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1
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:19,770
I don't know what it is,
Oscar, but there's a different
2
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,486
kind of feeling about
this place tonight.
3
00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:23,616
The difference
is, Felix isn't here.
4
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,486
It's an anxiety-free poker game.
5
00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:26,716
How long's he gonna be gone?
6
00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:29,640
One week... one delicious
week of pizza, enchiladas
7
00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:30,986
and the marvelous taste
8
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,010
of cardboard cartons.
9
00:00:33,170 --> 00:00:34,426
I knocked over my drink.
10
00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:36,726
So? Don't worry
about it. He's not here.
11
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,196
Look, we'll put in,
we'll make mud pies.
12
00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:39,950
Here.
13
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,066
How'd these coasters
get on the table?
14
00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:43,166
Felix isn't here.
15
00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:44,776
Tonight, we live, live, live.
16
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,076
I can't live, live, live
17
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,706
unless you bet, bet, bet, huh?
18
00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:49,806
Hey, do me a favor and smoke
toward New Jersey, will you?
19
00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:50,906
Here, I'm out.
20
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,010
Hello.
21
00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,386
No, he's not. He's in Acapulco.
22
00:00:58,410 --> 00:01:01,160
About a week.
23
00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:04,530
Any message?
24
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,140
Sure.
25
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,816
Yeah, well, if he
calls, I'll tell him.
26
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,120
Okay, bye-bye.
27
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:11,736
Who was that?
28
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,996
It was the director of Sunshine
City for Senior Citizens.
29
00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,406
Oh, what did they
want you to cover,
30
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:16,360
the shuffleboard tournament?
31
00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,920
Very funny. No.
32
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:21,550
Felix's grandfather and
grandmother had a fight,
33
00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,256
they split up, the
old man took off.
34
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,146
Imagine that. They been
married over 50 years.
35
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,246
50 years...
36
00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:27,466
Gee, I wonder what happened.
37
00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:30,050
Maybe one of them got
a new pair of glasses.
38
00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,656
Think I ought to call Felix
in Acapulco and tell him?
39
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,126
Nah, I wouldn't bother him.
40
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:36,906
I mean, where's an old
guy like that gonna go?
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,446
He probably went down to
one of these massage parlors.
42
00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:40,656
He'll be back in 20 minutes.
43
00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,536
Hey, maybe that's Felix.
44
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,330
Bite your tongue.
45
00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:49,940
Hello, son.
46
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,290
Little Felix here?
47
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,786
No, he's not, he's not...
48
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:54,386
You must be Grandpa
Unger! That's right.
49
00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:55,826
Well, come on
in, sir, come on in.
50
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:56,926
Are you sure it's all right?
51
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,166
Of course it's all right.
52
00:01:58,190 --> 00:01:59,896
Give me your bag.
I'm glad you're all right.
53
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,436
Hey, Felix's
grandfather came here.
54
00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,716
How are you? Hi, Grandpa.
55
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:05,700
I wouldn't want to be
any trouble to anybody.
56
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:19,130
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
57
00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:21,260
from his place of residence.
58
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,950
That request came from his wife.
59
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,406
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
60
00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:29,870
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
61
00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:31,830
With nowhere else to go,
62
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,096
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
63
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,366
Several years earlier,
64
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:36,966
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
65
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,640
requesting that he never return.
66
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:42,236
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
67
00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,820
without driving
each other crazy?
68
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:16,840
♪ ♪
69
00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:39,646
Felix Unger.
70
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:40,676
Yeah, Unger.
71
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,746
U-N-G-E-R.
72
00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:44,870
Salay la casa?
73
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,916
Hey, Oscar, that
means he went out.
74
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,510
Thanks, Pancho.
75
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,996
Well, operator, leave word,
will you, for him to call back?
76
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:53,450
My name is Madison, yeah.
77
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,976
Tell him to call his casa
here when he gets back. Right.
78
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,080
How about that?
79
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,130
I got an 80-year-old runaway.
80
00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:02,366
Felix is out salaying his casa.
81
00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:04,236
I thought this was
gonna be a fun week.
82
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:05,476
Ah, maybe he won't stay long.
83
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,976
What'd you think he had
84
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,750
in those two big
suitcases, denture powder?
85
00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:12,676
Hey, Oscar, remember when
Felix showed up here the night
86
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,176
his wife kicked him out, how
depressed he was, you remember?
87
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,666
Yeah, he even
tried to kill himself.
