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1
00:00:00,298 --> 00:00:02,099
Adult Adam: Back in the '80s,
the mustache was king.
2
00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:05,151
Nothing said "I'm a man" like
a bristly patch of lip hair.
3
00:00:05,152 --> 00:00:06,989
But the manliest mustache of all
4
00:00:06,990 --> 00:00:10,425
was Magnum, P.I. himself, Tom Selleck...
5
00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:12,027
Next to my dad's, that is.
6
00:00:12,028 --> 00:00:14,329
Hoo-hoo! Look at Magnum go!
7
00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:16,732
Such power and grace.
8
00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:19,735
Like a mustachioed gazelle
in a Hawaiian shirt.
9
00:00:19,736 --> 00:00:20,936
He got the idea for the 'stache
10
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,938
from his new best friend, Bill Lewis,
11
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,407
and it bonded them like
we'd never seen before.
12
00:00:25,408 --> 00:00:28,210
You know, I used to think
his was a lip wig,
13
00:00:28,211 --> 00:00:29,578
but he swims with it.
14
00:00:29,579 --> 00:00:30,846
That's the real deal.
15
00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,581
You're looking pretty bushy
there, too, Mur-man.
16
00:00:32,582 --> 00:00:34,750
Thick and manly yourself, Billy-boy.
17
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:38,220
As much as my dad loved his new
mustache, my mom hated it.
18
00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:39,588
He looks like a criminal
19
00:00:39,589 --> 00:00:42,024
or the tenor in a damn
barbershop quartet.
20
00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:43,392
Don't go around saying
21
00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:45,227
your husband's in a barbershop quartet.
22
00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:47,829
That is the lowest form
of musical entertainment.
23
00:00:47,831 --> 00:00:49,631
Just use an instrument, damn it.
24
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,500
You know, the only reason
he grew that mug rug
25
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,135
is 'cause Bill pushed him into it.
26
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,270
I'm telling you, the
guy's a bad influence.
27
00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:58,740
So, it's not the ferkokte
mustache you hate, it's Bill.
28
00:00:58,741 --> 00:01:00,509
Stop. I like Bill all right.
29
00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:01,743
Well, except for the way
30
00:01:01,744 --> 00:01:03,879
he dresses, drives, walks,
talks, eats, thinks, laughs,
31
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,382
and tilts his stupid bald head
to the side when he's confused.
32
00:01:07,383 --> 00:01:09,451
Yep, you could say my mother
wasn't the biggest fan
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00:01:09,452 --> 00:01:13,155
of my dad's bestie, who was
hanging around more and more.
34
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,756
Ooh, Charlie's Angels.
35
00:01:14,757 --> 00:01:17,459
Who are they chasing? Where's Bosley?
36
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,961
Why is she on a boat?
37
00:01:18,962 --> 00:01:20,128
Who's she kissing?
38
00:01:20,129 --> 00:01:21,830
Are those pirates?
39
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,432
These are the opening credits, Bill.
40
00:01:23,433 --> 00:01:25,834
And while my mom usually
called the shots,
41
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,036
lately, it seemed that
Bill was in charge.
42
00:01:28,037 --> 00:01:29,705
A mustache comb!
43
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And all this time, I've been using
44
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a brush with a handle like a jackass.
45
00:01:33,376 --> 00:01:36,178
Give it a whirl, Mur.
Take it down to whisker town.
46
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:39,047
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you kidding me with this?
47
00:01:39,048 --> 00:01:42,050
We should be talking about
shaving, not grooming.
48
00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:45,454
Come on, lady, everyone knows
a man's face is his castle.
49
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:47,055
His castle, you say?
50
00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:49,391
Oh, yeah. And the mustache
is the moat of the mouth.
51
00:01:49,392 --> 00:01:50,959
Without it, the fortress falls.
52
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,561
Who knew? I didn't.
53
00:01:52,562 --> 00:01:55,464
In fact, the mustache is named
after the Earl of Mustache.
54
00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:56,498
What did he do?
55
00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:57,699
Well, he was from Mustache, France,
56
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:58,834
and one day he was like,
57
00:01:58,835 --> 00:02:00,869
"I'm gonna grow some hair right here."
58
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,005
You can not argue with history, Bevy.
59
00:02:03,006 --> 00:02:07,809
Honey, please, can you
just shave it off for me?
60
00:02:07,810 --> 00:02:09,611
Luckily, my mom could always win
61
00:02:09,612 --> 00:02:11,747
using her creepy 12-blink
puppy dog stare...
62
00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:12,714
This is the new me.
63
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:13,815
...until now.
64
00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:15,517
Oh, yeah. Getting in all
the nooks and crannies.
65
00:02:15,518 --> 00:02:16,385
Fantastic.
66
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,586
- Get it, Mur.
- I'm getting it.
67
00:02:17,587 --> 00:02:19,354
- You go on and get it.
- Oh, I'm getting it but good.
68
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,422
- Get it, doggy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
69
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[Barks]
70
00:02:21,257 --> 00:02:22,657
Is barking a mustache thing?
71
00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:24,059
- Oh, yeah.
- Go on, doggy.
72
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:24,993
I'm going!
73
00:02:24,994 --> 00:02:26,361
- [Barks]
- Oh, yeah.
74
00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:28,196
I'm twisted up inside
75
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Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
76
00:02:34,203 --> 00:02:35,871
I don't know the future
77
00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:39,708
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
78
00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:42,511
It was October 21, 1980-something,
79
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:44,746
and my brother was doing
what he did best...
