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1
00:00:02,675 --> 00:00:04,409
Ooh. Hello, Emma.
2
00:00:05,044 --> 00:00:06,144
Hello.
3
00:00:06,178 --> 00:00:08,913
Or should I say, halo!
4
00:00:10,483 --> 00:00:13,785
Oh, how will people know it's Christmas
without my little Christmas angel?
5
00:00:15,855 --> 00:00:17,622
Oh, I think they'll know.
6
00:00:17,656 --> 00:00:19,524
People on other planets will know.
7
00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:22,527
Can I take this off now?
8
00:00:22,561 --> 00:00:24,496
I keep getting shocked and
my heart is beating weird.
9
00:00:25,865 --> 00:00:29,134
Yeah. Yeah. I probably wouldn't
sweat too much in that thing.
10
00:00:29,168 --> 00:00:31,369
Grandpa learned the hard way.
You know- (Mimics electrocution)
11
00:00:32,371 --> 00:00:34,172
("Jingle bells" plays)
12
00:00:34,206 --> 00:00:37,108
(Groans) "God, I love Christmas shopping,"
13
00:00:37,143 --> 00:00:38,243
said never, by no one.
14
00:00:38,277 --> 00:00:41,079
I have been poked, prodded, and peed on.
15
00:00:41,113 --> 00:00:43,047
My eyelids are frozen, my fingers are numb,
16
00:00:43,082 --> 00:00:45,150
and I haven't felt my left
foot for the last two hours.
17
00:00:45,184 --> 00:00:48,686
The only goods news is is
that I got a special someone
18
00:00:48,721 --> 00:00:51,022
a certain something that they really,
really wanted this Christmas.
19
00:00:51,056 --> 00:00:52,891
- You got me those speakers?
- And that camera?
20
00:00:52,925 --> 00:00:54,826
A time machine and better taste in men?
21
00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:58,530
I was talking about my daughter,
22
00:00:58,564 --> 00:01:01,199
but apparently,
I forgot to buy a few things.
23
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:04,502
Oh God, I'll be back before new years.
24
00:01:04,537 --> 00:01:06,104
("Jingle bells" plays)
25
00:01:08,407 --> 00:01:10,141
Seriously, mom? Fake snow?
26
00:01:10,176 --> 00:01:12,110
Well, I'm sorry,
but the real stuff kept melting.
27
00:01:12,144 --> 00:01:14,179
- (Baby whines)
- I know.
28
00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:15,914
- Merry Christmas!
- (Door closes)
29
00:01:15,948 --> 00:01:18,917
- Bye.
- Bye!
30
00:01:18,951 --> 00:01:20,051
(Theme music playing)
31
00:01:20,619 --> 00:01:23,521
It's amazing how the unexpected
32
00:01:23,556 --> 00:01:26,424
can take your life
and change direction
33
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:29,832
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34
00:01:30,362 --> 00:01:33,464
Okay, so what should I make
for Christmas dinner this year?
35
00:01:33,499 --> 00:01:35,767
Your mother has passed on
the sacred responsibility
36
00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:38,336
of preparing the holiday meal to me.
37
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:39,804
To me.
38
00:01:40,372 --> 00:01:42,607
Oh my God. What was I thinking?
39
00:01:43,876 --> 00:01:46,544
The same thing we'll be thinking
after we take the first bite,
40
00:01:46,579 --> 00:01:47,745
we've made a terrible mistake.
41
00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:53,351
Okay,
if my measurements for the tree are correct,
42
00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:55,620
we should be able to fit a 41-footer. Ha!
43
00:01:56,622 --> 00:01:58,456
What do you think?
44
00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:01,326
I think an actual ladder
would be better at math.
45
00:02:02,595 --> 00:02:03,661
(Bells chime)
46
00:02:03,696 --> 00:02:08,399
(Giggles) Well,
I freed our Christmas costumes.
47
00:02:08,434 --> 00:02:10,602
Granted, I had to flash Dan,
the storage guy, a 20,
48
00:02:10,636 --> 00:02:12,670
among other things,
49
00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:15,573
but look what I found, Benji.
50
00:02:15,608 --> 00:02:17,508
Oh, your old angel wings.
51
00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:19,777
No, thanks.
Last time I worse those it was fifth grade
52
00:02:19,812 --> 00:02:22,347
and somebody beat the crap out of me.
53
00:02:23,682 --> 00:02:25,583
I am so sorry about that.
54
00:02:28,387 --> 00:02:31,322
Well, I think they're perfect
for the Christmas Pageant.
