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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,604 --> 00:00:03,121 (Whirs) 2 00:00:03,468 --> 00:00:04,586 (Engines revving) 3 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:05,821 (Adult Adam) Growing up in the '80s, 4 00:00:05,856 --> 00:00:08,824 I didn't just love movies... I lived them. (Engines continue revving) 5 00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:11,260 Maybe a little too much. 6 00:00:11,294 --> 00:00:14,062 (Imitates engine revving) 7 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,397 Hey, little buddy. 8 00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:16,698 Hey, Barry. You want to be in my movie? 9 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:17,833 I'd love nothing more. 10 00:00:17,867 --> 00:00:19,635 Okay, so I'm inside the game grid, 11 00:00:19,669 --> 00:00:22,149 and I have these identity discs, and you're gonna... (Whooshes) 12 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,623 That's a wrap, nerd. 13 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,511 I had no kids on my street to play with, 14 00:00:29,545 --> 00:00:32,564 and my older siblings weren't exactly interested 15 00:00:32,598 --> 00:00:34,015 in my hobbies. 16 00:00:34,049 --> 00:00:35,233 Yo. 17 00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:36,301 Yo. 18 00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:37,352 Whatcha up to? 19 00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:39,537 - Nothin'. - Oh. 20 00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,022 'Cause it looks like you were filming yourself 21 00:00:41,056 --> 00:00:42,957 on a "Tron" light cycle escaping the game grid. 22 00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,409 You've seen "Tron." 23 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:45,610 16 times. 24 00:00:45,644 --> 00:00:46,961 My mom's actually kinda worried. 25 00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:48,897 Hi, I'm Adam. 26 00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:49,964 I'm Chad... Kremp. 27 00:00:49,982 --> 00:00:51,449 We just moved in across the street. 28 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,501 You wanna check out my light cycle? 29 00:00:53,535 --> 00:00:54,969 Sure. Yeah. 30 00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:57,371 And just like that, I had a new neighbor and best friend. 31 00:00:57,389 --> 00:00:58,957 Even though we had so much in common, 32 00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:00,942 our families couldn't have been more different. 33 00:01:00,976 --> 00:01:01,993 (Doorbell rings) 34 00:01:02,044 --> 00:01:03,862 The Kremps were soft-spoken... 35 00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:05,230 Hi. Can Chad play? 36 00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,466 Chad, honey, your friend is here. 37 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,468 And the Goldbergs liked to yell. 38 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,604 Hi. Can Adam play? 39 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,640 Adam! Get your ass down here! 40 00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:18,009 The Kremps owned a fancy flower shop... 41 00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:19,144 Here, Adam. 42 00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:20,361 Why don't you take these home to your mother? 43 00:01:20,395 --> 00:01:21,746 Why? 44 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,998 The Goldbergs owned a discount furniture store. 45 00:01:24,032 --> 00:01:26,501 Hey... Get off the furniture! 46 00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:28,486 I gotta sell this crap. 47 00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:31,206 This was a typical Saturday afternoon at the Kremps'... 48 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,440 Whoa! 49 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:33,775 Put a little pepper on that one, didn't you, son? 50 00:01:33,809 --> 00:01:34,959 - I learned from the best. - (Chuckles) 51 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:37,312 - Hey, lemonade for my home team. - Ohh! 52 00:01:37,346 --> 00:01:38,880 While a Saturday afternoon at the Goldbergs' 53 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,148 looked more like this... 54 00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:41,483 (Beverly) What the hell? Barry Goldberg, 55 00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,951 you get your butt out of that tree right now! 56 00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:46,020 What kind of moron gets stuck in a tree? 57 00:01:46,055 --> 00:01:47,956 Adam said I couldn't climb this high. 58 00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:50,291 - I showed him! - (Chuckles) You sure did. 59 00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:51,926 If you don't come down right now, 60 00:01:51,961 --> 00:01:53,545 I am gonna go get the hose! 61 00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,029 You're not gonna spray our son. (Thuds) 62 00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:56,481 Stop! Erica, I would like to not have to... 63 00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:58,533 (all shouting at once) Enough with the ball! The hose... 64 00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:01,002 the hose is the way to go. The hose! Um, he's the idiot that got himself stuck up there. 65 00:02:01,036 --> 00:02:02,136 I'll try and catch him... (Speaks indistinctly) 66 00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:04,155 Hey, neighbors! Hi! 67 00:02:04,206 --> 00:02:06,874 We have got to get that barbecue on the books, don't we? 68 00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,543 - Definitely. - That'd be great. 69 00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,829 - He's a moron! - He is! 70 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,965 - Hi! - And that's what you'd call "A Goldberg first impression." 