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1
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,715
Nice. And don't
forget bug spray.
2
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:09,426
It's perfect for spraying
in the face of hitchhikers.
3
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,428
Whoa! An RV, camping gear.
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,430
Are you running
from the law again?
5
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,433
Dude, it's the ultimate
Oregon road trip adventure.
6
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,644
More like revenge trip.
7
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,605
Every year, my tourist trap competitors
prank the Mystery Shack.
8
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,816
Last year, those hooligans
duct taped Soos to the ceiling.
9
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,109
That was a fun
78 hours.
10
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:27,569
Well, no more.
11
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,863
This year, we're visiting
every tourist trap along
12
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:30,864
the Redwood Highway,
13
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,492
and I'm gonna prank back
every single one.
14
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,118
Bow-wow.
15
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,329
Time to let
the Road Dawgs bark.
16
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,790
That is us.
We are the Road Dawgs.
17
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,959
Thanks for letting me bring
Candy and Grenda along
18
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,835
for our road trip,
Grunkle Stan.
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,087
The more, the merrier.
20
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,839
Just sign these
non-disclosure agreements.
21
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,800
None of your parents
are lawyers, right?
22
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,843
What do you say, dude?
You comin'?
23
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,763
I already went to the trouble
of packing all your stuff.
24
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,807
Even the stuff you kept in
that secret box under the bed.
25
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,935
Whoa!
What the...
26
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,687
What's that?
27
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,397
Uh, nothing.
28
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,857
Just Wendy stuff,
from old times.
29
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,276
[frustrated sigh]
30
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,195
Bro, I thought you were
finally past all this.
31
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,697
I know, I know.
32
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,407
I know she's
not interested,
33
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,908
and I know it's over,
34
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,786
but how do you just turn off
the way you feel about someone?
35
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,247
Two words, Dipper.
Move on.
36
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,666
Yeah, dude, and a road trip's
the perfect place
37
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,501
to meet new people.
38
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,555
[panting]
39
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,057
Man, RV's are amazing.
40
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,142
I can't believe
we're sitting at a table
41
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,852
in a moving vehicle.
42
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,730
Ooh! Informational
travel pamphlets.
43
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:29,733
I want to read them all
and gain their travel knowledge.
44
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,736
Kid, those useless pamphlets
have never helped a single person.
45
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,489
The only wrinkly old
travel guide you'll need is me.
46
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,782
Now look alive.
47
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,784
We're coming up on
an attraction
48
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,578
run by the most black-hearted
proprietor in all of Oregon.
49
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,291
Don't let
the face fool you.
50
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,751
This woman lit
my car on fire
51
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,670
on two non-consecutive
occasions.
52
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,338
[all] Whoa!
53
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,256
I'm going in, girls.
54
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,384
Whaaaa!
55
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,597
Okay, like Soos said,
56
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,641
meet new people.
57
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,267
[clears throat]
58
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:07,145
So, uh, come here often?
59
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,814
No. I'm a tourist.
60
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,774
Ha ha, you're funny...
and cute.
61
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,567
I mean, not cute.
62
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,653
I mean, you're not
not cute.
63
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,405
Whew, let me start over.
64
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,323
My name is Dopper.
65
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,076
[sighs]
66
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,869
[Grunkle Stan]
Dipper, hop to.
67
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,497
This ball of yarn
ain't gonna prank itself.
68
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,878
[sighs]
69
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,797
Something on
your mind, kiddo?
70
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,258
Thinkin' about Miss Cold Shoulder
over there, huh?
71
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,260
Ah, so embarrassed.
72
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,971
Look, earlier this summer,
I ruined my chances with Wendy.
73
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,598
Yeah. Chances.
74
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,144
And I wanna move on,
but I'm terrible at talking to girls.
75
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,937
The moment I open
my mouth around them,
76
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,981
I unravel like...
like...
77
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,984
well, I can't think of a perfect
metaphor, but you get the gist.
78
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,610
At this rate,
I'm gonna grow up
79
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,572
to be a sad loner
like Toby Determined.
