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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,883 --> 00:00:02,726 - WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH YOUR COFFEE, SOPHIA? 2 00:00:02,797 --> 00:00:04,167 - REGIS PHILBIN. 3 00:00:07,335 --> 00:00:08,670 NAKED. 4 00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:12,937 - NOT IN MY HOUSE. 5 00:00:13,989 --> 00:00:16,409 - IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE WESTON KITCHEN. 6 00:00:16,444 --> 00:00:17,576 ANYBODY FROM OUT OF TOWN? 7 00:00:17,612 --> 00:00:19,044 HEY, SWEETHEART, WHERE ARE YOU FROM? 8 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,687 - ARE YOU ON DOPE? 9 00:00:24,118 --> 00:00:25,084 - A HECKLER. 10 00:00:25,119 --> 00:00:26,194 COOL. 11 00:00:26,988 --> 00:00:28,421 - CHARLEY, WHAT'S-- WHAT'S GOING ON? 12 00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:29,768 - I'M GONNA BE A COMIC. 13 00:00:29,807 --> 00:00:32,892 - YUTZ, YOU CAN'T ONE DAY JUST DECIDE TO BE A COMIC. 14 00:00:32,927 --> 00:00:34,226 - WELL, THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU KNOW. 15 00:00:34,262 --> 00:00:35,809 I ALREADY DECIDED. 16 00:00:36,676 --> 00:00:38,576 THE SHIP'S COMIC GOT SICK LAST NIGHT 17 00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,277 SO I DID HIS ACT AND I KILLED. 18 00:00:40,313 --> 00:00:41,545 - YOU? 19 00:00:41,581 --> 00:00:42,713 - YEAH. 20 00:00:42,749 --> 00:00:44,014 WHAT A SENSE OF POWER. 21 00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:47,118 I MADE SOME LADY SHOOT PI?A COLADA OUT HER NOSE. 22 00:00:48,588 --> 00:00:50,734 GOOD THING I LIKE PINEAPPLE. 23 00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:53,402 - I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. 24 00:00:53,426 --> 00:00:54,992 - GUESS WHO'S - OPENING FRIDAY NIGHT. 25 00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:56,289 AT THE LAUGHTER RAFTER? 26 00:00:56,329 --> 00:00:58,229 YOUR FAVORITE FUNNY MAN, ME. 27 00:00:59,554 --> 00:01:01,766 - YOU? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR MATERIAL? 28 00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,200 - I'LL WRITE MY OWN STUFF. 29 00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:05,002 I'M QUICK. WATCH THIS. 30 00:01:05,037 --> 00:01:07,638 HEY, HOW ABOUT THOSE DOLPHINS? 31 00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:09,407 [laughing] 32 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,040 - BOY, DO YOU NEED HELP. 33 00:01:16,656 --> 00:01:19,523 COME DOWN TO SHADY PINES AND TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND SYDNEY. 34 00:01:19,558 --> 00:01:21,225 HE DOES 20 MINUTES 35 00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,327 OF THE FUNNIEST STAND-UP YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. 36 00:01:23,362 --> 00:01:24,395 - REALLY? - YEAH. 37 00:01:24,430 --> 00:01:26,463 TRYING TO GET UP OUT OF HIS CHAIR. 38 00:01:26,499 --> 00:01:29,066 [laughing] 39 00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:33,470 40 00:01:33,506 --> 00:01:35,005 - LIFE GOES ON 41 00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:36,840 AND SO DO WE 42 00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:40,644 JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY 43 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,646 ONE BY ONE 44 00:01:42,682 --> 00:01:44,481 WE FILL THE DAYS 45 00:01:44,517 --> 00:01:49,053 WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS 46 00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:52,990 SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND 47 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,925 THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE 48 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,462 I'M ALWAYS HERE 49 00:01:58,497 --> 00:02:03,634 FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED 50 00:02:03,669 --> 00:02:05,969 RAIN OR SHINE 51 00:02:06,005 --> 00:02:08,472 I'LL BE THE ONE 52 00:02:08,507 --> 00:02:12,810 TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON 53 00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:15,446 WE SHARE IT ALL 54 00:02:15,481 --> 00:02:18,415 AS LIFE GOES ON 55 00:02:32,675 --> 00:02:34,709 - NOW, PEOPLE, PEOPLE. 56 00:02:34,744 --> 00:02:36,811 I AIN'T A-TELLIN' YOU AGAIN. 57 00:02:36,846 --> 00:02:38,646 YOU CANNOT WAIT FOR THE BUS IN HERE. 58 00:02:38,681 --> 00:02:40,187 AND I'M WARNING YOU. 59 00:02:41,818 --> 00:02:44,552 YOU BETTER HOPE DR. DOUGLAS DON'T SEE YOU 60 00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:45,920 WHEN SHE WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR 61 00:02:45,955 --> 00:02:46,988 'CAUSE IF SHE SEES YUNS, 62 00:02:47,023 --> 00:02:48,988 SHE'S GONNA BITE YUNS HEAD OFF. 63 00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:52,260 - GOOD MORNING, BOYS AND GIRLS. 64 00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:54,195 - OOH, SCARY. 65 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,933 - DR. DOUGLAS, MOST OF THESE PEOPLE 66 00:02:58,968 --> 00:03:00,134 ARE WAITIN' FOR THE BUS. 67 00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,135 NOW, I'M TELLING YOU, 68 00:03:01,171 --> 00:03:02,603 WE NEED THESE SEATS FOR PATIENTS. 