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1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:04,110
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,954 --> 00:00:08,089
Well, here are the
proud parents-to-be.
3
00:00:08,157 --> 00:00:09,991
Yes, and we've been shopping.
4
00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:11,943
Yeah, look what we found.
Pretty neat, huh?
5
00:00:11,944 --> 00:00:13,428
Oh that's perfect.
6
00:00:13,429 --> 00:00:15,730
It'll do wonders for his motor
skills and his mental acuity.
7
00:00:15,731 --> 00:00:18,383
Oh, yeah. Check this out, we
got one for the baby, too.
8
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:23,588
Our next city councilman,
ladies and gentlemen!
9
00:00:23,589 --> 00:00:26,357
Boy, it's gonna be tough finding
a replacement for you, Woody.
10
00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:28,126
Well, why would you want
to replace me, Sam?
11
00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:29,594
Well, you can't tend bar here
12
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:31,496
and be a councilman
at the same time.
13
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:32,763
That's a full-time job.
14
00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:34,415
It is, Sam?
Yeah.
15
00:00:34,483 --> 00:00:37,619
And working here at Cheers
is a full-time job, too.
16
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:39,253
It is, Sam?
17
00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:41,189
Yes.
18
00:00:41,190 --> 00:00:43,274
Well, can't I tend bar
at least sometimes?
19
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:46,711
I mean, what all does a city
councilman have to do anyway?
20
00:00:46,712 --> 00:00:48,229
Well, Woody, our present
councilman, Kevin Fogerty,
21
00:00:48,230 --> 00:00:50,532
rises at the crack of dawn,
6:30 to be exact.
22
00:00:50,599 --> 00:00:53,234
Then he showers,
shaves, goes downstairs
23
00:00:53,235 --> 00:00:55,436
for a leisurely breakfast
with his wife Estelle.
24
00:00:55,437 --> 00:00:57,271
Then he takes his son
Joseph, eight,
25
00:00:57,272 --> 00:01:00,392
and Hillary, 11, to the
Fenwick Elementary School.
26
00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:02,260
At least that was his routine
27
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:06,398
before, the court order
deprived me of my right to know.
28
00:01:07,649 --> 00:01:10,818
Big Brother, my friends,
Big Brother!
29
00:01:12,037 --> 00:01:14,055
Years from now,
they're gonna ask me
30
00:01:14,123 --> 00:01:16,258
why I didn't see the signs.
31
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,745
(theme song begins)
32
00:01:22,932 --> 00:01:25,183
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
33
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:28,753
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
34
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:34,793
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
35
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,896
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
36
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,231
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
37
00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:45,303
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
38
00:02:02,043 --> 00:02:05,890
I guess I'd better
call the newspaper
39
00:02:05,891 --> 00:02:08,859
and put an ad in there looking
for an assistant bartender, huh?
40
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:10,628
All right, all right, Sammy.
41
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,298
Let me fill out an application.
42
00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:14,415
Sammy...
What?
43
00:02:14,416 --> 00:02:16,134
What about me?
I'd be a great bartender.
44
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:17,585
Oh, come on, are
you kidding me?
45
00:02:17,586 --> 00:02:18,920
With those powerhouse
drinks you make?
46
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,287
Aw, come on!
47
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,307
Sweetheart, the last time
I let you tend bar
48
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,559
there were 12 people who
made a naked conga line
49
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,661
all the way out
to the commons there.
50
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:30,531
And Phil over there tried
to join the Flying Wallendas.
51
00:02:30,599 --> 00:02:34,885
I tell you, I sobered up
real fast on that high wire.
52
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,254
Phew.
53
00:02:36,255 --> 00:02:40,959
All right, so I made the drinks
a little strong that night.
54
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,259
It's not gonna happen again.
55
00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,161
Come on, Sammy, I could
really use the money.
56
00:02:44,162 --> 00:02:45,730
You won't be sorry.
57
00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:48,049
Yeah, all right, go ahead,
I'll give you a shot. Yes!
58
00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:49,584
Now hold it a second!
59
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:51,886
I'm the one who's supposed to
make the decisions around here.
60
00:02:51,887 --> 00:02:52,987
I am the manager.