71 00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:15,767 (I Fight Dragons) I'm twisted up inside 72 00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:19,771 but nonetheless I feel the need to say 73 00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:22,056 == Sync, corrected by Alice | www.addic7ed.com == 74 00:02:22,057 --> 00:02:23,391 I don't know the future == Sync, corrected by Alice | www.addic7ed.com == 75 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:27,312 but the past keeps getting clearer every day 76 00:02:27,863 --> 00:02:31,200 - Long before cell phones, you only had one phone line... - Get off the phone. Get off the phone. 77 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,318 - And it was the source of all problems. - Get off the phone. Get off the phone. 78 00:02:33,369 --> 00:02:34,736 - Get off the phone. Get off the phone. - Hold on, Lainey. 79 00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,788 - Get off the phone. - I'm talking! 80 00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:39,407 Go away, or I'll punch you in the soft part of your skull. 81 00:02:39,441 --> 00:02:40,992 Mom told you not to punch me there. 82 00:02:41,043 --> 00:02:43,277 Now give me the phone. I got an important call to make. 83 00:02:43,295 --> 00:02:45,496 Really? What's so important? 84 00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:46,664 I gotta call Roger. 85 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:47,749 He borrowed my hockey stick, 86 00:02:47,783 --> 00:02:49,334 and I found a hornet's nest out back. 87 00:02:49,385 --> 00:02:51,619 Your life is so sad and simple. 88 00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:52,670 Go. 89 00:02:52,721 --> 00:02:54,255 No. Get off the phone. 90 00:02:54,289 --> 00:02:55,807 - Get off the phone. Get off the phone... - Hey, you know... 91 00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:58,292 When I was your age, I was a radio man 92 00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,478 with the 103rd, working with the French 93 00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:03,982 and the British. We shared one line, 94 00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:06,200 and we still managed to win the war. 95 00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:08,186 Can you please stop with these stories? 96 00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:10,238 This is a real life situation here. 97 00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:12,106 Dad, we gotta get a second phone line. 98 00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:13,358 Two phone lines? 99 00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:16,027 What does this look like... the White House? 100 00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:18,212 A second line... is that even possible 101 00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,665 with all those wires crossing in and out? 102 00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:22,149 Can they even do that? 103 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:25,420 While Pops couldn't understand how the phone worked, 104 00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,672 my mom couldn't understand why the Kremps 105 00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:29,657 kept ducking her barbecue invitation. 106 00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:31,793 This is getting ridiculous. 107 00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:33,711 I have been nothing but nice to the Kremps... (Loaf thuds) 108 00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:35,847 And they're clearly blowing us off. 109 00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,383 I mean, why would they want to avoid us? 110 00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,618 (Blows air) 111 00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,855 What did you do? 112 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:45,189 What? 113 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,676 You heard me. What... did you do? 114 00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:50,194 I haven't said a word to those people. 115 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,063 Well, that's the problem right there. 116 00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:53,731 You're not friendly, you don't say "hi," 117 00:03:53,782 --> 00:03:55,116 you water the yard in your underpants. 118 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,851 It's disconcerting. 119 00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,870 It's like you're trying to drive people away. 120 00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:00,989 That's because I am trying to drive people away. 121 00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,357 Well, that is why you have no friends, Murray. 122 00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:04,626 I live in a house full of people 123 00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,694 who won't leave me the hell alone. 124 00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,329 That's all the friends I need. 125 00:04:08,363 --> 00:04:10,965 Well, you may not want friends, but I do. 126 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,667 Go over there and apologize 127 00:04:12,701 --> 00:04:14,669 for being a pantsless grumpy pants. 128 00:04:14,703 --> 00:04:17,538 I should apologize for being me? (Spoon clinks) 129 00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:19,007 Yes! 130 00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,342 (Doorbell rings) 131 00:04:21,376 --> 00:04:25,513 Hi. I'm, uh, Murray Goldberg from across the street. 132 00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:28,650 Just thought I'd come over and formally introduce myself. 133 00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,401 Charles Kremp. Pleasure to meet you. 134 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,054 - Come on in. - Oh, okay. Thank you. 135 00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:34,939 This place smells great! 136 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:36,941 It's the gardenias. 137 00:04:36,992 --> 00:04:39,494 It's a perk of the job. I'm a florist. 138 00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:41,496 - Oh, how about that? - That's right. 139 00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:45,667 We have a-a flower spray that we keep in the bathroom. 