All language subtitles for Girlfriends Guide to Divorce s01e11 Rule No. 046 Keep The Holidays Low Key.eng

(Abby) Previously on
Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce...

(Max) The crack is gonna
continue spreading unless you

get a retaining wall.

You don't need to deal
with the foundation today,

but it needs to be handled soon.

(Phoebe) I blew it with Marco.
We had this amazing meeting,

and what do I do after?
I go--

(Abby)
You kissed him?

Maybe I gave across
the wrong vibe.

Delvar, is that you?

You need to talk to your father,
your only living parent.

Please, he gets his
check every month.

I just booked a suite
at the Four Seasons

in Bora Bora for next week.

Come with me.

_

Never mind, Tommy.
Just take me home.

He found these emails
between me and someone else.

That is my friend Will.

Oh, that's your friend Will?

Wow, he's just a widdle boy.

I've been an ass.
I've been a--

A douchey, insecure,
immature ass.

You could have
anybody you want.

[Construction noise] _

Oh, my God, no.

The wind was bad enough.

Sleep officially over.

Mmm, we should tell them
to start later.

We can't, they have to be
done by Thanksgiving.

Good morning, beautiful.

I like your face.

I like yours.

So what are you doing
for Thanksgiving?

You got the kids?

No, Jake's taking the kids
to his parents',

Max and Ford are up north.

Just holiday orphans
here, only.

What are you doing?

Well, my folks are with
my sister up in Alaska,

so it is just me and
Mike the roommate.

Oh, God.

That's horrible.

Yeah.

It will be video games
and frozen turkey dinners.

- Oh.
- I mean, look,

I have mad poultry skills,

but Mike hates real food.

You have mad poultry skills?

- Stunning.
- What does that mean?

Stunning.

I'd love an adults-only
Thanksgiving.

Is it--

Is it too soon for us to
have Thanksgiving together?

I mean, the kids aren't
here, so I-- it would be-

Both: Too soon for kids.

But we've been a thing
for over three weeks.

A thing?
Oh, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, a thing as in

I only want to see you?
Because...

I only want to see you.

Does that make you
my boyfriend?

I'd say I've been
your boyfriend

since I first laid eyes on you.

You just didn't know it.

Swoon.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

(Marco)
Argh-- okay, here.

Gonna give that to you,
you put it there for me?

We're gonna put them up--

(Phoebe)
Hi.

- Oh, no.
- What?

There's been
a misunderstanding.

We're building
an edible wall today.

I think Coachella's next week.

[Laughs] That's so fun--
Okay, I'll just--

You don't need my help, then.

- I'll leave.
- Well, I don't know.

I don't want to mess up
your cute outfit.

Wow.

Were you just flirting with me?

What?

No.

No?

No, I don't--

I don't do--
I was just being whatever.

Well, your whatever
was really flirty,

just so you know.

- Was I flirting?
- Nope.

Thank you.
I didn't think so.

(Albert) So I hope you're
enjoying the ride.

(Delia)
Oh, what do you mean?

Well, you've got a lot
to be thankful for, lady.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

First you land Gordon Beech,

and now you
are dating Josh Groban?

And everything's good
with Mr. Beech?

Yeah, great, why?

Good.
No, I'm just curious.

I-- you know, not handling
his business anymore, so.

So this is where you
do your work now,

in a bakery.

- What are you doing here?
- Your assistant

told me where to find you.

I would have called ahead,
but I didn't want to give you

the opportunity to make
your excuses, Delvar.

This is my boss, Albert.
This is my father, Majid.

Father?

Well, it is very nice
to meet you.

Delia has told me
so much about you.

So you and the wife
are in from Iran?

That's a hell of a flight.

I live in Baltimore,

and I haven't seen
my wife in 30 years.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That-- that's me.

I must have gotten confused.

Well, I'll leave you to
your daughter, then, sir.

- She is a treasure.
- Oh.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Thanks.

(Majid)
Bye.

- What you doing, jellybean?
- Writing Dad.

He's always bemoaning
the death of handwriting.

Do you have the address
for where he is?

He also bemoans the death
of the eight-track tape.

(Abby)
Hi, guys.

Will, this is Jo and Zooey.

