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1
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[glass clinking] JACK: Can I
get everybody's attention?
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00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,710
My best friend Eddie just
finalized his divorce.
3
00:00:06,945 --> 00:00:08,537
And he is having a real hard time...
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,831
opening that champagne bottle!
5
00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:13,299
Where's that samurai sword I got you?
6
00:00:13,301 --> 00:00:15,268
Denise took it, along with my 30s.
7
00:00:15,270 --> 00:00:16,636
[cork pops] Whoo!
8
00:00:16,638 --> 00:00:18,237
[cheering and applause]
9
00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,210
Why even bother getting
divorced when you're that old?
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00:00:21,235 --> 00:00:23,109
Yeah, just ride it out
for a few more years
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00:00:23,111 --> 00:00:24,944
till death or dementia takes over.
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00:00:24,946 --> 00:00:27,346
I wasn't sure which of
these divorce-themed drinks
13
00:00:27,348 --> 00:00:29,549
was better, so I got
us some "Rum and Brokes"
14
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,884
and a "Sex With Someone
Else On the Beach."
15
00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,053
Thanks
16
00:00:33,054 --> 00:00:35,788
Hey, work squad!
17
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:38,858
We are doing a product
test on fitness trackers.
18
00:00:39,438 --> 00:00:40,526
Oh, cool!
19
00:00:40,528 --> 00:00:44,530
A bulky watch version of a
feature our phones already have.
20
00:00:44,532 --> 00:00:46,632
I was hoping you could write
an article where you see
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00:00:46,634 --> 00:00:49,602
which of you can take the
most steps in a single day.
22
00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:51,070
I'm down. Walking hasn't been fun
23
00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:53,105
since that four hours
Pok?mon Go was cool.
24
00:00:53,829 --> 00:00:56,609
Yeah, right, Pok?mon
Go isn't cool anymore.
25
00:00:56,611 --> 00:00:58,044
[quietly]: Good one, Clark.
26
00:01:00,532 --> 00:01:01,914
Poor Eddie.
27
00:01:01,916 --> 00:01:03,716
Have you asked him how he's
feeling about the divorce?
28
00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:06,185
I was going to, but then
I saw the busty twins
29
00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:08,254
pouring booze down his throat.
30
00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:11,624
That's a cry for help.
31
00:01:11,626 --> 00:01:14,374
Well, only if he's in danger
of being smothered to death
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00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:15,628
by four boobs.
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00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:16,896
Come on, Jack,
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00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:18,431
you're his best friend.
35
00:01:18,433 --> 00:01:19,966
Can't you tell he's overcompensating?
36
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:22,335
I'm drinking for all the right reasons!
37
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:23,936
Whoo!
38
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:26,005
You need to talk to him.
39
00:01:26,007 --> 00:01:27,740
Like really talk to him.
40
00:01:27,742 --> 00:01:30,309
Go deep, if you're even capable of that.
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00:01:30,311 --> 00:01:31,577
I'm deep!
42
00:01:31,579 --> 00:01:32,681
I'm super deep.
43
00:01:32,706 --> 00:01:34,814
Eddie and I talk about
all kinds of deep stuff.
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00:01:34,816 --> 00:01:36,315
Eddie, be honest:
45
00:01:36,317 --> 00:01:38,284
are my pecs too big?
46
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,968
Look, if you really want
47
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:42,889
to be a good friend to
him, or more than just
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00:01:42,891 --> 00:01:45,625
a one-night stand to
some brave woman some day.
49
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,627
Whoa, whoa, just a one night stand?
50
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:50,229
Are you belittling our
night of cheap drunken sex?
51
00:01:51,599 --> 00:01:53,804
Then you need to be able
to deal with real emotions,
52
00:01:53,829 --> 00:01:54,700
not avoid them.
53
00:01:55,306 --> 00:01:57,270
I know what I'm talking about.
54
00:01:57,272 --> 00:02:00,239
My fianc? Paul and I cry all the time.
55
00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:03,759
Hey, out of all the
girls in your sorority,
56
00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:06,913
how did you know Paul was the one?
57
00:02:06,915 --> 00:02:08,781
Look, just talk to him.
58
00:02:11,454 --> 00:02:12,718
- Eddie...
