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1
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[somber organ music]
2
00:00:03,801 --> 00:00:08,771
3
00:00:08,806 --> 00:00:10,649
- OH!
HI, MAXINE!
4
00:00:10,697 --> 00:00:12,542
- HARRY, I CAME
AS SOON AS I HEARD.
5
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:14,201
- HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
6
00:00:14,746 --> 00:00:16,441
- WHO CARES ABOUT MY TRIP?
7
00:00:16,542 --> 00:00:17,947
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
8
00:00:17,982 --> 00:00:20,082
- I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.
9
00:00:20,659 --> 00:00:22,682
I ALMOST GOT
"DEATH RAY" TO LEVEL EIGHT
10
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,476
MY BATTERIES IS LOW.
11
00:00:26,524 --> 00:00:28,224
- HARRY, WHAT
THE HELL IS GOING ON?
12
00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:29,592
I CALLED YOUR HOUSE
13
00:00:29,627 --> 00:00:32,298
AND THE BABYSITTER TOLD ME
YOU WERE AT THIS FUNERAL.
14
00:00:32,797 --> 00:00:34,697
- WELL,
IT'S ALL PRETTY BIZARRE.
15
00:00:34,732 --> 00:00:37,733
- MY FRIENDS, WE ARE HERE
TO PAY OUR LAST RESPECTS
16
00:00:37,769 --> 00:00:40,670
TO A YOUNG MAN
WE ALL KNEW AND LOVED...
17
00:00:40,705 --> 00:00:42,302
CHARLEY DIETZ.
18
00:00:43,975 --> 00:00:46,943
[upbeat music]
19
00:00:46,978 --> 00:00:48,144
20
00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:50,212
-
LIFE GOES ON
21
00:00:50,248 --> 00:00:51,614
AND SO DO WE
22
00:00:51,649 --> 00:00:53,582
JUST HOW WE DO IT
23
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,085
IS NO MYSTERY
24
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,087
ONE-BY-ONE
25
00:00:58,122 --> 00:01:00,122
WE FILL THE DAYS
26
00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:03,960
WE FIND A THOUSAND
DIFFERENT WAYS
27
00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:07,697
SOMETIMES THE ANSWER
CAN BE HARD TO FIND
28
00:01:07,732 --> 00:01:10,199
THAT'S SOMETHING
I WILL NEVER BE
29
00:01:10,234 --> 00:01:13,369
I'M ALWAYS HERE
30
00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:18,474
FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED
31
00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:21,143
RAIN OR SHINE
32
00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:23,079
I'LL BE THE ONE
33
00:01:23,114 --> 00:01:27,650
TO SHARE IT ALL
AS LIFE GOES ON
34
00:01:27,685 --> 00:01:30,353
WE SHARE IT ALL
35
00:01:30,388 --> 00:01:34,290
AS LIFE GOES ON
36
00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:44,543
- THERE CAN BE NO GREATER
TRIBUTE TO THE DEPARTED
37
00:01:44,578 --> 00:01:46,344
THAN THE FOND MEMORIES
38
00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,310
OF THE FRIENDS
CHARLEY LEFT BEHIND.
39
00:01:48,495 --> 00:01:51,771
FIRST TO SPEAK
IS MS. SOPHIA PETRILLO.
40
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,678
- HARRY,
WHAT HAPPENED?
41
00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:58,853
- IT'S A LONG STORY.
42
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:02,608
- MY NAME IS SOPHIA,
AND I'M A BINGO-HOLIC.
43
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,053
- [whispers]
THIS IS CHARLEY'S FUNERAL.
44
00:02:08,976 --> 00:02:11,218
- OH, RIGHT, CHARLEY.
45
00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:15,767
WELL, I REMEMBER ONE
WONDERFUL THING ABOUT CHARLEY.
46
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,363
HIS CAR.
47
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,834
WHENEVER I NEEDED
A RIDE TO THE TRACK,
48
00:02:20,882 --> 00:02:22,274
HE WAS
ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
49
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,496
AND AT
VERY REASONABLE RATES.
50
00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:28,394
ALL IN ALL,
I LOVED HIM.
51
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,907
WELL...I LIKED HIM.
52
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,192
WELL, I KNEW HIM.
53
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,639
- AND THE NEXT THING
I KNOW, I'M AT HIS FUNERAL.
54
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,464
- HARRY, THAT'S CRAZY.
55
00:02:41,503 --> 00:02:43,662
WHAT WOULD MAKE HIM DO
A STUPID THING LIKE THAT?
56
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,962
- WELL, IT ALL STARTED
57
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:47,093
WITH A PHONE CALL
FROM HIS MOTHER.
58
00:02:47,228 --> 00:02:49,768
CAROL,
I AM NOT A PRUDE.
59
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,170
I JUST FOUND IT
EMBARRASSING, THAT'S ALL.
60
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,772
- DADDY, WHEN YOU GO TO
AN ART FILM,
61
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,774
YOU HAVE TO EXPECT
A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF SEX.
62
00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:57,576
- YES, ON THE SCREEN,
63
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,369
NOT IN
THE ROW IN FRONT OF ME!
64
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:03,949
- SOPHIA SAID
SHE'D LEAVE A MESSAGE
65
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,011
WHEN IT WAS
TIME TO PICK UP SCOTTY.
66
00:03:06,404 --> 00:03:08,787
- HELLO, THIS IS URSULA DIETZ.
67
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,283
CHARLEY'S MOTHER.
68
00:03:10,838 --> 00:03:12,883
[sexy voice]
HI, HARRY.
69
00:03:13,064 --> 00:03:15,260
OOH, JUST HEARING
YOUR VOICE ON THAT MESSAGE
70
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,287
SETS MY LOINS
A-QUIVER.
71
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,366
OH, WHERE WAS I?
OH, OH, RIGHT.
