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1
00:00:00,592 --> 00:00:03,360
Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience
2
00:00:03,361 --> 00:00:06,721
and based on
what actually happened to me.
3
00:00:06,722 --> 00:00:08,518
Oh, Esther,
I don't know why I bother
4
00:00:08,519 --> 00:00:09,816
taking you
to the dog park.
5
00:00:09,817 --> 00:00:11,978
I mean, with all those sexy
German Shepherds
6
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,576
and golden retrievers,
7
00:00:13,577 --> 00:00:17,869
you're sniffing
around the French poodle.
8
00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:20,032
Like mother,
like daughter.
9
00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:22,096
Ah, neighbor,
a moment, please.
10
00:00:22,097 --> 00:00:24,692
Um, I couldn't help noticing
but you dumping
11
00:00:24,693 --> 00:00:28,265
a bag of your doggie doo
in one of my rubbish bins.
12
00:00:28,287 --> 00:00:34,109
You know, we call them
garbage cans here, Shakespeare.
13
00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:36,106
The garbage
was picked up this morning,
14
00:00:36,107 --> 00:00:38,802
which means
that her little parcels of poo
15
00:00:38,803 --> 00:00:42,363
will be baking
in my bin for a week.
16
00:00:42,397 --> 00:00:45,291
You know what the ironic thing
about all this is?
17
00:00:45,292 --> 00:00:47,983
I don't give a crap.
18
00:00:47,987 --> 00:00:50,383
You know, for someone
who built their flower shop
19
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,079
on my property,
20
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,182
I think you'd want
to stay on my good side.
21
00:00:54,211 --> 00:00:56,173
You're right.
I'm sorry.
22
00:00:56,174 --> 00:00:57,903
Would a latte
help make up for it?
23
00:00:57,938 --> 00:00:59,834
Oh.
Well, that's a start.
24
00:00:59,868 --> 00:01:04,527
Well, there's seven Starbucks
between here and Larchmont.
25
00:01:04,528 --> 00:01:08,952
Why don't you add it
to the 40 grand I owe you?
26
00:01:08,953 --> 00:01:10,150
Why aren't you leaving?
27
00:01:10,151 --> 00:01:11,486
- [Choking]
- What... what's the matter?
28
00:01:11,516 --> 00:01:12,978
Are you choking?
29
00:01:13,013 --> 00:01:14,211
Oh, my God.
Come here.
30
00:01:14,212 --> 00:01:19,669
I got this.
Very good in an emergency.
31
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:20,666
Oh, my God.
32
00:01:20,668 --> 00:01:22,762
Wow. Whoo.
33
00:01:22,797 --> 00:01:24,527
Yeah, wow.
Are you okay?
34
00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:28,188
Yeah, yeah.
35
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:32,081
Was that as good for you
as it was for me?
36
00:01:32,082 --> 00:01:34,942
So even
after a near-death experience,
37
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,607
you still go
straight to sex?
38
00:01:36,642 --> 00:01:40,867
Uh, yeah.
Pretty much.
39
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,797
I just saved your life.
40
00:01:42,831 --> 00:01:45,260
Of course you did.
And you're my hero.
41
00:01:45,294 --> 00:01:47,456
This calls
for a celebration.
42
00:01:47,457 --> 00:01:48,654
Okay.
43
00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,084
I'm going to go out
and drink lots of booze
44
00:01:50,085 --> 00:01:54,146
and have sex.
45
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,579
[Bubbly music]
46
00:01:56,609 --> 00:02:01,300
She was certain
that he was her one and only
47
00:02:01,301 --> 00:02:06,358
But their union always seemed
a little forced
48
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:09,453
She got married anyway
49
00:02:09,454 --> 00:02:11,251
Turns out that he was gay
50
00:02:11,252 --> 00:02:12,515
They're still in love
51
00:02:12,516 --> 00:02:15,404
But now
she's Happily Divorced
52
00:02:15,405 --> 00:02:17,141
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
53
00:02:17,142 --> 00:02:19,437
Oh, hi, sweetie.
