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1
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,014
Well, this is really
something, isn't it?
2
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,582
Oscar Madison up
before Felix Unger?
3
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,785
After hearing that sinus sonata,
it won't ever happen again.
4
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:24,673
Boy, we're testy this
morning, aren't we?
5
00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:26,074
Maybe you should
have some prunes.
6
00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:27,442
No.
7
00:00:29,913 --> 00:00:31,313
What do you want for breakfast?
8
00:00:31,382 --> 00:00:32,382
You want some eggs?
9
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,893
You want cereal?
No, I don't want...
10
00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,183
What do you want, pancakes?
11
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,946
No. Maybe you should
have some prunes.
12
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,087
With you, all the
problems in the world
13
00:00:39,155 --> 00:00:40,250
can be solved with prunes.
14
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,691
Many can.
15
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,738
The world is falling
around my shoulders,
16
00:00:44,762 --> 00:00:45,838
you offer me prunes.
17
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,140
Here. Read this. What is it?
18
00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:48,375
Looks like a crumpled telegram.
19
00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:49,442
Came 6:30 this morning.
20
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,577
It's a disaster.
21
00:00:50,601 --> 00:00:52,301
What? What, something
I'm supposed to know?
22
00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:54,013
Something you're afraid
to tell me? What? What?
23
00:00:54,037 --> 00:00:55,448
It's my disaster, not yours.
24
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,572
Oh, thank goodness.
25
00:01:00,076 --> 00:01:01,376
Uh, this isn't bad news.
26
00:01:01,445 --> 00:01:02,489
This is good news.
27
00:01:02,513 --> 00:01:04,157
Yeah, yeah. Your
mother's coming in.
28
00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:05,181
I know, I've read it.
29
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:06,293
Her around-the-world tour
30
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,927
is stopping in New
York for two days.
31
00:01:07,951 --> 00:01:09,351
I've read it,
Felix, I've read it.
32
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:10,630
Well, what's so
disastrous about that?
33
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,986
I don't know what to do.
34
00:01:12,055 --> 00:01:13,922
I never told my
mother I was divorced.
35
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,935
You've been divorced
for three years
36
00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,519
and you never told your mommy?
37
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,852
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
38
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,987
from his place of residence.
39
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,690
That request came from his wife.
40
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,092
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
41
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:37,596
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
42
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,565
With nowhere else to go,
43
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,367
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
44
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,635
Several years earlier,
45
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,281
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
46
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,973
requesting that he never return.
47
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,509
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
48
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,537
without driving
each other crazy?
49
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:25,160
♪ ♪
50
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:43,161
The Odd Couple is filmed
in front of a live audience.
51
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,509
Oh, Oscar. Oh.
52
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:47,533
Oscar.
53
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,984
Oscar, how could you be divorced
54
00:02:49,052 --> 00:02:50,685
and not tell your mother? Why?
55
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,887
Why? Why? Because,
that's why, why.
56
00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:54,517
Oh, oh, that explains
everything, doesn't it? Because.
57
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,453
Now you're going to
have to tell her, aren't you?
58
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,620
You don't have any more choice.
59
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:58,688
I can't tell her.
60
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,822
You know my mother.
61
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,324
She's a very special person.
62
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,193
She's very sensitive,
especially about divorce.
63
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,629
When I told her you and
Gloria were splitting up,
64
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,081
she said, "I'm sinking,
I'm sinking." Ah...
65
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,337
She likes me, doesn't she?
66
00:03:09,405 --> 00:03:10,950
She likes anybody who's married.
67
00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:12,619
When she gets upset,
she gets depressed.
68
00:03:12,643 --> 00:03:14,009
She starts eating candy.
69
00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,554
In two days, she
devoured 11 pounds
70
00:03:15,578 --> 00:03:16,839
of chocolate-covered cherries.
71
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:21,132
So I told her that you
and Gloria got re-married.
72
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,534
You what?
73
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,247
Oh, how could you
do such a thing?
74
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,804
Well, it was either do that
75
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,906
or have a 500-pound
mother with problem skin.
76
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,520
How could you
lie to your mother?
77
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,077
Well, how did you
tell your mother
78
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,624
you were getting divorced? How.
