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1
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:34,300
Ladies and gentlemen...
what you have just seen
2
00:03:34,601 --> 00:03:38,801
is an excerpt from a motion picture
that was made in Japan.
3
00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:42,400
I'm sitting here chatting
with Woody Allen
4
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,200
the author of this film...
5
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:50,502
Woody, is the word "author"
quite the correct word to use?
6
00:03:51,402 --> 00:03:53,702
What exactly did you do
with that film?
7
00:03:54,904 --> 00:03:58,633
Well, let me see if I can
explain it to you accurately...
8
00:03:59,401 --> 00:04:04,002
Hollywood wanted to make
the definitive spy picture.
9
00:04:04,902 --> 00:04:10,301
And they came to me to supervise
the project, you know? Because...
10
00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:13,802
If you know me, at all,
you know...
11
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:17,303
that death is my bread
and danger my butter...
12
00:04:17,502 --> 00:04:19,103
No, danger is my bread
and death is my butter.
13
00:04:19,503 --> 00:04:21,685
No, no, wait... Danger is
my bread...
14
00:04:21,686 --> 00:04:23,694
And death?
No death...
15
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:27,502
Sorry. Death is my...
Death and danger are my various breads and...
16
00:04:27,503 --> 00:04:29,132
...and my various butters,
okay?
17
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,304
So we took a Japanese film...
18
00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:37,803
Made in Japan
by Japanese actors...
19
00:04:38,204 --> 00:04:39,904
It is an great film.
Beautiful color,
20
00:04:40,203 --> 00:04:42,604
and there's raping, and looting,
and killing in it...
21
00:04:43,505 --> 00:04:47,305
And I took out all the soundtrack.
Knocked out all their voices.
22
00:04:47,706 --> 00:04:51,104
And I wrote a comedy...
I got together with some actors...
23
00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:54,006
And we put our comedy...
24
00:04:54,305 --> 00:04:57,705
In where there were formerly
raping and looting.
25
00:04:57,905 --> 00:05:02,806
The result is a movie where people
are running around killing one another...
26
00:05:03,307 --> 00:05:05,207
doing all those James Bondian things.
27
00:05:05,507 --> 00:05:09,107
But what's coming out of their mouths
is something wholly other.
28
00:05:11,306 --> 00:05:14,506
That's... To my recollection, I've
never heard of that being done before.
29
00:05:14,806 --> 00:05:19,806
Where the actors would be acting one
story and saying another?
30
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:23,408
Actually, it was done with "Gone with the Wind",
and not many people know that.
31
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,806
That was, those were Japanese
people actually...
32
00:05:26,107 --> 00:05:29,108
...and we dubbed in American
voices, southern voices.
33
00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:31,208
- Really?
- Oh yes.
34
00:05:32,108 --> 00:05:34,107
It was years ago though, during the war...
35
00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:38,009
...and there's been many naval bases
and things, so... it was kept quiet.
36
00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:43,108
Be that as it may, do you think
we could run this film now?
37
00:05:43,608 --> 00:05:45,208
Sure. Watch this.
38
00:08:00,754 --> 00:08:02,492
Let's get out of here.
39
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,785
- I'll get the check...
- Stick around, she's just getting warmed up.
40
00:08:52,929 --> 00:08:54,924
- Dance, mister?
- After you.
41
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,649
Name three presidents...
42
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,776
Roosevelt, McKinley...
43
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,733
Lincoln?
44
00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:05,350
Saracen pig!
Spartan dog!
45
00:13:05,602 --> 00:13:07,947
Take this!
And this!
46
00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:18,851
Roman cow!
47
00:13:20,492 --> 00:13:21,773
Russian snake!
48
00:13:22,977 --> 00:13:24,203
Spanish fly!
49
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,347
Talk!
Who sent you?
50
00:13:37,936 --> 00:13:38,666
Good one!
51
00:13:56,342 --> 00:13:58,194
Alright, talk!
52
00:14:00,362 --> 00:14:02,192
Who sent you?
Talk, Anglosaxon punk!
53
00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:30,750
Who do you work for?
54
00:14:30,751 --> 00:14:34,336
Nobody. I freelance.
55
00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:40,154
Beware of the man with...
56
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,130
with... with... with...
57
00:15:22,552 --> 00:15:24,569
This thing has gotta
go off like clockwork.
58
00:15:24,626 --> 00:15:26,370
I want you to follow
every move I make.
59
00:15:26,371 --> 00:15:28,548
When I take a step, you take a step.
60
00:15:30,649 --> 00:15:31,355
Excellent!
61
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,366
Hey, over here! This way! Here!
62
00:15:49,329 --> 00:15:51,328
Hey, he's jumping on the wrong car!
63
00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:52,381
Sure looks bad!
64
00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:54,867
This is your warden speaking...
65
00:15:54,868 --> 00:15:57,170
This is your warden speaking...
66
00:15:57,444 --> 00:16:01,155
Do not try to escape.
You haven't got a chance!
67
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,329
We have the prison surrounded.
68
00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:06,962
No one can get over the wall.
69
00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:10,143
We'll have more reasons why
you'll never get away in a moment.
70
00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:12,451
But first, here's Len
Maxwell with the weather.
71
00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:15,795
What's going on up there?
72
00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:19,325
- ...Back to your warden.
- Thank you very much, Len...
73
00:16:19,442 --> 00:16:22,600
Have I said before
you cannot escape?
74
00:16:22,641 --> 00:16:24,337
Hey, that's a rented car!
75
00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:27,037
You can't get away!
76
00:16:28,551 --> 00:16:30,616
Would you mind telling me what
this is all about?
77
00:16:35,699 --> 00:16:37,119
An oriental.
78
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:39,848
Didn't you know?
79
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,553
I'm flabbergasted!
80
00:16:43,952 --> 00:16:46,932
- Thank you for standing by.
- Standing by?
81
00:16:48,153 --> 00:16:51,888
You're very kind to arrange my escape
and bring a car to pick me up.
82
00:16:51,914 --> 00:16:55,952
Sweetheart... I hate to tell you but
you're talking to the wrong guy.
83
00:16:57,753 --> 00:16:58,985
Then who are you?
84
00:16:59,302 --> 00:17:01,524
Phil Moskowitz, loveable rogue.
85
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,354
First the jailbreak.
Then you try leaping from the car.
86
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:14,396
I think from here on in...
87
00:17:14,444 --> 00:17:17,328
...you'd better let me handle the wheel.
88
00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:50,544
- Finished?
- Not yet.
89
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:44,174
This is your office calling...
90
00:18:44,196 --> 00:18:48,978
I must inform you there's been a daring jailbreak.
Be on the lookout for an escaped prisoner.
91
00:18:48,987 --> 00:18:49,682
Female.
92
00:18:49,851 --> 00:18:53,142
Oh? Did you hear the one about the
cross-eyed snake who married a rope?
93
00:18:58,191 --> 00:19:00,527
You had us worried.
What have you been up to?
94
00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:03,369
Well, nothing much really to report...
95
00:19:04,248 --> 00:19:07,934
By the way, I was almost shot and killed
just before the opening credits.
96
00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:19,131
We need them both...
97
00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:21,851
Alive.
98
00:19:33,941 --> 00:19:37,686
I feel so refreshed!
I managed to find a woman's dress...
99
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:39,795
...but I couldn't find
a stitch of underwear.
100
00:19:40,006 --> 00:19:41,595
No underwear, huh?
101
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,163
I find that very interesting.
102
00:19:47,564 --> 00:19:51,177
Don't excite yourself. I never sleep
with a man who owns a dress.
103
00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:52,179
Me neither.
104
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:53,600
I feel the same way.
105
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,105
There's something
I really don't understand...
106
00:20:03,105 --> 00:20:04,104
What's that?
107
00:20:04,845 --> 00:20:08,028
- Who arranged my escape?
- Have you no idea?