69 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,071 - BUT THERE'S NO SHELTER OUT THERE 70 00:03:04,107 --> 00:03:05,239 AND IT'S HOT. 71 00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:06,774 - YOU CANNOT WAIT IN HERE. 72 00:03:06,810 --> 00:03:08,042 THIS IS A WAITIN' ROOM. 73 00:03:08,077 --> 00:03:09,878 - IRONIC, AIN'T IT? 74 00:03:10,713 --> 00:03:12,449 - LET THEM STAY. 75 00:03:12,644 --> 00:03:15,049 - OH, ALL RIGHT. BUT PATIENTS HAVE PRIORITY. 76 00:03:15,084 --> 00:03:17,958 YOU, YOU GET UP AND LET HIM SIT DOWN. 77 00:03:19,022 --> 00:03:21,088 NOW. THAT'S BETTER. 78 00:03:21,124 --> 00:03:23,124 - HERE COMES THE NUMBER 12. 79 00:03:29,599 --> 00:03:32,467 - LAVERNE, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER CALL THE TRANSIT AUTHORITY 80 00:03:32,502 --> 00:03:33,801 ABOUT THAT BUS SHELTER. 81 00:03:33,837 --> 00:03:34,802 - I ALREADY DID. 82 00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:36,571 I SPOKE TO SOME GUY NAMED PLUNKET. 83 00:03:36,606 --> 00:03:38,539 HE TOLD ME TO PUT MY COMPLAINT IN WRITIN', 84 00:03:38,575 --> 00:03:41,449 THEN HE MADE SOME KINDA WEIRD BUS NOISE AND HUNG UP. 85 00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,510 - GIVE ME THE NUMBER. LET ME TRY. 86 00:03:45,014 --> 00:03:46,881 - HEY! BUBBLE WRAP! 87 00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:48,883 I GOT BUBBLE WRAP HERE! 88 00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:50,060 HERE YOU GO. 89 00:03:50,275 --> 00:03:51,819 WANT SOME BUBBLE WRAP, LAVERNE? 90 00:03:51,855 --> 00:03:54,799 - OH, SURE, SALLY. I'LL TAKE ME A POP OR TWO. 91 00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:59,071 - HOW ABOUT A JELL-O SCULPTURE OF ARIZONA? 92 00:03:59,546 --> 00:04:01,680 OH, IT KINDA MELTED. 93 00:04:01,715 --> 00:04:04,616 - WELL, IT'S HOT IN ARIZONA. 94 00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:06,885 - ANY MAIL FOR ME TODAY? DID I GET ANY MAIL? 95 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,253 - NOTHIN' FOR YOU, DEAR. SORRY. 96 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,789 - WELL, SORRY DOESN'T FILL MY MAILBOX. 97 00:04:10,824 --> 00:04:13,158 - SALLY, HONEY, WHO YOU EXPECTIN' A LETTER FROM? 98 00:04:13,193 --> 00:04:15,694 - MY BEST FRIEND. - OH, WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND? 99 00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:18,290 - HOW DO I KNOW? I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE LETTER YET. 100 00:04:20,534 --> 00:04:23,116 DID YOU CHECK THE POSTAGE-DUE SECTION? 101 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:25,837 - NOTHING. 102 00:04:25,873 --> 00:04:28,006 - OKAY. WELL, THAT'S IT. 103 00:04:28,042 --> 00:04:29,698 NO MAIL FOR SALLY. 104 00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:32,209 I'M GONNA GO YELL AT CARS. 105 00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:38,016 - POOR OL' SALLY. 106 00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:39,985 COMIN' IN HERE EVERY DAY LOOKING FOR MAIL. 107 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:41,153 NEVER GETTIN' ANY. 108 00:04:41,188 --> 00:04:42,558 IT IS SAD. 109 00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:43,855 - OH, COME ON, LAVERNE. 110 00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,023 SHE'S DOING OKAY. 111 00:04:45,059 --> 00:04:47,292 SHE'S UP AND ABOUT, SHE'S HEALTHY. 112 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,828 CHECKIN' HER MAIL, PASSING OUT BUBBLE WRAP, 113 00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:52,732 TAP DANCING ON THE HOOD OF MY CAR... 114 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,774 SALLY! 115 00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,276 - DADDY, CAN YOU GET THE PANCAKE SYRUP? 116 00:05:04,311 --> 00:05:06,044 - YES, SWEETHEART. THERE YOU GO. 117 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,245 YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALMOST OUT. 118 00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:09,014 - OH, I'LL PUT IT ON THE LIST. 119 00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,682 - OH, AND WE NEED LIGHT BULBS. 120 00:05:10,718 --> 00:05:11,783 - GOT IT. 121 00:05:13,721 --> 00:05:15,053 - YOU WANNA ASK THEM WHAT THEY'RE DOING HERE 122 00:05:15,089 --> 00:05:16,088 OR SHOULD I? 123 00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:21,722 - ALL YOURS. 124 00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,396 - SOPHIA... 125 00:05:24,431 --> 00:05:26,806 - QUICK, SYDNEY. FIND A CONDOM. 126 00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:38,443 - OH, MY GOD. WHAT TIME IS IT? 127 00:05:38,479 --> 00:05:40,712 - WELL, IT'S--IT'S 8:00 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. 128 00:05:40,748 --> 00:05:42,647 HAVE YOU BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT? 129 00:05:42,683 --> 00:05:45,681 - YEAH. SOPHIA WAS HELPING ME WRITE MY ACT. 130 00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:48,929 - LET ME SEE WHAT YOU TWO HAVE GOT SO FAR. 131 00:05:49,656 --> 00:05:51,498 "SO THE SOLDIER SAYS, 132 00:05:51,547 --> 00:05:54,760 CAPTURE ROMMEL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID 'RUPTURED A CAMEL.'" 133 00:05:54,795 --> 00:05:56,328 - AH... 134 00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:02,467 - YOU'D WHISTLE TOO IF YOUR NUTS WERE ROASTING. 135 00:06:06,507 --> 00:06:09,608 THESE--THESE AREN'T JOKES. THEY'RE JUST PUNCH LINES. 136 00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:11,699 - HEY, THAT'S ALL I COULD REMEMBER. 