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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,914 (Adult Adam) Ah, the romantic comedies of the '80s... 2 00:00:03,035 --> 00:00:04,502 I learned everything I knew about getting the girl. 3 00:00:04,570 --> 00:00:06,504 From classics like "Can't buy me love,". 4 00:00:06,572 --> 00:00:08,906 Because the romantic scenes that played out in my house. 5 00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:11,304 Usually went a little something like this. 6 00:00:11,601 --> 00:00:12,833 Here. 7 00:00:13,878 --> 00:00:15,178 What's this? 8 00:00:15,245 --> 00:00:16,880 Birthday card. 9 00:00:16,948 --> 00:00:19,783 My birthday was two weeks ago. 10 00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:21,718 Remember? We had Mexican food. 11 00:00:21,786 --> 00:00:23,853 You had to race home in a mad panic. 12 00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,305 Well, that photo finish is why I forgot to give you a card. 13 00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:28,758 You know what else you forgot to do? 14 00:00:28,826 --> 00:00:30,093 Clean the garage. 15 00:00:30,161 --> 00:00:32,028 Give me some credit. I didn't forget. 16 00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:33,262 It's gonna get done. 17 00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,135 I'll get my pants. 18 00:00:40,203 --> 00:00:43,038 Happy belated birthday. 19 00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:45,440 I had the kind of parents who loved each other, 20 00:00:45,508 --> 00:00:47,910 but I literally never once saw them kiss, 21 00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:51,146 which is why I was what you'd call romantically challenged. 22 00:00:51,214 --> 00:00:54,382 Her name was Dana Caldwell. 23 00:00:54,383 --> 00:00:55,583 She biked past my house every day, 24 00:00:55,584 --> 00:00:56,713 and she was perfect. 25 00:00:56,714 --> 00:00:57,714 (Clears throat) 26 00:00:58,488 --> 00:01:00,408 I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here, 27 00:01:00,457 --> 00:01:02,825 but I gotta say, this looks weird. 28 00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:04,993 It's not weird. I'm just filming a girl I like. 29 00:01:05,061 --> 00:01:07,496 To play the tape back later to practice talking to her. 30 00:01:07,564 --> 00:01:09,231 - Oh, boy. - It's weird. 31 00:01:09,299 --> 00:01:11,333 You know, I can help you out. 32 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,667 Pops, I'm 12. 33 00:01:12,735 --> 00:01:14,969 I gotta start handling this lady stuff on my own. 34 00:01:15,037 --> 00:01:16,705 She's coming back. 35 00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:21,376 (Gasps) Get down! Get down! 36 00:01:21,444 --> 00:01:24,111 While I was crawling away from the girl I loved, 37 00:01:24,179 --> 00:01:26,780 my father was trying to get the girl he loved off his back. 38 00:01:26,848 --> 00:01:28,081 By cleaning the garage. 39 00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:30,584 All right, anything under $10... toss. 40 00:01:30,652 --> 00:01:33,854 All that crappy art from when you were kids... toss. 41 00:01:33,921 --> 00:01:37,725 No way! It's my old keyboard! 42 00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,460 This thing is awesome! 43 00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:40,961 (Barry's voice raising pitch) Awesome, awesome, awesome. 44 00:01:41,028 --> 00:01:42,595 I thought you said someone stole it. 45 00:01:42,663 --> 00:01:44,847 Yeah, well, the robber... she was supposed to throw it away. 46 00:01:44,866 --> 00:01:47,234 A-awesome, a-awesome, a-awesome, a-awesome. 47 00:01:47,302 --> 00:01:48,469 It's going in the garbage. 48 00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,704 No. This is mine, and I love it, okay? 49 00:01:50,772 --> 00:01:53,340 Holy crap! Check this out. 50 00:01:53,408 --> 00:01:55,942 I found a box of dad's old love poems to mom. 51 00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,378 Don't touch that! Don't touch that! 52 00:01:58,445 --> 00:01:59,779 Come on. It's none of your business. Ready? "Tears stain." 53 00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:01,714 - The pillows of my heart." - Come on. Come on. 54 00:02:01,782 --> 00:02:03,816 - No, no, come on! - "Your perfume lingers on my mind." 55 00:02:03,884 --> 00:02:05,552 - Return to me, my love." - Come on, come on! 56 00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:07,953 - God, you're terrible. - Okay, stop it. Give me that box. 57 00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:09,389 Give... 58 00:02:09,456 --> 00:02:13,625 Whoa! "Our bodies are one under the starry sky." 59 00:02:13,693 --> 00:02:16,161 "There is no me, only us... 60 00:02:16,229 --> 00:02:18,664 My sweet Anita"? 61 00:02:18,731 --> 00:02:21,366 What? It says here you were gonna have a wedding? 62 00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:23,302 Anita? Who's Anita? 63 00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:26,271 Ohh. I see what's going on here. 64 00:02:26,339 --> 00:02:28,440 You have a secret family. 65 00:02:28,508 --> 00:02:29,807 If I had a secret family, 66 00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:32,142 why would I be standing here talking to you people? 67 00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:33,777 - Give me that box! - Here! 68 00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:36,714 - Come on! - Got it! 69 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,782 All right! I'll tell you the story. 