140 00:04:45,701 --> 00:04:46,734 It tries. 141 00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:49,003 But the point is, 142 00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,772 I am here to invite you to a barbecue. 143 00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,208 Yes, that... that situation. 144 00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,828 So... it is a situation, huh? 145 00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:58,612 From now on, 146 00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:01,549 I will try and, uh, 147 00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,002 wear pants when I go outside. 148 00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:05,586 - Try. - To be honest, 149 00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:08,689 um... (Clicks tongue) My... my wife Virginia... 150 00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,842 she can be a little sensitive, 151 00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,145 and, uh... (Chuckles) 152 00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:16,497 How to put this... your wife scares her. 153 00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,866 - What? - Mm. 154 00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:23,304 That day, my father finally got to do something 155 00:05:23,338 --> 00:05:26,173 he had been waiting for since the day he got married... 156 00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:27,675 be right! 157 00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:28,876 (Singsongy) It's you! 158 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,595 - What? - You heard me. 159 00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:32,680 It's not me that's the problem. 160 00:05:32,714 --> 00:05:33,948 It's you! 161 00:05:33,982 --> 00:05:35,383 What did I do? 162 00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:37,268 Oh... you scare the woman. 163 00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:38,686 Scare her but good. 164 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,771 That is ridiculous. 165 00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:41,656 I have never been anything but cordial to her. 166 00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:43,508 How can she not like me? 167 00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:47,328 You yell. Uh, you yell inside, you yell outside. 168 00:05:47,362 --> 00:05:50,598 And apparently, you climbed up on a garbage truck 169 00:05:50,632 --> 00:05:52,066 to yell at the garbage man. 170 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,835 And he drove halfway down the block 171 00:05:53,869 --> 00:05:55,353 with you hanging off the back. 172 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:59,290 And then he drove back and picked up our old sink. 173 00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,391 You're welcome. 174 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,843 Explain it any way you want to, Bevy. 175 00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,630 That woman no likey you. 176 00:06:05,664 --> 00:06:08,282 But the idea of someone not liking my mom 177 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,734 was not gonna fly. 178 00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:13,421 Beverly Goldberg prided herself on being loved by all. 179 00:06:13,455 --> 00:06:17,809 And she couldn't have it any other way. 180 00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,844 Whoo-hoo! Virginia! 181 00:06:19,895 --> 00:06:23,597 She turned power walking into power stalking. 182 00:06:26,351 --> 00:06:29,170 - Hey! (Chuckles) Whoo! (Chuckles) - I didn't see you there. 183 00:06:29,204 --> 00:06:31,923 Oh. I didn't know you power walked. 184 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,441 What a coincidence. 185 00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:34,976 I do it every day. (Chuckles) 186 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:36,711 She didn't. 187 00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,880 Well, I should... keep moving. 188 00:06:38,914 --> 00:06:41,482 - I just hit my peak burn period. So... - Oh, good stuff, 189 00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:42,900 good stuff. Listen... 190 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,536 I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, 191 00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:46,420 and I know we're gonna be great friends. 192 00:06:46,454 --> 00:06:49,891 So please come over for a barbecue. 193 00:06:49,925 --> 00:06:51,325 (Chuckles) Sure. 194 00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:52,410 Sure, I'll let you know. 195 00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:54,679 Now? Okay, uh, how about Saturday? 196 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,263 I think it's supposed to rain on Saturday. 197 00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:57,365 Great, Saturday it is. Mark it down. 198 00:06:57,399 --> 00:06:58,833 You don't have to bring anything 199 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:02,069 except an open mind and four sides. (Chuckles) 200 00:07:02,104 --> 00:07:04,372 No. Just one side, if you want. 201 00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:06,340 Okay. (Chuckles) 202 00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,810 - I'm gonna keep moving. - Okay, I'll lead. 203 00:07:08,844 --> 00:07:11,395 (Strained voice) Oh! Aah! Cramp, cramp, cramp. 204 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,481 Okay, Saturday it is. Prepare to make some memories. 205 00:07:13,515 --> 00:07:14,816 (Chuckles) Ohh! 206 00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:16,968 While my mom was trying to make a connection 207 00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:18,719 with Mrs. Kremp... (Line ringing) 208 00:07:18,754 --> 00:07:20,972 My brother was hoping to make a connection of his own. 209 00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:22,456 (Woman, seductive voice) Hey, there, big boy. 210 00:07:22,491 --> 00:07:24,742 You've reached 9-7-6-FOX. 211 00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:27,361 I'm glad you called. 