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1
00:00:05,149 --> 00:00:06,930
Yes, the strangest thing
just happened to me.
2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,666
I had a conversation
with a neighbor.
3
00:00:10,701 --> 00:00:14,236
Wow. I never even saw
my neighbors in L.A.
4
00:00:14,271 --> 00:00:16,071
Except during earthquakes.
5
00:00:17,139 --> 00:00:18,984
Yeah, sometimes we'd pull
out of our driveways
6
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,022
at the same time, and as our
electronic gates were opening,
7
00:00:22,057 --> 00:00:24,708
I'd think I don't even
know their names,
8
00:00:24,743 --> 00:00:26,370
and they don't know mine.
9
00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:28,461
And the world was good.
10
00:00:30,417 --> 00:00:32,327
Well, that was the L.A. us.
11
00:00:32,362 --> 00:00:33,577
Here in Cleveland,
12
00:00:33,612 --> 00:00:35,052
we're gonna get to
know our neighbors.
13
00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:36,901
In fact, I'm throwing
a party. Tomorrow.
14
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,723
Look at me being
all spontaneous.
15
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:54,147
I changed my hair.
16
00:00:56,629 --> 00:01:00,041
Elka, why would--
17
00:01:00,076 --> 00:01:01,683
I mean, why?
18
00:01:01,718 --> 00:01:04,159
I wanted something fresh.
19
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,167
I found a picture
in a magazine,
20
00:01:06,202 --> 00:01:08,108
and I gave it to
my hair stylist.
21
00:01:08,839 --> 00:01:11,554
Was it a picture of Elmo?
22
00:01:13,481 --> 00:01:16,070
This red hair comes
with a temper.
23
00:01:16,105 --> 00:01:17,255
I will c you.
24
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,623
Okay, red, what's going on?
25
00:01:21,658 --> 00:01:26,003
Max invited me to the
senior senior prom.
26
00:01:26,949 --> 00:01:29,279
That is so cute.
27
00:01:29,314 --> 00:01:33,359
Yeah, if you think piranhas
surrounding a baby seal is cute.
28
00:01:34,665 --> 00:01:37,003
Ah, so the ladies
love Max, huh?
29
00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:39,609
Especially Agnes Bratford.
30
00:01:39,644 --> 00:01:44,557
Or should I say
fat-ass hag-ford.
31
00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:49,036
Well, she doesn't sound
like much of a rival.
32
00:01:49,071 --> 00:01:51,643
She takes hormone
replacements.
33
00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:55,008
I can't compete with
someone who's doping.
34
00:01:55,995 --> 00:01:58,368
I have to take it up a notch.
35
00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:01,076
Now I just need the dress
to make it all pop.
36
00:02:02,253 --> 00:02:04,652
Don't forget the red
nose and floppy shoes.
37
00:02:09,598 --> 00:02:11,501
Oh, my God.
Is that Victoria Chase?
38
00:02:11,536 --> 00:02:12,969
New ringtone?
39
00:02:13,004 --> 00:02:15,904
Don't judge.
40
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,882
- Victoria Chase?
- Oh, it's my Agent.
41
00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,988
He sent a text, but I can't read it.
My glasses are upstairs. Can you...
42
00:02:22,023 --> 00:02:23,926
No, a little further.
43
00:02:23,961 --> 00:02:25,195
Good, good.
44
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:29,604
A Japanese company wants
me to do a commercial.
45
00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:33,212
Years of honing my craft,
and finally my dream is coming true.
46
00:02:33,247 --> 00:02:35,649
Your dream is to do a
Japanese commercial?
47
00:02:35,684 --> 00:02:39,524
No. To sell out for an
obscene amount of money.
48
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,228
What's the product?
49
00:02:41,263 --> 00:02:42,864
Um, I'm not sure.
50
00:02:42,899 --> 00:02:46,170
Beneficial dryness force.
51
00:02:46,205 --> 00:02:48,007
Probably some sort
of antiperspirant.
52
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,243
Oh, that's not so bad.