80
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,648
being way too cocky.
81
00:02:46,649 --> 00:02:48,817
Uh, you sure this is a good idea, man?
82
00:02:48,818 --> 00:02:50,252
Seems like the ramp points
83
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,586
directly at the side of the van, bro.
84
00:02:51,587 --> 00:02:55,390
Honestly, my concern is
I jump too high and too far.
85
00:02:55,391 --> 00:02:57,893
Maybe we should put a mattress
back there for safety.
86
00:02:57,894 --> 00:02:58,794
JTP!
87
00:02:58,795 --> 00:02:59,928
All: JTP.
88
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:00,829
Oh, cool.
89
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:02,197
Barry's doing that sweet trick
90
00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:03,665
where he damages his head again.
91
00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:05,334
Well, hello, Lainey.
92
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:06,768
This is all for you, girl.
93
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,937
Time to put myself in serious danger.
94
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,005
Hot, right?
95
00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:11,273
Barry, I told you a million times,
96
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,874
jumping stuff does not impress me.
97
00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:15,277
For all of my brother's
ridiculous over-confidence.
98
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,279
There was one person who
could make him crumble
99
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,849
into an insecure mess... his
girlfriend, Lainey Lewis.
100
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,184
I'm sorry! I'll never jump stuff again.
101
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:23,251
See? No more bike.
102
00:03:23,252 --> 00:03:25,153
Okay, so now I'm the
lame-ass ball-and-chain
103
00:03:25,154 --> 00:03:26,355
who says no to your passions?
104
00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:28,290
So, you do want me to jump stuff?
105
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,958
I don't care, okay?
Just do what you want.
106
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,293
I want you to not be mad at me.
107
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,527
I'm not mad at you.
108
00:03:32,528 --> 00:03:34,729
Well, your face and your
words are clearly mad.
109
00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:35,630
Oh, my God.
110
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:37,265
Tell me in words I understand.
111
00:03:37,266 --> 00:03:38,934
What do I do or feel or think?
112
00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:41,136
I think you need to get a grip.
113
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,137
Better yet, get a girl
114
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that's not miles out of your league.
115
00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:46,475
Hey, Erica! Look what I can do!
116
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Ooh!
117
00:03:49,946 --> 00:03:50,779
Ugh!
118
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:51,913
Is she looking?
119
00:03:51,914 --> 00:03:53,115
Erica, I did it!
120
00:03:53,116 --> 00:03:54,649
My God. What is Barry's deal?
121
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:57,152
It's like he gets more needy
and insecure every day.
122
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,787
I live with him. It's constant.
123
00:03:58,788 --> 00:04:00,856
God, I wish there was some
way to snap him out of it.
124
00:04:00,857 --> 00:04:03,925
Well, if the goal is to show
Barry what an idiot he's being,
125
00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:06,094
I do have years of wonderful experience.
126
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:07,963
So you'd help teach him a lesson?
127
00:04:07,964 --> 00:04:09,030
Unleash me.
128
00:04:09,032 --> 00:04:11,366
I don't know, you look
too excited right now.
129
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:12,701
Excited to help my friend.
130
00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:13,835
Okay, I'm desperate. Let's do it.
131
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,103
Promise you won't be too mean, though.
132
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Promise.
133
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,108
Lainey's in love with another man?!
134
00:04:20,109 --> 00:04:22,177
You're dating a girl way
out of your league.
135
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,245
It was bound to happen.
136
00:04:23,246 --> 00:04:24,446
Who is it?! Tell me.
137
00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:26,915
I'll destroy him with
my hands and feet.
138
00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:27,749
It's him.
139
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:28,717
Boy George?
140
00:04:28,718 --> 00:04:30,452
From the glam-pop band Culture Club?
141
00:04:30,453 --> 00:04:32,154
What does he have that I don't have?
142
00:04:32,155 --> 00:04:34,623
He's cute, he's cool, he's stylish...
143
00:04:34,624 --> 00:04:36,057
everything you're not.
144
00:04:36,059 --> 00:04:37,392
Then it's settled.
145
00:04:37,393 --> 00:04:39,194
I'm flying to England and
challenging him to a duel.
146
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,929
Maybe I'll even slip him my demo tape.
147
00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:42,531
No, I will not get distracted!
148
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,999
Dude, you're missing the point.
149
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,536
If you can rock this look,
you can rock Lainey's heart.
150
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,004
Yes.
151
00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:51,907
I don't have to destroy Boy George.
152
00:04:51,908 --> 00:04:53,575
I can be Boy George.
153
00:04:53,576 --> 00:04:55,443
Or should I say "Barry George"?
154
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:56,945
You should say "Boy Barry".
155
00:04:56,946 --> 00:04:58,446
Really? Barry George sounds better.
156
00:04:58,448 --> 00:04:59,414
It really doesn't.
157
00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:01,083
Boy Barry it is. Thanks, Erica.
158
00:05:01,084 --> 00:05:02,851
I have no idea how I'll
ever pay you back.
159
00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:03,785
Money's fine.
160
00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:04,886
I'll smash my piggy bank.
161
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,555
[Coins rattling]
162
00:05:10,359 --> 00:05:11,359
That'll do.
163
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,895
Mom, you need to vacuum in here.
