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Dan: Jack?!

Yeah, Dan?!

I'm not feeling so good!

I think it's a good thing you got that flu shot!

[ inhaling ]

No! No, no, Dan, don't!

Ah-choo!

Ugh. Gah!

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

Liz: Hey, Jack.

Oh! Hey!

I didn't know you were here.

I'm just following up on a case.

There's actually, uh...

Something that I wanted to talk to you about, as well.

Oh, yeah?

[ laughs ] uh...

I...

Found you...

A date.

Her name is Laura, and she's real pretty.

And she's smart, too, and she's waiting for your call, so...

You want to set me up on a date.

I think I do.

That's...

Awesome.

Yeah?

[ clang ] Dan: Oh, God!

Ohh, man! [ sniffles ]

Keep your distance. Caught somethin'.

I think I puked my pancreas this morning.

Look, Dan, why don't you just take the day off?

All right? Go home, get some sleep.

I'll take a day off...

When the bad guys do.

♪ ♪

Landry: You know, boss...

Your office...

It's kind of a dump.

I think you ought to get a decorator.

Any problems?

Holly. She didn't show for her last two dates.

Of course. Holly.

Girl's gonna give me a freakin' ulcer.

[ raps desk ]

Ahh.

Your ex-girlfriend...

Is setting you up with her friend?

I can see where this is going.

Oh, yeah? Where's that exactly?

Straight to the hot tub. You, Liz, and her friend.

[ chuckles ] yeah, I don't think that's ever going to happen.

Well, don't be so sure about that.

I ever tell you about the time that me and Frank saved

A bunch of nba cheerleaders from a burning car?

Yes, and you diagramed it for me on a bar napkin, twice.

Listen, can we just do some work?

Yeah, what do we got?

Code 14b, East Dallas.

Burglary of a coin-operated device.

We're literally going after a candy burglar.

[ gun cocks ]

[ gunshot ]

It's the broken-door theory.

They were talking about it on this cop show I was watching,

The one with the, uh, the leprechaun

Who never takes his sunglasses off.

No, I think you mean the broken-window theory.

No, no, no. The idea is --

Is that you got to stop the small crimes

Before they become the big crimes.

That's why it's called the broken-door theory,

Because it's a doorway to them.

What we do here, it's -- it's important.

No, it is the broken-window theory, all right?

Nowhere in that theory does it state

That two detectives should run around

Investigating victimless crimes.

There's always a victim.

You just got to look behind the broken door.

[ the kinks' "you really got me" plays ]

Hello, Holly. You goin' somewhere?

I told you, Gemini. I can't do it anymore.

And I told you it doesn't work that way.

Times like these -- you think I'm gonna let

My best earner just walk away?

Please, Gemini. Please, what?

I got bills to pay. I'm upside down on my house.

I got an $80,000 automobile that lives in the shop.

And I have this damn tattoo!

Must have been brain-dead when I got this thing.

It's gonna take 15 laser sessions to get rid of it.

Hey, uh, boss?

You're gonna love this.

What do we here?

About 10 grand.

Little nest egg.

It's all I have. I need that.

"I need!

I need it. Wah! Gemini."

I made an investment in you --

Clothes, gym membership, collagen injections.

I never got collagen injections. Whatever!

The point is you owe me

A lot more than 10 grand. [ gasps ]

Which is why I'm gonna teach you a lesson.

[ bell dings ]

Jack: Detectives stark and Bailey, Dallas p.D.

Someone called about a vending machine.

That would be me. I'm Monroe, the manager.

Welcome to the Ligato hotel. [ sneezes ]

[ sniffles ]

It's a swanky place...

For a crime scene.

Yes.

To be honest, I would have thought such a simple matter

Could have been handled over the phone.

Oh, well, clearly you're not familiar

With the broken-door theory.

It doesn't get much use. Our guests favor the in-room mini bars.