72
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,535
LOOK, I HAVEN'T
BEEN ABLE TO REACH CHARLEY,
73
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,370
SO BE A LOVE AND TELL HIM
74
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,263
THERE'S BEEN
A DEATH IN THE FAMILY.
75
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,461
[sexy voice]
BYE, HARRY.
76
00:03:29,531 --> 00:03:33,678
QUIVER, QUIVER.
[voicemail beeps]
77
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,103
- GEE, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
POOR GUY.
78
00:03:36,243 --> 00:03:37,716
I WONDER WHY SHE
COULDN'T REACH HIM AT HOME,
79
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,071
HIS CAR'S OUT THERE.
80
00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:40,341
[loud music playing, muffled]
81
00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:43,099
-
GET DOWN
GET BACK UP AGAIN
82
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,023
- CHARLEY,
WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
83
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,663
[music continues loudly]
- [humming along]
84
00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:50,085
- CHARLEY.
- HEY, HARRY.
85
00:03:50,383 --> 00:03:51,780
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
86
00:03:52,586 --> 00:03:55,386
- CHARLEY, SIT DOWN,
WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
87
00:03:55,421 --> 00:03:57,121
- WHY SO GLUM, CHUM?
88
00:03:57,156 --> 00:03:59,022
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY,
THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING,
89
00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:00,936
THE X-MEN
CAPTURED MAGNETO.
90
00:04:01,861 --> 00:04:04,428
- CHARLEY, I'M AFRAID
WE HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.
91
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:07,379
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE OUT OF BEER.
92
00:04:08,801 --> 00:04:10,167
- NO, NO.
93
00:04:10,203 --> 00:04:11,869
CHARLEY, WE GOT A MESSAGE
FROM YOUR MOTHER.
94
00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:13,204
SHE'S BEEN
TRYING TO REACH YOU.
95
00:04:13,239 --> 00:04:14,908
THERE'S BEEN A UH--
96
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,446
UH...
97
00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:18,075
A DEATH IN YOUR FAMILY.
98
00:04:18,111 --> 00:04:20,177
- OH, WOW.
99
00:04:20,213 --> 00:04:22,280
WHO DIED?
- SHE DIDN'T SAY.
100
00:04:22,315 --> 00:04:25,182
YOU'D BETTER CALL.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
101
00:04:25,218 --> 00:04:27,218
- YEAH, I THINK I COULD
REALLY USE SOMETHING.
102
00:04:27,253 --> 00:04:29,865
OF ALL THE TIMES FOR YOU
TO BE OUT OF BEER.
103
00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:33,291
YOU KNOW, I BET
IT'S MY AUNT HILDA.
104
00:04:33,326 --> 00:04:34,692
SHE'S BEEN HANGING ON
FOR YEARS.
105
00:04:34,727 --> 00:04:36,227
WE THOUGHT WE LOST HER ONCE,
BUT IT TURNED OUT
106
00:04:36,262 --> 00:04:38,419
SHE WAS JUST TAKING A NAP
ON THE DRIVEWAY.
107
00:04:42,268 --> 00:04:44,302
HELLO!
AUNT HILDA.
108
00:04:44,337 --> 00:04:47,374
YEAH, I'M SURPRISED
TO HEAR YOUR VOICE TOO.
109
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:52,797
LISTEN, AUNT HILDA,
WHO DIED?
110
00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:55,229
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"GUESS"?
111
00:04:57,150 --> 00:04:59,963
OKAY, ONE GUESS.
UNCLE JOE.
112
00:05:00,744 --> 00:05:03,139
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
AGAINST UNCLE JOE.
113
00:05:03,908 --> 00:05:06,466
AUNT HILDA, CAN YOU
JUST TELL ME WHO DIED, PLEASE?
114
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,717
[gasp]
YOU'RE KIDDING.
115
00:05:08,752 --> 00:05:09,918
NO.
116
00:05:09,954 --> 00:05:12,554
I SEE.
OKAY, THANKS.
117
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:14,344
WOW.
118
00:05:14,892 --> 00:05:17,693
MY COUSIN, MAX.
HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.
119
00:05:17,728 --> 00:05:20,761
HIS LAST WORDS WERE,
"CALL 9-1-1."
120
00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:22,698
- THAT'S TERRIBLE.
121
00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:24,399
- YEAH, MY AUNT SALLY
KEPT WAITING
122
00:05:24,435 --> 00:05:26,490
FOR THE REST OF
THE NUMBER.
123
00:05:33,444 --> 00:05:36,578
IT JUST SHOWS THAT YOU
NEVER KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU ARE
124
00:05:36,614 --> 00:05:40,182
TO YOUR OWN--
YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THE WORD?
125
00:05:40,217 --> 00:05:41,316
- MORTALITY.
126
00:05:41,352 --> 00:05:43,478
- NO, DEATH.
127
00:05:44,955 --> 00:05:46,355
I MEAN, ONE MINUTE
YOU'RE SITTING THERE
128
00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:48,643
DRINKING BEER, CHECKING OUT
YOUR NEIGHBOR'S HOOTERS...
129
00:05:50,194 --> 00:05:52,661
AND THE NEXT MINUTE,
THE GUYS IN THE MORGUE
130
00:05:52,696 --> 00:05:55,214
ARE GOING THROUGH YOUR POCKETS
LOOKING FOR FREE STUFF.
131
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,149
WELL, THE JOKE'S ON THEM.
MY POCKETS ARE EMPTY.
132
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,317
OOH, A MINT.
133
00:06:01,352 --> 00:06:02,823
WELL, THEY'RE NOT
GETTING THIS.
134
00:06:03,574 --> 00:06:05,440
- CHARLEY, CHARLEY,
STOP IT.
135
00:06:05,476 --> 00:06:06,575
YOU'RE A HEALTHY YOUNG MAN.
136
00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,210
JUST BECAUSE
AN OLDER RELATIVE DIES
137
00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:09,578
DOESN'T MEAN
THAT YOU'RE NEXT.
