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1
00:00:04,594 --> 00:00:06,761
[wolf howling]
2
00:00:06,763 --> 00:00:08,763
[frogs croaking]
3
00:00:08,765 --> 00:00:10,064
[crickets chirping]
4
00:00:11,110 --> 00:00:12,610
[knocking]
5
00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:15,588
That noise machine is driving me crazy.
6
00:00:15,939 --> 00:00:18,339
Can't you just fall asleep to
porn like a normal roommate?
7
00:00:18,341 --> 00:00:21,108
Well, technically the
crickets are mating.
8
00:00:22,182 --> 00:00:24,852
Which is something you'll never do again
if you keep living like this.
9
00:00:24,877 --> 00:00:25,424
[animal noises stop]
10
00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:27,297
I can have sex in a hammock.
11
00:00:27,299 --> 00:00:29,399
The total weight can't
be more than 400 pounds,
12
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,393
but that's a good rule anyway.
13
00:00:31,869 --> 00:00:33,502
You need to get your
things out of storage.
14
00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:35,404
It's time for Jack
Gordon to settle down.
15
00:00:35,406 --> 00:00:37,439
Oh, okay, I guess you know me best.
16
00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:39,241
I know you better than you.
17
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,310
Go ahead, ask me anything.
18
00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:42,778
All right.
19
00:00:43,283 --> 00:00:45,547
What's a defining
moment from my childhood?
20
00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:48,650
Easy: when your mom forgot
it was your tenth birthday.
21
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,653
Oh, my God.
22
00:00:52,158 --> 00:00:53,255
You're right.
23
00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:56,358
Why would you bring that up?
24
00:00:56,674 --> 00:00:58,180
But it is time that you stopped living
25
00:00:58,205 --> 00:01:00,706
like the first mate on a lobster boat.
26
00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:03,365
This is gonna hurt you more
than it's gonna hurt me.
27
00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:05,467
That's not usually how the phrase...
28
00:01:08,463 --> 00:01:09,738
Well, just for that,
29
00:01:10,072 --> 00:01:11,974
you're gonna help me move
my stuff out of storage.
30
00:01:11,976 --> 00:01:13,542
Ooh, I would, but I have that weak...
31
00:01:13,786 --> 00:01:15,486
...sense of obligation.
32
00:01:16,525 --> 00:01:19,268
Well, that leaves me
three terrible options.
33
00:01:19,509 --> 00:01:21,193
Morning, work friends!
34
00:01:21,757 --> 00:01:23,390
Bear claw?
35
00:01:23,768 --> 00:01:25,187
Did you just call us friends?
36
00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:27,356
Five months ahead of schedule!
37
00:01:28,393 --> 00:01:29,491
I said "work friends."
38
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,010
Two months ahead of schedule!
39
00:01:32,377 --> 00:01:34,532
So, as work friends, it's customary
40
00:01:34,565 --> 00:01:37,711
to feign interest in each
other before asking for favors.
41
00:01:37,736 --> 00:01:40,250
So, your weekends... How were they?
42
00:01:40,275 --> 00:01:41,570
I'm interested.
43
00:01:41,838 --> 00:01:44,039
Emma hacked Roland's email
and sent a reminder to Brooke
44
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,908
that today was ugly
sweater day in the office.
45
00:01:46,464 --> 00:01:47,705
I see you fell for the prank too.
46
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:50,746
Next.
47
00:01:50,748 --> 00:01:52,047
Mason threw an epic
48
00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:54,216
"Respectful Bros and
Empowered Hos" party.
49
00:01:54,218 --> 00:01:56,418
It was sexy, but safe.
50
00:01:57,731 --> 00:01:59,783
And Clark played it even
safer by staying home.
51
00:01:59,808 --> 00:02:01,474
As a feminist, I had to.
52
00:02:01,499 --> 00:02:02,765
I don't like subjecting women
53
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,463
to the awkwardness of having
to reject me in public.
54
00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:07,329
It's not even 9:00.
55
00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:09,213
How do you guys already know
everything about your weekend?
56
00:02:09,238 --> 00:02:10,899
Because we post everything.
57
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:12,501
It saves so much time.
58
00:02:12,791 --> 00:02:15,948
I can't remember the last time
I had to describe a cupcake.
59
00:02:16,494 --> 00:02:17,873
But you don't post anything.
60
00:02:18,036 --> 00:02:19,102
No Instagram,
61
00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:20,309
no Facebook timeline.
62
00:02:20,877 --> 00:02:23,011
You're like a hacker's
greatest challenge.
