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1
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,104
[elevator bell dings]
2
00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:09,468
Hey, Esther, how you doing?
3
00:00:13,671 --> 00:00:14,372
[phone camera clicking]
4
00:00:14,397 --> 00:00:15,499
Esther, I work in the office now.
5
00:00:15,524 --> 00:00:17,591
You can just take a
picture with the real me.
6
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,155
Nah.
7
00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:27,628
Hi! Sorry to interrupt
8
00:00:27,630 --> 00:00:29,763
what I am assuming is the
closest you two have ever come
9
00:00:29,765 --> 00:00:31,465
to playing real sports.
10
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:33,600
Actually, I could use a
breather after that anyway.
11
00:00:34,694 --> 00:00:35,969
Now I know you guys are experts
12
00:00:35,971 --> 00:00:38,839
at driving traffic to the website,
13
00:00:38,841 --> 00:00:41,274
and increasing page views...
14
00:00:41,276 --> 00:00:44,244
Aww! You used our digital terms!
15
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:47,724
I do have some thoughts
on your new article.
16
00:00:47,749 --> 00:00:50,684
Remember, Jack, we respond
best to positive feedback.
17
00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:51,577
Okay.
18
00:00:51,602 --> 00:00:54,287
I am positive that as
an outdoor journalist,
19
00:00:54,289 --> 00:00:56,390
I would never turn in a piece titled,
20
00:00:56,392 --> 00:00:59,960
"Raccoons: The Hamburglars
of the Forest."
21
00:01:00,695 --> 00:01:03,747
But you did approve "Pugs
Who Look Like Steve Buscemi."
22
00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:07,638
[laughs]
23
00:01:07,663 --> 00:01:09,829
That was adorable.
24
00:01:09,854 --> 00:01:12,449
But you guys need to start
writing the types of articles
25
00:01:12,474 --> 00:01:14,374
that make this magazine great.
26
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,169
When you say great, does
that include Zeb's feature
27
00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:18,245
on spending 30 days in a tent?
28
00:01:18,247 --> 00:01:20,013
I've lost way too many toenails
29
00:01:20,015 --> 00:01:21,415
for this not to be worth it.
30
00:01:21,417 --> 00:01:22,849
Absolutely, Zeb.
31
00:01:22,851 --> 00:01:26,119
Despite the smell, you are
an inspiration to this office.
32
00:01:28,836 --> 00:01:30,457
Uh, where's the foosball going?
33
00:01:30,459 --> 00:01:33,427
Don't worry, we'll explain everything.
34
00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:35,796
Everyone, Outdoor
Limits continues to evolve
35
00:01:35,798 --> 00:01:38,621
from the world's most
robust adventure magazine
36
00:01:38,646 --> 00:01:41,097
into the world's
slightly less profitable
37
00:01:41,122 --> 00:01:44,037
but still jolly robust
adventure website.
38
00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:47,274
So Brooke and I have decided that, um...
39
00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,480
Broke will be cutting
some of your perks.
40
00:01:49,505 --> 00:01:49,976
Dad!
41
00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:52,645
Brooke, my massage chair?
42
00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:55,104
How am I going to sit
at my standing desk?
43
00:01:55,106 --> 00:01:57,840
I'm sorry, I wish it
didn't have to be like this,
44
00:01:57,842 --> 00:02:00,876
but, well, until the website
becomes more profitable,
45
00:02:00,878 --> 00:02:02,611
some perks will have to be...
46
00:02:02,613 --> 00:02:03,612
[ALL]: Boo!
47
00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:05,450
Oh, boo!
48
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:07,770
But Brooke, a modern
office without yoga classes,
49
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,662
dry cleaning and a waffle
bar just sounds ridiculous.
50
00:02:11,811 --> 00:02:13,411
And if you get rid of everything fun,
51
00:02:13,436 --> 00:02:15,946
then my only reward for hard work is...
52
00:02:16,411 --> 00:02:17,207
money?
53
00:02:18,686 --> 00:02:21,583
It's like this is a job.
