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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,758 --> 00:00:05,414 [elevator dings] 2 00:00:05,516 --> 00:00:06,448 Hey, Esther, how're you doing? 3 00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,684 Want a jelly bean? 4 00:00:08,686 --> 00:00:10,619 Oh, some of these are wet. 5 00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:11,812 That's weird. 6 00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:13,889 They should all be wet. 7 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,080 I'm going to go boil my hand. 8 00:00:21,164 --> 00:00:23,299 MASON: There's nothing to be scared of. 9 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:26,265 Just relax and go with what feels right. 10 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,738 CLARK: This is all too much at once. 11 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:31,140 You can't deny your feelings. 12 00:00:31,142 --> 00:00:33,008 [whispers]: It's not that easy. 13 00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:35,244 Ours is a forbidden love. 14 00:00:35,499 --> 00:00:38,414 These might be the worst sounds ever made in this room. 15 00:00:38,679 --> 00:00:39,648 It's not what it looks like. 16 00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:41,550 Yes, it is! This is exactly what it looks like. 17 00:00:41,552 --> 00:00:43,719 Mason and I love each other. 18 00:00:44,257 --> 00:00:46,188 Nope, not buying it. 19 00:00:46,190 --> 00:00:48,023 Mason's totally out of your league. 20 00:00:48,025 --> 00:00:49,191 What are you guys talking about? 21 00:00:49,193 --> 00:00:50,421 But you're going to tease me. 22 00:00:50,446 --> 00:00:51,896 No, we're adults. 23 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,062 I'm not going to tease you. 24 00:00:53,524 --> 00:00:54,342 Okay. 25 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,199 [sighs] 26 00:00:57,530 --> 00:00:58,110 I like Emma. 27 00:00:58,135 --> 00:01:01,370 [mocking]: Ooh! 28 00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:09,218 Synced and corrected by javiernv www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:11,947 So you like Emma. 30 00:01:11,949 --> 00:01:14,210 That's big, weird news. 31 00:01:15,119 --> 00:01:16,352 I would use it to my advantage, 32 00:01:16,354 --> 00:01:19,827 but you already do everything I ask without question. 33 00:01:20,835 --> 00:01:22,458 Well, it wasn't news to me. 34 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,126 I know everyone's secrets. 35 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:27,363 I was head bitch on my high school cheerleading squad. 36 00:01:27,648 --> 00:01:29,530 Huh, you know nothing about me. 37 00:01:29,928 --> 00:01:31,761 Calf implants. 38 00:01:33,536 --> 00:01:36,906 I just, uh... looked at the brochure. 39 00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,809 Yes, Jack, I like Emma, but don't worry. 40 00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:43,297 I have a foolproof plan to win her over. 41 00:01:43,322 --> 00:01:45,981 Unless it involves some kind of enchanted amulet, 42 00:01:45,983 --> 00:01:48,183 I find that hard to believe. 43 00:01:49,519 --> 00:01:51,720 Boom! Behold. 44 00:01:51,722 --> 00:01:56,095 Settlers of Catan, the world's most powerful aphrodisiac. 45 00:01:57,150 --> 00:02:00,529 No, Jack, this is just a cover to keep prying eyes from... 46 00:02:00,531 --> 00:02:03,744 my eight-year plan for getting together with Emma. 47 00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:07,937 You're going to want to just skip past the first seven pages. 48 00:02:07,939 --> 00:02:10,322 Just me spit-balling our married names. 49 00:02:10,841 --> 00:02:12,975 "Clark and Emma Cho-Robertson." 50 00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:15,010 "Ark and Clemma Chorobert-cho." 51 00:02:16,279 --> 00:02:18,280 Page eight is where the fun really starts. 52 00:02:18,282 --> 00:02:19,515 Yeah, he made a flowchart 53 00:02:19,517 --> 00:02:21,784 of every possible path he can take to end up with Emma. 54 00:02:21,786 --> 00:02:22,718 It's inspiring. 55 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,312 CLARK: It has to be perfect, Jack. 56 00:02:24,337 --> 00:02:26,355 I don't want to have to sit our children down one day 57 00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:28,359 and say, "Sorry I blew it with your mom", 58 00:02:28,384 --> 00:02:30,559 and that's why you don't exist." 59 00:02:31,564 --> 00:02:33,062 There are endless opportunities 60 00:02:33,064 --> 00:02:34,830 all leading to the same outcome. 61 00:02:34,832 --> 00:02:36,332 Oh, a newscast with your neighbors 62 00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:38,406 standing in front of yellow tape saying, 63 00:02:38,431 --> 00:02:41,537 "Oh, he was quiet and kept to himself." 