All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s03e23 Big Orange.eng

Crowing up, my brother Barry

had a favorite shirt he
couldn't live without.

It logged nearly 7,000
hours on his body

and took part in over
2,000 loads of laundry.

He even gave it a name, Big Orange.

- Bye, Mom, off to school.
- Whoa! Back it up.

It's picture day for the yearbook.
You're not wearing that shirt.

The creamsicle orange really
makes me pop off the page.

No. No way. You wear
that thing all the time.

Just look at these pictures from last year.

Wrestling team, orange shirt.

Beatboxing club, orange shirt.

Nunchucking Society, orange shirt.

Don't forget Zombie Survival Club.
Colleges are gonna snap me up.

You know what the coolest club is?

The handsome Oxford button down club! Huh?

Look at me and know this.

I will never take off Big Orange.

I will get married in this shirt.

I will win the Super Bowl in this shirt.

I will become President of the United
States of America in this shirt.

Well, then I'm not gonna
come to your inauguration.

Who am I kidding? Of course I'll be there.

And I'll iron that shirt.

And as bad as it was for my mom,

it was even worse for
his girlfriend Lainey.

Happy anniversary, babe!

Dude, I spent hours on my
make-up, fixing my hair,

and squeezing into this dress.

I'm so lucky I'm a boy.

I woke up like this. I was
wearing this shirt and everything.

Lainey always looked at my
mom as a surrogate smother,

but nothing bonded them
more than one thing.

God, I hate that shirt.

He looks like a walking circus peanut.

He looks like an angry Cheez-It.

It's like I'm dating a glass of Tang.

Once, when he was wearing it,
a panhandler gave him change.

I had a dream I married it and
we had little orange shirt babies.

I wish I could get him to
ditch it once and for all,

- but he won't listen to me.
- (scoffs) Or me.

Wait.

- What about us.
- Us?

Separately, we can't control him,

but together, we can join
forces and destroy him!

- With love.
- I like where this is going.

- We hit him hard and fast.
- Let's juice this orange.

Babe. We're gonna take you to
the mall and buy a new shirt.

Already got one. Thanks.

Really think you should let
us take you shopping, Schmoo.

Mm, maybe some other time.

- Oh, assuming there is time.
- I'm just trying to help you, Barry.

And so the mother-girlfriend
onslaught began.

My mom and Lainey spent the
next 10 minutes laying down

the most intense guilt trip
our family had ever seen.

All I know is I'll probably
just die brokenhearted.

If that's the truth, then
why don't you trust me?

Do you not love me?

Okay.

- Great!
- Wonderful.

(Both laugh)

- What just happened?
- I think you're going shopping

for a new shirt, kiddo.

I really don't need one. This one's great.

- (Muffled) Oh, shoot.
- Oops.

Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~

It was May 11, 1980-something,

and I was climbing the
ladder to my treehouse.

It was my sanctuary, the
place I felt most safe.

Oh! Balls!

That's it. This treehouse is coming down.

Your mother told me to tear that
thing immediately two years ago.

I was hoping it would rot from
the tree, but no such luck.

No! You can't just destroy
a piece of our childhood.

Trash it. It blocks my
rays during peak sun.

- Peak sun! There you go.
- No. Don't listen to her.

That's my fortress of solitude.

(Groans) Can you please dismantle
Adam's fortress of dorkitude now?

I would love to get a good base
before pool-party season starts.

- I'm gonna get my sledgehammer.
- Never!

Damn it. Where are you going?

The only way to get me down
is if you remove me yourself!

Whoa!

Please don't do this. That
treehouse means everything to me.

Why is this the one time you're
not giving in to your laziness?

Because I just had my morning nap.

Erica, help me out here.
Dad's threatening to be handy.

Talk some sense into him!

What about your experience
with me makes you think

I'm gonna care about
this conversation at all?

How can you say that? Don't you
remember all the awesome stuff

we used to do up there?