53
00:02:49,278 --> 00:02:50,712
A lot of a-listers do it.
54
00:02:50,747 --> 00:02:54,185
I heard Brad Pitt did a Japanese
commercial for baby formula.
55
00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:56,824
I know, and now nutrition
breast juice wow
56
00:02:56,859 --> 00:02:59,361
is, like,
the number one brand.
57
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:02,667
Hey, Elka, you never told us
what your senior prom theme was.
58
00:03:02,702 --> 00:03:03,803
Oh, let me guess--
59
00:03:03,838 --> 00:03:05,505
a night to try to remember?
60
00:03:14,223 --> 00:03:17,293
Let's play a game.
61
00:03:17,328 --> 00:03:20,265
Raise your hand if
you've got a boyfriend.
62
00:03:32,683 --> 00:03:34,185
Cupcakes are up.
63
00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:35,888
Actually, they're Ohio cakes.
64
00:03:35,923 --> 00:03:39,060
See, 'cause they're round on the
ends and high in the middle.
65
00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:42,595
Get it? O-hi-o.
66
00:03:43,335 --> 00:03:46,371
Are you sure you're not
high in the middle?
67
00:03:46,406 --> 00:03:48,208
I just want to make
a good impression.
68
00:03:48,243 --> 00:03:49,510
Look, I got great Lake Latkes.
69
00:03:49,545 --> 00:03:52,749
And I have drew curry
70
00:03:52,784 --> 00:03:54,317
with Lebron rice.
71
00:03:54,352 --> 00:03:55,552
And to wash it all down,
72
00:03:55,587 --> 00:03:58,725
some cold, delicious
Cuyahoga River punch.
73
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,562
You know, that River was so polluted,
it actually caught fire once.
74
00:04:01,597 --> 00:04:02,764
But they cleaned it all up.
75
00:04:02,799 --> 00:04:07,305
Well, some of us happen
to like a little pollution.
76
00:04:08,126 --> 00:04:09,376
Look.
77
00:04:10,466 --> 00:04:11,596
My agent just sent a box
78
00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:14,266
of ozawa industrial brothers
79
00:04:14,301 --> 00:04:18,602
Mrs. ladypant beneficial
dryness force.
80
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:22,538
Mrs. ladypants. I'm thinking
it's not an antiperspirant.
81
00:04:22,573 --> 00:04:25,040
Uh. "Say greeting
to Mrs. ladypant.
82
00:04:25,075 --> 00:04:28,577
For best good times,
be on dry."
83
00:04:31,281 --> 00:04:33,147
That's weird.
84
00:04:33,182 --> 00:04:34,482
There's, like, something in there.
85
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:37,351
Like a pad or...
86
00:04:37,386 --> 00:04:39,636
A diaper.
87
00:04:41,389 --> 00:04:45,624
What are you talking about?
They're pants.
88
00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:48,759
With an attractive
inner padding.
89
00:04:48,794 --> 00:04:51,261
On their butt.
90
00:04:51,296 --> 00:04:52,496
Oh, give it up, darling.
91
00:04:52,531 --> 00:04:54,464
- It's a diaper.
- It's not a diaper!
92
00:04:54,499 --> 00:04:55,531
It's pants.
93
00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:57,366
And they're comfortable
94
00:04:57,401 --> 00:04:58,667
and perfectly stylish,
95
00:04:58,702 --> 00:04:59,869
and I love them.
96
00:04:59,904 --> 00:05:02,137
And they are paying me
a ton of money to...
97
00:05:02,172 --> 00:05:06,608
"Preserve...
Freshness of crotch."
98
00:05:09,903 --> 00:05:11,712
As pants do.
99
00:05:11,747 --> 00:05:13,247
So just lay off.
100
00:05:19,823 --> 00:05:20,719
Isn't this great?
101
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,554
Look how happy and
relaxed everyone is.
102
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,555
I know.
103
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,957
In L.A., by now, I'd have had
at least one conversation
104
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,926
where someone's looking past me
to find someone more important.
