Original subtitles

We have a code 373 at the parking garage

at 197 olive street.

Yeah, this is Detective Dan stark and Jack Bailey.

We're in the area and on that code 373.

Over.

Freeze!

You're defiling municipal property, punk!

Freeze!

You ever notice how they never freeze?!

hey!

Wait down here! I'll flush him out!

Okay.

Hey, stop!

Oh, my God!

Don't do it!

Don't do it!

How come you never pull this with your car?

I just got this one from motor pool.

Yeah, you might want to check the brake fluid on this.

tgg 117

aaa

Dan, the "monthly bust count" is not a competition.

It's not even a real thing, all right?

You made it up.

The dry erase does not lie, partner.

We are trailing Hodges and lang by one bust.

I mean, if we lose to those dudes, I'll blow my brains out.

How does second place taste?

First place tastes sweet, like bacon.

We got to bust that little graffiti punk.

I'm thinking a stakeout all nightlong.

I'll order some pizza,

blue oyster cult on the cassette deck.

What do you say?

You know, while that sounds enticing,

you're gonna have to count me out, all right?

Liz and I are gonna be gone for the weekend.

That's...This weekend?

Yes, this weekend.

You're telling me that you two still haven't...

I will not answer that question.

Okay. So you just want to surrender to Hodges and lang?

"Surrender."

Beautiful woman, bed and breakfast,

romantic getaway.

Doesn't sound like surrendering. That sounds like victory.

We'll see you on Monday.

Okay, fine. Do it myself.

wow, Jack, this place is amazing!

How did you find it?

Well, Dan, actually.

Julius, really.

We were just getting some info from him about

drug dealers, and he gave us a few tips.

One of them just happened to be

about this bed and breakfast.

I was talking about work, wasn't I?

Uh-huh.

And I promised you I wouldn't talk about work.

I believe I even have it in writing.

Yeah, okay. No work talk,

'cause that's why we broke up the first time.

Listen, I promise you.

This weekend, it's just gonna be about us.

Okay? You're gonna love it.

I called ahead,

and I made some arrangements with the owner.

Your couple's massage is tomorrow afternoon.

Our therapist specializes in Swedish, if that's okay.

Sounds amazing. Thank you, Mr. long.

Oh, please. Call me Carson.

Follow me upstairs.

Now, if you don't like the Jasmine body soap

that's in your room, I also have honeydew and juniper.

Well, thank you. This place is gorgeous.

It's great.

I like doing things the right way.

It's my little shangri-la.

I recently got out of a very, very difficult marriage,

so I needed a place to find my center,

be around happy young couples like yourselves.

So, uh, what line of work are you two in?

Oh, well, I'm an assistant district attorney,

and Jack here is a Detective with the Dallas p.D.

Uh, uh, detec-- police Detective?

Really?

What kind of crimes do you investigate?

Oh, property crimes, mostly.

So, uh, burglaries, larceny, car theft --

that sort of thing?

Yeah, pretty much.

My partner and I can get tangled up in...

Well, it -- it gets interesting.

Well, is it the people, you find,

or the crimes themselves?

You know, I kind of promised

that I wouldn't talk about work this weekend.

Oh, of course. Sorry.

Uh, you're just the first police-Detective guest I've had.

Well, here we are.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

We will.

What are you laughing at?

Nothin'.

Oh, come on. What's funny?

Well, it's work-related, so I can't tell you.

Okay, well, let's just make one exception.

Come on. I want to hear it.

Okay.

Uh Dan has this rule.

It's called "the rule of three."

Now, if a guy asks a cop three questions in a row,

it means he's a criminal.

Jack, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

What about the rule that a guy is a criminal

if he's committed a crime?

the car's gonna be here any second.

Give me the detonator.

Can I press the button?

I'm not gonna mess it up. Tyler, now!

Give me the detonator!

Here she comes.

Okay, move, move, move.

Time to get paid.

Detective stark? Yeah.

Hey. Oh, am I interrupting?