61
00:02:53,055 --> 00:02:55,206
Now, to whom
62
00:02:55,273 --> 00:02:57,776
should I give this
job of bartender?
63
00:02:57,843 --> 00:03:00,733
How would you like me to rip
out your still-beating heart
64
00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:03,915
and show it to you before
you hit the ground?
65
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:07,986
I've got it!
How about Carla?
66
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,753
You know something, with
Carla being our new bartender,
67
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,134
we're gonna need a waitress.
68
00:03:11,135 --> 00:03:13,424
Why don't you get on the phone
and call the agency
69
00:03:13,425 --> 00:03:14,425
and hire one?
70
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:15,746
Think you can manage that?
71
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,962
Yes, I think I can manage that!
72
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:21,332
But could you dial?
I just had my nails done. (groans)
73
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,534
And could you talk?
74
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,970
I get uncomfortable
talking to strangers.
75
00:03:25,971 --> 00:03:27,538
Well, Carla, congratulations
on your new job.
76
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:28,589
(all agreeing)
77
00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:30,274
Here's to Carla,
our new bartender!
78
00:03:30,275 --> 00:03:31,309
Hear, hear, hear.
79
00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:33,110
Yeah, Carla, why don't
you fire up a pitcher
80
00:03:33,111 --> 00:03:34,579
of those lethal
cocktails that you make?
81
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,581
Just don't tell Sammy, okay?
82
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,850
I'm gonna make you one pitcher
of a little drink
83
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,418
my grandfather taught me.
84
00:03:40,485 --> 00:03:44,055
It's called, "I Know
My Redeemer Liveth."
85
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,008
Is it strong?
86
00:03:47,075 --> 00:03:48,209
"Is it strong?"
87
00:03:48,277 --> 00:03:50,867
One drink and you won't
recognize your best friend.
88
00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:54,098
Make mine a double.
89
00:04:00,355 --> 00:04:03,658
Sam, this place is just a mess.
90
00:04:03,725 --> 00:04:05,110
Yeah, I know.
91
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,478
Carla made one of her
specialty drinks last night.
92
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:08,613
Things got out of hand.
93
00:04:11,099 --> 00:04:14,001
(softly):
Morning everybody.
94
00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:15,169
ALL:
Norm!
95
00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:21,826
How are you feeling, Norm?
96
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:23,961
Terrible.
97
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,897
A splitting headache.
98
00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:28,132
And I think I might be sick.
99
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,701
Can I have a beer, Sammy?
100
00:04:35,107 --> 00:04:36,340
Hey there, Frasier.
101
00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:38,460
I'm sorry, Sam.
102
00:04:38,527 --> 00:04:41,596
Your friend Frasier is dead.
103
00:04:41,664 --> 00:04:45,567
What you are looking at
is his undead corpse.
104
00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,854
Here you go, pal.
105
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:52,407
All right, let's review.
106
00:04:52,475 --> 00:04:56,511
Last night I got,
knee-walking drunk,
107
00:04:56,579 --> 00:05:01,383
and now I am...
back in this bar,
108
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:05,854
a mere seven-and-a-half
hours later, hung over.
109
00:05:05,921 --> 00:05:08,356
Well, it's official.
110
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:11,559
I have a problem.
111
00:05:11,627 --> 00:05:13,661
(phone ringing)
112
00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:19,684
Cheers.
113
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:21,486
Hey, is that you, Cliffie?
114
00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:23,220
Cliff?
115
00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:25,923
He, uh, just woke up.
116
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,575
He doesn't know where he is.
117
00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:31,296
Cliffie, calm down, man.
118
00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:35,233
Just, just, just look around
and describe what you see.
119
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,969
Cliff, you're
in the office, pal.
120
00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:41,655
My pleasure.
121
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,725
Uh, coffee,
please there, Sammy.
122
00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:02,727
I told you to watch out
for her drinks.
123
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:04,795
How many did you have?
124
00:06:04,796 --> 00:06:06,264
Oh, I don't even remember, Sam.
125
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:07,866
Don't remember much of anything
126
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:13,004
after the wooden lady laughed
at me and called me a half man.
