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1
00:00:00,883 --> 00:00:02,726
- WHAT DO YOU WANT
WITH YOUR COFFEE, SOPHIA?
2
00:00:02,797 --> 00:00:04,167
- REGIS PHILBIN.
3
00:00:07,335 --> 00:00:08,670
NAKED.
4
00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:12,937
- NOT IN MY HOUSE.
5
00:00:13,989 --> 00:00:16,409
- IT'S GREAT TO BE
BACK IN THE WESTON KITCHEN.
6
00:00:16,444 --> 00:00:17,576
ANYBODY FROM OUT OF TOWN?
7
00:00:17,612 --> 00:00:19,044
HEY, SWEETHEART,
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
8
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,687
- ARE YOU ON DOPE?
9
00:00:24,118 --> 00:00:25,084
- A HECKLER.
10
00:00:25,119 --> 00:00:26,194
COOL.
11
00:00:26,988 --> 00:00:28,421
- CHARLEY, WHAT'S--
WHAT'S GOING ON?
12
00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:29,768
- I'M GONNA BE A COMIC.
13
00:00:29,807 --> 00:00:32,892
- YUTZ, YOU CAN'T ONE DAY
JUST DECIDE TO BE A COMIC.
14
00:00:32,927 --> 00:00:34,226
- WELL,
THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU KNOW.
15
00:00:34,262 --> 00:00:35,809
I ALREADY DECIDED.
16
00:00:36,676 --> 00:00:38,576
THE SHIP'S COMIC
GOT SICK LAST NIGHT
17
00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,277
SO I DID HIS ACT
AND I KILLED.
18
00:00:40,313 --> 00:00:41,545
- YOU?
19
00:00:41,581 --> 00:00:42,713
- YEAH.
20
00:00:42,749 --> 00:00:44,014
WHAT A SENSE OF POWER.
21
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:47,118
I MADE SOME LADY SHOOT
PI?A COLADA OUT HER NOSE.
22
00:00:48,588 --> 00:00:50,734
GOOD THING
I LIKE PINEAPPLE.
23
00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:53,402
- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
24
00:00:53,426 --> 00:00:54,992
- GUESS WHO'S
- OPENING FRIDAY NIGHT.
25
00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:56,289
AT THE LAUGHTER RAFTER?
26
00:00:56,329 --> 00:00:58,229
YOUR FAVORITE FUNNY MAN, ME.
27
00:00:59,554 --> 00:01:01,766
- YOU? WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO FOR MATERIAL?
28
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,200
- I'LL WRITE MY OWN STUFF.
29
00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:05,002
I'M QUICK. WATCH THIS.
30
00:01:05,037 --> 00:01:07,638
HEY,
HOW ABOUT THOSE DOLPHINS?
31
00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:09,407
[laughing]
32
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,040
- BOY,
DO YOU NEED HELP.
33
00:01:16,656 --> 00:01:19,523
COME DOWN TO SHADY PINES
AND TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND SYDNEY.
34
00:01:19,558 --> 00:01:21,225
HE DOES 20 MINUTES
35
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,327
OF THE FUNNIEST
STAND-UP YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
36
00:01:23,362 --> 00:01:24,395
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
37
00:01:24,430 --> 00:01:26,463
TRYING TO GET UP
OUT OF HIS CHAIR.
38
00:01:26,499 --> 00:01:29,066
[laughing]
39
00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:33,470
40
00:01:33,506 --> 00:01:35,005
-
LIFE GOES ON
41
00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:36,840
AND SO DO WE
42
00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:40,644
JUST HOW WE DO IT
IS NO MYSTERY
43
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,646
ONE BY ONE
44
00:01:42,682 --> 00:01:44,481
WE FILL THE DAYS
45
00:01:44,517 --> 00:01:49,053
WE FIND A THOUSAND
DIFFERENT WAYS
46
00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:52,990
SOMETIMES THE ANSWER
CAN BE HARD TO FIND
47
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,925
THAT'S SOMETHING
I WILL NEVER BE
48
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,462
I'M ALWAYS HERE
49
00:01:58,497 --> 00:02:03,634
FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED
50
00:02:03,669 --> 00:02:05,969
RAIN OR SHINE
51
00:02:06,005 --> 00:02:08,472
I'LL BE THE ONE
52
00:02:08,507 --> 00:02:12,810
TO SHARE IT ALL
AS LIFE GOES ON
53
00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:15,446
WE SHARE IT ALL
54
00:02:15,481 --> 00:02:18,415
AS LIFE GOES ON
55
00:02:32,675 --> 00:02:34,709
- NOW, PEOPLE, PEOPLE.
56
00:02:34,744 --> 00:02:36,811
I AIN'T A-TELLIN' YOU AGAIN.
57
00:02:36,846 --> 00:02:38,646
YOU CANNOT WAIT
FOR THE BUS IN HERE.
58
00:02:38,681 --> 00:02:40,187
AND I'M WARNING YOU.
59
00:02:41,818 --> 00:02:44,552
YOU BETTER HOPE
DR. DOUGLAS DON'T SEE YOU
60
00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:45,920
WHEN SHE WALKS
THROUGH THAT DOOR
61
00:02:45,955 --> 00:02:46,988
'CAUSE IF SHE SEES YUNS,
62
00:02:47,023 --> 00:02:48,988
SHE'S GONNA
BITE YUNS HEAD OFF.
63
00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:52,260
- GOOD MORNING,
BOYS AND GIRLS.
64
00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:54,195
- OOH, SCARY.