70 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,029 Before your mother, I was engaged to another woman. 71 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,354 - You're so hosed. - (Voice pitch raises) Hosed, hosed. 72 00:02:43,423 --> 00:02:44,955 I am not hos... turn that off! 73 00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:46,356 I am not hosed. 74 00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,726 Nobody's getting hosed. 75 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:51,061 Your mom knows about the engagement. 76 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,763 Oh, and she knows all about the love letters? 77 00:02:52,831 --> 00:02:55,165 Of course she knows! 78 00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:57,267 (Garage door whirring) She knows. 79 00:02:57,335 --> 00:03:00,404 Come on, kids, give me the box! 80 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,872 I wish I had a secret family! 81 00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:05,542 I'm so hosed. 82 00:03:05,609 --> 00:03:07,343 (I fight dragons) I'm twisted up inside 83 00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:09,552 but nonetheless I feel the need to say 84 00:03:09,669 --> 00:03:12,193 sync and corrections by dreaMaker7 www.addic7ed.com 85 00:03:12,717 --> 00:03:14,151 I don't know the future 86 00:03:14,218 --> 00:03:16,900 but the past keeps getting clearer every day 87 00:03:18,088 --> 00:03:20,023 October 4th, 1980-something... 88 00:03:20,090 --> 00:03:23,026 The day my dad's old love letters went public. 89 00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:25,227 Bevy, before you say anything, 90 00:03:25,295 --> 00:03:28,932 just know that I thought I threw this box out years ago. 91 00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,900 When Anita sent it back to me, 92 00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,868 and it... it means nothing. 93 00:03:32,936 --> 00:03:35,470 My father had crossed a line. 94 00:03:35,538 --> 00:03:37,005 (Laughing) I can't. 95 00:03:37,073 --> 00:03:38,674 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 96 00:03:38,741 --> 00:03:42,210 I thought I could keep a straight face, but I can't. 97 00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,579 So you're not mad at me? 98 00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:46,813 No, I'm worried. How are your loins? 99 00:03:46,814 --> 00:03:48,148 Have they stopped burning? (Groans) 100 00:03:48,216 --> 00:03:49,650 Is your heart still aflutter? 101 00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:50,718 Yeah. 102 00:03:50,786 --> 00:03:52,337 - Adorable. - Yeah. 103 00:03:52,852 --> 00:03:53,955 (Laughs) Oh, no, no, no. 104 00:03:53,956 --> 00:03:55,990 So you're not even a little bit jealous? 105 00:03:56,058 --> 00:03:58,092 Please. I won. 106 00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:00,227 I bagged my moose. 107 00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:02,630 You see? She doesn't give a crap. 108 00:04:02,698 --> 00:04:04,798 That's what a strong marriage is... 109 00:04:04,865 --> 00:04:07,300 Mutual not-giving-a-crap. 110 00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:08,802 See? Not hosed. 111 00:04:08,869 --> 00:04:10,136 Okay. 112 00:04:10,204 --> 00:04:12,772 We've had a good laugh. Time to Chuck 'em. 113 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,075 Chuck 'em? (Snickers) I can't even put 'em down. 114 00:04:15,142 --> 00:04:18,578 I mean, dad used to be... pretty romantic. 115 00:04:18,646 --> 00:04:21,446 Oh, he's still plenty romantic with me. (Chuckles) 116 00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:23,148 Yuck. 117 00:04:23,216 --> 00:04:25,350 And how is dad romantic? 118 00:04:25,418 --> 00:04:27,720 For the last two years, he forgot your anniversary. 119 00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:31,090 In his defense, I didn't remind him enough. 120 00:04:31,157 --> 00:04:33,659 But he writes romantic stuff to me all the time. 121 00:04:33,727 --> 00:04:36,761 (Chuckles) Look. Here's my birthday card. 122 00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:41,733 "X. O.X.O. Murray." 123 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,502 Well, the x's are for kisses, 124 00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:47,839 and the o's for hugs. 125 00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:50,141 And "Murray"... 126 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,408 Is who it's from. 127 00:04:52,476 --> 00:04:53,844 Doesn't matter what he writes. 128 00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:55,679 We are more in love than ever. 129 00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:58,882 Don't you at least wanna see what she looks like? 130 00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,383 I've gone 20 years. 131 00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,747 Without needing to know what she looks like. 132 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,321 I'm not gonna start now. 133 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:09,158 (Stammers) Oh, plus where would you even get a picture, 134 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,985 you know, if someone wanted to see a picture? 