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1
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,281
Excuse me, I.D., please.
2
00:00:08,306 --> 00:00:09,005
I.D.?
3
00:00:09,029 --> 00:00:09,802
That's cute.
4
00:00:11,456 --> 00:00:12,552
I'm Jack Gordon.
5
00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:14,339
There's my I.D. right there.
6
00:00:15,855 --> 00:00:16,823
Where?
7
00:00:17,245 --> 00:00:19,192
There's one guy in the photo!
8
00:00:19,194 --> 00:00:21,762
Oh, you wish you were that guy!
9
00:00:22,831 --> 00:00:24,765
I didn't know they allowed
pets in the office now.
10
00:00:24,767 --> 00:00:26,230
Or is that one of those special dogs
11
00:00:26,255 --> 00:00:27,613
that weird people can take anywhere?
12
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:31,104
You're not allowed to ask if it's an...
13
00:00:31,106 --> 00:00:33,473
[whispering] emotional support animal.
14
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:36,343
[whispering] I think I have my answer.
15
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:38,645
Jack Gordon?
16
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,847
It is so incredible to meet you.
17
00:00:40,849 --> 00:00:42,749
I'm Clark, online content curator.
18
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,786
Hi, Clark, obviously made-up job title.
19
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:48,081
You're the reason I got
into outdoor journalism.
20
00:00:48,106 --> 00:00:49,356
I heard you were coming in today,
21
00:00:49,358 --> 00:00:50,691
so I reread your book!
22
00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:52,693
That's a penis.
23
00:00:52,695 --> 00:00:54,594
Mason! Sorry.
24
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,797
Hey, do you mind stopping
by the digital department?
25
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:58,365
I'm actually supposed
to meet Roland, so...
26
00:00:58,367 --> 00:00:59,466
Oh nice, it's on the way.
27
00:00:59,468 --> 00:01:01,468
By the way, I got the same Moab boots
28
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:02,969
you called "life savers"
29
00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:05,072
when you were stranded
in Denali National Park.
30
00:01:05,074 --> 00:01:08,041
Oh, you do a lot of mountain
climbing in midtown Chicago?
31
00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:09,376
None... My feet are crazy sweaty!
32
00:01:09,378 --> 00:01:10,544
Come on!
33
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,749
Guys, this is the Jack Gordon!
34
00:01:15,751 --> 00:01:18,085
Jack, this is our
social influencer, Emma.
35
00:01:18,087 --> 00:01:21,221
Oh, my God, you're a legend,
I can't believe you're here.
36
00:01:22,356 --> 00:01:24,157
That's actually pretty excited for her.
37
00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:26,026
And this is our digital
conversation specialist,
38
00:01:26,028 --> 00:01:27,461
Mason.
39
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:28,084
Oh, Mason.
40
00:01:28,109 --> 00:01:29,863
It's nice to put a face to the penis.
41
00:01:31,131 --> 00:01:31,765
Not always.
42
00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:36,201
Uh...?
43
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,205
Oh, let me help you with this pack here.
44
00:01:38,207 --> 00:01:39,206
Oh!
45
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:41,675
The new EV-2!
46
00:01:41,677 --> 00:01:43,753
I didn't know this bad boy was out.
47
00:01:43,778 --> 00:01:45,756
- Ah!
- Ah!
48
00:01:45,781 --> 00:01:48,245
There's a sick kid in
there wearing a diaper.
49
00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:49,628
Oh, that's... That's Zeb.
50
00:01:49,653 --> 00:01:51,551
He can't leave the tent for 30 days.
51
00:01:51,553 --> 00:01:52,919
We got a 24/7 video feed.
52
00:01:52,921 --> 00:01:54,721
Meals, bathroom, everything
53
00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:55,856
in that tent.
54
00:01:55,858 --> 00:01:57,524
Also, Zeb's demo-ing this new underwear
55
00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:58,725
that's so rad, they claim
56
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,093
you don't have to change
them for two weeks.
57
00:02:00,095 --> 00:02:02,424
[Zeb] Yeah, those aren't working out.
58
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,800
And good news, we just had
our most retweeted online poll:
59
00:02:06,802 --> 00:02:09,030
"Best Outdoor Gear for
the Zombie Apocalypse."
60
00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:10,655
Yeah, nailed it!
61
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,739
Can you guess the number
one zombie-killing tool?
62
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:15,308
Uh, remembering zombies don't exist?
63
00:02:15,983 --> 00:02:16,977
No, it was tent spikes,
64
00:02:17,002 --> 00:02:19,616
but we didn't give you enough time.
