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1
00:00:05,602 --> 00:00:06,567
[elevator dings]
2
00:00:06,569 --> 00:00:07,952
Hey, Esther, how're you doing?
3
00:00:07,954 --> 00:00:08,903
Ever since the accident,
4
00:00:08,905 --> 00:00:11,123
I can tell what cats are thinking.
5
00:00:11,148 --> 00:00:12,364
Terrific!
6
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,126
CLARK: Hey, guys!
7
00:00:15,105 --> 00:00:16,679
We're product-testing
8
00:00:16,704 --> 00:00:18,521
for this month's
camping essentials list.
9
00:00:18,546 --> 00:00:21,559
Check out the hot tub hammock.
10
00:00:21,584 --> 00:00:22,750
It fits two!
11
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:26,571
Walking sleeping bag.
12
00:00:26,573 --> 00:00:30,224
And I'm wearing picnic pants!
13
00:00:30,679 --> 00:00:31,926
We have our answer.
14
00:00:31,928 --> 00:00:33,307
This is what happens
15
00:00:33,332 --> 00:00:35,633
when the world gets
rid of all the bullies.
16
00:00:36,112 --> 00:00:37,992
None of these are camping essentials.
17
00:00:38,017 --> 00:00:41,437
At best, they look like rejected
products from "Shark Tank."
18
00:00:42,071 --> 00:00:43,591
It's like you guys
have never been camping.
19
00:00:43,616 --> 00:00:45,802
- I haven't.
- Me, neither.
20
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:48,109
When I was eight, I was
trapped in a well for two hours.
21
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:49,777
You were Baby Clark?
22
00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:51,162
Yep.
23
00:00:51,663 --> 00:00:53,796
How did any of you get hired?
24
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,249
I blame you, Brooke.
25
00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:56,284
Oh, what for?
26
00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:57,618
They've never been camping.
27
00:00:57,643 --> 00:01:00,263
You hired a bunch of shut-ins
to work for an outdoor magazine.
28
00:01:00,288 --> 00:01:02,016
Tech-savvy shut-ins,
29
00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:04,474
who helped us transition
30
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:07,458
from struggling magazine to
bad-ass adventure website.
31
00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:09,847
Jack, you're here to give us
the real outdoor perspective,
32
00:01:09,849 --> 00:01:12,013
so they don't need
it... Right, my peeps?
33
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:13,060
Nah, you screwed up, Brooke.
34
00:01:13,085 --> 00:01:14,135
We should totally know how to camp.
35
00:01:14,137 --> 00:01:15,636
We're a disgrace to the magazine.
36
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,005
Everybody here, except Brooke, is right.
37
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:21,576
You kids need some camping experience.
38
00:01:21,578 --> 00:01:22,777
Someone should get you out there,
39
00:01:22,779 --> 00:01:23,778
post-haste.
40
00:01:23,780 --> 00:01:25,363
Fortunately, you work
41
00:01:25,365 --> 00:01:28,032
for the greatest outdoorsman
I've ever known...
42
00:01:28,034 --> 00:01:28,991
Brooke.
43
00:01:29,903 --> 00:01:31,724
Did you mislead us on purpose?
44
00:01:31,749 --> 00:01:32,851
I did.
45
00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:36,615
I am sorry, but Paul and I have plans.
46
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,543
I wish I could... I love camping.
47
00:01:38,545 --> 00:01:39,827
Don't believe all the rumors.
48
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,996
I don't think people talk about you
49
00:01:41,998 --> 00:01:43,693
as much as you think they do.
50
00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:45,755
ROLAND: It's a real shame,
51
00:01:45,780 --> 00:01:47,084
because Brooke is so good at camping,
52
00:01:47,086 --> 00:01:50,471
she makes Navy SEALs
look like baby seals.
53
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,474
Did you have that one
loaded up for a while?
54
00:01:53,499 --> 00:01:55,413
[sheepishly]: I did, yeah.
55
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:57,772
Jack, why don't you take them out?
56
00:01:57,797 --> 00:02:00,765
Oh, not this weekend...
I'm totally free.
57
00:02:02,257 --> 00:02:03,272
Jack...
58
00:02:03,718 --> 00:02:06,502
you spent some time in the
Philippines, didn't you?
59
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,077
How's your Kapampangan?
