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(Adult Adam) Back in the '80s,
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00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:02,368
you had cars that
could travel through time,
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00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,026
cars that caught ghosts,
4
00:00:04,063 --> 00:00:06,963
and cars that could
talk to David Hasselhoff.
5
00:00:07,005 --> 00:00:10,841
So when my brother Barry got his license...
6
00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:13,743
He was finally free!
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(Starts engine)
8
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Aah! Oh!
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00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:41,203
Unfortunately, with my
mom, you're never free.
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Tush inside. Now.
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What the hell?
12
00:00:44,606 --> 00:00:47,108
Are you just sitting back
there waiting for me?
13
00:00:47,176 --> 00:00:48,943
Yes. Tush!
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00:00:49,011 --> 00:00:50,678
Rule number seven...
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00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:53,081
Total focus on the road.
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No eating, no passengers, no music.
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- What?
- No music.
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Rule number eight...
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00:00:58,086 --> 00:00:59,586
Doors must be locked and windows rolled up
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00:00:59,653 --> 00:01:01,154
at all times.
21
00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:03,656
- All times.
- That's insane!
22
00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:07,460
Which brings us to number
nine... you only drive in safe areas.
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00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:08,962
That means...
24
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:12,465
Stay within the green zone.
25
00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:13,966
You got a map with plastic overlays?
26
00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:15,101
Who does that?
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I do.
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00:01:16,169 --> 00:01:17,436
And rule number ten,
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and this is the most important rule...
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Call me when you get there.
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00:01:21,141 --> 00:01:23,840
Always call me when you get there.
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Why do I have to call you when I get there?
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00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:29,081
I'm there. I know I'm there.
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00:01:29,149 --> 00:01:30,884
But I don't know. For all I know,
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you could be stranded in
the middle of nowhere,
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lying facedown in a ditch.
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00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:35,822
Do the dishes, damn it!
38
00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:37,056
Ditches, okay?!
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00:01:37,124 --> 00:01:38,491
You're just blindly agreeing with her
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and have no idea what she's
even talking about.
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Oh, oh, I know what she's talking about.
42
00:01:43,564 --> 00:01:45,864
Right there. Learn your state capitals.
43
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:48,073
But you're too much a a big shot to study.
44
00:01:48,102 --> 00:01:49,449
Let me tell you somethin', mister.
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College is right around the corner,
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00:01:51,071 --> 00:01:55,709
and you need to shape up or ship out.
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00:01:55,776 --> 00:01:57,744
We're talking about her
stupid driving rules, dad.
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00:01:57,811 --> 00:02:01,513
Can you stick up for me
here? For once? Please?
49
00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,081
And for the first time,
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00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:06,385
my father actually took my brother's side.
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(Bell dings) No.
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00:02:08,355 --> 00:02:09,875
(Laughs) No, wait. That never happened.
53
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:14,226
The amount of suck in this room is unreal!
54
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I'm going to the movies.
55
00:02:16,862 --> 00:02:18,863
Call me when you get there!
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00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,197
But out of principle,
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00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:21,799
Barry did not call when he got there
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00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:23,067
because he knew that out in the world,
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he was beyond my mother's reach.
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00:02:25,203 --> 00:02:27,505
(Man) Barry Goldberg?
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00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:30,975
Is there a Barry Goldberg
here? (Movie playing indistinctly)
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Barry Goldberg?
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00:02:32,744 --> 00:02:33,744
Shh! Um, yeah?
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00:02:33,811 --> 00:02:35,178
You need to call your mother
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00:02:35,246 --> 00:02:37,247
and tell her you arrived here safely.
66
00:02:37,315 --> 00:02:40,617
She's very worried, dude. Not cool.
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00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:42,419
(Laughter)
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00:02:42,487 --> 00:02:43,754
Ugh!
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00:02:43,821 --> 00:02:45,522
(I fight dragons)
I'm twisted up inside
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00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:49,358
but nonetheless I
feel the need to say
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sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:51,828 --> 00:02:53,262
I don't know the future
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00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,709
but the past keeps
getting clearer every day
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00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,335
It was October 18th, 1980-something,
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and my sister and I were watching
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00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:03,038
the most entertaining
thing we'd ever seen...
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00:03:03,106 --> 00:03:06,108
my dad trying to work the VCR.
78
00:03:06,176 --> 00:03:09,245
Every time it ended like this.
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00:03:09,313 --> 00:03:10,713
The damn thing's broken!
80
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:13,982
- It's not broken. Just let me do it.
- No!
81
00:03:14,050 --> 00:03:15,718
I'm tired of coming to you for this
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00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:17,620
every single time I work late.
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00:03:17,688 --> 00:03:19,120
All right? Gotta do it myself.
