All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e07 German Bridge Is Falling Down.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

SCHULTZ:
...sechs, sieben, acht, neun...

( continues counting in German )

Report!

Herr Kommandant,
all present and accounted for.

All right, Schultz.

Hogan,

at ease.

All present,
Colonel Hogan.

I'm glad of that, sir.

Now, you should know

no one ever escapes
from Stalag 13.

However, I appreciate
your cooperation

in asking for
this special count.

A couple of hotheads
had a crazy escape plan--

you know, in business
for themselves.

I wanted to head 'em off.

That was a wise decision.

Smoke if you have them.

I mean, if there's
any breaking out,

our Escape Committee
can handle that.

KLINK:
I warn you, Hogan, one false move and...

There it is, Major,
a perfect arrow.

PILOT:
Hogan's Heroes.

I don't know
how they do it.

Now, that's what
I call service.

They sure turned this mission
into a milk run.

Blue Fox Leader
to Little Foxes.

Primary target,
bearing 0-6 degrees.

Follow me in,
drop your eggs,

and head for the barn.

Pilot to bombardier.

It's all yours, Mike.

Get that bridge, and
I'll punch your ticket

to a three-day pass
in London.

Gentlemen, last
night a force of enemy planes

attacked the Adolf
Hitler Bridge

near the town
of Braunstadt.

( loud cheering )

Except for minor damage,

the Adolf Hitler Bridge
was not touched

and is being used today
for vital military

and civilian traffic.

( booing and shouting )

KLINK:
Silence!

The Adolf Hitler Bridge
remains intact,

proving the superiority
of the German defenses.

Yeah, we'll get the bridge
next time, Fritz, baby!

( men shouting )

KLINK:
Silence!

Enough of your
American insolence.

The man who said that
will take two steps forward.

Not all of
you! Back.

No, that's wrong!

I wish you'd make up
your mind, Schultz.

It's a lovely day
for a walk.

Yeah, we should've
packed a lunch.

Since you all take
two steps forward,

you're all guilty,

and you will all take
the consequences.

The recreation hall
will be closed for one week.

That's terrible!
Come on, Colonel!

If you close
the recreation hall,

you're gonna deprive us
of our Tommy Dorsey records.

( prisoners mutter agreement )

That's a cruel, inhuman,
sadistic punishment.

Colonel Hogan...

I am so deeply moved
by your protest,

the recreation hall
will not be closed for one week.

( cheering )

It will be closed for two weeks!

Dismissed!

( shouting and groaning )

...two weeks?!
It's impossible!

Look, I know that arrow

was pointed
in the right direction.

I took a bearing
from the roof

of Klink's office.
Doesn't matter, Kinch,

the Adolf Hitler Bridge
is still in business.

Yeah, and Klink's
happy-- nasty happy.

Let's make him unhappy--
nasty unhappy.

Let's knock out
that bridge.

Huh?

What?!
You're kidding. I mean, how do we get there?

We'll worry about
that later.

What kind of explosives
have we got, Carter?

Three firecrackers and
a can of lighter fluid.

Firecrackers?

CARTER:
Well, sure, you remember.

We told Klink that LeBeau
was part Chinese,

we had to have firecrackers
to celebrate Chinese New Year.

Oh, yeah.
And I cooked that

whole pot of chow
mein with sauerkraut.

Please. Not while
I'm plotting.

Have we got anything
to make explosives?

Well, the easiest thing
would be some kind of gas,

if we could get a
detonator and a timer.

Maybe chlorine gas.
What do you need?

Ammonia would do it,
mixed with bleach, if we had any.

Hey, the Krauts keep
a lot of that stuff

in the kitchen
for cleaning.

Newkirk, go find Schultz.

Volunteer for
kitchen detail. Yes, Colonel.

Kinch, you go with Carter,
help him set up

his bomb factory
in tunnel number three.

Get him anything he needs.
Right.

Wha-What about me,
Colonel?

What do I do?
LeBeau, my boy,

I'm holding you in reserve
to make chow mein.

What?

If Carter's bombs
don't do it,

we may have to poison
that bridge.

We'd better
get out of here.

He's got work to do.

Carter, good luck.
And hurry it up.

Yeah, right, Colonel.

( loud explosion )

Carter?

Carter?

You okay?
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

Boy, that stuff's
really unstable. Yeah.

You got to get that mixture
just right.

Yeah, I know, I know.
You've got to expect a few little explosions.

Oh, sure.
Oh, boy, you keep that up,

Klink'll be down
here in a minute,

and there goes
the ball game.

