All language subtitles for sdfghjklfghjklfghjkl;hjkl;

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Bell tolling,
dramatic music playing ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Music slows, continues ]

[ Music slows, ends ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I'd like to tell you a story
about a guy, a girl,

and a bathing suit.

I saw her at every swimming meet
the city ever had --

just like this one.

She was always lined up
with a group of other girls,

but she stood out like a swan
in a bunch of mud hens.

I saw the starter take his place
and call, "Swimmers up!”

[ Gunshot echoes,
crowd cheering ]

She hit the water
and cut through it

like a million-dollar yacht.

[ Crowd cheering ]

At the turn,
it was neck and neck.

But she soon pulled away,
away out in front.

And that's where she belonged --
out in front.

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Well, she walked
to her dressing room on air.

And I went right after her.

Well, she knew me
and knew what I wanted,

but the answer was still no.

I tried to convince her
we could go places together,

but she wasn't interested.

She didn't want to go
any place but home.

She lived in a little apartment
near the college

with all her trophies
and her sister,

a scatterbrained little chick
who had a lot to offer

but couldn't seem
to get anyone to take it.

I kept telling her the swimsuit
business was crying for us.

With my ideas and her face
and figure, we'd be a cinch.

She seemed interested

but was worried
about her amateur standing.

But I felt if I kept after her,
I'd make her realize

there comes a time
in every woman's life

when she has to turn
professional.

We started on a shoestring.

She was clever.

She designed and modeled
her own suits.

They were new, different.

A little gag here,
a little trick there.

And did they sell.

Say, she could sell anything.

The orders kept coming in
and pilling up,

and we shipped them out
as fast as we could fill them.

Before you knew it,
we were in big business.

"All-South American polo team to
play U.S. stars at Middlebrook."

-So what?
-So what?

Everybody and his brother
will be there.

Not to mention Life and Look
and the news services.

Sorry.
I don't play polo.

Neither will the players
when they get a load of you

and our models
parading around the pool

in that swimming spectacle
you're going to stage.

I'm going to stage?

As a tribute
to our South American neighbors.

You're a good neighbor,
aren't you?

Hmm.
Sounds like great publicity.

What about the club?
They're pretty conservative.

-I wonder if they'll go for it.
-Of course they'll go for it.

As soon as you sell Mr. Canford,
the club president.

Me?
Oh, now, just a minute, Joe.

You're the barker
of this outfit.

I'm just the trained seal.

You balance this ball on that
pretty little nose of yours,

and we'll both take
a big, fat bow.

-[ Chuckles ]
-[ Door closes ]

Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go.

Go where?

To Middlebrook, to meet
the South American polo team.

Oh, Betty,
get that gleam out of your eye.

You're not going.

Oh, Evie, this is my chance
to meet a romantic Latin.

And a polo player
is what I've always wanted.

Yes.

Last year, it was a football
player you always wanted.

And the year before that,
it was a cowboy.

Well, I'm flexible.

You're too flexible.

Well, this time,
it's the real thing.

This time it's love.

Love.
Oh, Betty.

Evie, you might as well face it.

I'm madly in love.

With whom?

The South American polo team.

Betty, dear, you've got to stop
throwing yourself at men.

You're only going to get hurt.

Not if my aim is good.

Besides, what's wrong
with a woman chasing a man?

Well, it just isn't done.

Men are men,
and women are women,

and...well,
that's just the way it is.

Well, I don't want to change it.
I just want to get in on it.

If I don't stop dreaming
of orange blossoms,

I'm gonna have to sleep
with a smudge pot

at the foot of my bed.

[ Hoofbeats ]

[ Shouts in Spanish ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Whistle blows ]

-Are you hurt?
-No, not too bad.

Just got my shoulder.

We've got a great masseur
at the club.

Fix you up in no time.

Hey, Julio!
Call Jack Spratt, the masseur.

[ Mid-tempo music playing
on radio ]

DEEJAY:
Who will be the lucky winner

on tonight's
"Stroke of Fortune,”

the quiz show
to end all quiz shows?

You don't have to guess
anything,

you don't have to say
anything,

and you don't have to know
anything.

If you're lucky
and have a telephone

and can answer our call,
you will receive $1,000

and other valuable prizes --

if you're lucky
and have a telephone.

And now the wheel is turning,
and while we're waiting...

-Pardon me, señor.
-Shh! Shh, shh, shh, shh.

-DEEJAY: ...the orchestra plays.
-Excuse, please, señor.

-You make with the massage?
-Oh, not now. Come back later.

-Oh, but, senor --
-Look.

Do you want me to lose $1,0007?

This is an important program.
They give away a lot of prizes.

Last week, there was an old maid
in Pomona.

She won a 32-room house,

a four-door sedan,
a live-bait barge,

and a two-weeks' vacation
in a Tibetan monastery --

with all expenses paid.

Oh, but, senor,
you better come with me.

Senor O'Rourke --
She hurt his arm.

Her did”? Senor O'Rourke”?

You mean the captain
of the polo team?

-Si, señor.
-Well, why didn't you say so

in the first place?

Probably wouldn't have won
anything anyhow.

I listen to these quiz programs
all the time.

Of course, they never call me.
They -- Sort of a waste of time.

Oh.

Sometimes I think those quiz
programs are not on the level.

DEEJAY:
Stop the music. Stop the music!

Long distance is ringing the
number of the fortunate winner.

Probably some phony name
that doesn't even exist.

Mr. Jack Spratt
of Clayport, California.

-[ Telephone ringing ]
-[ Laughing ] Jack Spratt!

Who ever heard of anyone
named Jack Spr--

That's me!
They're ringing me!

-DEEJAY: No answer yet.
-It's locked.

DEEJAY:
Well, keep trying, operator.

The key. The key.
Don't stop ringing!

DEEJAY: Well, you'd better
hurry up, Mr. Spratt.

I can't find my key!

DEEJAY:
This is your last chance.

Oh, no, no, no!
No! No! No!

It's just --

DEEJAY:
Mr. Spratt doesn't answer?

[ Ringing continues ]

Well, never mind, operator.

But Mr. Spratt will receive
our consolation prize

of five crisp, new
one-dollar bills!

Five dollars?

Five dollars.

You'll never know what I went
through to get all those phones.

Night after night
in those phone booths.

I paid $30 for that radio,
a fortune in box tops.

Wore out two pair of pants
just sitting.

I lose half of my customers,
and what happens?

They call me
and I can't even get in,

all on account of a little key.

A little key no bigger than...

[ Sobbing ]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no!

[ Horn honks ]

-Hey, mister.
-Si, señorita.

Where will I find
the polo players?

Oh, they are out
on the polo field, I think.

Well, how do I get there?

Well, you go down this road
until you come to a...No, no.

You go down this road
until you come to a tree,

and then you turn to the...
N-No, no.

You go down this road
until you come...

Gee, I don't think
you can get there from here.

Well, aren't there
any polo players around here?

El capitan, Jose O'Rourke,
is in the tack room, I think.

Oh. Well, how do I get
to the tack room?

Well, you go down this road
until you come to -- No, no, no.

-[ Sighs ] Here we go again.
-You go down this road until --

Never mind.

-Great country, South America.
-Gracias.

You know,
I've always wanted to meet

one of those black-eyed
senoritas.

The senoritas right here
look muy bonitas to me.

Yeah? Well, they may look
that way to you.

But whenever I meet them,

they're always facedown
on a table.

They only come to me to get them
in shape for some other guy.

-Can you keep a secret?
-Oh, sure.

Well, I wouldn't like this
noised around,

but I've never had a girl.

No.

See, my mother was very strict.

Didn't have my first date
till I was 24.

So you mean your mother
wouldn't let you go out

with members
of the opposite sex?

Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me
which ones was the opposite sex.

I'll bet you've had
plenty of girls.

Ah. Too many.

Believe me,
horses are more dependable.

Of course, one cannot
make love to a horse.

No, unless one happens to be
another horse.

Of course, I don't have
much choice myself.

You see, women don't like me,

and, well, I don't like horses,
SO...

Well, amigo, maybe
your approach is wrong.

Now, what is
the first thing you do

when you get a woman
in your arms?

Well, I give her a salt rub.

Oh, no. No.
I'm talking about love.

The first thing you do
Is kiss her.

Mm-hmm. Oh, no.

[ Chuckles ]
I couldn't do that.

Don't tell me
you have never kissed a woman.

Unh-unh.

Well, have you ever held a woman
in your arms?

Unh-unh.

Have you ever held
a woman's hand?