84
00:03:19,188 --> 00:03:21,623
"Teach a man to fish." You
ever heard that saying?
85
00:03:21,691 --> 00:03:23,958
You promised to teach me
to fish two birthdays ago.
86
00:03:24,026 --> 00:03:26,595
Stop aggravating me! This is important!
87
00:03:26,662 --> 00:03:28,597
The Phillies are in the world series!
88
00:03:28,664 --> 00:03:31,333
It might be another
century before this happens again.
89
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,568
Dad, you've been messing
with that for ten minutes.
90
00:03:33,636 --> 00:03:34,768
Just let Adam do it.
91
00:03:34,836 --> 00:03:36,503
No. Hey.
92
00:03:36,571 --> 00:03:37,871
Just give me the
remote. Give me the remote.
93
00:03:37,939 --> 00:03:40,574
Here. Let me do this.
94
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:41,808
The hell?
95
00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:45,279
It's covered in buttons! Covered!
96
00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:48,115
Don't bother with the
buttons. Use the voice command.
97
00:03:48,182 --> 00:03:49,483
Right, Erica?
98
00:03:49,551 --> 00:03:50,950
Right. Um, it's new.
99
00:03:51,017 --> 00:03:53,720
Just hold the remote and
speak into the top.
100
00:03:53,787 --> 00:03:54,954
Huh.
101
00:03:55,021 --> 00:03:59,024
Record world series.
102
00:03:59,092 --> 00:04:00,192
Nothing.
103
00:04:00,261 --> 00:04:01,761
Get your lips closer, dad.
104
00:04:01,828 --> 00:04:03,630
Oh, I see. R-right there.
105
00:04:03,697 --> 00:04:06,498
(Loudly) Record.
106
00:04:06,566 --> 00:04:07,866
Record.
107
00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:09,934
Nothing!
108
00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:12,638
It's not identifying your
voice. You gotta say your name.
109
00:04:12,705 --> 00:04:14,806
My name is...
110
00:04:14,874 --> 00:04:16,841
Murray...
111
00:04:16,909 --> 00:04:17,976
Goldberg!
112
00:04:18,043 --> 00:04:20,445
(Adam and Erica laughing)
113
00:04:20,513 --> 00:04:21,780
Like it understands him.
114
00:04:21,847 --> 00:04:23,013
All right.
115
00:04:23,081 --> 00:04:24,121
Just record the damn game.
116
00:04:24,182 --> 00:04:25,650
(Laughs)
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00:04:25,717 --> 00:04:27,752
(Panting) Where is she?
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00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:29,920
Where's the woman who gave
me life and nothing more, huh?
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00:04:29,988 --> 00:04:32,055
Whoa, whoa, stop. I've
been waiting for you,
120
00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:33,090
and we need to talk.
121
00:04:33,158 --> 00:04:34,358
Busy. I gotta kill mom.
122
00:04:34,426 --> 00:04:36,026
Um, no. You're coming with me.
123
00:04:36,094 --> 00:04:37,295
Leave me alone,
124
00:04:37,362 --> 00:04:40,397
or so help me God... Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
125
00:04:40,464 --> 00:04:43,700
Ow! Ow! Ow!
126
00:04:43,768 --> 00:04:45,129
Why'd you have to purple my nurple?
127
00:04:45,169 --> 00:04:46,803
This doesn't involve you.
128
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,004
Of course it does!
129
00:04:48,071 --> 00:04:49,406
Mom was freaking out all day
130
00:04:49,473 --> 00:04:51,741
because you didn't call
her when you got there.
131
00:04:51,809 --> 00:04:53,510
And when she goes into worry mode,
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00:04:53,577 --> 00:04:55,344
she tightens the clamps on me, too.
133
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:57,879
- You almost blew my whole system.
- What system?
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00:04:57,947 --> 00:05:00,616
The system where I
ignore all of her driving rules
135
00:05:00,684 --> 00:05:01,850
and get away with it.
136
00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:03,652
Proceed.
137
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,455
Last week, I went to study at
Lainey's house two blocks away,
138
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,557
and as always, I called when I got there.
139
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:09,792
I said, "I'm here, mom."
140
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:10,991
"We're playing def leppard records
141
00:05:11,059 --> 00:05:13,027
and making jiffy pop. Miss you."
142
00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:14,329
So?
143
00:05:14,396 --> 00:05:18,366
So... I was at a def leppard concert...
144
00:05:18,434 --> 00:05:20,067
In New Jersey.
145
00:05:20,135 --> 00:05:22,337
Jersey? That's the red zone.
146
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:23,738
Damn right it is.
