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1
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(music)
2
00:00:15,519 --> 00:00:16,293
_
3
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Thank you for coming in, Meredith.
4
00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:22,238
I'm so sorry about the divorce.
5
00:00:22,270 --> 00:00:25,222
Yes, well, Ray cheated on me. As you know.
6
00:00:25,243 --> 00:00:26,905
Anyway, let's just cut
to the chase, Howard.
7
00:00:26,906 --> 00:00:28,135
What's my divorce settlement?
8
00:00:28,952 --> 00:00:30,380
You get nothing.
9
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:33,143
- Wait, what?
- You signed a...
10
00:00:33,164 --> 00:00:35,086
prenuptial agreement.
11
00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:36,126
I get nothing?
12
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,962
- I advised you to get your own lawyer.
- No car?
13
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,213
No house?
14
00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,187
No second house?
15
00:00:42,307 --> 00:00:44,876
- But I loved Ray.
- For his money.
16
00:00:44,996 --> 00:00:48,321
- How dare you?
- You'll be fine.
17
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:56,095
Mere-bear, Franck and I are so sorry
to hear about the d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
18
00:00:56,105 --> 00:00:58,227
Your ex-husband's an idiot.
19
00:00:58,248 --> 00:01:01,147
You stay in the guesthouse for
as long as you want. We got cable,
20
00:01:01,158 --> 00:01:04,813
we got wi-fi, and a
semi-private bathroom.
21
00:01:05,097 --> 00:01:07,901
Ramon. Ramon.
22
00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:10,622
I've got nothing, Brie.
23
00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:13,406
No money, no car, no plans for the future.
24
00:01:13,416 --> 00:01:15,612
Then could you pick Lily
up from school tomorrow?
25
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:18,091
Super! That's a plan.
26
00:01:26,977 --> 00:01:28,762
Lily. Your stepmom sent me to get you.
27
00:01:28,763 --> 00:01:30,549
That's what child molesters say.
28
00:01:30,559 --> 00:01:32,240
Don't flatter yourself.
29
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,130
I'm Brie's friend, Meredith.
30
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And it's a long walk, so you better
have something interesting to share.
31
00:01:37,622 --> 00:01:40,232
My social studies teacher got fired today.
32
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She was dating Coach Kotsky
but he broke up with her.
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So to get back at him, she hung
pictures of his privates up all over school.
34
00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:49,503
- Nuh-uh.
- There's one, it's so gross! Ugh.
35
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:50,740
_
36
00:01:50,748 --> 00:01:53,385
Nice Coach "Hotsky".
37
00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:58,931
Wait...
38
00:01:59,802 --> 00:02:01,977
what's up with all the cute dads?
39
00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:05,328
Oh, on Fridays, all the divorced dads
pick their kids up for the weekend.
40
00:02:05,448 --> 00:02:07,523
So... single dads,
41
00:02:07,533 --> 00:02:09,361
in luxury vehicles?
42
00:02:09,372 --> 00:02:11,893
I need one of them to hit
me, and then hit on me.
43
00:02:12,013 --> 00:02:14,393
Maybe you should just get a job.
44
00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:16,409
Oh my God.
45
00:02:16,430 --> 00:02:19,024
Lily, that's it!
46
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,599
I should get a job teaching here.
47
00:02:20,631 --> 00:02:23,835
Wait, do you even know how to teach?
48
00:02:23,866 --> 00:02:27,385
No, but I'm sure I can friend
some Asian teacher to cheat off of.
49
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:33,814
Thank you very much Mei Lin Chung.
50
00:02:37,176 --> 00:02:39,854
- You're divorced? Me too.
- Oh no.
51
00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:41,387
Pretty recently.
52
00:02:41,388 --> 00:02:44,035
I did not see that coming, at all.
53
00:02:44,392 --> 00:02:47,102
- And it is hard.
- So hard.
54
00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:49,507
- So much crying.
- Oh so much.
55
00:02:49,508 --> 00:02:51,955
- So much, right?
- So much, right?
56
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:54,024
I don't have anyone to talk to.