105
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,361
Yeah, I hate that.
106
00:05:34,706 --> 00:05:35,865
And don't you just love
107
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,434
how everyone seems to
have worn whatever?
108
00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:41,403
I mean, look at those women.
Their hair is still wet.
109
00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:43,205
It took me an hour and a
half to blow this dry.
110
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,573
Maybe we should take
a lesson from them.
111
00:05:45,608 --> 00:05:47,342
- Hmm.
- Or maybe they could take
112
00:05:47,377 --> 00:05:49,343
a blow dryer from us.
113
00:05:49,378 --> 00:05:50,678
- Hello, ladies.
- Hello.
114
00:05:50,713 --> 00:05:52,279
I'm Rick from
across the street.
115
00:05:52,314 --> 00:05:55,382
And, yes, I do smell of fish.
116
00:05:58,018 --> 00:05:59,784
We weren't gonna say anything.
117
00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:02,919
I just had a glorious morning
fishing on Lake Erie.
118
00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:04,954
Maybe I could bring you
some muskie some time.
119
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,822
Oh, what a lovely offer.
120
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:08,727
Ah, there's that fish smell.
121
00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:11,359
So are you a fisherman?
122
00:06:11,394 --> 00:06:13,963
No, no, no, I work for
the plain dealer.
123
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,664
I write a column on Cleveland,
124
00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:17,165
what I like,
what I don't like.
125
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,767
What I would like is to
interview you, Melanie.
126
00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:22,469
It's quite a thing for this neighborhood
to get a best-selling author.
127
00:06:22,504 --> 00:06:25,505
And a famous actress.
Crazy, huh?
128
00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:27,674
I'm not really an author.
129
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:28,841
One book, you know.
130
00:06:28,876 --> 00:06:31,177
Jotted down 200 things
I wanted to do one day.
131
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:32,811
But it did sell like crazy.
132
00:06:32,846 --> 00:06:37,515
Although it wasn't on
television for 27 years.
133
00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:39,884
Let her have her moment,
or I'll tell him about your diapers.
134
00:06:39,919 --> 00:06:42,954
- Pants.
- Diapers.
135
00:06:42,989 --> 00:06:45,623
So was moving to Cleveland
one of your list things?
136
00:06:45,658 --> 00:06:49,060
Oh, God, no.
No, before I came here,
137
00:06:49,095 --> 00:06:50,795
I thought, you know,
Cleveland was one of those places
138
00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:52,196
people came from but
they never went to.
139
00:06:52,231 --> 00:06:56,667
Oh. So what made you choose
Cleveland over L.A.?
140
00:06:56,702 --> 00:06:58,803
Oh, gosh, where do I start?
141
00:06:58,838 --> 00:07:02,073
You know, in L.A.,
everyone is so thin and perfect.
142
00:07:02,108 --> 00:07:04,475
It really starts to mess
with your self-esteem.
143
00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:06,277
But here, I feel great.
144
00:07:10,182 --> 00:07:11,515
- I see.
- No. No, wait.
145
00:07:11,550 --> 00:07:14,418
I think I'm not
communicating very well.
146
00:07:14,453 --> 00:07:16,687
You know, Rick,
Melanie isn't as accustomed
147
00:07:16,722 --> 00:07:18,922
to being interviewed as I am.
148
00:07:18,957 --> 00:07:21,223
So maybe you could just
let her have a few moments
149
00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:23,389
to gather her thoughts and
go grab something to eat?
150
00:07:23,424 --> 00:07:26,488
Right, why don't I just go
feed my fat, ugly face.
151
00:07:26,523 --> 00:07:28,189
You forgot smelly.
152
00:07:31,258 --> 00:07:34,159
What is wrong with me?
How did that happen?
153
00:07:34,194 --> 00:07:35,961
I meant to say that
people in L.A.
154
00:07:35,996 --> 00:07:37,362
Are vain and superficial.
155
00:07:37,397 --> 00:07:39,398
- I got to fix this.