63
00:02:23,299 --> 00:02:24,580
I thought a hacker's greatest challenge
64
00:02:24,582 --> 00:02:26,248
was having sex before 30.
65
00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:28,117
Jack burn!
66
00:02:28,752 --> 00:02:29,284
Emma's right.
67
00:02:29,286 --> 00:02:30,986
We know nothing about
your personal life.
68
00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:32,855
But maybe now that we're friends...
69
00:02:32,857 --> 00:02:33,938
Ha-ha, friends...
70
00:02:33,963 --> 00:02:34,990
No, I'm just kidding.
71
00:02:34,992 --> 00:02:36,868
No, I was just pretending to care
72
00:02:36,893 --> 00:02:38,794
so you guys would help me
get my stuff out of storage.
73
00:02:38,796 --> 00:02:41,096
I'll help you if you keep pretending.
74
00:02:41,432 --> 00:02:43,442
I'll do it for free
pizza and one secret.
75
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,434
Yeah, I'll buy you guys some pizza,
76
00:02:45,436 --> 00:02:46,908
and my secret is...
77
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,671
I found those donuts
on top of a mailbox.
78
00:02:51,108 --> 00:02:52,341
Let's go!
79
00:02:54,088 --> 00:02:54,943
Morning!
80
00:02:54,945 --> 00:02:56,757
Come on, how come Mason and I
81
00:02:56,782 --> 00:02:58,882
are the only ones in the office spirit?
82
00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:02,951
Where are you guys off to?
83
00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:04,987
I'm taking them on a
team-building exercise.
84
00:03:04,989 --> 00:03:06,688
Oh, that's great... Clark?
85
00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:08,123
We're helping him clean
out his storage unit.
86
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:09,010
Narc!
87
00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:14,263
All right, I'll allow it,
only because I'm a cool boss.
88
00:03:14,713 --> 00:03:15,464
It never sounds quite as cool
89
00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:16,783
when you have to say it yourself.
90
00:03:17,569 --> 00:03:19,636
We won't be long;
there's not much in there.
91
00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:24,473
Oh, my God.
92
00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:25,651
Jackpot!
93
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,075
I'm gonna go get your pizza.
94
00:03:27,353 --> 00:03:28,410
Most of this is trash,
95
00:03:28,412 --> 00:03:30,252
so if you can't read it or sleep on it
96
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,728
or prevent pregnancies
with it, then toss it.
97
00:03:34,619 --> 00:03:35,250
Whoa!
98
00:03:35,431 --> 00:03:37,478
They used to print out Google Maps?
99
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,463
Ew, what's East Germany?
100
00:03:44,493 --> 00:03:46,193
101
00:03:46,545 --> 00:03:49,728
- Synced and corrected by javiernv -
- www.addic7ed.com -
102
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,572
[phone ringing]
103
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:53,869
Sorry we're late.
104
00:03:53,871 --> 00:03:55,737
Waze took us on the weirdest route.
105
00:03:55,716 --> 00:03:57,971
Yeah, straight through
the new Kevin Hart movie.
106
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,376
What's this? I told you guys to throw stuff out.
107
00:04:01,378 --> 00:04:02,500
It's not that hard.
108
00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:04,353
It's what I do with your
articles every morning.
109
00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:05,947
How could we throw all this out
110
00:04:05,988 --> 00:04:07,916
when it tells us so much about you?
111
00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,384
I know you so much better now,
112
00:04:09,386 --> 00:04:11,587
and not just because
I'm wearing your pants.
113
00:04:12,307 --> 00:04:13,889
See, you don't have a Facebook page,
114
00:04:13,891 --> 00:04:15,490
so we created one for you
115
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:19,494
complete with your profile
pic, cover photo, and timeline.
116
00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:21,917
Yeah, it's got everything.
117
00:04:22,299 --> 00:04:23,765
Look at this old profile pic.
118
00:04:25,588 --> 00:04:26,835
That's called a glamour shot,
119
00:04:26,837 --> 00:04:28,403
and they were taken by a gentleman
120
00:04:28,405 --> 00:04:30,205
who discovered me at a mall.
121
00:04:31,111 --> 00:04:32,975
And just like Emma's timeline,
122
00:04:32,977 --> 00:04:34,676
your throwback photos are the best part.
123
00:04:34,678 --> 00:04:36,910
- What?
- What?
124
00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:39,403
Look at this old photo of you and Eddie.
125
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:43,151
In the '90s, was there a quota
126
00:04:43,153 --> 00:04:45,220
of how many colors you
had to wear at once?