-Unh-unh.
-Well, have you ever --

-Unh-unh.
-[ Chuckles ]

Oh, amigo, you are in bad shape,
aren't you?

I don't know.

JOSE: But I will
show you what to do.

First, you have
a beautiful woman in your arms.

You hold her tenderly.

Oh, she's gorgeous,
and she's all yours.

-She is?
-Oh, yes.

Would you mind if I held her
for a while?

Of course!
Here. You take her.

Oh.

You know, she's heavier
than I thought.

[ Chuckles ]
Now, you must say to her...

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Ves y mi --

Hmm?
Why do I have to speak Spanish?

Because it's a language of love.

-JACK: Oh?
-Women can't resist it.

-JACK: They can't?
-Now, hold her tight.

No. Tighter.
Still tighter.

-Tighter!
-She's kind of big.

All right. Kiss her.

No, not like a baby.

Like a man. Mm!

-Mm?
-Mm!

-Mmm!
-Mm!

-Mm! Mm!
-[ Laughs ]

-Oh, amigo, I like you.
-Oh?

And you have made my arm
as good as new.

-Well, hasta la vista.
-Hmm?

Oh, in your language,
that means "adios, amigo.”

Oh!

[ Door closes ]

Gee, he sure looks romantic
in that Groucho costume.

Gosh, anybody could get a girl
if he looked like that.

What a guy.

[ Thud, clattering ]

Oh!

Senor O'Rourke!

Speak to me.
Say something.

Oh, gee, he's unconscious.
What will I do now?

Oh, no. I've got to give him
a chance to defend himself.

[ Groans ]

Oh, Senor O'Rourke!

I didn't know you were
behind that door. Honest.

I wouldn't hurt a polo player
for anything,

especially a South American
polo player.

-Hmm?
-My name is Betty Barrett.

I hope you don't think I'm bold
for breaking in like this.

Gee, you're handsome.

-Do you think I'm pretty?
-Hmm?

You don't have to answer that
now.

I-I live
at the Savoy Apartments,

and if you're ever
in the neighborhood,

you might drop in sometime.

-Tonight.
-Mm-mmm.

-Mm.
-Oh, Senor O'Rourke.

Mm-mmm.

Is this all right, Miss Betty?

Oh, yes, but they like it hot.

There. That's better.

Now, are you sure my sister's
not gonna be home this evening?

Yes, I'm sure.

Well, I sure hope so.

No. I guess it'd be too obvious
if I sat on his lap.

Will there be anything else,
Miss Betty?

BETTY: No. I wish to be alone
tonight, Matilda.

You may go.

-[ Doorbell buzzes ]
-[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

Come in!

[ Music continues ]

Ah, señorita!

BETTY: Oh, Jose,
what a surprise!

I am delightful.

What a beautiful --

It's an old native custom.

Won't you sit down?

Hmm?

Oh, I do not understand so good
your language.

Well, sit down
In your own language.

Merci, mademoiselle.

You understand Spanish good?

Good. Ah!

Spanish is
the beautiful language of love.

You speak it very fluently,
don't you?

Mm. Oh. Tijuana.

Well, I wanna if you wanna.

-[ Laughs ]
-[ Laughs, sighs ]

Oh! My hors d'oeuvres.

I prepared some
of our native dishes for you.

Oh, I am delightful.

My beautiful --

Uh, Sacramento, California!

Well, don't go away, Jose.

Babalú!

Tico-Tico!

[ Music continues ]

Well, if Spanish does I,
this ought to do it.

[ Music stops ]

I made these just for you.

Oh, I am delightful.
You ma--

This thing.

I've lost so much weight,
you know.

I made these with
my own two little hands.

Oh, your little hands.

They are so, so...
SO SO-SO.

Gee.
Just like in the ads.

Ah. You are so gentle,
so beautiful, so...

hasta la vista!

Tell me more.

Tell me more.

MAN: Y ahora la primera lección.

El tenedor.
El cuchillo.

La cuchara.
La sal. La pimienta.

El agua. La mantequilla.

El azúcar. La crema.

Oh, that's beautiful.

You sound so different
when you speak Spanish.

El plato. La taza.
El vaso. La servilleta.

You know, that's just the way
I feel about you.

Caldo, verdura, ensalada,
carne con frijoles.

Ahora, todo jundo.

El tenedor. El cuchillo.

La cuchara.
La sal. La pimienta.

El agua. La mantequilla.
El azúcar. La crema.

El plato. La taza.
El vaso. La servilleta.

Caldo, verdura, ensalada,
carne con frijoles.

[ Exhales deeply ]

And that means...

It means "I want to hold you
in my arms forever."

[ Sighs ]

And now, please, turn over.

Oh, uh, that's an old
South American expression

meaning, uh,
"Let's have soft music."

Oh.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

Oh, that's beautiful.

Shall we dine or shall we dance?

-Well --
-Let's dance.

[ Gasping ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Wheezing ]

Oh, doesn't this music
do something to you?

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Men singing in Spanish ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music ends ]

[ Applause ]

Buenos noches!
Buenos noches!

Oh. Buenos noches.
Buenos noches.

Gee.
Members of the same lodge.

[ Speaking Spanish ]
Argentina, Brazil, or Nicaragua?

Si!

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Si.

-[ Speaking Spanish ]
-Si.

-[ Speaking Spanish ]
-Si!

Oh, your friend here says that
he plays all the instruments.

Oh!

How interesting.
[ Speaking Spanish ]

Si?

CUGAT: Oh, nice. He has
consented to do a number for us.

I hope you don't mind.

Mind?
Oh, he'd love it.

I'll sing too. Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we have a rare treat.

A countryman of mine
from South America

Is going to do a number for us,

accompanied by his
very charming companion here.

-[ Applause ]
-What would you like us to play?

Oh, yes. Uh, go ahead.

The orchestra is yours.
Use any instrument you like.

Oh.

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Down-tempo introduction
plays ]

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

[ Whistling ]

[ Drum thuds ]

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ Kkkt! Kkkt! ♪

♪ Boom, boom ♪

[ Music continues ]

[ Drum thudding ]

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ Vvt vvt, vvt, vvt,
vvi, vvt ♪

-Boom!
-[ Drum thudding ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Wood clanks, drum thudding ]

♪ Give me a South American
drummer ♪

♪ And keep your butcher
and your plumber ♪

♪ Oh, let me hear the fabulous
fracas of the maracas ♪

[ Maracas rattling ]

♪ Give me the guy
who strums the guitar ♪

♪ An ocho cuatro to the bar ♪

♪ I'll even take the yokel ♪

♪ From Buenos Aires
Musicians Local ♪

♪ Who does the vocal ♪

[ Music slows ]

♪ Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques ♪

♪ Babalú, Babalú ♪

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ Kkkt! Kkkt-kkkt!
Kkkt! ♪

♪ Chic-chic, chicka-chicka,
chic-chic, chicka-chicka, chic ♪

[ Music continues,
drums playing ]

♪ They've warned me
time and again ♪

♪ But oh, how I love those men ♪

-[ Claves clicking ]
-Shh!

♪ Those men ♪

[ Clicking tongue ]

[ Softly ] ♪ Those men ♪

[ Music builds,
claves clicking ]

♪ Chic-chic-chic,
chic-chic-chic-chic ♪

[ Clicks tongue ]

[ Trumpet blares ]

♪ Wahh, wahh, wahh! ♪

[ Trombone blares ]

♪ Burr-wahh! ♪

[ Drum beats, cymbal crashes ]

♪ Boom, boom, cha! ♪

[ Ascending notes play on bass ]

♪ Ch-ch-ch-ch-choon! ♪

[ Drum beating ]

♪ Bt-ta-bt-ta-bt-ta-bt-ta ♪

[ Music stops, violin playing ]

Excuse me.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Oh.

[ Slide whistle plays,
music continues ]

-[ Thud ]
-Oh!

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ Chic-chic-chic, kkt-kkt ♪

[ Clicks tongue ]
♪ Chic-chic-chic ♪

[ Music continues,
tempo increasing ]

[ Hat dance melody plays,
music builds, continues ]

[ Fanfare plays, music stops ]

[ Music continues ]

♪ But oh, how I love ♪

♪ Those men ♪

[ Music builds, ends ]

[ Maracas rattling ]

Shh!

[ Clattering ]

Did I wake you?

Fine time to get home.

Fine time before I got home.

Where have you been, with whom,

and who said you could wear
my coat?

Casa Cugat, Jose O'Rourke,
and nobody.

Jose O'Rourke?