108
00:20:08,565 --> 00:20:11,892
I had an idea it was The
Mormon Tabernacle Choir...
109
00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:13,453
But they have no motive.
110
00:20:14,067 --> 00:20:17,356
While I was in jail, I received a key
and this note...
111
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:19,466
...hidden in a package.
112
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:25,602
"Tonight 2 A.M.
Everything's O.K. for escape.
113
00:20:25,776 --> 00:20:27,167
Car at west corner."
114
00:20:27,966 --> 00:20:30,984
I think you have dropped
on the wrong car.
115
00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:36,071
Yes, that explains it.
116
00:20:36,157 --> 00:20:37,221
Well, enough of that.
117
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,966
Of what?
118
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:42,566
Would you like a drink?
Would you like to take another bath?
119
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:46,143
Would you like to see my collection
of off-color, Italian hand gestures?
120
00:20:47,968 --> 00:20:50,521
Could I interest you in a naked
picture of Hugh Hefner?
121
00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:53,358
I never saw anyone who
thought of sex so much.
122
00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:56,399
You're kinda cute in your own way.
123
00:20:58,268 --> 00:20:59,968
I could really fall for you...
124
00:21:00,168 --> 00:21:03,101
Meet me in the bedroom in five
minutes and bring a cattle prod.
125
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:24,702
Saracen pig!
126
00:21:25,672 --> 00:21:27,270
Spartan dog!
127
00:21:27,271 --> 00:21:28,434
Take that!
128
00:22:26,074 --> 00:22:27,448
My leg!
129
00:22:42,175 --> 00:22:44,876
What's going on?
Where am I?
130
00:22:58,576 --> 00:23:00,377
What are we doing here?
131
00:23:01,175 --> 00:23:03,464
Just shut up and
get on your knees.
132
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,566
In a moment you will see a
beautiful set of teeth.
133
00:23:10,077 --> 00:23:13,279
And now, straight from
Beach on Broadway[?]...
134
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:15,767
...The mad Majah!
135
00:23:18,351 --> 00:23:21,572
Good afternoon, I am the Grand Exalted
High Majah of Raspur...
136
00:23:21,631 --> 00:23:23,911
...a non-existent, but
real-sounding country.
137
00:23:25,478 --> 00:23:27,657
Yes. We're on a waiting list.
138
00:23:27,746 --> 00:23:30,596
As soon as there's an opening
on the map, we're next.
139
00:23:30,879 --> 00:23:32,973
It's rough with a new country.
140
00:23:33,021 --> 00:23:36,964
Do you realize the entire population
is still packed in crates?
141
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,069
Good luck. I am sure you'll
get your country on the globe.
142
00:23:41,281 --> 00:23:42,071
Thank you.
143
00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:44,480
I'm hoping for something between
Spain and Greece.
144
00:23:44,780 --> 00:23:46,869
It's really much warmer there.
145
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,701
I hope you make it.
I do, really.
146
00:23:50,747 --> 00:23:53,537
And you will help me to do so.
147
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,081
You, Phil Moskowitz, amiable
zany, can help me.
148
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,148
Gangsters have stolen my
secret recipe for egg salad.
149
00:24:00,281 --> 00:24:01,249
And not only that...
150
00:24:01,796 --> 00:24:05,190
They kill, they maim, and they
call Information...
151
00:24:05,191 --> 00:24:07,452
...for numbers they could
easily look up in the book.
152
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:09,570
Here is their leader.
153
00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:17,481
The recipe is being held in the safe
of this bozo, Shepard Wong.
154
00:24:17,681 --> 00:24:19,860
By withholding the recipe...
155
00:24:20,244 --> 00:24:23,021
...he intends to keep us off
the globe. But I say to him...
156
00:24:23,022 --> 00:24:24,315
...Fat chance!
157
00:24:26,688 --> 00:24:28,794
Wait a minute, how can he
keep you off the globe?
158
00:24:29,682 --> 00:24:30,782
I don't understand.
159
00:24:30,982 --> 00:24:34,479
It is written that he who makes the best
egg salad shall rule over heaven and earth.
160
00:24:35,278 --> 00:24:36,656
Don't ask me why egg salad.
161
00:24:36,977 --> 00:24:38,198
I've got enough aggravation.
162
00:24:38,206 --> 00:24:39,799
This is Shepard Wong's home.
163
00:24:39,804 --> 00:24:41,004
He lives in that piece of paper?
164
00:24:41,304 --> 00:24:43,008
No, you idiot! He's got a
regular house!
165
00:24:43,803 --> 00:24:44,509
I see...
166
00:24:48,304 --> 00:24:49,815
Good afternoon, Mr. Moskowitz.
167
00:24:50,618 --> 00:24:51,908
Oh, no! Not you again!
168
00:24:52,104 --> 00:24:56,851
This is Miss teriyaki,
one of our top-secret agents.
169
00:24:57,105 --> 00:25:00,255
Two years ago, on this very spot,
she disappeared forever.
170
00:25:01,604 --> 00:25:04,458
But seriously, Phil,
this is my sister Suki.
171
00:25:06,305 --> 00:25:07,217
A pleasure to meet you!
172
00:25:08,506 --> 00:25:10,017
That's a very unusual pin you're wearing.
173
00:25:11,128 --> 00:25:13,275
If I remove it, one of my parts falls off.
174
00:25:14,405 --> 00:25:17,597
These are your two assistants.
They will do anything for you.
175
00:25:18,505 --> 00:25:19,806
Anything?
176
00:25:20,105 --> 00:25:22,411
Get the recipe, ass!
177
00:25:48,608 --> 00:25:50,786
Don't look now, honey.
This is the obligatory scene...
178
00:25:50,829 --> 00:25:53,123
...the director always has to
walk through with his wife.
179
00:25:55,928 --> 00:25:57,328
Egomaniac!
180
00:25:58,927 --> 00:26:01,677
You're kinda cute.
You've got a great body.
181
00:26:02,489 --> 00:26:05,960
If I could tear your clothes off and make
violent love to you right here and now...
182
00:26:09,389 --> 00:26:10,643
Well, I'll go along with that...
183
00:26:13,206 --> 00:26:16,474
Oh Phil, all you ever
think about is sex!
184
00:26:18,089 --> 00:26:21,123
Look at the smoke stack on that ship!
185
00:26:25,739 --> 00:26:27,839
That's Shepard Wong's gambling ship.
186
00:26:28,133 --> 00:26:29,636
Oh, I hate him so very much!
187
00:26:29,932 --> 00:26:32,193
He's one of the seven
worst people in the world.
188
00:26:49,892 --> 00:26:53,596
Egad fuh[?]! How do you like that?
I threw another crap.
189
00:27:01,625 --> 00:27:03,396
Amazing streak of luck, sir!
190
00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:08,492
Not luck.
It's skill.
191
00:27:09,193 --> 00:27:11,292
Sorry, but I must leave now.
192
00:27:12,893 --> 00:27:13,804
Is that so, sir?[?]
193
00:27:13,995 --> 00:27:16,542
Yes, you see,
someone's waiting for me.
194
00:27:17,293 --> 00:27:18,437
You cash in my chips...
195
00:27:19,823 --> 00:27:21,158
And now, goodbye.
196
00:27:22,594 --> 00:27:24,393
You can't quit now, sir.
You're winning!
197
00:27:26,594 --> 00:27:27,494
You're too far ahead...
198
00:27:29,294 --> 00:27:30,798
Don't tell me what I can do...
199
00:27:31,136 --> 00:27:32,976
...or I'll have my mustache
eat your beard.
200
00:27:35,294 --> 00:27:36,585
Well, so long[?].
201
00:27:38,494 --> 00:27:39,814
You interrupt Shepard Wong?
202
00:27:40,057 --> 00:27:41,056
That's a thing to do?
203
00:27:41,495 --> 00:27:43,095
Fearful experience, sir...
