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1
00:00:03,375 --> 00:00:04,694
JACK: Samantha,
2
00:00:04,719 --> 00:00:06,786
I need to know once and for all,
3
00:00:06,788 --> 00:00:08,765
is this a phone?
4
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,223
Not now, Doug.
5
00:00:10,248 --> 00:00:13,950
I'm trying to smell my belly button.
6
00:00:13,975 --> 00:00:16,075
We've been over this.
It smells like Fritos.
7
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,333
All I want to talk about is this table,
8
00:00:18,543 --> 00:00:19,943
which is my favorite table!
9
00:00:19,968 --> 00:00:22,001
I love it more than any table in here.
10
00:00:22,003 --> 00:00:25,671
Me, too! In fact, I will trade
you this ring for the table!
11
00:00:25,673 --> 00:00:28,474
Jack, this took a very dark turn.
12
00:00:28,476 --> 00:00:30,009
Yeah, I'm gonna wrap this up. Um...
13
00:00:30,011 --> 00:00:31,960
Everything's fine. I love you.
14
00:00:31,985 --> 00:00:34,719
I'm just leaving to go masturbate.
15
00:00:36,050 --> 00:00:37,316
- Saved it.
- [chuckles]
16
00:00:37,318 --> 00:00:39,852
Why do you always end these things
17
00:00:39,854 --> 00:00:41,954
with someone saying �I'm
gonna go masturbate�?
18
00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:43,428
It's the universal exit line, dummy.
19
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:45,219
Works every time.
20
00:00:45,244 --> 00:00:46,744
You guys have a problem.
21
00:00:46,791 --> 00:00:48,350
I'm gonna change the keg.
22
00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:49,827
- And then go masturbate.
- You see?
23
00:00:49,852 --> 00:00:51,051
Every time.
24
00:00:52,874 --> 00:00:56,175
Hey, so I hope that dinner
party wasn't too boring for you.
25
00:00:56,177 --> 00:00:57,610
No, it was fine.
26
00:00:57,612 --> 00:00:59,212
You have so many accomplished friends.
27
00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:01,647
A professor, a
billionaire, a movie star.
28
00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:03,349
Was the Skipper out of town?
29
00:01:03,351 --> 00:01:06,991
So when do I get to meet and
make jokes about your friends?
30
00:01:07,016 --> 00:01:08,015
What about Eddie?
31
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,473
You can hit him for his dumb laugh,
32
00:01:09,498 --> 00:01:10,997
his half-removed �No Fear� tattoo,
33
00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,103
his gross bar I take
you to on every date.
34
00:01:13,128 --> 00:01:15,294
EDDIE: You guys aren't as
quiet as you think you are.
35
00:01:15,928 --> 00:01:17,130
Hey, I mean it.
36
00:01:17,132 --> 00:01:18,731
If I wasn't such a cool girlfriend,
37
00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:20,889
I'd start to think you
weren't that serious about us.
38
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,380
I am serious about us.
39
00:01:22,405 --> 00:01:24,572
I have these three friends.
40
00:01:24,597 --> 00:01:25,782
They're from a different generation,
41
00:01:25,807 --> 00:01:27,073
so they can be a handful,
42
00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:29,208
but we have grown surprisingly close.
43
00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:31,544
I would love for you to meet them.
44
00:01:31,546 --> 00:01:35,214
JACK: This is Connie, Ken and Gary Jr.
45
00:01:35,216 --> 00:01:36,717
Jack...
46
00:01:36,742 --> 00:01:38,775
I did my hair for this.
47
00:01:39,053 --> 00:01:40,920
And Gary Jr. thinks you look lovely.
48
00:01:40,922 --> 00:01:42,911
How can you even tell them apart?
49
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:43,656
Wow.
50
00:01:43,658 --> 00:01:45,558
Racist.
51
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:47,660
I get it. This is important to you.
52
00:01:47,662 --> 00:01:50,230
Friday I will have
some human friends over,
53
00:01:50,255 --> 00:01:51,139
and you can meet them.
54
00:01:51,164 --> 00:01:52,622
Great! I can't wait.
55
00:01:52,647 --> 00:01:54,200
Okay. Now check this out.
56
00:01:54,202 --> 00:01:55,601
See the marble? It's
right under there, right?
57
00:01:55,603 --> 00:01:56,636
[laughs] Right under there. See?
58
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,037
Right under there. Is it there? Nope.
59
00:01:58,039 --> 00:01:59,071
[eagle screeches]
60
00:01:59,073 --> 00:02:00,540
61
00:02:00,564 --> 00:02:03,753
Synced and corrected by javiernv
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:03,778 --> 00:02:06,212
[phone ringing]
63
00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:11,139
Well, I'm bummed that you
can't make it to my party, Kev.