54
00:02:23,549 --> 00:02:25,678
Come on you guys,
being petty and juvenile
55
00:02:25,703 --> 00:02:26,763
is not going to solve anything.
56
00:02:26,788 --> 00:02:29,115
Well, I'm glad America's
great outdoor adventurer
57
00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:31,007
is still willing to rough it...
58
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:33,175
Because your corporate
card is being suspended.
59
00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:34,543
Boo! Everybody boo her.
60
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,879
[ALL]: Boo!
61
00:02:36,881 --> 00:02:38,981
Jack, Jack, you are
living in a hotel suite
62
00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:40,483
as if you're still a field reporter
63
00:02:40,485 --> 00:02:43,252
or a young Macaulay Culkin.
64
00:02:44,422 --> 00:02:46,011
You're permanently in town now,
65
00:02:46,036 --> 00:02:47,089
so pay for your own place.
66
00:02:47,091 --> 00:02:50,263
I haven't paid for a
place to sleep in 15 years.
67
00:02:50,288 --> 00:02:52,221
It's my most sacred principle.
68
00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:55,048
And the reason behind
five regrettable hook-ups.
69
00:02:56,457 --> 00:03:00,426
I bet it wasn't
regrettable for them, bro!
70
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,827
Come on, you're good at sex.
71
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:08,252
Ah! Yeah!
72
00:03:11,388 --> 00:03:15,330
- Synced and corrected by javiernv -
- www.addic7ed.com -
73
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,054
I get it...
74
00:03:18,056 --> 00:03:20,222
Luxury hotel rooms
are not in the budget.
75
00:03:20,224 --> 00:03:23,247
But I have a solution:
put me back in the field.
76
00:03:23,272 --> 00:03:24,670
Jack, I appreciate you're going through
77
00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:26,962
a tough transitional time at the moment.
78
00:03:26,964 --> 00:03:31,100
Just know, deep in your heart,
that you will get back out there
79
00:03:31,102 --> 00:03:32,060
one day.
80
00:03:32,085 --> 00:03:34,680
But also know, deep in your head,
81
00:03:34,705 --> 00:03:37,306
that that's probably
not going to happen.
82
00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:39,508
You will see.
83
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,843
I will get back out there.
84
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,279
That's your heart talking, Jack.
85
00:03:43,281 --> 00:03:46,082
And the heart is a filthy liar.
86
00:03:47,151 --> 00:03:48,951
I am not going to
stay shackled to a desk
87
00:03:48,953 --> 00:03:52,288
with a bunch of kids who think
North Face is a celebrity baby.
88
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,019
Jack, I know you're
struggling emotionally
89
00:03:57,044 --> 00:03:58,194
with this transition...
90
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:58,942
Brooke, Brooke, Brooke,
91
00:03:58,967 --> 00:04:00,396
you don't need to millennial whisper me.
92
00:04:00,398 --> 00:04:02,431
I respond to negative feedback.
93
00:04:03,146 --> 00:04:04,433
Oh, okay.
94
00:04:04,435 --> 00:04:05,734
Well, you now have a desk job,
95
00:04:05,736 --> 00:04:07,103
you have to get your own place,
96
00:04:07,105 --> 00:04:09,405
and your beard is not as
cool as you think it is.
97
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:11,474
Fine.
98
00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:13,714
But I'm not taking anything
less than a huge pad
99
00:04:13,739 --> 00:04:14,910
with a view of the water.
100
00:04:14,912 --> 00:04:17,079
Ah, that's the head talking, Jack.
101
00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:19,415
And the head is a big, bushy bummer.
102
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,053
Hey, guys, where's a
copy of today's newspaper?
103
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,088
[snickering]
104
00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:27,990
[mocking]: Let me read my newspaper.
105
00:04:27,992 --> 00:04:30,159
[mocking laughter]
106
00:04:33,108 --> 00:04:34,674
I just need apartment listings.
107
00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:36,499
Need some help, Jack?
108
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:37,800
No, I got it.
109
00:04:37,802 --> 00:04:38,544
Okay.
110
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,069
I only ask because you're searching
111
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,161
for the nearest newsstand.
