Original subtitles

Leroy, I'm gonna ask you a question

- and I want you to be honest with me. - Mm-hmm?

When you told me to stab the underside

- of that squid creature... - Yeah?

(LAUGHTER)

...did you know the ink sac

- would explode in my face? - No.

- Promise? - No.

ANNIE: (LAUGHS) Oh, did someone stab

the underside of a squid-pod?

Okay, is this one of those things

everyone knows not to do but me?

- LEROY: Yep. - Come with me.

Oh. All right.

- (LAUGHS) Looks good on you. - Really? Let me see.

- I look like I murdered a Smurf. - How are you feeling?

Actually, it's kind of burning. Is that weird?

Well, it's poison, so...

- What? Are you serious? - Don't worry about it.

synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com*

Gather up, everyone.

The, uh...

What is it? The-the-the Gila Forest,

a... uh...

the Gila Forest in New Mexico.

A hiker claimed that his friend was snatched off the ground

and ripped into the woods by "something."

The Gila Snatcher! Sorry. I'm-I'm just excited.

Yes, Annie has been following the disappearances in the Gila

for quite some time, and even though

there have been no confirmed sightings

and no clear indication of what exactly is in those woods,

she's, obviously, given it a name.

The Gila Snatcher.

I was calling it the Snatch Monster,

but then I changed that for obvious reasons.

Hey, uh, Captain LaFrey, if you're sending me and Leroy

out to investigate, we should take Annie.

Since she's an expert on the Snatch Monsters.

Good idea, Max. Annie, you'll go.

Everyone, get to work. Thank you.

- Yes. All right. - Yes.

- MAX: ? Going on a road trip. ? - Max.

- Yeah? Sure. - A word, please.

You wanted Annie coming with us as an expert, right?

Yeah. What other reason would there be?

I can't think of one.

On an unrelated note,

I was thinking about this hypothetical agent,

I'll call him Matt.

He tried taking on

a dangerous case while simultaneously

working to impress this girl

he was super into, even though he would never say it.

- Right. - And his split focus

made the whole thing blow up in his face.

- (GROANS) Ooh. - And kill his partner,

- Me-Roy. - Me-Roy.

Also hypothetical.

I am so sad for Matt and Me-Roy...

sound like great guys...

but I can tell you that Max is full force

in the case, 100% focused.

- You sure about that? - And... I am 100% sure.

- 100% sure? - Okay, you know what?

I'm willing to go to 120%.

I'm fine with 100%.

ANNIE: There are no known photographs,

but local lore is that a large

mammal-like creature lives in the trees.

Now, since I've been studying this,

seven people have gone missing,

- just in the last three years. - Yeah, the hiker's buddy said

he was just lifted up off the ground and disappeared.

I mean, what kind of creature does that?

Oz monkeys. Those evil flying monkeys

from The Wizard of Oz? They could do that.

Are you suggesting those are real, or...?

No, I'm saying they could do that.

I've seen it with my own eyes.

You mean, you've seen The Wizard of Oz?

- Correct. - Got it.

Well, I can say with confidence we are not dealing

- with Oz monkeys here. - That's good to hear.

I got to say, though, I do find

their little bellhop uniforms amusing.

Little evil flying monkey in a little hat, little coat.

You think they wear that by choice,

or does the witch make them dress up?

The witch totally makes them dress up.

Freaky witch.

So, the most disturbing thing is, every so often,

one of the hikers turns up...

in pieces, shredded,

- with teeth marks. - Are you giddy about that?

Sorry. It's a hobby.

But this area is no joke.

I mean, the Gila Forest is rough terrain.

What do you mean "rough terrain"?

Oh, I'm talking big, nasty woods.

- That's okay, right? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I love the woods.

As a kid, people called me James Woods.

- They used to call you James Woods? - They sure did.

Because I loved the woods so much, and I looked older.

(BIRDS CAWING)

- I'm gonna go try and find a signal. - Okay.

See you later.

Leroy, listen, I have to tell you something.

No one's ever called me James Woods.

I'm confused. I was under the impression

they called you James Woods based on your love of the woods.

That's just it. I don't love the woods.

In fact, I hate the woods.

Oh. No, Max.

I'm out of my element.

I mean, out in the woods,

trying to focus on a case

- in addition to... - In addition to?

- Well, no. No, no. - No, no, no. You trailed off.

- You said "in addition to." To? - Okay. In addition to trying

- to impress Annie. Fine. Okay? So what? - There it is.

That's what I was talking about back at the Bureau.

- Matt, Me-Roy? - Yeah.

- That was us! - Well, circumstances

have changed, Me-Roy, okay?

- I don't know what to do here, man. - Calm down.