79
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,726
She was informed
every step of the way.
80
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,751
She was Gloria's chief
advisor and witness.
81
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,352
As far as my mother's concerned,
82
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,855
Blanche and I are like a
rock that she can hold onto.
83
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,490
What am I going to tell her now?
84
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,358
That she only owns
a piece of the rock?
85
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,873
You should tell her the truth,
that's what you should tell her.
86
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:50,995
Oh, leave me alone.
87
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,231
I called Blanche the
minute I got the telegram.
88
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,344
You called Blanche
at 6:30 this morning?
89
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:56,501
Three times.
90
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,504
First two times she said,
"Hang up, you pervert."
91
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:03,108
Anyway, she's coming
over this afternoon.
92
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:04,676
Get off there.
93
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:07,958
How can you put Blanche through
94
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:10,126
a stupid, silly
charade like that?
95
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,883
It's not silly. She
loves my mother.
96
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,351
That's the only
thing we agree on.
97
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,980
Come on, eat your prunes.
98
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,322
This is wrong, Oscar.
99
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,456
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
100
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,169
Oh, it's only for
a couple of days.
101
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,905
See, Blanche and
I'll sleep in my room.
102
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,173
Mom'll sleep in your room.
Look, he eats with his fingers.
103
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,542
Your mother's going to
sleep in my room? Yeah.
104
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,066
Where am I going to sleep?
105
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,334
Your mother's going to see
106
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,969
you and Blanche
and me staying here.
107
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,078
What's she going to think?
108
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,106
What...
109
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,977
No. No, I won't.
110
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,162
No, why should I?
111
00:04:41,231 --> 00:04:43,348
Aw, come on, this isn't fair!
112
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,094
Felix, it's not out of choice.
113
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,329
It's for my mother.
114
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,964
Now, we don't have
much time, start packing.
115
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,954
No, no, no, you're
discriminating against me.
116
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,356
This is not a commune.
117
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,737
We have to extinguish all
the facts that you live here.
118
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,605
That you ever lived
here. Come on, let's go.
119
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,697
But I've got a crock of
pickles maturing in the icebox.
120
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,606
I'm sure they'll grow
up very well without you.
121
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,479
Let's go, come on. You're
just going to extinguish
122
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,213
every sign that Felix
Unger was ever here.
123
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,305
All right, you can
leave fingerprints.
124
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,933
And after Felix disappears,
where does he appear?
125
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,453
Well, why don't
you go to Gloria's?
126
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,988
You're always complaining
you don't spend enough time
127
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:12,961
with her and the kids.
128
00:05:13,029 --> 00:05:14,162
Perfect excuse.
129
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,097
Yeah.
130
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,234
Yeah, that... that-that-that...
131
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:19,912
Oh, that could be
very good for me.
132
00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:22,081
And of course I want to
do what's good for you.
133
00:05:22,105 --> 00:05:23,649
Aw, yeah, never mind
the "My Buddy" routine.
134
00:05:23,673 --> 00:05:24,605
Just call and go.
135
00:05:24,674 --> 00:05:25,752
I'm doing something for you,
136
00:05:25,776 --> 00:05:27,386
you got to do
something for me. What?
137
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,821
Your mother's coming.
Go clean your room.
138
00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:30,925
Okay. First eat your prunes.
139
00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:36,251
Not so bad, heh?
140
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:56,470
Listen, I...
141
00:05:56,539 --> 00:05:58,639
You haven't
cleaned this room yet.
142
00:05:58,708 --> 00:06:00,842
What? I'm almost
done. Are you kidding?
143
00:06:00,911 --> 00:06:02,643
I could use some help.
144
00:06:02,712 --> 00:06:06,580
Try renting a bulldozer.
145
00:06:06,649 --> 00:06:07,581
Well?
146
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:08,683
I called Gloria.
147
00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:10,185
And?
148
00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:12,098
Well, she was not
entirely unreasonable.
149
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,133
She said I could stay
two days and then...
150
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:16,002
Hey, that's perfect. Two
days, that's all I need.
151
00:06:16,026 --> 00:06:16,958
Two days.
152
00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:20,161
What, what, what is that?
153
00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:21,996
It leaks.
154
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,434
I'd like to stay
with Gloria forever.
