Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,604 --> 00:00:03,121
(Whirs)
2
00:00:03,468 --> 00:00:04,586
(Engines revving)
3
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:05,821
(Adult Adam)Growing up in the '80s,
4
00:00:05,856 --> 00:00:08,824
I didn't just love movies... I lived them.
(Engines continue revving)
5
00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:11,260
Maybe a little too much.
6
00:00:11,294 --> 00:00:14,062
(Imitates engine revving)
7
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,397
Hey, little buddy.
8
00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:16,698
Hey, Barry. You want
to be in my movie?
9
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:17,833
I'd love nothing more.
10
00:00:17,867 --> 00:00:19,635
Okay, so I'm inside
the game grid,
11
00:00:19,669 --> 00:00:22,149
and I have these identity discs,
and you're gonna... (Whooshes)
12
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,623
That's a wrap, nerd.
13
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,511
I had no kids on my streetto play with,
14
00:00:29,545 --> 00:00:32,564
and my older siblingsweren't exactly interested
15
00:00:32,598 --> 00:00:34,015
in my hobbies.
16
00:00:34,049 --> 00:00:35,233
Yo.
17
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:36,301
Yo.
18
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:37,352
Whatcha up to?
19
00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:39,537
- Nothin'.
- Oh.
20
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,022
'Cause it looks like
you were filming yourself
21
00:00:41,056 --> 00:00:42,957
on a "Tron" light cycle
escaping the game grid.
22
00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,409
You've seen "Tron."
23
00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:45,610
16 times.
24
00:00:45,644 --> 00:00:46,961
My mom's actually
kinda worried.
25
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:48,897
Hi, I'm Adam.
26
00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:49,964
I'm Chad... Kremp.
27
00:00:49,982 --> 00:00:51,449
We just moved in
across the street.
28
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,501
You wanna check out
my light cycle?
29
00:00:53,535 --> 00:00:54,969
Sure. Yeah.
30
00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:57,371
And just like that, I hada new neighbor and best friend.
31
00:00:57,389 --> 00:00:58,957
Even though we hadso much in common,
32
00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:00,942
our families couldn'thave been more different.
33
00:01:00,976 --> 00:01:01,993
(Doorbell rings)
34
00:01:02,044 --> 00:01:03,862
The Kremps were soft-spoken...
35
00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:05,230
Hi. Can Chad play?
36
00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,466
Chad, honey,
your friend is here.
37
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,468
And the Goldbergsliked to yell.
38
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,604
Hi. Can Adam play?
39
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,640
Adam! Get your ass
down here!
40
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:18,009
The Kremps owneda fancy flower shop...
41
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:19,144
Here, Adam.
42
00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:20,361
Why don't you take these
home to your mother?
43
00:01:20,395 --> 00:01:21,746
Why?
44
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,998
The Goldbergs owneda discount furniture store.
45
00:01:24,032 --> 00:01:26,501
Hey...
Get off the furniture!
46
00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:28,486
I gotta sell this crap.
47
00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:31,206
This was a typical Saturdayafternoon at the Kremps'...
48
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,440
Whoa!
49
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:33,775
Put a little pepper
on that one, didn't you, son?
50
00:01:33,809 --> 00:01:34,959
- I learned from the best.
- (Chuckles)
51
00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:37,312
- Hey, lemonade for my home team.
- Ohh!
52
00:01:37,346 --> 00:01:38,880
While a Saturday afternoonat the Goldbergs'
53
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,148
looked more like this...
54
00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:41,483
(Beverly) What the hell?
Barry Goldberg,
55
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,951
you get your butt
out of that tree right now!
56
00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:46,020
What kind of moron
gets stuck in a tree?
57
00:01:46,055 --> 00:01:47,956
Adam said I couldn't
climb this high.
58
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:50,291
- I showed him!
- (Chuckles) You sure did.
59
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:51,926
If you don't come down
right now,
60
00:01:51,961 --> 00:01:53,545
I am gonna go get the hose!
61
00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,029
You're not gonna spray our son.
(Thuds)
62
00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:56,481
Stop! Erica, I would
like to not have to...
63
00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:58,533
(all shouting at once) Enough
with the ball! The hose...
64
00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:01,002
the hose is the way to go. The hose! Um, he's
the idiot that got himself stuck up there.
65
00:02:01,036 --> 00:02:02,136
I'll try and catch him...
(Speaks indistinctly)
66
00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:04,155
Hey, neighbors! Hi!
67
00:02:04,206 --> 00:02:06,874
We have got to get that barbecue
on the books, don't we?
68
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,543
- Definitely.
- That'd be great.
69
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,829
- He's a moron!
- He is!
70
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,965
- Hi! - And that's what you'd call
"A Goldberg first impression."
