All language subtitles for Tales.from.the.Darkside.S01E09.A.Case.of.the.Stubborns.DVDRip.x264-ZYURANGER

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Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

NARRATOR: Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

(organ playing)

(rooster crowing)

BOY: Go ahead and sit, Ma.

I'll get the coffee.

WOMAN: Thank you, Jody.

(weeping softly)

Don't cry, Ma.

Oh, honey, I have to a little,

but I'll be all right. Don't you fret.

It was his time to go.

I sure am going to miss him like the dickens.

Go on and say grace now, Jody, honey.

Lord, for these and all thy many blessings, we thank thee.

Lord, my-my grandpa's on his way up to be with you now,

and I hope you and him will get along real good.

He's not always the easiest.

I mean, he can be a might feisty sometimes,

but he don't mean nothing by it.

Anyhow, I just want to let you know

that he has been a father to me

ever since my daddy died.

And I love him...

loved him a lot.

That's enough now,

Jody, honey.

Amen.

Amen.

(door closing)

What was that? (footfalls approaching)

(hushed): I don't know.

Boy, howdy.

I'm so hungry,

I could eat a dang skunk this morning.

Oh...

and it sure smells good to this old nose.

Where's my breakfast?

Don't tell me you're fixing to eat?

Course I am.

Didn't you hear me say I was starving?

What in tarnation y'all staring at?

You feeling all right, Addie?

(gasps)

You eat mine, Daddy.

One egg, two pieces of sausage?

(laughs, wheezes)

I won't last the morning.

Ah...

well, you two owl-eyed fools can starve if you want to,

but, eh, I aim to eat.

What's ailing you, boy?

Is you a haint?

Course I ain't a haint.

What gave you an idea like that?

Jody... You're dead, Grandpa.

You have to be a haint, or a ghost, or something.

Nonsense, boy.

I'm just as real as the nose in your

silly little face.

It's true, Daddy.

You passed on last night.

Don't you recollect?

There ain't nothing wrong with my memory, gal.

I just had one of my spells, that's all.

No, t'weren't no spell this time, Daddy.

You was took so bad, Jody here had to drag Doc Snodgrass

out of his office, right in the middle of a poker game.

He was tolerable angry when he got here, too,

(voice breaking): 'cause you was already gone.

But I ain't gone.

I'm-I'm... I'm here.

But we seen you pass on ourselves.

We're witnesses.

Witnesses?!

Are you aiming to hold a jury trial

to decide if I'm alive or not?!

But, Grandpa, you...

But nothing!

Nobody's going to say I'm dead when I ain't.

Nobody is going to put me six feet under

without my say so.

(grunting)

Where are you going?

Where I go every morning, gal.

I'm going to sit on the front porch and digest.

All this talk about dying makes a man feel plumb bilious.

To think I was setting here sniveling

over that old fool.

Like to scare the daylights out of me.

You mean, he ain't dead, Ma?

Oh, he's dead, all right.

Deader than a hammer.

He's just too all-fired stubborn to admit it.

Jody, you go see he stays put.

I'm going to go fetch Doc Snodgrass,

and we'll settle this thing for once and for all.

๏ฟฝ I wandered today ๏ฟฝ

๏ฟฝ Through the hills and... ๏ฟฝ

Ah, there's my favorite boy.

Come here, Jody.

What happened to your ma?

She lit out of here

like a scalded cat a while ago.

She went to see Doc Snodgrass.

Good thing, too.

Any fool could see, she ain't feeling well.

(flies buzzing)

Dang flytime starting up again.

I swear I liked to have died of the heat yesterday.

But, Grandpa, you did die.

Now, boy, don't you start on me!

You hear?

I've had just about all the foolishness...

MA: Doc, now why would I make up a story like that?

I don't know, Addie.

But there's just no way possible a man could look...

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

What in the name of...?

What are you doing here, Titus?

What does it look like I'm doing, Doc?

Can't a man sit out on his own front porch

rockifying in peace?

Rest in peace, that's what you should be doing.

When I examined you last night,

you was deader than a Thanksgiving turkey.

And you was drunker than an old coot,

judging from the way you look now,

which is considerable deader than me.

Well, if you're going to examine me, dang it,

get a move on!

I... I don't hear nothing.

What'd you expect to hear, the Grand Ole Opry?

Now look here, Titus, this is no time for funnin'.

Suppose I told you that your heart stopped...

b-b-beating?

And suppose I tell you your "stethescone"

is b-b-busted?

Look here.

