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1
00:00:01,039 --> 00:00:02,839
2
00:00:02,864 --> 00:00:05,064
[elevator bell dings]
3
00:00:09,492 --> 00:00:11,325
Morning, good-lookin'.
4
00:00:11,921 --> 00:00:12,921
Jack,
5
00:00:13,023 --> 00:00:14,623
I know we have intense
feelings for each other,
6
00:00:14,625 --> 00:00:16,825
but we got to keep things professional.
7
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:17,993
Agreed.
8
00:00:19,835 --> 00:00:21,312
All right, Mighty Ducks,
9
00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:24,766
here's the goal of today's
assignments meeting.
10
00:00:24,768 --> 00:00:27,195
Make it our shortest
ever assignments meeting.
11
00:00:27,905 --> 00:00:30,334
Got it. I'll just get to the
part where I discuss my dreams.
12
00:00:30,359 --> 00:00:32,307
So there I was, guys... Oh,
and by the way, I'm a horse.
13
00:00:32,309 --> 00:00:33,642
JACK: Okay. No dreams!
14
00:00:33,644 --> 00:00:36,311
No dreams. I'm way too busy
trying to figure this out.
15
00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:38,514
- Have you tried turning it on?
- Did you try plugging it in?
16
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,476
You do know it's a computer, right?
17
00:00:41,051 --> 00:00:43,085
I'm talking about my next big story.
18
00:00:43,087 --> 00:00:45,287
Roland's been breathing
down my neck for a hit,
19
00:00:45,289 --> 00:00:47,689
which is why I should be
writing instead of baby-sitting.
20
00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:49,031
I resent that.
21
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:52,060
Oh. no, I spilled juice on my shirt!
22
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:53,829
ROLAND: Jack,
23
00:00:53,831 --> 00:00:55,497
I hope you're not putting undue pressure
24
00:00:55,499 --> 00:00:57,199
on yourself for a hit, because
25
00:00:57,201 --> 00:00:59,593
that's my job. I need a hit!
26
00:01:00,371 --> 00:01:02,396
Don't worry. I'm halfway through a story
27
00:01:02,421 --> 00:01:03,772
about a Brazilian logging company
28
00:01:03,774 --> 00:01:06,975
that's been operating illegally
inside of a national park.
29
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,677
This story could be huge.
30
00:01:08,679 --> 00:01:11,713
Possibly... NPR huge.
31
00:01:13,242 --> 00:01:16,061
Well, as long as you're hoarding
all the good ideas to yourself,
32
00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:17,786
I think a little less talky-talky,
33
00:01:17,788 --> 00:01:19,521
and a bit more more typey-typey.
34
00:01:19,523 --> 00:01:21,456
Again, not to put
pressure on you, but...
35
00:01:21,458 --> 00:01:23,558
[breathing heavily]
36
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,927
Did you literally just
breathe down my neck?
37
00:01:25,929 --> 00:01:27,896
[laughing]: I did, yeah.
38
00:01:28,195 --> 00:01:29,541
Do I smell margaritas?
39
00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:30,832
You do.
40
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,701
All right, new features.
41
00:01:35,726 --> 00:01:38,576
Oh, right. The missing Bengal tiger
42
00:01:38,601 --> 00:01:40,795
- from the Illinois Wildlife Sanctuary.
- Ooh, me! Me! Me!
43
00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:42,015
- Me! Me, me, me, please. Me! Me! Me!
- Mason!
44
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,147
- Yes!
- Put this on the board under "Jack."
45
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,135
Jack, you already have more
stories than you can finish.
46
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,414
Why don't you let us write a good one?
47
00:01:49,439 --> 00:01:51,159
JACK: You guys don't have
enough experience yet.
48
00:01:51,184 --> 00:01:52,716
Here's a Mason.
49
00:01:52,898 --> 00:01:56,476
"Get video of baby goat
at Berkshire Family Farms"?
50
00:01:56,578 --> 00:01:59,246
Just remember, Derek Jeter
started out playing T-ball
51
00:01:59,271 --> 00:02:02,138
before he got to have
sex with all those models.
52
00:02:02,476 --> 00:02:02,960
All right.
53
00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:04,656
I'm gonna go write. See you later.
54
00:02:04,681 --> 00:02:07,682
Oh, Clark, that's for you. See ya.
55
00:02:07,707 --> 00:02:10,541
"Investigate local dry
cleaner for polluting river.
56
00:02:10,566 --> 00:02:13,100
While there, pick up
Jack's wool blazer."
57
00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:17,771
Yeah! Clark's on the board!