65
00:02:19,618 --> 00:02:22,783
Oh, yes, tent spikes, you're so right,
66
00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:24,551
and so diverse.
67
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:30,991
So, good luck with your curating
and pooping and genital photos.
68
00:02:31,613 --> 00:02:33,847
I'm gonna go see the guy
who runs the real magazine.
69
00:02:33,872 --> 00:02:36,429
I'll think of you on
my flight to Patagonia.
70
00:02:37,899 --> 00:02:39,266
Not as smart as he thinks.
71
00:02:39,268 --> 00:02:41,344
Patagonia's, like, three blocks away.
72
00:02:44,488 --> 00:02:45,438
Roland!
73
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,273
Jack!
74
00:02:46,275 --> 00:02:47,374
Jack!
75
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:50,177
Jack, Jack, Jack,
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
76
00:02:52,847 --> 00:02:56,283
"The bird a nest, the spider a web,
77
00:02:56,285 --> 00:02:59,286
man... friendship."
78
00:02:59,288 --> 00:03:04,090
"It takes two to make a thing go right."
79
00:03:04,092 --> 00:03:07,394
Oh, I've missed you, Jack.
80
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,329
Sorry to have pulled
you out of the wild.
81
00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:10,480
I know you don't like that.
82
00:03:10,505 --> 00:03:13,733
What can I get you to
restore your aging spirit?
83
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,502
Oh, I'll have what you're having.
84
00:03:15,504 --> 00:03:18,205
Then you'll be having your
third scotch of the morning.
85
00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:20,540
I never saw this.
86
00:03:20,542 --> 00:03:21,908
Your sherpa thanked you?
87
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,276
Oh, Pasang, yes, yes.
88
00:03:23,278 --> 00:03:25,178
I carried him down K2.
89
00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:28,582
I get more credit for that
than I deserve, to be honest.
90
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,116
It was either him or my backpack,
91
00:03:30,118 --> 00:03:33,486
and he weighed considerably
less than my pack.
92
00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:36,389
They are a tiny, tiny people.
93
00:03:37,679 --> 00:03:38,825
[sighs]
94
00:03:41,329 --> 00:03:44,297
Roland, you okay?
95
00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:45,565
Well, to be honest, Jack,
96
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,634
not everything is rosy at the ranch.
97
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:50,804
This month is our last print issue.
98
00:03:50,806 --> 00:03:52,105
The magazine is done?
99
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,641
No, like Newsweek and many others,
100
00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:56,643
it will continue as a website.
101
00:03:56,645 --> 00:03:58,912
So the magazine is done.
102
00:03:58,914 --> 00:04:00,547
Not without a fight.
103
00:04:00,549 --> 00:04:04,517
To that end, I've considerably
beefed up our online resources.
104
00:04:04,519 --> 00:04:06,219
"Resources" is a strong word
105
00:04:06,221 --> 00:04:08,788
for the digital daycare
division I just met.
106
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:10,535
Walk with me.
107
00:04:10,537 --> 00:04:13,326
My boy, you know how much
you mean to this magazine.
108
00:04:13,328 --> 00:04:16,162
This walk is suddenly feeling
very Green Mile to me.
109
00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,764
How can I best put it?
110
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:22,135
There's a German folktale called
"Der Wolf Auf Seinem Totenbett,"
111
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:25,138
and I would tell it to you now,
112
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,307
but this hallway is
shorter than I remember
113
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:28,842
and we're already here.
114
00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:29,676
Where?
115
00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:32,679
Behold, your new assignment!
116
00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:33,901
Jack! Hey, look!
117
00:04:33,926 --> 00:04:36,349
I tied my own knot!
118
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,997
�(Trademark)�
119
00:04:42,022 --> 00:04:45,097
- Synced and corrected by javiernv -
- www.addic7ed.com -
120
00:04:45,122 --> 00:04:47,961
[phone ringing]
121
00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:49,195
You're pulling me from the field?
122
00:04:49,197 --> 00:04:50,563
When were you going to tell me?
123
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:51,898
Well, I was hoping to weave it
124
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,600
into that German folktale,
125
00:04:53,602 --> 00:04:56,933
but I still can't get over
how short that hallway is.
126
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:01,408
Look, I need you here desperately, Jack.
127
00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:03,777
You're the voice of the magazine.
128
00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:06,313
Those young kids, they're smart, yes,
129
00:05:06,315 --> 00:05:07,781
but they don't know what to write about.
130
00:05:07,783 --> 00:05:08,879
Yeah, I've seen the website.
131
00:05:08,904 --> 00:05:11,560
"Best Three Ways to
Drink Your Own Urine"?
