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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:05,196 [SODA CANS OPEN] 2 00:00:05,646 --> 00:00:07,599 [SIGHS] Oh, no. Is that what I think it is? 3 00:00:07,665 --> 00:00:09,499 Eddie's making his "Soda Suicide" again... 4 00:00:09,578 --> 00:00:10,369 ? Yeah ? 5 00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:12,190 a sugar-coma-inducing blend 6 00:00:12,238 --> 00:00:15,672 of Dr. Pepper, Squirt, Fanta, Mountain Dew, 7 00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:18,208 and a cherry Jolly Rancher. 8 00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:20,811 And like always, he's gonna stumble into the living room 9 00:00:20,913 --> 00:00:22,813 like a drunk uncle at a wedding... 10 00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:24,448 Plop down on the couch too hard, 11 00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:26,567 spilling all over the place. 12 00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:28,245 Not this time. 13 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:33,022 You... 14 00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:34,991 didn't... spill on the couch? 15 00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:38,661 Nope. As I was about to sit, I was like... 16 00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,830 "What if I put my cup down on the table first?" 17 00:00:40,899 --> 00:00:43,933 Seems so obvious, but, hey, live and learn. 18 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,902 He's even using a coaster. 19 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,036 [SLURPS] 20 00:00:47,138 --> 00:00:48,838 Ahh. Still got the skills. 21 00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:49,839 I haven't made one of these 22 00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,908 since Alison and I started dating. 23 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,944 [SCOFFS] She hated them. 24 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,280 Are you telling me you think you can make a soda taste better 25 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,381 than the professionals? 26 00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:00,116 Than the flavor engineers at Mountain Dew? 27 00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:01,584 Than Dr. Melvin Pepper? 28 00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,152 He's a damn doctor! 29 00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:05,157 Now that she broke up with me, 30 00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:07,223 I'm focused on forgetting about her 31 00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,091 and just being the best me I can. 32 00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,827 Very mature, son. I'm proud of you. 33 00:01:11,929 --> 00:01:13,262 Hey, hey, hey. 34 00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,631 I'm proud of us. 35 00:01:16,754 --> 00:01:18,548 Do you see what's happening here? 36 00:01:18,654 --> 00:01:20,603 The last of our three children has grown up. 37 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:23,411 We're finally out of "kid jail." 38 00:01:27,607 --> 00:01:29,506 We can have nice things again. 39 00:01:29,572 --> 00:01:30,878 [CHUCKLES] Look at her, Louis. 40 00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:34,833 As beautiful as the day we first put her in storage in 1982. 41 00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,418 I'll never forget that day. 42 00:01:36,486 --> 00:01:38,687 Your water broke, and I said, "Let's go to the hospital," 43 00:01:38,789 --> 00:01:41,056 and you said, "After we make one stop." 44 00:01:41,124 --> 00:01:42,657 My labor pains were so intense. 45 00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,726 But after three hours of pushing, 46 00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:45,961 we finally figured out a way 47 00:01:46,029 --> 00:01:48,236 to wedge this couch into the storage unit. 48 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,679 Welcome home, sweetheart. 49 00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:55,017 S04E03 Kids 50 00:01:55,105 --> 00:01:56,171 ? Fresh off the boat ? 51 00:01:56,306 --> 00:01:57,872 ? I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ? 52 00:01:57,975 --> 00:02:00,208 ? If you don't know, homey, now you know ? 53 00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:01,476 ? Fresh off the boat ? 54 00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:03,778 ? Homey, you don't know where I come from ? 55 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,246 ? But I know where I'm goin' ? 56 00:02:05,349 --> 00:02:06,746 ? I'm fresh off the boat ? 57 00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,097 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 58 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,251 - No way. - Yes way. 59 00:02:10,354 --> 00:02:11,219 The last time we drank 60 00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:11,920 during the day 61 00:02:12,022 --> 00:02:12,654 was 15 years ago 62 00:02:12,756 --> 00:02:13,953 at the racetrack. 63 00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:15,356 You called the cashier a racist 64 00:02:15,458 --> 00:02:16,457 because a horse was named 65 00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:17,491 "Chinese Chicken Salad." 66 00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,126 I remember that now! 67 00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:21,062 Wow. We had fun, Louis. 68 00:02:21,164 --> 00:02:23,564 Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. 69 00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:24,765 Well, with Eddie maturing, 70 00:02:24,867 --> 00:02:26,100 we can go back to having fun. 71 00:02:26,202 --> 00:02:27,635 Orlando is the 37th best city 72 00:02:27,737 --> 00:02:28,936 in America for a reason. 