54
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,102
Hey, Fran.
What is going on?
55
00:02:21,135 --> 00:02:24,661
Cesar just texted me that
"Neil almost choked to death,
56
00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,530
and Fran
saved his life"?
57
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,556
How does that man
know everything
58
00:02:28,557 --> 00:02:30,319
that's going on
in this house?
59
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,849
[Phone chimes]
60
00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:35,244
He says
he doesn't.
61
00:02:35,279 --> 00:02:36,642
It was nothing,
really,
62
00:02:36,643 --> 00:02:38,805
that anybody else
wouldn't have done.
63
00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:40,070
Yeah.
64
00:02:40,104 --> 00:02:41,501
What?
65
00:02:41,502 --> 00:02:43,863
Oh, my goodness.
I can't say that.
66
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:44,994
That's horrible.
67
00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:47,092
- But you want to say it.
- Very badly.
68
00:02:47,093 --> 00:02:48,489
So say it.
69
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,852
If Neil had died,
we would not owe him any money.
70
00:02:50,853 --> 00:02:52,216
Oh, my God, I can't believe
I just said that.
71
00:02:52,217 --> 00:02:54,027
I'm so ashamed.
72
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,310
That is terrible.
73
00:02:56,311 --> 00:02:58,739
Where were you
five minutes ago?
74
00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:00,516
Now you've got me
doing it.
75
00:03:00,537 --> 00:03:02,097
- It's awful.
- It is.
76
00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:04,795
Of course it is.
77
00:03:04,796 --> 00:03:08,589
- Both: It is.
- It's awful.
78
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:11,518
But since Neil
does owe you his life,
79
00:03:11,519 --> 00:03:12,749
I mean,
there may be a way
80
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:16,976
we could use that
to our advantage.
81
00:03:16,977 --> 00:03:18,640
Invite him
over to dinner.
82
00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:21,069
Well, Peter,
what are the odds
83
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,829
that he's going
to choke again?
84
00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:29,655
I didn't mean
invite him over
85
00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:31,818
to watch him choke
and die, Fran.
86
00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,877
Well, neither did I,
neither did I.
87
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,077
What I meant was,
you know, take advantage
88
00:03:37,078 --> 00:03:39,373
of the fuzzy feelings
he has towards you.
89
00:03:39,407 --> 00:03:41,702
Invite him over to dinner,
we'll schmooze him,
90
00:03:41,703 --> 00:03:43,167
we'll drop
subtle hints about
91
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,097
if it weren't for Fran,
well...
92
00:03:45,131 --> 00:03:46,994
He'd be getting
laid to rest
93
00:03:46,995 --> 00:03:50,221
instead of getting laid.
94
00:03:50,222 --> 00:03:51,320
Exactly.
95
00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:53,417
I'll make a nice
chicken a l'orange.
96
00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:55,247
We'll laugh
at all of his jokes.
97
00:03:55,248 --> 00:03:57,410
You'll wear
your sexy push-up bra.
98
00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:59,440
Yeah, well,
these girls are pushing 48,
99
00:03:59,441 --> 00:04:04,332
so make sure
the booze keeps flowing.
100
00:04:04,366 --> 00:04:06,860
No.
Do not let me drink.
101
00:04:06,895 --> 00:04:11,420
If I have too much wine,
I could blow it.
102
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
103
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,406
That'll be plan "B."
104
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,430
You know, Neil,
I don't know
105
00:04:28,431 --> 00:04:30,427
why we waited so long
to do this.
106
00:04:30,428 --> 00:04:31,525
I know.
107
00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:33,589
Why does it always
take a special occasion,
108
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,419
like a wedding
or a birthday
109
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:37,515
or somebody
practically dropping dead
110
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:41,009
to bring people
together?