135 00:05:11,028 --> 00:05:13,095 Where would you find it? I don't know. Well... 136 00:05:13,163 --> 00:05:14,530 They'd probably have an engagement announcement. 137 00:05:14,597 --> 00:05:15,798 In the paper. 138 00:05:15,866 --> 00:05:17,366 I mean, if you really wanted to look, 139 00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:20,703 you could probably just go to the library and dig it up. 140 00:05:20,771 --> 00:05:22,004 I don't need to see it. 141 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,172 Fine. 142 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,438 But if you would feel better seeing it, 143 00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,776 fine, we'll go to the library. Jeez. 144 00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:29,164 While my mom was feeling insecure, 145 00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:31,913 I was feeling damn good. I had a plan. 146 00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:34,783 Dana Caldwell would see me coolly tinkering with my bike. 147 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:38,119 And ask me to go for a ride, and then we would get married! 148 00:05:38,187 --> 00:05:39,820 (Brakes squeal) Hey. 149 00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:41,722 Hey. (Clank) 150 00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:43,791 It was now or never. Time for my "A" game. 151 00:05:43,858 --> 00:05:46,259 Bicycles, right? 152 00:05:46,327 --> 00:05:47,594 Bicycles. 153 00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:48,796 Nope. 154 00:05:48,863 --> 00:05:50,130 Do you know how to fix them? 155 00:05:50,198 --> 00:05:52,299 Well... 156 00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:53,901 My bike chain's all messed up. 157 00:05:53,968 --> 00:05:55,435 Maybe you could take a look? 158 00:05:55,503 --> 00:05:59,605 Yeah, I can... I can take a quick look-see. 159 00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:01,074 (Chuckles) 160 00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:03,642 Chain. Chain. 161 00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,044 (Clank) 162 00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:07,146 Ugh. 163 00:06:07,214 --> 00:06:09,515 Wait. Is this one of those Soviet bikes? 164 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:12,084 'Cause I only deal with American equipment. 165 00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:14,086 Huh? U.S.A.! 166 00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:16,221 Maybe I'll just have my dad fix it. (Chuckles) 167 00:06:16,288 --> 00:06:17,723 Makes sense. Keep it in the family. 168 00:06:19,859 --> 00:06:21,359 (Clank) (Groans loudly) 169 00:06:21,427 --> 00:06:23,929 - Aah! - Are you okay? 170 00:06:23,996 --> 00:06:26,131 - Mm-hmm. - Are you crying? 171 00:06:26,199 --> 00:06:27,898 No. (Exhales) 172 00:06:27,966 --> 00:06:31,001 Good talking. (Whimpering) 173 00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:33,344 My plan was a complete bust. 174 00:06:33,345 --> 00:06:36,391 I only had one option left... Call in the big guns. 175 00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:40,278 So what happened to "I'm 12. I gotta go it alone"? 176 00:06:40,346 --> 00:06:41,647 That didn't work out so great. 177 00:06:41,714 --> 00:06:44,381 Well, you're safe now. Love's my business, 178 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:47,018 and business is booming. 179 00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:48,385 So what do we got? 180 00:06:48,453 --> 00:06:53,658 Okay. Her name's Dana. She's 13, lives down the block. 181 00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,225 She smells like fruity pebbles. 182 00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:58,728 Pfft. Why are you asking Pops for help. 183 00:06:58,729 --> 00:07:00,897 When you got all the resources you need right here? 184 00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,102 You don't know anything about girls. 185 00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:05,136 I know a ton. I've got a super hot girlfriend. 186 00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:07,638 Yeah, from Canada that no one's ever seen. 187 00:07:07,705 --> 00:07:10,207 'Cause I met her at camp, ya sausage gobbler. 188 00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,508 You couldn't come up with something. 189 00:07:11,576 --> 00:07:13,244 A little more original? 190 00:07:13,311 --> 00:07:16,312 I mean, a fake girlfriend... in Canada? 191 00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:20,083 Hey! There's nothing fake about her except her boobs! 192 00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:23,619 Yep, they're huge and real... But they're also fake. 193 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:24,579 You know what? I don't have to explain it to you. 194 00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,848 I'm outta here. 195 00:07:27,893 --> 00:07:30,393 Her breasts sound very complicated. 196 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,488 So where are we at with this Dana girl? 197 00:07:33,598 --> 00:07:34,865 Well, I've been secretly following her around. 198 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,132 For two weeks. 199 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,001 Creating a sense of mystery. 200 00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,903 And today I broke her bicycle. 