164
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:15,330
[Engine revs]
165
00:05:15,331 --> 00:05:16,998
[Horn honks, emergency brake clicks]
166
00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:18,200
Bill: I know what you're thinking.
167
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:19,501
- [Car door closes]
- And you're right.
168
00:05:19,502 --> 00:05:22,404
I'm Hawaiian super-sleuth Magnum, P.I.
169
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,973
You're right! That's exactly
what I was thinking!
170
00:05:24,974 --> 00:05:26,875
My God, Bill, please don't tell me
171
00:05:26,876 --> 00:05:28,410
you blew all your money on this thing.
172
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,345
Oh, God, no. I can't afford this car.
173
00:05:30,346 --> 00:05:32,881
Just taking it out for a
very leisurely test ride.
174
00:05:32,882 --> 00:05:33,915
I'm sorry, are you saying
175
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,096
you have no intention of purchasing?
176
00:05:35,097 --> 00:05:36,292
Because you made it sound like you...
177
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,320
Bup-bup! I'm still considering it, Randy.
178
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:42,057
Oh, Murray, what do you say
179
00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:43,992
we Magnum over to Geno's
for cheese steaks?
180
00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:45,427
Oh, no, there's no food
allowed in the car.
181
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,495
Uh, and we have to stay within
182
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:47,662
a two-mile radius of the showroom.
183
00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:49,898
Not now, Randy. Let's Magnum!
184
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:51,900
No magnuming. Uh, Murray
and I have plans tonight.
185
00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:53,135
What plans?
186
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:55,637
I'm gonna iron while he
watches TV in his chair.
187
00:05:55,638 --> 00:05:56,771
It's our thing.
188
00:05:56,772 --> 00:05:59,007
Yeah, I can watch you
iron tomorrow night.
189
00:05:59,008 --> 00:06:00,942
This just feels right.
190
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,445
Sweet ride, dude!
191
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,114
But you cannot pull off that outfit.
192
00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:10,585
Your son walks his own path.
I get what Lainey sees in him.
193
00:06:10,586 --> 00:06:11,419
I don't.
194
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:12,754
Hey, Mur, take the wheel.
195
00:06:12,755 --> 00:06:13,555
Yeah!
196
00:06:13,556 --> 00:06:14,523
Randy, hit the bricks.
197
00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:15,790
Uh, okay, I will get fired.
198
00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:17,159
Yeah, just stay here for a while.
199
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,860
- [Engine turns over]
- My mom was livid.
200
00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:20,562
- [Tires screech]
- She couldn't take it out on my dad,
201
00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:22,597
so she took it out on
his tighty-whities.
202
00:06:22,598 --> 00:06:25,433
Mustaches, fast cars, Tom Selleck,
203
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:26,501
and where does it end?
204
00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:28,303
With me, all alone, ironing underpants
205
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,472
like some goblin who lives
beneath the streets.
206
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,641
I think you're overstating it, Bev.
207
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,175
Murray finally has a friend.
208
00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,978
You can't change that,
and you can't change Bill.
209
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,481
You're right.
210
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,049
That's the answer.
211
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:43,251
I need to change Bill.
212
00:06:43,252 --> 00:06:45,787
I didn't say "change Bill".
I said the exact opposite.
213
00:06:45,788 --> 00:06:47,355
Yeah, you don't need to
repeat yourself, Dad,
214
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:48,356
I'll do it.
215
00:06:48,357 --> 00:06:49,524
Do not do it!
216
00:06:49,525 --> 00:06:51,226
Agreed. Doing it.
217
00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:52,527
Do not do it.
218
00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:53,762
Doing it.
219
00:06:53,763 --> 00:06:55,964
I'll change Bill and make
him the best best friend
220
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:57,232
my husband could have.
221
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:59,367
You're just hearing specific words
222
00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:01,336
to suit your own horrible needs.
223
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,137
Just.
224
00:07:02,138 --> 00:07:03,038
No!
225
00:07:03,039 --> 00:07:04,472
You're the best, Dad.
226
00:07:04,473 --> 00:07:06,975
As my mom was preparing to
fix my dad's best friend,
227
00:07:06,976 --> 00:07:09,477
Barry was ready to win
Lainey's heart at all costs.
228
00:07:09,478 --> 00:07:13,715
Do you really want to hurt me?
229
00:07:13,716 --> 00:07:16,251
-
Do you really want to make me cry?
- 'Sup, football team?
230
00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,153
Looking good, band nerds.
231
00:07:18,154 --> 00:07:20,622
I'll tumble for you, Johnny Atkins.
232
00:07:20,623 --> 00:07:23,024
Precious kisses, words that burn me
233
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:24,025
love is...
234
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,328
Oh, my God! What did you tell him?
235
00:07:26,329 --> 00:07:28,463
That you're in love with
another boy... George.
236
00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:30,265
Hey, Sweet baby girl.
237
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,834
Need a personal escort to
class by Barry George?
238
00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:34,369
Damn it! I meant Boy Barry.
239
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,637
Point is, drink me in.
240
00:07:35,638 --> 00:07:36,805
Oh, God! Stop! Don't do that.
241
00:07:36,806 --> 00:07:38,240
What's the matter? You don't like it?
242
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:41,810
On Boy George. Not on Barry
Goldberg from Jenkintown.
243
00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:43,178
You can't pull this off, Dude.
244
00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,814
But I cracked my piggy
bank and everything.
245
00:07:45,815 --> 00:07:47,449
We were just trying
to teach you a lesson.