Sleepovers, stargazing,

the bottle-rocket wars, the Goldberg Gang.

No idea what you're talking about.

Don't you?

Maybe the case of the missing
skeletor will jog your memory.

Two days ago, our
detective agency got a lead

on a missing skeletor action figure.

The details of the case
reside in this dossier.

Back in the day, kid crime
solvers were all the rage.

Nancy Drew inspired us to
form our own detective agency

with a completely original name...

- Goldberg Gang here.
- Or not.

After examining all our clues,

our evidence leads us to this spot.

Dad? We need to see
what's under you.

I told you I don't have your
stupid toy, now stop aggriv...

Looks like Goldberg Gang
is gonna have to set up

one of those stealthy,
intricate traps.

Dad, there's pizza in the kitchen.

What?

Yes! Case closed! To the treehouse!

Okay, stop! I remember
the stupid Goldberg Gang.

Now erase the tape so I can
go back to forgetting it.

Oh, come on. Can't we do one last case

before the treehouse goes?
Just like the old days?

Oh, look! Lucky's missing!

It's the case of the missing...

Damn it. She's right there.

As I was hoping to
reunite the Goldberg Gang,

Lainey and my mom were desperate

to rid Barry of his trusty shirt.

I can't wait for you to try these on.

You're gonna be the handsomest
boy in the whole world.

But you said I'm already the
handsomest boy in the whole world.

Now you can break your own record!

- Just like Wayne Gretzky!
- The great one? Yes!

Distracting him with
hockey people. You're good.

I learned from the best.

That day, Lainey and my
mom manipulated Barry

into the most epic
trying-on-clothes montage

That the '80s had ever seen.

It started out fun, colorful,
and somewhat stylish...

But after two grueling hours

and an ungodly amount
of acid-washed denim...

(Gasps)

It became just plain ugly.

- He looks so cute!
- We fixed him.

- You sure about this?
- Baby, I'm telling you, you look hot.

Richard Grieco hot.

Looks like Big Orange's reign
of terror is finally over!

(Sighs)

Yeah, it wasn't.

- Hey!
- Um, what is happening right now?

What the (Bleep)?

You have a closet full of new
clothes. Why is that back on your body?

I got an algebra quiz I'm not gonna
study for, so I need my lucky shirt.

Oh, and Thursday is Naked Rob's birthday.

He expects me to dress up.

And Friday is Big Orange Friday.

Got to wear Big Orange.

It's back and more disgusting than ever.

How did it not work?

God, I just wish that
shirt could disappear.

- Couldn't it?
- What are you saying?

Accidents happen all the time.

Look,

I'm not saying we shouldn't
do what you're suggesting

right now, but if there was an accident...

- Clothes are very fragile.
- It's really got to look like one,

- if it were to happen.
- Which it won't.

- (Both chuckle)
- Unless it does.

Ooh, Duran Duran is playing
downtown this weekend.

Want to go?

Can't. It's my stepdad's last
day before he turns himself in.

(Buzzer)

Boom! Dryer's done.

Come to papa, Big Orange.

Let those awesome threads
magnify this awesome bod.

What the hell?

I could've sworn I...

(Gasps)

No.

No, no, no, no, no!

And in that moment, my brother Barry

came face-to-face with the
greatest tragedy of his young life.

Stay with me, Big Orange.
It's not as bad as it looks.

The colors are draining from him!

You got to fight. Come
on, buddy! Stay with me!

Want me to tell him it's just a shirt?

Don't just sit there. Do something!

- What do you want me to do?
- Call 911.

Tell them there's an emergency,
but don't get into details.

Hurry! Tell them to put a
shirt doctor in the ambulance.

God, why do bad things
happen to good T-shirts?

I don't know. Mom made a mistake?

Mom never makes laundry mistakes.

Someone's out to get me!

A third party did this on purpose!

Well, it's done. Just
cleaned out the treehouse.