65
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,933
- DR. DOUGLAS,
MOST OF THESE PEOPLE
66
00:02:58,968 --> 00:03:00,134
ARE WAITIN' FOR THE BUS.
67
00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,135
NOW, I'M TELLING YOU,
68
00:03:01,171 --> 00:03:02,603
WE NEED
THESE SEATS FOR PATIENTS.
69
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,071
- BUT THERE'S
NO SHELTER OUT THERE
70
00:03:04,107 --> 00:03:05,239
AND IT'S HOT.
71
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:06,774
- YOU CANNOT WAIT IN HERE.
72
00:03:06,810 --> 00:03:08,042
THIS IS A WAITIN' ROOM.
73
00:03:08,077 --> 00:03:09,878
- IRONIC, AIN'T IT?
74
00:03:10,713 --> 00:03:12,449
- LET THEM STAY.
75
00:03:12,644 --> 00:03:15,049
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
BUT PATIENTS HAVE PRIORITY.
76
00:03:15,084 --> 00:03:17,958
YOU, YOU GET UP
AND LET HIM SIT DOWN.
77
00:03:19,022 --> 00:03:21,088
NOW. THAT'S BETTER.
78
00:03:21,124 --> 00:03:23,124
- HERE COMES THE NUMBER 12.
79
00:03:29,599 --> 00:03:32,467
- LAVERNE, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER
CALL THE TRANSIT AUTHORITY
80
00:03:32,502 --> 00:03:33,801
ABOUT THAT BUS SHELTER.
81
00:03:33,837 --> 00:03:34,802
- I ALREADY DID.
82
00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:36,571
I SPOKE
TO SOME GUY NAMED PLUNKET.
83
00:03:36,606 --> 00:03:38,539
HE TOLD ME TO PUT
MY COMPLAINT IN WRITIN',
84
00:03:38,575 --> 00:03:41,449
THEN HE MADE SOME KINDA
WEIRD BUS NOISE AND HUNG UP.
85
00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,510
- GIVE ME THE NUMBER.
LET ME TRY.
86
00:03:45,014 --> 00:03:46,881
- HEY!
BUBBLE WRAP!
87
00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:48,883
I GOT BUBBLE WRAP HERE!
88
00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:50,060
HERE YOU GO.
89
00:03:50,275 --> 00:03:51,819
WANT SOME
BUBBLE WRAP, LAVERNE?
90
00:03:51,855 --> 00:03:54,799
- OH, SURE, SALLY.
I'LL TAKE ME A POP OR TWO.
91
00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:59,071
- HOW ABOUT
A JELL-O SCULPTURE OF ARIZONA?
92
00:03:59,546 --> 00:04:01,680
OH, IT KINDA MELTED.
93
00:04:01,715 --> 00:04:04,616
- WELL, IT'S HOT IN ARIZONA.
94
00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:06,885
- ANY MAIL FOR ME TODAY?
DID I GET ANY MAIL?
95
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,253
- NOTHIN'
FOR YOU, DEAR. SORRY.
96
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,789
- WELL, SORRY
DOESN'T FILL MY MAILBOX.
97
00:04:10,824 --> 00:04:13,158
- SALLY, HONEY, WHO YOU
EXPECTIN' A LETTER FROM?
98
00:04:13,193 --> 00:04:15,694
- MY BEST FRIEND.
- OH, WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
99
00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:18,290
- HOW DO I KNOW?
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE LETTER YET.
100
00:04:20,534 --> 00:04:23,116
DID YOU CHECK
THE POSTAGE-DUE SECTION?
101
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:25,837
- NOTHING.
102
00:04:25,873 --> 00:04:28,006
- OKAY.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
103
00:04:28,042 --> 00:04:29,698
NO MAIL FOR SALLY.
104
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:32,209
I'M GONNA GO YELL AT CARS.
105
00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:38,016
- POOR OL' SALLY.
106
00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:39,985
COMIN' IN HERE EVERY DAY
LOOKING FOR MAIL.
107
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:41,153
NEVER GETTIN' ANY.
108
00:04:41,188 --> 00:04:42,558
IT IS SAD.
109
00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:43,855
- OH, COME ON, LAVERNE.
110
00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,023
SHE'S DOING OKAY.
111
00:04:45,059 --> 00:04:47,292
SHE'S UP AND ABOUT,
SHE'S HEALTHY.
112
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,828
CHECKIN' HER MAIL,
PASSING OUT BUBBLE WRAP,
113
00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:52,732
TAP DANCING
ON THE HOOD OF MY CAR...
114
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,774
SALLY!
115
00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,276
- DADDY, CAN YOU GET
THE PANCAKE SYRUP?
116
00:05:04,311 --> 00:05:06,044
- YES, SWEETHEART.
THERE YOU GO.
117
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,245
YOU KNOW,
WE'RE ALMOST OUT.
118
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:09,014
- OH, I'LL
PUT IT ON THE LIST.
119
00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,682
- OH,
AND WE NEED LIGHT BULBS.
120
00:05:10,718 --> 00:05:11,783
- GOT IT.
121
00:05:13,721 --> 00:05:15,053
- YOU WANNA ASK THEM
WHAT THEY'RE DOING HERE
122
00:05:15,089 --> 00:05:16,088
OR SHOULD I?
123
00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:21,722
- ALL YOURS.
124
00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,396
- SOPHIA...
125
00:05:24,431 --> 00:05:26,806
- QUICK, SYDNEY.
FIND A CONDOM.
126
00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:38,443
- OH, MY GOD.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
127
00:05:38,479 --> 00:05:40,712
- WELL, IT'S--IT'S
8:00 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.