201 00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:43,172 Good. You made a memorable first impression. 202 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,573 And I kinda cried in front of her. 203 00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:47,009 Some women like a sensitive man. 204 00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:48,277 You think? 205 00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:51,313 You can't help him, pops. He's un-help-able. 206 00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:54,450 He'll never get a girlfriend even half as hot as mine. 207 00:07:54,518 --> 00:07:56,752 Oh, yeah? What's her name? Tell me right now. Go. 208 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:57,953 Marion Lemieux. 209 00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,187 Marion Lemieux? 210 00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,523 Like Mario Lemieux, the hockey player? 211 00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,959 Yeah! It's a common last name in Canada, 212 00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:05,627 like "Smith" or "Jones." 213 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,996 I was trying to be nice to you, but forget it. 214 00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:10,149 I'm outta here. 215 00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,934 Okay. 216 00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:13,969 Your next move with Dana is important. 217 00:08:14,037 --> 00:08:15,303 You gotta go for it. 218 00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:17,171 Make a big gesture... 219 00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:20,108 Something that'll show her exactly how you feel. 220 00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:22,176 Pfft. Waste of time. 221 00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:24,078 Here we go. 222 00:08:24,146 --> 00:08:26,280 This nerd has no clue with the ladies. 223 00:08:26,348 --> 00:08:28,349 Yeah? Let's call Marion right now. 224 00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,251 Think I won't? 'Cause I will. 225 00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:31,619 That's what I'm asking you to do. 226 00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:33,654 I don't need this! I'm outta here. 227 00:08:49,602 --> 00:08:51,671 Meanwhile, my mom and Erica were using. 228 00:08:51,738 --> 00:08:52,772 The most cutting edge technology. 229 00:08:52,839 --> 00:08:54,339 To track down a photo of Anita. 230 00:08:54,407 --> 00:08:55,474 Mom. 231 00:08:55,542 --> 00:08:58,710 It was called microfiche. 232 00:08:58,778 --> 00:09:00,211 Move. 233 00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,947 (Gasps) Oh, my God. 234 00:09:03,015 --> 00:09:05,583 It's amazing. It only took us two hours to find it. 235 00:09:05,651 --> 00:09:07,318 Hey, not bad, dad. 236 00:09:07,386 --> 00:09:09,120 Okay, Erica, you saw her. 237 00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,322 Now you can move on with your life. 238 00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:13,091 Hmm. 239 00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:14,591 Wait a minute. 240 00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:16,727 How do you... 241 00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:17,861 (Rattling) What? 242 00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:19,663 - Make it bigger? - Well, okay, just... 243 00:09:19,731 --> 00:09:21,732 - Make the picture bigger. - Okay, here. 244 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,433 - Where's the knob to make it a bigger picture? - It's just... 245 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:26,336 - Mom, God! That's as big as it goes. - Okay, okay. 246 00:09:26,404 --> 00:09:27,838 What is it? 247 00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,441 Oh, no. 248 00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:34,811 As always, my mom took the bad news. 249 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:35,945 With grace and dignity. 250 00:09:36,013 --> 00:09:38,582 (Bleeps) My ring. Shh! 251 00:09:41,472 --> 00:09:43,072 (Door creaks) Bevy! 252 00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,276 What a day! What a day! 253 00:09:46,343 --> 00:09:47,910 (Shoes clatter) 254 00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,379 Sold six couches! 255 00:09:49,446 --> 00:09:52,748 Your man is on fire. 256 00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:57,086 By sheer chance, my dad was in a rare good mood that night. 257 00:09:57,154 --> 00:09:58,486 Unfortunately, my mom was not. 258 00:09:58,588 --> 00:09:59,488 What's happening? 259 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:00,823 Nothing. 260 00:10:02,826 --> 00:10:04,259 Take a load off. 261 00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:06,629 Well, I usually take a load off right there. 