The Goldberg Gang is
officially out of business.

No. Not yet!

There's one more case I need them to solve.

There's been a murder,

a shirt murder.

This has my stepdad written all over it.

To the treehouse!

Even though Big Orange was gone,

Barry refused to rest until
the culprit was found.

We know you could've
taken this case to anyone,

so we appreciate you coming to us.

Yeah. This is dumb, so I'm gonna go.

No! Wait! You guys got to
help me find out who did this.

Big Orange's spirit will not
rest until the perpetrator

has been found and paid his debt.

- And what's in it for us?
- You mean besides the justice served?

- Yeah, I'm gonna need something real.
- I'll also pay you $7,000.

Um, yeah, no brainer.

It's my bar mitzvah money.

I've been saving it up for
a moment exactly like this.

For when someone
destroyed your $10 T-shirt?

Don't you want to save
it for a trip to Europe

- or a down-payment on a h...
- Don't answer that.

The Goldberg Gang is on the case.

- Yes!
- You know the drill, Erica.

To the treehouse!

That means frantically run to
the backyard and start the case.

You know, to the treehouse!

Fine, but we're walking at a regular pace.

To the treehouse!

At long last, the Goldberg
Gang was back on the beat!

But before we could
catch the culprit,

we first had to go over
the usual suspects.

Okay. This investigation
is officially open.

- It was Mom.
- Too obvious!

We need to think outside the box.

- It was Mom.
- Figure out who has the means...

(Reading)

Which spells "Mom".

Coincidence! Fortunately for us,

I've narrowed it down to only 36 suspects.

Suspect number one, Pops.

Put a few martinis in him,
he's capable of anything.

- It was Mom.
- Suspect number two, me.

Am I guilty? Probably
not, but I do sleepwalk.

- It was Mom.
- Suspect number three!

- What is that?
- A ghost, classic Scooby Doo villain.

Again, it was Mom.

This is not a mystery,
we're not detectives,

and this is not our headquarters.

What are you guys doing up here?

I told you I'm tearing this down.

You can't. Not now. This
case is heating up, man.

Enough with the case!

I don't want you out there,

running around like a loose cannon,

because it's my ass on the
line, and I won't have it!

I got to find the truth!

It's gotten too personal.
You're off the case.

Give me your magnifying glass and your hat.

You can't shut us down, old man!

Me and my partner will not rest till

we track down and interrogate
every single option.

And so our intense search began.

- It was you.
- Me? Please. (Chuckles)

You know how much I respect laundry.

My record's impeccable.

- Well, maybe it wasn't an accident.
- What are you saying?

You've always had it out for that shirt.

Looks like you finally pulled the trigger.

Or it's not one person at all.

Maybe a crime this
complex is a two-man job.

You don't know what you're
talking about, nerd boy!

I mean, don't interrupt your sister.

You know, manners and stuff.

I know that you're guilty,
and eventually, you'll crack.

Until then, we will follow
every lead and not stop until...

Where'd she go?

(Whispering) To the treehouse!

This is bad. Real bad!

They're closing in on us.

- Hold it together. They got nothing.
- There's bleach on my hands.

Just remember, this was
for Barry's own good.

So you keep your pretty
little mouth shut! (Gasps)

Looking good, snuggy boo.

How do the new threads feel?

- I look like a foreigner.
- A handsome, stylish foreigner.

Like a super hot Balki Bartokomous.

I miss my old shirt.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Am I big or tasty? No one knows!

What have we done?

- When he finds out, it's all over.
- Well, he's not gonna find out.

- Ya dig?
- I dig.

Repeat after me. "I am rock solid."

I am rock solid.

It was your mom and I.
We're, like, totally guilty.

I have one question.
Who are you covering for?

What? No one. I literally just confessed.

Well, isn't that convenient?

Typical patsy taking the fall for
a network of criminals above you.

