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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:19,770 I don't know what it is, Oscar, but there's a different 2 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,486 kind of feeling about this place tonight. 3 00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:23,616 The difference is, Felix isn't here. 4 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,486 It's an anxiety-free poker game. 5 00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:26,716 How long's he gonna be gone? 6 00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:29,640 One week... one delicious week of pizza, enchiladas 7 00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:30,986 and the marvelous taste 8 00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,010 of cardboard cartons. 9 00:00:33,170 --> 00:00:34,426 I knocked over my drink. 10 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:36,726 So? Don't worry about it. He's not here. 11 00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,196 Look, we'll put in, we'll make mud pies. 12 00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:39,950 Here. 13 00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,066 How'd these coasters get on the table? 14 00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:43,166 Felix isn't here. 15 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:44,776 Tonight, we live, live, live. 16 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,076 I can't live, live, live 17 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,706 unless you bet, bet, bet, huh? 18 00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:49,806 Hey, do me a favor and smoke toward New Jersey, will you? 19 00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:50,906 Here, I'm out. 20 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,010 Hello. 21 00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,386 No, he's not. He's in Acapulco. 22 00:00:58,410 --> 00:01:01,160 About a week. 23 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:04,530 Any message? 24 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,140 Sure. 25 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,816 Yeah, well, if he calls, I'll tell him. 26 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,120 Okay, bye-bye. 27 00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:11,736 Who was that? 28 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,996 It was the director of Sunshine City for Senior Citizens. 29 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,406 Oh, what did they want you to cover, 30 00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:16,360 the shuffleboard tournament? 31 00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,920 Very funny. No. 32 00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:21,550 Felix's grandfather and grandmother had a fight, 33 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,256 they split up, the old man took off. 34 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,146 Imagine that. They been married over 50 years. 35 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,246 50 years... 36 00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:27,466 Gee, I wonder what happened. 37 00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:30,050 Maybe one of them got a new pair of glasses. 38 00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,656 Think I ought to call Felix in Acapulco and tell him? 39 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,126 Nah, I wouldn't bother him. 40 00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:36,906 I mean, where's an old guy like that gonna go? 41 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,446 He probably went down to one of these massage parlors. 42 00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:40,656 He'll be back in 20 minutes. 43 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,536 Hey, maybe that's Felix. 44 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,330 Bite your tongue. 45 00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:49,940 Hello, son. 46 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,290 Little Felix here? 47 00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,786 No, he's not, he's not... 48 00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:54,386 You must be Grandpa Unger! That's right. 49 00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:55,826 Well, come on in, sir, come on in. 50 00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:56,926 Are you sure it's all right? 51 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,166 Of course it's all right. 52 00:01:58,190 --> 00:01:59,896 Give me your bag. I'm glad you're all right. 53 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,436 Hey, Felix's grandfather came here. 54 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,716 How are you? Hi, Grandpa. 55 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:05,700 I wouldn't want to be any trouble to anybody. 56 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:19,130 On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself 57 00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:21,260 from his place of residence. 58 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,950 That request came from his wife. 59 00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,406 Deep down, he knew she was right, 60 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:29,870 but he also knew that someday he would return to her. 61 00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:31,830 With nowhere else to go, 62 00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,096 he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. 63 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,366 Several years earlier, 64 00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:36,966 Madison's wife had thrown him out, 65 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,640 requesting that he never return. 66 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:42,236 Can two divorced men share an apartment 67 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,820 without driving each other crazy? 68 00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:16,840 ♪ ♪ 69 00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:39,646 Felix Unger. 70 00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:40,676 Yeah, Unger. 71 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,746 U-N-G-E-R. 72 00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:44,870 Salay la casa? 73 00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,916 Hey, Oscar, that means he went out. 74 00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,510 Thanks, Pancho. 75 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,996 Well, operator, leave word, will you, for him to call back? 76 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:53,450 My name is Madison, yeah. 77 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,976 Tell him to call his casa here when he gets back. Right. 78 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,080 How about that? 79 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,130 I got an 80-year-old runaway. 80 00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:02,366 Felix is out salaying his casa. 81 00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:04,236 I thought this was gonna be a fun week. 82 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:05,476 Ah, maybe he won't stay long. 83 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,976 What'd you think he had 84 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,750 in those two big suitcases, denture powder? 