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1
00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:15,620
I wonder if I'm too old to
be discovered by the Mets?
2
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,116
See that? They're
calling me already.
3
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,346
Hello.
4
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:23,786
Hey, Speed, am
I glad you called!
5
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:26,256
I just hit a home run,
broke up a tight ball game,
6
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,756
16 to 16, I must
have had a 300-footer!
7
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:31,990
What do I care about
your horses, for Go...
8
00:00:32,050 --> 00:00:35,350
No, for pe... Listen,
Spe... All right.
9
00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:37,366
Everybody wants
to talk about himself.
10
00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:38,496
Ooh.
11
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,380
Am I glad you're home!
12
00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:42,736
Listen, I hit a home
run today, 400 feet...
13
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,280
What is this, Oscar?
14
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,470
New decor?
15
00:00:48,530 --> 00:00:51,430
Early locker room?
16
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,600
Look at this.
17
00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,046
Well, I'll pick it up later.
18
00:00:55,070 --> 00:00:57,786
Listen... Oh, Oscar,
Oscar, Oscar.
19
00:00:57,810 --> 00:00:59,090
What is it?
20
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:01,700
What'd you do, come
home in a dirty cab?
21
00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:05,980
Oscar.
22
00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:07,826
Tell me honestly. What?
23
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,450
Do you like my face?
24
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,350
Do I like... Of course
I like your face!
25
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,700
I don't carry your picture
26
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,256
around in my wallet, but I...
27
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,310
I'm very fond of my face.
28
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:18,926
Good! I'm fond of mine, too.
29
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:21,186
I like my elbow, I'm
crazy about my neck, I...
30
00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:22,796
Will you stop honking, Felix.
31
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,026
Get to the point.
32
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:25,226
That is the point!
33
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,696
I went to see this new doctor.
34
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,366
He tells me he can't
stop the honking!
35
00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:29,596
So?
36
00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:31,550
I have to have a new nose.
37
00:01:37,060 --> 00:01:40,790
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
38
00:01:40,870 --> 00:01:42,810
from his place of residence.
39
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,710
That request came from his wife.
40
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:47,886
Deep down, he
knew she was right.
41
00:01:47,910 --> 00:01:51,520
But he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
42
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:53,350
With no where else to go,
43
00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:56,130
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
44
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,446
Several years earlier,
45
00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:59,216
Madison's wife
had thrown him out.
46
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,716
Requesting that he never return.
47
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:04,266
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
48
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,850
without driving
each other crazy?
49
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,930
♪ ♪
50
00:02:55,390 --> 00:02:59,090
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
51
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,960
A new nose could change me.
52
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,116
It will be a whole
different personality.
53
00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,700
You think they could
operate tomorrow?
54
00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:12,370
Is that a sensitive
friend talking?
55
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,886
No, that is a
bored friend talking.
56
00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:17,770
I've listened to you talk
about your nose for so long,
57
00:03:17,850 --> 00:03:19,206
it's like living with Pinocchio.
58
00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:22,100
You just don't rush
into major surgery.
59
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:25,430
To you, a hangnail
is major surgery.
60
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:27,796
Felix, you've been
to so many doctors.
61
00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:29,666
How many different
ones are you going to try?
62
00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:31,476
Your very own
doctor, Dr. Melnitz,
63
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,376
whom you love, whom you trust,
64
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,646
told you you have
that... what was it?
65
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:36,806
Deviated septum.
66
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:37,976
Deviated septum, years ago.
67
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,616
He told you it was
a simple operation.
68
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,486
It would not alter the
shape of your nose.
69
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:42,940
You won't accept it.
70
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:46,580
Isn't it a normal, human thing
to want to get a second opinion?
71
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,770
You've been to ten
doctors, two chiropractors,
72
00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:51,780
and a gypsy fortune teller.
73
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:54,490
The gypsy was a friend,
74
00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:56,626
I don't consider her seriously.
75
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,580
Face it, Felix.
76
00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:00,296
No matter what any doctor says
77
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,306
you're not going
to have it done.
78
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,106
And believe me, you
need an operation.
79
00:04:04,130 --> 00:04:06,870
Oh, I...
80
00:04:06,950 --> 00:04:09,396
Warn me the next
time you open a beer!
81
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:10,700
I'll put on my scuba suit!
82
00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:13,510
Got, it's all over
the beautiful leather.