64 00:02:41,858 --> 00:02:43,047 No. 65 00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:44,954 Me and Emma in love. 66 00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:48,911 See? Here's a section I like to call "Sub Chart 0-41A." 67 00:02:48,913 --> 00:02:50,969 Or "Getting Emma and I to Hold Hands." 68 00:02:50,994 --> 00:02:51,580 Mmm. 69 00:02:51,582 --> 00:02:54,283 That doesn't happen for four years?! 70 00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,653 Clark, you are way overthinking this. 71 00:02:57,701 --> 00:03:00,314 In the wilderness, you act fast or you die. 72 00:03:00,339 --> 00:03:03,525 Or worse, you miss out on a threesome with Swedish hikers. 73 00:03:04,119 --> 00:03:06,762 Jack's right... Just ask Emma out. 74 00:03:06,764 --> 00:03:09,759 And 20 bucks says one of those hikers was a dude. 75 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,849 Eh, they're all beautiful over there. 76 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,404 Wait, how did you know I like Emma? 77 00:03:15,931 --> 00:03:18,474 [laughing]: Let's just call it women's intuition. 78 00:03:18,476 --> 00:03:19,875 And not because late one night 79 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:22,509 I got a hankering to play Settlers of Catan, no. 80 00:03:23,158 --> 00:03:24,713 Clark, you have to be more like me 81 00:03:24,715 --> 00:03:26,615 and stop caring what people think. 82 00:03:26,617 --> 00:03:28,290 Don't be scared to make a move. 83 00:03:28,353 --> 00:03:30,919 I'm not scurred, I'm deterred. 84 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:34,089 The only reason I'm not making a move 85 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,313 is because there's a strict rule 86 00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:36,925 against interoffice dating, 87 00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,127 and I'm no lawbreaker. 88 00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:39,528 If there's one thing I know about women, 89 00:03:39,530 --> 00:03:41,548 they hate bad boys. 90 00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:46,602 Where did Jack go? 91 00:03:47,329 --> 00:03:50,906 Mr. Gordon, do you realize why we called you into HR? 92 00:03:51,212 --> 00:03:52,828 Actually, I asked for this meeting. 93 00:03:52,853 --> 00:03:55,275 [chuckles]: I doubt that. 94 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,765 Uh, did we already ask you to stop your joke 95 00:03:57,790 --> 00:04:01,183 of saying "no way" to Jos? in ad sales? 96 00:04:01,185 --> 00:04:03,952 Si, dos weeks ago. 97 00:04:04,603 --> 00:04:06,367 And when you lied about transitioning 98 00:04:06,392 --> 00:04:08,290 so you could use the closer bathroom? 99 00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:10,192 Who complained? 100 00:04:10,408 --> 00:04:12,008 Oh, was it the lady with the yellow shoes 101 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,709 who clears her throat really loud? 102 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:14,877 [clears throat loudly] 103 00:04:19,016 --> 00:04:21,289 So why are you here, Mr. Gordon? 104 00:04:21,314 --> 00:04:24,086 I'm requesting that you lift the ban on interoffice dating. 105 00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:28,701 What's her name and how far along is she? 106 00:04:29,158 --> 00:04:30,993 No, I'm not going to date anyone in the office. 107 00:04:30,995 --> 00:04:32,662 That's a rookie move. 108 00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:34,096 Which is why I'm asking for Clark. 109 00:04:34,098 --> 00:04:35,698 Clark? 110 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,100 Isn't Mason a little out of his league? 111 00:04:38,102 --> 00:04:39,660 That's what I said! 112 00:04:40,165 --> 00:04:42,048 But come on, Carol, why not lift the ban? 113 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,840 I'm not usually one to mess with natural selection, 114 00:04:44,842 --> 00:04:46,909 but I'm rooting for this kid, 115 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,978 and I'd like him to find somebody. 116 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:49,945 What do you say? 117 00:04:49,947 --> 00:04:51,414 [sighs]: Well... 118 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,515 We'll think about it. 119 00:04:52,972 --> 00:04:54,183 Well, how about this: 120 00:04:54,185 --> 00:04:55,718 Whoever gets out of their beanbag first 121 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,219 gets what they want? 122 00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:03,926 Everyone, you are now free to date people in the office. 