57
00:02:54,045 --> 00:02:57,091
So I just try to throw myself into my work,
58
00:02:57,112 --> 00:03:00,336
which is much better than pouting
around my studio apartment.
59
00:03:00,337 --> 00:03:02,899
Using my telescope to
watch my neighbor sleep.
60
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,538
Hey,
61
00:03:04,658 --> 00:03:06,597
you can talk to me.
62
00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:14,034
I'm gonna put this as an emergency hire.
63
00:03:14,154 --> 00:03:17,710
You are more than qualified
and can I tell you something?
64
00:03:17,721 --> 00:03:20,704
You get it. I want you on my team.
65
00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:22,290
Not riding the bench.
66
00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:24,380
- Carrying the ball.
- Oh...
67
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,555
And,
68
00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:29,086
- I can't wait to hear your Chinese.
- (Chuckles)
69
00:03:29,327 --> 00:03:30,972
It's pretty rusty.
70
00:03:30,973 --> 00:03:31,973
(laughs)
71
00:03:32,247 --> 00:03:34,107
Welcome to the Nixon little family.
72
00:03:34,957 --> 00:03:36,554
Thank you.
73
00:03:37,069 --> 00:03:41,134
(music)
74
00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:51,437
Synced By YesCool - corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
75
00:03:52,289 --> 00:03:56,900
(music)
76
00:04:12,972 --> 00:04:16,900
- Morning Meredith.
- Good morning Principal Carl.
77
00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:19,127
- Oh I'm so glad you are here.
- Aww.
78
00:04:19,247 --> 00:04:20,985
This weekend was so hard for me.
79
00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:23,822
I ate 47 English muffins pizzas.
80
00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:26,543
Never filled me up. Everyone...
81
00:04:26,564 --> 00:04:30,387
here is our new social
studies teacher, Meredith...
82
00:04:30,408 --> 00:04:32,152
- Davis.
- ... Davis.
83
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,854
- (applause)
- Thank you.
84
00:04:34,305 --> 00:04:35,827
There's a fight, by the lockers.
85
00:04:35,828 --> 00:04:37,383
Ginny, get this thing started.
86
00:04:37,393 --> 00:04:39,641
No cops, no cops!
87
00:04:39,643 --> 00:04:41,355
Ok people.
88
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,991
We are about to start our
staff meeting, so settle.
89
00:04:44,023 --> 00:04:47,509
Ok. We need monitors for Safety Patrol.
90
00:04:47,510 --> 00:04:49,138
Any heroes?
91
00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:53,371
Irene! Do I see your one
manicured hand in the air?
92
00:04:53,403 --> 00:04:56,502
- Oh, actually I do have to exercise after school...
- Great!
93
00:04:56,523 --> 00:04:59,033
- Oh no no, it's required by my doctor.
- Perfect.
94
00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:00,185
We will see you later.
95
00:05:00,189 --> 00:05:02,930
All right, who's gonna help out Irene?
96
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:05,126
There is a small stipend.
97
00:05:05,246 --> 00:05:07,405
- Oh, I'll do it.
- Super!
98
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:08,406
(bell rings)
99
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,494
Hey, hey.
100
00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:12,363
What, you're not gonna say hi?
101
00:05:12,384 --> 00:05:15,315
Joel, Kotsky. Well now, Coach Kotsky.
102
00:05:15,326 --> 00:05:17,595
Now, you may have seen my penis on a flyer.
103
00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:20,284
And... you know, we went
to high school together.
104
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:23,834
- I don't really remember you.
- I was in that grunge band, Cement Heart.
105
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:27,164
- You, uh... slept with our drummer.
- Well, it was high school.
106
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,591
- I slept with a lot of drummers.
- Ah, that explains it.
107
00:05:29,612 --> 00:05:31,881
- You know, I played the bass.
- Hello!
108
00:05:32,321 --> 00:05:35,441
Ginny Taylor-Clapp,
two-term faculty president.
109
00:05:35,472 --> 00:05:37,941
And, this is Kim, my student teacher.
110
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,674
- Nice to meet you.
- Remember,
111
00:05:39,695 --> 00:05:43,088
your ears are your best
learning tools, Kim, ok?