No, you are not.

Well, w-what are you doing?

I'm working on my tagging signature.

See, in order to catch a tagger,

you got to think like a tagger.

So what I do is I work on a signature,

and then I drop my signature

on top of their, uh, their taggy.

In the world of tagging, that's an insult.

So they return to the scene of the crime

to put their taggy

on top of my taggy on top of their taggy,

and you bust them.

Wow!

Back in '84, my old partner, Frank, and me,

we accidentally triggered a gang war doing this,

but we caught our tagger.

Maybe you can avoid a gang war this time,

because I might have a lead.

What do you got?

I analyzed the tagger's paint.

It's an Icelandic blue,

and only five stores in Dallas carry it.

I called around.

Four of them have been robbed!

Here.

Here's the fifth store.

Bless you, child.

Looks like it's a stakeout for me tonight

at the fifth store.

Sounds like a perfect evening.

Mm-hmm.

Do you hear that?

No.

Yeah, exactly. Crickets.

There's no walkie-talkies,

no police scanners,

no angry, drunken perp yelling at you from the jail cell.

Jack Bailey, I do believe you're enjoying your time off.

I believe I am.

Mm! Almost forgot. I have a surprise for you.

Zestrin bakery.

Ooh. Best chocolate-chip cookies in Texas!

Do you remember when you tried to kiss me

on our second date there?

No, no. I did not.

Yes. I tried to lick your face,

but it was only because you had chocolate on it.

Close enough.

Knock, knock. Oh, hey.

I brought you a little blanket. It's chilly out here.

Thank you.

How do spinach and feta omelets

sound for breakfast tomorrow morning?

That sounds like heaven.

Carson, you're spoiling us.

I'm not gonna want to go home.

Oh. If you enjoy your stay, I just --

I hope you tell your friends.

Yeah, speaking of which -- how do you know Julius Grant?

Uh, pardon me?

Julius Grant. He recommended this place to me.

Well, when I was starting the place,

I got my in-room tvs and mini fridges from Julius.

Gosh, that seems like a long time ago.

How do you know Julius?

You okay? Yeah.

That's so funny that you know Julius.

That's, uh -- that's really funny.

Okay. Well, thank you, Carson.

We'll see you --

okay, then, I-I'll be inside.

That guy is shady.

You cannot tell me that that was not shady.

Jack, just because he knows Julius

does not make him a criminal.

Julius used to be a thief.

It's not that he just knows Julius.

Did you see the way he was acting?

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm just being a paranoid cop. I apologize.

Why don't I get us some more wine?

This is Samantha.

Sam. Jack. Listen, I need a favor.

Jack? Hi. Anything.

This may be stupid,

but I need you to run a background check

on a Carson long.

He's the owner and manager

of the sweetbriar bed and breakfast

where Liz and I are staying.

"Carson long" isn't coming up in the system.

It may be an alias, all right? Keep looking.

Now, I also want you to get in touch with Julius Grant, okay?

He's on our confidential-informant roster.

I need you to ask him what he knows

about this guy.

Oh, and, Sam...

On the downlow, okay?

I love the downlow. Bye.

What's on the downlow?

Oh!

Uh, how did the stakeout of the tagger go?

Not well.

What's on the downlow?

I'm not sure I'm at liberty to say.

Listen up, darling.

I live on the downlow. I was born on the downlow.

You write "downlow" on an envelope,

you lick a stamp,

stick it on that puppy,

drop it in the mailbox, it comes to me.

What's on the downlow?

Today is your birthday? OK, OK, I got something for you

a little something for the birthday girl. Julius.

I give you that, you got to give me your number.

Loverboy, I'd like to get my groove back.

I just want you to write your number down...

Denzel. Could you please...?

Okay, thank you, thank you.

Look, I'm sorry, all right,

to keep y'all waiting,

but a job like this is all about customer service.

What do you remember about this b&b dude?

