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1
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,873
♪ You must remember this
2
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,599
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,513
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,749
♪ The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,753
♪ As time goes by ♪
6
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:31,392
(Sighs)
7
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,598
(Sniffles)
8
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,636
Lionel, please.
9
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,671
Why are you doing this now?
10
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,389
Penny and Stephen are coming
tomorrow, I shall be cooking all morning.
11
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:50,393
They're not going to be crawling about
looking for bits of fluff, are they?
12
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:51,959
What bits of fluff? Where?
13
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,476
- I didn't say I could see any.
- Oh, I can, lots.
14
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,757
- Well, you're on your hands and knees!
- Ohh!
15
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,919
(Sighs deeply)
16
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,039
I'll say one thing for that machine -
it's wonderfully quiet.
17
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,315
That's your idea of being helpful, is it?
18
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,474
(Clicking, rattling)
19
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,357
It's broken.
20
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,795
Don't blind me with science.
21
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,269
I don't know anything
about vacuum cleaners.
22
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:29,918
Nor do I!
23
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,754
- I should just leave it...
- At least have a look at it for me.
24
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,600
No, I mean do something about it!
25
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,431
No, something practical!
26
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,318
I am not unscrewing any panels.
I've tried that before.
27
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,914
All these strange bits
fly out like grapeshot.
28
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,309
There's a manual somewhere.
29
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,960
Some people say
there's a yeti somewhere.
30
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,076
In the cupboard under the stairs.
31
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,833
In a box file labelled "manuals."
32
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,629
- There you are then.
- I was hoping you would find it for me.
33
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,995
It's like a pharaoh's tomb, that cupboard.
34
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,674
Don't be afraid, there's not a curse on it.
35
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,274
All right. But if I'm not back in two days,
36
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,316
send out a search party.
37
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,509
This may sound a very basic question,
but you did switch on at the plug?
38
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,512
- Lionel, please!
- All right, all right.
39
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,958
- (Vacuum starts)
- It's all right, it's working!
40
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,872
(Shouts) I gathered that. How?
41
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,349
It just suddenly started going.
42
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,953
- Just suddenly started going?
- Yes.
43
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,349
- Of its own accord?
- Yes.
44
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,074
Don't sit there,
I'm going to do some hoovering.
45
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,433
I'll be in the kitchen.
46
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,790
You should get a woman in to do that.
47
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,796
I'll be in the kitchen.
48
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,393
- Hello, Lionel.
- Hello, Lionel. What are you doing?
49
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:06,553
I'm looking at your mother's collection
of manuals for domestic appliances.
50
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,790
Half of them should be in a museum.
51
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,189
- Where have you been?
- Shopping.
52
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,794
I bought a jacket. Do you like it?
53
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,632
Hmm... It's very nice.
54
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,156
And I bought some very sexy underwear.
55
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,559
I don't really think...
56
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,200
You're a man.
Sandy would like your opinion.
57
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,431
- Yes, but I...
- Ta-da!
58
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,112
- Oh.
- I told you he'd be excited.
59
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:35,398
I'm sick of freezing to death
when I watch Harry play rugby.
60
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,040
As some hearty girl
said to me the other week,
61
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:41,078
"Hello boys it's not,
but it does keep the chill out."
62
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,630
- "Hello boys"?
- He leads a very sheltered life.
63
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,109
- I was going to make a coffee.
- There's no time.
64
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,112
- There's no point in settling down.
- (Lionel) Why not?
65
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,193
Penny and Stephen are coming
and Mum wants me to clean the floor.
66
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,078
- Oh, yes.
- What, sweeping the chimney?
67
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,435
I've got to tidy my room.
68
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,954
Stephen and Penny
don't go into your room.
69
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,632
I know, I know.
70
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,472
- Come on, come on!
- Where?
71
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,597
I don't know.
Perhaps you could tidy your room.
72
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,877
They don't go in there either!
73
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,436
All right, don't say it.
74
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,158
- I'm going to tidy our room.
- Yes, that's the idea.
75
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,750
- Just suddenly started going, you said?
- Yes.
76
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:34,150
Make sure you put
your pyjamas under the pillow!
77
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,633
They're not coming till tomorrow.
78
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,918
I don't know why they put
these terrible old films on.
79
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,752
Who do they think watches them?