112
00:04:42,186 --> 00:04:44,773
Look, I can streamline
this process for you;
113
00:04:44,775 --> 00:04:46,099
all you have to do is ask.
114
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:49,111
Can I just nod?
115
00:04:49,113 --> 00:04:51,380
[snickering]: Newspaper.
116
00:04:51,382 --> 00:04:53,170
[mocking]: Newspaper.
117
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,925
Dad, managing these millennials
is a big part of my job,
118
00:04:57,950 --> 00:05:00,222
and I can't do that
if I'm always bad cop.
119
00:05:00,224 --> 00:05:02,625
But you're the best
bad cop on the force.
120
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:06,162
That's one of the reasons I hired you.
121
00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:08,430
That and the nepotism thing.
122
00:05:09,278 --> 00:05:11,341
You've done this to me my whole life,
123
00:05:11,366 --> 00:05:13,449
starting with your and Mom's divorce.
124
00:05:13,474 --> 00:05:15,704
That was a tough time for you, I know.
125
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,253
That's why I bought you the pony.
126
00:05:17,278 --> 00:05:18,340
You bought me the pony
127
00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:20,876
because you made me
break the news to Mom.
128
00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:24,480
And I still say that an eight-year-old
129
00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:26,715
on horseback is the most endearing way
130
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:28,651
to serve divorce papers.
131
00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:32,188
Dad, can you please,
please, just for once,
132
00:05:32,190 --> 00:05:33,974
be the person who delivers bad news?
133
00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:36,158
Oh, very well, I'll be the one
134
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,028
who'll let them know about
the remaining budget cuts.
135
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,297
You're the one with the
nickname "Bad News Brooke."
136
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,732
- Who calls me that?
- Your mother.
137
00:05:46,537 --> 00:05:49,872
You know, Jack, while
you're looking for a place,
138
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,525
you can always just stay with me.
139
00:05:54,866 --> 00:05:57,567
Won't that make things
awkward between us?
140
00:05:59,134 --> 00:05:59,915
Not at all.
141
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:00,950
You can come scope the pad
142
00:06:00,952 --> 00:06:02,531
before my big housewarming party.
143
00:06:02,556 --> 00:06:03,430
You're coming to that, right?
144
00:06:03,455 --> 00:06:05,454
Oh, I have no idea what night that is,
145
00:06:05,456 --> 00:06:07,489
but I'm sure I'll have
something I can't move.
146
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,858
Wait, they're taking our nap pods?
147
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,601
So, what, I'm supposed
to sleep at home now?
148
00:06:18,603 --> 00:06:20,636
I wish I could sleep at home.
149
00:06:22,252 --> 00:06:23,891
Everyone, I need your attention.
150
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,609
Great, now she's taking our attention.
151
00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:31,580
No, no, I fear it is I who
must be the taker of things.
152
00:06:31,582 --> 00:06:33,015
Things like...
153
00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:34,683
...the fro-yo machine.
154
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:37,286
Oh! Fro-no!
155
00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:38,727
I know, I'm sorry,
156
00:06:38,752 --> 00:06:40,977
The sacrifice has to be made.
157
00:06:41,002 --> 00:06:42,691
[sighing]
158
00:06:43,892 --> 00:06:49,047
In-in-in order to make room for
an entire Cold Stone Creamery!
159
00:06:49,072 --> 00:06:51,166
To be installed right there!
160
00:06:51,168 --> 00:06:52,835
[cheering]
161
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:54,903
Roland! Roland!
162
00:06:54,905 --> 00:06:58,096
[chanting]: Roland! Roland! Roland!
163
00:06:58,121 --> 00:06:59,720
Roland! Roland!
164
00:07:01,142 --> 00:07:03,680
You see, I thought we could try
165
00:07:03,705 --> 00:07:07,049
Good Cop, Really Good Cop.
166
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,127
Dad, I don't care how you do it,
167
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:10,986
but those cutbacks need to happen.
168
00:07:12,463 --> 00:07:16,470
I don't think you realize how harsh
you come across without a pony.