58
00:02:18,726 --> 00:02:19,632
Ugh!
59
00:02:20,047 --> 00:02:21,171
Everything okay, Emma?
60
00:02:21,196 --> 00:02:22,695
Yeah. It's just this
guy I've been seeing.
61
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,087
[groans]: Oh!
62
00:02:25,162 --> 00:02:28,132
I mean, I like him, but I
just don't think he gets me.
63
00:02:28,157 --> 00:02:30,224
He suggested we go
to dinner and a movie.
64
00:02:30,249 --> 00:02:31,914
What am I, 28?
65
00:02:32,926 --> 00:02:36,628
Well, I think you deserve
somebody who gets you.
66
00:02:36,630 --> 00:02:38,330
Isn't that right, Clark?
67
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,298
Of course, Mason.
68
00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:43,435
But it takes time to
get to know someone,
69
00:02:43,437 --> 00:02:45,604
so give him another
shot. He could be the one!
70
00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:47,806
What am I doing?!
71
00:02:48,195 --> 00:02:49,374
Thanks, Clark.
72
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:51,109
And here I was about to dump him.
73
00:02:51,111 --> 00:02:52,468
[groans]: Oh!
74
00:02:54,248 --> 00:02:55,814
Dude, you like her. What was that?
75
00:02:55,816 --> 00:02:57,082
What am I supposed to do?
76
00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:58,817
Just tell the girl that I'm in love with
77
00:02:58,819 --> 00:03:00,719
to break up with the
guy she's unsure about?
78
00:03:01,236 --> 00:03:03,109
That's exactly what you should do!
79
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,825
I wish it were that easy, my friend.
80
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:11,430
[elevator bell dings]
81
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:13,726
- Esther.
- Yeah.
82
00:03:13,751 --> 00:03:16,818
Now that's that unspoken sexual
tension I'm talking about.
83
00:03:20,554 --> 00:03:23,041
Jack, amazing news.
84
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:24,409
Mason found him!
85
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,044
Found whom?!
86
00:03:26,046 --> 00:03:29,514
Goats don't shed, so you
can let 'em sleep in the bed.
87
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,148
At least in theory.
88
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,119
MASON: That's weird.
89
00:03:34,121 --> 00:03:35,887
That's a lot of meat.
90
00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:37,222
Aren't goats vegetarians?
91
00:03:38,906 --> 00:03:40,092
[goat bleating] Oh, no. Wait!
92
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,093
MAN: Hey, you can't go in there!
93
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,427
Hey, stop!
94
00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:44,096
Whoa! Hold on.
95
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:47,432
Is that the missing tiger
from the wildlife sanctuary?
96
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:50,235
[laughing]: Oh.
97
00:03:50,237 --> 00:03:51,672
Y'busted!
98
00:03:51,788 --> 00:03:54,116
[applause and cheering]
99
00:03:54,592 --> 00:03:56,641
Mason found the missing tiger.
100
00:03:56,643 --> 00:03:58,998
But what about that
goat footage I asked for?
101
00:04:00,662 --> 00:04:02,247
Let's watch that video again!
102
00:04:02,249 --> 00:04:04,960
Guys, guys, calm down.
103
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,218
No.
104
00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:07,352
This is big.
105
00:04:07,354 --> 00:04:09,387
We need to get this up
on the Web site ASAP.
106
00:04:09,389 --> 00:04:11,156
Along with an article
describing what happened.
107
00:04:11,158 --> 00:04:13,658
- On it.
- What? No. Not you.
108
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,827
The people are going to
want to hear this from Mason.
109
00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:17,896
But this is the big hit I was after.
110
00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,498
And do you know, it's
extraordinary, Jack,
111
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,299
'cause I thought it would come from you.
112
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:22,934
But it didn't, did it?
113
00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:25,370
It came from Mason.
114
00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:28,140
Mason, do it again.
115
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:30,175
Oh, you mean, uh, y'busted!
116
00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:32,410
[cheering] Yeah!
117
00:04:32,412 --> 00:04:34,713
[explosive pops, birds squeal]
118
00:04:34,737 --> 00:04:38,293
Synced and corrected by javiernv
www.addic7ed.com
119
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:40,619
[phone ringing through]
120
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:47,216
All right, Baby Gap, the goal
of today's status meeting...
121
00:04:47,218 --> 00:04:49,285
Make it our shortest
ever status meeting.
122
00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:51,754
Got it. So I'm on a pirate ship.
123
00:04:51,756 --> 00:04:53,923
Except I'm not a pirate. I'm a horse.
124
00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:56,125
No dreams! All right, we all
have work to do, so, um...