60
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,796
[Roland cackling]
61
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,802
Ah, whatever it is you are planning,
62
00:02:33,804 --> 00:02:36,221
I do not like it, especially
since I heard you say, "Brooke."
63
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,507
I think you misheard me.
64
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,468
What are you saying?
65
00:02:41,493 --> 00:02:42,858
Good news, dry humps!
66
00:02:42,883 --> 00:02:44,313
We're going camping!
67
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:45,814
[cheers]
68
00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:47,699
[eagle screeches]
69
00:02:47,723 --> 00:02:51,797
Synced and corrected by javiernv
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:53,989
[phone ringing]
71
00:03:06,035 --> 00:03:08,800
Guys, I can't believe
I'm going actual camping
72
00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:10,369
with actual Jack Gordon.
73
00:03:10,371 --> 00:03:11,703
If I ever get married,
74
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:14,339
I am retroactively claiming
this as my bachelor party.
75
00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:16,341
Good morning.
76
00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:17,709
[all greet Jack]
77
00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:19,378
Wow, look all this crap.
78
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:20,629
Yeah, he's right.
79
00:03:20,631 --> 00:03:23,105
We probably don't need
this George Foreman grill.
80
00:03:23,384 --> 00:03:25,267
Especially since we have
this George Foreman grill.
81
00:03:25,269 --> 00:03:26,468
JACK: All right.
82
00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:28,220
I'm going to put all
this into two piles.
83
00:03:28,222 --> 00:03:29,221
What we need
84
00:03:29,223 --> 00:03:30,639
will go on this table,
85
00:03:30,641 --> 00:03:33,550
and all the useless garbage
will stay right here.
86
00:03:33,575 --> 00:03:34,708
Okay, I'm done.
87
00:03:34,912 --> 00:03:36,144
Wait, what? What about this stuff?
88
00:03:36,146 --> 00:03:37,646
I packed for you guys.
89
00:03:37,648 --> 00:03:39,648
All you need is a rope,
a knife, and, of course...
90
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:40,983
the bible.
91
00:03:40,985 --> 00:03:42,034
EMMA: Your book?
92
00:03:42,036 --> 00:03:44,119
We don't all need our own copy.
93
00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:46,244
Yeah, you do... My
garage is full of them.
94
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,205
JACK: Trust me.
95
00:03:47,207 --> 00:03:50,559
The last thing this camping
trip needs is dead weight.
96
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:52,461
[air horn blowing]
97
00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:55,163
Who is ready to get turnt in a forest?
98
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:56,363
Me!
99
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:57,799
Brooke!
100
00:03:58,991 --> 00:04:00,191
From work.
101
00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:03,232
Brooke, what are you doing here?
102
00:04:03,257 --> 00:04:06,558
I am here to make sure
this trip is crazy fun.
103
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,136
[cheering]
104
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:10,539
Stop it, you don't need to cheer
every time someone says "fun."
105
00:04:10,564 --> 00:04:12,597
[cheering]
106
00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:15,044
Listen, this is about
turning them into outdoorsmen.
107
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:17,879
They need basic survival skills, not...
108
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:19,582
Is that a popcorn machine?
109
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,730
No, no, it's a karaoke machine.
110
00:04:22,026 --> 00:04:23,609
You know you don't need all this stuff.
111
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,510
Roland taught you how to camp, right?
112
00:04:27,698 --> 00:04:28,947
How's your Croatian?
113
00:04:35,289 --> 00:04:39,675
Ooh, someone's fighting over
who gets to share a tent with me!
114
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,400
They need to toughen up.
115
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,065
Yesterday, Clark screamed when
he walked into his own burp.
116
00:04:53,107 --> 00:04:55,238
I was expecting the banana,
117
00:04:55,316 --> 00:04:57,957
but I'd forgotten about the Doritos.
118
00:04:59,805 --> 00:05:01,254
Uh, okay, I'm coming with you,
119
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,947
so you may as well get
on board the fun train.
120
00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:05,230
You know what?
121
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:08,327
"Fun train" convinced me.
122
00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:10,854
Hey, kids, you know what's fun?
123
00:05:11,075 --> 00:05:11,967
Knots!
124
00:05:11,992 --> 00:05:13,325
ALL: Oh...
125
00:05:13,327 --> 00:05:14,768
JACK: Let's learn the bowline.
126
00:05:14,793 --> 00:05:16,411
The rabbit comes out of the hole,
127
00:05:16,413 --> 00:05:17,796
goes around the tree,
128
00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:20,332
then dives back down the hole!
