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1
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,209
That is perfect.
2
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:12,211
Absolutely perfect.
3
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,079
One little thing, if I may.
4
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,148
The hands crossed...
Yeah, that's nice.
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,150
That is just nice...
Regal but relaxed.
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:20,368
That is nice.
The hair, if I may.
7
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,515
Just a little bit off the face,
8
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:23,950
just because that's always
9
00:00:23,974 --> 00:00:25,173
much nicer off the face.
10
00:00:25,241 --> 00:00:26,692
Yes, that's nice, that is nice,
11
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,221
that is perfect,
that is absolutely...
12
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,578
I'm sorry.
13
00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:31,458
Don't panic, there's
nothing to panic about.
14
00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:33,014
I'm a little bit nervous.
15
00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:35,784
I've... This is the first time
I've ever photographed royalty.
16
00:00:35,852 --> 00:00:37,080
Oh, please,
17
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,438
I'm really a very
ordinary person.
18
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,306
Oh-ho-ho, Your Royal Highness
19
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,743
Princess Lydia of Lichtenburg,
an ordinary person! Hm!
20
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:46,445
You jest with a commoner.
21
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,983
This is an honor
I will never forget.
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,818
Isn't he charming? Such manners.
23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,221
You could pass
yourself off as a duke.
24
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,500
Thank you.
25
00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,168
Thank you, Miss Rykof.
26
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,438
You know, if this
photograph turns out well,
27
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,922
it could become a stamp.
28
00:01:02,946 --> 00:01:05,798
A stamp! No!
29
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,166
As a matter of
fact, the gentleman
30
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:11,502
who photographed my
mother became a knight.
31
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,705
Sir Felix Unger...
32
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:16,891
Knight of Lichtenburg.
33
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,796
Well, perhaps I'd better
cleanse the royal lens.
34
00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:23,966
There we are.
35
00:01:24,034 --> 00:01:25,879
Now I think
everything is perfect.
36
00:01:25,903 --> 00:01:28,603
And we will be... Just...
37
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,389
I'm terribly sorry.
38
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,578
I seem to have forgotten
to load the camera.
39
00:01:35,145 --> 00:01:36,422
If you'll forgive
me, Your Highness,
40
00:01:36,446 --> 00:01:38,458
I'll step into the darkroom
for just a moment.
41
00:01:38,482 --> 00:01:39,826
Could I go with you?
42
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,450
I've never seen a real
photographer's darkroom.
43
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,352
Nothing much to see.
44
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:46,555
It's dark.
45
00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:49,558
Well, I don't mind the
dark if the company's good.
46
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,804
Let's go in and
see what develops.
47
00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:55,530
A little Lichtenburg humor, huh?
48
00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:58,066
Your Highness. Your Highness.
49
00:02:00,403 --> 00:02:02,399
Felix, did you take
the laundry ticket?
50
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:04,356
I need my underwear.
51
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,041
Hi, honey. Where's Felix?
52
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,426
I beg your pardon? Felix.
53
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,340
Oh, Mr. Unger,
he's in the darkroom.
54
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,713
Oh.
55
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,316
Haven't I met you before?
56
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:21,022
It's not the first time you
worked for Felix, is it?
57
00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:22,907
Hey!
58
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,961
Weren't you the girl on
the mouthwash commercial?
59
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,497
Didn't you gargle during
the World Series last year?
60
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,477
Bruno, see if Mr. Unger's
available, will you?
61
00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:33,868
Yeah, Bruno, tell him I
need my laundry, will ya?
62
00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:36,305
But, you know, Felix
is very good at his job,
63
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,240
but sometimes I think
he's off his rocker.
64
00:02:38,309 --> 00:02:40,409
I mean, a pretty girl
like you comes in,
65
00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:42,777
he ought to put you in
a bikini or something,
66
00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:44,095
show off your great shape.
67
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,915
You know? I mean, a little
cheesecake. Cheesecake?
68
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:49,902
Yeah. Hey, now, wait a minute,
don't think I come on strong
69
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,815
like this with all
the models, I don't.
70
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,517
I like you. You got class, see.
71
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:54,951
You're not like
those other dogs.
72
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,408
He photographs animals?
73
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,976
The worst.
74
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,812
Listen, uh, I was thinking
maybe we could go
75
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,881
have a little dinner,
the Roller Derby,
76
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:05,261
you know what I mean?
Tonight? I don't think so.
77
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,234
Hey, how about ice hockey?
78
00:03:06,303 --> 00:03:07,583
I'll get you an
autographed puck.