212 00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:30,331 To speak with a hot girl in a car... press one. 213 00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:33,901 To speak with a nasty girl on a plane... press two. 214 00:07:33,936 --> 00:07:35,369 What the... hello? 215 00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:36,921 Hang up. 216 00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,005 Hang up! 217 00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,640 Hang up! 218 00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:42,410 Seriously, you're calling 9-7-6 numbers? 219 00:07:42,444 --> 00:07:44,879 That's a personal call with a friend! 220 00:07:44,913 --> 00:07:45,980 Gimme that. 221 00:07:46,014 --> 00:07:48,065 You've selected erotic boat ride. 222 00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:49,634 (Chuckles) Oh, man. 223 00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:51,102 You are so busted. 224 00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:53,053 Don't tell Dad, please? 225 00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,522 I'll do anything. 226 00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:56,957 I'll give you one week of uninterrupted phone time. 227 00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:59,660 Hmm, that's hard to pass up. 228 00:07:59,695 --> 00:08:03,831 Dad! Barry's calling 9-7-6 numbers! 229 00:08:03,849 --> 00:08:05,165 What?! 230 00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:07,618 Those calls are like $5.99 a minute. 231 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,893 The first two minutes are free, 232 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,488 and I never go beyond the second minute. 233 00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:13,140 I use the timer from Boggle. It's legit. 234 00:08:13,174 --> 00:08:15,309 Oh, you want legit? 235 00:08:15,343 --> 00:08:17,645 No phone for a month! What?! 236 00:08:17,679 --> 00:08:20,231 - This is your fault! - How is it my fault 237 00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,816 that you want to get frisky in a rowboat? (Door creaks open) 238 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:24,535 That wasn't the selection I was gonna make. (Door closes) 239 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,120 Okay, now you're in trouble. 240 00:08:26,154 --> 00:08:28,990 Your son has been calling smut numbers. 241 00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:32,793 I don't care. I have something very important to tell you. 242 00:08:32,828 --> 00:08:35,029 The Kremps are coming over for a barbecue. 243 00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,632 Yes! That is big! 244 00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:40,200 Now let's focus on this and not my thing. 245 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,369 Tell us more about this important barbecue. 246 00:08:42,387 --> 00:08:44,455 Wait, are we talking about all the Kremps here, 247 00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,923 like, the boys, too... 248 00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:47,975 the one that's Adam's age, and the one that's my age 249 00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,011 with sandy brown hair and blue eyes? 250 00:08:50,045 --> 00:08:52,379 You still want to have a barbecue with these people, 251 00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:54,482 even though that woman's terrified of you? 252 00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:55,683 Not anymore. 253 00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:57,268 I woke up early this morning, 254 00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,186 followed her for 2 miles on foot, 255 00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,322 then chased her down and convinced her 256 00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:03,324 there's nothing scary about me. 257 00:09:03,358 --> 00:09:06,110 Come on. I had nothing planned this weekend. 258 00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:07,394 It was perfect. 259 00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,447 Well, now you do. And you will be warm 260 00:09:09,498 --> 00:09:12,066 and inviting, and so help me God, 261 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,535 you better not fall asleep in front of these people. 262 00:09:14,569 --> 00:09:17,755 Okay! Let's get cookin'! 263 00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:19,907 Off. Take it off. 264 00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:21,626 It's an icebreaker... 265 00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:22,977 Sometimes more. 266 00:09:23,011 --> 00:09:25,096 Dad, these are good people. 267 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,847 We need to be on our best behavior. 268 00:09:26,882 --> 00:09:30,434 That means no dirty jokes, no limericks, no lewd comments. 269 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,853 This party sounds like a real drag. 270 00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:34,021 As for the rest of you, 271 00:09:34,056 --> 00:09:37,257 no yelling, no cursing, no fighting. 272 00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:39,427 Mark my words. 273 00:09:39,461 --> 00:09:41,929 This will be the best backyard barbecue 274 00:09:41,947 --> 00:09:45,266 in the history... of backyard barbecues. 275 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,652 (Thunder rumbles, rainfall) Or not. 276 00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:50,571 It was gonna be a very stormy weekend with the Kremps. 277 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,273 (Thunder rumbles) Even though it rained during the big barbecue, 278 00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:53,608 it didn't stop me and Chad 279 00:09:53,642 --> 00:09:56,009 from reciting "Empire Strikes Back" by heart. 280 00:09:56,044 --> 00:09:57,944 (Both, robotically) No, no, that's not true. 281 00:09:58,479 --> 00:10:01,247 That's impossible. 