112
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:46,406
This is our teacher's handbook.
113
00:05:46,407 --> 00:05:49,296
Great 411 in there, on start times,
114
00:05:49,302 --> 00:05:51,403
- dress code, etc...
- Hum...
115
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,807
you know, you can save the
drill. I think I got it.
116
00:05:53,808 --> 00:05:55,141
It's like pretty standard stuff, right?
117
00:05:55,142 --> 00:05:58,352
No running, no glass, no
horseplay, no chicken fights.
118
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,542
Those are pool rules.
119
00:06:03,515 --> 00:06:04,835
Meredith, wait up.
120
00:06:04,838 --> 00:06:07,790
- So, I heard you married some rich guy.
- Yeah, I did.
121
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,363
- Wait, he sells boats or something?
- Yachts.
122
00:06:10,374 --> 00:06:12,569
- Well, those are just big boats, right?
- Yeah. To you.
123
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,557
I'd ask what you've been
up to since high school
124
00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:17,440
but I see you're a gym teacher, so that
sort of tell me everything I need to know.
125
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,588
What? That I'm awesome?
126
00:06:18,599 --> 00:06:20,416
- Yeah.
- Hey.
127
00:06:20,437 --> 00:06:22,149
I'm Irene. We didn't meet.
128
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,029
Thank you so much for teaming up with me.
129
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,833
Uh, I have bills to pay.
130
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,433
You know what, Safety
Patrol is gonna be so fun.
131
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:29,298
We get badges, and slickers...
132
00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:30,988
I'm not wearing a badge or a slicker.
133
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,746
Yeah, me either, they're so dumb yeah.
134
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,363
Irene, tuck it in.
135
00:06:34,364 --> 00:06:37,188
Hey, do you think maybe you wanna
have lunch with us. Our treat.
136
00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:42,399
Oh, God, I nap lunch, but you guys
can totally give me the cash equivalent.
137
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:45,077
Yeah, just... just tell us where you
usually eat and we'll figure it out.
138
00:06:45,087 --> 00:06:46,527
- Great.
- Yeah, yeah... we're not doing that.
139
00:06:46,558 --> 00:06:49,220
- Where's my classroom?
- It's just right at the end of these lockers.
140
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,629
Hey, you know, teachers around here
141
00:06:50,630 --> 00:06:51,840
usually form packs together,
142
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,089
so I thought maybe we could form, like,
143
00:06:53,090 --> 00:06:54,179
a best friends pack...
144
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,559
Wow, she is pretty great.
145
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,889
- She just left in the middle of your conversation.
- I know.
146
00:06:58,890 --> 00:07:00,979
We made it to the middle of a conversation.
147
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,809
- Yeah, up top. All right.
- * Bitches ain't ... *
148
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,359
- * But hos and tricks *
- (school bell ringing)
149
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,569
Bitches ain't ...
150
00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:08,190
- * But hos and tricks *
- Hi.
151
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,319
What's up, dude?
152
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,899
Now it's time to bail
153
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,360
- * Bitches ain't... *
- (music shuts off)
154
00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:14,409
Okay, good morning, class.
155
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:17,119
I'm your new social
studies teacher, Ms. Davis.
156
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,909
Class dues are $25,
157
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:21,999
and checks can be written out to cash.
158
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,419
Okay, so...
159
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,499
to get to know you guys better,
160
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,379
I'm gonna hand out these
student information cards
161
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,709
for you guys to fill out.
162
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:30,969
It's like, name, address,
163
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:32,339
whether your parents are divorced...
164
00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:34,009
the standard stuff.
165
00:07:34,010 --> 00:07:36,509
- Uh, Ms. Davis?
- Yeah?
166
00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:38,220
I don't know how many
cars fit in my garage.
167
00:07:38,270 --> 00:07:39,679
Ten, maybe?
168
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,890
Wait. Everybody shut up!
169
00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:44,939
You have a house with a ten-car garage?
170
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,900
- It's an apartment...
- Okay, don't worry about it.
171
00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:51,189
Just a few moves I learned
at Safety Patrol Camp.