127
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,022
Well, look at you guys.
128
00:06:15,090 --> 00:06:16,524
I wonder how Woody's doing.
129
00:06:16,592 --> 00:06:18,693
He was really knocking
'em back, huh?
130
00:06:18,694 --> 00:06:21,762
Oh, nobody could drink that much
and end up feeling human, Sam.
131
00:06:21,763 --> 00:06:22,963
Hey, everybody.
132
00:06:23,031 --> 00:06:26,434
Sorry I'm late.
I was doing my Nordic Track.
133
00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:29,737
Woody, you had as much of that
vile brew as the rest of us.
134
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:31,972
How can you be so chipper
this morning?
135
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,625
Oh, it's because of the old
Hanover hangover cure.
136
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:35,743
It's very simple.
137
00:06:35,777 --> 00:06:38,312
First, put on your pyjamas.
138
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:43,134
Then, take an aspirin
with a glass of cold water.
139
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,312
And then, you vomit
till your nose bleeds
140
00:06:45,337 --> 00:06:47,972
and heave until you see
the angels.
141
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,659
Wake up in the morning,
you feel brand-new.
142
00:06:51,727 --> 00:06:52,910
Boy, I am hungry.
143
00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:55,312
Anybody for some chilli dogs?
144
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,633
Okay, okay, but only two.
145
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,479
Sammy, office. Quick!
146
00:07:14,182 --> 00:07:15,849
What was that?
147
00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:19,270
That was either Carla
or the grim reaper.
148
00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:23,708
Dear Lord, let it
be the reaper.
149
00:07:24,202 --> 00:07:27,011
Come on, talk to me, will you?
150
00:07:27,012 --> 00:07:28,780
Oh, I, I can't even say it.
151
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,582
It's just the worst thing that's
ever happened to me in my life.
152
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,234
You're scaring me, sweetheart.
153
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,441
Tell me what's going on.
154
00:07:34,469 --> 00:07:36,137
Okay.
155
00:07:36,204 --> 00:07:40,074
Last night, you know, I, I had
a few of those drinks I made
156
00:07:40,142 --> 00:07:41,275
and I got loaded.
157
00:07:41,343 --> 00:07:43,153
I warned you about
that, didn't I?!
158
00:07:43,178 --> 00:07:44,279
I know. I know.
159
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,481
But, anyways, I kind
of lost track of myself
160
00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:49,950
and, I think I went
home with a guy.
161
00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:51,319
Yeah?
162
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:53,054
It was a Cheers guy.
163
00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:56,707
Oh, Sammy, Sammy, please!
164
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:58,976
Please, tell me it was you!
165
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,547
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
it wasn't me.
166
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:05,233
Oh, God!
167
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:09,203
Oh, God, the options that
leaves are so horrible!
168
00:08:09,204 --> 00:08:11,472
All right, all right,
all right- wait a minute.
169
00:08:11,473 --> 00:08:13,358
Now what, what do you remember?
170
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:16,060
Well, I don't remember much.
171
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:19,230
Just... slow dancing
to Nat King Cole
172
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,866
and doing it till
the sheets burned.
173
00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:23,501
And what else?
174
00:08:23,568 --> 00:08:26,437
Gotta think. Gotta think.
175
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,905
Who was there?
176
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:29,940
All right let's see,
there was Frasier.
177
00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:33,211
Frasier, I could
live with that.
178
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:34,812
Who else?
179
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,114
Norm?
180
00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,932
Oh, it couldn't have been him.
181
00:08:37,999 --> 00:08:41,269
Even drunk, I think
I'd remember that.
182
00:08:41,336 --> 00:08:42,470
Woody?
183
00:08:42,538 --> 00:08:46,224
Nah.
No.
184
00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,592
Well, I guess there's
nobody else.
185
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,262
Well, what about Cli...
There's nobody else, Sam!
186
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,663
Come on, sweetheart.
187
00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:54,265
It's gonna eat you up inside.
188
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,252
Why don't you go talk
to each guy alone, very subtly,
189
00:08:57,319 --> 00:09:00,089
and just ask them what they
remember about last night?