We're gonna need a list

Of everyone who stayed in the hotel last night.

And, uh, what do you call those guys?

The geeks with the microscopes?

Forensics.

Yeah, we're gonna need to get those guys down here.

There's -- there's prints all over this thing.

Yeah, well, it's a vending machine.

In order to use it, you have to touch it.

[ sniffles, snorts ]

Yeah?

What about that blood right there?

I don't know. Maybe he nicked himself or something.

Hey, hey. Check it out.

Got some of that DNA stuff right there.

I'm sorry. Is any of this really necessary?

The hotel just needs a report for the insurance claim.

Do you know what kind of person...

Beats up a candy machine like this?

A person with serious rage issues.

Psychopath in the making.

Work we're doing here could save someone's life --

Maybe a woman.

Maybe even a hot woman.

[ chuckles ] he can't be serious.

Oh, he's serious.

Why not? Hot women need saving, too.

Don't do this! I'm beggin' you, Gemini!

This is everything I own!

It's for your own good.

Next time, it won't just be your clothes getting burned.

Get back to work.

[ flames rush ]

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

Sync by honeybunny

[ chamber clicking ]

Okay, level one vending. They own the machine?

Yes, and I can call them.

I'm sure you have much more important things to do.

Sadly, no.

Uh, I'll send over the report.

You can, uh, coordinate the insurance claim

With the company.

Thank you, officer. It's "detective."

Common mistake.

[ toilet flushes ]

Hey! Uh, I'm sorry.

Uh, y-you got a situation in the bathroom.

It's like the mekong delta in there.

I apologize.

[ grunts ]

[ keys clacking ]

Okay, let's get a look at that guest list.

Oh, okay, so, you overflowed the toilet

So you could look at the hotel guest list, huh?

Yeah, well, sometimes God gives you lemons,

You got to make... [sneezes]

...You know, sewage.

Well, I told you to get a flu shot.

Yeah, well, you know what? I'm a cop.

I drink shots. I don't get 'em.

Yeah. Hitting it. That's the answer.

Guest log. Guest -- here we go.

You got it? Yeah.

Quick! Memorize the names.

Okay. "john Abigail, Jodie Anderson."

[ printer whirring

Wow. It's got a mimeograph?

All right!

Ooh, ooh. Case is heating up.

There's a criminal on this list.

And you didn't see anyone beating up a vending machine?

Yes, it is a ridiculous question.

You got a sexy voice, you know that?

Okay, uh, thank you.

It's like a smoker's voice.

No, it -- not like with an oxygen tank. It's hot.

[ chuckles ]

No. Thank you. Thank you, ma'am.

Thank you for your time. All right.

[ hangs up receiver ]

Nope. [ sighs ]

Whoa, check, check, check, check it out!

Ohh!

Next name has a local address.

You know who stays at a hotel in the same city they live?

Killers.

Psychos with body parts in their suitcases.

I don't think we're gonna find body parts, Dan.

Not if they were dissolved by acid.

Paul McIntyre.

It's a mistake. I was here all night.

So, you were not at the Ligato hotel last night?

What, are you deaf?

What did I just say?

It's a mistake!

Oh, hi, sweetie!

What's going on, dear?

Our tax dollars at work.

These two gentlemen are police officers.

Detectives.

Pam: Is something wrong?

Not at all, Mrs. McIntyre.

My partner and I are just investigating --

I don't really care what you're investigating.

I was here last night.

Wasn't I, Pam? Yeah.

Where did you think he was?

At the Ligato hotel.

At least that's what his credit card says.

It -- um -- it does?

Yeah.

J-- just g-- just give me one second.

[ coughing ]

That sounds terrible. Can I get you something to drink?

Yeah, um --

I'll take a screwdriver, lemon-flavored vodka.

Anything with vitamin "c" would be great.

He's fine, Mrs. McIntyre.

Unbelievable!

They stole my credit card.