282 00:10:01,282 --> 00:10:04,734 It also didn't stop my sister from warming up to Drew Kremp, 283 00:10:04,768 --> 00:10:06,736 or my dad from falling asleep, 284 00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:09,005 or my mom from trying to get Virginia to warm up to her. 285 00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:11,491 - I brought you some wine. - What?! 286 00:10:11,525 --> 00:10:12,825 (Lowered voice) I brought you some wine. 287 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:14,043 I'm sorry. I can't hear you. 288 00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:16,596 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so naturally soft-spoken. 289 00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:17,997 I brought you some wine. 290 00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:20,233 Okay, who needs dogs? 291 00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:23,569 Mm. Wow. Thank you so much. Look... 292 00:10:23,603 --> 00:10:25,555 oh, you warmed my buns. 293 00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:26,839 Yes. 294 00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:28,307 I don't know if I can handle all this meat. 295 00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:29,742 (Under breath) Is she kidding me with this? 296 00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:31,244 (Under breath) Just go. 297 00:10:31,278 --> 00:10:34,079 No one was really enjoying themselves... 298 00:10:34,098 --> 00:10:37,400 Except for Barry. (Thunder rumbling) 299 00:10:37,434 --> 00:10:38,851 Hello, sister. 300 00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:40,853 Perfect day for a barbecue, isn't it? 301 00:10:40,888 --> 00:10:43,055 No, weirdo. It's pouring outside. 302 00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:44,256 Oh, I'm sorry. 303 00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:46,025 I meant, it's a perfect day for revenge. 304 00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,727 (Button clicks) 305 00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,695 (Erica) Drew Kremp is so delicious. 306 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,898 I want to dunk him in a glass of milk and eat him up. 307 00:10:51,932 --> 00:10:53,116 (Button clicks, recording stops) What the hell? 308 00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:55,551 You recorded my private phone call? 309 00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:57,303 Funny... how I just happened to pick up 310 00:10:57,337 --> 00:10:58,604 when you were on the phone. 311 00:10:58,638 --> 00:11:00,623 Should I play the rest for the guests we're entertaining? 312 00:11:00,657 --> 00:11:02,125 (Lowered voice) Okay, you win. 313 00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,309 You can use the phone whenever you want, okay? 314 00:11:03,343 --> 00:11:05,611 Just please don't play it, I'm begging you. 315 00:11:05,646 --> 00:11:08,598 Kind of like how I begged you not to tell Dad, huh? 316 00:11:08,632 --> 00:11:11,083 Perchance, can you remind me how that turned out? 317 00:11:11,101 --> 00:11:12,702 Will you stop talking like that and just give me the damn tape? 318 00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,320 - No. - Just give it... 319 00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:15,321 - (strained voice) Not giving it to you. - (Strained voice) Stop it! 320 00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:16,656 You're embarrassing yourself. 321 00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:18,224 - Give it... - Stop! 322 00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,126 Oh, my God! Stop! (Tape recorder thuds, starts playing) 323 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,311 (Erica's voice) I mean, doesn't "Erica Kremp" sound perfect? 324 00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:23,980 When we get married, we're gonna ski 325 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:26,632 and speak French all day and have super blonde kids. 326 00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:27,884 Whoa. 327 00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:31,237 - Oh, dear. - That... was not the plan. 328 00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,788 What was the plan? 329 00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,991 - What was the plan?! - Aah! 330 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,843 - Kids, enough! - Ow! Ow! 331 00:11:36,877 --> 00:11:39,312 - This is so out of character for them. (Erica) Stop moving. 332 00:11:39,346 --> 00:11:40,730 - (Erica) Let me punch you! - (Barry) Get off me! 333 00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,732 Kids, I told you not to punch each other in the privates. 334 00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:44,233 - No phone for either of you. - Ow, ow, ow! 335 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,552 (Erica) Stop moving! (Eric and Barry grunting) 336 00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:47,520 (Erica) Eat it! 337 00:11:47,554 --> 00:11:50,122 Murray, wake the (bleep) up! 338 00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:51,624 (Thunder rumbling) 339 00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:53,192 (Gasps) 340 00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:54,677 Well, you know, it's... it's getting late. 341 00:11:54,728 --> 00:11:57,847 We should probably head out. Okay. Bye-bye now. Good time. 342 00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:00,833 A week went by, and I hadn't seen Chad. 343 00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:03,869 Thankfully, Pops was always there when I needed him. 344 00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,004 Okay, and we're rolling. 345 00:12:05,038 --> 00:12:06,038 Action! 346 00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:09,709 What's my first line? 347 00:12:09,743 --> 00:12:11,344 Oh, come on, seriously? 348 00:12:11,378 --> 00:12:12,878 You got fruit punch on your suit? 349 00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,730 Oh, it's okay. 350 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,666 I-I've given the character a lot of thought. 351 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,601 This robot loves fruit punch. 352 00:12:18,635 --> 00:12:19,769 He's a messy robot. 