79
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,749
See, I know all the
players... I'm afraid not.
80
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,539
Why not? The way I'm dressed?
81
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,558
Oh, I was playing
ball in the park.
82
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,989
That's why I'm sweating like
a pig, see... but I'll shower.
83
00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:17,824
Oscar... what are
you doing here?
84
00:03:17,848 --> 00:03:18,992
Striking out.
85
00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:20,192
What do you say? Oscar.
86
00:03:20,216 --> 00:03:21,366
What?
87
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,984
This is Princess Lydia.
88
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,566
Princess Lydia.
89
00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:29,190
I'm sorry. I heard of you!
90
00:03:29,259 --> 00:03:32,176
At the Silver Slipper, you
do the act with the pigeons!
91
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:35,814
How do you get them...
92
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,050
I'm terribly sorry, ma'am.
93
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,552
Would you step this way, please?
94
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,031
Would you leave?
We'll discuss this later.
95
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,900
What, do you got
first dibs on this chick?
96
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,825
Her subjects have first dibs on
Princess Lydia of Lichtenburg.
97
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,605
Oh, will you cut it out. Oscar!
98
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,495
This is her Royal Highness,
99
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,497
Princess Lydia of Lichtenburg!
100
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,566
This is Miss Rykof,
her secretary.
101
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,612
You're the secretary
of the princess?
102
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,403
This is Bruno, her chauffeur.
103
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,106
And you're the
chauffeur of the princess.
104
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:02,924
So you must be the princess.
105
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,813
Felix, I been trying
to pick up royalty.
106
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:15,037
Boy, am I a schm...
Oscar! I'm sorry!
107
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,027
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
108
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,163
from his place of residence.
109
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:27,866
That request came from his wife.
110
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,268
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
111
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,772
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
112
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,740
With nowhere else to go,
113
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,543
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
114
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,811
Several years earlier,
115
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,458
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
116
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,132
requesting that he never return.
117
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,684
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
118
00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:48,854
without driving
each other crazy?
119
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:21,335
♪ ♪
120
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,313
Come on, eat a little something.
121
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,117
Not another night
of sitting there
122
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,618
not touching your food. Oscar!
123
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,557
I made your favorite.
124
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,426
Lasagna and French fries.
125
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,579
I'm eating, I'm eating.
126
00:06:05,649 --> 00:06:06,714
No, you're not.
127
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,299
There's nothing on your shirt.
128
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,503
What's that got to do with it?
129
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,718
Because when you eat you
always spill something on your shirt.
130
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,141
Now I'm eating.
131
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,709
Oh, look what he's doing!
132
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,091
Cut it out! You've made
such a pig of yourself.
133
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,294
All day long, all I
was thinking about
134
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,979
is how I offended the princess.
135
00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:27,203
I made such a fool of myself.
136
00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,448
"I'll get you an
autographed puck.
137
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:29,915
And I'll take you to
the Roller Derby."
138
00:06:29,939 --> 00:06:31,651
I'd like to tear my tongue
out. You're exaggerating this
139
00:06:31,675 --> 00:06:33,375
out of all sense of proportion.
140
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:35,155
Believe me, she
wasn't that upset.
141
00:06:35,179 --> 00:06:38,124
She say something after I left? What
did she say? What? No, nothing, nothing.
142
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,481
Mm, she muttered
something about...
143
00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:41,711
What? Dungeons.
144
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,668
It's nothing.
145
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,337
Would you cut it out?
146
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,771
Stop trying to cheer me up.
147
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,341
I don't even want to think
about how I embarrassed you,
148
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,593
my best friend.
Don't worry about it.
149
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,628
I'll get over it.
150
00:06:53,697 --> 00:06:56,097
I'll even get over
losing my knighthood.
151
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,266
Knighthood? She was
gonna make you a knight?
152
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,147
Nothing definite. Oh, boy.
153
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,436
Neither was the stamp.
154
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,522
What stamp?
155
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,726
There was some talk
if they liked the picture
156
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,973
they were going to
put it on a stamp. Oh...
157
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,340
It's nothing, it's
nothing, believe me.
158
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,876
It's nothing, it's
nothing. Nothing?!
159
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,377
People all over Lichtenburg
160
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,379
would have been licking
the back of your picture.
161
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,581
Aw, Felix, break my
arm, put me on the rack,
162
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,583
stretch some sense
into me. Will you stop it!
163
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,324
You're making me blue,
and I'm a cheerful guy!
164
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,795
You're a cheerful guy?