169
00:07:18,174 --> 00:07:20,617
This two bedroom has
a quaint kitchenette,
170
00:07:20,642 --> 00:07:23,197
refurbished tile and
one-and-a-half baths.
171
00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:24,377
Nice.
172
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,118
Jack Gordon doesn't do fractions.
173
00:07:26,002 --> 00:07:27,769
Pass.
174
00:07:27,771 --> 00:07:29,804
Okay, what about this one?
175
00:07:29,806 --> 00:07:31,806
Open floor plan, exposed brick...
176
00:07:31,808 --> 00:07:32,774
Pass.
177
00:07:32,776 --> 00:07:33,924
Is something going on?
178
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:36,044
Because it seems like
you're try to avoid this.
179
00:07:36,046 --> 00:07:37,879
Pass.
180
00:07:37,881 --> 00:07:41,283
You're putting a lot of pressure
on this apartment search.
181
00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:45,775
It's not a home that defines
who you are; it's your spirit.
182
00:07:47,816 --> 00:07:50,417
Do you write those posters
that hang in dental offices?
183
00:07:51,962 --> 00:07:53,628
These places are great.
184
00:07:53,630 --> 00:07:54,696
They are?
185
00:07:54,698 --> 00:07:56,164
Where do you guys live?
186
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:58,433
With my mom and dad.
187
00:07:58,435 --> 00:08:00,368
And their mom and dad.
188
00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:01,703
With your grandparents.
189
00:08:01,705 --> 00:08:03,502
I don't believe in labels.
190
00:08:04,741 --> 00:08:05,707
Mason?
191
00:08:05,709 --> 00:08:07,442
I share a converted artists' loft
192
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,267
with my hip-hop improv troupe.
193
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:12,380
Wow, that sucks worse than this.
194
00:08:13,502 --> 00:08:15,634
Jack, my place is sweet!
195
00:08:15,659 --> 00:08:16,858
It's got central air,
196
00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:18,213
it's got a spare bed,
197
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:20,066
everything a single dude needs.
198
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:21,728
Seriously, while you're
looking for a place,
199
00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:22,986
just come stay with me.
200
00:08:23,312 --> 00:08:27,547
Clark, you are adorable
when you are delusional.
201
00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:29,323
All right, I'm off to find
202
00:08:29,348 --> 00:08:33,486
a very temporary home using
the oldest app in human history.
203
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,637
MySpace?
204
00:08:37,565 --> 00:08:38,806
Friendship.
205
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,033
Did he say "Friendster"?
206
00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,345
Friendship!
207
00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:47,615
Eddie!
208
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,783
Remember when you said
I could stay with you,
209
00:08:49,808 --> 00:08:51,708
as long as I needed any time I want?
210
00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:56,366
That doesn't sound like
anything I'd ever say.
211
00:09:00,997 --> 00:09:02,299
Hey, folks, uh...
212
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:03,923
If you're being held against your will,
213
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,433
just blink twice.
214
00:09:06,703 --> 00:09:08,036
These are the Kwan�s.
215
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,938
I'm renting my spare room on Airbnb.
216
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:12,707
Before you say anything,
I cannot cancel on them.
217
00:09:12,709 --> 00:09:14,853
They are heavy hitters on Korean Yelp.
218
00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:16,580
Eddie, you're my oldest friend.
219
00:09:16,605 --> 00:09:18,705
It's just for a night or
two until I get my own place.
220
00:09:19,595 --> 00:09:20,515
You're right.
221
00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:21,983
I'll get rid of them.
222
00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:25,597
[speaking Korean]
223
00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:27,767
- Sorry, man, you gotta go.
- Yeah, what was that?
224
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,792
Yeah, I think they're North Koreans.
225
00:09:39,736 --> 00:09:41,366
Hi, Clark.
226
00:09:41,391 --> 00:09:43,058
How long have you been following me?
227
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,816
My entire adult life.
228
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:49,143
Jack, quit being stubborn
and come stay with me.
229
00:09:49,145 --> 00:09:52,380
So, your plan was to secretly
follow me until I agreed
230
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:53,548
to go home with you?
