All language subtitles for Grandfathered s01e17 Experience.eng

So, who are you bringing
to this engagement party?

Nice little side piece?

Pretty sure I know what
"side piece" means,

and no, I will be flying solo.

Oh. Are you in a rut?

My two cents? Put the
ladies in the game, Coach.

The... the ladies and
I are doing just fine.

And why is it that
everyone always assumes

that if a 46-year-old woman shows up

somewhere alone, she's miserable?

I lead a very fulfilling life.

Sounds lovely.

But, just FYI,

there is a very reputable service

that caters to women like yourself.

They're very discreet

and you're only
paying for their company.

I'm not gonna take an escort

to my friend's engagement party.

Besides, if I wanted to
have a date, I could.

My phone is, like,

all men's names.

Look! Adam. Man. First one. Boom.

I just know if I were showing
up to an engagement party

full of my judgey married friends,

I'd either bring a date or a Vicodin.

Yeah, I ran out.

Maybe you're right, I should just
bring a date to this thing.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your prayers have been answered.

What's the occasion? Wedding?

Bar mitzvah? Oh, please
say it's a bar mitzvah.

I love those little
hats and I dance a mean Hora.

Oh, no. Never gonna happen.

Sara, some people are put
on this earth to play baseball,

others to explore the infinite mystery

of our oceans' depths. Me?

I was born to be a plus
one. It's what I love to do

and nobody does it better.

Oh, come on,

can you honestly tell me

- that you don't want to walk...
- Ow!

Into that party with this on your arm?

(chuckles) Hand me a
gavel, 'cause this case is closed.

Oh, I like that one. Check to
see if anyone said that before.

- I'd prefer not to.
- All right, I'm just gonna

swivel back around and grab my purse.

All right, fine. It's your funeral.

Oh, is it a funeral? I
kill at funerals. Ooh,

accidental joke.

- What?
- Jimmy.

- Yes?
- Admit it... you like Sara.

Oh... (scoffs) Come on. Like her.

I mean, I like her. I
mean, we have a kid together

and a grandkid and she introduced me

to turkey bacon. I like her, sure.

Since when does Jimmy Martino

agree to go to anything before he knows

where it is, who's on the guest list,

and what else is going on at that time?

Jon Hamm's game night four years ago.

The invitation said
Jonny's place was being renovated,

location TBD. Boom, hand me a gavel,

'cause this case
is... Hold on, I'm gonna

- put a twist on it this time.
- (sighs)

There... You know what,
there's only one way the joke works...

case closed.

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"The autumn of 1938.

Frank was tossed in the joint.

The charge? Seduction.

His alleged victim was a proper woman

until she met a wicked temptation

by the name of Sinatra."

All right. To be continued.

All right, kiddo?

Night, night.

Oh, did she go down already?

Yeah.

Vanessa and I have been
killing ourselves to get

the beta version of our
app ready for the investor.

I haven't seen Edie
in, like, two days. Or you.

Or the inside of a shower.

I'm just trying to make a
better life for us, you know?

Move out my Mom's
guesthouse, send Edie to college,

maybe buy myself a
replica of the Terminator arm.

(imitates motor)

- (Edie babbles)
- She's up.

What the? Edie, no, no, no.

Don't do that.

Very bad, Edie.

- Edie bad.
- No!

No, no, no! No, no.

Wait a minute, is that my... Hold on.

Oh, no, I got it. Okay. My shift's over.

What... Thanks, Dad.

Chris, hey.

Yeah, it has been a while.

Anyway, would you like to
come with me to a party tomorrow?

Right, I was transferred to Boise,

but they transferred me back.

You know, don't get into
therapy for the stability.

You got married. Eli, mazel.

No, I don't think Laura would
be cool with you coming.

Yeah, I-I think it could hurt to ask.

I was asking you to a party,
not if you want to party.

I haven't done that since the '80s.

No, no, no, Laura, I
swear, I told Eli not to ask you.