Why is he talking like that?
I, like, literally confessed.

It's pathetic.

He's stretching out the whole
Goldberg Gang thing as long as he can.

- Just ignore him.
- Look, you got to drop it.

If Barry finds out what I
did, he'll never forgive me.

Fine. Your secret's safe with me.

I'll save your implausible
relationship with my brother.

You can't ignore the facts!
This conspiracy runs deep.

I'll bring the real culprits
to justice. You'll see!

Lainey may have confessed,
but I wasn't convinced.

I was about to blow
this case wide open.

Dude, you okay?

Yeah, Adam said you had a
bathroom-based emergency.

Yeah, I brought the back-up
khakis from my locker.

This isn't my first rodeo.

What? Adam said you guys had
a bathroom-based emergency.

I, too, have attended that sad rodeo.

Gentlemen.

There is no bathroom-based emergency,

only a laundry-based mystery,

and I've gathered all of you here

'cause the culprit stands amongst us.

JTP, is this true?

- What?
- Never!

So that's a no on the khakis?

They were all over at the
house on the day in question.

That means all of you had opportunity.

- That's insane.
- Insane

like the jealousy you felt
every time Barry wore Big Orange?

You loved that shirt but knew
you could never pull it off,

- 'cause you were too tiny.
- I prefer small-boned.

Or was it Naked Rob?

- A closet Penguins fan.
- The Penguins? Robert.

- I was born in Pittsburgh.
- Or maybe it was Geoff Schwartz!

You knew taking out Barry's favorite
shirt would make him melt down.

Lainey would have to console him,
leaving Erica without a best friend

and plenty of time for
you to win her heart.

- Wait, would that work?
- I will kill you dead!

- No, Barry. I didn't do it!
- He's right. He didn't do it...

alone.

It was the entire JTP!

Okay. If this is true,

I must disband the JTP.

- All: JTP?
- Oh, it's true.

Thank God I kept digging
even after Lainey confessed

to destroying the shirt with Mom.

Yeah, thank God.

Wait, what? I can't believe the two of you

would betray me like this.

Big Orange was better to me
than either of you ever were.

It's just a shirt, babe. We didn't
know how much it meant to you.

And in our defense, we
didn't know we'd get caught.

I don't want to hear
it! From this moment on,

I officially declare I have
no girlfriend and no mother.

- You can't do that.
- Yeah, you can't do that.

Well, you can do it to her, but
you can't do it to your mother.

I say this all the time,
you only have one mother.

Well, I'll find another one.

- You wouldn't dare.
- I will.

I'll tell that nice, old lunch lady

who always calls me "son" to
put her money where her mouth is.

Well, I hate to point fingers,

but, uh, this is on you and only you

and no one else and not me.

Are you kidding me? This
whole thing was your idea.

What kind of mother does that to her son?

A mother who doesn't approve of
her son's snitch of a girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend, thanks to you!

You promised not to tell and
you narced like a narc, you narc.

I didn't tell Barry. The
little geek went off on his own.

Only 'cause you and Dad kept
insisting I drop the case.

Wait, Murray. You knew about this?

Great. I told you not to go
off half-cocked like a cowboy,

but you had to play by your own rules!

That's as much anger as I can
muster for something so stupid.

Great job, genius.

You made everyone in this house
completely turn on each other.

Blame yourself, narc.

And I would've gotten away with it, too,

if it weren't for you meddling kids.

It's not my fault.

The case seemed so cut and dry.

Back when we were kids,
there was always a twist.

Hello! Mom forced me to
go up in that treehouse

and play with you, so I
made up all those cases.

So, you lied to me?

Yes. My God.

You are going to be in
high school next year.

You need to grow up, and fast,
because I'm done taking care of you!

I just... wanted to
hang out like we used to.

That's all I wanted.

It had been a day since Barry
had lost Big Orange forever,

or so he thought.

Ta-da!

- What's this?
- It's Big Orange, squishy.