128
00:05:40,748 --> 00:05:42,647
HAVE YOU
BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT?
129
00:05:42,683 --> 00:05:45,681
- YEAH. SOPHIA
WAS HELPING ME WRITE MY ACT.
130
00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:48,929
- LET ME SEE
WHAT YOU TWO HAVE GOT SO FAR.
131
00:05:49,656 --> 00:05:51,498
"SO THE SOLDIER SAYS,
132
00:05:51,547 --> 00:05:54,760
CAPTURE ROMMEL? I THOUGHT
YOU SAID 'RUPTURED A CAMEL.'"
133
00:05:54,795 --> 00:05:56,328
- AH...
134
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:02,467
- YOU'D WHISTLE TOO IF YOUR NUTS
WERE ROASTING.
135
00:06:06,507 --> 00:06:09,608
THESE--THESE AREN'T JOKES.
THEY'RE JUST PUNCH LINES.
136
00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:11,699
- HEY, THAT'S ALL
I COULD REMEMBER.
137
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,045
- CHARLEY,
PERHAPS I CAN CONTRIBUTE
138
00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:15,580
A LITTLE SOMETHING HERE.
139
00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:17,115
I HATE TO BRAG,
BUT I HAVE HAD
140
00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:20,852
SOME UPROARIOUS EXPERIENCES
IN ABSURDIST HUMOR.
141
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:23,076
- BUT ENOUGH
ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.
142
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,729
OH, BOY,
I'M COOKING NOW.
143
00:06:28,162 --> 00:06:29,731
- OH, OH, I GOT ONE.
144
00:06:29,762 --> 00:06:31,329
WHAT DO YOU GET
WHEN YOU CROSS A CHICKEN
145
00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,117
WITH AN AIR CONDITIONER?
146
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:34,800
- I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT?
147
00:06:34,835 --> 00:06:37,437
- I DON'T KNOW EITHER.
HELP ME, HARRY.
148
00:06:38,105 --> 00:06:40,539
- CHARLEY,
JUST TRY WRITING SOME JOKES
149
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,874
BASED UPON
PERSONAL OBSERVATION.
150
00:06:42,910 --> 00:06:44,242
YOU KNOW,
THE KIND OF THINGS THAT--
151
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,578
YOU KNOW, FUNNY THINGS
THAT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
152
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,847
- FOR EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW
HOW WHEN YOU'RE AT THE GAP
153
00:06:48,882 --> 00:06:50,348
AND YOU'RE TRYING ON JEANS,
154
00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:52,384
AND SUDDENLY
IT GETS REALLY QUIET
155
00:06:52,419 --> 00:06:55,187
AND YOU SWEAR YOU CAN HEAR
THOSE SKINNY LITTLE 17-YEAR-OLDS
156
00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:56,421
WHO WORK THERE SNICKERING
157
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,937
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
FIT INTO A SIZE 4?
158
00:07:04,698 --> 00:07:06,369
OH, RIGHT,
LIKE IT'S JUST ME.
159
00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:11,315
- HARRY, I'M GONNA GO ON
AND I DON'T HAVE ANY MATERIAL.
160
00:07:11,351 --> 00:07:12,629
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
161
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,212
- FIND A VENTRILOQUIST
AND SIT ON HIS LAP.
162
00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:17,655
[laughing]
163
00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:19,724
GET OUT THE BUTTER,
I'M ON A ROLL.
164
00:07:23,663 --> 00:07:26,397
- UH, DR. DOUGLAS?
UM...
165
00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,232
DID YOU EVER GET IN TOUCH
WITH THAT PLUNKET GUY?
166
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:30,868
- YES, I CALLED
AND I WAS VERY REASONABLE.
167
00:07:30,903 --> 00:07:33,738
I SAID, "I CAN APPRECIATE
HOW DIFFICULT YOUR JOB IS,
168
00:07:33,773 --> 00:07:36,741
"BUT IT OCCURS TO US
THAT EVEN A BRAIN-DEAD BABOON
169
00:07:36,776 --> 00:07:38,743
"KNOWS THAT
IF YOU MOVE THE DAMN BUS STOP,
170
00:07:38,778 --> 00:07:42,055
YOU GOTTA MOVE
THE DAMN BUS SHELTER, DAMN IT!"
171
00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:44,482
- WHAT'D HE SAY TO THAT?
172
00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:47,260
- "TO REVIEW YOUR MESSAGE
PRESS THE POUND KEY."
173
00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:52,189
- ANYBODY WANT A TOOTHPICK
FROM WILLIE'S DINER?
174
00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:54,225
MINT-FLAVORED,
ONLY USED ONCE.
175
00:07:56,829 --> 00:07:58,396
HERE, LAVERNE,
HAVE A HANDFUL.
176
00:07:58,431 --> 00:07:59,663
- THANKS, SALLY.
177
00:07:59,699 --> 00:08:00,931
- WELL,
I'LL JUST PICK UP MY MAIL
178
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:02,366
AND BE ON MY WAY.
179
00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,068
- UH, SALLY, HONEY.
180
00:08:04,103 --> 00:08:05,736
LISTEN TO ME
CAREFULLY, DEAR.
181
00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,271
THIS IS
NOT A POST OFFICE.
182
00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:10,130
- YEAH, AND PARKING METERS
DON'T EAT TOAST.
183
00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:14,712
- HEY, YOU GOT
CHANGE FOR THE BUS?
184
00:08:14,747 --> 00:08:16,714
- NO, SHE DOES NOT!
185
00:08:16,749 --> 00:08:19,583
THIS IS NOT A BANK!