- I remember you.
- I remember you.

- How are you?
- Good.

Will is officially
my new boyfriend.

Oh, is this how we do it
here in Los Angeles?

Should I send you gifts
and shit?

No, of course not.

Throw a pi?ata party,
something like that?

Is that canned mushroom soup?

My famous green bean
casserole, baby.

(Will)
Oh, fried onions.

Come on, that's classic.
I mean, that's--

that's the Louie Louie
of side dishes right there.

- Mini marshmallows.
- Yeah, it's a crowd-pleaser.

My baby over there loves it.

No, I don't.

- Oh, all right.
- Well, you know,

since Will and Mike are
coming to dinner,

and it's, like, an
adults-only Thanksgiving--

- And Zooey.
- As I was saying,

an adults-only
Thanksgiving,

we thought that we would
make the menu kind of new?

You told me to make
the Hernandez classics.

I know, I did.
I did.

You told me.

So...

We're gonna make this
menu a mash-up.

Your Joy of Cooking circa 1952

and our stuff, right?

- Hey, Daryl.
- Hello?

Dog, what are
you doing outside?

Good boy.
What's going on?

He got out again, Miss M.

I thought all
the doors were shut.

Sorry, my guys
might have let him slip by.

Go to your room.

(Abby)
Thanks, Daryl.

He was digging around
under the house.

- Found this.
- What is that?

I don't know.
It happens all the time.

We find stuff
in walls, crawl spaces.

Really?
I didn't know that.

Funny.
Thank you.

Done by Thanksgiving, right?

(Daryl)
Yup.

(Abby)
It's stuck.

Ow!

Oh, shit.

- You okay?
- Yes.

(Jo) Someone doesn't want
you to open that box.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
I'll get you a Band-Aid.

Thank you, I'm good.

Keep that on there, all right?

- I'm good.
- Hold it tight.

All right.

What is all this stuff?

- [Cell phone buzzing]
- Ah.

Oh.

Hey, Jake.

Hey, Abby.
[Clears throat noisily]

Oh, wow, you sound terrible.

Are you guys headed
to the airport, or?

I'm not gonna go.
I can't.

I-- I got a mild case
of norovirus or something.

(Jake)
A massive evacuation.

Nobody wants that
on an airplane.

Oh, uh-oh.

(Jake) Look, I'm really
sorry to do this,

but I think the kids
should come to your place.

(Jake)
I don't want them getting this.

Of course, yeah.

Do you need anything, or?

Sleep, mostly.

(Abby) Okay, well, I'll--
I'll come pick them up.

Abby.

(Jake) I hope I'm not
ruining your plans.

No, it--
It's all good.

(Jake)
Thanks.

Bye.

(Abby) So we're doing all this
foundation work and Dog digs

up this box that's incredible,
with all these pictures

and amazing letters
from dead people.

- Love letters?
- Yeah, totally.

This guy Frank and his wife
had this incredible romance

with so much passion,
which, I, by the way,

was also gonna have this weekend
with my boyfriend.

(Jo) You've got to
stop saying that word.

(Abby)
But now I have the kids,

which of course
I'm thrilled about,

but it means I have to literally
un-invite my boyfriend.

You can't un-invite
the poultry master.

I guess so.
You know what?

I'm just gonna tell him,
and I'm gonna let him decide.

I think you should do it.
I mean,

Thanksgiving is
an inclusive holiday.

The more, the merrier.

You should just keep
those doors wide open.

Okay,
who do you want to invite?

- Oh, I want to invite Marco.
- Really?

Yes, he totally
flirted with me today.

Do it, invite him.

Maybe he'll be
your next boyfriend.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Oh, my God, I can't believe
I have to completely revamp

my Thanksgiving menu.

This is so crazy.
I just spent $300 on a goose

and all the other stuff
the kids won't eat.

We'll eat my food.

Jo, I say this with love,
but my children would not

go near a Waldorf salad
with a ten-foot pole.

- Waldorf salad?
- Yeah.

Yes.

- That is some trailer trash.
- Oh, my God.

You guys are such snobs.

Let me tell you something, wait
'till you have my artichoke dip.

(Abby)
Oh, I'm terrified.