64
00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,341
And I would love to drive
out and hear even more
65
00:02:13,343 --> 00:02:16,077
about the snack politics
at your kid's preschool.
66
00:02:16,079 --> 00:02:18,358
Unfortunately, I have
a terminal disease,
67
00:02:18,383 --> 00:02:20,045
and this will be our last conversation.
68
00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:21,436
[phone beeps]
69
00:02:21,961 --> 00:02:23,961
What is up with our old crew?
70
00:02:23,963 --> 00:02:25,329
You've been gone 15 years.
71
00:02:25,331 --> 00:02:26,730
People move on.
72
00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:28,365
What about all your explorer buddies?
73
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,200
They're out exploring. I
mean, except for Roland.
74
00:02:30,202 --> 00:02:32,469
He's getting a colonoscopy.
75
00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:37,007
Which, I guess, is its
own form of exploration.
76
00:02:37,009 --> 00:02:38,775
You know, somebody's got to be around.
77
00:02:38,777 --> 00:02:40,944
What about the dude you
climbed K2 with... Rob?
78
00:02:40,946 --> 00:02:41,906
He's one of your best friends.
79
00:02:41,931 --> 00:02:44,695
Was. He died while trying
to conquer Machu Picchu.
80
00:02:44,743 --> 00:02:46,443
Wow, that is sad.
81
00:02:46,445 --> 00:02:48,411
Killed by a Pok?mon.
82
00:02:50,048 --> 00:02:52,082
What about the base jumper... Keith?
83
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,017
Also dead. Trampled at Pamplona.
84
00:02:54,019 --> 00:02:54,884
Running of the bulls?
85
00:02:54,886 --> 00:02:56,853
No. Black Friday sale.
86
00:02:58,690 --> 00:03:00,223
[chuckles] So wait.
87
00:03:00,225 --> 00:03:02,892
Two of your best friends have
been killed in freaky accidents.
88
00:03:02,894 --> 00:03:04,194
Two? No, five.
89
00:03:04,196 --> 00:03:05,895
You're forgetting about
Dennis, Chet and Mitch.
90
00:03:05,897 --> 00:03:09,432
Dennis and Chet were in the
chairlift that fell on Mitch.
91
00:03:09,434 --> 00:03:12,045
So all of your best friends
92
00:03:12,070 --> 00:03:15,739
have been killed in
weird, freaky accidents?
93
00:03:15,741 --> 00:03:17,841
Well, all of them except for you,
94
00:03:17,843 --> 00:03:19,909
my very best friend.
95
00:03:19,911 --> 00:03:21,111
Hey.
96
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,712
Don't even joke about that.
97
00:03:22,714 --> 00:03:24,013
You know I'm superstitious.
98
00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:26,616
Well, if there is a curse
clearly... clearly...
99
00:03:26,984 --> 00:03:28,852
Ending the lives of my good friends,
100
00:03:28,854 --> 00:03:31,788
then who am I gonna invite
over to impress Rachel?
101
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:35,058
Well, you could always
ask... your work pals.
102
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:36,960
That's good advice, Eddie.
103
00:03:37,453 --> 00:03:40,497
That's why you're my very, very, very
104
00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:42,265
[whispers]: best friend.
105
00:03:45,922 --> 00:03:47,851
Mason, you got a package.
106
00:03:47,876 --> 00:03:49,075
I shook it.
107
00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:50,944
It's not a cat.
108
00:03:50,946 --> 00:03:52,479
Ah!
109
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:55,081
Yet another gift from
Bump Performance Gum
110
00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:58,051
for shamelessly plugging
them on social media.
111
00:03:58,076 --> 00:03:59,444
You hate Bump Performance Gum.
112
00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:00,820
You said it tastes like
an old watch battery.
113
00:04:00,822 --> 00:04:02,188
MASON: What? What do you mean?
114
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:05,191
I could chew these all day. Witness.
115
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:13,333
Oh, man.
116
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:15,035
That's good stuff.
117
00:04:16,538 --> 00:04:18,238
Hey, work people.
118
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,041
And... Dale Earnhardt Jr.
119
00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:26,379
You all want to come over to
my house for drinks tonight?
120
00:04:26,381 --> 00:04:27,681
Ugh, is this an intervention?
121
00:04:27,683 --> 00:04:30,216
Because I don't steal that much.
122
00:04:30,218 --> 00:04:31,384
No.
123
00:04:31,386 --> 00:04:32,752
Rachel just wanted to meet
124
00:04:32,754 --> 00:04:36,211
some of the important people
in my life, and you guys are...