80
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,491
Whoa, never say that
about yourself.
81
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,744
Lucky for you,
I'm an expert on women.
82
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,287
Listen to me, kid.
83
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,955
When it comes to girls,
always be confident,
84
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,707
and be funny,
but not too funny.
85
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,543
And be kind of annoying,
but in a loveable way.
86
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,212
I don't know, Grunkle Stan.
This sounds kinda jerky.
87
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,340
Hey, "jerky" is just
a term non-jerks use
88
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,426
to bad-mouth
innocent jerks.
89
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,429
Confidence, comedy, some third
word starting with a "C."
90
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,265
The three C's of the
Stan Pines Dating Technique.
91
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,684
At the next tourist trap,
try out my advice
92
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:28,894
on the first girl
you see.
93
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,730
Cool.
Grunkle Stan, thanks.
94
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,565
Hey, I'm full of
good ideas.
95
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:34,941
Speakin' of which,
96
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860
everyone, now!
97
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,995
Why, you gol-darned
son of a no-good!
98
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,751
I'll get you,
Stan Pines!
99
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,757
Ah, Upside-down Town.
100
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,050
The nausea capital
of the state.
101
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,761
Whatever you do,
don't use the bathrooms.
102
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,971
[all] Road Dawgs!
103
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,640
[barking]
104
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,063
- Whoa!
- So weird.
105
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,698
[Grunkle Stan] All right, kid,
this is it.
106
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,700
Be confident.
107
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,410
[clears throat]
Hi. I'm Dipper.
108
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,037
Crazy place, right?
109
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,206
Oh, hi.
I'm Emma Sue.
110
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,833
If you pretend
we're right-side up,
111
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,126
it looks like everyone's
hair is standing on end.
112
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,837
Huh, yeah.
Weird, right?
113
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,588
Pretend you're screaming.
114
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,757
Okay. You gotta take
a picture of me, though.
115
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:42,425
[screaming]
116
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,302
Let's see... whoa!
117
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,846
Ho ho, just kidding.
118
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,806
You are the worst.
119
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:48,932
You bet I am.
120
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,600
I'm bad, Emma.
121
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,768
Kind of a jerk.
122
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,395
Emma, come on.
We have to get to Canada
123
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,729
before your mother
gives birth.
124
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,773
It's a long story.
125
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,733
Maybe you could
tell me sometime.
126
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,443
Here's my email address.
127
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,612
Write me and I'll
tell you all about it.
128
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:05,782
A girl gave me
her email,
129
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,325
and it wasn't
out of pity.
130
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,494
Ha ha, yes!
131
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,788
Ugh! I'm okay.
132
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,206
I'm better than okay.
133
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,292
Mabel, hi.
There's my Grenda.
134
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,835
Candy, looking great,
looking great.
135
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,838
Is that a new pair of glasses?
Very shiny.
136
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,882
[laughing]
Whoo!
137
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,884
Maybe it's the blood
pooling in my head,
138
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,011
but Dipper
seems different.
139
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,178
[groans]
140
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389
Yes, good different.
141
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,932
[Grunkle Stan]
Now, Soos.
142
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,026
Not too upside-down now.
143
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,112
What a lovely
normal home.
144
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,406
Stan Pines!
145
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,910
I can't believe
it worked.
146
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,870
What do I do now?
Do I email her?
147
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,788
No, no, you practice.
148
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,999
The more girls you talk to,
the better you get at it.
149
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,835
Grunkle Stan,
these tips are priceless.
150
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,588
And that's just
the tip of the advice-berg.
151
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,484
- Everyone on board?
- Probably.
152
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,530
Guys? Hello?
153
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,366
Anyone?
154
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,284
They'll come back for me.
155
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,163
So then I said
to the bouncer,
156
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,082
"Where's your ID, ugly?"
157
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,875
That's where I got
this scar.
158
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,086
[giggling] Grunkle Stan,
I gotta say,
159
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,754
this was one of
the best days ever.
