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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:04,626 2 00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:30,042 - So... 3 00:00:30,125 --> 00:00:33,792 when Glen and I first got married, 4 00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:39,918 his parents gave us, as a wedding gift, um, 5 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,209 a little house that they had in Pennsylvania. 6 00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:45,709 They had it since they were married back in, 7 00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:48,542 I don't know, '69, 8 00:00:48,626 --> 00:00:53,334 and now they spend their summers in a bigger house 9 00:00:53,417 --> 00:00:57,167 that they moved into that's right near the little house 10 00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:58,834 and I think that they partly gave it to us 11 00:00:58,918 --> 00:01:01,250 so that they could see Glen's kids more, 12 00:01:01,334 --> 00:01:05,751 since we would be spending all of our summers right by them, 13 00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:12,626 uh, which I didn't mind at all, because I liked them, and... 14 00:01:12,709 --> 00:01:16,626 And... I don't know. 15 00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:21,918 But after all the chapters in my life being married to you, 16 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,959 having the kids, 17 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:28,751 the... whole mess, divorce, 18 00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:32,167 teaching public high school, 19 00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:35,417 I'd stopped really giving a shit about my own personal space, you know? 20 00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,959 It was just like, well, everybody, hey, come on in, 21 00:01:38,042 --> 00:01:41,167 you know, take whatever you want. 22 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,918 So we started going there every summer. 23 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,751 And it's really nice there. 24 00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:48,667 Just tall trees for days. 25 00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:52,000 Um, something about a place that gets so cold in the winter, 26 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:54,000 'cause in the summer, there's all this moisture, 27 00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:57,209 and so there's still these pockets of cool air, 28 00:01:57,292 --> 00:01:59,709 even in the hottest parts of the summer. 29 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,334 I loved it. 30 00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:06,000 And... 31 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,167 Glen's kids would romp 32 00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:12,918 and he loved taking them fishing, 33 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,792 and there was a horse farm nearby 34 00:02:14,876 --> 00:02:18,417 and they would all borrow horses and go riding 35 00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:21,667 and, uh, Roger and Beth, Glen's parents, 36 00:02:21,751 --> 00:02:26,042 they would come over almost every night for dinner. 37 00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:30,417 And it was real easy. It, uh... 38 00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:33,417 I didn't mind that it was all Glen's family, 39 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:36,334 his parents, his kids, and then me. 40 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,250 I was okay with that. 41 00:02:38,334 --> 00:02:43,751 I just thought, well, I can do this for as long as it works. 42 00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:46,626 And it... 43 00:02:50,459 --> 00:02:52,167 Really... 44 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:57,417 nothing ever went wrong, 45 00:02:57,501 --> 00:03:01,042 'cause nobody had any issues, 46 00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:06,000 Glen's kids and I, we-- we never had any bumps or... 47 00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:12,250 It was just real easy. 48 00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:14,459 And I used to love going to sleep in the country 49 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:17,584 with the bugs buzzing and frogs and... 50 00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:20,250 And then waking up in the quiet, 51 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,709 'cause I used to get up before anybody else did. 52 00:03:22,792 --> 00:03:24,459 That was my time. 53 00:03:24,542 --> 00:03:29,167 And so, also, Roger would come over a lot, Glen's dad. 54 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:33,918 He's real handy, Glen's not handy, so Roger would come over 55 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,334 and tend to stuff around the little house, 56 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,959 'cause I think he never really let go of the feeling 57 00:03:40,042 --> 00:03:43,250 that that was still his to care for. 58 00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:46,626 And Beth, um... 59 00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:50,375 was just kinda quiet. 60 00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:52,375 Like together they're quiet, 61 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:56,375 like their whole relationship is... 62 00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:58,250 kind of a secret. 63 00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:01,209 They would come over together and sit and watch everybody 64 00:04:01,292 --> 00:04:03,709 with these two peaceful smiles on their face, 65 00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:05,959 like they're already ghosts, 66 00:04:06,042 --> 00:04:08,417 silently watching over the grandkids, 67 00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:14,542 but by himself, Roger, he-- he-- he would talk and tell stories. 68 00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:17,000 Uh, he... 69 00:04:17,083 --> 00:04:19,792 He's very... 70 00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:22,792 He has that kind of man's ego from another time, 71 00:04:22,876 --> 00:04:24,834 when it wasn't considered just being an asshole, 72 00:04:24,918 --> 00:04:26,626 when it was a virtue, you know, 73 00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:31,000 'cause he grew up in Michigan, and I just think 74 00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:33,125 that it's really interesting to know somebody 75 00:04:33,209 --> 00:04:35,334 that has a quarter-century head start on you. 76 00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,667 It's like getting to talk to a time machine. 77 00:04:37,751 --> 00:04:40,626 So he would come over and do stuff around the house, 78 00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:44,417 and I'd make him coffee and he would talk while he worked. 79 00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,542 And I would listen and laugh. 80 00:04:46,626 --> 00:04:49,959 He's really funny. 81 00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:52,792 And I'd watch him. 82 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,834 I mean, he's 84. 83 00:04:54,918 --> 00:04:57,542 And in all those years, 84 00:04:57,626 --> 00:05:02,626 he never stopped using his muscles, his body. 85 00:05:02,709 --> 00:05:04,792 So he comes over and works 86 00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:10,000 and, um, usually takes his shirt off after a while, 87 00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:13,626 and when you look at a man's 84-year-old body 88 00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:15,834 and you see the skin turn red 89 00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:19,709 and then sweaty with the work that he's doing 90 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:21,417 all of his life, 91 00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:24,417 and a man who doesn't have to prove anything 92 00:05:24,501 --> 00:05:29,292 to anybody in that little house. 