85 00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:12,676 Hey, Oscar, remember when Felix showed up here the night 86 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,176 his wife kicked him out, how depressed he was, you remember? 87 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,666 Yeah, he even tried to kill himself. 88 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:17,816 Come on, fellas, don't remind me. 89 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,406 I don't want to have to go through that again. 90 00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:20,966 Here I am, boys, ready for action. 91 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:21,920 Oh, hi, Grandpa! Hi! 92 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,370 You look good. 93 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,736 Changed into my comfies. 94 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:25,846 Ah, yeah. 95 00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:27,946 I feel like a young man in a bachelor pad. 96 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,376 With all the young bucks. 97 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,960 Well, I'll bet two dollars on this. Let's go. 98 00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,270 Cost you two dollars. Well, let's see what you got. 99 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,736 Well, unless something's running wild, 100 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,606 those three aces are gonna be hard to beat. 101 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,006 I'm out. 102 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,306 I'm out. I'm out. 103 00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,930 Your trouble is, you don't have a poker face. 104 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,200 I'll work on it. 105 00:04:48,270 --> 00:04:50,830 Ah, this brings back memories. 106 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,016 After 57 years, I'm a free man. 107 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,186 I should have done this years ago. 108 00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,286 Whoo! 109 00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:59,040 Smoke, smoke, it's terrible. 110 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,496 Don't know how you stand it. 111 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,526 Would you ante up? My first shot at a good pot... 112 00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:03,830 Come on, ante up. 113 00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:08,500 There you are. 114 00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:10,086 Best stuff. 115 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,656 Say, you mind if I sit in? 116 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,126 No, no. All right, sit down. 117 00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:15,290 Oh, no, no. 118 00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:16,556 I'll just kibitz, ah. 119 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,796 Okay. There we go. 120 00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,066 Ah. 121 00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,676 This is mine, huh? Playing for keepsies? 122 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:24,070 Oh, and take homesies, tax freesies. 123 00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:28,676 Well, it's awful nice of you fellas to... 124 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,836 Watch your drink, son. 125 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:32,206 You already got a great big stain there. 126 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,960 Boy, I'm having a ball. 127 00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,346 Up to me? 128 00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:36,576 I bet two dollars again. 129 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,926 Okay. Let's see what you got. 130 00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,230 What? 131 00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:40,346 Yeah. 132 00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:41,486 Three queens. 133 00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:42,450 Oh, I'm out. 134 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,786 I'm out. I'm out. 135 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,090 Why are you crying? 136 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:52,850 I had a queen. 137 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,660 A real queen. 138 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,180 And she threw me out. 139 00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,820 Uh, excuse me, boys, I... 140 00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:05,380 I-I want to be by myself. 141 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,650 I'm gonna have to live through it again. 142 00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:20,036 Hi, Gramp. 143 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,676 Game broke up. I saw your light on. 144 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:22,640 Yeah. 145 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,046 Oh, packing to go home, huh? 146 00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:25,846 Well, I think it's the sensible thing to do. 147 00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:28,016 No, I'm unpacking to stay. 148 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,546 I've got no place to go. 149 00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:31,486 My Mimi threw me out. 150 00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:33,056 Tossed me aside like the wrapper 151 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,480 on a fudge bar. 152 00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:35,826 It can't be that serious. 153 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,556 Why did she throw you out? 154 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:38,586 Jealousy. 155 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,326 You were fooling around? 156 00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:42,790 No, I was jealous of her. 157 00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:45,036 Nobody'd fool around with me. 158 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,890 But her... 159 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,260 They voted her Miss Needlepoint. 160 00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:52,006 And her entry was rotten. 161 00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:54,376 It had a house with a crooked chimney. 162 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,376 But she winked at the judge, 163 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,606 and they gave her the prize. 164 00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:59,226 Maybe she just had something in her eye. 165 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:03,120 You tell me that, and I'll tell you another. 166 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,570 What about her and the golf pro? 167 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,966 You have a golf course down there? 