190
00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:01,756
Chances are, whoever it was,
191
00:09:01,757 --> 00:09:04,692
he'll be just as embarrassed by
the whole situation as you are.
192
00:09:04,693 --> 00:09:05,893
You really think so?
193
00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:07,027
Yes, absolutely.
194
00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:08,412
That's worth a try.
195
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,314
Yeah.
196
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:11,849
Hey, Sammy.
Mm-hmm?
197
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,817
You don't think
any less of me, do you?
198
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:16,720
Well, let's see
who it is first.
199
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:30,301
Hey, Fras.
200
00:09:30,368 --> 00:09:33,771
Pretty wild last night, huh?
201
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,723
(chuckles)
202
00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:37,575
If you can call
Lilith rescuing me
203
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:40,244
from accidental drowning
in my toilet pretty wild,
204
00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:43,014
well then, yes,
life is a cabaret.
205
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,588
Hey, Norm.
Yeah.
206
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:53,925
Do you believe all that stuff
that happened last night?
207
00:09:53,992 --> 00:09:57,962
I don't remember a single thing
that happened last night.
208
00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:00,231
I do have a bad feeling, though.
209
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,966
Vera made me
210
00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:04,902
breakfast in bed this morning,
211
00:10:04,969 --> 00:10:08,873
and kept calling me
"Mister Two Times."
212
00:10:13,328 --> 00:10:16,497
Maybe it's best
I don't remember.
213
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,602
Wood.
214
00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:23,988
Remember anything about
what happened last night?
215
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:25,556
Well, whatever it
was I missed it.
216
00:10:25,557 --> 00:10:26,757
Spent most of last night
217
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:28,776
listening to Phil tell stories
218
00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:31,245
about how he worked on
the Manhattan Project.
219
00:10:31,312 --> 00:10:34,548
Try sleeping with
that for 50 years.
220
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,991
Well, that's everybody.
221
00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:46,260
Yeah, what about...?
222
00:10:46,327 --> 00:10:48,896
That's everybody, Sam!
Come on, get out there.
223
00:10:48,964 --> 00:10:50,047
You've got to ask him.
224
00:10:50,115 --> 00:10:51,883
You'll go crazy
if you don't know.
225
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:02,543
Hey, uh, Cliff...
226
00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:04,796
(clearing throat)
227
00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:07,398
so, how was your
evening last night?
228
00:11:07,465 --> 00:11:12,170
You ought to know, Carla.
229
00:11:12,237 --> 00:11:14,338
It was F-U-N, fun.
230
00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:19,994
(sighs)
231
00:11:20,062 --> 00:11:24,699
How-how was it F-U-N,
fun, Cliff?
232
00:11:24,766 --> 00:11:27,768
Well, Carla, I spent most
of the night in the backseat
233
00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:29,403
of a cab with
yon Norm Peterson.
234
00:11:29,404 --> 00:11:32,673
Now if that isn't a recipe
for fun I don't know what is.
235
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:34,075
You bet.
236
00:11:35,510 --> 00:11:37,361
I don't get it.
I just don't get it!
237
00:11:37,428 --> 00:11:39,129
That's everybody, right?
238
00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:40,865
Geez, I...
239
00:11:40,932 --> 00:11:44,368
Unless, unless I met someone.
240
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,370
That's it.
241
00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:49,306
Mr. Right walked into the bar,
swept me off my feet,
242
00:11:49,374 --> 00:11:52,275
and we made mad, passionate love
all night long.
243
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:53,944
He's probably coming back
for me tonight.
244
00:11:53,945 --> 00:11:55,996
You could be right.
I'll bet that's what it is.
245
00:11:55,997 --> 00:11:58,999
It's gotta be, because everybody
here checks out, thank God.
246
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,634
I know I didn't miss anybody.
247
00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,724
Hey, sexy.
248
00:12:16,217 --> 00:12:20,704
♪ Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa,
men have named you... ♪
249
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:26,343
(screaming)
250
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:35,503
(Carla screaming)
251
00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:37,905
(screaming)
252
00:12:44,078 --> 00:12:48,349
Well, guys, guess who scaled
Mount Paulie last night.