93 00:05:29,375 --> 00:05:32,417 He would tell me stories about his past in the Navy 94 00:05:32,501 --> 00:05:34,292 and growing up on his parents' farm, 95 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:38,876 but he-- he didn't really care that it was me that he was telling. 96 00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:40,125 He was just being social. 97 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:43,584 He never looked at me much. 98 00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:45,209 But I would stare at him 99 00:05:45,292 --> 00:05:50,292 'cause I could, 'cause he wasn't looking back. 100 00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:54,918 So this one day when he comes over to fix the porch boards, 101 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,334 he drives up in this little truck that he has. 102 00:05:59,417 --> 00:06:01,459 I can hear the truck from all the way down the hill. 103 00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:04,876 The house is up on a little hill and then there's nothing 104 00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:08,209 but woods between their place and ours. 105 00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:11,167 And so whenever he comes, I hear that little engine, 106 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:16,959 I hear the-- him switching his gears when he comes up the hill. 107 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:21,417 So it's morning and Glen's got the kids out on the lake 108 00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:24,751 and I'm all alone and I'm sunbathing out on the lawn, 109 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,292 which feels stupid, 110 00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:28,959 but I just wanted to feel the sun on my body 111 00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:32,000 and I'm alone, so who cares? 112 00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:37,292 And I'm laying back in the chaise in my only bikini that I ever-- 113 00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:41,709 that I ever, ever bought myself. 114 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:46,209 And I just let my legs... go open, 115 00:06:46,292 --> 00:06:48,667 'cause I want the sun on the inside of my thighs, 116 00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:53,292 and it just feels good to be in the woods 117 00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:56,250 alone and letting the sun in, 118 00:06:56,334 --> 00:07:01,209 just splayed like a frog, legs open and... 119 00:07:01,292 --> 00:07:03,876 letting the sun. 120 00:07:03,959 --> 00:07:07,709 And then I hear the little truck. 121 00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:11,334 I hear it, uh, coming. 122 00:07:11,417 --> 00:07:16,000 And I smile like I always do, with my eyes closed. 123 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,000 And I hear it getting nearer and nearer, 124 00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:27,667 and I think, well, right where he's gonna pull in, 125 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,417 he's gonna see me like that, 126 00:07:29,501 --> 00:07:31,751 and here I am with my legs open 127 00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:36,501 and I'd better close them and lay here like a lady does. 128 00:07:36,584 --> 00:07:42,959 And then I thought, oh, well, what if I don't? 129 00:07:43,042 --> 00:07:48,250 What if I lay here with my eyes closed and my legs open 130 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,334 and let him see? 131 00:07:51,417 --> 00:07:55,083 And... 132 00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:59,125 the thought of that, it re-- it... 133 00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:03,959 made my heart go really fast. 134 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:10,667 And I kept my eyes closed and... 135 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,000 the closer that the sound of that little truck got, 136 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:16,501 the more... 137 00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:22,167 I got... 138 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,667 Oh, my God. 139 00:08:25,918 --> 00:08:29,417 I just stayed there, and, uh... 140 00:08:29,501 --> 00:08:31,584 I tried to sort of make it look like I was sleeping, 141 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,584 but who sleeps like that? 142 00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:39,667 And-- and I hear the truck pull into the little space 143 00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,667 in front of the house 144 00:08:41,751 --> 00:08:44,918 and I have to-- I-- 145 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,125 I was breathing so hard, 146 00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:53,417 I thought I was gonna have an orgasm just laying there. 147 00:08:53,501 --> 00:08:57,959 And I hear the truck door squeak open and slam shut, 148 00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:01,000 and I hear his feet in the grass. 149 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:05,375 He'd take a step, then I hear him stop, 150 00:09:05,459 --> 00:09:09,751 so I know that he's standing there, looking at me. 151 00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,292 And I let him. 152 00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:13,751 I just-- I just let him look. 153 00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:17,375 And it was so... 154 00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:21,542 It was so dirty. 155 00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:23,667 I don't know, I don't know. 156 00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:26,292 - Why are you telling me this? 157 00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:27,876 - I know, I know, it's weird. 158 00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,667 - Yeah. - I know, I know, 159 00:09:29,751 --> 00:09:32,250 'cause I mean, we haven't even talked in years. 160 00:09:32,334 --> 00:09:34,626 Ever since Alice went to college and 'cause now 161 00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:36,167 there finally hasn't been any reason for us... 162 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,334 - Yeah, I guess not. - ...to talk. 163 00:09:38,417 --> 00:09:40,292 - Right. - You probably think I hate you, 164 00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:43,000 and maybe sometimes I do, still, a little bit. 165 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,667 - Maybe I hate you, did you ever...? 166 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,751 - Yeah, well, I don't know. I'm sure you do. 167 00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:49,667 But I-- can I just keep going? 168 00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:51,918 - Sure. 169 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,209 - Okay. 170 00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:59,918 - You're laying on your back with your legs open in a bikini 171 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,042 and your new 84-year-old dad-in-law 172 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:08,083 is looking between your legs. 173 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,792 - So yes, he's looking. 174 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,667 And, um... 175 00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:15,667 And I can tell because he's not moving, so, yeah, he's... 176 00:10:15,751 --> 00:10:17,083 he's looking right at me. 177 00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:18,626 Now. 178 00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:21,042 Now, all I can think is, 179 00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:23,876 don't open your eyes, right? 