to sit down,
344
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,958
well, then you sit
right here, see?
345
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,471
Oh, thanks, Felix. Thanks.
346
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,728
Oscar?
347
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:24,974
What?
348
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,247
You're sitting in my chair.
349
00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:28,477
Well, you can sit in my chair.
350
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,701
No, I can't do that, because
it's got your name on it.
351
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,581
See? I give you my permission.
352
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,400
You can sit in my chair
any time you want to.
353
00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:35,568
Well, that just defeats
the whole thing.
354
00:14:35,592 --> 00:14:37,691
If I can sit in your chair
and you can sit in mine,
355
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:38,921
then why put the names on them?
356
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:41,440
Yeah, why put the names on?
357
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,597
Hmm.
358
00:14:42,665 --> 00:14:43,865
Okay.
359
00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:49,287
I'll just change the...
360
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:52,390
No. The director
gets the taller chair.
361
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,554
Okay, everybody, let's
get to work, shall we?
362
00:15:06,622 --> 00:15:08,039
Okay, Deacon?
363
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:12,059
Hmm?
364
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,732
Oscar...
365
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,684
Deacon's going to be
cooperative, isn't he?
366
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,553
I mean, I can
talk to him, can't I?
367
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,782
He doesn't have to answer me,
368
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,356
but he can nod
his head, can't he?
369
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,469
Relax, will you?
370
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,903
He knows you're the director.
371
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,328
Well, how does he know that
when you're sitting in my chair?
372
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,956
Will you take that chair?!
373
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,627
Oscar, here are your cue cards.
374
00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,196
I think you know your lines,
375
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:40,499
but your lines are here on
the cue cards if you need them.
376
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,083
You just refer
whenever you're in trou...
377
00:15:43,326 --> 00:15:44,608
All right.
378
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,760
Now, Deacon, you
don't have any lines.
379
00:15:46,829 --> 00:15:50,164
You'll stand here on the mark
I made for you, the toe mark,
380
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:52,950
and you let the
camera be your mirror.
381
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:55,052
You're going to shave.
382
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,521
Why?
383
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,256
Why are you going to shave?
384
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,858
Why shave?
385
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:02,610
What is your motivation?
386
00:16:02,678 --> 00:16:04,445
You wake up. It's morning.
387
00:16:04,514 --> 00:16:05,946
You're not fully awake.
388
00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:07,881
You look out. It's a glum day.
389
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:09,500
You feel low, you feel mean.
390
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,718
The world seems hostile.
391
00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:12,019
You reach for the lather.
392
00:16:12,088 --> 00:16:14,388
You reach for the
long, nice Multiblade.
393
00:16:14,457 --> 00:16:16,107
You begin to shave.
394
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,575
Suddenly the world
seems a good place again!
395
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,044
Got that?
396
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,180
Hmm?
397
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:23,697
Right!
398
00:16:23,767 --> 00:16:27,001
Now for the rehearsal,
you'll just pretend to shave.
399
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,070
Oscar...
400
00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:30,382
get out of my chair.
401
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,574
Now you're standing
over here next to Deac.
402
00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:35,409
Your motivation is...
403
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:37,078
Money. Can we shoot it, please?
404
00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:39,024
No. We're not
going to shoot it now.
405
00:16:39,048 --> 00:16:40,248
This is a rehearsal.
406
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:42,683
All right, Deacon, will
you come up here, please?
407
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,418
Please? Come on, Deac.
408
00:16:46,990 --> 00:16:49,556
You'll toe the line I
made for you? Yeah.
409
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,771
Couple of inches
forward, please.
410
00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:53,861
May I touch you?
411
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,466
Good.
412
00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:01,375
Okay, this is going to be good.
413
00:17:01,404 --> 00:17:03,036
Move the camera up two inches.
414
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,421
Very good, Deacon.
415
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,590
Does it great, doesn't he?
416
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:07,958
I don't want your
opinion, Oscar.
417
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,560
I want you to say your lines.
418
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:10,728
What lines?
419
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,112
Your lines on the cue card.
420
00:17:12,181 --> 00:17:14,465
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
421
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,067
Hi, my name is Oscar Madison.
422
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,930
Cut. This big guy here
behind the shaving cream...
423
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:18,886
Cut! Is Deacon Jones.