155
00:06:26,503 --> 00:06:27,902
Well, two days isn't bad.
156
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,682
You spend a lot
of time with her,
157
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,617
you might rekindle
that old flame, buddy.
158
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,109
I have to stay in my son's room.
159
00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,277
Top bunk.
160
00:06:36,346 --> 00:06:38,579
Only flame will be
from his Bunsen burner.
161
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,827
You know my hanging
fern in the bathroom?
162
00:06:40,851 --> 00:06:42,350
Yeah, we've met, we've met.
163
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:46,938
It has to be watered
thrice a day without fail.
164
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,507
Now, I've already watered
it once, so that leaves...
165
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,971
Twice. Once from
thrice is twice. Right.
166
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,979
Now, make sure the
water is room temperature.
167
00:06:55,032 --> 00:06:55,963
Nice water.
168
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:57,399
Nice, twice, thrice. Right.
169
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,717
Is that all?
170
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,219
No, it... it would help if
you tried to relate to it.
171
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,688
How do I relate to
a fern, act green?
172
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,000
Look, why don't
you take it with you?
173
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,403
Then you'll have all your
little friends around you.
174
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,708
Doesn't like to be moved.
175
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:08,938
All right, I'll do it for you
176
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,173
if you'll do something
for me. What?
177
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,129
Tell me how to clean this room.
178
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:17,318
Well... you begin
by making two piles.
179
00:07:17,387 --> 00:07:18,570
Why?
180
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,956
You have to separate
and organize your dirt.
181
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:25,026
One pile is your edible garbage,
182
00:07:25,094 --> 00:07:27,507
the other pile is your
inedible garbage.
183
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,297
In the biodegradable
pile, you put your food.
184
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,846
You put the tacos
and the pizzas...
185
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,347
How about this, is this edible?
186
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,821
For a coyote, it's edible.
187
00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:45,980
Can I help you?
188
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,609
I'm not the one
who needs help, pal.
189
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,918
Blanche. Hi, Oscar.
190
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,304
You shouldn't be carrying
heavy stuff like that.
191
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,906
Put it over there.
192
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,240
Blanche.
193
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,042
Oh, Blanche. Felix.
194
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,578
You look marvelous, Blanche.
195
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,824
How are you? Terrific.
196
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,447
You lie great. No, no.
197
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,316
You look lovely.
198
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,751
So do you.
199
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,930
How do I look?
200
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:10,488
Have you tried prunes?
201
00:08:11,775 --> 00:08:12,824
I'll take care of him.
202
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,379
Hey, why'd you bring
so much stuff, Blanche?
203
00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:19,580
Why? Because your
mother remembers
204
00:08:19,649 --> 00:08:22,016
every piece of crystal
she ever gave us.
205
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,451
If this room doesn't look
206
00:08:23,519 --> 00:08:25,620
exactly the way it
did when she left,
207
00:08:25,689 --> 00:08:27,851
if there's a cushion out of
place, she'll ask questions.
208
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,319
Hey, you're right. We
better unpack. Yeah.
209
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,387
Hey, you remember, I think
there was a monument here.
210
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,745
You got that?
That's one thing...
211
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,446
Oscar. What?
212
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,681
Could you give me a hand?
213
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,449
My teamster card expired.
214
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,651
Oh, oh, here.
215
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,964
Hey, look. Look at this.
216
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,255
What? Your wedding picture.
217
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:46,240
Oh, am I cute? Beautiful.
218
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,876
Hey, wait a minute.
Holy mackerel.
219
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,378
I forgot to return that tuxedo.
220
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,082
Okay, now, how do I
look? Did I forget anything?
221
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,256
Fine. Your wedding ring.
222
00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:03,641
Don't forget to put
on your wedding ring.
223
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,211
Good heavens, relax, Oscar.
224
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,378
She's your mother.
225
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,314
She has to love
you no matter what.
226
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,948
I found it. Good.
227
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,950
It's in the pawn shop.
228
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,754
Don't you have any
feelings of sentiment
229
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,055
about that kind of thing?
230
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,002
Oh, I know it's very
hard to meet girls
231
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,537
when you're wearing
a wedding ring.
232
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,206
I paid for that
wedding ring. Come in.