80
00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,831
You just did.
81
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,036
Apart from me, I mean.
82
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,394
No Alistair?
83
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,790
Not unless he's slipped down
the back of the sofa.
84
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,711
For this evening I meant.
85
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,588
He's got to take some very
glamorous novelist out to dinner.
86
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,591
You sound very sanguine about it.
87
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:10,071
I am. Her husband is her agent
and he's going as well.
88
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,072
Oh. You're not still on those, are you?
89
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,390
Some of these old ones
are quite interesting.
90
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,710
This one was written by James Watt.
91
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,552
There's another one!
92
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,200
We don't have
a toasted-sandwich maker.
93
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,909
We used to. It got all gunged up
and I had to chuck it out.
94
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,992
It wouldn't have got gunged up
if you'd consulted this.
95
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,868
If you're so interested, why don't you
go chuck out the ones we don't need?
96
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,712
I'm not that interested.
97
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,234
- (Front door closes)
- That will be Sandy.
98
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,754
You're thinking up a police joke,
aren't you?
99
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:44,310
- Have I done the pointed helmets one?
- To death.
100
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,594
- Hello, Sandy.
- Hello.
101
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,911
- What, no Harry?
- No. He's on nights this week.
102
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,560
- Was it a good match?
- I don't know really.
103
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,154
- Who were they playing?
- Some seminary.
104
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:58,313
It must be difficult tearing round
a rugby pitch In those long cassocks.
105
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,631
- So it's vicars jokes now.
- I'm just trying to stay cheerful.
106
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,280
There won't be many laughs
with Penny and Stephen here.
107
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,669
Anyway, how did the thermals go?
108
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,716
Oh, very well.
109
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,997
They are warm,
and they're quite comfortable.
110
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,036
Yes, I suppose they are.
111
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,078
- Mind you.
- Oh, yes...
112
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,879
- What they mean is...
- I know what they mean!
113
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:24,829
You don't live in a house full of women
without picking up a few pointers.
114
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,593
Anyway, I've worn thermals myself.
115
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,671
- When?
- In Korea.
116
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,719
Not that they were "thermals" then. They
were known as "pants-woollen-long."
117
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,553
I'd love to have seen you in those.
118
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,074
They were warm but,
oh, dear, they did itch.
119
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,436
You didn't tuck your pants-woollen-long
into your socks, did you?
120
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,354
- Certainly not.
- I'm delighted to hear that.
121
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,192
So is it four for dinner?
122
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,840
- I'll cook tonight.
- I won't fight you on that.
123
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,230
Take those thermals off.
It can get very warm in that kitchen.
124
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,597
Oh, erm... The week after next
125
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,148
Harry's asked me to Jersey for a week.
126
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,708
- Oh.
- Well, good.
127
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,473
Yes, good. Lionel?
128
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,354
What?
129
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,796
- Oh, yes, that is good.
- Good.
130
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,792
- Except there's a problem, Judy.
- What sort of problem?
131
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,793
The office. We're really busy
and if I'm away for a week...
132
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,235
- Oh, I can manage.
- Of course we can.
133
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,912
Pardon?
134
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,231
I see no problem at all.
I'll help out for a week.
135
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,952
No hot-water bottle?
136
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,679
No, just the bed socks.
137
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,709
What are you reading?
138
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,439
- Tom Brown's Schooldays.
- Why?
139
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,433
It's another of those books
I think I've read but actually haven't.
140
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,796
I suppose it's better than
the dishwasher manual.
141
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,753
Judy doesn't want me
to help out, does she?
142
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,638
I shouldn't be asked
questions like that in bed.
143
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,714
Where should you be asked
questions like that?
144
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,756
Maybe nowhere at all.
145
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,308
And you reading
Tom Brown's Schooldays.
146
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,789
- Very ironic.
- You've lost me.
147
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,950
Tom Brown was a very helpful boy.
148
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,396
This little weed came to the school,
Little Arthur,
149
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,994
and Tom Brown helped him.
150
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,198
I'm Tom Brown, you're not Little Arthur
and you're certainly not a new boy.
151
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,713
Why "certainly not?"
152
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,712
You're saying that
Judy thinks I'm too old to help.
153
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,109
- No!
- What are you saying?
154
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:38,716
I haven't come across a little boy
called Little Arthur yet anyway.