Not one of those
South American polo players?

Not just one of the players,
the captain.

I hit the jackpot.
[ Vocalizing ]

Betty, dear, can't you
get in enough trouble here

without going below the border?

-Boom! D-D-D-D-ring!
-Look, Betty.

Now, no one wants a nice,
substantial man for you

more than I do.

But these visiting firemen
are strictly on a joy ride.

-[ Chuckles ]
-Now, believe me, honey.

When you fall hard
and they exit laughing,

it's not going to be so funny.

Oh!
You've been out with them.

Certainly not.

But, Eve,
he thinks I'm wonderful.

He says he's never met
anybody like me.

-That I believe.
-Ohh.

Betty, dear,
you don't know this type.

-Yes, I do.
-Tonight was just a buildup.

Next time he'll show his teeth.

♪ I love those men who go...
Lum, chic-chic... ♪

Betty, look.
Please.

Now, put down these animated
beanbags and listen to me.

I want you to promise
you won't see him again.

Nope. I got a date
with him tomorrow.

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

[ Maracas rattling ]

Yes, I'll see
that it's taken care of.

Of course.

All right.
All right.

-How do you do?
-How do you do?

I received a telephone call
this morning.

-Your name, please?
-Jose O'Rourke.

Oh, yes, Mr. O'Rourke.
Miss Barrett's expecting you.

Miss Barrett?

I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.

If you'll just be seated,
she'll be back shortly.

She's showing some buyers
through the factory.

Oh, could I join them?

I've never seen a bathing suit
in its natural state.

Uh, yes. Of course.

-Miss Carroll.
-CARROLL: Yes?

How far has the tour gotten?

CARROLL: I think they're on
the third floor.

Thank you.

-This way, Mr. O'Rourke.
-Okay.

-This way, please.
-Oh, yes.

I usually make a rough sketch
of a new idea

and then give it to our artists
to retouch and refine.

The design is then put
on the material,

and the pattern is stamped
by these pattern machines

onto this special pattern paper.

They look a little like
old-fashioned piano rolls,

don't they?

As you know, our bathing suits
are made of silk from China,

rubber from Malaya,
wool from Australia,

cotton from all over the world,

and, of course, our own
wonderful synthetic rayons,

made right here.

-And now if we --
-[ Tapping ]

Now if you'll step this way,
please, I'd like to show you

another very interesting piece
of equipment.

[ Machinery whirring ]

The spools of thread are
putting together a patchwork

of colors, which revolve
into a beautiful harmony.

This strange-looking monster
Is knitting swimsuit material

of Ceylonese rubber yarn,
Lastex, and Mattletex.

Now, those in the rear

are set to handle any type
of material we intend to use.

We hang the pattern paper on,
tie the yarn --

As I was saying...

[ Saw buzzing ]

The automatic blade
cuts through

hundreds of thicknesses
of material simultaneously.

See?

And once the material is cut,

it is stacked in sizes
ranging from 10 to 20.

You know, any woman
that's over size 20

should have her bathing suit
made to order.

Oh, I agree.

Shall we go on
to the finishing department?

And over there, the girls
are sewing the very first seam.

On this shaft back here,

the girls are working on
the actual garment,

sewing and finishing
the neckline.

These girls are mattletexing
the waistline for perfect fit.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

you have seen
the Neptune bathing suit...

...conceived, designed,
and created.

If you will kindly step
into the salesroom,

you will see it come to life.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

The Riviera suit.

[ Music continues ]

The Christmas Package.

[ "Jingle Bells" melody plays,
music continues ]

The Ballerina.

The Sarong.

The Scotch Mist.

The Pantywaist.

[ Music continues,
fanfare plays ]

The Olympic,
for the sportswoman.

And now, the Streamliner.

[ Music builds ]

[ Music continues ]

WOMAN: Lovely, Miss Barrett.
Perfectly charming.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

You'll notice that the suit
neither shrinks, sags...

-nor stretches.
-No, it doesn't, does it?

Would you mind telling me
what company you represent?

Oh, I'm in business for myself.

Uh, would you mind, uh,
turning around for me, please?

Well, no, not at all, Mr., uh...

O'Rourke.
Jose O'Rourke.

-Did you say O'Rourke?
-Yes.

Lotus, my robe, please.

Mr. O'Rourke, would you mind
stepping into my office?

I won't keep you waiting long.

Oh, Miss Barrett,
for you, I'd wait forever.

Lotus.

-[ Door opens ]
-EVE: [ Clears throat ]

Mr. O'Rourke, you're exactly
what I anticipated.

You have the advantage.
I anticipated nothing like you.

You no doubt have some idea
why I sent for you.

No, but I assure you
I'm delighted.

Does the name Barrett
mean anything to you?

No, not yet, but, uh,
I have a feeling it will.

Uh, what can I do for you,
Miss Barrett?

You can stay away
from my sister.

-Your sister?
-I have plans for my sister --

worthwhile plans --
and I don't intend

to see them disrupted
by a South American detour.

Oh, forgive me. I don't
understand this word "detour."

Allow me to explain.

To detour is to take
the bad road

because the good road
Is unavailable.

But, Senorita Barrett,
I am not unavailable.

And now will you break the date
with my sister?

Date? Well, I, uh...

You have a date with her
tonight.

Will you please break it?

Very well. If I must, I must.

Good. Thank you very much.

However, there is
a slight condition.

I thought so.

Well, how much?

Oh, it isn't money I want.

No? What do you want?

Merely that, uh, you consent
to go in your sister's place.

-Me?
-JOSE: Mm-hmm.

Why, you're out of your mind.

Oh, not at all.

Just a little lonesome
after I put my horses to bed.

Mr. O'Rourke, your state of mind

after you tuck your horses in
Is hardly any of my concern.

I'm sure you can find
some other misguided female

-to take their place.
-Oh, undoubtedly.

But you see, I am particularly
drawn to your family.

So if I cannot go out with you,
I, uh...

You realize, of course,

that this is just another form
of blackmail.

Oh, Senorita Barrett,

in my language,
there is no such word.

If I go with you,

will you promise
never to see my sister again?

I promise.

Very well. It's a deal.

Oh, Senorita Barrett,

your spirit of self-sacrifice
Is truly admirable.

Where shall I pick you up?

-This address, 8:00.
-Good.

-Oh, do you have a car?
-Of course.

Oh, then we will go to dinner,
drive along the ocean.

There will be a moon tonight.

I'm sure you can show me
many points of interest.

Mr. O'Rourke, I will show you

the most miserable evening
of your life.

Oh, I don't think so.

Oh. Oh, there is
just one more question.

How do I get this contraption
off my finger?

It's very simple.

[ Groans, exhales sharply ]

-[ Down-tempo music playing ]
-On this side,

we have the oldest avocado trees
in Southern California.

Over here, you will observe
a small inlet

known as Pirates' Cove.

Around the bend, there is --

Miss Barrett, I don't care
what's around the bend, really.

You've shown me Pirates' Cove
with no pirates,

Inspiration Point
with no inspiration,

and, uh, Lovers' Lane
with no love.

So I will take you home now.

Thank you very much.

Why are we slowing down?

And don't you tell me
we're out of gas.

It's my car, remember?

Look.

[ Brakes squeak ]

"To detour
is to take the bad road

because the good road
Is unavailable."

EVE: Did I say that?

Yes, and you also insinuated
that I was a blackmailer

and, uh, several other
unpleasant things.

Well, I'm sorry, but --

Well, Mr. O'Rourke,
please try to understand.

My sister, Betty,
Is somewhat of a problem.

She needs to find a man
that's substantial and settled

and.. well, safe.

And I am not?

Well, are you?

No.

No, I am unsubstantial,
unsettled,

and, uh, definitely unsafe.

But not for your sister, no.
Don't worry, Miss Barrett.

I'll --I'll keep my end
of the bargain.

Thank you very much,
Mr. O'Rourke.

Jose, please.

Jose.

And now if you'll take the road
to the left --

Of course.

[ Engine starts ]

Oh, uh, do you mind if we stop
at the stable a moment?

My best pony has been
rather ill.

I would like to look in on her.

EVE: No, not at all.

[ Insects chirping ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

I'll only be a second.

Julio.
Julio, ¿estamos listos?

[ Both speaking Spanish ]

Oh, patron, she is
very beautiful in the moonlight.

[ Wolf-whistle melody plays ]

Julio, tonight,
I want you to play

like you've never played before.

Patron, I have serenaded
beautiful señoritas

all over the world for you,
and I have never failed you.