55
00:02:31,357 --> 00:02:33,391
- The Christmas what?
- Pageant.
56
00:02:33,425 --> 00:02:35,493
The one you signed me up for
at Emma's daycare center.
57
00:02:35,527 --> 00:02:36,694
Oh, is that what that was?
58
00:02:36,729 --> 00:02:39,430
They're always bugging me
for something over there.
59
00:02:39,465 --> 00:02:41,799
All right, well promise me you won't
dress Emma up in anything too crazy.
60
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:44,535
If I recall, this is the age
where kids start to feel shame.
61
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:46,537
She's a Wheeler,
62
00:02:46,572 --> 00:02:48,606
we wear our shame like a comfy, old sweater.
63
00:02:49,942 --> 00:02:53,578
Which reminds me, wear yours to
the Pageant because you're in it.
64
00:02:53,612 --> 00:02:56,347
Ho, ho. No I'm not.
65
00:02:58,350 --> 00:02:59,984
Yeah, I'm here.
66
00:03:00,019 --> 00:03:02,420
I'm telling you right now, I'm not doing
this stupid show in this stupid outfit.
67
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,255
- It's stupid.
- (Scoffs)
68
00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:07,091
I think you look adorable.
69
00:03:07,126 --> 00:03:08,359
Doesn't he look adorable?
70
00:03:08,394 --> 00:03:10,228
Stop it, mom, you're embarrassing me.
71
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:13,164
Okay, people. Focus in.
72
00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:15,833
Leave your tasks. Come, come.
73
00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:19,646
I'm Hermione Pimstock,
your Pageant director,
74
00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:21,648
and today is your lucky day.
75
00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,951
I have attended over a
dozen Broadway productions.
76
00:03:23,985 --> 00:03:25,486
Oh, wow.
77
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,720
Yes.
78
00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:27,855
Bravo.
79
00:03:28,423 --> 00:03:31,758
Thank you.
Just call me your Christmas angel.
80
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:34,261
(Chuckles)
81
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:35,362
What are you supposed to be?
82
00:03:35,396 --> 00:03:37,264
Well, I'm your virgin Mary,
83
00:03:37,298 --> 00:03:39,132
and I can handle anything you throw at me.
84
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:42,402
I bet you can, though I doubt any
of it ends with you being a virgin.
85
00:03:44,005 --> 00:03:46,173
Okay, God picked her for a reason.
86
00:03:46,207 --> 00:03:48,108
Mom, mom, mom.
Nobody wants to hear your theory
87
00:03:48,176 --> 00:03:49,843
on why Mary had to be hot.
88
00:03:49,878 --> 00:03:51,712
- Okay.
- (Phone vibrating)
89
00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:56,750
Oh, well isn't this just a
slice of Christmas crap pie?
90
00:03:56,784 --> 00:03:59,386
(Scoffs) Walt and Susie
Chesterbaum are out.
91
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:01,488
They're our big musical finale.
92
00:04:01,523 --> 00:04:04,291
Damn it!
Walt Chesterbaum is the premier Jesus
93
00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:05,626
on the eastern seaboard.
94
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,361
Ugh! Okay.
95
00:04:07,395 --> 00:04:09,129
Excuse me.
96
00:04:11,132 --> 00:04:14,067
(Gasps) Oh, Benji...
97
00:04:14,102 --> 00:04:16,370
What do you say we put the old
Wheeler band back together,
98
00:04:16,404 --> 00:04:18,171
and we blow the roof off this joint?
99
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:20,073
Mom, the Wheeler band hasn't been together
100
00:04:20,108 --> 00:04:22,175
since we literally blew
that roof off that joint.
101
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:24,044
(Scoffs) Fine, honey,
102
00:04:24,078 --> 00:04:25,437
if you really don't want to do it.
103
00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:27,480
- I really don't want to do it.
- Yeah, but who asked you?
104
00:04:27,504 --> 00:04:30,526
Hermione wait!
I've got the perfect finally act.
105
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:34,396
the Wheeler band, and we are gonna
blow the roof off this joint.
106
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:36,298
Bonnie: You got fire insurance, right?
107
00:04:43,272 --> 00:04:46,274
All right,
let's get down to business and strategize
108
00:04:46,309 --> 00:04:48,210
for operation get the perfect tree.
109
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:50,278
I wanted to call it operation needle.
110
00:04:50,313 --> 00:04:51,813
Well, I changed it.
111
00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:53,048
("Jingle bells" plays)
112
00:04:53,082 --> 00:04:55,117
Oh my God,
this holiday can't be over fast enough.