- Just let it go.
156
00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:41,500
No, you try to fix that,
you will only make it worse.
157
00:07:41,535 --> 00:07:43,035
T he's our neighbor.
158
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:44,270
And a columnist.
159
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:45,903
I don't want him
not to like me.
160
00:07:45,938 --> 00:07:48,003
I like being likeable.
161
00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:50,538
Not to brag,
but it's kind of my thing.
162
00:07:50,806 --> 00:07:53,173
You should be able to tolerate
someone not liking you.
163
00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:54,274
You're right.
164
00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:59,111
I mean, a ton of people don't like you,
and you're fine with it.
165
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,347
I'm gonna staple
my mouth shut.
166
00:08:01,382 --> 00:08:03,582
As soon as I fix this.
167
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,749
- Rick, hi.
- Hi.
168
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,217
I'm just--I'm sorry.
169
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,952
I'd like to explain.
170
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,687
When I said that
people in L.A.
171
00:08:10,722 --> 00:08:12,322
Are perfect and thin,
172
00:08:12,357 --> 00:08:14,858
I did not mean to imply that
everyone here is fat and ugly.
173
00:08:14,893 --> 00:08:16,226
No. Uh-uh.
174
00:08:16,261 --> 00:08:19,529
I just mean, people in L.A.,
they're abnormally thin, right?
175
00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:20,763
Everyone here is normal.
176
00:08:20,798 --> 00:08:22,598
- Ah.
- They're healthy.
177
00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:25,000
Well, I don't know if
I would use healthy.
178
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:28,336
'Cause, you know, there have
been studies, and it's ver--oh.
179
00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,271
What I mean to say is that,
180
00:08:30,306 --> 00:08:32,840
here, you can relax, you know,
181
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:36,409
- and let yourself go.
- Okay. Okay.
182
00:08:36,444 --> 00:08:39,979
You see it happening, but there's
nothing you can do about it.
183
00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:42,881
So you think we've
let ourselves go.
184
00:08:42,916 --> 00:08:43,948
No. No, no, no.
185
00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:45,983
I meant that, here,
186
00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:47,284
life is simpler.
187
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,786
It's like going back in time.
188
00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,454
So we're backward.
189
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:52,088
No! No!
190
00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:54,323
Why aren't you
understanding this?
191
00:08:54,358 --> 00:08:56,659
Just simple, I guess.
192
00:08:56,694 --> 00:08:59,928
I was wrong. She fixed it.
193
00:08:59,963 --> 00:09:03,497
Hey, how about we all have
some Cuyahoga River punch?
194
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,669
That River hasn't caught
fire in 40 years.
195
00:09:09,704 --> 00:09:11,170
I'm sorry. Let me explain.
196
00:09:11,205 --> 00:09:12,771
Oh, no, that's all right.
197
00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:14,440
I got a column to write.
198
00:09:14,475 --> 00:09:16,641
No, no, I love Cleveland.
I love Lebron.
199
00:09:16,676 --> 00:09:18,009
Or I don't. You tell me!
200
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:21,344
Frankly, you guys are a little
wishy-washy on that one.
201
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:27,116
- Oh, it's a fabulous party.
- Oh, really.
202
00:09:30,045 --> 00:09:32,224
- What am I gonna do?
- Oh, stop worrying so much.
203
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:36,794
Cleveland's a rock and roll town.
Lots of party end with fire.
204
00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:38,129
I can't help but worry,
205
00:09:38,164 --> 00:09:40,764
'cause if Rick is writing the article
I think he's writing about me,
206
00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:42,032
the whole city's
gonna hate me.
207
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,667
Oh, just leave it alone.
It'll blow over.
208
00:09:46,154 --> 00:09:47,370
I know what I have to do.
209
00:09:47,405 --> 00:09:48,838
I have to go across the street
210
00:09:48,873 --> 00:09:50,206
and talk to him.
211
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,807
And he'll see that
I'm a nice person,
212
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,709
because I'm sure he's
a nice person, right?