71
00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:15,767
(I Fight Dragons)
I'm twisted up inside
72
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:19,771
but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
73
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:22,056
== Sync, corrected by Alice | www.addic7ed.com ==
74
00:02:22,057 --> 00:02:23,391
I don't know the future
== Sync, corrected by Alice | www.addic7ed.com ==
75
00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:27,312
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
76
00:02:27,863 --> 00:02:31,200
- Long before cell phones, you only had one phone line...
- Get off the phone. Get off the phone.
77
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,318
- And it was the source of all problems.
- Get off the phone. Get off the phone.
78
00:02:33,369 --> 00:02:34,736
- Get off the phone. Get off the phone.
- Hold on, Lainey.
79
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,788
- Get off the phone.
- I'm talking!
80
00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:39,407
Go away, or I'll punch you
in the soft part of your skull.
81
00:02:39,441 --> 00:02:40,992
Mom told you not
to punch me there.
82
00:02:41,043 --> 00:02:43,277
Now give me the phone.
I got an important call to make.
83
00:02:43,295 --> 00:02:45,496
Really?
What's so important?
84
00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:46,664
I gotta call Roger.
85
00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:47,749
He borrowed my hockey stick,
86
00:02:47,783 --> 00:02:49,334
and I found
a hornet's nest out back.
87
00:02:49,385 --> 00:02:51,619
Your life is so sad and simple.
88
00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:52,670
Go.
89
00:02:52,721 --> 00:02:54,255
No. Get off the phone.
90
00:02:54,289 --> 00:02:55,807
- Get off the phone. Get off the phone...
- Hey, you know...
91
00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:58,292
When I was your age,
I was a radio man
92
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,478
with the 103rd,
working with the French
93
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:03,982
and the British.
We shared one line,
94
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:06,200
and we still managed
to win the war.
95
00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:08,186
Can you please stop
with these stories?
96
00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:10,238
This is a real life
situation here.
97
00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:12,106
Dad, we gotta get
a second phone line.
98
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:13,358
Two phone lines?
99
00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:16,027
What does this look like...
the White House?
100
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:18,212
A second line...
is that even possible
101
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,665
with all those wires
crossing in and out?
102
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:22,149
Can they even do that?
103
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:25,420
While Pops couldn't understandhow the phone worked,
104
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,672
my mom couldn't understandwhy the Kremps
105
00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:29,657
kept ducking her barbecueinvitation.
106
00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:31,793
This is getting ridiculous.
107
00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:33,711
I have been nothing but nice
to the Kremps... (Loaf thuds)
108
00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:35,847
And they're clearly
blowing us off.
109
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,383
I mean, why would they want
to avoid us?
110
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,618
(Blows air)
111
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,855
What did you do?
112
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:45,189
What?
113
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,676
You heard me.
What... did you do?
114
00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:50,194
I haven't said
a word to those people.
115
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,063
Well, that's the problem
right there.
116
00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:53,731
You're not friendly,
you don't say "hi,"
117
00:03:53,782 --> 00:03:55,116
you water the yard
in your underpants.
118
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,851
It's disconcerting.
119
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,870
It's like you're trying
to drive people away.
120
00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:00,989
That's because I am
trying to drive people away.
121
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,357
Well, that is why
you have no friends, Murray.
122
00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:04,626
I live in a house
full of people
123
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,694
who won't leave me
the hell alone.
124
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,329
That's all the friends I need.
125
00:04:08,363 --> 00:04:10,965
Well, you may not
want friends, but I do.
126
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,667
Go over there and apologize
127
00:04:12,701 --> 00:04:14,669
for being a pantsless
grumpy pants.
128
00:04:14,703 --> 00:04:17,538
I should apologize for being me?
(Spoon clinks)
129
00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:19,007
Yes!
130
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,342
(Doorbell rings)
131
00:04:21,376 --> 00:04:25,513
Hi. I'm, uh, Murray Goldberg
from across the street.
132
00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:28,650
Just thought I'd come over
and formally introduce myself.
133
00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,401
Charles Kremp.
Pleasure to meet you.
134
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,054
- Come on in.
- Oh, okay. Thank you.
135
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:34,939
This place smells great!
136
00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:36,941
It's the gardenias.
137
00:04:36,992 --> 00:04:39,494
It's a perk of the job.
I'm a florist.
138
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:41,496
- Oh, how about that?
- That's right.
139
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:45,667
We have a-a flower spray
that we keep in the bathroom.
140
00:04:45,701 --> 00:04:46,734
It tries.
141
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:49,003
But the point is,
142
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,772
I am here to invite you
to a barbecue.
143
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,208
Yes, that...
that situation.
144
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,828
So... it is
a situation, huh?
145
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:58,612
From now on,
146
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:01,549
I will try and, uh,
147
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,002
wear pants when I go outside.
