Original subtitles

Hey.

Hi.

I got you something.

For your birthday.

You remembered.

Eighteen's a big deal.

Open it.

It was my mom's.

You and me against the world.

Me and you against the world.

Today's your birthday.

Yeah. 18.

Feels like your tenth birthday was yesterday.

Remember, we froze Shelby's bra?

Yeah.

Hey.

Why don't you come over tonight?

A game of croquet?

I would love to, Betty,

but I just already told JD I'd hang out with him, so...

Maybe I can after?

Like, eight?

-It'll be... -Just?

It'll be fun.

And yes, you can be blue.

Come here!

-Heather, what are you doing? -Come on!

Heather!

Heather. You just broke up with me in front of the whole school.

You still remember that?

Kurt.

Come on, that had nothing to do with you.

I'm trying to imagine how someone of your limited capacities

might understand this.

You know how in pre-Revolutionary France

King Louis XIV decreed that all title-bearing noblemen

reside within the palace walls of Versailles?

Not as a means of governance,

but to quash the rise of any legitimate political rival?

Look...

Heather made me dump you, okay?

But I didn't want to do it.

I just had to do it to keep her happy.

Babe, stop fighting it.

So, are you going to be mean to me again?

Of course not.

Now, come on.

Give mama some Stevia.

And where are you off to, young lady?

Betty's. She invited me over for croquet.

Well, you just be careful out there.

The teens are killing themselves left and right these days.

Honey, don't be such a helicopter mom.

Veronica, you go and have a good time with your friends.

Thanks, Dad.

Honey, she's fine.

Veronica is fine.

I guess I just worry.

I mean...

I wouldn't even know what to serve at a funeral.

What has gotten into you today?

You'd obviously serve your artichoke dip.

What are you thinking?

Like, right now?

I was thinking about Heather.

Heather M.

Like, if there was more I could have done.

Or...

If this is a part of some plan.

Like, had I sent a text at the right moment or something.

Would that have even made a difference?

But then, if there is some grand plan...

If all this is just...

is just gonna happen anyway...

then why do anything?

There is no plan, Veronica.

No control.

No man in a long white beard playing chess with people's stupid lives.

No grand guru sending messages from the great beyond

for us to print up on yoga pants.

That's all for them.

Well, then, what's for us?

Chaos.

Here.

You be the eyes, I'll be the hands.

You tell me when to turn.

No, okay, JD, you gotta look at the road.

Hey. I trust you.

All right.

Curve up ahead.

Veer left when I tell you.

Now.

Okay.

Go right... now.

I trust you.

Faster.

Stop sign.

Hey, you've reached Veronica. Leave a message.

I guess my goal is to be the new face of suicide.

After my own suicide attempt,

I first thought the best way to reach people was through the theater,

but that was too limited for me.

I mean, take Mr. Dennis' play, for example.

I can't remember the name of it.

How many people are going to see that?

Two hundred? 300 max?

My "I Am Suicide" campaign is going to be the entire school.

And then... global.

You're incredible. Can I get a picture?

Of course!

Dear Heavenly Father,

this is for our brother, Ram.

By giving us the strength to kick Washington High's ass!

Briana Parker.

Was this girl popular too?

Trailer Parker?

Oh, God, no. She was poor.

Here we are again.

-Another tragedy. -Thank you, Pauline.

That was the most important game of the season.

Tragedy? She was only paralyzed from the waist down!

Maurice, I wonder if your play promoting suicide is to blame.

Excuse me, but my art has never killed anyone.

Wait, actually...

So, once again, the solution is...

we do nothing.

Don't you people see?

Trailer Parker almost killing herself is gonna be great for us.

She was poor.

Nobody's going to think suicide's cool now.

I mean... you're not wrong.

Honestly, she should have killed herself weeks ago.

She could have saved Ram.

What are you doing?

Auditions were last week.

Oh, my sliz.

I raced to tell you as soon as I saw.

It looks so lost-and-found in this context.

I think she looks just.

My brand.

That sewer priestess murdered my brand.

Trailer.

I'm confused.

I'm trying to be a beacon of hope for Westerburg,

which is why it's confusing to me

as to why you would try to kill yourself wearing a home perm version of my merch.

-I just wanted to-- -Yeah, we know what you wanted, Trailer.

This is just another case of a poor girl

trying to copy the rich kids and failing miserably.

Trailer.

Transfer to Washington.

Transfer to Jefferson.

Because your future at Westerburg

is as useless as your legs.