246
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,184
You've been so needy lately.
247
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,486
So, this was all a lie?
You were just messing with me?
248
00:07:51,487 --> 00:07:52,887
How could you do this?
249
00:07:52,888 --> 00:07:54,255
You're my girlfriend.
250
00:07:54,257 --> 00:07:56,758
I mean, do you really want to hurt me?
251
00:07:56,759 --> 00:07:57,926
Oh, my God. It's happening.
252
00:07:57,927 --> 00:08:00,028
Do you really want to make me cry?
253
00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:01,062
He's saying it for real.
254
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,898
I'm sorry you think I'm so insecure.
255
00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:06,001
Trust me, you don't
need to worry anymore.
256
00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:07,001
We're done.
257
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,476
Thanks for inviting me over, Bev.
258
00:08:14,477 --> 00:08:16,111
This shrimp parm is delicious.
259
00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:17,879
Anything for Murray's best friend.
260
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,048
Are you saying that I'm
his best friend...
261
00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:21,249
Or did he say that?
262
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,918
Tell me exactly what he
said, word for word.
263
00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:25,053
No, don't tell me.
264
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:25,854
Tell me.
265
00:08:25,855 --> 00:08:26,688
No, he said it.
266
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:27,856
Yahtzee!
267
00:08:27,857 --> 00:08:29,991
Oh, my God. My heart is
beating out of my chest.
268
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:31,760
Yes, it is very exciting.
269
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,461
And now that you two are best bros,
270
00:08:33,462 --> 00:08:35,096
you're not only important to him,
271
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,264
you're important to me...
272
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,465
Thanks, Beverly.
273
00:08:37,466 --> 00:08:38,333
That means a lot.
274
00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:39,567
...which is why I've decided,
275
00:08:39,568 --> 00:08:40,835
out of the goodness of my heart
276
00:08:40,836 --> 00:08:42,137
and because I'm a decent person
277
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:45,106
who cares deeply for my
husband, to change you.
278
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,274
Wait. Wh-what?
279
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,376
Bill, you don't have
a woman in your life
280
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:50,145
telling you all the things you do
281
00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:51,479
that are wrong and stupid.
282
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,415
I will be that woman.
283
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:55,617
Actually, I really haven't
missed that very much.
284
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,585
Look, I'm not trying
to change who you are.
285
00:08:57,586 --> 00:08:58,820
I just want to fix how you
286
00:08:58,821 --> 00:09:00,922
dress, drive, walk, talk,
eat, think, and laugh.
287
00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:02,324
That seems like almost all of me.
288
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:03,825
I don't understand what's happening.
289
00:09:03,826 --> 00:09:05,960
Bup-bup. Don't move,
let's start right there.
290
00:09:07,263 --> 00:09:08,530
Huh?
291
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,398
See? No need for the head tilt.
292
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:12,934
You're not a confused dog.
You're a confused man.
293
00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:14,602
Why the heck are you
coming down on me so hard?
294
00:09:14,603 --> 00:09:16,704
Murray's mustache? The Hawaiian shirts?
295
00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:18,239
The defiant attitude?
296
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,008
That's not the husband I created.
297
00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:21,276
Oh, I see what's happening here.
298
00:09:21,277 --> 00:09:23,478
You want to change me
because I threaten you.
299
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,146
You threaten me?
300
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,081
[Laughs] Oh-ho, please.
301
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:29,050
You used to call the shots with Murray,
302
00:09:29,051 --> 00:09:31,386
but now you're just passing
through Bill country.
303
00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:32,954
We'll see who calls the shots
304
00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:35,056
when I get him to shave off his mustache.
305
00:09:35,057 --> 00:09:37,325
Don't you dare!
306
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,061
He looks powerful and handsome,
like a circus strong-man.
307
00:09:40,062 --> 00:09:42,831
Well, I think he looks like
he's got [Bleep] on his face.
308
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,332
Murray is an eagle that needs to soar,
309
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,534
but you just want to
lasso him back to the nest.
310
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,203
Oh, he soars!
311
00:09:48,204 --> 00:09:49,671
He soars big-time.
312
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,573
And I am the wind beneath his wings.
313
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:55,109
Oh, no, I am the wind that
blows across the ocean,
314
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:58,213
and Murray is but a leaf
on my mighty gust.
315
00:09:58,214 --> 00:09:59,447
You take that back!
316
00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:02,584
Never! There's a new force
of nature in Murray's life.
317
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:05,320
[Inhales deeply, blows]
318
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:11,860
It's me!
319
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,495
Bill had started the mustache war,
320
00:10:13,496 --> 00:10:15,452
but my mom was gonna finish it.
321
00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:16,812
It had been two days
322
00:10:16,813 --> 00:10:19,972
since Lainey embarrassed Barry,
and he refused to let it go.
323
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:21,006
- Hey.
- What do you want?
324
00:10:21,007 --> 00:10:22,770
Got you some Grind wax for your BMX.
325
00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:24,580
Thought I could go watch you jump stuff.
326
00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,783
Sorry, you don't get to
live the highs and lows
327
00:10:27,784 --> 00:10:29,651
that is bicycle motocross
through me anymore.
328
00:10:29,652 --> 00:10:30,753
I messed up.
329
00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:33,021
You can't just break
up with me. I love you.
330
00:10:33,022 --> 00:10:37,359
Well, if that's how you treat
someone you love, count me out.