- No, no, Max. - I don't know what to do.

Relax, okay? I got us.

I used to be a Eagle Scout.

- You were an Eagle Scout? - Was an Eagle Scout.

I can handle this. All you have to do

is act as if.

- As if? - Act as if you cool.

Act as if you fearless.

Act as if you a damn woodland master.

And act it so hard, you start to believe it.

- Then Annie will, too. - Yeah.

- I like that. That's cool. - Yeah.

All right, I'll grab Annie. You wait here,

and get any last nerdy impulses out of your system.

- Nerdy impulses? - Yeah.

Ooh, binoculars.

Well, Leroy, who's the nerd now?

Oh.

Ah, father and son in the woods, how sweet.

(TREES RUSTLING)

Uh...

It's headed straight for those people.

Leroy! Annie!

(DIAL TONE HUMS)

What's his name?

Barry, what are you doing here?

I saw you in the meeting.

What's his name?

Don't play this game with me, Ava, not with me.

You've been distant all week.

You've not been yourself.

Shouldn't you be doing an autopsy?

And I'm doing one.

Open up that chest cavity and let me see that heart.

Barry, the remains of the Gila victim

could yield valuable information...

I'm gonna ask you one last time.

- What's his name? - Leave.

As in Schreiber?

As in "leave now."

Okay, I'm going.

But one piece of advice, keep it "HOT."

Listen to me, it's an acronym.

Honest, Open, Two-way communication.

- Get out. - Sorry. Okay.

Anybody out there?!

Where are you? Are you here?

What is it? What'd you see?

A dad and a kid. I don't know where they went.

There... something was watching 'em

from the trees, like a, like a bat,

but, uh, the-the size of a man?

You saw Batman?

No, not Batman.

It was, like, something that resembled a bat,

but, like, big like a man.

- What I'm hearing is Batman. - No, it wasn't Batman, Leroy.

Well, it sounds like bat and man, right?

Yeah, but I didn't say them together.

You say them together, it's a whole different thing.

- It's Batman. - Max, if you saw the Gila...

I mean, if that is, in fact,

what you saw... it would be the first

truly confirmed sighting.

We should head back

to the car, get our equipment.

Yeah, good idea.

Leroy, where are you going?

The car is this way.

- Car is back this way. - No.

- Car is this way. - We just came from this way.

No, no, no. I could've sworn it was around this way.

Um... what?

- (SIGHS) - Guys...

are we stupid enough to be lost already?

Okay, we didn't run too far.

Let's just go my way

for a few minutes, see if we run into the car.

- It won't take long. - Unless your way takes us

further into the woods, getting us even more lost.

Oh, my God. We're lost?

We don't have any food. We have no shelter.

The darkness is coming

by the minute, and this landscape

was made to kill us.

(WHISPERING): Act as if.

Act as if.

- (WHISPERING): As if? - As if.

- As if. Yeah, yeah. - As if.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean,

I wouldn't want it any other way.

- Seriously, you're not worried? - No.

No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not worried. Not at all.

In fact, I got into science because I was bored

of solving forest problems like this.

No biggie.

So great out here, right?

It's beautiful and stuff?

It's just... (KISSES) It's perfect.

- Trees. - Right.

Trees. You got trees.

I mean, I see it

as the most beautiful challenge, if that makes sense?

Like, I just look at it, and I'm just like,

"Bring it on, bro." You know?

LEROY: Man. I was frightened at first, but now, 'cause of you,

I feel safe.

Okay, so, it worked.

- What worked? - Your advice.

Keep it HOT.

Open the floodgates.

I tried it with him, and it worked.

So it is a him.

- Yes, Barry. It's a him. - (CHUCKLES)

It's a man. A man that I kept pushing away

until you stepped in.

Glad I could help. (CHUCKLES)

You know, I guess it's kind of a... a pattern

with me, this-this pushing men away thing, you know?

I-I look for the smallest excuse to end it.

If he's, you know, wearing too many Henleys,

if he uses the word "delicious" to describe an experience,

or he won't open the car door.

When a man doesn't open the car door...

- Nice shot. - Can we play tic-tac-toe?

Yeah, but I get the first two moves, remember.

- MAX: All right. I get center square. - Okay.

We need a plan.

It's getting dark, and we have no equipment.

MAX: That's correct.

Yeah. Uh, the plan...

It's being formulated,

and, uh, it's super good.

Great, but we need some specifics.

So, what do we do?

Right. Um...

Well, the, uh...

(WHISPERING): We need the specifics.

Specifics? The specifics of the plan

- are to stay put. - That's right.

- Like you said. Max said... - Right.

"If you're lost in the woods, the best move is to stay put,

and then somebody will come looking for you."