148
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:05,586
- Try.
- To be honest,
149
00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:08,689
um... (Clicks tongue)
My... my wife Virginia...
150
00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,842
she can be a little sensitive,
151
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,145
and, uh... (Chuckles)
152
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:16,497
How to put this...
your wife scares her.
153
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,866
- What?
- Mm.
154
00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:23,304
That day, my father finallygot to do something
155
00:05:23,338 --> 00:05:26,173
he had been waiting forsince the day he got married...
156
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:27,675
be right!
157
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:28,876
(Singsongy) It's you!
158
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,595
- What?
- You heard me.
159
00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:32,680
It's not me that's the problem.
160
00:05:32,714 --> 00:05:33,948
It's you!
161
00:05:33,982 --> 00:05:35,383
What did I do?
162
00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:37,268
Oh... you scare the woman.
163
00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:38,686
Scare her but good.
164
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,771
That is ridiculous.
165
00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:41,656
I have never been anything
but cordial to her.
166
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:43,508
How can she not like me?
167
00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:47,328
You yell. Uh, you yell inside,
you yell outside.
168
00:05:47,362 --> 00:05:50,598
And apparently, you climbed up
on a garbage truck
169
00:05:50,632 --> 00:05:52,066
to yell at the garbage man.
170
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,835
And he drove halfway
down the block
171
00:05:53,869 --> 00:05:55,353
with you hanging off the back.
172
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:59,290
And then he drove back
and picked up our old sink.
173
00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,391
You're welcome.
174
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,843
Explain it any way
you want to, Bevy.
175
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,630
That woman no likey you.
176
00:06:05,664 --> 00:06:08,282
But the idea of someonenot liking my mom
177
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,734
was not gonna fly.
178
00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:13,421
Beverly Goldberg prided herselfon being loved by all.
179
00:06:13,455 --> 00:06:17,809
And she couldn't have itany other way.
180
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,844
Whoo-hoo! Virginia!
181
00:06:19,895 --> 00:06:23,597
She turned power walkinginto power stalking.
182
00:06:26,351 --> 00:06:29,170
- Hey! (Chuckles) Whoo! (Chuckles)
- I didn't see you there.
183
00:06:29,204 --> 00:06:31,923
Oh. I didn't know
you power walked.
184
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,441
What a coincidence.
185
00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:34,976
I do it every day.
(Chuckles)
186
00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:36,711
She didn't.
187
00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,880
Well, I should...
keep moving.
188
00:06:38,914 --> 00:06:41,482
- I just hit my peak burn period. So...
- Oh, good stuff,
189
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:42,900
good stuff. Listen...
190
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,536
I feel like we got off
on the wrong foot,
191
00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:46,420
and I know we're gonna
be great friends.
192
00:06:46,454 --> 00:06:49,891
So please come over
for a barbecue.
193
00:06:49,925 --> 00:06:51,325
(Chuckles) Sure.
194
00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:52,410
Sure, I'll let you know.
195
00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:54,679
Now? Okay, uh,
how about Saturday?
196
00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,263
I think it's supposed
to rain on Saturday.
197
00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:57,365
Great, Saturday it is.
Mark it down.
198
00:06:57,399 --> 00:06:58,833
You don't have
to bring anything
199
00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:02,069
except an open mind
and four sides. (Chuckles)
200
00:07:02,104 --> 00:07:04,372
No. Just one side,
if you want.
201
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:06,340
Okay. (Chuckles)
202
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,810
- I'm gonna keep moving.
- Okay, I'll lead.
203
00:07:08,844 --> 00:07:11,395
(Strained voice) Oh! Aah!
Cramp, cramp, cramp.
204
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,481
Okay, Saturday it is.
Prepare to make some memories.
205
00:07:13,515 --> 00:07:14,816
(Chuckles) Ohh!
206
00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:16,968
While my mom was tryingto make a connection
207
00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:18,719
with Mrs. Kremp...(Line ringing)
208
00:07:18,754 --> 00:07:20,972
My brother was hoping to makea connection of his own.
209
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:22,456
(Woman, seductive voice)Hey, there, big boy.
210
00:07:22,491 --> 00:07:24,742
You've reached 9-7-6-FOX.
211
00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:27,361
I'm glad you called.
212
00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:30,331
To speak with a hot girlin a car... press one.
213
00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:33,901
To speak with a nasty girlon a plane... press two.
214
00:07:33,936 --> 00:07:35,369
What the... hello?
215
00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:36,921
Hang up.
216
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,005
Hang up!
217
00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,640
Hang up!
218
00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:42,410
Seriously, you're calling
9-7-6 numbers?
219
00:07:42,444 --> 00:07:44,879
That's a personal call
with a friend!
220
00:07:44,913 --> 00:07:45,980
Gimme that.