113
00:04:55,151 --> 00:04:57,085
Whoever said this was the
most wonderful time of year
114
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,887
should be clubbed with a candy cane.
115
00:04:58,921 --> 00:05:00,722
I get the first whack.
116
00:05:00,757 --> 00:05:03,458
Well,
that is a lovely holiday sentiment, Ben,
117
00:05:03,493 --> 00:05:05,694
but right now I need to download
you on operation needle.
118
00:05:06,796 --> 00:05:09,664
Oh, fine. You were right.
119
00:05:09,699 --> 00:05:13,568
All right, pay attention. There is a
new shipment coming in today at 4:00
120
00:05:13,603 --> 00:05:17,072
to the lot on ninth by the bodega
with the reindeer on the roof.
121
00:05:17,106 --> 00:05:18,940
- Got it?
- 9:00 on fourth.
122
00:05:18,975 --> 00:05:20,142
4:00 on ninth.
123
00:05:20,176 --> 00:05:22,878
- With a Santa in the window.
- I'm gonna start again.
124
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,880
Why does everyone have to make
everything so complicated...
125
00:05:24,914 --> 00:05:27,015
Between the tree, and the decorations,
and the shopping,
126
00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:28,884
and that stupid Pageant.
127
00:05:28,918 --> 00:05:31,686
Plus, the only thing I was actually
looking forward to, Christmas dinner,
128
00:05:31,721 --> 00:05:34,523
is guaranteed to be ruined
since mom is letting Riley cook,
129
00:05:34,557 --> 00:05:35,791
and the only things that
she knows how to make
130
00:05:35,825 --> 00:05:37,793
are dry muffins and burnt toast.
131
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:42,431
- She's standing right behind me, isn't she?
- Yup.
132
00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:45,367
(Groans)
133
00:05:46,436 --> 00:05:48,336
Riley, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
134
00:05:48,371 --> 00:05:50,072
You're an amazing cook.
135
00:05:50,106 --> 00:05:51,973
Look, see?
136
00:05:52,008 --> 00:05:53,809
Mm, it's delicious.
137
00:05:57,747 --> 00:05:59,114
I'm just trying to do
something nice for the family
138
00:05:59,148 --> 00:06:01,783
that always made me feel
special at Christmas.
139
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:03,819
Oh, I thought you were cooking for us.
140
00:06:03,853 --> 00:06:06,421
(Chuckles) Well, let me help.
141
00:06:06,456 --> 00:06:08,757
I can taste the ingredients before you
put them all together and ruin them.
142
00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:11,293
(Chuckles) Boop.
143
00:06:13,429 --> 00:06:15,130
Okay, I do need to run to the store.
144
00:06:15,164 --> 00:06:17,399
Can you keep an eye on the pies for me?
They are almost done.
145
00:06:17,433 --> 00:06:20,202
But, hey, aren't you supposed
to be helping Danny and Tucker?
146
00:06:20,236 --> 00:06:23,205
Oh, trust me, they're fine.
How hard is it to get a tree?
147
00:06:23,239 --> 00:06:26,141
Danny! Danny, a little help here, please!
148
00:06:26,175 --> 00:06:27,943
I'm trying!
149
00:06:27,977 --> 00:06:30,011
Ow! Where the hell is Ben?
150
00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:32,781
This is my tree! It's mine!
151
00:06:33,816 --> 00:06:35,984
Okay, I will be back in 20.
152
00:06:36,018 --> 00:06:38,920
(Groans) They added another
rehearsal for this Pageant.
153
00:06:38,955 --> 00:06:40,722
I knew I should have
worked a Christmas shift.
154
00:06:40,756 --> 00:06:43,725
Eyes on the pies, Wheeler. Eyes on the pies.
155
00:06:46,529 --> 00:06:49,331
- (Door closes) - Well,
there's a Christmas gift I can get myself.
156
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,266
(Typing on phone)
157
00:06:52,335 --> 00:06:54,102
Hey, hey, it's Ben. I was just wondering
158
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:55,871
if you still need someone to work Christmas.
159
00:06:56,305 --> 00:06:57,939
Yes! Yes, I'm in!
160
00:06:57,974 --> 00:06:59,741
In fact, make it a double. (Laughs)
161
00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:01,776
My shift today?
162
00:07:01,811 --> 00:07:03,879
Right now?
Yeah, no, I'm on my way, sir. I just...
163
00:07:03,913 --> 00:07:05,680
I was just picking up
your Christmas present.