THIS IS NOT A BUS DEPOT!
186
00:08:19,619 --> 00:08:21,563
THIS IS A MEDICAL CLINIC!
187
00:08:22,455 --> 00:08:23,888
- UH-OH.
188
00:08:23,923 --> 00:08:26,099
DISGRUNTLED POSTAL WORKER.
189
00:08:27,894 --> 00:08:29,595
HIT THE DECK!
190
00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:37,067
- SALLY, IT'S OKAY.
191
00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:38,367
I'M A DOCTOR.
192
00:08:38,671 --> 00:08:40,667
- WELL, I KNOW
YOU'RE NOT A FOOT MODEL.
193
00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:43,474
GUESS I'D BETTER GO.
194
00:08:43,509 --> 00:08:44,929
- SALLY, WAIT.
195
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:48,145
DON'T YOU WANT ME
TO CHECK THE POSTAGE-DUE BOX?
196
00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:50,147
- NAH, WHAT'S THE USE?
197
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:51,324
- HEY.
198
00:08:52,151 --> 00:08:53,784
LOOKIE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
199
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,937
A LETTER FOR SALLY.
200
00:08:56,982 --> 00:08:58,689
- WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME SEE THAT.
201
00:08:58,724 --> 00:09:00,958
- SALLY?
IT SAYS "SALLY"?
202
00:09:01,663 --> 00:09:03,755
WHAT'S
THE LAST NAME ON IT?
203
00:09:05,998 --> 00:09:07,131
- THEY AIN'T ONE.
204
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,284
- THAT'S ME!
205
00:09:10,014 --> 00:09:11,302
I GOT A LETTER.
206
00:09:11,337 --> 00:09:13,370
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
I GOT A LETTER.
207
00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:16,140
- OH, I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE HAPPY, DARLIN'.
208
00:09:16,175 --> 00:09:18,221
- OH, BOY, I GOT
A MILLION THINGS TO DO.
209
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:21,212
UH, OPEN IT,
WASH MY HANDS,
210
00:09:21,253 --> 00:09:23,547
UNFOLD IT,
WASH MY HANDS,
211
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:26,142
READ IT,
WASH MY HANDS,
212
00:09:26,226 --> 00:09:28,491
READ IT AGAIN
AND THEN...
213
00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:30,399
- WASH YOUR HANDS?
214
00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:33,115
- NO.
BUY MORE SOAP.
215
00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:36,578
HEY, HAVE A TOOTHPICK.
216
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,828
I GOT A LETTER!
217
00:09:37,864 --> 00:09:39,296
[yelping]
218
00:09:45,599 --> 00:09:48,166
- DON'T KNOW WHY
I ALWAYS LET YOU DRIVE.
219
00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:50,268
THAT'S THE FASTEST
I'VE EVER RIDDEN IN A CAR.
220
00:09:50,303 --> 00:09:52,737
- OH, DR. DOUGLAS,
IT WASN'T THAT FAST.
221
00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:55,273
- LAVERNE,
IT IS NOW 8:00.
222
00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:57,979
WE LEFT MY HOUSE
AT 10 AFTER 8:00.
223
00:09:59,212 --> 00:10:01,457
WE WENT BACK IN TIME.
224
00:10:01,948 --> 00:10:04,582
- WELL, WE DIDN'T WANNA BE
LATE FOR CHARLEY'S BIG NIGHT.
225
00:10:04,618 --> 00:10:06,351
- LISTEN, EVERYBODY.
226
00:10:06,386 --> 00:10:08,234
LET'S DO CHARLEY A FAVOR.
227
00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:10,967
EVEN IF HE'S NOT FUNNY,
LET'S LAUGH.
228
00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:14,859
- HEY, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
229
00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,828
AND WELCOME
TO THE LAUGHTER RAFTER.
230
00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:18,215
THANK YOU.
231
00:10:18,698 --> 00:10:20,398
I'M YOUR HOST,
NICK KESSLER,
232
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,008
BUT THAT'S MY PROBLEM.
233
00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,736
YOUR PROBLEM
IS THE NEXT GUY COMING UP.
234
00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:27,772
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CHARLEY DIETZ.
235
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:38,349
- SO, IS ANYBODY
FROM OUT OF TOWN?
236
00:10:38,385 --> 00:10:39,884
- SCREW YOU!
237
00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:45,190
- WHAT IS THAT, A COLLEGE?
238
00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:47,258
[drum hit]
239
00:10:49,869 --> 00:10:52,397
UH, BEFORE I START,
I--I--I'D LIKE TO SAY
240
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:54,299
A SPECIAL THANK YOU
TO SOMEONE WHO GAVE ME
241
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:57,101
SOME VERY VALUABLE ADVICE.
242
00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:59,919
DR. HARRY WESTON.
STAND UP, HARRY.
243
00:10:59,978 --> 00:11:02,674
[applause]
244
00:11:04,578 --> 00:11:07,312
WELL, HARRY TOLD ME
THAT THE BEST COMEDY COMES
245
00:11:07,347 --> 00:11:09,681
FROM PERSONAL OBSERVATION.
246
00:11:09,716 --> 00:11:11,416
AND HE OUGHTA KNOW.
247
00:11:11,451 --> 00:11:13,184
HE'S GOT AN EXAM ROOM
WITH A PEEPHOLE.
248
00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:15,253
[laughter]
249
00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:18,323
I MEAN, THE GUY
IS DESPERATE FOR ACTION.
250
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:20,158
AND NO WONDER,
LOOK AT THAT HEAD.
251
00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:21,693
HARRY,
HOW DO YOU COMB THAT HAIR?