Really? Right out of my wallet.

Why don't you guys go act like real cops and find whoever did it?

[ grunts ] there's our man.

Did you see the way he was acting?

I say we file the name for the vending-machine case.

Right now.

With absolutely no evidence?

Evidence --

Give me 10 minutes of sweat sock

And $3 worth of pennies,

I'll get -- get you evidence.

Look, I agree with you that he is lying about something.

But how about we ask the hotel manager about him

Before we start violating his civil rights with currency?

All right, but after lunch.

I got to eat. I got to coat my stomach.

You need rest, Dan. Sleep.

Not a trip to your favorite taco stand.

Yeah, I'll sleep when the case is closed.

And it's a taco truck.

What the hell kind of escort service are you running?

I don't pay you 2 grand an hour

To have the cops show up at my door the next day.

Yeah, I'm gonna take my business elsewhere. [ beep ]

[ phone hits desk ]

I just lost my best client.

It's probably the economy.

No! "the economy."

The cops.

Somebody's talking.

Think it's Holly?

She knows better.

Well, then who?

I got a pretty good idea.

You know who else liked tacos? Frank liked tacos.

Tacos and black chicks.

Oh, oh. I'm sorry.

Uh, african-american women.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Is Monroe Nelson around

We'd like to ask him a few more questions.

One minute. He was just here.

Yeah, he probably saw us coming and took off.

There is something about that guy.

What? He's a witness, not a suspect, all right?

He's probably just -- Aah!

Aah!

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking, gunshot ]

How long have we been working together, huh? [ Monroe coughing ]

I set you up with a cut of my business

And a finder's fee for clients, then you talk to the cops?

No, no, look, I honestly --

I-I don't know what you're talking about.

I got enough to worry about!

I got strip clubs!

I got champagne rooms and free buffets

In an economy where clients are cutting back

And they're sleeping with their wives again.

Their wives! [ whimpers ]

Now, I got to worry about guys like you turning on me...

And take over my business?

No, look, I swear!

God, I don't know what you're talking about.

I didn't tell the police anything.

Then why are you sweating like a lying pig?

I'm sick!

I don't know. I caught some kind of a bug or something.

[ coughing ]

Don't take this personally, okay?

It's hard for a guy in your position

To have any kind of perspective on this, but trust me.

[ whimpers ]

It's just business.

What's just business? No! No!

Monroe: No! No!

Aah!

[ thud ]

♪ come on ♪

Aah!

Ohh!

Ohh!

Up there!

Up on the roof!

♪ woman, woman ♪

[ coughing ]

Stand back! Yah!

[ blows nose ]

Yah! Ohh!

Okay.

I know I saw someone up here.

The door!

[ coughs ] Mr. McIntyre, please --

Mr. McIntyre, please don't hang up.

Not until you understand how important your business is to me.

Unfortunately, there was a leak in my operation.

But I've since taken care of that.

Permanently.

That is how much I care about my customers

Because when I have a customer... [coughs]

...As unhappy as you are,

I make it my duty to make amends

And have one of my girls take care of you.

On the house. Gratis.

Okay, I'll, uh --

I'll keep it in mind.

Thank you.

[ beep ]

Who was that?

That was no one. It was a telemarketer.

[ camera shutter clicks ]

[ coughs ] it was a 14b.

He was probably covering up his tracks.

A murder? To cover up a $4 crime and some property damage?

Well, Dan's logic may be flawed,

But there is something bigger here.

All right, then homicide will look into it.

They'll take it from here.

Vending machine, huh? Keep at it, guys -- one of these days,

She might bump you up to newspaper dispensers.

[ Lang laughs ]

[ Dan coughs ]

Where you going? You're not just gonna leave, are you?

It's been a long day, Dan. All right?

You look like hell. Go home. Get some sleep.

Yeah, I'll get some sleep -- I'll get some sleep

When we catch the vending-machine murderer.