129
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:22,134
All right, all aboard the fun train!
130
00:05:22,136 --> 00:05:23,552
Next stop, Giggle Mountain.
131
00:05:23,554 --> 00:05:25,554
First one to the car gets string cheese!
132
00:05:25,556 --> 00:05:27,255
String cheese, what?!
133
00:05:32,254 --> 00:05:33,557
Thanks for trying, Jack.
134
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:34,262
Of course.
135
00:05:34,264 --> 00:05:36,865
And thanks for staying behind
and trusting me with them.
136
00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,183
Wait, what?
137
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,686
Jack!
138
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:41,687
Jack, get back here!
139
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,605
Get back here right now!
140
00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:45,273
Eddie, can you please help me out?
141
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,074
What's that?
142
00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:47,320
I heard an "Eddie" in there,
143
00:05:47,345 --> 00:05:49,011
but my Croatian is very rusty.
144
00:05:53,784 --> 00:05:54,866
[sighs]
145
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:57,119
It's good to be back
in the wild again...
146
00:05:57,121 --> 00:05:59,191
for the first time.
147
00:05:59,503 --> 00:06:02,267
So...
148
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,492
Is this it?
149
00:06:03,494 --> 00:06:04,760
Oh, no.
150
00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,211
In a minute, a bunch of cartoon animals
151
00:06:06,213 --> 00:06:07,822
are going to come out
and sing us a song...
152
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:09,449
Yes, this is it!
153
00:06:09,516 --> 00:06:11,574
It's not that bad!
154
00:06:11,599 --> 00:06:12,911
I'm actually getting
some great Instagrams.
155
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:13,935
Oh.
156
00:06:13,937 --> 00:06:15,572
Hey, Jack, can you move that plant?
157
00:06:15,597 --> 00:06:16,471
It's in my shot.
158
00:06:16,473 --> 00:06:19,307
When it's not in a
pot, it's called a tree.
159
00:06:19,309 --> 00:06:20,942
Wait...
160
00:06:20,944 --> 00:06:22,394
Who waters all these?
161
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,479
Okay, listen up.
162
00:06:24,504 --> 00:06:26,127
You guys are in my world now,
163
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,088
and as a thank you for
teaching me how to pronounce
164
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:29,065
[with soft "G"]: GIF...
165
00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:31,536
- ALL [with hard "G"]: GIF.
- I don't care.
166
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,572
I'm going to teach you how to not die.
167
00:06:33,574 --> 00:06:36,958
There are three essentials
to surviving in the wild.
168
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,994
[Survivor- like music playing]
169
00:06:38,996 --> 00:06:40,328
Shelter.
170
00:06:44,218 --> 00:06:45,417
Fire.
171
00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:47,803
Food.
172
00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:49,171
Well, a fishing net,
173
00:06:49,173 --> 00:06:50,639
but you get the point.
174
00:06:53,143 --> 00:06:54,059
Or maybe you don't.
175
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,644
Did you guys see any of that?
176
00:06:55,879 --> 00:06:57,429
If I've learned
anything from my parents,
177
00:06:57,431 --> 00:06:58,880
it's that if you wait long enough,
178
00:06:59,084 --> 00:07:01,468
older people just do everything for you.
179
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,046
Sorry, I was trying to find the angle
180
00:07:04,071 --> 00:07:06,271
that makes this mushroom
look most like a penis.
181
00:07:06,273 --> 00:07:07,589
And where the hell is Clark?
182
00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:08,857
I'm back!
183
00:07:08,859 --> 00:07:10,575
I went exploring and I fell in a gully.
184
00:07:10,577 --> 00:07:14,329
It was like I was Baby Clark
in that well all over again.
185
00:07:14,331 --> 00:07:16,865
So none of you guys paid attention?
186
00:07:17,105 --> 00:07:20,861
That's okay, I'll just take
it all down and show you again.
187
00:07:20,886 --> 00:07:22,120
Come on over, Emma.
188
00:07:22,122 --> 00:07:24,422
Yeah.
189
00:07:24,424 --> 00:07:26,424
Aah.
190
00:07:26,426 --> 00:07:28,877
Just kidding... You're on your own.
191
00:07:28,879 --> 00:07:30,262
Come on, Jack, show us again.