73 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:30,238 Let's start enjoying it. 74 00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:31,606 Okay. What should we do first? 75 00:02:31,708 --> 00:02:33,407 Why don't we see 76 00:02:33,509 --> 00:02:34,875 what Honey and Marvin are up to tonight? 77 00:02:34,944 --> 00:02:37,278 Let's dial up those fools and see what's up. 78 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:39,647 Hey, nice use of slang. 79 00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:40,881 Did it sound dumb? 80 00:02:40,984 --> 00:02:43,184 I've only had half a beer, but the voice in my head 81 00:02:43,253 --> 00:02:45,486 that criticizes me constantly has gone quiet. 82 00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:46,854 And you realize we don't need 83 00:02:46,956 --> 00:02:48,522 to have quick dinners anymore, right? 84 00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:51,125 We don't need to be afraid of leaving Eddie unsupervised. 85 00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:53,227 We can finally do more than just dinner. 86 00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:54,929 We can do "dinner and...". 87 00:02:55,031 --> 00:02:56,163 Dinner and dancing, 88 00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:57,531 dinner and a movie... 89 00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,734 dinner and drinks at a jazz club! 90 00:02:59,802 --> 00:03:00,935 Better idea... 91 00:03:01,037 --> 00:03:03,504 We can invite Honey and Marvin to dinner and... 92 00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:05,925 karaoke. 93 00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:07,508 Get them on the phone immediately. 94 00:03:07,577 --> 00:03:09,444 Ahh! I can't wait to sing some Mariah. 95 00:03:09,546 --> 00:03:10,478 She's the only woman 96 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:11,646 who can match my range. 97 00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:13,514 Hmm. 98 00:03:17,854 --> 00:03:18,453 How did that 99 00:03:18,555 --> 00:03:19,620 out-of-control sprinkler 100 00:03:19,723 --> 00:03:20,822 only hit me and not you? 101 00:03:20,924 --> 00:03:21,589 I don't know, bro, 102 00:03:21,691 --> 00:03:22,991 but it's your bad luck year, 103 00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:25,259 so keep your nasty juju away from me. 104 00:03:25,362 --> 00:03:27,462 I'm gonna go throw my clothes in the dryer. 105 00:03:28,247 --> 00:03:30,199 _ 106 00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:32,367 Oh, come on! 107 00:03:36,706 --> 00:03:38,306 What the hell? 108 00:03:38,408 --> 00:03:39,874 Alison, what are you doing here? 109 00:03:39,976 --> 00:03:42,010 Why wouldn't she be here? We're friends. 110 00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:43,478 Since when are you friends? 111 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:44,545 Eddie, you know 112 00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:46,061 how you're always late for everything? 113 00:03:46,272 --> 00:03:47,048 No. 114 00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,929 [SIGHS] 115 00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:52,286 Well, over the years, when Alison came by our house 116 00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:54,155 and had to wait for you to arrive, 117 00:03:54,224 --> 00:03:56,257 she and I struck up a great friendship. 118 00:03:56,359 --> 00:03:57,191 A great friendship? 119 00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:58,026 What do you guys 120 00:03:58,128 --> 00:03:58,860 even talk about? 121 00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:00,061 We talk about Pogs, 122 00:04:00,163 --> 00:04:00,962 Tamagotchis... 123 00:04:01,064 --> 00:04:01,729 Volleyball, 124 00:04:01,798 --> 00:04:02,897 Leno vs. Letterman. 125 00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:04,999 And, you know, life in general. 126 00:04:05,101 --> 00:04:06,734 What does anyone talk about with their friends? 127 00:04:06,836 --> 00:04:09,303 Sorry, Eddie, but Evan and I agreed a long time ago 128 00:04:09,406 --> 00:04:10,938 that if our relationship ever ended, 129 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,407 me and him would stay friends. 130 00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:13,808 Two crossed arrows 131 00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:15,710 is the universal symbol for friendship. 132 00:04:15,812 --> 00:04:17,049 Friends forever. 133 00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:19,080 Friends forever. 134 00:04:19,182 --> 00:04:20,562 Your necklaces look cheap. 135 00:04:21,918 --> 00:04:24,585 - He's not worth it. - You're right. 136 00:04:24,687 --> 00:04:26,715 I'm gonna go see if our dino nuggets are ready. 137 00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:30,158 When I return, I hope you're not here. 138 00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:34,095 Why you doing me like this, girl? 139 00:04:34,197 --> 00:04:34,762 I'm sorry. 140 00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:35,863 I was laying it on thick 141 00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:36,697 for Evan's sake. 142 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,598 He's sensitive... 143 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:38,900 Classic Leno fan... 144 00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:41,135 But, really, I-I'm uncomfortable being here. 145 00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,703 I don't want to make things harder between us 146 00:04:42,806 --> 00:04:44,539 - than they already are. - Then why are you? 147 00:04:44,641 --> 00:04:46,874 Because I can't just abandon my friendship with Evan. 148 00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:47,842 You and I splitting up... 149 00:04:47,944 --> 00:04:49,744 It's like he's a child of divorce. 150 00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:50,978 What do you know about divorce? 