164
00:07:05,715 --> 00:07:07,682
You like... plants, right?
165
00:07:09,819 --> 00:07:11,553
(Door opens, closes)
166
00:07:16,425 --> 00:07:17,459
Hey.
167
00:07:17,493 --> 00:07:20,462
Aren't you that whiny
angel with the slutty mom?
168
00:07:20,496 --> 00:07:22,130
Why weren't you at rehearsal?
169
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:24,299
Oh, yeah. Turns out I had to work. Darn it.
170
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,401
- I got a kid to support, you know.
- (Groans)
171
00:07:26,435 --> 00:07:28,170
Totally forgot to have kids.
172
00:07:29,238 --> 00:07:31,873
Look at this tree, Ben. Look at it!
173
00:07:31,908 --> 00:07:34,242
You abandoned us out there.
They almost tore Tucker in half.
174
00:07:34,277 --> 00:07:38,113
My hands are permanently curled like
a pathetic plastic action figure.
175
00:07:40,016 --> 00:07:41,049
Really, Ben?
176
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:42,951
You're working on Christmas?
177
00:07:42,985 --> 00:07:44,886
What about the daycare Pageant?
178
00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:46,788
Do you wanna just look
your daughter in the eyes
179
00:07:46,822 --> 00:07:49,324
and tell her that there
is no Christmas this year?
180
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,227
I'm sorry, Emma.
There's no Christmas this year.
181
00:07:54,163 --> 00:07:55,130
She seems cool.
182
00:07:56,232 --> 00:07:58,366
Ben Wheeler. Ooh, you smell that?
183
00:07:58,401 --> 00:08:01,136
That is the scent of Christmas dinner,
ruined!
184
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:04,172
Okay, do you mind? I was kind of
in the middle of berating my son.
185
00:08:04,207 --> 00:08:06,741
Well, get in line, lady. Look at my hands!
186
00:08:06,776 --> 00:08:08,076
What did you say?
187
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,678
- (Overlapping shouting)
- (Groans)
188
00:08:09,712 --> 00:08:12,614
I swear, my life would be so much better
if this stupid holiday didn't exist.
189
00:08:12,648 --> 00:08:13,782
I'll drink to that.
190
00:08:13,816 --> 00:08:15,850
(Arguing continues)
191
00:08:15,885 --> 00:08:17,652
No, seriously, can I drink to that?
192
00:08:17,687 --> 00:08:18,820
Oh.
193
00:08:24,527 --> 00:08:25,594
(Video game sounds)
194
00:08:25,628 --> 00:08:28,363
Oh, hey, tuck.
Look man, I'm really sorry about the...
195
00:08:29,498 --> 00:08:31,199
What the hell happened
to all the decorations?
196
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:32,167
What decorations?
197
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,302
Oh, okay, I get it. Bah, humbug.
198
00:08:34,337 --> 00:08:36,871
Well, the joke's on you because I
really don't care about Christmas.
199
00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,106
Chris who? What are you talking about?
200
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:39,908
Never mind. Did Emma get to sleep okay?
201
00:08:39,942 --> 00:08:42,711
- Who's Emma?
- (Scoffs) Very funny.
202
00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:44,679
Oh, wait.
Is Emma that new chick you're dating?
203
00:08:44,714 --> 00:08:46,781
Hey, see if she's got any
friends who like sensitive guys
204
00:08:46,816 --> 00:08:48,717
who are extremely flexible.
205
00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:53,455
Okay, where is she? I'm not playing around.
206
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,557
- Where is who?
- My daughter.
207
00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:57,993
Dude, you don't have a daughter.
208
00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:04,587
Tucker, this isn't funny, where is Emma?
209
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,613
Oh, you're hiding her in Danny's room
aren't you? This is so not cool, man.
210
00:09:06,648 --> 00:09:07,648
Not cool.
211
00:09:08,042 --> 00:09:11,425
Oh, look who it is,
Mr. never-buys-toilet paper.
212
00:09:13,264 --> 00:09:15,031
Who the hell are you, and where's Danny?
213
00:09:15,066 --> 00:09:17,400
Uh, he moved out a year ago
when he couldn't pay his rent.
214
00:09:17,435 --> 00:09:19,269
What? Look, I don't care.
215
00:09:19,303 --> 00:09:20,904
For the last time, where's Emma?
216
00:09:20,938 --> 00:09:22,005
What's his damage?
217
00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:26,109
Look, as far as I can tell,
some girl named Emma broke up with him,
218
00:09:26,143 --> 00:09:28,778
and he's also in a fight
with some guy named Chris.