192
00:07:30,264 --> 00:07:31,630
Whatever... I could just Google
193
00:07:31,632 --> 00:07:33,533
how to build a shelter and make a fire.
194
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:36,451
Well, good luck using your
phone to trap some food.
195
00:07:36,453 --> 00:07:38,353
UberEATS!
196
00:07:38,355 --> 00:07:40,188
I'm looking for Emma by the trees.
197
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,703
Look, I just caught a hamburger.
198
00:07:44,058 --> 00:07:45,736
You can ding me on stars for being late,
199
00:07:45,761 --> 00:07:47,395
but in my defense, I
thought I heard someone
200
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:49,314
screaming from a gully.
201
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:51,116
JACK: Okay.
202
00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:53,451
Screen time is over... thanks.
203
00:07:53,453 --> 00:07:55,287
Your phones are going to go
204
00:07:55,289 --> 00:07:58,824
on a little camping
adventure for themselves.
205
00:08:01,735 --> 00:08:02,760
What are you doing?
206
00:08:02,785 --> 00:08:04,496
Why did he take our phones?
207
00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:07,047
Oh, Jack, is the signal better up there?
208
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,501
Nope, just threw the bag.
209
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:14,440
You guys have everything
you need to survive
210
00:08:14,465 --> 00:08:15,347
without your phones.
211
00:08:15,372 --> 00:08:18,402
Now there's nothing standing
between you and nature.
212
00:08:18,427 --> 00:08:20,477
[air horn blowing]
213
00:08:20,502 --> 00:08:23,813
Hi, guys, it's me, Brooke from work.
214
00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:29,120
What part of me tying you to
a bar do you not understand?
215
00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,300
It's like you're a golden retriever
216
00:08:30,325 --> 00:08:32,519
dragging a bench into a coffee shop.
217
00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:33,910
How did you find us?
218
00:08:33,935 --> 00:08:35,519
I just followed the trail of Skittles.
219
00:08:35,544 --> 00:08:38,178
Hey, look, there's a hole in my pocket.
220
00:08:38,497 --> 00:08:40,372
Brooke, Jack's trying
to make us better people,
221
00:08:40,397 --> 00:08:41,630
and it's really annoying.
222
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,456
Ah, well, that is why
I have stuffed my pack
223
00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,246
with a guitar, s'mores,
224
00:08:46,271 --> 00:08:51,274
and a thermos of iced tea...
from the Long Island region.
225
00:08:51,299 --> 00:08:53,799
We're camping, we're not helping
Linda get through her divorce.
226
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:54,255
[rattling]
227
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,153
These are jokes, I'm joking.
228
00:08:56,178 --> 00:08:57,427
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
229
00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:00,216
[screams]
230
00:09:02,262 --> 00:09:04,212
First, I've never been more turned on.
231
00:09:04,723 --> 00:09:06,060
Me, neither.
232
00:09:09,051 --> 00:09:11,833
Now, despite saving Clark's
life, you need to leave.
233
00:09:11,858 --> 00:09:12,607
[struggling]: No.
234
00:09:12,632 --> 00:09:14,674
I do not trust you alone with them.
235
00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:15,899
Not any of them.
236
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:19,021
- [Clark and Mason yelp]
- Not Clark, not Mason, not Emma.
237
00:09:19,046 --> 00:09:21,232
They need someone who is...
238
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,289
- [snake's bones breaking]
- ...sensitive.
239
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:24,741
[groaning]
240
00:09:24,743 --> 00:09:26,543
- [snake's body squishing]
- Compassionate.
241
00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:29,541
- [snake's skin cracking]
- And...
242
00:09:29,566 --> 00:09:30,515
...fun.
243
00:09:30,564 --> 00:09:31,732
[moaning]
244
00:09:31,757 --> 00:09:33,506
All do you is scare them.
245
00:09:34,505 --> 00:09:36,538
Where's my party pack?
246
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:37,994
Don't stab the messenger,
247
00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:41,187
but I think Jack ran off
with it during the sacrifice.
248
00:09:43,297 --> 00:09:44,546
Don't worry.
249
00:09:47,974 --> 00:09:49,807
He won't get far.
250
00:09:51,572 --> 00:09:57,059
[wolf howling]
251
00:09:57,061 --> 00:09:59,311
That squirrel sounds awfully close.
252
00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,580
- Jack!
- [shrieks]
253
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:18,756
Is that really how you scream?