137 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,045 - CHARLEY, PERHAPS I CAN CONTRIBUTE 138 00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:15,580 A LITTLE SOMETHING HERE. 139 00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:17,115 I HATE TO BRAG, BUT I HAVE HAD 140 00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:20,852 SOME UPROARIOUS EXPERIENCES IN ABSURDIST HUMOR. 141 00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:23,076 - BUT ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE. 142 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,729 OH, BOY, I'M COOKING NOW. 143 00:06:28,162 --> 00:06:29,731 - OH, OH, I GOT ONE. 144 00:06:29,762 --> 00:06:31,329 WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A CHICKEN 145 00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,117 WITH AN AIR CONDITIONER? 146 00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:34,800 - I DON'T KNOW. WHAT? 147 00:06:34,835 --> 00:06:37,437 - I DON'T KNOW EITHER. HELP ME, HARRY. 148 00:06:38,105 --> 00:06:40,539 - CHARLEY, JUST TRY WRITING SOME JOKES 149 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,874 BASED UPON PERSONAL OBSERVATION. 150 00:06:42,910 --> 00:06:44,242 YOU KNOW, THE KIND OF THINGS THAT-- 151 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,578 YOU KNOW, FUNNY THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. 152 00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,847 - FOR EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU'RE AT THE GAP 153 00:06:48,882 --> 00:06:50,348 AND YOU'RE TRYING ON JEANS, 154 00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:52,384 AND SUDDENLY IT GETS REALLY QUIET 155 00:06:52,419 --> 00:06:55,187 AND YOU SWEAR YOU CAN HEAR THOSE SKINNY LITTLE 17-YEAR-OLDS 156 00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:56,421 WHO WORK THERE SNICKERING 157 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,937 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIT INTO A SIZE 4? 158 00:07:04,698 --> 00:07:06,369 OH, RIGHT, LIKE IT'S JUST ME. 159 00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:11,315 - HARRY, I'M GONNA GO ON AND I DON'T HAVE ANY MATERIAL. 160 00:07:11,351 --> 00:07:12,629 WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 161 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,212 - FIND A VENTRILOQUIST AND SIT ON HIS LAP. 162 00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:17,655 [laughing] 163 00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:19,724 GET OUT THE BUTTER, I'M ON A ROLL. 164 00:07:23,663 --> 00:07:26,397 - UH, DR. DOUGLAS? UM... 165 00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,232 DID YOU EVER GET IN TOUCH WITH THAT PLUNKET GUY? 166 00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:30,868 - YES, I CALLED AND I WAS VERY REASONABLE. 167 00:07:30,903 --> 00:07:33,738 I SAID, "I CAN APPRECIATE HOW DIFFICULT YOUR JOB IS, 168 00:07:33,773 --> 00:07:36,741 "BUT IT OCCURS TO US THAT EVEN A BRAIN-DEAD BABOON 169 00:07:36,776 --> 00:07:38,743 "KNOWS THAT IF YOU MOVE THE DAMN BUS STOP, 170 00:07:38,778 --> 00:07:42,055 YOU GOTTA MOVE THE DAMN BUS SHELTER, DAMN IT!" 171 00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:44,482 - WHAT'D HE SAY TO THAT? 172 00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:47,260 - "TO REVIEW YOUR MESSAGE PRESS THE POUND KEY." 173 00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:52,189 - ANYBODY WANT A TOOTHPICK FROM WILLIE'S DINER? 174 00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:54,225 MINT-FLAVORED, ONLY USED ONCE. 175 00:07:56,829 --> 00:07:58,396 HERE, LAVERNE, HAVE A HANDFUL. 176 00:07:58,431 --> 00:07:59,663 - THANKS, SALLY. 177 00:07:59,699 --> 00:08:00,931 - WELL, I'LL JUST PICK UP MY MAIL 178 00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:02,366 AND BE ON MY WAY. 179 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,068 - UH, SALLY, HONEY. 180 00:08:04,103 --> 00:08:05,736 LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY, DEAR. 181 00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,271 THIS IS NOT A POST OFFICE. 182 00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:10,130 - YEAH, AND PARKING METERS DON'T EAT TOAST. 183 00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:14,712 - HEY, YOU GOT CHANGE FOR THE BUS? 184 00:08:14,747 --> 00:08:16,714 - NO, SHE DOES NOT! 185 00:08:16,749 --> 00:08:19,583 THIS IS NOT A BANK! THIS IS NOT A BUS DEPOT! 186 00:08:19,619 --> 00:08:21,563 THIS IS A MEDICAL CLINIC! 187 00:08:22,455 --> 00:08:23,888 - UH-OH. 188 00:08:23,923 --> 00:08:26,099 DISGRUNTLED POSTAL WORKER. 189 00:08:27,894 --> 00:08:29,595 HIT THE DECK! 190 00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:37,067 - SALLY, IT'S OKAY. 191 00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:38,367 I'M A DOCTOR. 192 00:08:38,671 --> 00:08:40,667 - WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A FOOT MODEL. 193 00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:43,474 GUESS I'D BETTER GO. 194 00:08:43,509 --> 00:08:44,929 - SALLY, WAIT. 195 00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:48,145 DON'T YOU WANT ME TO CHECK THE POSTAGE-DUE BOX? 196 00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:50,147 - NAH, WHAT'S THE USE? 197 00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:51,324 - HEY. 198 00:08:52,151 --> 00:08:53,784 LOOKIE WHAT WE GOT HERE. 199 00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,937 A LETTER FOR SALLY. 