[ coughs ]

He's out there, you know!

[ gagging ] somewhere!

[ vomiting ]

[ cellphone buzzing ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

[ beep ]

Give me a cold towel, man. I'm burning up.

Sure thing, boss. Hey, I'll crank up the a.C., too.

Get it chilly up in here.

"chilly up in here"? Really?

[ thunder rumbles ]

Hey, man, you seen my watch?

Check out this bad boy.

That's the upside of puking at a crime scene.

Am I good, or what?

Good?

You've contaminated evidence! Now you're withholding it?

Trump card.

Me and Frank used to hold back evidence all the time.

Dan, this is not poker.

That watch could help solve a murder.

Exactly. Let homicide get their own evidence.

This is our case.

[ sighs ]

[ blows nose ]

What you got?

[ sniffles ]

Searched McIntyre's credit card.

Two hours before it was "stolen,"

It was used uptown to purchase a new golf putter.

The engraving -- "P.M."

Paul McIntyre. I knew that guy was dirt.

[ groans ] mother -- mother --

Dan...

I'm fine.

You're not fine. Ohh! One sec.

[ exhales sharply ]

It...

Will...

Pass.

[ exhales sharply ]

There. Whew.

All right.

Let's go.

Okay, but what are you doing? Put that away.

McIntyre is our man. He's the killer.

No, all we know about him is he lied about his credit card

And he bought a Gulf putter, all right?

That hardly makes him a --

[ gunshots ]

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

Pam: Hey, tiger...

Look what I found.

♪ you keep sayin' you've got somethin' for me ♪

[ door opens ]

Paul: She's got a gun! Ohh!

Pam: Get away from him, officers!

Drop the weapon, Mrs. McIntyre!

And, again, it's "detective."

I said get away!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Pammy, baby, calm down.

I hate to see a beautiful woman so upset.

Pam?

Why don't you just tell me what the problem is?

The problem is my husband!

It's all making sense now.

All those different perfumes I smelled on you.

And the envelope full of cash I found

That you said was for charity!

That's valid. He lied to you.

I went and saw the new Jennifer Aniston movie

With my sister...

And he went to the Ligato hotel and banged a hooker!

Now, calm down, gorgeous.

There's no reason that we can't turn a negative

Into a positive here.

Now, why would you want to shoot your husband

When you could just divorce him instead?

What? Shut up, Paul.

You shoot him, you go to jail.

You divorce him...

You get the house, cars.

And, hell, he won't have enough money to pay for sex anymore.

Hey! Shut up, Paul.

Well, what about --

We'll tell them you thought we were a couple of burglars

And you popped off a few rounds.

Who do you think they're gonna believe --

The police or your cheating husband?

Paul: Come on! Shut up, Paul! Shut up, Paul!

Think about it, darling.

An 8x10 cell...

Or living in the lap of luxury...

And making sweet love...

To a man who knows how to satisfy a woman's needs?

Yeah.

I'm Detective Dan stark.

And I'm at your service, Pam.

[ sneezes ]

Come on.

We're good.

We got a happy ending here.

You want this back?!

You want it?! You want it?!

That's not mine.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

Right, just like someone stole your credit card.

We know you killed Monroe.

Monroe from the hotel? He's dead?

Yeah, he's dead -- that's what happens

When you push someone off the roof of a building.

You make me sick!

[ blows nose ]

What's he talking about?

Ohh!

Why don't you just tell us what you did

After we left here yesterday?

Well, I... I-I called Gemini

To complain about you guys showing up, and --

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Who is Gemini?

He runs an escort service.

Monroe told me about him.

What's his real name?

I don't know.

Did he have anything against Monroe?

I don't know.

Where's he live?

I don't know anything. I never met the guy, okay?

Everything was handled over the phone.

Call him. Set up a date.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

We'll kick back, party, get a massage,

And just, you know, focus the minds.