88
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:17,816
Come on, fellas,
don't remind me.
89
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,406
I don't want to have to
go through that again.
90
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:20,966
Here I am, boys,
ready for action.
91
00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:21,920
Oh, hi, Grandpa! Hi!
92
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,370
You look good.
93
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,736
Changed into my comfies.
94
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:25,846
Ah, yeah.
95
00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:27,946
I feel like a young
man in a bachelor pad.
96
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,376
With all the young bucks.
97
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,960
Well, I'll bet two
dollars on this. Let's go.
98
00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,270
Cost you two dollars.
Well, let's see what you got.
99
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,736
Well, unless
something's running wild,
100
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,606
those three aces are
gonna be hard to beat.
101
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,006
I'm out.
102
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,306
I'm out. I'm out.
103
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,930
Your trouble is, you
don't have a poker face.
104
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,200
I'll work on it.
105
00:04:48,270 --> 00:04:50,830
Ah, this brings back memories.
106
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,016
After 57 years, I'm a free man.
107
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,186
I should have
done this years ago.
108
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,286
Whoo!
109
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:59,040
Smoke, smoke, it's terrible.
110
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,496
Don't know how you stand it.
111
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,526
Would you ante up? My
first shot at a good pot...
112
00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:03,830
Come on, ante up.
113
00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:08,500
There you are.
114
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:10,086
Best stuff.
115
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,656
Say, you mind if I sit in?
116
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,126
No, no. All right, sit down.
117
00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:15,290
Oh, no, no.
118
00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:16,556
I'll just kibitz, ah.
119
00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,796
Okay. There we go.
120
00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,066
Ah.
121
00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,676
This is mine, huh?
Playing for keepsies?
122
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:24,070
Oh, and take
homesies, tax freesies.
123
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:28,676
Well, it's awful nice
of you fellas to...
124
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,836
Watch your drink, son.
125
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:32,206
You already got a
great big stain there.
126
00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,960
Boy, I'm having a ball.
127
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,346
Up to me?
128
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:36,576
I bet two dollars again.
129
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,926
Okay. Let's see what you got.
130
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,230
What?
131
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:40,346
Yeah.
132
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:41,486
Three queens.
133
00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:42,450
Oh, I'm out.
134
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,786
I'm out. I'm out.
135
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,090
Why are you crying?
136
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:52,850
I had a queen.
137
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,660
A real queen.
138
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,180
And she threw me out.
139
00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,820
Uh, excuse me, boys, I...
140
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:05,380
I-I want to be by myself.
141
00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,650
I'm gonna have to
live through it again.
142
00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:20,036
Hi, Gramp.
143
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,676
Game broke up. I
saw your light on.
144
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:22,640
Yeah.
145
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,046
Oh, packing to go home, huh?
146
00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:25,846
Well, I think it's the
sensible thing to do.
147
00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:28,016
No, I'm unpacking to stay.
148
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,546
I've got no place to go.
149
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:31,486
My Mimi threw me out.
150
00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:33,056
Tossed me aside like the wrapper
151
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,480
on a fudge bar.
152
00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:35,826
It can't be that serious.
153
00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,556
Why did she throw you out?
154
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:38,586
Jealousy.
155
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,326
You were fooling around?
156
00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:42,790
No, I was jealous of her.
157
00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:45,036
Nobody'd fool around with me.
158
00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,890
But her...
159
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,260
They voted her Miss Needlepoint.
160
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:52,006
And her entry was rotten.
161
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:54,376
It had a house with
a crooked chimney.
162
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,376
But she winked at the judge,
163
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,606
and they gave her the prize.
164
00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:59,226
Maybe she just had
something in her eye.
165
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:03,120
You tell me that, and
I'll tell you another.
166
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,570
What about her and the golf pro?
167
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,966
You have a golf
course down there?
168
00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:09,610
Two holes.
169
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,820
What'd he look like?
170
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,156
He was a real slick operator.
171
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,096
Spitting image of Lawrence Welk.
172
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,060
Hey...
173
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,196
Don't sit on the bed.
174
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,296
You'll mess the spread.
175
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,796
Well, tell me
about the golf pro.
176
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:24,450
Well, last night, she
didn't come home
177
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,676
from the tournament
till almost 9:00.
178
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,740
Said he gave her a lift in his
cart, and it ran out of current.
179
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:33,746
I accused her of adultery.
180
00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:36,130
On a golf cart?