125
00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:39,326
you guys.
126
00:04:40,362 --> 00:04:42,429
[laughs]: Yeah.
127
00:04:43,498 --> 00:04:45,699
Wait. Are you... You're
actually asking us
128
00:04:45,701 --> 00:04:47,434
to come hang out at your place?
129
00:04:47,436 --> 00:04:49,469
Just for an hour, and there is one rule:
130
00:04:49,471 --> 00:04:50,870
You have to act normal.
131
00:04:50,872 --> 00:04:53,506
[high-pitched squeal]
132
00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,178
It's finally happening!
133
00:04:58,180 --> 00:05:01,047
We're becoming friends!
134
00:05:01,627 --> 00:05:04,294
You ever, uh, regret
a decision so quickly
135
00:05:04,319 --> 00:05:07,887
you get, like, this searing
pain behind your eyes?
136
00:05:09,391 --> 00:05:12,158
Got it, got it, got it.
We're just work acquaintances.
137
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,060
I get it, Jack. I know introducing us
138
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:15,595
to your girlfriend is a big step,
139
00:05:15,597 --> 00:05:18,498
so Paul and I will be on hand
to make a good impression.
140
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,133
And I'm supposed to go
out with Greg tonight,
141
00:05:20,135 --> 00:05:21,601
- but I can bring him.
- CLARK: No!
142
00:05:21,603 --> 00:05:23,903
Way!
143
00:05:25,073 --> 00:05:27,841
Guess I got to bring a date, too, then.
144
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:31,411
Oh, this puts ol' Clarky
in a dilly of a pickle.
145
00:05:32,614 --> 00:05:37,117
Which one of my many, many
side pieces do I bring?
146
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:39,789
No one say anything.
147
00:05:39,814 --> 00:05:41,290
I want to see where this goes.
148
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,990
[gruff voice]: Who do
I bring to Jack's party?
149
00:05:43,992 --> 00:05:48,094
There's Claudia, Stacey, Kristy, Dawn.
150
00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:50,830
Are you just naming characters
from The Baby-Sitters Club?
151
00:05:50,832 --> 00:05:52,332
No.
152
00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:54,100
There's also Sarah,
153
00:05:54,102 --> 00:05:57,370
Jessica, Parker...
154
00:05:58,807 --> 00:06:01,808
Man, this Bump is really amping me up.
155
00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:03,977
I wonder how long I can hold my breath.
156
00:06:03,979 --> 00:06:05,378
[inhales, exhales]
157
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:06,750
Not long.
158
00:06:07,716 --> 00:06:09,849
My heart got loud.
159
00:06:09,851 --> 00:06:12,147
Okay. You all have ten hours
160
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,913
to get this weirdness out of your system
161
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:17,690
in time for a brief, normal party.
162
00:06:17,692 --> 00:06:19,192
- Who's that for?
- Nobody.
163
00:06:19,194 --> 00:06:21,294
I just wanted to be
here when you said that,
164
00:06:21,296 --> 00:06:24,264
so now I'm technically invited.
165
00:06:30,672 --> 00:06:32,572
There's a cat in here.
166
00:06:32,574 --> 00:06:33,973
[all gasping]
167
00:06:37,679 --> 00:06:39,346
JACK: Eddie...
168
00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:41,248
[groans] These are still cold.
169
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:42,983
I told you to check the pilot light.
170
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,318
And I told you, your
last remaining best friend
171
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,020
isn't going anywhere near gas,
172
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:50,060
sharp edges or planes
with musicians on them.
173
00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:52,616
Would you please get it together?
174
00:06:52,641 --> 00:06:54,341
I think Rachel and I
have something special,
175
00:06:54,366 --> 00:06:57,901
and it would break my heart
if I had to stop banging her.
176
00:06:57,926 --> 00:07:00,393
You think I'm overreacting
to your death curse?
177
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:03,186
Just this morning, I found
a weird lump on my chest.
178
00:07:03,211 --> 00:07:05,578
Here. You feel something?
179
00:07:05,603 --> 00:07:06,769
Yeah.
180
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,193
Deeply uncomfortable.
181
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:13,930
Oh. That's how Jack wakes
me up in the morning.
182
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:16,455
I swear, this is the weirdest
thing you will see tonight.
183
00:07:16,457 --> 00:07:18,257
Knock knock. Gotcha. I didn't knock.
184
00:07:18,259 --> 00:07:20,059
I made that sound with my mouth.
185
00:07:20,828 --> 00:07:23,162
BROOKE: Hi! You must be Rachel.
186
00:07:23,164 --> 00:07:25,765
I'm Brooke, but you can call me girl.