Okay, the, uh, only thing I really remember

is dude bought -- he bought some mini fridges,

he bought some tvs, stuff like --

this is back in my, uh, my pawnshop days,

my "black-market distribution" days,

before I saw the error in my ways,

started pouring drinks for a living --

you know what I mean?

Okay. Listen, Dan, that's the only thing I remember.

Okay? I'm sorry.

Nothing? Oh, come on, j-bone.

Jacko's radar was beeping all over this dude.

Wait a second, like, every time y'all beep,

I have to, like, figure out

where the damn noise is coming from?

You see how they do me?

Yeah, that's what a good snitch does.

So if you don't know anything about this dude,

then you make some calls on the streets,

see if they know anything about Carson long.

You say "Carson long"?

Yeah, Carson long.

That's weird.

That dude told me that his name was, uh --

what did he say it was? -- Carson pulaski.

Pulaski? Yeah.

Pulaski? Mm-hmm.

Come on, now. That's not a name you make up.

That's a name you're born with.

Come to think of it,

he paid everything with these real,

like, crisp $100 bills.

Oh.

Jacko's radar was not wrong.

Thank you, my brother.

You got it.

Okay, Sam, here's what I need you to do.

Hitch a ride back to h.Q.

Do the typity-typity,

get all the info you can on our Polish friend.

Then call me on my cellular testicle shrinker

if you learn something.

Okay.

Where you going?

Maybe we shouldn't have had that second bottle of wine.

I need some water.

Dan: Room service.

Room service? We just ate.

Hey, partner. No!

Wow, nice.

What the hell are you doing here?!

I heard you found a bad guy.

I did? Liz: Jack, who is it?

Uh... it's room service.

I did? We found out the real name of the b&b owner,

and it's not Carson long.

Don't worry.

Sam told me we're keeping it on the downlow.

Yeah, the downlow meant "don't tell you."

Well, then, that's a miscommunication.

Liz: I'm ready!

Oh, geez. Uh...

Seriously?

Get in, get in, get in. Go on!

And do not make so much as a noise, or I swear,

I will shoot you through this armoire.

And don't smell Liz's clothes.

Who was it?

Uh, no-- nobody.

What do you think?

You look amazing.

Then what are you doing all the way over there?

I'm on my way.

Um...Yeah.

Mm, where were we?

Um...

Uh..

Oh, yeah.

I remember.

Yeah, I remember now.

Um...Hey, uh...

Why don't we go on a little walk of the, uh --

the grounds of sweetbriar?

Hmm?

Jack, do you not want this?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I do, I do.

I-I want this -- I want this more than --

than you could possibly imagine.

It's just that, um -- well, it's --

uh...

Liz?

Are you asleep?

Great. Thank you.

Dan? Dan, Dan, Dan.

Come on. Get out, get out. She's asleep.

She's asleep?

Hold it. I got to get you some coffee.

Man, you can't pass up this kind of sexatunity.

Look at that outfit.

No, no, don't look at the outfit, all right?

Get out of here.

Well, where am I supposed to sleep?

Your car.

Your car, Dallas -- I don't care.

Can I have a pillow? Stop looking!

Dan, get out!

Go for stark.

Morning, Detective! It's Sam.

Mm, ohh. Is it morning, already?

I was having this righteous dream.

I was busting this ring of lady cat burglars,

and this gorgeous redhead tied me up.

Whoo! Okay.

So, I learned some more about Carson pulaski,

our bed-and-breakfast owner.

Earlier this year,

he was investigated by the feds for money laundering,

but charges were never filed.

Detective, are you awake?

Yeah, I'm awake, darlin'. Crime is my coffee.

Why didn't the feds ever bring charges?

Apparently he didn't meet

the federal evidentiary requirements.

I'll take one look in that punk's eyes,

get all the evidence I need.

One more thing.

According to court records, he left his wife,

and she has been trying to track him down

to sign divorce papers.

Ohh, come on, now.

What kind of a coward hides from a woman?

Seriously, I think it's disgusting.

I got to go, Detective stark. I'm getting another call.