151 00:04:51,081 --> 00:04:53,081 - My parents are divorced. - They are? 152 00:04:53,149 --> 00:04:54,549 I talked to you about it all the time! 153 00:04:54,651 --> 00:04:55,917 Well, you say a lot of things! 154 00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:57,251 Let's just drop it. 155 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:58,719 Obviously, we need some space from each other. 156 00:04:58,822 --> 00:05:01,356 Well, that means you and Evan can't be friends. 157 00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:02,857 Yeah, I-I know. 158 00:05:03,425 --> 00:05:05,050 Let's have a talk with him tomorrow. 159 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,971 So, if your parents are divorced... 160 00:05:07,076 --> 00:05:08,896 do you get, like, twice as many presents at Christmas? 161 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:12,767 [SMACKS LIPS] We're Jewish. 162 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,149 Huh. 163 00:05:18,607 --> 00:05:20,740 I'm so happy Honey and Marvin 164 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:21,650 could come to dinner tonight. 165 00:05:21,714 --> 00:05:24,595 I already pre-paid for our private karaoke room, 166 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,346 - so we are all set. - Thank you for splurging 167 00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:27,815 on the four-microphone package. 168 00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:30,017 It's important we do "Lady Marmalade" properly. 169 00:05:30,085 --> 00:05:31,118 [LAUGHS] I can't wait! 170 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,420 - Hey! - Oh, hi! 171 00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:36,290 - Oh, it's so good to see you. - Hello, hello. 172 00:05:36,392 --> 00:05:37,591 Oh, I'm sorry we're late. 173 00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:39,626 Marvin was stuck at work finishing a dental cleaning... 174 00:05:39,728 --> 00:05:42,229 - Uh-huh... - for a celebrity. 175 00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:43,831 [GASPS] Was it Denzel? 176 00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:46,466 [CHUCKLES] No. But I will tell you... 177 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,236 she was a joy to work with. 178 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,906 It was Joy Behar! 179 00:05:53,008 --> 00:05:54,908 - Whoa! - Oh, amazing! 180 00:05:54,977 --> 00:05:56,210 Who is that? [MUTTERS] 181 00:05:56,678 --> 00:05:57,911 SERVER: Hi. Welcome to Chez Dennis. 182 00:05:58,013 --> 00:05:59,512 Can I get you all a drink to start? 183 00:05:59,581 --> 00:06:00,914 I'll have a glass of red wine. 184 00:06:01,016 --> 00:06:02,048 Pinot gris, please. 185 00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:03,350 [CHUCKLES] What do you say, Marv, 186 00:06:03,418 --> 00:06:05,252 a couple Negronis to warm up our engines? 187 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,386 [BOTH LAUGH] 188 00:06:06,488 --> 00:06:07,854 I-I'll just have some water. 189 00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:10,323 [LAUGHS] Hilarious joke, Marvin. 190 00:06:10,425 --> 00:06:12,892 Come on. I've already taken a dangerous amount of Pepcid AC 191 00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:14,394 to combat the Asian Flush. 192 00:06:14,496 --> 00:06:15,495 Let's go big tonight! 193 00:06:15,597 --> 00:06:17,998 Uh... actually, I can't drink because 194 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:19,232 [INHALES DEEPLY] well... 195 00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,235 I'm having some surgery tomorrow. 196 00:06:22,827 --> 00:06:24,738 Oh, my God. What for? 197 00:06:25,574 --> 00:06:27,707 I'm having my vasectomy reversed! 198 00:06:27,809 --> 00:06:29,175 We want to have kids! 199 00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:30,944 [BOTH LAUGH] 200 00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:36,344 Okay, one last time, I promise. 201 00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:39,077 Are you sure you want to have kids? 202 00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:41,047 Because nobody wants to have kids. 203 00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:42,849 They're just a thing that happens to you 204 00:06:42,917 --> 00:06:45,218 and then you carry that burden with you until you die. 205 00:06:45,286 --> 00:06:47,220 My only burden will be keeping my fingers 206 00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:48,788 from pinching baby legs. 207 00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:50,957 Where's your leg? Give me your leg. 208 00:06:51,059 --> 00:06:52,492 You nervous about the surgery? 209 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,227 A reverse vasectomy sounds intense. 210 00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:55,741 No, no, no. 211 00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:57,596 Uh, it's a simple outpatient procedure. 212 00:06:57,665 --> 00:06:59,365 They... They just go down south, 213 00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:02,268 do a little snip-snip, loosen up my tubes, 214 00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:04,537 and then they take a capillary out of my neck, 215 00:07:04,605 --> 00:07:06,872 they take that capillary, fuse it to my tubes, 216 00:07:06,941 --> 00:07:09,006 probably with some kind of a heat gun, 217 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:10,442 throw some stitches on it, 218 00:07:10,511 --> 00:07:12,611 and... boom... Marvin's shooting bullets. 219 00:07:12,646 --> 00:07:15,180 [CHUCKLES] Uh-huh. [VOICE CRACKS] Sounds simple. 220 00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:17,449 Louis and I just got sprung from kid jail, 221 00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:18,817 because Eddie finally matured, 222 00:07:18,919 --> 00:07:22,154 and it is the best thing that has ever happened to us. 223 00:07:22,256 --> 00:07:25,133 Why make your life harder... with a baby? 224 00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:27,308 I don't know. I think it'll be fun. 225 00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,987 I can get it a hat. 226 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,665 Oh, my God. And the jeans. 