Actually, Heather...

I thought the whole point of your "I Am Suicide" campaign

was to help people like Trailer.

Trailer is going through so much right now,

with her medical bills and depression,

and all the hard water deposit stains in her hair.

I mean, you would think you would be on her side.

I guess you've been living in your bubble for so long,

you don't see Trailer is the victim here.

Actually, she's the victim of people like you.

Rich people.

I mean, do you really think we want to be poor?

It is not our fault we're poor.

Kind of like it's not your fault you're overweight.

Why are you doing this to me?

I'm just calling out injustice when I see it, like you taught me.

Veronica.

A word.

I have to go to class, so...

Veronica, we have a deal.

Well, maybe I'm sick of our deal, Heather.

If I were you, I'd pray that my "I Am Suicide" campaign works again,

because if it doesn't, I'm going to have to take a different approach.

How does the innocent teenage girl who survived a brutal murder attack

by her best friend and the human wallet chain she was dating sound?

Not quite as sympathetic as the girl who survived suicide, but...

it'll do in a pinch.

You know what, Heather?

Go ahead. Tell everyone.

Who's going to believe you now?

You just ride your suicide train and then suddenly change your story?

It's too late.

You know what this is?

Security footage from my house.

The night I died.

To paraphrase the late, great Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes,

don't go chasing waterfalls, Veronica.

Stick to the swamps and the sewers you're used to.

I raised $3,000 for suicide awareness, and how am I repaid?

By being emotionally attacked by Lizzy!

There, there, girl.

What is happening? Why are you touching me?

Day in and day out,

I have proven myself to be loyal to you.

And yet, you continue to waste your energy trying to crush me.

Oh, Heather, that's cute.

But crushing you literally takes me no energy at all.

Take a break.

Let me help you.

Let me be the one to take down Lizzy.

Isn't that a little outside your paygrade?

I'll handle it myself, like I have to do with everything.

But the new Heather Chandler,

she wants to help people.

You can't take down Lizzy without getting your hands dirty.

I, on the other hand...

Fine.

But if you blow this one, girl,

it'll be keggers with kids for the rest of the year.

"Dear Diary, you have to hand it to America.

We can even take something like teen suicide,

wrap it in a pretty package, and sell it to the highest bidder.

God, I'm starting to sound like JD.

But so what?

He's the only one who makes any sense anymore.

And you know what?

I don't care if what I'm about to say is so high school,

it makes you upchuck.

Our love is the only thing left that's real.

You can't turn it into a poster

or sell it to anyone with 50 bucks to spend.

Because it's ours.

Everything else is just Photoshop."

Betty!

I totally forgot about croquet.

Maybe tonight?

"Dearest Lizzy, you know I love you.

You ignore me, reject me. This is your last chance.

Meet me at Butcher's Bridge tonight, or I'll kill myself.

Yours, Ram."

Oh, Seth?

I think Lizzy just got a shocking note with a dramatic revelation in it.

But I can't be sure.

They're gonna tear her apart.

-Don't you want to stay and watch? -Stay and watch? Please, Heather.

I own the casino. I don't play the slots.

Plus, I need to fix my makeup before next period.

Mirror!

Did you hear? Ram killed himself to fulfill a suicide ultimatum

because of his unrequited love for Lizzy.

Imagine someone killing themselves for you.

Lizzy is so lucky.

-What's weird is... -What?

This happened at my last school too. I don't know.

I guess it's just my cross to bear.

Oh, you are so brave.

He really loved you.

"Or I'll kill myself"!

-To have someone die for you. -This is the note.

Our hot and heavy notes always bring people down.

Heather?

Heather!

Heather!

We're okay, right?

Heather?

Betty, have a seat.

What is this?

I can't do this. Not today!

An A minus, Betty?

She's going to end up poor.

We didn't raise you to be an A minus student.

Poor and then a prostitute!

Betty, how could you let yourself slip like this?

Who will end up dying alone in a ditch.

You've always been so conscientious.

My daughter, a dead ditch hooker!

We think maybe you've been hanging around some bad influences.

-Veronica. -We've never approved

of the way she's treated you, Betty.

Everyone who gets close to her dies.

Your mother has a point. Heather, Heather, Ram.

Dead! Dead! Dead!

Well now, honey, to be fair, the first Heather did come back to life.

She's cursed. I saw her at the Snappy Snack Shack with a boy.

-He could be the next to die. -Or you.

What if you're next, Betty?