132
00:05:12,637 --> 00:05:13,934
There is no best way.
133
00:05:13,959 --> 00:05:15,956
- You just drink it.
- You just drink it.
134
00:05:17,006 --> 00:05:18,525
Hi, Dad.
135
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,226
Jack? Hi.
136
00:05:20,228 --> 00:05:21,227
Brooke, hi!
137
00:05:21,229 --> 00:05:22,595
Wow.
138
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:24,230
Hi.
139
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,099
I haven't seen you
140
00:05:26,101 --> 00:05:29,336
since you showed up
to the company retreat.
141
00:05:29,338 --> 00:05:31,937
Yeah, when we were paired
together with those trust falls.
142
00:05:31,962 --> 00:05:33,907
Yes, that went well.
143
00:05:34,351 --> 00:05:35,909
- It was a lot of trust.
- Yeah.
144
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:37,344
Crazy amount of trust.
145
00:05:37,346 --> 00:05:39,813
A whole night of trust.
146
00:05:39,815 --> 00:05:41,081
I didn't realize you'd
be doing all that falling.
147
00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:42,315
Did you have some sort of protection?
148
00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:43,878
- Yeah.
- She made me.
149
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,627
You look great.
150
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,605
Married life is treating you well.
151
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:49,823
Not married yet.
152
00:05:49,825 --> 00:05:51,124
Still engaged.
153
00:05:51,126 --> 00:05:53,460
Long engagements, always a good sign.
154
00:05:53,462 --> 00:05:55,528
Yeah.
155
00:05:55,697 --> 00:05:58,565
So, is this "Take Your
Daughter to Work Day"?
156
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,568
No, I'm actually helping
my dad run the magazine now.
157
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,770
Oh, so I'd be working with her?
158
00:06:03,772 --> 00:06:04,537
With her?
159
00:06:04,539 --> 00:06:05,987
No, no, no, no.
160
00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:08,675
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
161
00:06:08,677 --> 00:06:10,443
No, for her.
162
00:06:11,322 --> 00:06:13,213
It's quite simple, Jack.
163
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:14,247
You know the magazine.
164
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,348
Brooke, unlike the pair of us,
165
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:17,517
knows how to engage
with those youngsters.
166
00:06:17,519 --> 00:06:19,219
So I need you both.
167
00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:24,157
It takes two to make a
thing go... correctly, yes?
168
00:06:24,159 --> 00:06:25,892
But I don't belong here.
169
00:06:25,894 --> 00:06:27,861
I can help you more if I'm out there,
170
00:06:27,863 --> 00:06:29,229
getting you stories.
171
00:06:29,231 --> 00:06:31,164
Jack, there is no more "out there."
172
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:34,401
Every adventure magazine is
cutting back on field reporting.
173
00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:36,603
I wouldn't be asking if I didn't
think you were our last chance.
174
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,783
It doesn't sound like you're asking.
175
00:06:39,808 --> 00:06:41,808
Oh, I can make anything
sound like a question.
176
00:06:42,699 --> 00:06:44,477
Jack, you owe me?
177
00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,346
You must do this?
178
00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:49,382
Or you'll be fired?
179
00:06:51,485 --> 00:06:52,752
Ugh.
180
00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:53,553
Jack!
181
00:06:53,555 --> 00:06:55,247
Clark, what is that?
182
00:06:55,272 --> 00:06:57,357
We tried some roadkill
recipe on the camping stove
183
00:06:57,359 --> 00:06:59,659
and it turns out possum is super oily.
184
00:06:59,661 --> 00:07:01,330
Well, at least I can't smell Zeb.
185
00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,363
[Zeb] That makes one of us.
186
00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:05,131
Jack and I just met with Roland,
187
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,972
and it looks like
starting from tomorrow,
188
00:07:06,997 --> 00:07:09,035
Jack is gonna be supervising you guys.
189
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,703
Yes!
190
00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:13,339
Wait, I got passed over
for a promotion again?
191
00:07:13,341 --> 00:07:14,607
What do I have to do?
192
00:07:14,609 --> 00:07:15,838
I've been here eight weeks!
193
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:21,181
Roland just wants Jack
here to share his expertise
194
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:23,283
on the magazine with you guys.
195
00:07:23,285 --> 00:07:24,916
And of course, on the outdoors.
196
00:07:24,941 --> 00:07:27,320
Yeah, but what's his
digital media footprint?
197
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,989
He has no Twitter, no Facebook...
198
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,292
It's like he doesn't exist.
199
00:07:33,517 --> 00:07:36,596
Oh, but he does have
a website from 1996.