353 00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:21,771 I told you, you're not a robot. 354 00:12:21,805 --> 00:12:25,157 You're a program living inside a digital computer world. 355 00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:29,428 Or... instead of him going to a computer world, 356 00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:32,064 how about he goes to a juice world? 357 00:12:32,098 --> 00:12:33,732 There's no such thing as a juice world! 358 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,167 But computer worlds are real? 359 00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:36,368 (Sighs) Just go. 360 00:12:36,386 --> 00:12:38,137 I don't know why a robot can't like juice. 361 00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:39,488 Where's Chad today? 362 00:12:40,523 --> 00:12:43,542 Uh... I-I don't think he's available. 363 00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:45,094 What do you mean? 364 00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:46,495 His mom just said 365 00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:48,264 we can't play together for a while. 366 00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,649 What?! 367 00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:50,783 The nerve of that woman. 368 00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,034 I'm marching over there right now 369 00:12:52,085 --> 00:12:53,586 and giving her a piece of my mind. 370 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,956 No! Wait! Your mind is the part that scares her the most. 371 00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:58,641 Promise me you won't go over there. 372 00:12:58,675 --> 00:13:01,327 Please. You'll just make it worse. 373 00:13:01,361 --> 00:13:03,429 All right, lovebug. 374 00:13:03,463 --> 00:13:05,631 I won't go over there, I promise. 375 00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:07,650 My mom was a woman of her word. 376 00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:09,785 She didn't march over there. 377 00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,671 Instead, she called. (Line ringing) 378 00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:14,323 (Click) (Virginia) Hello. You've reached the Kremps. 379 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,159 Please leave a message and have a wonderful day. 380 00:13:17,194 --> 00:13:18,294 (Beep) 381 00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:21,580 Virginia, it's Beverly Goldberg. Pick up. 382 00:13:21,598 --> 00:13:24,016 Oh, please, I see you lurking behind the curtain 383 00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:25,701 like a weirdo in your own home. 384 00:13:25,736 --> 00:13:27,319 Would you pick up the phone already? 385 00:13:27,337 --> 00:13:28,921 (Receiver clatters) So sorry, I was just in the shower. 386 00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:31,857 Cut the crap and tell me why Adam can't play with Chad. 387 00:13:31,892 --> 00:13:33,809 I'm sorry. Look, I just... 388 00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:36,095 Think that we have different styles... 389 00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:38,297 different ways of speaking 390 00:13:38,332 --> 00:13:39,865 in front of our children, 391 00:13:39,883 --> 00:13:42,001 and just generally... 392 00:13:42,035 --> 00:13:45,404 Different ways of being in the world. 393 00:13:45,438 --> 00:13:46,405 Fine. 394 00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:48,174 If Chad can't play with Adam, 395 00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:50,710 Adam can't play with Chad. 396 00:13:50,744 --> 00:13:52,478 And I could give a hoot whether or not you like me 397 00:13:52,512 --> 00:13:56,749 because I have buttloads of friends, okay? 398 00:13:56,783 --> 00:13:58,000 Buttloads. 399 00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,335 (Slams down receiver) 400 00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:00,519 (Gasps) 401 00:14:01,788 --> 00:14:05,024 I... kept my promise. 402 00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:06,575 I didn't go over there. 403 00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:10,296 (Rapid footsteps depart) And just like that, 404 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:13,165 my mom had hung up on my friendship with Chad. 405 00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:15,718 But we weren't the only ones getting our lines crossed. 406 00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:18,387 My brother and sister's battle over the phone 407 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,973 had stretched on another day. 408 00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:23,526 But what Barry would soon realize was the fight 409 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,129 was about to be taken outside. 410 00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:30,132 I'm serious, Lainey. Drew Kremp heard everything. 411 00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:33,218 I'm thinking of quitting school and skipping town. 412 00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:35,071 Busted! You are so busted, 413 00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:37,390 and I'm telling, and Barry wins. 414 00:14:37,424 --> 00:14:38,791 Mom and Dad said we couldn't use the phone 415 00:14:38,825 --> 00:14:39,992 in the house. 416 00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,094 Technically... I'm outside the house. 417 00:14:42,128 --> 00:14:43,896 That's very intelligent. 418 00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:45,398 Give it to me! I gotta make a call! 419 00:14:45,432 --> 00:14:46,432 No way! It was my idea! 420 00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:47,950 - Just give it to me! - Stop! 421 00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:48,951 Lainey, hold on! 422 00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:51,904 (Bell dings) 423 00:14:51,922 --> 00:14:53,889 (Strained voice) Give it... to... me. 424 00:14:53,924 --> 00:14:56,092 (Whooshes) 425 00:14:56,143 --> 00:14:57,476 (Grunts) 426 00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:00,646 You broke it! 427 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,965 Maybe you should call 9-7-6-new-phone. 