- Your pecs look great.
59
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,520
No...
60
00:02:14,522 --> 00:02:16,798
Look, how are you...
61
00:02:18,454 --> 00:02:19,592
You're good, right?
62
00:02:19,594 --> 00:02:20,893
Yeah, I'm good.
63
00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:22,228
Actually, I don't know.
64
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,163
Well, first answer's usually right.
65
00:02:24,165 --> 00:02:26,499
I got those divorce papers yesterday.
66
00:02:29,056 --> 00:02:30,870
And I was surprised how hard it hit me.
67
00:02:31,079 --> 00:02:32,524
I thought I'd moved on.
68
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,308
Well, that sounds like...
a thread that we should not
69
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,176
be pulling on. That'll do her.
70
00:02:37,462 --> 00:02:40,279
It's like there's an emptiness
in the pit of my stomach.
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00:02:40,548 --> 00:02:42,214
I know that feeling.
72
00:02:42,345 --> 00:02:44,583
The one that cripples
you and makes you feel
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00:02:44,585 --> 00:02:45,985
like you can't move on.
74
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:47,253
That's hunger.
75
00:02:49,871 --> 00:02:51,570
Let's get you a hot dog.
76
00:02:55,772 --> 00:02:57,372
It's a tip jar;
77
00:02:57,397 --> 00:03:00,832
it doesn't take food
stamps, you poor bitch!
78
00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:04,029
Ah, Wieners Circle.
79
00:03:04,305 --> 00:03:06,339
World famous hot dogs and insults...
80
00:03:06,341 --> 00:03:07,673
A Chicago institution,
81
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,742
just like corrupt mayors and murder.
82
00:03:09,744 --> 00:03:11,048
Yeah, bring it on!
83
00:03:11,073 --> 00:03:13,538
That's right, ugly,
you better walk away!
84
00:03:13,563 --> 00:03:16,264
Actually back away so I don't
have to look at your fat ass!
85
00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:19,485
We all saw the fat ass,
86
00:03:19,487 --> 00:03:21,487
but it took a hero to point it out.
87
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:23,255
Is that Jack Gordon?
88
00:03:23,257 --> 00:03:25,191
Can't be, 'cause it's not 2:00 a.m.,
89
00:03:25,193 --> 00:03:27,326
and you're not with a drunk
skank who lost her friends.
90
00:03:27,328 --> 00:03:28,995
[laughter]
91
00:03:29,532 --> 00:03:30,696
What's up, Val?
92
00:03:30,698 --> 00:03:31,964
Other than your cholesterol.
93
00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,133
Oh, we got a comedian.
94
00:03:34,135 --> 00:03:36,635
I bet you're the funniest
guy in your Cross Fit class.
95
00:03:36,637 --> 00:03:38,404
[laughter]
96
00:03:38,406 --> 00:03:40,806
And nice man-boobs, bitch.
97
00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:42,541
Now do Eddie!
98
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:43,943
This B-minus Steve Harvey?
99
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:45,644
How's your wife, baldy?
100
00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:47,480
She realize you're a
loser and leave you yet?
101
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:50,583
[laughter]
102
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,184
Yeah, actually she did.
103
00:03:53,688 --> 00:03:55,988
We'll take two char dogs, please.
104
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:57,490
You think if you didn't cry like a sissy
105
00:03:57,492 --> 00:03:58,624
she would've stayed?
106
00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:02,294
[voice breaking]: Maybe.
107
00:04:04,566 --> 00:04:05,517
[softly]: Jack.
108
00:04:07,502 --> 00:04:10,136
You can't bring fragile
people around here.
109
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:13,672
This isn't what a friend do,
it's what a dumb bitch do.
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00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:22,525
- Synced and corrected by javiernv -
- www.addic7ed.com -
111
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:24,750
[phone ringing]
112
00:04:26,313 --> 00:04:27,720
BROOKE: Okay, so these fitness trackers
113
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:30,423
will measure your heart
rate and step count.
114
00:04:30,425 --> 00:04:31,624
Look, if you move it slow like this
115
00:04:31,626 --> 00:04:33,959
it doesn't register any steps.
116
00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:37,296
But if you move it fast like this...