172
00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:53,069
Hey, Safety Patrollers.
173
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:55,070
This is your other advisor, Ms. Davis.
174
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,570
- Hi.
- Hi. Safety first.
175
00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:58,739
Lily, you're in Safety Patrol?
176
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:00,619
In it? I'm captain of it.
177
00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:02,579
You're really pretty, Ms. Davis.
178
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:03,919
Yeah, I know, and I'm also
179
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,129
- really photogenic.
- LILY: Okay, patrollers,
180
00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:06,919
let's go, we're piling up.
181
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,089
Okay, well, I'll just be over there...
182
00:08:09,090 --> 00:08:10,339
supervising.
183
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:11,759
Yeah.
184
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,469
Me, too.
185
00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,509
Supervise...
186
00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,929
Supervise...
187
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,260
GIRL: Check out the nerds.
188
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:21,559
Oh, look, it's the Hugly Patrol.
189
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,309
Apparently you can only join
190
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:24,599
if you're hella ugly.
191
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,979
Nice vest, lesbian.
192
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,269
Thanks.
193
00:08:27,270 --> 00:08:28,479
Because there's nothing wrong
194
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,779
with being gay or bisexual or...
195
00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:33,319
Okay. Okay.
196
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,859
Move it along, Water Bra,
197
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,119
and take your little
friend Panty Lines with you.
198
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,159
Whatever.
199
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,119
GIRL 2: You'll pay for this, Safety Patrol.
200
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,159
Thanks. You're really pretty.
201
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,959
Yeah, I know. Girls, what's happening?
202
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,960
You gotta fight fire with fire.
203
00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:50,300
Okay, look, it gets better.
204
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,129
Just not right away,
205
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:54,419
and honestly not for everybody.
206
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,470
It'll probably only get
better for one of you.
207
00:08:58,140 --> 00:08:59,350
(sighs)
208
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,719
Guys,
209
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,769
sitting around and reading magazines
210
00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:05,189
is not getting me any closer
211
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,479
to sitting around and reading magazines
212
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,769
for the rest of my life.
213
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:09,940
I need a better plan.
214
00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,149
Okay, class.
215
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,529
Friday is Career Day.
216
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:16,029
You guys are gonna invite guest speakers,
217
00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:17,609
and we're gonna start with men.
218
00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,159
If your parents are divorced,
219
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,369
maybe Dad doesn't spend
enough time with you.
220
00:09:21,370 --> 00:09:23,499
Why don't we get him involved, okay?
221
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,159
Any adult male is eligible,
222
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,619
except for ones who served time,
223
00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:28,999
unless it was for a white-collar crime.
224
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,459
Okay, shout out who you've got!
225
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:32,550
Any doctors? No dentists.
226
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,339
So a kid in my P.E. class
227
00:09:36,340 --> 00:09:38,639
asked me to help him fill out
his student information card.
228
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,349
He was having trouble because
229
00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:42,509
he didn't know if his
house had a bidet in it.
230
00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:44,309
Oh, well, if you have to ask...
231
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:45,849
Wow, the three of us have
really great chemistry.
232
00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:47,979
- Right?
- * Bitches ain't nothing but hos and tricks *
233
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:50,229
Bitches ain't nothing
but hos and tricks
234
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,479
- * Bitches ain't nothing but hos... *
- GINNY: Hey! Hey!
235
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,689
That song is not okay for school.
236
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,490
We learned it in Ms. Davis' class.
237
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,359
Snitch.
238
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,659
Uh, be careful.
239
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,699
- Do what feels natural.
- Kids...
240
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,949
(clears throat) ... that song isn't right.
241
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:03,989
See?
242
00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:05,329
Because bitches
243
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,829
can be anything they want.
244
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:09,249
Bitches can be doctors,
245
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,789
bitches can be astronauts,
246
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:12,749
bitches can even be
247
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:13,919
the President of the United States,
248
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,089
- am I right?
- Yeah.
249
00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:18,049
Which you guys are gonna
learn about at Career Day.
250
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:19,549
- Wow.
- MEREDITH: Knowledge.