254
00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:20,591
No... I was joking, shut up.
255
00:10:20,593 --> 00:10:22,126
[laughing]
256
00:10:22,151 --> 00:10:23,472
Just give me my pack.
257
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,621
No, forget it... I took it
258
00:10:24,646 --> 00:10:26,063
because I want you to leave them alone.
259
00:10:26,065 --> 00:10:27,414
Yes, I know what you're doing to them:
260
00:10:27,416 --> 00:10:29,233
the exact same thing my dad did to us.
261
00:10:29,508 --> 00:10:31,425
Making them great campers?
262
00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:33,654
Yeah, by watching them
struggle for the whole weekend
263
00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:34,996
from some other campsite.
264
00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:36,357
Not going to be another campsite.
265
00:10:36,522 --> 00:10:38,605
I booked a king suite right over there.
266
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,079
Is that snake's blood?
267
00:10:42,081 --> 00:10:44,748
It's hot... Really pops your cheekbones.
268
00:10:49,205 --> 00:10:53,707
Wow! So this is how you inspire
the next generation of campers.
269
00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:56,043
Wonder what my dad
would say if he saw this.
270
00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:58,179
I don't know, maybe something like...
271
00:10:59,765 --> 00:11:01,048
Jack!
272
00:11:02,419 --> 00:11:03,350
Brooke?
273
00:11:03,352 --> 00:11:08,055
Na-nung meel-ya-ree kang
"no chicks rule" ta-moh?
274
00:11:14,326 --> 00:11:15,542
I don't think they're coming back.
275
00:11:16,107 --> 00:11:17,097
Okay.
276
00:11:17,122 --> 00:11:19,773
Well, I guess it's up to
us to repopulate society.
277
00:11:19,798 --> 00:11:21,548
How do you want to handle
this? Should we draw straws?
278
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:22,632
You want to pick one of us?
279
00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:25,019
I have no sense of
time without my phone.
280
00:11:25,044 --> 00:11:26,553
How long have we been out here?
281
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,671
45 minutes?
282
00:11:27,673 --> 00:11:28,972
Three days?
283
00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:30,771
48 minutes?
284
00:11:31,343 --> 00:11:32,976
What's the point of eating a meal
285
00:11:32,978 --> 00:11:34,844
if you can't Instagram it first?!
286
00:11:37,349 --> 00:11:39,099
Guys, come help me with this lean-to.
287
00:11:39,101 --> 00:11:40,605
MASON: No, we need our phones.
288
00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:41,792
Help us, Clark.
289
00:11:41,817 --> 00:11:42,996
CLARK: No.
290
00:11:43,021 --> 00:11:43,942
Jack put our phones up there
291
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,763
so we would learn how
to get by without them.
292
00:11:46,241 --> 00:11:47,941
Or because he wants us to die.
293
00:11:47,943 --> 00:11:51,161
Either way, my goal is to
make that man go to bed happy.
294
00:11:51,163 --> 00:11:52,679
Please, Clark.
295
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,862
Dude, I don't cave to peer pressure.
296
00:11:54,887 --> 00:11:55,802
Please, Clark?
297
00:11:55,827 --> 00:11:57,210
Okay, for you, I will do it.
298
00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:01,443
[grunts]
299
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:06,426
All right.
300
00:12:06,428 --> 00:12:08,278
Oh! Okay.
301
00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:10,463
[exclaiming nervously]
302
00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:11,777
[yelling]
303
00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:12,967
I've almost got it!
304
00:12:14,353 --> 00:12:15,518
Oh, no!
305
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,054
Clark fell and I didn't catch him...
306
00:12:18,056 --> 00:12:20,857
[groans]: On video.
307
00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:24,310
Let me get this straight.
308
00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:27,582
When I was a 16-year-old
girl, alone, in the woods,
309
00:12:27,607 --> 00:12:30,739
drinking rainwater from a fox's skull...
310
00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:34,904
...you were drinking
champagne in some cozy lodge.
311
00:12:34,906 --> 00:12:36,039
Oh, no, no.
312
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:37,407
No, it was summer,
313
00:12:37,409 --> 00:12:40,710
so it would almost certainly
have been poolside margaritas.
314
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,913
It's my move, Brooke.
315
00:12:43,915 --> 00:12:47,417
You know, I've already proven
my mettle out in the wild,
316
00:12:47,419 --> 00:12:50,220
so while the newbies are
out there building character,
317
00:12:50,222 --> 00:12:52,839
I can be in here building a relationship
318
00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:57,260
with a busty concierge that you
might one day be calling "Mum."