Samantha Evans? Uh-huh.

Hi, um, this is marion pulaski.

I got a call from my lawyer

saying that you might know where my husband, Carson, is?

Hi! Yes, I do.

Um, he's running the sweetbriar

bed and breakfast

near Palmer, about 30 miles outside Dallas.

He's still in Texas?

Mm-hmm.

Wow. I can't tell you

how glad I am to hear that.

I've been looking for Carson for months now.

Well, I know how you feel.

My college boyfriend left me after graduation --

I think to join a cult, but I never knew for sure.

So, uh, good luck with that.

Thank you.

Bye.

You are not gonna believe who I just found.

Be here in half an hour.

Oh, good morning. Can I help you?

Yeah, I think you can.

Well, great. You interested in booking a room?

We have a few vacancies.

Detective Dan stark, Dallas p.D.

Second cop this week. Uh, what's going on, Detective?

I don't know...

Mr. pulaski.

Pu-what-ski?

I'm gonna have to ask you to put down your feather duster

and answer some questions about your financial situation.

now the job's over!

Dude, $2 million large!

Put the money in the duffel!

Great job, Tyler.

Really?

Aw, 'cause I thought I was taking too long

to unload the money.

I still wish I could have pressed that detonator button.

That would have been so cool.

Hey, maybe next time, yeah?

There isn't gonna be a next time.

This is my last shot, Tyler. Don't move.

What's going on? Hey, hey, don't move.

You're a sweet kid. I don't want to hurt you.

You're not gonna kill me, are you?

What'd I just say?

Hey, lie down on the ground, okay?

Facedown. I don't want to hurt you.

Count to 100. If you don't finish, then...

Yeah, I'm gonna shoot you in the head.

Okay? Got that? Yeah.

Am I counting backwards from 100,

or am I starting from 1 and then going to 100?

Either one. Just say all the numbers.

100, 99, 98,

97, 98 --

oh, no. Now I'm going back up again.

Detective, this has all been a big misunderstanding.

I-I have the paperwork right over here.

Son of a bitch!

Come on, now!

How's that head feeling?

Awful.

You son of a bitch!

Dan?!

High-five me, partner!

You gonna leave me hangin'? All right. Whoo-hoo!

How you doin', Liz?

It ain't all about you then. I am very sorry that I ..

you're very sorry, are you?! Sit down!

Could I explain? No!

I'd like to explain. Yah!

Sit! Okay. Thanks.

Dan, what the hell is going on?!

Code 512.

This punk, he hit me with a vase of flowers,

a chase ensued, and you had front-row seats

of the most righteous takedown I've had

since, I don't know, April, may.

Yeah, but what were you chasing him for?!

He's a dirty, filthy money-launderer!

Sam ran a computer thingy on him.

Turns out the dude's being investigated by the feds.

They got a warrant out on him.

Wait. This is about money laundering?

Yes.

What else would it be about?

Nothing. Obviously.

Guys, I am telling you -- this is a big misunderstanding.

You see, I bought this place with cash.

I won big at the track.

I didn't know about all the paperwork that I had to do.

There were no charges ever filed.

I don't believe this track business.

I mean, for a place like this?

No, I think this place is a front

for drugs, human slaves...

Cambodian girls and whatnot.

I swear, it's not a front.

It's just my bed and breakfast.

Well, if you have nothing to hide, why'd you run?

Huh? Why'd you hit my partner and then take off?

All right, you want to know the truth?

I've been hiding from my wife.

All right? We had a very challenging marriage.

If I get arrested, then I will be in the system,

and she will find me.

If you met this woman, you would understand.

She has she has extreme rage issues.

Maybe you better man up.

A rage issue can really spice up a relationship.

Maybe I'll lend you my cuffs when you get out of jail.

Speaking of a woman with rage issues.

Liz? Liz!

Look, Liz. I can explain.

Really, Jack?

You can explain why Dan

just catapulted across our breakfast table?