123 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:08,043 Our not very long, extremely local nightmare is over. 124 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,766 Hey, you got the ban lifted? 125 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,702 Yeah... isn't that what you wanted? 126 00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:15,104 Only when it was never going to happen! 127 00:05:15,855 --> 00:05:17,106 I lied before. 128 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,675 I am scurred, I am... 129 00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:22,445 I'm just a big ol' scurredy cat. 130 00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:25,574 I just, I really don't want to mess this up with Emma. 131 00:05:25,599 --> 00:05:28,439 Look, I know more about women than anyone 132 00:05:28,464 --> 00:05:29,985 except Gloria Steinem and John Mayer. 133 00:05:31,154 --> 00:05:33,222 I've picked up women in nine languages, 134 00:05:33,224 --> 00:05:34,847 and I only know five. 135 00:05:35,605 --> 00:05:39,729 As Jack Gordon, colon, Man of Action... copyright pending... 136 00:05:39,731 --> 00:05:41,530 I'm going to help you ask out Emma. 137 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:44,394 Okay, I will gladly accept your help. 138 00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:45,568 And I'm going to start a binder right now 139 00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:47,036 - with some subsections and... - No, no, no, no, no. 140 00:05:47,038 --> 00:05:48,838 You are not going to overthink this. 141 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,106 My plan has one step, 142 00:05:50,108 --> 00:05:52,457 and that's called "taking action"... Emma! 143 00:05:52,949 --> 00:05:54,489 Clark has something he'd like to ask you. 144 00:05:54,514 --> 00:05:55,253 No. 145 00:05:56,213 --> 00:05:58,047 Hey, Emma, I was just wondering... 146 00:06:02,619 --> 00:06:06,689 [laughing]: Hey, it's Clark, from work. 147 00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:07,790 What's up? 148 00:06:07,792 --> 00:06:09,658 Pretty good, pretty good. 149 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,860 [muttering] 150 00:06:13,277 --> 00:06:17,753 I just wanted to know if maybe you want to hung out sometime? 151 00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:20,910 Did I just say hung? 152 00:06:21,239 --> 00:06:22,605 Hang. 153 00:06:22,607 --> 00:06:24,240 Let's hang each other! 154 00:06:25,609 --> 00:06:26,642 Sure. 155 00:06:26,644 --> 00:06:27,777 We could go to Eddie's tonight. 156 00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:29,545 Sparkle, I'll see you there! 157 00:06:29,547 --> 00:06:31,180 Cool! 158 00:06:31,948 --> 00:06:34,152 [cackling] 159 00:06:34,986 --> 00:06:36,218 What up, fam? 160 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,854 I was all, like, "Yo, babe, you and me, tonight." 161 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:42,358 She was all, like, "Oh, my God! 162 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,995 I've loved you forever, I'm so excited you asked me!" 163 00:06:45,997 --> 00:06:47,799 You nailed it, now all you have to do 164 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:48,798 is get through the actual date. 165 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,332 Oh, God! 166 00:07:05,707 --> 00:07:06,730 Emma's almost here. 167 00:07:06,755 --> 00:07:08,642 Any last words of encouragement? 168 00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:11,056 Ignore all your instincts. 169 00:07:14,012 --> 00:07:15,779 So Clark likes Emma. 170 00:07:15,781 --> 00:07:17,214 Who knew? 171 00:07:17,216 --> 00:07:18,248 Me. 172 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,050 I know all the office secrets. 173 00:07:20,052 --> 00:07:21,952 You don't know all the office secrets. 174 00:07:24,816 --> 00:07:25,756 Oh, really? 175 00:07:26,050 --> 00:07:27,519 What don't I know? 176 00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,934 Is it about Clark? Emma? Jack? 177 00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:30,958 It's about Jack. 178 00:07:31,063 --> 00:07:32,496 [stammering]: I didn't say that. 179 00:07:32,498 --> 00:07:34,074 Didn't need to. 180 00:07:34,306 --> 00:07:36,205 Jack and... Clark? Roland? Zendaya? 181 00:07:36,301 --> 00:07:37,834 - Who? - It's Brooke, isn't it? 182 00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:40,393 [gasps]: It's Brooke! 183 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,938 I've got all I need. 184 00:07:42,345 --> 00:07:44,679 But I, I didn't say anything. 