180 00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:27,125 Because if you look back at him, then you did this. 181 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,501 You... That's it. 182 00:10:29,584 --> 00:10:31,501 And you can never take it back. 183 00:10:31,584 --> 00:10:33,125 And now you can't even close your legs 184 00:10:33,209 --> 00:10:35,417 because then you definitely weren't sleeping, 185 00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:42,083 and what would Glen say and sweet Beth and the kids? 186 00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:46,542 And I thought, I'm sick. 187 00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:49,417 I'm corrupt. 188 00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:55,417 I just should have left this little family alone. 189 00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:59,250 Glen, he's pure, he's innocent. 190 00:10:59,334 --> 00:11:04,792 His wife died, is all, 191 00:11:04,876 --> 00:11:09,876 and he needed somebody, and here I came, 192 00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:14,959 this fucked-up divorced older lady, 193 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:19,584 and I'm showing half of my vagina to his 84-year-old dad. 194 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:24,959 - Did you open your eyes? - No. 195 00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,375 No. 196 00:11:26,459 --> 00:11:28,542 I kept 'em closed. 197 00:11:28,626 --> 00:11:33,334 And he was there... 198 00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:37,167 a-- a long time. 199 00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,584 I just felt him there. 200 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:42,792 I... 201 00:11:47,042 --> 00:11:51,501 It was the most erotic thing ever, 202 00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:56,042 and after I don't even know how long, um, 203 00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:59,542 I heard him start to unload wood from the truck, 204 00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:02,584 so when that first plank of wood hit the porch, I got up, 205 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,918 I pulled a wrap on around my bottom, 206 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,042 I got up, I made him coffee, 207 00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,042 and just like always, I watched him work. 208 00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:11,542 He told me stories, but this time, when he talked to me, 209 00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:15,501 he looked right at me and he asked me things 210 00:12:15,584 --> 00:12:20,292 and I talked and he listened and... 211 00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:23,125 And he listened very well. 212 00:12:25,209 --> 00:12:27,542 - Is that all that ever-- is that all that happened? 213 00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:32,375 - That's all that happened that day. 214 00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:37,125 I mean, that was it. He... left, 215 00:12:37,209 --> 00:12:39,584 and I didn't even dare masturbate, 216 00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,000 because I knew that it would just be too much. 217 00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,125 - What happened? 218 00:12:45,209 --> 00:12:46,584 - Okay. 219 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:51,501 So... I didn't see him for a few days. 220 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,375 Him and Beth didn't come over for dinner. 221 00:12:53,459 --> 00:12:55,167 He didn't come over to fix anything. 222 00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:59,000 It was weird, not having any contact with them 223 00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,751 and I got kinda scared, even though I-- 224 00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:04,584 I mean, what? Nothing happened. 225 00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:08,292 But I couldn't think about anything else. 226 00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:10,459 Glen and the kids and I, we'd be having our time 227 00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:14,918 and... I'm miles away. 228 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,542 I'd be in the kitchen 229 00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:19,709 watching Glen make something he likes to cook, 230 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:23,000 and I just kept staring out the window at the chaise. 231 00:13:27,292 --> 00:13:33,209 So then, I think two days after that, Roger calls the house, 232 00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:35,584 I pick up the phone, he says, "Hi, Sarah," 233 00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:40,209 I say, hey, and my heart's pounding. 234 00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:44,876 It's pounding, and he says, um, 235 00:13:44,959 --> 00:13:47,542 "So I'm thinking about coming over to paint the wainscoting 236 00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:50,667 "in the dining room tomorrow, it's peeling. 237 00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:54,000 So is around 11:00 in the morning okay for you?" 238 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,459 And see, here's the-- 239 00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:58,334 The thing is, he never did that. (clears throat) 240 00:13:58,417 --> 00:14:00,375 He never called before, he just comes over. 241 00:14:00,459 --> 00:14:02,209 He never did that. 242 00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:04,626 So I just say, "Yeah, sure, Roger, I'll see you then." 243 00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:09,792 I hang up the phone and Glen says, "What'd he say?" 244 00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:13,584 And so I told him what he said, 245 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,792 exactly what he said. 246 00:14:16,876 --> 00:14:19,167 And I was lying to him. 247 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,542 I mean, I never lied to him. 248 00:14:21,626 --> 00:14:24,334 I never-- I never lied to a man, that I remember. 249 00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,083 - You never lied to me. - And here I am, 250 00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:28,292 telling Glen exactly what his dad said, 251 00:14:28,375 --> 00:14:30,417 and it was a big lie. 252 00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:34,459 And Glen just shrugged and said, okay, and I thought, 253 00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:38,501 boy, the worst part about telling a lie 254 00:14:38,584 --> 00:14:41,584 is when someone that you love just accepts it. 255 00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:42,959 - Yep. 256 00:14:51,626 --> 00:14:53,918 So he came over. 257 00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,083 - Well, oh, my God. 258 00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:59,542 That night, I-- I-- I said to Glen, 259 00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:02,501 well, first, you know, I counted in my head 260 00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:06,626 like how much time should go by after the call, 261 00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:10,292 and then I open my mouth to suggest that Glen take the kids to the lake, 262 00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:12,292 and I thought, what the hell? 263 00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:13,626 - Mm-hmm. 264 00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:16,751 - Come-- What the hell are you doing? 265 00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,959 You know, am I really gonna do this? 266 00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:22,501 'Cause that-- that would really be doing something, to get rid of Glen. 267 00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:24,167 - Yep. 268 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,417 - And I told myself, you haven't done anything. 