No, because the girl will know more about Gemini.

Right, right, right, right, right. Right. Good.

Ask for a blonde, not too skinny, natural.

Landry: Hey, boss?

Yeah?

It's Mr. McIntyre.

Hello.

Um, hi, Gemini. Yeah, I, um --

I wanted to take you up on your offer

For the, uh, freebie.

Of course.

Happy to hear I still have your business.

When?

Paul: Today. This -- this afternoon.

I know, uh -- [ clears throat ]

I know it's not my usual routine.

No, it isn't. It's not for me.

It's -- it's -- it's for a friend.

A client I'm entertaining.

Um, he'll be at, uh --

Caravan motel.

He'll be at the, uh, caravan motel.

Caravan motel?

Okay, got it.

And thank you very much, Mr. McIntyre.

[ beep ]

Your "usual routine"? You --

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, come on. Take it easy!

Take it easy, darling! Take it easy!

Nice arms.

Toned.

Gemini: McIntyre's talking to the cops.

No way you go from upscale hotel to rundown motel overnight.

Landry: So you don't want me to set up the date?

No, you set up the date.

Jack: Okay, now, I'm gonna let her in.

I'm gonna wait for her to offer sex.

When she does, I'm gonna text you, and then we bust her.

Got it? Dan: Yeah, you -- are you sure

You can handle the undercover part?

I mean, maybe we should swap out on this.

Why? So that you can sleep with her

To protect your cover identity?

Man, it's like you're reading my mind.

Freakazoid.

Next thing I know, you'll be growing a 'stache.

[ beep ]

[ rock music playing ]

[ car door opens ]

[ door closes ]

Oh, man.

This is so unfair.

[ groans ]

[ knock on door ]

[ clears throat ]

Oh...

Wow. [ chuckles ]

Hello.

Hi. Can I come in?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

Entre vous.

[ door closes ]

Uh -- oh --

Would you like something to drink?

Is there anything to drink?

Well, there's, uh -- there's water

From the, uh, f-from the tap.

T-tap water? [ chuckles ]

I'm fine.

Okay. [ glass clatters ]

Let's just sit.

Yeah. Okay?

Okay. Great.

[ claps hands ]

You seem nervous.

What? Ha! Nervous?

W-what would I have to be nervous about?

You tell me. Are you married? No.

You have a girlfriend? No. Uh --

[ sighs ]

Well, I-I had a girlfriend, but, um --

But what?

[ groans ]

[ sneezes ]

Jack: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

If Liz still likes me,

Then why is she setting me up with another girl?

So she won't be tempted.

I mean, she's in a relationship,

But she still cares about you.

And the fact that you're available only makes her think about you more.

But if she sets you up, though...

I'm unavailable.

[ chuckles ]

Hey, she's better than my ex.

He ran up 50 grand in debt in my name and then took off.

Are you serious?

How do you think I ended up in this business?

[ blows nose ]

Ugh.

I told you. Cops.

How can you be so sure?

'cause only cops and porn stars have moustaches like that.

Think they'll make Holly talk?

That's a chance I can't take.

Not with this Monroe thing out there.

[ train whistle blows ] how you been?

Hi.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Uh, wait a minute.

If this is a group thing, I don't do that.

What? With me and him?

Not gonna happen. Under any circumstance.

Then what's going on?

Am I under arrest?

No, we're only going after your boss, Gemini.

And we need his real name.

I don't know it. Is this his watch?

Enough with the watch!

Look, if you're protecting Gemini --

I'm not. I hate Gemini.

I'd do anything to get rid of him.

But he'll never let me go. Ever.

I think he even followed me here.

What? Followed you here?

[ gunfire ]

Dan: Follow me!

[ bullets ricocheting ]

Get in the tub!

♪ hey-la, my boyfriend's back ♪

♪ so, look out now 'cause he's coming after you ♪

♪ hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back ♪

♪ yeah ♪

Dan: Jack!