185 00:07:46,511 --> 00:07:47,544 Hey, Emma. 186 00:07:47,546 --> 00:07:48,712 We're finally here. 187 00:07:48,714 --> 00:07:49,913 Face-to-face. 188 00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:52,488 [somberly]: To face. 189 00:07:53,052 --> 00:07:55,308 I invited Amy to our after-work hang. 190 00:07:55,354 --> 00:07:57,220 [breathily]: Oh... 191 00:07:57,222 --> 00:07:58,422 Hi, Amy. 192 00:07:58,447 --> 00:07:59,869 AMY: Sorry we're late. 193 00:07:59,894 --> 00:08:01,391 It was a crazy day at the office. 194 00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:03,560 I had to calculate the company's overtime, 195 00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:06,063 then I realized that was making me go overtime, 196 00:08:06,065 --> 00:08:09,900 and that I had to include that, too... ugh, my life! 197 00:08:09,902 --> 00:08:11,301 I could really use a drink. 198 00:08:11,303 --> 00:08:13,904 I'll go order two beers, Amy. 199 00:08:13,906 --> 00:08:15,261 Maybe they'll give me a third one 200 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,819 I didn't ask for. 201 00:08:18,109 --> 00:08:19,242 Jack, help! 202 00:08:19,244 --> 00:08:20,577 Emma doesn't know this is a date. 203 00:08:20,579 --> 00:08:21,778 How can that be? 204 00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:23,747 You were so clear when you asked her out. 205 00:08:23,749 --> 00:08:26,283 I know, but she brought her friend Amy. 206 00:08:26,285 --> 00:08:27,884 Okay, don't panic. 207 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:29,953 You just need someone to distract her friend. 208 00:08:29,955 --> 00:08:32,522 Oh, thank you, that is really solid of you. 209 00:08:32,524 --> 00:08:35,392 I didn't volunteer... oh! She's hot! 210 00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:36,560 I volunteer. 211 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:44,501 So, how'd it go with Emma? 212 00:08:44,503 --> 00:08:45,569 Not great. 213 00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:47,237 She, uh, did not think it was a date. 214 00:08:47,707 --> 00:08:50,488 Neither did Kevin, the dude she ended up making out with. 215 00:08:51,676 --> 00:08:54,675 This whole "taking action" thing is a disaster. 216 00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:57,675 Except for Kevin... it's working gangbusters for Kevin. 217 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,381 [groans] 218 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,372 Amy's nice, but she's so boring 219 00:09:02,397 --> 00:09:04,839 I almost didn't have sex with her. 220 00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,958 You and Amy had sex? How did that happen? 221 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,517 Well, that's a conversation 222 00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:11,209 you should probably have with a parent. 223 00:09:11,699 --> 00:09:12,562 Hey! 224 00:09:12,564 --> 00:09:13,563 Holy hell! 225 00:09:13,565 --> 00:09:15,871 She's boring from inside the house! 226 00:09:16,707 --> 00:09:17,400 Okay. 227 00:09:17,699 --> 00:09:19,469 She's not the first woman to stalk me 228 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,805 after a night of mind-blowing sex. 229 00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:23,340 Mason, you go distract her... 230 00:09:23,342 --> 00:09:25,175 Dude, Amy works here, in payroll. 231 00:09:25,177 --> 00:09:26,977 She works here now?! 232 00:09:26,979 --> 00:09:29,012 Well, she's not the first woman to get a job 233 00:09:29,014 --> 00:09:32,315 to stalk me after a night of mind-blowing sex. 234 00:09:32,951 --> 00:09:34,551 Did you guys even talk last night? 235 00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:36,153 She's worked here for three years. 236 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,955 She started here three years ago just to stalk me?! 237 00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:42,325 Jack? Is that you? 238 00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,995 Why'd you leave so early this morning? 239 00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:46,196 We could've shared an Uber. 240 00:09:46,198 --> 00:09:47,564 [chuckles] 241 00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,066 Oh, I didn't want to wake you... 242 00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:52,170 Or talk more. 243 00:09:54,072 --> 00:09:56,339 I've almost never been up to this floor. 244 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:59,145 Now I guess I have six-foot-four reasons 245 00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:00,877 to come hang out. 246 00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:01,826 Boop! 247 00:10:02,781 --> 00:10:04,834 See you at lunch, bae! 248 00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:11,822 ALL: Ooh! 249 00:10:25,073 --> 00:10:27,040 I can't believe Amy works here. 250 00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:28,775 And why is she acting like we're dating 251 00:10:28,777 --> 00:10:32,245 after one casual night of the best sex of her life? 252 00:10:32,862 --> 00:10:35,009 Because you straight-up agreed to date her? 253 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,282 Uh, don't you remember? 