147
00:05:23,806 --> 00:05:25,640
Studying with Lainey was my cover story.
148
00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:26,973
You got a good cover story,
149
00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:28,675
and you can do anything you want.
150
00:05:28,743 --> 00:05:30,009
I've even been to Manhattan.
151
00:05:30,077 --> 00:05:31,945
The black zone.
152
00:05:32,012 --> 00:05:33,680
And tomorrow night, guess where I'm going.
153
00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:36,450
Kegger in the woods.
154
00:05:36,517 --> 00:05:39,586
Whoa! That's supposed to
be the best party of the year.
155
00:05:39,654 --> 00:05:40,987
And my cover story...
156
00:05:41,055 --> 00:05:42,621
(Singsongy) Band practice.
157
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:44,990
(Normal voice) I haven't
played violin since eighth grade,
158
00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:47,159
but she doesn't know that.
159
00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:49,762
No way. Can I join your band?
160
00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:51,497
I have an electric keyboard in my closet.
161
00:05:51,565 --> 00:05:52,942
Get your own thing, idiot.
162
00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:56,035
Pfft. Your loss. It has
over 70 rhythm settings.
163
00:05:56,103 --> 00:05:59,571
Has samba, bossa nova, rap,
164
00:05:59,638 --> 00:06:01,206
has rock 1, has rock 2...
165
00:06:01,274 --> 00:06:03,641
Stop! It's not a real
band, and even if it was,
166
00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:05,277
you suck at keyboard.
167
00:06:05,344 --> 00:06:07,712
You suck at everything!
168
00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:09,481
But thanks for the help.
169
00:06:14,686 --> 00:06:16,820
(Gasps) There are my boys!
170
00:06:16,888 --> 00:06:18,009
(Door closes) How was tennis?
171
00:06:18,022 --> 00:06:19,656
Excellent. Once again,
172
00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:21,998
the lad and I
trounced the ferguson sisters.
173
00:06:22,027 --> 00:06:25,196
Well, I 40-love you both. (Laughs)
174
00:06:25,264 --> 00:06:26,665
Mwah.
175
00:06:26,732 --> 00:06:28,400
Ah. Please don't.
176
00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:32,736
Well, come sit. You've
earned yourselves a victory dinner.
177
00:06:32,804 --> 00:06:34,505
I can only stay a few minutes.
178
00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:37,308
I got a date with one of the sisters.
179
00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:38,809
Which one again?
180
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:41,111
- Miriam.
- She's the sexy one, right?
181
00:06:41,179 --> 00:06:42,946
I don't know. I don't see what you see.
182
00:06:43,014 --> 00:06:46,215
Oh, dad, before you
go, I bought you something
183
00:06:47,451 --> 00:06:51,053
life alert... "As seen on TV"
184
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:52,382
Back in the day,
185
00:06:52,423 --> 00:06:53,790
commercials were simple and to the point,
186
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,358
especially this classic.
187
00:06:55,426 --> 00:06:59,196
I've fallen, and I can't get up.
188
00:06:59,263 --> 00:07:01,931
Why is no one helping her?
189
00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:03,398
Help her!!
190
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:05,000
We're sending help
immediately, Mrs. Fletcher.
191
00:07:05,068 --> 00:07:06,368
Oh, good, they're coming.
192
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:10,305
Are you kidding me?
193
00:07:10,373 --> 00:07:12,074
Why don't you get me a sweatshirt
194
00:07:12,142 --> 00:07:13,442
which says "I'm old"
195
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,253
and send me out to the
duck pond to feed the ducks?
196
00:07:15,346 --> 00:07:16,578
Dad, you live alone.
197
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,813
What happens if you
fall and you can't get up?
198
00:07:18,881 --> 00:07:20,315
In my whole life,
199
00:07:20,383 --> 00:07:23,685
I've never once
tripped, slipped, or fallen.
200
00:07:23,753 --> 00:07:26,188
Yeah! This is an insult!
201
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:28,590
I'm rock solid. Go ahead.
202
00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:30,325
Sock me in the kidney. Do it.
203
00:07:30,393 --> 00:07:32,460
Go ahead, mom. Hit grandpa.
204
00:07:32,528 --> 00:07:33,661
Do it.
205
00:07:33,728 --> 00:07:36,030
I'm not punching you in the kidney, dad.
206
00:07:36,097 --> 00:07:38,766
You don't want it? Fine. Be
a burden on your family.
207
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,535
- I will.
- He will.
208
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,138
(Adult Adam) While my
mom had her own strategy
209
00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:45,408
to get her way,
210
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,008
Barry was gonna use Erica's
strategy to get his.
211
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,956
(Lowered voice) Just
say what I told you to say.