219
00:09:28,813 --> 00:09:31,881
Oh, I know, I'm dreaming.
That's it. Tucker, slap me.
220
00:09:33,951 --> 00:09:36,619
I don't know if you feel any better,
but I feel fantastic.
221
00:09:36,654 --> 00:09:38,421
You look fantastic. I love you.
222
00:09:41,325 --> 00:09:42,492
- What?
- Nothing.
223
00:09:45,429 --> 00:09:47,163
Okay.
224
00:09:47,198 --> 00:09:48,465
Tucker, focus.
225
00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:51,034
Emma.
You were there the night I met her mom.
226
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,069
In fact it was Christmas Eve,
we went to a party.
227
00:09:53,104 --> 00:09:55,171
Why are you doing this to me, man?
I thought we were best friends.
228
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:57,006
Best friends?
229
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,875
Best friends don't drop their best friend
230
00:09:58,909 --> 00:10:00,810
the second their famous
brother comes to town.
231
00:10:02,847 --> 00:10:04,681
Great news, Benjo.
232
00:10:05,683 --> 00:10:12,278
Oh... hi, Jeffrey.
233
00:10:12,313 --> 00:10:14,681
So,
your dad called and he's coming into town.
234
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,184
I think he wants to get back together.
235
00:10:18,219 --> 00:10:20,486
Oh, thank God. I have been lost without him.
236
00:10:20,521 --> 00:10:22,222
Mom, dad's gay.
237
00:10:22,256 --> 00:10:24,090
You got a divorce. You're happy now.
238
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,293
Benjamin,
how could I be happy without your father?
239
00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:30,230
And more importantly,
how could he be happy without me?
240
00:10:31,866 --> 00:10:33,867
One word: Steve!
241
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,169
Steve? They're just friends.
242
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,805
A lot of people go camping
with just one sleeping bag.
243
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,476
Okay, fine, whatever. He's straight.
244
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,677
Where's Emma?
245
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,746
How should I know?
You never let me meet your girlfriends.
246
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,283
No, Emma, my daughter. Your granddaughter.
247
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,485
Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening.
I gotta find her.
248
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:58,157
Like anybody would believe
I could be a grandmother.
249
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,094
Oh, wait. I better not be.
250
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,062
Oh, man. I knew I should have had him fixed.
251
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:09,769
Riley, open up. It's Ben, it's an emergency.
252
00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,739
The world has gone insane.
253
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,674
I know you're probably still...
254
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,842
What are you wearing?
255
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,677
Uh, my work uniform.
256
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,546
What are you doing here,
and why did you just touch me?
257
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,483
No one knows where Emma is.
258
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,485
Oh, is that the girl you
brought to my last party?
259
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,552
Yeah, she's hideous.
260
00:11:26,587 --> 00:11:28,554
No, Emma, my daughter.
261
00:11:28,589 --> 00:11:30,556
(Scoffs) You have a daughter?
262
00:11:30,591 --> 00:11:32,258
Good luck to her.
263
00:11:32,293 --> 00:11:34,193
Look, Riley, you have to help me.
264
00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:36,195
Emma has disappeared and so has Christmas.
265
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:38,064
Who's Chris Moss?
266
00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:40,867
I know a Dave Moss.
267
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,835
You know what, why would I help you?
268
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,038
Okay, I have seen you twice
since I moved to the city,
269
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,707
and one of those times is
when you crashed my party,
270
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,576
barfed in my hamper,
and slept with my best friend.
271
00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:51,878
So now, if you'll excuse me,
272
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,513
I have to get back to the beer garden
273
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,381
and listen to a bunch of drunk frat guys
274
00:11:55,416 --> 00:11:56,749
giggle every time I say weiner.
275
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:01,554
I... I don't understand.
276
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:04,290
You quit the beer garden.
Don't you remember?
277
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:07,060
I convinced you to take the
bar exam again and you passed.
278
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,862
You convinced me?
279
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:13,866
Ben, the only things you have ever
talked me into doing were illegal.
280
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:18,865
And, no thanks to you,
I should be off probation in three months.
281
00:12:18,899 --> 00:12:20,600
Oh, hey, bro. What are you doing here?
282
00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:21,734
Oh, Danny, thank God.
283
00:12:23,904 --> 00:12:25,505
What the hell happened to you?
284
00:12:25,539 --> 00:12:28,675
I know, I finally lost that gut, right?
285
00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:30,310
Looking pretty good.
286
00:12:31,478 --> 00:12:33,179
Looking like you ate you!