And tonight, I won't fail you.

[ Insects chirping ]

Oh, I'm afraid my pony's worse.

I'll have to sit up with her
all night.

Oh, I'm sorry.

-Would you care for a cigarette?
-No, thank you.

Your horses mean a great deal
to you, don't they?

Oh, yes, señorita.

When they suffer, I suffer.

[ Violin playing
down-tempo music ]

What's that?

Oh, just some
of the stable boys.

They play at the drop
of a sombrero.

[ Music continues ]

Do you know
what the music is saying?

I have an idea.

I think maybe
we'd better be going.

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Faster and faster ♪

♪ At the sight of you ♪

[ Tempo increases,
drums playing ]

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Faster than I have ever felt
It do ♪

♪ You bring me madness ♪

♪ Madness ♪

♪ Beautiful madness
every little while ♪

♪ When you pass by ♪

♪ And you smile ♪

[ Music continues ]

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Not its own master ♪

♪ When I hear your voice ♪

♪ My heart hears music ♪

♪ Music ♪

♪ Music for dancing ♪

♪ And it has no choice ♪

♪ And if I never kiss you ♪

♪ Tell me --
What can my poor heart do? ♪

♪ But just beat faster
and faster ♪

♪ Until it breaks ♪

♪ Jin two? ♪

[ Engine revs ]

[ Music ends ]

There. That's better.

-How does it feel, Linda?
-Fine unless I breathe.

Miss Delaghy, I think
maybe we ought to have it

a little lower here
and a little bit higher there.

-Eve?
-Right.

-I've got to talk to you.
-Come on in, Joe.

I'll just be a moment.
That's all, Linda. Thank you.

I'll take care of
these sketches, Miss Delaghy.

Yes, Miss Barrett.

Where were you last night?

Where were you this morning?

I was getting over last night.

You know, I spent three hours
with the president of the club

-waiting for you to show up.
-And you waited in the bar.

Can I help it
if he likes television?

I'm sorry, Joe.
I had something else to do.

Oh, I suppose last night
wasn't important.

Well, of course it was, Joe,
but, well, this was personal.

Oh, personal, eh?

Joe, lower your eyebrows.

I'm strictly a career gal.

The only interest I have in men

is whether or not they whistle
at our bathing suits.

You know that.

Oh, now you're talking.

You know, honey, love has ruined
more big business

than the Sherman antitrust law.

Unless, of course,

one partner happens to be
in love with the other.

I have a picture of Sears
falling in love with Roebuck.

That's not what I meant.

I'll pick you up at 8:00 sharp.

And this time, my little
webfoot, I'll deliver you

to the president of the club
personally.

Yes, master. Yes.

Matilda,
where's my little white coat?

Last time I saw it, it was going
through that door --

-on Miss Betty.
-Oh, I see.

Where was Miss Betty going
when she went through the door?

To the other door.

Said she had to get out
before you got in.

Well, do you know
where she was going?

Oh, I wouldn't fill out an
affidavit, but I have an idea.

I eaves-drooped a phone call.

To whom?

A Mr. Jose O'Rourke.

Said she'd meet him at
his apartment tonight -- alone.

Matilda, are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

I heard it with my own
two little pierced ears.

Well, that scheming,
calculating...

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Miss Barrett.
What an expected pleasure.

I'll bet it is.

Well, where is she?

-Who?
-My sister, Betty, of course.

Oh, is she loose again?

You know perfectly well she is.

And don't tell me that she isn't
here, because I know she is.

Miss Barrett,
I gave you my word. I --

Your word.
What does your word mean?

Oh, to me,
it means a great deal.

Unh-unh.

Why don't you sit down,
have a nice drink,

and, uh, cool off, huh?

Mr. O'Rourke,
I wouldn't drink with you

if you were the last man
on earth.

Well, what an interesting
possibility.

Will you kindly tell my sister
to come out of your closet?

Miss Barrett,
there is nothing in my closet

except a few suits,
one of which is minus a button.

At home, we, uh,
have a skeleton.

Well, she's probably
under the bed.

-I suggest you look.
-I intend to.

You know, in my country,

that practice is confined
to old maids.

Your button.

-Would you like to sew it on?
-Ah.

Oh!
Would you care for a shower?

Shirts, shorts, pajamas,
and, uh, miscellaneous.

[ Exhales deeply ]
Ay-yi.

Very, very funny.

What about the other door --
the one in the living room?

-Miss Barrett, please.
- I thought so.

Well, one would think
you didn't trust me.

And one would be so right.

Now, kindly step aside.

Miss Barrett, I am a gentleman.

Step aside.

Very well.
You win.

-[ Gasps ]
-[ Chuckles ]

Well, you do have a date
with her.

With your sister?
No. Believe me.

Now, I will take it
as an apology

if you sit down
and have that drink with me.

All right?

I'm sorry.

[ Music continues ]

I'm not that sorry.

Ah.
Qué bonita es la vida.

A lovely lady.

Soft music.

A warm summer's evening.

You know, for an evening
that started out so badly,

it has definite possibilities.

No, no, no. Before you drink,
you must always say, "Salud.”

Salud.

-You know, I --
-Salud.

Salud. [ Sighs ]

[ Music continues ]

You know, on second thought --

-Yes?
-I really can't stay.

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I've got to go away ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ This evening has been... ♪

♪ Been hoping
that you'd drop in ♪

♪ ...so very nice ♪

♪ I'll hold your hands ♪

♪ They're just like ice ♪

♪ My mother will start
to worry ♪

♪ Beautiful,
what's your hurry? ♪

♪ My father will be pacing
the floor ♪

♪ Listen to the fireplace roar ♪

♪ So really, I'd better scurry ♪

♪ Beautiful,
please don't hurry ♪

♪ Well, maybe
just a half a drink more ♪

♪ Put some records on
while I pour ♪

♪ The neighbors might think -- ♪

♪ But, baby,
it's bad out there ♪

♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪

♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪

♪ I wish I knew how... ♪

♪ Your eyes are like stars
right now ♪

♪ ...to break this spell ♪

♪ I'll take your hat ♪

♪ Your hair looks swell ♪

♪ I ought to say,
"No, no, no, sir'" ♪

♪ Mind if I move in closer? ♪

♪ At least I'm gonna say
that I tried ♪

♪ What's the sense
of hurting my pride? ♪

-♪ I really can't stay J
- Oh, baby, don't hold out ♪

-♪ Ah, but it's cold outside J°
-♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

[ Music continues ]

♪ I simply must go ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The answer is no ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The welcome has been... ♪

♪ How lucky
that you dropped in ♪

♪ ...so nice and warm ♪

♪ Look out the window
at that storm ♪

♪ My sister will be suspicious ♪

♪ Gosh,
your lips look delicious ♪

♪ My brother will be there
at the door ♪

♪ Waves upon a tropical shore ♪

♪ My maiden aunt's mind
Is vicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips
are delicious ♪

♪ Well, maybe
just a cigarette more ♪

♪ Never such a blizzard before ♪

♪ I've got to get home ♪

♪ But, baby, you'd freeze
out there ♪

♪ Say, lend me a comb ♪

♪ It's up to your knees
out there ♪

♪ You've really been grand... ♪

♪ I thrill
when you touch my hand ♪

♪ ...but don't you see? ♪

♪ How can you do this thing
to me? ♪

♪ There's bound to be talk
tomorrow ♪

♪ Think of my
lifelong sorrow... ♪

♪ At least there will be
plenty implied ♪

♪ ...if you caught pneumonia
and died ♪

-♪ I really can't stay J
-y Get over that old doubt ♪

-♪' Ah, but it's cold outside ♪
-♪' Baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I really can't stay ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I've got to go away ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ This evening has been... ♪

♪ Been hoping
that you'd drop in ♪

♪ ...so very nice ♪

♪ I'll hold your hands ♪

♪ They're just like ice ♪

♪ My mother will start
to worry ♪

♪ Beautiful,
what's your hurry? ♪

♪ My father will be pacing
the floor ♪

♪ Listen to the fireplace roar ♪

♪ So really, I'd better scurry ♪

♪ Beautiful,
please don't hurry ♪

♪ Maybe just a little drink
more ♪

♪ Put some records on
while I pour ♪

♪ The neighbors might think -- ♪

♪ But, baby,
it's bad out there ♪

♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪

- ♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪
- ♪ I wish I knew how... ♪