227 00:07:30,731 --> 00:07:31,763 For its fat legs. 228 00:07:31,832 --> 00:07:32,897 - Uh, Honey? - Hmm? 229 00:07:32,966 --> 00:07:34,466 I think it's time for us to hit the ol' road. 230 00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:37,202 Already? But we were gonna do dinner and karaoke. 231 00:07:37,271 --> 00:07:40,138 I know, but Marvin needs to rest up for his procedure, 232 00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:43,375 and I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, 233 00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,844 just to make sure things are good on my end. [LAUGHS] 234 00:07:46,961 --> 00:07:48,492 I mean, they are, for sure. 235 00:07:48,597 --> 00:07:49,414 I don't want to get into details, 236 00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:52,053 but just know that I've never had a problem getting pregnant. 237 00:07:52,866 --> 00:07:53,700 - All right. - Bye-bye. 238 00:07:53,763 --> 00:07:55,082 Bye, guys. 239 00:07:56,522 --> 00:07:58,489 You know what? We don't need them. 240 00:07:58,591 --> 00:07:59,857 We can still go out and have fun. 241 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:01,659 I did pre-pay. 242 00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:03,827 ["OPPOSITES ATTRACT" PLAYS] 243 00:08:03,896 --> 00:08:05,863 ? I take two steps forward ? 244 00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,132 ? I take two steps back ? 245 00:08:08,784 --> 00:08:12,670 ? We come together, 'cause opposites attract ? 246 00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:14,750 [BOTH SIGH] 247 00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:16,354 That was a disgrace to Paula Abdul 248 00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,674 and all that she stands for. 249 00:08:17,776 --> 00:08:20,210 [SIGHS] 250 00:08:20,279 --> 00:08:22,312 This just isn't as fun without Honey and Marvin. 251 00:08:22,381 --> 00:08:24,481 I can't believe the moment we get out of kid jail, 252 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,116 our best friends decide to go in. 253 00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:28,085 I was honest with Honey about how hard it is, 254 00:08:28,153 --> 00:08:29,720 but she wouldn't even hear it. 255 00:08:29,822 --> 00:08:31,788 She's lost in baby fever. 256 00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,857 She is always quick to dive into whatever's new. 257 00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,852 Remember when she made Marvin grow sideburns like Luke Perry? 258 00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,362 Besides, at Marvin's age, 259 00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:40,530 their baby's gonna come out 4 years old. 260 00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:42,732 Meanwhile, I'm not even sure he's into the idea of having a baby. 261 00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:44,964 Is there baby corn in this salad? 262 00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:46,495 Because if there is, I don't want it. 263 00:08:47,772 --> 00:08:49,972 He asked for no baby corn. 264 00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:52,641 Oh, he's definitely not ready for this! 265 00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,411 You can send back baby corn. You can't send back baby. 266 00:08:55,513 --> 00:08:57,079 I understand Honey wanting to rush in, 267 00:08:57,148 --> 00:08:58,414 but Marvin's done it before. 268 00:08:58,516 --> 00:08:59,515 He should know better. 269 00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:01,450 You know, if he's even a little bit unsure, 270 00:09:01,552 --> 00:09:02,651 we should talk to him. 271 00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:04,487 Absolutely. 272 00:09:04,589 --> 00:09:05,888 But first, let's sing some Michael? 273 00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,716 - Jackson? - McDonald. 274 00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:08,603 Stipe? 275 00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:09,291 Ooh. 276 00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:15,360 We sit before the truest test of the puzzle master... 277 00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:17,933 The 1,000-piece puzzle of a bowl of plums. 278 00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:20,503 Every piece is just purple. 279 00:09:21,439 --> 00:09:22,600 Yes. 280 00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:25,983 Where's Eddie? He should've been here 45 minutes ago. 281 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,143 Eddie's late?! I'm stunned! 282 00:09:28,211 --> 00:09:29,711 I know, right? 283 00:09:29,746 --> 00:09:32,814 But we actually have something serious to talk to you about, 284 00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,350 but I guess since he's late, I'll just tell you. 285 00:09:35,452 --> 00:09:36,518 What is it? 286 00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:37,886 Your brother and I... 287 00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:42,457 well, we both care about you very much, and... 288 00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:49,097 We're getting back together! 289 00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:51,332 [DOOR OPENS] Shut the front door and give me a hug! 290 00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:52,700 [DOOR CLOSES] 291 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:53,801 Sorry I'm late. 292 00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:54,902 I saw a red-tailed fox on the way home, 293 00:09:55,004 --> 00:09:55,903 so I chased it. 294 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,738 I heard the great news! 295 00:09:57,841 --> 00:10:00,741 I've been hiding some Nilla Wafers for when I finish the puzzle, 296 00:10:00,844 --> 00:10:02,962 but what the hay, let's celebrate! 