111
00:04:41,044 --> 00:04:42,873
So tell me,
112
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:48,564
are you a leg
or a breast man?
113
00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:49,546
You know,
I feel like I should be
114
00:04:49,564 --> 00:04:50,694
doing something nice
for you.
115
00:04:50,695 --> 00:04:52,252
I mean, after all,
you did save my life.
116
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:57,483
You know, I completely
forgot about that.
117
00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:59,380
You know, Neil,
not many people have shared
118
00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:01,177
what you and Fran
shared yesterday.
119
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:05,853
You two have
a very special bond.
120
00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,463
We do.
121
00:05:09,498 --> 00:05:11,634
And I don't want you to feel
like you owe me anything
122
00:05:11,660 --> 00:05:13,390
just because I
saved your life.
123
00:05:13,391 --> 00:05:16,519
Your words,
not mine.
124
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,949
Well, all I can
say is, Fran,
125
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,012
thank God
you were there yesterday.
126
00:05:20,046 --> 00:05:21,776
Neil,
I wouldn't take a cent.
127
00:05:21,811 --> 00:05:22,874
Not a penny.
128
00:05:22,909 --> 00:05:26,069
You cannot put a price
on a man's life.
129
00:05:26,104 --> 00:05:29,663
This guy.
130
00:05:29,698 --> 00:05:30,994
Interesting question,
though.
131
00:05:31,028 --> 00:05:32,891
I mean, if you were
to put a price on a guy's life,
132
00:05:32,925 --> 00:05:34,622
uh, what might that be?
133
00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:36,519
Well,
when you first came out,
134
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,117
I did look
into seeing
135
00:05:38,118 --> 00:05:40,146
what I might get
from your life insurance
136
00:05:40,181 --> 00:05:45,138
if someone accidentally
put cyanide in your nasal spray.
137
00:05:45,173 --> 00:05:48,831
And just out of curiosity,
what was that amount?
138
00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:50,995
You know, I think
that it was somewhere
139
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:53,957
between $30,000
and $50,000.
140
00:05:53,958 --> 00:05:56,952
- Right in the middle of there.
- Really?
141
00:05:56,986 --> 00:05:59,215
- Yeah.
- Yeah, right in there.
142
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,447
I have another question
for you both.
143
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:01,478
Yeah?
144
00:06:01,513 --> 00:06:04,939
Do you think
I was born yesterday?
145
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,270
- Yesterday?
- No.
146
00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:07,834
What are you, 25?
30?
147
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,083
No, you have the physique
of a 22-year-old.
148
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,795
Oh, please,
just stop it.
149
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:13,034
You two are the worst actors
I've ever seen.
150
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,156
I mean, one of you
is worse than the other.
151
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,285
My God,
how did you stay
152
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,079
hidden in the closet
for 18 years?
153
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,394
You know, you.
154
00:06:22,412 --> 00:06:24,274
You, you've really
surprised me.
155
00:06:24,309 --> 00:06:25,406
I thought
you asked me here
156
00:06:25,407 --> 00:06:26,736
because you wanted
to be friends.
157
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:29,033
I actually thought
you were nice.
158
00:06:29,034 --> 00:06:30,530
Well, we are nice.
159
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,527
I don't know
what happened.
160
00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:35,023
I mean, our intentions
were good.
161
00:06:35,057 --> 00:06:37,918
How?
162
00:06:37,953 --> 00:06:42,478
Well, good for us.
163
00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,108
Oh, Neil,
please don't go.
164
00:06:44,109 --> 00:06:45,506
Let's start over.
165
00:06:45,507 --> 00:06:47,403
Peter made
a delicious dessert.
166
00:06:47,404 --> 00:06:48,501
Please stay.
167
00:06:48,535 --> 00:06:49,666
Why, so you can
figure out another way
168
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,629
to extort $40,000
out of me?
169
00:06:51,663 --> 00:06:55,522
What's next?
Sexual favors from you, Fran?
170
00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:59,209
Or...