127
00:04:47,758 --> 00:04:48,724
There.
128
00:04:48,726 --> 00:04:50,432
I just untagged myself.
129
00:04:51,414 --> 00:04:53,514
You kept a bunch of cool
stuff from the '90s...
130
00:04:53,775 --> 00:04:55,097
Furbies, Bop It...
131
00:04:55,099 --> 00:04:57,766
And I had no idea they
made jelly sandals for men.
132
00:04:57,768 --> 00:04:58,800
Those are mine!
133
00:04:58,802 --> 00:05:00,402
And they did, in Europe.
134
00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:02,581
It's all so cool!
135
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:03,639
I mean, look, this TV
136
00:05:03,641 --> 00:05:06,775
has an air conditioner attached to it!
137
00:05:07,322 --> 00:05:09,745
Clark, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
138
00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:12,758
Do the Backstreet Boys
still want it that way?
139
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:15,149
We should use this stuff
140
00:05:15,174 --> 00:05:17,252
to throw a kick-ass,
authentic '90s party.
141
00:05:17,254 --> 00:05:18,920
Here's a '90s reference for you:
142
00:05:18,922 --> 00:05:21,729
I'm excited for this idea... not!
143
00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:24,693
Wait, I'm confused.
144
00:05:24,695 --> 00:05:26,461
Are you excited about it or not?
145
00:05:28,532 --> 00:05:30,899
Eddie, would you let us use your bar?
146
00:05:31,111 --> 00:05:32,334
I could make some money.
147
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,002
And in keeping with the theme,
148
00:05:34,090 --> 00:05:36,963
the bathrooms haven't
been cleaned since 1996.
149
00:05:38,609 --> 00:05:40,861
Is this a first-generation iPod?
150
00:05:41,111 --> 00:05:43,512
I heard these could only
hold, like, half a song.
151
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:46,081
Uh, no, Emma, it's a "Walkman."
152
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:47,949
Let's see if it still works.
153
00:05:47,951 --> 00:05:49,318
Stop, please.
154
00:05:49,531 --> 00:05:51,969
Hi, you've reached the home of Jack...
155
00:05:51,994 --> 00:05:53,055
And Jessie!
156
00:05:53,057 --> 00:05:55,008
We're too busy to come
to the phone right now...
157
00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,289
[BOTH]: So leave your message after the bark.
158
00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:58,546
[puppy barks]
159
00:06:00,377 --> 00:06:01,559
What's he doing?
160
00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:03,918
Uh, that's how you rewind, Mason.
161
00:06:07,877 --> 00:06:09,371
He seems happy.
162
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,721
Doesn't!
163
00:06:26,323 --> 00:06:28,829
Stop asking me about
Jack's old girlfriend.
164
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:29,814
I am not telling you!
165
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:33,244
But it is literally
figuratively killing me.
166
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,153
Did she tear out his heart
167
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:36,911
the way he tore the
insides out of that...
168
00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:38,206
what was that thing?
169
00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:39,974
A cassette.
170
00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:42,580
[ALL]: Cassette!
171
00:06:42,605 --> 00:06:45,291
Trust me, some things
are best left in the past.
172
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:48,424
So forget about Jessie
and just act normal.
173
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,052
Hey, Jack!
174
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:52,314
Hiya, mister!
175
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,265
Bring it in, work friend.
176
00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:56,252
Oh!
177
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,393
Now, I'm sure you
have a lot of questions
178
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,807
about what just happened.
179
00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:07,455
Oh!
180
00:07:07,479 --> 00:07:08,879
Drinking on the clock.
181
00:07:08,881 --> 00:07:10,347
Just like my dad.
182
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:12,682
Jack!
183
00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:14,117
Brooke, go easy on Jack.
184
00:07:14,119 --> 00:07:15,619
We just dug up a girl from his past.
185
00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:17,799
Oh, my God, in the storage container?
186
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,557
No, someone he dated.
187
00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:21,558
Dated?
188
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,803
What, for more than one night?
189
00:07:22,828 --> 00:07:23,894
Please.
190
00:07:24,596 --> 00:07:25,862
Who was she?
191
00:07:25,864 --> 00:07:28,298
Some dumb flight
attendant on some layover?
192
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,066
Uh, Brooke...
193
00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:30,167
No, wait, wait.
194
00:07:30,169 --> 00:07:31,968
A bleached blonde boat show model
195
00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,271
who just couldn't wait
to get motorboated?
196
00:07:34,273 --> 00:07:35,272
Brooke, don't.