200 00:08:56,982 --> 00:08:58,689 - WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME SEE THAT. 201 00:08:58,724 --> 00:09:00,958 - SALLY? IT SAYS "SALLY"? 202 00:09:01,663 --> 00:09:03,755 WHAT'S THE LAST NAME ON IT? 203 00:09:05,998 --> 00:09:07,131 - THEY AIN'T ONE. 204 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,284 - THAT'S ME! 205 00:09:10,014 --> 00:09:11,302 I GOT A LETTER. 206 00:09:11,337 --> 00:09:13,370 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I GOT A LETTER. 207 00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:16,140 - OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY, DARLIN'. 208 00:09:16,175 --> 00:09:18,221 - OH, BOY, I GOT A MILLION THINGS TO DO. 209 00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:21,212 UH, OPEN IT, WASH MY HANDS, 210 00:09:21,253 --> 00:09:23,547 UNFOLD IT, WASH MY HANDS, 211 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:26,142 READ IT, WASH MY HANDS, 212 00:09:26,226 --> 00:09:28,491 READ IT AGAIN AND THEN... 213 00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:30,399 - WASH YOUR HANDS? 214 00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:33,115 - NO. BUY MORE SOAP. 215 00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:36,578 HEY, HAVE A TOOTHPICK. 216 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,828 I GOT A LETTER! 217 00:09:37,864 --> 00:09:39,296 [yelping] 218 00:09:45,599 --> 00:09:48,166 - DON'T KNOW WHY I ALWAYS LET YOU DRIVE. 219 00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:50,268 THAT'S THE FASTEST I'VE EVER RIDDEN IN A CAR. 220 00:09:50,303 --> 00:09:52,737 - OH, DR. DOUGLAS, IT WASN'T THAT FAST. 221 00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:55,273 - LAVERNE, IT IS NOW 8:00. 222 00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:57,979 WE LEFT MY HOUSE AT 10 AFTER 8:00. 223 00:09:59,212 --> 00:10:01,457 WE WENT BACK IN TIME. 224 00:10:01,948 --> 00:10:04,582 - WELL, WE DIDN'T WANNA BE LATE FOR CHARLEY'S BIG NIGHT. 225 00:10:04,618 --> 00:10:06,351 - LISTEN, EVERYBODY. 226 00:10:06,386 --> 00:10:08,234 LET'S DO CHARLEY A FAVOR. 227 00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:10,967 EVEN IF HE'S NOT FUNNY, LET'S LAUGH. 228 00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:14,859 - HEY, GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 229 00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,828 AND WELCOME TO THE LAUGHTER RAFTER. 230 00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:18,215 THANK YOU. 231 00:10:18,698 --> 00:10:20,398 I'M YOUR HOST, NICK KESSLER, 232 00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,008 BUT THAT'S MY PROBLEM. 233 00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,736 YOUR PROBLEM IS THE NEXT GUY COMING UP. 234 00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:27,772 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHARLEY DIETZ. 235 00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:38,349 - SO, IS ANYBODY FROM OUT OF TOWN? 236 00:10:38,385 --> 00:10:39,884 - SCREW YOU! 237 00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:45,190 - WHAT IS THAT, A COLLEGE? 238 00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:47,258 [drum hit] 239 00:10:49,869 --> 00:10:52,397 UH, BEFORE I START, I--I--I'D LIKE TO SAY 240 00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:54,299 A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO SOMEONE WHO GAVE ME 241 00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:57,101 SOME VERY VALUABLE ADVICE. 242 00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:59,919 DR. HARRY WESTON. STAND UP, HARRY. 243 00:10:59,978 --> 00:11:02,674 [applause] 244 00:11:04,578 --> 00:11:07,312 WELL, HARRY TOLD ME THAT THE BEST COMEDY COMES 245 00:11:07,347 --> 00:11:09,681 FROM PERSONAL OBSERVATION. 246 00:11:09,716 --> 00:11:11,416 AND HE OUGHTA KNOW. 247 00:11:11,451 --> 00:11:13,184 HE'S GOT AN EXAM ROOM WITH A PEEPHOLE. 248 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:15,253 [laughter] 249 00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:18,323 I MEAN, THE GUY IS DESPERATE FOR ACTION. 250 00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:20,158 AND NO WONDER, LOOK AT THAT HEAD. 251 00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:21,693 HARRY, HOW DO YOU COMB THAT HAIR? 252 00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:22,794 WITH A WOOD CHISEL? 253 00:11:22,829 --> 00:11:24,929 [drum hit and laughter] 254 00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,397 WE'RE TALKING DESPERATE. 255 00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:28,733 HE'S THE ONLY DOCTOR I KNOW WHO STARTS HIS BREAST EXAMS 256 00:11:28,768 --> 00:11:30,048 WITH DINNER AND A MOVIE. 257 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,804 [drum hit and laughter] 258 00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:36,693 BUT AT LEAST HE'S AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY PERVERT. 259 00:11:36,945 --> 00:11:38,877 HE GAVE ME AN EXAM AND SAID, 260 00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:40,712 "TURN YOUR HEAD AND KISS ME." 261 00:11:48,982 --> 00:11:50,982 - HEY, YOU. 262 00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:52,751 - YOU. THAT'S FUNNY, HARRY. 