155
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,756
Will you just answer the question?
156
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,400
- Assuming you're right.
- Which I am...
157
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,630
Assuming you're right,
158
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,790
look at it from Judy's point of view.
159
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,440
Do you know how she once
described her function
160
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,954
in that agency when you were in charge?
161
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,190
"Knees and dimples."
162
00:08:55,280 --> 00:09:00,513
Not efficient, but a pretty thing who was
sent out to pacify dissatisfied clients.
163
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,477
You make me sound like a monster.
164
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:06,075
She was in your shadow all the time.
Then you retired...
165
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,071
- Semi.
- Semi-retired,
166
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,116
and she came into her own.
167
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,193
Somewhat against the odds perhaps,
and with Sandy to help, but she did.
168
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,430
The agency is doing very well
169
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,954
and maybe Judy doesn't
want to go back to...
170
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,553
What, the dark days?
171
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,631
Leaning on you.
172
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,790
That's it, is it?
173
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,189
You asked my opinion.
174
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,953
You didn't take back
calling me a monster.
175
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,110
I didn't call you a monster.
176
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,760
- Oh, no, no.
- No...
177
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,752
Well, I think I'll go to sleep now.
178
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,912
- I think I shall too.
- Good night.
179
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,752
Good night.
180
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,835
I suppose a weedy boy with
a name like Little Arthur dies?
181
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,310
- I've forgotten.
- Easy to do.
182
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,757
Easy as forgetting to switch on the
vacuum cleaner at the plug, I suppose.
183
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,796
Ow!
184
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:15,912
- Four of us will never eat this lot.
- There's Judy and Sandy as well.
185
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,514
When Stephen and Penny come,
they usually leave.
186
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,955
- Not this time.
- Superior fire-power?
187
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,998
Something like that.
I've asked Alistair as well.
188
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,640
He does make some sacrifices
for this family.
189
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,678
- (Doorbell)
- That can't be them already.
190
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,228
I can't go. I'm peeling potatoes.
191
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,591
Just don't hang around
too long, that's all.
192
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,357
I'm early, don't say it.
193
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,637
No, it's lovely to see you, Penny.
Where's Stephen?
194
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,190
- I haven't the faintest idea.
- Do you mean he's parking the car?
195
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:53,478
No, I mean I came by train
and he's coming by car.
196
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,279
- Are we in here?
- Yes.
197
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,999
(Shouts) Lionel won't be long.
198
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,469
- He's peeling potatoes.
- Good for you.
199
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,711
- Why good for me?
- Making him peel potatoes.
200
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,314
He volunteered,
I didn't put him on fatigues.
201
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,551
Very much the new man.
Too early for drinks?
202
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,631
I suppose it is. Would you like a coffee?
203
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,996
- No, I'll have a drink if I may.
- Oh, yes...
204
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,036
- Gin and tonic?
- Fine.
205
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,951
Right.
206
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,109
I know this is a silly question, Penny,
207
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:27,512
but why is Stephen coming by car
and you coming by train?
208
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,716
I'm not speaking to him.
209
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,153
Oh, I see.
210
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,470
Don't you want to know why?
211
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,472
I don't suppose it's any of my business.
212
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,710
Perhaps you're right.
213
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,189
- Thanks.
- Hello, Penny. How are you?
214
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,794
As well as can be expected.
215
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,950
I hear you peel potatoes.
216
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,076
It wasn't on the news, was it?
217
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,079
- Where's Stephen?
- Stephen's coming by car
218
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,071
- and Penny came by train.
- I see.
219
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,639
- They're not speaking.
- I gathered that.
220
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,915
- Penny doesn't want to talk about it.
- Fair enough.
221
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,230
- (Doorbell)
- That might be Stephen.
222
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,754
I don't suppose Stephen
will want to talk about it.
223
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,469
There's no way of ever knowing
what Stephen will talk about.
224
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,597
- UFOs?
- I'm not claiming they were UFOs,
225
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,956
but there were some very bright lights
in the sky.
226
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,470
- Hello, Stephen.
- Hello.
227
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:22,236
I was just telling Lionel I saw some very
bright lights in the sky on the way up.
228
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,629
- Did you?
- Mm. Hello, Pen, good journey?
229
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,551
Yes, thank you. You?