125
00:04:56,127 --> 00:04:59,295
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, but I
have to show you guys something.
126
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:00,930
This guy quoted my article.
127
00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:02,832
MAN [on TV]: Goodwin
splits the defense, reverses
128
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:05,568
for the lay-up and Goodwin, y'busted!
129
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,136
Oh! Oh!
130
00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:09,438
Mason is blowing up!
131
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,625
His tiger video already
passed one million views,
132
00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:13,709
and people are going crazy
for that article he wrote.
133
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,352
It's basically promoting itself.
134
00:05:15,377 --> 00:05:17,086
Not like Jack's in-depth think pieces
135
00:05:17,111 --> 00:05:18,727
where I'm all like, "Hey, read this."
136
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,216
And people are like, "Do I have to?"
137
00:05:20,218 --> 00:05:22,243
And I'm all like, "Come on, please!"
138
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:25,353
And people are like,
"But I don't want to!"
139
00:05:26,721 --> 00:05:28,287
And I thought you were annoying
140
00:05:28,289 --> 00:05:30,189
when you were only
half the conversation.
141
00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:32,424
- All right, so...
- MASON: Oh, my God! That weird
142
00:05:32,449 --> 00:05:34,516
Slovakian YouTube kid
did a song about me!
143
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:35,907
- No...
- Way!
144
00:05:35,932 --> 00:05:37,531
[upbeat tune plays]
145
00:05:45,105 --> 00:05:47,039
Oh, my God, stop!
146
00:05:47,064 --> 00:05:50,033
The words don't even match his lips!
147
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,533
So Mason accidentally found a tiger,
148
00:05:52,558 --> 00:05:54,892
and now we're treating him
like Woodward and Bernstein.
149
00:05:54,917 --> 00:05:57,117
Those old dudes from The Muppets?
150
00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,419
Okay, we're all proud
151
00:06:00,421 --> 00:06:02,821
that Mason wrote a great
article about that tiger,
152
00:06:02,823 --> 00:06:04,353
but now we need him to follow it up
153
00:06:04,378 --> 00:06:07,619
with a great article
about... "Sand: A History."
154
00:06:08,428 --> 00:06:10,728
[singsongy]: Guess what just
arrived for the online store.
155
00:06:10,753 --> 00:06:13,154
Hint... it's from T-Shirts,
T-Shirts, T-Shirts.
156
00:06:13,818 --> 00:06:15,051
Is it pants?
157
00:06:15,694 --> 00:06:18,635
Well, this is a surprise.
158
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,194
Just kidding. I made 'em myself!
159
00:06:22,096 --> 00:06:23,228
EMMA: Hey, I could
160
00:06:23,253 --> 00:06:24,978
give this to my boy for his birthday.
161
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:27,657
I mean, if we're still dating then.
162
00:06:27,682 --> 00:06:29,018
Of course you'll still be dating, Emma.
163
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:30,525
You have to fight for love.
164
00:06:30,550 --> 00:06:32,584
What is wrong with me?
165
00:06:32,987 --> 00:06:34,775
I don't get it. "You're busted."
166
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,189
It's not even a good catchphrase.
167
00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:38,348
Oh, well, no, not the
way you're saying it.
168
00:06:38,373 --> 00:06:40,373
It's, "Y'busted."
169
00:06:40,728 --> 00:06:42,010
Do you hear the difference?
170
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:42,713
Okay.
171
00:06:42,738 --> 00:06:44,504
"You're busted"... No, thank you.
172
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,396
But... "Y'busted."
173
00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:49,143
Oh, yes, please.
174
00:06:49,168 --> 00:06:50,534
Heads up!
175
00:06:51,072 --> 00:06:51,924
Okay.
176
00:06:51,949 --> 00:06:54,149
Mason, you and I are
having a talk today.
177
00:06:54,174 --> 00:06:56,041
Unless you're too busy having a meeting
178
00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,366
about "y'busted" ring tones.
179
00:06:58,779 --> 00:06:59,846
No, I can move that.
180
00:07:04,478 --> 00:07:06,279
So, have you told Emma you like her yet?
181
00:07:06,304 --> 00:07:08,304
Nah, I haven't really found the time.
182
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:11,396
Also, it's terrifying.
183
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,189
You can't keep that stuff down, man.
184
00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:15,197
It's gonna come out
one way or the other.
185
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,939
Why don't you take your mind
off it and grab that girl a beer?
186
00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:22,232
My hands are full making
my signature ros?.
187
00:07:28,191 --> 00:07:29,463
Hey, let me get you a beer.