165
00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:30,265
Why do I always act so
stupid in the presence of people
166
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:31,978
who are socially
higher than I am?
167
00:07:32,002 --> 00:07:33,168
I got to get over that.
168
00:07:33,237 --> 00:07:34,802
Oh, Bruno, am I glad to see you.
169
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,112
Will you go and tell the
princess how sorry I am.
170
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:38,985
Apologize, tell her I
haven't been able to eat,
171
00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:40,419
and I haven't
been able to sleep.
172
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:41,855
Tell her how
terribly sorry I am.
173
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,119
I'll send her a little trinket!
174
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:47,982
He must have been double-parked.
175
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,067
Oscar.
176
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,336
Guess what? What?
177
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:54,739
I've been invited to a
royal tea by Princess Lydia.
178
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,186
Oh, Felix, then you
can apologize for me.
179
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,689
When you see her,
tell her how sorry I am.
180
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,207
I will not. Why not?
181
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,710
You'll do it yourself. But
I can't... I'm not invited.
182
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:06,184
It says I can bring a
date. You're my date.
183
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,404
Felix Unger, court photographer.
184
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,085
I'm so happy to see you!
185
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:33,656
I did so enjoy being in the
darkroom with you the other day.
186
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,812
Thank you, Miss Rykof.
187
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,481
Is my friend Mr. Madison here?
188
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,826
Well, I haven't seen him.
189
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,062
Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
190
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,686
And her Royal
Highness, Princess Lydia?
191
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:43,499
Oh, well, she's
right over there.
192
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,855
Ah! Yes.
193
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:47,559
Excuse me. Mr. Unger,
how good of you to come.
194
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,804
Your Royal Highness,
195
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,706
wild horses could not
have kept me away.
196
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,010
You look enchanting.
197
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,251
Thank you.
198
00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:01,273
Your dress is lovely.
199
00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:02,757
Thank you.
200
00:09:08,231 --> 00:09:10,310
Isn't this a lovely day?
201
00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:11,599
Yes, it is.
202
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:13,568
Uh, may I present, the
Marquis of Remington?
203
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,415
How do you do? Count Polski.
204
00:09:15,439 --> 00:09:17,249
How do you do? The
Consul from Nigeria.
205
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,051
How do you do? His
Excellency, Carlos Venetti.
206
00:09:19,075 --> 00:09:20,453
How do you do?
Lord Hollingsworth.
207
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,522
How do you do? The Right
Honorable Philip Parson.
208
00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:24,424
How do you do? The Right
Reverend Monsignor Kontos.
209
00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:27,092
How do you do? And the
Earl and Countess Stanhill.
210
00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:36,090
I'm late.
211
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,758
Hey!
212
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,837
Oh, you're Mr. Unger's friend.
213
00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:39,994
Oh, hi, Miss Rykof.
214
00:09:40,063 --> 00:09:42,107
I want to see the
Prin... Oh, there she is.
215
00:09:42,131 --> 00:09:43,698
Ah, Mr. Madison,
how nice to see you!
216
00:09:43,766 --> 00:09:45,966
Isn't this a beautiful day?
How nice of you to come!
217
00:09:46,035 --> 00:09:47,063
Oscar. What's the matter?
218
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,264
Oscar. What?
219
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,933
Your clothes. What about 'em?
220
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,789
I told you to wear
a morning coat.
221
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,570
I wear this coat every morning.
222
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,171
I thought you'd be proud of me.
223
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,673
I wore a tie and everything.
224
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,975
Surely you remember the
Princess Lydia. Yes. Hello, Princess.
225
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,409
Hello there, Mr. Madison.
How are you?
226
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,400
I trust your laundry
came out all right.
227
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,014
Oh, yeah, great.
I'm wearing it now.
228
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,605
Your... Your...
229
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,250
Your Highness. Your
Highness. Your Highness.
230
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,553
Your Royal Highness, actually,
but it couldn't matter less.
231
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:13,078
Mr. Madison, may I present
the Marquis of Remington.
232
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,457
How do you do? Count Polski.
233
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,092
How are you? The
Consul from Nigeria.
234
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,379
Brother. His Excellency,
Carlos Venetti.
235
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,682
The Right Honorable
Philip Parson.
236
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,117
How are you? And the Right
Reverend Monsignor Kontos.
237
00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:26,986
Nice to see you, Father. And
the Earl and Countess Stanhill.
238
00:10:27,010 --> 00:10:28,855
Earl. How are you? Countess.
239
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,011
Nice to see you.
240
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,724
Listen, I'll tell
you why I'm late.