212
00:07:49,978 --> 00:07:53,113
Don't add anything and don't embellish.
213
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:58,586
Hey, ma. Listen,
214
00:07:58,653 --> 00:08:01,321
I've been thinking, and I
wanted to say how sorry I am
215
00:08:01,389 --> 00:08:03,323
for not calling you from the theater.
216
00:08:03,391 --> 00:08:04,591
Well, thank you. That's very mature of you.
217
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:05,569
I appreciate it.
218
00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:07,292
And I appreciate you.
219
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,528
I know I don't say it enough,
220
00:08:08,596 --> 00:08:10,530
but... I love you, girl.
221
00:08:10,598 --> 00:08:11,799
(Mouthing words) (Laughs)
222
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,633
Mwah. I'll tell you what.
223
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,536
You're gonna get some
extra stir-fry tonight.
224
00:08:16,604 --> 00:08:17,871
Oh, I almost forgot.
225
00:08:17,939 --> 00:08:19,673
Can I go to Roger
McFadden's house tomorrow night?
226
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:22,008
I love Roger McFadden.
227
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:24,043
I know you do. That's why I chose him...
228
00:08:24,111 --> 00:08:26,112
To teach me Spanish.
229
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:27,781
We have a quiz.
230
00:08:27,848 --> 00:08:28,981
(Mouths words)
231
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:30,617
I'll be home at 10:00,
232
00:08:30,618 --> 00:08:32,818
which is rule four, if I recall.
233
00:08:32,819 --> 00:08:34,086
And don't worry.
234
00:08:34,087 --> 00:08:35,619
I'll follow all the other rules, too.
235
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:37,790
That sounds muy bueno.
236
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:41,928
Roger will cover that with you.
237
00:08:41,996 --> 00:08:43,262
(Engine starts)
238
00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:44,730
(Run-d.M.C.'S "it's tricky" playing)
239
00:08:44,797 --> 00:08:45,797
(Rapping along)
this speech is my recital
240
00:08:45,865 --> 00:08:47,766
I think it's very vital
241
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:49,835
to rock a rhyme, that's
right on time
242
00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:52,304
"It's tricky" is the...
here we go
243
00:08:52,372 --> 00:08:54,507
it's tricky to rock a
rhyme, to rock a rhyme
244
00:08:54,574 --> 00:08:56,642
That's right on time, it's tricky
245
00:08:56,709 --> 00:08:59,478
It's tricky, tricky, tricky, oh
246
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:02,247
It's tricky to rock a
rhyme, to rock a rhyme
247
00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:04,782
That's right on time, it's tricky
248
00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:06,884
Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky
249
00:09:06,952 --> 00:09:10,155
In New York, the people
talk and try to make us rhyme
250
00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:12,023
they really hawk but we just walk
251
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:14,025
because we have no time (Laughs)
252
00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:15,885
-
And in the city...
- Wow.
253
00:09:16,028 --> 00:09:19,965
My God. Look who made
it out of the green zone.
254
00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:22,367
- All thanks to you.
- Oh.
255
00:09:22,435 --> 00:09:24,102
Now point me to the
phone and we're good to go.
256
00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:25,470
What are you talking about?
257
00:09:25,537 --> 00:09:26,904
Gotta call mom,
258
00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:30,342
tell her I arrived safely at
"Roger McFadden's house."
259
00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:32,242
There's no phone here.
260
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,678
It's the kegger in the woods. The woods?
261
00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:37,547
Well... there's gotta
be a house here somewhere.
262
00:09:37,615 --> 00:09:40,608
I mean, a lumberjack's
camp. A ranger's station.
263
00:09:40,719 --> 00:09:42,186
A secret army base.
264
00:09:42,254 --> 00:09:44,021
How deep in the woods do you think we are?
265
00:09:44,089 --> 00:09:46,257
I don't know. This is the orange zone.
266
00:09:46,325 --> 00:09:48,692
- I've never gone this far.
- Calm down.
267
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,994
You told Roger
McFadden all about this, right?
268
00:09:51,061 --> 00:09:53,863
No. Roger went down the
shore with his family.
269
00:09:53,931 --> 00:09:56,966
You need him to cover for
you in case mom calls his house.
270
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:58,802
What do you think "Cover story" means?
271
00:09:58,869 --> 00:10:01,137
It means someone to cover for you!
272
00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:03,106
You wanted other people involved?
273
00:10:03,174 --> 00:10:04,973
This is too complicated for me!
274
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:07,476
You should have just let me join your band!
275
00:10:07,544 --> 00:10:09,412
Dumbass, you're gonna ruin
this for the both of us!
276
00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:12,014
Get in your car and drive to a phone now.