254 00:10:36,284 --> 00:10:37,995 Uh, no. 255 00:10:38,353 --> 00:10:40,735 Oh, no, Jack, did you do that thing 256 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,339 where you only act like you're listening 257 00:10:42,364 --> 00:10:45,532 and instead just say "uh-huh" and "great" to everything? 258 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:49,429 So nice to put a face to the paycheck. 259 00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,002 Uh-huh. 260 00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:52,891 This has been fun. 261 00:10:52,916 --> 00:10:54,227 You're a good listener. 262 00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:55,178 Great. 263 00:10:55,203 --> 00:10:57,270 Look, I'm done sleeping around, 264 00:10:57,272 --> 00:11:00,571 but if you think we have something real here... 265 00:11:00,596 --> 00:11:02,041 Uh-huh. 266 00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,177 ...then let's go back to your place. 267 00:11:04,674 --> 00:11:05,912 Wait, what? 268 00:11:05,914 --> 00:11:07,362 Oh, great! 269 00:11:08,087 --> 00:11:08,953 EMMA: Wait. 270 00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:11,376 So you only heard the part when she brought up sex? 271 00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:13,067 Isn't that gross, Clark? 272 00:11:13,069 --> 00:11:16,771 Oh... Yes, super-gross. 273 00:11:16,773 --> 00:11:18,406 Jack is a monster. 274 00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:22,343 Jack should just crawl under a bus and die! 275 00:11:24,313 --> 00:11:26,198 You better clear things up without hurting her. 276 00:11:26,223 --> 00:11:28,623 Amy is my oldest friend. 277 00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:30,515 [whispers]: She's 30! 278 00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:38,713 [whispers]: She's actually 32. 279 00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:40,672 Secrets. 280 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,879 Welp, better go end things with Amy. 281 00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:46,080 This is not easy. 282 00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:47,148 Is something I'll probably say to her. 283 00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:48,249 See you in half a minute. 284 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,317 [scolding] 285 00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:52,387 - Remember, okay, you work with Amy. - Uh huh. 286 00:11:52,389 --> 00:11:54,022 In the same building, every day? 287 00:11:54,024 --> 00:11:55,790 - Great. - Jack! 288 00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:57,091 Focus! 289 00:11:57,093 --> 00:11:58,845 Come on, she's not some Carnaval trollop 290 00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,728 you can hit and quit in Rio. 291 00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:02,096 You work with Amy, okay? 292 00:12:02,098 --> 00:12:03,631 So you better get out of this gracefully, 293 00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:04,899 or your life will be hell. 294 00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:05,867 Okay. 295 00:12:05,869 --> 00:12:07,769 Jack Gordon, colon, Man of Action... 296 00:12:07,771 --> 00:12:09,690 Copyright recently approved... 297 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,150 Knows when to admit his mistakes. 298 00:12:12,175 --> 00:12:13,308 JACK: Carol, 299 00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:15,576 when you lifted the ban on office dating, 300 00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:17,698 you really pooped the bed. 301 00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:21,582 I'm sorry, Mr. Gordon, 302 00:12:21,584 --> 00:12:22,850 but getting rid of that policy 303 00:12:22,852 --> 00:12:25,074 was the best move I've ever made for this office. 304 00:12:25,099 --> 00:12:26,198 Why? 305 00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:31,326 Oh, Carol. 306 00:12:33,258 --> 00:12:34,692 Oh, God! 307 00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,135 Hey, Jack. 308 00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:42,637 Amy told me the good news. 309 00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:45,184 In my culture, when two people start dating, 310 00:12:45,209 --> 00:12:46,808 you give them a present. 311 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,964 They're condoms. 