252
00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:22,794
WITH A WOOD CHISEL?
253
00:11:22,829 --> 00:11:24,929
[drum hit and laughter]
254
00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,397
WE'RE TALKING DESPERATE.
255
00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:28,733
HE'S THE ONLY DOCTOR I KNOW
WHO STARTS HIS BREAST EXAMS
256
00:11:28,768 --> 00:11:30,048
WITH DINNER AND A MOVIE.
257
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,804
[drum hit and laughter]
258
00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:36,693
BUT AT LEAST HE'S
AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY PERVERT.
259
00:11:36,945 --> 00:11:38,877
HE GAVE ME AN EXAM AND SAID,
260
00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:40,712
"TURN YOUR HEAD
AND KISS ME."
261
00:11:48,982 --> 00:11:50,982
- HEY, YOU.
262
00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:52,751
- YOU.
THAT'S FUNNY, HARRY.
263
00:11:52,786 --> 00:11:55,320
YOU SEE ME AND GO, "YOU."
LIKE, WHO ELSE COULD I BE?
264
00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:57,208
I COULD USE THAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
265
00:11:57,658 --> 00:11:59,191
- NO,
YOU CAN'T USE THAT.
266
00:11:59,226 --> 00:12:00,959
IT'S NOT FUNNY
AND YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
267
00:12:00,994 --> 00:12:02,494
CHARLEY,
YOU HUMILIATED ME.
268
00:12:02,529 --> 00:12:04,696
THE ENTIRE
MEDICAL COMMUNITY IN FLORIDA
269
00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:06,809
IS DOING HARRY WESTON JOKES.
270
00:12:07,042 --> 00:12:08,533
THEY'RE FAXING THEM IN.
271
00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:09,801
- OH, COME ON, HARRY.
272
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:11,236
SO I SAID
YOUR HAIR'S A LITTLE STIFF.
273
00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:12,571
STIFF?
WHAT AM I SAYING?
274
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,473
THE LAST WOMAN WHO RAN HER
FINGERS THROUGH THAT HAIR
275
00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:15,807
GOT SPLINTERS.
276
00:12:15,843 --> 00:12:17,008
- CHARLEY--
277
00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:18,176
- I'M SERIOUS, HARRY.
278
00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:19,644
YOU COULD
CUT BREAD ON THAT HEAD.
279
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,314
WHAT DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR
WITH, THOMPSON'S WATERSEAL?
280
00:12:22,349 --> 00:12:24,750
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, CHARLEY.
281
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:25,884
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
282
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,452
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU KICK ME OUT NOW,
283
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:28,787
BUT YOU'LL
KICK ME BACK IN AGAIN
284
00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,288
ONCE YOU SEE ME
ON TELEVISION. LOOK.
285
00:12:30,848 --> 00:12:32,958
- YOU'RE GONNA BE
ON EVENING AT THE IMPROV?
286
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:34,619
- WITH BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT.
287
00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:36,325
THEY HAD A TALENT SCOUT
IN THE AUDIENCE LAST NIGHT
288
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,986
AND THEY THOUGHT
I WAS WEIRD.
289
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:39,798
IN A GOOD WAY.
290
00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:41,400
SO, I'M FLYING OUT
TO HOLLYWOOD TOMORROW.
291
00:12:41,435 --> 00:12:44,035
- CHARLEY,
DO NOT HUMILIATE ME
292
00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:45,570
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
293
00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:47,458
- BUT, HARRY,
YOU'RE MY WHOLE ACT.
294
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:49,040
- THEN WRITE A NEW ACT.
295
00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:50,766
- BUT THAT'S HARD.
296
00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:53,754
- FRIENDS DON'T
HURT FRIENDS, CHARLEY.
297
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,140
THINK ABOUT IT.
298
00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:56,760
FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE,
299
00:12:56,796 --> 00:12:58,596
WEIGH YOUR PRIORITIES.
300
00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:05,169
- HARRY...
301
00:13:05,204 --> 00:13:06,582
CAREER.
302
00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:09,574
CAREER, HARRY.
303
00:13:10,109 --> 00:13:11,339
BEST FRIEND...
304
00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:13,360
HOLLYWOOD.
305
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,616
- GOOD MORNING,
FAVORITE NURSE O' MINE.
306
00:13:18,651 --> 00:13:20,084
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY
307
00:13:20,119 --> 00:13:21,986
AND ALL
IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
308
00:13:22,021 --> 00:13:23,787
- IF YOU GOT
LUCKY LAST NIGHT,
309
00:13:23,823 --> 00:13:25,462
I DON'T WANNA
KNOW ABOUT IT.
310
00:13:26,686 --> 00:13:28,565
- BETTER THAN THAT.
311
00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:31,217
WE'RE GETTING
OUR WAITING ROOM BACK.
312
00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:32,541
- GOOD.
313
00:13:33,099 --> 00:13:34,531
- DON'T YOU WANNA
HEAR THE STORY?
314
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:35,781
- NO.
315
00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:38,802
OKAY, WHAT?
316
00:13:38,838 --> 00:13:41,105
- WELL, I WENT DOWN
TO PLUNKET'S OFFICE
317
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,940
AND I TOLD HIM
IF HE WAS GOING TO TURN
318
00:13:42,975 --> 00:13:44,608
OUR PLACE
INTO A BUS STATION,
319
00:13:44,644 --> 00:13:47,112
WE WOULD TURN
HIS OFFICE INTO A CLINIC.
320
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,245
- AND...
321
00:13:48,281 --> 00:13:50,781
- AND HE LAUGHED AT ME.