319
00:12:58,213 --> 00:13:00,263
Aren't you bothered by the hypocrisy?
320
00:13:00,265 --> 00:13:01,765
Yeah, it really stresses me out.
321
00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:03,644
That's why I'm going
for the two-hour massage
322
00:13:03,669 --> 00:13:05,335
instead of the 90-minute.
323
00:13:05,958 --> 00:13:08,082
Darling, it breaks my heart to think
324
00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:09,589
that you might be disappointed in me,
325
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:13,053
So let me say one thing that
might just change your feelings.
326
00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:15,779
Try the crab cakes.
327
00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:18,152
If you think I'm going
to stay for crab cakes,
328
00:13:18,177 --> 00:13:19,916
you are wrong.
329
00:13:19,918 --> 00:13:22,952
I'm going to take the crab
cakes and the champagne to go.
330
00:13:22,954 --> 00:13:24,910
Well, you can go whenever you want,
331
00:13:24,935 --> 00:13:27,090
but your party pack
is staying right here.
332
00:13:27,115 --> 00:13:28,447
- Where is it?
- I hid it.
333
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,066
And I'm pretty sure you're
never going to find it.
334
00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:32,201
Well, I will just go
335
00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:34,537
and ask the front desk
if they have seen it.
336
00:13:34,539 --> 00:13:35,821
Oh, if you see Diane...
337
00:13:35,823 --> 00:13:37,323
And you can hardly miss her...
338
00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:40,409
Could you ask if she thinks I'm cute?
339
00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:45,687
[crying]
340
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:47,022
My baby toe.
341
00:13:47,024 --> 00:13:48,273
What do we do?
342
00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:49,741
Do we need to use a splint or tape,
343
00:13:49,743 --> 00:13:50,909
or is this one of those things
344
00:13:50,911 --> 00:13:52,410
where it's more humane to put you down?
345
00:13:52,412 --> 00:13:55,246
- What?!
- I'm sorry, I don't know what to do.
346
00:13:55,248 --> 00:13:56,865
Two hours ago, I knew everything.
347
00:13:56,867 --> 00:13:58,199
Now I don't know anything.
348
00:13:58,201 --> 00:14:00,201
I'm like that guy in that movie.
349
00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:02,203
You know, the one with the girl.
350
00:14:02,205 --> 00:14:04,763
She was in the other
movie with the other guy?
351
00:14:04,788 --> 00:14:07,405
Oh! You know, he dated what's her name?
352
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,147
Oh, my God, is this how
people talked before phones?
353
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,693
I haven't recorded
anything in two hours.
354
00:14:14,718 --> 00:14:17,700
How the hell am I supposed
to remember all this?
355
00:14:17,971 --> 00:14:19,804
It's okay, we can use
our minds to remember.
356
00:14:19,806 --> 00:14:21,189
They're not built for that!
357
00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:25,091
That's why God gave us
Steve Jobs to give us phones!
358
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:27,589
Okay, fine, I will remember for you.
359
00:14:27,614 --> 00:14:28,913
It's not like something's
going to happen right now
360
00:14:28,938 --> 00:14:30,771
that you have to take a picture of.
361
00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:33,118
You're right.
362
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,904
[squeaking]
363
00:14:35,906 --> 00:14:37,052
Oh, my God!
364
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,684
He's wearing my sunglasses!
365
00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:39,958
You couldn't be more wrong!
366
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:43,411
Siri, bring phone.
367
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:47,794
Siri, there's a raccoon
wearing human sunglasses!
368
00:14:47,819 --> 00:14:51,620
Siri, activate arms and get out of bag.
369
00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:55,340
Guys, we are nothing without our phones.
370
00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:56,341
I have a great idea.
371
00:14:56,343 --> 00:14:57,392
Let's quit.
372
00:14:57,394 --> 00:14:58,810
Yeah, let's go.
373
00:14:58,812 --> 00:15:00,095
What? Guys...
374
00:15:04,373 --> 00:15:05,646
Guys, wait!
375
00:15:07,771 --> 00:15:10,438
[cries]: Oh, my baby toe!