312 00:12:59,228 --> 00:13:02,563 Hm, I really thought these would have wrappers. 313 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,712 You seem to be enjoying this. 314 00:13:08,737 --> 00:13:12,100 Nice to see cocky Jack Gordon uncomfortable for once. 315 00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:13,568 Yeah. 316 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:16,671 Especially because of that secret you have with Jack. 317 00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:18,239 [laughs] 318 00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:19,853 I don't know what you're talking about. 319 00:13:19,878 --> 00:13:22,145 Oh, I think you do. 320 00:13:25,052 --> 00:13:28,698 A real challenge... delicious! 321 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,786 Just tell me what happened. 322 00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:33,306 Sex? Rehab? Embezzlement? 323 00:13:33,308 --> 00:13:34,941 Sex? Animal fighting? Hit and run? 324 00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:36,079 Sex? Roland's secret son? 325 00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:36,943 Damn it, woman! 326 00:13:36,945 --> 00:13:38,778 You're showing no emotion! 327 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,980 How is this possible?! 328 00:13:41,756 --> 00:13:43,174 I'm British. 329 00:13:47,855 --> 00:13:50,690 I think the real question should be, Mason, 330 00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:52,834 why the obsession with secrets? 331 00:13:53,928 --> 00:13:55,595 Who betrayed you? 332 00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:57,007 Mother? Father? Zendaya? 333 00:13:57,032 --> 00:13:58,698 Cheerleading squad? Ooh... 334 00:14:00,903 --> 00:14:03,238 I've got all I need. 335 00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:08,007 Good news! 336 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:11,802 I got approval for a laptop, 337 00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:15,528 so now I can work up here and W-2 with my boo. 338 00:14:18,096 --> 00:14:19,120 Boop! 339 00:14:22,823 --> 00:14:25,058 Jack, you better talk to her soon. 340 00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:27,594 She's only booped, like, three other guys. 341 00:14:29,296 --> 00:14:30,363 Yeah. 342 00:14:30,365 --> 00:14:31,598 Man up, wuss. 343 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,132 Hey, remember 344 00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:35,979 when I just called you a wuss? I'm really sorry about that. 345 00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:38,570 I just, I'm finally bonding with Emma. 346 00:14:38,595 --> 00:14:39,706 It's so exciting. 347 00:14:40,118 --> 00:14:42,798 Clark, you sold out a friend to score points with a girl. 348 00:14:43,211 --> 00:14:45,411 That means you're growing as a person. 349 00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:47,080 Thanks. 350 00:14:47,082 --> 00:14:48,881 How are you going to deal with this Amy situation? 351 00:14:48,906 --> 00:14:50,717 Oh, I don't know! 352 00:14:50,719 --> 00:14:52,819 Usually I just tell a woman it's over, hop on a plane, 353 00:14:52,821 --> 00:14:55,188 and suddenly she's the TSA's problem. 354 00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:57,290 I could help you. 355 00:14:58,281 --> 00:15:01,130 Uh, okay, so you've broken up with tons of girls? 356 00:15:01,155 --> 00:15:02,788 [chuckles]: No. 357 00:15:04,765 --> 00:15:06,907 They've broken up with me. 358 00:15:07,302 --> 00:15:10,074 I know more about break-ups than anyone except Taylor Swift 359 00:15:10,099 --> 00:15:12,466 and every person she has ever dated. 360 00:15:13,274 --> 00:15:15,041 I've been dumped by nine women, 361 00:15:15,043 --> 00:15:17,001 and I've only dated five of them. 362 00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:20,947 Wait, wait, so four strangers just walked up to you 363 00:15:20,949 --> 00:15:22,366 and said, "It's over"? 364 00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:24,091 One of them was on a bike. 365 00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:27,387 The point is, the times I actually felt okay with it 366 00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:29,022 was when the person showed they cared 367 00:15:29,024 --> 00:15:30,256 and let me talk through it. 368 00:15:30,258 --> 00:15:31,457 Okay, hold on. 369 00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:34,782 So the girl just rode by and shouted, 370 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:37,196 "I don't want to see you anymore," 371 00:15:37,198 --> 00:15:38,264 and kept going? 