187
00:07:25,767 --> 00:07:28,768
[chuckles] You don't
have to do any of that.
188
00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:31,203
I'm Paul. And of course,
I come bearing gifts.
189
00:07:31,205 --> 00:07:34,240
What would a party be without...
190
00:07:34,265 --> 00:07:35,808
�KY jelly�?
191
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,510
Yep, Kentucky jelly.
192
00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:42,091
Made with only the freshest
huckleberries. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
193
00:07:42,116 --> 00:07:46,318
With this stuff, you'll never
have another dry biscuit.
194
00:07:49,275 --> 00:07:51,367
We also brought
195
00:07:51,392 --> 00:07:53,626
a Hawaiian murder mystery game.
196
00:07:53,628 --> 00:07:57,463
"�Death in Papahanaumokuakea�"
197
00:07:57,465 --> 00:07:59,965
12 visitors say aloha,
198
00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:02,768
but one will be saying... aloha.
199
00:08:04,405 --> 00:08:05,771
[knocking on door]
200
00:08:07,975 --> 00:08:11,544
Hey. Rachel, this is Emma,
our social media influencer,
201
00:08:11,546 --> 00:08:15,014
and Greg, who's dating our
social media influencer.
202
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:17,676
Whoa! Inception.
203
00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,553
I asked my parents what old people like,
204
00:08:20,555 --> 00:08:23,189
so I brought champagne
and really warm socks.
205
00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:24,390
Cool.
206
00:08:24,392 --> 00:08:27,426
Not gonna lie, I kind of
want to open both of those.
207
00:08:27,428 --> 00:08:29,161
- Eddie, do you mind?
- No, no way.
208
00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:32,865
Every year, 47 people are
killed by flying champagne corks.
209
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:36,279
And those are just the ones Big
Champagne lets you hear about.
210
00:08:37,072 --> 00:08:37,870
Hey, Jack.
211
00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:39,772
What's up? Whoa, did you lose weight?
212
00:08:39,774 --> 00:08:40,873
Where's your girlfriend?
213
00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:42,475
Why are you sweating?
214
00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:45,110
I ran from work. This
Bump Gum is a miracle.
215
00:08:45,112 --> 00:08:47,646
Is this ceiling too low for a backflip?
216
00:08:47,648 --> 00:08:49,081
This stuff is poison.
217
00:08:49,106 --> 00:08:51,782
Each piece is loaded with
caffeine, taurine, guarine,
218
00:08:51,807 --> 00:08:53,519
and something called rinnopunnus.
219
00:08:53,521 --> 00:08:55,654
Yeah! Imitation rhino penis.
220
00:08:55,656 --> 00:08:58,190
Hey, Rachel. Mason.
221
00:08:58,192 --> 00:08:59,792
Want a Bump? No?
222
00:08:59,794 --> 00:09:01,956
No one wants to do gum with me?
223
00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:05,253
I thought this was a party.
224
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:10,382
That's Mason. Uh, he
got bit by a wild animal.
225
00:09:10,838 --> 00:09:12,037
Jack, it's fine.
226
00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:14,940
Your friends all seem pretty... cool?
227
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:17,009
Well, they're not all here yet, so...
228
00:09:17,011 --> 00:09:18,444
Oh.
229
00:09:18,446 --> 00:09:20,012
Good evening, Jack.
230
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,922
It is an honor to be
in your lovely abode.
231
00:09:24,691 --> 00:09:27,174
Oh, and this fetching
young lass must be Rachel.
232
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:31,101
Rachel, this is a shape-shifter
that's taken the form of Clark.
233
00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:34,868
Word on the street is you
are a hard cheese lover,
234
00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:39,462
so we hope you find this Gouda
as Gouda as we do. [chuckles]
235
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,655
A huge block of cheese!
236
00:09:41,683 --> 00:09:43,596
This'll be great for hors d'oeuvres.
237
00:09:43,621 --> 00:09:47,153
Or stopping an airplane
from rolling away.
238
00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:50,523
Clark, you seem surpri...
Wait. Wait, wait.
239
00:09:50,525 --> 00:09:52,825
Did... did you say �we�?
240
00:09:53,728 --> 00:09:56,496
Everyone, this is the
keeper of my heart,
241
00:09:56,498 --> 00:09:58,064
Natasha.
242
00:09:58,066 --> 00:10:00,099
[Russian accent]:
Cluck, where is toilet?
243
00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:03,567
Mm. I could just listen to this
little birdie warble all night.
244
00:10:03,592 --> 00:10:05,091
[laughs]
245
00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:10,334
There is only one way that
couple makes sense, right?