- But no one's looking for us. - Not now.

But as it gets darker,

you know, they'll see the car parked there in the dark,

they'll call search and rescue.

Search and rescue will come looking for us,

and they'll find us 'cause we stayed put.

That's the plan.

ANNIE: All right, well,

- I guess that sounds... - Weak.

- Right? - I'm sorry?

Your plan is weak. You have a weak plan.

My plan? You mean your plan that you told me.

That's right. Just hearing it out loud,

coming out of your mouth,

it sounds weak. It sounds passive.

I grew up as an Eagle Scout.

- Like, I was an Eagle Scout. - Really?

Yes, I sure was.

You want specifics? How about this?

Follow me. I know my way out.

- It's right through here. - All right.

No, sorry. It's... whoops.

It's right over this way.

Am I just putting up walls?

Erecting a-a barrier

to fence in my heart, seclude my soul?

I mean, do I even really know what love is?

Well, that feels like a natural stopping point.

And it's not like I just hold back emotionally.

It's-it's physically, too.

Not sexually.

I'm quite satiated sexually, but sensually, I'm starved.

Enough!

I can't take it anymore.

- You need closure. - What?

We're gonna call your ex.

- (OWL HOOTING) - LEROY: What are you doing?

- You said you knew the way. - I thought I did.

I swear I thought I did.

I was really buying into my own fake sense

of self-confidence, I guess.

But if we just keep walking, we'll eventually

- walk out of the forest, right? - What is going on?

It feels like we've been walking for an hour.

That's right. It does. Uh...

That's 'cause in the forest, like,

time slows down, w... because of the moon

- and dehydration and stuff. - Trees. Wind.

And the trees... and leaves...

Max, what pointed you in this direction?

- 'Cause you never said. - MAX: Yeah.

I mean, you just said you knew the way out, but how?

Knew it. Knew it by the... the stars and stuff.

You... this way? When we were going there?

It was, like, woodland, like, expert...

master stuff. It's hard to explain.

Okay, so, it's starting to sound like you actually don't know

where we are or where we're going

or the slightest idea...

Um, guys?

Oh, my God.

Ew.

Oh, that is human.

It's picked clean.

It must have done this.

You mean... Batman?

- I didn't say Batman, Leroy. - Yes, you did.

I said it was bat-like and the size of a man.

That's the description of Batman.

You want me to describe Batman for you?

You've been describing him all day. I don't need to hear it again.

It doesn't matter what you want to call it.

Shh!

You hear that?

- (CREATURE CHITTERING) - (GASPS) I hear it,

but I don't see it.

Me, neither.

(TREES RUSTLING)

Guys.

Stay very still and quiet.

I think I see eyes.

(CREATURE HISSING)

(CREATURE SHRIEKING)

Run!

? ?

(CREATURE SHRIEKS)

Oz monkeys! It's the Oz monkeys!

- ANNIE: We need to find cover. - Where?

There!

- It's locked. - I'll hold them off.

- It's coming! - (CREATURE SHRIEKS)

- Where is it? - I don't know.

It was right behind me.

(GURGLING)

I think I hear something.

That was my tummy.

(GURGLING CONTINUES)

- She's not happy. - Wow.

We just escaped the bat monster, and now we have to contend

with the gurgle monster.

Okay.

What the hell, Max?

You were lying this whole time?

Just putting all of us in danger? Why would you do that?

MAX: I don't know.

I'm sorry.

(SCOFFING)

Look, I just, I wanted to impress you, okay?

'Cause I like you.

All right?

Wow.

I thought the weight of fear and terror

would overwhelm anything awkward, but...

I was wrong.

This is real, real awkward.

- (CLANGING) - What's that?

A flashlight.

Flashlight? Whose flashlight?

(GASPS)

His.

Gross.

LEROY: Damn.

He was probably hiking when Batman must've come after him,

and he ran in here to try to wait it out.

- And starved to death. - Wait, he's a hiker,

and he didn't come here with any food or supplies?

There. A backpack. You guys.

He must've dropped it running from that thing.

- (GROANS) - Backpack.

- You sure? - It's out there.

- I just got to... - Here, twist it.

- No, no. You hit it, you hit it. - Twist. Why would... they make it,

- why would they make it... - I know...

- You hit it. You twisted it. - See?

Oh, I twisted it? Did I? Check this out.

- (CREATURE SHRIEKING) - (SCREAMING)

(CREATURE'S SHRIEK ECHOES)

- Ava! - Steven, let me get this out.

You can do this. Stay strong.

I can't keep letting my relationships get

dragged down under the weight of our past.

I have to let you go.

Wow. Well, I'm... proud of you.

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.