230
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,312
Yes, very pleasant.
231
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,393
Did you notice any bright lights
in the sky from the train window?
232
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,472
I was reading. I wasn't looking
out of the window at all.
233
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,120
- Ah.
- Do sit down.
234
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,156
Mm. Thank you.
235
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,553
(Front door closes)
236
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,438
Ah. That will be the others
back from their walk.
237
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,080
Steve and Pen! Great to see you both!
238
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,715
- Pen and Steve!
- Where are the girls?
239
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,995
I left them in the pond in the park!
240
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,233
They're in the kitchen.
They'll be back in a minute.
241
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:14,632
Why don't you chaps pop over the road
for a swift half while lunch is cooking?
242
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:19,639
- Why?
- I just thought you'd like to.
243
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,836
Oh, yes, what a good idea.
244
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,434
- Alistair?
- Let's ride.
245
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,193
And don't get drunk. You're a dentist!
246
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,995
- Hello, Uncle Stephen.
- Hello, Stephen.
247
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,436
Hello, you two.
Don't you both look pretty?
248
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,998
The girls look so pretty, Pen!
249
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,832
Perhaps she didn't hear.
250
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,990
- I said, the girls...
- (Alistair) Come on.
251
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,958
- (Judy) Where're you all going?
- Over the road for a half.
252
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,476
It isn't a demonstration
of boy power. It's Jean's idea.
253
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,312
A tactical manoeuvre.
254
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,313
(Penny) Are you coming in to say hello
or are you stopping out there all day?
255
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,914
We're just coming, Aunt Penny.
256
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,196
You're not watching the skies, are you?
257
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,273
No. There's a crack in the ceiling.
258
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:16,273
It's shaped exactly
like a lady with a parasol.
259
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,316
There.
260
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,956
Oh, yes.
261
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,996
Here you go, guys.
262
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,989
- Salut!
- Cheers.
263
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,435
Down the hatch.
264
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,632
- Stephen!
- What? Sorry?
265
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,109
Penny will be telling Jean what's wrong.
266
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,760
The idea may be for you
to tell us what's wrong.
267
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,719
- It's "put-your-heart-on-the-table" time.
- Isn't that "on-your-sleeve"?
268
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,837
No, that's where some people wear it.
269
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,992
I've never heard of a heart
being put on the table before.
270
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,197
It's just a way of saying "open up".
271
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,952
I see.
272
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,399
I wonder where that
expression came from?
273
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,879
I just invented it.
274
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,758
No, "wearing your heart
on your sleeve"...
275
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,276
If you don't want to tell us,
we can talk about something else.
276
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,079
No, I don't mind telling you.
277
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,240
Will it be today?
278
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,072
Oh, yes, sorry.
279
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,994
It's my receptionist, Miss Breeze.
280
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,230
She's leaving to get married.
281
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,072
Herbert somebody...
282
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,879
Wouldn't it be funny
if his name was Block?
283
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,758
She'd be Mrs Breeze-Block!
284
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,279
- Alistair!
- Sorry, Li.
285
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,995
Anyway, his name begins with a W,
286
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,469
I think, or was it V?
287
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,394
So your receptionist is leaving.
Why should you have a row about that?
288
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:57,110
Because Penny, for reasons
I don't understand, wants to replace her.
289
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,474
I see.
290
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,438
Not with someone else -
that's only common sense.
291
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,078
With herself.
292
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,912
Yes, I said I see.
293
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,070
Is it really such a no-no idea?
294
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,357
So far as I'm concerned,
it's an over-my-dead-body idea.
295
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,635
You both know Pen.
296
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:16,110
She's a decent sort at heart
but, my God, does she meddle?
297
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:21,035
She'd be into all my patients' affairs
before you could say "lower bicuspid."
298
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:26,797
She'd end up asking them about their
private lives while I was filling their teeth!
299
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,518
I see the prob.
300
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,831
You didn't put your objections to Penny
in quite those terms, did you?
301
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,390
Good Lord, no.
I was far more tactful than that.
302
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,232
I just told her she was too old.
303
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,079
Too old! I ask you.
304
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,391
I am in the prime of life
and have all my faculties.
305
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,075
Except for occasional numbness
in the little toe of my left foot.
306
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,798
I get that sometimes.