83
00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:14,996
Slob! Listen, you
got a bum nose!
84
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,436
You better do something
about it. Everything.
85
00:04:16,460 --> 00:04:17,936
I'm telling you!
Everything! Everything!
86
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,366
Pick a doctor. Any doctor!
87
00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:20,936
Look I'll again
with the honking.
88
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,336
Felix, do something about it!
89
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,660
Your entire nose situation
is beginning to depress me.
90
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,960
Forgive me...
91
00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,970
if my affliction depresses you!
92
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:36,606
In Africa, when one of
the elephants gets sick,
93
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:39,470
he crawls off alone
into the jungle and dies.
94
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,990
Hold it, Dumbo, don't die.
95
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,546
Felix, I'm thinking
of your good.
96
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:48,046
For instance, I'm
worrying about tonight.
97
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,146
Your ex-wife's bridge game.
98
00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:50,316
What? What?
99
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:51,786
You and Nancy are
coming, aren't you?
100
00:04:51,810 --> 00:04:53,086
Sure we're coming. Mm.
101
00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:55,356
But you say you want to
get back with Gloria, right?
102
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:56,456
Yes!
103
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,086
Well, I don't
want you to blow it
104
00:04:58,110 --> 00:05:00,226
by talking about your
nose, depressing everybody.
105
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,620
Me? Depress... Oscar!
106
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:04,116
I'm usually the
life of the party!
107
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:07,140
Felix, you are many things.
108
00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:10,380
You're a wonderful
cook, you're a great father.
109
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,566
Go ahead.
110
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:14,150
Pick on a man with one nostril.
111
00:05:14,430 --> 00:05:16,276
I'll make a deal with you. Hmm?
112
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,446
I won't pick on you
113
00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:19,146
if you don't mention
your nose once tonight.
114
00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,916
All right. Don't
say "all right,"
115
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:23,386
say "I won't mention my nose..."
I won't mention my nose tonight!
116
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,340
No nose!
117
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,350
It's so cute on the outside.
118
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:33,596
Felix will be right here.
119
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,126
He's saying good-night
to the children.
120
00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:37,126
This is such a lovely home.
121
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:38,736
And so sparkling clean! Oh.
122
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,060
Oh, thank you!
123
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,630
Felix has dusting privileges.
124
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:43,686
Oh.
125
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,340
Gloria, why do you let
Leonard sleep all crumpled up
126
00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:49,380
in a ball like that?
127
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,826
Most children don't
sleep at attention.
128
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:53,526
No coasters. I bid...
129
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:54,566
I bid one heart!
130
00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:56,880
Can I bid here?
131
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,186
What's the matter?
132
00:05:58,210 --> 00:05:59,416
Are the cards dirty again?
133
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:00,820
I washed them.
134
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:02,536
No, I was just
looking at the nose
135
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,576
on the king of hearts.
136
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:04,846
Bid, bid, bid!
137
00:06:04,870 --> 00:06:07,590
I think the king of
spades needs a nose job.
138
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:08,866
You know, speaking
of nose jobs...
139
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:09,896
Who was speaking of noses?
140
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,346
Will you play? I bid one heart!
141
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,986
Did he go and see another doctor
142
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,346
about his nose? Yeah.
143
00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:16,970
You got custody of his
children, I got custody of his nose.
144
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,160
Your nose ruined your marriage!
145
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,000
Tell him! Tell him my nose had
nothing to do with our marriage.
146
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,606
I'll bet all those years
147
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:25,066
of honking, they
affected the children, too.
148
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,326
Oh, that's ridiculous.
149
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:27,476
Oh, not really.
150
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,246
But until the children
were three years old,
151
00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:31,066
they did think their
daddy was a goose.
152
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,920
That's funny.
153
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,620
That's very funny.
154
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,756
Felix!
155
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:42,896
I'm not a surgeon,
156
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,566
but I think if you're miserable,
157
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:45,966
you should have an operation.
158
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,460
Felix has never had
an operation before.
159
00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:50,886
I think he's afraid of them.
160
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,086
Oh... Oh.
161
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,356
Now the truth comes
out, doesn't it, buddy?
162
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:55,496
Now do you understand?
163
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,506
Yes, I think you're
twice as silly!
164
00:06:57,530 --> 00:06:58,976
Everybody has operations today!
165
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,016
What's to be afraid of?