188
00:07:29,488 --> 00:07:30,821
Thanks. I needed this.
189
00:07:30,846 --> 00:07:32,479
I'm having major doubts
about this guy I'm seeing.
190
00:07:32,729 --> 00:07:37,565
Ditch him! You are a strong,
independent, Asian woman.
191
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:38,718
He doesn't get you.
192
00:07:38,743 --> 00:07:42,278
Dinner and a movie? What are you, 28?
193
00:07:42,757 --> 00:07:44,241
Oh. Sorry I'm late.
194
00:07:44,266 --> 00:07:46,351
I got recognized three
times on the way over here.
195
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:48,185
Well, four if you include the lady
196
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:49,897
who thought I was Michael B. Jordan.
197
00:07:50,664 --> 00:07:52,593
Ugh! Your generation ruins everything.
198
00:07:52,618 --> 00:07:54,384
You even have a worse Michael Jordan.
199
00:07:54,514 --> 00:07:55,780
[sighs]
200
00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:58,202
So... [sighs]
201
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,809
what do you want to talk about?
202
00:08:00,325 --> 00:08:01,458
Okay, here's the thing.
203
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,326
Sometimes when a writer gets some heat,
204
00:08:03,328 --> 00:08:05,395
it's easy to get cocky.
205
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,530
But you have to be careful
not to rest on your laurels,
206
00:08:07,532 --> 00:08:09,532
because before you know
it, you wake up and realize
207
00:08:09,534 --> 00:08:10,834
you're yesterday's news.
208
00:08:10,836 --> 00:08:14,304
Oh, I was wondering what this was about.
209
00:08:14,824 --> 00:08:16,706
You want help on your article.
210
00:08:17,504 --> 00:08:19,275
What's that now?
211
00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:20,643
I'm happy to take a look,
212
00:08:20,645 --> 00:08:22,942
maybe give it a blast
of that Mason sauce.
213
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,463
I'm not asking for
advice. I'm giving advice.
214
00:08:26,488 --> 00:08:27,517
I'm trying to help you here.
215
00:08:27,519 --> 00:08:30,229
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I just figured because
216
00:08:30,254 --> 00:08:32,288
you haven't had a hit in so
long that you wanted help on...
217
00:08:32,313 --> 00:08:34,513
Oh, so you have one
hit, and now you think
218
00:08:34,538 --> 00:08:37,472
you're Burt Bacharach.
219
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:39,245
You know what?
220
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:40,263
I'm making it worse.
221
00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:42,532
Obviously, y'threatened,
and why wouldn't you be?
222
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:44,981
Did you just say, "Y'threatened?"
223
00:08:46,338 --> 00:08:48,144
[chuckles] I felt threatened
224
00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:51,037
when a bull shark swam by
me in the Great Barrier Reef.
225
00:08:51,039 --> 00:08:54,028
I felt threatened when Clark
first learned my home address.
226
00:08:54,104 --> 00:08:55,636
But you having one fluke article...
227
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,243
That does not threaten me.
228
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,345
Then why are you flexing so hard?
229
00:08:59,347 --> 00:09:02,849
I'm not flexing. I'm
just... naturally yoked.
230
00:09:02,851 --> 00:09:05,685
Look, I'm just saying,
you're having a moment.
231
00:09:05,687 --> 00:09:07,153
Don't let it go to your head.
232
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,888
I've been doing this for 20 years.
233
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,057
That's why I'm the face of the magazine.
234
00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:12,292
Y'got it?
235
00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:14,594
[elevator bell dings]
236
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,897
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
237
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:21,734
Sorry, Jack. I'm not
flirting with you anymore.
238
00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:23,262
I'm flirting with Mason.
239
00:09:23,287 --> 00:09:27,189
Not you. Mason.
240
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,233
You took my poster down?!
Are you drunk?!
241
00:09:33,235 --> 00:09:36,637
Well, I suppose I shouldn't
operate heavy machinery,
242
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:40,507
but I could probably drive
home without incident.
243
00:09:40,509 --> 00:09:42,843
You mustn't take these
things personally, Jack.
244
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:45,746
The magazine has to stay
on top of what's hot,
245
00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:48,148
and at the moment, nothing's
hotter than young Mason.
246
00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:52,419
You could light a wet
cigar off that Mason.
247
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:54,588
Hey, Dad, check out these bobble-heads.
248
00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:55,823
Ah! [both laughing]
249
00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:56,957
Hi, Jack.
250
00:09:56,959 --> 00:09:58,092
Is that Mason?
251
00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:00,761
It's a bit racist, isn't it?