168 00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:09,610 Two holes. 169 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,820 What'd he look like? 170 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,156 He was a real slick operator. 171 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,096 Spitting image of Lawrence Welk. 172 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,060 Hey... 173 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,196 Don't sit on the bed. 174 00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,296 You'll mess the spread. 175 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,796 Well, tell me about the golf pro. 176 00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:24,450 Well, last night, she didn't come home 177 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,676 from the tournament till almost 9:00. 178 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,740 Said he gave her a lift in his cart, and it ran out of current. 179 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:33,746 I accused her of adultery. 180 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:36,130 On a golf cart? 181 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,480 She threw me out. 182 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,370 Said I was a paranoid, jealous lunatic. 183 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,900 Now she's exaggerating. 184 00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:43,380 No, she isn't. 185 00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:45,386 Well, look, I mean, it sounds like 186 00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:47,156 a simple case of misunderstanding. 187 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,226 Why don't you call her? 188 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,696 Why don't you call her right now? 189 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,660 No. 190 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,650 She doesn't want me. 191 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,736 Then I'll call her. 192 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,460 She doesn't want you, either. 193 00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:58,300 Tonight's bingo night. 194 00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,836 I'm glad I'm not there to see that. 195 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,676 See what? Beans. 196 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:02,776 Did you say "beans"? 197 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,100 Beans. 198 00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:06,730 They move her bingo beans for her. 199 00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,176 How'd you like to sit there 200 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,130 and watch four guys move your wife's beans around? 201 00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,150 Huh. 202 00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:15,486 Hang this up. 203 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,040 Beans, golf pro. 204 00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,126 Believe me, Grandpa, one good night's sleep, 205 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,356 you're gonna forget about the whole thing. 206 00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,626 You'll want to go back to her. 207 00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:23,696 You sound as if you want to get rid of me, too. 208 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,366 No, no, stay as long as you want. Oh. 209 00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,960 Listen, I did have some special plans for this week, but... 210 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,366 Can't you make believe I'm not here? 211 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,666 I-I won't bother anybody. 212 00:08:30,690 --> 00:08:31,706 Oh, I'm sure you won't. 213 00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:33,730 Okay. Oscar... Yeah? 214 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:37,090 You seem like a peppy sort, full of life. 215 00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:39,496 Don't let me bring you down. 216 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,166 Okay, Grandpa. Good night. 217 00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,470 Good night. 218 00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:53,676 I'm telling you, Murray, you don't know what it's like 219 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,516 living with a depressed, old man for three days. 220 00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:57,210 Oh, I'm sorry, Oscar. 221 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,646 Well, look, tonight we'll all be over for the big poker game. 222 00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:01,116 That ought to cheer you up. 223 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,116 Forgot to tell you, there isn't any poker game tonight. 224 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:04,816 Why? Because of Grandpa. 225 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,386 9:30, he goes to bed. 226 00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:08,286 At 10:00, you can't use the bathroom, 227 00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,556 because he needs it every ten minutes. 228 00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,410 Smoke bothers him, if you make any noise, it wakes him up, 229 00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:15,836 he comes out, joins the game and announces my cards. 230 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:18,296 Okay, we'll have the game at my house. 231 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,356 All you guys come over. 232 00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,030 Are you kidding? I can't. 233 00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,390 I'm afraid to leave him alone. 234 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:24,276 All he does is sit there and cry. 235 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,860 It's like living with Johnnie Ray. 236 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,460 If he's not crying, he's cleaning. 237 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,616 You think Felix was neat? 238 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,920 I'm living with his guru. 239 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,600 There he is... 240 00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:41,326 Look at him. 241 00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:43,290 The gray tornado. 242 00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:48,166 Hi. 243 00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,610 It's the cops. 244 00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:53,230 Have they come for me? 245 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,786 It's not a cop, it's Murray. 246 00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,126 You remember, from the poker game? 247 00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:59,020 Oh, yeah, yeah. 248 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,430 I didn't recognize your face. 249 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:04,300 You didn't recognize that face? 250 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,930 Yeah, you're the fellow with the high cheekbones, aren't you? 251 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,236 Well, just enjoy yourselves, fellas. 