376
00:15:12,743 --> 00:15:14,526
Are we really going to go home
377
00:15:14,528 --> 00:15:16,694
and tell our best friend,
378
00:15:16,696 --> 00:15:19,447
"Well, Mom, we lost our phones in a tree
379
00:15:19,449 --> 00:15:20,615
and nature got the best of us"?
380
00:15:20,617 --> 00:15:21,783
Guess so.
381
00:15:21,785 --> 00:15:22,951
My dad's a listener.
382
00:15:22,953 --> 00:15:25,370
Come on, we can do this.
383
00:15:25,372 --> 00:15:27,038
As a wise man once said,
384
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,591
"Giving up is for little bitches."
385
00:15:29,593 --> 00:15:31,277
Do you know who that wise man was?
386
00:15:31,302 --> 00:15:32,160
- Definitely Jack.
- Jack.
387
00:15:32,185 --> 00:15:34,295
It was Jack!
388
00:15:34,297 --> 00:15:36,881
He left us out here
because he believed in us.
389
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:40,268
So let's sack up... And
not to be sexist, boob up...
390
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,053
And try to remember what
the hell he taught us.
391
00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:42,771
Yeah.
392
00:15:42,796 --> 00:15:45,297
Fine, I didn't really know
where we were going, anyway.
393
00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:49,310
[Survivor- like music playing]
394
00:15:49,312 --> 00:15:51,279
Shelter.
395
00:15:56,736 --> 00:15:58,069
Fire.
396
00:16:01,124 --> 00:16:05,076
And a net that has
something to do with food.
397
00:16:05,078 --> 00:16:09,164
398
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,500
We got our phones!
399
00:16:25,502 --> 00:16:27,418
We're geniuses!
400
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,755
[wolf howling]
401
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,423
I'm starting to think that squirrel
402
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:36,294
is a really big squirrel.
403
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,597
[more wolves howling]
404
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:41,847
And a popular squirrel.
405
00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:43,099
Bad news.
406
00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:46,635
According to my phone,
it's freezing out here.
407
00:16:46,637 --> 00:16:47,887
[shivering]
408
00:16:48,768 --> 00:16:50,940
Also, that guy from that movie?
409
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:52,235
Colin Firth.
410
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,977
Oh!
411
00:16:54,979 --> 00:16:57,313
[wolves howling]
412
00:17:12,745 --> 00:17:15,045
Warmer... getting warmer.
413
00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:16,413
Warm.
414
00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:17,464
Oh, cold again.
415
00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:18,565
You're right, though,
416
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,917
your party pack does
make camping more fun.
417
00:17:20,919 --> 00:17:23,003
Just tell me where it is.
418
00:17:23,005 --> 00:17:24,421
You know what I did to that snake.
419
00:17:24,423 --> 00:17:25,422
Oh, that was hot.
420
00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:27,932
ROLAND: Come on, darling,
421
00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:29,432
join us... fondue!
422
00:17:29,457 --> 00:17:31,840
No, I need to make sure
those kids are okay out there
423
00:17:31,865 --> 00:17:32,667
and having fun.
424
00:17:32,675 --> 00:17:33,975
Oh, come on, Brooke,
425
00:17:33,977 --> 00:17:35,927
I know they're soft
mashed potato people,
426
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,678
but have a little faith in them.
427
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:39,958
And in my technique.
428
00:17:39,983 --> 00:17:41,182
It may seem cruel
429
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:43,174
and be cruel,
430
00:17:43,199 --> 00:17:44,996
and Jack and I may have made side wagers
431
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:47,021
on who suffers from what injuries,
432
00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:49,941
but I haven't left anyone out there
433
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,025
who can't handle it.
434
00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:52,243
I'm sure they can handle it.
435
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,694
JACK: Then what's the problem?
436
00:17:53,696 --> 00:17:55,413
I mean, it obviously worked out for me,
437
00:17:55,415 --> 00:17:56,414
and you're a bad-ass.
438
00:17:56,839 --> 00:17:58,314
I mean, when you stabbed that snake,
439
00:17:58,339 --> 00:18:00,868
dudes were getting half-chubs
all the way to Cincinnati.
440
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,203
I know, but...
441
00:18:02,205 --> 00:18:03,171
But what?
442
00:18:03,173 --> 00:18:05,423
Half-chubs, Brooke.
443
00:18:05,425 --> 00:18:06,374
Half...
444
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,917
Yes, yes, yes, yes, thank you.
445
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:09,608
Sorry, sorry. Yes.