197
00:07:35,327 --> 00:07:36,626
Her name was Jessie,
198
00:07:36,651 --> 00:07:38,549
and we lived together for
two years, and I loved her.
199
00:07:42,181 --> 00:07:44,081
How about that game last night?
200
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,072
Or... Congress?
201
00:07:47,994 --> 00:07:51,188
So wait, two human years?
202
00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:52,422
It's not a big deal.
203
00:07:52,424 --> 00:07:54,891
We fell in love, moved in together,
204
00:07:54,893 --> 00:07:55,947
even got to the point
205
00:07:55,972 --> 00:07:58,986
where I actually used
the phrase "snuggle time."
206
00:08:00,032 --> 00:08:02,244
We got matching Palm Pilots.
207
00:08:03,786 --> 00:08:06,557
We wore out our Sarah McLaughlin tape.
208
00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:10,540
Then after my first big assignment,
209
00:08:10,542 --> 00:08:13,291
she had gathered all her
things and disappeared.
210
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:20,083
Now, I'm sure you'd like to
hear how that made me feel.
211
00:08:28,244 --> 00:08:31,094
I can't believe Jack had a
relationship for two years.
212
00:08:31,096 --> 00:08:33,396
I can't believe he had a relationship.
213
00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,369
I can't believe you said "motorboated."
214
00:08:39,771 --> 00:08:40,904
[elevator dings]
215
00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:42,672
Hey, Esther, how are you?
216
00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:45,300
Oh, huge news: either
me or my cat is pregnant.
217
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,111
Okay!
218
00:08:56,596 --> 00:08:57,631
Have you been up all night?
219
00:08:58,611 --> 00:08:59,289
Yes.
220
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:01,124
I couldn't stop thinking
about you and Jessie.
221
00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:02,392
I'm an emotional wreck.
222
00:09:02,394 --> 00:09:03,960
Can't you tell?
223
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,469
You actually seem pretty together
224
00:09:06,494 --> 00:09:07,808
for someone who's had eight Red Bulls.
225
00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:09,266
Twelve.
226
00:09:14,273 --> 00:09:16,830
I'm going to take these
before your heart explodes.
227
00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:18,942
My heart's already exploded.
228
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:20,322
With feelings.
229
00:09:22,143 --> 00:09:23,813
I spent all night researching Jessie.
230
00:09:24,221 --> 00:09:24,848
Here.
231
00:09:24,850 --> 00:09:27,350
She's married now, two kids.
232
00:09:27,352 --> 00:09:30,760
Took her husband's last
name, like she lives in Iran.
233
00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:33,657
So...
234
00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,774
do you want to text her, Facebook her,
235
00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:39,296
or buy her the salad spinner
from her Amazon Wish List?
236
00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:41,932
None of the above.
237
00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:43,657
She's in my past, and Eddie's right:
238
00:09:43,682 --> 00:09:45,135
that's where she belongs.
239
00:09:45,611 --> 00:09:46,836
Are you sure?
240
00:09:47,572 --> 00:09:50,473
You're saying you never
sit by yourself at night,
241
00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:52,742
scotch in hand, staring out the window,
242
00:09:52,744 --> 00:09:54,510
wondering what happened?
243
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,104
How much can you see with that thing?!
244
00:09:58,518 --> 00:10:00,039
I can help you find the answer
245
00:10:00,064 --> 00:10:02,185
to every question you've
ever asked about her.
246
00:10:02,479 --> 00:10:03,752
Don't you want closure,
247
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:05,838
and to see if she's gained weight?
248
00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:10,338
I don't know, it just
seems like a lot of work.
249
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,929
Her favorite coffee
shop's ten blocks away.
250
00:10:12,931 --> 00:10:15,643
I could arrange for you
to bump into her by chance.
251
00:10:16,557 --> 00:10:18,101
But no, you're right.
252
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,103
You don't need to finally tell her off
253
00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:21,439
like you always wished you could.
254
00:10:21,861 --> 00:10:24,507
It's cool that she gets away
with what she did to you.
255
00:10:27,307 --> 00:10:29,596
I know what you're
doing, and it's working.
256
00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:36,987
Okay, she should be here any minute.
257
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:40,432
Oh, uh, how do I look on
a scale of eight to ten?
258
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:44,971
I have 30 seconds before
a massive caffeine crash.
259
00:10:46,697 --> 00:10:48,108
Jessie just finished hot yoga.
260
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:50,734
She's about to walk in and order
a small coffee with skim milk.
261
00:10:50,736 --> 00:10:51,768
Great, I'll go get her one now.
262
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:52,936
No! Remember,
263
00:10:52,938 --> 00:10:54,571
you don't know anything I've told you.