331
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,695
Don't worry, he'll come
crawling back when he realizes
332
00:10:39,696 --> 00:10:41,864
that he'll never get a
girl like you ever again.
333
00:10:41,865 --> 00:10:43,332
See, that's the whole problem.
334
00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:44,967
For some reason, Barry is convinced
335
00:10:44,968 --> 00:10:46,068
I am out of his league.
336
00:10:46,069 --> 00:10:49,004
I may have mentioned it once or twice...
337
00:10:49,005 --> 00:10:50,139
A day.
338
00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:52,307
Oh, then you're gonna help
me romance your brother
339
00:10:52,308 --> 00:10:53,342
and win him back.
340
00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:54,443
Ew. Never.
341
00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:56,745
Please! There has to
be something I can do.
342
00:10:56,746 --> 00:10:57,779
Like Chuck Norris.
343
00:10:57,781 --> 00:10:59,014
Barry loves that dude.
344
00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:00,649
Maybe he can apologize for me.
345
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:02,451
Chuck seems like an
accessible guy, right?
346
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:03,986
Barry's written to Chuck a few times.
347
00:11:03,987 --> 00:11:05,287
[Chuckling] I think that's a dead end.
348
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:07,689
Maybe I can jump something
to impress Barry
349
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:10,492
or body slam Adam or challenge
an animal to a fight.
350
00:11:10,493 --> 00:11:12,528
What's the name of that horse
that Barry has a problem with?
351
00:11:12,529 --> 00:11:13,962
If you really want to fix this,
352
00:11:13,963 --> 00:11:15,864
just do a big, embarrassing
display that says
353
00:11:15,865 --> 00:11:17,199
"I love you, and I don't care
354
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,767
if I look like an idiot saying it."
355
00:11:18,768 --> 00:11:21,303
If embarrassing myself
gets me one more kiss
356
00:11:21,304 --> 00:11:23,972
from his drooly,
cheeto-dusted lips, I'm in.
357
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:28,810
I'm sorry, I ca...
I can't be with you right now.
358
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,078
I just can't.
359
00:11:30,079 --> 00:11:32,414
As Lainey plotted a way
to show Barry her love,
360
00:11:32,415 --> 00:11:34,550
my mom's plot to win the war of Murray
361
00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:36,184
was in full swing.
362
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,290
Beverly!
363
00:11:41,291 --> 00:11:43,892
Good morning, handsome.
364
00:11:43,893 --> 00:11:46,495
I made your favorite... food.
365
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:48,831
And here's your newspaper
and tushie pillow.
366
00:11:48,832 --> 00:11:51,833
You mowed my Magnum off while I slept.
367
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:52,935
Who does that?
368
00:11:52,936 --> 00:11:54,470
Funny story. Me.
369
00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:56,772
She lathered your face, shaved you clean,
370
00:11:56,773 --> 00:11:58,307
and you didn't even wake up?
371
00:11:58,308 --> 00:12:00,442
When I go down, I go down hard.
372
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:02,311
Oh, I get a lot done while he's asleep.
373
00:12:02,312 --> 00:12:05,714
Fingernails, nose hairs,
rough elbows, q-tip work.
374
00:12:05,715 --> 00:12:06,848
Soup to nuts.
375
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:08,917
Wow.
376
00:12:08,918 --> 00:12:10,986
It's so smooth, like a puppy's paw.
377
00:12:10,987 --> 00:12:13,654
Let me get in there, see
what all the fuss is about.
378
00:12:13,655 --> 00:12:16,123
I want you to drop by Bill's
store on your lunch break
379
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:17,326
and show him my handiwork.
380
00:12:17,327 --> 00:12:18,827
Will everybody stop touching me?!
381
00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:21,296
Use my name. It's Beverly. Say it.
382
00:12:21,297 --> 00:12:22,798
I know your name!
383
00:12:22,799 --> 00:12:24,233
Is this why you're doing all of this?
384
00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:25,501
Because you hate my best friend?
385
00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:26,635
I don't hate him, hon.
386
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,938
All I did was show that
ridiculous ass-for-brains
387
00:12:29,939 --> 00:12:31,106
whose face this is...
388
00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:32,541
mine.
389
00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,909
And you will speak of what happened here.
390
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,778
Enough! You, me, and Bill
are going to talk this out.
391
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,047
You... want to talk?
392
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:40,082
Of course not.
393
00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:42,784
But you've forced me into it.
394
00:12:45,355 --> 00:12:47,288
I think he's secretly happy. [Chuckles]
395
00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:49,525
While my mom wanted to
show Bill she had won,
396
00:12:49,526 --> 00:12:51,827
Lainey was trying to win back Barry.
397
00:12:51,828 --> 00:12:54,196
Hey, big tasty. It's me, McDLT.
398
00:12:54,197 --> 00:12:56,064
I keep the hot side hot
and the cool side cool.
399
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,099
I'm not interested.
400
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,567
Maybe this will change your mind.
401
00:12:58,568 --> 00:13:00,602
JTP, kick me a beat.
402
00:13:00,603 --> 00:13:02,671
[Beat-boxing poorly]
403
00:13:02,672 --> 00:13:04,506
Let the whole school laugh
at me... I don't care.
404
00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:07,175
[Rapping]
I'd do anything
for a guy named Barry
405
00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:09,878
all the girls want him,
but I don't want to share-y
406
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:12,014
What followed was the worst,
most ill-conceived rap
407
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:13,815
ever performed in school history.