269 00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:29,125 Nothing happened. 270 00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,334 So I decide to do the opposite and I say to Glen, 271 00:15:31,417 --> 00:15:32,959 "Hey, what do you want to do tomorrow? 272 00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:34,501 Should we all go into town?" 273 00:15:34,584 --> 00:15:36,334 And he goes, "No. 274 00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:40,000 I already booked horses for me and the kids, starting at 7:00." 275 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:42,292 (Horace chuckles) 276 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,209 - Of all... 277 00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:47,626 So, and then all I had to do was go-- 278 00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:50,042 just nod my head up and down and say, sure, 279 00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:54,709 and so the next morning, they leave and now it's getting close to 11:00 280 00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:58,000 and I don't know what to do. What do I do? What do-- 281 00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:03,042 Do I put on the bikini and assume the position? 282 00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:04,542 I don't know, what do I-- 283 00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:06,876 I don't want to do anything. 284 00:16:06,959 --> 00:16:09,834 I do not want any of this to be happening, but at the same time, 285 00:16:09,918 --> 00:16:12,667 I felt like I needed to see it through, 286 00:16:12,751 --> 00:16:14,751 because he called and said that he was coming 287 00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:16,876 and he doesn't do that because it-- so it just-- 288 00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:22,000 It sounded like he wanted it to happen again. 289 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:24,626 So I put on the old bikini, and then-- 290 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,375 Oh, Horace, this is the worst. 291 00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:29,000 I had the most awful thought. 292 00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,792 - What? 293 00:16:30,876 --> 00:16:35,959 - I thought that when he saw me there that first time, 294 00:16:36,042 --> 00:16:37,876 he didn't like it. 295 00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:41,751 He thought that it was gross and he thought that it was shameful 296 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,209 and he thought that it was awful 297 00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:45,000 and the reason that he stopped 298 00:16:45,083 --> 00:16:46,959 was because he thought that I was sleeping. 299 00:16:47,042 --> 00:16:48,417 He didn't want to wake me up 300 00:16:48,501 --> 00:16:50,626 because he didn't want to have me feel ashamed, 301 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:53,375 and that the reason that he had called the house 302 00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:56,417 was that so I would have a warning that he was coming 303 00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:58,250 so that it wouldn't happen again, 304 00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:01,125 because he's a decent man and I'm a whore. 305 00:17:01,209 --> 00:17:05,751 And I hear the truck, and I am so afraid, I run upstairs, 306 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:07,042 I start changing my clothes. 307 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,876 I am in a panic, I'm-- 308 00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:11,709 I'm literally trying to figure out, what does a woman wear 309 00:17:11,792 --> 00:17:14,417 who's trying not to fuck the old guy down the hill 310 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:18,042 who gave birth to her new husband? 311 00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:19,667 (Horace laughs) 312 00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:21,918 - So he comes in the house 313 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,751 and he's-- he's-- he's down there. 314 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,709 And I hear him call out, hi, hello? 315 00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:31,209 And I'm standing upstairs in my bra and panties 316 00:17:31,292 --> 00:17:33,542 and I yell out, "Hi, Roger!" 317 00:17:33,626 --> 00:17:35,584 And he calls up, said, "I'm just gonna get started, 318 00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:37,250 work down here." 319 00:17:37,334 --> 00:17:40,250 And I yelled down, "Yeah, sure." 320 00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:44,918 And I hear him starting to work. 321 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,667 And I... 322 00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:53,292 stood there in my underwear listening to him shuffle around, 323 00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:57,584 popping open the paint can, stirring it. 324 00:17:57,667 --> 00:17:59,417 And... 325 00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:04,042 all of the blood that had been running through my body 326 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:09,792 all that time went right between my legs and... 327 00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:13,626 (chuckling) 328 00:18:13,709 --> 00:18:19,501 I laid down on my bed, and this house is so old, so small, so-- 329 00:18:19,584 --> 00:18:24,209 The walls are thin, the floors are thin. 330 00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:27,042 When I laid down on the bed, it made this noise, 331 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:32,125 and he's in the room right below me, 332 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:37,584 and I hear the brush stop 333 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:41,250 when the bed creaks and then start again, 334 00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:46,792 and I start running my hands... 335 00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:54,292 ...on myself all over and... 336 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:59,000 I mean, he's, what, maybe like 10 feet away from me, 337 00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,042 vertically, 338 00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:03,626 and I'm this dirty woman touching myself 339 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:06,083 and I can hear him working, 340 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:09,542 but very quietly, 341 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:14,292 so my heart is pounding and I made a sound-- I-- 342 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:19,042 I made a sound, like a little moan. 343 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:23,000 And then, I hear the brush stop. 344 00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:25,626 And then start. 345 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,209 And then I just-- 346 00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:30,209 I let myself get a little bit louder, 347 00:19:30,291 --> 00:19:33,374 and now I hear him put down the brush, stand up, 348 00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:39,042 my heart's pounding, I-- I-- I stop, I mean, I freeze. 