231
00:09:56,353 --> 00:09:57,812
Hi, how you doing?
232
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,669
I can't believe I'm desperate
enough to agree to this.
233
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:06,995
Everybody who comes over
says the same exact thing.
234
00:10:09,899 --> 00:10:12,667
Welcome to Jurassic Clark!
235
00:10:12,669 --> 00:10:14,002
Just open the door.
236
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,232
Voila!
237
00:10:24,836 --> 00:10:27,737
What kind of Japanese
nightmare are you living in?
238
00:10:41,187 --> 00:10:43,115
So, Clark... once again...
239
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,029
This isn't the entryway to your place,
240
00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:45,905
this is the whole thing.
241
00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:46,851
Here, let me give you the tour.
242
00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:48,765
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
243
00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:49,695
Got it.
244
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:51,792
It's cozy, right?
245
00:10:51,794 --> 00:10:53,148
There are coffins with more room.
246
00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:56,340
People in coffins wish they
had amenities like these!
247
00:11:00,113 --> 00:11:01,513
Ta-da!
248
00:11:03,155 --> 00:11:03,851
It's a bed.
249
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:07,959
Oh, God, I thought we were
about to operate on a gerbil.
250
00:11:07,961 --> 00:11:11,195
Check out this triumph
of minimalist design!
251
00:11:11,197 --> 00:11:13,998
An all-in-one sink, dishwasher and...
252
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,366
Please don't say toilet!
253
00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:17,335
Oh, goodness, no!
254
00:11:17,337 --> 00:11:19,604
I do my Clark business in this...
255
00:11:22,337 --> 00:11:24,371
Oh, yeah, yeah, I can see that.
256
00:11:24,396 --> 00:11:27,297
Sorry, I only get one flush a day.
257
00:11:27,347 --> 00:11:28,412
[sizzle] Ah!
258
00:11:28,599 --> 00:11:30,162
This is scalding!
259
00:11:30,187 --> 00:11:32,627
Sorry, should have warned you
about the old hot water pipe.
260
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:35,519
But hey, now we can be burn buddies!
261
00:11:36,022 --> 00:11:36,954
Oh, it's late.
262
00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:38,942
Should we take this to the bedroom?
263
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:40,958
You go ahead, I'll be there in a minute.
264
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:42,881
[French accent]: Monsieur,
265
00:11:42,906 --> 00:11:45,674
I got you an inflatable "beddy-bed."
266
00:11:45,699 --> 00:11:47,256
Oh, make sure you don't "melty melt" it
267
00:11:47,281 --> 00:11:48,980
against the hot "pipe-y pipe."
268
00:11:49,389 --> 00:11:50,622
[loud pop]
269
00:11:50,647 --> 00:11:51,913
Oh, my God!
270
00:11:53,326 --> 00:11:55,632
Oh no, Mom bought me a queen-size!
271
00:11:55,657 --> 00:11:56,956
We're doomed!
272
00:11:56,981 --> 00:11:58,547
The seat is still warm!
273
00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:02,203
How could the seat still be warm?!
274
00:12:03,668 --> 00:12:05,234
[grunting]
275
00:12:05,971 --> 00:12:06,998
Jack!
276
00:12:07,023 --> 00:12:10,825
I'm not gonna cut off
my own arm to free us!
277
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,037
[grunts] [pop]
278
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:14,022
[air hissing]
279
00:12:19,486 --> 00:12:20,373
Comfy?
280
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,248
Oh, yeah.
281
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,793
You and I are taking turns
282
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:26,952
sharing the same single breath
of oxygen, it's heavenly.
283
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,279
I know, right?
284
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,148
Clark, I know I've been
giving you a hard time.
285
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:37,898
Sometimes I can be a little sarcastic.
286
00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:42,813
But you gave me a place to
stay, and I appreciate it.
287
00:12:42,838 --> 00:12:44,371
[air hissing]
288
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,264
Do you hear that?
289
00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:47,374
Oh, I think the mattress has a leak.
290
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:48,632
Clark... [gasps]
291
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:52,636
Sorry, I suffer from mild sleep apnea.