233
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,707
That's right, this
is yours. My baby!
234
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,097
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.
235
00:09:34,691 --> 00:09:39,294
It's so good to be here
in a happy home at last.
236
00:09:39,362 --> 00:09:42,175
All over the world couples
are in trouble. Trouble?
237
00:09:42,199 --> 00:09:44,032
Yeah, Debbie and Eddie.
238
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,250
Debbie and Eddie?
239
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,231
That was 14 years ago, Ma.
240
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,588
I still can't get over it.
241
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:55,760
Little Tammy, divorced.
242
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,311
Has anybody got any candy?
243
00:09:57,381 --> 00:09:59,347
Oh, Mom, don't
spoil your appetite.
244
00:09:59,416 --> 00:10:01,461
We're going to take you
out for a wonderful dinner.
245
00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:03,385
Oh, what a great idea, honey.
246
00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:04,985
Thank you, sweetheart.
247
00:10:05,055 --> 00:10:07,422
We're going to take you out
for the best meal you ever had.
248
00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:08,656
We'll use the coupons.
249
00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:10,524
You still save coupons, Ma?
250
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,410
They came with the tour.
251
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,679
Whenever I come to New York,
252
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,014
I go into the finest
restaurants free.
253
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,883
See? Dinner for two, $3.99.
254
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,569
For a third person,
49 cents extra.
255
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,756
The April in Paris Restaurant.
256
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,124
Where is that, Oscar?
257
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,225
Buffalo.
258
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,007
Hey, Mom, isn't this fun?
259
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,463
Let's go get some funny hats.
260
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,464
I'm exhausted. You should be.
261
00:11:11,488 --> 00:11:13,755
We went through a whole
book of coupons in one night.
262
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:15,723
I love my funny hat.
263
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,258
And I love our funny headline.
264
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,110
"Oscar's Mom Invades New York."
265
00:11:30,974 --> 00:11:32,685
What's the matter with you?
What are you doing here?
266
00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:34,404
I told you to stay away.
Boy, do I hate you.
267
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:35,727
I called first.
268
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,462
There was no
answer, so I came over.
269
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,964
There was nobody
here, so I came in.
270
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,965
It was an emergency.
271
00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,995
What emergency, fern singing?
272
00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:46,153
No, I forgot my atomizer.
273
00:11:46,222 --> 00:11:48,022
It's tough on me
being in my son's room.
274
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:50,357
I'm a sensitive guy.
275
00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,986
What happened?
You mug a Shriner?
276
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,080
It came with the coupons.
277
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,931
I got one, Mom got
one, Blanche got one.
278
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,299
Yeah? Did you get me one?
279
00:11:58,368 --> 00:12:01,213
No. That time I went
to the Smithsonian,
280
00:12:01,237 --> 00:12:03,099
didn't I get you a
petrified spider?
281
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,989
Here, take mine.
282
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:06,284
This whole thing
is so ridiculous.
283
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:07,937
Why don't you tell
your mother the truth?
284
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,072
Will you forget that, Felix?
I'm not going to tell her.
285
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:11,107
Then let me tell her.
286
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,308
Even when I was a little kid,
287
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,976
I was always the one
to bring bad tidings.
288
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,027
I'm good at it.
289
00:12:15,051 --> 00:12:17,484
Felix, she's very happy.
290
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:18,586
She's not overeating.
291
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,055
All I want is you
out of here, but fast!
292
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,285
If it were your son
getting a divorce,
293
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,420
wouldn't you want to know?
294
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,210
No. All I want to know
is a happy mother.
295
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,679
All I don't want to know is you!
296
00:12:27,731 --> 00:12:29,764
All right.
297
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:33,000
I'll say hello to Mom,
and I'll limp on home.
298
00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:34,413
You didn't notice I was limping.
299
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:35,603
I noticed. I noticed.
300
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:36,966
Then why didn't
you say something?
301
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,030
Because I don't care.
302
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,193
I fell off my bunk.
303
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:48,266
Hello! Hello! Hello!
How are you?
304
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:49,896
Oh, I'm glad to see you, Felix.
305
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:50,920
You look wonderful.
306
00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:51,886
How's your nose?