160
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,298
Look!
161
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,467
That's the Stan Pines
method, kid.
162
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,802
Works every time.
163
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,262
I'm just a little worried,
though.
164
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,349
I mean, is it bad to flirt with
this many girls at once?
165
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,309
I'm just trying
to get over Wendy.
166
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,103
I don't wanna hurt
anyone's feelings.
167
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,604
Please. That's
the best part
168
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,022
of flirting on
a road trip.
169
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,983
You're not gonna see
any of these gals again.
170
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,818
To moving on.
171
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,319
[both laughing]
172
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,864
Okay, it's time for...
173
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,950
[both]
Truth or dare or don't!
174
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,160
I choose don't.
175
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,954
You always choose don't.
176
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,831
Fine. Uh... truth.
177
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,626
Do you like someone?
178
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:26,006
[Grenda] Uh-oh.
Someone's blushing.
179
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,049
Okay, maybe just a little.
180
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,343
I don't know for sure.
It just started.
181
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,220
Tell us, tell us!
182
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,472
Okay. It begins
with a "D,"
183
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,266
and ends with
an "ipper."
184
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,852
- No.
- Yes.
185
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,437
[shuddering]
186
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,773
Ready, Grenda?
Three, two, one.
187
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,818
[both shrieking loudly]
188
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,320
Man, coyotes sound
a lot worse than I remember.
189
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,826
Candy, Candy, all my life dreams
are coming true right now.
190
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,287
My brother, my best friend.
191
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,663
I can't breathe!
192
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,708
I'm so excited,
I can't breathe!
193
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,501
I never really
noticed him before,
194
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,628
but he seems
deeper lately,
195
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,839
less sweaty
and more charming.
196
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,716
But how do I
approach him?
197
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,635
Don't even worry
about that, Can-Can.
198
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,429
Mabel's got a plan.
199
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,683
[muffled]
Mabel's got a plan.
200
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,437
All right, campers,
we got another day
201
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,022
of breakin' laws
and breakin' hearts.
202
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,232
Everything up until now
has been a walk in the park
203
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,817
compared to our
next attraction.
204
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,320
Is it a walk in
the world's biggest park?
205
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,322
Sort of.
There she is, kids.
206
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,365
Mystery Mountain.
207
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,119
Five times the size
of the Mystery Shack,
208
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,747
and what's worse,
she has real attractions.
209
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,624
Oh, I have read
about this place.
210
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,627
It has sky tram,
and a mummy museum,
211
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,464
and sightings of half-human,
half-spider creatures.
212
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,217
Even their made-up legends
are better than ours.
213
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,928
Today, the mountain falls.
214
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,848
Question: the backseat
makes me carsick.
215
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,558
Can I sit up front today?
216
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,894
Also a question:
I'm the size of two people.
217
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,021
Can I have a whole seat
to myself?
218
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,523
I don't know. Sure.
219
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,774
Ooh, change-up!
220
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,070
[grunts] Wait, that means
it'll be just me and...
221
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,947
Candy Chu.
Sixth grade.
222
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,865
Oh! Hey.
223
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,622
You're sitting close.
224
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,833
[giggling]
225
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,085
So Dipper,
I was wondering,
226
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,045
would you maybe
want to walk around
227
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,214
the Mystery Mountain
with me today?
228
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,757
Sure. I mean...
229
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,300
wasn't that already
the plan?
230
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,427
I mean, just us.
231
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,847
You and me.
Candy and Dipper.
232
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,356
All right, Road Dawgs,
I got five bucks
233
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,817
for whoever can tip
the big blue ox.
234
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,443
GO, go! go-
235
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,320
I will see you
in there.
236
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,947
[nervous giggle]
237
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,158
Hey, what's with
the mopey mug, kid?
238
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,326
Stan, you gotta help me.
239
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,162
Everything you taught me
worked too well.
240
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,038
I think Candy just
asked me out on a date.
241
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,708
Hey, look at
this little champion.
242
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,334
What? No. I mean...