292
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:55,705
And that requires you to dress like
the villain from Mad Max?
293
00:12:57,059 --> 00:12:58,748
Let's just sleep.
294
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,780
[air pumping, machine beeping]
295
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,618
What you thinkin' about?
296
00:13:10,654 --> 00:13:11,951
Murder.
297
00:13:14,274 --> 00:13:16,041
[elevator bell dings]
298
00:13:21,082 --> 00:13:23,639
Hi, Jack! How's the
apartment search going?
299
00:13:23,664 --> 00:13:26,231
Oh, I haven't settled on a place yet,
300
00:13:26,256 --> 00:13:30,993
so last night I slept inside
a Rubik's Cube with Kylo Ren.
301
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:34,751
Ooh, you're not a peach to
share a room with, either, Jack.
302
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:38,670
You kept mumbling in your sleep
about stuff you're good at.
303
00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:42,439
I once clogged a toilet with my urine.
304
00:13:42,464 --> 00:13:45,068
Yes, I was a child model,
305
00:13:45,144 --> 00:13:48,512
and yes, I still dabble
in it from time to time.
306
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,537
I've met Tom Berenger.
307
00:13:51,837 --> 00:13:54,471
I forgot about Jack's sleep bragging.
308
00:13:57,709 --> 00:13:59,135
How does she know about that?
309
00:14:00,061 --> 00:14:03,139
Yeah, how do you know about that?
310
00:14:03,662 --> 00:14:07,864
You just seem like the type
who gets tired pretty quickly,
311
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,246
falls asleep, and then
starts talking about himself.
312
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,428
Well played.
313
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,586
Now shouldn't you be taking lollipops
314
00:14:16,611 --> 00:14:17,982
away from some of these babies?
315
00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:19,099
[chuckles]
316
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:20,990
No, my father does that now.
317
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,759
He's become quite the taskmaster.
318
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,436
Goal!
319
00:14:26,779 --> 00:14:27,997
No spinning!
320
00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:31,901
Honestly, you Americans can't
even play fake soccer properly.
321
00:14:32,819 --> 00:14:34,419
Oh! Ah...
322
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:46,483
Seriously?
323
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,918
Remember you two: united front.
324
00:14:51,894 --> 00:14:53,260
I can't believe this.
325
00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:55,793
I am always going to be bad cop.
326
00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:56,506
Well, I...
327
00:14:56,531 --> 00:14:57,748
I just wish there was someone
328
00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,262
who could have broken the news to me.
329
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:00,365
Well, that'd be you.
330
00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:02,090
You're "Bad News Brooke."
331
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,373
Can you hand me my coffee mug?
332
00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:11,756
It's the blue one
333
00:15:11,781 --> 00:15:14,295
that's slightly larger
than your entire apartment.
334
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:18,815
Whew, another small apartment zinger!
335
00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:22,201
I cannot believe how
unappreciative you are being.
336
00:15:22,795 --> 00:15:24,803
[quickly]: Unless I'm completely
misreading the situation?
337
00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:27,022
I'm sorry.
338
00:15:27,162 --> 00:15:29,840
The last thing I want
is there to be confusion
339
00:15:29,865 --> 00:15:30,627
between the two of us.
340
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:31,928
Okay, good.
341
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:35,565
Your apartment is the saddest
place I have ever been.
342
00:15:36,145 --> 00:15:38,389
And I've been to elephant graveyards.
343
00:15:39,951 --> 00:15:41,764
We're being completely honest then?
344
00:15:41,789 --> 00:15:44,107
I'll admit: you know a lot
of things that I don't know.
345
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,041
You mean...
346
00:15:45,043 --> 00:15:46,509
Do not say "the touch of a woman!"
347
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:50,795
But what I do know is
that you are scared.
348
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,626
This is your reality now,
349
00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:55,351
and you are doing everything
you can to avoid it.
350
00:15:57,926 --> 00:15:59,092
Listen, Papa Smurf...
351
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:02,425
I don't avoid anything.
352
00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:04,295
So now if you'll excuse me,
353
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,854
I am leaving work early
to go drink at a bar.