264
00:10:54,573 --> 00:10:55,372
That's right.
265
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,304
You always...
266
00:10:56,595 --> 00:10:57,283
Emma?
267
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:01,778
Jack?
268
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,079
Jessie?
269
00:11:03,081 --> 00:11:04,948
My God, this is so random!
270
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,449
I'm so glad you think that!
271
00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:13,023
This party's gonna be fly!
272
00:11:13,025 --> 00:11:14,457
Which then became phat,
273
00:11:14,459 --> 00:11:17,560
which turned into dope,
which morphed into lit.
274
00:11:17,976 --> 00:11:19,162
I guess what I'm trying to say is
275
00:11:19,164 --> 00:11:21,665
this party's gonna be fire.
276
00:11:23,593 --> 00:11:24,567
You okay?
277
00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:26,306
I don't know, I'm just kind of anxious.
278
00:11:26,331 --> 00:11:28,398
I've been in a real lady hole recently.
279
00:11:30,351 --> 00:11:32,309
No, it's the opposite
of what you're thinking.
280
00:11:33,148 --> 00:11:34,710
I just feel like I've lost my game.
281
00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,249
Dude, the beauty of a theme party
282
00:11:36,274 --> 00:11:37,881
is that you can come as anyone you want.
283
00:11:37,883 --> 00:11:39,078
I mean, just think:
284
00:11:39,103 --> 00:11:40,917
who's the coolest, most
confident guy of the '90s?
285
00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:42,852
Easy: Fresh Prince.
286
00:11:43,648 --> 00:11:44,788
Jaden's dad?!
287
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:45,789
[laughs]
288
00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:47,557
I don't think so.
289
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:50,860
Oh, you were trying to be
Will Smith in that photo.
290
00:11:51,031 --> 00:11:54,164
I thought you were dressed like
Chuckie from Child's Play.
291
00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:55,156
[camera snaps]
292
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,499
That photo's gone.
293
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:58,234
This photo's online forever.
294
00:11:58,236 --> 00:11:59,669
Good luck explaining to your kids
295
00:11:59,671 --> 00:12:01,771
why you used to wear denim tights.
296
00:12:02,781 --> 00:12:04,808
If you can even have
kids after wearing those.
297
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,009
[laughs]
298
00:12:07,882 --> 00:12:09,346
If only we could think of '90s outfits
299
00:12:09,348 --> 00:12:12,210
that will give you swag and
help me get back at Eddie.
300
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,551
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
301
00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:15,992
The Olsen Twins!
302
00:12:17,765 --> 00:12:18,655
No, dude.
303
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:19,576
We're bad at this.
304
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:20,562
Yeah.
305
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,661
Oh, and remember the lake house
in Michigan we used to rent?
306
00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:25,914
My husband and I, we bought it
307
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:28,164
so we could spend more time
with our boys, Connor and Caleb.
308
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,100
Wow, what a full life.
309
00:12:30,079 --> 00:12:32,446
I'm so impressed that
you have time to volunteer
310
00:12:32,471 --> 00:12:34,371
twice a week at the animal shelter.
311
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,257
Did I tell you I do that?
312
00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:39,289
Yes.
313
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,479
I don't remember saying that.
314
00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,201
Oh, "Mom brain"!
315
00:12:44,226 --> 00:12:46,149
Those kids will run you ragged.
316
00:12:46,151 --> 00:12:47,517
But it's good to see you.
317
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:48,518
You too.
318
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,464
I followed your career,
319
00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:51,321
but I've always
wondered how you've been.
320
00:12:51,323 --> 00:12:54,095
Yeah, I've always
wondered something, too.
321
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,298
Uh, what is it?
322
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:57,884
Oh yeah, why did you ditch
me without explanation
323
00:12:57,909 --> 00:12:59,995
and ball-punch my heart in the face?
324
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,299
I owe you an apology for that.
325
00:13:03,761 --> 00:13:04,519
I'm sorry.
326
00:13:04,995 --> 00:13:08,485
I wasn't... a good girlfriend.
327
00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:10,540
You were a great girlfriend!
328
00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:13,554
You always gave me my space,
your girls' night outs...
329
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:14,210
Jack.
330
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:16,282
I cheated on you.
331
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,049
Wow.
332
00:13:20,235 --> 00:13:21,050
It was Eddie...
333
00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:21,851
What?!
334
00:13:21,853 --> 00:13:23,119
...who found out.
335
00:13:23,121 --> 00:13:25,391
I'm sorry, that was a
terrible place to pause.