322
00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:54,752
SO I SNAPPED ON
MY RUBBER GLOVE
323
00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:57,187
AND TOLD HIM
HE WAS MY FIRST PATIENT.
324
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:04,157
NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE'RE
GETTING OUR WAITING ROOM BACK.
325
00:14:04,897 --> 00:14:06,030
- AND?
326
00:14:06,065 --> 00:14:08,432
- LAVERNE,
WE GOT OUR BUS SHELTER.
327
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:11,035
- OH, DOCTOR.
I AM SORRY.
328
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,736
I AM UP
TO MY EYEBALLS IN LETTERS.
329
00:14:12,772 --> 00:14:14,605
I'VE GOT
NINE MORE FROM SALLY,
330
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,307
AND I'VE GOT
TWO YET TO ANSWER.
331
00:14:16,342 --> 00:14:17,908
- WELL, EXCUSE ME, LAVERNE,
332
00:14:17,943 --> 00:14:20,544
BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO ANSWER EACH ONE INDIVIDUALLY?
333
00:14:20,579 --> 00:14:22,501
- IT'S THE HICKORY WAY.
334
00:14:23,215 --> 00:14:25,149
SOMEBODY GOES TO THE TROUBLE
TO WRITE YOU A LETTER,
335
00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:26,483
YOU WRITE THEM BACK.
336
00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:29,200
SHOOT, MY AUNT ODELLE,
SHE EVEN ANSWERED JUNK MAIL.
337
00:14:31,183 --> 00:14:33,057
- "THIS IS
MY LETTER TO THE WORLD
338
00:14:33,092 --> 00:14:34,855
THAT NEVER WROTE TO ME."
339
00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,437
SALLY WROTE THIS?
340
00:14:37,763 --> 00:14:39,163
THIS IS KINDA POETIC.
341
00:14:39,198 --> 00:14:42,132
- ACTUALLY,
IT'S EMILY DICKINSON.
342
00:14:42,168 --> 00:14:43,400
AND AIN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE?
343
00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:45,436
'CAUSE I JUST
LOVE EMILY DICKINSON.
344
00:14:45,471 --> 00:14:46,804
- YOU, LAVERNE?
345
00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,140
- OH, YEAH.
346
00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:50,741
THE PLAYFUL
APHORISTIC STYLE,
347
00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:53,010
THE SUPERB
METRICAL BALANCE,
348
00:14:53,045 --> 00:14:55,079
THE CONCISE
LYRICAL FORM.
349
00:14:55,114 --> 00:14:56,814
- HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?
350
00:14:56,849 --> 00:14:59,483
- OH, THEY LEARNED US 'UNS
REAL GOOD
351
00:14:59,518 --> 00:15:01,736
UP YONDER AT HILLBILLY HIGH.
352
00:15:02,955 --> 00:15:04,498
- YOO-HOO.
353
00:15:04,957 --> 00:15:06,990
- OH, MORNING, SALLY.
- MORNING.
354
00:15:07,026 --> 00:15:09,093
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY CHANGE OF ADDRESS FORMS?
355
00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:10,260
- ARE YOU MOVING?
356
00:15:10,296 --> 00:15:12,073
- NO, I'M JUST
CHANGING A DRESS.
357
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,798
- HEY, HEY!
- [laughing]
358
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,940
POSTAL JOKE.
359
00:15:17,937 --> 00:15:20,037
ANY MAIL FOR ME TODAY?
360
00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:22,673
- YEAH,
HERE YOU GO, SALLY.
361
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:25,809
UH, LISTEN, SALLY,
YOU KNOW, YOUR NEW FRIEND
362
00:15:25,845 --> 00:15:28,617
MAY NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP UP
WITH ALL THIS LETTER WRITIN'.
363
00:15:28,647 --> 00:15:30,944
- FISH STICKS, SHE'S
GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
364
00:15:30,983 --> 00:15:32,583
SHE'S A CONGRESSWOMAN.
365
00:15:32,618 --> 00:15:34,045
- WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
366
00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:36,186
- NO STAMPS.
367
00:15:38,257 --> 00:15:40,724
WELL, I GOTTA GO.
I GOT A LOT OF WRITING TO DO.
368
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,564
"A WORD IS DEAD
WHEN IT IS SAID, SOME SAY.
369
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,382
I SAY IT JUST
BEGINS TO LIVE THAT DAY."
370
00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:47,694
EMILY DICKINSON.
371
00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:49,678
- OH, YOU LIKE
EMILY DICKINSON?
372
00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:52,092
- SURE DO.
BUT WE DON'T GO OUT MUCH.
373
00:15:52,128 --> 00:15:53,550
SHE'S DEAD.
374
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:55,614
OH!
375
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,391
I ALMOST FORGOT.
376
00:15:57,801 --> 00:15:59,033
SEE YA.
377
00:16:01,203 --> 00:16:05,788
- GOLLY, HOW AM I GONNA
KEEP UP WITH ALL THIS?
378
00:16:05,859 --> 00:16:08,208
- LAVERNE,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP?
379
00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:10,326
- I CAN'T.
380
00:16:10,484 --> 00:16:12,642
SHE'S SO LONELY.
381
00:16:13,652 --> 00:16:15,193
LISTEN TO THIS.
382
00:16:15,785 --> 00:16:17,685
"YOU EVER GET SCARED?
383
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,698
"I AM ALL THE TIME.
384
00:16:19,995 --> 00:16:22,795
"I'M SCARED OF DARK NIGHTS
AND WAKING UP ALONE,
385
00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:24,797
"OF ANGRY DOGS,
BLIND CORNERS,
386
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:26,630
AND COLD FACES."