138
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:12,798
- MAX WASN'T OLDER,
HE WAS MY AGE--42.
139
00:06:13,388 --> 00:06:14,583
- WELL,
I MEAN, EVEN SO!
140
00:06:14,618 --> 00:06:15,751
- HARRY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
141
00:06:15,786 --> 00:06:18,921
MY FAMILY HAS A HISTORY
OF MEN DYING AT 42.
142
00:06:18,956 --> 00:06:21,323
MY GRANDFATHER,
MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER,
143
00:06:21,358 --> 00:06:22,758
TWO UNCLES, AND NOW MAX.
144
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,760
- BUT CHARLEY,
YOUR FATHER'S STILL ALIVE.
145
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:26,972
- NOT ACCORDING
TO MY MOTHER.
146
00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:30,732
OH, MY GOD, MY HEART
COULD BE SQUEEZING OUT
147
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:32,643
IT'S LAST TICKS
RIGHT THIS SECOND.
148
00:06:33,037 --> 00:06:35,370
OH, MY GOD, THERE IT WAS!
THE LAST ONE!
149
00:06:35,406 --> 00:06:37,372
NO, WAIT.
THERE WAS ONE MORE.
150
00:06:37,408 --> 00:06:38,540
THAT WAS THE LAST ONE.
151
00:06:38,575 --> 00:06:39,808
NO, NO, NO.
ONE MORE.
152
00:06:39,843 --> 00:06:42,210
THAT WAS THE LAST--
NO, NO, ONE MORE.
153
00:06:42,246 --> 00:06:44,446
ONE MORE.
YEAH, THAT'S THE LAST ONE.
154
00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:46,654
NO, NO, ONE MORE.
155
00:06:46,693 --> 00:06:48,784
- WE GOT HIM CALMED DOWN,
WE THOUGHT HE WAS OKAY,
156
00:06:48,819 --> 00:06:49,979
AND THEN...
157
00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:52,054
REMEMBER THE DAY
YOU LEFT FOR YOUR TRIP?
158
00:06:52,089 --> 00:06:54,823
- WELL, IT LOOKS
LIKE I'VE GOT EVERYTHING.
159
00:06:54,858 --> 00:06:57,663
GUESS IT'S OFF TO
THE MEDICAL CONVENTION IN, UH--
160
00:06:58,195 --> 00:07:00,095
WHERE WAS THAT
AGAIN, HARRY?
161
00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:02,280
- THE BAHAMAS, MAXINE.
162
00:07:02,718 --> 00:07:04,967
- AH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THE BAHAMAS.
163
00:07:05,002 --> 00:07:07,669
THAT'S THE PLACE
WITH THE SUN AND THE SAND
164
00:07:07,705 --> 00:07:09,379
AND THE BOTTOMLESS
RUM DRINKS.
165
00:07:09,416 --> 00:07:10,749
GEE...
166
00:07:10,784 --> 00:07:13,429
WONDER IF I SHOULD
BRING MY OWN LIMBO STICK.
167
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,888
- FINE, MAXINE.
GO, HAVE A GOOD TIME.
168
00:07:17,498 --> 00:07:19,925
- SAY, HARRY,
YOU'RE NOT SORE
169
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,761
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
THE CONVENTION AND YOU'RE NOT?
170
00:07:22,796 --> 00:07:23,929
- OF COURSE NOT.
171
00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,553
I WENT TO THE CONVENTION
LAST YEAR, REMEMBER?
172
00:07:25,593 --> 00:07:27,196
- WHERE WAS THAT AGAIN,
HARRY?
173
00:07:27,701 --> 00:07:29,767
VEGAS? HAWAII?
174
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,407
- IT WAS
COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
175
00:07:32,648 --> 00:07:35,106
[horn honking]
- OOH, THERE'S THE PARTY BUS.
176
00:07:35,142 --> 00:07:36,241
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
177
00:07:36,276 --> 00:07:39,344
OH, BY THE WAY,
IF YOU NEED TO REACH ME,
178
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:42,914
JUST HAVE THE HOTEL PAGE
THE BEST-LOOKING CABANA BOY.
179
00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:46,194
I'LL BE CHASING HIS PERFECT
LITTLE BUTT AROUND THE POOL.
180
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,019
- WELL, DOCTOR...
181
00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:52,137
LOOKS LIKE IT'S
YOU AND ME ALONE AGAIN.
182
00:07:52,337 --> 00:07:54,292
JUST LIKE
THE GOOD OL' DAYS.
183
00:07:57,164 --> 00:07:59,164
AW, DON'T
FEEL BAD, DOCTOR.
184
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:00,899
YOU GET TO GO TO
THE CONVENTION NEXT YEAR.
185
00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:02,667
- THAT'S TRUE.
- AND LOOKIE HERE.
186
00:08:02,703 --> 00:08:05,628
IT SAYS HERE IN THIS SCHEDULE
IT'S GONNA BE HELD IN...
187
00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:07,447
MIAMI.
188
00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:11,743
- OH, THANK GOD,
A CHAIR.
189
00:08:11,778 --> 00:08:13,959
- CHARLEY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
190
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,880
- I THINK I'M
HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
191
00:08:15,916 --> 00:08:18,065
- ALL RIGHT, CHARLEY, HERE.
COME ON.
192
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,488
NOW JUST TELL ME EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
193
00:08:20,988 --> 00:08:22,988
- WEIRD, HARRY.
YOU'RE UNDRESSING ME.
194
00:08:23,023 --> 00:08:24,094
- NO.
195
00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:27,225
NO, NO,
I MEAN YOUR SYMPTOMS.
196
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:30,727
- OH, CHEST PAIN,
SHORTNESS OF BREATH,
197
00:08:30,966 --> 00:08:33,698
SWEATINESS, AND
I'M A LITTLE NAUSEOUS.
198
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:35,672
- CHARLEY,
YOUR PULSE IS STEADY.
