Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

Honey, this is our first year hosting the holidays.

Is your mom gonna go easy on me?

- You want comfort or truth? - Comfort.

It's gonna be hideous.

I said I want you to comfort me!

It's gonna be hideous.

It's Maya's first time with us, and I need the holiday to go good for her.

Well, I need the holiday to be good for your mother.

Liar!

Liar!

I need the holiday to be good for Shawn.

Shawn's coming!

(Intercom buzzes)

Shawn?!

Maya: Maya!

Shawn?!

Aw, what's the matter? Your boyfriend's not here yet?

He's not my boyfriend!

Oh, then what are we going to do with this "Cory and Shawn 4-evah!" Ornament?

Oh, that?

That goes right in front of the Cory and Topanga wedding ornament.

My whole life.

Auggie, wanna help with dinner?

I don't even think he exists.

He's real, Maya.

I've known the guy my whole life, and he's real.

You're fun to play with.

Riley, I got you a present.

"A donation's been made in your name to the Maya new winter coat fund."

Thank you, it's beautiful.

I'm glad you like it.

I never know what to get people.

So, what's the deal on the mysterious Uncle Shawn?

I don't see him a lot.

I don't think he likes me.

Riley.

How could someone not like you?

Ask him and let me know.

- (Intercom buzzes) - Shawn!

Alan: No, it's your parents.

Rats!

Let me explain how a speaker box works.

Amy: These holidays are important to me, Alan.

How much of a fiasco do you think it's gonna be?

(Mouths)

Alan: Let me explain how a speaker box works.

Hideous already.

How about I throw this pot at you?!

(Baby-talk) They don't think you're real, but I know you are.

She tried to hurt you, Shawn.

(Theme music playing)

I've been waiting

for a day like this to come

struck like lightning

my heart's beating like a drum

on the edge of something wonderful

face to face with changes

what's it all about?

Life is crazy

but I know I can work it out

'cause I got you to live it with me

I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world

light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn

I'm singing "go-o-o"

oh oh oh oh

take on the world, take on the world

take on the world

take on the world

take on the world, take on the world.

(Doorbell rings)

Grandpa, grandma!

(Quietly) Hello.

Here's 10 bucks. Write me better.

Okay.

Here's cookies.

Thanks, here's 10 bucks.

And... that's how you do that.

Riley, Maya!

Maya and Riley: Yay!

- Topanga. - Hello.

I just know you are gonna pull off the most fantastic holiday.

Oh, mom, I just heard you outside.

- How? - I explained that to you.

Well, now that it's out in the open,

let's take a look at what you're doing wrong.

(Chuckles weakly)

Ah, wow! Look at all these kids.

It wasn't that long ago I had kids around the house.

Yeah, it was just this morning, wasn't it, dad?

Oh, yeah yeah, you.

Boing!

Ha, that's my Uncle, Maya.

Sweet, I would be your aunt.

- Joshie! - Auggie!

Come here.

- Ah. - I love it up here!

- My brotha'. - My brotha'.

How's it possible we're brothers?

Because... it's a surprise!

Stop doing that.

Aw, dad, so proud of himself.

He gets into movies for like a quarter.

(Chuckles)

- Uncle Josh. - Riley.

Uncle Josh.

Uh...

I'm not your Uncle, Maya.

Even better.

Um...

It's... it's been awhile.

- Sure has. - Well...

Boy, you grew up gorgeous.

You are not going to be my aunt.

I can't hear you

Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-duh.

Happy holidays, dad. I'm glad you could make it.

Aw, thank you, Cory.

Happy holidays, dad. I'm glad you could make it.

(Laughs)

Well, thank you, Auggie.

(Indistinct conversation)

Gee, cor, I thought you'd be more excited to see me.

(Gasps) Yay!

Ha-ha!

I told you he was real!

I'm okay, I'm alive.

(Deeply exhales)

So, that's us, huh?

So I've been told.

Hey, Shawn. Am I cooler than you yet?

Oh, not yet, but I'm getting nervous.

C'mere.

Hey, Mrs. Cory.

Hey, Mr. Cory.

You two.

How great is this?

My favorite person in the world...

And my wife.

My whole life.

Hey, Shawn.

- How you doin'? - I keep movin', Mr. Matthews.

We're glad you're here.

Are you hungry?

- Yeah. - Good luck with that.

I am right here.

(Topanga chuckles)

Hi, Uncle Shawn.

Yeah... hey, kids.

"Yeah. Hey, kids."

It's getting better. Last time it was just...

Maybe he's just not a big talker.

Cor, time to talk.

We got a lot to catch up on.

So that's your dad's me?

- Uh-huh. - We're them?

Uh-huh.

I don't see it.