I keep one half for myself,

and I give the other half to my best friend.

But which one of you should it be?

Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a tiger by the toe,

if he hollers, let him go,

eeny meeny miney mo.

Let's play tag!

Tag? Tag is for little girls, Betty.

Let's play croquet.

It's my house.

Let's vote. Who wants to play croquet?

Sorry, Betty.

Two against one.

Betty?

We need to talk.

Everyone close to her commits suicide, JD.

I think she gets into people's heads.

And then what happened when we were younger.

It all makes sense.

She's manipulating people, JD.

And... I think you may be next.

You don't know what she's like when no one's looking.

She's threatened me, Betty.

I haven't said anything, because who's going to believe a guy

who says he's scared of his own girlfriend.

But she's evil, Betty.

I just don't know what to do.

She's always been a bully.

I think we should tell someone at school.

We can tell Principal Gowan tomorrow.

There's more, Betty.

She doesn't just put ideas in people's heads.

It's worse.

-What is it, JD? -No, no.

She'll find out I showed you.

Showed me what?

Okay.

But she can never know.

Kurt! God, thank God you're here, I had the worst day.

Get over here and rub my shoulders while I vent.

Heather... how could you?

I'm sorry. What?

You turned my best friend's death into a joke.

What are you--

That note that Ram wrote to Lizzy, that wasn't me--

You wrote it!

-Yeah, but... -Heather, stop!

I know you think I'm dumb.

Well, guess what, you're right.

And you know what the proof is?

I keep coming back.

Kurt!

You think you're so different and edgy and interesting.

Maybe here in Sherwood you are. But guess what, Heather?

Next year, you're going to go to college in New York.

And when you go to your dorm room, you're gonna strut down that hallway

and there's going to be 15 other people just like you.

Except they won't be just like you.

They'll be smarter than you, more interesting than you,

and much, much hotter than you.

And then you'll realize you're not special at all.

After a couple years,

you'll tell yourself some lie about how New York isn't for you.

And you'll move back, which is where I'll see you

selling makeup at our hometown mall.

Are you reading off a note card?

Fine, you got me, Heather told me to say this stuff, but you know what?

I didn't need Heather Chandler to come up with this.

With the way you treat people,

you're going to end up alone.

And honestly...

that's what you deserve.

Here. She wanted me to give you this.

Good-bye for real this time, Heather.

Take the box!

"Congratulations, Heather. You got what you wanted.

You're back to second place.

Hope it was worth it.

Now get your ass back over here, and bring me a slushy.

Love, Heather."

It's just up here.

Where Ram killed himself.

Ram didn't kill himself, Betty.

She brought me here.

She walked me through all of it.

It's like she was proud of herself.

She was like a cat who caught a mouse

and wanted to parade it around in front of me.

-We have to go to the police, JD! -No one will believe us.

Well there's got to be something, some evidence.

No.

She's too smart, Betty.

What?

What are you doing, JD?

What is...

You're just as crazy as she is!

No.

Veronica's not crazy.

But I certainly am.

Little Betty Finn, putting up a fight.

Ballet, six years.

Gymnastics, 12 years.

Martial arts, nine years.

Don't make me chase after you, Betty.

And four years of track and field.

Mom! Dad! Help!

College try, Betty.

-Let me guess. -Fencing, five years.

The pent-up rage of an overachiever

17 years.

Seriously?

Come on. Just do it.

What are you doing?

I'm doing what a normal person does

when they're being attacked by a psychopath.

I'm calling the police, you asshole.

You didn't text me back.

Yeah, as you can see, I got kind of sidetracked.

What happened, JD?

Betty came to me, she said she was worried for me,

she said everyone close to you dies,

and then she said she's going to the cops.

What did you do?

She's not dead, if that's what you're thinking.

I need you to tell me exactly what happened, JD.

Look, she came to my house, she ambushed me,

so I told her that I agreed with her, and that I was scared of you.

-And then what? -And then I tried to get rid of her.

-Where? -At my house!

But... she got away, so I had to catch up with her.

And what did you do when you caught up with her?

Look, Veronica, obviously, it did not end well for me.

The point is that Betty knows now.

And Betty is going to go to the police, so we have to do something.

You have to promise me you told me everything that happened.

Babe... yes.

Now, can we please think of a way... to fix this?

Fine.

What are you doing?

I'm giving you an alibi.

"Dear Diary,

JD went too far this time.

He showed his true colors tonight.

And now...

it's time I showed mine."

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