262 00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:09,271 But I'll put my load right here. 263 00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:12,034 What do you... 264 00:10:12,102 --> 00:10:14,869 Is there anything you wanna tell me about this ring? 265 00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:17,505 It's a symbol of our love? 266 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,674 Yes, that's very true. 267 00:10:19,742 --> 00:10:22,443 But, uh, tell me about that. 268 00:10:22,511 --> 00:10:26,581 What made you pick this exact ring for me? 269 00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:30,383 When I saw it, it spoke to me. 270 00:10:30,451 --> 00:10:32,152 Aw. What did it say? 271 00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,622 "I'm a pretty ring. 272 00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:35,956 Buy me." 273 00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:38,525 "Buy me" for who? 274 00:10:38,526 --> 00:10:39,552 Oh, boy. (Sighs) 275 00:10:39,628 --> 00:10:41,011 How could you give me her ring? 276 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:42,898 What do you think I'm made of, diamonds? 277 00:10:42,965 --> 00:10:45,999 I... (Huffs) You can't just return these! 278 00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:48,636 Okay, well, I have no problem returning this one. 279 00:10:48,703 --> 00:10:51,004 Wait. Bevy! 280 00:10:51,072 --> 00:10:54,308 Let's talk about this. Listen. 281 00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:55,375 If it'll make you feel any better, 282 00:10:55,444 --> 00:10:58,646 I will get you a new ring. 283 00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:00,780 Great. Get me a new ring. 284 00:11:00,848 --> 00:11:03,150 What?! You can't say that. 285 00:11:03,217 --> 00:11:04,351 Why would I get you a new ring?! 286 00:11:04,419 --> 00:11:06,153 It was your idea! 287 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,921 Yeah, but I'm filled with terrible ideas! 288 00:11:07,989 --> 00:11:11,191 I gave you a used ring, for God sake. 289 00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:13,593 Wow, Murray, you are so romantic! 290 00:11:13,661 --> 00:11:15,244 Fine! I'll get you a new ring! 291 00:11:15,306 --> 00:11:16,296 Fine! 292 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:17,631 - Fine! - Fine! 293 00:11:17,712 --> 00:11:18,663 Fine! 294 00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:21,534 While my parents were calmly working out their problems, 295 00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:22,963 I'd finally come up with a solution. 296 00:11:22,971 --> 00:11:24,437 To my problems with Dana. 297 00:11:24,572 --> 00:11:25,705 (Peter Gabriel's "in your eyes" playing) 298 00:11:25,706 --> 00:11:28,976 (Exhales) Let's do this, Lloyd. (Kisses) 299 00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:31,643 I'd use my favorite romantic movie, "Say Anything..." 300 00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:32,778 To win Dana's heart. 301 00:11:32,846 --> 00:11:35,047 302 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,963 ("In your eyes" playing on boombox) 303 00:11:42,122 --> 00:11:43,555 Love 304 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,658 I get so lost 305 00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:50,388 - sometimes... - What are you doing? 306 00:11:50,497 --> 00:11:53,799 Oh, crap! I thought this was your sister's room. 307 00:11:53,866 --> 00:11:57,102 Well, it's not. Can you tell Dana I'm... here? 308 00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:00,606 Mm, no. This is kind of a creepy thing to do, bro. (Window opens) 309 00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,973 What the hell's going on out here? 310 00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:05,242 Nothing, sir. Go back to bed. 311 00:12:05,311 --> 00:12:06,678 Some weird kid's here for Dana. 312 00:12:06,745 --> 00:12:07,578 (Window opens) I am complete 313 00:12:07,646 --> 00:12:10,114 Adam? What are you doing? 314 00:12:10,182 --> 00:12:12,517 Adam? This is the kid who broke your bike? 315 00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:14,985 - Yeah. - Not cool, man. 316 00:12:15,053 --> 00:12:17,422 The resolution you have a lovely home. 317 00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:20,990 (Sprinklers hissing) in your eyes 318 00:12:21,058 --> 00:12:23,717 (music stops) Pleasure meeting you! 319 00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,329 (Pops) Calm down, kiddo. 320 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,597 - We can fix this. - We can't! 321 00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:30,067 I serenaded her brother, I dropped my boombox, 322 00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:32,036 and I soaked my Lloyd dobler coat. 323 00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:35,171 I understood none of that. Did you take my advice? 324 00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:37,140 Yes, a big gesture. 325 00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:39,642 I stood outside her window and blasted music at her. 326 00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:40,810 Why would you do that? 327 00:12:40,878 --> 00:12:42,045 You told me to! 328 00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:44,580 I meant take her out for a milkshake. 329 00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:46,649 How is a milkshake a big gesture?! 330 00:12:46,717 --> 00:12:47,783 For you, it's big. 331 00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:49,585 You should have been more specific! 332 00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:52,154 Wait. Don't go, kiddo. We can just regroup. 