252
00:10:02,216 --> 00:10:04,164
Not if it is Mason.
253
00:10:04,553 --> 00:10:05,886
Aah. Okay, look, I'm sorry.
254
00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:07,520
I know you take issue with all of this,
255
00:10:07,545 --> 00:10:10,179
but as a business, we have
to capitalize on this moment.
256
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,587
MASON'S VOICE: Y'busted!
Y'busted! Y'busted!
257
00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:14,217
[beep]
258
00:10:14,219 --> 00:10:15,485
And it-it doesn't mean that
259
00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:17,354
you're any less
valuable to the magazine.
260
00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:19,389
Y'busted. Y'busted.
261
00:10:19,391 --> 00:10:21,458
- Y'busted.
- Sorry. I better get this.
262
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,763
It might be Mason.
263
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,863
He saved one tiger.
264
00:10:26,865 --> 00:10:29,348
You know, they're not
even that endangered.
265
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,636
I understand how hard it is
for you to share the spotlight.
266
00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,559
Don't forget there was a time when I was
267
00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:36,718
the face of the magazine.
268
00:10:36,842 --> 00:10:38,434
"How Global Cooling
269
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:41,026
- Will Kill Us All."
- Yeah, right,
270
00:10:41,051 --> 00:10:43,286
my-my point is there always comes a time
271
00:10:43,311 --> 00:10:45,356
when you have to let others take a turn.
272
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:47,101
You're a leader now.
273
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:48,536
You're in charge of a team.
274
00:10:48,538 --> 00:10:52,332
Mason doesn't need a
rival, he needs a mentor.
275
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:53,489
And a drug dealer.
276
00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:54,947
When you get famous,
277
00:10:54,949 --> 00:10:58,617
you're the one who has to
bring in the nose candy.
278
00:11:00,554 --> 00:11:02,521
I see what you're doing.
279
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,583
Reverse psychology... to get me
280
00:11:04,608 --> 00:11:06,138
to work harder, deliver a hit
281
00:11:06,163 --> 00:11:07,895
to get my poster back up in the lobby.
282
00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:10,066
That's the exact opposite
of what I've been saying.
283
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,468
Oh-ho, okay, now, you're
doing it again. Yeah.
284
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:14,270
Okay. My article about logging
285
00:11:14,272 --> 00:11:16,038
will be on your desk in the morning.
286
00:11:16,583 --> 00:11:17,707
I'm worried about you.
287
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:20,142
Oh-ho, no, you're not.
288
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:23,846
So that's why I say you got to kick
289
00:11:23,848 --> 00:11:26,315
that loser to the curb, baby face.
290
00:11:26,317 --> 00:11:29,485
I just came up here for napkins. But...
291
00:11:29,487 --> 00:11:33,356
now that you say it, maybe
I have been married too long.
292
00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:37,960
Getting pretty
comfortable giving advice.
293
00:11:37,962 --> 00:11:40,997
I need some. I have a guy helping me,
294
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:42,465
but he doesn't really
listen to the customers,
295
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:44,734
he kind of just... vents his own issues.
296
00:11:44,736 --> 00:11:47,003
Mm-hmm. Ditch him.
Eddie, you are a smart,
297
00:11:47,005 --> 00:11:50,773
independent Asian woman...
Yeah, no, now I'm hearing it.
298
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,496
[sighs heavily]
299
00:11:53,811 --> 00:11:55,978
What do you recommend for a heavy heart?
300
00:11:56,356 --> 00:11:57,647
Got to go with a beer.
301
00:11:57,649 --> 00:11:59,649
It's all I'm allowed to serve
since I made a White Russian
302
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:02,684
with milk and teriyaki
sauce. So, what's up, kid?
303
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:06,122
Well, I've been dating this girl,
304
00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:07,723
and I really like her, but...
305
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:10,660
I feel like I'm more into
her than she is into me.
306
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:12,428
Oh, I've been there. I'm
actually there right now.
307
00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:13,729
There's this girl I work with...
308
00:12:13,731 --> 00:12:14,864
Oh, a fellow bartender.
309
00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:16,632
Oh, no, no, I don't work here.
310
00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:20,736
She is smart, beautiful,
311
00:12:20,738 --> 00:12:23,606
smells like women's
perfume... The total package.
312
00:12:24,629 --> 00:12:26,623
And if I really wanted
her to know how I feel,
313
00:12:26,716 --> 00:12:28,177
I'd go with a heartfelt gesture.
314
00:12:28,179 --> 00:12:30,355
- Like chocolates and flowers?