372 00:15:38,266 --> 00:15:39,332 Okay. 373 00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:41,334 You tried to teach me how to get the girl? 374 00:15:41,336 --> 00:15:43,336 Now I'm going to teach you how to break up with the girl. 375 00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:44,370 The right way. 376 00:15:44,372 --> 00:15:46,094 How are you going to possibly do that? 377 00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:49,575 With my proven method, which is... 378 00:15:49,718 --> 00:15:51,118 Hold on, give me an hour. 379 00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:57,089 Overthinking! 380 00:16:12,385 --> 00:16:14,452 Are you coaching me through a breakup, 381 00:16:14,454 --> 00:16:16,754 or is Jason Bourne on the loose again? 382 00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:19,429 The reason I overthink things 383 00:16:19,454 --> 00:16:22,249 is because I care about what other people are feeling. 384 00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,163 That's what you need to learn: empathy. 385 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,119 Okay, now, we don't have the time to turn you 386 00:16:26,121 --> 00:16:27,638 into a fully evolved human being, 387 00:16:27,663 --> 00:16:29,957 so I'm going to teach you how to appear to be one 388 00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:30,991 with the help of... 389 00:16:30,993 --> 00:16:32,659 Please do not say role-playing. 390 00:16:37,226 --> 00:16:39,333 I am Amy, you are you. 391 00:16:39,335 --> 00:16:40,567 Hey, Jack! 392 00:16:40,569 --> 00:16:41,835 Ugh, payroll! 393 00:16:41,837 --> 00:16:43,003 Boop! 394 00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:44,771 What are we doing tonight, sweetheart? 395 00:16:44,773 --> 00:16:46,210 Um, I'm breaking up with you. 396 00:16:46,235 --> 00:16:47,476 This isn't working. 397 00:16:47,501 --> 00:16:49,301 Boop! 398 00:16:49,645 --> 00:16:51,444 Very direct. 399 00:16:51,609 --> 00:16:53,342 But you want to leave her feeling good. 400 00:16:53,649 --> 00:16:54,781 Well, what do you suggest? 401 00:16:54,783 --> 00:16:56,049 Maybe some light over-the-clothes stuff 402 00:16:56,051 --> 00:16:57,217 before I bounce? 403 00:16:58,245 --> 00:17:01,380 Oh, my God, things are a mess in payroll, 404 00:17:01,515 --> 00:17:04,668 my mom's sciatica is acting up, and now you are leaving me? 405 00:17:04,693 --> 00:17:06,260 [fake crying] 406 00:17:06,507 --> 00:17:08,295 [whispers]: Touch me. Oh, no. 407 00:17:08,297 --> 00:17:11,732 [whispers]: Human contact... that's how you show empathy. 408 00:17:13,019 --> 00:17:16,922 Oh! How is the back of your hand clammy? 409 00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:19,583 All right, lightning round. 410 00:17:19,608 --> 00:17:20,641 [buzzer sounds] 411 00:17:20,643 --> 00:17:21,909 So there's no future for us? 412 00:17:21,911 --> 00:17:23,076 Well, I don't know what you're up to, 413 00:17:23,078 --> 00:17:24,511 but I'm going to Burger King after this. 414 00:17:24,513 --> 00:17:25,479 [buzzer sounds] 415 00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:26,947 I thought we had something. 416 00:17:26,949 --> 00:17:28,515 We did have something. 417 00:17:28,517 --> 00:17:29,550 A one-night stand. 418 00:17:29,552 --> 00:17:30,984 [buzzer sounds] 419 00:17:30,986 --> 00:17:32,352 Is there someone else? 420 00:17:32,354 --> 00:17:33,687 There's everyone else. 421 00:17:33,689 --> 00:17:34,888 [buzzer sounds repeatedly] 422 00:17:34,890 --> 00:17:36,780 Oh, my God! 423 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,705 I have been trying to help you for hours, 424 00:17:38,730 --> 00:17:41,230 and at best, you have made zero progress. 425 00:17:42,405 --> 00:17:45,132 It is like you are incapable of caring. 426 00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:47,558 Maybe I was right: you are a monster. 427 00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:49,002 Wow. 428 00:17:49,004 --> 00:17:50,037 I'm sorry, Clark. 429 00:17:50,039 --> 00:17:52,039 I can tell how frustrating this is for you. 430 00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:54,163 No, I don't think you... 431 00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,543 Wait, what did you just say? 432 00:17:56,999 --> 00:17:59,523 Um, I'm sorry? 433 00:17:59,548 --> 00:18:03,077 Jack! You cared about how I felt! 434 00:18:03,109 --> 00:18:04,241 That's empathy! 435 00:18:04,656 --> 00:18:06,130 I'm sorry. 436 00:18:06,155 --> 00:18:07,321 You're sorry. 437 00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:09,323 - I'm sorry! - You're sorry! 438 00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:10,991 - I'm sorry! - I'm sorry! 439 00:18:10,993 --> 00:18:12,125 - I'm sorry! - I'm sorry! 440 00:18:12,127 --> 00:18:13,126 I'm sorry! 441 00:18:13,128 --> 00:18:16,129 BOTH: I'm sorry, I'm sorry... 