221
00:07:46,014 --> 00:07:48,065
You've selectederotic boat ride.
222
00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:49,634
(Chuckles) Oh, man.
223
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:51,102
You are so busted.
224
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:53,053
Don't tell Dad, please?
225
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,522
I'll do anything.
226
00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:56,957
I'll give you one week
of uninterrupted phone time.
227
00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:59,660
Hmm, that's hard to pass up.
228
00:07:59,695 --> 00:08:03,831
Dad! Barry's calling
9-7-6 numbers!
229
00:08:03,849 --> 00:08:05,165
What?!
230
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:07,618
Those calls are like
$5.99 a minute.
231
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,893
The first two minutes are free,
232
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,488
and I never go
beyond the second minute.
233
00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:13,140
I use the timer from Boggle.
It's legit.
234
00:08:13,174 --> 00:08:15,309
Oh, you want legit?
235
00:08:15,343 --> 00:08:17,645
No phone for a month!
What?!
236
00:08:17,679 --> 00:08:20,231
- This is your fault!
- How is it my fault
237
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,816
that you want to get frisky in a rowboat?
(Door creaks open)
238
00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:24,535
That wasn't the selection I was gonna make.
(Door closes)
239
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,120
Okay, now you're in trouble.
240
00:08:26,154 --> 00:08:28,990
Your son has been
calling smut numbers.
241
00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:32,793
I don't care. I have something
very important to tell you.
242
00:08:32,828 --> 00:08:35,029
The Kremps are coming over
for a barbecue.
243
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,632
Yes! That is big!
244
00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:40,200
Now let's focus on this
and not my thing.
245
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,369
Tell us more
about this important barbecue.
246
00:08:42,387 --> 00:08:44,455
Wait, are we talking
about all the Kremps here,
247
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,923
like, the boys, too...
248
00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:47,975
the one that's Adam's age,
and the one that's my age
249
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,011
with sandy brown hair
and blue eyes?
250
00:08:50,045 --> 00:08:52,379
You still want to have
a barbecue with these people,
251
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:54,482
even though that woman's
terrified of you?
252
00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:55,683
Not anymore.
253
00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:57,268
I woke up early this morning,
254
00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,186
followed her for 2 miles
on foot,
255
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,322
then chased her down
and convinced her
256
00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:03,324
there's nothing scary about me.
257
00:09:03,358 --> 00:09:06,110
Come on. I had nothing
planned this weekend.
258
00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:07,394
It was perfect.
259
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,447
Well, now you do.
And you will be warm
260
00:09:09,498 --> 00:09:12,066
and inviting,
and so help me God,
261
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,535
you better not fall asleep
in front of these people.
262
00:09:14,569 --> 00:09:17,755
Okay! Let's get cookin'!
263
00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:19,907
Off. Take it off.
264
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:21,626
It's an icebreaker...
265
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:22,977
Sometimes more.
266
00:09:23,011 --> 00:09:25,096
Dad, these are good people.
267
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,847
We need to be
on our best behavior.
268
00:09:26,882 --> 00:09:30,434
That means no dirty jokes,
no limericks, no lewd comments.
269
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,853
This party sounds like
a real drag.
270
00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:34,021
As for the rest of you,
271
00:09:34,056 --> 00:09:37,257
no yelling, no cursing,
no fighting.
272
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:39,427
Mark my words.
273
00:09:39,461 --> 00:09:41,929
This will be
the best backyard barbecue
274
00:09:41,947 --> 00:09:45,266
in the history...
of backyard barbecues.
275
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,652
(Thunder rumbles, rainfall)
Or not.
276
00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:50,571
It was gonna be a very stormyweekend with the Kremps.
277
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,273
(Thunder rumbles) Even though it
rained during the big barbecue,
278
00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:53,608
it didn't stop me and Chad
279
00:09:53,642 --> 00:09:56,009
from reciting"Empire Strikes Back" by heart.
280
00:09:56,044 --> 00:09:57,944
(Both, robotically)
No, no, that's not true.
281
00:09:58,479 --> 00:10:01,247
That's impossible.
282
00:10:01,282 --> 00:10:04,734
It also didn't stop my sisterfrom warming up to Drew Kremp,
283
00:10:04,768 --> 00:10:06,736
or my dad from falling asleep,
284
00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:09,005
or my mom from trying to getVirginia to warm up to her.
285
00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:11,491
- I brought you some wine.
- What?!
286
00:10:11,525 --> 00:10:12,825
(Lowered voice)
I brought you some wine.
287
00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:14,043
I'm sorry.
I can't hear you.
288
00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:16,596
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so naturally soft-spoken.
289
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:17,997
I brought you some wine.
290
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:20,233
Okay, who needs dogs?
291
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:23,569
Mm. Wow.
Thank you so much. Look...