307
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:58,032
I'm sorry, but I don't understand why
you wanted the job in the first place.
308
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,669
I didn't, at first.
It was just one of those half-ideas.
309
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,228
But when I was informed
that I was too old...
310
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,515
I'm sure Stephen
didn't put it that bluntly.
311
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,672
He said, "Pen, you're too old."
312
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,752
How blunt does it need to be?
313
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,798
Perhaps this is the time of youth, Penny.
314
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,632
Nobody said that.
315
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,315
Stephen did,
and youth is exactly what he's after.
316
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,915
I know what he's got in mind -
some fluffy young girl
317
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,434
with a silly voice
and a ring through her navel!
318
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,114
Judy and Sandy
have got a secretary - Polly.
319
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,395
She's 21, but she looks about 15 to me.
320
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,550
Has she got a ring through her navel?
321
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,790
- I don't know.
- Of course she hasn't!
322
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,873
I mean, look at you, poor Jean.
323
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,076
What about me?
324
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:48,039
Since you gave up work,
you're a shadow of your former self.
325
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:52,033
- She is not!
- I like being here, looking after Lionel.
326
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,315
And I don't miss going in to work.
327
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,994
Well... Perhaps now and again.
328
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,832
- What about the drudgery?
- Drudgery?
329
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,070
- Housework.
- I don't claim to like it
330
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,469
but I don't do enough of it
to call it drudgery.
331
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,357
You could get a woman in for that.
332
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,034
That's what Lionel said.
333
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,032
And that's exactly
what Stephen wants to do -
334
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:15,113
get a woman in. A young woman.
335
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,239
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to hobble
off now and see how the lunch is going.
336
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,276
- I'll give you a hand.
- So will I.
337
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,079
No, you stay here
and keep Aunt Penny company.
338
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,392
Another drink?
339
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,313
Why not? I'm not driving.
340
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,913
Are we seeing anyone at the moment?
341
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,673
Yes, we are, as a matter of fact.
342
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,320
Is there anything we should know?
343
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,868
There's not a lot to tell really.
344
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,110
He's a 22-stone, all-in-wrestler
345
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,316
and his name is Crusher McGurk.
346
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,639
Aunt Penny always gets to you,
doesn't she?
347
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,111
Not any more. I've got a skin like a
rhinoceros as far as Penny's concerned.
348
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,318
No, you haven't.
She's like a voodoo priestess.
349
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,072
Just take a peek in her handbag
350
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,994
and see if there're any little clay dolls
that look like me.
351
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:15,198
Mum, when Sandy and Harry
go away for this week in Jersey,
352
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,432
I really would like it if you would come
into the office and give me a hand.
353
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,512
- No, you wouldn't.
- Yes, I would.
354
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,397
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
355
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,914
Wouldn't, wouldn't, and no returns!
356
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,678
I saw the look in your eyes
when you talked about work,
357
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,830
- You went all wistful.
- No, I didn't.
358
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,753
- Yes, you did.
- Don't let's start again.
359
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,879
Don't you see? It's you that Penny's
got to this time, not me.
360
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,077
I was a bit hurt at first
when I knew you weren't so keen...
361
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,152
- There you are!
- But Lionel talked very good sense.
362
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:47,798
- Changed your mind?
- Yes.
363
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,440
- What did he say?
- He just made very good sense.
364
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:51,635
Yes, but what did he say?
365
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:57,272
Why do they always come here to row?
We should call this house the coliseum!
366
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,910
Penny said that he said she was too old.
367
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,232
He did. That was his idea
of letting her down lightly!
368
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,910
Oh, I forgot!
369
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,993
Pen, I've bought you, er...
370
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,069
a packet of peanuts.
371
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,192
I'm overwhelmed.
372
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,589
Oh.
373
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,591
Would anyone else like a nut?
374
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,477
- No, thanks.
- No, thanks.
375
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,154
I'll save them for another time.
376
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,437
Judy and I thought of taking in
a movie after lunch. Anyone else?
377
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,637
No thanks. I'm rather tired
after the train journey.
378
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,553
I don't like going to the cinema
in the afternoon.
379
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,359
My eyes always go funny
when I come out.
380
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,759
- Sandy?
- No, thanks.
381
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,070
I'm seeing Harry for a couple of hours.
382
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,513
Harry?