408
00:13:13,816 --> 00:13:16,752
Unfortunately, Lainey was hot
and popular, so this happened.
409
00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:19,821
Hey, Lainey Lewis is rapping.
She's awesome.
410
00:13:19,822 --> 00:13:22,124
Love is a love I'm thinking of
411
00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:24,526
love is a love that loves my love
412
00:13:24,527 --> 00:13:26,728
love from above fits like a glove
413
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:27,863
Like any great performance,
414
00:13:27,864 --> 00:13:28,997
there was something for everyone.
415
00:13:28,998 --> 00:13:30,032
No, she's making fun of
416
00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:32,014
Barry Goldberg's dreams and aspirations.
417
00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:34,336
Hilarious. Give it to him, Lainey!
418
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:35,904
Well, everyone except Barry,
419
00:13:35,905 --> 00:13:37,906
who was elbowed out of
his own apology rap,
420
00:13:37,907 --> 00:13:39,775
which quickly caught on with the crowd.
421
00:13:39,776 --> 00:13:42,110
-
Love is a love that loves my love
- Barry, where are you going?
422
00:13:42,111 --> 00:13:43,645
She's showing how much she loves you
423
00:13:43,646 --> 00:13:45,714
by embarrassing herself
the way that you would.
424
00:13:45,715 --> 00:13:48,250
She can't even embarrass
herself when she tries.
425
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:51,153
All this proves is what
you've always said.
426
00:13:51,154 --> 00:13:53,187
She's out of my league.
427
00:13:53,188 --> 00:13:56,291
While Barry gave up on Lainey,
my dad was fighting for Bill.
428
00:13:56,292 --> 00:13:58,994
Okay, you two have forced my hand,
429
00:13:58,995 --> 00:14:01,730
so now we're gonna have to talk...
430
00:14:01,731 --> 00:14:03,465
About feelings.
431
00:14:03,466 --> 00:14:05,267
I'll go first.
432
00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,302
I'm feeling mad.
433
00:14:07,303 --> 00:14:08,437
You're mad?
434
00:14:08,438 --> 00:14:10,505
How could you let her take
your 'stache, Mur? How?
435
00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:12,808
That's not the only
thing I took, big guy.
436
00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:14,943
That's not yours!
That's a friendship comb!
437
00:14:14,944 --> 00:14:16,344
It's a spoil of war.
438
00:14:16,346 --> 00:14:18,580
Stop it, both of you. There is no war.
439
00:14:18,581 --> 00:14:21,083
Open your eyes, fool.
Look at her just peacocking me.
440
00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:23,619
She thinks she's won, but
we're just getting started.
441
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:24,720
Are we, now?
442
00:14:24,721 --> 00:14:25,821
We are.
443
00:14:25,822 --> 00:14:28,156
Court-side seats to the Sixers, Mur.
444
00:14:28,157 --> 00:14:30,058
You want to stay here and
watch "Charlie's Angels"
445
00:14:30,059 --> 00:14:31,526
or go watch Charlie Barkley?
446
00:14:31,527 --> 00:14:33,028
Nobody calls him that.
447
00:14:33,029 --> 00:14:34,262
Someone does... maybe his mama
448
00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:35,998
or a close cousin who's
more like a sibling.
449
00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:37,299
All right, enough.
450
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:39,167
Bevy, you're gonna have to
be the bigger person here
451
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:40,602
and apologize so we can move past this.
452
00:14:40,603 --> 00:14:41,903
Me apologize? For what?
453
00:14:41,904 --> 00:14:43,005
That's right, Bevy.
454
00:14:43,006 --> 00:14:44,873
Looks like your man's on my side.
455
00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:46,074
There are no sides.
456
00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:48,710
I think it's time we settle
this once and for all.
457
00:14:48,711 --> 00:14:50,545
It's a simple choice, really.
458
00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:52,147
Her or me?
459
00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:53,215
What?
460
00:14:53,216 --> 00:14:55,450
That's right, woman. You forgot.
461
00:14:55,451 --> 00:15:00,922
I negotiate big tile contracts
for a living, and I always win.
462
00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:03,792
Overplayed my hand, huh?
463
00:15:03,793 --> 00:15:05,393
Yeah, you did.
464
00:15:05,395 --> 00:15:06,762
Hey, listen. I got a counteroffer.
465
00:15:06,763 --> 00:15:08,597
How about Tuesday nights
and every other weekend?
466
00:15:08,598 --> 00:15:11,366
Yeah, the thing is, she's my wife.
467
00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:12,734
It's... it's... it's over.
468
00:15:12,735 --> 00:15:13,902
Nah, I get it.
469
00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,370
Makes sense now with a little distance.
470
00:15:15,371 --> 00:15:16,538
Yeah, we probably should have
471
00:15:16,539 --> 00:15:19,074
discussed the details
of your plan beforehand.
472
00:15:19,075 --> 00:15:21,409
Seems that way.
473
00:15:21,411 --> 00:15:22,911
- [Door closes]
- It's for the best.
474
00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:24,279
For you.
475
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,481
You're in charge around here,
and I'm good with that.
476
00:15:26,482 --> 00:15:28,950
But I kind of liked having a friend,
477
00:15:28,951 --> 00:15:31,586
and it would have been nice
if you liked him, too.