199
00:08:36,069 --> 00:08:37,736
YOUR COLOR'S FINE.
YOU SEEM OKAY.
200
00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:40,138
EXACTLY WHEN DID YOU
START HAVING THESE FEELINGS?
201
00:08:40,173 --> 00:08:42,419
- WELL, RIGHT AFTER I READ
THIS HEART DISEASE PAMPHLET
202
00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:44,207
IN YOUR WAITING ROOM.
203
00:08:45,012 --> 00:08:47,806
- GOOD THING HE DIDN'T
READ THE ONE ON CHILDBIRTH.
204
00:08:48,248 --> 00:08:49,781
- CHARLEY, CHARLEY,
CHARLEY, CHARLEY.
205
00:08:49,816 --> 00:08:52,264
LOOK, I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
206
00:08:52,652 --> 00:08:55,387
YOU'RE JUST OBSESSED
ABOUT YOUR COUSIN'S DEATH.
207
00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:57,230
- NO, I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
208
00:08:57,485 --> 00:08:59,657
WHAT I'M OBSESSED ABOUT
IS MY DEATH.
209
00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:02,834
- CHARLEY, CHARLEY, CHARLEY,
CHARLEY, LISTEN TO ME.
210
00:09:03,313 --> 00:09:05,658
THIS IS ALL, YOU KNOW,
THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.
211
00:09:05,694 --> 00:09:07,160
BUT IF IT'LL MAKE
YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,
212
00:09:07,195 --> 00:09:08,984
GO IN THE EXAM ROOM,
I'LL GIVE YOU A QUICK CHECK-UP
213
00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:10,134
AND AN EKG.
214
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,542
- THANKS, HARRY.
215
00:09:13,602 --> 00:09:16,135
- SHALL I PREPARE
THE USUAL FOR HIM?
216
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:18,989
- NO, THIS TIME
LET'S GIVE HIM A BLUE BALLOON.
217
00:09:21,877 --> 00:09:23,676
CHARLEY DIDN'T
BELIEVE HE WAS ALL RIGHT
218
00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:25,345
UNTIL I GAVE HIM
A COMPLETE CHECK-UP.
219
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,980
HE WANTED EVERYTHING.
220
00:09:27,015 --> 00:09:29,791
TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO
TALK HIM OUT OF THE STIRRUPS.
221
00:09:38,226 --> 00:09:39,811
- YOU KNOW,
I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
222
00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:41,593
BUT I FEEL
BADLY FOR THE BOOB.
223
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,996
- [sighs]
224
00:09:43,565 --> 00:09:45,814
CHARLEY, HEY.
HOW YOU DOING, PAL?
225
00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:48,902
OH, HOW WAS
YOUR COUSIN'S FUNERAL?
226
00:09:48,937 --> 00:09:50,848
- BOY, WHAT A DOWNER.
227
00:09:51,439 --> 00:09:54,287
- THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
"FUNERAL" AND NOT "MARDI GRAS."
228
00:09:55,477 --> 00:09:57,043
- IT WAS
REALLY DEPRESSING.
229
00:09:57,078 --> 00:09:58,378
LISTENING
TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE
230
00:09:58,413 --> 00:10:00,179
TALK ABOUT
WHAT A GREAT GUY MAX WAS,
231
00:10:00,215 --> 00:10:02,148
MADE ME REALIZE THAT
WHEN I DIE...
232
00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:03,750
NOBODY'LL CARE.
233
00:10:03,785 --> 00:10:05,518
- CHARLIE,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
234
00:10:05,553 --> 00:10:06,853
- OF COURSE IT'S NOT.
235
00:10:06,888 --> 00:10:09,555
- OH, SURE.
LIKE YOU'RE GONNA MISS ME.
236
00:10:09,591 --> 00:10:10,957
- WELL, CHARLEY,
JUST BECAUSE
237
00:10:10,992 --> 00:10:12,926
WE'VE HAD A DIFFICULT
RELATIONSHIP IN THE PAST
238
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:14,207
DOESN'T MEAN THAT...
239
00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:16,064
DADDY WON'T MISS YOU.
240
00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:20,867
RIGHT, DADDY?
241
00:10:20,902 --> 00:10:22,196
- ABSOLUTELY.
242
00:10:22,228 --> 00:10:23,987
- A-A-AND
SOPHIA WILL MISS YOU.
243
00:10:24,019 --> 00:10:25,128
WON'T YOU, SOPHIA?
244
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,847
- YEAH, YEAH,
PASS THE KETCHUP.
245
00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:33,279
- COME ON NOW, SOPHIA.
246
00:10:33,315 --> 00:10:35,014
YOU'D REMEMBER CHARLEY
IF HE DIED.
247
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,159
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
248
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,269
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER
WHY I NEEDED THE KETCHUP.
249
00:10:42,023 --> 00:10:44,424
- NO, CAROL.
SHE'S RIGHT.
250
00:10:44,459 --> 00:10:46,410
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING
WORTH REMEMBERING.
251
00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:48,035
I'M A PURSER ON THE SHIP.
252
00:10:48,071 --> 00:10:49,773
THE MOST I'VE
EVER DONE IS...
253
00:10:50,607 --> 00:10:51,880
PURSE.
254
00:10:54,210 --> 00:10:55,743
- CHARLEY,
HERE'S A KOOKY THOUGHT.
255
00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,745
WHY NOT DO SOMETHING
WITH YOUR LIFE?
256
00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:59,614
- YEAH, CHARLEY,
MAYBE YOUR COUSIN'S DEATH
257
00:10:59,649 --> 00:11:00,681
IS A WAKE-UP CALL.
258
00:11:00,717 --> 00:11:02,216
MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO DO SOMETHING
259
00:11:02,252 --> 00:11:04,018
MEANINGFUL
WITH YOUR LIFE.
260
00:11:04,053 --> 00:11:05,219
- I KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
261
00:11:05,255 --> 00:11:07,240
- WHAT?