387
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:28,101
- EMILY DICKINSON?
388
00:16:28,136 --> 00:16:29,102
- NO.
389
00:16:29,137 --> 00:16:30,346
SALLY.
390
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,473
"I'M NOT
SO SCARED NOW THOUGH.
391
00:16:33,508 --> 00:16:35,942
"NOW I HAVE
SOMEONE I CAN COUNT ON,
392
00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:39,266
SOMEONE I DON'T HAVE
TO BE FOOLIN' ALL THE TIME."
393
00:16:40,594 --> 00:16:43,016
- SOUNDS
LIKE SHE'S FOUND A FRIEND.
394
00:16:49,391 --> 00:16:51,291
- COMING UP NEXT
ON EVENING AT THE IMPROV,
395
00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:53,293
JACKIE BOK CHOY,
396
00:16:53,328 --> 00:16:55,741
THE CHINESE CARROT TOP,
397
00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:58,398
AND NEWCOMER
CHARLEY DIETZ.
398
00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:00,633
[applause]
399
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:03,149
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M WATCHING THIS.
400
00:17:04,411 --> 00:17:05,872
- OH, I'M SORRY I'M LATE,
401
00:17:05,907 --> 00:17:08,182
BUT SHADY PINES
HAD A LINGERIE PARTY.
402
00:17:10,556 --> 00:17:12,592
IDA BROKE A HIP
TRYING ON A TEDDY.
403
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:16,124
TEDDY BROKE A HIP
TRYING ON IDA.
404
00:17:17,252 --> 00:17:18,885
- SOPHIA, CHARLEY'S ON.
405
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,526
[applause]
- THANK YOU.
406
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:23,530
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE WELCOME
407
00:17:23,565 --> 00:17:25,698
CHARLEY DIETZ.
408
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:28,601
[applause]
409
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,084
- OH, MY GOD,
I'M ON TV.
410
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,765
COOL.
411
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,089
- I'M NOT WATCHING THIS.
412
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,271
I'M NOT.
413
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,759
- YOU KNOW,
A FRIEND OF MINE
414
00:17:42,794 --> 00:17:46,663
TOLD ME THAT THE BEST COMEDY
COMES FROM PERSONAL OBSERVATION.
415
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,303
- I'M GONNA KILL HIM.
416
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,516
- AND MY GOOD FRIEND
BOBCAT OUGHTA KNOW.
417
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,673
HE'S GOT A DRESSING ROOM
WITH A PEEP HOLE.
418
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:02,012
I MEAN, THE GUY
IS DESPERATE FOR ACTION.
419
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:05,315
HE'S THE ONLY COMIC I KNOW
WHO STARTS BREAST EXAMS
420
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,715
WITH DINNER AND A MOVIE.
421
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:10,487
AND NO WONDER!
422
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:11,655
LOOK AT THAT HEAD OF HIS.
423
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,156
I MEAN, WHAT DOES
HE COMB HIS HAIR WITH,
424
00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:14,724
A WOOD CHISEL?
425
00:18:17,286 --> 00:18:19,352
[booing]
426
00:18:19,388 --> 00:18:20,687
THANK YOU.
427
00:18:21,122 --> 00:18:22,602
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
428
00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:24,691
- VERY NICE.
429
00:18:25,164 --> 00:18:26,664
CHARLEY DIETZ.
430
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:29,529
YOU'LL NEVER FORGET HIM.
431
00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:30,831
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
432
00:18:30,866 --> 00:18:32,566
[applause]
433
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,700
- AND WE'RE INTO COMMERCIAL.
434
00:18:35,037 --> 00:18:38,130
- HEY, MAN,
YOU REALLY SUCKED.
435
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:40,172
- GOOD ONE.
436
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:50,123
- COFFEE.
437
00:18:50,452 --> 00:18:52,762
I NEED COFFEE.
438
00:18:53,824 --> 00:18:55,958
- CHECK
THE END OF YOUR ARM.
439
00:19:00,893 --> 00:19:03,012
- I'LL JUST
DRINK THIS THEN.
440
00:19:04,235 --> 00:19:06,402
- LAVERNE,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY?
441
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,437
- IT MAY BE
TODAY TO YOU, DOCTOR,
442
00:19:08,506 --> 00:19:10,239
BUT TO ME
IT IS STILL YESTERDAY
443
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,007
'CAUSE I'S UP
WRITIN' LETTERS ALL NIGHT.
444
00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:14,443
- LAVERNE, YOU'RE A MESS.
445
00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:15,578
LOOK AT YOURSELF.
446
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,046
- I DON'T WANT TO.
447
00:19:17,081 --> 00:19:18,214
I'M SCARED.
448
00:19:20,669 --> 00:19:22,251
- DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
449
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,353
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP
THIS LETTER WRITING.
450
00:19:24,388 --> 00:19:25,955
IT'S STARTING
TO AFFECT YOUR HEALTH.
451
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,239
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
452
00:19:29,788 --> 00:19:31,627
I'M JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BITE THE BULLET
453
00:19:31,662 --> 00:19:34,530
AND TELL SALLY,
"NO MORE LETTERS."
454
00:19:34,565 --> 00:19:35,698
- YOO-HOO.
455
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:36,865
WHERE'S MY MAIL?
456
00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:39,034
- DR. DOUGLAS,
WHERE IS HER MAIL?
457
00:19:40,964 --> 00:19:43,138
- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
458
00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:45,708
AND I'D LOVE TO ANSWER IT,
459
00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:50,012
BUT I'VE GOT BAGEL DOGS
STEAMING IN THE STERILIZER.