243
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,753
Candy's great, she's sweet,
and she's smart,
244
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,590
but I never thought
of her like that.
245
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,508
This is all moving
way too fast.
246
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,135
[hyperventilating]
247
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,345
Okay, I just need to be
honest with her,
248
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,890
and tell her I'm not
ready for all this.
249
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,809
[laughs] Don't you see
what's happening here?
250
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,728
That's your dumb obsession
with Wendy gettin' in the way
251
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,314
of your future.
If you wanna move on,
252
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,566
you gotta say yes to
whatever comes your way.
253
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,693
Speaking of which...
254
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,530
But I don't wanna
lead her on.
255
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,741
Uh-uh-uh,
watch and learn.
256
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,535
Whoa, I seem to have
lost my number.
257
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,412
Can I borrow yours?
258
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,831
[laughs]
You are a riot.
259
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,750
What brings you here?
260
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,961
We don't normally get men this
handsome round these parts.
261
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,756
Well, Darlene,
262
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,009
between you and me, what I'm
doin' here is a little secret.
263
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,304
Oh, you seem like
a man with secrets.
264
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:02,722
[both chuckling]
265
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,390
Ugh!
266
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,017
You know, I'm going
on a break.
267
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,187
You wanna take the sky tram
up to widow's Peak?
268
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:13,775
Take my advice or don't,
but clearly, I know what I'm doing.
269
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,902
Oh, fancy.
270
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,036
Oh, I can't believe
this is happening.
271
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,788
A real date.
272
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,665
I wonder what
they'll name the baby.
273
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,166
If I had a baby,
I would name it
274
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,211
Grenda 2: The Sequel.
275
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,964
You would make
such a good mother.
276
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,592
This place is
so enchanting.
277
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,969
Sort of confused
by the phrase
278
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,804
"new mummies daily"
though.
279
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,180
I mean, how does
that even work?
280
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,474
This mountain's
full of mysteries.
281
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,769
Like why is my head
falling on your shoulder?
282
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,479
Beeoop.
283
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,773
Uh, yep, this is
what I want.
284
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,234
This is all part of the plan
and stuff.
285
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,777
Oh, Dipper, heY-
286
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,696
[gasps]
Corn maze girl.
287
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,864
I was wondering
when you'd call.
288
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,700
Dipper, who is this?
289
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,201
Nobody. I mean, uh...
somebody, but...
290
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,161
Dipper!
291
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,580
I didn't recognize
you right-side up.
292
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,791
You'll never guess
where my mom gave birth.
293
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,334
Hey, who are
these girls?
294
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,336
Dipper, why haven't
you called?
295
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,755
Did our romantic log ride
mean nothing to you?
296
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,340
I can't believe it.
297
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,175
You agreed to go on
a date with me,
298
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,177
and you are seeing
all these other girls?
299
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,513
Well, answer us.
Which one of us do you like?
300
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,849
I... I like all of you.
301
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,142
I mean, I don't like
any of you.
302
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,727
I mean...
303
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,353
I was trying to learn
how to talk to girls.
304
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,730
[nervous chuckle]
305
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,648
- Unbelievable.
- So gross.
306
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,275
What a jerk.
307
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,862
Dipper Pines, I thought
you were a nice guy,
308
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,864
but I guess you only
care about yourself.
309
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:47,118
Uh, Candy, wait.
310
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,911
I messed everything up.
311
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,789
I gotta find Stan.
He'll know what to do.
312
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,750
Oh, are you sure
you wanna go
313
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,294
this deep
into the forest?
314
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,587
It's so scary.
315
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:58,963
Don't worry, toots.
316
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,799
That spider people stuff
is just an urban legend.
317
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,885
I can't believe
people fall for it.
318
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,345
You're so brave.
319
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,555
What can I say?
I'm a real catch.
320
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,265
Yes.
321
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,142
[distorted voice]
The catch of the day.
322
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,811
Uh, I think your contacts
fell out.
323
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,939
[Stan screaming]
324
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,026
[panting] Uh, have you seen
an old guy around here?