251
00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:20,799
Pass it on.
252
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,720
Now scat. (clicks tongue)
253
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:28,559
GINNY: Meredith,
254
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,899
one, we try not to use
255
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,609
"bitches" to describe
256
00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:34,189
- our female students.
- Huh.
257
00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:36,069
Two, Career Day is my thing.
258
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,319
I do it every year.
259
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,779
It's the official one.
260
00:10:38,780 --> 00:10:40,659
Well, why can't there be two Career Days?
261
00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:42,529
Don't you have ferrets to take care of,
262
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:44,489
or do they also think you talk too much?
263
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:45,739
I'm not canceling my Career Day.
264
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:47,290
Ooh...
265
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:50,669
I would reconsider reconsidering.
266
00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:52,539
I already printed the flyers.
267
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,590
You already printed the flyers?
268
00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,749
I already printed the flyers.
269
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:59,090
I actually printed the flyers.
270
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,589
Uh-oh. Watch out.
271
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:04,140
(whispers): She's gunning for you.
272
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,749
(sobbing) Carl?
273
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:15,039
This is my personal time! Janet!
274
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,299
It's on my schedule.
275
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,760
Meredith cannot have a Career Day.
276
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,759
It's a free country.
277
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,509
Meredith can do whatever she pleases.
278
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:23,009
Except sleep in an ex's car,
279
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:25,429
which, apparently, is vehicular squatting.
280
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,179
I don't trust her! She takes the bus!
281
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:28,951
Just drop it, Ginny. (sneezes)
282
00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:31,127
- Bless you.
- Kim!
283
00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:33,707
Enough! Ok? Enough.
284
00:11:38,435 --> 00:11:40,511
(Cries)
285
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:43,360
So in short,
286
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,074
never text naked pictures.
287
00:11:46,099 --> 00:11:48,143
Somebody ask me the next
question before I get bored.
288
00:11:48,144 --> 00:11:50,721
Guys, we need to be doing our job.
289
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,385
I got my period, is my life over?
290
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:55,898
Congratulations!
291
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,805
- I'm a woman now.
- Screw that!
292
00:11:57,822 --> 00:12:00,208
You just got a free pass
with anything you want.
293
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,544
All you have to say is the word "cramps",
294
00:12:02,577 --> 00:12:05,006
and you'll be ridin'
that baby to menaupose.
295
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,292
Thanks.
296
00:12:06,412 --> 00:12:07,872
Adults are never honest.
297
00:12:07,903 --> 00:12:10,331
Yeah, especially not on eHarmony.
298
00:12:12,037 --> 00:12:14,777
I know I said I'll braid yours
next, but I'm not going to.
299
00:12:16,306 --> 00:12:17,995
Be right back. Hold on.
300
00:12:19,474 --> 00:12:22,121
Why are you reading? You
can't do that when we get home?
301
00:12:22,154 --> 00:12:24,516
They only let me read when
I'm on the elliptical.
302
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:27,003
And why do you need me?
you have your worshippers.
303
00:12:27,029 --> 00:12:29,508
Someone needs to take a chillax-ative.
304
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:32,298
The Patrol is my thing, but
you totally took it over.
305
00:12:32,314 --> 00:12:36,348
You're not our new BFF just because you
gave us a few bits of surface advice.
306
00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:39,037
Like telling Bronwen to get
her teeth brightened.
307
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,751
Ok, somebody had to tell
her, are you serious?
308
00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:44,188
You were a cool kid. We aren't.
309
00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:46,928
And you made it worse by
drawing attention to us.
310
00:12:47,256 --> 00:12:49,919
Water Bra and Panty
Lines are really popular!
311
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,533
Yeah, because they don't
wear stupid Safety Patrol vests.
312
00:12:52,575 --> 00:12:54,919
I know you're just gonna leave
us when you meet a guy anyway.
313
00:12:54,936 --> 00:12:56,465
Hmm, of course I am.
314
00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:58,146
- Then just leave now.
- Fine!
315
00:12:58,188 --> 00:13:00,440
I should be focused on
meeting a rich husband.