It's amazing.

Quinoa and Power Berry Salad,

Chipotle Vegan Chili.

Whatever happened to
a nice bowl of soup?

Please, this place
isn't fancy, okay?

I'm sure they have soup.

(Hal)
Delia Banai?

[Chuckles]
Hal Steed, CAA.

Oh, Hal, hi.

Nice profile in 40 Under 40.

Terrific-- I mean, absolutely
terrific.

- Thank you, Hal.
- Yeah.

Oh, this is my father, Majid.

He's in academics.

Actually I work for the Center
for Socialist Thought now.

I'm not even gonna pretend
to know what that means,

but good for you.
[Laughs]

Delia, you know what?
I got to tell you something.

I represent a few people

who could use a shark
like you to help un-marry them.

Well, have them call me,
by all means.

(Hal)
Absolutely, I will.

I'll look you up.
Oh, got to go.

Hey, enjoy your lunch.

People in this city wear
their ignorance like a crown.

Let's just get this
over with, okay?

How much do you need?

$5,000,

but it's not what you think.

Oh, it's not because
you drink too much

and make
poverty-level wages

at the center for
pointless crusades?

It's because I'm sick.

Really?

Prostate cancer.

Okay, next I need to go to the
florist, which is on Melrose,

and then the-- the Xbox place
on Santa Monica,

and then I got to go
to the crafty store

to get Sculpy,
which is on Beverly.

(Jo) Why you making
all these stops?

I don't understand.
We got the eats.

- We got the booze--
- It's for our rituals.

We-- every year, we take Sculpy
and make these pilgrims

and all these other things,
and-- Oh, my God.

I completely forgot
the turkey pi?ata.

- That's, like, downtown.
- Abby!

I think you're putting too
much pressure on yourself.

- This is pressure!
- I know.

This is my kids' first
holiday post-separation,

and it has to be fun, and it
has to be distracting, and--

Right, or they won't notice
that their father's missing.

Fine, chill out.
Chill out, Abby.

Okay, I get it.

It's got turkey in the name.

Hey, Mom.

Hi, Charlie.

(Lilly) Mom, this stuff
in the box is so weird.

No, they're precious.

Oh, wow,
Frank and Bertha had it bad.

(Zooey)
"Love is not love

which alters
when it alteration finds

or bends with the remover
to remove.

Oh, no, it is an ever-fixed
mark that looks on tempests

and is never shaken."

Those don't belong to us.

Mom, these guys are dead.

I don't think they're gonna
come back for them soon.

Well, it's personal stuff.

[Dog barking]

Dog, shh.

Shh.

[Dog barking]

Char-Char?

Can you get the ball
and throw it for Dog?

Ugh.

(Charlie)
All right.

Come on, Dog, ugh.

(Abby) "Done by
Thanksgiving." Right.

I bet that Dog sees Frank.

You know, I heard
animals can see ghosts.

No joke.
That stuff is for real.

Jo, don't scare them.

I'm not scared.

I think it'd be awesome
to have a ghost.

[Window slams]

[All gasp]

(Zooey) Oh, God. It's Frank.

(Lilly)
Oh, no, no, Frank!

[Lights buzzing]

[Cell phone buzzing]

Oh, God.

You scared me.

What, by dialing your phone?

I'm sorry.
I'm just jumpy.

Jo keeps going on and on
about how Frank is a ghost.

It's so stupid, but, you know,
these letters are so sad.

Bertha left Frank.

Frank was ruined.

Oh, prime haunting scenario,
lost love.

(Abby)
Right? I mean,

he essentially turned
into a hermit after that.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna stop.

(Abby) Done. Did
you get my text

about the kids?
Can you come?

I would love it.

I'm okay if you're okay.

Yeah, no, I am,

but I just-- look, it's
just gonna stress you out,

and we always have next year.

I just-- well, maybe you
should just enjoy your kids.

No, I won't be stressed out.

I promise I won't. I--

I would really like you there.

Oh, I mean,

I am your boyfriend, so...

[Door creaking]

Hel-- hello?

Hello?

(Charlie)
Ahh!

I'm scared.

Oh, my God.

- I got to go.
- Yeah, I got it.