♪ Your eyes are like stars
right now ♪

♪ ...to break this spell ♪

♪ I'll take your hat ♪

♪ Your hair looks swell ♪

♪ I ought to say,
"No, no, no, senor" ♪

♪ Mind if I move in closer? ♪

♪ At least I'm going to say
that I tried ♪

♪ What's the sense
of hurting my pride? ♪

-♪ I really can't stay J
- Oh, baby, don't hold out ♪

-♪' Ah, but it's cold outside ♪
-♪' Baby, it's cold outside ♪

[ Music continues ]

[ Music builds, continues ]

♪ You simply must go ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The answer is no ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The greeting has been... ♪

♪ You're lucky
that I dropped in ♪

♪ ...so nice and warm ♪

♪ Look out the window
at that storm ♪

♪ Your sister
will be suspicious ♪

♪ Gosh,
your lips look delicious ♪

♪ Your brother will be there
at the door ♪

♪ Waves upon a tropical shore ♪

♪ Your maiden aunt's mind
Is vicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips
are delicious ♪

♪ Maybe just a cigarette more ♪

♪ Never such a blizzard before ♪

♪ You've got to go home ♪

♪ But, baby, I'd freeze
out there ♪

♪ I'll lend you my comb ♪

♪ It's up to your knees
out there ♪

♪ You've really been grand... ♪

♪ I thrill
when you touch my hand ♪

♪ ...but don't you see? ♪

♪ How can you do this thing
to me? ♪

♪ There's bound to be talk
tomorrow ♪

♪ Think of your
lifelong sorrow... ♪

♪ At least there will be
plenty implied ♪

♪ ...if I caught pneumonia
and died ♪

-♪ You really can't stay J
-; Get over that old doubt ♪

-♪' Ah, but it's cold outside ♪
-♪' Baby, it's cold outside ♪

[ Music ends ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Men singing in Spanish ]

[ Music builds, ends ]

[ Singing in Spanish ]

[ Men singing in Spanish,
music continues ]

[ Music builds, continues ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Women vocalizing,
music continues ]

[ Women singing in Spanish ]

[ Men singing in Spanish ]

[ Music builds, drums playing ]

[ Music continues,
group vocalizing ]

[ Screams ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Screams ]

[ Music continues,
women vocalizing ]

[ Group vocalizing ]

[ Music builds, continues ]

[ Music ends ]

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

JOE: I called for Eve that night

and waited a couple of hours
for her.

But she never showed.

Well, it was too early
to go home,

so I dropped in at Cugie's.

The joint was really jumping.

I fought my way to the bar
and sat down.

But this time, I was smart.

This time,
I stuck to the soft stuff.

Through the mirror, I saw
Lukie, the owner of the club,

bearing down.

I'm one of the few people
who like Lukie.

Maybe he deals under the table
once in a while,

but he always gave me
a square shuffle.

He tried to buy me a drink,
but I wasn't having any.

Then he asked me
the 64-dollar question.

Where's the mermaid tonight?

She stayed at home.
She has a little headache.

Too bad.

Don't look natural
to see you here without her.

Well, I'll probably drop in
on the way home

and see how she feels.

Well, you can save yourself
a trip.

She's evidently feeling better.

[ Music continues ]

Nice-looking guy
if you like the type.

And I don't.

Shall we?

Do you know him?

Only by reputation.

Jose O'Rourke, the famous
South American polo player.

A 10-goal man.

That's good, eh?

You bet it's good.
He's the whole team.

Subtract him, they haven't got
a chance of winning.

Winning what?

The big polo match
at Middlebrook.

Don't you read the papers?

Only the race results.

-Big game, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

Any good bets around?

Lukie, this is a polo match --
strictly society stuff.

Fifty bucks is tops
in the locker room.

Fifty bucks?

That's birdseed.
I bet that on traffic signals.

So this guy is the whole works,
eh?

Without him,
they haven't got a chance.

What else do you know
about him?

Nothing.

Except he's dynamite
with the ladies,

undoubtedly out to feather
his nest.

Right now
he's unfeathering mine.

[ Music continues ]

You know,
I never dreamed this morning

I'd hold you in my arms
this evening.

The only reason
I'm in your arms this evening

Is so my sister, Betty,
won't be.

Oh, and all the time,
I thought it was my charm.

[ Music ends ]

[ Applause ]

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

Our song. Remember?

Jose, how wonderful
to see you again.

The minute I heard the music,
I thought of you.

-Remember?
-[ Chuckles softly ]

-A lovely thing.
-Huh?

Uh, the music.

Jose, darling!

How cute of you
to have them play our song.

-[ Chuckles softly ]
-Remember?

He has it played
at the drop of a señorita.

Let's sit down, shall we?

[ Music continues ]

Senor O'Rourke.

[ Both speaking Spanish ]

-You know, she just said that --
-Yes. I know.

"Our song. Remember?"

Oh, I'm sorry, señor,
but this is a table for two.

-This was a table for two.
-Uh, Mr. O'Rourke, Mr. Backett.

Mr. Backett is a dear
and old friend.

Very old. I aged 10 years
waiting for you tonight.

EVE: Joe, please.
I'll explain later.

Why should you?

Well, Mr. Backett is my partner.

Well, it's a wonder
you're not bankrupt.

-[ Exhales sharply ] Please. No.
-Now, look.

I happen to have a date
with Miss Barrett this evening,

and, uh, I don't want
anybody to annoy her.

I had a date with Miss Barrett
first.

-And who's annoying her?
-You both are.

Now, please, sit down.

I'm sorry, señorita.
I apologize.

Well, I don't.

And there are a few other little
things I'd like to say to you.

Say them to me
on the dance floor, then.

Come on.
Excuse us, please.

[ Down-tempo music playing ]

What do you mean
by creating such a scene?

"Creating a scene," she says.
She stands me up last night.

I call for her tonight.
She's not there.

No message, nothing.

I come to the Casa Cugat alone,
friendless.

And sit in the bar.

I had nothing
but salted peanuts!

I wonder, worry. I grieve.

I'm just about to call
the morgue...

Oh, Joe.

...when in she comes on the arm
of a professional guest.

Jose is not
a professional guest.

Wait till the check
comes around.

[ Music continues ]

I go to your table.
I sit down like a gentleman.

This mallet-wielder insults me.

I try to defend myself, and I'm
accused of creating a scene?

-Joe, please.
-Doesn't our business,

our friendship mean more to you

than this --
this Romeo from the Amazon?

Joe, I can explain
if you'll let me get a word in.

He's not a Romeo. He's --

Oh, really?

[ Music continues ]

The man means absolutely nothing
to me.

The reason I came out with him
was to keep him away from Betty,

and he knows that.

She's crazy about him.

She probably would follow him
right across the border

if I didn't nip this thing
in the bud.

Now, do you understand?

Knowing your sister,
I'd say maybe.

And you're not going to see him
again?

-No. Of course not.
-Good. Let's get out of here.

You've got a busy day
at the office tomorrow.

Well, Joe, it's early yet,
and --

and I can't just walk out.

[ Music continues ]

Take me home, Joe.

Get my things,
would you, please?

So this will be the best game
of the season.

-[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Excuse me.

[ Talking stops,
music continues ]

-Who's that?
-I don't know.

[ Music ends, applause ]

-Don't let it bother you.
-Of course not.

Know anything about polo?

Um...Uh, what's his first name?

No, no. It's a game.

Very fast.
Played with a mallet and a ball.

Oh, you mean croquet.

No, you dope.

Now, listen
and get this straight.

Go out to the Middlebrook
Country Club tomorrow

and pick up a polo player
named Jose O'Rourke.

Bring him here.

Suppose he don't want to come?

Persuade him.

You know, boss, sometimes
I hardly know what you mean.

[ Birds chirping ]

Hey, Julio,
is Jose O'Rourke around?

Oh, no, señor.
He is out on the polo field.

-He will be back soon, I think.
-[ Hoofbeats ]

-Well, I'll wait in the --
-[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Whip cracking ]

He's pretty good, ain't he?

Oh, that is nothing, señor.

Come out here.
I show you a good trick.

Really?

Hey, Gonzales!

[ Speaking Spanish ]

What's he gonna do?

Knock the cigarette out
of your mouth with the whip.

Oh!
Out of whose mouth?

Oh, do not be afraid, señor.
He never misses.

With one flip of the whip,

he will cut the cigarette
in half.

Yeah?

I'll make it easier for him.
There.

Okay.
He do it with half a cigarette.

Well, are you sure
he can do this trick?

Oh, sure. He does it
with my brother all the time.

Yeah? Well, I'd like to see him
do it with your brother first.

Okay. Hey, No Nose!