333 00:12:52,222 --> 00:12:53,421 Forget it. 334 00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,724 The movies lie. None of it's real! 335 00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:57,025 Love isn't real. 336 00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,994 (Mouth full) Tell that to my girlfriend. 337 00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:00,729 - She's not real! - She's not real! 338 00:13:02,232 --> 00:13:03,899 (Bell dings) 339 00:13:06,268 --> 00:13:08,769 All right, let's get this over with. 340 00:13:08,837 --> 00:13:10,109 One ring, please. 341 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,175 Of course. Do you have anything in particular in mind? 342 00:13:13,242 --> 00:13:16,378 Don't look at me. Just pick something that speaks to you. 343 00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:17,937 Okay. 344 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,248 All right, uh, this one's talking up a storm. 345 00:13:19,315 --> 00:13:20,515 How much is it? 346 00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:22,917 That one is $5,000. 347 00:13:22,985 --> 00:13:24,106 Is that the one I pointed to? 348 00:13:24,119 --> 00:13:25,119 You pointed at that one, yeah. 349 00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:26,554 It just stopped speaking to me. 350 00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:27,989 - Stopped completely. - Oh, really? 351 00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:29,190 Yeah. Is that because I'm not worth the money? 352 00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:30,992 No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that, Bev. 353 00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:32,460 Don't... don't do that. Really? 354 00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:33,828 How much am I worth to you? 355 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,631 I cannot put a price on love. 356 00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:39,165 I can. Uh, how much is this ring worth? 357 00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:41,702 Oh. Very nice. 358 00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,371 Yes, excellent cut. Beautiful clarity. 359 00:13:44,439 --> 00:13:46,673 You must really love this lady. 360 00:13:46,741 --> 00:13:49,710 - It used to belong to his ex-fianc?e, Anita. - Oh, add that story. 361 00:13:49,778 --> 00:13:52,012 - And he re-gifted it to me. - All right, do that. 362 00:13:52,079 --> 00:13:53,513 Ugh. Yeah, and he used to write her. 363 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,900 - Lots of love letters and poems. - Oh, yeah, tell him... yeah. 364 00:13:55,949 --> 00:13:58,518 How many do you think he's written to me? 365 00:13:58,585 --> 00:14:02,522 Um... I'm gonna guess it's a... low number. 366 00:14:02,589 --> 00:14:04,690 - Zero. - That's very low. 367 00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:06,208 Yeah. Okay. That's because 368 00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:09,294 Anita needed love letters and all that crap all day long. 369 00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,896 It's why we broke up. 370 00:14:10,963 --> 00:14:12,831 That's all I was doing, was writing letters. 371 00:14:12,899 --> 00:14:14,333 I didn't get to watch any TV. 372 00:14:14,401 --> 00:14:15,308 Oh, listen to this guy. 373 00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:17,002 He thinks I don't need love letters. 374 00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,403 That's why I chose you. 375 00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:20,528 You don't need any of that romantic junk. 376 00:14:20,574 --> 00:14:22,141 Oh, that's right. Just give Ol' Bev. 377 00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,676 A hallmark card and a used ring. 378 00:14:24,744 --> 00:14:26,177 All right, you know what? 379 00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:28,947 We're gonna get you the $5,000 ring, 380 00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:30,834 and you can be the one who tells Adam. 381 00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:32,092 That his teeth are gonna be crooked. 382 00:14:32,117 --> 00:14:33,518 For the rest of his life. 383 00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:35,987 Great. That's exactly what I want... a spite ring. 384 00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:37,923 Great, because that's what you're getting. 385 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:40,024 Oh. Okay, my friend, we are buying the ring. 386 00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,493 I'd like you to ring it up, 387 00:14:42,561 --> 00:14:44,995 because we are buying it! 388 00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:46,096 All right. 389 00:14:46,164 --> 00:14:48,231 (Mouthing words) 390 00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:50,468 (Mouths word) Um... 391 00:14:50,535 --> 00:14:52,903 (Mouthing words) 392 00:14:52,971 --> 00:14:54,371 I don't know what to do here. 393 00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:56,506 You heard the man. Ring it up. (Mouths words) 394 00:14:56,574 --> 00:14:58,107 All right, but just so you know, 395 00:14:58,175 --> 00:15:01,177 we have a strict no return policy. 396 00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:03,245 Ring... it... up. 397 00:15:03,313 --> 00:15:05,582 (Mouthing words) 398 00:15:05,649 --> 00:15:06,616 (Clicks) 399 00:15:06,684 --> 00:15:09,925 (Beverly chuckles) 400 00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:18,275 In most houses, a dinner this quiet was normal, 401 00:15:18,342 --> 00:15:19,975 but in our house, no yelling. 