- [scoffs] What is it,
315
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,748
3:00 a.m. in a hospital gift
shop is your only option?
316
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:35,284
No, buddy. [laughs]
317
00:12:35,286 --> 00:12:37,586
You got to go with her
favorite things, all right?
318
00:12:37,588 --> 00:12:39,221
You know? For my girl, I would...
319
00:12:39,223 --> 00:12:41,557
I'd make her a card
with Ms. Pac-Man on it,
320
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,259
made out of yellow Skittles,
321
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:46,662
telling her how I feel
using only Beyonc? lyrics.
322
00:12:46,664 --> 00:12:50,032
Wow, that's good. Why don't you do that?
323
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:52,134
Oh, I'm a coward.
324
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,738
Well, you know what
Michael B. Jordan says...
325
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:58,598
You miss 100% of the
shots you don't take.
326
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:00,343
You're right.
327
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:02,545
Screw it. You know
what? I'm gonna do it.
328
00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:04,823
And as a thank-you,
you've earned a glass
329
00:13:04,848 --> 00:13:06,582
of our signature ros?.
330
00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:08,584
[chuckles]: All right.
331
00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:10,920
ROLAND: Are you seriously telling me
332
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:13,622
you have never been to a horse fight?
333
00:13:13,624 --> 00:13:16,225
You are in for a disturbing treat.
334
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:20,830
[quietly]: Let's dance.
335
00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:23,532
[exciting music playing]
336
00:13:34,245 --> 00:13:35,745
337
00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:37,913
[exhales, babbles]
338
00:13:39,007 --> 00:13:41,040
[music stops abruptly]
339
00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:47,223
[exciting music resumes]
340
00:13:47,225 --> 00:13:49,859
341
00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:53,996
Y-Y-Y'busted!
342
00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:58,267
[music ends]
343
00:13:58,269 --> 00:13:59,735
[elevator bell dings]
344
00:14:00,177 --> 00:14:02,772
Jack! I've been trying
to find you all morning.
345
00:14:02,797 --> 00:14:04,427
Your article is blowing up.
346
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:06,872
Lalit Pajala wants you
on his show tonight.
347
00:14:06,897 --> 00:14:09,253
Wait. Lalit Pajala? The Lalit Pajala?
348
00:14:09,278 --> 00:14:11,391
Public radio's Lalit Pajala? Yes.
349
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,800
He was supposed to be
interviewing a wood sculptor
350
00:14:13,825 --> 00:14:15,418
who carved himself a
wife, but apparently,
351
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:18,287
that man turned out to be a murderer.
352
00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,622
That's great!
353
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,724
I mean, thoughts and
prayers to those affected,
354
00:14:21,726 --> 00:14:22,992
but that's great.
355
00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:25,294
Jack Gordon is back.
356
00:14:30,088 --> 00:14:31,667
Mason, what are you doing here?
357
00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,032
Randomly opening doors across Chicago
358
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:36,205
looking for exotic animals?
359
00:14:36,682 --> 00:14:37,640
You didn't tell him?
360
00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:40,643
Jack, your article was excellent...
361
00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:42,678
Of course it was...
But I needed it to have
362
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:47,516
maximum exposure, so I had Mason
squirt some of that piping hot
363
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:49,328
Mason sauce on it.
364
00:14:49,353 --> 00:14:53,622
Ugh. That's the grossest
way you could have put that.
365
00:14:54,307 --> 00:14:57,893
You titled my article
"Loggers: Y'Busted"?
366
00:14:58,463 --> 00:14:59,895
And we share credit?!
367
00:14:59,897 --> 00:15:02,118
Well, you refused to use your team,
368
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,433
so I did it for you, and
look where it's got us.
369
00:15:04,435 --> 00:15:07,626
At a radio network that is
currently being listened to
370
00:15:07,651 --> 00:15:10,963
in every Prius across northern Illinois.
371
00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:14,040
Well, at least Lalit Pajala will know
372
00:15:14,065 --> 00:15:16,165
who the real journalist is.
373
00:15:21,652 --> 00:15:24,532
[quietly]: "And there among
the trees, an enduring Eden",
374
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,133
but an Eden under siege."
375
00:15:27,158 --> 00:15:29,891
That's from the new
article "Loggers: Y'Busted"
376
00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:32,854
by Mason Trimmer and Jack
Gordon, who join us now.
377
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,251
Thanks for having us, Lalit.
378
00:15:34,276 --> 00:15:35,664
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
379
00:15:35,666 --> 00:15:38,534
Lalit, I, uh, brought
you a little something.
380
00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,165
Oh, my.