So that's Riley's me?

- Uh-huh. - They're us?

Uh-huh.

I don't see it.

Hey, Shawn, come on.

Why don't you move back to the city?

The apartment above us is for rent.

Cor, this is real life, not a TV show.

I'm not your wacky neighbor.

But you could be.

It's "the Cory and Shawn show."

Cory and Shawn in the b-I-ig city

And nobody talks but them

I'll be a cop and you run the deli

And nobody talks

Both: but them!

I wanna talk to you.

Did you not just hear our song?

What's that?

That's Maya. She thinks she's tough.

- Scram. - Okay.

I've heard stories about you.

You're great in the stories.

I don't see it yet. (Sighs)

- Okay. - Riley and I are

the best friends on this planet.

Well, that's cute.

'Cause Cory and I are the best friends in all of existence.

Which includes your little crummy planet.

Cory and I finish each other's...

Sentences!

Yeah? That all you do?

Because Maya...

- And I... - Can read...

- Each other's... - Minds.

Ready?

What am I thinking of? One, two, three!

Both: Pizza!

One, two, three, clouds!

One, two, three, Farkle!

(Scoffs) Yeah, right.

Like we can't do that.

We can't.

One, two, three!

- Rainbows! - Can't do it!

That's pretty impressive. You're still not me and Cory.

Why do you make Riley feel bad?

I don't mean to.

Well, you do.

And that's not cool with me.

'Cause I'm her best friend.

So I just wanted to tell you that.

Hey.

Maybe you are like me and Cory.

Hold this, will you?

Should we be doing this?

- Absolutely. - (Snoring softly)

What the difference between having a younger daddy and an older daddy?

Younger daddy doesn't fall asleep in the middle of of a party?

(Snoring loudly)

Yip yip yip yip yip...

How could you possibly not like Riley?

- Maya. - What is she talking about?

Whenever you do come here, it's like you find some excuse

not to talk to me and then you leave.

I talk to you. I'm talking to you right now.

When's my birthday?

What's my favorite color?

Riley, that stuff doesn't matter.

It does matter. Tell us what you know.

Girls...

Shawn knows Riley's birthday.

How do you know?

He knows.

Amy: What you got there?

Butternut squash soup.

My... my specialty?

You... you made my specialty?

How could you make...

because I wanted you to know that even though the holidays are here now,

you will always have a part in putting them together.

Tastes just like mine.

That's because I used your recipe.

In fact, I used your recipe to put together the whole day.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Dinner, everybody!

Mm!

Five minutes?!

That dinner took two days to cook.

You animals ate it in five minutes!

What's for dessert, mom?

Nothin'!

I want you to sit there for two days

and think about that dinner you just devoured,

and then maybe I'll give you a cupcake.

Well, I thought it was great, Topanga.

Thank you. I don't get a lot of home-cooked meals.

How's the job going, Shawn?

Oh, you do something?

(Chuckles) Yeah.

I write for a site called "hit the road."

Go to a lot of different places and tell you if it's worth a weekend.

I... I go on that site.

Restless little spirit, huh?

No, I just think about...

- other places? - Sometimes.

Yeah...

Yeah...

You take the pictures too.

I do. How'd you guess that?

I draw pictures.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I'm gonna say "yeah" last, okay?

Very mature.

Yeah...

(Silently)

Okay, that's it. When's my birthday, Uncle Shawn?

He knows, Riley.

You keep on saying that.

Why won't he answer? What did I do?

You're coming or what?

December 8th.

What?

Your birthday?

That doesn't save you.

I know her birthday, but I don't abandon my friends to hit the road.

Whoa.

You think that's fair?

I do.

Then this is fair too.

What time was she born?

How much did she weigh?

How tall was she?

Both: Uh-oh.

6:00 in the morning, seven pounds, four ounces, 21 inches.

I was there all night.

I was the first person to hold you after your parents.

You looked like this.

She still does.

Why do you remember it all so well?

It was the day I left New York City.

City wasn't big enough for the both of you?

When people get married and they have kids,

sometimes their old friends who didn't keep up

start to feel a little out of place.

Please don't make me the reason that you don't stick around.

No, I'm the reason. It's on me.

Your parents are the best people I've ever met in my life.

Then you should really love Riley.

Because I love her. I mean...

She's exactly like her parents.

He does love me.

What?

He loves my parents and I come from them, so he loves me.

He loves me so much that he can't even look at me.

I'm right here.

Look at me.

I'm looking at you.

(Deeply) Look at me...

What?

You're Cory with Topanga's hair.

You got lucky.

(Girls giggle)

Is it okay if I say something scary?

I hardly think a 13-year-old girl can say anything that would scare me.