171
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,726
So I'm not a terrible person,
Cesar, am I?
172
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,156
- You saved the man's life.
- Right?
173
00:07:16,157 --> 00:07:17,720
And then
you invited him to dinner
174
00:07:17,754 --> 00:07:19,317
under the false pretense
of friendship
175
00:07:19,318 --> 00:07:20,515
and tried to roll him
for money
176
00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:23,976
like a cheap Vegas hooker.
177
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,872
Well, when you
shine a spotlight on it.
178
00:07:26,906 --> 00:07:28,735
I was just trying
to get the flower shop
179
00:07:28,769 --> 00:07:30,698
returned
to its rightful owner.
180
00:07:30,732 --> 00:07:34,625
Who, bank of America?
[Laughs]
181
00:07:34,659 --> 00:07:35,857
Knock, knock.
Can I come in?
182
00:07:35,892 --> 00:07:38,419
Sure.
You own the joint.
183
00:07:38,453 --> 00:07:40,117
Well, you'll be
happy to know that,
184
00:07:40,118 --> 00:07:42,645
despite your appalling behavior
last night,
185
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,640
the truth is,
I do owe you for saving my life.
186
00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:47,904
So then, you understand
that it was Peter
187
00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:49,934
that made me do
what I did last night?
188
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,198
Yes.
189
00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:52,496
That's why I want
to give you this.
190
00:07:52,530 --> 00:07:54,368
Oh, well,
what is it?
191
00:07:54,394 --> 00:07:57,821
A gift card
from Applebee's.
192
00:07:57,856 --> 00:07:59,385
It's the lien
on your house.
193
00:07:59,419 --> 00:08:01,381
Consider your debt paid.
194
00:08:01,382 --> 00:08:04,277
Are you kidding me?
For real?
195
00:08:04,312 --> 00:08:06,174
Now, wait,
just to be clear,
196
00:08:06,175 --> 00:08:08,104
we don't
owe you anything?
197
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,135
Not a penny.
198
00:08:09,137 --> 00:08:11,532
And no Applebee's?
199
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:12,596
Oh, I'm sorry.
200
00:08:12,631 --> 00:08:13,594
If you'd rather
have the gift card...
201
00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:15,725
No, no.
This is great.
202
00:08:15,726 --> 00:08:17,855
Thank you so much, Neil.
203
00:08:17,856 --> 00:08:18,852
Thank you.
204
00:08:18,854 --> 00:08:21,349
- Aw, it's okay.
- Oh.
205
00:08:21,383 --> 00:08:25,775
[Laughs awkwardly]
206
00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:26,873
That was rather nice.
207
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,138
Yes, and it was...
208
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:30,933
It was so nice of you
to come by
209
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:32,597
and do this, Neil.
210
00:08:32,631 --> 00:08:35,052
I can't tell you
how much I appreciate it.
211
00:08:35,061 --> 00:08:38,171
Why are you looking
at me, Neil?
212
00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,579
Neil, you know,
Cesar's not here.
213
00:08:43,613 --> 00:08:47,306
You are going to have
to pick all of that up.
214
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,437
What are you doing, Neil?
215
00:08:48,472 --> 00:08:50,027
Exactly what you
want me to.
216
00:08:50,036 --> 00:08:52,190
But I'm an engaged woman.
217
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,197
Do you want me
to stop?
218
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:57,489
Uh...
219
00:08:57,523 --> 00:09:00,517
I'll take that
as a "no."
220
00:09:04,013 --> 00:09:06,641
- Oh. Oh.
- Fran, Fran! Fran!
221
00:09:06,675 --> 00:09:09,503
- Oh.
- Oh, Peter.
222
00:09:09,538 --> 00:09:12,158
Peter, you wouldn't believe
this dream I just had.
223
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,496
- I know.
- I heard.
224
00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:15,228
"I want you so bad"?
225
00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:17,757
"Being this close to you
every day is torture"?