200
00:07:36,598 --> 00:07:38,324
[website beeping]
201
00:07:38,348 --> 00:07:40,348
[Laughs]
202
00:07:40,358 --> 00:07:41,808
How old are you?
203
00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:44,604
Because that baby's old enough
to have its own baby now.
204
00:07:45,589 --> 00:07:48,675
You're like the human
version of dial-up.
205
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,043
Don't worry about it, Jack.
206
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:52,145
I'm going to set up your
Instagram account right now.
207
00:07:52,147 --> 00:07:52,915
Please don't do that.
208
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,638
Too late.
209
00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:55,248
My mom's already following you.
210
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:56,216
Great.
211
00:07:56,218 --> 00:07:57,817
Okay, Jack, why don't you start
212
00:07:57,819 --> 00:08:00,587
by telling these guys what
the magazine means to you?
213
00:08:00,589 --> 00:08:01,855
Okay, yeah.
214
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:04,090
Well, I think it's about getting out:
215
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,725
getting out of your
house, out of the city,
216
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:07,060
out of your ruts...
217
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:09,295
Maybe we should change the name
of the magazine to Out.
218
00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:11,831
Well, Out is
already a gay magazine.
219
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:14,234
Uh, you're not allowed
to say that anymore.
220
00:08:15,021 --> 00:08:16,623
No, Out is a real gay magazine.
221
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,209
Ooh, now he's calling it real gay.
222
00:08:21,041 --> 00:08:22,575
No, it's an actual gay magazine.
223
00:08:22,577 --> 00:08:23,977
Ask Mason.
224
00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:29,482
Why me?
225
00:08:34,321 --> 00:08:36,289
Because, uh...
226
00:08:40,661 --> 00:08:42,862
Are you saying I'm gay, Jack?
227
00:08:42,864 --> 00:08:45,632
I don't, uh...
228
00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:48,034
Bandana? That's...
229
00:08:49,537 --> 00:08:50,904
I'm just messing with you, man!
230
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,806
[relieved laughter]
231
00:08:53,808 --> 00:08:55,141
So you are?
232
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,476
Are you seriously asking me?
233
00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:57,765
No!
234
00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:03,082
Jack!
235
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,217
I heard you were back in town.
236
00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:05,518
You did? How?
237
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,819
Your Instagram.
238
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:10,064
Eddie, what's different
about this place?
239
00:09:10,089 --> 00:09:11,891
Oh, that's right... Customers.
240
00:09:12,564 --> 00:09:16,129
Dude, I raised the
price of PBR by a dollar
241
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:17,797
and more of these kids came.
242
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:20,600
Then I raised it to six dollars a can.
243
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,135
There was a line out the door.
244
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,636
[laughs]
245
00:09:23,638 --> 00:09:24,437
How long are you in town for?
246
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,471
I don't know.
247
00:09:25,473 --> 00:09:27,273
They're trying to keep me in the office,
248
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,963
and I have to work for Brooke.
249
00:09:28,988 --> 00:09:30,210
Trust fall Brooke?
250
00:09:30,212 --> 00:09:31,177
Mm-hmm.
251
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,845
That means you slept with your boss.
252
00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:34,147
That's hot.
253
00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:35,515
And I should know.
254
00:09:35,517 --> 00:09:37,450
I'm my own boss.
255
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,186
Thank you for that imagery.
256
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:41,621
I gotta get out of there.
257
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,359
I just spent the last few hours
faxing my r�(Copyright)sum�(Copyright) everywhere.
258
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,722
Faxing, huh?
259
00:09:45,747 --> 00:09:47,694
Your pager didn't blow up?
260
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:49,929
Eddie, I don't need it from you.
261
00:09:49,931 --> 00:09:51,197
I've been getting it all day
262
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,365
from these stupid 20-somethings.
263
00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:53,499
Shh! Hey, hey.
264
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:54,734
Go back to your phones.
265
00:09:56,036 --> 00:09:58,371
They're smarter than you think they are.
266
00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:00,173
They hustle and know how to make money,
267
00:10:00,175 --> 00:10:04,577
which is why I can charge $12
for ironic Spam sandwiches.
268
00:10:04,579 --> 00:10:06,246
Eddie, are we old?
269
00:10:06,248 --> 00:10:07,380
No!
270
00:10:07,382 --> 00:10:09,048
You're younger than they make you feel.
271
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:13,286
Look, if you really want to test
how old and out of it you are,
272
00:10:13,288 --> 00:10:16,589
I found a test on BuzzFeed
that can measure your age
273
00:10:16,591 --> 00:10:18,538
to almost 90% certainty.