Every time you see me, does it remind you of what you don't have?

Check!

Get in there!

Uh, Riley, you do not command a grown man.

- You! - Who, me?

Both of you. Go to my room.

(Sighs)

This would never happen on "the Cory and Shawn show."

What does she want from us?

This is Riley and Maya's spot.

They just sit here?

For hours.

They just sit and pour their hearts out.

Tell him how you feel right now.

- I missed you, Shawn. - I missed you more.

I missed you something fierce.

Boy, this window's powerful.

Wait... wait a minute.

She's got you trapped in your own home?

Oh, it's not just her. It's all of them.

You lost it, pal.

Oh, yeah, good luck.

Like that's gonna work.

Ah...

And you're back.

Yeah yeah, they might be as good as us.

Look, you, I know when I'm being set up.

I know when I'm in the middle of somebody's scheme.

Yeah, we were the king of schemes.

We were kings.

Look at us, Shawnie.

What's the scam, little girl?

Why did you really move out of the city?

Are you doing this to keep me and Cory together?

'Cause we're fine. We don't need this.

I know that.

I have my eye on a much bigger prize.

Cor, don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter's a strange little bird.

Shawn, why did you really move out of the city?

(Deeply sighs)

You were preoccupied with your wife and your bird.

I was not preoccupied.

How long have I been away?

- Three weeks. - 13 years.

Cory, life changed when you had the kids.

I don't know how to be the cool Uncle.

(Door opens)

Oh. Well, we interrupt two grown men

in a girl's bedroom window for this special announcement.

Mom says to come down to open presents.

We now return to two grown men in a girl's bedroom window.

They're two grown men

In a girl's bedroom window

And nobody thinks that's weird.

A-wink.

I would never watch that show.

See? Cool Uncle's already taken.

Ladies.

Oh.

Excuse me, do I have the right house?

Minkus?

Yes.

Cory, what's this here?

(Chuckles)

Shawn, this is Farkle Minkus.

Get out of here!

I'm Stuart Minkus' son.

Minkus reproduced?!

(Laughs) Yeah.

(Laughs) What do you think?

He was cloned in a lab or something? (Laughs)

Look at him.

Huh.

Farkle, have you ever actually seen your birth certificate?

Huh.

If you'll excuse me, I have some questions I need to take care of.

Wow.

I mean, even Minkus?

Hey, cor.

Yeah?

What's it like to have children?

Shawn, my life began when I had Riley.

(Exhales)

Riley's right.

I moved out of the city because every time I came here

it reminded me of what I didn't have.

Shawn, find someone.

Begin your life.

Thank you.

You have served your purpose.

Wait. What are you doing?

Wait, what are you doing?

(Sighs)

Ask him about his parents.

Riley.

Look at them.

They're us.

(Exhales)

(Exhales)

Come here.

Was this your idea?

What do you think?

I think you are the new king.

Yeah. Well, I did learn from the best.

Uh, Cory?

- What's going on? - Riley, what are you trying to do here?

You got this, buddy.

You got this, buddy.

Okay, fine. So, what about your parents?

Okay, fine. Um...

My dad was in and out half the time.

I got half a mom.

Well, my mom took off when I was a kid.

My dad has another family.

I would never let anybody grow up like that.

You wouldn't?

No.

Oh.

You wouldn't?

No.

Oh.

Topanga.

We had an amazing childhood together.

But it's over now.

It's better now.

This family you've given me...

Topanga, it's everything.

Am I everything to you?

My whole life.

Aw, Cory.

There is no greater gift than hearing you say that.

What else could you have possibly gotten me?

A massage at the spa and gift certificates

for going out to dinner all next week.

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme.

So, what did you get me?

Same thing!

Good husband, good father...

Good son.

Good for you.

Thanks, dad.

I had you at your best.

- Mm. - No.

No, I have him at his best.

(Cory and Alan chuckle)

Surprise.

So, listen, I have an assignment next weekend

up in Columbia county, upstate New York.

It's beautiful up there.

We're gonna miss you, Shawn.

Well, maybe not.

'Cause I was thinking...

Maybe you might wanna come?

All of us?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know...

Here it comes.

I never go anywhere without my best friend.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to grow up.

So...

Maybe you would like to invite Maya?

Oh, you mean her?

Oh, what do you say, kid?

You wanna come?

Yeah.

You're invited too.

Cool.

Oh, boy.

(All chuckle softly)

Riley, this is for you.

- Your camera? - I got a few.

But I figured with Maya being good at drawing pictures,

maybe you'd be good at taking them.

Yeah, now you guys can be inspired together.

Yeah. Good old friends

should never be apart too long.

New friends either.

Yeah.

- Yeah... - Yeah.

Okay.

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