I think I have an idea
how to explain the noise.

Carter, keep working.
Uh, you do have insurance?

( soft hissing )

( loud explosion )

Sign here, Colonel.

And... here.

And here.

Without requisitions,
there would be no war.

Danke.

Greetings, baby.

Herr Kommandant,
you sent for me?

I did.

Tell me, Schultz,
what was the reaction

to the closing
of the recreation hall, hmm?

Very unhappy.

They miss Tommy Dorsey.

What a pity.

I daresay they're calling me
all sorts of names?

The usual,

but Colonel Hogan has a new one.

It starts with...

( chuckling )

"Your parents were baboons
and..."

I'm not interested!

Of course, Herr Kommandant,
I did not listen.

( liquid bubbling, hissing )

( loud explosion )

Now, uh, during the
disciplinary period,

there is bound to be
increased escape activity.

I want you to make spot checks
on all barracks

and search for any signs
of tunnel-digging.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

( explosion )

Those explosions.

They are top secret.

Please don't tell me.

I'm such a blabbermouth.

If you open your blabbermouth,
by the time you close it,

you will be a well-known figure
at the Russian front.

If you live.

Now, there is a sign posted
a half a mile from here,

"Blasting in Progress
for Construction."

I have checked with Berlin--
they know nothing about it,

which, of course, means
that it is top secret.

The sign has obviously
been put up

to make people think that
it is a civilian project.

Very clever of Berlin.

( chuckles ):
Oh, those devils-- always up to something.

You are talking about
Headquarters, Sergeant.

Oh, I didn't mean it
that way, Herr Kommandant.

Now, if the prisoners
ask any questions

about these explosions,
you know nothing.

You are ignorant.

Oh, I can handle that.

I know.

Dismissed.

( explosion )

( loud explosion )

Boy, that was a beaut.

Yeah, he... he loosened
one of my fillings.

Write to your prime minister.

You ordered soufflé
for tonight?

What you will get
is upside-down cake.

That's two if you...
Wait a minute, I heard something.

Shh. Listen.
You're going round the bend...

( tapping )
Will you shut up and listen.

It's Carter!
The tunnel.

Newkirk, watch the door.
LEBEAU: Something's wrong!

HOGAN:
Quick, get him out of there.

Come on, come on.

Put him here.

Can you hear me?

Hello, Mom.

The water.

LeBeau!
I'm nervous.

Will you give it
to him.

There.
Feeling better?

Much better.

Not you. Him.

I'm fine now. I'm okay.
I'm just...

He's in great shape.

No, everything's really fine,
Colonel.

If I could just have
a couple of more shots.

A couple of more shots,
and we won't be here.

We could never get
that stuff to the bridge anyway,

even if you
got it ready. Shall I make

( whispers ):
Watch out! Goons coming!

Hi, Schultz.

Hello, gentlemen!

Oh, it's our old
pal, Schultz.

What is wrong with Carter?
He looks terrible.

Very sick.
Oh?

One for Mommy.

And one for Daddy.

What is that?
Medicine.

It's delicious--
you want some?

Ugh! No.

We take him to
the hospital.

SCHULTZ:
Langenscheidt!

Hey, Schultz,
what about a game of cards, then?

Come on.
Who, me?

You're a right old wizard
at poker, you are.

At poker I stink.

No need to get personal, now.

Hey, come on, Kinch, deal.

( speaks German )

Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja.

Hmm. Auf Wiedersehen.

We still got to figure a way
to make more ammunition.

Well, I'm still willing
to try, Colonel.

Whose side are you on?

NEWKIRK:
Pity we don't have about 500 of these.

They'd make
a lovely bomb.

Hey, Newkirk,
where'd you get these?

Schultz's cartridge case--
I pinched them

while I was giving him
that old jolly-up.

Bit of practice.
You get rusty, you know.

Oh, yeah. Why not?

Why not what, Colonel?

Blow up the Adolf Hitler Bridge
with their own ammunition.

It's a nice touch. Here.

All right, fellas,
look at here.

This is where the Krauts
keep their ammunition,

in the ammunition room, right?

Now, we dig a right-angle turn
in tunnel number three,

and we surface in the middle
of all that beautiful gunpowder.

That's marvelous!

That's great.
Wait a minute, hold it, fellas.

Before you get too happy,
I got some bad news.

That last explosion collapsed
about 50 feet of tunnel three.

KINCH:
Oh, that's the clincher.