277
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:16,652
(Exhales deeply)
278
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,688
Gotta call my mom, gotta call mom.
279
00:10:18,755 --> 00:10:21,022
Oh, no, no, no.
280
00:10:23,359 --> 00:10:25,194
Damn it! (Starts engine)
281
00:10:25,261 --> 00:10:26,595
I gotta call my mom!
282
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,368
Erica! Help me!
283
00:10:33,436 --> 00:10:36,403
Let's go over there.
284
00:10:36,471 --> 00:10:37,504
Damn it.
285
00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:41,175
Uhh! Why?!
286
00:10:41,243 --> 00:10:44,411
I gotta call my mom! I gotta call my mom!
287
00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:46,109
I gotta call my mom!
288
00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:48,332
I'm home!
289
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,600
Back before e-mails, texts, and tweets,
290
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:50,968
you could go a whole day without spoilers
291
00:10:51,036 --> 00:10:52,535
or knowing the score of a game,
292
00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:54,171
and now my dad was
finally gonna get to watch
293
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:56,807
the most important Phillies
game of his lifetime.
294
00:10:56,874 --> 00:10:58,574
(Sighs) All right.
295
00:10:59,442 --> 00:11:02,177
Howard Cosell, give me the sweet
stuff. (Remote control clicks)
296
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,080
(Beverly) Murray, turn that TV off!
297
00:11:04,147 --> 00:11:05,247
Or not.
298
00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:06,916
Oh, God.
299
00:11:06,984 --> 00:11:10,118
Barry hasn't called. He's
been gone almost an hour.
300
00:11:10,185 --> 00:11:12,854
I called Roger McFadden's house.
301
00:11:12,855 --> 00:11:14,388
No one's answering.
302
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,990
- How many times have you called?
- Eight.
303
00:11:16,058 --> 00:11:17,463
When you hit 15, then we'll talk.
304
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:20,029
So you're just gonna sit
here and watch a baseball game
305
00:11:20,030 --> 00:11:21,503
when our son might be laying facedown
306
00:11:21,532 --> 00:11:22,798
in a ditch somewhere.
307
00:11:22,866 --> 00:11:25,800
Might be. But might not be.
308
00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:27,336
The only thing we know for sure
309
00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,804
is I'm watching the world series.
310
00:11:29,872 --> 00:11:31,139
How do you sleep at night?
311
00:11:31,207 --> 00:11:34,476
Not as good as I do during
the day, but not bad.
312
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:38,313
Relax. Kid's gonna be fine.
313
00:11:38,381 --> 00:11:39,913
But he wasn't.
314
00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:42,550
It's okay. I can fix this.
315
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,751
Oh!
316
00:11:43,818 --> 00:11:45,819
Oh! Oh! (Panting)
317
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:47,855
Okay. All right.
318
00:11:47,922 --> 00:11:49,490
(Continues panting)
319
00:11:49,558 --> 00:11:50,758
(Coins drop)
320
00:11:53,027 --> 00:11:54,762
No!
321
00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:56,963
Mom!
322
00:11:57,030 --> 00:11:59,966
(Sobbing) I'm at Roger's house!
323
00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:02,736
I got here safely!
324
00:12:02,737 --> 00:12:03,932
(Coins dropping) I love...
325
00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:06,373
While Barry's night was off and running,
326
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,809
my grandfather's was just winding down.
327
00:12:08,877 --> 00:12:12,078
Yeah, I'd love for you to
stay the night, but, uh...
328
00:12:12,146 --> 00:12:15,815
(Laughs) Turns out I got a
meeting first thing in the morning.
329
00:12:15,883 --> 00:12:18,450
Well, I thought you retired ten years ago.
330
00:12:18,518 --> 00:12:20,553
Yeah, well, I still
do part-time consulting
331
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:21,754
and the occasional...
332
00:12:21,822 --> 00:12:23,389
do you need money for a cab?
333
00:12:23,456 --> 00:12:24,523
What's this?
334
00:12:24,591 --> 00:12:25,858
Oh.
335
00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:28,026
This is one of those
things from the commercial.
336
00:12:28,094 --> 00:12:29,561
Well, you don't wear one of these?
337
00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:32,597
No, no. This is just, uh, it's a gag gift
338
00:12:32,665 --> 00:12:35,392
from some of the guys
down at the boxing club, and...
339
00:12:35,602 --> 00:12:37,469
Hilarious.
340
00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:41,106
Well, this has been fun. I'll call you.
341
00:12:41,173 --> 00:12:43,841
Uh... no.
342
00:12:43,909 --> 00:12:46,611
I'll call you. I-I do the calling.
343
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,415
Unbelievable.
344
00:12:54,153 --> 00:12:55,853
(Crack) Oh!