We'll talk tomorrow.

What's happening?
What's happening?

- Is it the wind?
- It's not the wind.

What is it?

It's the voices.

Okay.

There are no voices,
and everything is okay.

Okay.

[Sniffles]

What are you making over there?

Ambrosia, and yes,

with maraschino cherries
and marshmallows.

Go ahead, make a crack.
Try me.

You're a little on edge
there, gal.

It's just this stupid wind.

It just makes my brain itchy.

[Dog barks]

Quiet down!

What's the matter with him?

Don't say anything.

(Jo) So what's going on
with Bertha and Frank?

Bertha and Frank,
my kindred spirits.

Let's see, next letter.

- The latest is...
- Mm-hmm?

"Sweet, sweet Bertha."

Bertha.
Bertha's such a hard name.

It's not sexy.

Oh, Bertha.

Do me, Bertha.

[Both laugh]

Okay, "I'm going crazy
here in my bed,

only a floor above you,
craving your hands on me

while Jane prattles on
about her days at the club."

Who's Jane?

What Jane?

Jane is his wife.

Oh, my God.

He was schtupping the nanny.

That bastard!

That's why he's in limbo.

The guy was screwing
over two women.

Maybe Frank was confused.
He seemed nice.

A lot of unresolved issues
with Frank, hmm?

No.

We're not doing a s?ance, Jo.

Okay, come on.
We're gonna have

a little smudge, sage,

lavender, poof,

all the negative energy
will just fly out the window.

- It'll be fun.
- No.

- Yes.
- No, no.

What are you doing
for Thanksgiving?

Well, homegrown
does these holiday food bags

for some local churches,

so probably just do
a drop-off in the morning.

- That's cool.
- Yeah.

Do you need help?

Don't you have some kind of
fancy dinner with fancy friends?

I do have a fancy dinner,
but it's not 'till later,

and my kids are with their dad,
so I'm kind of free.

Yeah, cool.
Come-- come help out.

All right, I will.

And then if you-- if you wanted
to come to my thing

after, you-- you could.

I mean, it's gonna be a lot
of fun, good food,

good wine, good people.

Yeah, I don't really
believe in Thanksgiving.

No, it exists.
I've seen it.

It's the celebration

of the systematic genocide
of the Native American people.

Oh, my God, you are gonna be
a delightful dinner companion.

And this is why it may
not be the best idea.

Well, if you don't come,
all the extra food

that's not gonna be eaten?

- Mm-hmm?
- Landfill.

And you are gonna be
responsible for that.

How does that feel?

Good one.
You sure?

I mean, I don't want to impose
on your Hollywood peeps.

No, I'm-- I'm sure.
You should-- you should come.

Besides, it's gonna be really
funny when one of my friends

wants to punch you in the face.

(Abby)
Okay.

Family meeting.

Is it something bad?

No, no, it's good.

I have been on a few dates
with a special friend,

and he's coming
to Thanksgiving.

Is he invisible like Chad?

No, he is real.

Actually, Lilly,
you met him that one night.

Oh, that guy.

Before you say anything, please

remember that Becca
is younger than he is,

and you actually liked her.

Whatever.

Just do not kiss him,
or else I'll upchuck.

Ew!

Okay, that's a deal.

Thank you for your
kind blessings.

Char-Char, do you have
anything you want to ask?

Is he gonna be my new daddy?

No, no, honey.

Your daddy is always gonna
be your daddy no matter what.

Will is just someone
that I really like.

I don't have any plans
to marry him.

Can he play ping pong?

I'm sure if you
ask him he will.

- Yeah!
- Okay.

Does that mean it's okay?

- You're good?
- It's close enough.

Don't push it, Mom.

(Abby)
Hey, Delia.

Oh, of course
your father can come.

Oh, I'm so sorry
that he's not well.

Where's the rest of the candy?

Yeah, no, don't worry
about it, seriously.

Okay, bye.

Oh, my God.

That makes--

That makes 12 people
coming to dinner.

(Abby) How am I gonna fit
them all around the table?

(Jo)
Does this taste dusty to you?

Oh, I have no intention
of finding out.

Do you know what Delia said
about hanging out with her dad?