292
00:10:23,603 --> 00:10:25,555
oh, you warmed my buns.
293
00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:26,839
Yes.
294
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:28,307
I don't know if I can
handle all this meat.
295
00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:29,742
(Under breath)
Is she kidding me with this?
296
00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:31,244
(Under breath) Just go.
297
00:10:31,278 --> 00:10:34,079
No one was reallyenjoying themselves...
298
00:10:34,098 --> 00:10:37,400
Except for Barry.(Thunder rumbling)
299
00:10:37,434 --> 00:10:38,851
Hello, sister.
300
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:40,853
Perfect day for a barbecue,
isn't it?
301
00:10:40,888 --> 00:10:43,055
No, weirdo.
It's pouring outside.
302
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:44,256
Oh, I'm sorry.
303
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:46,025
I meant, it's a perfect day
for revenge.
304
00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,727
(Button clicks)
305
00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,695
(Erica) Drew Krempis so delicious.
306
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,898
I want to dunk him in a glassof milk and eat him up.
307
00:10:51,932 --> 00:10:53,116
(Button clicks, recording
stops) What the hell?
308
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:55,551
You recorded
my private phone call?
309
00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:57,303
Funny... how I just happened
to pick up
310
00:10:57,337 --> 00:10:58,604
when you were on the phone.
311
00:10:58,638 --> 00:11:00,623
Should I play the rest for
the guests we're entertaining?
312
00:11:00,657 --> 00:11:02,125
(Lowered voice) Okay, you win.
313
00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,309
You can use the phone
whenever you want, okay?
314
00:11:03,343 --> 00:11:05,611
Just please don't play it,
I'm begging you.
315
00:11:05,646 --> 00:11:08,598
Kind of like how I begged you
not to tell Dad, huh?
316
00:11:08,632 --> 00:11:11,083
Perchance, can you remind me
how that turned out?
317
00:11:11,101 --> 00:11:12,702
Will you stop talking like that
and just give me the damn tape?
318
00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,320
- No.
- Just give it...
319
00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:15,321
- (strained voice) Not giving it to you.
- (Strained voice) Stop it!
320
00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:16,656
You're embarrassing yourself.
321
00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:18,224
- Give it...
- Stop!
322
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,126
Oh, my God! Stop!
(Tape recorder thuds, starts playing)
323
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,311
(Erica's voice) I mean, doesn't
"Erica Kremp" sound perfect?
324
00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:23,980
When we get married,we're gonna ski
325
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:26,632
and speak French all dayand have super blonde kids.
326
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:27,884
Whoa.
327
00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:31,237
- Oh, dear.
- That... was not the plan.
328
00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,788
What was the plan?
329
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,991
- What was the plan?!
- Aah!
330
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,843
- Kids, enough!
- Ow! Ow!
331
00:11:36,877 --> 00:11:39,312
- This is so out of character for them.
(Erica) Stop moving.
332
00:11:39,346 --> 00:11:40,730
- (Erica) Let me punch you!
- (Barry) Get off me!
333
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,732
Kids, I told you not to punch
each other in the privates.
334
00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:44,233
- No phone for either of you.
- Ow, ow, ow!
335
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,552
(Erica) Stop moving!
(Eric and Barry grunting)
336
00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:47,520
(Erica) Eat it!
337
00:11:47,554 --> 00:11:50,122
Murray, wake the (bleep) up!
338
00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:51,624
(Thunder rumbling)
339
00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:53,192
(Gasps)
340
00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:54,677
Well, you know, it's...
it's getting late.
341
00:11:54,728 --> 00:11:57,847
We should probably head out.
Okay. Bye-bye now. Good time.
342
00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:00,833
A week went by,and I hadn't seen Chad.
343
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:03,869
Thankfully, Pops was alwaysthere when I needed him.
344
00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,004
Okay, and we're rolling.
345
00:12:05,038 --> 00:12:06,038
Action!
346
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:09,709
What's my first line?
347
00:12:09,743 --> 00:12:11,344
Oh, come on, seriously?
348
00:12:11,378 --> 00:12:12,878
You got fruit punch
on your suit?
349
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,730
Oh, it's okay.
350
00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,666
I-I've given the character
a lot of thought.
351
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,601
This robot loves fruit punch.
352
00:12:18,635 --> 00:12:19,769
He's a messy robot.
353
00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:21,771
I told you, you're not a robot.
354
00:12:21,805 --> 00:12:25,157
You're a program living inside
a digital computer world.
355
00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:29,428
Or... instead of him going
to a computer world,
356
00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:32,064
how about he goes
to a juice world?
357
00:12:32,098 --> 00:12:33,732
There's no such thing
as a juice world!
358
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,167
But computer worlds are real?
359
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:36,368
(Sighs) Just go.