345
00:12:55,921 --> 00:12:56,888
(Thud)
346
00:12:56,955 --> 00:12:58,125
Son of a bitch!
347
00:12:58,191 --> 00:13:00,358
Yes, I'm calling to see if my son
348
00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:01,492
might have been brought
into your emergency room
349
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,061
earlier tonight.
350
00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:06,298
Uh, he is 5'8", dark hair, fair skin,
351
00:13:06,365 --> 00:13:09,000
beautiful brown eyes.
352
00:13:09,068 --> 00:13:10,368
(Voice breaks) Oh, he was
just the sweetest little baby
353
00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:11,769
you've ever seen.
354
00:13:11,838 --> 00:13:13,738
(Normal voice) What? No.
355
00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:16,874
Okay, thank you.
356
00:13:16,942 --> 00:13:18,342
(Baseball game playing on TV) Oh!
357
00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:20,777
What is that pitch?! That's garbage!
358
00:13:20,846 --> 00:13:22,313
I hate you, Dickie Noles!
359
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,849
Okay. He's not in the emergency room
360
00:13:24,916 --> 00:13:26,483
or the police station
361
00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:28,552
or the roller rink or the batting cages
362
00:13:28,619 --> 00:13:30,420
or any of the four ice cream shops
363
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:32,956
in the green zone, and I
have failed as a mother.
364
00:13:33,023 --> 00:13:34,691
You're good at other things.
365
00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:37,561
(Telephone rings)
366
00:13:37,628 --> 00:13:40,430
(Ring)
367
00:13:40,498 --> 00:13:41,531
Barry!
368
00:13:41,599 --> 00:13:43,834
No, it's... it's just me, darling.
369
00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:48,070
Your line's been busy for quite
a while now, and I... can't talk now!
370
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:49,271
Damn it!
371
00:13:49,339 --> 00:13:51,407
(Dial tone)
372
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:57,181
I can't take it anymore. Go
out and find our baby, Murray.
373
00:13:57,248 --> 00:13:59,684
Please! If I go out, I'll
find out what happened in the game!
374
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,752
Enough with the
baseball. What is wrong with you?
375
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:05,321
Why aren't you worried? He's out there.
376
00:14:05,389 --> 00:14:07,791
He could be injured or cold or hungry.
377
00:14:07,858 --> 00:14:11,194
What if he has to make? He
doesn't use public bathrooms!
378
00:14:11,261 --> 00:14:13,930
Bevy, calm down, okay?
379
00:14:13,998 --> 00:14:15,665
Every time our kids leave the house,
380
00:14:15,733 --> 00:14:19,568
you assume that they're
dead until they prove otherwise.
381
00:14:19,635 --> 00:14:22,671
Know that they're smart, responsible kids.
382
00:14:22,739 --> 00:14:25,040
Assume that they're alive.
383
00:14:25,108 --> 00:14:27,375
That's the stupidest
thing you've ever said!
384
00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:29,078
I'll see you in a bit.
385
00:14:29,145 --> 00:14:30,746
(Telephone rings) (Gasps)
386
00:14:30,814 --> 00:14:32,081
(Ring)
387
00:14:32,148 --> 00:14:33,581
Barry?
388
00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:37,251
No, it's not Barry. It's
me. Put Adam on the phone.
389
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:39,553
Adam, get in here, talk to your grandfather
390
00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:42,156
so he'll stop tying up
the line! (Door opens)
391
00:14:42,224 --> 00:14:44,092
Make it quick.
392
00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:45,492
Yeah, pops?
393
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,729
While pops was looking for a little help,
394
00:14:47,796 --> 00:14:49,429
my dad was out looking for Barry,
395
00:14:49,496 --> 00:14:51,131
and he was growing increasingly worried
396
00:14:51,199 --> 00:14:53,299
that he'd find out what
happened in the game.
397
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,208
(Click) (Man on radio)
Quite an emotional night
398
00:14:55,236 --> 00:14:56,737
- for Phillies fans...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
399
00:14:56,804 --> 00:14:58,004
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
400
00:14:58,005 --> 00:14:59,336
(Turns radio off)
401
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,242
(Adult Adam) If my dad
didn't find Barry soon,
402
00:15:01,309 --> 00:15:03,277
my brother was gonna pay.
403
00:15:03,345 --> 00:15:04,810
Excuse me, officer.
404
00:15:04,878 --> 00:15:07,780
Did you see a high school
kid driving around here?
405
00:15:07,848 --> 00:15:09,482
Curly hair, kind of lumpy?
406
00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:11,351
No, but there's a party in the woods
407
00:15:11,419 --> 00:15:13,253
- down by alverthorpe park.