166
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,440
I don't know, but I'm afraid!
167
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:02,786
Felix, a witch doctor
isn't going Oh...
168
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,446
to come along and
bop you on the nose
169
00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:05,400
with a rattle or something.
170
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,606
There's modern medicine.
171
00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:08,366
Forgive me... You've
seen Marcus Welby.
172
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:09,986
We all have our little
quirks, haven't we?
173
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,070
Felix, I strongly feel
174
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:15,040
you should let Dr. Melnitz
do a simple rhinoplasty.
175
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,100
What?
176
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,376
It's just minor surgery.
177
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:19,616
What'd you call it? What's it?
178
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,746
Rhinoplasty. Rhinoplasty!
179
00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:22,206
No! No, no, I don't want it.
180
00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:23,466
It's just a name.
181
00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:24,836
It's just a name.
182
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,390
All right, Felix!
183
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:27,876
Then look at it this way!
184
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,046
Your nose bugs you
185
00:07:29,070 --> 00:07:30,346
and everybody else, right? Mm.
186
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:31,716
If you don't do
something about it,
187
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,676
you could lose a friend, a
roommate and an ex-wife.
188
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,130
He's right, Felix.
189
00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,436
You are being a little silly.
190
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,910
Why don't you, Felix?
191
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:39,216
Come on!
192
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,170
Okay, okay. Good!
193
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,256
You'll do it! No!
194
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,650
No, I'll leave it to fate.
195
00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:45,880
Fate gave me the nose, and
fate will take my nose away!
196
00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:47,106
I'll pick a card.
197
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,246
He'll pick a card!
198
00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:50,016
If I pick a black card... Okay.
199
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,116
I have the operation. Okay.
200
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:53,186
If I pick a red card,
I see another doctor
201
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:54,386
and have another
consultation. Right.
202
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:56,016
A black card, you have
the operation, right?
203
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:56,970
Okay, go ahead.
204
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:58,186
I, I don't know.
205
00:07:58,210 --> 00:07:59,986
Well, don't arrange
them, pick a card!
206
00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:01,540
Oh!
207
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,626
Whoa, buddy. Now, come on.
208
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,326
Black card, you
have the operation.
209
00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:06,766
Okay, it's all settled,
let's play bridge.
210
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:07,826
You're doing the right thing.
211
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,046
I'm proud of you, Felix.
212
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,430
I picked the ace of spades.
213
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,650
It's the death card.
214
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:19,256
Once Felix gets
used to that hospital,
215
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,356
he's going to love it.
216
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,696
Even the dust is sterilized.
217
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,190
I felt sorry for him.
218
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:24,396
Why?
219
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,696
As they put him to bed,
220
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,280
he kept saying, "Let
me pick another card."
221
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,300
He wasn't that nervous.
222
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,976
I heard him tell
one of the nurses
223
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,370
her uniform had a smudge on it.
224
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,196
Come on, hon. We're
going to be late for the game.
225
00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:37,226
You got my glove?
226
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,496
Not only do I have
it, I oiled it for you.
227
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,026
Oh, ho-ho-ho,
Oscar, how romantic.
228
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:43,420
Yeah.
229
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,096
I can't tell you how happy I am
230
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,006
without Felix's nose haunting me
231
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,430
with that medley of noises!
232
00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:51,320
We're going to have such a ball
today, just you and me and no...
233
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,606
Felix!
234
00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:53,946
Wow. You all right?
235
00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:55,616
Yeah, I must have
stepped wro... ha!
236
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:56,676
Honey! What? I... Ooh.
237
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,076
Ooh. My ankle. What?
238
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:00,146
I think something snapped
inside my own body.
239
00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:01,786
Wait a minute. Ah!
240
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,056
Easy. Ooh. Does it hurt here?
241
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,116
Hee! Yeah!
242
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:05,586
Does that answer your question?
243
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,026
Oscar, uh, can
you move your foot?
244
00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,156
Can you step on it?
245
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,856
Well, I just tried,
honey, I can't.
246
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,326
Oh, honey, now
you've done it! I done it?
247
00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,116
What'd I done? What?
What'd I do? What?
248
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,146
I think you snapped
your Achilles tendon.
249
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:17,316
How do I snap it back?
250
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,900
Usually it's just
a minor operation.
251
00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:28,076
Last stop!
252
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,346
Everybody off!