"No Nose"?
I'll see you in the tack room.

[ Birds chirping ]

Hey, Pancho, where does
Jose O'Rourke hang out?

[ Speaking Spanish ]

The tack room.

Gee, thanks, Mr. O'Rourke.

You know, that gaucho suit
worked for me too.

I got a girl now.

She kind of likes me too.

I hope you don't mind, but do
you know who she thinks I am?

-Jose O'Rourke?
-That's right.

But how did you know? Gosh.
Pardon me.

We're in the midst
of a conversation.

Okay, buddy. Let's go.

Let's go where?

Never mind. Just get going.

Here. Don't push me, mac.

-Come on. Get going.
-I said don't push me.

Now, I dare you to do it again.
I dare you.

[ Grunts ]

Say, you take directions nicely,
don't you?

Look, I ain't got all day.
Lukie wants to see you.

Lukie? Lukie who?

Lukie Luzette. That's who.

Oh. You -- You mean the fella --
the guy -- the one...

Yeah, all three.

Oh. Oh.

W-What does he want with me?

He don't tell me his business.

He just said bring in
Jose O'Rourke,

so I'm bringing you in.

Oh, well, you've got
the wrong fella.

I'm not Jose O'Rourke.
I'm Jack Spratt.

And I'm Little Bo Peep.
Quit stalling, O'Rourke.

-Come on.
-No, I wouldn't fool you.

Honest, I wouldn't.
I'm not a South American.

Look. No accent.

-Aw!
-Now, wait a minute, now.

South Americans are always tall,
dark, and handsome.

I'm just a little bitty redhead.

-Oh, no, you don't.
-Here. Put me down!

Look. Ask anybody.
They'll tell you I'm not Jose.

BETTY: Jose? Jose, darling?

Hey.
There's somebody who knows you.

-Oh, no.
-Get her in.

-No.
-Tell her to come In.

Oh, there you are, darling.

Guess that means we're engaged.

Aren't you gonna say something?

Oh, I know.
You're speechless with joy.

I can see it in your eyes.

Oh, I can hardly wait for
the day when I'll be Mrs. Jo--

What's the matter?

Aren't you happy
about my being Mrs. Jo--

Darling, you do want me
to be Mrs. Jo--

You keep that up, you're gonna
have a slap-happy wife.

And I want you to be proud when
people point us out and say,

"There go...

the newlyweds --
Mr. and Mrs. Jose O'Rour--"

I'll tell Eve about it tonight.

I'd tell her now,

but she's rehearsing the girls
at the pool.

Oh, I forgot.

My engagement ring.
I bought it today.

You'll get the bill for it
tomorrow.

Well, I have to go now.

La cucaracha.

I think I go with you. Ooh.

BETTY: Well,
come on if you're coming.

Well, something seems to be
holding me back.

What's the matter?
Is there something on your mind?

Well, not exactly.

Well, then I'll --
I'll see you at the pool.

La Traviata.

Here. Here.

So she's gonna marry you
and become Mrs. Jo--

Hey. Get going!

Okay.

[ Light music plays ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Music continues ]

Oh.
Pardon me, madam.

Hey, did you see a redheaded guy
go by here?

-Ug.
-Which way did he go?

-Albuquerque.
-Albuquerque.

Albuquerque?!

[ Grunts ] Oh!

[ Music continues ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Well, kids, what's new?

WOMAN:
This is a cute little number.

All right, now, girls. Come on.
We're gonna try it again.

[ Women murmuring ]

Betty, you put the record on

and count it out for them,
would you?

-Okay.
-Come on, gals!

Get into positions. Line up.
Get them started.

I'm gonna work out
some new formations

-before we try it in the water.
-All right.

-[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
-Ready? Go.

Backstroke.

Two, three, four, five,
SIX, seven.

Together. Forward.

Two, three, four, five.

Breaststroke.

Go to position four.

Tread water. Right.

Up and down.

Lay back.

Both. Up and down.

Both.

Pat. Eight. One, two, pat.

Two, three, slide up.

Six, seven, eight.

-[ Music continues ]
-I wonder if Jose has a sister.

Three, four, five, six, seven.

Up. One, two, three. Down.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three.

And turn.

One, two, three.

And turn.

One, two, three, four --

[ Music continues ]

Oh, no. No. No.
[ Grunting ]

Ooh. Oh, no.

[ Wood clanks, music ends ]

Boss, I got him.
I got him locked up in there.

Good work.

I got a big wad
riding on Middlebrook.

With this O'Rourke out
of the running, I'm a cinch.

Why, you birdbrain.
That isn't O'Rourke.

That's some stupid-looking
redheaded goon.

Gee, I'm sorry, boss.
I'm sorry I made that mistake.

I hate myself.

I'll let him go
and pick up the real guy, huh?

Let him go.
So he can tip off O'Rourke?

You let him out of your sight
until after the game

and I'll cut your throat.

This time I'll send someone
with a brain.

Yeah.
Somebody with a brain.

JOE: That evening,
on my way out of the factory,

I stopped to look in on Eve.

An old family custom.

I was surprised to find her
still at her drawing board

and a little curious
to know what she was working on

so late.

It was a sketch
of a new swimsuit.

A very nice suit,
except for one thing.

It looked exactly
like a polo outfit.

EVE: You like it?

Frankly, no.

It's too reminiscent...

...of a certain polo player.

Jose? That's ridiculous.

Oh, ridiculous, is it?

Ever since that polo player
rode into your life,

you've been a different girl.

You've missed appointments,
neglected your work.

We've built up something
together, Eve,

something that's pretty good.

I don't care to see it
knocked flat

by a gust of wind
from below the border.

Joe, the business means just
as much to me as it does to you.

As for Jose O'Rourke, I don't
want to ever see him again.

Well, now you're talking.

Maybe he did give me the idea
for the suit.

So what?
It's new and different.

I thought maybe we could
spring it at Middlebrook

when we give our water show --

sort of a tribute
to our South American neighbors.

Aw, that's my girl.

What say let's close up shop,
hmm?

How about a nice, cozy dinner?

Nothing I'd like better, Joe.

-Pick me up in an hour, huh?
-Okay, honey.

And, uh, you forget what I said.

I should know that the kind of
a guy who would appeal to Betty

couldn't get to first base
with you.

[ Door closes ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

Very pretty.

W-What are you doing here?

Watching you.

I, uh, came to return
your gloves.

Thank you very much
for the gloves.

Now, wait.

Now, wait.
Wait a minute.

When are you going to return
the things you took of mine?

I've taken nothing of yours.

Oh, but you have.

My peace of mind,
my every thought, my...

Oh, Jose.

Please leave me alone.

I'd appreciate it a great deal

if you'd leave my sister alone
too.

Well, are you absolutely opposed
to marriage?

Why?
Are you thinking of it?

Oh, yes. Very much.
All the time.

Well, that's a relief.

I hoped it would be.

I-I suppose I really ought to
apologize to you.

Well, it's about time.

Well, Jose,
you can hardly blame me

for thinking your intentions
weren't entirely honorable.

-Of course not.
-After all, I feel

a very deep responsibility
to my sister, Betty.

Well, naturally.

But if -- if you have marriage
in mind...

Well, I guess if it's all right
with Betty,

it's all right with me.

Well, now that you approve
of marriage and approve of me,

there is only one thing left
to clear up.

What's that?

It isn't Betty I want to marry.

It's you.

Me?

[ Music continues ]

JOSE: It's been that way
from the beginning,

but you wouldn't see.

You wouldn't listen.

Well, Jose,
I-I can't listen now.

This is impossible.
It's all wrong.

What's wrong about it?

[ Exhales sharply ]
We can't do this to Betty.

It's perfectly all right
with Betty.

Well, what about Joe?

It will be all right
with Joe too.

He'll find somebody else in the
water, make a fortune with her,

and... well, that only leaves
you and me.

[ Music continues ]

Oh, no, Jose.

Listen. I love you.

I loved you
the moment I saw you.

I will always love you.

Now, look, are you going to
get out of there

or will I have to go in
after you?

No, no. Don't come In.

I'll come out.

[ Music builds, continues ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

JOE: Up to now,
my relationship with Eve

had been strictly business.

But I knew I had always been
in love with her,

and tonight I decided
to do something about it.

[ Music continues ]

As I handed her the flowers,
I felt something was wrong.

Flowers.
I-I brought you some flowers.

Well, thank you, Joe.
They're beautiful.

Well, they won't be
if you don't put them in water.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I wasn't thinking.

I'd say you were thinking...
and not about flowers.