181
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,480
She threw me out.
182
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,370
Said I was a paranoid,
jealous lunatic.
183
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,900
Now she's exaggerating.
184
00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:43,380
No, she isn't.
185
00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:45,386
Well, look, I
mean, it sounds like
186
00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:47,156
a simple case of
misunderstanding.
187
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,226
Why don't you call her?
188
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,696
Why don't you
call her right now?
189
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,660
No.
190
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,650
She doesn't want me.
191
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,736
Then I'll call her.
192
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,460
She doesn't want you, either.
193
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:58,300
Tonight's bingo night.
194
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,836
I'm glad I'm not
there to see that.
195
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,676
See what? Beans.
196
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:02,776
Did you say "beans"?
197
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,100
Beans.
198
00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:06,730
They move her
bingo beans for her.
199
00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,176
How'd you like to sit there
200
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,130
and watch four guys move
your wife's beans around?
201
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,150
Huh.
202
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:15,486
Hang this up.
203
00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,040
Beans, golf pro.
204
00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,126
Believe me, Grandpa,
one good night's sleep,
205
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,356
you're gonna forget
about the whole thing.
206
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,626
You'll want to go back to her.
207
00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:23,696
You sound as if you
want to get rid of me, too.
208
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,366
No, no, stay as long
as you want. Oh.
209
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,960
Listen, I did have some
special plans for this week, but...
210
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,366
Can't you make
believe I'm not here?
211
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,666
I-I won't bother anybody.
212
00:08:30,690 --> 00:08:31,706
Oh, I'm sure you won't.
213
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:33,730
Okay. Oscar... Yeah?
214
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:37,090
You seem like a
peppy sort, full of life.
215
00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:39,496
Don't let me bring you down.
216
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,166
Okay, Grandpa. Good night.
217
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,470
Good night.
218
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:53,676
I'm telling you, Murray,
you don't know what it's like
219
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,516
living with a depressed,
old man for three days.
220
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:57,210
Oh, I'm sorry, Oscar.
221
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,646
Well, look, tonight we'll all
be over for the big poker game.
222
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:01,116
That ought to cheer you up.
223
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,116
Forgot to tell you, there
isn't any poker game tonight.
224
00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:04,816
Why? Because of Grandpa.
225
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,386
9:30, he goes to bed.
226
00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:08,286
At 10:00, you can't
use the bathroom,
227
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,556
because he needs
it every ten minutes.
228
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,410
Smoke bothers him, if you
make any noise, it wakes him up,
229
00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:15,836
he comes out, joins the
game and announces my cards.
230
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:18,296
Okay, we'll have the
game at my house.
231
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,356
All you guys come over.
232
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,030
Are you kidding? I can't.
233
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,390
I'm afraid to leave him alone.
234
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:24,276
All he does is
sit there and cry.
235
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,860
It's like living
with Johnnie Ray.
236
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,460
If he's not crying,
he's cleaning.
237
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,616
You think Felix was neat?
238
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,920
I'm living with his guru.
239
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,600
There he is...
240
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:41,326
Look at him.
241
00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:43,290
The gray tornado.
242
00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:48,166
Hi.
243
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,610
It's the cops.
244
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:53,230
Have they come for me?
245
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,786
It's not a cop, it's Murray.
246
00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,126
You remember,
from the poker game?
247
00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:59,020
Oh, yeah, yeah.
248
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,430
I didn't recognize your face.
249
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:04,300
You didn't recognize that face?
250
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,930
Yeah, you're the fellow with
the high cheekbones, aren't you?
251
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,236
Well, just enjoy
yourselves, fellas.
252
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,320
Don't pay any attention to me.
253
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,370
Try to eat over the table;
I just vacuumed the rug.
254
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:17,990
There we are.
255
00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,470
You're a nice boy.
256
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:22,970
There you are, Oscar.
257
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:23,980
Need a napkin.
258
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,046
Let me see.
259
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:27,000
There, look at that.
260
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,970
I'll just finish up in here,
261
00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:33,756
and then I'll clean
the storage room.
262
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,340
What storage room?
263
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,740
Room across the hall from mine.
264
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,770
Full of all kinds of junk.
265
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,050
Germs you've never seen.
266
00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,556
No, no, that's my
bedroom, Grandpa.
267
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,630
Oh, well, well,
268
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,506
I'll-I'll have it all spic and
span before you can...
269
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,946
Oh, no, no, no, I can't
allow you to go in there.