Jack: Yeah?!

I think it's a good thing you got that flu shot!

No! No, no, Dan, don't!

Ah-choo!

Ugh!

[ siren wailing ]

Landry: Hey, boss! Boss.

Come on.

♪ and he's awful strong, hey-la, hey-la ♪

Dan: Ohh. Jack?

Yeah?

It gets worse. [ vomiting ]

No! No! No! No!

I thought I told you this was a homocide investigation.

We were just working a code 14b.

That's right, just seeing where it took us.

And that was an unauthorized call-girl sting operation.

Come on. Does everything really have to be authorized?

Yes.

Truly? Yes!

And this was no little thing.

[ coughing ]

This was a shootout.

Well, it wasn't really a shootout.

They were shooting at us. We wanted to shoot back.

That would've been fun. That would've been a shootout.

Okay, okay, whatever it was, who was behind it?

Geminy. Gemini.

Gemini.

And that is? That is her pimp.

Hi! Hi.

Now, we think he's behind all this, lieutenant --

The murder of the hotel manager, everything.

And the attack on the vending machine.

How do you make him for that? Well, he's clearly got a temper.

All right, all right, for the love of God, please stop.

Listen, whatever you know about this Gemini guy,

You tell to homicide.

[ coughs ] that's an order.

She's pissed.

What if we don't know anything about Gemini?

Well, then...

We can't tell homicide anything until we do.

Yeah, you're right.

Um, did you guys say something about a vending machine?

Yeah. Why?

'cause Gemini owns a vending-machine company.

I think I remember him talking about it once.

He inherited it from his dad.

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

You know what I love about owning

A vending-machine company, Eugene?

It's the only cash business left.

Well, outside of prostitution.

[ chuckles ]

[ cash register dings ]

[ gun cocks, chamber clicking ]

So, you want me to get you financial records for --

What company was this again?

Level one vending.

And you need them because?

Because we can't access them without your office's approval

And because I have a theory.

Oh, you have a theory? That's right. He's got a theory.

What is it again?

Well, I'll explain it when I can prove it.

[ blows nose ]

I don't know, Jack.

Liz...

Look...

Let's say he scratches you back.

Goes out with your friend.

They hit it off.

Three of you get together.

Maybe a little fondue. Nice box of wine.

Who knows -- maybe even your man friend shows up,

And Jack has to close his eyes once or twice.

Doesn't matter. That's -- that's a personal choice.

The point is, you scratch our back

By getting those financial records.

Well...

I have to admit I am tantalized.

Me too. How about...

I get you those financial records...

And you don't let your partner ever come in my office

Talking to me like that ever, ever again?

Deal!

Thanks, Liz.

All right! Thank you, ma'am.

Appreciate it.

Oh, and, uh, listen, about the setup...

Uh, it's just nice to know you still think about me.

Hey, darling, I forgot -- I forgot one thing.

Will you get your "foren-static" guys

To, uh, take a look at that?

There's, uh, blood, DNA.

There's some other stuff on there. Just have them take a look at that. Thanks.

Hodges: You're lying! Tell us his name!

Like I told the other guys --

The other guys are a joke! We're not.

So stop jerking us around and tell us Gemini's real name!

[ door opens ]

It's Eugene Spellman Jr. He owns level one vending.

Now, judging from his financial records,

Either he's selling more chips than a grocery store,

Or he's hiding income from his escort service.

Bam.

There's his watch.

So, that's some kind of evidence?

Why haven't we seen this before?

Don't tell me how to do my job!

You're here hassling this pretty lady.

Gemini's out there on the stree-- container.

Container. Container.

[ vomits, spits ]

Landry: Hey, you need to see this, boss!

Come on, man. I'm dying in here.

This bug is potent.

I know, but we're on the news.

What?

This is breaking news.

Earlier today, we reported on a wild midday shootout

At the caravan motel.