- Big Orange is gone.
- Big Orange was gone,

but I sewed him up, dyed him,
and steamed him real good,

and now he's bigger, better,
and more orangy than ever.

Hey, big tasty, look what I got!

And old friend wants to say "hello".

(LAUGHS) Wow! Lucky me!

Now I got two Big Oranges.

- What the...
- Why are you here?

- To get Barry back.
- That's what I was trying to do,

but now you're screwing me in the pooper!

- Oh, sweet God!
- What? What'd I say? Is that bad?

Unbelievable! You not
only destroy my shirt,

but come in here and try
pawning off these imposters?

Imposters? Mama fixed it.

This is the real thing.

- No, this is.
- This is it.

This shirt is. See?
It's orange and a shirt.

I reject all these shirts
with their coarse material

and tight collar and
non-stained pit parts.

These aren't Big Orange, they're big lies.

I know you're upset, sweetie,

but don't throw out the
Beverly with the Lainey water.

Hey, hey! Look what I sewed back up!

Large Orange, now everyone's happy.

That's Garfield!

I need to punch something.
Adam, I need you!

That did not go well.

- It's over. I have no son.
- And I have no boyfriend.

I think Garfunkle is sporty.
I'm keeping this thing.

In that moment, my mom
and Lainey realized

they hadn't just
ruined Barry's shirt,

they destroyed his trust. There
was only one way to win him back,

and that meant helping him
truly cope with his loss.

- What's going on?
- Look, we messed up,

and we know there's no way of going back,

so we brought everyone here
to help you move forward.

By saying goodbye, the right way.

This is nice. My shirt would've liked this.

They really did a great
job with Big Orange, Bar.

Yeah, they really did.

They made him look so peaceful.

Murray! Turn off the TV.

I'll mute it, but that's it.

It's just a shirt.

("Walking on sunsine" plays)

Honey, do you have
anything you want to say?

I'd like to say a few
words about Big Orange.

It's like, life goes so
fast when you're growing up.

I guess it was nice there was
something that was always the same.

I mean, all my greatest
memories were in that shirt. Dad!

I was wearing it when we
went to our first Flyers game.

It's a shirt!

JTP, the first time

I ever played smashball,
I was in that shirt.

(All groan, laugh)

- JTP.
- JTP.

Ma, you taught me how
to cook in that shirt.

Lainey, I ran in the rain in that shirt

to tell you how much I love you.

- So I guess...
-
I'm walking on sunshine

I'm gonna miss the memories...

-
Whoa-oa-oh

-
I'm walking on sunshine

ALL: To Big Orange!

Wait, that's what this is? A shirt funeral?

Damn it. I missed a real funeral for this.

The most painful part of growing up

is saying farewell to the
stuff you love the most.

But as much as it hurts, we all
have to tear down the old things

to make room for what's new.

- The Goldberg Gang is on the case.
- To the treehouse!

We're gonna be communicating

through this walkie-talkie system.

You ready, Adam? Copy?

(Mimics static) Anybody there?

It's gonna be great.
Okay, over and out.

Still watching those old tapes, huh?

Don't worry. I'm over it.

Come with me. I want to show you something.

Why would I want to go anywhere with you?

I thought you like mysteries.

What's this?

I thought we could build a new treehouse.

But I thought it was time to let it go.

Well, some things are worth holding on to.

Our old blueprints?

- You still have them?
- The truth is, when we were kids,

I didn't make up those
mysteries because I had to.

I did it 'cause I loved
spending time with you.

Letting go if the past is hard,

but what's even harder
is that we'll never know

what the future holds for us.

But when you finally stumble
upon that perfect fit in life,

nothing is more rewarding.

- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Yes!

Okay, Troy's freestyle on this one.

(Rapping)
Yeah,
you know it's me

- Yeah.
-
Yeah, it's Big Tasty

(Cheers and applause)

Yeah!

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