349 00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:44,125 I hear him pull a chair out from the table and sit down, 350 00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:46,291 'cause I hear the old wood of the chair creak 351 00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:51,000 and settle under him and-- and, um... (chuckles) 352 00:19:51,083 --> 00:19:57,083 And then I hear, like rustling of clothes and then nothing, 353 00:19:57,167 --> 00:20:00,958 and-- and I know that he's sitting in that chair, 354 00:20:01,042 --> 00:20:05,167 not moving, and that's all that I know. 355 00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:06,958 So my heart's-- - Did he take his dick out? 356 00:20:07,042 --> 00:20:09,374 - I... 357 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,583 I start touching myself, 358 00:20:11,666 --> 00:20:16,875 and I let my-- my own sounds 359 00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:19,000 drowned out his, 360 00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:21,833 and I assume that he's doing the same, 361 00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:24,458 but of course, I don't know, I don't know. 362 00:20:24,541 --> 00:20:27,250 I-- I don't know anything that's-- 363 00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:29,708 I mean, for all I know, he's guessing what I'm doing up there 364 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:31,708 and the poor guy is sitting down there just totally shocked, 365 00:20:31,792 --> 00:20:35,541 or he has no idea that any of this is going on 366 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:38,625 and all of this is just making me crazy. 367 00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:42,750 I'm full-on masturbating, I came like crazy. 368 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:46,458 I... 369 00:20:46,541 --> 00:20:48,958 I-- I-- I might have been loud, 370 00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:51,625 I might've not even made any noise at all. 371 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:56,000 I couldn't even tell you, but my God, Horace, 372 00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:59,042 it was a lot. 373 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:05,291 And I hear him, um, uh, 374 00:21:05,374 --> 00:21:08,958 stand up, then, from the chair and go back to work, 375 00:21:09,042 --> 00:21:13,250 so I put my clothes on and-- and I go in the bathroom, 376 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:15,875 I'm running the water, you know, I'm just trying to be normal, 377 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:18,000 I'm trying to be normal, loud, footsteps, loud, loud, 378 00:21:18,083 --> 00:21:19,666 and all, ahh, ahh. 379 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,042 You know, I come downstairs 380 00:21:21,125 --> 00:21:25,625 and, um, and we talk, 381 00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:28,250 we listen to each other. 382 00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:30,917 Um... 383 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,708 He takes his shirt off. (chuckles) 384 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,458 I watch him work. 385 00:21:34,541 --> 00:21:36,500 When he's done, he leaves. 386 00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:40,583 That was... three months ago. 387 00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:44,250 - Holy fuck. 388 00:21:47,458 --> 00:21:49,458 So did you guys ever fuck or what? 389 00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:57,042 - I mean, Horace. 390 00:21:57,125 --> 00:21:59,500 Oh, do you know how... 391 00:21:59,583 --> 00:22:02,833 how horrible it would be if Glen found out 392 00:22:02,917 --> 00:22:05,250 and Beth and the kids and... 393 00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:09,125 And even more, I mean, it would just like be the end of life. 394 00:22:09,209 --> 00:22:12,708 - Sounds like you guys are fucking. 395 00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:15,167 Oh, shit. 396 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,625 - I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what to do. 397 00:22:17,708 --> 00:22:20,917 I-- I can't stop, and... 398 00:22:23,291 --> 00:22:26,250 I mean, if I don't stop, 399 00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:30,250 then all these people are gonna get so hurt. 400 00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:32,125 I just want to die. 401 00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:38,500 Just the other night, I-- I cried so hard till morning, 402 00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:42,583 and, um, I thought-- 403 00:22:42,666 --> 00:22:45,875 I just felt like my back was against a bed of rusty nails. 404 00:22:45,958 --> 00:22:49,250 - Oh, Sarah. - And I thought of you, Horace, 405 00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:52,666 and I thought of how when I found out about you and Rosemary 406 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:54,666 and how much I hated you and how-- 407 00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:57,708 And how could you do that to the family, you know, 408 00:22:57,792 --> 00:23:00,374 to the kids and to me and to yourself? 409 00:23:00,458 --> 00:23:04,583 And then-- and then, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. 410 00:23:04,666 --> 00:23:09,416 The guy was 21, I was 32, and I married him. 411 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,458 I mean, I made him marry me. 412 00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:13,875 It's not that hard to make a guy that age do what you want. 413 00:23:13,958 --> 00:23:18,291 He's so used to still listening to his mother. 414 00:23:18,374 --> 00:23:22,458 And so, I just thought, how was that like for you? 415 00:23:22,541 --> 00:23:27,833 'Cause, I mean, I had never thought about how-- 416 00:23:27,917 --> 00:23:29,708 How was it like for you? 417 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,083 - So you thought that maybe I could help you now 418 00:23:35,167 --> 00:23:37,209 because I went through it when I cheated on you? 419 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,374 - Yeah. 420 00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:40,792 - Wow. 421 00:23:40,875 --> 00:23:42,500 Well, that's... (scoffs) 422 00:23:49,917 --> 00:23:51,625 Can you give me a minute? 423 00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,666 I'll be right back. 424 00:23:59,374 --> 00:24:02,374 425 00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:10,083 (man humming) 426 00:24:32,792 --> 00:24:35,666 - Horace and Pete 427 00:24:44,458 --> 00:24:45,875 - Okay. - Okay. 428 00:24:45,958 --> 00:24:47,541 What, did you go jerk off or something? 429 00:24:47,625 --> 00:24:49,333 - Ha. - Ha ha. 430 00:24:49,416 --> 00:24:51,333 - Well, my head is clear now. - Okay. 431 00:24:51,416 --> 00:24:56,000 - Yeah. - And-- and I am sorry. 432 00:24:56,083 --> 00:24:58,291 - Okay, it's all right, it's all right. 433 00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,708 So you're in a-- you're in a pretty fucked up situation. 434 00:25:03,792 --> 00:25:06,125 - Yes, I am, yes, I am. - Well, I know how that feels. 435 00:25:06,209 --> 00:25:07,958 - Yes, you do. That's why-- 436 00:25:08,042 --> 00:25:12,583 - Okay, well, look, Sarah. 437 00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:15,458 I mean... 438 00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:17,500 you know, it's funny, we never talked about it. 439 00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:18,917 - That's true. 440 00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:26,083 - Well, look, let me-- let me just say this off the bat, okay? 441 00:25:26,167 --> 00:25:28,958 If you keep doing this with this guy, 442 00:25:29,042 --> 00:25:32,333 and I'm not judging you, obviously. 443 00:25:32,416 --> 00:25:36,416 I mean, people do what they-- they do what they do. 444 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:40,833 But you really have two choices. - Mm-hmm. 445 00:25:40,917 --> 00:25:44,167 - Stop and forget about it, 446 00:25:44,250 --> 00:25:49,333 or keep doing it, in which case, everybody's gonna know. 447 00:25:49,416 --> 00:25:51,958 - Oh, my God. - Well, come on, Sarah. 448 00:25:52,042 --> 00:25:53,500 There's no other way. 449 00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:56,167 I mean, you know it. 450 00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:59,666 If you keep fucking this guy, someone's gonna find out, 451 00:25:59,750 --> 00:26:03,083 which means everyone's gonna find out, 452 00:26:03,167 --> 00:26:05,958 and then all the worst things that you're imagining, 453 00:26:06,042 --> 00:26:07,917 they're all gonna happen. 