226
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,420
Oh, Peter.
227
00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:21,650
Oh, sweetie,
I'm so sorry.
228
00:09:21,684 --> 00:09:24,978
If I could change,
I would.
229
00:09:32,518 --> 00:09:34,214
So did you two
honestly think
230
00:09:34,248 --> 00:09:37,176
that Neil was going to let you
out of a $40,000 debt
231
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:41,036
just for squeezing a nut
out of him?
232
00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:50,853
Actually,
we never got to plan "B."
233
00:09:50,887 --> 00:09:53,216
Fran, what's wrong with you?
Why are you so quiet?
234
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:56,311
I had a weird dream
yesterday.
235
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,540
Judi, Franny was dreaming
about me last night.
236
00:09:58,575 --> 00:10:00,604
She can't get me
out of her head.
237
00:10:00,638 --> 00:10:06,329
No, Peter, I can't get you
out of my house.
238
00:10:06,363 --> 00:10:08,558
Judi, who is the last person
that you think
239
00:10:08,592 --> 00:10:10,821
I would ever have
a sex dream about?
240
00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:13,582
Hitler.
241
00:10:13,616 --> 00:10:18,508
Dick Cheney, Larry King,
Rodney King, Rodney Dangerfield.
242
00:10:18,542 --> 00:10:19,672
Neil.
243
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,803
I had a sex dream
about Neil.
244
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:23,933
Seriously?
This is your problem?
245
00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:25,530
If I knew I was going
to have a sex dream
246
00:10:25,564 --> 00:10:26,560
about that fine man,
247
00:10:26,562 --> 00:10:29,822
I'd be popping ambien
all day.
248
00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:34,748
Judi, it's not right.
I'm an engaged woman.
249
00:10:34,783 --> 00:10:36,978
Why am I dreaming
about him?
250
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:38,043
Oh,
what's the big deal?
251
00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:39,108
Are you trying
to tell me,
252
00:10:39,142 --> 00:10:40,273
in all the years
we were married,
253
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,003
you never had a dream
about another man?
254
00:10:42,037 --> 00:10:45,546
No, Peter, I did not.
Did you?
255
00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:52,618
Look, Franny,
dreams are crazy-ass stuff.
256
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,582
Remember that dream I had
about Denzel,
257
00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:56,679
and we took
all our clothes off,
258
00:10:56,713 --> 00:11:01,703
but we were like
Barbie and Ken down there?
259
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,434
What's your point, Judi?
260
00:11:03,469 --> 00:11:05,697
At least your guy
had parts.
261
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,561
It was just
a stupid little sex dream.
262
00:11:07,595 --> 00:11:08,925
Everybody has them.
263
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,989
Oh, please, I've been
having sex dreams about Neil
264
00:11:11,023 --> 00:11:12,020
since he moved in.
265
00:11:12,055 --> 00:11:15,149
You don't
see me complaining.
266
00:11:15,183 --> 00:11:17,213
Maybe I am overreacting.
267
00:11:17,246 --> 00:11:18,843
Hey, Cesar.
268
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:20,041
Do you ever
have sex dreams
269
00:11:20,075 --> 00:11:21,638
about women
other than your wife?
270
00:11:21,672 --> 00:11:24,167
Did Teresa
put you up to this?
271
00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:25,365
No.
272
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,429
Oh, well, then sure.
All the time.
273
00:11:27,463 --> 00:11:32,188
Britney Spears, Sofia Vergara,
Salma Hayek, Alec Baldwin.
274
00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:33,286
Oh, what am I saying?
275
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,547
Billy Baldwin,
the cute one.
276
00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:44,002
- Good morning, Ms. Fran.
- Morning.
277
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,165
So, uh,
did Mr. Sandman bring you
278
00:11:46,199 --> 00:11:49,925
a little something-something
last night?
279
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,290
No, thank God.
280
00:11:51,324 --> 00:11:53,586
My slumber
was very uneventful.