381
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,688
Um, for our listeners at home,
382
00:15:41,713 --> 00:15:45,228
I have just been handed a
coveted Mason bobblehead.
383
00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:48,388
And may I say, Mason, it
does not do you justice.
384
00:15:48,413 --> 00:15:50,791
So tell me, what were
you hoping to achieve...
385
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,936
Um, could you speak
up? Uh, from over here,
386
00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:56,041
you just sound like a humidifier.
387
00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:58,834
The article is a call-to-action piece.
388
00:15:58,859 --> 00:16:01,737
We're on pace to lose 40%
of Brazil's rain forest
389
00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:03,536
Within the next 15 years...
390
00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:05,877
- 15 years... that's correct. I wrote that.
- LALIT: Wow, Mason,
391
00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:07,385
your knowledge of the rain forest is
392
00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:09,510
as dense as the rain forest itself.
393
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:12,323
[laughs]: Oh, I don't
deserve all the credit.
394
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:13,847
No. Why would you say that?
395
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:16,106
Just because you didn't do
the research, the sourcing
396
00:16:16,131 --> 00:16:18,264
or spend the entire night
avoiding the advances
397
00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:20,389
of Nina the lusty night janitor.
398
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,622
MASON: Uh, well, I did
399
00:16:22,624 --> 00:16:24,760
do everything that made
the article go viral.
400
00:16:24,785 --> 00:16:25,784
Uh, infographs,
401
00:16:25,809 --> 00:16:28,104
embedded video, uh, interactive maps...
402
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:30,496
Yeah, all I came up
with was the entire idea
403
00:16:30,521 --> 00:16:31,654
and all the words.
404
00:16:31,976 --> 00:16:32,893
MASON: Sounds like
405
00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:34,384
someone can't handle someone else
406
00:16:34,409 --> 00:16:36,026
getting, like, a day in the spotlight.
407
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:38,185
And just to clarify, was
that first someone Jack Gordon
408
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:39,596
and that second someone you, Mason?
409
00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:41,388
Okay, I can't hear you. So
we're gonna switch places.
410
00:16:41,413 --> 00:16:42,545
- No, we're not.
- Yeah, we are.
411
00:16:42,570 --> 00:16:43,994
- Stop.
- We're... No, we're switching spots.
412
00:16:44,019 --> 00:16:44,985
I'm sitting...
413
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:46,042
Whoa!
414
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:47,600
No! My Warby's!
415
00:16:47,812 --> 00:16:50,737
Now, that's the perfect volume.
416
00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:57,345
You humiliated the magazine
on live public radio.
417
00:16:57,370 --> 00:16:59,970
Do you know how many people heard that?
418
00:16:59,972 --> 00:17:02,673
Very few. But that's
not the point, is it?
419
00:17:02,675 --> 00:17:04,141
Roland, it's fine.
420
00:17:04,143 --> 00:17:07,044
Everybody's blaming Mason for
elbowing Lalit in the face.
421
00:17:07,046 --> 00:17:08,713
I got off scot-free.
422
00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:10,548
No, Jack, it's not fine.
423
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,650
What's bad for one of
us is bad for all of us.
424
00:17:12,652 --> 00:17:13,818
When are you going to realize
425
00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:16,187
that being a star is far less important
426
00:17:16,189 --> 00:17:17,688
than being a mentor?
427
00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:19,190
Oh, I see... trick question.
428
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:21,959
- The answer is never.
- [sighs]
429
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:24,595
I had hoped it wouldn't come to this.
430
00:17:24,597 --> 00:17:27,331
[squeaking]
431
00:17:28,435 --> 00:17:29,674
Fine.
432
00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:30,765
I'll ask.
433
00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:33,427
Why do you have a penguin?
434
00:17:33,406 --> 00:17:36,651
This bird is the result
of two of my vices.
435
00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:38,442
Ambien and eBay.
436
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:40,878
And now it is gonna
437
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,013
help me teach you a lesson...
438
00:17:43,038 --> 00:17:44,568
when you shoot it.
439
00:17:44,593 --> 00:17:46,260
What?! But...
440
00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:48,296
Wait, this is a water pistol.
441
00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:50,087
And it's leaking.
442
00:17:50,089 --> 00:17:52,471
Tequila!
443
00:17:52,496 --> 00:17:54,229
It's mezcal, Jack.
444
00:17:54,254 --> 00:17:56,855
Or, as I like to call
it, "cactus scotch."
445
00:17:57,063 --> 00:18:00,831
But the penguin, the
penguin is a metaphor.