- PLAY CANASTA.
262
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,191
- HOW WILL THAT MAKE
MY LIFE MORE MEANINGFUL?
263
00:11:10,226 --> 00:11:11,259
- IT WON'T.
264
00:11:11,294 --> 00:11:13,210
I JUST FEEL
LIKE PLAYING CANASTA.
265
00:11:13,730 --> 00:11:14,863
- WAIT.
266
00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:16,597
I KNOW HOW TO
MAKE MY MARK ON THE WORLD.
267
00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:17,765
- HOW'S THAT, CHARLES?
268
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,906
- I'M GONNA
WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE.
269
00:11:21,104 --> 00:11:23,738
- CHARLEY, THERE'S NO WAY
YOU CAN WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE.
270
00:11:23,773 --> 00:11:25,539
- HARRY,
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
271
00:11:25,575 --> 00:11:28,276
THE MORE TIMES I ENTER,
THE MORE CHANCES I HAVE TO WIN.
272
00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:35,431
- GOD, I HOPE
SHE KEEPS THIS SHORT.
273
00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:39,735
- FRIENDS, MOURNERS, MIAMIANS...
274
00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:42,204
LEND ME YOUR EARS.
275
00:11:42,239 --> 00:11:44,369
- THAT ANSWERS THAT
QUESTION.
276
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:49,138
- I COME TO PRAISE CHARLEY,
NOT TO BURY HIM.
277
00:11:49,867 --> 00:11:51,404
BUT FIRST...
278
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:55,376
LET ME TELL YOU
HOW I CAME TO BE HERE.
279
00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:59,137
I WAS BORN ON
A STEAMY SUMMER NIGHT.
280
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,317
TO A STRUGGLING
YOUNG MEDICAL STUDENT
281
00:12:02,349 --> 00:12:03,826
AND HIS WINSOME WIFE.
282
00:12:03,861 --> 00:12:06,553
- OH, WE'RE GONNA
BE HERE FOR A WHILE.
283
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:09,498
- HERE.
I GOT SOME AIRLINE PEANUTS.
284
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,860
SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
285
00:12:12,404 --> 00:12:13,708
- CHARLEY DECIDED HE NEEDED
286
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:15,707
TO DO SOMETHING
MEANINGFUL WITH HIS LIFE,
287
00:12:15,742 --> 00:12:18,677
SO HE QUIT HIS JOB,
CASHED IN HIS SAVINGS,
288
00:12:18,712 --> 00:12:20,500
PUT HIS HOUSE UP
FOR SALE,
289
00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:22,902
WHICH REALLY
IRRITATED HIS LANDLORD.
290
00:12:24,184 --> 00:12:27,852
- HARRY, THIS IS
THE WEIRDEST STORY I EVER HEARD.
291
00:12:28,435 --> 00:12:30,472
- YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
ANYTHING YET.
292
00:12:36,859 --> 00:12:40,953
- A COOKIE SALES RECORD
THAT STANDS TO THIS DAY,
293
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,267
ACCORDING TO THE MIAMI COUNCIL
294
00:12:43,303 --> 00:12:45,169
OF CAMPFIRE GIRLS.
295
00:12:45,205 --> 00:12:48,706
THEN--THEN BEGAN
A TIME OF GROWTH AND DISCOVERY.
296
00:12:48,742 --> 00:12:51,109
SEVENTH GRADE,
MS. WILKIE'S HOMEROOM,
297
00:12:51,144 --> 00:12:53,225
A CRISP, FALL MORNING...
298
00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:55,671
I BECAME A WOMAN.
299
00:12:57,484 --> 00:12:58,750
- SO DID
CHARLEY COME UP
300
00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:01,352
WITH ANYTHING MEANINGFUL
TO DO WITH HIS LIFE?
301
00:13:01,387 --> 00:13:04,822
- HE TRIED, BUT HE ENDED UP
EVEN MORE DEPRESSED THAN EVER.
302
00:13:04,858 --> 00:13:06,157
- AND THEN
I THOUGHT, "I KNOW,
303
00:13:06,192 --> 00:13:08,412
I'LL FIND
A CURE FOR CANCER."
304
00:13:09,395 --> 00:13:11,856
THEN I REALIZED
YOU NEED MATH FOR THAT.
305
00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:14,632
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, CHARLEY.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
306
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,400
EASY.
EASY, EASY.
307
00:13:16,436 --> 00:13:19,170
- IT'S NO USE, HARRY.
I'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
308
00:13:19,205 --> 00:13:21,873
I MIGHT AS WELL JUST
SIT HERE AND WAIT TO DIE.
309
00:13:22,642 --> 00:13:23,708
- CHARLEY, IT SEEMS TO ME
310
00:13:23,743 --> 00:13:26,511
THAT YOU COULD
USE SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP.
311
00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:28,346
- WHAT?
A SHRINK?
312
00:13:28,381 --> 00:13:31,082
- CHARLEY, A THERAPIST
IS MERELY SOMEONE
313
00:13:31,117 --> 00:13:33,084
WHO HELPS PEOPLE
SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.
314
00:13:33,119 --> 00:13:34,719
- HEY, JUST BECAUSE
I SIT AROUND ALL DAY
315
00:13:34,754 --> 00:13:36,187
IN MY PAJAMAS WAITING TO DIE
316
00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:37,867
DOESN'T MEAN
I HAVE PROBLEMS.
317
00:13:38,558 --> 00:13:40,625
- CHARLEY, YOU CAN'T
GO ON LIKE THIS.
318
00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:42,813
- WHY NOT?
NOBODY CARES.
319
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:45,589
THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL SHOW UP
AT MY FUNERAL WILL BE ME.
320
00:13:46,466 --> 00:13:48,900
- WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M HAVING A BRAINSTORM.
321
00:13:48,935 --> 00:13:50,468
- YEAH, I THOUGHT
I WAS HAVING ONE OF THOSE TOO,
322
00:13:50,503 --> 00:13:52,812
BUT THE CAT SCAN
SHOWED NOTHING.