316
00:13:00,482 --> 00:13:02,557
And not saving kids lives.
317
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:05,742
So, I operate on hearts.
318
00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:07,448
Open heart surgeries mostly.
319
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:10,199
- How about closed hearts?
- (chuckles)
320
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,039
Okay, kids, does anyone want
321
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,539
to ask Dr. Grant a question?
322
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:17,379
How would you best
describe your tax bracket?
323
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,749
Too high.
324
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:21,839
(both chuckle)
325
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,759
Dr. Grant, do you love your wife?
326
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,220
Um, I'm divorced...
327
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:28,759
- Oh, no.
- ... actually.
328
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,429
And it's a long story. At first we were...
329
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:32,429
Interesting questions.
330
00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:34,929
People do say that they
say the darnedest things.
331
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,599
Why did you drag me down here?!
332
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:41,069
Attention! Ms. Davis is a fraud.
333
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:45,029
She did not work at
Windsor Park "K" through 12
334
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:47,909
as her r?sum? says she
did for the last six years.
335
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,159
I just got off the phone with them.
336
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,239
They've never even heard of her.
337
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,570
(clears throat)
338
00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:55,949
Is your brother still a cop?
339
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,279
And if so, can he get
me a restraining order?
340
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,908
Oh, I guess you remember
me better than you thought.
341
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:01,410
And yeah.
342
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,629
It's true.
343
00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:05,049
(students murmuring)
344
00:14:05,050 --> 00:14:09,089
Meredith Davis didn't work
at Windsor Park Elementary.
345
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:10,929
When I was younger,
346
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:12,179
I had a stalker.
347
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:18,099
My beauty, smarts, and bikini-ready body
348
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,689
made me an easy target.
349
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:25,109
I was seeing a guy, and
when I tried to end it,
350
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:26,279
he didn't get it.
351
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,239
Once he went to bed with me,
352
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,119
he couldn't imagine a life without me.
353
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:36,449
So I had to move and change my name.
354
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:39,579
I can show you the
restraining order if you want.
355
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:43,129
Um, but after... (chuckles)
356
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:44,420
a failed marriage... (chuckles)
357
00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:47,839
I decided to come back home.
358
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,680
And come back to Meredith Davis.
359
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,509
- That is poppycock!
- Language.
360
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,100
I'm so sorry I wasn't honest with you,
361
00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:01,269
but it was a very dark time in my life.
362
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:03,439
I once had a stalker...
363
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,110
accusation made against me.
364
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,319
Hmm.
365
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,989
(whispers): Here's a shoulder. Use it.
366
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,909
Let's go, Ginny. Enough damage
367
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,370
has been done in front of the parents.
368
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:18,369
You're really strong and brave.
369
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:19,659
And honest.
370
00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:23,169
And free to take this Career Day to night.
371
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:24,919
(all chuckle) Yeah.
372
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,839
Maybe we should maybe
hit the Dave & Buster's
373
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,589
for a little hair-letting-down session.
374
00:15:30,590 --> 00:15:32,589
Irene, I've got one for you.
375
00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:33,839
You can't marry your ferrets.
376
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,179
- She has ferrets.
- You have ferrets?
377
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:36,009
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
378
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:38,849
(both chuckle)
379
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:39,849
- Ah...
- Ah...
380
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:41,229
Wow, what a successful Career Day.
381
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:42,809
I know, I got, like, ten numbers.
382
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:44,149
And you're going on a date
383
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:45,689
with that weird guy. Still a win.
384
00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,569
I... I knew we'd become friends.
385
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:49,439
Hey, you.
386
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,319
Done signing autographs, Doctor?
387
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,659
For now. So, what are
you up to this weekend?
388
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,490
Whatever you're up to.
389
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,699
Uh, well, I'm leaving straight from here
390
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,119
to head to my family beach house.
391
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,869
Well, it's more like a beach resort.
392
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,119
(chuckles) They're all
real estate developers.
393
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,419
I'm kind of the black sheep.
394
00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:05,539
Oh, no. (laughs)
395
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,629
- Families, right?
- Yeah.
396
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:10,130
Why don't you take me and my
bikini-ready body with you?