117
00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:41,000
It's just exploding with steps.
118
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,852
Nobody laugh; he's young
and discovering his body.
119
00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:49,852
Now, I know you guys
don't love this assignment,
120
00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:51,644
so I decided to sweeten the pot.
121
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:54,814
Whoever logs the most
steps in a single day
122
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,115
will win two tickets to...
123
00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:57,383
Beyonc?!
124
00:04:57,385 --> 00:04:58,818
You shut your filthy mouth!
125
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,719
Did you say Beyonc??
126
00:05:01,188 --> 00:05:03,648
Well, I originally bought
them for my fianc? Paul,
127
00:05:03,673 --> 00:05:06,425
but he has a jam session
he cannot get out of, so...
128
00:05:06,427 --> 00:05:08,194
Oh, I didn't know Paul was a musician.
129
00:05:08,196 --> 00:05:09,395
No, he's not.
130
00:05:09,397 --> 00:05:10,796
I mean actual jam.
131
00:05:12,191 --> 00:05:14,423
Raspberry season peaked early.
132
00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:18,237
So now we all know Paul is white.
133
00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:22,023
So, Jack, you're managing editor,
134
00:05:22,048 --> 00:05:23,242
so please make sure these end up
135
00:05:23,244 --> 00:05:24,810
in the hands of the rightful winner.
136
00:05:25,165 --> 00:05:26,011
All right, you heard her!
137
00:05:26,013 --> 00:05:28,532
Come on, let's get our step on!
138
00:05:31,524 --> 00:05:33,052
Why aren't you guys doing this?
139
00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:35,121
Nobody say anything,
this is the only way
140
00:05:35,123 --> 00:05:36,522
he can get to completion.
141
00:05:38,743 --> 00:05:42,361
I love me some 'Yonc?, but
the idea for this article
142
00:05:42,363 --> 00:05:45,531
is "supes predix" and "totes obvi."
143
00:05:46,962 --> 00:05:48,352
Did you just cast a spell on me?
144
00:05:50,238 --> 00:05:52,906
You know, the more realistic
article about office life
145
00:05:52,931 --> 00:05:54,851
would be about how little we move.
146
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,209
What an exciting idea
for an outdoor website:
147
00:05:57,211 --> 00:05:59,445
an article about people not moving.
148
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,515
Mason, Jack loves your idea.
149
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:04,672
No, I was being sarcastic.
150
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,430
You know, like when I
say, "Great shirt, Clark."
151
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,126
Oh, my goodness, thank you.
152
00:06:09,264 --> 00:06:10,878
No, listen to the way I'm saying it:
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00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,329
[sarcastic tone]: "Great shirt, Clark."
154
00:06:12,354 --> 00:06:14,621
[imitating tone]:
"You're the man, Jack."
155
00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:17,307
Inflection's fun.
156
00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:19,042
You know what, fine.
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00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:21,779
The person with the least number
of steps by the end of the day
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00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,892
wins the tickets.
159
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:25,684
Ooh, look, a room with no bad ideas.
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00:06:29,298 --> 00:06:32,313
I'd do anything for
those Beyonc? tickets.
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00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:33,868
Even nothing.
162
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:36,556
Oh, it's on.
163
00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:39,381
Ready, set, don't go.
164
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,735
[phone ringing]
165
00:06:46,704 --> 00:06:48,852
ESTHER: That's Roland for you guys.
166
00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:49,907
He says it's urgent.
167
00:06:54,387 --> 00:06:55,990
All right, so we're booked.
168
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,118
One helicopter flight for four people.
169
00:06:58,158 --> 00:07:00,058
Oh, wait, two of those people are twins,
170
00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:01,916
so is there a discount?
171
00:07:02,668 --> 00:07:04,009
Great, we'll be very drunk.
172
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,726
A helicopter ride?
173
00:07:07,751 --> 00:07:10,109
That is not what Eddie needs right now.
174
00:07:10,134 --> 00:07:11,028
How would you know?
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00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:12,876
You're not his friend. I'm his friend.
176
00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:14,720
And by the way, I didn't
want to say this, but...
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00:07:14,745 --> 00:07:16,111
he thinks you talk funny.