She said it's akin
to walking the plank.

If they argue all dinner,
it's gonna be a nightmare.

Mom, can Dad please come
to Thanksgiving?

- No.
- He's all alone.

No, honey, he's sick,
and I'm sure he's just sleeping.

No, he's all better, see?

You know what, Charlie?
I'm so sorry that he can't come.

I'm so sorry.

Argh!

- Hey!
- I want Daddy!

- I want Daddy!
- Char-Char, honey.

The oven's not working.

Abby, the oven isn't working.

What do you mean,
the oven's not working?

- It's not working.
- Oh, my God.

I have 12 people
coming for a hot dinner.

Darryl, the oven's not working.

He left hours ago.

What are you screaming
for Darryl for?

God, Darryl.

- Come here, honey.
- I want Daddy.

Come here, give it.
Come here.

Come here, come with me.

- I want Daddy!
- All right.

- I want Daddy!
- Oh, my God.

- I want Daddy!
- Darryl.

(Abby) Darryl, the-- the
oven has stopped working.

- Call me back.
- I want Daddy!

(Jo) Oven not working, kid
possessed, classic ghost moves.

(Charlie)
I want Daddy!

- Jo, I just need help.
- All right.

Okay, so it says right here...

Please just give me a hand.

(Jo) To rid a home of
unwanted spirits...

No, no, no, no.

We need to smudge with sage.

The help that I'm asking
you for--

- Sweetie.
- I need you to help me set

- the table.
- Listen to me,

the oven broke.

The dog's barking at air.

- Darryl fixed the oven.
- Okay?

Charlie broke the pi?ata.
I'm missing a sandal.

I got to put the--

one glass on each thing.

I'm feeling it.

There's a long line of
psychics in my family.

- You know that.
- There's a long line

of mental illness
in your family.

This dead guy needs to atone
for betraying two women.

- He didn't betray two women.
- Yeah, he did.

He loved two women at
the same time.

That's not the same thing.

How do you know
if he even loved them?

Well, he just did,

and those letters,
they're very sensitive.

The guy was a user, sweetie.

He was not a user, he--

User.

I do not know why I'm
having this conversation.

Can you please just help
me set this table?

Fine, it's your funeral.
Not literally.

Ghosts don't kill people.

They make people kill people.

That's all I'm saying.
[Screams]

- Oh, my God.
- Shit!

(Abby)
Oh, Jake.

Chill pill.

Jake?

- Hi, what are you doing here?
- Hi.

Why are you here?

You-- you invited me.

- I brought the pies.
- I didn't invite you.

(Jake)
What?

- No.
- Not from you?

(Abby)
That's all caps.

I didn't write that.

- Charlie.
- Chad.

Oh, wow.

He is quite literally
the devil.

Well, he is being encouraged
by your sad little texts

and your little pictures
and--

- Okay, let's not do that.
- Do what?

Here's your pie.
Happy Thanksgiving.

- I got to go.
- Don't-- wait,

wait, wait, please.

Look, clearly Charlie
wants you to be here.

Just stay.

It's just--
[Doorbell rings]

That's Will.

Lilly told me-- I'll be a
perfectly pleasant guest.

- Really?
- Yes, really.

Okay.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Mrs. Frumpkis,
happy Thanksgiving to you.

- Hi.
- Happy Thanksgiving.

You remember Mike?

Hi, Mike.
How are you?

Uh, a little wrinkle,
Jake is here, so.

Hi, Will.

Oh, he's sick.
Sorry, sorry.

- I'm not contagious.
- Yes, yes, you are.

- Hi.
- Oh, okay.

How you doing?

Welcome to our--
Welcome to the-- to our--

Welcome.

Why don't we
crack open the wine?

(Abby)
Yay.

[ Caution by The Midnight Pine plays]

Can I get you anything?
A new girlfriend, perhaps?

I'm fine.
Don't worry.

Come on, what can I do to help?

You can be my poultry master.

Your poultry master?

Yeah.

All right.

Oh, sorry.

Abby asked me to take a look.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

165, needs a couple
more minutes.

Actually, you know what?

It's perfect timing.
It's gonna keep cooking.