270
00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,016
You don't know your way
around, you can get hurt.
271
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,140
Gee, I... I would
consider it a challenge.
272
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,146
I'm sorry, I can't let you go.
Even Felix can't go in there.
273
00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,386
I'm sorry, I must be
adamant about that.
274
00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:00,886
I believe I can No,
Grandpa, you can't.
275
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,526
Do it justice, I... No, sir.
276
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:04,136
Please? No, I say please. No.
277
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,060
What's the matter now?
278
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:09,960
Cleaning is my therapy.
279
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,380
It's all I have left.
280
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,840
Guess I'll go drown
my sorrows in detergent.
281
00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:30,086
He came all the way
from Sunshine City
282
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:32,670
to rain on my parade.
283
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:37,720
This is my grandson, Felix.
284
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,310
Oh, yes, I remember him.
285
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,996
He's a regular down
here, isn't he? Yeah.
286
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,066
I'm sacking out up at his place.
287
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:47,366
Oh. Yeah.
288
00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:50,690
Yeah, I want you to
see my Army discharge.
289
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,660
It's signed by Pershing himself.
290
00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:56,070
Oh, Black Jack Pershing!
291
00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:57,460
Yeah.
292
00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:59,376
They don't make them
like that anymore. Oh, no.
293
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:03,170
Ah... that's all she wrote.
294
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,910
Well, Albert, it seems to
me like you've had a rich,
295
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:10,680
full life, and got a
wonderful family.
296
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:14,450
Yeah. All except for
my butterflying wife...
297
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,080
who kicked me out in the street.
298
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,490
Are you sure that she
got frisky with that golf pro?
299
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:24,250
Yeah. He's also recreation
director down there,
300
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,700
and I know his recreation.
301
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,070
Riding my Mimi in a cart.
302
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:30,760
Well, maybe she should
have just turned him down.
303
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,600
She claims you turn down
one of those babies and...
304
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,190
No more badminton.
305
00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:39,010
Do those old folks play
badminton down there?
306
00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:41,036
Well, it's not a
very rough game.
307
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,860
We play 40 on a side.
308
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,896
We just do it to
raise a little breeze.
309
00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:50,760
May I? Oh, thank you so much.
310
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:54,120
Well, I personally
like a jealous man.
311
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,436
You do? Mm-hmm.
312
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:58,630
Better than my Morrie.
God rest his soul.
313
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:01,700
My Morrie was a drinker. Oh.
314
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,660
I'd rather have them
green-eyed than pie-eyed.
315
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,930
Yes sir, I'll take a
jealous man anytime.
316
00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:12,610
You know, I think
it shows character.
317
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,260
You know something, Loretta?
318
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:16,820
I like you. You cheer me up.
319
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,730
Oh, I like you, too, Albert.
320
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,500
Oh, since we're
getting along so nicely,
321
00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:25,410
shall we fluff and fold
together? I'd adore it.
322
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:38,830
Do something!
323
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,340
Gin!
324
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:49,890
How many points you got? Six.
325
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,776
Six?! Six, six, six!
326
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,146
What's the matter?
Don't you trust me?
327
00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:55,730
One, two... what am I,
on Sesame Street? Six!
328
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,816
Well, that gives
me two more boxes,
329
00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,936
and that's a Schneider, Oscar.
330
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Deal, Schneider, deal, deal.
331
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:05,656
You know... I had a
great uncle once. Yeah?
332
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,550
Yeah, 90 years
old. Grey all over.
333
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,070
All except his hair.
334
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:17,010
You're a great raconteur,
you know that, Murray?
335
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:19,716
And after this treat,
336
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:21,706
I got gloomy Grandpa
to look forward to.
337
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,800
Hey, boys! Whoopee!
338
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,926
What does that mean?
339
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,940
I've got great news.
340
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,706
You're leaving, going
back to your wife. When?
341
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:31,216
Better than that. I've
got me a date for tonight.
342
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,716
A date? She lives
right in this building.
343
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,540
Her name is Loretta Spoon.
344
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:37,280
What a knockout! She's built!
345
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,260
And hears every word you say!
346
00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:44,356
Hey... listen, if
you got a date,
347
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,866
then we can play
poker tonight, huh?
348
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,196
You can play all night,
as far as I'm concerned.
349
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,780
I've got me a date.
I may get lucky.
350
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,536
Mr. Madison? Yes?