274
00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:21,694
Oh, like the replicant
test in Blade Runner?
275
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:22,729
Pencils down.
276
00:10:22,731 --> 00:10:23,896
You're old.
277
00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:28,868
[Brooke] Good morning, everyone.
278
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:31,804
We need some digital
tie-ins to your piece
279
00:10:31,806 --> 00:10:32,972
on the bears.
280
00:10:32,974 --> 00:10:34,841
So Jack, why don't you start
281
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,776
by inspiring us with your experience?
282
00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:38,378
Oh, all right.
283
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:39,979
Well, Kodiak Island
284
00:10:39,981 --> 00:10:42,048
is the largest island
off the coast of Alaska...
285
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,004
Got it!
286
00:10:43,029 --> 00:10:44,027
A slide show link:
287
00:10:44,052 --> 00:10:46,953
"Five Things to Do If
You're Attacked by a Bear."
288
00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:48,421
That's good, Jack, this
is totally your thing.
289
00:10:48,423 --> 00:10:49,455
What do you think?
290
00:10:49,457 --> 00:10:51,591
Oh, well, obviously bear spray.
291
00:10:51,593 --> 00:10:52,659
No, there is no bear spray.
292
00:10:52,661 --> 00:10:53,726
The attack's already on.
293
00:10:53,728 --> 00:10:55,928
DiCaprio versus Bear!
294
00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:59,766
Jack, just name one thing
to do if a bear attacks.
295
00:11:00,478 --> 00:11:01,217
Die.
296
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:05,913
You die.
297
00:11:08,819 --> 00:11:09,460
I've seen it.
298
00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:13,767
[ZEB] Maybe change the list
to "Top One Thing to Do"?
299
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,521
Guys, Roland wanted me to
get you to write stories
300
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,346
that inspire people.
301
00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,635
Now, I lived on Kodiak Island
302
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:25,325
with bear cubs that were
coming out of hibernation
303
00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:27,197
for the very first time.
304
00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:29,681
Very few people have ever seen this.
305
00:11:29,706 --> 00:11:31,506
I just found these bears playing
in someone's swimming pool.
306
00:11:31,531 --> 00:11:32,930
That's pretty cool.
307
00:11:35,844 --> 00:11:38,196
No, guys, this is not
what I'm talking about!
308
00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,461
I'm talking about a majestic species
309
00:11:40,486 --> 00:11:41,919
on the brink of extinction.
310
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,743
You guys don't know what it's like
311
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,245
to look at a creature that
is the last of its kind.
312
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,781
[ALL] Yeah, we do.
313
00:11:50,789 --> 00:11:53,419
Okay, this was a really
good meeting, guys.
314
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,721
Thank you so much...
315
00:11:54,723 --> 00:11:56,989
You're all so... confident.
316
00:11:57,312 --> 00:11:59,359
You went to good schools.
317
00:11:59,361 --> 00:12:01,427
You played on winning teams.
318
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,120
We only won two games that year.
319
00:12:03,145 --> 00:12:04,611
You're holding a huge trophy.
320
00:12:04,696 --> 00:12:05,996
Uh, yeah, we got that
321
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,368
'cause we all tried really hard.
322
00:12:09,409 --> 00:12:10,970
Yeah, well, so did the team that won!
323
00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:12,538
Trophies are for winners.
324
00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:13,440
Ew.
325
00:12:15,376 --> 00:12:17,643
Clark, what are you doing?
326
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:18,678
I'm listening.
327
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:19,993
I'm just setting up for my podcast.
328
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:22,382
You've got a podcast?
329
00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:23,816
About what?
330
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,284
I interview people.
331
00:12:26,024 --> 00:12:27,954
Who are you interviewing today?
332
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,021
Mason.
333
00:12:31,754 --> 00:12:34,360
And what are you
interviewing Mason about?
334
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:36,605
His podcast.
335
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:37,707
All right, stop this!
336
00:12:37,732 --> 00:12:39,676
Stop this right now!
337
00:12:39,701 --> 00:12:40,733
This is work!
338
00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:42,502
You guys always expect work to be fun.
339
00:12:42,504 --> 00:12:45,004
You can't just post animal videos
340
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,272
and call it journalism.
341
00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:48,107
You can't take a word,
remove some vowels,
342
00:12:48,109 --> 00:12:50,443
and think it's a great app.
343
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:51,411
And Clark,
344
00:12:51,413 --> 00:12:52,612
get a podcast
345
00:12:52,614 --> 00:12:54,147
when you have something to say.