Yes, I'm familiar with
that marriage arrangement,

and-and while I am flattered,

I haven't done that since the '80s.

So, uh, do I just pay him in cash

when he picks me up or...

Oh, no, I can't do it.

(phone rings)

What?

That does not sound like a
woman who has a date to a party.

No, actually, I have several options.

If you'd like the Novak
Djokovic of plus ones,

- I'm still totes avail.
- Good-bye, Jimmy.

You know, I don't... I-I
don't think she knew who

Novak Djokovic is. You
think I should have

said Michael Jordan? No, I
refuse to dumb down my comedy.

I can't believe our kid's a flusher.

At least now we know
where the TV, stereo,

and fan remotes went.

And my necklace. Maybe we didn't

have to fire the babysitter after all.

- Why would she do this?
- The necklace was a knock-off.

Kim did not deserve to get fired.

That TV remote was not small.

What kid is so
determined to flush something

that she breaks it into
smaller, flushable pieces?

Clearly she's acting out, right?

Do you think she's mad at us?

She can't be mad at me. I
buy her presents all the time.

Have we become those parents

who mess up their kids
'cause all they do is work?

Since we started this
app, we barely see her.

- You're right.
- Well, at least we got the child lock

on the toilet for now, right?

Yeah, it really makes you appreciate

the freedom to pee we once had.

- (flushing)
- (gasps)

My purse! Edie, stop.

You got through the lock? I
had to pee in the sink earlier.

I... I was two stamps
away from a free Mondo Smoothie.

I'm sorry we had to work so much lately.

Look, tomorrow we're gonna
spend so much frigging time with you

you're gonna be sick of us.

You can sort of make out the stamps.

I'm just gonna try to use it. (babbles)

JIMMY: Get 'em the best
table in the house.

Um, please don't make
this into a whole thing,

but if you still want, you can
come to the party with me.

_

_

_

_

_

I knew you'd walk away annoyed, too.

Even made a card for that one. See?

What?

This is an engagement
party? That guy's wearing shorts.

Look at all these people.

Showing off their unhappy marriages.

- I'm gonna grab us drinks.
- Yeah, get me an Old Fashioned.

Rye, no fruit, huh?

You're getting a beer.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Are you seeing this?

There are just dogs walking around.

(scoffs)

What is that?

One of my subtly brilliant moves

that separates me from
your typical date.

You see, with me, you get
more than just a handsome prop

on your arm, you get the
full boyfriend experience.

Okay, I'm feeling a lot of emotions...

- regret...
- Mm-hmm.

That's about it.

Eh, it's probably just nerves. Come on,

let's go turn some heads. Hi, hippie.

- Hipsters.
- Hipsters.

(chuckles) That's cute.

We were introduced by our
friends Barack and Michelle.

The Obamas.

(whispers)

What's that? Right here at the party?

Excuse us. We have
to go to the bathroom.

Yeah. Of course.

(chuckles) What? What?

What the hell?

You can't make up a bunch of lies.

These people know me.

All I wanted you to
do was stand next to me

so people wouldn't think I
came here alone. You got it?

All right, that said,
we don't want to break

the reality of the scene, so pretend

we had sex in the
bathroom. Mess your hair up.

- Look satisfied.
- Forget it. You're fired.

What? What am I supposed to do now?

I don't care.

Go join the ukulele circle.

Which one?

All right, baby, listen, if
you got to use the toilet, you got

to ask Mommy and Daddy, okay?

- 'Cause we have the key.
- Oh, no.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

And if you're thinking
of throwing things down

a different toilet, just remember,

they're filled with monsters

- that eat little girls.
- That's not true.

(roars)

Yes. So if you have to take
a tinkle, let us know.

Say, "Good night, Gorilla."

(chuckles) Good girl. What
story do you want to hear, baby?

- What story?
- I'll be right back for story time.

I got to go to the bathroom.

I'll just go outside.