Fox 4 news has confirmed no one was injured in the shooting.

And just minutes ago,

A police source told us they may have a suspect.

According to police, the shootout erupted

In the middle of an undercover sting operation

Taking place at the motel.

Could've had a simple life.

I could've been Eugene Spellman.

It was good enough for my dad.

Why wasn't it good enough for me?

Now what?

Plan "b."

Hodges and Lang will bring Gemini in for questioning.

Oh, what the hell?!

What do they know about it? We did all the legwork!

Yes, after I took you off the case.

[ coughing ]

Well, consider yourself lucky.

Go home. Go to sleep.

I don't want to.

With all due respect, I-I know Dan and I bent some rules,

But this guy is dangerous.

Wait, "bent some rules"?

Homicide is gonna have to build this case

All over again from the ground up,

And that starts with the questio--

[ inhales sharply ]

Babe, I know that look. Breathe.

You need a waste can?

Go home. You are done for the day.

And if I find out that either one of you

Have come within a mile of this Gemini's residence,

You are done for so much longer.

Breathe. A mile, detectives.

Breathe. A mile!

[ gun cocks ]

[ gunshot ]

Dan: Why exactly are we here?

In case something happens. Oh, come on.

Let's just go over there.

Who cares what the lieutenant thinks?

I care, Dan! All right?

I care.

[ tires screech ]

Well, well, well, if it isn't Jack and Diane.

Hey, guys, I would not take a chance with this Gemini guy.

I mean that.

We'll be fine, but, hey, if you guys are looking

For something to do, I did hear reports

Of a hamburglar running around town.

[ laughs ] [ coughs ]

Ohh!

Ohh!

Oh, m-- okay, okay, okay.

Why don't you just go home?

I'll take a day off --

Yeah, when the bad guys do. Yeah, I've heard that.

[ groans ] enough already!

All right? You got nothing to prove!

We're not working a case here. Just go home and get some rest!

God, what is wrong with you?

Sonny LeBarge.

What?! Sonny LeBarge!

He was a cop.

He was my partner.

[ sighs ]

You had a partner named Sonny LeBarge?

I woke up one morning...

And when I took a pee, it -- it hurt.

More than usual.

It was like a stream of fire.

That's what you get...

When you meet a girl at a foghat concert.

Yeah, I get the idea. Get to the point.

I called in sick.

Sonny partners up with this greenhorn --

Doesn't know how to cover a door, and...

...He got shot.

Well, he survived.

He was actually a terrible, terrible cop.

But I promised myself

I will never take a day off again.

I will always be there for my partner.

[ snorts ]

[ gagging ]

[ coughing ]

Ohh.

Oh, that doesn't look good.

No, it does not.

Ugh.

I'm gonna run -- run in here and get some medicine.

That is a great idea.

[ coughs ] ohh. [ sniffles ]

[ sighs ]

Thought you were buying medicine.

This is my medicine.

Generally I'm a -- I'm a liquor man

'cause it lubricates the joints,

Disinfects the organs and such.

But when you're sick, beer's what you want.

Like liquid bread.

Pharmacy.

Look at the pharmacy.

[ sweet's "ballroom blitz" plays ]

Is that...

Yeah.

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

What is the plan exactly again?

Simple.

While the cops are wasting their time putting out the fire,

Identifying the body...

I'm gonna catch a plane.

Where are we gonna get a body?

[ knock on door ]

Police! Open up!

One guess.

♪ the man in the back said, "everyone attack" ♪

♪ and it turned into a ballroom blitz ♪

Hodges: Shots fired, shots fired.

Requesting backup.

Repeat, shots fired. Suspect is down.

[ pounding ]

Aah!

[ chamber clicking ]

Okay, you got to cover me.

I don't have my gun.

You don't have your gun? It's in the car.

You left your gun in the car?

What, they teach you that at the academy?

Well, where's your gun?

It's in the car.