178
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:19,403
He needs someone to open up to.
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00:07:19,428 --> 00:07:19,837
I doubt it.
180
00:07:19,862 --> 00:07:22,540
I mean, if he wants we can
talk during the chopper ride,
181
00:07:22,565 --> 00:07:24,241
or at the monster truck rally
182
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,610
or during the heavy metal laser tag.
183
00:07:26,907 --> 00:07:29,346
You mean the three loudest
activities two humans
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00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:30,380
can do together?
185
00:07:30,382 --> 00:07:32,416
Oh, what a sad indictment
of the quiet sex
186
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,218
you and Paul must be having.
187
00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:40,858
CLARKE: It's so hard
to sit still like this.
188
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,526
But at least you look
good with that hat on.
189
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,928
What hat? Damn it!
190
00:07:46,188 --> 00:07:48,322
Nice one, Mason. High five!
191
00:07:48,696 --> 00:07:50,067
MASON: Damn it!
192
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:51,568
I see how it is.
193
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,304
Too bad it takes two hands to... catch!
194
00:07:56,793 --> 00:07:59,093
[quietly]: I was throwing
that to Emma to trick her.
195
00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:00,992
Damn it!
196
00:08:02,837 --> 00:08:05,071
Wow, Clark, that almost
knocked off your hat.
197
00:08:05,096 --> 00:08:07,763
Oh, that was a close call... damn it!
198
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,756
Hey, I just got my nails
done but if anybody asks,
199
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,993
I was at the doctor for a cancer scare.
200
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,138
Also I need one of you
guys to sign for this.
201
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,435
Please? It's really, really heavy.
202
00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:27,842
Okay, let's actually help her.
203
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:31,675
Together, on three.
204
00:08:31,903 --> 00:08:35,235
One, two, three.
205
00:08:39,345 --> 00:08:40,911
We're coming for you.
206
00:08:42,139 --> 00:08:44,017
What's wrong with you people?
207
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,524
It's gonna be okay.
208
00:08:50,328 --> 00:08:53,062
Aw, I knew this day was coming.
209
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:57,000
All right, Eddie,
210
00:08:57,352 --> 00:08:59,202
we've got one helicopter reservation,
211
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:02,617
43 water balloons to drop,
and no adult supervision.
212
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,107
Let's start drinking.
213
00:09:04,109 --> 00:09:05,915
Sorry, Jack, we're sort of
in the middle of something.
214
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:08,078
Yeah, you are! Who's the special lady?
215
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:12,015
You're no special lady.
216
00:09:12,017 --> 00:09:14,985
No, I'm just the friend that he needs.
217
00:09:29,788 --> 00:09:31,154
Here you go... Enjoy.
218
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:34,157
And remember, love is
a slowly eroding cliff.
219
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:37,060
[stifled sob]
220
00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:38,328
What did you do to him?
221
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,996
I'm helping Eddie with his divorce
222
00:09:39,998 --> 00:09:41,764
because clearly his best
friend can't handle it.
223
00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:44,028
I can handle it. Eddie!
224
00:09:44,053 --> 00:09:46,067
Hey, if we don't leave
now we're going to be late
225
00:09:46,092 --> 00:09:47,303
for the monster truck rally,
226
00:09:47,305 --> 00:09:51,407
so I'm going to need
you to pinch that off.
227
00:09:51,409 --> 00:09:52,742
I'm sorry, Jack.
228
00:09:52,744 --> 00:09:55,011
I know men aren't supposed to cry.
229
00:09:55,013 --> 00:09:57,180
It does sound unnatural.
230
00:09:57,182 --> 00:09:59,294
Don't listen to Jack.
231
00:09:59,319 --> 00:10:01,451
You cry all you want, okay?
232
00:10:01,453 --> 00:10:02,685
Thanks, Brooke.
233
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:03,987
This helps.
234
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:05,221
Yeah, I know it hurts.
235
00:10:05,223 --> 00:10:07,056
Yeah, well I knew it hurt first.
236
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:11,127
I thought I'd be with
Denise forever, and now...
237
00:10:11,129 --> 00:10:12,495
That dream is over.
238
00:10:12,497 --> 00:10:14,130
She's having sex with
a kayak instructor.