204
00:27:43,794 --> 00:27:47,195
He said his mustache was
gonna eat my beard!
205
00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:56,296
I also think that he suspects
you have the recipe.
206
00:27:56,595 --> 00:27:58,896
Use any method you
can. But don't let him leave!
207
00:28:04,697 --> 00:28:06,337
Here are your winnings, sir.
208
00:28:06,498 --> 00:28:07,138
Thank you...
209
00:28:07,397 --> 00:28:10,397
Thank you very much.
Here's a little something for yourself.
210
00:28:10,597 --> 00:28:12,297
Yeah, that's sporty[?]...
211
00:28:13,098 --> 00:28:17,237
I'll just put all of my earnings
in this suitcase...
212
00:28:17,797 --> 00:28:21,197
...and close it with one
quick zip, like this.
213
00:28:27,499 --> 00:28:28,338
Perfect!
214
00:28:29,799 --> 00:28:30,878
You can't leave now, sir...
215
00:28:31,998 --> 00:28:33,099
Why not?
216
00:28:33,598 --> 00:28:35,799
I have everything I need right here.
217
00:28:37,199 --> 00:28:38,518
But we have women on board.
218
00:28:38,538 --> 00:28:39,880
Answer for yourself the question...
219
00:28:39,881 --> 00:28:43,078
It is true what they say about
oriental girls?
220
00:28:44,799 --> 00:28:46,500
Don't mind if I do...
221
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,199
Lead the way.
222
00:28:59,601 --> 00:29:02,880
I've seen better boats than this
in a plastic hobby kit.
223
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,399
You're a champ[?]...
224
00:29:10,701 --> 00:29:11,521
Watch this...
225
00:29:19,202 --> 00:29:20,142
How do you do?
226
00:29:27,502 --> 00:29:28,422
Mom!
227
00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:31,803
What are you doing here, Mother?
228
00:29:33,702 --> 00:29:35,303
You never write.
229
00:29:37,903 --> 00:29:41,782
So when I didn't hear from you
I decided to take an ocean cruise.
230
00:29:42,703 --> 00:29:44,082
This is really your mother?
231
00:29:44,502 --> 00:29:47,264
Yes it is, isn't she sweet?
232
00:29:48,703 --> 00:29:50,723
Mother and I have always
been very close.
233
00:29:51,704 --> 00:29:55,004
And the best thing about her is...
She takes a good punch!
234
00:30:00,505 --> 00:30:01,403
He hit her, boss!
235
00:30:02,624 --> 00:30:04,605
That's the way to treat
a mother?
236
00:30:18,305 --> 00:30:22,206
I saw you took our picture with that.
You had a hidden camera, I saw it.
237
00:30:24,407 --> 00:30:25,645
I want some of them.
238
00:30:26,006 --> 00:30:28,006
- How many do you want?
- Two 8 x 10.
239
00:30:30,606 --> 00:30:33,725
Yes, I took your picture with
a camera hidden in that case...
240
00:30:35,606 --> 00:30:37,288
...the one I threw overboard.
241
00:30:37,806 --> 00:30:41,447
Let's stop kidding each other. You have
the recipe and I want it.
242
00:30:43,507 --> 00:30:44,508
What recipe?
243
00:30:45,307 --> 00:30:48,309
You know, the recipe for
the great egg salad.
244
00:30:50,508 --> 00:30:53,207
A salad so delicious
you could plots[?].
245
00:30:54,808 --> 00:30:56,908
I spit on your recipe!
246
00:31:12,309 --> 00:31:15,610
The jokes on you! I threw the
suitcase overboard to my henchman.
247
00:31:16,109 --> 00:31:17,509
He's right down there!
248
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,910
Hey, boss!
249
00:31:20,610 --> 00:31:22,210
I got the bag!
250
00:31:22,310 --> 00:31:24,710
I'm such a terrific henchman!
251
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:30,710
That's a very special camera. It takes
pictures of you with all your clothes on...
252
00:31:31,010 --> 00:31:33,070
...but when they develop,
you come out naked!
253
00:31:33,410 --> 00:31:35,050
You lay one single thing
around me...
254
00:31:36,611 --> 00:31:38,911
...and I'll peddle them in
every schoolyard in town.
255
00:31:44,310 --> 00:31:46,711
So you see, you'd better not
mess around with me...
256
00:31:47,010 --> 00:31:49,911
...unless you're all completely
unashamed of your bodies.
257
00:31:54,612 --> 00:31:56,413
You win this round...
258
00:31:56,912 --> 00:31:59,213
But we shall meet again,
Wing Fat.
259
00:32:01,113 --> 00:32:05,113
Not if I see you first.
And now I'm going home...
260
00:32:05,612 --> 00:32:09,112
...develop those pictures and have
a few laughs at your chubby thighs.
261
00:32:09,713 --> 00:32:11,312
You'll never get that recipe!
262
00:32:11,513 --> 00:32:13,213
We shall see,
Shepard Wong!
263
00:32:25,314 --> 00:32:27,415
Kidnap us, please,
and step on it!
264
00:32:37,814 --> 00:32:40,335
- Did you say "kidnap"?
- Yes, that's right.
265
00:32:40,615 --> 00:32:44,014
Alright, but first it's time
for a little sight-seeing.
266
00:32:44,015 --> 00:32:49,776
To your right is the factory where
the broken Japanese toys are made...
267
00:32:49,815 --> 00:32:51,816
Act casual when I
tell you this...
268
00:32:53,217 --> 00:32:54,315
Go ahead.
269
00:32:54,914 --> 00:32:56,495
See that driver up there?
270
00:32:57,616 --> 00:32:59,697
Don't look now, but
I think he's a fruitcake.
271
00:32:59,716 --> 00:33:00,856
What did you say, Mac?
272
00:33:03,215 --> 00:33:04,656
I didn't mean it.
273
00:33:20,497 --> 00:33:22,938
You must be very quick on
the draw, with a gun.
274
00:33:24,078 --> 00:33:26,018
What gave you that idea?
275
00:33:27,178 --> 00:33:29,278
'Cause you have very fast hands.
276
00:33:34,178 --> 00:33:37,879
You were right...
I am a little weird.
277
00:35:35,407 --> 00:35:39,006
Hello my friend, are you ready
for the big event?
278
00:35:44,287 --> 00:35:46,188
Look who came to see you!
279
00:35:51,687 --> 00:35:52,587
Good evening.
280
00:35:57,887 --> 00:35:58,888
It's all set.
281
00:36:13,588 --> 00:36:16,089
A cobra... I don't
like snakes.
282
00:36:16,488 --> 00:36:18,389
If you pamper them so much
they'll curl all up[?]!
283
00:36:20,789 --> 00:36:23,291
Don't say anything to upset my snake!
284
00:36:23,689 --> 00:36:26,089
It's the most important day of
his life.
285
00:36:26,789 --> 00:36:29,709
It's his wedding night and
he's very nervous.
286
00:36:29,790 --> 00:36:31,869
He's been looking forward to his...
287
00:36:32,690 --> 00:36:34,890
For a very long time!
288
00:36:35,490 --> 00:36:38,291
He's going to marry a chicken.
289
00:36:41,930 --> 00:36:43,631
Here comes the bride!
290
00:36:51,031 --> 00:36:52,792
I always cry at weddings!
291
00:37:08,632 --> 00:37:10,632
Shepard Wong has really got us now.
292
00:37:10,932 --> 00:37:12,073
Not Wong!
293
00:37:16,832 --> 00:37:20,273
You misunderstand.
I've invited you here.
294
00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:22,232
Not Wong!
295
00:37:24,333 --> 00:37:25,434
I'm Wing Fat.
296
00:37:27,834 --> 00:37:29,434
Wong is my competitor.
297
00:37:30,434 --> 00:37:33,634
Well, two Wongs
don't make a Wright.