323
00:13:54,474 --> 00:13:56,440
- CHARLEY,
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF DYING.
324
00:13:56,476 --> 00:13:58,109
YOU'RE JUST AFRAID
THAT NO ONE WILL CARE.
325
00:13:58,144 --> 00:14:00,778
- SO?
- SO, HAVE YOUR FUNERAL NOW.
326
00:14:00,814 --> 00:14:02,146
GO THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE,
327
00:14:02,182 --> 00:14:04,282
AND FIND OUT WHETHER OR NOT
YOUR FEARS ARE FOUNDED.
328
00:14:04,317 --> 00:14:06,918
- CAROL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
- WHY, DADDY?
329
00:14:06,953 --> 00:14:09,320
IT BUILDS ON
SOUND PSYCHIATRIC THEORY--
330
00:14:09,355 --> 00:14:10,988
CONFRONTING
ONE'S FEARS DIRECTLY.
331
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,990
MUCH AS I CONFRONTED
MY OWN FEAR
332
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,780
OF NEVER
FINDING THE RIGHT MAN.
333
00:14:19,098 --> 00:14:21,584
DADDY, I WILL FIND
THE RIGHT MAN, WON'T I?
334
00:14:22,702 --> 00:14:24,646
- I'M LOOKING FOR HIM TOO.
335
00:14:26,706 --> 00:14:28,973
- REALLY?
DADDY, HAVE YOU LOOKED--
336
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:31,315
- HEY, HEY.
I'M DYING HERE.
337
00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:34,011
- I'M SORRY.
LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO,
338
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,047
CHARLEY,
IS HAVE YOUR FUNERAL.
339
00:14:36,082 --> 00:14:37,114
- I DON'T LIKE THIS.
340
00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:38,516
I REALLY DON'T LIKE THIS,
CAROL.
341
00:14:38,551 --> 00:14:40,433
- A FUNERAL.
342
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:42,286
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO.
343
00:14:42,322 --> 00:14:44,522
THERE'S ARRANGEMENTS TO BE MADE
AND FLOWERS TO ORDER.
344
00:14:44,557 --> 00:14:46,180
HARRY, WOULD YOU HELP ME?
345
00:14:48,228 --> 00:14:50,767
- SURE.
I'LL PERFORM THE AUTOPSY.
346
00:14:56,269 --> 00:14:57,704
- OKAY, CHARLEY.
347
00:14:57,941 --> 00:15:00,486
I AM SO IN THIS MOMENT.
348
00:15:01,741 --> 00:15:04,974
WE ARE GOING TO
THROW THE BEST FUNERAL EVER.
349
00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:08,837
- PLACE IS KINDA CREEPY.
350
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:12,465
IT'S LIKE
BEING IN PENNSYLVANIA.
351
00:15:13,804 --> 00:15:15,486
- YOU MEAN TRANSYLVANIA.
352
00:15:15,521 --> 00:15:17,482
- NUH-UH, PENNSYLVANIA.
353
00:15:18,424 --> 00:15:20,782
ALL MY RELATIVES
DIED IN PITTSBURGH.
354
00:15:21,425 --> 00:15:23,791
YOU THINK DRACULA'S
IN HERE TAKING A NAP?
355
00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:25,846
AH!
- [gasps]
356
00:15:25,878 --> 00:15:26,998
WHAT'S IN THERE?
357
00:15:27,033 --> 00:15:28,549
- THE PRICE TAG.
358
00:15:33,506 --> 00:15:36,492
- I CAN SEE THE GRIEF
WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACES.
359
00:15:36,537 --> 00:15:37,974
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
360
00:15:38,022 --> 00:15:40,077
- UH, WE'D LIKE
TO ARRANGE A FUNERAL.
361
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:41,812
- CERTAINLY, WOULD
YOU LIKE TO HAVE A CHAIR?
362
00:15:41,848 --> 00:15:44,338
- I KINDA HAD MY HEART
SET ON A COFFIN.
363
00:15:45,187 --> 00:15:46,587
- [chuckles]
364
00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:49,481
THIS ONE JUST CAME IN.
IT'S THE '95 MODEL.
365
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,207
SHE'S A BEAUTY,
ISN'T SHE?
366
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:52,924
- IT SEEMS
KIND OF EXPENSIVE.
367
00:15:52,959 --> 00:15:54,659
- IT'S ONLY PENNIES A DAY
WHEN YOU CONSIDER
368
00:15:54,694 --> 00:15:56,446
HOW LONG THE DECEASED
WILL SPEND IN THERE.
369
00:15:57,897 --> 00:15:59,139
- WELL, IN OUR CASE,
370
00:15:59,178 --> 00:16:01,791
THE DECEASED WILL ONLY
BE IN THERE FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.
371
00:16:02,602 --> 00:16:05,384
- YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS
ARE YOUR OWN AFFAIR, SIR.
372
00:16:05,946 --> 00:16:08,406
MAY I ASK
WHO IS THE DECEASED?
373
00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:09,596
- I AM.
374
00:16:09,776 --> 00:16:11,769
- YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN, SIR.
375
00:16:12,979 --> 00:16:15,112
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
YOU THINK HE'S DYING.
376
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,781
HE'S NOT DYING.
- HE'S NOT?
377
00:16:16,816 --> 00:16:19,150
- NO, NO.
THIS IS MERELY AN ATTEMPT
378
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:22,453
TO ASSUAGE CHARLEY'S FEAR OF
HIS OWN DEATH AND INSIGNIFICANCE
379
00:16:22,488 --> 00:16:24,188
BY THROWING HIM A FUNERAL.
380
00:16:24,435 --> 00:16:26,090
OH, YOU MUST
GET THIS ALL THE TIME.
381
00:16:26,125 --> 00:16:27,493
- NO.