239
00:10:14,132 --> 00:10:16,265
Oh, God, I'm so alone!
240
00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:20,470
Plus she took my towels,
my bathroom shades.
241
00:10:20,472 --> 00:10:21,704
Yeah, the family next door asked me
242
00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:23,106
to talk to you about that.
243
00:10:23,108 --> 00:10:24,140
The grandma's freaked out.
244
00:10:24,142 --> 00:10:26,053
Okay, well,
245
00:10:26,078 --> 00:10:28,455
maybe if we replace some
things on the outside,
246
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,613
it'll start helping
you heal on the inside.
247
00:10:30,615 --> 00:10:32,915
What have you lost in the
divorce that you really miss?
248
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:36,325
I guess I'm really missing
the twice-weekly sex.
249
00:10:36,350 --> 00:10:38,788
I meant something you could buy.
250
00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:41,290
I miss my waffle iron. And my blender.
251
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,859
Okay, well let's get you those things.
252
00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:45,669
Paul and I have our
registry at this great place.
253
00:10:45,694 --> 00:10:46,730
You can make one, too.
254
00:10:46,755 --> 00:10:48,254
Like a divorce registry?
255
00:10:49,038 --> 00:10:50,671
Well, that doesn't
sound depressing at all.
256
00:10:50,673 --> 00:10:53,640
Why don't we just get him a
hose that fits over a tailpipe?
257
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:57,825
A divorce registry, that's a great idea!
258
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,480
We can go on a shopping spree.
259
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,325
And if that doesn't work,
260
00:11:01,350 --> 00:11:04,651
we can do the exhaust pipe
thing that Jack suggested.
261
00:11:07,012 --> 00:11:09,979
Well, this may surprise you,
but I'm rooting for your idea.
262
00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:16,953
[heart rate monitor beeping]
263
00:11:18,522 --> 00:11:19,821
Judging by the lead,
264
00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:21,561
I guess duct-taping my hand to the table
265
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:26,456
wasn't such a stupid idea
after all, was it, Mason?
266
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,160
Have you thought about how
you're going to get it off?
267
00:11:30,162 --> 00:11:31,395
Like a Band-Aid.
268
00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:34,631
Slow, lost of crying.
269
00:11:37,002 --> 00:11:38,835
Okay, no matter what,
270
00:11:38,837 --> 00:11:41,238
I am not moving for the rest of the day.
271
00:11:41,782 --> 00:11:44,249
[coughing]
272
00:11:46,883 --> 00:11:47,982
Esther, are you okay?
273
00:11:49,882 --> 00:11:51,448
I think she's choking.
274
00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:53,016
Yeah, nice try, guys.
275
00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:55,585
Esther, which one of
them put you up to this?
276
00:11:55,587 --> 00:11:56,887
Wasn't me. Emma?
277
00:11:56,912 --> 00:11:57,983
No!
278
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,990
Oh, my God, she's really
choking... Emma, do something!
279
00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:02,392
Me? Clark's the certified babysitter.
280
00:12:02,394 --> 00:12:04,327
[arguing, overlapping dialogue]
281
00:12:04,329 --> 00:12:05,562
Hey, I'm from TaskRabbit.
282
00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:08,465
Somebody named Emma ordered
light office assistance.
283
00:12:08,467 --> 00:12:10,033
Thank God... She's choking.
284
00:12:10,035 --> 00:12:11,635
And we can't move
because we're all stuck
285
00:12:11,637 --> 00:12:12,836
in a fitness tracker challenge.
286
00:12:12,838 --> 00:12:14,304
Save her life, man!
287
00:12:16,275 --> 00:12:18,442
[grunting]
288
00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:20,310
[coughing]
289
00:12:20,312 --> 00:12:22,145
[breathless]: That
was closer than usual.
290
00:12:24,683 --> 00:12:26,850
Now carry me to the bathroom.
291
00:12:30,355 --> 00:12:32,823
What's your name, hot TaskRabbit?
292
00:12:32,825 --> 00:12:34,324
Whatever you want it to be.
293
00:12:35,327 --> 00:12:36,592
Actually, just call me Devin
294
00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:37,849
because I'll get confused.