287
00:12:34,648 --> 00:12:36,482
And why are you dressed as your old,
loser high school hockey coach?
288
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:38,284
Because I just replaced him.
289
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,055
Coach? You're a New York ranger.
290
00:12:42,089 --> 00:12:44,857
Well, if I hadn't spent all
of my time partying with you
291
00:12:44,892 --> 00:12:46,125
maybe I still would be.
292
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,695
Yeah, way to rub salt in that wound.
293
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:51,364
What is happening?
294
00:12:51,398 --> 00:12:54,534
One minute I'm talking about how much I hate
Christmas to some crabby Pageant director,
295
00:12:54,568 --> 00:12:56,536
and the next...
296
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:58,605
Oh my God, it's her.
297
00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:00,340
She made Christmas disappear.
298
00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:03,610
Who's Chris Moss?
299
00:13:05,312 --> 00:13:06,412
I think he's Dave's brother.
300
00:13:13,988 --> 00:13:16,256
You, what did you do to Christmas?
301
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,791
Oh, is that the bartenders name?
302
00:13:18,826 --> 00:13:20,994
I didn't do anything to him... yet.
303
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:23,963
Who are you?
304
00:13:23,998 --> 00:13:25,698
You know exactly who I am.
305
00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:28,701
- Now you put my life back together or...
- Oh, calm down, Ben.
306
00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:30,637
Stress is very unhealthy.
307
00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,740
You do know me. You just called me Ben.
308
00:13:33,774 --> 00:13:36,743
Did I? Or is it just a term of endearment?
309
00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:38,645
Be a Ben and get me another drink.
310
00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:42,081
Okay, look, I know I said I hated Christmas,
311
00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:44,250
but I need you to tell
me how to get Emma back.
312
00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:46,219
Well, I'm no expert,
313
00:13:46,253 --> 00:13:48,221
but it sounds like you need to figure out
314
00:13:48,255 --> 00:13:50,256
how to get back this cream cheese thing
315
00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:52,925
and maybe that'll bring
back this Emma person.
316
00:13:54,662 --> 00:13:56,929
Wait, are you saying that if I figure out
how to get people to believe in Christmas,
317
00:13:56,964 --> 00:13:58,097
I'll get Emma back?
318
00:13:58,632 --> 00:14:00,767
Sure, but then again, I'm hammered.
319
00:14:03,837 --> 00:14:05,505
(Bell rings)
320
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,641
Would you lighten up? I'm doing my best.
321
00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:14,250
Hey, Ben, we need to...
322
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:17,320
Quick question,
323
00:14:17,354 --> 00:14:19,122
why is there a tree in my living room?
324
00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:21,357
It's a holiday tradition.
325
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:23,960
The tree symbolizes...
326
00:14:23,994 --> 00:14:25,261
It's a holiday tradition.
327
00:14:26,263 --> 00:14:28,798
Okay, well,
here's an idea for a new tradition,
328
00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:30,033
stop acting crazy.
329
00:14:31,535 --> 00:14:34,671
God, Jeffrey's gonna be pissed you wasted
so much toilet paper on this thing.
330
00:14:35,806 --> 00:14:37,607
Hey, dude, what's the emergency?
331
00:14:37,641 --> 00:14:38,808
I was on my way to the gym.
332
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,311
(Chuckles) Not really.
333
00:14:42,613 --> 00:14:44,581
Yeah, and I had to clock out early.
334
00:14:44,615 --> 00:14:47,317
And you don't get a free sausage
unless you work the full 12 hours.
335
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:49,519
I was just about to make a mixtape
336
00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:52,055
for my night of loving with your dad.
337
00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:53,323
I hope he still likes show tunes.
338
00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:56,259
Okay, okay. Well everybody calm down, okay?
339
00:14:56,293 --> 00:14:57,861
We're gonna have Christmas, all right?
340
00:14:57,895 --> 00:14:59,896
Its a wonderful and joyful holiday,
all right?
341
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:01,231
Now sit here, okay,
342
00:15:01,265 --> 00:15:02,999
and drink this eggnog,
343
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:04,934
and be joyful, damn it!
344
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:09,038
Ben, the last time you handed me
something and said, "drink this,"
345
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,774
I woke up next to a mini pig named Elvis.
346
00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:16,479
Yeah, well, you know what?
You guys are gonna be really happy
347
00:15:16,514 --> 00:15:17,747
when you open these presents.
348
00:15:17,781 --> 00:15:19,616
Okay. All right. There we go.
349
00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:22,552
They're more representative
of the whole present thing.