298
00:37:36,634 --> 00:37:38,635
For that joke you
shall only drop dead.
299
00:37:40,934 --> 00:37:44,735
You are Phil Moskowitz.
I, too, am out after the recipe.
300
00:37:45,934 --> 00:37:47,435
I want the map that you made...
301
00:37:47,735 --> 00:37:50,956
...of Wong's house
and the specifications of the safe.
302
00:37:51,336 --> 00:37:52,534
Never, not our new [??]!
303
00:37:56,435 --> 00:37:58,036
My men can make you talk.
304
00:37:59,035 --> 00:38:00,236
For your own sake...
305
00:38:03,136 --> 00:38:05,935
Two Wongs don't make
a Wright...!
306
00:38:24,338 --> 00:38:26,238
Shall I connect both of you
to this wire?
307
00:38:27,236 --> 00:38:29,158
We can fry them this way, too.
308
00:38:47,438 --> 00:38:50,740
You're gonna tell us the plans, or
where the map is?
309
00:39:09,439 --> 00:39:11,340
What do you want the plans for, anyway?
310
00:39:11,841 --> 00:39:13,441
To steal the recipe for Wong...
311
00:39:14,442 --> 00:39:16,921
...and sell it back to him.
That's how I make my living.
312
00:39:18,842 --> 00:39:20,941
Alright, let's start with the girl.
313
00:39:25,641 --> 00:39:26,441
Wait!
314
00:39:27,941 --> 00:39:29,841
No threat will ever make me tell...
315
00:39:30,741 --> 00:39:32,282
...that the plans are
in her hairpin.
316
00:39:33,341 --> 00:39:36,642
You idiot! I can't
take you anywhere!
317
00:39:38,041 --> 00:39:40,942
I do not see any plans here,
just some cooties.
318
00:39:41,542 --> 00:39:42,683
You fool, it's in the back!
319
00:39:46,542 --> 00:39:48,343
I can't read this,
it's too small.
320
00:39:48,643 --> 00:39:52,043
I just happen to have a magnifying
glass in my hand right here for you, boss.
321
00:39:54,244 --> 00:39:56,283
We're convinced the recipe is
in Wong's safe.
322
00:39:56,743 --> 00:39:58,443
What are you telling all those things for, huh?
323
00:39:58,644 --> 00:40:02,244
That won't do them any good.
They'll need a professional safe cracker.
324
00:40:06,744 --> 00:40:08,644
A professional safe cracker?
325
00:40:08,744 --> 00:40:10,745
And I can provide one.
326
00:40:11,444 --> 00:40:12,144
Really?
327
00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:15,744
And she's beautiful.
Cut these ropes...
328
00:40:16,244 --> 00:40:18,644
...and you and I will
form a partnership.
329
00:40:19,325 --> 00:40:20,645
And then we're gonna help each other.
330
00:40:25,645 --> 00:40:27,446
Great tackles, Penkowski...
331
00:40:27,646 --> 00:40:29,246
Good pass, Donbronovich...
332
00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:31,366
We're ahead two touchdowns...
333
00:40:31,645 --> 00:40:33,446
And it's only half-time.
334
00:40:33,646 --> 00:40:37,446
Didn't I tell you, boss? These new
uniforms really fool them.
335
00:40:37,646 --> 00:40:38,446
There's the whistle.
336
00:40:40,527 --> 00:40:42,127
Get out there and beat SMU!
337
00:41:01,007 --> 00:41:02,448
You're the new quarterback.
The coach wants to see you, but remember...
338
00:41:06,448 --> 00:41:07,767
No hickeys...
339
00:41:12,767 --> 00:41:13,967
Approach me.
340
00:41:23,509 --> 00:41:26,169
What in the world is keeping that
safe-cracking girl of yours?
341
00:41:26,668 --> 00:41:29,248
She'll get in touch with us
as soon as she can find the safe.
342
00:41:29,309 --> 00:41:30,310
Get in touch how?
343
00:41:32,530 --> 00:41:34,049
She's wearing a micro-talkie.
344
00:41:35,230 --> 00:41:35,989
A micro-talkie?
345
00:41:48,131 --> 00:41:50,191
You mean she's wearing
a transmitter?
346
00:41:51,731 --> 00:41:54,132
- It's on her all the time...
- Almost.
347
00:42:05,931 --> 00:42:08,972
I want to thank you... for
clearing up my sinuses.
348
00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,532
It was glorious!
349
00:42:17,832 --> 00:42:21,253
Would you like to... see it again
on instant replay?
350
00:42:21,832 --> 00:42:25,473
Now that I've given you my all
I want something from you.
351
00:42:25,933 --> 00:42:26,934
What is it?
352
00:42:27,134 --> 00:42:30,214
I haven't had a good egg-salad
sandwich in years...
353
00:42:30,333 --> 00:42:33,574
I mean, a really good one.
You know what I mean?
354
00:42:35,434 --> 00:42:39,454
You want egg salad, I'll give you
egg salad! Did you bring the mayonnaise?
355
00:42:40,035 --> 00:42:40,834
Mayonnaise?
356
00:42:41,033 --> 00:42:43,635
I told you to take a jar!
357
00:42:45,634 --> 00:42:47,535
Boy, is he weird...!
358
00:42:49,335 --> 00:42:53,435
Never mind, if there's none on board,
forget it. We'll use Miracle Whip.
359
00:43:16,836 --> 00:43:19,135
Hello there, turn around...
We just stole your money.[?]
360
00:43:52,639 --> 00:43:56,438
Woody, because this story is
a little bit difficult to follow...
361
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:01,539
Would you give the audience and myself
a brief run-down on what's going on so far?
362
00:44:02,039 --> 00:44:02,739
No.
363
00:44:09,539 --> 00:44:11,840
Sam, what time is the mutiny?
364
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,741
Whenever you call, we'll start.
That's all.
365
00:45:35,046 --> 00:45:36,745
This is agent 5...
366
00:45:37,045 --> 00:45:40,545
I'm aboard Shepard Wong's ship.
Have located safe below.
367
00:45:41,346 --> 00:45:44,247
Bring plenty of dynamite.
It's a big mother.
368
00:45:45,046 --> 00:45:46,146
Give me that!
369
00:45:46,665 --> 00:45:47,666
What are you up to?
370
00:45:54,987 --> 00:45:56,747
What have we here?
371
00:46:03,026 --> 00:46:06,647
- It's Suki, she's found the safe!
- Guess we'll have to start all over again.
372
00:46:07,667 --> 00:46:08,768
We have only two days!
373
00:46:08,968 --> 00:46:11,307
We can't possibly sneak
onboard with sailors...
374
00:46:12,268 --> 00:46:15,349
...and guards, everywhere
all over the ship.
375
00:46:15,969 --> 00:46:17,469
What are we gonna do?
376
00:46:18,569 --> 00:46:19,969
Leave it to me.
377
00:46:24,568 --> 00:46:26,229
Come on!
Wake up!
378
00:46:27,467 --> 00:46:29,269
I made her drink a lot of water.
379
00:46:29,310 --> 00:46:30,549
That's torture!
380
00:46:30,569 --> 00:46:32,069
There's no John in here.
381
00:46:33,869 --> 00:46:35,869
That's tough on her.
382
00:46:37,270 --> 00:46:40,269
And she was the best
quarterback I ever had...
383
00:47:06,771 --> 00:47:09,392
Hello, hello, nice day!
384
00:47:13,410 --> 00:47:15,712
Seriously, I'm from the
quarantine office...
385
00:47:15,713 --> 00:47:17,711
...and I'm here to examine
the ship.
386
00:47:18,272 --> 00:47:20,032
We're gonna fumigate this boat.
387
00:47:21,471 --> 00:47:25,033
No one is allowed back aboard
'til I give the all-clear.
388
00:47:25,394 --> 00:47:29,394
If you inhale this gas, you'll be dead
so fast it won't even be funny.