241
00:10:31,748 --> 00:10:33,459
See, there was an
accident... This truck hit
242
00:10:33,483 --> 00:10:36,016
a wagon full of watermelons,
and they went all over the street.
243
00:10:36,086 --> 00:10:37,963
See, and I helped
the guy pick them up.
244
00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:39,587
That's why my hands are sticky.
245
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:41,589
A little warm water...
246
00:10:41,657 --> 00:10:44,736
Can I see you for a moment,
please? Yes, of course.
247
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,439
Would you please
excuse me, Marquis,
248
00:10:46,463 --> 00:10:47,706
Consul, Your Excellency...
249
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,442
Oh, you all know who you are.
250
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:50,676
Certainly.
251
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,311
I'm only gonna stay
a couple of minutes...
252
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,667
I came to apologize.
253
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,337
I'm awfully sorry for the way
I spoke to you the other day.
254
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,616
Your Highness,
I'm terribly sorry,
255
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,685
but I must see you for
just one moment, please.
256
00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:01,476
Excuse me.
257
00:11:01,544 --> 00:11:04,112
Excuse me, I'm the
Consul of Nigeria.
258
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,580
You mentioned something
about watermelons.
259
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,410
Oh, yes, there was
this accident, see,
260
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,146
and they went
all over the street.
261
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,636
Oh, yes, how sad.
262
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,904
About this watermelon,
263
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:16,374
is it a food of your, uh,
of your people, uh, yes?
264
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,210
Yes.
265
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:20,895
Interesting.
266
00:11:23,499 --> 00:11:24,565
Oscar. What?
267
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,178
Hmm? What, hmm?
What's that, hmm?
268
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,446
Hmm? What, hmm?
269
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,110
Are you behaving? Are
you making me proud?
270
00:11:29,139 --> 00:11:30,437
Oh, would you cut it out.
271
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,118
I'm going to apologize,
I'm going to split.
272
00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:33,422
I won't embarrass you.
273
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,010
What's this?
274
00:11:38,314 --> 00:11:40,592
It's a good thing I hate tea.
275
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,984
Why don't you order a beer?
276
00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:45,319
Mr. Madison, I'm sorry
we were interrupted.
277
00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:47,233
Oh, yes, hey, listen...
278
00:11:47,257 --> 00:11:49,857
Do you mind, Felix? Do you mind?
279
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,392
Cut it out.
280
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:57,843
I wanted to apologize for the
way I behaved the other day.
281
00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,912
See, it goes back
to when I was a kid.
282
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,046
When I looked at you,
283
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,714
I should have known
you were so sweet,
284
00:12:02,738 --> 00:12:05,298
and so delicate, and
so divine, and... so busy.
285
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,413
That caviar?
286
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:16,184
Mm, come on...
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
287
00:12:16,252 --> 00:12:20,087
I-I-I, it... it's sticky...
Warm water.
288
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,756
Ladies and gentlemen, everyone.
289
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,725
Signor Vargas, the cellist,
290
00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,638
is ready to play
in the music room.
291
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,662
Ah, wonderful.
292
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,175
Won't you all come this way?
293
00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:30,631
Oh, what a dream.
294
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:32,066
Vargas, I'm very fond of him.
295
00:12:32,135 --> 00:12:34,015
Maybe he'll play the Bocharini.
296
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,082
Oscar. Yeah.
297
00:12:37,106 --> 00:12:38,656
Come on in.
298
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:41,554
Ah, the Bocharini, I got it on a
record at home. Come on. Come on.
299
00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:44,023
I don't want to hear it. What
are you sitting that way for?
300
00:12:44,047 --> 00:12:46,025
I always sit this way at a
tea party. What did you do?
301
00:12:46,049 --> 00:12:47,092
Nothing. What did you do?
302
00:12:47,116 --> 00:12:48,528
It was an accident. Oh, no, no.
303
00:12:48,552 --> 00:12:49,762
No, oh, you disgraced yourself.
304
00:12:49,786 --> 00:12:51,296
Look at that. That's
horrible. I know.
305
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,431
Sneak out. Get out now.
306
00:12:52,455 --> 00:12:54,022
I haven't had a
chance to apologize.
307
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:55,601
I'll apologize for
you. Now get out.
308
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,025
No, she won't
know why I've gone.
309
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,704
Would you leave
now? No, I'm not going.
310
00:12:58,728 --> 00:12:59,839
I'll go to the bathroom
311
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,423
and get a wet
towel or something.
312
00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:07,134
Oh, Mr. Madison, aren't you
coming to hear the music?