360
00:12:36,386 --> 00:12:38,137
I don't know why
a robot can't like juice.
361
00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:39,488
Where's Chad today?
362
00:12:40,523 --> 00:12:43,542
Uh... I-I don't think
he's available.
363
00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:45,094
What do you mean?
364
00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:46,495
His mom just said
365
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:48,264
we can't play together
for a while.
366
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,649
What?!
367
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:50,783
The nerve of that woman.
368
00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,034
I'm marching over there
right now
369
00:12:52,085 --> 00:12:53,586
and giving her
a piece of my mind.
370
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,956
No! Wait! Your mind is the part
that scares her the most.
371
00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:58,641
Promise me you won't
go over there.
372
00:12:58,675 --> 00:13:01,327
Please. You'll just
make it worse.
373
00:13:01,361 --> 00:13:03,429
All right, lovebug.
374
00:13:03,463 --> 00:13:05,631
I won't go over there,
I promise.
375
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:07,650
My mom was a woman of her word.
376
00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:09,785
She didn't march over there.
377
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,671
Instead, she called.(Line ringing)
378
00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:14,323
(Click) (Virginia) Hello.
You've reached the Kremps.
379
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,159
Please leave a messageand have a wonderful day.
380
00:13:17,194 --> 00:13:18,294
(Beep)
381
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:21,580
Virginia, it's Beverly Goldberg.
Pick up.
382
00:13:21,598 --> 00:13:24,016
Oh, please, I see you
lurking behind the curtain
383
00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:25,701
like a weirdo in your own home.
384
00:13:25,736 --> 00:13:27,319
Would you pick up
the phone already?
385
00:13:27,337 --> 00:13:28,921
(Receiver clatters) So sorry,
I was just in the shower.
386
00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:31,857
Cut the crap and tell me
why Adam can't play with Chad.
387
00:13:31,892 --> 00:13:33,809
I'm sorry. Look, I just...
388
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:36,095
Think that we have
different styles...
389
00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:38,297
different ways of speaking
390
00:13:38,332 --> 00:13:39,865
in front of our children,
391
00:13:39,883 --> 00:13:42,001
and just generally...
392
00:13:42,035 --> 00:13:45,404
Different ways of being
in the world.
393
00:13:45,438 --> 00:13:46,405
Fine.
394
00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:48,174
If Chad can't play with Adam,
395
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:50,710
Adam can't play with Chad.
396
00:13:50,744 --> 00:13:52,478
And I could give a hoot
whether or not you like me
397
00:13:52,512 --> 00:13:56,749
because I have buttloads
of friends, okay?
398
00:13:56,783 --> 00:13:58,000
Buttloads.
399
00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,335
(Slams down receiver)
400
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:00,519
(Gasps)
401
00:14:01,788 --> 00:14:05,024
I... kept my promise.
402
00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:06,575
I didn't go over there.
403
00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:10,296
(Rapid footsteps depart)
And just like that,
404
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:13,165
my mom had hung upon my friendship with Chad.
405
00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:15,718
But we weren't the only onesgetting our lines crossed.
406
00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:18,387
My brother and sister'sbattle over the phone
407
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,973
had stretched on another day.
408
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:23,526
But what Barry would soonrealize was the fight
409
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,129
was about to be taken outside.
410
00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:30,132
I'm serious, Lainey.
Drew Kremp heard everything.
411
00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:33,218
I'm thinking of quitting school
and skipping town.
412
00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:35,071
Busted! You are so busted,
413
00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:37,390
and I'm telling,
and Barry wins.
414
00:14:37,424 --> 00:14:38,791
Mom and Dad said
we couldn't use the phone
415
00:14:38,825 --> 00:14:39,992
in the house.
416
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,094
Technically...
I'm outside the house.
417
00:14:42,128 --> 00:14:43,896
That's very intelligent.
418
00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:45,398
Give it to me!
I gotta make a call!
419
00:14:45,432 --> 00:14:46,432
No way!
It was my idea!
420
00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:47,950
- Just give it to me!
- Stop!
421
00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:48,951
Lainey, hold on!
422
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:51,904
(Bell dings)
423
00:14:51,922 --> 00:14:53,889
(Strained voice)
Give it... to... me.
424
00:14:53,924 --> 00:14:56,092
(Whooshes)
425
00:14:56,143 --> 00:14:57,476
(Grunts)
426
00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:00,646
You broke it!
427
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,965
Maybe you should call
9-7-6-new-phone.
428
00:15:02,999 --> 00:15:04,402
Maybe you should call...
429
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,902
Shut up!
430
00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:08,721
(Gasps)
- Are you kidding me?!
431
00:15:08,755 --> 00:15:10,506
I stand by what I did.
432
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,057
God!
433
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:13,526
Why are we like this?