253
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:30,966
Don't help me, I'd
rather do it myself.
254
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:33,260
Why do they have to operate?
255
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,090
You heard Dr. Freilich,
he's a specialist.
256
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,000
Hi!
257
00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:46,046
You put me in the
same room with Felix?
258
00:09:46,070 --> 00:09:47,716
Well, you see... I requested it.
259
00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:49,346
Dr. Melnitz told me
what happened to you,
260
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:51,416
so I asked for you
to be put in here.
261
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,686
Isn't this a great room?!
262
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,026
The truth is, Oscar, his
other roommate requested
263
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:57,330
to get out of here.
264
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,996
The guy they were
afraid to move?
265
00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:03,720
Maybe that X-ray
machine is broken,
266
00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:04,996
cause my foot feels fine, now...
267
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,336
Easy, easy, easy.
268
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,136
Uh, do you need anything
else, Dr. Cunningham?
269
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,336
No thanks, that's fine.
270
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,830
Now look, Oscar.
271
00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:14,790
The X-ray said that you have a
cleanly severed Achilles tendon.
272
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:16,206
There's no doubt about it,
273
00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:18,376
and it's not a
complicated operation.
274
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,476
Yeah, but let's be fair,
275
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:20,876
I've only had one
doctor's opinion.
276
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,386
Oscar. Dr. Freilich has
done many of these.
277
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:23,846
This is the day of
modern medicine.
278
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,636
You're not going to have
some witch doctor bop you on...
279
00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:27,230
Oh, who's asking you!
280
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:29,306
You won't feel a thing, Oscar.
281
00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:30,536
You'll be
unconscious I will, too.
282
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,776
Through the whole
operation. Won't I?
283
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,206
I get an anesthetic
too, don't I?
284
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:34,510
I-I requested it.
285
00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:37,026
Dr. Melnitz told me you begged.
286
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:39,566
He also said my
eyes will be bandaged.
287
00:10:39,590 --> 00:10:41,196
Yeah, that's right,
just for a day or so,
288
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:43,606
because the block in the
septum is up high, so your eyes...
289
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:44,866
Will you stop talking
about his nose. Rhinoplasty.
290
00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:46,506
I want to talk about
my foot, it's my girl!
291
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:47,806
Boys, I've got to
get back to work.
292
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,676
Now, Dr. Melnitz
will fix your nose,
293
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,246
and Dr. Freilich
will fix your foot.
294
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,846
You're both in very good hands.
295
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,716
Come and see me soon,
honey. Isn't this great!
296
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,666
Isn't this great?
297
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,990
Let's have some TV.
298
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,550
It's just a sprain.
299
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:02,836
I don't believe that doctor.
300
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,420
You want my gypsy's
phone number?
301
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,210
Why don't you stop it?
302
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,766
You want the truth,
I'll give you the truth.
303
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:13,096
I'm a little bit afraid
of the operation. Oh.
304
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,766
Oh, ho-ho. Ho-ho-ho.
305
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,236
Now, now, you see how it is?
306
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,706
Yeah. We don't need any TV.
307
00:11:18,730 --> 00:11:21,300
I'm glad you're man
enough to admit it.
308
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:22,726
I'm very sorry about
what happened to you.
309
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:23,946
But isn't it good
that we're together?
310
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:26,530
We can cheer each other up.
311
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,970
What do we do, sing songs?
312
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:33,060
That's a very good idea.
313
00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:35,676
That's what we did in the
army when we were afraid.
314
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,830
At Anzio, before we went
into combat, we sang,
315
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,640
♪ Jim never even sends her... ♪
316
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:47,620
That's what you sang at Anzio?
317
00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:49,716
That was our
sergeant's name, Jim!
318
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:54,570
♪ Jim never even sends
her pretty flowers... ♪
319
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:01,970
I can't eat this stuff.
320
00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:04,630
I'm gonna call the chef.
321
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,220
Wait a minute.
322
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,250
This is a hospital.
323
00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:09,700
It's not Twenty-One.
324
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:10,976
This food is unacceptable.
325
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,106
I can't eat it.
326
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,546
I want to talk to the chef.
327
00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:15,806
And I want to go to
sleep. Then go to sleep!
328
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:17,676
Yeah, but I don't
want to hear you argue
329
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,746
with the chef how long you
should cook mashed potatoes.