389
00:47:29,474 --> 00:47:31,073
And now if you'll excuse me...
390
00:47:31,913 --> 00:47:34,273
Okay babies[?], we're gonna split now...
391
00:47:34,673 --> 00:47:36,953
Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc...
392
00:47:37,013 --> 00:47:39,873
Grumpy, Happy, Bashful...
393
00:47:39,874 --> 00:47:42,574
Dopey, Snow White...
394
00:47:43,174 --> 00:47:44,275
Snow White?
395
00:47:44,555 --> 00:47:47,275
Yeah, he too much.
Someday his prince will come.
396
00:47:50,474 --> 00:47:52,273
Cool it! There's somebody coming.
397
00:47:55,675 --> 00:47:57,576
Okay, okay, gather 'round...
398
00:47:58,775 --> 00:48:02,156
Hey you guys, you wanna buy
a copy of "Mohammed Speaks"?
399
00:48:02,276 --> 00:48:04,677
No, I subscribe.
400
00:48:22,757 --> 00:48:23,877
What about the girl?
401
00:48:23,957 --> 00:48:25,797
Well, we can take her
with us if you want to...
402
00:48:26,078 --> 00:48:28,397
...but you wouldn't really know what
to do with a girl, would you?
403
00:48:36,377 --> 00:48:37,838
Hey, you!
404
00:48:38,358 --> 00:48:40,877
Fumigator man! Everyone's
off the ship.
405
00:48:42,057 --> 00:48:45,878
Are you sure?
Sure there's no one left?
406
00:48:46,658 --> 00:48:49,478
There's no one left,
except maybe the rats.
407
00:48:49,678 --> 00:48:53,078
You're absolutely positive?
Hey! What are you doing back there?
408
00:48:53,559 --> 00:48:54,879
Make pretty smoke!
409
00:49:30,001 --> 00:49:32,761
Suki! Where are you?
I don't think I've looked out here.
410
00:49:32,962 --> 00:49:34,280
Oh, this wasn't it[?]...
411
00:49:43,962 --> 00:49:45,062
Suki?
412
00:49:46,063 --> 00:49:48,062
Phil, help!
413
00:50:05,364 --> 00:50:07,684
Don't make a move, my darling.
I'll be right back with the dynamite.
414
00:50:07,686 --> 00:50:09,883
I can't break the door down
because of my bruscitis.
415
00:50:10,263 --> 00:50:12,063
Yeah, get the dynamite...
416
00:50:12,563 --> 00:50:15,764
And could you also bring me
a regular coffee...
417
00:50:17,485 --> 00:50:19,665
[??]Swing fast!
Be right back![??]
418
00:50:27,863 --> 00:50:29,305
Wait! Give me some of the
dynamite...
419
00:50:44,465 --> 00:50:45,565
I got the dynamite.
420
00:50:56,406 --> 00:50:57,886
Coming right in, my dearest...
421
00:51:08,147 --> 00:51:09,367
Oh, my God!
422
00:51:31,388 --> 00:51:32,410
I'll be alright.
423
00:51:34,809 --> 00:51:36,249
Suki, Suki, are you alright?
424
00:51:38,048 --> 00:51:40,569
People from the quarantine office
are fumigating the ship now, sir.
425
00:51:41,289 --> 00:51:44,689
What do you mean?
Everyone's off the ship?
426
00:51:44,729 --> 00:51:47,331
Except girl. She's dead.
I killed her with pretty smoke.
427
00:51:48,810 --> 00:51:51,290
I didn't order any fumigation!
It's Wing fool, you Fat!
428
00:51:51,390 --> 00:51:53,091
I mean, Wing Fat, you fool!
429
00:51:54,051 --> 00:51:55,130
He's after the recipe!
430
00:51:55,991 --> 00:51:57,090
Back to the ship!
431
00:52:26,513 --> 00:52:28,493
Listen to me, we have no time!
432
00:52:28,494 --> 00:52:29,612
- Blow it up!
- Are you kidding?
433
00:52:29,692 --> 00:52:31,493
The recipe will be
blown up, too!
434
00:52:32,993 --> 00:52:34,293
Suki, what's the matter?
435
00:52:34,373 --> 00:52:36,493
- Steady, Suki, are you alright?
- I'll be fine.
436
00:52:52,793 --> 00:52:54,773
Hey boss, you're still carsick
back there?
437
00:52:54,853 --> 00:52:56,933
Hurry up, will ya! I'm the one
sitting next to him!
438
00:53:07,826 --> 00:53:10,896
- Hurry, time and tide wait for no man!
- Shut up...
439
00:53:19,717 --> 00:53:20,896
What's the matter?
440
00:53:21,696 --> 00:53:23,696
Can I be excused?
I have to go to the bathroom.
441
00:53:24,097 --> 00:53:25,496
- In the middle of a robbery?!
- Yes!
442
00:53:25,837 --> 00:53:27,195
Well, if you must,
you must.
443
00:53:27,256 --> 00:53:28,197
Here's a tip to the attendant...
444
00:53:28,897 --> 00:53:31,417
- You wanna come with me, Teri?
- You're gonna have to hang on.
445
00:53:31,419 --> 00:53:32,418
It will only be a minute.
446
00:53:33,897 --> 00:53:36,417
I'm so nauseous.
How soon are we gonna be there?
447
00:53:42,537 --> 00:53:43,458
What's the matter?
448
00:53:43,877 --> 00:53:45,698
It's the mask...
I can't breathe!
449
00:53:45,738 --> 00:53:48,299
No, leave the mask on!
You won't be able to breathe without it!
450
00:53:48,398 --> 00:53:50,899
Stick it out! We are
a team. Remember...
451
00:53:50,900 --> 00:53:55,898
Love has found me,
and I have found the way...
452
00:53:56,059 --> 00:53:58,818
And I... Alright, chill.
I won't sing.
453
00:54:06,179 --> 00:54:07,580
There's a mouse on board!
454
00:54:11,479 --> 00:54:12,500
I was only foolin'...
455
00:54:25,041 --> 00:54:27,901
- Drill this last little thing...
- That's great, that should be the last one...
456
00:54:28,901 --> 00:54:30,301
I'll just give it a little
tap with the hammer...
457
00:54:30,340 --> 00:54:31,101
Give it a tap.
458
00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:34,500
Great! It fell right out.
459
00:54:36,261 --> 00:54:38,302
I'll just put my hand in
and reach up there...
460
00:54:38,342 --> 00:54:39,541
Yes, reach up and open the lock...
461
00:54:41,201 --> 00:54:42,402
Wait, wait...
462
00:54:42,582 --> 00:54:45,022
- You got it?
- Yes, I got it, I got it...
463
00:54:46,803 --> 00:54:48,002
- That should do it.
- Open it!
464
00:54:48,102 --> 00:54:49,501
- Open the door!
- At last!
465
00:54:53,102 --> 00:54:54,801
Oh, no!
466
00:54:55,902 --> 00:54:58,822
Who do they think we are?
Do we have all day?
467
00:55:03,103 --> 00:55:04,703
What's the matter, Suki?
Remember...
468
00:55:04,704 --> 00:55:07,103
Love has found me...
469
00:55:07,222 --> 00:55:08,303
No, no, that's okay.
470
00:55:17,183 --> 00:55:18,143
This is 20...
471
00:55:20,224 --> 00:55:21,024
This is 30...
472
00:55:22,905 --> 00:55:24,424
- Go ahead.
- 40...
473
00:55:26,103 --> 00:55:26,744
50...
474
00:55:27,204 --> 00:55:28,784
- More.
- 60?
475
00:55:29,704 --> 00:55:31,444
Are you gonna go through the whole alphabet?
476
00:55:31,445 --> 00:55:33,304
- Now go right to 40.
- 40?
477
00:55:33,485 --> 00:55:35,305
I ain't talking for my health, Jack.[??]