297 00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:05,313 What great news? 298 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,635 I kinda sorta told him we're getting back together. 299 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,883 - What? - You were late, and I panicked! 300 00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:11,699 [SIGHS] Can you tell him we can't be friends? 301 00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:12,886 No way, ex-boo. 302 00:10:12,955 --> 00:10:14,521 You're the one who broke up with me. 303 00:10:14,623 --> 00:10:17,091 This was your choice. You've got to be the bad guy. 304 00:10:18,063 --> 00:10:18,692 [SIGHS] Fine. 305 00:10:18,794 --> 00:10:19,860 I brought the whole box 306 00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:22,042 in case we want to turn this into a party. 307 00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:25,799 Evan, there's something else I have to tell you. 308 00:10:26,222 --> 00:10:28,933 Eddie and I were talking, and we think it's best if... 309 00:10:32,405 --> 00:10:34,590 We take you on a pony ride! 310 00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:36,996 [HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM] 311 00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:39,813 [SCREAMING CONTINUES] 312 00:10:40,325 --> 00:10:41,665 - Grandma! - Emery! 313 00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:42,668 Aah! 314 00:10:43,597 --> 00:10:45,032 My bad luck strikes again. 315 00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:47,027 I can't be around anyone pouring liquids. 316 00:10:47,122 --> 00:10:50,758 _ 317 00:10:51,032 --> 00:10:53,407 _ 318 00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:55,950 _ 319 00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:56,805 Really? 320 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,518 _ 321 00:10:59,884 --> 00:11:02,544 _ 322 00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:03,641 I thought that was Jesus. 323 00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:04,866 _ 324 00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,470 _ 325 00:11:10,431 --> 00:11:13,080 Whoa-ho-ho! What brings you two over? 326 00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:14,467 I was just on my way to the hospital. 327 00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:15,501 In a full suit? 328 00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:16,836 Well, I got to show those docs 329 00:11:16,905 --> 00:11:18,771 that they're operating on classy merchandise. 330 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,172 Well, we just came by 331 00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:22,275 to see if you needed a ride to the procedure. 332 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,542 Since Honey has her appointment, 333 00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:24,810 we figured we could lend a hand. 334 00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:27,346 There's no need. I'm gonna drive myself. 335 00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:29,132 We could stop for ice cream on the way. 336 00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:30,187 Shotgun! 337 00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,723 The pony's name is Charlie! 338 00:11:36,818 --> 00:11:38,158 Very good! 339 00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:40,258 Sorry I'm late. 340 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,160 How are you late? We came here together. 341 00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,295 I saw some baby ducks 342 00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,130 and had to scope out if there was a pond here. 343 00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:46,131 There wasn't. 344 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:47,739 I think those ducks are in trouble. 345 00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:50,335 Isn't his mane beautiful? 346 00:11:50,437 --> 00:11:52,037 - Hey, buddy! - Sure is! 347 00:11:52,139 --> 00:11:53,772 By the way, how'd you find this place? 348 00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:57,083 Um... I know about it because we came here on our second date. 349 00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:58,413 Whaaat? 350 00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:01,780 Wait. 351 00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,748 You keep a picture of us in your purse? 352 00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:05,450 I thought you stopped liking me. 353 00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:06,551 We're broken up, 354 00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:08,053 but I'm not trying to forget you. 355 00:12:08,472 --> 00:12:10,678 It's not like our time together meant nothing to me. 356 00:12:10,932 --> 00:12:11,890 I know it's my fault we're here. 357 00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,393 I'll tell Evan the truth as soon as we get back home. 358 00:12:14,572 --> 00:12:16,641 His diet is mostly carrots! 359 00:12:16,746 --> 00:12:19,089 - You don't say! - Great job! 360 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,387 So, this is how you want to spend our time together? 361 00:12:24,571 --> 00:12:25,696 Rearranging shelves? 362 00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:26,392 _ 363 00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:30,529 _ 364 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:32,303 [SHATTERS] [GASPS] 365 00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:33,432 _ 366 00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:34,445 _ 367 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,680 [SIGHS] I'm so sorry. 