252 00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,320 Don't pay any attention to me. 253 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,370 Try to eat over the table; I just vacuumed the rug. 254 00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:17,990 There we are. 255 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,470 You're a nice boy. 256 00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:22,970 There you are, Oscar. 257 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:23,980 Need a napkin. 258 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,046 Let me see. 259 00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:27,000 There, look at that. 260 00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,970 I'll just finish up in here, 261 00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:33,756 and then I'll clean the storage room. 262 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,340 What storage room? 263 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,740 Room across the hall from mine. 264 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,770 Full of all kinds of junk. 265 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,050 Germs you've never seen. 266 00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,556 No, no, that's my bedroom, Grandpa. 267 00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,630 Oh, well, well, 268 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,506 I'll-I'll have it all spic and span before you can... 269 00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,946 Oh, no, no, no, I can't allow you to go in there. 270 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,016 You don't know your way around, you can get hurt. 271 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,140 Gee, I... I would consider it a challenge. 272 00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,146 I'm sorry, I can't let you go. Even Felix can't go in there. 273 00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,386 I'm sorry, I must be adamant about that. 274 00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:00,886 I believe I can No, Grandpa, you can't. 275 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,526 Do it justice, I... No, sir. 276 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:04,136 Please? No, I say please. No. 277 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,060 What's the matter now? 278 00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:09,960 Cleaning is my therapy. 279 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,380 It's all I have left. 280 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,840 Guess I'll go drown my sorrows in detergent. 281 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:30,086 He came all the way from Sunshine City 282 00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:32,670 to rain on my parade. 283 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:37,720 This is my grandson, Felix. 284 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,310 Oh, yes, I remember him. 285 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,996 He's a regular down here, isn't he? Yeah. 286 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,066 I'm sacking out up at his place. 287 00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:47,366 Oh. Yeah. 288 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:50,690 Yeah, I want you to see my Army discharge. 289 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,660 It's signed by Pershing himself. 290 00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:56,070 Oh, Black Jack Pershing! 291 00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:57,460 Yeah. 292 00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:59,376 They don't make them like that anymore. Oh, no. 293 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:03,170 Ah... that's all she wrote. 294 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,910 Well, Albert, it seems to me like you've had a rich, 295 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:10,680 full life, and got a wonderful family. 296 00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:14,450 Yeah. All except for my butterflying wife... 297 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,080 who kicked me out in the street. 298 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,490 Are you sure that she got frisky with that golf pro? 299 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:24,250 Yeah. He's also recreation director down there, 300 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,700 and I know his recreation. 301 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,070 Riding my Mimi in a cart. 302 00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:30,760 Well, maybe she should have just turned him down. 303 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,600 She claims you turn down one of those babies and... 304 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,190 No more badminton. 305 00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:39,010 Do those old folks play badminton down there? 306 00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:41,036 Well, it's not a very rough game. 307 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,860 We play 40 on a side. 308 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,896 We just do it to raise a little breeze. 309 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:50,760 May I? Oh, thank you so much. 310 00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:54,120 Well, I personally like a jealous man. 311 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,436 You do? Mm-hmm. 312 00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:58,630 Better than my Morrie. God rest his soul. 313 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:01,700 My Morrie was a drinker. Oh. 314 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,660 I'd rather have them green-eyed than pie-eyed. 315 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,930 Yes sir, I'll take a jealous man anytime. 316 00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:12,610 You know, I think it shows character. 317 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,260 You know something, Loretta? 318 00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:16,820 I like you. You cheer me up. 319 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,730 Oh, I like you, too, Albert. 320 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,500 Oh, since we're getting along so nicely, 321 00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:25,410 shall we fluff and fold together? I'd adore it. 322 00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:38,830 Do something! 323 00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,340 Gin! 324 00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:49,890 How many points you got? Six. 325 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,776 Six?! Six, six, six! 326 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,146 What's the matter? Don't you trust me? 327 00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:55,730 One, two... what am I, on Sesame Street? Six! 328 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,816 Well, that gives me two more boxes, 329 00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,936 and that's a Schneider, Oscar. 