313
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,016
Well, uh... You've got
a spot on your pants.
314
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,651
Yeah, well, clumsy...
the guy came in...
315
00:13:11,675 --> 00:13:13,719
That happened to me at
the White House last week.
316
00:13:13,743 --> 00:13:15,676
My tiara fell in the mayonnaise.
317
00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:17,879
They use mayonnaise
at the White House?
318
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,213
On everything.
319
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,065
Here, let me fix it.
320
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,213
Oh, no, don't do that... not with
your new scarf. Oh, no, that's all right.
321
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,370
It's... it's, oh, it's old.
322
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,439
300 years.
323
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,619
Oh, please get up, please.
324
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,277
No, look, it's nearly gone.
325
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,323
Look, I only came
over to say I'm sorry.
326
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,575
Oh, you mean about
yesterday? Yeah.
327
00:13:35,599 --> 00:13:37,498
But I enjoyed it.
328
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,033
You're a very funny man.
329
00:13:39,102 --> 00:13:40,701
But I tried to pick you up.
330
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:42,019
Yeah.
331
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:46,641
Oh, Your Highness, arise.
332
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,711
Felix... We have to get this...
333
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:52,458
Go hear the Bocharini.
334
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:55,260
Please excuse me. The
Bocharini's waiting for you, go ahead.
335
00:13:55,284 --> 00:13:56,551
I'm terribly sorry.
336
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,682
Oscar. Yeah?
337
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,322
Your country is watching.
338
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,254
What happened?
339
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,890
Felix, you're going to
think I'm some kind of nut,
340
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,003
but I just had the
greatest evening of my life.
341
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,327
Hmm, what happened?
342
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,956
Nothing. That's
what was so fantastic.
343
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,364
We didn't do anything.
344
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,344
Just being with the
Princess, that was all.
345
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,002
Hmm, what did you do?
346
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,681
I took her to the
Statue of Liberty.
347
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,573
Wow, you're a spender.
348
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,141
Was she impressed?
349
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,988
Well, I know I was impressed.
350
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,890
It was the first
time I've seen it.
351
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:43,292
She went there last week
with the State Department.
352
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,127
She couldn't wait
to get back, huh?
353
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,284
Now, the State Department
354
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,219
didn't take her on the
Staten Island Ferry.
355
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:51,138
The State Department didn't
buy her a big, fat salty pretzel
356
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,356
with mustard on it.
357
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,026
You bought her a salty pretzel!
358
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,161
Oh, boy.
359
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,780
You can laugh if you
want, but she loved it.
360
00:14:59,849 --> 00:15:01,360
Felix, I can't tell you
what an evening...
361
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:02,333
What did you do?!
362
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,434
Nothing.
363
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,181
We just talked to people,
people talked to us.
364
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,521
That's all we did...
Talk to strangers.
365
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:09,724
She knighted a wino.
366
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:13,572
I'm telling you, New York
never looked so great to me
367
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:14,529
as it did tonight.
368
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:16,063
Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
369
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,394
Then we stopped at Manny's
delicatessen for a bite to eat.
370
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,117
The Princess and the Pastrami.
371
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:23,871
And, uh, you know what
happened when I took her home?
372
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,323
She had heartburn.
373
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,476
I kissed her good night.
374
00:15:28,544 --> 00:15:30,456
Well, Bruno was
banging around the back,
375
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,679
so it was a little peck.
376
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,732
You pecked a princess.
377
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,868
Maybe she's kissing
every frog she meets...
378
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,548
Oh... I didn't mean
it, you know that.
379
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,417
Anyway, this frog is taking
her out Thursday night.
380
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,986
I'm taking her to that
formal dinner at the Regent.
381
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:44,943
The Regent? Yeah.
382
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,222
The dinner at the grand ball
383
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,656
for the grand
duchess of, uh... uh...
384
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,690
Yeah. whatchamacallit, yeah.
385
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,514
See, she needs an
escort, so she asked me.
386
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:51,515
How 'bout that?
387
00:15:51,568 --> 00:15:54,268
Felix.
388
00:15:54,336 --> 00:15:56,604
I think I'm falling in
love with a princess.
389
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,895
Oscar, it's 3:30 in the morning.
390
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,142
Look, am I ready to
be presented at court?
391
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,666
Yes. Night court.
392
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,112
You're impossible,
Os... Take me again.
393
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,047
Take me through the
receiving line, please, come on.
394
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,203
Oh, one more time.
395
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:15,472
All right, go out the
door. Try to get it right.
396
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:16,752
Who are you going to be?