351
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:07,840
I'm Loretta Spoon.
352
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:10,450
Loretta Spoon! Come
in, Loretta Spoon!
353
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,756
You're always welcome in
our house, Loretta Spoon!
354
00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,986
You, your whole
gang sure is fast.
355
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,780
That's because we love you.
356
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,256
I'll tell Grandpa
his date is here.
357
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,696
Oh, no, wait a minute, M-Mr.
Madison. Uh... excuse me.
358
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,016
I-I was afraid he
might misunderstand.
359
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,340
We don't have a date tonight.
360
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,480
You see, we...
361
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:29,360
we fluffed and we folded and...
362
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,230
But he's... he's been in
his room dressing all day.
363
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,496
I mean... well, couldn't you
go out with him just for tonight?
364
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,460
No, I'm sorry. You see,
365
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,926
I have a steady
gentleman friend.
366
00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,736
Maybe I should
have mentioned that.
367
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,236
Ah, I hope you don't think
I'm leading your roommate on.
368
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,316
Roommate... oh,
he's not my roommate.
369
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,140
Well, you'll tell him...
370
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:50,280
that I am very proud to
know a man who served
371
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,390
under Black Jack Pershing.
372
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:55,010
And you tell him I'm sorry
I can't go out on the date.
373
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,100
Oh, I... I hope I didn't
ruin anybody's plans.
374
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,500
I'm really not a tease.
375
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,236
Grandpa... Hi, Osc.
376
00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,680
You want some Bay Rum?
377
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,530
From what bay?
378
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,900
I've saved this
since my honeymoon.
379
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,020
I was a rascal then and
I'm gonna be a rascal again.
380
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,770
'Cause Bay Rum turns me on.
381
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,146
I wanted to talk to you
about that date tonight.
382
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,586
I don't really think
you ought to go.
383
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,060
Why not? I'm of legal age.
384
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,290
Enough for four men.
385
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:55,140
Oh, I've got a kick
full of simoolians
386
00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:57,040
and I'm going to blow it!
387
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,526
Yeah, but I mean,
you're a married man.
388
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,366
Do you think it's
the right thing to do?
389
00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:02,990
What's good for the goose
is good for the gander.
390
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,790
You know what I'd like to do?
391
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:09,430
I'd like to waltz Loretta
right down to Sunshine City
392
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,350
and show Mimi I've
still got my charisma!
393
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:18,776
I have s... some good news for
you and some bad news. Yeah?
394
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,720
You haven't lost your
charisma. I mean, you've got that.
395
00:17:22,790 --> 00:17:25,036
But you don't
have a date, either.
396
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:26,970
What?
397
00:17:27,050 --> 00:17:30,020
Well, Loretta was
just here, and...
398
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,296
Well, she said she was
being nice to cheer you up.
399
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,786
It's nothing against you, it's just
that she has a steady boyfriend.
400
00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,346
The elevator man. What?
401
00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:40,886
It's the elevator man.
They can't fool me.
402
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,800
Every time I looked up, they
were exchanging glances.
403
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,156
Oh, now, look...
Don't get jealous.
404
00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:47,826
It has nothing to do with you.
405
00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:49,326
The fellows will
be over any minute.
406
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,126
Why don't you come out and
play poker with us, huh? No.
407
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,566
Look, I won't deal
you any queens.
408
00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:55,030
I'll stay in here and...
409
00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:57,650
clean up a little, take
a couple of showers.
410
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,060
Life goes on.
411
00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:04,970
You've already taken three
showers. You're going to shrivel up.
412
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,976
I want to be alone,
Oscar. Just...
413
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,116
You're sure you'll be
all right? I'm fine, fine.
414
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,110
Okay.
415
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,326
I knew it.
416
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:18,850
I was thrown over again.
417
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:22,540
That's twice in one century.
418
00:18:25,540 --> 00:18:27,786
Murray, why don't you sit
down when you're dealing, huh?
419
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:30,510
Because I can't see
over all these chips.
420
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,656
I may have to borrow something
from Oscar to take them home in.
421
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,240
Why don't you use your nose?
422
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,220
Telephone!
423
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,450
Hello? Yeah.
424
00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:49,626
Murray, you.
425
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,820
Ah, excuse me, gentlemen.
426
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,810
Hey, no matter who it is,
you're not leaving this room.
427
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,760
Thank you, Oscar.
428
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,450
Eeeyello!
429
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,490
Mm-hmm!