307
00:12:51,955 --> 00:12:53,054
Well, you know.
308
00:12:53,123 --> 00:12:54,400
Was that you singing?
309
00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:55,356
Yeah. Yeah.
310
00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:57,174
It was nice.
311
00:12:57,227 --> 00:12:58,237
Oh! Thank you. Thank you.
312
00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,594
Ditto, Felix.
313
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,295
Yeah, well, he has
to go now. Bye-bye.
314
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,396
How did he get in?
315
00:13:02,465 --> 00:13:03,475
Well, he has a key.
316
00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:05,110
And I have a key to his place
317
00:13:05,134 --> 00:13:06,162
because of emergency...
We're friends.
318
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:11,990
Oh. Did you ever see
two people so close?
319
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:16,627
You're like Simon and Garfunkel.
320
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,896
I've traveled all
over the world.
321
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,798
I've met people
of every nationality,
322
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:23,734
color and religious persuasion.
323
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,920
But never have I
ever seen such caring
324
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,105
and sharing as
these two friends.
325
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,274
I've always loved
the little guy.
326
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,587
Well, the little
guy's got to go now.
327
00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:35,412
Oh! Oh! Listen!
328
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,926
Tomorrow's my
last night in town.
329
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,360
Why don't you bring
Gloria over here
330
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,683
and we'll have some dinner?
331
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:40,930
We'd love to,
332
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,631
but we have another appointment.
333
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,706
Oh, son.
334
00:13:45,775 --> 00:13:48,254
Why don't you make
him come for me, please?
335
00:13:48,278 --> 00:13:53,314
Oh. Felix, what could I
ever say to make you come?
336
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,582
Ask me!
337
00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,803
Come!
338
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,939
Love to!
339
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,577
"I'd love to. Just ask me!"
340
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,524
Like I asked him
to go to the movies
341
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,628
or something like that.
342
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,150
I can't believe this mess.
343
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,519
I can't open my eyes.
344
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:19,157
I think it's 'cause I tried to
wipe my face on that fern.
345
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,769
I don't believe that man.
346
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,338
Did you see what he did tonight?
347
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,972
I'm telling you, if
he blows this thing,
348
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:26,556
I'm going to let him...
349
00:14:33,489 --> 00:14:34,605
You held up, Blanche.
350
00:14:34,658 --> 00:14:37,791
Thanks.
351
00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:41,863
Well, time to hit
the old sackaroonie.
352
00:14:43,432 --> 00:14:46,234
You still make it
sound romantic.
353
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,224
What do you want to do?
354
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,976
You want to flip a coin
to see who gets in first?
355
00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:58,529
Oh... no. Go ahead.
356
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,558
Go ahead. Okay.
357
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,240
Oh, I forgot...
This is your side.
358
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,839
I'm not sentimental,
Oscar. Consider it a sublet.
359
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,382
Good night, Blanche.
360
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,018
Good night, Oscar.
361
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:24,155
Aren't you going
to turn the light out?
362
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,234
Oh, yeah.
363
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,818
That's a good idea, you know?
364
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,099
You sure this is okay?
365
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:39,887
I won't tell if you don't tell.
366
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,673
I'll get out.
367
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:44,325
Oh.
368
00:15:44,393 --> 00:15:45,559
Oscar, what are you doing?
369
00:15:45,628 --> 00:15:47,239
I'll sleep on the
floor. I don't mind.
370
00:15:47,263 --> 00:15:48,263
Don't be silly, Oscar.
371
00:15:48,297 --> 00:15:50,330
Get back in bed. Oh, okay.
372
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,766
Yeah. Okay.
373
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,768
Thank you.
374
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,437
I'll get out.
375
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:57,649
Oh, no, no.
376
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,389
That's very funny, Blanche.
377
00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:06,080
I always got my best
laughs in this room.
378
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,992
You know, I...
379
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,038
I miss you sometimes, Blanche.
380
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,396
I miss you, too, Oscar.
381
00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:24,564
It's probably in the same times.
382
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:26,633
Probably.
383
00:16:26,702 --> 00:16:28,680
Well, good night, Blanche.
384
00:16:28,704 --> 00:16:31,638
Good night, Oscar.
385
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:38,279
Don't try anything, Oscar.