397
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,386
Are you going to be
the Grand Duchess?
398
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,810
Be quiet out there.
399
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,179
It's 4:00 in the morning.
People are trying to sleep.
400
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:23,648
Knock on the door silently.
401
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,560
How do you knock
silently? Shh, just do it.
402
00:16:29,305 --> 00:16:30,738
How do you do.
403
00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:33,741
You don't shake
hands with the butler.
404
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,671
What's the matter with you,
Oscar? You're such a schm...
405
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,939
Well, I didn't know you
were playing the butler now.
406
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,163
All right, come on, come in.
407
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,698
Don't go out again. Come on.
408
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,132
So we go down
the receiving line.
409
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,229
The gentleman always goes first.
410
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,519
First you shake hands
with the Grand Duke.
411
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,588
I'll be the Grand Duke. Right.
412
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,724
And now you take the
Grand Duchess's hand.
413
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:51,369
I'm the Grand
Duchess... I kiss her hand.
414
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:52,343
No. I kiss her foot.
415
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,522
No. I lick her stamp.
416
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,479
No. What do I do? I don't know.
417
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,748
You bow over her
hand. That's all.
418
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:58,817
You don't say anything.
419
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,028
Nothing... unless
she speaks first.
420
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:01,185
All right, try it again.
421
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,887
Don't go out. Just come down.
422
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,523
All right, so you're walking
down, I'm the Grand Duke.
423
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,792
You shake hands
with the Grand Duke.
424
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,094
You take the Grand
Duchess's hand.
425
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:12,597
Oh, you're Mr. Madison,
the sportswriter, aren't you?
426
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:13,676
Yeah, Duchess.
427
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,843
How'd you know that?
428
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,001
You don't say, "Yeah, Duchess."
429
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,769
You talk classy.
430
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,638
You say, "Yes, Your
Royal Highness, I am."
431
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,507
All right, go again.
432
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,220
This is impossible.
Try one more time.
433
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,544
All right, you're
coming down the line.
434
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,613
I shake hands with
the Grand Duke.
435
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,126
He doesn't say much, does he?
436
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,649
All right, now, I'm
the Grand Duchess.
437
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,551
You take her hand, you bow.
438
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,670
Ah, you're
Mr. Madison, aren't you?
439
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,473
You forgot to ask me
if I'm a sportswriter.
440
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,159
So maybe she will,
maybe she won't.
441
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,027
She's... she's an
unpredictable duchess.
442
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:46,064
I don't want to talk to
a ding-a-ling duchess.
443
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:49,867
I just... you are... whatever
happens, just nod, say nothing.
444
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,169
You're uneducable.
445
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,503
You can't teach you anything.
446
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,272
You suffer from
invincible ignorance.
447
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,684
Well, you have no patience.
448
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,319
All right, never mind.
Let's start from scratch.
449
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,043
So now we're
coming in to dinner.
450
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,145
Now you're going to
show me how you sit down.
451
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,059
Well, I usually bend my
knees very, very slowly...
452
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,215
Wrong.
453
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,994
It's been working
for 30 years. No.
454
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,852
First you pull out
the chair for the lady.
455
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,921
All right. Then you sit down.
456
00:18:16,379 --> 00:18:18,279
You like a nice full sleeve?
457
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:19,713
No. Narrow sleeve.
458
00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:21,115
Narrow sleeve.
459
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,283
You like a narrow cuff?
460
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,996
No cuff at all. No cuff at all.
461
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,086
High rise or low rise?
462
00:18:25,154 --> 00:18:26,465
High rise. High rise.
463
00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:28,334
Look, look, gentlemen,
I'm a busy man.
464
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,923
Let's get on with
this. Sit down.
465
00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:31,637
I want this suit
to be perfection.
466
00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:32,893
This man is meeting royalty.
467
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,379
You think my goods never
touched royalty before?
468
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,915
Give me a king,
I'll give you a size.
469
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,929
Will you just do the
measurements, please?
470
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,596
Now, I tell you what I'd like.
471
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,903
I want it to be neat,
472
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,267
but not... not corny,
you know what I mean?
473
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,369
Styled, yes, but
not too far out.
474
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,742
You understand?
475
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,594
Yes. Yes, of course.
476
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,140
Well, we, we have
several choices.
477
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:54,365
We could, eh... we
could, eh, pull it forward,
478
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,267
or brush it back, or we could,
eh, fluff it up on the sides.
479
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,531
What do you recommend?
480
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,387
A hat?
481
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:03,824
Hi, Your Royal Highness.