434
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,227
'Cause we're a family.
435
00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:16,746
That's what a family does.
436
00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:19,565
All we ever do is fight,
and it's exhausting.
437
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,584
Wait.
438
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:24,136
You're not gonna
throw mud back in my face?
439
00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:26,905
What do I do?
440
00:15:26,923 --> 00:15:30,292
Tell me, what do I do?
441
00:15:32,258 --> 00:15:34,025
For the next week,my mom and Virginia Kremp
442
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:36,410
avoided each other.But in a small town,
443
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:38,929
you can only avoid someonefor so long.
444
00:15:39,214 --> 00:15:41,065
(Virginia) I knew
something was wrong
445
00:15:41,099 --> 00:15:43,634
because when I bit
into the eclair,
446
00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:45,886
it tasted like sour cream
and pickles.
447
00:15:45,921 --> 00:15:48,522
If they went bad,
they went bad on your watch.
448
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,024
I can see
why you would think that.
449
00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:53,444
And normally I would never...
ever, ever make a fuss.
450
00:15:53,478 --> 00:15:55,980
But I did purchase these
less than 24 hours ago,
451
00:15:56,031 --> 00:15:57,448
and I still have the receipt.
452
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:58,916
I'm not takin' these back!
453
00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,667
Are you kidding me?!
454
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,053
My mom may have been ableto give up on Virginia,
455
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,873
but she couldn't give upon who she was.
456
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:06,924
Mrs. Goldberg,
457
00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:07,925
I-I didn't know you two
knew each other.
458
00:16:07,959 --> 00:16:09,843
Damn right we do.
We're neighbors.
459
00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:13,146
Now... go back
and get her some fresh eclairs.
460
00:16:13,164 --> 00:16:15,165
Or would you like a repeat...
461
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,518
(Loudly)
Of the birthday cake fiasco?
462
00:16:17,552 --> 00:16:20,371
Who writes "sorry for your loss"
463
00:16:20,422 --> 00:16:22,172
on a 10-year-old's
birthday cake?
464
00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:25,125
- It was a mistake, and
Victor was let go. - Yeah.
465
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,378
Well, that was a dark day
for this store.
466
00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:29,847
But it could get a lot darker.
467
00:16:29,881 --> 00:16:31,181
I'll take care of it.
468
00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:34,118
Sorry, ma'am.
I'll fix you right up.
469
00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,103
(Sighs)
470
00:16:37,338 --> 00:16:41,274
I know I just made
a big, loud scene.
471
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,143
It's just what I do.
472
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:49,166
Knock, knock. Honey?
473
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,834
Are you in there?
474
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,053
(Adam) Go away.
I don't wanna talk to you.
475
00:16:55,173 --> 00:16:57,358
You're right.
I should give you some space.
476
00:17:00,662 --> 00:17:03,163
At least close the door,
and don't turn on the lights.
477
00:17:03,198 --> 00:17:04,632
Darkness is my only friend.
478
00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:12,256
Adam, I am so sorry.
479
00:17:12,307 --> 00:17:14,174
You should be sorry!
Look at me!
480
00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:16,677
I'm in a glow-in-the-dark
unitard!
481
00:17:16,695 --> 00:17:19,163
(Sighs) And Chad was
the only friend that got me...
482
00:17:19,214 --> 00:17:20,965
Who got this!
483
00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:23,133
And you just had to ruin it...
484
00:17:23,184 --> 00:17:25,569
Just because one person
in this world
485
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:26,704
didn't like you.
486
00:17:26,738 --> 00:17:28,756
(Switch clicks)
487
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:30,858
Sweetie...
488
00:17:30,892 --> 00:17:33,627
You're the one that matters.
489
00:17:33,662 --> 00:17:35,228
I'd rather have nobody like me
490
00:17:35,246 --> 00:17:37,765
than have you be mad at me
forever.
491
00:17:41,535 --> 00:17:44,455
Not forever, just for
about a month and a half.
492
00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:46,790
Well...
493
00:17:46,825 --> 00:17:49,727
Let's see if I can
shorten that up just a bit.
494
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,345
(Starship's "Nothing's Gonna
Stop Us Now" playing)
495
00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:53,146
Yo.
496
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,315
Yo.
497
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,600
Whatcha doin'?
498
00:17:57,134 --> 00:17:58,168
Nothing.
499
00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,269
Want to finish our movie?
500
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,704
Yeah. Do you?
501
00:18:00,739 --> 00:18:02,439
- (Chuckles) Hell, yeah.
- Chad, "h" word.
502
00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:03,791
Sorry.
503
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,062
Cool.
504
00:18:10,231 --> 00:18:12,566
What the hell's the "h" word?
505
00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:16,887
So I was thinking tomorrow
we could go for a power walk.
506
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:20,140
And then you could come over
and we could split an eclair.