263 00:11:52,786 --> 00:11:55,320 YOU SEE ME AND GO, "YOU." LIKE, WHO ELSE COULD I BE? 264 00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:57,208 I COULD USE THAT. THAT'S GOOD. 265 00:11:57,658 --> 00:11:59,191 - NO, YOU CAN'T USE THAT. 266 00:11:59,226 --> 00:12:00,959 IT'S NOT FUNNY AND YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. 267 00:12:00,994 --> 00:12:02,494 CHARLEY, YOU HUMILIATED ME. 268 00:12:02,529 --> 00:12:04,696 THE ENTIRE MEDICAL COMMUNITY IN FLORIDA 269 00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:06,809 IS DOING HARRY WESTON JOKES. 270 00:12:07,042 --> 00:12:08,533 THEY'RE FAXING THEM IN. 271 00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:09,801 - OH, COME ON, HARRY. 272 00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:11,236 SO I SAID YOUR HAIR'S A LITTLE STIFF. 273 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:12,571 STIFF? WHAT AM I SAYING? 274 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,473 THE LAST WOMAN WHO RAN HER FINGERS THROUGH THAT HAIR 275 00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:15,807 GOT SPLINTERS. 276 00:12:15,843 --> 00:12:17,008 - CHARLEY-- 277 00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:18,176 - I'M SERIOUS, HARRY. 278 00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:19,644 YOU COULD CUT BREAD ON THAT HEAD. 279 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,314 WHAT DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR WITH, THOMPSON'S WATERSEAL? 280 00:12:22,349 --> 00:12:24,750 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, CHARLEY. 281 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:25,884 GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. 282 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,452 - OH, YEAH, RIGHT. YOU KICK ME OUT NOW, 283 00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:28,787 BUT YOU'LL KICK ME BACK IN AGAIN 284 00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,288 ONCE YOU SEE ME ON TELEVISION. LOOK. 285 00:12:30,848 --> 00:12:32,958 - YOU'RE GONNA BE ON EVENING AT THE IMPROV? 286 00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:34,619 - WITH BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT. 287 00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:36,325 THEY HAD A TALENT SCOUT IN THE AUDIENCE LAST NIGHT 288 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,986 AND THEY THOUGHT I WAS WEIRD. 289 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:39,798 IN A GOOD WAY. 290 00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:41,400 SO, I'M FLYING OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TOMORROW. 291 00:12:41,435 --> 00:12:44,035 - CHARLEY, DO NOT HUMILIATE ME 292 00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:45,570 ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. 293 00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:47,458 - BUT, HARRY, YOU'RE MY WHOLE ACT. 294 00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:49,040 - THEN WRITE A NEW ACT. 295 00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:50,766 - BUT THAT'S HARD. 296 00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:53,754 - FRIENDS DON'T HURT FRIENDS, CHARLEY. 297 00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,140 THINK ABOUT IT. 298 00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:56,760 FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, 299 00:12:56,796 --> 00:12:58,596 WEIGH YOUR PRIORITIES. 300 00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:05,169 - HARRY... 301 00:13:05,204 --> 00:13:06,582 CAREER. 302 00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:09,574 CAREER, HARRY. 303 00:13:10,109 --> 00:13:11,339 BEST FRIEND... 304 00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:13,360 HOLLYWOOD. 305 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,616 - GOOD MORNING, FAVORITE NURSE O' MINE. 306 00:13:18,651 --> 00:13:20,084 IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY 307 00:13:20,119 --> 00:13:21,986 AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. 308 00:13:22,021 --> 00:13:23,787 - IF YOU GOT LUCKY LAST NIGHT, 309 00:13:23,823 --> 00:13:25,462 I DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT. 310 00:13:26,686 --> 00:13:28,565 - BETTER THAN THAT. 311 00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:31,217 WE'RE GETTING OUR WAITING ROOM BACK. 312 00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:32,541 - GOOD. 313 00:13:33,099 --> 00:13:34,531 - DON'T YOU WANNA HEAR THE STORY? 314 00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:35,781 - NO. 315 00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:38,802 OKAY, WHAT? 316 00:13:38,838 --> 00:13:41,105 - WELL, I WENT DOWN TO PLUNKET'S OFFICE 317 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,940 AND I TOLD HIM IF HE WAS GOING TO TURN 318 00:13:42,975 --> 00:13:44,608 OUR PLACE INTO A BUS STATION, 319 00:13:44,644 --> 00:13:47,112 WE WOULD TURN HIS OFFICE INTO A CLINIC. 320 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,245 - AND... 321 00:13:48,281 --> 00:13:50,781 - AND HE LAUGHED AT ME. 322 00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:54,752 SO I SNAPPED ON MY RUBBER GLOVE 323 00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:57,187 AND TOLD HIM HE WAS MY FIRST PATIENT. 