246
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:11,210
Definitely.
247
00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:12,886
Clark brought a
prostitute to the party.
248
00:10:12,911 --> 00:10:14,871
Clark is packing some
serious trouser heat.
249
00:10:21,891 --> 00:10:23,703
We have got to get
Clark's date out of here.
250
00:10:23,727 --> 00:10:24,993
Well, we can't just chuck her out.
251
00:10:24,995 --> 00:10:26,628
What if she's not a prostitute?
252
00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:28,797
Ah, I'm sure there's a
much simpler solution.
253
00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,767
Clark refurbished an
old Soviet sex robot.
254
00:10:33,464 --> 00:10:36,281
She did have a very firm handshake.
255
00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:38,552
- We should investigate.
- Yeah, Scully.
256
00:10:38,577 --> 00:10:39,941
So...
257
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:42,411
How did you two meet?
258
00:10:42,413 --> 00:10:44,079
Yeah, mutual friend? Craigslist?
259
00:10:44,081 --> 00:10:46,248
Westworld prop department?
260
00:10:46,281 --> 00:10:47,547
It was fate.
261
00:10:47,572 --> 00:10:49,985
I went to a hotel bar
to drown my sorrows
262
00:10:49,987 --> 00:10:52,860
for having one too many
side pieces to choose from,
263
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:55,824
when this Siberian snow angel
just floated into my life.
264
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:56,792
[chuckles]
265
00:10:56,794 --> 00:10:58,193
[whispers]: She's into me.
266
00:10:58,955 --> 00:11:00,128
Oh. Natasha, so,
267
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:02,597
what were you doing all
dolled up in a hotel bar
268
00:11:02,599 --> 00:11:04,066
in the middle of the day?
269
00:11:04,791 --> 00:11:06,368
I am in town for medical conference.
270
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:09,137
Oh, I'm a doctor, too.
What's your specialty?
271
00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:11,106
How do you say...
272
00:11:11,108 --> 00:11:13,475
I make sad men feel better.
273
00:11:15,813 --> 00:11:17,119
Psychiatry?
274
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:20,786
Rachel, you have barely spoken to Mason.
275
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:22,410
[chuckles]
276
00:11:24,494 --> 00:11:26,860
So why start now? [chuckles]
277
00:11:26,885 --> 00:11:27,856
CLARK: Well...
278
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:30,142
Tosh and I should do a party lap.
279
00:11:30,144 --> 00:11:31,743
Hope Emma doesn't get too embarrassed
280
00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:34,596
when she realizes my date is
hotter and stronger than hers.
281
00:11:34,598 --> 00:11:36,248
[chuckles]
282
00:11:37,384 --> 00:11:38,650
Look, she says she's a doctor,
283
00:11:38,652 --> 00:11:40,752
but I think she's a
prostitute. Can you find out?
284
00:11:40,754 --> 00:11:42,721
Yeah, I had that suspicion, too.
285
00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:44,856
Hey, Rachel! You... No!
286
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,462
Not Rachel. Natasha.
287
00:11:50,857 --> 00:11:53,882
Oh, right, of course.
Rachel's a class act.
288
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:56,485
Oh, keep her away from Rachel.
289
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:58,779
And don't tell Clark;
he seems oblivious.
290
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,425
Let him dream.
291
00:12:00,808 --> 00:12:02,973
Natasha, can I ask
you a medical question?
292
00:12:02,998 --> 00:12:03,625
Yes,
293
00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:05,160
but in back room.
294
00:12:05,162 --> 00:12:07,342
Most of my clients prefer privacy.
295
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:11,764
She keeps saying the things
that work for either profession.
296
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,539
I know you brought Natasha
just to make Emma feel jealous.
297
00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:20,008
Or to kill us all with her laser boobs.
298
00:12:20,361 --> 00:12:21,961
Oh, my God, you're right.
299
00:12:21,986 --> 00:12:23,420
[mouths]: Help me.
300
00:12:23,459 --> 00:12:24,746
I'll deal with Natasha.
301
00:12:24,748 --> 00:12:25,881
Look, if you like Emma,
302
00:12:25,883 --> 00:12:28,306
you need to show her
you're better than Greg.
303
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:28,959
Right.
304
00:12:28,984 --> 00:12:30,285
I'm gonna go destroy that guy.
305
00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:31,787
Yo, Greg.
306
00:12:31,789 --> 00:12:32,408
Nice sweater.
307
00:12:32,602 --> 00:12:34,633
What, did you mom get that for you?
308
00:12:34,658 --> 00:12:36,191
Uh, yeah, it was a Christmas present.