354
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:23,942
Emma, Mason, here's my dilemma:
355
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:26,168
Brooke is seriously annoyed with me.
356
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,114
But we do need to manage
the magazine's expenses,
357
00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:32,061
and I am loathe to
cut any employee perks.
358
00:16:32,086 --> 00:16:34,141
So I'm hoping that
between the two of you,
359
00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:37,514
you might have some brilliant,
millennial work-around?
360
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,114
- Nope.
- Yeah, I got nothing.
361
00:16:40,928 --> 00:16:43,162
Oh, you've rather forced my hand.
362
00:16:45,912 --> 00:16:50,411
I hired you for your ideas,
and you've given me nothing!
363
00:16:50,436 --> 00:16:52,739
Impertinence, poor work ethic.
364
00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:53,770
And what's this?
365
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,457
Drinking on the job!?
366
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,864
You're fired!
367
00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:59,090
Gather your things and get out!
368
00:16:59,115 --> 00:17:00,778
[softly]: A... actually
369
00:17:00,803 --> 00:17:02,661
that's a 25-year-old,
single malt Scotch.
370
00:17:02,686 --> 00:17:06,209
So savor its smokiness,
its peaty complexity.
371
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,467
[loudly]: Now go, get out!
372
00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:11,356
Oh, my days!
373
00:17:11,381 --> 00:17:16,396
I had no idea being bad
cop could be so glorious!
374
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,319
I'm power-mad and I'm loving it!
375
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:20,888
Clearly.
376
00:17:20,890 --> 00:17:23,988
I heard you fire Emma and Mason?
377
00:17:24,013 --> 00:17:27,281
Mm... let them stew in it for a while.
378
00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:32,254
Then go in and tell them
you have saved their jobs.
379
00:17:32,279 --> 00:17:34,101
But not their perks.
380
00:17:34,506 --> 00:17:36,970
Go and be good cop.
381
00:17:37,237 --> 00:17:38,103
You've earned it.
382
00:17:38,128 --> 00:17:39,728
Thanks, Dad.
383
00:17:43,610 --> 00:17:45,377
Pick that up!
384
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,012
I'm sorry, so sorry.
385
00:17:48,037 --> 00:17:49,786
I'm being bad cop for the day,
386
00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:51,685
and I haven't completely
gotten the hang of it.
387
00:17:51,687 --> 00:17:55,264
Do you have a popcorn
machine in your office?
388
00:17:58,025 --> 00:17:59,024
[knocking]
389
00:17:59,049 --> 00:18:01,249
Ooh, first guest.
390
00:18:02,742 --> 00:18:04,909
Oh, I wasn't expecting you.
391
00:18:07,548 --> 00:18:08,928
Clark.
392
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,907
I'm not very good at apologies.
393
00:18:14,818 --> 00:18:18,112
If that's your entire apology,
I'm gonna have to agree.
394
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:20,100
You were right,
395
00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:21,658
I'm going through some stuff,
396
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:22,912
and, unfortunately,
I took it out on you,
397
00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,654
and the magician's cabinet you live in.
398
00:18:24,679 --> 00:18:26,178
Magic's tight.
399
00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:28,774
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
400
00:18:28,799 --> 00:18:30,532
Oh, oh!
401
00:18:30,557 --> 00:18:32,647
Is that a party sub, or just a six-inch
402
00:18:32,672 --> 00:18:34,071
that looks huge in here?
403
00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:35,767
[Clark clears throat]
404
00:18:35,792 --> 00:18:37,292
Uh, guys...
405
00:18:37,413 --> 00:18:39,246
Jack and I were kind of having a moment.
406
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,481
So if you could just give
us a little bit of privacy?
407
00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:43,617
Okay, cool; we'll be
over in the kitchen.
408
00:18:45,988 --> 00:18:47,521
I think I know what's bothering you.
409
00:18:47,523 --> 00:18:48,865
Claustrophobia?
410
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:51,191
Let me use a wise
man's words to explain.