324 00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:04,157 NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE'RE GETTING OUR WAITING ROOM BACK. 325 00:14:04,897 --> 00:14:06,030 - AND? 326 00:14:06,065 --> 00:14:08,432 - LAVERNE, WE GOT OUR BUS SHELTER. 327 00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:11,035 - OH, DOCTOR. I AM SORRY. 328 00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,736 I AM UP TO MY EYEBALLS IN LETTERS. 329 00:14:12,772 --> 00:14:14,605 I'VE GOT NINE MORE FROM SALLY, 330 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,307 AND I'VE GOT TWO YET TO ANSWER. 331 00:14:16,342 --> 00:14:17,908 - WELL, EXCUSE ME, LAVERNE, 332 00:14:17,943 --> 00:14:20,544 BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER EACH ONE INDIVIDUALLY? 333 00:14:20,579 --> 00:14:22,501 - IT'S THE HICKORY WAY. 334 00:14:23,215 --> 00:14:25,149 SOMEBODY GOES TO THE TROUBLE TO WRITE YOU A LETTER, 335 00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:26,483 YOU WRITE THEM BACK. 336 00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:29,200 SHOOT, MY AUNT ODELLE, SHE EVEN ANSWERED JUNK MAIL. 337 00:14:31,183 --> 00:14:33,057 - "THIS IS MY LETTER TO THE WORLD 338 00:14:33,092 --> 00:14:34,855 THAT NEVER WROTE TO ME." 339 00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,437 SALLY WROTE THIS? 340 00:14:37,763 --> 00:14:39,163 THIS IS KINDA POETIC. 341 00:14:39,198 --> 00:14:42,132 - ACTUALLY, IT'S EMILY DICKINSON. 342 00:14:42,168 --> 00:14:43,400 AND AIN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE? 343 00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:45,436 'CAUSE I JUST LOVE EMILY DICKINSON. 344 00:14:45,471 --> 00:14:46,804 - YOU, LAVERNE? 345 00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,140 - OH, YEAH. 346 00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:50,741 THE PLAYFUL APHORISTIC STYLE, 347 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:53,010 THE SUPERB METRICAL BALANCE, 348 00:14:53,045 --> 00:14:55,079 THE CONCISE LYRICAL FORM. 349 00:14:55,114 --> 00:14:56,814 - HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT? 350 00:14:56,849 --> 00:14:59,483 - OH, THEY LEARNED US 'UNS REAL GOOD 351 00:14:59,518 --> 00:15:01,736 UP YONDER AT HILLBILLY HIGH. 352 00:15:02,955 --> 00:15:04,498 - YOO-HOO. 353 00:15:04,957 --> 00:15:06,990 - OH, MORNING, SALLY. - MORNING. 354 00:15:07,026 --> 00:15:09,093 HEY, DO YOU HAVE ANY CHANGE OF ADDRESS FORMS? 355 00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:10,260 - ARE YOU MOVING? 356 00:15:10,296 --> 00:15:12,073 - NO, I'M JUST CHANGING A DRESS. 357 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,798 - HEY, HEY! - [laughing] 358 00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,940 POSTAL JOKE. 359 00:15:17,937 --> 00:15:20,037 ANY MAIL FOR ME TODAY? 360 00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:22,673 - YEAH, HERE YOU GO, SALLY. 361 00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:25,809 UH, LISTEN, SALLY, YOU KNOW, YOUR NEW FRIEND 362 00:15:25,845 --> 00:15:28,617 MAY NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THIS LETTER WRITIN'. 363 00:15:28,647 --> 00:15:30,944 - FISH STICKS, SHE'S GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. 364 00:15:30,983 --> 00:15:32,583 SHE'S A CONGRESSWOMAN. 365 00:15:32,618 --> 00:15:34,045 - WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? 366 00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:36,186 - NO STAMPS. 367 00:15:38,257 --> 00:15:40,724 WELL, I GOTTA GO. I GOT A LOT OF WRITING TO DO. 368 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,564 "A WORD IS DEAD WHEN IT IS SAID, SOME SAY. 369 00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,382 I SAY IT JUST BEGINS TO LIVE THAT DAY." 370 00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:47,694 EMILY DICKINSON. 371 00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:49,678 - OH, YOU LIKE EMILY DICKINSON? 372 00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:52,092 - SURE DO. BUT WE DON'T GO OUT MUCH. 373 00:15:52,128 --> 00:15:53,550 SHE'S DEAD. 374 00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:55,614 OH! 375 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,391 I ALMOST FORGOT. 376 00:15:57,801 --> 00:15:59,033 SEE YA. 377 00:16:01,203 --> 00:16:05,788 - GOLLY, HOW AM I GONNA KEEP UP WITH ALL THIS? 378 00:16:05,859 --> 00:16:08,208 - LAVERNE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP? 379 00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:10,326 - I CAN'T. 380 00:16:10,484 --> 00:16:12,642 SHE'S SO LONELY. 381 00:16:13,652 --> 00:16:15,193 LISTEN TO THIS. 382 00:16:15,785 --> 00:16:17,685 "YOU EVER GET SCARED? 383 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,698 "I AM ALL THE TIME. 384 00:16:19,995 --> 00:16:22,795 "I'M SCARED OF DARK NIGHTS AND WAKING UP ALONE, 385 00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:24,797 "OF ANGRY DOGS, BLIND CORNERS, 386 00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:26,630 AND COLD FACES." 387 00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:28,101 - EMILY DICKINSON? 388 00:16:28,136 --> 00:16:29,102 - NO. 389 00:16:29,137 --> 00:16:30,346 SALLY. 390 00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,473 "I'M NOT SO SCARED NOW THOUGH. 