482
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,059
I don't know. I'll ask him.
483
00:19:05,128 --> 00:19:07,527
She wants to know if
you want to go to the ball.
484
00:19:07,596 --> 00:19:08,763
She's got a date for you.
485
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,581
Oh, I'd love it.
486
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,994
Yes, yes. Good.
487
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,412
Who's the date? Uh, Miss Rykof.
488
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:16,120
N-N-No, I, I don't
think so, no really.
489
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,621
Oh, do it for me. Go ahead.
490
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,290
Yes, all right. Good.
491
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,407
Yes. It's all set.
492
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,959
Yes, he said he would.
493
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,361
Okay, I'll see you then.
494
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,444
Bye.
495
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:26,447
♪ ♪
496
00:19:38,695 --> 00:19:43,831
Oh, it's a...
497
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,247
There we are, there
we are, Miss Rykof.
498
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:49,415
Oh, Felix.
499
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,838
I just love you.
500
00:19:50,907 --> 00:19:53,841
You're so charming,
and you're so skinny.
501
00:19:53,910 --> 00:19:56,960
I can get my fingers
around his wrist.
502
00:19:58,815 --> 00:20:00,915
Oh, let's play a game.
503
00:20:00,983 --> 00:20:02,962
What would you like
to play, Miss Rykof?
504
00:20:02,986 --> 00:20:05,586
Oh, what do American
boys and girls do
505
00:20:05,654 --> 00:20:07,588
after the party's over, hmm?
506
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,208
Well...
507
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:12,754
generally the, uh...
the girls go to bed,
508
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,557
and, uh... the boys go home.
509
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,713
Oh.
510
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,610
And I think it's
getting a little bit late.
511
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,395
Let's not rush
off. No, no, let's...
512
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,751
Miss Rykof,
513
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,265
could I persuade you
to give me a royal tour?
514
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,222
Oh, I'd love to.
515
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,257
Come on, skinny.
516
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,671
Would you like to
see the Royal Seal?
517
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:30,861
Yes. Where is it?
518
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,396
In my room.
519
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,251
Oscar...
520
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,421
Oh, Miss Rykof has
that marvelous capacity
521
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,489
to relax when the
day's work is done.
522
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,308
Oh.
523
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,887
Hey, you realize it's first time
524
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,056
we've ever been alone?
525
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,012
Won't you sit down, Oscar?
526
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,359
Oh, thank you, Your
Highness, thank...
527
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,228
Would you like a
drink? Oh, yes, I would.
528
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:56,487
You know, this whole evening
has been a revelation to me.
529
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,822
I mean, I thought
that you people... I...
530
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:01,775
all of these people were...
were different, but they're not.
531
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,226
No, not at all.
532
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,728
I don't want to brag, but, eh...
533
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:07,026
I thought I carried it off
pretty good, don't you think?
534
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,416
You were charming, Oscar.
535
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:09,484
A perfect escort.
536
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:10,829
Thank you very much.
537
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:11,964
Sit. Sit.
538
00:21:11,988 --> 00:21:13,921
Oh, after you.
539
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:15,489
Beer?
540
00:21:15,558 --> 00:21:17,491
Mr. Unger said it
was your favorite.
541
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,576
Ah, but he insisted
that I open it.
542
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,578
Thank you.
543
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,993
Hey, I had a great
time at that party.
544
00:21:24,017 --> 00:21:26,262
I'm glad that duke didn't
mind when I stepped
545
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,885
on his wooden foot.
546
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,931
I'm glad he was a good sport.
547
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,006
He's also a terrific tap dancer.
548
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,687
I'd like to propose a toast.
549
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:39,646
To probably the greatest
evening of my life...
550
00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,276
Here's mud in your eye.
551
00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:44,763
And I hope to see
a lot more of you.
552
00:21:44,787 --> 00:21:46,153
Oh, well, I'm afraid not.
553
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:47,505
We're leaving
tomorrow, you know.
554
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:50,323
You're leaving tomorrow?
555
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:52,371
Can't you hang around
for a couple more days?
556
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:54,828
Well, being a princess
makes it rather difficult
557
00:21:54,897 --> 00:21:56,329
to hang around very much.
558
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:57,564
Although I would like to.
559
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:58,930
But you'll be coming back.
560
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,050
Oh, it's possible.
561
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,230
Well, it's also possible
562
00:22:01,254 --> 00:22:02,664
I could be going to
Lichtenberg, right?
563
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:03,832
I mean, cover sports.
564
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:05,718
Hey, was your country
entered in the Olympics?