346
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,649
In fact, you should have
the first silent podcast
347
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,117
because up to this point,
348
00:12:58,119 --> 00:13:01,420
you have said nothing
that improves on silence.
349
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:04,957
[crying] That's a really good idea.
350
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
351
00:13:19,252 --> 00:13:20,785
Mr. Gordon, do you realize
352
00:13:20,786 --> 00:13:23,502
why this meeting has
been called between you,
353
00:13:23,527 --> 00:13:25,503
human resources, our general counsel,
354
00:13:25,528 --> 00:13:26,960
and your superior?
355
00:13:29,249 --> 00:13:30,872
Because I made Clark cry.
356
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,764
You made Clark cry.
357
00:13:33,569 --> 00:13:35,725
You created a hostile work environment
358
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,764
which puts our company
in jeopardy of a lawsuit.
359
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:39,482
Hah!
360
00:13:39,507 --> 00:13:40,706
Uh...
361
00:13:43,977 --> 00:13:47,012
Young adults today are
a very delicate group.
362
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:49,715
We offer an entire class
on how to deal with them.
363
00:13:49,717 --> 00:13:52,952
Is the class called, "I Was
Born in the "90s, Wahhhhh"?
364
00:13:52,954 --> 00:13:56,956
Look, we're both getting
up there in years.
365
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:00,421
It's frustrating.
366
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,139
Sometimes, I want to beat them senseless
367
00:14:03,164 --> 00:14:05,364
with their selfie sticks.
368
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:05,874
[clears throat]
369
00:14:07,745 --> 00:14:10,313
But they're the only reason any of us
370
00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:13,072
are still employed right
now, so get used to it.
371
00:14:15,324 --> 00:14:17,309
Jolly good.
372
00:14:17,311 --> 00:14:20,713
Human resources and a
lawyer on your second day.
373
00:14:20,715 --> 00:14:22,675
Save something for the Christmas party.
374
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,818
Roland, I feel terrible saying this,
375
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,253
but I can't do this.
376
00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:29,321
Ah.
377
00:14:29,323 --> 00:14:32,424
Do you know remember the
story behind this severed rope?
378
00:14:32,426 --> 00:14:33,492
No.
379
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,135
No, neither do I.
380
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:40,101
Still, I'm sure you can
work with those kids.
381
00:14:40,244 --> 00:14:41,209
I tried.
382
00:14:41,235 --> 00:14:42,201
I'm sorry.
383
00:14:42,203 --> 00:14:44,003
Shame.
384
00:14:44,005 --> 00:14:45,905
It would have been good for you.
385
00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:50,195
"Twilight and evening bell,
and after that, the dark.
386
00:14:50,252 --> 00:14:56,389
And may there be no sadness
of farewell when I embark."
387
00:14:58,385 --> 00:15:00,119
That line called for a dramatic exit,
388
00:15:00,144 --> 00:15:02,211
but it is my office, so get out.
389
00:15:06,294 --> 00:15:07,561
So that's it?
390
00:15:07,586 --> 00:15:08,885
You're just gonna leave for good?
391
00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:10,195
Oh, I'm sorry,
392
00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:12,932
do you need me to submit an
official resignation tweet?
393
00:15:13,561 --> 00:15:15,124
Yes, I'm leaving for good.
394
00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:16,615
[sarcastic whining]
395
00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:21,539
Jack, my dad needs you here.
396
00:15:21,564 --> 00:15:22,596
No, he needs you.
397
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:23,943
You can do everything.
398
00:15:23,945 --> 00:15:24,810
You're smart,
399
00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:25,745
you're beautiful,
400
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:27,303
you say "shedule."
401
00:15:28,277 --> 00:15:29,982
Where are you going to go?
402
00:15:29,984 --> 00:15:32,605
You can't keep doing this
lone wolf thing forever.
403
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:33,167
Why not?
404
00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:34,291
That's what lone wolves do.
405
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,307
That's what I've always done.
406
00:15:35,605 --> 00:15:37,394
Look at me posing with all my friends.
407
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:41,666
I'm not going to change,
and I'm fine with that.
408
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:42,337
Oh, really?
409
00:15:42,339 --> 00:15:44,439
That's not what you told me
that night at the retreat.
410
00:15:44,732 --> 00:15:47,583
Well, we said a lot of things
that night we didn't mean,
411
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,576
like, "This is my last mojito."
412
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:50,997
"I'm gonna go back to my room."
413
00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:53,855
"Don't use that, that's been
in your wallet for years."
414
00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:57,126
And "I'll call you."
415
00:15:57,128 --> 00:15:58,894
I did call you!