428 00:15:02,999 --> 00:15:04,402 Maybe you should call... 429 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,902 Shut up! 430 00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:08,721 (Gasps) - Are you kidding me?! 431 00:15:08,755 --> 00:15:10,506 I stand by what I did. 432 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,057 God! 433 00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:13,526 Why are we like this? 434 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,227 'Cause we're a family. 435 00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:16,746 That's what a family does. 436 00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:19,565 All we ever do is fight, and it's exhausting. 437 00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,584 Wait. 438 00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:24,136 You're not gonna throw mud back in my face? 439 00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:26,905 What do I do? 440 00:15:26,923 --> 00:15:30,292 Tell me, what do I do? 441 00:15:32,258 --> 00:15:34,025 For the next week, my mom and Virginia Kremp 442 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:36,410 avoided each other. But in a small town, 443 00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:38,929 you can only avoid someone for so long. 444 00:15:39,214 --> 00:15:41,065 (Virginia) I knew something was wrong 445 00:15:41,099 --> 00:15:43,634 because when I bit into the eclair, 446 00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:45,886 it tasted like sour cream and pickles. 447 00:15:45,921 --> 00:15:48,522 If they went bad, they went bad on your watch. 448 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,024 I can see why you would think that. 449 00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:53,444 And normally I would never... ever, ever make a fuss. 450 00:15:53,478 --> 00:15:55,980 But I did purchase these less than 24 hours ago, 451 00:15:56,031 --> 00:15:57,448 and I still have the receipt. 452 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:58,916 I'm not takin' these back! 453 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,667 Are you kidding me?! 454 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,053 My mom may have been able to give up on Virginia, 455 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,873 but she couldn't give up on who she was. 456 00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:06,924 Mrs. Goldberg, 457 00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:07,925 I-I didn't know you two knew each other. 458 00:16:07,959 --> 00:16:09,843 Damn right we do. We're neighbors. 459 00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:13,146 Now... go back and get her some fresh eclairs. 460 00:16:13,164 --> 00:16:15,165 Or would you like a repeat... 461 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,518 (Loudly) Of the birthday cake fiasco? 462 00:16:17,552 --> 00:16:20,371 Who writes "sorry for your loss" 463 00:16:20,422 --> 00:16:22,172 on a 10-year-old's birthday cake? 464 00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:25,125 - It was a mistake, and Victor was let go. - Yeah. 465 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,378 Well, that was a dark day for this store. 466 00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:29,847 But it could get a lot darker. 467 00:16:29,881 --> 00:16:31,181 I'll take care of it. 468 00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:34,118 Sorry, ma'am. I'll fix you right up. 469 00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,103 (Sighs) 470 00:16:37,338 --> 00:16:41,274 I know I just made a big, loud scene. 471 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,143 It's just what I do. 472 00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:49,166 Knock, knock. Honey? 473 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,834 Are you in there? 474 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,053 (Adam) Go away. I don't wanna talk to you. 475 00:16:55,173 --> 00:16:57,358 You're right. I should give you some space. 476 00:17:00,662 --> 00:17:03,163 At least close the door, and don't turn on the lights. 477 00:17:03,198 --> 00:17:04,632 Darkness is my only friend. 478 00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:12,256 Adam, I am so sorry. 479 00:17:12,307 --> 00:17:14,174 You should be sorry! Look at me! 480 00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:16,677 I'm in a glow-in-the-dark unitard! 481 00:17:16,695 --> 00:17:19,163 (Sighs) And Chad was the only friend that got me... 482 00:17:19,214 --> 00:17:20,965 Who got this! 483 00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:23,133 And you just had to ruin it... 484 00:17:23,184 --> 00:17:25,569 Just because one person in this world 485 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:26,704 didn't like you. 486 00:17:26,738 --> 00:17:28,756 (Switch clicks) 487 00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:30,858 Sweetie... 488 00:17:30,892 --> 00:17:33,627 You're the one that matters. 489 00:17:33,662 --> 00:17:35,228 I'd rather have nobody like me 490 00:17:35,246 --> 00:17:37,765 than have you be mad at me forever. 491 00:17:41,535 --> 00:17:44,455 Not forever, just for about a month and a half. 492 00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:46,790 Well... 493 00:17:46,825 --> 00:17:49,727 Let's see if I can shorten that up just a bit. 494 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,345 (Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" playing) 495 00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:53,146 Yo. 496 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,315 Yo. 497 00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,600 Whatcha doin'? 498 00:17:57,134 --> 00:17:58,168 Nothing. 499 00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,269 Want to finish our movie? 500 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,704 Yeah. Do you? 501 00:18:00,739 --> 00:18:02,439 - (Chuckles) Hell, yeah. - Chad, "h" word. 502 00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:03,791 Sorry. 