336
00:13:26,665 --> 00:13:27,724
Anyway, after he found out,
337
00:13:27,726 --> 00:13:29,159
Eddie told me that you'd been thinking
338
00:13:29,161 --> 00:13:30,794
about giving up your
career to be with me,
339
00:13:30,796 --> 00:13:32,395
and he didn't think that was right,
340
00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:35,165
so we both decided that I should go.
341
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,501
Wow, you're so thoughtful
for a lying cheater.
342
00:13:39,899 --> 00:13:42,572
I can't believe he did
that and didn't tell me.
343
00:13:42,574 --> 00:13:44,140
Yeah, me neither.
344
00:13:44,142 --> 00:13:45,842
He is clearly the bad guy here.
345
00:13:45,844 --> 00:13:47,110
Yeah, well,
346
00:13:47,112 --> 00:13:48,077
I gotta go.
347
00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:49,579
Have fun at pottery class.
348
00:13:49,581 --> 00:13:51,214
Okay, I know I didn't mention pottery.
349
00:13:51,216 --> 00:13:53,249
You get some sleep now, kiddo!
350
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,033
Thanks, Eddie.
351
00:14:00,587 --> 00:14:01,691
Cool '90s party.
352
00:14:01,954 --> 00:14:02,926
Thanks, Esther.
353
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,360
Are you Bono?
354
00:14:04,362 --> 00:14:05,562
No.
355
00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:07,180
I got pink eye.
356
00:14:10,977 --> 00:14:12,502
Check it out, Eddie!
357
00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:15,829
It's your best friend Jack
and his best friend you!
358
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,571
Come on, don't leave me hanging
like your second overall strap!
359
00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:28,918
Laugh all you want,
360
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,020
but that's the outfit
that got me to second base
361
00:14:31,022 --> 00:14:32,977
outside a taping of The Ricki Lake Show.
362
00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:36,292
Cool story, Hootie.
363
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,187
Where are the rest of your Blowfish?
364
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:39,907
'90s Jack burn!
365
00:14:41,587 --> 00:14:42,632
What's with Clark?
366
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,100
He's channeling Jack.
367
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:45,668
It's super annoying.
368
00:14:46,313 --> 00:14:47,403
Says the guy who looks like
369
00:14:47,405 --> 00:14:50,607
Super Mario had sex
with a Cabbage Patch Kid.
370
00:14:50,609 --> 00:14:51,844
Jack burn!
371
00:14:52,852 --> 00:14:54,511
Oh, excuse me.
372
00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:55,945
Jack flirt.
373
00:14:58,782 --> 00:14:59,665
Bing!
374
00:14:59,818 --> 00:15:01,351
You've got male.
375
00:15:01,353 --> 00:15:03,296
M-A-L-E.
376
00:15:03,321 --> 00:15:04,687
Oh!
377
00:15:05,509 --> 00:15:06,345
Clark?
378
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:07,968
Brooke, you surprised me.
379
00:15:07,993 --> 00:15:10,260
I don't know where I'm supposed to look.
380
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,086
We're full of surprises, aren't we?
381
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,596
I own a sexy dress,
382
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:16,733
Jack actually seems to have a heart,
383
00:15:16,735 --> 00:15:20,570
and you appear to be
the fifth Golden Girl?
384
00:15:21,978 --> 00:15:23,139
Young Jack Gordon.
385
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:25,275
Say, we're both in the adventure game,
386
00:15:25,277 --> 00:15:26,809
we're both obviously tens.
387
00:15:27,244 --> 00:15:29,245
How come you and I have never hooked up?
388
00:15:29,247 --> 00:15:30,747
It seems like that would have happened,
389
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,173
but it definitely didn't.
390
00:15:34,152 --> 00:15:36,119
I'm so tired,
391
00:15:36,712 --> 00:15:39,122
but I know I came in here
to warn you about something.
392
00:15:39,124 --> 00:15:40,423
Eddie!
393
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:42,058
How dare you?
394
00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,092
Give me a second.
395
00:15:43,094 --> 00:15:44,181
I'll think of it.
396
00:15:45,063 --> 00:15:46,896
You told Jessie to break up with me?
397
00:15:46,898 --> 00:15:48,087
You talked to Jessie?
398
00:15:48,112 --> 00:15:50,733
Yeah, Mrs. Robot here
helped me track her down.
399
00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:52,837
Jack, I'm sorry,
400
00:15:52,962 --> 00:15:54,875
but you were about to
give up a dream career
401
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:55,538
for a girl who wasn't...