309
00:12:36,193 --> 00:12:38,994
No way! My mom got me this just because.
310
00:12:38,996 --> 00:12:40,796
[both laugh]
311
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:42,197
Moms are the best, right?
312
00:12:42,199 --> 00:12:44,166
Oh, totally. I know one
thing they're better than.
313
00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:45,267
BOTH: Dads!
314
00:12:45,269 --> 00:12:46,468
[both gasp]
315
00:12:48,238 --> 00:12:50,839
So, what are you guys talking about?
316
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:53,008
Brooke was just telling me
about the time you two had sex.
317
00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:55,127
[laughs]
318
00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:57,412
Excuse us. Everything's
fine. You're having fun.
319
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,613
You're supposed to be helping me.
320
00:13:00,638 --> 00:13:01,737
Yes, I know. I'm sorry.
321
00:13:01,762 --> 00:13:03,696
I was looking for
things we had in common,
322
00:13:03,721 --> 00:13:05,087
and she doesn't like Thai food.
323
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:08,186
And sex with me was the
second thing you tried?
324
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,615
I was flustered, okay?
325
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,840
I mean, who doesn't like Thai food?
326
00:13:12,865 --> 00:13:14,432
That's it, you're being reassigned.
327
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:16,690
Talk to Mason before he
discovers the bongo drums.
328
00:13:16,715 --> 00:13:17,928
MASON: Oh, bongo drums!
329
00:13:17,953 --> 00:13:20,086
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
330
00:13:21,132 --> 00:13:22,998
Just out of curiosity,
331
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,302
how many of the breasts at
this party have you touched?
332
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:27,636
Five. Look,
333
00:13:27,638 --> 00:13:30,369
my friends are just
really nervous to meet you,
334
00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:31,860
but once you get to know them,
335
00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,128
I think you'll see that they're...
336
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:35,065
A horrible crime has been committed!
337
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,230
...a pretty normal bunch.
338
00:13:37,255 --> 00:13:40,386
Someone threw my murder mystery
game in the trash and ruined it.
339
00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:43,948
Hey, you and that guy
are tunnel buddies.
340
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,279
There are four prime suspects.
341
00:13:46,304 --> 00:13:47,784
Jack, who said,
342
00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:50,210
�A murder mystery
game sounds stupid.�
343
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:51,503
Emma,
344
00:13:51,528 --> 00:13:52,269
who said,
345
00:13:52,294 --> 00:13:53,560
�A murder mystery game
346
00:13:53,585 --> 00:13:55,051
sounds stupid.�
347
00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:57,352
Mason,
348
00:13:57,354 --> 00:13:58,353
who said, �What's that?
349
00:13:58,355 --> 00:14:00,289
I don't care. I'm a bird.�
350
00:14:01,569 --> 00:14:02,601
And Clark,
351
00:14:02,659 --> 00:14:03,692
who said,
352
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:07,118
�Even pretend murder is too scary.�
353
00:14:08,011 --> 00:14:09,678
Pretend murder is too scary.
354
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,333
I know, right?
355
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,712
Hey, this is gonna sound weird,
356
00:14:13,737 --> 00:14:14,870
but do you maybe want to...
357
00:14:14,872 --> 00:14:16,004
Go jump on Jack's bed?
358
00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:17,539
No, but yes!
359
00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:19,708
[both giggle]
360
00:14:20,764 --> 00:14:23,999
Can you believe Greg is
ditching me for Clark?
361
00:14:30,387 --> 00:14:31,653
Oh, geez.
362
00:14:31,655 --> 00:14:33,322
Paul, hey.
363
00:14:33,324 --> 00:14:34,656
Would you mind keeping Rachel company
364
00:14:34,658 --> 00:14:35,924
while I put out these fires?
365
00:14:35,926 --> 00:14:38,160
I'm on the case.
366
00:14:38,996 --> 00:14:42,865
So... so, so, so, so.
367
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,337
Brooke and Jack had sex once.
368
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:53,454
Bad news: your death curse is real.
369
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,621
Natasha thinks I should
have this lump examined.
370
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,351
Oh, fantastic. So she is a real doctor?
371
00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:58,575
Oh, no, she's a hooker.
372
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:01,917
Let's get her out of here
before she gets anywhere
373
00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:03,051
near Rachel... damn it!
374
00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:04,319
I'm in sports medicine.
375
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:05,954
I do a lot of work
with the Chicago Bulls.
376
00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:08,857
All of them? Oof, I can
only do three at a time.
377
00:15:11,146 --> 00:15:14,211
Jack, I ran out of Bump.
Do you know a Bump guy?
378
00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:15,669
That's it. Spit it out.