478
00:55:35,645 --> 00:55:37,905
Okay... There, I've got it.
479
00:55:38,245 --> 00:55:39,545
Now go right to 90.
480
00:55:39,546 --> 00:55:42,705
And right to 90.
Is that it?
481
00:55:42,745 --> 00:55:43,905
I think that's it.
482
00:55:51,006 --> 00:55:52,546
Did you get the combination?
It is open?
483
00:55:53,306 --> 00:55:54,626
Yes, it's open.
484
00:55:59,006 --> 00:55:59,866
Here we go, folks...
485
00:56:05,807 --> 00:56:07,506
Don't worry, it's just as record.
486
00:56:07,507 --> 00:56:08,508
It's part of alarm system.
487
00:56:09,308 --> 00:56:10,107
There it is!
488
00:56:11,207 --> 00:56:13,008
The recipe! Give it to me.
489
00:56:15,209 --> 00:56:16,107
Yes, this is it!
490
00:56:18,606 --> 00:56:19,508
We've done it.
491
00:56:20,207 --> 00:56:21,308
And now...
492
00:56:21,589 --> 00:56:25,708
I'd like to take this opportunity to
do my impersonations of famous movie stars.
493
00:56:26,409 --> 00:56:27,388
Sir James Cagney...
494
00:56:27,609 --> 00:56:31,108
"You dirty rat, you're the
guy that gave it to my sister!"
495
00:56:31,408 --> 00:56:34,709
"And now I'm gonna give it
to your sister! You dirty rat!"
496
00:56:35,109 --> 00:56:36,988
Bravo! Now do
Claude Rains.
497
00:56:36,989 --> 00:56:39,609
Don't tell me who to do!
I don't do Claude Rains.
498
00:56:40,409 --> 00:56:42,508
That was really terrific!
499
00:56:42,810 --> 00:56:45,110
How do you do those things so true to life...
I don't know how you do it.
500
00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:47,811
I'm not through yet, Buster...
501
00:56:48,110 --> 00:56:50,709
Listen, we'd love to hear more.
But honestly, we have no time.
502
00:56:50,730 --> 00:56:52,510
If I know Shepard Wong,
he'll try to stop us.
503
00:56:52,511 --> 00:56:55,189
And we've got to decode
this recipe.
504
00:57:10,411 --> 00:57:11,210
Wait, wait! Hold it!
505
00:57:12,310 --> 00:57:13,692
Yeah, let's get organized.
506
00:57:16,471 --> 00:57:18,312
Alright, gentlemen,
I want you to settle down.
507
00:57:18,812 --> 00:57:22,352
I have a few instructions for you,
I want you to listen carefully, and cool it.
508
00:57:23,311 --> 00:57:26,512
This fellow over here in a yellow smark[?]
is the brain to our organization...
509
00:57:26,912 --> 00:57:28,772
and over here is our leader,
this grease-ball.
510
00:57:29,212 --> 00:57:31,333
Okay, yellow smarks[?],
say a few words and be quick about it.
511
00:57:31,612 --> 00:57:33,313
Make sure all
W2 forms are filled out.
512
00:57:33,314 --> 00:57:34,314
Alright, that's enough...
513
00:57:34,413 --> 00:57:37,933
You fellas go forward, and those go left[??].
I want you to shoot to kill.
514
00:57:38,912 --> 00:57:40,813
Alright, men,
we're on water.
515
00:57:40,913 --> 00:57:44,014
I don't want any of you walking too
far to the left or to the right.
516
00:57:44,254 --> 00:57:47,173
Remember the training films we saw
about how people sink.
517
00:57:47,174 --> 00:57:47,934
Now, go!
518
00:57:58,514 --> 00:58:01,174
And now, for you entertainment
pleasure, WC Fields...
519
00:58:01,335 --> 00:58:04,114
"Don't forget the time I was in the Himalayas...
520
00:58:04,115 --> 00:58:06,395
...in search of a great civic cat[?],
there we were..."
521
00:58:06,396 --> 00:58:07,716
You're not laughing.
522
00:58:10,014 --> 00:58:11,415
I hate you people!
523
00:58:11,615 --> 00:58:13,435
That was the first time
I've done those impressions...
524
00:58:13,436 --> 00:58:15,636
...without getting a
tremendous round of applause.
525
00:58:16,716 --> 00:58:17,516
Let's hear it for him!
526
00:58:18,315 --> 00:58:20,476
Let's really hear it for him, come on!
527
00:58:20,715 --> 00:58:22,075
Dammit! Truce?
528
00:58:22,216 --> 00:58:23,956
Yes, I guess so. Help her up.
529
00:58:24,115 --> 00:58:25,576
Let's get out of here.
Let's go down the passageway.
530
00:58:29,916 --> 00:58:31,577
Watch out. You don't know
where they'll come from.
531
00:58:32,117 --> 00:58:34,917
They'll either come from the left, or
the right... or the right.
532
00:58:54,718 --> 00:58:56,617
- Did you see where they went?
- No.
533
00:58:58,317 --> 00:59:01,118
Saracen dog!
Spartan pig!
534
00:59:02,918 --> 00:59:04,019
What's going on?
535
00:59:04,619 --> 00:59:06,139
I think we're winning, chief!
536
00:59:06,719 --> 00:59:08,299
Alright, men,
follow me...
537
00:59:10,220 --> 00:59:11,100
Creep![?]
538
00:59:11,819 --> 00:59:12,739
What's the matter with them?
539
00:59:17,619 --> 00:59:20,519
These two have been overcome
by too much gas.
540
00:59:20,820 --> 00:59:23,320
I caught them alone
carrying on in poor taste.
541
00:59:24,020 --> 00:59:25,921
They offend my sensibilities!
Get them off the ship!
542
00:59:26,619 --> 00:59:29,740
You're useless now.
Wait for us on the launch.
543
00:59:29,820 --> 00:59:30,619
Just a second...
544
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,121
I don't think I ever saw
you two before...
545
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:36,601
Shepard Wong...
546
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:40,921
You'd never guess I have
no pants on!
547
00:59:45,922 --> 00:59:47,521
I'll take care of him myself!
548
00:59:47,621 --> 00:59:48,921
You watch the porthole!
549
00:59:48,922 --> 00:59:49,923
You go that way.
Come on!
550
00:59:57,022 --> 00:59:58,203
Are you ready yet?
551
00:59:59,021 --> 01:00:00,223
What are you doing down there?
552
01:00:01,922 --> 01:00:04,223
Selecting an appropriate mustache.
553
01:00:04,522 --> 01:00:06,923
It's a good thing I save
all my old shaves.
554
01:00:09,023 --> 01:00:09,942
Let's go!
555
01:00:20,423 --> 01:00:21,523
Something's coming out!
556
01:00:22,024 --> 01:00:23,763
What do you think you're doing, young man?
557
01:00:25,223 --> 01:00:27,723
I'm a government official.
I came here to fumigate the ship.
558
01:00:28,024 --> 01:00:29,124
Good acting!
I think we got them fooled.
559
01:00:30,424 --> 01:00:31,644
Bring 'em over here...
560
01:00:31,824 --> 01:00:33,544
Keep walking until we're right
on top of the water.
561
01:00:34,024 --> 01:00:36,345
If we can walk on the water,
they wouldn't dare shoot at us.
562
01:00:36,445 --> 01:00:37,346
It's Wings!
563
01:00:53,426 --> 01:00:56,606
What...? You let them
get away, you idiot!
564
01:00:56,747 --> 01:00:58,926
Take a clobber... and a hit...
and a smash!
565
01:00:59,425 --> 01:01:02,626
If this really is code,
what does it say?
566
01:01:04,326 --> 01:01:05,446
What does this mean?
567
01:01:06,626 --> 01:01:08,766
What do you these holes in
this paper say?
568
01:01:08,827 --> 01:01:12,067
Something about...
hard-boiled eggs.