424
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,432
Cut! What's the matter?
425
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,601
When I say cut, you stop.
Yeah, but I'm not through yet.
426
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:23,869
Everybody knows when
the director says cut,
427
00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:24,825
everything stops.
428
00:17:24,894 --> 00:17:26,259
All right, we
stopped. What is it?
429
00:17:26,328 --> 00:17:27,723
Don't squint like that. Uh-huh.
430
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,959
Yeah. You don't have to
shout. You can talk normally.
431
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:32,799
I want you to be intimate with
us and smile now and then.
432
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:35,297
But the main thing is,
just be relaxed, be intimate.
433
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:36,954
Right, Deacon?
434
00:17:38,841 --> 00:17:41,070
All right, now, start
again from the top. Okay.
435
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,604
Hi, my name is... Wait! Wait.
436
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,508
What's the matter
now? I didn't say action.
437
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,942
You have to wait for
the director to say action.
438
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,099
You're the director?
439
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,079
Yes, of course,
I'm the director!
440
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,513
Say action. All right.
441
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,804
Action!
442
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,373
Hi, my name is Oscar Madison.
443
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:56,818
Don't squint.
444
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,376
This big guy here
445
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:01,812
behind the shaving cream is
Deacon Jones, right, Deacon?
446
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,247
Very good, Deacon.
447
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,361
You're shaving with the
new, long-handled Multiblade
448
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,483
safety razor, right?
449
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:07,863
Very good, Deacon. Smile.
450
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,187
The long hand-led... Handled.
451
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,600
Handled razor
with the long reach
452
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,807
to move like a magic wand
over the toughest beard.
453
00:18:13,876 --> 00:18:15,304
Right, Deacon? FELIX: Very good.
454
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,028
Deacon, you have shaved
with all kinds of razor...
455
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,196
Smile, smile. Smile!
456
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,664
Haven't you? Smile, Oscar.
457
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,944
Smile, Oscar.
458
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,213
And Multiblade really
scores with you, right? Right.
459
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:28,038
Cut! That was very, very good.
460
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,442
That was really
speakin', Deacon.
461
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,973
Deacon is fine, but the
agency will not go with Oscar.
462
00:18:34,997 --> 00:18:36,208
His whole image is wrong.
463
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:37,476
What's wrong with Oscar's image?
464
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,644
It's rotten.
465
00:18:38,668 --> 00:18:42,302
Hey, isn't that part
of the charm, that...?
466
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,583
No. You'll bring
in a pro tomorrow.
467
00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:45,851
I'm sorry, he's out.
468
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,541
But if he's out, then
the big guy is out,
469
00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:49,671
and if the big guy's out,
then the little guy is out.
470
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,540
Felix, there's a lot of
money involved with this.
471
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,914
Let me work with
him. I'll let him go now.
472
00:18:53,983 --> 00:18:55,616
I promise you, it'll
be great tomorrow,
473
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:57,835
or we'll scrub the whole
thing, all right, please?
474
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,132
All right, till tomorrow.
475
00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:01,855
Okay, team, that's a wrap.
476
00:19:01,925 --> 00:19:04,203
We're going to meet at
9:00 tomorrow morning,
477
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:05,659
ready to make a commercial.
478
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,295
That was great,
Deac, really great.
479
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,275
9:00 tomorrow
morning, let's go. Okay.
480
00:19:09,299 --> 00:19:11,243
Oscar will be here,
too, won't he? Oh, yes.
481
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,644
Oh, yeah, I'll pick you up.
482
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:13,845
Bye-bye, brother.
483
00:19:13,869 --> 00:19:16,404
Bye, Judy. Hey, buddy,
was I great or was I great?
484
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,392
What's Howard Cosell
got that I haven't got, huh?
485
00:19:18,441 --> 00:19:19,752
We're going to work on you.
486
00:19:19,776 --> 00:19:21,392
You think you could
even get it better?
487
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,305
We're going to work on
your motivation. Uh-huh.
488
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,974
I'm going to give
you motivation. Yeah.
489
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,331
I'm going to give you a
couple of line readings.
490
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,744
Uh-huh. I'm going to give
you projection, I'm going to...
491
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:30,868
But I can't do anything
492
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,636
with this man sitting
in my chair here!
493
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,175
Now, you look up.