It's gonna be beautiful.

I don't think
we want to gi--

Excuse me.
Thanks.

Give our guests salmonella
for dessert.

So I think that's good.

Thanks, though.

You got it, Jake.

Hey, bud!
How's it going?

- Guess what?
- What?

- That's what!
- Ow, whoa!

Ow... Ow.

Charlie, what are you doing?

It was a joke.

That's not funny.

Chad told me he would like it.

It's o-- it's okay.
It's okay.

I'm fine, seriously.
I'm-- I'm fine.

- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, I'm fine.

But just for the record,

- Chad was wrong.
- Oh, my God.

Charlie, get over
here right now.

Come sit with me.

Tell me what is
happening with you.

You're not allowed to kick
anyone ever, okay?

Now why is Chad here?

I haven't seen him
in a long time.

Is he upset about something?

- No.
- No?

I'm-- I just invited him
for Thanksgiving.

Yeah?

Like I invited my friend?

Are you having any little
feelings about that? About Will?

You can tell me.
You can tell me anything.

No.

Chad just wanted to party.

Are you okay?

Oh, my God, poor Will.

Jake had to know that
that text was not from me.

He had to know it.

And then I want to get mad,
but I can't get mad,

because it'd be so sad
if he was by himself.

And then the kids are
so happy that he's here.

Why can't it ever be easy?

Because then it
wouldn't be a holiday.

- I know.
- Let's get some wine.

Is it all right
if I say that that is not

how I pictured your dad?

[Laughs]

That is not what I thought
my father would look like.

I suppose that's true.

Yeah, he's a critic.

(Delia) He's a critic
of the Iranian regime

- and all regimes.
- Mm-hmm.

He pissed people off
so much we had to leave.

My mom didn't want to leave
her folks, so we left her.

- And then she died.
- Delia.

And that is why I don't tell
people, because of the face

- that you're making.
- Sorry.

- I didn't make any face.
- Mm-hmm.

Re-face.

- [Doorbell rings]
- Will you get that door?

I'm gonna go get the food.

- Hey, just in time.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- You look beautiful.

You look beautiful.
You must be Marco.

All right, here we go!

A little of this.
There it is.

That looks so perfect.

All hail the poultry master!

- Thank you, thank you.
- [All cheering]

[Overlapping chatter]

All right, so who
wants dark meat?

Beautiful.

[ Mess is Mine by Vance Joy plays]

(Phoebe) Abby was saying Frank
and Bertha's ghosts are here?

Who?

Dad, we're done.
Can we go?

Frank's been pretty
quiet tonight.

Frank was very quiet tonight.

Oh, yes, Jo told me you have
a philandering ghost.

Pretty convincing evidence.

(Jo)
Here's to Frank

for letting us have an
amazing meal spook-free,

- thank you very much.
- [All toasting Frank]

[Crash, things breaking]

(Charlie) Oh, no.
It was Chad.

Kids?

(Lilly)
We'll clean it up, Mom.

(Abby) No, I got it.
I'll be right back.

No idea what that was.
Enjoy.

Kids, are you okay?

Who made the artichoke dip?
It is the bomb.

(Phoebe)
It's so good.

I did, right here.
You like it?

(Marco) Had room for dinner,
never mind dessert.

- Do you want some wine?
- No, I'm good.

- You sure?
- I'm all right.

Say what you want about
white trash Thanksgiving,

this shit is amazing.

(Majid) It's a shame that it's
for a feast that celebrates

a fictional event.

- Exactly.
- Can we not do this, please?

Every Thanksgiving devolves into
a lesson on revisionist history.

As it should.

How many times do you people
gather at a table and debate?

You're all living
in little bubbles.

Dad, please, you don't even
know who these people are.

Your government makes up
facts and perpetuates

disastrous foreign policies

like American exceptionalism.

It's just an excuse for
America's voracious greed.

Okay, you know what?
You guys can sit here and enjoy

hearing about what assholes
you are for the next hour.

Majid's right, though.

You know, I mean,
look at the Middle East.

America's foreign policy
there is absolutely abhorrent.

(Jo)
Yeah, bullshit.

We have to back Israel,
you know.

- That's not the same point.
- Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys.