This mirror's clear!

That means he's got no breath left in his body.

Try it on yourself, Snodgrass.

Eh-eh, you got a breath on you

that would knock a mule over at 20 paces.

Look here, Titus.

You know I can't read, dang ya.

What is it?

It's your death certificate.

Cause of death?

Cardiac arrest.

That's medical for "heart attack."

Now, this is a legal paper, Titus.

It'll stand up in any court of law.

Well, so will I, dang ya.

And who do you think the court of law

is gonna believe, eh?

I'm feeling kind of poorly.

I-I think I'll go on back down to the office...

to lie down a spell.

Well, don't lie down too long, Doc.

Or some fool's liable to write out a paper

saying you died of a hangover.

Well, I'll be blamed if I can understand why you two

are off your feed.

Mighty fine lunch, Addie.

Whoo-wee!

Time for a little snooze.

(groans)

Keep the ruckus down, will you, boy?

Yes, Grandpa.

It ain't none of that, Jody.

I thought there might have been something

starting to spoil. There is, but it ain't none of my cooking.

You mean...?

I mean something's gotta be done about him.

And I don't mean tomorrow.

(flies buzzing)

Grandpa?

Grandpa. MAN: Jody Tolliver?

Is that you?

Good day, Reverend Peabody, sir.

Is he, uh...?

I don't rightly know, sir.

(flies buzzing)

Of course he is.

I swear that Doc Snodgrass has the orneriest

sense of humor this side of...

(gasps) Well, look who's here!

Howdy, Reverend.

MA: Howdy, Reverend.

He won't listen to no one.

I reckon I know how you feel, Reverend.

This heat makes a fella's throat parch up.

Addie, why don't you go fetch the reverend

some refreshments?

Well, now, Rev...

...rest your britches and be sociable.

This, uh...

(clears throat)

This, uh, ain't exactly

a social call, Titus.

What did you come draggin'

all the way over here in this heat for?

After what the Doc told me, I just had to see for myself.

Meaning what?

Meaning a man in your condition

has got no right to be asking questions.

When the Lord calls, you're supposed to answer.

I ain't heared nobody calling.

Of course, my hearing ain't what it used to be.

(wheezing laughter)

So Doc tells me.

Maybe that's why you can't tell

your heart's not beating anymore.

Well, it's only natural for it to slow down a touch.

Now you lived a mighty long stretch.

Don't you reckon maybe now it's time to lie down,

call it quits?

Remember, the Lord giveth

and the Lord taketh away.

Well, he ain't gonna taketh away me.

Listen...

Listen to me, Titus.

You've got nothing to be afraid of.

Think of it.

No more sorrow.

No more care.

All your burdens laid to rest.

Not to mention getting out of this hot sun, huh?

(laughing)

You do look hotter than a boiled owl, Rev.

Addie,

where's that lemonade?!

(flies buzzing)

Gum it, Titus.

Sure want a heap of convincing.

I reckon you're the contrariest old coot I ever did see.

Well, now, Rev, I...

I reckon that's my nature.

I ain't unreasonable...

but I got to have me some proof.

Like that fellow from Missouri says: "You gotta show me."

Titus...

There are just some things you've got to take on faith.

Now, I am telling you the mortal truth when I say

you have no call to fuss.

Now, maybe... maybe the notion of lying in the grave

don't hold much appeal for you,

and I... I can sympathize.

But, Titus...

while your bones is resting six feet under,

your everlasting soul is on the wing.

Flying,

straight up--

yes, yes--

right into the arms of the Lord.

What a great day it's fixing to be, Titus.

You, free as a bird,

scooting around with them heavenly hosts on high,

singing the praises of the Almighty.

All I can say is, if you think that the heavens

is such an all-fired great idea,

then why don't you go there yourself?

Addie!

The reverend here is taking hisself a...

a conniption fit.

We're out of lemonade, Reverend.

All I got is this here jug.

Praise be, praise be, praise be.

Ooh.

(grunts)

Titus...

as the Lord's emissary here in Greenville,

I've got to tell you,

what you're doing now is plumb sacrilegious.

You can turn your nose up at heaven now if you want,

but you keep this up, and you're gonna find yourself

in a place where the weather ain't near so nice, you hear me?

I ain't hard of hearing, Rev.

I'm just tired of hearing.

Mrs. Tolliver...

you're a fine woman.

And, Jody...

you're a fine young sprout.

But there's others in my flock as needs me.

Reverend, wait.

What am I going to do?