253
00:12:48,416 --> 00:12:51,285
Uh, Paul, Paul,
254
00:12:51,286 --> 00:12:53,754
can I talk to you in the
office for a second, pal?
255
00:12:53,755 --> 00:12:55,222
Oh, sure, Sammy, I get it.
256
00:12:55,223 --> 00:12:57,525
Uh, afraid of the new
gunslinger in town, huh?
257
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,276
Yeah, that's,
that's right, Paul.
258
00:12:59,928 --> 00:13:02,162
What's the idea, Sammy?
259
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:04,231
I've got major dish
for the guys.
260
00:13:04,299 --> 00:13:05,366
Yeah, I know.
261
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,468
Paul, listen, I-I, heard
about what happened
262
00:13:07,469 --> 00:13:10,437
between you and-
you and Carla last night.
263
00:13:12,908 --> 00:13:15,759
She's already been
bragging about it, huh?
264
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,978
No. Not exactly, Paul.
265
00:13:18,046 --> 00:13:21,181
You know, it was wild, Sammy.
266
00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:23,768
All that screaming
and scratching.
267
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,269
You should see
the nail marks...
268
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,804
that are all up and
down her back.
269
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,138
(chuckles)
270
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:31,842
Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen...
271
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:35,412
I know what you want to do is
run out there and tell the guys,
272
00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:37,247
but I've got to
remind you here, Paul,
273
00:13:37,248 --> 00:13:38,998
a gentleman does
not kiss and tell.
274
00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:40,150
It's just not cool.
275
00:13:40,218 --> 00:13:41,569
But you do it, Sam.
276
00:13:41,636 --> 00:13:43,304
True. True.
277
00:13:43,371 --> 00:13:45,172
But I'm Sam Malone,
278
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,475
and by definition,
everything I do is cool.
279
00:13:48,476 --> 00:13:50,477
You've got a point there, but
Sammy the whole thing is...
280
00:13:50,478 --> 00:13:52,279
Yeah, no-no, Paul,
you don't understand.
281
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,417
Please, I've got to ask you-
keep this to yourself.
282
00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:59,903
Sam, you just don't get it.
283
00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:02,339
This kind of thing has never
happened to me before.
284
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,908
And now, with the one
time it does happen,
285
00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:06,543
I can't even crow
about it just a little?
286
00:14:06,544 --> 00:14:07,744
Yeah, I know.
287
00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:09,329
I know how you feel.
288
00:14:09,397 --> 00:14:10,798
All right, I tell you what.
289
00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:12,666
Why don't you crow
in here with me
290
00:14:12,734 --> 00:14:14,434
and get it out of your system.
291
00:14:14,502 --> 00:14:15,820
Well, okay.
292
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:19,223
It won't be quite
the same, but...
293
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,457
Yes!
294
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:21,708
High five, Sammy!
The Paul Monster!
295
00:14:21,709 --> 00:14:22,977
(hissing)
296
00:14:23,045 --> 00:14:25,112
Give me a P! Give me an A!
297
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:27,681
Give me a U!
Give me an L! P-A-U-L!
298
00:14:27,749 --> 00:14:30,016
Paul! Paul! Paul! Paul!
Paul! Paul! Paul!
299
00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:31,202
Ah.
300
00:14:36,741 --> 00:14:38,475
You through?
301
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,777
Think so, yeah.
302
00:14:40,845 --> 00:14:42,496
Okay, we got a deal?
303
00:14:42,497 --> 00:14:44,098
You're not gonna tell the guys?
304
00:14:44,099 --> 00:14:45,466
I won't tell 'em.
305
00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:46,853
But listen, I, I don't know
306
00:14:46,868 --> 00:14:48,978
how you're gonna keep
Carla from talking.
307
00:14:48,979 --> 00:14:52,606
Well, I'll have this
little conversation
308
00:14:52,607 --> 00:14:53,857
with her, too, okay?
309
00:14:53,925 --> 00:14:55,642
Better be good.
310
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:58,078
Hey, listen,
while you're at it,
311
00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:01,048
could you just tell
her gently that, uh...
312
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:03,800
this was just
a one-night thing.
313
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:05,738
Paulie don't need
no clinging vines.