565
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,842
Yes, but, ah, we
only had one man.
566
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,672
What event was
he in? All of them.
567
00:22:09,696 --> 00:22:11,628
How'd he do?
568
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:13,630
He died in the relays.
569
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:16,066
Really?
570
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,219
It's a local joke.
571
00:22:19,622 --> 00:22:21,955
I'm sorry, when you
live in a small country,
572
00:22:22,024 --> 00:22:23,957
you have to have
a sense of humor.
573
00:22:24,026 --> 00:22:25,959
Well, since...
574
00:22:26,028 --> 00:22:27,473
since you're going away, uh...
575
00:22:27,497 --> 00:22:29,541
You know, I, I won't
see you for a while.
576
00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:30,731
I...
577
00:22:30,799 --> 00:22:32,411
Well, this is going
to be hard to...
578
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:34,045
I was wondering
if there's any...
579
00:22:34,069 --> 00:22:35,380
well, you and I are...
580
00:22:35,404 --> 00:22:37,666
if, if there was any chance
that we could be, uh...
581
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,206
Friends?
582
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:41,686
Well, a lot more than friends.
583
00:22:41,710 --> 00:22:43,688
Well, I was wondering if, if...
584
00:22:43,712 --> 00:22:45,523
you and I... together, uh,
585
00:22:45,547 --> 00:22:47,176
I don't know how
to say it... Oscar...
586
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,716
are you proposing to me?
587
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:52,103
Yes, I am.
588
00:22:57,976 --> 00:22:59,910
Thank you, Oscar.
589
00:22:59,978 --> 00:23:04,014
But, uh... I'm afraid
marriage is a...
590
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,149
very complicated
thing for me, uh...
591
00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:09,152
You know, diplomacy
and things like that.
592
00:23:09,222 --> 00:23:11,533
Do you know I've been
engaged for 15 years?
593
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:12,735
To a prince
594
00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:14,703
in Iran. Do you love him?
595
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,159
I've never met him.
596
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,662
He's, um... sort
of a trade pact.
597
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,247
What kind of trade pact?
598
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:24,635
Well, we get oil
and they get me.
599
00:23:24,687 --> 00:23:27,972
Well, they sure got
the best of that deal.
600
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:32,008
Oh, Oscar.
601
00:23:33,312 --> 00:23:35,123
I'll remember this evening
602
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,508
for the rest of my life.
603
00:23:36,532 --> 00:23:37,797
You will?
604
00:23:37,866 --> 00:23:39,132
I sure know I will.
605
00:23:44,306 --> 00:23:45,906
Hey, you better be careful.
606
00:23:45,975 --> 00:23:47,541
You're liable to
turn me into a prince.
607
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,272
I'll do better than that. What?
608
00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:52,896
What are you doing? What's that?
609
00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:55,411
I dub thee Sir Oscar Madison,
610
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,078
Knight of the nice guys.
611
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,102
You're kidding.
612
00:23:58,137 --> 00:24:01,071
I'm afraid I am.
613
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,407
My quota for knights
has run out this year.
614
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:07,544
The wino was the last one.
615
00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:12,594
Oh, come on, skinny.
616
00:24:14,353 --> 00:24:16,136
Will you tell Felix that
I'm ready to leave?
617
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:17,771
Yes, I will.
618
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,989
Okay.
619
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,407
Bye, Oscar.
620
00:24:20,475 --> 00:24:21,475
Bye.
621
00:24:33,422 --> 00:24:35,355
Did you have a good time?
622
00:24:37,259 --> 00:24:38,825
All right, so I owe you one.
623
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:55,309
Remember what the
poet Tennyson said.
624
00:24:55,378 --> 00:24:57,945
"It is better to
have loved and lost
625
00:24:58,014 --> 00:24:59,947
than never to
have loved at all."
626
00:25:00,016 --> 00:25:02,616
All right, Oscar... you lost.
627
00:25:02,702 --> 00:25:06,136
But also... you
gained something.
628
00:25:06,205 --> 00:25:10,874
You gained... a
beautiful, new experience.
629
00:25:10,927 --> 00:25:13,193
You gained... a new polish.
630
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:15,779
A... a panache.
631
00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:18,415
You learned to live on a...
632
00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:20,400
on a somewhat higher level.
633
00:25:20,469 --> 00:25:22,569
You now have a new awareness...
634
00:25:22,637 --> 00:25:26,106
of style, of grace, of elegance.
635
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:29,359
I salute... the new Oscar.
636
00:25:29,428 --> 00:25:31,361
Thank you, Felix.
42777
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