330
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:22,600
It's not only the mashed
potatoes, it's the whole meal.
331
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,240
Airlines serve
better food than this.
332
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:27,526
Felix, think about
the poor chef.
333
00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:28,756
He has to cook for people
334
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,596
whose taste buds are
numb from medicine.
335
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:31,990
They eat lying down.
336
00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:33,226
Some of them eat intravenously.
337
00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,966
How would you like
to cook a pressed duck,
338
00:12:34,990 --> 00:12:37,550
have a guy eat it
through his arm?
339
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:40,406
Where are you going?
340
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:41,836
I've got to go to the bathroom.
341
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:45,700
Why don't you use... I
don't want to use the...
342
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:50,916
I'm so disappointed.
343
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:52,846
I was looking
forward to this meal.
344
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:56,270
They don't give us any breakfast
tomorrow morning, you know.
345
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,340
Eh... call the chef.
346
00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,490
Now I can go to sleep.
347
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,176
Don't go to sleep
before the nun comes.
348
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,140
Before the nun comes?
349
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,800
You called a nun?
350
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,760
She's on the floor.
351
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,380
But you're not even a
Catholic. No, but I'm scared.
352
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,336
Hello.
353
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,730
I'm Sister Cathleen.
354
00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:15,206
Good evening, sister.
Are you comfortable?
355
00:13:15,230 --> 00:13:16,406
Yes, thank you. Mm-hmm.
356
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,376
You both look very
well. Thank you.
357
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,500
We're both being operated
on tomorrow morning, sister.
358
00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:24,130
Maybe you could
say a few words to...
359
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,680
Is there such a thing as a
deviated septum prayer?
360
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,640
Not specifically.
361
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:33,956
But I will say a prayer.
362
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,156
Thank you.
363
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:36,296
Mr. Madison here...
Sprained ankle.
364
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,600
You don't lie to a nun.
365
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,270
Mr. Madison has a
torn Achilles tendon.
366
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:46,900
Maybe you can cover us
both with the same prayer.
367
00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:48,456
You don't have to
worry about anything.
368
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,726
But I will say a prayer
for the two of you.
369
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:51,956
Thank you, sister.
Thank you, sister.
370
00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:54,540
Good-bye. Good-night.
371
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:57,190
You think it could help?
372
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,700
Couldn't hurt.
373
00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:10,060
Felix?
374
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:11,490
Huh?
375
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,746
Ah, hi, Oscar.
376
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,846
Is it over?
377
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,370
Uh... no.
378
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,946
Haven't even started yet.
379
00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:20,270
I feel weird.
380
00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:21,870
I know.
381
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:24,940
They came in early this
morning and gave us shots...
382
00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:25,940
Oh.
383
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,580
To prepare us for the operation.
384
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,690
We're drugged.
385
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:34,890
Oscar.
386
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:35,890
What?
387
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,430
In my entire life...
388
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,530
I've never been to Wyoming.
389
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,396
I'll drive you.
390
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:49,360
You know, that drug they...
391
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:52,890
they gave us makes
you tell the truth.
392
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,030
You want to hear a truth?
393
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,376
No.
394
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,500
I still love my ex-wife.
395
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:01,500
Good.
396
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:04,210
Now you tell me a truth.
397
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:08,130
I don't want to drive
you to Wyoming.
398
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,750
Tell me a real truth.
399
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:17,060
Nancy has a mole
on her left hip.
400
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:32,020
Oh, you're a great man,
Oscar, you really are.
401
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,896
You're my best friend.
You're my best friend.
402
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,326
You're the best
friend I ever had.
403
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,696
Well, you're the
best friend I... Oh...
404
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,520
Let's not fight, let's
make friendship our motto.
405
00:15:40,590 --> 00:15:41,616
It is our motto.
406
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,866
Show time.
407
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:45,450
Take him first.
408
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,350
Let's go get our nose fixed now.
409
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:49,526
Oh, that's me.
410
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:50,556
Come on. I'm not afraid.
411
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:51,856
Come on. I'm not afraid.
412
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,166
Up you go. I'm not afraid.
413
00:15:53,190 --> 00:15:54,666
Up you go. Let's go.
414
00:15:54,690 --> 00:15:56,066
All right. I'm not
afraid, Oscar.
415
00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:57,960
Wait! Wait!
416
00:15:58,020 --> 00:15:59,606
Are there candles in
the operating room?