330 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,960 Deal, Schneider, deal, deal. 331 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:05,656 You know... I had a great uncle once. Yeah? 332 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,550 Yeah, 90 years old. Grey all over. 333 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,070 All except his hair. 334 00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:17,010 You're a great raconteur, you know that, Murray? 335 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:19,716 And after this treat, 336 00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:21,706 I got gloomy Grandpa to look forward to. 337 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,800 Hey, boys! Whoopee! 338 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,926 What does that mean? 339 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,940 I've got great news. 340 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,706 You're leaving, going back to your wife. When? 341 00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:31,216 Better than that. I've got me a date for tonight. 342 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,716 A date? She lives right in this building. 343 00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,540 Her name is Loretta Spoon. 344 00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:37,280 What a knockout! She's built! 345 00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,260 And hears every word you say! 346 00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:44,356 Hey... listen, if you got a date, 347 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,866 then we can play poker tonight, huh? 348 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,196 You can play all night, as far as I'm concerned. 349 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,780 I've got me a date. I may get lucky. 350 00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,536 Mr. Madison? Yes? 351 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:07,840 I'm Loretta Spoon. 352 00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:10,450 Loretta Spoon! Come in, Loretta Spoon! 353 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,756 You're always welcome in our house, Loretta Spoon! 354 00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,986 You, your whole gang sure is fast. 355 00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,780 That's because we love you. 356 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,256 I'll tell Grandpa his date is here. 357 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,696 Oh, no, wait a minute, M-Mr. Madison. Uh... excuse me. 358 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,016 I-I was afraid he might misunderstand. 359 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,340 We don't have a date tonight. 360 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,480 You see, we... 361 00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:29,360 we fluffed and we folded and... 362 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,230 But he's... he's been in his room dressing all day. 363 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,496 I mean... well, couldn't you go out with him just for tonight? 364 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,460 No, I'm sorry. You see, 365 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,926 I have a steady gentleman friend. 366 00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,736 Maybe I should have mentioned that. 367 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,236 Ah, I hope you don't think I'm leading your roommate on. 368 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,316 Roommate... oh, he's not my roommate. 369 00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,140 Well, you'll tell him... 370 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:50,280 that I am very proud to know a man who served 371 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,390 under Black Jack Pershing. 372 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:55,010 And you tell him I'm sorry I can't go out on the date. 373 00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,100 Oh, I... I hope I didn't ruin anybody's plans. 374 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,500 I'm really not a tease. 375 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,236 Grandpa... Hi, Osc. 376 00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,680 You want some Bay Rum? 377 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,530 From what bay? 378 00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,900 I've saved this since my honeymoon. 379 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,020 I was a rascal then and I'm gonna be a rascal again. 380 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,770 'Cause Bay Rum turns me on. 381 00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,146 I wanted to talk to you about that date tonight. 382 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,586 I don't really think you ought to go. 383 00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,060 Why not? I'm of legal age. 384 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,290 Enough for four men. 385 00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:55,140 Oh, I've got a kick full of simoolians 386 00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:57,040 and I'm going to blow it! 387 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,526 Yeah, but I mean, you're a married man. 388 00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,366 Do you think it's the right thing to do? 389 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:02,990 What's good for the goose is good for the gander. 390 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,790 You know what I'd like to do? 391 00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:09,430 I'd like to waltz Loretta right down to Sunshine City 392 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,350 and show Mimi I've still got my charisma! 393 00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:18,776 I have s... some good news for you and some bad news. Yeah? 394 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,720 You haven't lost your charisma. I mean, you've got that. 395 00:17:22,790 --> 00:17:25,036 But you don't have a date, either. 396 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:26,970 What? 397 00:17:27,050 --> 00:17:30,020 Well, Loretta was just here, and... 398 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,296 Well, she said she was being nice to cheer you up. 399 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,786 It's nothing against you, it's just that she has a steady boyfriend. 400 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,346 The elevator man. What? 401 00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:40,886 It's the elevator man. They can't fool me. 402 00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,800 Every time I looked up, they were exchanging glances. 403 00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,156 Oh, now, look... Don't get jealous. 404 00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:47,826 It has nothing to do with you. 405 00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:49,326 The fellows will be over any minute. 406 00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,126 Why don't you come out and play poker with us, huh? No. 407 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,566 Look, I won't deal you any queens. 