446
00:18:09,633 --> 00:18:11,189
Chubs!
447
00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:15,516
Okay, look, maybe it's time
to dispel all the rumors
448
00:18:15,518 --> 00:18:18,769
and endless speculation
about my feelings for camping.
449
00:18:18,771 --> 00:18:20,304
No one talks about you.
450
00:18:20,306 --> 00:18:25,059
I actually hate camping.
451
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:26,979
[gasps]
452
00:18:27,055 --> 00:18:29,105
You're no son of mine.
453
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:32,377
I'm sorry, Dad.
454
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:33,568
When I was a little girl,
455
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,536
all I wanted to do was
go camping with you.
456
00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:39,024
I thought we'd tell scary
stories and toast marshmallows,
457
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:41,409
but instead I spent a week on my own
458
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,377
sleeping in poison ivy,
fighting off mosquitoes,
459
00:18:43,379 --> 00:18:45,246
and watching the life
drain from an adorable bunny
460
00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:46,664
I would have kept as a pet
461
00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:48,749
if I hadn't needed to
strangle it for dinner.
462
00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:51,567
I'm at three-quarters.
463
00:18:54,173 --> 00:18:56,698
I'm sorry, Brooke, I had no idea.
464
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:58,228
You were always so proud of me.
465
00:18:58,261 --> 00:19:00,011
I didn't have the heart to tell you.
466
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,596
You ruined the outdoors for me.
467
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:05,099
I thought I was doing,
doing the best for you.
468
00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,401
Well, Mason, Clark, and
Emma might end up like Jack,
469
00:19:07,403 --> 00:19:09,904
but they also might end up like me.
470
00:19:09,906 --> 00:19:12,768
So with or without my party pack,
471
00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:14,709
I'm going to make sure
that doesn't happen.
472
00:19:20,738 --> 00:19:22,038
Whoa, a meteor!
473
00:19:22,252 --> 00:19:24,702
I want to tweet about it,
but I don't want to look away.
474
00:19:24,704 --> 00:19:26,921
EMMA: I guess you could just, like...
475
00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:28,789
...say it?
476
00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:31,823
MASON: How about...
477
00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,749
"Shooting stars are
like nature's sprinkles"?
478
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:36,604
That's deep.
479
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:39,274
I'm going to retweet it.
480
00:19:39,464 --> 00:19:43,166
Shooting stars are
like nature's sprinkles.
481
00:19:43,191 --> 00:19:45,441
I like that.
482
00:19:45,654 --> 00:19:47,037
That was me liking that.
483
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,729
Mmm.
484
00:19:48,778 --> 00:19:50,861
- Would you like me to say it for you?
- Yes.
485
00:19:50,863 --> 00:19:52,610
[in English accent]:
Blimey, Jack, you were right.
486
00:19:52,635 --> 00:19:56,450
We left them alone, they nutted
up, and learned to love camping.
487
00:19:56,452 --> 00:19:57,451
And you have to admit,
488
00:19:57,453 --> 00:20:00,321
this daft party pack
was a jolly good idea.
489
00:20:00,323 --> 00:20:05,376
Pip, pip, cheerio,
God bless us, everyone.
490
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:09,385
Somewhere within that hate
crime there was an apology.
491
00:20:09,961 --> 00:20:10,993
Good enough.
492
00:20:11,815 --> 00:20:13,551
Jack, you're back.
493
00:20:13,553 --> 00:20:16,087
Check it out, I broke my baby toe.
494
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,505
And we used your book.
495
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,006
- Really?
- MASON: Yeah.
496
00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:21,092
We used it to make this fire, see?
497
00:20:24,049 --> 00:20:26,347
Well, it's the handsomest
fire I've ever seen.
498
00:20:26,349 --> 00:20:28,893
Way to not die.
499
00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:30,557
You've earned these marshmallows.
500
00:20:31,252 --> 00:20:33,135
- Boo!
- [screaming]
501
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:35,773
Who wants to hear a scary story?
502
00:20:35,775 --> 00:20:38,943
Now, this is the camping
trip I always wanted.
503
00:20:38,945 --> 00:20:42,029
I'll tell you the tale
of my first divorce.
504
00:20:42,031 --> 00:20:46,751
[in deep, spooky voice]:
It all began with no prenup.
505
00:20:46,753 --> 00:20:47,868
[screaming]
506
00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:52,468
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