379
00:15:19,268 --> 00:15:21,135
Look, Mason, you're a talented guy,
380
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,926
but you do not need to promote junk
381
00:15:22,951 --> 00:15:24,217
to get free stuff.
382
00:15:24,242 --> 00:15:26,142
Outdoor Limits does not employ whores.
383
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:28,570
Directly.
384
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:30,839
Jack, I need your help!
385
00:15:30,936 --> 00:15:33,420
Emma's mad at Greg for spending
all of his time with me.
386
00:15:33,445 --> 00:15:35,015
I feel terrible. What do I do?
387
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,139
Nothing. You did it.
388
00:15:36,164 --> 00:15:37,980
Somehow, you made Greg
look bad in front of Emma
389
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,606
just by being the sweet,
selfless idiot that you are.
390
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,031
Emma and I got in a fight.
391
00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,222
I think I'm gonna go.
392
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,867
We still on for laser tag?
393
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:48,642
- You know it!
- [whoops]
394
00:15:51,091 --> 00:15:53,274
All right, let's just
get Natasha out of here
395
00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:54,875
so you're free to hang out with Emma.
396
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,333
Okay.
397
00:15:56,410 --> 00:15:58,143
So, having a good time?
398
00:15:58,168 --> 00:15:59,334
Nope.
399
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,292
I'm still, uh, trying
to process this news
400
00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:02,583
about you and Brooke.
401
00:16:02,608 --> 00:16:05,476
Natasha just gave me her business card.
402
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,099
You've got some real
interesting friends.
403
00:16:09,124 --> 00:16:10,890
Oh, don't worry, we are not his friends.
404
00:16:10,915 --> 00:16:12,748
What? Yeah, we are just
405
00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:14,006
his work acquaintances.
406
00:16:14,031 --> 00:16:16,248
Trust me, his real friends
are a lot cooler than us.
407
00:16:16,273 --> 00:16:17,522
- You are welcome.
- What?
408
00:16:17,547 --> 00:16:19,847
No, Eddie's my friend.
He's my best friend.
409
00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:21,280
No, I'm not!
410
00:16:21,282 --> 00:16:22,586
I don't even know the guy.
411
00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:24,344
I want to live.
412
00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:26,285
So, I asked
413
00:16:26,287 --> 00:16:27,619
to meet your friends,
414
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:30,455
and you introduced me to your coworkers
415
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,007
and a prostitute.
416
00:16:32,009 --> 00:16:33,742
Whoa, Tosh, can you believe
417
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:35,811
someone brought a
prostitute to the party?
418
00:16:35,813 --> 00:16:37,646
[sighs]
419
00:16:39,262 --> 00:16:41,695
[raspy voice]: Oh, boy.
420
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:44,563
It seems like you're a little confused
421
00:16:44,822 --> 00:16:47,500
about who these people are to you
422
00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:50,092
and how serious you are about us.
423
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,727
So, why don't I
424
00:16:51,729 --> 00:16:54,396
give you a little time
to figure it all out.
425
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,466
Oh, and, Paul,
426
00:16:57,882 --> 00:16:59,682
I spilled wine on
your cardboard volcano,
427
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:01,169
so I threw out your game.
428
00:17:01,171 --> 00:17:02,504
I'm sorry.
429
00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:05,807
Well, mahalo for your honesty.
430
00:17:07,244 --> 00:17:09,378
[Jack chuckles]
431
00:17:09,719 --> 00:17:12,500
Well, you did it.
432
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:15,217
The bar was set pretty low,
but you found some shovels
433
00:17:15,219 --> 00:17:17,419
and tunneled right underneath.
434
00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:20,922
This party is over.
435
00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:27,429
Let's get this party started!
436
00:17:27,431 --> 00:17:29,891
Where's the bowl for these bad guys?
437
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:32,304
Oh, no, Esther, it's
not that kind of party.
438
00:17:33,498 --> 00:17:35,765
Then why is Natasha here?
439
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,401
I feel terrible.
440
00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:43,803
I guess we'll just go home
441
00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,028
and tear through all this ourselves.
442
00:17:49,813 --> 00:17:51,344
Guys, we got to fix this.
443
00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:53,946
Why? He wouldn't even
say we're his friends.
444
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,515
Jack barely spent any time
with Rachel at the party
445
00:17:56,517 --> 00:17:58,284
because he was helping
us solve our problems.
446
00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,552
What was your problem?
447
00:17:59,554 --> 00:18:03,256
Um... irritable bowel syndrome.
448
00:18:04,453 --> 00:18:05,825
BROOKE: It's true.
449
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,727
Jack's actually done
a lot for all of us.