408 00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:55,030 I'll stay in here and... 409 00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:57,650 clean up a little, take a couple of showers. 410 00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,060 Life goes on. 411 00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:04,970 You've already taken three showers. You're going to shrivel up. 412 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,976 I want to be alone, Oscar. Just... 413 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,116 You're sure you'll be all right? I'm fine, fine. 414 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,110 Okay. 415 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,326 I knew it. 416 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:18,850 I was thrown over again. 417 00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:22,540 That's twice in one century. 418 00:18:25,540 --> 00:18:27,786 Murray, why don't you sit down when you're dealing, huh? 419 00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:30,510 Because I can't see over all these chips. 420 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,656 I may have to borrow something from Oscar to take them home in. 421 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,240 Why don't you use your nose? 422 00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,220 Telephone! 423 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,450 Hello? Yeah. 424 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:49,626 Murray, you. 425 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,820 Ah, excuse me, gentlemen. 426 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,810 Hey, no matter who it is, you're not leaving this room. 427 00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,760 Thank you, Oscar. 428 00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,450 Eeeyello! 429 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,490 Mm-hmm! 430 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,660 What? Yeah, r-right away. 431 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,456 Hey, guys, I've got to leave the game. 432 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,656 You're not leaving here, Murray! 433 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,256 I got to go. This is my sergeant. 434 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,406 There's a leaper in the neighborhood. 435 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:12,860 A leaper? What's a leaper? 436 00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,070 That's a suicide jumper! 437 00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:16,810 Sarge, what's the address? 438 00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:19,030 Uh-huh. 439 00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:21,050 Oscar, where's 1049 Park Avenue? 440 00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,360 This is 1049 Park Avenue! 441 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,470 What floor, Sarge? 442 00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:29,246 The 11th floor. 11th... This is the 11th floor. 443 00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:31,746 All right, come on, stand back! No, Grandpa! 444 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,780 Ooh, what? He's out there? 445 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:36,210 Oscar, let me handle this! 446 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,950 Look, at the police academy I got an "A" in leapers. 447 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,786 What are you going to say to him? Don't worry! 448 00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:42,456 I'll just say, "Grandpa, don't jump. 449 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,656 "Think of all the people who love you. 450 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,826 Think of your wife in Sunshine City." 451 00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:48,750 Dumbo! That's why he's jumping. I'll do it. 452 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,506 Don't jump, Grandpa. 453 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,500 Oscar... help me... 454 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,176 Don't jump! I don't want to jump. 455 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,426 I want to come in. 456 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:01,730 Well, come on in, then. 457 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,026 I can't. Why not? 458 00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,660 I can't move. I'm petrified! All right... 459 00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,146 I'm cold. All right... wait. 460 00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,136 I'll come and get you. I'll come and get you. 461 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,456 Easy, Oscar. 462 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,216 - Don't look down! - Now he tells me. 463 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,586 Easy, Oscar. 464 00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,696 Looking up ain't much of a bargain, either. Yeah. 465 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,966 Okay, okay. Don't lean back against the building. 466 00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:20,440 It's dirty. 467 00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,380 Don't! 468 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,916 Okay... Easy... easy. 469 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:30,586 Okay... 470 00:20:30,610 --> 00:20:32,136 I got you. Let him go! 471 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,596 Okay... grab it! Grab it! Grab it! 472 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,096 Grab it, grab it, grab it! Attaboy, grab it, grab it! 473 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,680 Got him? 474 00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:41,880 I'm glad you're not drowning. 475 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,356 Here... give me your hand, Oscar. 476 00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,286 Okay, good, we're okay. Easy. 477 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,756 Easy. Get him, get him, get him! 478 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,440 Get him, get him, that a boy. 479 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,450 Get him, get him. 480 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,596 Easy, easy! Easy! 481 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:57,036 Watch your head! Watch your head. 482 00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:59,616 There we got you, Grampie! Yes! 483 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,470 Yeah, you're all right... 484 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,250 Get me out of here! 485 00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:07,040 Get me out of here, will ya? 486 00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:14,460 Why are you so sad? 487 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,166 I called your wife. She'll be here any minute. 488 00:21:16,190 --> 00:21:17,750 You know that's what you want. 489 00:21:17,830 --> 00:21:20,390 Don't sit there like Willie Loman. It's all arranged. 490 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,870 It won't work. 491 00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:26,376 As soon as I see her, I'll ruin it. I know it. 492 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,946 Why? Because of my insane jealousy. 