314
00:15:07,623 --> 00:15:10,374
I'll, I'll let her
down gently, Paul.
315
00:15:13,111 --> 00:15:14,745
Hey, uh, Paul.
316
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:16,013
Paul, what was that you
were talking about,
317
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:17,147
getting lucky last night, huh?
318
00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:20,901
Uh, no, I guess I was
making that up.
319
00:15:20,969 --> 00:15:23,687
Oh, poor guy.
Yeah.
320
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:26,990
Sometimes I feel sorry
for old Paulie. Yeah.
321
00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:29,326
Hey, maybe we should have
invited him to come along
322
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,128
with us last night.
323
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:34,031
Boy, did we have ourselves
some fun or what.
324
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,351
What all did we do, anyway?
325
00:15:37,419 --> 00:15:41,138
Oh, the best way to reconstruct
a night like that, Normie,
326
00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:43,908
is to, uh, go through
our pockets.
327
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:46,410
Oh, yeah, here we go.
328
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:49,780
All right, uh, here's a receipt
for the pizza place.
329
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,382
I sort of remember that one.
330
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:54,285
Yeah, $24.95,
the bowling alley. Uh-huh.
331
00:15:54,352 --> 00:15:57,254
200 bucks for
the tattoo parlour.
332
00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:59,172
And, uh, 12 bucks for the cab
333
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,824
and the doughnut shop.
334
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:05,562
Say, Cliff...
335
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:07,497
what, uh, what was that one
336
00:16:07,565 --> 00:16:10,267
between the bowling alley
and the taxicab?
337
00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:15,239
Uh, Fred's Tattoo Parlor.
338
00:16:19,811 --> 00:16:21,945
Yeah, funny that
should be in there, huh?
339
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:25,849
Yeah.
340
00:17:03,438 --> 00:17:05,128
I'll tell you
what's on your butt
341
00:17:05,173 --> 00:17:07,274
if you tell me what's on mine.
342
00:17:12,747 --> 00:17:14,982
Let's get it over with.
343
00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:27,260
Those guys spend way
too much time together.
344
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,569
Okay, Cliff...
345
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:58,875
do you want to tell me what's
tattooed forever on my butt?
346
00:17:58,943 --> 00:18:03,947
It's uh, a big American
flag there, Norm,
347
00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:07,885
with the motto "God Bless
the U.S. Post Office."
348
00:18:15,309 --> 00:18:20,514
What, uh, what's on mine?
349
00:18:20,581 --> 00:18:25,452
A big heart with
the words, "I love Vera."
350
00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:40,150
Guess they mixed them up, huh?
351
00:18:40,217 --> 00:18:42,586
I assume so.
352
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:48,459
Beautiful workmanship.
353
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:51,728
Yeah, you want me to come
over and show Vera?
354
00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:58,652
Thanks, but no.
355
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,888
In that case, would you mind
356
00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:03,990
coming down to the post office
and show my supervisor?
357
00:19:04,058 --> 00:19:08,328
No, no, I don't
think so, Cliff.
358
00:19:08,396 --> 00:19:10,447
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
359
00:19:10,515 --> 00:19:12,449
It's not that big a deal.
360
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:14,551
So you slept with Paul.
361
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,987
I mean, you, you,
you've gone to bed
362
00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:19,022
with a lot of guys before.
363
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:21,925
Not really, Sam.
364
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:24,127
I mean, I talk a lot, you know,
365
00:19:24,195 --> 00:19:29,499
but when it comes right down to
it, I'm more talk than action.
366
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:34,137
But even when I did fool around,
I, I always knew their names.
367
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:36,639
I was always
in control, you know.
368
00:19:36,707 --> 00:19:40,594
Last night was the first time
I ever lost control.
369
00:19:40,662 --> 00:19:42,796
I stepped over the line.
370
00:19:42,864 --> 00:19:44,998
I am now officially a slut.
371
00:19:47,401 --> 00:19:49,236
Oh, come on, don't say that.
372
00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:52,172
I told you,
I-I talked with Paul.
373
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,074
No one's ever gonna know.
374
00:19:54,142 --> 00:19:56,759
Yeah, but I know, Sam.