402
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,195
I know she was cheating on me,
403
00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:58,675
but why didn't you talk to me about it?
404
00:15:58,677 --> 00:15:59,809
Because I know you.
405
00:15:59,947 --> 00:16:01,488
You would have tried
to find a way to stay.
406
00:16:01,513 --> 00:16:02,979
That was my choice.
407
00:16:03,119 --> 00:16:04,447
We could have worked it out.
408
00:16:04,449 --> 00:16:05,982
Jessie could have been my wife.
409
00:16:05,984 --> 00:16:07,884
Connor and Caleb could
have been my kids.
410
00:16:07,886 --> 00:16:10,386
I'm not sure that's how kids work.
411
00:16:10,388 --> 00:16:12,055
I can't believe
412
00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:13,323
you went behind my back
413
00:16:13,325 --> 00:16:15,525
and made the biggest
decision of my life for me.
414
00:16:15,527 --> 00:16:16,926
That's not what best friends do.
415
00:16:16,928 --> 00:16:18,328
Oh, I'm sorry to be the guy
416
00:16:18,330 --> 00:16:20,330
who tells you to stop
sleeping in a hammock
417
00:16:20,495 --> 00:16:22,328
and saves you from building a life
418
00:16:22,353 --> 00:16:23,733
with a girl who cheated on you.
419
00:16:23,822 --> 00:16:26,636
If that's not a best
friend, I don't know what is.
420
00:16:27,048 --> 00:16:27,704
Well,
421
00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:29,572
you tell that to Connor and Caleb,
422
00:16:29,808 --> 00:16:31,494
who've never met their real dad!
423
00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:48,644
Thanks for the digits.
424
00:16:48,646 --> 00:16:50,545
Not like I'm gonna use it anyway.
425
00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:52,728
Jack blow-off!
426
00:16:53,791 --> 00:16:55,494
So you're supposed to
be me from the '90s?
427
00:16:55,686 --> 00:16:57,285
Whoa!
428
00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:59,221
Hey there, future me.
429
00:17:00,408 --> 00:17:02,858
I can't believe I actually got cooler.
430
00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:06,128
Pretty good with the ladies now?
431
00:17:06,130 --> 00:17:08,430
Yeah, but I'm not looking
for anything serious.
432
00:17:08,432 --> 00:17:10,098
I'm young Jack Gordon.
433
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,298
You can't tie me down.
434
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,403
You are a terrible young Jack Gordon,
435
00:17:14,405 --> 00:17:15,637
and not just because
436
00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:17,139
you have the muscle
mass of a ham sandwich.
437
00:17:17,141 --> 00:17:18,640
[BOTH]: Jack burn!
438
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,380
No, it's because you're wrong.
439
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:24,401
I would have settled down
with the right person.
440
00:17:24,462 --> 00:17:27,716
Wow, tell me, do I
suddenly become stupid,
441
00:17:27,718 --> 00:17:30,751
or does it happen gradually
over the next two decades?
442
00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:33,455
What's that supposed to mean,
homeless Justin Timberlake?
443
00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:36,358
If I would have settled down,
444
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,712
think about the things I
would have missed out on.
445
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,164
In 2001, I will be exploring
446
00:17:41,189 --> 00:17:43,806
the most northern parts of Norway.
447
00:17:44,173 --> 00:17:46,142
And the southern parts of Ingrid.
448
00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:49,178
In 2006, I'm gonna spend ten weeks
449
00:17:49,203 --> 00:17:51,861
having my endurance
tested by the Sahara.
450
00:17:51,886 --> 00:17:53,586
And by Sofia.
451
00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:56,753
In 2011, I will be diving head-first
452
00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:59,689
into the deep cave systems of Vietnam.
453
00:18:00,926 --> 00:18:03,361
I got a staph infection on that trip.
454
00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:06,861
But I did have sex with a nurse.
455
00:18:07,632 --> 00:18:11,234
And it's all gonna lead
up to one moment in 2016
456
00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:13,836
where I, old Jack Gordon,
457
00:18:13,838 --> 00:18:16,611
am gonna meet the greatest
kid I've ever known.
458
00:18:17,207 --> 00:18:19,751
And his name is Clark.
459
00:18:21,913 --> 00:18:23,479
I'll put a hand on his shoulder
460
00:18:24,121 --> 00:18:26,556
and I'll finally call
that kid my friend.
461
00:18:27,972 --> 00:18:28,837
You're right.
462
00:18:29,931 --> 00:18:32,365
I've always had a friend
who's been there for me.
463
00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:35,291
And his name...