402 00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:22,478 Meant something very bad was going down. 403 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:25,114 (Lowered voice) What's happening? 404 00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:29,705 (Lowered voice) Dad bought mom a spite ring, 405 00:15:29,719 --> 00:15:32,290 and now she's wearing the spite ring to spite him. 406 00:15:33,157 --> 00:15:36,024 Lot of love problems around here. 407 00:15:36,092 --> 00:15:37,392 Not Barry. 408 00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:39,895 I keep my lady satisfied. 409 00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,496 Dude... 410 00:15:41,563 --> 00:15:43,098 I was at camp with you. 411 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,533 There's no girl named Marion Lemieux. 412 00:15:45,601 --> 00:15:48,170 She was in the large-chested foxy girl bunk, 413 00:15:48,237 --> 00:15:50,105 and you were in the annoying sister bunk, 414 00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:52,564 so you probably never crossed paths. 415 00:15:52,574 --> 00:15:53,574 Really? 'Cause I thought you were. 416 00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:56,076 In the large-chested girl bunk. 417 00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:58,078 (Chomping) Original. 418 00:15:58,146 --> 00:16:01,916 Adam! Dinner's almost over! 419 00:16:01,984 --> 00:16:04,385 Come on! Get out of the stupid tree! 420 00:16:04,452 --> 00:16:06,987 (Adam) I'm not hungry! Go away. 421 00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:08,522 (Sighs) 422 00:16:08,589 --> 00:16:09,723 (Creaks) 423 00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,610 (Exhales deeply) 424 00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:13,750 What's going on? 425 00:16:13,829 --> 00:16:15,395 I just wanna be alone, okay? 426 00:16:15,463 --> 00:16:17,564 Like how I'll be for the rest of my life. 427 00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:20,134 What are you talking about? You're 10 years old. 428 00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,468 I'm 12. And... 429 00:16:22,536 --> 00:16:24,137 I really screwed things up with a girl. 430 00:16:24,204 --> 00:16:26,205 Yeah? Tell me about it. 431 00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:27,741 Well, her name's Dana... 432 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,976 No, I didn't mean "Tell me about it" 433 00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:31,878 "Tell me about it." I meant, I screwed up. 434 00:16:31,946 --> 00:16:35,081 With a girl, too. Oh! My gosh. 435 00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:36,449 So is the girl mom? 436 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,583 Yes, it's mom! 437 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,753 Your mother seems to think that I don't show her. 438 00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:42,320 That I care about her enough. 439 00:16:42,388 --> 00:16:44,389 I show her all the time, 440 00:16:44,457 --> 00:16:47,225 just not in big ways, but in little ways... 441 00:16:47,293 --> 00:16:49,571 You know, ways that she doesn't notice, 442 00:16:49,696 --> 00:16:51,831 not like a box of love letters. 443 00:16:51,898 --> 00:16:54,399 There's no record of the stuff that I do. 444 00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:56,952 You know, maybe there is. 445 00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,638 - There isn't. - What if there were? 446 00:16:58,705 --> 00:17:00,673 - There's not. - Dad, I'm saying I have an idea. 447 00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:04,310 My dad may not have been able to say. 448 00:17:04,378 --> 00:17:06,345 How he felt about my mom, 449 00:17:06,413 --> 00:17:09,214 but luckily, I recorded a bunch of ways that showed it. 450 00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:12,517 (Clicks and whirs) 451 00:17:12,585 --> 00:17:16,220 ("In your eyes" playing) 452 00:17:22,895 --> 00:17:24,429 Love 453 00:17:27,465 --> 00:17:30,567 I get so lost 454 00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:33,637 sometimes 455 00:17:33,705 --> 00:17:36,507 days pass 456 00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:40,538 and this emptiness 457 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,038 fills my heart 458 00:17:44,515 --> 00:17:48,919 when I want to run away 459 00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:53,824 I drive off in my car 460 00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:59,528 but whichever way I go 461 00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:03,498 I come back to the place you are 462 00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,169 (Adult Adam) Turns out the most romantic movie of the '80s. 463 00:18:07,237 --> 00:18:09,338 Was the one that I made with my dad. 464 00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:12,241 I hate my new ring. I'm gonna take it back tomorrow. 465 00:18:12,309 --> 00:18:14,675 But the man said no returns. 466 00:18:14,743 --> 00:18:17,411 Eh. I'll guilt him into it. 467 00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:20,081 It's what I do. 468 00:18:20,149 --> 00:18:21,850 Without my pride 469 00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:25,197 (adult Adam) It was the first time we ever saw them kiss, 470 00:18:25,198 --> 00:18:26,328 and it was gross. 