God and politics,
two topics best avoided

at the dinner table.

Thank you.

Seriously?

What should we talk about,
movies and skateboarding?

(Will) It's just that they're
circular arguments, Jake.

I mean, we can go
around and around all night.

That's the American attitude,
right? Not my problem.

Hang on a second.
That's not what I'm saying.

That's kinda what you're saying.

No, it's not what I'm saying.
But Phoebe's got a point.

I mean, we sit here, we have
the same fights year after year.

Are they really meaningful,
or are we just sitting around

trying to convince ourselves
about how smart we are?

Well, maybe let's just not
talk about anything complex

or challenging.

I'm gonna go talk to Delia

because that's a conversation
somebody should be having.

No, no, you're right.

I'll-- I'll go.

Okay, I'm gonna get a coffee.
Does anyone want a coffee?

Great.

I'm shit-faced.

- Delvar.
- Don't.

We don't have to talk about it.
It's fine. Just--

You-- you want me to be
somebody I'm not.

No, it's the way that
you are with my people.

- They're good people.
- Good?

- Yes.
- They throw their money

at fancy cars, buy houses
ten times too big for them.

Yes, they earned it.
They work hard.

They indulge, but God,
why are you so judgmental?

God, you just talk,
and nothing changes.

I wore Salvation Army clothes,
and I didn't have enough food.

For what?

I didn't get to be with Mom.
For what?

You don't understand.

No, I don't understand,

and every time I ask you,
you don't have a real answer.

Oh, my God.

[Indistinct conversation]

Need some help?

Nope.

You know what?
You were right.

I think it was a mistake,
you coming here.

Why, because I have an opinion?

No, not because you
have an opinion.

It's like you're devoid
of the pleasure gene.

Everything is
a battle with you.

You always have to be right.

Yeah, my eyes are open.

I see how the world works.

I'm sorry if that
makes me a drag.

No, you can understand
how the world works

and take a night off
every once in a while.

Have a drink.

Relax.

Social change starts
at the dinner table, discussion.

Yes, only if
it's followed by action.

(Jake)
Right, debate leads to action.

(Will) - Does it?
- Yes.

Does it?
Because who here actually

does anything about
American exceptionalism

besides writing a check
or signing petitions?

Marco does.

Marco does every day
in the city.

What's wrong with
writing a check?

Still works any better?
What are you talking about?

- You know what?
- Who wants pie?

How about you spend a couple
more decades on the planet

before you start talking about
shit you don't understand?

This is what I'm getting at,
'cause what you really mean is

why don't I spend a couple more
decades on this planet before

- I can screw your ex-wife?
- Will!

- Hey!
- Hey!

Will! Jake!
You guys need to quiet down

or you both need
to leave this house.

[Giant crash]

(Delia)
Wow.

Now do you believe
there's a ghost?

Okay, I'd also like
to apologize for the yelling.

Honey, relax.

Everything was fantastic.

Okay.

- All right.
- Thank you.

Yes.

I'd like the recipe
for that artichoke dip.

(Abby)
Oh, that-- that is--

That is hilarious.

- Are you leaving?
- We're gonna go.

I'm so sorry.

- Good to meet you, man.
- But thank you.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- You sure you don't want pie?
- Nope, I don't want pie.

- You don't want pie?
- No, thank you.

- Ah, and you're a guy.
- Thanks.

All right.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Come here.

So this is what I need
to clear the spirits.

I need salt.

I need three bowls.

I need sage.

- I have-- you know what I have?
- Do you have some sage?

I just have some cooking sage.

It was the wind that knocked
down the tree, not a ghost.

That's where Delia
and her father were fighting.

- Jo.
- Right there.

Really, guys, a s?ance now?

It's not a s?ance.
It's a smudging.

You can get all the ingredients
at whole foods.

It's not Voodoo.

Okay, so this is
the scientific approach

to ridding your house
of unwanted spirits?

If this is what Jo
wants to do, let her do it.

It's not gonna hurt anyone.

You really believe Frank
is here with us right now?

No.

I mean,

I don't know.

Hmm.

I'm hedging my bets.

Uh, listen, I probably should
have told you this before.

I got clean about
18 months ago.