416
00:15:58,896 --> 00:16:00,095
Yes, it was a few days later,
417
00:16:00,097 --> 00:16:01,864
but by then, you were
already running away.
418
00:16:01,866 --> 00:16:03,299
I can't exist in this world,
419
00:16:03,301 --> 00:16:05,334
and I can't get through to those kids.
420
00:16:05,336 --> 00:16:06,836
You were once that kid to my dad,
421
00:16:06,838 --> 00:16:08,003
and he got through to you.
422
00:16:08,005 --> 00:16:09,505
Now he just needs you to prove
423
00:16:09,507 --> 00:16:12,341
that the outside world is more
than something on a screen.
424
00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:15,144
Oh, Brooke, I never
thought about it that way.
425
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,745
You mean I could forge a lasting,
426
00:16:16,747 --> 00:16:19,181
meaningful relationship
with the younger generation?
427
00:16:19,183 --> 00:16:20,583
And who knows?
428
00:16:20,585 --> 00:16:22,785
Even though I'm the teacher,
maybe I could end up...
429
00:16:22,787 --> 00:16:24,220
Blah, blah, blah!
430
00:16:26,093 --> 00:16:27,223
What's wrong?
431
00:16:27,225 --> 00:16:28,015
How was work?
432
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:28,765
Awful.
433
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:30,164
I hurt a millennial's feelings.
434
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,361
When are their feelings not hurt?
435
00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:32,686
Hey!
436
00:16:32,964 --> 00:16:33,914
See?
437
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,299
Nachos, on the house.
438
00:16:40,604 --> 00:16:41,971
Clay?
439
00:16:41,973 --> 00:16:43,405
Clark.
440
00:16:46,351 --> 00:16:47,456
What are you doing here?
441
00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:49,856
I heard you might be leaving
and it was all my fault
442
00:16:49,881 --> 00:16:51,680
for crying, so I just wanted to say
443
00:16:51,682 --> 00:16:53,883
I do not deserve to walk in your shoes.
444
00:16:53,885 --> 00:16:55,910
This is totally unnecessary.
445
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:58,954
And you should have brought
a second pair of shoes.
446
00:16:59,537 --> 00:17:02,200
Look, Jack, you were right
about what you said before.
447
00:17:02,225 --> 00:17:03,893
I don't know why I have a podcast.
448
00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:05,225
I have nothing important to say.
449
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,130
But you do, and you inspire people.
450
00:17:08,132 --> 00:17:09,628
We need that around the office.
451
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,113
I know I talk a big game,
452
00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:12,835
[whispering] but I sort of
don't know what I'm doing.
453
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:16,572
I posted one of your
old Gal�pagos stories,
454
00:17:16,574 --> 00:17:17,907
like, two hours ago
455
00:17:17,909 --> 00:17:20,042
and it has 200,000 views so far.
456
00:17:20,044 --> 00:17:22,111
Whoa, 200,000?
457
00:17:22,113 --> 00:17:22,945
[laughs] It's pretty weak.
458
00:17:22,947 --> 00:17:24,313
Slow your roll, bro.
459
00:17:24,338 --> 00:17:26,582
But it was just getting started,
460
00:17:26,584 --> 00:17:27,883
and it triggered a crowdfunding campaign
461
00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:30,085
to help save the turtles... Take a look.
462
00:17:30,087 --> 00:17:31,020
That's a penis.
463
00:17:31,022 --> 00:17:32,988
Damn it, Mason!
464
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,955
Look, I get it, you care... thank you.
465
00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:36,838
And I don't want to
disappoint Roland either.
466
00:17:36,863 --> 00:17:39,061
No, no, no, Roland's gonna be fine.
467
00:17:39,063 --> 00:17:41,263
It was Brooke's idea to
bring you back from the field.
468
00:17:41,265 --> 00:17:42,744
It was Brooke's idea?
469
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,167
Yeah, she's the one who
convinced him to call you in.
470
00:17:47,152 --> 00:17:48,737
Thank you for telling me that.
471
00:17:48,739 --> 00:17:52,908
And look, these incredibly
sweaty things are yours
472
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:54,449
and you should wear them.
473
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,012
Hey, I got an opening tomorrow
for my podcast if you wanna...
474
00:17:57,014 --> 00:17:58,380
Don't push it.
475
00:18:18,093 --> 00:18:20,218
Yeah, I'd get out of
there if I were you, too.
476
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:24,992
Whoa!
477
00:18:25,017 --> 00:18:26,917
That must have been dirty and smelly.
478
00:18:26,942 --> 00:18:28,633
Is there any other way?