386
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,063
Can you get it, Ma?
387
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,520
I climbed an Alp.
388
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,522
I can get a door.
389
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,310
Oh, Mrs. Madison! Gloria!
390
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,480
Mmm. Oh, it's so
good to see you!
391
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,448
Still a beauty. Ah, thank...
392
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,732
Gloria, darling!
393
00:16:58,802 --> 00:16:59,867
Blanche!
394
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,936
Oh, it's so...
395
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:04,171
What, what do I smell?
396
00:17:04,239 --> 00:17:05,572
I smell meatloaf
397
00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:07,374
in my kitch... in that kitchen.
398
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:11,879
Oh, smells... Mmm...
yeah, pretty good.
399
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,028
Pretty good?
400
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,800
Yeah. Almost there.
401
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,968
Have you put in the oregano yet?
402
00:17:18,021 --> 00:17:19,770
I never use oregano.
403
00:17:19,823 --> 00:17:21,205
You don't use oregano?
404
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,874
How about basil and rosemary?
405
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,086
They're fighting.
406
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,788
How about letting my
mother do the cooking.
407
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,611
We'll go in the other
room and we'll talk
408
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,091
like Simon and
Garfunkel... Five minutes
409
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,960
before it's finished,
you'll add a pinch of each.
410
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:32,261
You'll see. Will you?
411
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:33,896
Come with me, please.
Come with me. What?
412
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,330
What? Where are
you two guys going?
413
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,794
Into my room to talk. Why?
414
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:37,988
I'll show you why.
415
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,385
Come on, let's... What?
416
00:17:39,409 --> 00:17:40,819
I'll show you why. Come on in.
417
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:42,109
Oscar!
418
00:17:42,178 --> 00:17:44,589
This room is beautif...
419
00:17:44,613 --> 00:17:46,925
There's carpeting on the floor!
420
00:17:46,949 --> 00:17:49,128
Oh, let me get my camera!
421
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,962
All right. Welcome
back! Oh, no, don't.
422
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,020
I forbid you to go
near that kitchen again!
423
00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,750
I was just trying to be helpful.
424
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,752
Oscar, your mother is
a dear, sweet woman,
425
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,087
but she's forgotten everything
she ever knew about cooking.
426
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:01,657
She was using a cookie
sheet for meatloaf.
427
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,414
And we're gonna
be using your teeth
428
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:04,848
for lima beans if you don't stop
429
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,512
walking around this
house like you live here,
430
00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:08,146
which you don't now,
which you never will
431
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,615
if you louse this
thing up tonight.
432
00:18:09,639 --> 00:18:11,684
Do you want my mother to
start eating chocolates again?
433
00:18:11,708 --> 00:18:12,885
No, no, no, but...
434
00:18:12,909 --> 00:18:14,452
this thing isn't going to work.
435
00:18:14,476 --> 00:18:17,411
Why not? Well, I don't
know if you've noticed, but...
436
00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:18,912
Gloria and I aren't talking.
437
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,181
What happened now?
438
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:24,585
I think she's
seeing another man.
439
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:27,066
I think it's your imagination.
440
00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:29,022
No, no, no, no, I've got proof.
441
00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:31,709
This morning I measured
the seatbelts in her car.
442
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:37,548
The passenger side
was abnormally loose.
443
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,501
Maybe she went
shopping with Kate Smith.
444
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,213
Now you get out there.
445
00:18:42,237 --> 00:18:43,448
You start speaking to her again,
446
00:18:43,472 --> 00:18:45,083
because I'm gonna
keep my eye on you.
447
00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,473
And if you blow
this thing tonight,
448
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,042
I'm gonna kill your fern!
449
00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:49,743
Yeah, I mean it.
450
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,147
Now for dessert...
the piece of resistance.
451
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,426
You know, she learned
452
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,394
how to speak French
on the trip, huh? Yes.
453
00:18:56,418 --> 00:18:58,730
Oh, German chocolate
cake, sprinkled with rum.
454
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,398
Mm! Excellent, excellent!
455
00:19:00,422 --> 00:19:02,289
Ah, coming from you,
that's a compliment.
456
00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:03,958
Bring me a beer,
will you, Blanche?