213
00:09:53,744 --> 00:09:56,912
Right, because your plan has
worked so well up to this point.
214
00:09:56,947 --> 00:09:59,547
Yeah, I know. That's why you're gonna
come over there and back me up.
215
00:09:59,582 --> 00:10:01,249
Well, why do I have to?
216
00:10:01,284 --> 00:10:04,484
You're the one who went all
Don Rickles on Cleveland.
217
00:10:10,356 --> 00:10:12,058
Where's Victoria?
I'm gonna need her too.
218
00:10:12,093 --> 00:10:14,094
Upstairs, trying on her pants.
219
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,646
I don't think we want
to interrupt that.
220
00:10:21,604 --> 00:10:22,770
Do you think he'll
like the wine?
221
00:10:22,805 --> 00:10:23,871
Or does it seem pretentious?
222
00:10:23,906 --> 00:10:25,539
Should I have brought beer?
223
00:10:25,574 --> 00:10:26,940
Mm. Or is that insulting?
224
00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:28,641
Oh, God, is this
from California?
225
00:10:28,676 --> 00:10:30,276
Do they make Cleveland wine?
226
00:10:30,311 --> 00:10:32,878
What did we say about too
many questions in a row?
227
00:10:32,913 --> 00:10:35,114
I know. I'm doing
it again, aren't I?
228
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:38,450
What's wrong with me?
What is it with me and questions?
229
00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:40,319
He's not home.
We'll try again later.
230
00:10:40,354 --> 00:10:41,920
Wait, wait, no.
I see his computer.
231
00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:43,255
It's got writing on it.
232
00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:45,457
It says, "Melanie MoRetti
is a horrible person."
233
00:10:45,492 --> 00:10:47,192
How can you read
that from here?
234
00:10:47,227 --> 00:10:48,360
I just know.
235
00:10:48,395 --> 00:10:50,162
We have to sneak in
there and read it.
236
00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:52,364
- What?
- Don't you see?
237
00:10:52,399 --> 00:10:53,898
If it's not bad,
238
00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:55,265
then I'll just relax.
239
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,967
But if it's terrible,
240
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:02,171
someone who really cares
about me could delete it.
241
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:05,709
Wait. What's that noise?
242
00:11:18,722 --> 00:11:20,855
I can't believe you
left without me.
243
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:22,723
Are you wearing
your diaper pants?
244
00:11:22,758 --> 00:11:25,125
Stop saying that.
245
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:29,196
It is the Mrs. ladypant
beneficial dryness force.
246
00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:32,265
I have to wear it at least
once before I can legally say,
247
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,134
"I feel as fresh as mt. Fuji."
248
00:11:36,844 --> 00:11:38,603
So are we breaking into
this place or what?
249
00:11:38,638 --> 00:11:40,538
You don't even know
why we're breaking in.
250
00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:43,106
Well, I'm assuming it's either
to read his column or delete it.
251
00:11:43,141 --> 00:11:44,942
- See?
- All right.
252
00:11:44,977 --> 00:11:47,979
Wait, you go first.
You have padding.
253
00:11:50,683 --> 00:11:52,850
Oh, God, I can't look.
254
00:11:52,885 --> 00:11:53,951
What's it say?
255
00:11:53,986 --> 00:11:55,285
- Oh, my God.
- What?
256
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:56,286
What? Is it bad?
257
00:11:56,321 --> 00:11:57,954
Oh, it's terrible.
258
00:11:57,989 --> 00:12:01,554
I mean, he doesn't
even mention me.
259
00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:02,987
It's not bad at all.
260
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,415
He just says I'm a
well-meaning klutz.
261
00:12:05,450 --> 00:12:09,246
Well, I guess that trumps
award-nominated actress.
262
00:12:09,281 --> 00:12:11,381
I am so relieved.
263
00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,616
- Then what are you doing?
- Changing my age, of course.
264
00:12:13,651 --> 00:12:15,650
- Mm.
- Come on. Let's go.