430
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,660
What? Yeah, r-right away.
431
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,456
Hey, guys, I've got
to leave the game.
432
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,656
You're not leaving here, Murray!
433
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,256
I got to go. This
is my sergeant.
434
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,406
There's a leaper in
the neighborhood.
435
00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:12,860
A leaper? What's a leaper?
436
00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,070
That's a suicide jumper!
437
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:16,810
Sarge, what's the address?
438
00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:19,030
Uh-huh.
439
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:21,050
Oscar, where's 1049 Park Avenue?
440
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,360
This is 1049 Park Avenue!
441
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,470
What floor, Sarge?
442
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:29,246
The 11th floor. 11th...
This is the 11th floor.
443
00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:31,746
All right, come on,
stand back! No, Grandpa!
444
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,780
Ooh, what? He's out there?
445
00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:36,210
Oscar, let me handle this!
446
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,950
Look, at the police academy
I got an "A" in leapers.
447
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,786
What are you going to
say to him? Don't worry!
448
00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:42,456
I'll just say,
"Grandpa, don't jump.
449
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,656
"Think of all the
people who love you.
450
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,826
Think of your wife
in Sunshine City."
451
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:48,750
Dumbo! That's why
he's jumping. I'll do it.
452
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,506
Don't jump, Grandpa.
453
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,500
Oscar... help me...
454
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,176
Don't jump! I
don't want to jump.
455
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,426
I want to come in.
456
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:01,730
Well, come on in, then.
457
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,026
I can't. Why not?
458
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,660
I can't move. I'm
petrified! All right...
459
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,146
I'm cold. All right... wait.
460
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,136
I'll come and get you.
I'll come and get you.
461
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,456
Easy, Oscar.
462
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,216
- Don't look down!
- Now he tells me.
463
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,586
Easy, Oscar.
464
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,696
Looking up ain't much
of a bargain, either. Yeah.
465
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,966
Okay, okay. Don't lean
back against the building.
466
00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:20,440
It's dirty.
467
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,380
Don't!
468
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,916
Okay... Easy... easy.
469
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:30,586
Okay...
470
00:20:30,610 --> 00:20:32,136
I got you. Let him go!
471
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,596
Okay... grab it!
Grab it! Grab it!
472
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,096
Grab it, grab it, grab it!
Attaboy, grab it, grab it!
473
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,680
Got him?
474
00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:41,880
I'm glad you're not drowning.
475
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,356
Here... give me
your hand, Oscar.
476
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,286
Okay, good, we're okay. Easy.
477
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,756
Easy. Get him, get him, get him!
478
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,440
Get him, get him, that a boy.
479
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,450
Get him, get him.
480
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,596
Easy, easy! Easy!
481
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:57,036
Watch your head!
Watch your head.
482
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:59,616
There we got you, Grampie! Yes!
483
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,470
Yeah, you're all right...
484
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,250
Get me out of here!
485
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:07,040
Get me out of here, will ya?
486
00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:14,460
Why are you so sad?
487
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,166
I called your wife. She'll
be here any minute.
488
00:21:16,190 --> 00:21:17,750
You know that's what you want.
489
00:21:17,830 --> 00:21:20,390
Don't sit there like Willie
Loman. It's all arranged.
490
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,870
It won't work.
491
00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:26,376
As soon as I see
her, I'll ruin it. I know it.
492
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,946
Why? Because of
my insane jealousy.
493
00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:33,220
As soon as I see her, I
run amok. I'm an animal!
494
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:36,490
Well, that's ridiculous.
You're not too old to change.
495
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,006
Ah... You know what
we're going to do, Grandpa?
496
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,406
What? We're gonna rehearse.
497
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:41,506
I'm going to be
Mimi. You be you.
498
00:21:41,530 --> 00:21:42,976
We'll see what you say
when I come in, okay?
499
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,376
You'll be Mimi? Yeah.
500
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,190
Heh, heh, heh... Don't laugh.
501
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:49,466
Just use your imagination.
We're going to pretend.
502
00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:51,766
I want to see if we can
correct the wrong things, okay?
503
00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:52,876
I'm Mimi. Right? All right.
504
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,606
Okay. Here we go. Right.
505
00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:56,646
Okay. I ring the
bell and I'm in.
506
00:21:56,670 --> 00:21:58,170
Hello, Albert.
507
00:21:58,230 --> 00:22:01,400
Hello, Mimi. Why'd
you wear that dress?