479
00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:33,906
Thank you for coming back.
480
00:18:33,931 --> 00:18:35,497
My dad will be very happy.
481
00:18:35,522 --> 00:18:35,878
Mm.
482
00:18:36,457 --> 00:18:37,456
Just your dad?
483
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:38,624
Yes.
484
00:18:38,626 --> 00:18:39,391
Hmm?
485
00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:40,559
Yes!
486
00:18:40,561 --> 00:18:41,527
Okay.
487
00:18:41,529 --> 00:18:43,328
Good morning, you guys.
488
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,716
I need to start with an apology.
489
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,308
No, no, it's okay, I forgive you!
490
00:18:47,464 --> 00:18:48,996
We hashed it out last night.
491
00:18:49,021 --> 00:18:50,321
We hang out outside of work.
492
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,980
It's cool, don't make
a big deal about it.
493
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,558
I know you guys always
have to have fun at work,
494
00:18:55,583 --> 00:18:57,609
so I thought I'd bring you
495
00:18:57,611 --> 00:18:59,378
some of the real world
that I keep talking about,
496
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:03,081
courtesy of the Illinois
Wildlife Conservatory.
497
00:19:04,972 --> 00:19:06,205
[ALL] Aw!
498
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:06,852
You guys,
499
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,987
can we put away the
phones for one second?
500
00:19:08,989 --> 00:19:10,422
I swear this will be an experience
501
00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:12,357
even without recording it.
502
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,992
So, this is Henry.
503
00:19:13,994 --> 00:19:17,769
His species has had quite
a bit of trouble recently,
504
00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:22,134
but with a little bit of help,
he's gonna learn how to adapt.
505
00:19:22,136 --> 00:19:23,268
Wow, you know, in a way,
506
00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:24,503
that's a lot like what's happening...
507
00:19:24,505 --> 00:19:25,871
You draw a parallel right now,
508
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,440
I will tear both your arms
off and beat you with them.
509
00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:30,849
So, what do you think? Any ideas?
510
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:32,711
We could set up an
interactive fact sheet
511
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,279
to chart his weight and growth.
512
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:36,348
Our site can auto-route
to the donation page.
513
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:38,317
And each page will have a link
514
00:19:38,319 --> 00:19:39,618
to one of Jack's essays
515
00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:40,886
about tracking the
bears in their habitat.
516
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,388
And I will tell my
friends to read these links
517
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,990
when I see them.
518
00:19:44,992 --> 00:19:45,860
In person.
519
00:19:47,694 --> 00:19:50,863
So, Roland, what do you think?
520
00:19:51,372 --> 00:19:52,786
Wonderful!
521
00:19:52,811 --> 00:19:55,378
Wonderful bear.
522
00:19:55,469 --> 00:19:57,069
I know you were talking,
523
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,571
but I'm afraid I didn't hear
a single word any of you said.
524
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,473
It sounded enthusiastic,
though, and motivated,
525
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:03,408
so well done, good job.
526
00:20:04,213 --> 00:20:04,643
Now,
527
00:20:04,645 --> 00:20:05,944
Henry and I are going down
528
00:20:05,946 --> 00:20:07,246
for our nap.
529
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,615
I put some scotch in his milk.
530
00:20:09,617 --> 00:20:11,216
Thank you all so much.
531
00:20:11,218 --> 00:20:13,652
It means the world to me, you know that.
532
00:20:13,654 --> 00:20:15,254
Come on, Henry.
533
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,218
Well, kids, that was okay.
534
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:25,108
Not great, not even
really that good, but...
535
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,107
But!
536
00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:28,600
We did all try really hard,
537
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:31,103
and I think you know what that means.
538
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,137
Trophies?!
539
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:33,639
Uh-huh!
540
00:20:33,663 --> 00:20:35,496
Congratulations.
541
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,520
Good job guys, seriously.
542
00:20:37,545 --> 00:20:38,979
Here you go.
543
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,780
I'm just gonna give him part of it.
544
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,815
I don't feel like he
really participated.
545
00:20:57,333 --> 00:21:00,769
Mr. Gordon, do you realize
why we're here again?
546
00:21:02,231 --> 00:21:04,239
I brought a bear into the office.
547
00:21:04,715 --> 00:21:05,274
You brought
548
00:21:05,276 --> 00:21:08,343
a bear into the office.
549
00:21:09,925 --> 00:21:11,177
And?
550
00:21:11,202 --> 00:21:13,836
And it ate Esther's support animal.
551
00:21:16,419 --> 00:21:17,953
Um... hmm!
552
00:21:18,305 --> 00:21:24,481
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