Explain that to me. I'm all ears.

Okay. Last night when I went to go get more wine,

I called the station to do a background check on Carson --

just in case.

Now, Dan wasn't even supposed to know about it,

but then he -- he shows up last night.

Wait. Did you just say Dan was here last night?

When? When? When did this happen, Jack?

When -- when we -- we came back from dinner.

Was Dan the room service?

Did Dan stark see me in my bedroom attire? No.

Jack? Maybe.

Oh, my God! Yeah, he did.

But then I kicked him out right afterwards.

Oh, Jack, this is bad.

Jack, I really wanted this to be different,

and it's not.

But I feel stupid for trusting you.

Hey, but... Carson is a criminal.

I mean, doesn't that make it less bad?

Yeah, Jack.

It gives you tons of points as a cop,

not so many as a boyfriend.

So that's it? You're -- you're leaving?

Come on, plea-- please, don't go.

Jack, we've been through this before,

and I already know how it ends.

It ends with me in second place.

To me that just feels a whole lot like losing.

Liz.

Hi, it's Liz traynor.

Please leave a message.

Appreciate your cooperation.

We caught someone stealing little shampoos

out of their room. Yeah.

It's a crime.

You have a good day, now.

Bye, there, Mr. and Mrs. McGee!

You come back soon, now!

Sorry about the whole breakfast, uh, fiasco!

Okay, that's it for guests. I'm gonna freshen up,

take a little hussy bath.

You got any witch hazel?

Don't you think there's, uh, some way

that we can work this out here?

Work it out? Sir, are you attempting to bribe me?

No, I don't think you understand what my wife is like.

Marion is -- she's a very volatile woman.

Is there another kind of woman?

You're not getting it, man.

If she finds me here, I'm dead. I'm a dead man.

You got a lot more to be worried about

than getting yelled at by your wife.

you're late!

I'm sorry. I-I hit some traffic.

I think there was a parade or --

I don't want to hear your excuses, all right?!

I told you to be here in a half an hour.

I expect you to be here in a half an hour.

It's been 45 minutes.

Now, I'm sorry, I-I --

"I'm sorry."

That's what you said when you let Carson

run off with our $2 million!

Take that!

You know what I'm sorry about? You know what I'm sorry about?

I'm sorry that I teamed up my rat-bastard husband

and my idiot little brother,

who can't even drive across town without screwing it up!

Well, do you think Carson still has the money and...?

That's what we're gonna find out.

What are you doing?

Hey, I just want to say --

and you're probably not gonna want to hear this --

but...I like Carson.

He's a great brother-in-law.

I-I really miss him.

So maybe you two could, like, talk things through.

I'm not taking anything through with that son of a bitch.

All right, so, what's the plan?

First... yeah.

We're gonna find Carson.

Then we're gonna find out where the money is.

Then we're gonna kill anyone

who comes between us and the money.

That's the plan, baby.

Yes. That's the plan!

Well, it doesn't look like

Liz is gonna be calling me back any time soon.

Jacko, have you felt this comforter?

It's like a cloud filled with freshly fallen snow.

Hey, you want me to talk to her, explain the situation?

If there's one thing I know, you talking with Liz

is not going to help the situation.

Hang on, now. What the hell?

Jacko, what are these?

Is this what you wear when you're not around me?

They're my weekend shoes. Oh, Jack.

This whole thing with Liz, it's not about the arrests,

it's about your mandals.

They're Italian, and they're comfortable.

Yeah, and they're butt-ugly.

No woman likes to see a man's foot knuckles.

You may not have style,

but at least your punk sense is getting honed.

Let's roll!

Hey, we're -- we're closed! Sorry!

Well, open up.

Hi. Carson...

Sweetheart.

Did you miss me? 'Cause I missed you.

Yes.

I missed you a lot.

Wow. How -- how did you find me?

Thanks to the hard work and the fine bookkeeping

of the great state of Texas.

Hey, Carson. Carson: Hey.