Fine. Just give me something!

Not without a prescription.

How can I get a prescription? I'm getting on a plane in an hour!

I'm sorry, sir.

Give me something strong.

Police! Drop it!

I will blow your brains out the front of your face!

Don't think I won't!

That's a toy.

It's not a toy!

It's an orange gun!

Ohh!

Jack: Hey, Eugene...

[ spraying ] aah!

Aah! Police!

Circle around back.

♪ ...Comin' out of the sky ♪

♪ oh, won't you take me down to Memphis on a midnight ride? ♪

♪ I wanna move, playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ well, I'm flyin' across the land ♪

♪ tryin' to get a hand ♪

[ sniffles, blows nose ]

Ohh!

Aah!

♪ come on, come on, won't you get me to my room? ♪

♪ I wanna move, playin'... ♪

This little piggy went to sleep.

[ straining ] Don't make me hurt you.

♪ ...Get a hand, playin' in a travelin' band ♪

[ gasping ]

♪ ...To the radio, talkin' about the last show ♪

♪ someone got excited, had to call the state militia ♪

♪ I wanna move ♪

[ click ]

♪ playin' in a travelin' band, yeah ♪

♪ well, I'm flyin' across the land ♪

♪ tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ ow! ♪

Dan? Dan? Are you okay?

Dan? Wake up, Dan!

Dan!

Dan, I am not giving you mouth-to-mouth, so wake up!

Ohh.

Ugh.

Did we get him?

Yeah, we got him, buddy.

Can I go back to sleep?

[ chuckles ] yeah.

[ snoring ]

Are you sure I can pawn this?

Jack: Yes, his name is Julius Grant,

And he is most definitely gonna try and rip you off.

But you tell him that he pays top dollar,

Or Bailey and stark are gonna serve

All of those unserved warrants out on him, okay?

Will do. Thank you, Detective.

[ led zeppelin's "tangerine" plays ]

[ sighs ]

I thought you said that watch was evidence.

Well, yeah, but -- but it's contaminated.

Where is everybody?

Oh, hi.

Um, well, I guess, uh, Dan isn't the only cop

Who doesn't believe in flu shots.

Ah.

Hey, uh, whatever happened to that friend of yours?

I called her. She never called me back.

Laura. Right.

Yeah, she's, uh, not gonna be on the market for a while.

Why's that?

Gemini turned in his client list,

And her ex-boyfriend was on it.

That's awkward. Can be.

Yeah, so she's sour on men for the time being. Sorry.

Well, looks like I'm still on the market.

I guess you are.

Hey.

That dirty handkerchief you threw on my desk --

Turns out there was actually some verifiable DNA on it.

Ryan Winkler.

Had to register as a sex offender

After streaking drunk and naked through the city.

Come on. That's a crime?

Yes.

Whatever. Let's go bust a punk!

Jack: Ryan Winkler?

Who wants to know?

Dallas p.D.

You didn't happen to beat up a vending machine

About a week ago...

Did you?

[ gun cocks ]

[ chamber clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

♪ gonna shoot you right down ♪

♪ throw you off of your feet ♪

[ chuckles ]

Aah.

[ gun cocks, chamber clicking ]

Congratulations. You got me.

Go and send the bill to my Uncle. He owns the place.

Oh, your Uncle owns the Ligato hotel?

Yeah, he does.

Can I ask you something?

Legally, could I just punch this guy in the face?

There's got to be a law

About being a smug bastard, isn't there?

I got a better idea.

Mr. Winkler, have you had a flu shot this year?

No. Why?

Mmmmmmm-mwah!

[ spits ] what the hell was that?!

Oh, you'll find out in about a day or two.

It's complements of the Dallas P.D.

♪ ...Dreamin', more than a feeling ♪

I don't think he liked the 'stache.

Well, who does, Dan? [ chuckles ]

The ladies, Jack.

The ladies.

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