(indistinct chatter)

(speaking indistinctly)

You see, this is good. This-this is life.

Just all of us hanging out.
It doesn't matter what color

we are... black, white,

white, white, white.

Psst!

Growler? Growler?

Growler? Okay. Three growlers.

Hey, what's a growler? Everyone
keeps using that word.

I want the boyfriend experience.

Oh. Well, I'm not sure I'm ready

to give you the boyfriend experience.

- Oh, fine.
- Okay, I'll give,

I'll give, I'll give.

Okay. You see that guy

- over there in the beanie?
- Where?

Don't look. Okay, a couple of years ago,

we went on a date, and it
turned into this crazy,

- passionate weekend.
- Ugh.

He was artistic and
free-spirited, confident,

and we even made plans to
go out the following weekend.

And then I did that stupid thing
where you start to think,

"Oh, this could be something real."

And it would have been the first
real thing that I'd had

in a long time. Plus, we were
extremely compatible sexually.

You are a grandmother.

The next weekend never happened.

He just disappeared.

And the jerk didn't

even text me.

And now he's here with a pretty girl,

and I'm alone.

All right. Come on.

Let's go make this clown
regret ever letting you go, huh?

- Okay.
- Do I have permission

to go full Martino?

- Okay. Okay.
- All right. Come on.

What's sexier, do you think,
Australian or Spanish accent?

Neither, please.

(hybrid accent):
Why don't I go for both?

GERALD: So, to solve the problem,

we have locked down the toilet

and installed nanny cams everywhere.

The bedroom, office, bathroom.

Yeah, that's why you put a camera

- in the bathroom Vanessa uses.
- (chuckles)

I know. What a perv,

right? (chuckles)

Huh. Edie's not in
her bed. Where is she?

You got to be kidding me.

How did she get all of our stuff?

Where the hell is Vanessa?

I don't know, man.

Maybe she's in the bathroom?

You should check the bathroom.

(phone rings)

Yo.

Yo. Where are you?

I'm in your tub. What's wrong?

Oh, good. You're in the bath.

Uh, Edie's about to
come into the bathroom.

Uh-oh. I lied.

I'm in your mom's tub next door.

- It has the jets.
- Well, get to the guesthouse.

Edie's about to flush all our stuff.

(gasps)

(scoffs)

Bro, I don't mean to
alarm you, but homegirl

is going all Houdini
on that lock. (gasps)

(grunting)

Okay, that's kind of impressive.

(speaking indistinctly)

(chuckles)

Greg, is that you?

Oh. Uh, Sara. It's Craig, actually.

No biggie. It's really good to see you.

- This is my boyfriend.
- Hi. James Martino. Pleasure.

Cheers. This is Juliet.

Where's Romeo?

Let me guess, first date?

- Actually, second.
- Yeah.

Second date. What was our
second date? It was so long ago.

It was, like, what,
two years ago, right?

(chuckles) Feels like
it was just yesterday.

You can't beat new
love. But the real trick

is finding a way to keep
that excitement alive year two.

JIMMY: We can't tell you how we did it.

Wouldn't be
appropriate around mixed company.

- (chuckling)
- Oh, James. Stop.

Uh, we're gonna take off.

It was great running
into you again, Sara.

James.

Hey, Craig.

You know, I own a restaurant nearby.

If you're interested in...

continuing the night, I'd
love to buy you guys a nightcap.

- Thanks, but we're pretty beat...
- Sure,

- why not?
- Okay, good.

Follow us, huh?

(quietly) He's jealin' so hard.

Are they looking over here right now?

Yep. Whoa.

(chuckling)

Okay, no cupping.

Does that girl he was
with look familiar to you?

I swear I've seen her somewhere before.

Is she a Price Is Right Girl?

You're not gonna believe
this, but that James guy,

we slept together. Like, a year ago.

What?

- Which means he cheated on her.
- Seriously?

- Yeah.
- What a jackass.

I know who she is. I
think she's my dental hygienist.