478
00:15:36,729 --> 00:15:37,862
Even though my mom won
479
00:15:37,863 --> 00:15:39,795
the infamous Goldberg mustache war,
480
00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:41,663
my dad was the real casualty.
481
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:43,298
[Horn honking]
482
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:45,534
[Car door closes]
483
00:15:45,535 --> 00:15:47,102
Who's there? Bill?
484
00:15:47,103 --> 00:15:48,337
Better.
485
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:51,273
I'm Charlie's most sensible
angel, Kate Jackson.
486
00:15:51,274 --> 00:15:54,309
I'm the one who wears pants.
487
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,577
What is this? What's happening?
488
00:15:55,578 --> 00:15:56,712
Glad you asked, Bosley.
489
00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:59,047
I was thinking we could
take a little joy ride
490
00:15:59,048 --> 00:16:01,917
in this sporty automobile we
have no intention of buying.
491
00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:04,953
But you said we were close.
I ran a credit check.
492
00:16:04,954 --> 00:16:06,587
Don't blow the sale, Randy.
493
00:16:06,588 --> 00:16:08,389
Honey, I know Bill was your friend,
494
00:16:08,391 --> 00:16:10,092
but I'm your best friend.
495
00:16:10,093 --> 00:16:12,627
And any fun you had with
him, you can have with me.
496
00:16:12,628 --> 00:16:15,430
I'm sorry, Bevy. It's just not the same.
497
00:16:15,431 --> 00:16:17,265
I'm gonna go in and watch TV.
498
00:16:17,266 --> 00:16:19,367
You can come in and iron if you want.
499
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:20,802
But I bought a wig.
500
00:16:20,803 --> 00:16:23,438
I will no longer be a pawn
in your family drama!
501
00:16:23,439 --> 00:16:24,906
[Engine turns over, revs]
502
00:16:24,907 --> 00:16:27,642
- [Tires squeal]
- While Randy had had enough,
503
00:16:27,643 --> 00:16:31,813
Lainey was finally realizing
that it was over with Barry.
504
00:16:31,814 --> 00:16:32,881
[Sighs]
505
00:16:32,882 --> 00:16:33,982
I can't believe it's really over.
506
00:16:33,983 --> 00:16:36,017
You really love that
big dummy, don't you?
507
00:16:36,018 --> 00:16:38,420
I really do.
508
00:16:38,421 --> 00:16:41,790
And in that moment, my
sister decided to do
509
00:16:41,791 --> 00:16:43,859
the last thing she ever wanted to.
510
00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:46,595
Win back my brother's heart.
511
00:16:46,596 --> 00:16:49,030
Put down the Cheetos. Lainey needs you.
512
00:16:49,031 --> 00:16:51,141
-
In my heart, the fire's burning
- Trust me, she doesn't.
513
00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:52,901
She does.
514
00:16:52,902 --> 00:16:56,138
-
Choose my color, find a star
- Look, a lot of this is my fault.
515
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:58,473
I've told you every day that
you're not good enough for her.
516
00:16:58,474 --> 00:17:00,542
-
Precious people always tell me
- But you know what?
517
00:17:00,543 --> 00:17:02,144
I was wrong.
518
00:17:02,145 --> 00:17:03,345
She's lucky to have you.
519
00:17:03,346 --> 00:17:05,914
But she embarrassed me in
front of the whole school.
520
00:17:05,915 --> 00:17:09,050
And you embarrass her
every day by being you.
521
00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:10,685
You're right.
522
00:17:10,686 --> 00:17:14,089
-
Words are few I have spoken
- I'm the worst, and she still loves me.
523
00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:16,158
She loves me!
524
00:17:16,159 --> 00:17:18,927
I could waste a thousand years
525
00:17:18,928 --> 00:17:21,096
That was an amazing thing
you just did, honey.
526
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:24,499
I guess sometimes two people
just need each other
527
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,401
no matter how weird it
seems to everyone else.
528
00:17:26,402 --> 00:17:28,904
That night, Erica didn't
just open up Barry's eyes.
529
00:17:28,905 --> 00:17:32,173
She made my mom realize
how blind she'd been.
530
00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:36,545
Do you really want to hurt me?
531
00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:38,146
Mom, what are you doing?
532
00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:43,552
-
Do you really want to make me cry?
- Not now, poopie.
533
00:17:43,553 --> 00:17:45,720
Do you really want to hurt me?
534
00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:46,855
I'll catch up with you.
535
00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:49,090
Wear a raincoat next time.
536
00:17:49,091 --> 00:17:51,693
-
Do you really want to make me cry?
- [Knock on door]
537
00:17:51,694 --> 00:17:52,994
Bill, we need to talk.
538
00:17:52,995 --> 00:17:54,029
Who is it?
539
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,230
No one.
540
00:17:55,231 --> 00:17:57,532
I deserve that.
541
00:17:57,533 --> 00:18:00,402
Bill, I am so sorry for everything.
542
00:18:00,403 --> 00:18:02,437
I felt threatened, okay?
543
00:18:02,438 --> 00:18:04,439
I started to think maybe
you could give Murray
544
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,007
things that I couldn't,
545
00:18:06,008 --> 00:18:10,445
but I realize that might
actually be a good thing.
546
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,682
You know what's a good thing?
547
00:18:13,683 --> 00:18:15,016
This right here.
548
00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:21,156
And, Lainey, Barry loves you so much.
549
00:18:21,157 --> 00:18:23,191
I think he was so afraid of losing you,
550
00:18:23,192 --> 00:18:24,793
he ended up pushing you away.