The way the Krauts
are watching us,

it'll take us a month
to clear that 50 feet.

Newkirk, can you pick a lock?

I find that question,
sir, highly insulting.

Sorry, old bean,
I should have known.

Gentlemen, I think
we're in business.

LeBeau, we can use
all the paint

you have left over
from that sign job

and a couple of
paintbrushes, too.

Okay. What for?

Tonight we're going
to paint Klink into a corner.

"Hess...

is a mess."

"Himmler
is a rat fink."

"Goering is a fat rat fink."

"Col. Klink...

is bucking for rat fink."

Oh, no!

KLINK:
Hogan, this time you've gone too far.

Aw, come on, Colonel.

That's a boyish prank.

Ever since you
closed up the recreation hall,

they can't dance
to their Tommy Dorsey records.

Got to blow off
steam somehow.

I'll send you to the cooler,
every one of you!

Temper,
temper, Colonel.

Your men can
paint out those words

in a couple of hours.

My men? Your men!

They will paint this
entire building at once.

Then we'll talk about
punishment. Schultz!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Issue paints and brushes
to these assassins at once.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

Now, wait a minute, Colonel.
I protest.

Prisoners of war
are not required

to do this kind of work.

We'll need a tarp-- a big one.

And besides that,

it's against all the rules
of civilized warfare.

Need a couple of ladders-- tall.

Jawohl.
One more word out of you, Hogan,

and your men will
paint this building

for the entire war--
in chains!

Newkirk, paint
the door trim, huh?

I'll have to go
under the tarp for that, sir.

I don't care
how you do it.

Okay, Colonel.

Piece of cake.

LeBeau, get
under the tarp, work on the door.

Right, Colonel.

HOGAN:
All right. Come on, fellas, let's get this job done.

That job is going
to take much more time

than we thought, Colonel.

It's slow work.

All right, Newkirk.

Permission to go to the hut
for a minute, Schultz?

Jawohl.

Water the paint.

We need more time.

There is more traffic here
than downtown Berlin.

Paint fumes gather
underneath the tarp, Schultz.

They have to
clear their heads.

I wish I had
a drugstore on this corner.

You ordered us to
paint the building. We painted it.

Colonel Hogan, this is not
what I had in mind.

I can still read those insults.

Now, you will
paint it again,

and again,
if necessary,

until those insulting statements
are gone.

Now, paint it!

All right, fellas,
you heard the Commandant.

Now, let's get it right.

No, no, no, no, no!

A pink building
on a military establishment?

Are you mad?

If you think
I wouldn't turn you

over to the Gestapo,
you are sadly mistaken.

Come on, Colonel.
It's about time

we got a little
color in the war.

Everything's so drab.

Paint it again!

All right. So there won't
be any misunderstanding,

Carter, come here.

Carter was
a decorator before the war.

I've made up some
samples for you, sir.

What?

May I suggest Blue Lagoon?

Blue Lagoon?

It's so warm and friendly.

My wife loves
Shocking Burgundy.

Shocking Burgundy?

I'm a little partial
to chartreuse, myself.

Well, after all,
you are an officer, sir.

Paint it as all the other
buildings. Schnell!

No imagination.

All we have to do
is set this timer, and boom!

Hello, Adolf?

Did you see a bridge
go by at 5,000 feet?

Ja? Well, it had
your name on it, mate!

Fine. We have the bomb.

Now, how
do we get it there?

I'm glad you asked
that, my friend.

Might I have
your attention, please?

Here is Braunstadt
and the bridge, and here we are.

Every day, the Division
messenger comes in here

to pick up the mail and,
like a good little Kraut,

he goes back across
the bridge on his little motorcycle.

Tomorrow, there's
going to be a little extra package

in his little sidecar--
without him knowing, of course. Cute?

Cute.
Cute.

Well, how can we be exact
about setting the timer?

All rear echelon
drivers have orders

not to exceed
40 miles an hour.

Right. So all we have to do
is measure the distance

from here to the bridge
at 40 miles an hour,

and then set the timer
so that it blows up

while he's
crossing the bridge.

My son
the mathematician.

What are
you doing, eh?

Oh, I was admiring your motor,
that's all.

Get off.

Hey, you know, I had
a motorcycle at home?

I said, get away!

You.... You push me,
I push you right back.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Maybe I don't
push you back.

Bon voyage!

I wonder

what the new messenger's going
to be like.

What are you doing?

Very nasty bit of work,
that courier, Schultz.

You're telling me?