281
00:11:53,619 --> 00:11:56,281
I had some warm milk
and a lunesta chaser,
282
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,110
and it was lights out.
283
00:11:59,145 --> 00:12:01,406
Well, I'm glad things
are getting back to normal
284
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,836
because it's going
to be very busy today.
285
00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:05,100
Why, what's today?
286
00:12:05,135 --> 00:12:06,530
Are you kidding me?
287
00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:09,094
You have 400 centerpieces
to make for J.Lo's wedding.
288
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:13,786
Oh, no.
This is a dream.
289
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,750
I'm back.
290
00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:17,014
Oh, here we go.
291
00:12:17,049 --> 00:12:19,044
Neil, what are you
doing here?
292
00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:20,742
It's your dream.
You tell me.
293
00:12:20,776 --> 00:12:22,039
Just go.
294
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:23,936
If you meant that,
then I'd already be gone.
295
00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:25,633
No, that's not
the way it works, Neil.
296
00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:26,964
I can't make
anything happen
297
00:12:26,998 --> 00:12:28,861
just because I want it
to happen.
298
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:29,927
Honey,
the van is here.
299
00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:34,852
I'm finally
moving out forever.
300
00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:37,347
So I really do
want you here.
301
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:41,940
This is
what I'm saying, Bubbeleh.
302
00:12:41,974 --> 00:12:44,336
You're Jewish too?
303
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:46,365
It's your dream, Fran.
304
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,430
Now, hurry up.
305
00:12:47,464 --> 00:12:50,659
I have surgery
at 3:00.
306
00:12:50,694 --> 00:12:54,452
Oy, a surgeon?
Son of a bitch.
307
00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:56,483
Neil, leave me alone.
308
00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:58,479
I told you
in the last dream,
309
00:12:58,513 --> 00:13:00,010
I'm an engaged woman.
310
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,506
Whose fiance abandoned her
and flew to London.
311
00:13:02,541 --> 00:13:05,069
That's no excuse
to have another man touch me...
312
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,765
Is it?
313
00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:09,827
Oh, wake up.
Wake up, wake up.
314
00:13:09,862 --> 00:13:11,924
You don't want to
315
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,385
because a woman like you
has needs.
316
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:16,816
[Gasps]
317
00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:19,678
Which, obviously,
you can fill.
318
00:13:25,936 --> 00:13:27,932
Neil...
319
00:13:31,993 --> 00:13:34,987
Oh, God.
320
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,542
I mean, if it
was just one dream, ma,
321
00:13:42,543 --> 00:13:43,539
that, I could ignore.
322
00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:45,437
But every night,
323
00:13:45,438 --> 00:13:47,867
pinning me to the table
of my flower shop...
324
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,165
I mean, imagine.
325
00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:51,527
His kisses
all over my neck,
326
00:13:51,528 --> 00:13:54,290
and... and his hands
all over my body,
327
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,285
and his big, hairy chest
on top of me.
328
00:13:57,319 --> 00:14:01,079
Sounds like a nightmare.
329
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,809
I'm exhausted.
330
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,739
I gotta have
another cup of coffee.
331
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:07,216
Darling, you've already
had three cups.
332
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,298
Ma, I can't
go to sleep.
333
00:14:09,299 --> 00:14:13,424
That's when Neil comes.
334
00:14:13,425 --> 00:14:14,789
Fran, you're engaged.
335
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:15,855
Don't tell me
you're attracted to that guy.
336
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:18,816
No, I can't even
stand him.
337
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,814
But I'll tell you,
338
00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:23,674
my subconscious
is such a little ho.
339
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:25,339
Dori, check out my hair.
340
00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:27,269
I'm like a silver fox.
341
00:14:27,304 --> 00:14:31,329
Peter gave me his suave
keratin infusion dry shampoo.
342
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,298
Glen, your daughter
is a mess.
343
00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:34,457
Well,
one spritz of this
344
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,985
will extend your blowout
and revive your volume.