494
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,389
You're surprised by the
camera, and you say...
495
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,730
Hi. My name is Oscar Madison.
496
00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:44,599
This big guy here
be... And smile.
497
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:46,912
Smile... behind the shaving
cream is Deacon Jones...
498
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,348
It's a little better, but
you see, the thing is,
499
00:19:49,372 --> 00:19:50,816
it should have a nice, casual,
500
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,267
friendly, man-to-man
thing with it.
501
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,286
You're standing here,
you're talking with your friend,
502
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:56,088
you're putting some
lather in his hand.
503
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,322
You know, it's the camaraderie.
504
00:19:57,346 --> 00:19:58,757
And... A new friend joins you.
505
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,025
The camera's a new friend.
506
00:20:00,049 --> 00:20:01,794
You look up, and you say, "Hi!
507
00:20:01,818 --> 00:20:03,061
"My name is Oscar Madison.
508
00:20:03,085 --> 00:20:05,397
And this big guy here
behind the shaving cream..."
509
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,899
You see? A little friendly.
510
00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:09,234
Yeah. Big guy. It's a touch
of humor there, colloquial.
511
00:20:09,258 --> 00:20:11,804
This big guy here behind the
shaving cream is Deacon Jones.
512
00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:13,154
You know? Yeah.
513
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,045
Okay. Try it now.
514
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,848
So, you're putting the
shaving cream in his hand,
515
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,979
and you're joined
by a new friend,
516
00:20:20,003 --> 00:20:21,530
and you're surprised,
and you say...
517
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,620
Hi! My name is Oscar Madison.
518
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,222
This big guy here...
519
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,418
Oscar, that's very, very good.
520
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,287
It could be a
little bit more real.
521
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:31,339
A little bit more solid from the
heart, you know what I mean?
522
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:32,640
What you're doing is good,
523
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,943
but it's got a touch of
musical comedy to it.
524
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,761
It should be a little
bit more legitimate.
525
00:20:36,785 --> 00:20:38,830
You know what I mean?
Yeah. But you want big guy?
526
00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:40,499
Yeah, not so big, a
little bit more virile.
527
00:20:40,523 --> 00:20:42,000
And you want the
big guy? Yeah, okay.
528
00:20:42,024 --> 00:20:44,169
Now, here we go again, and
you're putting the shaving cream
529
00:20:44,193 --> 00:20:46,505
in his hand, and you're joined
by a friend, and you say...
530
00:20:46,529 --> 00:20:47,769
Hi. My name is Oscar Madison...
531
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,174
Now, it's a
little, it's a little...
532
00:20:49,198 --> 00:20:50,575
Ah, that's enough!
I'm through! I never...
533
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:51,898
This is not Hamlet, you know!
534
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:54,513
But you see, if you did it
like that it would be good!
535
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:55,869
You said I had
it this afternoon.
536
00:20:55,938 --> 00:20:57,237
W-what is it
supposed to be like?
537
00:20:57,306 --> 00:20:58,917
Well, you're supposed
to say it like you're...
538
00:20:58,941 --> 00:21:00,118
like you're talking, natural.
539
00:21:00,142 --> 00:21:01,453
Not reading, right,
Mr. Unger? Right.
540
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,593
Go fix the bathroom.
541
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,523
Look. Hi, my name
is Harvey Fafner.
542
00:21:04,547 --> 00:21:07,464
This big guy here
behind the shaving cream
543
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:08,782
is Deacon Jones, right, Deacon?
544
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,451
That is excellent, Mr. Fafner.
545
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,930
Perfect. I'll go
fix the bathroom.
546
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:13,632
Oscar, wait, wait.
547
00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:15,034
Go fix the bathroom, Mr. Fafner.
548
00:21:15,058 --> 00:21:16,890
It-It's fixed, it's fixed.
549
00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:18,470
Look, but I can do this, too.
550
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:20,038
You know, I can do a commercial.
551
00:21:20,062 --> 00:21:21,206
They're using real people
552
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:22,658
in commercials
now. I know they are.
553
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,360
I wish I could do
something for you,
554
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:26,428
but I can't use you as
an actor, Mr. Fafner.
555
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,930
Okay. Uh, maybe you're right.
556
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,386
Who wants to be an actor?