411
00:18:51,193 --> 00:18:52,272
Remember when you wrote about
412
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,095
climbing Annapurna on page 214
413
00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:56,897
of One Man, Seven Summits?
414
00:18:56,899 --> 00:18:58,765
But what did you say about base camp?
415
00:18:58,767 --> 00:18:59,522
Nothing.
416
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,469
I mean I literally wrote,
"It's not about base camp.
417
00:19:02,471 --> 00:19:04,137
"It's about the adventure...
418
00:19:04,139 --> 00:19:05,334
"outside...
419
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:07,459
"Of.
420
00:19:07,484 --> 00:19:08,883
It."
421
00:19:11,914 --> 00:19:13,170
Exactly.
422
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,561
This is my base camp.
423
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:16,971
It's just shelter while
I have the experiences
424
00:19:16,996 --> 00:19:18,350
I really care about.
425
00:19:18,662 --> 00:19:20,254
What are you guys talking about?
426
00:19:20,256 --> 00:19:21,186
Just kidding.
427
00:19:21,211 --> 00:19:23,044
We heard literally every word.
428
00:19:24,186 --> 00:19:25,459
Yeah, relax.
429
00:19:25,461 --> 00:19:26,561
This is all temporary.
430
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:28,987
[laughing]: I mean look at
me, you think I'm gonna live
431
00:19:29,012 --> 00:19:31,379
with my improv troupe forever?
432
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,603
[seriously]: Do you?
433
00:19:34,036 --> 00:19:36,136
You're a lot closer
to us than you realize.
434
00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:38,272
Because our genitalia are touching?
435
00:19:38,274 --> 00:19:39,706
No, you live in the city,
436
00:19:39,708 --> 00:19:42,476
you work for the website,
you're sorta like us.
437
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:43,477
Eh, you're losing me.
438
00:19:43,479 --> 00:19:45,442
Just find your base camp, all right?
439
00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:47,781
A place where you can hang with friends.
440
00:19:47,783 --> 00:19:48,949
Oh...
441
00:19:49,459 --> 00:19:51,514
So this is Clarkingham Palace.
442
00:19:51,539 --> 00:19:52,504
Roland!
443
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:54,238
Oh, you brought the expensive bubbly,
444
00:19:54,263 --> 00:19:56,530
so I filled my toilet with ice.
445
00:19:57,725 --> 00:19:59,793
It's me, Brooke, behind the pizza.
446
00:19:59,795 --> 00:20:01,014
[grunting and groaning]
447
00:20:01,039 --> 00:20:02,438
Sorry!
448
00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:03,940
Hey, burn buddy.
449
00:20:03,966 --> 00:20:05,832
I got something for you.
450
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:07,601
I just don't want things
to be weird between us.
451
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,658
[gasps]
452
00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:14,879
Guys, Jack got me rubber
to wrap around my hot pipe!
453
00:20:14,904 --> 00:20:15,709
[cries]
454
00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:18,451
And things are weird again.
455
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,058
What's that down here?
456
00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:22,783
[loud pop]
457
00:20:22,785 --> 00:20:25,052
[groaning]
458
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:42,083
Eddie!
459
00:20:42,085 --> 00:20:45,131
The children I work with
gave me some great advice.
460
00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:47,123
Long story short, I'm
moving in with you.
461
00:20:47,475 --> 00:20:48,707
Sorry, Jack.
462
00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:50,442
I won't have a free room for a while.
463
00:20:50,444 --> 00:20:53,012
The Kwans just got hooked
on Game of Thrones.
464
00:20:54,715 --> 00:20:57,249
[quietly]: How do you
say "dies" in Korean?
465
00:20:57,251 --> 00:20:58,951
Samang.
466
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,753
Ned Stark samang!
467
00:21:00,755 --> 00:21:02,521
[disappointed groans]
468
00:21:02,523 --> 00:21:04,690
Jon Snow samang.
469
00:21:04,692 --> 00:21:06,392
[disappointed groans]
470
00:21:06,394 --> 00:21:07,559
Hodor...
471
00:21:08,362 --> 00:21:09,628
Samang!
472
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:11,230
[angry groans]
473
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,830
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