265
00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:17,453
And don't leave any smudges
on the windowpanes.
266
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:18,755
I don't want him to know
anybody's been here.
267
00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:22,292
Wait, wait, I think I can
still get away with 41.
268
00:12:27,731 --> 00:12:29,464
I can't believe
we just did that.
269
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,899
My heart is still pounding.
270
00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:31,933
I know. I haven't
felt this excited
271
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,334
about getting away
with something
272
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:34,702
since I convinced
my fourth husband
273
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,204
that I was still a virgin.
274
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:39,606
I mean, that was some acting.
275
00:12:39,641 --> 00:12:41,941
Well, I say that we celebrate
now that it's all over.
276
00:12:41,976 --> 00:12:43,242
How about we open
that bottle of wine
277
00:12:43,277 --> 00:12:44,843
you were gonna give to Rick?
278
00:12:44,878 --> 00:12:45,944
No.
279
00:12:45,979 --> 00:12:47,078
Okay. Something else.
280
00:12:47,113 --> 00:12:49,146
No. I mean, it's still there.
281
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:51,247
I forgot to bring
it out with me,
282
00:12:51,282 --> 00:12:52,414
and it's got a note
on it from me.
283
00:12:52,449 --> 00:12:53,482
He's gonna know I was there.
284
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:55,250
Oh, great.
Well, we better hurry.
285
00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:59,119
No!
286
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,854
You make too much noise.
287
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:05,960
Just text me if you see him coming.
I'll be right back. Hey, Elka.
288
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,597
Hi, Elka. Is that your dress?
289
00:13:07,632 --> 00:13:10,366
Don't start with me.
290
00:13:10,401 --> 00:13:11,367
What's wrong?
291
00:13:11,402 --> 00:13:12,668
My hair.
292
00:13:12,703 --> 00:13:15,470
- Oh.
- I got a good look at myself
293
00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:16,671
in the dress shop.
294
00:13:16,706 --> 00:13:19,807
I look like little
orphan granny.
295
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,775
Why didn't you say something?
296
00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:24,211
Well, to be fair,
I did say you looked like Elmo,
297
00:13:24,246 --> 00:13:27,546
and I had a couple of good
bozo jokes at the ready too.
298
00:13:28,382 --> 00:13:31,349
I'm not gonna even go
to that stupid prom.
299
00:13:31,384 --> 00:13:33,884
All the cool seniors
stay home anyway.
300
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:35,219
Oh.
301
00:13:35,254 --> 00:13:39,122
Get back here, raggedy Ann.
302
00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:40,790
Last one.
303
00:13:40,825 --> 00:13:43,693
You know, I'm not just
an eyebrow expert.
304
00:13:43,728 --> 00:13:47,763
I'm good with all kinds
of unwanted hair.
305
00:13:47,798 --> 00:13:49,364
I can help you.
306
00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:53,968
You're in cahoots with
fat-ass hag-ford, aren't you?
307
00:13:54,003 --> 00:13:56,070
Now you may not
realize this, Elka,
308
00:13:56,105 --> 00:13:59,473
but we are in the
presence of a genius.
309
00:13:59,508 --> 00:14:01,641
Ill-tempered,
disagreeable, snarky, yes.
310
00:14:01,676 --> 00:14:04,844
But I would trust
her with my life,
311
00:14:04,879 --> 00:14:07,246
and more importantly,
with my hair.
312
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:10,749
I know we can be
hard on each other,
313
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,150
but you have my word.
314
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:17,888
I will do whatever
I can with that.
315
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,290
And if it doesn't work,
316
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,825
we can park you at
the end of a runway.
317
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:25,595
All right, there was one more.
318
00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:30,516
Okay.
319
00:14:32,002 --> 00:14:33,334
Let's do it, bones.
320
00:14:33,369 --> 00:14:35,903
I'm sorry. Who?
321
00:14:35,938 --> 00:14:38,639
- Joy.
- Thank you.
322
00:14:40,675 --> 00:14:45,744
Bones. I said bones,
is what I said.