503 00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,062 Cool. 504 00:18:10,231 --> 00:18:12,566 What the hell's the "h" word? 505 00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:16,887 So I was thinking tomorrow we could go for a power walk. 506 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:20,140 And then you could come over and we could split an eclair. 507 00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,109 Or I could come over right now, 508 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,161 and we could each have our own eclair. 509 00:18:24,195 --> 00:18:26,413 Mm... Beverly Goldberg, you are bad. (Chuckles) 510 00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:29,750 I am bad. I am the worst. (Laughs) 511 00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:31,318 Let's do it. (Whispers) Let's do it. 512 00:18:31,352 --> 00:18:32,569 Okay. 513 00:18:32,604 --> 00:18:34,805 And just like that, the one person out there 514 00:18:34,839 --> 00:18:36,823 who didn't like my mom became her best friend. 515 00:18:37,341 --> 00:18:38,759 Even my dad, 516 00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,844 who prided himself on having no friends, 517 00:18:40,879 --> 00:18:44,348 started to come around to the idea. 518 00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:46,150 (Keys jangle) Yo. 519 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,035 Yo. 520 00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:49,336 Whatcha doin'? 521 00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:51,772 - Uh... nothin'. - Hey, uh... 522 00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:54,024 I don't know if you're interested, but, um... 523 00:18:54,059 --> 00:18:56,260 I got Eagles season tickets... 524 00:18:56,294 --> 00:18:58,796 50 yard line. (Chuckles) 525 00:18:58,830 --> 00:18:59,997 You around Sunday? 526 00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:02,299 And we can build this thing together 527 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:03,734 Yeah! 528 00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:06,036 Watching the Kremp kids get along 529 00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:09,523 inspired Barry and Erica to try something new and crazy... 530 00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:11,225 look out for each other. 531 00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:12,559 Hey, Chad. 532 00:19:12,594 --> 00:19:15,028 You want to bet I can't climb the tree in your yard? 533 00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,280 Yeah! 534 00:19:16,331 --> 00:19:18,398 Nothing's gonna stop us 535 00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:21,201 nothing's gonna stop us 536 00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:22,335 now 537 00:19:22,353 --> 00:19:23,353 whoa, oh 538 00:19:23,388 --> 00:19:24,521 We learned a lot from each other. 539 00:19:24,556 --> 00:19:26,023 We taught them it was okay 540 00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:27,340 to raise your voice now and then. 541 00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:28,776 I asked for paper-thin. 542 00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:29,977 You gave me slices... 543 00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,780 Thick as my thumb... not acceptable. 544 00:19:32,814 --> 00:19:36,216 I will stay here with you 545 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,769 while they learned how to be more like the Goldbergs, 546 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,971 we learned to be a little more like the Kremps. 547 00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:42,856 Erica, telephone. 548 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,425 (Erica) What? Push the button, Mom. 549 00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:47,093 - Uh... - It's not hard. 550 00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:49,530 - Erica... - How many times do I have to show you how this works? 551 00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:51,064 How does this stupid thing work? 552 00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:52,900 - Erica, telep... - Talk into the box! 553 00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:55,119 - Erica! Telephone! - Hello? 554 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,371 - Pick up the damn phone! - What's the matter with you? Mom? 555 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,740 Yep, we were different than the Kremps... 556 00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,575 not better, not worse... 557 00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:03,160 just... different. 558 00:20:03,211 --> 00:20:04,578 Told you I could do it again. 559 00:20:04,612 --> 00:20:06,163 You're so stupid for doubting me. 560 00:20:06,214 --> 00:20:09,714 (Adult Adam sighs) Oh, though Barry didn't help our case. 561 00:20:11,008 --> 00:20:13,526 Okay, folks. Today we're re-enacting 562 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:16,178 some "Empire Strikes Back." Are you ready? 563 00:20:16,696 --> 00:20:18,397 Dude, are you sure about this? 564 00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,816 (Chuckles) Oh, I'm sure. Keep it rolling. 565 00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:24,119 (Clattering) 566 00:20:24,153 --> 00:20:29,024 (Breathing heavily) 567 00:20:29,042 --> 00:20:30,625 What's goin' on? 568 00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,576 (Laughs) 569 00:20:31,627 --> 00:20:34,696 Oh, why do you always do this crap? 570 00:20:34,747 --> 00:20:35,797 I'm your father! 571 00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:38,750 (Voice breaking) No... That's not true. 572 00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:40,135 That's impossible! 573 00:20:40,169 --> 00:20:42,037 What do you mean "impossible"? (Mask clatters) 574 00:20:42,055 --> 00:20:44,039 - Get the hell outta here! - Run! 575 00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:45,007 (Laughs) (Laughs) 576 00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:48,276 577 00:21:01,008 --> 00:21:06,142 == Sync & corrections by Alice == == www.addic7ed.com == 578 00:21:06,192 --> 00:21:10,742 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43444