417
00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:01,100
What for?
418
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,706
In case there's a power failure,
so he can finish the operation.
419
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:04,776
We-we have candles.
420
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,600
Wait, wait.
421
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:10,230
We're all brothers, you know.
422
00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:24,576
Oh, Gloria. Come on.
423
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,000
All right, straight ahead.
424
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,216
You're my eyes, Gloria.
425
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,520
Okay. Come on.
426
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,616
It's a terrible thing to
be a burden on someone.
427
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,646
That's all right, come on.
428
00:16:31,670 --> 00:16:32,856
You're an angel, Gloria. Okay...
429
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,186
Where's the step?!
Where's the step?!
430
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,416
Right there, there's the step.
431
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,656
I'm all right,
Gloria. Thank you.
432
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,686
There's the step.
433
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:39,196
It was easier to
survive the hospital
434
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:40,896
than the taxi ride
home with this nut.
435
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,326
How was I supposed to know
436
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:44,910
you put your foot
up on the jump seat?!
437
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,220
I can't see, you know!
438
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,656
And you didn't help things
smoking that foul cigar
439
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,156
in the cab with my condition!
440
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,656
Felix, you're
yelling at a plant.
441
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,026
Did you close the door, Gloria?
442
00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:56,256
I didn't hear the door close.
443
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,596
Your condition, your condition.
444
00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,126
A little corn
plaster on the nose.
445
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:00,996
Have you any idea of
the pain of rhinoplasty?!
446
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,096
Boys! Boys! Quiet!
447
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,890
Listen, I'm gonna stay
today and take care of you.
448
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,076
Oh. And I'll take
care of you, Oscar,
449
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:10,506
and I'll take
care of you, Felix.
450
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,706
Oh, these crutches
are killing...
451
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,430
But first, let me take
care of my migraine.
452
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,190
Gloria?
453
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:18,180
Yes?
454
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,436
Plant.
455
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:20,666
Gloria?
456
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:21,980
Mantelpiece.
457
00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,360
Candlestick.
458
00:17:23,430 --> 00:17:24,750
Gloria?
459
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:27,276
Yes? Are you going to
finish reading to me or what?
460
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:28,670
I'm coming, Felix.
461
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:29,876
Gloria, help me, help...
462
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,776
Okay, here we go.
You're my eyes, Gloria.
463
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,460
Okay.
464
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:34,546
There's... You're my...
465
00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:36,180
Okay, there's the chair.
466
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,686
Gloria, I thought you were
gonna bring me some ice cream!
467
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:39,756
Ice cream. Ice...
468
00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:41,256
This room is rather stuffy,
469
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,856
isn't it, Gloria? Use
the air freshener.
470
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,126
You'll find it right
there on the counter.
471
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,356
You know, when you can't see,
472
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:50,210
your other senses become
so much more acute.
473
00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:52,560
Hmm, that's good, ah.
474
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,166
Read to me now, Gloria.
475
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,696
You forgot the
whipped cream, Gloria!
476
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,566
Gloria, you gonna
take care of him or me?
477
00:17:57,590 --> 00:17:59,006
He has two eyes, he can see.
478
00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:00,086
I'm only your former husband.
479
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:01,286
Gloria?
480
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,926
Sorry, Felix. I'm
just not perfect.
481
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,590
I'm sorry, Gloria.
482
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:07,600
Hmm. Nobody's perfect.
483
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,060
Even Nancy has
484
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,700
a big mole on her hip.
485
00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:14,686
How did you know
that? I don't know.
486
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:16,186
Gloria, this thing is itching.
487
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,886
Will you throw a hanger
down or something.
488
00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:20,226
No, no, no, don't do that!
He's not supposed to scratch.
489
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,790
Gloria, get me a glass of water,
490
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,066
Water. would you,
sweetheart? Yeah.
491
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,326
With some shaved ice, darling.
492
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:26,866
Yeah. And maybe a straw.
493
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,206
What is that?! What?!
494
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:31,600
It's just the...!
495
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,120
It's just the phone, Felix.
496
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,606
The phone. Oh,
the phone. I'll get it.
497
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:36,006
Hello. How fast you forget.
498
00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:38,606
Oh, Nancy. OSCAR: Gloria!
499
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:39,910
My senses are so alive!
500
00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:40,910
Nancy.
501
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:42,810
Nancy, I can't make it.