450
00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:09,539
You think Jack helped you?
451
00:18:10,265 --> 00:18:12,431
That man saved my life.
452
00:18:14,235 --> 00:18:16,769
Hi, I'm Mason.
453
00:18:16,771 --> 00:18:18,657
And I've been clean for...
454
00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:20,682
coming up on 12 minutes.
455
00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:22,930
Hi, Mason.
456
00:18:25,113 --> 00:18:26,524
I was on the gum.
457
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:28,124
Hard.
458
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,860
Didn't even matter what flavor.
459
00:18:30,272 --> 00:18:32,706
I was chewing just to chew.
460
00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:35,610
Yeah, that's how gum works.
461
00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:39,001
Guys, Jack would never
tell us this, but...
462
00:18:39,097 --> 00:18:40,663
we are his friends.
463
00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,344
Welcome to death row.
464
00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:47,211
And the one time he asks us
for help, we let him down.
465
00:18:47,602 --> 00:18:48,901
So we need to make this right.
466
00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:50,636
Because if there's one thing I know,
467
00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:51,771
it's that a group of people
468
00:18:51,773 --> 00:18:53,472
interfering in someone
else's relationship
469
00:18:53,474 --> 00:18:54,961
always works out!
470
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:56,719
- Yeah!
- Yes!
471
00:18:56,778 --> 00:19:00,046
All three of your friends
died in the chairlift accident?
472
00:19:00,048 --> 00:19:01,414
Well, there was actually four of them,
473
00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:03,616
but I didn't count Keith as a friend.
474
00:19:06,514 --> 00:19:08,498
I find it hard to admit that
475
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:10,423
I don't have a lot of
friends around here.
476
00:19:10,425 --> 00:19:11,924
CLARK: But that would be a lie,
477
00:19:11,926 --> 00:19:14,593
because I'm Jack Gordon
and I have a lot of friends.
478
00:19:14,595 --> 00:19:15,728
Oh, crap.
479
00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:17,620
I'm Jack. Look at my nostrils.
480
00:19:17,645 --> 00:19:20,251
Even my brain is handsome.
481
00:19:20,778 --> 00:19:22,378
And I'm Rachel.
482
00:19:22,403 --> 00:19:24,336
And I'm a little confused right now.
483
00:19:24,361 --> 00:19:26,061
No, I'm not.
484
00:19:26,174 --> 00:19:29,475
You're stealing our thing
where we talk as other couples.
485
00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:31,243
And by the way, you're butchering it.
486
00:19:31,245 --> 00:19:33,145
Rachel, you did meet my friends.
487
00:19:33,147 --> 00:19:35,014
I'm just too stubborn to call them that.
488
00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:36,916
[gasps] Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
489
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:38,250
[sighs]
490
00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:41,624
But I really do take us seriously.
491
00:19:41,689 --> 00:19:42,755
I like you, Emma.
492
00:19:42,757 --> 00:19:44,590
- [whispers]: Rachel.
- Rachel.
493
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:48,771
- Oh, I like you, too.
- Hmm.
494
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,997
Even though your friends are insane.
495
00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:52,365
Except for Brooke.
496
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,266
She's right, I should try Thai food.
497
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:58,571
Yes, they are crazy, but knowing them,
498
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:01,073
they feel really sorry
for how they acted tonight.
499
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,343
Wow, they are trying really hard.
500
00:20:04,345 --> 00:20:05,644
Oh, my God.
501
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:08,491
Jack, these people might
actually be your friends.
502
00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:09,548
No.
503
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,684
They're just a bunch of
people I can't get rid of,
504
00:20:11,686 --> 00:20:14,653
who care way too much... Oh,
my God, they are my friends!
505
00:20:15,984 --> 00:20:18,085
[high-pitched squealing]
506
00:20:18,798 --> 00:20:21,193
So tonight wasn't a lie!
507
00:20:21,195 --> 00:20:24,663
Yeah! It's just that
the truth is totally sad!
508
00:20:24,665 --> 00:20:27,166
And now that I've met this sideshow,
509
00:20:27,168 --> 00:20:29,969
you can meet my real friends,
not just the accomplished ones.
510
00:20:29,971 --> 00:20:32,738
[chuckles] Wait till
you meet crazy Cathy.
511
00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:35,141
That bitch was on the news.
512
00:20:35,674 --> 00:20:38,174
I can't wait.
513
00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:39,745
All right, you guys.
514
00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:40,880
Thank you so much.
515
00:20:40,882 --> 00:20:42,398
Now, if you'll excuse us...
516
00:20:42,423 --> 00:20:44,717
BOTH: We have to go masturbate.
517
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:49,317
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