325
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,278
Big ears, orange nose,
a real know-it-all.
326
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,407
Uh-uh-uh.
Flame retardant raccoon says,
327
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,785
don't hug forest fires.
328
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,204
[frustrated groan]
329
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,873
Stan, where are you?
I need your advice.
330
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,376
- [static]
- Grunkle Stan?
331
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,336
Hey, buddy boy.
332
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,546
Remember how we were
talkin' about my technique?
333
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,216
Well, sometimes it leads
to unexpected consequences.
334
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,134
Yeah, you can say that again.
Where are you?
335
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,969
The good news is,
I've solved the mystery
336
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,471
of where Oregon's
mummies come from.
337
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,806
The bad news is,
338
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,849
I'm about to become one.
339
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,852
Turns out Darlene is
one of those spider people.
340
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,896
But beyond that,
the date's been okay.
341
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,068
Wait, wait, wait.
Darlene's a spider person?
342
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,736
How is that possible?
343
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,238
I don't know.
344
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,906
One minute, we're having
a perfect date,
345
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,075
and the next minute,
she's growing extra legs
346
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,285
and encasing me in webbing.
Women, right?
347
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,246
You couldn't tell
she was a spider?!
348
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,289
I was blinded by flattery.
349
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,667
Also this acid
she spit in my face.
350
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,293
I'm up the mountain
at widow's Peak.
351
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,796
All right, I'm gonna
find you. Stay put!
352
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,425
You got it.
353
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,594
Uh-uh. Trying to escape?
354
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,556
You tricked me.
355
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,225
I'm 80% certain you don't
really love me at all.
356
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,894
Ha! Men will fall
for anything.
357
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,105
"You're so funny.
Great story.
358
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,024
I love a man
with shoulder hair."
359
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:45,069
You... you didn't mean it
about my shoulder hair?
360
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,238
Tell me, Stan,
before I transformed,
361
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,657
who'd you think
was in charge?
362
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:53,703
You, with your cheesy lines
and fake confidence?
363
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,122
I'm the master pick-up
artist here.
364
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,874
Sorry, toots.
365
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,793
This time, you're getting
used for your body,
366
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,546
which, to my weird species,
is food.
367
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,632
Allow me to slip into
something more horrifying.
368
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,305
I wonder what beverage
pairs well
369
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,724
with a vintage
70-something-year-old man.
370
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,726
Be right back.
371
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:20,354
Come on, Dipper,
where are you?
372
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,523
I feel like
such a fool.
373
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,401
I should have known to guard
my heart in a cage of ice.
374
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:29,322
[loudly] There, there.
Let my calming voice soothe you.
375
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,823
It is helping.
376
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,492
Girls, there you are.
377
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,536
- Betrayer!
- Oh, you. What do you want?
378
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:39,040
- I need your help.
- With what, some sick jealousy trip?
379
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,417
_ Yes, sing it, Candy!
' Testify!
380
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,586
Look, I'm so sorry
about everything,
381
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,046
but Stan's in trouble.
382
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,631
You can totally
kill me later,
383
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,216
but right now,
he needs us.
384
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,218
I'll explain
on the way.
385
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,141
[humming]
386
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,602
Please. I don't know if
you're really up there or not,
387
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,813
but if you are, please
save me, Paul Bunyan.
388
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,565
[Grenda] Mr. Pines!
389
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,526
Whoa, did that
really work?
390
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,740
Quick, before the rest
of the venom sets in.
391
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,203
No! Where are you?
392
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,790
The sky tram,
everybody on.
393
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,375
I have a plan.
394
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,169
- [Mabel] Ha ha, yeah!
- [Grenda] Perfect.
395
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,588
Ride like the wind,
sky tram.
396
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,801
Man} Welcome to Trambience,
397
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,678
the world's lowest
treetop tram ride.
398
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,306
Enjoy the sights
at 0.1 miles per hour.
399
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,100
[screaming]
Move, move, move!
400
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,435
Can't this thing
go any faster?