368 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,248 My stupid bad luck. 369 00:12:37,651 --> 00:12:38,907 _ 370 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:46,964 _ 371 00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,225 [MUG SHATTERS] 372 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,912 _ 373 00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:55,186 What, the ice cream place is in the park? 374 00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:57,531 Yes. It's a truck. It's very trendy. 375 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,030 [CHUCKLING] Oh. 376 00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:03,673 [SNORING] 377 00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:07,695 Wow. There are a lot of homeless people around here. 378 00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:10,144 Oh, those aren't homeless people. 379 00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,233 They're new parents. 380 00:13:12,613 --> 00:13:14,640 Is it time to pump again? 381 00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:15,748 GIRL: Mommy! 382 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,841 Mommy!! [GASPS] 383 00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:21,208 [CRIES] 384 00:13:21,915 --> 00:13:24,226 [LAUGHS] Why? 385 00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:26,637 Well, what happened to all of them? 386 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,318 Well, they're exhausted from taking care of kids. 387 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,429 Feeding them, changing their diapers. 388 00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:32,769 You remember what that's like, right? 389 00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:34,170 Right. Right. 390 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,271 You don't know what I'm talking about, 391 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,506 - do you? - I don't! 392 00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,074 No, I never experienced any of this with Nicole. 393 00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:39,409 Her mother did all the heavy lifting. 394 00:13:39,477 --> 00:13:40,643 I just went to work, I came home, 395 00:13:40,712 --> 00:13:42,578 watched Carson's monologue, then went to sleep. 396 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:45,048 Well, that's not gonna fly with Honey. 397 00:13:45,483 --> 00:13:46,716 Oh, that's true. Yeah. 398 00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:49,218 Honey's part of that new, uh, Generation X 399 00:13:49,321 --> 00:13:50,586 I read about in Newsweek. 400 00:13:51,182 --> 00:13:52,153 They're progressive. 401 00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:54,891 Well, taking care of a baby today is hard work. 402 00:13:55,362 --> 00:13:56,960 We just want you to be aware of what you're getting into. 403 00:13:58,106 --> 00:13:58,661 [WEAKLY] Yeah. 404 00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:00,955 [QUIETLY] Baby corn. 405 00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,570 JESSICA: Well, here we are. 406 00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:08,543 - Mm-hmm. - You sure you're up for this? 407 00:14:08,612 --> 00:14:09,611 Yep. 408 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,646 Already shaved my neck. [CHUCKLES] 409 00:14:11,748 --> 00:14:14,249 [VAN DOOR OPENS] 410 00:14:17,287 --> 00:14:18,486 [SIGHS] 411 00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:21,022 Well, I guess we were wrong. He really does want this. 412 00:14:21,124 --> 00:14:22,257 I guess he does. 413 00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:28,897 [GASPS] 414 00:14:32,836 --> 00:14:35,136 I thought he was going in the hospital, and then he just turned! 415 00:14:35,238 --> 00:14:37,038 I did not see that coming! 416 00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:41,268 Thank you. Bye. 417 00:14:41,746 --> 00:14:42,969 Amazing news! 418 00:14:43,071 --> 00:14:44,937 Not only did I book us the karaoke room 419 00:14:45,006 --> 00:14:46,205 that has the best acoustics, 420 00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:48,007 I also got us the four-mic package. 421 00:14:48,076 --> 00:14:49,108 They didn't think it was available, 422 00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:50,309 but then they checked, and it was. 423 00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:51,811 I feel really good about this. 424 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,646 If Marvin wasn't sure about having kids, 425 00:14:53,715 --> 00:14:54,747 why rush into it? 426 00:14:54,816 --> 00:14:57,195 There's plenty of time. He's barely 70. 427 00:14:57,279 --> 00:14:59,316 They're lucky to have us looking out for them. 428 00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:00,987 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 429 00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:03,934 So I get home from my gyno checkup, 430 00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,824 which was a huge success. 431 00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:08,827 She compared my uterus to the fertile shores of Oahu, and... 432 00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:12,998 I'm keeping it. 433 00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:15,646 I'm keeping my vasectomy. 434 00:15:16,303 --> 00:15:18,871 He said he changed his mind, and he doesn't want a baby. 435 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:19,905 Right now he doesn't, 436 00:15:19,974 --> 00:15:21,173 but maybe in the future, he will. 437 00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,808 In the meantime, 438 00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:24,409 let's all just have fun. 439 00:15:24,511 --> 00:15:26,912 Fun sounds fun. [CHUCKLES] 440 00:15:29,577 --> 00:15:31,583 I'll have to cross-reference my diary, 441 00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:34,062 but I think this is the best day of my life. 442 00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:36,988 [BOTH SIGH] 443 00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:41,058 So, I know we've been having a lot of fun today, 444 00:15:41,164 --> 00:15:43,380 but we need to talk about something serious. 