391 00:16:33,508 --> 00:16:35,942 "NOW I HAVE SOMEONE I CAN COUNT ON, 392 00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:39,266 SOMEONE I DON'T HAVE TO BE FOOLIN' ALL THE TIME." 393 00:16:40,594 --> 00:16:43,016 - SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S FOUND A FRIEND. 394 00:16:49,391 --> 00:16:51,291 - COMING UP NEXT ON EVENING AT THE IMPROV, 395 00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:53,293 JACKIE BOK CHOY, 396 00:16:53,328 --> 00:16:55,741 THE CHINESE CARROT TOP, 397 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:58,398 AND NEWCOMER CHARLEY DIETZ. 398 00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:00,633 [applause] 399 00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:03,149 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WATCHING THIS. 400 00:17:04,411 --> 00:17:05,872 - OH, I'M SORRY I'M LATE, 401 00:17:05,907 --> 00:17:08,182 BUT SHADY PINES HAD A LINGERIE PARTY. 402 00:17:10,556 --> 00:17:12,592 IDA BROKE A HIP TRYING ON A TEDDY. 403 00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:16,124 TEDDY BROKE A HIP TRYING ON IDA. 404 00:17:17,252 --> 00:17:18,885 - SOPHIA, CHARLEY'S ON. 405 00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,526 [applause] - THANK YOU. 406 00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:23,530 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME 407 00:17:23,565 --> 00:17:25,698 CHARLEY DIETZ. 408 00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:28,601 [applause] 409 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,084 - OH, MY GOD, I'M ON TV. 410 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,765 COOL. 411 00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,089 - I'M NOT WATCHING THIS. 412 00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,271 I'M NOT. 413 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,759 - YOU KNOW, A FRIEND OF MINE 414 00:17:42,794 --> 00:17:46,663 TOLD ME THAT THE BEST COMEDY COMES FROM PERSONAL OBSERVATION. 415 00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,303 - I'M GONNA KILL HIM. 416 00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,516 - AND MY GOOD FRIEND BOBCAT OUGHTA KNOW. 417 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,673 HE'S GOT A DRESSING ROOM WITH A PEEP HOLE. 418 00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:02,012 I MEAN, THE GUY IS DESPERATE FOR ACTION. 419 00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:05,315 HE'S THE ONLY COMIC I KNOW WHO STARTS BREAST EXAMS 420 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,715 WITH DINNER AND A MOVIE. 421 00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:10,487 AND NO WONDER! 422 00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:11,655 LOOK AT THAT HEAD OF HIS. 423 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,156 I MEAN, WHAT DOES HE COMB HIS HAIR WITH, 424 00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:14,724 A WOOD CHISEL? 425 00:18:17,286 --> 00:18:19,352 [booing] 426 00:18:19,388 --> 00:18:20,687 THANK YOU. 427 00:18:21,122 --> 00:18:22,602 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 428 00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:24,691 - VERY NICE. 429 00:18:25,164 --> 00:18:26,664 CHARLEY DIETZ. 430 00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:29,529 YOU'LL NEVER FORGET HIM. 431 00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:30,831 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 432 00:18:30,866 --> 00:18:32,566 [applause] 433 00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,700 - AND WE'RE INTO COMMERCIAL. 434 00:18:35,037 --> 00:18:38,130 - HEY, MAN, YOU REALLY SUCKED. 435 00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:40,172 - GOOD ONE. 436 00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:50,123 - COFFEE. 437 00:18:50,452 --> 00:18:52,762 I NEED COFFEE. 438 00:18:53,824 --> 00:18:55,958 - CHECK THE END OF YOUR ARM. 439 00:19:00,893 --> 00:19:03,012 - I'LL JUST DRINK THIS THEN. 440 00:19:04,235 --> 00:19:06,402 - LAVERNE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY? 441 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,437 - IT MAY BE TODAY TO YOU, DOCTOR, 442 00:19:08,506 --> 00:19:10,239 BUT TO ME IT IS STILL YESTERDAY 443 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,007 'CAUSE I'S UP WRITIN' LETTERS ALL NIGHT. 444 00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:14,443 - LAVERNE, YOU'RE A MESS. 445 00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:15,578 LOOK AT YOURSELF. 446 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,046 - I DON'T WANT TO. 447 00:19:17,081 --> 00:19:18,214 I'M SCARED. 448 00:19:20,669 --> 00:19:22,251 - DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING? 449 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,353 YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THIS LETTER WRITING. 450 00:19:24,388 --> 00:19:25,955 IT'S STARTING TO AFFECT YOUR HEALTH. 451 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,239 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 452 00:19:29,788 --> 00:19:31,627 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO BITE THE BULLET 453 00:19:31,662 --> 00:19:34,530 AND TELL SALLY, "NO MORE LETTERS." 454 00:19:34,565 --> 00:19:35,698 - YOO-HOO. 455 00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:36,865 WHERE'S MY MAIL? 456 00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:39,034 - DR. DOUGLAS, WHERE IS HER MAIL? 457 00:19:40,964 --> 00:19:43,138 - THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. 