397
00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:13,100
Isn't the parent-teacher
thing against the rules?
398
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,850
No, I read the handbook.
We can go right now.
399
00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:16,143
Irene can cover for me.
400
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,182
Wait, wait. What about my classes?
401
00:16:17,183 --> 00:16:19,313
Okay, I'll see you out front.
402
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,702
Hey, ow, ow, ow, stop.
403
00:16:22,703 --> 00:16:25,082
Why don't you eat your
lunch in the crosswalk,
404
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:26,832
Safety Patrol?
405
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,372
Yeah, the cafeteria is a nerd-free zone.
406
00:16:29,373 --> 00:16:30,372
There was no signage!
407
00:16:30,373 --> 00:16:31,213
(all laugh)
408
00:16:33,003 --> 00:16:34,672
Nerds.
409
00:16:34,673 --> 00:16:36,262
Just tell them I'm in the bathroom.
410
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,302
For the whole day?
411
00:16:37,303 --> 00:16:38,722
Yeah. Just say you don't want to know,
412
00:16:38,723 --> 00:16:40,972
make an "ick" face, and no
one will ask any questions.
413
00:16:40,973 --> 00:16:42,932
There's my little hottie...
414
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,762
and Dr. Grant.
415
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:46,062
All right, I'll see you.
416
00:16:46,063 --> 00:16:48,432
I'd say your clothes are ruined,
417
00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:50,192
but they couldn't get any worse!
418
00:16:50,193 --> 00:16:51,102
(all laugh)
419
00:16:51,103 --> 00:16:52,402
GRANT: Meredith, hey.
420
00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:53,483
GIRL: Nerd overload.
421
00:16:55,073 --> 00:16:57,442
IRENE: These girls just
did this to me last week.
422
00:16:57,443 --> 00:16:58,742
MEREDITH: Hey, get out of here,
423
00:16:58,743 --> 00:17:01,243
Water Bra and, uh, Panty Lines.
424
00:17:02,623 --> 00:17:03,912
Guys, what's happening?
425
00:17:03,913 --> 00:17:06,202
The popular girls kicked
us out of the cafeteria.
426
00:17:06,203 --> 00:17:08,122
They said we were sitting at their table.
427
00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:09,962
You know what? It's fine.
428
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,542
Just go back in there.
429
00:17:11,543 --> 00:17:13,462
That's easy for you to say. You're you.
430
00:17:13,463 --> 00:17:16,132
We're... us.
431
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:19,552
(sighs) Okay, look...
432
00:17:19,553 --> 00:17:22,682
yes, I was blessed with a perfect rack
433
00:17:22,683 --> 00:17:24,602
and a great face, but that doesn't mean
434
00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:27,522
that I don't know how you guys are feeling.
435
00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:32,563
Okay, I was married to this rich guy,
436
00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:34,902
who contrary to popular belief,
437
00:17:34,903 --> 00:17:36,772
I was actually in love with.
438
00:17:36,773 --> 00:17:39,282
And he cheated on me with a younger,
439
00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:40,822
allegedly hotter girl.
440
00:17:40,823 --> 00:17:45,202
I was basically kicked out of my life.
441
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:47,622
I don't belong here.
442
00:17:47,623 --> 00:17:51,082
I mean, I'm way too hot to be here.
443
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:52,542
But sometimes, if you're feeling
444
00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:53,962
insecure on the inside,
445
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:56,672
you need to show confidence on the outside.
446
00:17:56,673 --> 00:17:59,092
You gotta fake it till you make it.
447
00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:00,422
Okay,
448
00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:03,552
you walk in there like you own the place.
449
00:18:03,553 --> 00:18:04,972
That's what I would do.
450
00:18:04,973 --> 00:18:07,263
Girls up, tush out!
451
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,472
Okay?
452
00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:09,932
Meredith, I gotta go. I'm gonna be late.
453
00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,272
Okay, I have a date,
454
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:13,643
but be sure to let me know how that goes.
455
00:18:26,663 --> 00:18:29,453
Last chance.
456
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,543
Just go.