401
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,771
No, it can't.
This is Trambience.
402
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,491
Enjoying the view?
Take a picture.
403
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,702
[all screaming]
404
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,540
We're doomed!
405
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,041
We're all gonna die!
406
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,295
Listen carefully.
407
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,964
This sky tram has
an emergency drop switch.
408
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,925
Below us is Oregon's
largest Paul Bunyan statue.
409
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:16,887
And Old Reliable goes off
in five, four...
410
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,764
- Candy, wait! Don't pull that lever.
- [counting continues]
411
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,099
Kid, are you crazy?
412
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,851
Now!
413
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:46,167
My only weakness,
a giant boot.
414
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,711
A giant newspaper
or a giant cup
415
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,296
would also have been
pretty bad.
416
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,050
Thank you for riding
Trambience sky tram.
417
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,886
Tell your friends
it was a boring, boring ride.
418
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,304
Kid, that was ingenious!
419
00:18:58,512 --> 00:18:59,805
How'd you know
that would work?
420
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,059
Useless travel pamphlets.
421
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,478
[Darlene] Stanley.
422
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:09,774
I'm sorry. I don't know
what came over me.
423
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,859
You'll let me out, right?
424
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,527
What? After all that?
425
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,738
Seriously, do I look like
an amnesiac?
426
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,659
[laughs]
You're so funny.
427
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,036
Have you ever considered
becoming a comedian?
428
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,789
You know, I actually have.
429
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,166
Comedy is too subtle
these days.
430
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,835
My style involves
more over-sized props.
431
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,046
- Let me get you out-
- [all] No!
432
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,756
Oh, yeah, right.
433
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,759
You win this round, Stan,
but mark my words.
434
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:39,053
As long as there's
men like you out there,
435
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,013
with their dumb
one-liners,
436
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,641
and pick-up moves,
I'll never run out of prey.
437
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,936
[screams] Get in
the car, get in the car!
438
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,449
[sighs]
439
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,788
All right, kid,
I gotta admit something.
440
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,665
I'm no expert on women.
441
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,667
Truth is, I've been
divorced once,
442
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,460
and slapped more times
than I can remember.
443
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,254
Confidence can
buy you a lot,
444
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,880
but at the end of the day,
445
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,966
pick-up artists tend
to get our heads bitten off.
446
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,843
When it comes to women,
I'm a failure.
447
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,595
Hey, we're both failures.
448
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,766
You know, even if
your dating tips were bad,
449
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,644
I actually haven't
thought about Wendy all day.
450
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,855
Plus, you did teach me
to be more confident.
451
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,857
I guess I just need
to learn to use
452
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,942
that power for good.
453
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:39,780
Hey, I found a pamphlet
I don't think you've read yet.
454
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,078
It's okay, Dipper-
455
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:49,206
The open road makes
people do crazy things.
456
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,126
Plus, after seeing you
flee the spider like a baby,
457
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,086
I kinda lost interest.
458
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,881
YEP, YEP-
I deserve that.
459
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,593
[all cheering]
460
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,303
I still feel
a little bad
461
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:03,846
about wrecking
those tourist traps.
462
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,765
Ah, come on.
Everyone loves my pranks.
463
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,683
And the best part is,
I never have to face
464
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,810
any consequences...
Sweet lord!
465
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,272
Ah, come on!
466
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:20,070
That's what you get.
That's what you get!
467
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,948
[laughing]
468
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,658
I don't understand.
469
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:27,077
I completely
don't deserve this.
470
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,288
Oh, man, are we gonna
have to help clean this up?
471
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,624
Nah, I'm sure
Soos will take care of it.
472
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,751
Where is Soos anyway?
473
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:41,091
Okay, Soos, remember
what your grandma taught you.
474
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,511
When you get lost,
stay exactly where you are,
475
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,138
and don't move.
476
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:52,353
Don't move.
477
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,900
[crows cawing]
478
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,653
You know, I would make
a really good scarecrow.
479
00:22:00,703 --> 00:22:05,253
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