350
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,487
I didn't have much time to shop, so...
351
00:15:24,522 --> 00:15:25,522
Wow.
352
00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:27,323
How did you know I would want
353
00:15:27,358 --> 00:15:29,058
one of my own plates?
354
00:15:30,327 --> 00:15:31,327
A puck?
355
00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:33,363
I'm a hockey coach, Ben.
I get these for free.
356
00:15:33,397 --> 00:15:35,231
I've got two in my pants right now.
357
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,101
Thanks, Ben. Beer.
358
00:15:38,135 --> 00:15:39,269
What a unique gift.
359
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:41,137
Especially since I work in a beer garden.
360
00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,740
Yeah, I'll take those.
361
00:15:43,807 --> 00:15:45,642
Ray needs to have a couple
before we get to it.
362
00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:47,810
He's shy.
363
00:15:48,979 --> 00:15:50,680
Okay, all right. You know what?
Let's keep it moving
364
00:15:50,714 --> 00:15:52,649
with another wonderful holiday tradition,
365
00:15:52,683 --> 00:15:55,418
the singing of the Christmas song, okay?
366
00:15:55,452 --> 00:15:56,619
Are you guys ready? All right.
367
00:15:56,654 --> 00:15:58,688
Deck the halls with bows of holly
368
00:15:58,722 --> 00:16:00,523
fa la la la la la la la
369
00:16:00,558 --> 00:16:02,458
Okay, Ben.
I didn't want to say this earlier,
370
00:16:02,493 --> 00:16:04,494
but have you maybe had a
little bit too much of the...
371
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,229
(Inhales sharply)
372
00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:09,165
And if you have, could I borrow some?
373
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:11,935
It helps your dad to relax.
374
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:15,038
Well, this has been a huge waste of time.
375
00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:16,940
N... no, no, no, no, no. You guys can't go.
376
00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:18,775
You have to believe in Christmas.
377
00:16:18,809 --> 00:16:20,944
Danny, don't you remember?
It's your favorite holiday.
378
00:16:20,978 --> 00:16:22,879
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
379
00:16:22,913 --> 00:16:25,515
I answer the door with this
painted like a Jack-o'-Lantern.
380
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:26,616
Kids love it.
381
00:16:27,751 --> 00:16:29,519
Yeah, and I have to get back to work.
382
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:32,355
You might have time to decorate
a tree with toilet paper
383
00:16:32,389 --> 00:16:33,690
and sing some lame song,
384
00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:36,392
but some of us have to
make a respectable living.
385
00:16:38,529 --> 00:16:40,363
I'm in the management program, so...
386
00:16:41,365 --> 00:16:43,099
You guys, please,
387
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,267
we need to get this right.
388
00:16:44,301 --> 00:16:46,202
We need to deck the halls,
and trim the tree,
389
00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:48,238
and drink the nog, and sing the songs.
390
00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:51,074
But no matter what we do we have
to do it together as a family
391
00:16:51,108 --> 00:16:52,976
and just love the crap out of each other.
392
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:55,078
- Hey, what's going on?
- Jeffrey, no, you get the hell out of here!
393
00:16:56,914 --> 00:16:58,781
Don't you understand?
394
00:16:58,816 --> 00:17:01,618
If I don't bring back Christmas,
I can't bring Emma back.
395
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:03,419
Mom, don't you remember?
396
00:17:03,454 --> 00:17:05,688
You moved here to the
city to be closer to her.
397
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:08,291
You're the best grandma in the whole world.
398
00:17:08,325 --> 00:17:09,659
And you're Uncle Danny.
399
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:12,428
Emma's everything to you.
She's your good luck charm.
400
00:17:12,463 --> 00:17:14,464
She's never missed a game.
401
00:17:14,498 --> 00:17:15,999
And Riley,
402
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,241
I want Emma to grow up to be just like you.
You're her role model.
403
00:17:19,243 --> 00:17:21,011
Not your moment, mom!
404
00:17:21,913 --> 00:17:23,113
And Tucker,
405
00:17:23,147 --> 00:17:24,848
dude, you're her favorite,
406
00:17:24,882 --> 00:17:26,984
and if you weren't so open and
understanding about us living here,
407
00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:28,952
I'd probably be on the street right now.
408
00:17:28,987 --> 00:17:30,821
All right, I love you guys,
409
00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:32,923
but I don't even know who
I am if I'm not a dad.
410
00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:36,693
She's what makes us a family, okay?
Don't you see that?