382
00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:32,596
BUT I DON'T SEE ANY REASON
WHY WE CAN'T ACCOMMODATE YOU.
383
00:16:32,632 --> 00:16:34,424
NOW, UH...
384
00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:39,437
HOW MUCH WERE YOU THINKING
ABOUT SPENDING FOR THE CASKET?
385
00:16:39,472 --> 00:16:41,274
- WELL,
WE WERE THINKING...
386
00:16:41,305 --> 00:16:43,708
SOMEWHERE
AROUND THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
387
00:16:44,199 --> 00:16:45,946
- [chuckles]
NO.
388
00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:48,019
NOT UNLESS
WE'RE THINKING CREMATION.
389
00:16:50,883 --> 00:16:52,402
- OKAY, TALK TO ME.
390
00:16:57,074 --> 00:16:58,169
- EW.
391
00:16:59,092 --> 00:17:00,580
HOW 'BOUT A USED ONE?
392
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:03,743
- CHARLEY!
393
00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:06,964
- NOW, ACTUALLY,
I DO HAVE SOMETHING.
394
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,632
IT'S NOT EXACTLY USED.
395
00:17:08,668 --> 00:17:10,701
WE SOLD IT,
BUT THE DEAL FELL THROUGH.
396
00:17:10,737 --> 00:17:13,288
THE GOVERNOR
GRANTED HIM A STAY.
397
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:17,061
- CHARLEY, IT'S YOU.
398
00:17:17,205 --> 00:17:20,324
- HEY, STILL HAS
THAT NEW BOX SMELL.
399
00:17:21,634 --> 00:17:23,767
- I'LL KNOCK OFF 10%.
400
00:17:23,903 --> 00:17:26,027
- MAKE IT 20.
- YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.
401
00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:28,082
- GREAT!
- CONGRATULATIONS.
402
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:29,830
USE IT IN GOOD HEALTH.
403
00:17:31,721 --> 00:17:34,589
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE
CAROL CUT SOME DEAL.
404
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:37,091
- THE WAY SHE TELLS IT,
SHE WAS THIS CLOSE
405
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:40,762
TO GETTING HIM TO THROW
IN A CD PLAYER AND A SUNROOF.
406
00:17:43,581 --> 00:17:45,936
- I'D LIKE TO START
WITH JUST A LITTLE PRAYER.
407
00:17:50,039 --> 00:17:51,347
DEAR LORD...
408
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:54,809
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT THIS UNHOLY GATHERIN'
409
00:17:54,844 --> 00:17:56,331
WAS NOT MY IDEA.
410
00:17:56,930 --> 00:17:58,913
I'M ONLY DOIN' THIS
BECAUSE I'M TOLD,
411
00:17:58,948 --> 00:18:01,682
IN SOME DEMENTED WAY,
IT'LL HELP CHARLEY
412
00:18:01,718 --> 00:18:03,406
GET OVER HIS DEPRESSION.
413
00:18:07,857 --> 00:18:09,524
AND EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW
414
00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:11,856
HE'S A COUPLE OF PECKS
SHY OF A BUSHEL,
415
00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,532
HE IS SWEET,
AND I DO WANT HIM TO KNOW
416
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:16,958
THAT I WOULD MISS HIM.
417
00:18:17,438 --> 00:18:18,990
[beer can pops open]
418
00:18:21,795 --> 00:18:24,305
NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO
INTRODUCE THE NEXT SPEAKER,
419
00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:26,374
DR. HARRY WESTON,
WHO I SUSPECT
420
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,710
WAS IN ON THIS
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.
421
00:18:29,099 --> 00:18:30,166
AMEN.
422
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:34,313
- [clears throat]
423
00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,109
LAVERNE...
424
00:18:36,352 --> 00:18:38,778
THANK YOU FOR
THOSE HEARTFELT WORDS.
425
00:18:39,235 --> 00:18:41,315
AND I WAS NEVER IN ON THIS.
426
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,159
IN FACT,
I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE.
427
00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:46,886
BUT NOW THAT I AM--
428
00:18:47,964 --> 00:18:49,897
[sighs]
CHARLEY, LOOK.
429
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:51,499
WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE,
430
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:52,934
YOU GO TO
ENOUGH OF THESE THINGS,
431
00:18:52,969 --> 00:18:55,591
SO FORGIVE ME IF I WAS NOT
ANXIOUS TO COME TO THIS ONE.
432
00:18:57,106 --> 00:19:00,268
YOU KNOW, SITTING HERE
IN THESE SURROUNDINGS,
433
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,311
I COULDN'T HELP
THINKING THAT I'M GLAD
434
00:19:03,346 --> 00:19:05,413
THAT THIS IS NOT FOR REAL.
435
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,364
BECAUSE THE THOUGHT
OF LOSING YOU...
436
00:19:09,185 --> 00:19:10,847
IT MAKES ME REAL SAD.
437
00:19:12,207 --> 00:19:14,079
- I'M SAD TOO, HARRY.
438
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,337
- YEAH, OH.
439
00:19:16,826 --> 00:19:19,756
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THAT CONCLUDES OUR SERVICE.
440
00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:22,526
NOW YOU'RE ALL INVITED
TO COME UP AND...
441
00:19:23,135 --> 00:19:24,966
PAY YOUR LAST RESPECTS.
442
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:27,676
- COME ON.
LET GO OF ME.
443
00:19:28,371 --> 00:19:29,695
- THANKS, LAVERNE.
444
00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:32,391
SOPHIA, FLOWERS WERE GREAT.
THANKS.
445
00:19:32,896 --> 00:19:34,957
THIS WAS NEAT.
YEAH.
446
00:19:36,379 --> 00:19:38,409
HEY, YOU--IT'S A FUNERAL.
447
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,531
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU
TO WEAR BLACK?
448
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:51,053
- YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE
WHEN IDA NARTINO DIED.
449
00:19:51,095 --> 00:19:52,727
THREE KINDS OF COFFEE CAKE.