- Okay.
408
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,188
Hey, Phillies! Man,
how about... (Horn blaring)
409
00:15:15,256 --> 00:15:17,290
No, no, no!
410
00:15:17,358 --> 00:15:20,225
I just wanna watch the world series!
411
00:15:20,293 --> 00:15:21,826
I'm gonna kill that kid!
412
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:25,130
Pops? Pops!
413
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,717
Over here!
414
00:15:26,785 --> 00:15:28,485
What happened?
415
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,988
I have fallen...
416
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:35,726
And I... cannot get up.
417
00:15:35,794 --> 00:15:38,261
There you go.
418
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:41,064
Easy. Little more.
419
00:15:41,132 --> 00:15:42,699
Whoa! Pull your robe down.
420
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:43,767
It's a kimono.
421
00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:45,201
Pull your kimono down.
422
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:47,270
It's designed to be showy.
423
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:48,938
Well, it's working.
424
00:15:49,006 --> 00:15:50,439
Just don't look down!
425
00:15:50,507 --> 00:15:52,475
What did I just see? It
was like a Robin's nest!
426
00:15:52,543 --> 00:15:54,576
It's an unflattering angle.
427
00:15:54,644 --> 00:15:56,145
What's going on down there?
428
00:15:56,146 --> 00:15:59,582
Stop looking down and get
me to the couch already!
429
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:00,672
Oh! Oh! Okay.
430
00:16:00,684 --> 00:16:01,614
You good?
431
00:16:01,652 --> 00:16:03,787
Yeah, okay. I'm... I'm good now.
432
00:16:03,854 --> 00:16:05,488
Thanks for dropping by, kid.
433
00:16:07,155 --> 00:16:08,484
Are you sure you're good?
434
00:16:08,558 --> 00:16:11,426
Of course. Like you even need to ask.
435
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:14,162
It's just that you said that
you never fell before.
436
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:17,466
I threw my back out. It
could happen to anyone.
437
00:16:20,169 --> 00:16:22,705
(Clatter)
438
00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:24,473
So what do you wanna do with this?
439
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:25,773
Chuck it!
440
00:16:28,611 --> 00:16:30,912
I get it. This thing might be embarrassing,
441
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:34,649
but... no more embarrassing than that robe.
442
00:16:34,717 --> 00:16:38,419
For the second time that
night, I saw a part of my grandfather.
443
00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:40,454
I'd never seen before...
444
00:16:40,522 --> 00:16:42,923
the part that was actually vulnerable.
445
00:16:44,759 --> 00:16:47,561
Stop! Stop! Please!
446
00:16:47,629 --> 00:16:51,032
(Horn honking) Stop! Sto... uhh!
447
00:16:51,099 --> 00:16:53,901
Stop! Stop!
448
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,421
I need your CB radio to call my mom
449
00:16:55,470 --> 00:16:56,670
so she knows I'm safe!
450
00:16:57,438 --> 00:16:58,938
(Horn blaring) No, no, no, no!
451
00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:00,240
Aah!
452
00:17:00,307 --> 00:17:01,674
(Horn continues blaring)
453
00:17:01,742 --> 00:17:04,110
(Thud)
454
00:17:05,447 --> 00:17:08,516
My dad had spent the last
hour driving all over town.
455
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:10,284
(Engine turns off) Just
as he was starting to think
456
00:17:10,352 --> 00:17:12,753
my mom's craziness may
not have been so crazy,
457
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,922
he spotted a familiar jacket...
458
00:17:19,493 --> 00:17:22,129
Oh. Hi.
459
00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:25,799
And a familiar jackass.
460
00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:28,668
You couldn't have
been sitting up in a ditch?
461
00:17:28,735 --> 00:17:31,170
Or reclining comfortably in a ditch?
462
00:17:31,237 --> 00:17:35,307
No, you had to be
facedown, exactly like she said!
463
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:38,177
And to think I told your
mom you could be trusted,
464
00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:39,979
mostly 'cause I wanted to watch the game.
465
00:17:40,047 --> 00:17:42,181
But you know what? A small part of me
466
00:17:42,248 --> 00:17:47,451
actually thought, "Hey, he's
not a complete moron."
467
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:50,689
Only some of this happened
'cause I'm a complete moron.
468
00:17:50,756 --> 00:17:53,224
The rest is 'cause of mom's stupid rules.
469
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:55,626
Hey, her rules are there to protect you.
470
00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:58,329
I almost died when I
saw your jacket in the road.
471
00:17:59,832 --> 00:18:01,132
You worry about me, too?
472
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,234
Oh, don't put words in my mouth.
473
00:18:03,303 --> 00:18:04,936
Of course I do.