411
00:17:36,728 --> 00:17:37,728
(Bell rings)
412
00:17:37,762 --> 00:17:39,596
(Baby crying)
413
00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:40,664
Emma!
414
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,401
Oh my God, you're back.
415
00:17:44,435 --> 00:17:46,570
I promise I'll never let you disappear again,
okay.
416
00:17:46,637 --> 00:17:49,272
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetheart. Hi.
417
00:17:49,307 --> 00:17:52,409
I don't care about how many
lines I have to stand in,
418
00:17:52,443 --> 00:17:54,211
how many crowds I have to fight,
419
00:17:54,245 --> 00:17:56,913
or how much gay apparel I have to don,
420
00:17:57,949 --> 00:18:00,751
you are the best present
Christmas has ever given me.
421
00:18:01,886 --> 00:18:02,986
I love you, okay.
422
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:03,987
Here. Come on.
423
00:18:05,656 --> 00:18:06,857
Oh my God, everyone look.
424
00:18:06,891 --> 00:18:08,492
It's Emma. Emma's home.
425
00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:11,461
Yeah, she lives here.
You have a kid... weirdo.
426
00:18:11,496 --> 00:18:14,331
Oh my God, I missed you all so much.
427
00:18:14,365 --> 00:18:16,400
Dude, we are gonna cut down on the partying.
428
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:18,268
I will not let you get
thrown off the rangers.
429
00:18:18,302 --> 00:18:20,203
And you... if I had my way,
430
00:18:20,238 --> 00:18:21,505
you'll never sell wieners
in this town again.
431
00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:24,474
And Tucker, I'm gonna be a better friend.
432
00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:26,176
You'll never need a Jeffrey.
433
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:27,411
- What's a Jeffrey?
- Exactly.
434
00:18:28,446 --> 00:18:30,914
Now, let's all make the best Christmas ever.
435
00:18:30,948 --> 00:18:32,315
Well, it's a little late for that.
436
00:18:32,350 --> 00:18:34,051
- You ruined dinner.
- And the tree.
437
00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:36,853
And the Pageant. Maybe next year, Benji.
438
00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:38,789
No, no, no. It's not too late.
439
00:18:38,823 --> 00:18:40,724
We can still do it,
440
00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:41,825
and I know exactly how.
441
00:18:44,629 --> 00:18:46,897
Oh come
442
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:50,734
all ye faithful
443
00:18:51,736 --> 00:18:57,474
joyful and triumphant
444
00:18:57,508 --> 00:19:01,211
oh come ye
445
00:19:01,245 --> 00:19:04,247
oh come ye
446
00:19:04,282 --> 00:19:10,153
to Bethlehem
447
00:19:10,188 --> 00:19:14,157
All:
oh come all ye faithful
448
00:19:14,192 --> 00:19:17,794
joyful and triumphant
449
00:19:17,829 --> 00:19:21,098
oh come ye oh come ye
450
00:19:21,132 --> 00:19:24,734
to Bethlehem
451
00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:29,039
come and behold him
452
00:19:29,073 --> 00:19:32,776
born the king of angels
453
00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:36,613
oh come let us adore him
454
00:19:36,647 --> 00:19:40,016
oh come let us adore him
455
00:19:40,051 --> 00:19:44,688
oh come let us adore him
456
00:19:44,722 --> 00:19:47,924
Christ the Lord
457
00:19:53,097 --> 00:19:54,631
Come here.
458
00:19:56,701 --> 00:19:57,868
Merry Christmas, Emma.
459
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,935
Okay, everyone,
460
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,303
dinner is ready.
461
00:20:06,337 --> 00:20:09,105
- Bonnie: Yes!
- Danny: I can't wait, I am starving.
462
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:11,074
(Cheers turn to groans)
463
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:16,012
I don't know what that used to be honey,
but I sure feel bad for it.
464
00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:20,150
Should we carve it or
just chip off a corner?
465
00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:22,919
You guys, come on.
466
00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:24,988
Riley tried her best, and she did it for us.
467
00:20:25,022 --> 00:20:27,257
Besides, it's Christmas.
All that matters is that we're together.
468
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:29,059
(Knocking)
469
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:30,994
Did you invite someone else to dinner?
470
00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:32,295
I may have ordered a back-up pizza.
471
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:35,265
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh my God, that was such a good idea.
472
00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:39,002
Merry Christmas, everyone.
473
00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:41,071
All: Merry Christmas.
474
00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:43,139
Hey, does anyone have $20 for that pizza?
475
00:20:43,174 --> 00:20:44,307
Oh my God.
476
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:48,907
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