450
00:19:52,762 --> 00:19:55,013
NOW THAT WAS A FUNERAL.
451
00:19:57,634 --> 00:20:00,568
- HEY, MAXINE.
LET ME GET YOU A BEVERAGE.
452
00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:15,249
CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.
453
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:17,337
MY NAILS AND HAIR
ARE STILL GROWING.
454
00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:19,797
- VERY NICE.
455
00:20:19,824 --> 00:20:21,821
UH, LISTEN, CHARLEY,
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED,
456
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:23,254
I THINK
I MAY HAVE A BUYER.
457
00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:24,750
YOU KNOW
THE ORIGINAL OWNER?
458
00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:26,850
SUPREME COURT
JUST TURNED DOWN HIS APPEAL.
459
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,072
- OH.
460
00:20:29,299 --> 00:20:32,199
- I'M NEXT TO GO.
I CAN FEEL IT.
461
00:20:32,235 --> 00:20:34,468
- SOPHIA, DON'T BE MORBID.
462
00:20:34,504 --> 00:20:35,636
- WHAT MORBID?
463
00:20:35,672 --> 00:20:37,428
I'M NEXT IN LINE FOR
THE BATHROOM.
464
00:20:42,345 --> 00:20:44,845
- DOCTOR, DID YOU EVER
REALLY WONDER
465
00:20:44,881 --> 00:20:48,373
WHAT HAPPENS TO A BODY WHEN
IT PASSES TO THE GREAT BEYOND?
466
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,318
- WELL, IN CHARLEY'S CASE,
467
00:20:50,353 --> 00:20:52,772
IT'LL PROBABLY END UP
IN MY KITCHEN.
468
00:20:54,257 --> 00:20:55,680
[clinging glass]
469
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,089
- ATTENTION, ATTENTION,
GRIEVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
470
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:02,137
THE DECEASED WOULD LIKE
TO SAY A FEW WORDS.
471
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,745
- THANK YOU, CAROL.
472
00:21:06,357 --> 00:21:08,993
"DEAR PENTHOUSE,
I'M A HEALTH--"
473
00:21:14,057 --> 00:21:15,427
[clears throat]
474
00:21:15,792 --> 00:21:17,559
"I'D LIKE TO
THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING.
475
00:21:17,594 --> 00:21:20,095
"AND A SPECIAL THANKS
TO MY COUSIN, MAX,
476
00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:22,854
"WHO GAVE HIS LIFE
TO MAKE THIS DAY POSSIBLE.
477
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,533
"I ALSO WANNA THANK
MY GOOD FRIEND, HARRY,
478
00:21:25,569 --> 00:21:26,901
FOR THE USE OF HIS HOUSE."
479
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:28,436
THAT REMINDS ME.
480
00:21:28,472 --> 00:21:31,042
HARRY,
CAN WE USE YOUR HOUSE?
481
00:21:33,477 --> 00:21:34,776
AND BY THE WAY,
482
00:21:34,811 --> 00:21:36,945
IF ANYBODY HAS ANY
BOOKSHELVES OR STUFF TO MOVE,
483
00:21:36,980 --> 00:21:39,293
I STILL HAVE THE HEARSE
FOR ANOTHER COUPLE HOURS.
484
00:21:40,817 --> 00:21:42,083
- MS. WESTON,
I GOTTA TELL YOU,
485
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,152
THIS WAS
REALLY A GREAT IDEA.
486
00:21:44,187 --> 00:21:46,588
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DISCUSS A BUSINESS PROPOSITION.
487
00:21:46,623 --> 00:21:48,289
- I'M WAY
AHEAD OF YOU, STU.
488
00:21:48,325 --> 00:21:51,726
HOW'S THIS?
"FUNERALS...
489
00:21:51,762 --> 00:21:54,706
THEY'RE NOT JUST
FOR DEAD PEOPLE ANYMORE."
490
00:22:02,063 --> 00:22:04,547
- WELL, NOT THAT I'M
TOO SUPERSTITIOUS, DOCTOR.
491
00:22:04,586 --> 00:22:07,420
BUT BACK IN HICKORY,
WE HAD A MAN--I SWEAR--
492
00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:10,297
COME BACK FROM THE DEAD.
ORVILLE FITCH.
493
00:22:10,425 --> 00:22:12,563
HE WAS
THE LOCAL BRAIN SURGEON.
494
00:22:13,061 --> 00:22:14,842
HE WENT OUT A-RIDIN'
ONE NIGHT,
495
00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:16,890
AND HIS HORSE
GOT SPOOKED AND RUN OFF.
496
00:22:16,926 --> 00:22:19,793
AND POOR ORVILLE
WONDERED AIMLESSLY FOR DAYS
497
00:22:19,829 --> 00:22:21,605
TRYIN' TO FIND HIS WAY HOME.
498
00:22:21,639 --> 00:22:23,397
THEY SAY HE DIED OUT THERE.
499
00:22:23,432 --> 00:22:26,066
AND TO THIS DAY, WHEN YOU'RE OUT
THERE ON A MOONLIT NIGHT,
500
00:22:26,102 --> 00:22:28,802
PEOPLE SWEAR YOU CAN
STILL HEAR THE PLAINTIVE CRIES
501
00:22:28,838 --> 00:22:31,039
OF THE HORSELESS HEADMAN.
502
00:22:31,841 --> 00:22:34,842
[laughing]
503
00:22:39,949 --> 00:22:41,782
NOW, COME ON,
ADMIT IT, DOCTOR.
504
00:22:41,817 --> 00:22:43,350
I REALLY HAD YOU
GOIN' THERE, DIDN'T I?
505
00:22:43,385 --> 00:22:44,684
DIDN'T I?
506
00:22:45,254 --> 00:22:48,288
- NO, BUT
I'M A-GOIN' RIGHT NOW.
507
00:22:48,338 --> 00:22:52,888
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