323
00:14:57,656 --> 00:15:00,323
Hello, Melanie.
324
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:08,327
Oh, my, you have
a beautiful home.
325
00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,958
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
326
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,158
Oh, not at all.
327
00:15:11,193 --> 00:15:13,626
I'm just not really
dressed for company.
328
00:15:13,661 --> 00:15:15,397
Oh, what are you talking about?
You're dressed just fine.
329
00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:16,555
Very distinctive.
330
00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:18,123
I love a robe.
331
00:15:18,158 --> 00:15:20,324
Oh. Thank you.
332
00:15:20,359 --> 00:15:22,860
- So...
- Oh, so, Rick,
333
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:27,231
um, I just wanted
to see you again.
334
00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:29,066
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
335
00:15:29,101 --> 00:15:31,601
'Cause you know,
there was tension between us
336
00:15:31,636 --> 00:15:33,235
earlier in the day.
337
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,972
You felt it too?
338
00:15:36,007 --> 00:15:37,640
I got to say,
it was pretty obvious.
339
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,909
And then I got all flustered,
and I made it worse.
340
00:15:39,944 --> 00:15:44,680
Well, you're not
flustered now.
341
00:15:44,715 --> 00:15:46,649
Nope. 'Cause we're neighbors.
342
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,917
Maybe even more than neighbors.
We're friends, right?
343
00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:51,452
I hope so.
344
00:15:52,022 --> 00:15:54,922
Wow. Quite a swordfish
you got there.
345
00:15:54,957 --> 00:15:58,217
Oh, thank you.
It's a sailfish actually.
346
00:15:58,252 --> 00:16:00,019
Took me three
hours to land him.
347
00:16:00,054 --> 00:16:02,289
Boy, I loved every second.
348
00:16:02,324 --> 00:16:04,025
You know, there's just
something about the struggle
349
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:06,360
of man against beast that,
I don't know,
350
00:16:06,395 --> 00:16:08,729
I guess the only word
for it would be primal.
351
00:16:08,764 --> 00:16:09,764
Ohh!
352
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,872
Something catch your interest?
353
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:18,776
I was admiring your balls.
354
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:23,212
Really? That's refreshing.
355
00:16:23,247 --> 00:16:25,614
Most women aren't
interested in my balls.
356
00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:30,349
Go ahead. Touch them.
357
00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:37,424
Wow. Smooth.
358
00:16:37,459 --> 00:16:41,061
- They're shellacked.
- Oh, well.
359
00:16:41,096 --> 00:16:42,596
Is that a bottle of wine?
360
00:16:42,631 --> 00:16:46,132
Oh, yes, yes, it's sort
of a peace offering.
361
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:47,634
Oh. I didn't notice it before.
362
00:16:47,669 --> 00:16:49,903
Well, I was waiting
for the right moment.
363
00:16:49,938 --> 00:16:52,138
And now it's here. Here.
364
00:16:52,173 --> 00:16:54,173
Oh. Look. Why don't
I get some glasses
365
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:55,374
and you make yourself
comfortable?
366
00:16:55,409 --> 00:16:56,775
That would be lovely.
367
00:16:56,810 --> 00:17:00,244
I'm so glad you came over.
368
00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:01,778
I knew I'd see you again.
369
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,212
I just didn't think it
would be this soon.
370
00:17:03,247 --> 00:17:06,079
Really? I was afraid
you didn't like me.
371
00:17:07,175 --> 00:17:09,614
Oh, I like you.
372
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,386
I like you a lot.
373
00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:17,211
You know what, um,
374
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:19,280
I don't need the wine.
I'm ready to go now.
375
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:20,500
As am I.
376
00:17:29,772 --> 00:17:32,927
I don't think it's gonna be a
very nice article after all.
377
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:35,229
Oh, my God. What happened?
378
00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,897
Let's just say there
are worse things
379
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:39,299
than not having
people like you.
380
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:40,500
Where's joy?