557
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:32,055
Maybe I better... better
stick to what I know best.
558
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,458
Singing.
559
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,828
I do it better than Fafner.
560
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,446
Yes, you do.
561
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,993
It's very, very good, and
it's going to be perfect.
562
00:21:42,017 --> 00:21:43,417
Now, concentrate.
563
00:21:43,485 --> 00:21:44,835
Total concentration.
564
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:46,298
Throw yourself into the part.
565
00:21:46,322 --> 00:21:48,022
Think. Think hard.
566
00:21:48,090 --> 00:21:50,190
What are you thinking?
567
00:21:50,259 --> 00:21:51,441
When do I get my check?
568
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,514
The toughest beard, right?
569
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:00,567
You have shaved with all
kinds of razors, haven't you?
570
00:22:00,636 --> 00:22:02,987
And what razor
really scores with you?
571
00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:04,755
Multiblade, right?
572
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:05,922
Cut!
573
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,090
That is great!
574
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,392
That is perfect!
575
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:09,760
Do you really think so?
576
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,005
You sounded like
Howard Cosell...
577
00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:12,941
Now, we're going to
shoot it just like that.
578
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,092
Makeup, come on.
579
00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:15,249
Go ahead.
580
00:22:15,317 --> 00:22:17,651
Start with the shaving
cream in the hand.
581
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,581
Rolling, take one.
582
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,489
And... action!
583
00:22:25,061 --> 00:22:26,594
Cut! What are you doing?
584
00:22:26,662 --> 00:22:27,912
Oh, I'm sorry.
585
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,446
I'm sorry. There's
too many things.
586
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,215
That guy with the
loud barber poles,
587
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,000
and the guys coming,
and I... shaving.
588
00:22:33,068 --> 00:22:34,212
There's too much to do, Felix.
589
00:22:34,236 --> 00:22:35,814
All right, we won't
do the shaving...
590
00:22:35,838 --> 00:22:37,783
We'll put, we'll start with the
shaving cream on his face.
591
00:22:37,807 --> 00:22:39,051
Yeah. But the
main thing is relax.
592
00:22:39,075 --> 00:22:40,485
That was too many
things, that was all...
593
00:22:40,509 --> 00:22:41,770
Come on, makeup!
Help us in here!
594
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:43,071
Okay. FELIX: And...
595
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:44,695
Okay, I'm loose now.
Let's go. I'm loose.
596
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:45,740
I'm loose. Let's go. Clappers.
597
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,176
Come on, Come
on. Rolling, take two.
598
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,433
I'm loose, I'm loose, I'm loose.
599
00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:50,745
Action!
600
00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:52,385
I'm tight, I'm tight.
601
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:54,782
What's the matter?
602
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:56,640
Ac... Action, not, you know...?
603
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,792
Do you have to do it that way?
604
00:22:58,861 --> 00:23:01,323
It makes me nervous. I have to
shout action to you. That's my job.
605
00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:03,675
I'm the director. Yeah, but do you have
to do it so loud? It throws me off, see?
606
00:23:03,699 --> 00:23:05,511
All right, I'll do it more
soft if that's what you want.
607
00:23:05,535 --> 00:23:07,128
All right, good.
Are you still rolling?
608
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:08,163
Yeah. All right.
609
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:09,698
Please? Here we go now.
610
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,321
Ready?
611
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,352
Action.
612
00:23:13,376 --> 00:23:15,209
What?
613
00:23:15,278 --> 00:23:17,795
Cut. Where does it
say "what" on the cards?
614
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:19,903
No. I thought you said
something. I didn't hear you.
615
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:21,977
You're the one who
asked me to do it quietly!
616
00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:23,612
I'll tell you what it is.
617
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:25,719
The trouble is, what
it really is, is I need
618
00:23:25,787 --> 00:23:27,099
more makeup, see,
I'm kind of sticky...
619
00:23:27,123 --> 00:23:28,383
There's not enough
makeup in the world for you!
620
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:29,506
Felix, please.
621
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,219
All right, give him
anything he wants.
622
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,387
Oscar, baby, you're uptight.
623
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,755
Let's split. Oh, no, no.
624
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:35,679
I got to stay for
my friend, Deac.
625
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,325
Yeah, the friendly one.
626
00:23:37,349 --> 00:23:39,917
Rolling, take three.