No, it's not her.

To those of you just tuning in,

Vanessa is out of the tub.

We don't know if it's a
robe or a towel situation.

What we do know is right
now she's headed over

to Gerald's bathroom to stop Edie

from flushing everything they hold dear

down the toilet.

Uh, my class ring.

My Arctic explorer's compass.

My second place science fair ribbon.

I have cool stuff, too.

(toilet flushing)

Oh, come on.

Edie, stop! Remember the
toilet monster! (grunts)

Last item in the cart,
folks. Could be anything.

I know I'm hoping for a family heirloom.

- Mm-hmm.
- Why are you all rooting for this?

Oh. That's my hard
drive, with-with all my photos

and my videos and my memes

and my ideas for new memes.

(toilet flushing)

- (gasping)
- GERALD: No!

Guys, whatever happens next,
it's been one heck of a ride.

Ooh, and here comes Vanessa in a

- robe that covers everything.
- Get it.

(laughter)

That's what I'm talking about!

Huh?!

(exhales) All right, well,

we should probably get back to work.

Orders are piling up. Yeah.

And here we are. Here's my little, uh...

my little food joint. Humble brag.

- Yeah.
- Come on in. Got the

table all set up for you guys.

- Here we are.
- Nice.

- Allow me.
- Thank you.

I'm sorry, Craig, I didn't
even ask. What, uh...

what is it that you do?

- I'm a musician.
- Ah.

Right now, I'm in a jazz quintet,
The Quintangibles.

I made up the name, but I hate it.

- (laughs)
- How's the money in that?

Well, if you get into music

for the money, you've
already failed, right?

So it's not good, huh?

Sounds like money's pretty
important to you.

Where does being
faithful fall on your list?

Huh?

SARA: Is this "Don't Dream It's Over"?

- Jimmy, was this you?
- What? No.

It was me.

Only way I can get her
out on the dance floor.

Order anything you want on the house,

even the market price stuff.

Hey, good call coming here.

This is super fun for me.

I can't believe you remember this.

Mm-hmm. How could I forget it?

The manager at Bistro Nova

played it every night at closing.

It always comes to me when I'm
mopping or taking out the trash.

Yeah?

Do you remember the dance we made up?

- Nope.
- (laughs)

-
They come...

a heads up before I dip you, so...

- Oh, Jimmy, don't you dare.
- Ah.

Oh. (laughs)

All right, that was fun. Now let me up.

- I warned you.
- (Sara laughs)

Is it just me, or are those two
totally digging each other?

They are. They're just too emotionally
stunted to admit it.

If I'm that stupid at 50, kill me.

I'm gonna kill you way before you're 50.

(Sara laughing)

Hey, for our third date, can
we help one of your friends move?

Yeah.

- (applause)
- That was so... so fun.

(whoops) Sorry about that.

Yeah. Got a little carried
away out there.

No, no, no, not at all. You two

make a really nice couple.

- Thank you.
- How'd you meet?

Oh, it's an incredible, story, actually.

Oh, not the Obamas.

We worked together in a bistro.

It was, what, 1989?

That is true.

She was the pastry
chef, I was the host, and,

oh, God, the moment I
saw her, I was into her.

And I-I kid you not, first
words out of my mouth were...

Want to get out of here?

JIMMY: Right. She avoided me, and then,

I eventually wore her down, and we dated

for a while, and then...

But I was young and dumb, and I...

I didn't realize what I
had, and so I let her go.

I'm sure you guys want me
to get to the end of the story.

I-I got a second chance, and

this time around, I know what I have,

and I'm not gonna blow it.

JULIET: Oh, God, I
can't take it any longer.

Sara, he cheated on you with me!

What?! That-that's not...

Polo House. Cinco De Mayo.

Right. I knew I knew you.

Did you used to wear glasses?

You seriously don't
remember someone you had sex with?

Sara, I can explain.

She wore glasses back then.

SARA: This is so classic you.