383
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,876
What will your Mr Crusher McGurk
have to say to that?
384
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,475
- Crusher who?
- McGurk. He's an all-in-wrestler.
385
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,279
I just made him up. It was a little joke.
386
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,318
- I see.
- Jolly good.
387
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,955
He's a great guy, Har... Harry.
388
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,076
He's a policeman.
389
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,834
Why are you just seeing him
for a couple of hours?
390
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,876
He likes to see me when he wakes up.
391
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,315
They're all the same, aren't they? Men!
392
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,710
To have a coffee with him
before he goes on night duty!
393
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,360
I see... Now look, it's none
of my business, but...
394
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,512
We're planning to spend a week in
Jersey if that's what you want to know.
395
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,955
- I'm sure I didn't want...
- Lucky young Harry.
396
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,077
Tell them about the crack
in the pub ceiling, Steve.
397
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,116
- Well...
- Lunch is ready.
398
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,590
We can talk about current affairs,
politics or religion,
399
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,636
but if there's one reference to old age,
400
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,871
I'm going to chuck the lot
out of the window!
401
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,069
(Harry) But Sandy,
I'm sure I mentioned it.
402
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,709
No wonder policemen
have to write everything down!
403
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,076
- Does it make any difference?
- If you can't see the difference
404
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,958
you're short-sighted
as well as having a faulty memory.
405
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,918
- But Sandy...
- Oh, go and pound your beat!
406
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,829
I mean, this is slinky
with a capital "slink".
407
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,911
Off one shoulder, you know.
408
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,956
What is?
409
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,237
This dress I saw that
you would look great in.
410
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,838
Oh.
411
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,757
I'm also thinking of enlisting
in the Foreign Legion.
412
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,840
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.
413
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,072
I was checking to see if you were paying
me a fraction of the attention I deserve.
414
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,196
I'm sorry, Alistair.
415
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,794
I just can't help thinking about Mum.
416
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,189
No matter what I say,
she's quite convinced
417
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,078
that I don't want her
to help out when Sandy's away.
418
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,110
So you've just got to de-convince her.
419
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,997
I'm trying to.
420
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,832
The trouble is...
421
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,559
I really don't want her to help.
422
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,599
- Thank you for a lovely lunch.
- I'm glad you enjoyed it.
423
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,114
I think the way the potatoes were peeled
made it.
424
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,077
Does it make that much difference?
425
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,913
- No, Stephen.
- A joke! Sorry.
426
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:03,437
I enjoyed the conversation too. UFOs
are a fascinating subject, aren't they?
427
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,353
I still say you were under the flight path
to Heathrow.
428
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,158
I was, but these lights...
429
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,879
(Penny) Come along Stephen, do.
430
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,155
- Just a minute.
- What is it?
431
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,037
It's a railway timetable.
432
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,315
I've just got time to catch that one.
433
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,949
- Right, that's it!
- Look, what... What are you doing?
434
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,191
- Don't be silly and get into the car!
- This is monstrous!
435
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,236
Come on, come on!
436
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,276
She can't. The doors are locked.
437
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,874
There's a way around that, Stephen.
438
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,791
- Oh, yes.
- (Beeps)
439
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,632
Now get in!
440
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,110
- I was going to.
- You said you were going by train.
441
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:45,034
I am, but Stephen's going
to drive me to the station.
442
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,031
It's only civilised.
443
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,157
I suppose you'll meet
her at the other end as well?
444
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,719
Of course.
445
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,875
If you're so civilised,
can't you patch up this quarrel?
446
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,190
You make us sound like a puncture.
447
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,750
There is one thing
I should own up to, Pen.
448
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,071
I was lying when I said you were
too old for the job.
449
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,549
- Do you swear?
- I swear.
450
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,713
I just wanted to spare your feelings
by not telling you the real reason.
451
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,119
Which is?
452
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,555
You're just too nosy.
453
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,432
Goodbye.
454
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,953
I've heard of people hanging themselves.
455
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,077
But Stephen actually
builds his own gallows.
456
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,871
I've done the dishwasher.
457
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,791
You're a good chap.
458
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,233
True.
459
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,871
I fancy a cup of tea.
460
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,349
I'm not that good a chap.
I've just sat down.
461
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:50,475
(Front door slams)
462
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,120
We're all right,
it's one of our fit young girls.