446
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:03,666
When you hoard articles, you
hurt not just the magazine,
447
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,869
but the outdoors.
448
00:18:04,871 --> 00:18:07,004
Take your piece on Antarctic poaching.
449
00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:09,340
Every day that it goes unwritten
450
00:18:09,342 --> 00:18:13,410
is another day of penguin
death at the South Pole.
451
00:18:13,412 --> 00:18:16,514
Well, this is a very convoluted lesson.
452
00:18:16,932 --> 00:18:18,682
Wait, are you just looking for an excuse
453
00:18:18,684 --> 00:18:20,117
to write off a penguin?
454
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:21,752
[laughs]: Yes, I am.
455
00:18:21,754 --> 00:18:23,754
But I'm serious, too.
456
00:18:23,756 --> 00:18:25,222
You must use your team.
457
00:18:25,224 --> 00:18:27,057
If you can share your work,
458
00:18:27,059 --> 00:18:29,682
it'll have that much more impact, yeah?
459
00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:31,073
Now, tell me I'm right.
460
00:18:31,264 --> 00:18:32,698
Come on.
461
00:18:32,897 --> 00:18:35,398
Say it out loud, or Oswald gets it.
462
00:18:35,423 --> 00:18:36,555
Fine! Okay, you're right,
463
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,213
you're right, yes, they're good,
464
00:18:38,238 --> 00:18:40,472
- and I-I need to trust them.
- Excellent.
465
00:18:40,497 --> 00:18:42,930
Oh, send Emma in, would you?
I need to teach her a lesson
466
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:46,490
about refilling the Keurig.
467
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,916
GREG: Dude.
468
00:18:49,972 --> 00:18:51,793
Your idea was genius!
469
00:18:51,818 --> 00:18:53,884
I did exactly what you said.
470
00:18:53,886 --> 00:18:56,854
Ms. Pac-Man, Skittles, Beyonc?.
471
00:18:56,856 --> 00:18:59,957
Really? I sort of meant tailor
it to your girlfriend.
472
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:02,660
No, I didn't have to. She loved it.
473
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:04,924
Must just be something all chicks like.
474
00:19:05,131 --> 00:19:06,397
[chuckles]
475
00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:08,032
Hey, Greg.
476
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:10,267
Oh. How do you guys...?
477
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:13,548
[deep voice]: Oh, good God, no.
478
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:15,676
Clark, you met Greg?
479
00:19:15,842 --> 00:19:17,901
He just gave me the sweetest card.
480
00:19:17,926 --> 00:19:19,392
[groans]: Oh!
481
00:19:20,165 --> 00:19:21,798
GREG: You know, Clark was the one
482
00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:24,682
who encouraged me to tell
you how I really feel.
483
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,116
Really?
484
00:19:26,118 --> 00:19:28,118
Aw, thank you, Clark.
485
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,388
It's nothing. If you
guys are happy, I'm happy.
486
00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:33,457
[deep voice]: What? And why, Clark?
487
00:19:39,729 --> 00:19:41,732
Hope you like yellow Skittles, Eddie.
488
00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:43,868
Well, they're not my favorite, but...
489
00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:45,836
Oh, my God.
490
00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:49,607
This is the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
491
00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,707
Hey. Aren't you the face and finger
guns of Outdoor Limits?
492
00:20:00,092 --> 00:20:02,493
Hey, Jack. Sorry I got cocky and ruined
493
00:20:02,518 --> 00:20:03,821
your radio interview.
494
00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:05,322
Well, there's no time for sorry.
495
00:20:05,324 --> 00:20:08,192
I need you on this article
about Antarctic poaching.
496
00:20:08,979 --> 00:20:09,994
Are you sure?
497
00:20:09,996 --> 00:20:11,729
This feels like a Jack.
498
00:20:11,731 --> 00:20:13,397
Oh, I think you'll make it your own.
499
00:20:13,399 --> 00:20:16,267
Plus, when you hand it in, I
plan on pumping my Jack sauce
500
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:17,534
all over it.
501
00:20:19,362 --> 00:20:21,005
You guys having an assignments meeting?
502
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:24,329
Okay, so I'm late for
class and I forgot my pants
503
00:20:24,354 --> 00:20:25,843
and obviously, I am a horse...
504
00:20:25,845 --> 00:20:27,478
No dreams.
505
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,812
You know what?
506
00:20:28,814 --> 00:20:33,117
As your mentor, I would
like to hear that dream.
507
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:34,618
Okay.
508
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,690
So, I'm a horse and you're riding me...
509
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No!
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00:20:37,664 --> 00:20:42,214
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