457
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:05,604
Okay. I only had
German chocolate cake
458
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:07,990
with rum once
before, and I loved it!
459
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,847
You never had German
chocolate cake with rum.
460
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,727
Yes, I did. Once before.
461
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,817
Not with me, you didn't.
462
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:13,818
Maybe with someone else.
463
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:15,820
Someone with a hearty appetite.
464
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:17,533
Felix, it was with you.
465
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,767
I had it at Marino's once.
466
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:19,802
No, that was seven-layer cake.
467
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,091
This you never had before!
468
00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:24,744
All right! Tonight you'll
have it together, okay?
469
00:19:24,814 --> 00:19:26,497
Use your glass.
470
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:28,767
Come in!
471
00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:30,784
Hi, Osc...
472
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,304
Holy cow!
473
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:35,851
Mrs. Madison! Murray!
474
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,519
Murray, how are you? Gloria!
475
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,943
Blanche! Wow!
476
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,824
What is this? A reunion?
477
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,326
I feel like I just
walked into the past!
478
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,716
Wow!
479
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,763
This should be on
Ripley's Believe-it-or-not!
480
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:48,886
Wow!
481
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:49,903
Oscar!
482
00:19:49,973 --> 00:19:51,571
Who is that gendarme?
483
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,607
Oh, eh, it's not a gendarme, Ma.
484
00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:55,842
My former friend,
Murray the cop.
485
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,861
Oh, Murray.
486
00:19:57,931 --> 00:19:59,196
I'm sorry.
487
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,997
I'm so bad on faces.
488
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,811
Hey, this is really something!
489
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,747
Gloria and Felix
and you and Blanche.
490
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,081
Wow! Ma, he just came over
491
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,271
to borrow some money, see.
492
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:08,439
He's on his way out.
493
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,807
Here. Here, here.
494
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,219
W-what's with the five dollars?
495
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,883
That's a bribe... To
keep your mouth shut.
496
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,712
I usually get ten.
497
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,714
Get out.
498
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:23,603
There's something going on here.
499
00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:26,606
My stomach never lies.
500
00:20:29,111 --> 00:20:31,378
You're trying to hide
something from me, Oscar.
501
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,542
Something's going on here
502
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,194
that you don't want
me to know about.
503
00:20:35,218 --> 00:20:37,534
And I know what it is.
504
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,670
It's you two.
505
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,672
You're separated, aren't you?
506
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,675
Yeah, Ma, but
they're working on it.
507
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,361
That's not the truth.
508
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:52,666
We're not working at it.
509
00:20:52,735 --> 00:20:53,934
Though I wish we were,
510
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,769
because I still love this woman.
511
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,337
Although she may love others.
512
00:20:57,407 --> 00:20:59,590
Others? What others?
513
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,859
What about that fatso
you've been driving around?
514
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,096
What fatso?
515
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,475
They're working at it, Ma.
516
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,598
I know, I know.
517
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,395
Divorce is going on
all around the world.
518
00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:11,685
I wonder if I'll
ever get used to it.
519
00:21:11,754 --> 00:21:13,120
You wonder?
520
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:15,501
I never heard you say
you wonder about divorce.
521
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,925
I've gone through some
heavy changes, son.
522
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:19,989
I think you should
tell her, Oscar.
523
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:21,611
Yes, Oscar. Tell her.
524
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:22,791
All right, Ma.
525
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,026
Sit down. Now, look.
526
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,415
Not only Gloria and Felix
527
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,528
are having a little trouble.
528
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:27,651
You see...
529
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,519
Well, I don't know
how to tell you, see...
530
00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:31,388
Along with Felix
and along with Gloria,
531
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:32,489
I... Oscar.
532
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,959
I... Oscar.
533
00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:42,215
Mrs. Madison... I have a friend.
534
00:21:42,285 --> 00:21:44,851
A very dear friend,
a very fine man.
535
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,555
In the course of life,
he met a young lady,
536
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:50,557
and he married her.
537
00:21:50,626 --> 00:21:53,560
She's a very fine person,
a very decent person.
538
00:21:53,629 --> 00:21:55,662
She's no raving beauty.
539
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:01,651
But... she tried
to be a good wife.
540
00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:04,004
Certainly she was
never unfaithful to him.