Sorry, Steven, can you give us a second? It's Barry here.

- Just a minute. - Well... What? Oh.

Are you sure about this? He seems kind of great.

Wait, what?

Do we want to give him a second chance?

I can hear you guys. And for the record, I'm up for it.

No, no, no. B-Barry, I'm done listening to you.

And, Steven, I am done running back to you.

- Okay... - Go finish your autopsy.

I just did.

? ?

Guys, listen, we can't wait this out.

If we can get to that backpack,

maybe he had a satellite phone or a radio.

- Right? - Yeah, but how?

We can't just run out there.

No, but it's been quiet for, like, an hour.

I mean, maybe it's sleeping or something.

Or maybe it's lying in wait,

all quiet and still,

just waiting on one of us to poke our head out

so it can snatch us up like an Oz monkey on Toto.

Okay, terrific. So what are we gonna do?

Uh, go for plan B like our friend over here?

No, you guys,

we are not going down like that.

That pack is our best hope, maybe our last hope.

So what do you say?

(SIGHS)

Great. Okay,

now you're talking. So, uh, all right, who's gonna...

who's gonna go out there and get it?

It's me, isn't it?

Yes.

Yeah. 'Cause it was my idea?

- Definitely. - All the dumbass stuff I did today

to get us stuck out here.

- Mm-hmm. - All of that.

Yeah, no, that's great. That's fair. I-I get that.

(EXHALES)

Okay, when Leroy opens the door, you just take off, stay low,

grab the bag, and haul ass back here.

Okay.

- Ready? - Yeah.

One, two, three.

? ?

- (CREATURE SHRIEKING) - (GRUNTS)

LEROY: Go, go, go!

- (SHOUTS) - (HISSING, SCREECHING)

(PANTING)

MAX: Okay.

- No sat phone, no radio. - None of this helps.

Not one thing. But you put these together...

Camping fuel, batteries, weather radio,

location module, car key remote.

Yeah, I can build an explosive device.

Can you also build a bazooka to fire this device?

'Cause you can't just hand a bomb to the bat thing

and say, "Here you go."

Maybe we can.

Does it seem a tiny bit wrong to do this to this poor guy?

A chance for payback?

I think it's what he would have wanted.

Okay, once you get that thing to take the bait,

I'm gonna click this and it will blow, okay?

Great. So all I have to do is

run outside, wearing a dead guy like a fox fur stole

in order to trick a bat monster into thinking

that he's getting a live meal.

And hope that your little MacGyver backpack bomb

doesn't go off while I'm still carrying it.

All right, well, don't worry,

MacGyver's got nothing on MacMax.

- MacMax? - Yeah. That's right.

Why didn't you go with "MaxGyver"? So much better.

Oh, yeah. How did I miss that?

Annie, you sure about this?

The chance for an up close encounter

with the Gila Snatcher?

How could I pass that up?

LEROY/MAX: One, two, three, go!

ANNIE: Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?

(ANNIE PANTING)

Come on, you son of a bitch!

- (CREATURE SHRIEKING) - Oh!

- Go! - Come on!

- Come back! Come back! Come on! - Go, go, go, go, go, go!

(CREATURE SHRIEKING)

(REMOTE BEEPS)

- (WHOOPS) - Yes!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- (LAUGHS) Yes! Yes! Yes! - Eat it! He's no Batman! Eat it!

No way.

- No way! - Uh huh.

- No way. - Yes way.

So sorry, I'm just extremely impressed.

Yeah, by the time we all got up on our feet and looked out,

- it was sunrise. - Well, how did you find the car?

Any real Eagle Scout knows spiders always build webs

on the south side of trees, so...

- I was able to get us out of there. - Oh.

Plus, there was a compass in the backpack.

- That, too. - Oh, fantastic, just fantastic.

Well, I had a very interesting evening here myself.

Did you?

No, it was... bland and uneventful.

- (WHISPERS): It wasn't. - Juicy gossip?

- Yeah. Come on. - I love juicy gossip.

Ugh.

You're not gonna believe what happened.

- What is that all about? - I don't know. (LAUGHS)

It's... man.

Anyway...

- I just wanted to, like, apologize... - No.

- You don't have to say anything. - Well, I mean,

- come on. - Really, don't.

- Okay. - Honestly, after what you said,

I felt great. I felt really happy.

- Yeah? - Yeah, but, um,

I have so much stuff that I have to figure out.

- Sure. - And you have some things

- to figure out, too. - Totally.

Once that's all dealt with, though, I...

Um... maybe.

- Maybe. - So...

- All right. (CHUCKLES) - Cool.

Oh, Annie.

Just one more thing, uh...

Good job blowing up that monster.

Thanks.

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