I asked him
to take one pound

of coffee to my wife
in Dusseldorf.

He charged me ten marks
for that little detour.

Dusseldorf?

A detour?

Oops.

Now, according to my figures,
it's, uh, roughly 20 minutes

before he reaches
the crossroads here.

The road
to the left is Dusseldorf,

to the right Braunstadt
and the bridge, huh?

Yeah, and, according
to the information

that we pumped
out of Schultz,

they've got three
sentries posted

between here
and Braunstadt.

They're numbered, uh,
five, seven and nine.

All connected by phone.
Yes, Colonel.

The Krauts use
them for setting up roadblocks.

Now, Number
Nine is closest

to the crossroads.
Here.

That's the one we try for.

If Kinch is right,

we have exactly 18 minutes
before that bomb blows.

Start sweating.

And that's an order.

So, your men were going
to try to bribe me.

Me.

Afraid so, sir.

Indeed.

Fraulein Helga, come in here
with your notebook at once.

( clears throat )

Bribery, huh?

This will go down in
the record for Berlin.

Now, Fraulein Helga, I want you
to take down everything

that is said
in this office, verbatim.

Jawohl, Herr Colonel.

All right, Colonel,

now just what
exactly did your men do, huh?

Well, they gave
the Division Messenger money

to pick up a case
of your favorite wine

in Dusseldorf.

( bangs table )

( speaking German )

They figured the bribe,
or the gift,

would make you reopen
the recreation hall.

And they keep saying,

there's a lot
of human being in Colonel Klink.

( scoffs )

Those fools.

I told them they were wrong.

A bribe, huh?

I will throw them
in the cooler for life.

Even after the war.

Even if we lose.

Schultz, arrest
the Division Messenger

the moment he sets foot
in this camp again.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

I must say

you're the most secure officer
I've ever met.

What do you mean?

Well, the Division Messenger
goes to Dusseldorf,

stops at a bar for a drink,
starts bragging about the bribe,

the Gestapo overhears.

My hat's off to you, sir.

I mean, do you care
if they need officers

at the Russian Front?
No, sir.

That's enough.

Get me the Division
Messenger on the road

to Braunstadt
at once.

Sentry Post Number Nine.

Ring Sentry
Post Number Nine.

There goes my
pound of coffee.

Don't put that
down, baby.

Schultz, stop
muttering.

The Recreation
Hall, huh?

I shall personally

smash their Tommy
Dorsey records

in front of
their eyes.

Oh, come on, Colonel...

And their Jimmy
Dorsey records.

Also the Andrews
Sisters.

Hello?

This is Colonel Klink,
Luft Stalag 13.

What?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Heil Hitler.

Has the Division
Messenger passed your way yet?

He hasn't?

Good. Now listen
carefully.

He is not to go
to Dusseldorf

for any reason
whatsoever.

He must proceed on
his regular route.

To Braunstadt
across the bridge.

To Braunstadt
across the bridge.

Understood?

Understood.

Now you're to
telephone me

and confirm.

If these orders
are not carried out,

you and the
messenger will be court-martialed,

shot and sent to
the Russian Front.

That's all.

What?

Oh, yes, of course.
Heil Hitler.

Did, uh, you
say something

while I was talking
on the phone?

Me? No, sir.

Schultz,

you're muttering
again.

All right, now we shall all wait

until the sentry calls us back.

And then you
will watch me

throw your men
into the cooler with my own hands.

And you can put cooler
in capital letters.

And if I
find any

Bing Crosby
records,

I smash
them, too.

( explosion )

Herr Kommandant,
that was the worst.

It's that construction work.

I wish they'd finish.

I'm getting sick of this.

I don't think
there are going

to be any more explosions,
Colonel.

And how do you know,
may I ask?

Just a wild guess.

And the source of the
mysterious explosion

that destroyed the bridge
is being investigated.

PRISONER:
Good luck, Charlie.

( laughter )

In the meantime,

I am calling for volunteers

to help rebuild the
Adolf Hitler Bridge.

( all talking at once )

Oh, pipe down,
pipe down.

Colonel, I volunteer
the services

of my command.

( all talking at once )

HOGAN:
Pipe down, pipe down.

Thank you,
Colonel, thank you.

HOGAN:
Provided the recreation hall is reopened

and all past
offenses are excused.

Request granted.

Dismissed.

( all talking at once )

Shh.

All right, all right.

We're going
to rebuild the bridge

with a very special feature.

What do you
mean by that?

It's going to be the only bridge
in the world

with a built-in bomb.

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