457
00:18:34,833 --> 00:18:36,832
Okay, girls, we're going in.
458
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,592
("Ladies' Night" by Kool
and the Gang playing)
459
00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:41,512
Oh, yes, it's ladies' night
460
00:18:41,513 --> 00:18:43,592
And the feeling's right
461
00:18:43,593 --> 00:18:44,842
Oh, yes, it's ladies' night
462
00:18:44,843 --> 00:18:47,972
* Oh, what a night *
* Oh, what a night *
463
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:52,432
Oh, yes, it's ladies' night
and the feeling's right
464
00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:54,312
Oh, yes, it's ladies' night
465
00:18:54,313 --> 00:18:55,813
Oh, what a night
466
00:18:56,813 --> 00:18:58,152
Huh!
467
00:18:58,153 --> 00:19:00,822
Girls, y'all got one
468
00:19:00,823 --> 00:19:05,452
* What? *
* A night that's special everywhere *
469
00:19:05,453 --> 00:19:09,492
From New York to Hollywood
470
00:19:09,493 --> 00:19:11,162
It's ladies' night...
471
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:13,703
Oh, ladies, I think you passed your table.
472
00:19:14,873 --> 00:19:16,172
Um, this is our table.
473
00:19:16,173 --> 00:19:17,712
We could just sit over there.
474
00:19:17,713 --> 00:19:19,792
No, this is your table.
475
00:19:19,793 --> 00:19:21,962
Lily, why don't you tell them why?
476
00:19:21,963 --> 00:19:23,512
You're our captain.
477
00:19:23,513 --> 00:19:27,342
I might have a perfect
rack and a great face...
478
00:19:27,343 --> 00:19:28,972
In your own words, in your own words.
479
00:19:28,973 --> 00:19:32,812
Oh, okay. Uh, we were here first,
480
00:19:32,813 --> 00:19:34,312
and there are no assigned seats.
481
00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:36,482
Yeah, signage.
482
00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:38,022
MEREDITH: Oh, you guys, I don't think
483
00:19:38,023 --> 00:19:39,402
they know how to read.
484
00:19:39,403 --> 00:19:41,482
And they're not hot enough to pull it off.
485
00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:45,402
Whatever. We're done anyway.
486
00:19:45,403 --> 00:19:46,452
No, you weren't.
487
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,412
(laughter)
488
00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:50,282
Ouch!
489
00:19:50,283 --> 00:19:51,242
(girls giggling)
490
00:19:51,243 --> 00:19:54,202
I cannot believe we just did that!
491
00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:56,873
- Did we fake it till we made it?
- Yes, you did!
492
00:19:56,913 --> 00:20:00,422
Meredith, it was really nice
of you to miss your date.
493
00:20:00,423 --> 00:20:02,922
Nice? No. I wasn't gonna
go out with that guy.
494
00:20:02,923 --> 00:20:05,963
Did you see his Porsche?
It was, like, two years old.
495
00:20:09,673 --> 00:20:13,012
Hey, maybe I was wrong about you.
496
00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:14,602
It's called "deodorant,"
dude. Look into it.
497
00:20:14,603 --> 00:20:16,642
Or maybe not.
498
00:20:16,643 --> 00:20:18,892
But either way, we
should hang out sometime.
499
00:20:18,893 --> 00:20:21,852
I can get you that
restraining order, whatever.
500
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:23,862
You're a gym teacher.
501
00:20:23,863 --> 00:20:25,862
I'm never gonna sleep with you.
502
00:20:25,863 --> 00:20:27,152
We all do things
503
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:29,823
we never thought we'd do, Ms. Davis.
504
00:20:32,613 --> 00:20:35,332
(horn honking)
505
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,163
(groans)
506
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:42,292
(honking stops)
507
00:20:42,293 --> 00:20:43,713
Ugh.
508
00:20:45,133 --> 00:20:47,172
- Hi.
- (groans)
509
00:20:47,173 --> 00:20:48,882
This never happened.
510
00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:51,223
Well, actually, this never happened twice.
511
00:20:55,447 --> 00:21:03,723
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512
00:21:03,773 --> 00:21:08,323
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