345
00:14:37,986 --> 00:14:42,325
Daddy, I'm having sex dreams
about the neighbor.
346
00:14:42,345 --> 00:14:44,907
Does he have oily hair?
347
00:14:44,908 --> 00:14:46,671
Wait a second,
darling.
348
00:14:46,672 --> 00:14:49,499
I got an excellent book
on dream interpretation
349
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,685
- at the car wash.
- Oh.
350
00:14:51,696 --> 00:14:52,693
What do you
need a book for?
351
00:14:52,695 --> 00:14:54,757
Sex dreams
are about sex.
352
00:14:54,758 --> 00:14:56,854
Your fiance
is half a world away.
353
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,651
So if you can't be
with the one you love,
354
00:14:58,652 --> 00:15:01,668
schtup the one
you're with.
355
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,408
Look, when your father
was in Vietnam,
356
00:15:04,409 --> 00:15:05,873
I had a recurring dream
357
00:15:05,874 --> 00:15:09,322
that I was doing the super
in the service elevator.
358
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:10,697
She did,
and I had a dream
359
00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:13,940
about a local call girl
named Lilly May.
360
00:15:13,961 --> 00:15:15,923
Oh, I get
what you're saying.
361
00:15:15,924 --> 00:15:17,154
But they were just dreams.
362
00:15:17,155 --> 00:15:18,807
Nothing happened
in real life.
363
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:21,081
- Right.
- Yeah.
364
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:26,107
But, mom, what if it
wasn't a sex dream?
365
00:15:26,108 --> 00:15:28,702
What if it
went deeper than that?
366
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:33,283
What if I'm really doubting
my relationship with Elliot?
367
00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:36,156
Bite your tongue.
[Spits]
368
00:15:36,157 --> 00:15:37,421
Let's see
what the book says.
369
00:15:37,422 --> 00:15:38,418
Okay.
370
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:40,017
It says,
"how do you feel
371
00:15:40,018 --> 00:15:41,561
when you wake up
from the dream?"
372
00:15:41,582 --> 00:15:43,224
Guilty.
Very guilty.
373
00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:47,676
Aha!
The dream is about guilt.
374
00:15:47,706 --> 00:15:50,006
How much did you pay
for that book?
375
00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:53,250
It was free
with a carnauba wax.
376
00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:56,828
"Dreams are a way the mind
processes events of the day."
377
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:57,988
Right.
378
00:15:57,989 --> 00:15:59,086
So what was the last thing
that happened
379
00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:00,572
to you and this,
uh, Neil?
380
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:04,011
I heimliched him,
and then Peter and I
381
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:07,102
tried to shake him down
for 40 grand.
382
00:16:07,106 --> 00:16:09,308
What, were you raised
by wolves?
383
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,863
No, newmans.
384
00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:15,589
It was a horrible thing
to do.
385
00:16:15,592 --> 00:16:16,956
Yes, it was,
and that's why
386
00:16:16,957 --> 00:16:18,320
you're having
all these dreams.
387
00:16:18,321 --> 00:16:20,651
You need to go home
and tell him you're sorry.
388
00:16:20,652 --> 00:16:21,981
That'll relieve
your guilt,
389
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,368
and then, you'll have
nothing to dream about.
390
00:16:23,379 --> 00:16:26,174
Apologize
for trying to screw him,
391
00:16:26,175 --> 00:16:28,858
then he'll stop
screwing you.
392
00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:35,597
So according
to the book,
393
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,717
I have to go
and apologize to Neil
394
00:16:38,722 --> 00:16:41,338
because the reason
why I'm dreaming about him
395
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:45,310
is because I feel guilty
that I tried to wrong him,
396
00:16:45,311 --> 00:16:47,872
and now,
I have to right him.
397
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:51,865
- Mm!
- Mm, mm, mm.
398
00:16:51,866 --> 00:16:54,228
I would love to ride...