627
00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:41,118
Action.
628
00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:44,205
Hi. My name is Oscar Madison.
629
00:23:44,273 --> 00:23:45,855
This big guy here
630
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,502
be-behind the craving
sheam is Deacon Jones.
631
00:23:47,526 --> 00:23:48,608
Cut.
632
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:50,711
I had a roll going!
I was hot that time.
633
00:23:50,779 --> 00:23:52,057
What's "craving sheam"? What...?
634
00:23:52,081 --> 00:23:53,525
You said craving
sheam. No, I didn't...
635
00:23:53,549 --> 00:23:54,726
Oh, no, come on!
636
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:56,217
Well, you ruined
the roll for me.
637
00:23:56,285 --> 00:23:57,285
Hold it! Hold it.
638
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:58,897
Oscar, baby,
I'll take that part.
639
00:23:58,921 --> 00:24:00,921
You pick it up
where we left off.
640
00:24:00,989 --> 00:24:02,022
You just nod, okay?
641
00:24:02,091 --> 00:24:03,524
Hey, that's a very good idea.
642
00:24:03,593 --> 00:24:05,470
It's just the beginning
I'm having trouble with.
643
00:24:05,494 --> 00:24:07,038
I'll try anything. Good,
Deac, good thinking.
644
00:24:07,062 --> 00:24:08,873
Good, okay. Let's
go, let's go, let's go.
645
00:24:08,897 --> 00:24:10,163
Give him the clappers, come on.
646
00:24:10,233 --> 00:24:11,776
Rolling, take four.
647
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,767
And... cut! I mean, action.
648
00:24:13,835 --> 00:24:15,914
Hi. This dude here
is Oscar Madison,
649
00:24:15,938 --> 00:24:17,749
and my name is Deacon Jones.
650
00:24:17,773 --> 00:24:19,539
Right, Oscar?
651
00:24:19,608 --> 00:24:21,453
I'm shaving with the
new, long-handled
652
00:24:21,477 --> 00:24:23,455
Multiblade safety
razor, right, Oscar?
653
00:24:23,479 --> 00:24:25,858
It's the long-handled
razor with the long reach
654
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,442
to move like a magic wand
over the toughest beard.
655
00:24:28,484 --> 00:24:30,217
How about that, Oscar?
656
00:24:30,286 --> 00:24:32,903
I've shaved with
all kinds of razors,
657
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:35,316
and you know what razor
really scores with me?
658
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,173
Multiblade. Right?
659
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:38,341
Right.
660
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:39,554
Wow!
661
00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:41,462
Hey, that is a take!
662
00:24:41,530 --> 00:24:43,597
That is a take.
663
00:24:43,665 --> 00:24:44,864
Congratulations.
664
00:24:44,933 --> 00:24:47,534
Hey, hey, hey, Felix,
I think I can do it now.
665
00:24:47,603 --> 00:24:49,147
That was... I can do it now.
666
00:24:49,171 --> 00:24:50,315
You did it. I did?
667
00:24:50,339 --> 00:24:51,438
Yes, you did.
668
00:24:51,507 --> 00:24:52,939
Gee, it was easier
than I thought.
669
00:24:53,008 --> 00:24:54,419
When do I get my
check? Congratulations.
670
00:24:54,443 --> 00:24:55,826
Put me down.
671
00:25:04,052 --> 00:25:06,147
To Felix's first commercial.
672
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,533
Ah. It wasn't bad, brother.
673
00:25:07,557 --> 00:25:09,790
Brother! Did you hear that?
674
00:25:09,858 --> 00:25:11,258
He called me brother!
675
00:25:11,327 --> 00:25:13,360
Oh!
676
00:25:13,429 --> 00:25:16,846
But in a larger sense,
aren't all men brothers?
677
00:25:16,915 --> 00:25:19,817
Isn't every man the
brother to every other man?
678
00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:22,185
No matter what your profession,
679
00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:24,305
no matter what your
standing in the community.
680
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:26,924
See why I don't talk?
681
00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:29,026
'Cause if you talk,
you got to listen.
682
00:25:29,095 --> 00:25:30,572
Bye-bye, brother.
Bye-bye, brother.
683
00:25:30,596 --> 00:25:32,362
Bye. Ow!
45609
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