375
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,828
This is a secret that I'm
gonna have to live with
376
00:19:58,829 --> 00:20:00,197
for the rest of my life!
377
00:20:01,632 --> 00:20:03,917
Well, come on, sweetheart.
378
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,136
I mean, we all have
to live with secrets.
379
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:09,923
Yeah, but not this bad.
380
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,008
What, uh, what if I told you
381
00:20:12,076 --> 00:20:14,144
that I have a secret
a lot worse than this.
382
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,512
Sammy.
383
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:17,347
How could you have
a problem worse?
384
00:20:17,348 --> 00:20:18,715
You're perfect.
385
00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:23,220
You don't even know what the
rest of the world is like.
386
00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:24,955
Honey, I, I'm not perfect.
387
00:20:25,022 --> 00:20:27,458
Oh, yeah, right.
388
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:32,062
All right, you really
want to know?
389
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:33,363
Watch this.
390
00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:34,698
(gasps)
391
00:20:45,593 --> 00:20:46,993
Holy Mother of God!
392
00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:48,412
Oh, Sammy!
393
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,013
You wear a rug!
394
00:20:50,081 --> 00:20:53,300
It's not a rug!
It's not a rug!
395
00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:56,203
It's a hair replacement system.
396
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:58,055
Oh, Sammy!
397
00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:02,593
Look at you, you're bald!
398
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,728
All this time,
the great Sam Malone's hair
399
00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:06,329
is nothing but a fraud!
400
00:21:06,397 --> 00:21:09,399
Hey, at least I didn't
sleep with Paul!
401
00:21:12,516 --> 00:21:15,806
Paul, Schmall-
that's nothing!
402
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:16,857
Yeah, nothing.
403
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,875
It was a pretty big
deal a minute ago.
404
00:21:18,876 --> 00:21:21,344
Yeah, well, that was before I
found out you wear a piece.
405
00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:25,381
Hair replacement system!
Hair replacement system!
406
00:21:25,382 --> 00:21:27,217
You know, if you're not going
to use the proper terminology,
407
00:21:27,218 --> 00:21:30,721
I think I'd just like
to be by myself right now.
408
00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:32,322
Sammy, I-I'm sorry.
409
00:21:32,389 --> 00:21:34,858
It's just that you
caught me by surprise.
410
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:36,844
Yeah, well, imagine
how it caught me
411
00:21:36,911 --> 00:21:39,780
when, on the morning
of August 12, 1989,
412
00:21:39,848 --> 00:21:42,916
I looked in the sink and...
413
00:21:42,984 --> 00:21:46,219
I'm sorry, I thought
I could talk about it.
414
00:21:51,726 --> 00:21:53,593
Sam, Sam.
415
00:21:53,661 --> 00:21:56,163
Sammy, it's, it's okay.
416
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:57,921
So you're blowing
your feathers.
417
00:21:57,932 --> 00:22:00,200
It's not the end of the world.
418
00:22:00,201 --> 00:22:01,134
Sure.
419
00:22:01,135 --> 00:22:02,519
You know, there's a lot more
420
00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:05,705
to Sam Malone
than just your great hair.
421
00:22:05,773 --> 00:22:06,823
Really?
422
00:22:06,890 --> 00:22:07,991
Of course.
423
00:22:08,058 --> 00:22:09,676
You're a great guy.
424
00:22:09,743 --> 00:22:11,311
Handsome, sweet...
425
00:22:11,379 --> 00:22:13,130
Oh, don't say "sweet."
426
00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:15,215
What's the matter with sweet?
427
00:22:15,283 --> 00:22:17,183
It's another way
of saying bald.
428
00:22:18,586 --> 00:22:20,354
Sam, Sam, I-I mean it.
429
00:22:20,421 --> 00:22:23,123
You are a terrific, sweet guy.
430
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:25,959
I mean, anybody who would
do what you just did
431
00:22:26,027 --> 00:22:31,397
to make someone feel better
is the best friend in the world.
432
00:22:31,465 --> 00:22:34,150
You don't think any less of me?
433
00:22:34,218 --> 00:22:36,402
Think any less of me?
434
00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:38,054
Oh...
31005
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