502
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,186
Oscar... OSCAR: Gloria!
503
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,856
Oscar, will you
be quiet in there!
504
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,286
See, basically, I'm
a very placid person.
505
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,716
Give the poor girl a chance!
506
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:51,026
Between the two of them,
Doesn't she have enough to do?
507
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:52,486
I just can't take
it any... Gloria!
508
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:54,126
They're fighting now, Nancy.
509
00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:56,426
Nancy, I just wasn't cut
out to be a nurse, I'm...
510
00:18:56,450 --> 00:18:59,310
I love them, but I have got
to get out of here, I'm sorry.
511
00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,236
I love... I got to
get out of here.
512
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:03,190
Gloria.
513
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:04,936
Is the water ready
yet, because if not,
514
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,436
Felix. maybe I'd
rather have an eggnog.
515
00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:07,676
Where am I? Help me, Gloria.
516
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:08,776
You're my eyes, Gloria.
517
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,906
Yes, yes, Felix.
518
00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,706
Now, Felix, I have
got to leave. Huh?
519
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,776
Now, you just sit right
here. Where you going?
520
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,316
And everything
will be all right.
521
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:18,110
I have got to leave. I'm
sorry, but I have got to leave.
522
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:19,100
Where you going, Gloria?
523
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:20,806
I just have to get out of here.
524
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:22,006
I'm sorry, Felix. Gloria?
525
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,310
If you need
anything, call Nancy.
526
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,920
Did you leave, Gloria?
527
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,790
What happened?
528
00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:29,470
I don't know.
529
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:31,546
For some strange
reason, Gloria left.
530
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:32,870
I don't blame her.
531
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,746
When this thing
itches, I get so cranky.
532
00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:36,216
What are you doing out of bed?
533
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,486
What are you doing in here?
534
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,150
I missed you.
535
00:19:41,350 --> 00:19:44,290
Tired of my room, I came
out here to sit and read.
536
00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:48,596
I'll call up and find
out what time it is.
537
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,696
It's 8:00.
538
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,536
Your watch is never right.
539
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,120
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
540
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,286
Six.
541
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,710
One, two, three, four,
542
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,240
five, six, seven, eight.
543
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,570
Eight.
544
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:02,796
One, two...
545
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:04,876
Look at this, I'm
on Sesame Street.
546
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,346
Give me the phone. No, no!
547
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:07,386
I'll dial it for you.
548
00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:08,846
Now, I don't want
to disturb you.
549
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:11,700
This is very good
therapy for me, believe me.
550
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:13,720
I forgot where I was.
551
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,616
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
552
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,940
Six.
553
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,600
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
554
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,100
Eight.
555
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,250
One, two... Give me the phone!
556
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,786
It's 8:00! Don't
you believe me?!
557
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,740
It's 8:00!
558
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:42,136
What difference does
it make what time it is?
559
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,866
Can't do anything
but go to bed anyway.
560
00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:46,236
Go. It's a good idea;
you should go to bed.
561
00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:49,060
Thank you.
562
00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:51,980
At least I'll tidy up a
little bit before I go.
563
00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:53,660
You can't even see.
564
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,040
How you can tell it's messy?
565
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,300
Instinct.
566
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:01,640
I'll empty the ashtrays.
567
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:07,320
No, that's cruel, Oscar, cruel!
568
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:10,110
You know why I'm cruel?
569
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:12,096
Because when you
clean, it makes me nervous,
570
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,236
when I'm nervous, I itch.
571
00:21:13,260 --> 00:21:15,830
Now, will you sit down, Felix?
572
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:18,066
I clean cause I don't
know what else to do.
573
00:21:18,090 --> 00:21:20,650
Go fill the tub
and bob for apples.
574
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,370
Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.
575
00:21:29,490 --> 00:21:33,560
Oscar, I-I don't like to disturb
you, but how's your cigar ash?
576
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,870
My cigar ash is fine.
577
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:41,210
How are your shoelaces?
578
00:21:42,750 --> 00:21:45,930
Why are you talking
gibberish again?
579
00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:47,186
Because I don't want your ash
580
00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:48,916
to get long and fall
down on the couch.
581
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:50,616
I can't afford a fire
when I can't see!
582
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,390
Felix, I just put it out.
583
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,260
I heard that, Oscar.
584
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,680
Where are you going?