569
01:01:13,727 --> 01:01:15,086
Are you pulling my leg?
570
01:01:17,926 --> 01:01:21,527
If you don't believe me,
why don't you test me.
571
01:01:21,567 --> 01:01:22,627
Test you how?
572
01:01:22,828 --> 01:01:25,768
Shepard Wong's ship - it's supposed
to leave tomorrow.
573
01:01:25,808 --> 01:01:28,929
But if this recipe means so much to Wong,
he won't leave, will he?
574
01:01:38,209 --> 01:01:40,929
I don't know why, but you got a better
bandage than I did!
575
01:01:42,929 --> 01:01:44,630
They got away...
576
01:01:45,229 --> 01:01:47,370
You think that's bad?
They gave me a great bandage, but...
577
01:01:47,371 --> 01:01:49,929
...they made me wear my coat over it,
so no one can see it!
578
01:01:50,429 --> 01:01:52,649
Will you two stop arguing about your
bandages, look at me!
579
01:01:53,130 --> 01:01:55,230
I didn't get any bandage at all!
580
01:01:57,929 --> 01:01:59,130
Hey, boss!
581
01:02:02,731 --> 01:02:05,411
Shepard Wong's ship is not
leaving tomorrow.
582
01:02:05,731 --> 01:02:08,230
Because Wong definitely needs the recipe.
583
01:02:09,029 --> 01:02:10,930
- And he needs it badly...
- How badly?
584
01:02:10,989 --> 01:02:13,691
- Do you still have to go?
- Uh-huh.
585
01:02:14,131 --> 01:02:16,852
And he needs it for a
very special reason...
586
01:02:17,191 --> 01:02:18,271
I'll ask Phil.
587
01:02:20,332 --> 01:02:21,931
- We'll see about that...
- It's for you!
588
01:02:28,932 --> 01:02:31,732
Put him through. It's Wong.
589
01:02:31,812 --> 01:02:33,733
He certainly didn't waste any time.
590
01:02:34,013 --> 01:02:36,333
- Phil, she really has to go...
- Pull yourself together!
591
01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:43,013
Shepard Wong wants a meeting.
592
01:02:43,532 --> 01:02:46,453
- Wong's desperate for that recipe.
- Why?
593
01:02:48,133 --> 01:02:50,633
I didn't tell you this before,
but he's an egg salad addict.
594
01:02:53,634 --> 01:02:57,053
- You mean he's hooked on it?
- He's hooked, he's got a chicken on his back.
595
01:02:57,335 --> 01:02:58,714
Well, too bad for him!
596
01:03:01,033 --> 01:03:03,834
- What do we do now?
- Let's go and decode the recipe.
597
01:03:29,335 --> 01:03:31,716
I wonder if this
turns it on...
598
01:03:35,936 --> 01:03:37,735
Come on! Let's get on
with it.
599
01:03:39,037 --> 01:03:42,036
I'm going to decode some
ancient erotic poetry.
600
01:03:46,336 --> 01:03:49,237
"There once was a
man from Nantucket...
601
01:03:49,919 --> 01:03:51,538
...whose..."
- You're putting me on!
602
01:03:51,838 --> 01:03:54,677
How do I know if I decode
this, you won't kill me?
603
01:03:57,137 --> 01:03:59,738
Kill you? Take a look at this...
604
01:04:00,939 --> 01:04:02,818
Is this the body of a killer?
605
01:04:06,538 --> 01:04:09,540
You call that a body?
Taka a look at this!
606
01:04:09,839 --> 01:04:13,039
Hold it a minute... I only came in
here to decode the recipe.
607
01:04:21,140 --> 01:04:22,641
Hey, look at this!
608
01:04:24,439 --> 01:04:28,540
"Take two chopped hard-boiled eggs,
2 tablespoons of mayonnaise...
609
01:04:28,939 --> 01:04:30,419
Add a pinch of salt..."
610
01:04:44,142 --> 01:04:46,940
We did it!
You are super, Phil, old sport!
611
01:04:46,941 --> 01:04:49,941
You are beautiful!
I think I love you!
612
01:04:50,541 --> 01:04:52,741
Hold it, my pants
are falling down...
613
01:04:53,542 --> 01:04:56,342
Now we get to the telescope...
614
01:04:57,882 --> 01:05:01,142
Now a box seat,
a soda box seat...
615
01:05:04,942 --> 01:05:08,742
Oh, my throat! This Peter Lorre
imitation's killing me!
616
01:05:12,343 --> 01:05:14,942
Everybody shows up when
we have girls to tie up.
617
01:05:17,864 --> 01:05:19,183
Alright, Wong...
618
01:05:19,744 --> 01:05:22,143
This is so important
I'm not gonna use my own voice.
619
01:05:22,144 --> 01:05:26,704
In-Chi's a ventriloquist,
and he'll do the talking for me.
620
01:05:26,784 --> 01:05:29,024
Hello, Wong? Listen to me...
621
01:05:29,444 --> 01:05:31,243
I want you to meet me aboard
the ship at 4 am.
622
01:05:31,244 --> 01:05:35,185
Don't bring any of your hoods,
and I won't bring any of mine.
623
01:05:35,745 --> 01:05:36,944
I got the recipe...
624
01:05:37,365 --> 01:05:39,764
I want you to bring a million dollars
in cash...
625
01:05:40,064 --> 01:05:41,765
And no pennies.
626
01:05:43,564 --> 01:05:45,965
How d'you like that?
He's great, isn't he?
627
01:05:46,366 --> 01:05:49,166
Catch you next Sunday night
on the Sullivan show.
628
01:05:50,366 --> 01:05:53,985
How was I, boss? Had a little trouble
with the M:s and P:s, but otherwise great, eh?
629
01:05:54,065 --> 01:05:56,806
Very good. Keep this up
and we'll get you your own dummy.
630
01:05:59,365 --> 01:06:01,065
And so, my dear friends...
631
01:06:02,565 --> 01:06:04,966
Now I have Shepard Wong
right where I wanted.
632
01:06:06,565 --> 01:06:08,467
Why the look of consternation?
633
01:06:08,966 --> 01:06:11,266
I thought you said you loved me.
How come we're tied up?
634
01:06:11,366 --> 01:06:12,647
I love you in my own way.
635
01:06:13,765 --> 01:06:15,926
Shepard Wong will pay me
a cool million.
636
01:06:16,967 --> 01:06:19,227
All the money he has
for this recipe.
637
01:06:19,967 --> 01:06:22,307
That poor, unfortunate
egg salad junkie...
638
01:06:22,367 --> 01:06:24,067
And that leaves only you suckers...
639
01:06:24,668 --> 01:06:27,227
Here's to you, my friends.
I wish you good luck!
640
01:06:27,228 --> 01:06:28,349
You should live and be well.
641
01:06:30,367 --> 01:06:33,947
You and your partners will be
put into an empty drum.
642
01:06:34,228 --> 01:06:37,547
...which will then be filled with
fat Lithuanian midgets.
643
01:06:39,268 --> 01:06:42,468
And then you will be dropped
into the ocean.
644
01:06:42,970 --> 01:06:44,768
You're seeing a lot this water.
645
01:06:47,069 --> 01:06:50,969
But first, my friend would like
to give his cobra some exercise.
646
01:06:51,369 --> 01:06:53,970
Exercises which you'll enjoy, I'm sure...
647
01:06:54,269 --> 01:06:55,569
Are you ready yet?
648
01:06:57,969 --> 01:07:00,571
Will you excuse me now...
And no hard feelings.
649
01:07:02,771 --> 01:07:05,990
Wing, do you think I'll win
an award for my acting in this picture?
650
01:07:06,269 --> 01:07:07,770
Egomaniac!
651
01:07:11,272 --> 01:07:13,971
This iron pipe will make a nice award.
652
01:07:15,071 --> 01:07:17,872
You are the worst actor I've
ever seen! This is for Sonny Tufts!