454 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,083 So if you keep doing it-- 455 00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:13,792 And again, God bless, do what you gotta do. 456 00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:16,458 But it's all gonna happen, all that awful stuff, 457 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:19,083 so you need to reconcile with that 458 00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:21,250 and start thinking about how you're gonna deal with it, 459 00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:24,458 or stop. 460 00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:26,750 - That's not really a choice. 461 00:26:26,833 --> 00:26:28,583 - Yeah, I know. 462 00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:30,625 None of it is a choice. You can't stop. 463 00:26:30,708 --> 00:26:32,209 - No. - I know. 464 00:26:32,291 --> 00:26:35,291 - I mean, he's just beautiful, he smells good. 465 00:26:35,374 --> 00:26:37,708 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. - I-- I-- I-- 466 00:26:37,792 --> 00:26:41,917 I know what you're saying is true. 467 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,666 I know what I need to do. 468 00:26:44,750 --> 00:26:46,541 I can't do it. 469 00:26:46,625 --> 00:26:50,458 So I'm not asking what I should do. 470 00:26:50,541 --> 00:26:54,875 - You're asking... 471 00:26:54,958 --> 00:26:57,750 How did I not kill myself? 472 00:26:59,666 --> 00:27:00,958 Jesus. 473 00:27:03,917 --> 00:27:05,209 I remember feeling like that. 474 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,416 That was-- that's a... 475 00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:09,500 That's a bad feeling. 476 00:27:13,666 --> 00:27:16,250 I mean, you're doing something that-- 477 00:27:16,333 --> 00:27:19,416 I was doing something 478 00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,291 that was the end of absolutely everything 479 00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:24,583 and I kept-- I kept doing it. 480 00:27:24,666 --> 00:27:26,000 - Yeah. 481 00:27:28,750 --> 00:27:30,458 - I never thought about killing myself, 482 00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:34,625 but I used to have fantasies about something happening to me, 483 00:27:34,708 --> 00:27:40,042 you know, like getting hit by a truck or falling off a cliff. 484 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:42,000 That's a bad feeling. 485 00:27:46,125 --> 00:27:48,792 So, well... 486 00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:53,833 I met your sister... 487 00:27:53,917 --> 00:27:56,083 when we started dating. 488 00:27:56,167 --> 00:27:59,333 Like we were dating for about a month, right before we got married. 489 00:27:59,416 --> 00:28:01,209 - And I cannot believe we got married that quick. 490 00:28:01,291 --> 00:28:03,042 - Yeah, that was dumb. 491 00:28:03,125 --> 00:28:04,708 I don't know, it was just-- I don't know. 492 00:28:04,792 --> 00:28:08,792 - So... - So... 493 00:28:08,875 --> 00:28:11,209 you remember... 494 00:28:11,291 --> 00:28:13,250 I went to dinner with you and your family? 495 00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:15,291 - Mm-hmm, sure. 496 00:28:15,374 --> 00:28:17,958 - Do you want to hear this? - Sure. 497 00:28:20,083 --> 00:28:24,416 - Okay, so that's when I first met her, was at that dinner, 498 00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,374 and I-- I forgot-- I don't know why, 499 00:28:26,458 --> 00:28:29,708 but I asked her why she-- when she graduated high school, 500 00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:33,083 and you made that joke, you said, "She's your age, Horace." 501 00:28:33,167 --> 00:28:36,958 - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. 502 00:28:37,042 --> 00:28:38,625 - This doesn't bother you to hear about this? 503 00:28:38,708 --> 00:28:41,291 - No, it's helping me. I think it's-- 504 00:28:41,374 --> 00:28:43,250 - Did you forgive me or-- 505 00:28:43,333 --> 00:28:45,875 - No. No, I never did. 506 00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:47,500 I stayed mad at you for years. 507 00:28:47,583 --> 00:28:49,250 Why would I forgive you for fucking my sister? 508 00:28:49,333 --> 00:28:52,291 Breaking apart the family? Doing that to the kids? 509 00:28:52,374 --> 00:28:54,083 - Just, you don't seem mad anymore. 510 00:28:54,167 --> 00:28:56,833 - I'm not, it just went away. 511 00:28:56,917 --> 00:28:59,083 It's kinda sad. 512 00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:01,125 Um... 513 00:29:01,209 --> 00:29:02,833 No, I was so mad at you, 514 00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:04,833 I would walk around all day with these bad feelings, 515 00:29:04,917 --> 00:29:10,083 about what you did and I thought, well, someday, 516 00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:12,875 something'll happen, you know, 517 00:29:12,958 --> 00:29:17,374 I'll be overcome by a wave of kindness, or I'll just-- 518 00:29:17,458 --> 00:29:20,000 or I'll just figure out a different way to look at it 519 00:29:20,083 --> 00:29:23,083 and I'll forgive you and I'll feel good, but instead, 520 00:29:23,167 --> 00:29:26,708 what happens is, time just takes the feelings away, 521 00:29:26,792 --> 00:29:32,374 they just kinda get dim with time going by, 522 00:29:32,458 --> 00:29:35,250 they just go away and you don't get to figure it out. 523 00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:37,250 It's like erosion, it just goes away. 524 00:29:37,333 --> 00:29:39,666 It's kinda sad. - Yeah. 525 00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:43,875 - Anyway, uh, I don't feel anything about it, Horace. 526 00:29:43,958 --> 00:29:49,333 But, well, all that's left is, I'm curious how you got through it. 527 00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:54,666 - Okay. 528 00:29:54,750 --> 00:29:57,125 So, Rosemary. 529 00:30:01,167 --> 00:30:03,458 You know, I never thought about her that way when I first met her. 530 00:30:03,541 --> 00:30:06,083 I mean, she was all right. She was your sister. 531 00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:12,875 And then... (chuckling) 532 00:30:12,958 --> 00:30:15,042 Shit. 533 00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:17,250 - Yes? (Horace exhales) 534 00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:22,042 - Well, then we got married, 535 00:30:22,125 --> 00:30:26,374 and then one day, you were at work 536 00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:30,374 and I was home, and she came over to get something, 537 00:30:30,458 --> 00:30:35,833 I don't remember what, and we fucked. 538 00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:37,541 - So that's it? 539 00:30:37,625 --> 00:30:39,666 - Yeah, I mean, it's not a cool story like yours. 540 00:30:40,530 --> 00:30:42,446 But, um... 541 00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:44,238 Maybe it was, I don't remember. 542 00:30:46,947 --> 00:30:49,738 Anyway, once we figured that out, 543 00:30:49,822 --> 00:30:53,405 that we were into fucking each other and not telling anybody, 544 00:30:53,488 --> 00:30:56,154 we started to do it a lot. 545 00:30:56,238 --> 00:30:59,030 And after a while, we couldn't stop doing it. 546 00:30:59,113 --> 00:31:00,655 - Oh, God. 547 00:31:00,738 --> 00:31:02,405 - Yeah, it was a lot of fucking. 548 00:31:02,488 --> 00:31:04,446 A lot. 549 00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:07,154 And then, just the worst... 550 00:31:07,238 --> 00:31:10,863 The worst, worst, worst, worst, worst feeling 551 00:31:10,947 --> 00:31:12,863 in the whole wide fucking world. 552 00:31:12,947 --> 00:31:15,280 - Yeah. 553 00:31:15,363 --> 00:31:19,613 - I would lie awake next to you, 554 00:31:19,697 --> 00:31:23,863 just thinking, what if she finds out? 555 00:31:23,947 --> 00:31:26,863 Like scared, like what if she finds out? 556 00:31:26,947 --> 00:31:29,446 And then all the shit with the kids when they were born. 557 00:31:29,530 --> 00:31:31,613 - Horace... (chuckles) 558 00:31:31,697 --> 00:31:33,989 - Well, I couldn't have been doing a worse thing. 559 00:31:34,071 --> 00:31:35,780 I couldn't have been doing a worse thing. 