442 00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:18,749 Amy's almost here. 443 00:18:18,774 --> 00:18:21,124 Any last words of encouragement? 444 00:18:21,904 --> 00:18:24,037 Ignore all your instincts. 445 00:18:28,116 --> 00:18:30,043 Oh, my God, Clark. 446 00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:31,640 Don't look, it's pornography! 447 00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:34,585 The worst kind... Long-form narrative. 448 00:18:35,117 --> 00:18:38,352 "Clark's Playbook of Scenarios to Help Jack Break Up with Amy"? 449 00:18:38,658 --> 00:18:40,108 Okay, I'll give in. 450 00:18:40,389 --> 00:18:43,679 It's my playbook of scenarios to help Jack break up with Amy. 451 00:18:44,288 --> 00:18:45,554 It's a little overthinky, right? 452 00:18:45,728 --> 00:18:48,679 It's weird, but kind of sweet. 453 00:18:49,164 --> 00:18:51,231 I wish someone paid that much attention to me. 454 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,267 Maybe there's someone that does. 455 00:18:55,292 --> 00:18:57,892 And he's a lot closer than you think. 456 00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:01,541 Have you tried... online dating? 457 00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:02,976 Damn it, Clark. 458 00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:06,716 Amy, I wanted to talk to you because... 459 00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:07,381 Oh, I just thought 460 00:19:07,383 --> 00:19:09,818 of another crazy payroll story. 461 00:19:09,843 --> 00:19:10,984 Buckle up. 462 00:19:10,986 --> 00:19:12,386 It was a Friday, of course... 463 00:19:12,388 --> 00:19:14,721 BROOKE: Oh, no. 464 00:19:14,723 --> 00:19:16,056 He's tuning out. 465 00:19:16,058 --> 00:19:17,921 That's the look he gives me when I try to tell him... 466 00:19:17,946 --> 00:19:19,993 Well, just about anything. 467 00:19:19,995 --> 00:19:21,862 We don't have that problem. 468 00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:25,132 Jack thinks every other thing I say is "great"! 469 00:19:26,843 --> 00:19:29,611 No, no, no, he's got this, just stay focused, Jack. 470 00:19:29,638 --> 00:19:31,805 ...and that basic bitch had the nerve 471 00:19:31,807 --> 00:19:35,142 to change the margins on my profit-loss statements? 472 00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,176 Mm-mmm. 473 00:19:36,178 --> 00:19:38,499 Amy, I need to talk to you. 474 00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:42,226 Look, I jumped into this without thinking it through, 475 00:19:42,251 --> 00:19:44,335 and that's on me, so... 476 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,193 What are you trying to say? 477 00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:50,272 [mouthing words] 478 00:19:52,688 --> 00:19:54,593 What I'm trying to say, Amy, is... 479 00:19:54,618 --> 00:19:57,118 What are you doing with your hands? 480 00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,534 [mouthing words] 481 00:20:02,698 --> 00:20:05,700 I realize that I have a lot of growing up to do, 482 00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:08,765 and you and I aren't going to make it. 483 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,411 Are you breaking up with me? 484 00:20:11,413 --> 00:20:12,879 Yes. 485 00:20:12,881 --> 00:20:14,047 I'm sorry. 486 00:20:15,216 --> 00:20:16,383 AMY: Wow. 487 00:20:17,679 --> 00:20:19,119 I appreciate your honesty, 488 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,866 but when I look at the balance sheet of our relationship, 489 00:20:22,891 --> 00:20:25,024 you're still kind of a jerk. 490 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:30,464 [phone camera clicks] 491 00:20:34,597 --> 00:20:36,398 "Kind of a jerk." 492 00:20:37,572 --> 00:20:39,796 "Kind of a jerk!" 493 00:20:40,186 --> 00:20:42,219 - That's two steps above "monster." - Mm hmm. 494 00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:43,116 I'm proud of you. 495 00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:45,545 Yeah, I keep this up, by Christmas I'll just be 496 00:20:45,547 --> 00:20:46,980 "sort of unpleasant." 497 00:20:47,051 --> 00:20:49,685 And hey, I grabbed Emma's hand without even thinking about it. 498 00:20:49,710 --> 00:20:50,450 Uh-huh! 499 00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:51,895 - Years ahead of schedule. - Great! 500 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,953 Oh, nice, you're doing that thing 501 00:20:52,955 --> 00:20:54,020 where you don't even listen to me. 502 00:20:54,022 --> 00:20:55,989 No, I'm interested, I just need new words! 503 00:20:56,039 --> 00:21:00,589 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35018

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