What is going on, Tyler? You look great.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I missed you, too... a lot.

Seriously, I-I know my sister,

she's being all sarcastic,

but I, like, love having you around.

Shut up, Tyler! All right.

God, after everything that we went through --

all those plans and the promises.

Do you know that I brought you up from nothing?

When I first met you,

you were working in a shoe store!

You're right. I-- you -- you were pushing me too hard.

I think I felt a little stifled, and then --

and then I just -- I needed a little space, honey.

Space? And my $2 million.

Well, yes, well, I -- it's funny.

That -- it did play a part, the $2 million.

You just sit there!

I-I can't believe, after all this time,

you can't even stand up and face me like a man?

I -- well, I-I...

Are those handcu-- hand--

are there cops in here right now?

No.

You keep checking your cellphone,

Liz is never gonna call.

It's like waiting for an ice cube

to melt in your bourbon.

Can we just get Carson?

What the hell?

Hey.

What the hell happened to the door?

Put your hands up!

Get them up right now. Don't move.

This is my wife, marion.

Dan, what the hell is going on?

Automatic weapons for a money-launderer?

Don't you think that's a little bit of an overreaction?

Money-launderer?

Really? Is that what he told you?

Yeah, what'd he tell you?

Yeah, what did he tell you?

Tyler's gonna meet us back home.

I'm so excited!

I love you.

Okay. Honey? About that...

What... what are you doing?

This is really weird timing,

but I think the writing's been on the wall

for a while, marion.

It's not your fault.

I mean, it is, but it's not.

It's not that specific, and I just --

I think that you and me,

right now, we're just -- we're not working, baby.

Are you breaking up with me?

Yeah. Over the money?!

Well, yeah, I think the money plays a part. Oh, my...

But I think a lot of relationships suffer from financial issues.

I figure I'm -- I'm solving two problems right here...

Right in one shot...Now.

And I need you to get out of the car.

Son of a bitch. Mm-hmm.

Son of a bitch!

You think you're gonna find another woman like me,

you idiot?!

What, someone's gonna plan your heists

and make your explosive devices?!

I know, I know.

I think this is for the best, though.

Okay, out you go.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

That's my girl.

Someday you'll thank me.

Oh! I hate you!

I will find you!

Wait, so you're responsible

for the akard street armored-car heist?

Yeah.

Well, I guess it's just another one of those

"behind every great man, there's a smokin' hot woman" story.

Just give me the keys.

Okay. Can I put my hand down?

Yeah, you can. Slowly.

All right. All right, darlin'.

I'll do anything you tell me to do, darlin'.

She's a spitfire.

So, this --

this is your brilliant idea --

opening up a bed and breakfast to launder your money?!

Honey, I-I've always loved the hospitality industry.

Armed robbery, grand theft --

crime-wise this is a hell of a lot better

than we thought it would be.

Yeah, Dan, crime-wise,

it just doesn't get any better than this.

Things just got a little tense with us,

and I needed somewhere to go to be calm.

Shut up. Shut up!

Okay, uh, the three of you

are already in enough trouble as it is,

so let's not do anything to make it worse, okay?

Why don't we just put the guns down, and we can talk --

oh, no.

I am not leaving here without my money.

So what do we do to 'em? Shoot 'em?

No! Don't!

No, that would be a bad idea. Stupid, really dumb.

The cute one's right.

I mean, we don't want to be

wanted for murdering cops, now, do we?

Just put them in that building outside for now.

You and I are gonna have a long overdue chat

about our marital finances. Come on. Come on!

You do know that tying up cops is a federal offense

and that this is -- is a massage table.

There's nowhere else to tie you up!

Well, the minute we get loose,

we are gonna throw your ass in jail.

That's a good point.

I'm gonna do another knot just in case.

Well-played, Dan.

My bad.

I'm sorry, guys. It's just my sister.

Well, you saw her. I just -- you know?

Tyler, you don't want to do this, all right?

You're gonna get caught.