What's on your mind, honey?
Or would you rather not tell me?

Of course I want to tell you,
Joe, but...

Well, I'll j--
I just don't know how.

If it's anything I said tonight,
I'm sorry.

-I'm very sorry.
-Oh, no. It's nothing like that.

Then what is it?

As if I didn't know.

You sure he's the right guy
for you?

That he's sincere and honest
and worthy?

Yes, I'm very sure.

You weren't sure an hour ago.

Well, a lot can happen
in an hour.

It was like a bolt of lightning.
I-I don't know.

I-I guess that's just the way
it happens when it's real.

I'm very happy, Joe.

I'd...I'd like you to be happy
for me.

When's it gonna be?

Tonight.

He isn't wasting any time,
is he?

We're -- We're flying
up to Yuma tonight,

and right after
the game tomorrow,

we're leaving for South America.

South America?

Well, you don't need me anymore,
Joe.

The firm's well established.

It can get along just as well
without me.

You're the driving force.
- I just did what you told me.

There are lots of girls
coming up now --

smarter ones and prettier too.

Oh, Joe.

...I just wish
it could have been you.

[ Horn honking rhythmically ]

[ Sighs ]

It -- It must be Betty.

You haven't told her yet.

No, and I'm not looking forward
to it either.

She hasn't had much luck
with men,

and the one man she's crazy
about, I take away from her.

BETTY: Hi, sis. Hi, Joe.

Oh, I have something thrilling
to tell you!

I'm so excited,
I got to sit down.

Oh, I can't sit down.
I'm too excited.

Your sister has something
to tell you,

and it may be a shock,
so you'd better sit down.

I know! You and Eve
are gonna get married!

Well, you're only half right.

Please, Joe.
Let me tell her.

Oh, what is it?

Betty, dear, i-it's about Jose.
I was all wrong about him and --

Oh, that's wonderful!

I didn't know
how I was gonna tell you.

Tell me what, dear?

About me and Jose.

What about you and Jose?

We're gonna be married!

Married?

BETTY: Yes.
I'm so excited I could die.

I-I don't believe it.

I didn't believe it either,
but it's true.

Look.
A ring and everything.

It's a ring, all right.

Well, when did he give it
to you?

A few hours ago,
when he proposed.

He's had a busy day.

Well, he wanted to get married
right away,

but I was worried about Eve,

because she thought
he was a heel.

We all make mistakes.

People aren't always
what they seem.

Well, Evie,
then you give your consent?

Of course she does.

She wishes you every happiness
in the world.

Don't you, Eve?

Of course I do, Betty.

Well, that's wonderful.

Then you two can stand up
for me.

I'm afraid we can't.

We have a lot of work
at the factory.

Well, don't take it
so hard, sis.

I'll still be around.

Hey, Matilda, what's for dinner?
I'm starved!

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Oh, no, Joe.
He wouldn't dare.

-Let me go.
-No.

No. This is my job.

I'll take care of it.

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

-Hello, darling.
-Don't you "darling" me.

How dare you show your face
around here?

Of all the contemptible,
despicable, low --

-Why, Eve, I --
-I ought to slap your face,

but you're not just worth
the effort.

Let me in.

Let me in!

I must talk to you --

No use looking at that door,
bud.

I'd tackle you
before you got halfway.

Oh. Football player, huh?

I suppose
like most football players,

you've got a slipped disc.

All I ever got slipped
was 200 bucks before each game.

-Oh.
-Now, sit down.

Look. Don't get so rough.

After all, I'm only concerned
about your back.

A lot of football players have
slipped discs and never know it.

You sure you don't have trouble
with your back?

-No, I don't have any trouble.
-Really? Even right there?

-Ow!
-Ah. Just as I thought.

You know, I run across a lot
of these cases in my work.

-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.

What do they do?

I'd rather not
tell you about it.

It'd only make you worry.

First, it throws you off
to one side a few degrees

and then a little more and...
a little more, a little more.

And finally you're at an angle
where they just cover you up.

What do you mean?
I ain't off no degrees.

You're not, huh? Get the chair.

Here. Sit down and face me.

We'll make a little test
right here.

Now, look me straight
in the eye.

Hey.
You sitting up straight?

Sure.

Gee, there does seem to be
a difference.

I knew it.

Stand up.

Aw.

You know, you could probably
go like this for years

before the final stages.

But then again,
it could happen overnight.

-Hey, walk over to me.
-Mm-hmm.

What happens in the last stages?

Oh, I'd rather not tell you.
It's pretty horrible.

And, well, I want to
remember you just as you are.

-Is there any cure?
-Yeah. I could help you.

But you haven't been very nice
to me.

-Is there any cure?!
-Yeah!

I don't like to brag, but my
massages have helped hundreds.

-Would you give me a treatment?
-Oh, sure. Sure.

Get over on the table there.
Just stretch right out.

Now, get up there.
Every second counts.

You never know
where those slipped discs

might slide to next.
Ow!

-There.
-Oh!

-How's that feel? Huh?
-Oh!

See, this is much quicker.

Besides, you don't want
any back talk from me anyhow.

Here. Now we'll put
a little pressure pack on here.

-Ow.
-How's that? Huh?

-[ Grunts ] Yeah.
-That feel better?

Yeah. Yeah.

-That hurt?
-[ Grunts ] No.

Well, it's better
when it stops hurting.

[ Grunts ]
Now, we'll --

-There.
-Ohh!

-How does that feel? Huh?
-Ohh.

Yeah.

This is in case you walk
in your sleep.

Now, final treatment,
we'll give you a little...

hot poultice here.

Yes, sir. You should be done
in about an hour.

[ Crowd murmuring ]

ANNOUNCER: We haven't been able
to find out

why Jose O'Rourke
isn't in the game today,

but the South Americans
certainly miss him.

Well, I'm gonna go and find him.

ANNOUNCER: There is the stroke,
and it's over for a score!

That makes the score 2-0
for the North Americans.

Don't you understand
what I'm trying to tell you?

He's been kidnapped!

- ¿Que?
- Oh!

Jose O'Rourke.
He's been kidnapped. Kidnapped!

Pardon me, señor.
Did you say "kidnap"?

No, but I'll try it that way.

He's been keed-nopped.

Kidnapped?
Hey, Pedro.

-[ Speaking Spanish ]
-Kidnapped?!

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Yeah. What did he say?
What did he say?

He don't know
what it means too.

Oh. Well --
Oh, I'd better call the police.

Hey, have either of you seen
Jose O'Rourke

-or do you know where he is?
-Si, señorita.

Jose O'Rourke has been
kidnapped, I think.

Kidnapped?
You mean he's been abducted?

Abducted?

-Hey, Pedro.
-Huh?

[ Speaking Spanish ]

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Well, what did he say?

He is still working
on "kidnapped.”

Oh, this is awful!

I'd better go call the police.

Hello.
Is this the police department?

Excuse me.
I have to report a kidnapping.

Hello.
Give me the police department.

This is the police department?
Well look.

My fiancé has been
keed-nopped -- I mean napped.

A description?
Uh, well, he's about 6-feet-2.

He's got red hair
and brown eyes, and he's...

He's here!

Jose, darling!
Thank goodness you're safe.

-How'd you get away?
-Well, I w--

No time for explanations.
Get into your polo suit.

You got to get out there
and win the game.

Yeah. Oh.

-Oh -- Oh, no. No.
-What's the matter?

Are you ill?

Well, I've been duped.

-Duped?
-Yeah.

They filled a needle with dupe,
and they duped me.

You mean doped, you dope.
Did they hurt you?

Oh, it was terrible.

First, they stick me
with a little needle,

then they stick me
with a little bigger needle,

and then they stick me with
a little bigger, bigger needle.

Oh, and to think you have to
go out there and play polo!

Oh, I'm in no condition
to ride a horse.

Why?

Where you think they stick
the needles?

Mm.

ANNOUNCER:
And there it comes out.

It was Bakersfield
that hit it out,

number 4 for North America.
Now Hernandez is on it, riding.

They're all riding.
And there's Nelson.

There goes North America,
riding for another score.

That team is really galloping!
They're balanced.

They're riding as a team,
believe me.

They're going along
down the field.

It looks as if
they're going to score.

-Uh-oh! Sanchez...
-No. No!

-Sit down, son. Sit down.
-ANNOUNCER: ...injured in the play.

They're carrying Sanchez
off the field.

The South Americans certainly
need a miracle man today.

But where are they going to get
a miracle man?

Where?

-Oh.
-What's the matter?