That's why I didn't drink.

Wow.

Yeah, why didn't you tell me?

I don't know. It's-- you know,
I'm proud to be sober.

I am.

I just don't want
to be all about that.

- Yeah.
- And people get weird and

self-conscious and--

- Yeah, I understand.
- Yeah, so...

But...

it's okay to ask for help.

My brother was an addict.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Wow.
Was he in recovery?

Um, no, he's dead.

Sorry.

This place is for the living
and not for the dead.

This place is for the living
and not for the dead.

- Really?
- This place is for the living

and not for the dead.

(Jo)
Here we go.

Frank,

this place is not for you.

- [Explosion]
- Oh.

Oh, God.

(Lilly)
Oh, shit.

No, Mommy,
don't bring the ghost!

(Jake)
Charlie, it's okay.

(Lilly)
It's okay, I got him.

Charlie.

You know what?

You with the crazy,

there's children here.

So get your shit together.

(Abby)
Lilly, will you check on him?

(Jake)
God dammit.

(Abby)
Poor guy.

Can I talk to you
outside, please?

Sorry.

Okay, what the hell
is going on?

Now you and Jo are scaring
the shit out of our kids?

I know, I-- I'm losing it.

It's just the whole
Frank and Bertha thing,

I mean, I just feel like
it's a bad omen.

Frank and Bertha, really?

Yeah, I mean, there's
so many parallels.

The way he screwed up
his marriage.

There's no parallels, Abby.

The guy was a loser who
was banging the nanny, okay?

I'm the loser
that couldn't grow up.

You were the loser
that ran away.

Completely different
kind of losers.

No parallels.

I guess what's actually
weird is...

this is our house, you know,

and I don't know
how to act normal when

you're sitting across from me
like you're some kind of guest.

While your super-young, hot
boyfriend is carving a goose?

- He cut a goose.
- And this was our house.

Our house, and all these
people are here that I don't--

I don't really know.

Oh, my God,
and I'm sitting there,

and I'm thinking,
"So all those years,

all that, is it gone?

Is it just over?"

I know what you mean.

Come here.

Here's the deal.

Boyfriends and girlfriends
aside, no matter what happens,

we're family.

You and me and Lilly
and Charlie, we're family.

We can't escape it.

Nope, we can't.

I mean, I don't
want to escape it.

I don't want to live with you,
but I want to die with you,

remember?

You know, tonight
with the booze, and--

Temptation's hard.

It's a lot of mental
work, you know?

That's why I come across
like an asshole.

I'm always in my head,
you know?

If it's so hard,
why'd you come?

'Cause you scare the hell
out of me, woman.

What?

You remember when you
kissed me that time?

- Um, yeah.
- Yeah.

You reminded me that

I actually do like pleasure.

(Jake) I'm gonna go say
goodnight to the kids

and then go back to bed
for a week.

Thanks.

Okay. Abby, thank you.
Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Will?

Thank you for waiting.

I can't take your money.

Why, because my values are so
abhorrent you'd rather die?

Because...

I had a car accident, a DUI.

I'll go to jail if I
don't pay the fines.

So you're not sick?

I'm sorry.

Don't.

I cannot believe that I
fell for your crap again.

I'm sorry.

It's-- I have a very hard
time saying I'm wrong.

Yeah, no shit.

Oh, my God.

At least we have
that in common.

I want to tell you something.

Your mother,
you have this idea of her,

but she was just a person...

Like me, like you.

Hey.

I thought you'd left.

No, no, I just-- I just went
for a walk, get some fresh air.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be, don't be.

I knew what I was in for.

Yeah, I mean,
I didn't know, but...

Look, I just--

I see you and Jake
and all that history,

and it's hard to compete.

You know it's not
a competition, right?

I mean, it's so different.

Yeah, I mean,
my-- my brain knows that,

but my fists go into
punch mode, apparently.

I still like your face.

Me, too.

I like all of you, a lot.

Okay.

[Grunts]

I hope you had another
chapter in your life,

Frank, a happier one.

You know what I'm
in the mood for?

- Pie, like, a whole pie.
- Like, a whole pie?

Well, lucky for you,
we've got about seven of them.

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