560 00:31:35,863 --> 00:31:38,863 It was the worst thing I could ever do. 561 00:31:38,947 --> 00:31:40,572 And I kept doing it. 562 00:31:40,655 --> 00:31:42,738 - Yeah. Yeah. 563 00:31:42,822 --> 00:31:45,196 - And every day, every single day, 564 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,238 I would think, I don't want to be alive. 565 00:31:48,321 --> 00:31:50,196 I just want it all to end. 566 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,822 Not just me, I wanted us all to die. 567 00:31:52,905 --> 00:31:54,613 - Oh, Jesus. 568 00:31:54,697 --> 00:31:58,238 - Well, I wanted everybody involved in any way 569 00:31:58,321 --> 00:32:00,071 to just stop existing. 570 00:32:00,154 --> 00:32:02,780 It was the only clean way out. 571 00:32:02,863 --> 00:32:05,822 I remember on 9/11 when the planes had hit the buildings 572 00:32:05,905 --> 00:32:08,822 and on the news they said that Washington was on fire 573 00:32:08,905 --> 00:32:10,655 and there was-- 574 00:32:10,738 --> 00:32:11,905 Remember, everybody thought there was more planes coming? 575 00:32:11,989 --> 00:32:13,321 - Yeah, God. 576 00:32:13,405 --> 00:32:15,655 - I thought, maybe this is it, maybe... 577 00:32:15,738 --> 00:32:18,822 maybe the planes will take us out and this will all be over. 578 00:32:18,905 --> 00:32:21,697 - Oh, that's... horrible. 579 00:32:21,780 --> 00:32:23,530 It's horrible. 580 00:32:23,613 --> 00:32:27,154 - Well, I preferred that to what I knew would happen, and did, 581 00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:29,863 that everybody would find out what I was doing. 582 00:32:29,947 --> 00:32:31,530 - Mm-hmm. 583 00:32:31,613 --> 00:32:34,154 - I would picture you finding out. 584 00:32:34,238 --> 00:32:37,154 Like I would close my eyes and I'd picture your face 585 00:32:37,238 --> 00:32:40,280 and I'd see all this hate in your eyes 586 00:32:40,363 --> 00:32:43,738 that I knew I could never come back from, 587 00:32:43,822 --> 00:32:47,446 and I kept on fucking her, 588 00:32:47,530 --> 00:32:49,321 and you hated me anyway. 589 00:32:49,405 --> 00:32:52,154 - What? - You hated me. 590 00:32:52,238 --> 00:32:55,697 - Horace, you thought I hated you before we broke up? 591 00:32:55,780 --> 00:32:57,989 I didn't hate you. 592 00:32:58,071 --> 00:32:59,947 I didn't. 593 00:33:00,030 --> 00:33:02,613 - Yeah, I kinda know that now. 594 00:33:02,697 --> 00:33:04,613 I mean, come on, honey, we were-- 595 00:33:04,697 --> 00:33:06,697 I was 21, you were 32. 596 00:33:16,947 --> 00:33:21,154 - Well, you know, Horace, aside from all of that, 597 00:33:21,238 --> 00:33:23,488 you were never anything but nice to me. 598 00:33:23,572 --> 00:33:28,697 I mean, like just daily life, like, you know, 599 00:33:28,780 --> 00:33:30,613 all that time, you were always just nice 600 00:33:30,697 --> 00:33:33,488 and I do wish that I had put a higher value on that than I did. 601 00:33:33,572 --> 00:33:35,363 I-- Maybe that's a part of the reason. 602 00:33:35,446 --> 00:33:38,405 - Sarah, I fucked your sister. 603 00:33:38,488 --> 00:33:40,863 That's the story, okay? That's what happened. 604 00:33:40,947 --> 00:33:42,613 - Yeah. 605 00:33:42,697 --> 00:33:44,488 - We don't have to dig any deeper than that. 606 00:33:44,572 --> 00:33:46,905 - No, that-- that does make it a lot easier, doesn't it? 607 00:33:46,989 --> 00:33:49,905 - Well, that's why people do stuff like that, like this. 608 00:33:49,989 --> 00:33:52,947 Because then you don't have to go through all the muck. 609 00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:55,196 Otherwise, you have to go through all the muck, 610 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,405 and nobody can do that, so you just... 611 00:33:58,488 --> 00:34:01,154 In a bad marriage? Fuck a relative and get out. 612 00:34:01,238 --> 00:34:02,863 It works. 613 00:34:02,947 --> 00:34:04,655 It's like an insurance fire. 614 00:34:04,738 --> 00:34:06,488 And you know, when a building burns to the ground, 615 00:34:06,572 --> 00:34:07,863 nobody asks any questions, 616 00:34:07,947 --> 00:34:09,655 you just gotta really burn it down. 617 00:34:09,738 --> 00:34:13,863 - I don't even know why I'm laughing. 618 00:34:13,947 --> 00:34:15,655 - Come on. 619 00:34:15,738 --> 00:34:17,321 Like let's get real. 620 00:34:17,405 --> 00:34:20,488 Sarah, you know what you should do? 621 00:34:20,572 --> 00:34:22,613 You want to know the truth? You should get out. 622 00:34:22,697 --> 00:34:24,989 You should leave Glen and get out. 623 00:34:25,071 --> 00:34:26,780 That's what you're doing anyway by fucking his dad, 624 00:34:26,863 --> 00:34:28,280 you're getting out. - I can't do it. 625 00:34:28,363 --> 00:34:29,905 I can't, I can't. 626 00:34:29,989 --> 00:34:32,030 No, ahh, I have to face it, I have to fix it. 627 00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:34,738 - That is facing it. That's facing it. 628 00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:36,738 Get out and then the whole mess is fixed. 629 00:34:36,822 --> 00:34:37,863 That's the fix. 630 00:34:37,947 --> 00:34:39,738 - Well, but I can-- 631 00:34:39,822 --> 00:34:41,989 I-- I can stop. I can stop with Roger. 632 00:34:42,071 --> 00:34:44,321 That's what a good person would do. 633 00:34:44,405 --> 00:34:46,989 That's what I'm called on to do. 634 00:34:47,071 --> 00:34:49,238 Don't just throw up your hands, say, oh, well, I-- 635 00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:51,655 You know, I do this awful thing, so come what may. 636 00:34:51,738 --> 00:34:55,488 You have to correct your behavior, and you have to strive to be better 637 00:34:55,572 --> 00:34:56,738 for the people in your life. - Okay. 638 00:34:56,822 --> 00:34:58,488 Sarah, tell yourself the story 639 00:34:58,572 --> 00:34:59,989 where you've been fucking this guy as long as you have 640 00:35:00,071 --> 00:35:01,780 and then all of a sudden, you just stop, 641 00:35:01,863 --> 00:35:04,238 and then you just go back to one big happy family every Christmas 642 00:35:04,321 --> 00:35:07,113 and Easter in your house in the woods, is that-- 643 00:35:07,196 --> 00:35:09,405 Do you see that future? - No, no. 644 00:35:09,488 --> 00:35:13,238 - You gotta get out. You gotta get out. 645 00:35:13,321 --> 00:35:15,405 - I-- I don't want-- 646 00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:17,446 I don't want to have another divorce. 647 00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:20,154 Horace, I can't take it, I mean, ours was what it was. 648 00:35:20,238 --> 00:35:22,863 I don't blame you, I don't blame me, 649 00:35:22,947 --> 00:35:25,989 it just happened, but if it happens to me again, 650 00:35:26,071 --> 00:35:27,780 what does that say? 651 00:35:27,863 --> 00:35:30,613 - It says that you're shitty at being married. 652 00:35:30,697 --> 00:35:33,071 It's okay, so am I. 653 00:35:33,154 --> 00:35:34,863 That doesn't make you a bad person. 654 00:35:34,947 --> 00:35:36,405 Just don't be married. 655 00:35:36,488 --> 00:35:39,280 Just get out and don't do it again. 656 00:35:39,363 --> 00:35:41,488 Just be alone, like me. 657 00:35:41,572 --> 00:35:43,613 You can't stay in this fucking thing 658 00:35:43,697 --> 00:35:47,405 just to try to make the truth not be true. 659 00:35:47,488 --> 00:35:50,238 That's insane, that's-- that's Catholic. 660 00:35:50,321 --> 00:35:52,488 - Those kids love me, they really do, 661 00:35:52,572 --> 00:35:55,488 and I love them, and-- and-- and they lost their mother. 662 00:35:55,572 --> 00:35:59,738 How do I now just-- just pull out of their life so violently 663 00:35:59,822 --> 00:36:02,196 in such a terrible way? I'd have to be a terrible person. 664 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:03,989 - You had your kids. 665 00:36:04,071 --> 00:36:05,446 You had your kids, okay? 666 00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,613 And you raised your kids. 667 00:36:07,697 --> 00:36:11,822 Their-- their dad... 668 00:36:11,905 --> 00:36:14,822 fucked the family up. 669 00:36:14,905 --> 00:36:19,113 You stayed and saw them through their childhood, okay? 670 00:36:19,196 --> 00:36:22,321 Those are Glen's kids, not yours, 671 00:36:22,405 --> 00:36:24,446 and they lost their mom. 672 00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:25,905 That's what happened to them. 673 00:36:25,989 --> 00:36:28,280 Bu anything you give them is plus. 674 00:36:28,363 --> 00:36:30,321 They got to be with you, okay? 675 00:36:30,405 --> 00:36:32,697 If you leave, it doesn't mean that they give that back. 676 00:36:32,780 --> 00:36:35,030 Just because you pull out doesn't mean that you weren't-- 677 00:36:35,113 --> 00:36:36,154 that you were never there. 