-Are you all right?
-The dupe. The dupe.

Well, keep breathing.

Once you stop breathing,
that dupe will get you.

Open up your eyes.
Now, get up on the horse.

-Where's the horse?
-Right in front of you.

Oh.
I thought that was you.

Come on, fellas.
Give him a hand.

He's been duped.
That's South American for doped.

Put your foot in his hand,
not the stirrup.

That's better. Yeah.

Now -- No.

-Oh!
-Ooh.

Here.
I'll show you how to do it.

-[ Grunts ]
-Oh!

You see?

Now, go in there and win for us.

Okay. Wait a minute!

I'm not supposed to be up here.
You're supposed to be!

-Come on.
-Huh?

Put your foot in the hand,
like that.

-Oh.
-Up. Up!

-That's it!
-Here. Here.

No, no, no.
You're on the wrong horse.

Wait a minute.
Put me down.

-Aah!
-Ooh!

-[ Grunts ]
-No.

There must be an easier way
to get on one of them things.

Try it like this.

Oh, that's good.
And then you...

[ Grunts ]
There. That's good.

Here.
Now get in there and win for us.

You're supposed to be up there,
not him.

Now, come on. Over.
[ Grunting ]

Here. Wait a minute.

What are you doing?!
I...

-Put me down, will you?
-BETTY: Hey!

[ Men grunting ]

No, no, no. That's...

Here. That's it.

That's it.
Put this foot over.

This foot over.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!
I'm s--

[ Grunts ] Ouch!

Oh, there you are.

Where did he go now?

Now where's Jose?
Oh, there you are.

Look.

Oh, I know. Look.

You put your leg up like he did.

-JACK: Like here?
-BETTY: Up here.

[ Straining ]
Like -- That's right.

-Now, you --
-Ooh!

[ Screams, grunts ]

JACK: Where's my foot?

Where's my leg?
Where's my leg?

-No, that's not it.
-Oh! Oh! Ooh!

BETTY: Your foot's coming off!

Your foot's coming -- Oh.

Oh, I broke my leg!

-Oh.
-Look. This has gone far enough.

Get him on that horse.

Here. Here. Here.
Here. Put me down.

BETTY: Get back
around the horse.

That's right.
All right. Now, back, boy.

Back.
Back.

Now, get in there and win.

No. Wait a minute.
I -- Betty, let me explain.

I can't ride. I...
Ay-yi-yi!

Hey!
You forgot your polo mallet!

That's not a polo pony.
That's a jumper.

A jumper?

Whoa, boy! Whoa!

But I don't understand.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Here. Here.

Whoa! Ooh!

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh! Whoa!

Oh! W-- Whoa!

[ Crash, hoofbeats ]

[ Music continues ]

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!

ANNOUNCER: Here's a player
riding onto the field.

Look out!

What a spectacular entrance!

We can't see who it is
from here.

It's number 3.
Yes, it is!

-It's Jose O'Rourke!
-[ Crowd cheering ]

O'Rourke? I don't get it.

How can you be there
and here at the same time?

Split personality.

-Shut him up, Max.
-No, you don't, Lukie.

Patron! Patron!

[ Laughs, speaking Spanish ]

Well, patron,
a redheaded fellow --

Yes. Never mind. Senor,
how can I get to the polo field?

-Grab the squad car outside.
-Gracias! Come on, Julio.

Well, Lukie, kidnapping
isn't a very pleasant rap.

You won't need a television
where you're going.

ANNOUNCER:
There's plenty of excitement

in the game now
with O'Rourke in.

Anything's liable to happen.

He's the spark plug
of his team.

[ Ball clangs ]

O'Rourke's been hit.
He seems to be dazed.

He's lost control of his mount

and bumping into
all the players.

There's the ball
right at the goalpost!

Both teams are riding after it.

O'Rourke's got it,
and he scores with his cap,

making the first score
for the South Americans!

Oh, you were just wonderful
in the game!

Now, come on.
Only two more minutes to play.

-Okay. Ready for the next horse.
-Oh, no.

Ooh!

Oh! Whoa!

Here! Whoa!

ANNOUNCER:
The teams are in midfield.

O'Rourke is late
for lineup again.

And there goes the ball.

Fordman misses, and Hernandez
rides over the ball.

He's offside.

Nelson comes through.
The ball is rolling along.

And a beautiful play
by Jose O'Rourke!

He rode Nelson
right off the ball,

enabling Gonzales,
his teammate,

to go through to make the score
for South America!

That ties up --

There's very little time left
for play in this last chukker.

You can expect
some real action now.

Nobody's giving an inch.

There goes the ball down the
field, and there goes O'Rourke

galloping down the sideboard
after it.

MAN: Hey! Stop!

That's my popcorn!

-[ Laughter ]
-Hey!

ANNOUNCER: There's a scramble
for the ball.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Looks like O'Rourke
has found it.

He's broken his mallet.

But nothing is going to stop
Jose O'Rourke today.

There he goes down the field,
both teams chasing him.

Another beautiful shot!
They'll never catch him now.

The ball is in the clear now.

And there he goes again!

[ Crowd murmuring ]

[ Hoofbeats ]

It's over
for the South Americans!

Before I present this trophy

to the victorious
South American team,

I would like to say
that in all my experience,

I've never seen such, uh,
spectacular polo.

And now I take great pleasure
in presenting this trophy

to the captain of the South
American team, Jose O'Rourke.

JOSE: Muchas gracias, señor.

Muchas gracias.

I am proud to accept
this beautiful cup

-on behalf of my teammates.
-Wait a minute!

This cup belongs
to Jose O'Rourke!

Senorita, I am Jose O'Rourke.

-You??
-Yes.

What some people won't do
to get a cup.

Jose, tell this impostor
who you are.

I'm Jack Spratt.

You see,
he's the real Jack Spr--

What is a Jack Spratt?

Betty, I hope you won't hate me,
but I'm the real impostor.

I'm not a polo player.
I'm not even a South American.

I'm -- Well, I'm just a masseur.

Why...you're wonderful!

And I don't care
if you are a masseur.

I like the French
as well as the South Americans.

And I'd be proud to change
my name from Barrett to Spratt.

-Did you say Barrett?
-Yeah.

-Do you have sister?
-Sure. Eve.

Wait a minute!

[ Dramatic introduction plays ]

I-I just don't believe it.

I don't know whether to kiss you
or kill you.

Well, kiss me.

And I got two extra tickets
on the plane.

We can make it a double wedding.

Oh, that's wonderful!
But where's Jose?

He's probably on a boat
for South America by now.

-Oh, Betty.
-JOE: Eve! Eve!

Oh, come on! Get ready!

-You're on!
-Joe, I can't.

-You don't understand.
-Let her get dressed.

I understand everything.
Will you get ready?

-Senor!
-What happened?

She fell for it.

She thinks you're on your way
to South America by now.

-Good! Good.
-EVE: Joe? Joe?

Hey, you kids, beat it.

Jose, hide in that cabana
right there.

I'll see what she wants.

Oh, come on, Eve.

The ballet goes on
in a few minutes.

Joe, you've got to hold it up
for me.

I've got to find Jose
and explain.

I-I can't let him go away
feeling that --

Now, look, Eve. There are
several hundred people...

-Joe, please! Don't --
-...waiting to see you swim.

They're waiting to see
a ballet...

-I don't care.
-...because we invited them.

-I'm not gonna do it.
-Now, will you forget about

Jose O'Rourke and Eve Barrett
for a minute and think of me?

Just this once, think of me?

[ Sighs ]

Oh, I-I'm sorry, Joe.
I'm terribly sorry.

I-I didn't mean to be
so selfish.

I'll be ready in a minute.

[ Music continues ]

[ Whispering ] Jose.

-Yes?
-It's all set.

Oh, gracias, amigo.
Muchas gracias.

Well, I guess this is what you
call a happy ending, huh?

After all,
I got the girl I wanted

and she got the man she wanted,

and you...
well, you got the business.

Yeah.
Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?

[ Dramatic introduction plays ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Music builds, slows ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music slows, continues ]

-Hello.
-W-- [ Exhales sharply ]

Well, fancy meeting you here.

But, Jose!
Where did you come from?

South America.

But.. why —-

Ah, ah, ah.
Shall we dance?

[ Music builds, continues ]

[ Music slows, continues ]

[ Music builds ]

[ Music slows, continues ]

Well, that's the story of a guy,
a girl, and a bathing suit.

Happy ending too.

South America, take it away.

[ Music builds ]

[ Music ends ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Music builds, ends ]