551
00:18:24,794 --> 00:18:26,962
Lainey! Lainey!
552
00:18:26,963 --> 00:18:27,863
We have to talk.
553
00:18:27,864 --> 00:18:29,264
It's okay. We're okay.
554
00:18:29,265 --> 00:18:30,065
We are?
555
00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:31,399
Yeah.
556
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,828
But I didn't even get to say what I...
557
00:18:32,829 --> 00:18:33,635
Shh.
558
00:18:33,636 --> 00:18:35,804
Mama took care of it.
559
00:18:35,805 --> 00:18:37,572
Are you kidding me?!
560
00:18:37,573 --> 00:18:39,174
I had a beautiful speech planned out.
561
00:18:39,175 --> 00:18:40,842
[Gasps] Cramping. My leg's cramping.
562
00:18:40,843 --> 00:18:41,810
Oh, oh, sit.
563
00:18:41,811 --> 00:18:43,445
You know, now that we're square,
564
00:18:43,446 --> 00:18:45,747
maybe I'll go upstairs and
shave the old 'stache.
565
00:18:45,748 --> 00:18:48,650
There's only one thing you
need to do right now...
566
00:18:48,651 --> 00:18:49,751
Go to him.
567
00:18:49,752 --> 00:18:52,187
Do you really want to hurt me?
568
00:18:52,188 --> 00:18:55,023
I'm coming, Mur!
569
00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:58,093
Why are we running, too?
570
00:18:58,094 --> 00:19:00,328
-
Do you really want to make me cry?
- I left a lasagna in the oven.
571
00:19:00,329 --> 00:19:01,896
Lasagna!
572
00:19:01,898 --> 00:19:03,365
Precious kisses, words that burn me
573
00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:05,567
In life, there are certain relationships
574
00:19:05,568 --> 00:19:08,870
that define who you are...
Your first teen crush,
575
00:19:08,871 --> 00:19:11,239
-
lovers never ask you why
- your best friend, your family...
576
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,676
For $5,000, it's the title of a play...
577
00:19:14,677 --> 00:19:16,711
"Death of a salesmat".
578
00:19:16,712 --> 00:19:17,946
Really?
579
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:19,347
What's a salesmat?
580
00:19:19,348 --> 00:19:22,751
How would I know?
I'm not a salesmat salesman.
581
00:19:22,752 --> 00:19:25,153
Aww, so close, baby.
582
00:19:25,154 --> 00:19:26,555
You two are the worst.
583
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,924
These are the relationships
that matter the most.
584
00:19:28,925 --> 00:19:30,292
But they're also the hardest,
585
00:19:30,293 --> 00:19:32,127
'cause when you truly love someone,
586
00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:33,828
you sometimes hold on too tight,
587
00:19:33,829 --> 00:19:35,196
afraid that you'll lose them.
588
00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:37,666
Here you go, boys. Bagel bites.
589
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,334
Actually, I think I'm gonna take off.
590
00:19:39,335 --> 00:19:41,436
Got somewhere to be.
591
00:19:42,771 --> 00:19:44,606
- Later, Bill.
- Yep.
592
00:19:44,607 --> 00:19:46,241
-
Do you really want to hurt me?
- But the truth is,
593
00:19:46,242 --> 00:19:48,143
when you give the people you love most
594
00:19:48,144 --> 00:19:49,477
just a little space,
595
00:19:49,478 --> 00:19:52,147
you'll find the place
they really want to be
596
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:54,808
-
do you really want to make me cry?
- is right at your side.
597
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:01,056
[Bell dings]
598
00:20:01,057 --> 00:20:03,658
Oh, Adam, please.
599
00:20:07,129 --> 00:20:10,865
You know, you have to start
getting dressed, okay?
600
00:20:10,866 --> 00:20:12,499
Please turn that off.
601
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,618
Out of the way, nerd.
602
00:20:15,619 --> 00:20:17,420
Hey, I-I-I was just
looking through the mail.
603
00:20:17,421 --> 00:20:19,789
Actually, there's something here for you.
604
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:21,357
"Master Barry Goldberg?"
605
00:20:21,358 --> 00:20:24,260
From C. Norris? Hollywood, California?
606
00:20:24,261 --> 00:20:26,395
Dude, Chuck Norris wrote me back!
607
00:20:31,802 --> 00:20:35,137
Norris: "Dear Barry, sorry it
took me so long to write back,
608
00:20:35,138 --> 00:20:37,940
but thanks for the nice
words and for being a fan.
609
00:20:37,941 --> 00:20:39,442
I have given a great deal of thought
610
00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:40,643
to what I'm about to tell you."
611
00:20:40,644 --> 00:20:41,711
- What's he saying?
- Shut up!
612
00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:43,713
"Herein lies my most precious secret
613
00:20:43,714 --> 00:20:46,282
to being a true martial arts warrior.
614
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:48,251
If you have a brother, obey him.
615
00:20:48,252 --> 00:20:50,920
He has a power you do
not yet understand.
616
00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,555
Godspeed, douche-nozzle.
617
00:20:52,556 --> 00:20:54,757
Sincerely, Chuck Norris."
618
00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:57,727
So, what's it say, douche-nozzle?
619
00:20:57,728 --> 00:20:59,953
It says I should kick your ass.
620
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:03,203
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621
00:21:03,253 --> 00:21:07,803
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