678 00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:42,863 - Boy, you really have a skill at justifying horrible things. 679 00:36:42,947 --> 00:36:45,113 - Yeah. 680 00:36:48,488 --> 00:36:50,446 - I don't know what to do. 681 00:36:50,530 --> 00:36:52,488 - No, you don't. 682 00:36:52,572 --> 00:36:54,697 (sighing) - Oh, God. 683 00:37:06,363 --> 00:37:10,655 - All right, well, here's what you gotta do. 684 00:37:10,738 --> 00:37:13,822 This is what you gotta do, you might as well do it. 685 00:37:13,905 --> 00:37:17,113 Go back and keep fucking Roger. 686 00:37:17,196 --> 00:37:21,947 Keep loving Glen and the kids. 687 00:37:22,030 --> 00:37:26,071 Just do both things as long as you can as well as you can. 688 00:37:26,154 --> 00:37:28,697 That's what you're gonna do. 689 00:37:28,780 --> 00:37:30,363 You know that's what you're gonna do, 690 00:37:30,446 --> 00:37:31,572 so you just might as well decide you're gonna do it. 691 00:37:31,655 --> 00:37:34,530 - Yeah. 692 00:37:34,613 --> 00:37:36,613 (sniffles) Yep. 693 00:37:39,321 --> 00:37:41,405 Oh, my God. 694 00:37:41,488 --> 00:37:43,989 (shuddering) What am I? 695 00:37:44,071 --> 00:37:47,446 - You're just like a whole bunch of other people, Sarah. 696 00:37:47,530 --> 00:37:50,572 Like a lot of other people. 697 00:37:52,154 --> 00:37:53,780 Like you could field an army 698 00:37:53,863 --> 00:37:57,446 with how many people have been in your situation. 699 00:37:57,530 --> 00:38:01,321 Literally, you could gather the cheaters of the world, 700 00:38:01,405 --> 00:38:05,363 and you could wage war on the honest and you'd win. 701 00:38:05,446 --> 00:38:08,822 - Oh, God, you're awful. 702 00:38:08,905 --> 00:38:11,488 - You're gonna be okay, you know. 703 00:38:11,572 --> 00:38:13,822 It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, Sarah. 704 00:38:13,905 --> 00:38:15,613 - Well, I don't know how you know that. 705 00:38:15,697 --> 00:38:17,905 - Because, you know how I know it? 706 00:38:17,989 --> 00:38:19,863 'Cause I'm okay. 707 00:38:19,947 --> 00:38:22,738 And I was right where you are, and I'm okay. 708 00:38:22,822 --> 00:38:24,113 - What about Glen? 709 00:38:24,196 --> 00:38:26,113 - He'll be okay, too, 710 00:38:26,196 --> 00:38:30,613 because he is where you were, and you're okay. 711 00:38:30,697 --> 00:38:32,405 - Yeah. 712 00:38:32,488 --> 00:38:35,780 - And his kids will be fine, 'cause look at our kids. 713 00:38:40,822 --> 00:38:42,446 (chuckling) Fuck. 714 00:38:46,697 --> 00:38:50,280 How is he? 715 00:38:50,363 --> 00:38:52,030 I know, I mean, I follow him on Instagram 716 00:38:52,113 --> 00:38:54,154 so I know... - Yeah. 717 00:38:54,238 --> 00:38:55,989 - ...he's on a lacrosse team 718 00:38:56,071 --> 00:38:59,613 and he went to Peru with his natural history class, 719 00:38:59,697 --> 00:39:01,613 but how is he? - Well, I-- 720 00:39:01,697 --> 00:39:03,238 (clears throat) 721 00:39:03,321 --> 00:39:06,071 He made me promise not to talk to you about him. 722 00:39:06,154 --> 00:39:08,780 - Oh, okay. 723 00:39:08,863 --> 00:39:11,154 Did he-- He knew you were coming here 724 00:39:11,238 --> 00:39:13,863 to tell me that you're fucking your new husband's dad? 725 00:39:13,947 --> 00:39:16,947 - Ehh. - Well, ouch, okay? 726 00:39:17,030 --> 00:39:18,446 I mean... 727 00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:20,113 Fuck, man. 728 00:39:20,196 --> 00:39:22,488 I get it, I got it coming, but it fucking hurts. 729 00:39:22,572 --> 00:39:24,238 That's... 730 00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:25,822 - So I'm honoring his... 731 00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,280 promise in the sense that, you know, 732 00:39:29,363 --> 00:39:30,613 I'm telling you about it. 733 00:39:30,697 --> 00:39:34,572 I-- I do owe him that, but I think that you should know, 734 00:39:34,655 --> 00:39:37,863 your son is doing really great. 735 00:39:42,071 --> 00:39:45,280 I mean, he's great. 736 00:39:45,363 --> 00:39:49,321 He's a lovely guy, Horace. 737 00:39:49,405 --> 00:39:52,613 He-- he-- he-- 738 00:39:52,697 --> 00:39:56,989 He's nice to everybody and it's genuine. 739 00:39:57,071 --> 00:39:59,030 He's got a girl, terrific. 740 00:39:59,113 --> 00:40:00,572 She's terrific. 741 00:40:03,572 --> 00:40:05,780 And he likes life. 742 00:40:08,697 --> 00:40:12,238 And, um, he's... (clears throat) 743 00:40:12,321 --> 00:40:14,154 thoughtful. 744 00:40:14,238 --> 00:40:17,405 He... picks good friends. 745 00:40:17,488 --> 00:40:19,655 He's really good with tough things, 746 00:40:19,738 --> 00:40:24,321 and so he's doing really good. 747 00:40:24,405 --> 00:40:25,780 - Thanks. 748 00:40:25,863 --> 00:40:27,363 - Yeah. 749 00:40:30,488 --> 00:40:32,280 - I'm really blowing it with Alice. 750 00:40:32,363 --> 00:40:33,947 She's always pissed at me. 751 00:40:34,030 --> 00:40:36,363 - Oh, well, you know, she just needs to stop already. 752 00:40:36,446 --> 00:40:38,071 I don't even-- 753 00:40:38,154 --> 00:40:40,405 How long does she think she gets to stay a kid? 754 00:40:40,488 --> 00:40:43,405 - Well... - No, Hor-- No. 755 00:40:43,488 --> 00:40:45,780 I mean, she's almost a lawyer now. 756 00:40:45,863 --> 00:40:50,572 You-- you are making an effort to be in her life. 757 00:40:50,655 --> 00:40:52,863 Nobody owes her any more than that. 758 00:40:52,947 --> 00:40:54,738 She's being a big fat brat. 759 00:40:54,822 --> 00:40:56,905 - Jesus, wow. - Well, I-- 760 00:40:56,989 --> 00:40:59,655 I can't-- I can't with that. 761 00:40:59,738 --> 00:41:03,363 I can't with that one. That's enough, I... 762 00:41:03,446 --> 00:41:05,697 - All right, I'll take it. 763 00:41:08,196 --> 00:41:09,530 I didn't really... (clears throat) 764 00:41:09,613 --> 00:41:10,947 I didn't really know, you know, 765 00:41:11,030 --> 00:41:13,113 what I was throwing away with those guys. 766 00:41:13,196 --> 00:41:15,989 - You still don't know, Horace, but forgive yourself. 767 00:41:16,071 --> 00:41:19,697 And-- and-- and you want to know something? 768 00:41:19,780 --> 00:41:24,530 I'm happy for you, 'cause I think that you found peace. 769 00:41:24,613 --> 00:41:26,989 I wish that I could do it. 770 00:41:27,071 --> 00:41:29,572 I can't, I'm weak, 'cause I need somebody. 771 00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:34,738 And it takes a strength and a self-acceptance to be alone 772 00:41:34,822 --> 00:41:36,780 and I really do-- I feel like you found it 773 00:41:36,863 --> 00:41:39,613 and you're living your truth, you're living honestly 774 00:41:39,697 --> 00:41:42,822 and-- and... 775 00:41:42,905 --> 00:41:46,071 So... I'm proud of you. 776 00:41:48,321 --> 00:41:50,697 I'm just... (sniffles) 777 00:41:50,780 --> 00:41:52,697 I'm really happy for you. 778 00:41:54,363 --> 00:41:55,947 So long, hon. 779 00:41:56,030 --> 00:41:57,446 - Bye, Sarah, see you. - Take care. 780 00:41:57,530 --> 00:41:58,738 - Okay. 781 00:42:08,863 --> 00:42:11,697 - I can't believe you married that cunt. 782 00:42:18,488 --> 00:42:21,488 783 00:42:27,572 --> 00:42:32,113 - Hell no 784 00:42:32,196 --> 00:42:39,030 I can't complain about my problems 785 00:42:39,113 --> 00:42:43,572 I'm okay the way things are 786 00:42:45,572 --> 00:42:51,280 I pull my stool up to the bar 787 00:42:52,697 --> 00:42:56,321 At Horace and Pete's 788 00:42:59,697 --> 00:43:05,238 Sometimes I wonder 789 00:43:05,321 --> 00:43:11,030 Why do we tear ourselves to pieces? 790 00:43:11,113 --> 00:43:17,196 I just need some time to think 791 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:22,780 Or maybe I just need a drink 792 00:43:24,947 --> 00:43:29,822 At Horace and Pete's 793 00:43:29,905 --> 00:43:32,905 794 00:43:36,863 --> 00:43:40,363 Horace and Pete 795 00:43:42,697 --> 00:43:44,738 (record scratching) 796 00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:49,338 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 67841

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