507
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,109
Or I could come over right now,
508
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,161
and we could each have
our own eclair.
509
00:18:24,195 --> 00:18:26,413
Mm... Beverly Goldberg, you are bad.
(Chuckles)
510
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:29,750
I am bad. I am the worst.
(Laughs)
511
00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:31,318
Let's do it.
(Whispers) Let's do it.
512
00:18:31,352 --> 00:18:32,569
Okay.
513
00:18:32,604 --> 00:18:34,805
And just like that,the one person out there
514
00:18:34,839 --> 00:18:36,823
who didn't like my mombecame her best friend.
515
00:18:37,341 --> 00:18:38,759
Even my dad,
516
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,844
who prided himselfon having no friends,
517
00:18:40,879 --> 00:18:44,348
started to come aroundto the idea.
518
00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:46,150
(Keys jangle) Yo.
519
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,035
Yo.
520
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:49,336
Whatcha doin'?
521
00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:51,772
- Uh... nothin'.
- Hey, uh...
522
00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:54,024
I don't know if you're
interested, but, um...
523
00:18:54,059 --> 00:18:56,260
I got Eagles season tickets...
524
00:18:56,294 --> 00:18:58,796
50 yard line. (Chuckles)
525
00:18:58,830 --> 00:18:59,997
You around Sunday?
526
00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:02,299
And we can build
this thing together
527
00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:03,734
Yeah!
528
00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:06,036
Watching the Kremp kidsget along
529
00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:09,523
inspired Barry and Erica to trysomething new and crazy...
530
00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:11,225
look out for each other.
531
00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:12,559
Hey, Chad.
532
00:19:12,594 --> 00:19:15,028
You want to bet I can't climb
the tree in your yard?
533
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,280
Yeah!
534
00:19:16,331 --> 00:19:18,398
Nothing's gonna stop us
535
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:21,201
nothing's gonna stop us
536
00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:22,335
now
537
00:19:22,353 --> 00:19:23,353
whoa, oh
538
00:19:23,388 --> 00:19:24,521
We learned a lotfrom each other.
539
00:19:24,556 --> 00:19:26,023
We taught them it was okay
540
00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:27,340
to raise your voicenow and then.
541
00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:28,776
I asked for paper-thin.
542
00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:29,977
You gave me slices...
543
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,780
Thick as my thumb...
not acceptable.
544
00:19:32,814 --> 00:19:36,216
I will stay here with you
545
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,769
while they learned howto be more like the Goldbergs,
546
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,971
we learned to be a little morelike the Kremps.
547
00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:42,856
Erica, telephone.
548
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,425
(Erica) What?
Push the button, Mom.
549
00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:47,093
- Uh...
- It's not hard.
550
00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:49,530
- Erica...
- How many times do I have to show you how this works?
551
00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:51,064
How does this
stupid thing work?
552
00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:52,900
- Erica, telep...
- Talk into the box!
553
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:55,119
- Erica! Telephone!
- Hello?
554
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,371
- Pick up the damn phone!
- What's the matter with you? Mom?
555
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,740
Yep, we were differentthan the Kremps...
556
00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,575
not better, not worse...
557
00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:03,160
just... different.
558
00:20:03,211 --> 00:20:04,578
Told you I could do it again.
559
00:20:04,612 --> 00:20:06,163
You're so stupidfor doubting me.
560
00:20:06,214 --> 00:20:09,714
(Adult Adam sighs) Oh, thoughBarry didn't help our case.
561
00:20:11,008 --> 00:20:13,526
Okay, folks.
Today we're re-enacting
562
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:16,178
some "Empire Strikes Back."
Are you ready?
563
00:20:16,696 --> 00:20:18,397
Dude, are you sure about this?
564
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,816
(Chuckles) Oh, I'm sure.
Keep it rolling.
565
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:24,119
(Clattering)
566
00:20:24,153 --> 00:20:29,024
(Breathing heavily)
567
00:20:29,042 --> 00:20:30,625
What's goin' on?
568
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,576
(Laughs)
569
00:20:31,627 --> 00:20:34,696
Oh, why do you always
do this crap?
570
00:20:34,747 --> 00:20:35,797
I'm your father!
571
00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:38,750
(Voice breaking) No...
That's not true.
572
00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:40,135
That's impossible!
573
00:20:40,169 --> 00:20:42,037
What do you mean "impossible"?
(Mask clatters)
574
00:20:42,055 --> 00:20:44,039
- Get the hell outta here!
- Run!
575
00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:45,007
(Laughs) (Laughs)
576
00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:48,276
577
00:21:01,008 --> 00:21:06,142
== Sync & corrections by Alice ==
== www.addic7ed.com ==
578
00:21:06,192 --> 00:21:10,742
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
43444
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.