493 00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:33,220 As soon as I see her, I run amok. I'm an animal! 494 00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:36,490 Well, that's ridiculous. You're not too old to change. 495 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,006 Ah... You know what we're going to do, Grandpa? 496 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,406 What? We're gonna rehearse. 497 00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:41,506 I'm going to be Mimi. You be you. 498 00:21:41,530 --> 00:21:42,976 We'll see what you say when I come in, okay? 499 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,376 You'll be Mimi? Yeah. 500 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,190 Heh, heh, heh... Don't laugh. 501 00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:49,466 Just use your imagination. We're going to pretend. 502 00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:51,766 I want to see if we can correct the wrong things, okay? 503 00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:52,876 I'm Mimi. Right? All right. 504 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,606 Okay. Here we go. Right. 505 00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:56,646 Okay. I ring the bell and I'm in. 506 00:21:56,670 --> 00:21:58,170 Hello, Albert. 507 00:21:58,230 --> 00:22:01,400 Hello, Mimi. Why'd you wear that dress? 508 00:22:01,470 --> 00:22:02,880 You know I hate it. 509 00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,330 What dress? 510 00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,466 The brown print with the plunging neckline. 511 00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:09,350 I'm wearing a brown print with a plunging neckline? 512 00:22:09,430 --> 00:22:11,976 Well, what do you call it? No, you... you're imagining too good. 513 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,076 Look, look, I'm Mimi and I'm not wearing anything. 514 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,360 Okay... No, forget it. 515 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,696 I'm wearing a dress that you like. 516 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,696 Well, I like the blue dress... Oh, forget the dress! 517 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,936 But she won't wear it. We don't have much time. She's gonna be here soon. 518 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,536 Come on, let's try it again, all right? 519 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:25,806 All right... ring, and I'm in. 520 00:22:25,830 --> 00:22:28,700 Hello, Albert. So nice to see you. 521 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,076 I haven't slept since you left. 522 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,940 Hah-hah... you haven't shaved, either. 523 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,130 Are you going to cut it out? 524 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,516 Now, come on. Let's try one more time. Now stop it! 525 00:22:38,540 --> 00:22:40,356 Okay... yes... Come on. Here we go. 526 00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:41,586 Yes. Ring and I'm in. 527 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,540 Hello, Albert. 528 00:22:42,610 --> 00:22:43,960 Hello, Mimi. 529 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,730 When Oscar called me, I came right over. 530 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,100 I caught the first bus. 531 00:22:48,170 --> 00:22:50,730 Did you try to pick up the bus driver, as usual? 532 00:22:50,790 --> 00:22:53,410 Wink in his rearview mirror? I know your style! 533 00:22:53,470 --> 00:22:56,336 I know your style! Why are you attacking like that? 534 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:57,706 Oh, no. I know. 535 00:22:57,730 --> 00:22:59,236 Listen, wait a minute. I want to show you... 536 00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:00,706 You be Mimi. I'll be you. Jealousy... 537 00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:02,156 I'll show you what you should do. 538 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:04,256 I'll be Mimi? You be Mimi, yes. Okay, you got it? 539 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,826 I got it. Okay. 540 00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:07,816 Don't bother to go up the stairs. We don't have that much time. 541 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,330 All right... ready. 542 00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:13,610 Here I am. Hello. 543 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,110 Hello, Mimi. You look lovely. 544 00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:17,480 Hello, Albert. 545 00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:20,720 Sorry I wore the brown print. I know you don't... 546 00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:23,380 I threw myself into the part. 547 00:23:23,450 --> 00:23:24,726 Forget that, will you? Listen... 548 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:28,200 I'm awfully sorry, Mimi, that I have been jealous. 549 00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,316 I know I have no right to be jealous 550 00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:32,716 and I shouldn't be jealous. I know I can trust you. 551 00:23:32,740 --> 00:23:34,206 No, you have every right to be jealous. 552 00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:36,676 The minute your back was turned I've been throwing myself 553 00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:38,370 at every man in Sunshine City. 554 00:23:38,430 --> 00:23:39,996 I'm no good. You shouldn't trust me. I'm rotten! 555 00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:41,896 Is that what she would say? No, I say that! 556 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,696 Yeah, but who are you when you say that? 557 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,280 Are you Mimi or are you Albert? I don't understand... 558 00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:53,340 Hello, Albert. 559 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,620 Hello, Mimi. 560 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,810 See? I told you she'd wear the brown print. 561 00:23:58,890 --> 00:24:02,460 Oh, but look. I pinned it up. See? Does it look better? 562 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,990 Yes. 563 00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:06,206 How'd the bingo game go last night? 564 00:24:06,230 --> 00:24:08,220 Oh... I won. 565 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,800 Of course you won. How much help did you get from your admirers? 566 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,730 I'm sorry. 567 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,930 I'm only jealous because you're so beautiful. 568 00:24:18,010 --> 00:24:19,916 Can you forgive me? 569 00:24:19,940 --> 00:24:22,990 Oh, Albert. 570 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,590 Well, I tell you. It's great to go away from home, 571 00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:43,476 and it's great to come back home. 572 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:45,740 Playing gin, huh? 573 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,210 Let's see what you got. 574 00:24:48,290 --> 00:24:51,110 Huh... you could gin if you had a four. 575 00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:53,130 I knock with a four. 38559