458 00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:45,708 AND I'D LOVE TO ANSWER IT, 459 00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:50,012 BUT I'VE GOT BAGEL DOGS STEAMING IN THE STERILIZER. 460 00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:53,115 - SO WHERE'S MY MAIL? 461 00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:57,330 - UH, SALLY... 462 00:19:57,974 --> 00:19:59,285 UM... 463 00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:04,927 WELL, IT'S JUST THAT YOUR FRIEND 464 00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:06,795 ISN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO WRITE TO YOU ANYMORE. 465 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:07,963 - WHY NOT? 466 00:20:09,531 --> 00:20:11,400 - BECAUSE SHE'S, UM-- 467 00:20:11,435 --> 00:20:12,568 SHE'S-- 468 00:20:12,603 --> 00:20:14,774 - BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS? 469 00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:18,726 - OKAY. 470 00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:21,944 - SPACE OR ILLEGAL? 471 00:20:22,613 --> 00:20:23,712 - SPACE? 472 00:20:23,748 --> 00:20:26,730 - DAMN, THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE NICE ONES! 473 00:20:28,552 --> 00:20:30,319 - I'M SORRY, SALLY. 474 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,620 - AH, NO MATTER. 475 00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:32,788 I'M USED TO IT. 476 00:20:32,823 --> 00:20:34,590 I JUST GO BACK TO HAVING NOBODY. 477 00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:35,958 WELL, SEE YOU 'ROUND. 478 00:20:35,993 --> 00:20:37,293 - SALLY... 479 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,151 "I'M NOBODY. 480 00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,473 "WHO ARE YOU? 481 00:20:45,469 --> 00:20:47,471 "ARE YOU NOBODY, TOO? 482 00:20:48,969 --> 00:20:50,851 "THEN THERE'S A PAIR OF US. 483 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,035 "DON'T TELL. 484 00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:56,595 both: "THEY'D BANISH US, YOU KNOW?" 485 00:20:58,697 --> 00:21:01,183 - SALLY, I WROTE THOSE LETTERS. 486 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,518 - YOU? 487 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,786 - YEAH. 488 00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:06,622 - WELL, LAVERNE, THAT KINDA BEGS THE QUESTION: 489 00:21:06,657 --> 00:21:09,562 WHAT'S THE INSIDE OF A SPACESHIP LIKE? 490 00:21:17,106 --> 00:21:19,468 - SALLY, I MADE THAT UP. 491 00:21:19,918 --> 00:21:21,402 - OH. 492 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,707 SO YOU DON'T WANT TO WRITE TO ME ANYMORE? 493 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,481 - HONEY, I CAN'T. 494 00:21:27,343 --> 00:21:29,111 BUT WE DON'T NEED LETTERS. 495 00:21:29,146 --> 00:21:30,279 - WHY NOT? 496 00:21:30,314 --> 00:21:32,348 - BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS. 497 00:21:32,383 --> 00:21:33,580 - REALLY? 498 00:21:33,797 --> 00:21:35,384 YOU MEAN, WE CAN DO STUFF TOGETHER? 499 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,785 - WHY, SURE. 500 00:21:36,821 --> 00:21:39,760 - DO YOU WANNA GO OUT AND TOUCH SOME TREES? 501 00:21:42,993 --> 00:21:44,523 - SURE. 502 00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,129 I'LL SEE YOU AFTER WORK. 503 00:21:47,164 --> 00:21:49,787 - I GET OFF AT 5:00. - OKAY. 504 00:21:50,367 --> 00:21:52,227 - I LOVED YOUR LETTERS, LAVERNE. 505 00:21:52,257 --> 00:21:53,335 - THANK YOU. 506 00:21:53,371 --> 00:21:54,636 - BUT YOU MIGHT WANNA KEEP 507 00:21:54,672 --> 00:21:56,550 THOSE HICKORY STORIES TO YOURSELF. 508 00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:58,882 THEY MAKE YOU SOUND KINDA CRAZY. 509 00:22:08,014 --> 00:22:09,978 - CHARLEY, YOU'RE BACK! 510 00:22:10,183 --> 00:22:12,486 - HARRY, BABE, LET'S DO LUNCH. 511 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,685 I'LL HAVE MY PEOPLE EMPTY YOUR FRIDGE. 512 00:22:18,101 --> 00:22:20,449 - CHARLEY, I--I--I REALLY WANT YOU TO KNOW 513 00:22:20,493 --> 00:22:22,772 THAT I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID ON THE SHOW. 514 00:22:22,811 --> 00:22:24,271 I KNOW IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU 515 00:22:24,295 --> 00:22:26,186 AND I'M SORRY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT. 516 00:22:26,233 --> 00:22:27,632 - HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 517 00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:28,977 I KILLED. 518 00:22:30,337 --> 00:22:32,706 - CHARLEY, THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T LAUGH ONCE. 519 00:22:32,739 --> 00:22:34,345 HARRY, HARRY, HARRY... 520 00:22:34,372 --> 00:22:35,804 THIS IS TELEVISION. 521 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,888 - THEY PUT THE LAUGHS IN LATER. 522 00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:42,044 THEY LOVED ME. 523 00:22:42,079 --> 00:22:44,280 THEY HAD SECURITY RUSH ME TO THE AIRPORT. 524 00:22:44,315 --> 00:22:46,751 I WAS 18 HOURS EARLY FOR MY FLIGHT. 525 00:22:47,063 --> 00:22:48,830 YEAH, I'M HOT STUFF. 526 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,430 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35720

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