295
00:12:42,310 --> 00:12:44,022
Why's your heart rate going up?
296
00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:50,640
Wait, is it because you saw
that dude carry Emma away?
297
00:12:53,245 --> 00:12:55,912
Oh, you like her.
298
00:12:56,849 --> 00:12:58,415
I don't like her, you like her!
299
00:13:00,016 --> 00:13:01,815
Wait, you don't like her do you?
300
00:13:03,311 --> 00:13:07,090
Okay, so if you picture her
wearing a Princess Leia costume,
301
00:13:07,092 --> 00:13:08,473
that doesn't do anything for you?
302
00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:10,260
It depends on who I am in the scenario.
303
00:13:10,262 --> 00:13:13,330
Am I Salacious Crumb? Am I Bib Fortuna?
304
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,799
Oh, you Han Solo.
305
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,300
[beeping rapidly]
306
00:13:18,941 --> 00:13:22,777
Oh, this competition just
took a turn for the Mason.
307
00:13:24,476 --> 00:13:25,542
What'd you write on there?
308
00:13:25,544 --> 00:13:26,977
Just something my best friend
309
00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:28,311
neglected to tell me.
310
00:13:28,313 --> 00:13:30,280
That Clark is in love with Emma.
311
00:13:33,318 --> 00:13:35,886
[groaning]
312
00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:39,959
Why did God have to bless
me with these hairy hands?
313
00:13:39,984 --> 00:13:41,892
Devin, thanks for
waiting outside the door
314
00:13:41,894 --> 00:13:43,160
and saying you didn't hear anything.
315
00:13:43,162 --> 00:13:45,362
That was classy.
316
00:13:45,364 --> 00:13:47,964
[screaming]
317
00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:53,737
How was your trip to
the water closet, m'lady?
318
00:13:58,773 --> 00:14:00,410
This blender makes soup!
319
00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:02,946
Denise's blender doesn't make soup.
320
00:14:02,948 --> 00:14:04,714
I'm gonna make so much soup!
321
00:14:04,716 --> 00:14:06,183
Eddie's back!
322
00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:10,453
It's nice to see Eddie
smiling again, isn't it?
323
00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:13,724
I guess he just needed a
friend capable of human emotion.
324
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,825
I'm an awesome friend.
325
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:17,671
I just have my own way with people.
326
00:14:17,696 --> 00:14:20,964
You know what I'm talking about, Joser?
327
00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:23,421
It's Jose R.
328
00:14:25,938 --> 00:14:28,004
Brooke, I probably need
these pizza scissors, right?
329
00:14:28,006 --> 00:14:30,373
Uh, yes, and so do I.
330
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:33,210
Could you please add these
to the Brooke Huxley registry?
331
00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:36,146
Oh.
332
00:14:36,148 --> 00:14:38,114
Miss, your registry expired.
333
00:14:38,116 --> 00:14:39,031
What?
334
00:14:39,056 --> 00:14:40,757
That can't be right.
335
00:14:44,156 --> 00:14:46,189
Yeah, it's weird, but it's gone.
336
00:14:46,191 --> 00:14:47,457
When did you guys get engaged?
337
00:14:47,459 --> 00:14:49,526
About three-and-a-half years ago.
338
00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:51,027
Oh, my God!
339
00:14:52,231 --> 00:14:53,697
Three-and-a-half years!
340
00:14:53,699 --> 00:14:55,298
That does sound like a long time
341
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,539
when you shout it like Joser did.
342
00:14:58,547 --> 00:14:59,980
It's not that long.
343
00:15:00,184 --> 00:15:01,583
Can you get my registry back?
344
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:03,275
Oh, no.
345
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,798
I guess after three years
the computer, and most humans,
346
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,890
assume the relationship is over.
347
00:15:11,804 --> 00:15:15,752
Fine, it's a long engagement,
but things come up, right?
348
00:15:16,171 --> 00:15:18,221
We both work...
349
00:15:18,223 --> 00:15:19,956
Before you know it, it's
raspberry season again
350
00:15:19,958 --> 00:15:21,825
and the whole thing comes
screeching to a halt.
351
00:15:23,218 --> 00:15:25,061
Paul and I are fine!