464
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:36,665
...is Eddie.
465
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:38,353
Wait!
466
00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:40,263
You have to call Clark your friend
467
00:18:40,265 --> 00:18:42,131
or it upsets the fabric of time!
468
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:47,812
What's getting you down?
469
00:18:48,018 --> 00:18:50,719
That fight you had with
Jack, or is this entire party
470
00:18:50,744 --> 00:18:52,478
reminding you how
crazy old you've gotten?
471
00:18:53,908 --> 00:18:56,512
Well, it was just the Jack thing.
472
00:18:57,275 --> 00:19:01,423
Eddie, because of you
I never settled down,
473
00:19:01,797 --> 00:19:04,864
constantly traveling the world
looking for my next thrill,
474
00:19:04,889 --> 00:19:08,057
having nothing more than
short-term, superficial flings,
475
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,673
one after the other.
476
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:11,986
Thank you.
477
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:16,165
You're welcome.
478
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:17,767
And I'm sorry I went behind your back.
479
00:19:18,251 --> 00:19:19,302
I just never want you
to feel how you felt
480
00:19:19,304 --> 00:19:20,470
on your tenth birthday.
481
00:19:20,472 --> 00:19:22,338
Okay, you gotta stop bringing that up.
482
00:19:27,512 --> 00:19:29,879
We don't have any issue
that was just resolved,
483
00:19:29,881 --> 00:19:31,280
but let's hug anyway.
484
00:19:32,147 --> 00:19:34,017
Because we're comfortable
expressing our emotions.
485
00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:35,551
[BOTH]: Word to your mother.
486
00:19:42,577 --> 00:19:43,993
Why are you smiling?
487
00:19:43,995 --> 00:19:45,628
Well, over the last couple of days,
488
00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:47,864
I've seen a part of Jack
I hadn't seen before.
489
00:19:47,866 --> 00:19:49,899
Well, it's only fitting.
490
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:52,101
I'm seeing parts of Brooke
I've never seen before.
491
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,136
Stop it.
492
00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:54,137
You're right.
493
00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:55,371
I've seen them before.
494
00:19:55,373 --> 00:19:56,506
[laughs]
495
00:19:56,508 --> 00:19:58,541
You can joke all you
want, but now I know
496
00:19:58,543 --> 00:20:01,344
this whole "lone wolf
refusing to settle down" thing
497
00:20:01,346 --> 00:20:03,746
is just one big reaction to heartbreak.
498
00:20:04,796 --> 00:20:06,716
And now that's behind you,
499
00:20:06,718 --> 00:20:08,069
who knows?
500
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,186
Who knows?
501
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,889
- I know!
- You know?
502
00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:14,924
Jack's about to come in
here and yell at Eddie.
503
00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:16,325
Nailed it.
504
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,478
Eddie! Eddie, you rolling?
505
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,304
- Yeah!
- Yeah, you rolling?
506
00:20:33,329 --> 00:20:34,163
Okay, here we go.
507
00:20:34,188 --> 00:20:34,835
This is what we're doing.
508
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:35,944
Starting back there, right?
509
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,950
I'm gonna run up, hit the trampoline.
510
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:38,733
Ready?
511
00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:40,391
Triple flip, dumpster!
512
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,215
Show it!
513
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,091
Yeah, feet first, dumpster.
514
00:20:43,124 --> 00:20:43,880
Here we go, you ready?
515
00:20:43,905 --> 00:20:44,468
Got it!
516
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,163
Okay, three, two, one!
517
00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:50,556
I'm Jack Gordon, and I'm
trampoline dumpster diver.
518
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,991
[Eddie cheering]
519
00:20:53,999 --> 00:20:54,627
[muffled]: Ready?
520
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:55,861
Yeah, just go already!
521
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:57,463
[muffled]: Here we go, start now!
522
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,133
Uh-oh, your flipper.
523
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,368
Yeah!
524
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:05,216
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
525
00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:05,938
I did it!
526
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:07,039
It was so money!
527
00:21:07,041 --> 00:21:08,174
I triple flipped!
528
00:21:08,176 --> 00:21:09,116
You got so high!
529
00:21:09,141 --> 00:21:10,643
Triple flip right here!
530
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:11,544
Did you get it?
531
00:21:11,546 --> 00:21:12,611
Of course I got it!
532
00:21:12,613 --> 00:21:14,410
I'm gonna be a TV star!
533
00:21:14,435 --> 00:21:16,882
- You're gonna be my cameraman.
- You got it!
534
00:21:16,932 --> 00:21:21,482
Repair and Synchronization by
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