541
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:11,828
But, as will happen
542
00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:14,831
in the course of human events,
543
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:18,135
this sportswriter, this girl...
544
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:23,540
somehow fate just seemed
to smash all the dreams,
545
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:25,076
all the beauty, all...
546
00:22:28,664 --> 00:22:31,799
Oh, go ahead, Oscar. Tell her.
547
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:35,485
Ma... Blanche
and I are divorced.
548
00:22:39,342 --> 00:22:40,674
No, no.
549
00:22:40,743 --> 00:22:41,863
You can't have any chocolate
550
00:22:41,910 --> 00:22:43,276
until I tell you
the whole thing.
551
00:22:43,346 --> 00:22:45,123
See... we've had
problems, Blanche and I,
552
00:22:45,147 --> 00:22:47,192
but we tried to work
them out, we really did.
553
00:22:47,216 --> 00:22:49,633
Now, it's not that we don't
care for each other, we do.
554
00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:51,418
We're concerned
with each other's health
555
00:22:51,487 --> 00:22:52,786
and welfare and...
556
00:22:52,855 --> 00:22:55,255
Well, maybe that's
not love, but...
557
00:22:55,324 --> 00:22:57,123
we do like each other a lot.
558
00:22:57,192 --> 00:22:59,237
I think we have more
respect for each other now
559
00:22:59,261 --> 00:23:01,141
than we did when
we were married.
560
00:23:02,198 --> 00:23:05,699
Now, if... you want some
chocolate, go ahead.
561
00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:06,884
Be my guest.
562
00:23:13,042 --> 00:23:15,776
I'll tell you what
I'll do, Oscar.
563
00:23:15,845 --> 00:23:17,878
I'll give up the candy
564
00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:20,814
if you won't try to
make me stop hoping...
565
00:23:20,883 --> 00:23:23,817
that the four of you will
try to get together again.
566
00:23:23,886 --> 00:23:25,686
Oh, Ma, I mean, we
can't promise that...
567
00:23:25,755 --> 00:23:26,854
All right!
568
00:23:26,923 --> 00:23:28,856
We'll try. We'll try.
569
00:23:28,925 --> 00:23:31,485
Good, I'll make
some fresh coffee.
570
00:23:33,029 --> 00:23:35,295
We should try it!
571
00:23:35,364 --> 00:23:37,297
Why aren't we together?
572
00:23:37,366 --> 00:23:38,765
There is no reason.
573
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,034
Tell me a reason!
574
00:23:40,102 --> 00:23:41,964
I know of none... Except
for your tubby friend!
575
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:43,365
With whom you share your life.
576
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:45,949
You won't tell
me. Don't tell me.
577
00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:55,246
Well, hate to leave you
all, but the cab's waiting.
578
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:56,300
Coming, Gloria?
579
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:57,634
Coming, Blanche.
580
00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:00,181
Gloria, I hope
you'll drop me a line
581
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:02,201
from time to time, if
the spirit moves you.
582
00:24:02,225 --> 00:24:03,890
I think it's important
583
00:24:03,959 --> 00:24:06,393
to keep the lines of
communication open.
584
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:08,022
Felix, I'm going to
see you tomorrow
585
00:24:08,046 --> 00:24:09,241
when you pick up the kids.
586
00:24:09,265 --> 00:24:12,198
Good-bye, Gloria.
587
00:24:12,268 --> 00:24:15,585
And Felix... there is no fatso.
588
00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:20,257
Good-bye.
589
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:22,225
Good-bye, Blanche.
590
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,394
Good-bye, dear.
591
00:24:23,446 --> 00:24:25,345
Oscar. Mmm?
592
00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:26,847
Thanks for not getting up.
593
00:24:26,916 --> 00:24:28,727
I wouldn't want you
to spoil your image.
594
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:32,369
That's another
good one, Blanche.
595
00:24:32,421 --> 00:24:34,354
Mm...
596
00:24:48,971 --> 00:24:50,937
Nice.
597
00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:52,667
It could use a little work,
598
00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:55,625
but... nice.
599
00:24:59,365 --> 00:25:01,509
She said my kiss needed work.
600
00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:03,467
You're out of practice.
39271
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