471 00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,022 But I started to believe in love again. 472 00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:31,486 I mean, it was complicated as hell, but it was real. 473 00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:34,963 Maybe those romantic movies weren't so far off after all. 474 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,831 I see the doorway in your eyes 475 00:18:36,899 --> 00:18:39,034 to a thousand churches 476 00:18:39,102 --> 00:18:40,969 in your eyes the resolution 477 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,771 in your eyes 478 00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,305 of all the fruitless searches 479 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,541 in your eyes 480 00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:49,410 oh, I see the light and the heat 481 00:18:49,478 --> 00:18:51,845 in your eyes, the light, the heat 482 00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,182 - oh, I wanna be that complete - Me? 483 00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,217 Yeah, you. 484 00:18:56,285 --> 00:18:58,852 I wanna touch the light, the heat 485 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,588 I see in your eyes 486 00:19:01,655 --> 00:19:03,290 - Hi. - Hi. 487 00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:05,858 488 00:19:05,926 --> 00:19:09,162 You... left this on our lawn. 489 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,497 Yeah, I... 490 00:19:10,565 --> 00:19:13,166 I did. I'm sorry. 491 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:15,304 (Sighs) 492 00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:18,938 The other night was... Weird. (Chuckles) 493 00:19:21,442 --> 00:19:23,943 You know, my dad told me not to talk to you anymore. 494 00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:26,313 I-I get it. 495 00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,081 Too bad I never listen to my dad. 496 00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:29,882 497 00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:31,883 (Exhales) 498 00:19:31,951 --> 00:19:33,619 And all my instincts 499 00:19:33,687 --> 00:19:35,588 Wanna go for a ride? 500 00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,223 They return 501 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:39,391 and the grand facade 502 00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:40,659 so soon will burn 503 00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:45,598 Just like I told him... Go big or go home. 504 00:19:45,665 --> 00:19:49,033 Yeah. Think you can help me out with some girl stuff? 505 00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:51,536 Oh. What happened to Miss Canada? 506 00:19:51,604 --> 00:19:54,305 Long distance. It's... It's killing us. 507 00:19:54,373 --> 00:19:56,441 We never talk, and when we do, we fight. 508 00:19:56,508 --> 00:19:58,075 She's not real. 509 00:19:58,143 --> 00:19:59,210 510 00:19:59,278 --> 00:20:03,046 In your eyes 511 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:05,582 in your eyes 512 00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:08,918 in your eyes 513 00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:13,990 (Adam) There goes the fluff age, different directions. 514 00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:15,592 Is that like a bald spot? 515 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:17,261 Yeah, yeah, we do have a bald spot there. 516 00:20:17,295 --> 00:20:19,295 (Record needle scratches, bell dings) 517 00:20:24,761 --> 00:20:27,162 (Beverly's voice) Murray! 518 00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,164 What?! 519 00:20:29,232 --> 00:20:30,365 Murray! 520 00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:33,001 What?! Ugh! 521 00:20:34,402 --> 00:20:36,503 Murray! 522 00:20:36,571 --> 00:20:38,605 What's going on? 523 00:20:38,673 --> 00:20:39,573 Murray! 524 00:20:39,641 --> 00:20:40,607 What? 525 00:20:40,675 --> 00:20:41,976 Murray! 526 00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,477 What? Wh... 527 00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:44,711 Murray! 528 00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:46,180 Well, where are you?! 529 00:20:46,248 --> 00:20:47,414 (Voice raising pitch) Murray, m-Murray! 530 00:20:47,482 --> 00:20:48,615 What?! 531 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:49,683 Murray! 532 00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:51,584 What do you want from me, woman?! 533 00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:53,787 (Chuckles, lowered voice) Technology. 534 00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:56,790 (Lowered voice) I know. I love this thing. 535 00:20:56,857 --> 00:20:58,158 Hey! (Keyboard clatters) 536 00:20:58,225 --> 00:20:59,259 I see you! 537 00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,660 (Rapid footsteps depart) 538 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:02,095 What'd you break?! 539 00:21:02,163 --> 00:21:06,664 sync and corrections by dreaMaker7 www.addic7ed.com 540 00:21:06,714 --> 00:21:11,264 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38731

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