445 00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:45,491 Look, your brother and I... 446 00:15:45,632 --> 00:15:47,665 What I'm trying to say is... 447 00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:48,766 Gosh, this is so hard. 448 00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:50,668 Alison and I aren't back together, Evan. 449 00:15:50,737 --> 00:15:52,370 We're still broken up. [GASPS] 450 00:15:52,438 --> 00:15:53,905 I know she lied and said we're back together, 451 00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,106 but it's not her fault. 452 00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:56,307 It's mine. 453 00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:57,441 This all happened because 454 00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:59,788 I didn't want you two to be friends. 455 00:16:00,144 --> 00:16:01,779 I was trying to forget about her after our breakup 456 00:16:01,848 --> 00:16:04,827 and when I saw her in the house, I freaked. 457 00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:06,583 But I realized that... 458 00:16:06,652 --> 00:16:07,818 I don't want to forget about her. 459 00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:09,386 We had some great times. 460 00:16:09,748 --> 00:16:11,388 So, I want you and her to be friends. 461 00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,009 And hopefully, she and I can be friends, too. 462 00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:14,925 Yeah. 463 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,860 I think we're gonna be friends, for sure. 464 00:16:17,592 --> 00:16:18,996 That's sweet. 465 00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,631 Here's what I think of your lies. 466 00:16:25,178 --> 00:16:26,813 Look what you did. 467 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,845 When was the last time he blinked? 468 00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:32,142 ? Don't go breaking my heart ? 469 00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:33,810 ? Don't go breaking my ? 470 00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,746 ? I won't go breaking your heart ? 471 00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:39,316 [CHUCKLES] 472 00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:42,919 This next song is dedicated to my uterus. 473 00:16:43,021 --> 00:16:46,056 ? All that she wants is one baby ? 474 00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,691 ? She's gone tomorrow, boy ? 475 00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,726 ? All that she wants is ? 476 00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:52,696 - ? One baby-a-yay-yay ? - My body, my choice! 477 00:16:53,199 --> 00:16:55,966 ? All that she wants is one baby ? 478 00:16:56,068 --> 00:16:58,648 ? She's gone tomor... ? Wh... Sh... 479 00:16:59,492 --> 00:17:01,563 ? What you want ? 480 00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:03,272 ? Baby, I got it ? 481 00:17:03,341 --> 00:17:05,408 ? What you need ? 482 00:17:05,443 --> 00:17:06,976 ? You know I got it ? 483 00:17:07,078 --> 00:17:10,046 - What the hell is happening to you? - ? All that I am askin' for ? 484 00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:11,947 ? Is just a little respect when you get home ? 485 00:17:12,016 --> 00:17:13,716 Are they karaoke fighting? 486 00:17:13,818 --> 00:17:15,384 I don't know, but I wish you would sing 487 00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:17,153 with this much passion. 488 00:17:17,221 --> 00:17:18,821 ? Just a... ? [MUSIC STOPS] 489 00:17:18,923 --> 00:17:20,589 You don't get respect by changing your mind 490 00:17:20,692 --> 00:17:22,603 last minute about having a baby! 491 00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,326 It's 1997. 492 00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:26,228 You can't tell a man what to do with his body! 493 00:17:26,297 --> 00:17:27,590 I had doubts. 494 00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:28,764 And... A-And Louis and Jessica 495 00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:31,349 - helped me confirm my doubts. - They what? 496 00:17:31,455 --> 00:17:33,183 Oh, we just wanted to remind Marvin 497 00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:34,836 what having a baby was really like. 498 00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:37,372 It's a big decision... One that all four of us 499 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,240 need to be 100% on board for. 500 00:17:40,211 --> 00:17:42,005 I can't believe this. 501 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,546 [SIGHS] ["FUNKYTOWN" PLAYS] 502 00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:46,681 Oh, sorry. 503 00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:48,850 I had this queued up like 10 minutes ago. 504 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:54,689 ? Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me ? 505 00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,563 Mahjong! This is gonna be so much fun. 506 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,244 Throw the tiles around... 507 00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,201 [GASPS, LAUGHS] 508 00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,624 _ 509 00:18:09,677 --> 00:18:13,529 _ 510 00:18:13,991 --> 00:18:18,530 _ 511 00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:22,817 I am plotzing. These tiles are caliente! 512 00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:23,884 [LAUGHS] 513 00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:25,652 We're gonna take her down together. 