Have no fear.

We must trust in the power of prayer.

Oh!

(Grandpa cackling)

Look at him skedaddle!

(flies buzzing)

Took the jug with him, too.

Power of prayer, my foot.

Grandpa, want me to go get you a flyswatter?

There's a good boy.

Don't cry, Ma.

Oh, Jody, honey,

I wish your pa was here.

He'd know what to do.

Never you mind. I've got a plan.

What kind of plan?

I'm fixin' to take me a hike

over to the voodoo woman's place.

Over to Spooky Hollow?

Oh, Jody, I don't think that's a good idea.

Ma, help is where you find it

and we need something stronger than words now.

Ain't you a'feared?

Not in daylight.

Besides, I'll be back before dark.

(knocking on door)

Is anybody home?

(cackling) (owl hooting)

What have we here, eh, Ambrose, my sweet?

Why, a tasty dumpling to be sure.

Why, a meal this big

ought to last us a week, at least.

(cackling)

Halt!

Don't you move or I'll turn you into swamp water.

Please don't eat me, ma'am.

Oh, and why not?

Ambrose dearly loves the eyeballs,

and my favorite is the liver.

Young liver is the best.

(cackling)

Oh...

Oh, shoot.

Oh, dang it, Ambrose.

Ah, I've done gone soft.

(sighs)

Lost my concentration, to boot.

(sighs)

I'm telling you, boy, don't ever get old.

You mean, you ain't going to eat me?

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Ma'am, my name is

Jody Tolliver, and I was hoping you could help us

with a little problem.

Tolliver?

Are you any relation,

uh, to Titus Tolliver?

I know'd your grandpap from the long ago.

He was set in his ways even then.

Stubborn as a mule.

I reckon I owe him one for old time's sake.

Well, let me see...

If I got something in here

ain't all together old and useless...

I've got it... just the thing.

Ma!

Thank the Lord, you're back, Jody, honey.

I've been fixi'' to lose my mind

with all the ruckus going on round here.

What kind of ruckus?

Well, of all, Old Bixby, the undertaker,

he come along and said, if we didn't have the remains

tooken care of, he was going to report us

to the Board of Health,

and have us quarantined.

Grandpa's getting stiffer than a board,

but he won't pay it no heed.

He just keeps saying, "What's for dinner?"

I never heard tell of such a scandal

in these parts, and we're it.

Everything is going to be fine.

Look what the voodoo woman gave me.

(gasps): It ain't poisonous, is it?

No, Ma, it ain't poison.

Besides, how can we poison him if he's already dead?

Let's see.

(sniffs)

Why, Jody, honey, that ain't nothing but strong black pepper.

I think that voodoo lady's been pulling your leg.

No, she promised me.

Well, with the Board of Health people

set to come snapping at our heels tomorrow,

I guess we got to give it a chance.

She tell you what to do?

Well, you go ahead and do whatever it is.

I'll finish getting dinner.

(footfalls)

Is that collard greens and catfish head I smell?

My favorite.

Come on, then, what's taking you?

I'm a might stiff, is all.

Stiffer than a two by four.

You should be upstairs in bed with a lily in your hand.

That's where you should be.

There you go again!

I told you I ain't dead so many times

I'm blue in the face!

Now, that's the truth.

Fact is, I haven't seen anybody look any bluer.

What in blazes is that?

Just-Just your napkin, Grandpa.

(grunting)

Well, come on, boy!

Don't sit there looking ornamental.

Help me load up this here plate.

Dead am I?

Never thought I'd see the day

when somebody would say that to my face,

let alone my kinfolk.

Oh, could be I'm tolerable stubborn,

but I-I-I don't want to make trouble for anyone,

least of all my own flesh and blood.

Mmm...

Now, if I saw me some proof that I was

truly dead,

I'd be the first one

to go right upstairs and lie down forever.

Grandpa?

Hmm?

You've got some greens on your chin.

Oh, thank you, boy.

What...?!

What in blazes is that?!

Well, who put the...?

(blubbering)

You must be gone out of your...

(sneezes violently)

Gad-dang!

Will you look at...

I... I guess there's no fool

like a... like an old fool.

You be good, now, Jody.

You, uh, take care of your ma.

Bye, all.

Ain't nothing more to worry about, son.

He done laid down his burden at last.

Gone to glory, amen.

All he needed was his blessed proof.

Amen, Ma.

You best get rid of that, Jody.

If that ain't proof, I don't know what is.

NARRATOR: The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.

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