352
00:15:25,726 --> 00:15:28,867
Paul is a lady at her
aquatic aerobics class.
353
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:34,544
I mean, we could probably start you
a new registry, but... [scoffs].
354
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:42,212
I mean, we could probably start you
355
00:15:51,695 --> 00:15:53,962
Here's your coffee, Mason.
356
00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:56,679
You know what would
make it even sweeter?
357
00:15:56,704 --> 00:15:58,136
Dougie for me.
358
00:15:59,773 --> 00:16:01,326
But you know I suck at the Dougie.
359
00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:02,583
Can't I just Nae Nae?
360
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,296
No, Dougie.
361
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:16,218
No one likes an angry Dougie, Clark!
362
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:17,992
I thought you were my friend, man.
363
00:16:18,017 --> 00:16:19,951
I guess not, if you can't even tell me
364
00:16:19,976 --> 00:16:21,275
you have feelings for somebody.
365
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:22,078
Okay, fine!
366
00:16:22,109 --> 00:16:23,842
I have feelings for Emma, all right?
367
00:16:23,844 --> 00:16:25,889
And I wanted to win the Beyonc?
tickets because I thought
368
00:16:25,914 --> 00:16:27,444
there'd be less of a
chance of her saying no
369
00:16:27,469 --> 00:16:28,969
to hanging out with me.
370
00:16:31,132 --> 00:16:31,583
Oh.
371
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:35,765
Thanks again, Devin, it's
been great riding you.
372
00:16:37,437 --> 00:16:39,343
Before I go, how about
I grab your number?
373
00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:42,078
[beeping]
374
00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:44,265
Emma!
375
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:44,976
What?
376
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,124
Beyonc? and Jay-Z are at Yogurtland
377
00:16:47,149 --> 00:16:48,492
on Michigan Avenue right now.
378
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,784
Shut your filthy mouth,
I can actually meet her!
379
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,241
I'm-a go with you!
380
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:02,409
I used to crush kids
like you in high school.
381
00:17:10,526 --> 00:17:13,928
Is there anything I can do
to make you stop cleaning?
382
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:17,211
Other than pointing out
that this isn't your house?
383
00:17:18,398 --> 00:17:20,047
Or a house?
384
00:17:21,918 --> 00:17:24,285
It's almost four years
since we got engaged
385
00:17:24,287 --> 00:17:26,153
and we don't even have a date.
386
00:17:26,906 --> 00:17:29,389
Look, I know you're upset,
387
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:32,670
but the important thing is...
388
00:17:32,695 --> 00:17:35,496
Okay, I might need a little
help with what to say,
389
00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:37,698
so I'm just going to dive right in:
390
00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:39,396
do you think Paul has another family?
391
00:17:39,421 --> 00:17:40,568
Jack!
392
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:43,004
I told you I'm going
to need a little help!
393
00:17:43,006 --> 00:17:45,539
Start by asking me how I'm feeling.
394
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:48,943
Uh, how are you feeling, Brooke?
395
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:50,211
I don't know.
396
00:17:50,213 --> 00:17:51,890
I'm confused.
397
00:17:52,187 --> 00:17:54,682
I'm questioning my whole relationship.
398
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:01,022
[quietly]: Now ask
me what I really want.
399
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:02,223
Oh!
400
00:18:02,593 --> 00:18:03,764
What do you really want?
401
00:18:03,789 --> 00:18:04,507
I don't know, Jack!
402
00:18:04,532 --> 00:18:06,694
Will you stop being Mr. Fix It?!
403
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,810
I mean, why are Paul
and I taking so long?
404
00:18:10,835 --> 00:18:12,068
Am I being an idiot?
405
00:18:12,093 --> 00:18:12,867
No, no, you're not an idiot,
406
00:18:12,869 --> 00:18:15,469
but I do think that you
are the one who is now
407
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:17,505
avoiding the conversation.
408
00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:18,706
You should talk to Paul.
409
00:18:19,414 --> 00:18:20,941
Yeah, you're right.
410
00:18:20,943 --> 00:18:23,678
A talk we should have had years ago.
411
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,413
Thanks, Jack.
412
00:18:25,884 --> 00:18:27,650
But, again, all this is meaningless
413
00:18:27,675 --> 00:18:30,009
if he does in fact have another family.