474
00:18:06,721 --> 00:18:08,622
Your mom can't know anything about this.
475
00:18:08,690 --> 00:18:10,191
What? You're gonna lie to mom?
476
00:18:10,258 --> 00:18:12,259
Absolutely! She finds out about this,
477
00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:14,028
you're not gonna be
allowed to leave the house
478
00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:17,297
until you're 40, and
then my life is ruined, too!
479
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,832
Nice! I'm off the hook, then.
480
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:21,734
You are so grounded. Secretly, though.
481
00:18:21,802 --> 00:18:24,470
You will choose to stay in every weekend
482
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,538
for the next three
months, and for the love of God,
483
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,708
when I do let you back out in the world,
484
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,677
you will call me when you get there.
485
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,113
I will. I promise.
486
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:38,217
(Indistinct conversations)
487
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,251
(Horn honks)
488
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:43,222
(Girl screams in distance)
489
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,390
I was throwing that for a friend.
490
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,626
And tell your stupid sister
that she's secretly grounded, too.
491
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,362
Thanks for being so cool about this.
492
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:52,330
I thought you'd be in the worst mood
493
00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:53,998
after the Phillies lost.
494
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,773
Get out.
495
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,274
Lie down.
496
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:06,277
I'm gonna run you over.
497
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,778
("It's tricky" resumes playing)
498
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,280
It's tricky to rock
around, to rock around
499
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,083
And so my brother
crammed three months of partying
500
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,719
into one epic night of awesome.
501
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,455
As for pops,
502
00:19:17,522 --> 00:19:19,456
he was starting to realize it wasn't so bad
503
00:19:19,523 --> 00:19:21,891
to give up a piece of his freedom
504
00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:24,094
for his family's peace of mind.
505
00:19:24,161 --> 00:19:25,628
Still got it.
506
00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:26,896
507
00:19:26,964 --> 00:19:29,732
So he's waiting for the tow truck,
508
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:33,136
he stays in the car, rule number three...
509
00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:35,537
Ultimately it wasn't my
mom's elaborate rules
510
00:19:35,605 --> 00:19:36,872
that put her at ease...
511
00:19:36,939 --> 00:19:38,340
And listen to this.
512
00:19:38,408 --> 00:19:41,710
He's over at Roger
McFadden's studying right now...
513
00:19:41,777 --> 00:19:43,845
It was my dad's elaborate lies.
514
00:19:43,913 --> 00:19:45,580
He is such a great kid.
515
00:19:45,648 --> 00:19:47,216
Knowing it was their last night of freedom,
516
00:19:47,283 --> 00:19:49,551
Barry and Erica made every moment count...
517
00:19:49,619 --> 00:19:51,419
It's tricky to rock around
518
00:19:51,487 --> 00:19:53,388
and it was glorious...
519
00:19:53,455 --> 00:19:55,723
until the cops raided the
place five minutes later.
520
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,025
Tr-tr-tr-tr-tr
521
00:19:57,138 --> 00:20:00,362
That's a new "Knight Rider"
on tonight. Mind if I tape it?
522
00:20:00,506 --> 00:20:02,775
No! Um, as a matter of fact,
523
00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:06,443
why don't you use,
uh, the new voice command?
524
00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:09,380
- For real?
- Yeah, for real. Tell it your name.
525
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,749
Hi. I'm Barry Goldberg.
526
00:20:11,817 --> 00:20:13,785
Now, uh, tell it to do something.
527
00:20:13,852 --> 00:20:16,087
Remote, turn to "Knight Rider."
528
00:20:16,155 --> 00:20:17,889
(Tires screech)
529
00:20:17,956 --> 00:20:19,257
Huh. That's pretty cool.
530
00:20:19,324 --> 00:20:21,557
Wait a minute. Did it? Give
it to me a second here.
531
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:25,195
Uh... go back to "TJ Hooker."
532
00:20:25,263 --> 00:20:27,264
No, wrong way!
533
00:20:27,331 --> 00:20:30,566
- "TJ Hooker"! Tell it to go back to "TJ Hooker."
- No, you tell it.
534
00:20:30,634 --> 00:20:34,905
All right, remote, this
is Murray... Goldberg.
535
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,439
Please go back to "TJ Hooker."
536
00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:38,740
(Channel changes) No!
537
00:20:38,809 --> 00:20:40,109
Wrong way!
538
00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:43,045
You know "TJ Hooker," with William shatner.
539
00:20:43,113 --> 00:20:44,814
(Under breath) And he fell for it again.
540
00:20:44,881 --> 00:20:46,949
Hooker! TJ!
541
00:20:47,816 --> 00:20:52,465
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
542
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:57,065
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39131
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