508
00:22:01,470 --> 00:22:02,880
You know I hate it.
509
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,330
What dress?
510
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,466
The brown print with
the plunging neckline.
511
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:09,350
I'm wearing a brown print
with a plunging neckline?
512
00:22:09,430 --> 00:22:11,976
Well, what do you call it? No,
you... you're imagining too good.
513
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,076
Look, look, I'm Mimi and
I'm not wearing anything.
514
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,360
Okay... No, forget it.
515
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,696
I'm wearing a
dress that you like.
516
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,696
Well, I like the blue
dress... Oh, forget the dress!
517
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,936
But she won't wear it. We don't have
much time. She's gonna be here soon.
518
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,536
Come on, let's try
it again, all right?
519
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:25,806
All right... ring, and I'm in.
520
00:22:25,830 --> 00:22:28,700
Hello, Albert. So
nice to see you.
521
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,076
I haven't slept since you left.
522
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,940
Hah-hah... you
haven't shaved, either.
523
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,130
Are you going to cut it out?
524
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,516
Now, come on. Let's try
one more time. Now stop it!
525
00:22:38,540 --> 00:22:40,356
Okay... yes... Come
on. Here we go.
526
00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:41,586
Yes. Ring and I'm in.
527
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,540
Hello, Albert.
528
00:22:42,610 --> 00:22:43,960
Hello, Mimi.
529
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,730
When Oscar called
me, I came right over.
530
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,100
I caught the first bus.
531
00:22:48,170 --> 00:22:50,730
Did you try to pick up
the bus driver, as usual?
532
00:22:50,790 --> 00:22:53,410
Wink in his rearview
mirror? I know your style!
533
00:22:53,470 --> 00:22:56,336
I know your style! Why
are you attacking like that?
534
00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:57,706
Oh, no. I know.
535
00:22:57,730 --> 00:22:59,236
Listen, wait a minute.
I want to show you...
536
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:00,706
You be Mimi. I'll
be you. Jealousy...
537
00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:02,156
I'll show you what
you should do.
538
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:04,256
I'll be Mimi? You be
Mimi, yes. Okay, you got it?
539
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,826
I got it. Okay.
540
00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:07,816
Don't bother to go up the stairs.
We don't have that much time.
541
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,330
All right... ready.
542
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:13,610
Here I am. Hello.
543
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,110
Hello, Mimi. You look lovely.
544
00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:17,480
Hello, Albert.
545
00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:20,720
Sorry I wore the brown
print. I know you don't...
546
00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:23,380
I threw myself into the part.
547
00:23:23,450 --> 00:23:24,726
Forget that, will you? Listen...
548
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:28,200
I'm awfully sorry, Mimi,
that I have been jealous.
549
00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,316
I know I have no
right to be jealous
550
00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:32,716
and I shouldn't be jealous.
I know I can trust you.
551
00:23:32,740 --> 00:23:34,206
No, you have every
right to be jealous.
552
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:36,676
The minute your back was
turned I've been throwing myself
553
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:38,370
at every man in Sunshine City.
554
00:23:38,430 --> 00:23:39,996
I'm no good. You shouldn't
trust me. I'm rotten!
555
00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:41,896
Is that what she would
say? No, I say that!
556
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,696
Yeah, but who are
you when you say that?
557
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,280
Are you Mimi or are you
Albert? I don't understand...
558
00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:53,340
Hello, Albert.
559
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,620
Hello, Mimi.
560
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,810
See? I told you she'd
wear the brown print.
561
00:23:58,890 --> 00:24:02,460
Oh, but look. I pinned it
up. See? Does it look better?
562
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,990
Yes.
563
00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:06,206
How'd the bingo
game go last night?
564
00:24:06,230 --> 00:24:08,220
Oh... I won.
565
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,800
Of course you won. How much
help did you get from your admirers?
566
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,730
I'm sorry.
567
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,930
I'm only jealous because
you're so beautiful.
568
00:24:18,010 --> 00:24:19,916
Can you forgive me?
569
00:24:19,940 --> 00:24:22,990
Oh, Albert.
570
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,590
Well, I tell you. It's great
to go away from home,
571
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:43,476
and it's great to
come back home.
572
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:45,740
Playing gin, huh?
573
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,210
Let's see what you got.
574
00:24:48,290 --> 00:24:51,110
Huh... you could
gin if you had a four.
575
00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:53,130
I knock with a four.
38559
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