514 00:18:25,721 --> 00:18:27,921 We're an unstoppable team. 515 00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,490 [LAUGHS] 516 00:18:32,586 --> 00:18:34,723 _ 517 00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:40,868 Did you have me stand back there 518 00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,903 so you could use my bad luck to make Cheryl lose? 519 00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,041 _ 520 00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:46,968 _ 521 00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:49,738 _ 522 00:18:50,081 --> 00:18:50,744 I am? 523 00:18:50,859 --> 00:18:52,746 _ 524 00:18:53,128 --> 00:18:55,603 _ 525 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,885 _ 526 00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:02,318 _ 527 00:19:02,423 --> 00:19:05,022 We can make a real dent. Who's next? 528 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,566 Pass the Normandy butter? 529 00:19:13,635 --> 00:19:15,468 Go to hell. 530 00:19:15,537 --> 00:19:16,936 Sorry to interrupt your dinner. 531 00:19:17,005 --> 00:19:18,271 How did you get in here? 532 00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,139 We're not here to discuss your lack of home security. 533 00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,674 We're here to apologize. 534 00:19:21,776 --> 00:19:22,709 [SCOFFS] 535 00:19:23,155 --> 00:19:24,725 I'm not interested in your apology. 536 00:19:24,817 --> 00:19:27,013 I know it was selfish, but we didn't want to see 537 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:29,105 our best friends go into kid jail 538 00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:30,549 just as we were getting out of it. 539 00:19:30,618 --> 00:19:33,085 If you want to have a baby, we support you. 540 00:19:33,392 --> 00:19:34,520 You'll be great parents. 541 00:19:34,622 --> 00:19:36,555 Sorry! Shop's closed. 542 00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:38,357 I have Nicole... One and done. 543 00:19:38,426 --> 00:19:40,256 I know, and Nicole's amazing. 544 00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,460 But just think of how incredible 545 00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:43,765 it would be to have a baby with Honey. 546 00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:48,254 Pumpkin... I know you're mad at me, 547 00:19:48,597 --> 00:19:51,770 but I'm just nervous about my life changing. 548 00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:54,521 I know you'd be a great mom, 549 00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:58,109 but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be a father again. 550 00:19:58,953 --> 00:20:00,417 I'm nervous, too. 551 00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:03,359 I never thought I wanted kids, like, ever. 552 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,586 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 553 00:20:04,731 --> 00:20:07,852 But then I met you, and that changed. Hmm. 554 00:20:07,921 --> 00:20:10,121 Look, you may not be sure you're ready, 555 00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:12,390 but together, we're ready. 556 00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:14,688 I think we are, too. 557 00:20:14,872 --> 00:20:17,629 So, let's untie these tubes and make a baby! 558 00:20:17,731 --> 00:20:18,496 Ahh! 559 00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:20,665 [BOTH LAUGH] 560 00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,834 I say this with love, but please, 561 00:20:22,936 --> 00:20:24,970 never interfere in our lives again. 562 00:20:25,038 --> 00:20:28,139 I say this with love... No promises. 563 00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:29,741 So, I'm just gonna get right into it. 564 00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:32,243 Can I go to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival next weekend? 565 00:20:32,346 --> 00:20:34,112 It's a woman's-only event celebrating the crossroads 566 00:20:34,214 --> 00:20:35,547 between music and femininity. 567 00:20:35,649 --> 00:20:36,748 Tori Amos is playing 568 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,583 the Nair Hair Removal stage Saturday night. 569 00:20:38,685 --> 00:20:40,518 Dad, you like her, you saw her on TV and said, 570 00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:41,886 "Who's the mermaid on the keys?" 571 00:20:41,989 --> 00:20:43,254 And I said, "That's Tori Amos." 572 00:20:43,357 --> 00:20:45,490 I should have said, "She's playing at the Womyn's Festival" 573 00:20:45,559 --> 00:20:47,092 and asked you about it then, but I didn't. 574 00:20:47,194 --> 00:20:48,159 So here we are. 575 00:20:48,261 --> 00:20:49,494 Anyway, it's all on the flier, 576 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,404 which I'm gonna leave here for you to read. 577 00:20:53,101 --> 00:20:54,447 It's, uh... 578 00:20:54,698 --> 00:20:55,977 [DOOR CLOSES] 579 00:21:02,034 --> 00:21:03,200 Two days. 580 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,302 We paid for 15 years of storage, 581 00:21:05,404 --> 00:21:07,371 and the couch lasted two days. 582 00:21:07,473 --> 00:21:09,306 Do you want me to find out which one of them did it? 583 00:21:09,408 --> 00:21:11,408 No, we'll just ground all of them. 584 00:21:11,477 --> 00:21:12,476 I guess we still can't have 585 00:21:12,578 --> 00:21:13,777 nice things. 586 00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:15,245 I'll flip the cushion. 587 00:21:15,348 --> 00:21:16,280 Don't. 588 00:21:16,382 --> 00:21:18,182 That's where my water broke, remember? 589 00:21:18,284 --> 00:21:20,284 Eddie somehow managed to ruin the couch 590 00:21:20,386 --> 00:21:22,519 even before he was on this earth. 591 00:21:23,813 --> 00:21:25,568 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 592 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:30,168 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41222

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