Yeah, okay. If I don't, uh,

and -- and you catch us,

just remember that I tied you up in a comfortable way.

Bye!

Liz, I am sorry, okay?

I should have known better

than to take you to a bed and breakfast

that was suggested to me by my c.I.

That was a stupid thing to do,

but more importantly, I am sorry.

I made a promise to you, and I broke that promise.

But I want you to know... I love you.

I've always loved you.

And if I had to give up being a cop to be with you,

I'd do it.

Hell, if you needed me to,

I wouldn't even have a job.

I'd be unemployed and let you support both of us

if that's what made you happy --

sit around the house

and gain a bunch of weight, all for you.

Anyway, call me back... please.

Damn you, Jack Bailey.

I could just kill you sometimes.

Oh, can you move?

No.

You know, for the record,

Liz and I are supposed to be enjoying

a nice romantic couple's massage right now

in this very room on these very tables.

Isn't that ironic...

How you could be naked lying next to her naked,

but here you are tied up with me?

Thanks, Dan.

It's just an observation.

I thought you weren't gonna kill the cops.

No, I'm not gonna kill the cops.

They're just gonna die in a tragic hotel fire is all.

Come on. How deep did you bury the money?

Not much deeper.

Why did you leave me?

Huh?

Was it -- was it my weight?

Because I know there was a time

when I was a little heavy,

you know, after I did that six months in county.

Oh, honey. It wasn't that.

I...I like a couple extra pounds.

You shut up!

Just dig, dig!

Oh, if I could just pop my shoulder...

Like I used --

are you okay?

No. No.

It seems to have stiffened up over the years.

Well, when was the last time you tried that?

Ohh...

Jimmy Carter was president.

We need another plan, then.

'Cause I hate to burst your bubble,

but as soon as that marion finds out

where her ex-husband's money is, we are both dead men.

Is that -- what's that? Is that money?

Yes. You know, marion, I got to tell you --

I've been out here...

Alone with my thoughts.

I've realized something.

There's nothing wrong with you.

It's me! I'm the problem!

It's always been me!

I miss you so much.

You don't know how much I've missed you.

You do?

Yes.

I love you.

Oh, boy. I said it.

There. It's out.

Yes!

My life has not been the same without you.

I guess what I'm saying here is,

you want to try this again?

Yeah, I do.

Glorious!

I think it could be different this time, baby!

I-I'll work on my anger issues.

Like if we're robbing a check-cashing place,

and you don't want me to kill that guard,

I will try really hard...

Not to kill that guard.

Yes!

Tyler, get the money. Get the money.

I got it. Yeah.

Ohh, darling!

I think I'm onto something!

I...Almost... I got it! Nice!

I got it! Ow!

I got it!

Ohh! You all right?

Ow! Oh, no.

Pain, pain. I think I...

What -- is that smoke?

Dan, I smell smoke! I see smoke!

Yeah. I see flames, Dan.

Oh, geez.

This is just a glorious day.

Oh, glorious day.

It feels so right. It feels right.

Don't let go. Don't let go of me.

You know what we need to do?

We need to just take our $2 million

and just get the hell out of here.

Okay?

Uh, well...

Is this $2 million?

What...Is that?

That...

My love, is $2,700.

I spent most of the $2 million on this place.

I tell you what we do.

We take that money, we change our names,

we go to Arizona,

we get another bed and breakfast --

okay? -- Together.

What do you think?

Ty's in. Honey?

Here we go! Ohh!

Ohh! I did it! My shoulder popped!

I can still do it!

What is that, jacko?

What is that song? Ha!

It's massage music, Dan.

It's Terri-- it's terrible, Jack.

Help! Somebody, help!

It's like alien torture music from the future.

Make it stop, jacko! Make it stop!

Can we focus, please, Dan?!

I'm scared!

Come on, get up!

Get up, Dan!

All right, if we don't die from the smoke inhalation,

we're gonna burn to a crisp!

No, you're right!

You're right, partner! We got to

we got to get out!