653
01:07:19,571 --> 01:07:21,151
This is for John Wayne!
654
01:07:21,551 --> 01:07:23,591
And this is for the owner
of this theater!
655
01:07:26,872 --> 01:07:30,151
Gee, boss, you really know
how to hurt a guy!
656
01:07:37,472 --> 01:07:39,373
And now my cobra can have some fun!
657
01:07:39,772 --> 01:07:42,572
He likes to listen to the radio.
658
01:07:42,972 --> 01:07:46,373
- Is that the Living End?
- No, it's the Lovin 'Spoonful.
659
01:08:26,076 --> 01:08:30,157
- She dropped her hairpin!
- Let it go and get us out of this damn cellar!
660
01:08:30,976 --> 01:08:32,976
What do you think I'm doing?
661
01:10:11,362 --> 01:10:14,363
Dolores, we can't keep
meeting here like this...
662
01:10:14,742 --> 01:10:16,163
My wife is getting wise!
663
01:10:16,203 --> 01:10:17,963
But Max, I love you!
664
01:10:18,302 --> 01:10:20,502
Yes, but... not in
the projection room!
665
01:10:20,622 --> 01:10:22,423
It's against union rules.
666
01:10:26,783 --> 01:10:28,683
Suki, Suki...
Wake up!
667
01:10:38,784 --> 01:10:41,584
Alright, you'll burn to death
like my cobra!
668
01:10:50,885 --> 01:10:53,305
You snake!
You killed my cobra!
669
01:10:54,564 --> 01:10:55,885
You beast!
670
01:11:00,066 --> 01:11:04,566
My snake! Where am I going to
get a long, thin coffin?
671
01:11:07,465 --> 01:11:08,846
You killed a newlywed.
672
01:11:08,847 --> 01:11:12,766
Somewhere, there's a female chicken
crying her eyes out!
673
01:11:15,367 --> 01:11:16,967
What are you doing there, anyway?
674
01:11:38,668 --> 01:11:39,569
Got the money?
675
01:11:43,769 --> 01:11:45,170
What about the recipe?
676
01:11:45,868 --> 01:11:46,468
Here it is.
677
01:11:53,569 --> 01:11:56,070
- Are you Chinese?
- No, Japanese.
678
01:11:56,270 --> 01:11:58,770
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
679
01:11:59,070 --> 01:12:01,211
Come on, you're a Chinese...
680
01:12:01,250 --> 01:12:04,970
- Okay, I'm Chinese.
- You know, you don't look Chinese.
681
01:12:08,149 --> 01:12:14,709
Take three giant steps backwards.
One... two... three.
682
01:12:19,670 --> 01:12:21,470
Thanks for the recipe.
683
01:12:21,970 --> 01:12:24,170
You didn't say "mother, may I".
684
01:12:27,371 --> 01:12:30,570
I'm dying!
Call my rabbi!
685
01:12:32,972 --> 01:12:36,791
Well, my dear friend,
the chicken is off your back.
686
01:12:37,873 --> 01:12:40,891
Speaking of games,
it's not real money...
687
01:12:40,971 --> 01:12:42,571
It's Monopoly money!
688
01:12:45,172 --> 01:12:46,533
Monopoly money?
689
01:12:46,773 --> 01:12:48,574
I think I know another game...
690
01:12:48,895 --> 01:12:49,773
Another game?
691
01:12:50,094 --> 01:12:51,693
What's it called?
692
01:12:52,253 --> 01:12:54,413
It's called "kick the can"!
693
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:58,773
Damn it! But
I still have the recipe.
694
01:12:59,374 --> 01:13:01,153
You think of everything,
don't you?
695
01:13:11,074 --> 01:13:12,054
Throw the light on him.
696
01:13:12,094 --> 01:13:13,074
Okay, boss...
697
01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:20,354
I've enjoyed our short partnership,
but it's over.
698
01:13:20,475 --> 01:13:21,454
Throw me the recipe!
699
01:13:21,874 --> 01:13:24,715
The Raspur government will
pay dearly for this.
700
01:13:24,975 --> 01:13:28,076
You'll never find them, jerk!
They're not on the map yet!
701
01:13:28,575 --> 01:13:29,315
Hey, boss!
702
01:13:31,574 --> 01:13:35,015
- What happened to Cobra Man?
- They killed him, and the cobra too.
703
01:13:35,775 --> 01:13:36,876
Dirty rat!
704
01:13:37,075 --> 01:13:39,176
But they won't be killing anybody anymore.
705
01:13:40,376 --> 01:13:43,396
And the gun he's got is Cobra Man's,
but he's got no bullets in it.
706
01:13:44,476 --> 01:13:45,377
No bullets?
707
01:13:45,378 --> 01:13:46,258
No bullets!?
708
01:13:46,377 --> 01:13:49,476
But if all of you in the audience
who believe in fairies...
709
01:13:49,676 --> 01:13:51,176
...clap your hands...
710
01:13:51,376 --> 01:13:53,877
...then my gun will be magically
filled with bullets.
711
01:13:54,176 --> 01:13:57,377
- I don't believe in fairies.
- Don't clap, idiot!
712
01:13:57,777 --> 01:13:59,777
If enough of you clapped your hands...
713
01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:02,657
...or at least if some of you
are true fairy lovers...
714
01:14:02,658 --> 01:14:04,378
...my gun should work.
715
01:14:04,977 --> 01:14:06,177
Saracen pig!
716
01:14:08,778 --> 01:14:10,678
And now who believes in fairies?
717
01:14:10,857 --> 01:14:12,178
Alright, we'll get rid of him!
718
01:14:13,477 --> 01:14:14,979
Russian snake!
719
01:14:24,178 --> 01:14:25,278
Roman cow!
720
01:14:53,581 --> 01:14:54,740
Here's a gun.
721
01:14:55,982 --> 01:14:56,681
Thank you!
722
01:14:56,781 --> 01:14:58,062
If you live, call us!
723
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:01,400
Hang on. I'm gonna shoot
four men with three bullets.
724
01:16:07,887 --> 01:16:09,645
...I'm exhausted!
725
01:16:12,785 --> 01:16:14,586
Boy, I'm at great peace!
726
01:16:21,486 --> 01:16:23,148
Gee, I wish Phil would get here!
727
01:16:24,187 --> 01:16:26,147
It's getting awfully late!
728
01:16:29,287 --> 01:16:31,947
Here's Phil! Bringing with him the
constant promise of joy and fulfilment...
729
01:16:31,966 --> 01:16:34,028
...in its most primitive form.
730
01:16:34,029 --> 01:16:35,748
I hope he brought
the vibrator!
731
01:16:38,488 --> 01:16:39,387
And what do you want?
732
01:16:39,588 --> 01:16:41,968
From Mr. Moskowitz's doctor.
733
01:16:45,888 --> 01:16:46,988
He must be sick...
734
01:16:50,688 --> 01:16:55,428
"Moskowitz suffered mental breakdown from
strain. Is convinced he is a Pan-Am jet."
735
01:16:56,789 --> 01:16:57,649
What does this mean?
736
01:16:59,289 --> 01:17:00,789
He thinks he's an aeroplane!
737
01:17:04,189 --> 01:17:05,689
Ridiculous!
738
01:17:06,989 --> 01:17:08,768
A Pan-Am jet...!
739
01:17:09,189 --> 01:17:11,190
Almost to the end of the runway...
740
01:17:11,490 --> 01:17:14,291
Here I go... Up into the air!
741
01:17:15,090 --> 01:17:16,891
Listen to my motors...!
742
01:17:18,471 --> 01:17:24,991
Love has found me,
and I have found the way...
743
01:17:24,992 --> 01:17:28,190
And if I shouldn't...
744
01:19:45,500 --> 01:19:47,240
I promised I'd put her in the film...
745
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:48,821
...somewhere.56817
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