585
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,256
You won't give me a
minute's peace, will you?
586
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,456
Oh, boy, you're
crazy, you know that?
587
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:09,410
You're absolutely crazy.
588
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:11,226
With your cleanliness fetish,
589
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:12,250
you'll drive me crazy.
590
00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:15,110
What?! What?!
591
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:16,596
What are you doing, Oscar?!
592
00:22:16,620 --> 00:22:17,560
Don't play practical jokes!
593
00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:18,826
Don't crawl around on the floor!
594
00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:19,996
Oscar, what are you doing?
595
00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:21,516
Pack your things
and get out! What?
596
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:23,220
Pack your things and get out!
597
00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:26,190
You're kicking a blind man out
598
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:27,760
in the dead of night?
599
00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:30,590
Oscar, do you realize
what you're saying?
600
00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:32,506
I chose every
word very carefully.
601
00:22:32,530 --> 00:22:33,810
Get out!
602
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,716
All right.
603
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:38,110
Point me at the door.
604
00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:39,216
You're pointed, you're pointed.
605
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,356
Go ahead.
606
00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:41,556
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
607
00:22:41,580 --> 00:22:42,886
That's the lamp. I'm all right.
608
00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:43,956
I didn't hurt myself much.
609
00:22:43,980 --> 00:22:45,386
It's all right. Don't help me.
610
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:46,340
Lamp.
611
00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:48,256
I know where I
am. I can make it.
612
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,040
That's the sofa, sofa.
613
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,520
That's Oscar.
614
00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,760
I can make it.
615
00:22:53,820 --> 00:22:57,190
I don't need your help,
and I don't want your pity.
616
00:22:57,260 --> 00:22:59,506
You don't have to help
me, I know where I am.
617
00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:01,226
I know whe... I know where I am.
618
00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:03,820
This is the steps,
the steps, closet door.
619
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,396
So this is the way
it ends, huh, Oscar?
620
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:07,760
Very good.
621
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,100
There's the coats.
622
00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:13,330
So this is what
friendship means, huh?
623
00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:15,636
All right, Oscar, if this
is the way you want it,
624
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:17,206
Felix... this is
the way it'll be.
625
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,740
Felix.
626
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,976
Felix, I just remembered
our friendship pact.
627
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,360
The one we made in the hospital.
628
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,626
That's why you
want me to stay, huh?
629
00:23:25,650 --> 00:23:27,936
That, and you're
wearing Gloria's coat.
630
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,386
I don't want you
to get arrested.
631
00:23:29,410 --> 00:23:32,430
It fits.
632
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,220
Oscar... thank you.
633
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,096
I'm man enough to admit
634
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,760
I'm glad to stay.
635
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:43,530
Oscar, look...
636
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,430
you're not the easiest
man in the world to live with.
637
00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:48,436
But maybe we can work
out something between us.
638
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:49,740
Lamp.
639
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,006
Yes.
640
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:51,970
Couch.
641
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:53,076
Couch, that's right.
642
00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:54,156
I have my problems, Oscar.
643
00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:55,990
Oscar.
644
00:23:56,050 --> 00:23:58,610
You have your problems...
645
00:24:02,460 --> 00:24:04,860
"So bid the soldiers shoot.
646
00:24:04,930 --> 00:24:08,170
And they all lived
happily ever after."
647
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:10,790
Nobody lives happily
ever after in Hamlet.
648
00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:14,010
Nobody lives.
649
00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:15,776
I'm so dizzy from
reading Hamlet.
650
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,016
I want to go to bed.
651
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:17,980
Wha... I...
652
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,446
Do me a favor, would you? What?
653
00:24:19,470 --> 00:24:21,716
I know I made you a
promise I won't clean anymore,
654
00:24:21,740 --> 00:24:25,060
but this air in this
room is so stuffy, Oscar.
655
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,776
Well, what do you care?
You're going to sleep.
656
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,076
How can I sleep
knowing it's stuffy?
657
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:31,760
Just, just, just for
me, just this once,
658
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,616
just before we go to bed,
659
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,736
let me freshen up
a little bit, can I?
660
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,830
Oh, sure, go ahead, Felix.
661
00:24:38,890 --> 00:24:40,390
Good. Good.
662
00:24:40,460 --> 00:24:41,636
Am I getting it everywhere?
663
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:44,220
Well, you're missing in
a few spots, right there.
43186
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