460
00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:53,115
- SO WHERE'S MY MAIL?
461
00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:57,330
- UH, SALLY...
462
00:19:57,974 --> 00:19:59,285
UM...
463
00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:04,927
WELL, IT'S
JUST THAT YOUR FRIEND
464
00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:06,795
ISN'T GONNA BE ABLE
TO WRITE TO YOU ANYMORE.
465
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:07,963
- WHY NOT?
466
00:20:09,531 --> 00:20:11,400
- BECAUSE SHE'S, UM--
467
00:20:11,435 --> 00:20:12,568
SHE'S--
468
00:20:12,603 --> 00:20:14,774
- BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?
469
00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:18,726
- OKAY.
470
00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:21,944
- SPACE OR ILLEGAL?
471
00:20:22,613 --> 00:20:23,712
- SPACE?
472
00:20:23,748 --> 00:20:26,730
- DAMN, THEY ALWAYS
TAKE THE NICE ONES!
473
00:20:28,552 --> 00:20:30,319
- I'M SORRY, SALLY.
474
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,620
- AH, NO MATTER.
475
00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:32,788
I'M USED TO IT.
476
00:20:32,823 --> 00:20:34,590
I JUST GO BACK
TO HAVING NOBODY.
477
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:35,958
WELL, SEE YOU 'ROUND.
478
00:20:35,993 --> 00:20:37,293
- SALLY...
479
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,151
"I'M NOBODY.
480
00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,473
"WHO ARE YOU?
481
00:20:45,469 --> 00:20:47,471
"ARE YOU NOBODY, TOO?
482
00:20:48,969 --> 00:20:50,851
"THEN THERE'S
A PAIR OF US.
483
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,035
"DON'T TELL.
484
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:56,595
both: "THEY'D BANISH US,
YOU KNOW?"
485
00:20:58,697 --> 00:21:01,183
- SALLY,
I WROTE THOSE LETTERS.
486
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,518
- YOU?
487
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,786
- YEAH.
488
00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:06,622
- WELL, LAVERNE,
THAT KINDA BEGS THE QUESTION:
489
00:21:06,657 --> 00:21:09,562
WHAT'S THE INSIDE
OF A SPACESHIP LIKE?
490
00:21:17,106 --> 00:21:19,468
- SALLY, I MADE THAT UP.
491
00:21:19,918 --> 00:21:21,402
- OH.
492
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,707
SO YOU DON'T WANT
TO WRITE TO ME ANYMORE?
493
00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,481
- HONEY, I CAN'T.
494
00:21:27,343 --> 00:21:29,111
BUT WE DON'T NEED LETTERS.
495
00:21:29,146 --> 00:21:30,279
- WHY NOT?
496
00:21:30,314 --> 00:21:32,348
- BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS.
497
00:21:32,383 --> 00:21:33,580
- REALLY?
498
00:21:33,797 --> 00:21:35,384
YOU MEAN,
WE CAN DO STUFF TOGETHER?
499
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,785
- WHY, SURE.
500
00:21:36,821 --> 00:21:39,760
- DO YOU WANNA GO OUT
AND TOUCH SOME TREES?
501
00:21:42,993 --> 00:21:44,523
- SURE.
502
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,129
I'LL SEE YOU AFTER WORK.
503
00:21:47,164 --> 00:21:49,787
- I GET OFF AT 5:00.
- OKAY.
504
00:21:50,367 --> 00:21:52,227
- I LOVED
YOUR LETTERS, LAVERNE.
505
00:21:52,257 --> 00:21:53,335
- THANK YOU.
506
00:21:53,371 --> 00:21:54,636
- BUT YOU MIGHT WANNA KEEP
507
00:21:54,672 --> 00:21:56,550
THOSE HICKORY STORIES
TO YOURSELF.
508
00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:58,882
THEY MAKE YOU
SOUND KINDA CRAZY.
509
00:22:08,014 --> 00:22:09,978
- CHARLEY, YOU'RE BACK!
510
00:22:10,183 --> 00:22:12,486
- HARRY, BABE,
LET'S DO LUNCH.
511
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,685
I'LL HAVE MY PEOPLE
EMPTY YOUR FRIDGE.
512
00:22:18,101 --> 00:22:20,449
- CHARLEY,
I--I--I REALLY WANT YOU TO KNOW
513
00:22:20,493 --> 00:22:22,772
THAT I APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU DID ON THE SHOW.
514
00:22:22,811 --> 00:22:24,271
I KNOW IT WAS
VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU
515
00:22:24,295 --> 00:22:26,186
AND I'M SORRY
THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT.
516
00:22:26,233 --> 00:22:27,632
- HARRY,
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
517
00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:28,977
I KILLED.
518
00:22:30,337 --> 00:22:32,706
- CHARLEY, THE AUDIENCE
DIDN'T LAUGH ONCE.
519
00:22:32,739 --> 00:22:34,345
HARRY, HARRY, HARRY...
520
00:22:34,372 --> 00:22:35,804
THIS IS TELEVISION.
521
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,888
- THEY PUT
THE LAUGHS IN LATER.
522
00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:42,044
THEY LOVED ME.
523
00:22:42,079 --> 00:22:44,280
THEY HAD SECURITY
RUSH ME TO THE AIRPORT.
524
00:22:44,315 --> 00:22:46,751
I WAS 18 HOURS
EARLY FOR MY FLIGHT.
525
00:22:47,063 --> 00:22:48,830
YEAH, I'M HOT STUFF.
526
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,430
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