414
00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:36,090
Well, Clarke, congratulations,
415
00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:38,559
you literally did the least.
416
00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:40,995
[sarcastic tone]: You're
a real inspiration.
417
00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,251
Guys, did you hear that?
418
00:18:43,276 --> 00:18:45,414
Jack thinks I'm an inspiration!
419
00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:47,968
Hey, Clark.
420
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:49,603
We didn't see Beyonc?.
421
00:18:49,937 --> 00:18:52,320
Yogurtland said she'd never been there.
422
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:55,013
Which is so Beyonc?.
423
00:18:55,712 --> 00:18:59,521
I have these two tickets
to her concert now.
424
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,015
Shut your filthy mouth!
425
00:19:01,017 --> 00:19:02,574
Thanks, Clark!
426
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,065
You sure you don't want to go?
427
00:19:04,090 --> 00:19:06,424
You shut your filthy
mouth! I'd love to go!
428
00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:10,570
I'm so excited!
429
00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:16,022
She could've asked
anybody, but she asked me!
430
00:19:16,779 --> 00:19:19,013
Thank you, man. You're welcome.
431
00:19:21,299 --> 00:19:23,867
What a disgusting generation.
432
00:19:25,554 --> 00:19:28,092
You don't ever need me to do
something like that, right?
433
00:19:28,117 --> 00:19:28,909
Oh, God, no.
434
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,713
But thanks for being there for
me, in your own special way.
435
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:34,782
You're welcome.
436
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,137
I got a rain check for
that helicopter ride.
437
00:19:37,162 --> 00:19:39,229
Maybe we can take it
after your next divorce.
438
00:19:41,562 --> 00:19:43,763
Hey, Jack.
439
00:19:44,242 --> 00:19:47,179
I wanted to say thank you.
440
00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:48,837
I had a talk with Paul.
441
00:19:49,523 --> 00:19:51,432
Turns out, it was way overdue.
442
00:19:51,434 --> 00:19:53,601
Oh, my God, he has two families?
443
00:19:53,603 --> 00:19:55,903
No.
444
00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:58,439
Both we were both
afraid that the other one
445
00:19:58,441 --> 00:20:00,040
was having cold feet.
446
00:20:00,453 --> 00:20:02,676
We finally got into it...
447
00:20:03,513 --> 00:20:05,210
and we've set a date.
448
00:20:05,852 --> 00:20:07,525
We're going to get married in May.
449
00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,795
How did he break it to his first wife?
450
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:11,095
I'm sorry.
451
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,865
That's... it's great, congrats.
452
00:20:14,225 --> 00:20:14,990
It's surprising.
453
00:20:15,023 --> 00:20:15,856
[phone vibrating]
454
00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:17,424
Oh, that's Paul now.
455
00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:19,460
Hello, Mr. Teapot.
456
00:20:19,462 --> 00:20:22,129
[giggling]
457
00:20:23,132 --> 00:20:25,052
You, uh... you good?
458
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:26,925
I don't know.
459
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:28,002
That sounds like a thread
460
00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:29,670
we don't want to pull.
461
00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:32,249
Plus your sad posture
makes your pecs look great.
462
00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:52,513
Hope you're hungry. This place
was a recommendation from Jack.
463
00:20:52,538 --> 00:20:54,325
He said the service is great.
464
00:20:54,349 --> 00:20:56,909
Do you have anything
vegan and cruelty free?
465
00:20:57,081 --> 00:20:59,770
Oh, you came to the wrong
place, Sarah McLachlan.
466
00:20:59,795 --> 00:21:01,472
[laughter]
467
00:21:01,497 --> 00:21:04,192
And what about you, white Urkel?
468
00:21:05,755 --> 00:21:06,988
You gonna order?
469
00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:09,290
Hey! I'm a Yelp super user.
470
00:21:09,292 --> 00:21:10,491
Y'all hear this?
471
00:21:10,493 --> 00:21:13,461
Woody and Soon-Yi are super users.
472
00:21:15,298 --> 00:21:17,865
Go fly your bitch
asses back to Hogwarts.
473
00:21:17,915 --> 00:21:22,465
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