399
00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:57,103
"Right," not...
400
00:16:57,124 --> 00:17:00,931
Not "ride," Judi.
"Right" him.
401
00:17:00,952 --> 00:17:04,012
Oh. Okay, well,
just out of curiosity,
402
00:17:04,013 --> 00:17:07,274
when you do have
these sex dreams about Neil,
403
00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:11,200
did you get to see,
you know, the whole package?
404
00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:13,119
Judi.
405
00:17:13,131 --> 00:17:15,161
All right, all right,
all right. Look.
406
00:17:15,195 --> 00:17:17,524
I'm going to start
by drawing a line,
407
00:17:17,525 --> 00:17:20,519
and you just tell me
when to stop.
408
00:17:33,632 --> 00:17:37,745
May I suggest
a legal pad?
409
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:39,201
Oh, my God.
410
00:17:39,222 --> 00:17:41,151
Don't worry,
I didn't hear anything
411
00:17:41,152 --> 00:17:43,902
that I haven't
heard before.
412
00:17:43,915 --> 00:17:47,729
Oh, please,
let this be a dream too.
413
00:17:47,742 --> 00:17:49,726
Hey, look
what finally came...
414
00:17:49,739 --> 00:17:52,432
My new rubber stamp
with our home address on it.
415
00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:55,716
This thing
will last ten years.
416
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:58,670
Oh, crap.
417
00:17:58,691 --> 00:17:59,921
Hey, Judi, if you
want a ride to the bar,
418
00:17:59,922 --> 00:18:01,873
- I'm leaving now.
- What's the rush?
419
00:18:01,886 --> 00:18:03,315
Well, Chris
is already there.
420
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,413
I don't need a bunch
of 22-year-olds
421
00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:05,911
circling my boyfriend.
422
00:18:05,912 --> 00:18:08,321
You know how hot
a guy looks in uniform.
423
00:18:08,341 --> 00:18:12,966
He's a stewardess,
Peter.
424
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,130
All right,
I'm going to go.
425
00:18:14,131 --> 00:18:15,809
I'm going to leave you
alone with Neil.
426
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:18,429
Or I can stay, and we
could do a three-way apology.
427
00:18:18,459 --> 00:18:21,757
Bye, Judi.
428
00:18:22,951 --> 00:18:25,251
Hello.
429
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,207
All right, you can wipe
that wink off your face.
430
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,370
The only reason
why you were in my dreams
431
00:18:30,371 --> 00:18:32,739
was because I
felt really bad
432
00:18:32,768 --> 00:18:36,025
that I tried to con you into
giving me back my flower shop.
433
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:39,270
And I'm very, very sorry.
434
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:40,354
Apology accepted.
435
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:41,919
Now, what was I wearing
in your dream?
436
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,849
Was I a gladiator?
437
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:48,208
Or washing my car,
shirtless?
438
00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:50,138
Ugh, that's disgusting.
439
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:51,500
You were
a plastic surgeon.
440
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,496
Ah.
441
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:55,197
And the only reason
why you were in my dreams
442
00:18:55,198 --> 00:18:57,160
was because I felt guilty,
443
00:18:57,161 --> 00:18:58,957
not because
I'm attracted to you.
444
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:00,455
Oh, careful, now,
445
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:01,620
because you're going
to feel guilty
446
00:19:01,621 --> 00:19:02,785
about lying to me,
447
00:19:02,786 --> 00:19:04,582
and you know
where that leads.
448
00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:06,933
How about to the door?
449
00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:10,138
Okay, look, just, um...
Just one more question.
450
00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:11,136
Yes?
451
00:19:11,138 --> 00:19:13,034
In all those dreams
you had,
452
00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:16,209
did you never once wonder
what I'd be like in real life?
453
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:19,657
No, because I'm not
the least bit attracted...
454
00:19:29,442 --> 00:19:31,643
Sweet dreams.
455
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:40,982
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
456
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