463
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,030
- Hello.
- Hello, love. Good film?
464
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,599
It was all right.
465
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,752
We were just thinking
about having a cup of tea.
466
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,593
No, thanks.
467
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,193
Oh.
468
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,635
Mum, I want to talk to you.
469
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,870
- I'll make some tea.
- There's no need.
470
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,997
- It's hardly some intimate secret.
- I'm not to know that.
471
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,832
Well, it isn't.
472
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,310
This business of your coming
to help out in the office...
473
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,789
We talked about this
and came to a decision.
474
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,669
You can manage on your own, and
I don't really want to come in anyway.
475
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:27,829
- You do.
- I don't.
476
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,639
- You do, and I want you to come in.
- You don't.
477
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,073
- I do!
- You don't...
478
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,277
I must say, it's an exceptionally
high level of debate.
479
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,232
It's not a debate,
and the matter has already been settled.
480
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,357
- It hasn't...
- What about tossing a coin?
481
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,910
- (Sandy stomps upstairs)
- Sandy, what's the matter?
482
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,115
- I'm fed up!
- (Jean) Why?
483
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,273
Harry forgot to tell me what this week
in Jersey really entailed.
484
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,078
What does it entail?
485
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,151
It's not a little trip for the two of us,
486
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,629
it's a club rugby tour!
487
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,473
It's a week.
They won't be playing rugby all the time.
488
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,109
No, the rest of the week
they'll be training for rugby,
489
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,033
talking about rugby,
drinking beer for rugby
490
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,237
and singing silly songs about rugby!
491
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,880
Would you like Lionel
to have a talk to Harry?
492
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,110
(Sandy) No, thanks.
493
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,037
I've already had a talk
to Harry and I'm not going!
494
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,439
See you later.
495
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,317
(Jean) Oh. Oh...
496
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,198
That really does put an end
to the debate, doesn't it?
497
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,794
I shall never really know how you felt,
shall I?
498
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,836
I told you how I really felt.
499
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,356
I'm going to make a cup of tea.
500
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,032
Poor Sandy.
501
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,396
- He's a nice lad, Harry.
- Yes, he is a nice lad.
502
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,436
They're good fun, rugby tours.
503
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,751
I'm sure they are, but hasn't he got
his priorities mixed up?
504
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,469
Which would you prefer, a week's
holiday with Sandy or a rugby tour?
505
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,758
You're not going to believe me
if I say the rugby tour, are you?
506
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,195
- Not for a minute, no.
- No.
507
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,316
No, I don't want you thinking about it!
508
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,755
I wasn't. Well, I did for a second or two,
509
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,798
- then I thought about something else.
- What?
510
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:12,917
Well, I'm sorry for Sandy,
but it does take the strain off, doesn't it?
511
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,958
If she'd gone, we'd have had
two weeks of sheer tension
512
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:20,033
about whether you should go to work,
it'd be like the build-up to the World Cup.
513
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:22,680
- No it wouldn't.
- Fat chance.
514
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:27,675
Whatever you think, women are capable
of settling a disagreement reasonably.
515
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,433
Neither of you believed a word
the other one said!
516
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,112
I believed Judy.
517
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,953
You did not.
What about last night in bed?
518
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,395
"She doesn't want
me in the office," you said.
519
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:41,234
- I came to believe that she really did.
- No, you didn't.
520
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:45,757
I came to believe she was lying cos she's
kind and that comes to the same thing.
521
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,110
I'll work on that one
when I've got a week or two to spare.
522
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,111
What about vice-versa?
523
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,953
Do you think that
Judy ever believed you?
524
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,237
Lionel, you gave me some
very good advice last night.
525
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,709
Sobering advice, but good.
526
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,349
As a result, I think I put forward
a very convincing argument.
527
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,273
So you actually believed what you said?
528
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,555
Don't be silly.
529
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,392
Of course I didn't.
530
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,720
♪ You must remember this
531
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,394
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
532
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,916
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
533
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,635
♪ The fundamental things apply
534
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,838
♪ As time goes by
535
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,559
♪ And when two lovers woo
536
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,234
♪ They still say I love you
537
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,278
♪ On that you can rely
538
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,351
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
539
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:07,797
♪ As time goes by ♪
540
00:29:07,847 --> 00:29:12,397
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