I don't even know
why I'm surprised here.

JULIET: Hey, at least
now you won't waste

another two years with this slimeball.

Two years?!

(laughing) I'm sorry.

That's just funny, the thought of anyone

dating him for two years.

It's not that funny.

We're not a couple, Craig.

This was just a silly trick that
clearly went on too long.

- Sorry. What?
- You and I spent

an amazing weekend together,

and then you just disappeared.

And, believe me, I
get the no-text fade-away.

I just did it last
week with my podiatrist.

Dr. Greenbaum?

But we both know that
weekend was different.

Ask any piece of
furniture in that cabin,

and they'll tell you the same thing.

On that note,

I'm going home to drink.

Ah. This is fuller.

- (sighs)
- You know, I'm a big fan of Edie's,

but no one tells you that parenting
is mostly waking up,

working, and then fishing
all your stuff out of the toilet.

Tyra never said

that working all the time
could mess up your kid like this.

What are we gonna do,
G? We've tried everything.

Well, not everything.

So, what's going on, bubba?

Why do you keep flushing Mommy

and Daddy's things down the toilet?

Yeah, what's got you so upset?

Toilet hungry.

Toilet hungry?

- (laughter)
- Oh, God.

- (laughing)
- That's what it was?

I guess we're not inflicting

lifelong damage on
our daughter after all.

(giggling)

Are we the most awesome parents ever?

Yeah, I don't think there's
any other way to interpret it.

But to be honest, I'm
barely paying attention

- because your robe's half-open.
- Uh!

- Uh. Oh. Oh!
- You!

- (laughing)
- Okay. You go high, I'll go low.

You get Mama. Get Mama. Get her.

- Get her! Get her!
- Uh-uh. No!

(indistinct chatter, laughter)

Is it just me, or do
those two belong together?

They do. They're just
too emotionally stunted

to do anything about it.

(sighs) If I'm that
stupid at 25, kill me.

Wait. How old are you?

19.

Oh, Victor, you need to moisturize.

Whoa!

Hey.

All right, what's wrong?

- No, nothing's wrong.
- Jimmy,

you're editing yourself into
photos with Kate Middleton,

but your heart's not in it.
You didn't even get rid of William.

JIMMY: You think most people would

remember what a person
with glasses looks like

if that person suddenly
stopped wearing glasses?

You forgot someone you slept with,

- and it reminded Sara you're a cad?
- No. Maybe.

How did you know that?

None of that's a deal breaker for her.

I've seen the way she looks at you.

Nah, she doesn't look at me.

She looks at me?

Listen, I know

you're never gonna
admit to me that you like her,

but if you ever decide
to admit it to yourself,

I wouldn't wait around to
do something about it.

You know what a cad wouldn't do?

Let Sara know tonight
wasn't just fun and games to you.

Hey.

Hey, Craig. Uh, I've got couch
hair and cake on my shirt.

Ignore that.

Look, we didn't really
get a chance to talk tonight,

and I thought you deserved to
know why I disappeared on you

- back then.
- Okay.

I must have written and deleted

20 different texts to
you since that weekend.

I guess I just
thought if I saw you again,

it would lead to something serious,

and I didn't know if I was
ready to take that journey.

Look, I could come up
with a bunch of excuses

about the tortured life of an artist,

or my bone marrow situation...

What? Are you okay?

Yeah. No, no, that's
just an example of an excuse.

Look, the point is,

I know I don't deserve another chance,

but I'm still gonna ask for one.

(phone ringing through)

SARA: Hey, Jimmy.

Hey. Uh, I know it's late.

I-I just wanted to
call you and tell you

that I had a really good time tonight.

And, listen, next time we do that dance,

I think...

I'm sorry. You know, now
is not the best time.

No, that's okay, darlin'.

Is that Craig over there?

(laughing) You guys are crazy.

Have a good time tonight. Bye.

(click)

Looks like it's just you and
me tonight, Princess Kate.

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