Say goodbye, sweetheart.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, honey, honey.

I just -- I just want to say...

This bed and breakfast...

I worked so hard.

I picked out all the bedspreads...

And the linens.

It was a dream of mine from the very beginning.

Come on!

Help! Somebody, help!

Hello?

Anybody here?!

Fire! Fire!

Farewell...

Sweet sweetbriar.

Okay, I'm at peace.

All right, new plan.

I was gonna kill you

and just bury you in this hole you just dug,

but we're gonna need some money.

I think I want to take you with us.

We're gonna rob a check-cashing store,

and you are gonna kill the guard this time,

and then I'm gonna kill you nice and slow.

Tyler, come on. Get him out!

I was totally on board with Arizona.

Okay, now, come here. Come here. Come here.

Give me your hand, all right?

Let's try to untie each other, okay?

Oh, Jack!

Yeah, what?

We may not make it out of this one.

We're gonna get out of here, Dan.

We may not!

We're gonna get out of here!

Just tell me, jacko,

what did you do with Liz in the sack this weekend?

Are you serious?

Oh, Jack.

You didn't do anything, did you?

Jacko, you learned nothing from me!

Hey, can we focus less on what didn't happen

and more about what is going to happen

if we don't get out of here?!

Jack?!

Liz!

Liz!

Liz! Liz!

We're in here!

Jack? Jack: We're in here!

I can hear you! Hold on! I can't get in!

Find something and break the lock, okay?!

We're tied up!

Hang on, hang on, hang on!

It's dangerous!

Oh, my God, I swear, I leave you two alone for two minutes!

Oh! It's so nice to see you!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hang on. Dan: Oh, darlin'.

It's moments like this

where I understand why Jack loves you so much

even though you never put out.

Oh, damn it!

They're getting away!

They're getting away!

Are you okay? Yeah.

I think I burned my arm pretty bad.

That was really brave --

reckless, but brave.

Well, you can't always be the hero, Jack Bailey.

I'm really glad you came back.

I got your message.

Jacko!

Come on! We got to catch these punks!

No, no! I'm not leaving Liz!

Jack, go. It's fine. I'm fine. Really.

No. I am not leaving you.

Jack, now is the time to put work before our relationship.

Now go bust me some punks, baby.

Go, go, go!

Pull up to the left!

Shoot 'em!

I get the she-devil! Hey, baby!

Hey, now, you little ViXen!

Come to papa!

Freeze!

Wow, someone actually listened for once.

Hands up!

Why, you little firecracker!

Ugh! You know, uh,

under different circumstances,

you and me, we could have done a lot of damage together

back at that bed and breakfast.

But for now...

Just gonna cuff you.

You have the right to remain silent...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, I'm not gonna be locked up with my sister, will I?

Since there are no co-ed prisons,

no, you won't.

Okay.

I'm sorry for interrupting. I...

No, it's okay. Okay.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you

in a court of law -- sit down.

Ah, ah! Carson!

Stop right there!

That's right, Carson! Just run away!

That's what you always do!

Hey, for what it's worth,

I hope you enjoyed your stay at sweetbriar!

Yeah, not really!

Thanks a lot, guys.

Hey, bad news, partner.

Looks like we lost the "monthly bust count."

How? After all this?

Turns out the akard street armored-car heist

was Hodges and lang's.

That was their case.

They drove all the way out just to rub it in.

So we only get credit for attempted murder.

Well, shouldn't we be breaking even? No.

They got that graffiti punk, too.

Why are you laughing?

I guess the tagger bust didn't go so well.

Hey, Hodges, I finally like one of your ties!

But tomorrow is a new month. Clean slate.

Clean slate sounds awesome.

Here you go.

I want you and Lizzie to take my baby

wherever you want to take her.

I'm gonna hitch a ride back to Dallas,

make sure that little ViXen

doesn't cause any damage on the way back.

How would you like to spend

the rest of our weekend together?

Relaxing.

Then let's get back to Dallas.

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