381
00:17:40,535 --> 00:17:42,621
Helping Elka get
ready for prom.
382
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,121
Really? Joy?
383
00:17:48,351 --> 00:17:49,507
How is she?
384
00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:51,241
Well, it was touch
and go for a minute.
385
00:17:51,276 --> 00:17:53,143
Almost had to use a
local anesthetic,
386
00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:54,978
but she'll make it.
387
00:17:57,598 --> 00:18:00,348
That's Max.
I'm not ready!
388
00:18:02,308 --> 00:18:04,151
Oh, Max,
you look so handsome.
389
00:18:04,186 --> 00:18:06,085
When I wear the suit,
390
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,587
I feel ten years younger.
391
00:18:07,622 --> 00:18:10,422
Which is still 20 years
older than I'd like to be.
392
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,390
Please come in.
393
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,390
- Hey, Max.
- Hello.
394
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,825
- Hi.
- Is everybody ready?
395
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:16,926
- Yes, yes.
- Yes.
396
00:18:18,411 --> 00:18:21,512
Oh, my gosh.
397
00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,267
You are breathtaking.
398
00:18:25,081 --> 00:18:27,969
Which, at my age,
is dangerous.
399
00:18:28,678 --> 00:18:31,339
Max, my eyes are up here.
400
00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:33,140
Just taking it all in.
401
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:37,311
You are gonna be
prom queen for sure.
402
00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:39,179
Why, thank you.
403
00:18:39,214 --> 00:18:40,847
Not Agnes Bratford?
404
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:43,216
You mean hagnes fatford?
405
00:18:44,718 --> 00:18:47,185
Max, that's terrible.
406
00:18:47,676 --> 00:18:49,470
Shall we?
407
00:18:50,554 --> 00:18:51,655
Thanks for your help.
408
00:18:52,693 --> 00:18:53,657
It was nothing.
409
00:18:53,692 --> 00:18:55,659
And I hope this marks a
turning point in our--
410
00:18:55,694 --> 00:18:57,694
you fixed my hair.
Let's not go crazy.
411
00:18:57,729 --> 00:18:59,829
She's all yours.
412
00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:00,963
Thank you.
413
00:19:01,484 --> 00:19:03,632
Plan to fix your
own breakfast.
414
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:10,202
He didn't change his column.
415
00:19:10,237 --> 00:19:12,571
You're still a well-meaning
klutz who's only 41.
416
00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:15,674
Ugh! Should have tried for 39.
417
00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:18,077
Okay, take everything
you used to think
418
00:19:18,112 --> 00:19:20,279
about beneficial
dryness force products
419
00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:21,446
and throw it away.
420
00:19:21,481 --> 00:19:24,181
Okay. Done.
421
00:19:27,038 --> 00:19:29,319
I feel as fresh as mt. Fuji.
422
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,691
Dry for my lifetime
423
00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:37,692
like a monk.
424
00:19:37,727 --> 00:19:39,027
Is it the water?
425
00:19:39,062 --> 00:19:42,463
Or is it the day?
426
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:44,230
For relaxing times,
427
00:19:44,265 --> 00:19:46,131
make it ladypant time.
428
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:48,333
Ozawa industrial brothers,
429
00:19:48,368 --> 00:19:50,569
you are the friend
in my pants.
430
00:19:59,377 --> 00:20:01,410
It wasn't my
classiest endeavor.
431
00:20:01,445 --> 00:20:04,346
But just remember,
it's only airing in Japan.
432
00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:06,615
Oh, thank God.
433
00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:08,583
Is that Victoria Chase?
434
00:20:08,618 --> 00:20:10,117
It's probably my Agent,
435
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:13,253
calling to blow smoke
up my-- well, you know.
436
00:20:13,288 --> 00:20:16,488
Oh, my God.
Is that Victoria Chase?
437
00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:18,157
When do we tell r it's
all over the Internet?
438
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:21,060
Oh, I know. I saw it too.
439
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,663
I posted it.
440
00:20:23,713 --> 00:20:28,263
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